#mycrash | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

lezbrarian · 8 days ago

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ok fine i'll explain how (nobody asked). you might be wondering how i got here (record scratch). well let me take you back to the beginning:

i'm a senior in high school. i live in a very rural country town (like, population 200-300 ppl, small). it's senior skip day. if your schools dont have this custom, it's where every senior in high school decides to collectively fuck off on a pre-determined day of high school, close to graduation day. it's a respected tradition and the students dont get in trouble. my friends and i fuck off to "town" which means driving 45 minutes to the nearest town with restaurants, a mall, and gasp a piercing shop. my friends are extremely mormon. i am not. we spend the day eating mcdonalds, driving around, and eventually going to a piercing shop so my two very mormon friends can secretly get their belly buttons pierced since they are 18 and dont need parents permission. even tho they know their moms will and i quote "rip that thing out of you if you ever decide to get one!"

so we dick around all day and "rebel" by getting piercings. and everyone's feeling pretty cool. we head home, but my friend in the grade below me texts us and says she got a new puppy. come over and see it!

my friend that's been driving us all day swings by her house to swap cars. she'd been driving her mom's nice new car all day around "town" but to drive out into the country it would be better to take her beat up shitbox of a car. but oh no, it appears her dad had been using her shitbox to tow around a trailer all day. and the trailer's still hooked up. whatever, she says, we'll just take my moms car. this is where the movie would emphasize heavy-handed foreshadowing.

we head out on the dirt road to my friends house to see the puppy. we stay there for a few hours. my friends brother returns home at some point and in the background i vaguely recall him saying something like .... "hey mom, so-and-so's cows are out. can ya call them?" spoiler alert, his mom never called so-and-so. and by the time hours have passed and my friend says she should probably get home -- we have forgotten all about this.

now, if you've never been far enough outside of a city on dirt roads in the middle of nowhere, with no city lights, traffic lights or street lights -- it's fucking dark. pitch black dark. and of course we're teenagers on the high of a senior skip day. and it's past midnight. so my friend driving assumes nobody else will be on these roads. and she was kind of right. so she's headed down the dirt road at 50-60 mph.

we come up quick over a hill and as we crest the top of the hill, all i remember is seeing about 30 pairs of yellow eyes and nothing else. a herd of all black cattle, their bodies obscured by the darkness except for their very yellow eyes. and then i remember both of us screaming. i remember feeling like that scene in planes, trains and automobiles.

we had come up on the herd of cattle so quickly on such a narrow road with irrigation canals on either side of us. there really was no option but forward. i think if she'd braked hard enough to stop before the cows, the car would've certainly flipped. if she swerved, we'd be in the ditch. and i can only imagine the pure adrenaline/fear she felt as the driver, which catapulted her forward. i dont think she realized just how many cows were in front of us.

we screamed. things went black. and then the car was stopped. that's how i remember it. she was crying, immediately. she was asking me and over and over are you okay? are you okay? i told her i was, and i searched for my phone. it had been flung somewhere on the floor. we were trying to call her parents but they weren't waking up. i call my dad. apparently i sounded so calm on the phone he thought we may have nudged one cow, and he'd come drive the car home for us. and that's what we thought too. we thought we'd hit one cow. and in the dark, we thought the hood completely crunched up to the windshield was that cow.

no, what my dad arrived to could only be described as a cow massacre. four cows dead on arrival. and the rest of their cow brethren standing around the crime scene mooing and presumably just as shocked as we were.

my dad arrived and pulled us out of a completely totaled car. we didn't yet know the car was totaled or that 3 of the doors could no longer open bc we were too afraid to get out of the car until he got there. my dad took us to my friends house to wake up her parents. then they called the cops. the cops harangued my parents for "taking us away from the scene of the crime." we felt that was a bit dramatic considering we were a couple scared teenagers who accidentally ran into a herd of cattle.

but they brought us back and cops asked us questions like: how fast were you going; did you not see them; did you brake (it doesnt seem like you braked bc there are no skid marks and you dont have any bruises from the seatbelts. this part was especially surreal bc the male officers forced my friends mother to check for bruises from the seatbelts. now let's cut back to my friend earlier that day getting a very risky belly button piercing that her mom said she would "rip out of her body if she ever chose to get one." the hilarity of my friend still trying to hide her piercing as her mom said "just lift up your shirt honey, i have to check for bruises, what is wrong with you???" in fear of her mom being mad about the piercing in this moment as if she hadnt just totaled her moms brand new car which did not yet have insurance on it yet.

as it turns out, my friend did not brake. she did not slow down, except for the physical impact of hitting the cows which is what eventually stopped the car. one cow hit the front and went over the car (which crunched the hood up). two other cows hit and went down the sides of the car (which is why most of the doors wouldn't open any more). and from what i remember another cow died from secondhand impact of the other cows.

and the worst part, we lived in a open range state. meaning it was totally okay that guy's cows were out in the road and it wasn't his fault at all. in fact, my friend (really her parents) owed the guy the money for all the dead and injured cows. and if you dont know, that's a lot of money.

and that's the story of how i've been involved in car crashes with cows than with ppl.

in total, the car crashes i have been in involve more cows than ppl. ask me how .....

#mycrash

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