#my trauma is a hyperobject. lmfao.

[creekfiend]

when I had mush room 🍄 tea I had an experience where it was like all the trauma was just ripped away, like those viral tiktoks of people powerwashing their front walkway that they thought was black and it's like SURPRISE! ITS ACTUALLY RED UNDERNEATH! YOU SPENT TWENTY YEARS THINKING IT WAS BLACK! and it was a very like, bitch you live like this???? moment... like whoa I knew sort of theoretically that cptsd was a really huge and disabling problem for me but having that all just lifted away was like oh wow 75% of my personality is just trauma. huh. welp.

and now I can feel it, like, before it was just like well this is business as usual. sometimes things just happen in my nervous system and it's completely inscrutable and random but now I'm like ohhhh that horrible carbonated feeling is TRAUMA. THAT'S ANXIETY. THATS YOUR SYMPATHETIC NERVOUS SYSTEM. YOURE JUST LYING IN BED FOR HOURS MARINATING IN SCARED(TM)

anyway. enlightening experience. would really like to have it again and also TO NOT BE TRAUMATIZED