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fakeuwus · 1 year ago

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read this way back when it was first posted and the second time around its even better!! i loveeee downbad jakey and like how everyone knows thats his girl and she wasnt even his girl yet?? even though he was hooking up he still worshipped the ground yn walked on I COULD DIEEE like thats so fucking cute!! also jakes corruption kink like 😭🙏🏼

watermelon sugar (m) | sim jaeyun.

﹙ 🎬 ﹚ ぃ ────𝗶𝗳 𝘄𝗮𝘁𝗲𝗿𝗺𝗲𝗹𝗼𝗻 𝘀𝘂𝗴𝗮𝗿 𝗶𝘀 𝘁𝗼𝗼 𝘀𝘄𝗲𝗲𝘁?

preview. he’s the sweetest to you, one might confuse him for your boyfriend, but he’s not, he just your fuckboy of a roommate who treats you like a delicate candy, always looking out for you and never at you; or so you think.

or where, jake can't seem to get you off his mind no matter how hard he tries.

meet the cast. simp sim jaeyun(jake) with his obsession fem!reader

genre. and they were roommates trope, fuckboy soft for his girl trope, SMUT MDNI!!!, lots of toothrooting fluff, tiny speck of angst but not proper angst, drunk confessions?, only one who can control him/her trope, happy happy ending, crack/humor, domestic scenes(newly added) college fuckboy athelete roommate!jake with his candy!roommate girl. computer science & programming major!reader, exercise physiology major!jake, nonidol!au, soccer player!jake.

word count. 13,488 unedited! it's word vomit.

warnings. fingering, dry humping, dirty talkkk lots and lots of it, nasty freak jake with innocent(seems to be) girlie, experienced x inexperienced(virgin but has idea), pussy slapping, somewhat drunk sex but there's consent consent, oral (m rec.) different scenes, p in v (unprotected! but pls pls pls do not do this ever use protection!!!!!) multiple orgasms (f.rec), overstimuation(f.rec) and somewhat (m.rec), spitting? slight nipple play, jake is rough and filthy, with heavyyyyy corruption kink it's all throughout the story, strength kink, size difference “i worship the ground you walk on” energy but still dominant jake, jake has soooo many dirty inner thoughts about you it's innumerable. he's a simp for you so you're a slut for him— i guess that's them?

theme song. animals by maroon 5 (jake pov), into you by ariana grande (yn pov)

` author notes. im sorry for making you guys wait three extra weeks I hope y'all still want to read this,, what do i say it was so horrible before the revamp, thankfully it's so much better now and the smut god, it was so hard to write it i hope it's good enough. REBLOGS AND FEEDBACKS ARE HIGHLY ENCOURAGED AND APPRECIATED!!

“i don’t mind this feeling.”

YOU DONT KNOW WHAT TO CALL IT, WHATEVER IS HAPPENING BETWEEN YOU BOTH, BUT YOU LIKE IT. IT FEELS SILLY AND FRAGILE AND GOOD. perhaps a little too good.

god forbid what you had done in your past life to get a roommate like jake, a complete package; a concoction of all classic kinds of roommate one could possibly expect. you aren’t complaining though he takes care of you in every way he possibly could. making you feel like you are his entire world revolves around you, from his time home to the hours he spends on the field. one would ask anything of him and his answer would surely include you in one way or another, everyone knew it, everyone could see it, the way he feels.

he makes you breakfast, he helps with the cleaning- you both actually have it planned to have a cleaning day every week to polish the apartment. he cooks for you and he does the dishes more than often than not, the only exception being the time when you insist deathly on doing it yourself because come on you gotta do at least some thing around the house.

to add to the perfect mixture of god gifted man, he video games in his room with the door shut so that the sound of him shouting at the screen doesn’t disturb you. does the laundry- even your bras and underwear, he’s just too used to those clothings to give a care to get embarrassed (outwardly). he would never admit the way they get him all hot and bothered when he thinks of all the places those fabrics have touched. how wild his imagination runs and all the things he wishes he could do to you. all the sounds he could get, out of you and all the things you'd taste of.

you are his candy (well not exactly ‘his’ but according to him this nickname of yours is only and I repeat only reserved for him) literally because you are all over sweets all the damn time and figureratively because he’d die to have a taste of you; the forbidden fruit of his life, too innocent for a person like him to ruin. but lord would he give up everything to land a chance to lay his hands on you not so innocently.

this man does not give a fuck about who is not you, and maybe occasionally spare a care for his two best friends who so far have only been blessed enough to know your name because jake has made it clear that you're off-limits and if they ever dare to do anything given the opportunity he'd rip off this balls and feed it to ducks (he's serious he swears)

getting to the real point of your dynamic: the only drawback— jake sim is a renowned fuckboy on campus, the heartbreak prince and you, his miss americana as they all like to call it. it is a daily routine, having to find a new girl in the house and ofttimes hearing them even with your door closed and your hands pressed on your ears. at first it felt disgusting, then you got used to it, and now very recently you’ve been feeling weirdly dejected. a certain kind of hatred towards the girls, something you can’t pin point exactly to why and what it is.

“candy, my laptop broke down again!” jake's raspy voice dances through the little cracks of the bathroom door as you prepare for a quick shower. you sigh, tightening the towel wrapped around you before stepping out. a short knock at his batman poster door left ajar, and he's whipping his head to have a look at you as if he knew you'd be in the middle of washing up. a little secret, yes he knew because everytime ahead of bathtime you make sure to have a sip of your watermelon slush stack from the fridge and the sound of it's door reaches his room just right to let him know.

he remains seated on his bed, a sheepish smile on his face. your eyes fall at his desk to see his laptop closed, he tricked you, and like always you fell for it,“maybe if you used your school laptop to study instead of playing games on it, this wouldn't happen all the time. but i assume you probably did it to get me here, it’s not gonna work everytime yun,” you click your tongue in feigned annoyance making him grin wider,“well it does work everytime though,” he knows how to have you on his tail just like you know how to have him wrapped around your finger. it only seems fair, you both know what gets the other going and you use it to your advantage.

“what is it?” asking in a sing song tone, you plop down on his desk chair. spinning in rounds with your legs out swinging, hands gripping onto the arms of the chair while looking up at the phosphorescent glow-in-the-dark stickers you had forcefully put up on the ceiling of his room. a funny memory of jake trying to stop you because it would defeat the whole image of his room only to fold when you gave him the puppy doe eyes, baby talking that you really wanted to do it. it doesn't take much to have jake cave in, just one look from you and the boy is a flatline. fuckboy? he is that to everyone but to you he's practically whatever you want him to be, though you have never really had a talk about it.

“actually eunsang, she-” there is a hesitation is his tone you are well aware of, having almost a clear idea of what he's about to say,“i told- no warned you not to get involved with her for a second time, didn’t i?” you scold, feeling that little twinge of hurt knowing he probably will keep on being involved with girls like this no matter what you say. it's the one thing where you don't have him under your spell. or that's you think, i mean you you have no idea do you of how much he wants you. just like how you have no idea how much you want him.

“yes but it happened and now she’s after me all the time, she even showed up to my soccer practice yesterday! please just this one time, please help me get rid of her,” clamping together his hands in a plea, jake pouts as best as he can, giving you his puppy eyes. but when you don’t show a reaction of any sort he resorts to the next best guaranteed thing: bribery,“i’ll buy you tons of watermelon lollipops! from your favorite brand that too!” eyes sparkling with hope and expections of having you fall for it, like you do every single time, he waits. albeit patterns break, in everything and everyone.

“no, i’m on a diet. i gave up on sweets, what if i get diabetes? will you,” you point at him dramatically,“take responsibility?” to which his stance morphs into one of stunned. he would gladly take responsibility for you at any given chance, but it's one of more gravity and significance than diabetes. and he's sure he's not one you should be in care of as more than anything that you are right now. he's too corrupted and you are too naive.

“yes of course i’ll help you take your meds and-” he mumbles in a quick, hurried note aware that you’ll not let him answer if he’s not fast enough. you still beat him to it though, speaking loud over and above his voice, to drown out his words despite hearing them quite clearly,“will you? NO you will not! so let me just shower peacefully before i get the urge to lock you in the bathroom when you’re in there later,” with a silence after, one that has jake grinning again at your cuteness, you take it as a que to rush out swiftly. trying to make it to the bathroom before he decides to use his strength against you and hold you down wherever he wants. which though hasn't been often, has always left you breathless and flustered to a point you refuse to admit.

training to become an athlete, a buff center forward in comparison to you who barely puts effort into doing even a little bit of yoga once a month. it’s obvious he’ll have you give in if he wants but he’s too sweet to force you. and of course it's obvious, the tension of the strength kink that looms over in the room.

it comes as a shock to you when the next day, the first thing you see waking up in the morning and walking into the living room: is eunsang standing by the kitchen counter. and important point: clad in one of jake’s dress shirts that you recognize from doing his laundry occasionally, pouring herself a glass of water. oh you had to see this coming, this is jake we're talking about will be really ever like ever not bring over girls? no matter if they're clingy or not. the answer is ambiguous and definitely not to your favor.

she’s shares a small smile upon noticing you, a friendly smile which you know is obviously fake. she’s doing it just to look good and polite in jake’s eyes. just to show that she's not bothered by you, because as said everyone knows if they don't like you then they automatically are on jake sim's blacklist. and being the star player of the team, his acquaintance is more or less influential to a large extent, so note to be taken be nice to candy to not be on the cross out list.

however as sad as it is to say it’s of no use. she’s not even there in his eyes to begin with. the moment the jake comes out of his room, his field of vision doesn’t include her. passing by her very visible figure like she’s a microscopic bug to ruffle your hair in a dotting manner, his morning voice coming out in an adoring essence,“good morning, candy,” he smiles and scrunches up his nose when he notices the baby cat you both adopted last month, curled up in the corner of the couch,“and mei,” he acknowledges your pet kitty but not the girl he brought home, that should speak volumes to you, jake thinks. treating you like candy of his world you are, shouldn't that be the ultimate giveaway of his feelings? like even his hookups can see how down bad he is for you why is it that you're the only one who can't? he wants you to know but at the same time he feels he's not right for you, a dilemma he handles by fucking up over and over again.

wishing him morning in response you give him a look which silently delivers your question of what is going on. you did hear them last night (more like her), but you didn’t know it was her her. you weren’t even expecting her to be the one. after the conversation with jake yesterday, she was the last person you would have ever assumed. he sends you a flying look that he’ll explain everything later, shushing you off before you speak out loud.

“yunie,” your ears perk up at her voice, eyes narrowing in a deadly stare at the nickname you exclusively call him with, leaving her crusty mouth. certainly, like jake you blossom a definite possession over names too. perhaps it's the effect of living with him 24/7 but you seem to have picked up a lot of his antics.

jake’s eyes shift to look at you for a moment and then he’s running a hand through his hair, dropping his sweet conduct to get back into his usual cold fuckboy self. he absolutely does not like the way your brows turn down and the pretty smile you were previously adorning for him falling off your pretty lips. he can tolerate anything but seeing you bothered in any way. “you’re still here? it's better if you leave soon, candy doesn’t like all this,” walking around her to the other side of the counter and into the kitchen to open the upper cabinets, jake ignores her like a plague as if he wasn't showing her heaven last night. but alas, nothing comes above you, she should have known that.

“what do you want for breakfast candy? should i make you some toast? or do you want your usual dose of sugar?” his palms rest on the granite countertop, leaning against it slightly while turning to fix his gaze on you. it makes eunsang rage with anger, throwing you a demeaning look before she disappears into jake's room.

the moment his bedroom door closes, you feel the unfamiliar weight on your shoulders relax a tad bit,“my watermelon slush please,” finding your cozy spot on the kitchen counter, you give him your most adorable pout feeling like you had to gain back his warmth after the hookup. your legs dangle over the height between, toes softly brushing against jake's calves every two seconds. watching him prepare your drink, you decide to voice out the thing that had been disturbing since the moment you walked out your room,”did you like make a friends with benefit kind of arrangement or something?” it comes out in a low whisper, afraid if you said it too loud it'd come true. the thought of it disturbs you for some reason, it’s not new for you to see random girls in your apartment; or to hear them while they’re at it. yet it still gives you a sort of uneasy feeling, something you do not like feeling.

“it was a last time kind of deal actually,” he stops briefly to give you a quilty smile. finishing your sweet slushy just as eunsang hastily steps out, wearing what you assume her clothes from the previous night. she slows down to observe as jake hands you the cup, repulsively watching you take a sip,“is it good?” hearing him speak in a tone way different than the one she’s acquainted with him using with her has stomp her way out in a grumpy fit.

looking up from the edge of your cup with hopes to give her a sly stare, your eyes follow her figure, flinching silently when she bangs the door close harshly,“bitch,” you comment, hooded orbs shifting back to jake who scowls in disapproval,”language candy,” he reminds, knowing very well it does nothing to stop you.

“sorry yunie but she's so agressive, and for what?” you whine.

“from what i’ve seen, you’re way more aggressive,” jake laughs softly, index finger coming to poke at your cheek tenderly.

with full cheeks, you grin like a cheshire cat and jake feels his heart rate speeding up, who gave you the permission to be the cutest person he's ever known? the urge to kiss you just keeps growing with each passing day and with with each little sneaky smile and doe eyes you give him.

“we need to get the groceries this week, i have after classes soccer practice for the next four days and we're not gonna last that long,” the thought of spending the next four evenings alone in the unit is gloomier than the half assed ham and cheese toast jake makes for himself. if only you said yes to some proper breakfast, his taste buds and stomach wouldn't be suffering so much.

you nod as if he has eyes on his back, knowing well he's gonna want you with him but not force you, if you'd say no. whatever you want, is whatever he does.

“‘m gonna go take a shower first then,” hopping down, you place your empty mug in the sink, and skip to your room to take your bath supplies.

“let’s shower together,” jake's friskiness thrives in the way he shouts with an undertone of mischief. watching you with a teasing gaze as you step out the threshold of your bedroom door. a tiny smirk spreading onto his lips when you scrunch your nose in a grimace. cute, he mouths thinking you wouldn't notice but god you do. he's clearly joking but you can’t help feeling flustered internally. keeping up with his flirty and touchy stunts and tricks should have made it easier for you by now, but over a year in and you're yet to find yourself getting used to it. he’s too attractive and hot to get used to; at least that’s what excuse your brain gives you, which honestly is true to some extent. his looks score a lot of points and you can't deny that.

“and if we get locked in there, who’s gonna get us out? you know the door lock has problems,” you complain in a soft groan which, in his eyes is more adorable with the little annoyance you show. if you think you could ever intimidate him, you probably will because he'll melt right away to even think of a counter back.

his stance straightens at that, a fleeting look of flabbergast clouding his face before he’s breaking out in a taunt of smile, eyes closing in on you in a brazen look,“so does that mean if the lock was fine you’d actually shower together with me,” he feels this triumph of emotions, a sudden rush of sugar at the realization that'd probably maybe perhaps someday let him get in the shower together with you. the sheer excitement he experiences through his veins is over the roof, just the possibility of something so intimate with you is a bite of golden spoon for him.

he purposely stops all he’s doing to stare at you, moving his eyebrows cheekily, trying to provoke you,“i never said that,” you stick your tongue out at him, closing the door in a soft slam and crying out a ‘you’re sick in the head!’

“only for you!” jake yells back, chuckling to himself as he leaves the room.

two hours later you’re both strolling through the isles of shelving, bright florescent lighting, end displays of popular products, sale signs, banners with store mottoes, isle signs with product locations, rows and rows of household products and everything you'd always spend lots of time looking through until jake has to drag you back home.

he pushes the cart while you look around for items to throw in and cross out one by one from your checklist. the way you both discuss and bicker over what to keep in the cart and what not to every two minutes will lead any sane person to conclude you as a couple. you both would also admit it feels as such. how he insists on taking what you like while you argue that you’re on a diet and need to cut down on the consumption and desires of your sweet tooth. it feels sweet, he feels sweet. and you make him want to coddle you so bad, like what do you mean you're on a diet? you're perfect already. too perfect for him.

“i’m taking the pop tarts!” you hear him shout from two or probably three Isles away while you look through some new make up launches,”…okay fine!” capturing the attention of an old couple who glance at your way and mutter something you don’t quite catch but you assume it’s probably about how annoying you both are, shouting at the mart.

“yunie look these are so pretty,” you point at the line of lipgloss as jake comes over with cart. he hums in agreement, watching you scan through the shades in an animated mood, mumbling over the names and speaking of how it'd look good for an everyday look or with summer dress you recently got. oh how smitten he feels, observing the way you seem so pumped up simply over gloss.

“there's no mirror— “

“try it on me,” oh he's bewitched under your spell.

jake stands still as you apply the mauve on him, staring at you through hooded eyes,”oh, this one’s really pretty on you!” you beam, looking up at him as if he could see it too.

“it'd look prettier on you,” he's hardly able to whisper out, gaze trained on the way you part your lips while you wipe it off his and apply another. if he didn't have a strong self control, by now he would have shoved his tongue down your throat in the dirtiest and messiest kiss you'd ever known. knocking your breath out, as well as his. he's already on the verge of losing it with every little touch you leave on his lips, wetting your own as a habit.

“which one should i take?” you ask something cutely, jake almost feels guilty for the thoughts swimming in his head.

“i’ll buy all of it for you, we can do something like a chapstick challenge you know. the one where you kiss and guess the flavor,” he teases loving the tiny exasperated glare you throw him. “yunn, be serious! which one?”

“these two?” he points to ones you commented were pretty feeling impatient at the conjured up image of you wearing the colors on with you tiny, sexy little sundresses you got hidden in your closet. please feel guilty man he thinks.

in the end jake (successfully) convinces you to continue your diet later over the summer break offering to help you with it. and grabs a bunch of packets of your favorite snacks, your favorite brand’s watermelon lollipops and not to forget the fruit itself. checking all out he insists on carrying everything himself, only handing you the little bag that held your lollies in case you'd want one on the way back.

the subway is more crowded than usual, scarcely any seat left. it takes you a whole minute to scan around for an empty one, immediately encouraging jake to take it. a silly game of rock paper scissors to decide who stands, insisting firmly that he sit when you end up winning. the grocery bags rest by his foot and you stand between his legs, holding onto the bar wobbling every now and then. it’s just one stop left when jake suddenly pulls you onto his lap, adjusting you comfortably on his thighs and placing his hands on your legs possessively. you turn to look at him, lashes brushing against his skin and lips parting in the slightest at the adrenaline you feel pumping into your fast beating heart. the muscles in his chest feel firm at the faint touch of your back against him, the thumping of his own heart similar to that of yours.

he leans closer to whisper in your ear,“that creep right there kept staring you up and down,” pointing with a discreet move of his eyes as he drills holes through his stern gaze fixed on the said guy. you on the other hand, grow hot with irritation, perhaps just as hot and bothered you are feeling jake pressed so close. an abrupt and sharp impulse of anger.

“i’ll show him the fuck he was staring at," you mutter out, teeth gritted, and hands almost forming into fists, expression as innocent as always. jake seems to catch on to what you’re about to do and before you can get up from lap, his hold on you gets tighter,"okay, i know you hate this candy, but i don’t want you getting hurt in any way, if he does anything i’ll make sure to set him right, for now i think he got it that he’s not gonna stare at you however he wants,” hand grabing yours in gentle caresses along the expanse of your arm. delicate and slow like a soothing rub. his touch just as enticing and stimulating it is, is also calming, knowing exactly how to pacify your hot headedness. jake finds that really hot about you, the way you look like you couldn't harm a bug but he's seen you throw kicks and punches (for the right reasons) ‘looks like a cinnamon roll, could kill you’ he never knew that's his type. sometimes and really only some rare times he wonders if you're not as innocent as he thinks you are, getting rock hard at the thought of it, dick twitching multiple times imagining you saying and doing things that an angel like you shouldn't be.

for the rest of the ride he manages to lull you back to your sweet candy mode, making you laugh at his lame pick up lines, and occasionally tickling your sides. head falling back into his shoulder in cute giggles and hips rolling on him, damn only he knows how bad he's holding back. as shameless as he is he'd probably jump your bones right infront of everyone to see. thankfully you bring the decency in your relationship.

when your stop comes, he intertwines his fingers you as you walk out the compartment, just in case you decide to give the dude a slap before leaving.

“'m gonna flatten out all your abs today, you'll need to gym again,” jake chuckles, feeling you roll over his body like mei’s lint roller as he lays on your favorite fluffy kuromi rug typing away on his laptop an essay deadlined for tomorrow. the weight of your body on and off and the touch of your hot skin he feels funsies,“you do this all the time, candy and my abs have never left. how can i let them? knowing how much you love it,” reaching behind to hold you still on his back. you are glad he can't see the way your cheeks warm up at that, a bashful look on your face remembering all the times he's caught you ogling at his body.

“why are you sulking?” he asks when you don't respond with a whine like you usually do. aware that you behave this way either when you’re over the top bathing in happiness or dissatisfied with something.

“’m gonna gain weight now because of you, i’ll see all the snacks and sweets in the pantry and not be able to resist binge eating,” you lightly punch at the curve of his shoulders, dropping your head into the crook of his neck in a pout. jake turns around swiftly to hold you in a hug, wanting nothing more than to cheer you up,“i love your belly anyhow, whether it’s visible or not,” giving the plump flesh of your stomach a zephyr-like pinch. you wince playfully drawing back inches to tease him only to drop down into his arms to hug him back seconds later,“yeah whatever,” his words make you feel butterflies, a turmoil of frenzy and fuzzy feelings, cheeks growing warm once again, and the warmth spreading all over your mind this time. why does he have to be so sweet to you?

you both stay like that for a while breathing slowly, and taking in the comfort of a hug, the room saturated with a restful and serene silence. you’re the first to pull away,“you should finish that essay, i have to prepare for my test next week,” jake groans at the loss of your touch, wailing out with his hands as you leave the room.

”i’m joining you as soon as i finish this!”

four days later on the weekend, you sit on the couch alone, wrapped in the thin lilac charmeuse blanket jake got for you (he said it the softness of it, reminded him of you.) waiting for your him to join you. eight in the morning with ‘tangled’ running on the tv, it's not something jake would ever want to do, but he gives in because you like it; bonus sometimes when you get a little sleepy, he grabs the chance to cuddle you as close as he can, leaving a few fluttering kisses on your temple and cheeks. he's grateful you never say anything about it and just let him be.

“yunie, can you pass me the watermelon in the fridge? the one from yesterday,” you spare a quick glance towards jake as he walks out his room. his headset rests loosely around his neck, half naked, wearing only a pair of sweatpants and his black hair all dishevelled: looking even more messier due to the perm he got last week. “yeah sure,” the rasp in his voice as he mumbles out softly gives away the fact that he probably stayed up all night again.

taking the half a piece of watermelon out and grabbing a spoon, jake scoops out a small little portion. going up to your slouched figure on the couch, and extending it out for you to eat,“here you go, candy,” he does it quite often, infact he loves to feed you. seeing your cheeks full and your eyes sparkling makes him feel fond as much as it turns him on. picturing you the same way on your knees between his legs with his dick stuffed in your mouth. choking and gagging on him, tears dropping down your pretty eyes while you stare up at him with this same doe look. it'd be heaven. even more so if he would have to teach you how to do it right, further fueling the massive corruption kink he seems to have harboured after meeting you.

he passes you melon after you take the bite, sitting beside you with his legs crossed. eyes trained on the way you fill in more in your mouth than you can handle, face all round and full,”eat slowly,” he flicks at your forehead.

“do you want to go buy a new sofa at ikea tomorrow? this one’s pretty small,” he adds a minute later, raising his brows subtly.

“well, first of all i didn’t plan to have a roommate and secon- i swear if it’s for your hook-ups i’m kicking you out!” it comes out in a yell, voice raising with every syllable before you spit a seed at him. one that due to your bad aiming skills instead of landing on his face, falls and sticks to the skin of his chest. damn those muscles they get you feelings things you probably shouldn't be.

putting away the watermelon on your tea table, you pick up mei and settle her on your lap, pulling back your blanket which had slipped off in a crackle of laughter,“this is public space have some decency before you have such thoughts!”

“stop making me appear like a horndog!” he laughs along, whinning at your false accusations in giggles and a look of faux disbelief.

“well that is exactly what you are!” you throw the closest cushion at his face. grinning with your signature cutesy doe eyes and jake is a goner. he always is.

“no don't do this me,”

“change the sheets then, it's your turn this week,” turning away from him, you fix your eyes on rapunzel climbing down the tower. trying to avoid the way he stares at you with betrayal, immediately scooting over to tickle you.

“you cheeky liar it's your turn,” his hands glossing over your ticklish areas.

“i love you,” in a fit of uncontrolled giggles, you shout. pushing against him to escape only to have your wrists pulled away, held together in a tight grasp and pinned above your head. “candy! i love you is not gonna get you out of chores come on i'll help you. we'll watch tangled later. together, i promise,” his laughter dies down with every word he utters, whispering out the last part as he becomes aware of the proximity between you two. so close you both think, breaths slowing down and heartbeats picking up the pace with each passing second.

“we're doing this okay?” jake whispers again, albeit, his tone a tad bit more heavy and bothered. an ambiguous daze clouding over, as if he is talking about something entirely different than just changing sheets. a twinge of lust bubbling inside. having you under him like this makes him realize just how desperately he wants you, and how bad his strength kink blooms for you. to have you whimpering and moaning, gaze all hazy as you let him do whatever he wants with you. damn he feels his dick twitch at that, gulping nervously hoping you wouldn't notice.

“you look like eugene,” you mumble out suddenly and jake feels his thirst rise off the roof, because the size difference between the characters? he wouldn't deny he thought of you the first time he saw the animation. wanting you have you in his arms the same way.

“then you must be my rapunzel,” you feel even more flustered if that's possible, your stomach twisting and twirling at his words until,”now come on we gotta keep the house clean for mother gothel,” jake let's his grip on you loosen, taking a moment to get off you.

“yunie!”

“i'll make you some sweet soy-glazed potatoes too later,” he voice drowns out as he enters you bedroom first.

“well i guess it's okay then,” you giggle following after him.

“candy that's not how you tuck in the corners,” jake scolds you for nth time, running after you to fix the edges you mess up deliberately time and again. “hey! candy! get down!” you make it a chaos for him, jumping onto the unmade bed and messing up the sheets all the way.

“oops,” there's a devilish grin on your face as jake pauses to watch you have your sugar rush episode.

“if you wanna wrestle again and end up under me, just say so,” he teases, inching closer and grabbing you by the waist. you both laugh again as if you weren't dripping with need for each other just moments ago. he picks you up and walks to the door putting you down by the sill,”i seriously need to get this done, you go and peel the potatoes for me,” you can't cook for the sake of god and letting you use knives is like a deathwish, jake can only hope peeling will keep you busy and safe enough to not end up with cuts anywhere.

the doorbell rings just as you step into the kitchen, walking back to the front in a sluggish sigh. feeling utter regret for answering the door, the instant you notice the figure outside. not wanting to reveal the presence to jake, you shut the door behind.

he peeps out your room at the sound of it, shrugging it off as nothing because you’ve done it lot many times: when your friends show up because you simply don’t want them to fall under his radar as prey.

you spare an indifferent glance at the way eunsang stands tall; hands folded with a cocky look on her rather gorgeous face. she's a beauty and you hate to admit that, a vibe so opposite of you it makes you insecure considering jake's hooked up with her more than a few times. “i’m here to see jake,” she states, tilting her head to point over at the closed door, all the sugary honeyed act she keeps up around him nowhere to be seen.

“and he doesn’t want to see you, didn’t he tell you it was the last time,” you counterattack, folding your arms and straightening up to look intimidating. your stare is one of taunt, carrying a gaze of boredom in hopes to establish that you're one to reckon with.

“are you jake? i said i want to talk to jake not you,” her heels click in impatience and underlying disgust in the tone she uses with you gets on your nerves.

you close your eyes for a moment trying to calm the annoyance in you before it turns into anger, tongue poking at the side of your cheek, “and are you deaf? i said he does not want to talk to you,” assert dominance, assert dominance you repeat over and over in your head.

but what she says next makes you lose your temper.

jake, the very epicenter of it all, on the other hand has no idea of what's going on outside until there's a scream that sounds too much like you, one turning into many more. it's frantic and inhumane, the speed at which he runs out. dropping everything and anything. there in broad daylight he finds you and eunsang trying to rip each other's hair out in the thankfully empty hallway. he doesn't know if he should be worried more about your scalp hurting or your throat tearing from how loudly you scream over eunsang. his hands flail as he contemplates on breaking the fight or letting you calm down, which you probably won't as he knows. he grabs onto eunsang's hands on your head trying to loosen her grip on your hair, concerned over the pain you must be feeling while you're there now trying to kick her between her legs. she's shocked to say the least, watching him latch you off her in a swift motion and throw you over his shoulder. he takes you back inside quickly, groaning at your fists pounding against his back in a protest,”fucking let go of me! i’m gonna give her a good piece of my mind!”

“candy language!” putting you down by the kitchen softly, he grasps the side of your arms and forces you to look into his eyes,“stop fighting all the time, stay here i’ll talk to her, okay?” he speaks slowly as an attempt to calm you. when you wiggle off in a scornful shrug, he asks again, this time moving to cup your face, a tender look in his eyes,“okay?” you nod in a defeated sigh and he's out the door before you can say anything else. you're upset, really upset, you know what you did outside was not decent yet you can't get over the fact that he left you in here to go back to talk to her. he was on your tail last week trying to beg you to help him get rid of her and even shooed her out the unit harshly, what more is there to talk about?

truth to be told, this was how he first met you, or should he say saw you. it was the move in day, he had all the necessities for the week packed in a travel suitcase, with the other stuff to be brought in later on. he was waiting for the elevator in the lobby, more tense and anxious than ever to meet the girl he was going to be living with a good four years of his college life. hoping she'd not treat him like some stranger, or be someone impossible to get close to hash live with. along with little bits of curiosity and hopes again, that she'd be a pretty and sweet girl maybe someone help could form some kind of benefits with.

however never in a million years did he ever expect it to be the cute yet fierce girl in the elevator. to say he was flabbergasted would be an understatement, he was literally blown off his feet, scared or impressed, his confusion was massive. when the doors of the elevator had opened he had found you slapping a middle aged man,”fun? you think groping my butt ‘s fun, you sicko,” kicking him in the balls next. hard. jake had gulped at that, hard. heart on a pause. the look of feigned innocence on your face as you did all that. damn jake swears it was that moment he fell. maybe not romantically but you definitely got his dick hard.

you looked super cute, and you knew how to fight, jake thought he hit the jackpot when you turned out to be his roommate. pretty you were, definitely, and sweet wasn't even a question; you were sweet to him and you are a lot of sweet. the only thing that remains a mystery till now is if you'd taste as sweet. jake hopes he can find that out.

he returns a few minutes later, lips pursed in a small smile as he shuts the front door. it grows even wider when his eyes find you,“so your soy glazed potatoes,” he chuckles walking over to the kitchen and getting other things out.

“she called me a slut for living with a guy like you and i was in the midst of giving her a lecture on actually how good of a person you are-” you bang on the counter with a thud and turn around to face him,“and you dragged me in!” whinning in a pout that looked as upset as your furrowed brows.

jake glances over in amusement, halting to give you another grin as he boops your nose gently,“my darling candy, i’m only good to you,” the glare you throw his way only makes him snicker with adoration. the little flicker of bashfulness you feel making you break out in a smile which (thankfully, for you) jake doesn't notice.

“whatever, i’m gonna take a long shower. do not disturb me!” you leave in a rush afraid if you stay too long he'd see it all on your face.

ten minutes later, as you tiptoe to get your favorite shower gel from the shelf above the mirror, luck decides to remind you why you shouldn't ever stay away from jake sim. feet slipping on the wet floor, body colliding against the cold tiles in a thud loud enough to have jake come running.

“candy, you're okay? what happened? should i open the door? ‘m coming in,” his voice is laced with worry, snapping open the door to find you laying flat down, though to his relief not unconscious. he picks you carefully, bringing you to your room and seating you on the edge of the bed to check for any injuries. hands delicately caressing all over and asking if it hurts any where,”you're so clumsy, always getting me worried like shit,”

“language,” you giggle, trying to make him laugh and it works.

“sorry, just please be careful, okay?” his fingers brush back your hair as you give him a small nod,“do you feel pain anywhere?” another nod, and this one ticks his alarms.

“where!” your fingers reach out to press against the brooding crease between his brows, attempting to remove the frown from his face. and jake melts at that, feeling his heart flutter at your cuteness, god he loves this side of you so much.

“you little demon, look what happens if you don't shower with me,” laughing out together, oh how he wishes it were like this forever. and jake sim has never thought of a forever ever before.

a month passes by in the blink of an eye, your routines and relationship staying the same as always, classes, his soccer practice and your weekly cleaning day. but what seems to have changed is his routine of bringing over girls, the number alarmingly cutting down day by day (which currently sits at zero) and what you haven’t noticed- his display of affection towards you growing more and more. yet you think nothing special of it, assuming that perhaps now he got a grip over himself. which is partially true. jake thought of you as deserving someone better, so it was only right that he became better. and what better way than to start with quitting the position of campus’ resident fuckboy.

after an all nighter the previous day, coming back from your classes you get straight to bed. changing you clothes and getting tucked under the blanket from around eight in the evening. jake returns from his soccer practice later, unaware of the fact that you're already passed out. opening your door to let you know of his night out plans,“candy, i’m gonna go out with jay and sunghoon! make sure to have your dinne- oh you were sleeping? i didn’t know i’m so sorry candy,” he mumbles out in a soft whisper towards the end, supressing a smile watching your sleepy figure under the covers. trying to rub out the drowsiness from your eyes; heavy blinking and a small pout, his cute girl.

“it’s okay no need to get up, go back to sleep, i’ll be back in the morning,” approaching the bed as you lay back down, he pats your head in a 'sleep well’ before leaving.

it's probably past midnight when you wake up to constant ringing of calls. fumbling around for your phone in a daze only to find a dozen calls from an unknown number and a bunch of texts from the same. it's jay, asking you to get jake from the bar they're at. saying the guy's refusing to go back with anyone that's not you: whining for your presence and making it hard for his two friends.

'where is my candy?’ jay and sunghoon are sick and tired of hearing it all night.

by the time you get him back to the apartment, it's three and your bones hurt from the weight of his body leaning all over you. it doesn't help that all he does is giggle and throw himself over you. there's been a lot of times you have seen him drunk, probably more than a dozen, but he's never looked as wasted as today. sunghoon told you it's because he drank way more than usual, and unbeknownst to you that you are the sole reason, you wonder of the things that plague his mind to the extent of drinking so much.

dragging him into his room you have him sit on his bed, going through his closet and getting him a pair of sweatpants and the first shirt you can grab. “come on yunie, get changed,” you hand him the clothes, turning away when he takes everything off nonchalantly. even though he likely would rather want you to look, from the many times he's said it before ‘why’re you looking away, candy it's all for you,’ his exact words. the bane of your existence.

after he's changed, you wipe the sweat off his body with a wet towel as much as you can. giving him a glass of water before leaving for your room when he grabs your wrist and stops you with his puppy eyes.

in the morning, around noon jake is the first one to wake up and having no memory of the previous night besides the fact that he was drunk. he sits at his desk chair, hands in his hair, watching you sleep on the other side of his bed, clad in his shirt. it’s like he feels everything is over and done from here. he did what he swore never to do, this was the very first thing he pinned on his mind as an important note: not using you even if he has very obvious feelings for you. he tugs on his hair in frustration, angry at himself for not staying in his lane when drunk. with his head hung in guilt, he doesn't notice you stirring awake, sitting up at the sight of his hunched figure.

“yun? are you okay? is the hangover severe? should i make you something for it?” startled at your soft voice, he flinches visibly. a thousand scenarios running through his mind and not one ends up good.

“you don’t even know any hangover recipes,” jake mumbles almost inaudibly.

“i can just search on the internet and try my best, it’s not like i’ll give you anything inedible,” you teaee, trying to lighten the heavy atmosphere you feel in the air.

it takes him a moment to speak again, sounding as miserable as he has never before,“candy i’m,” he halts, gulping to hold back the lump in his throat,“i’m sorry, i really didn’t mean to, i don’t why i, it's all my fault,” he stops again, leaving you confused and dumbfounded,“what are you saying? what apology?” it is when his eyes shift to stare at what you’re clad in, staying there for a hard minute when you get a rough idea of what he could be thinking of. your cheeks grow hot at the realization, shaking your head when unholy images pop up in your subconscious.

but the butterflies fly away just as fast as they came as his words dawn uppn you. even if it didn’t happen the fact that he wouldn’t mean it, want it, regret it has something in you twisting in pain, are you so bad? or that he actually really thinks of you as his little sister? that you read his affections wrong, assumed his feelings differently? your heart breaks more than a little at that.

“why? is it because i’m not like the others you have been with? because i’m not like eunsang? or because i’m not her? the one you were smiling so hard after talking to? are you dating he-”

“that’s the problem! you’re not like her! you’re not like anyone i've known before! you’re special and i’m afraid i’ll lose you, things will change and just i’ll have to get over you without even getting a chance,” it's the first time he's ever raised his voice at you, and the first time ever he's sounded so desperate, weak and dejected. so vulnerable.

the split moment of sadness dissipates with every word that sinks in. the revelation of a(n after)drunk confession. the fact that you're a different kind of special to him, that he would want a chance to be with you, that he's afraid to lose you. you supres the urge to laugh when it all settles into your understanding. having a better grasp over the bigger picture. your steps are slow and calculated as you walk over to him, sitting across his lap and cupping his cheeks in a fleeting breath of courage. his eyes almost bulge out when you brush your lips lightly against his, mumbling softly,“nothing happened, but if you still want i can give you a chance, it’s going to be hard though tolerating me, think wisely,” you giggle and jake malfunctions for an instant before grabbing you in a tight hug, burying his face into the crook of your neck.

“of course, of course i do want it, i’ve always wanted it,” chanting out in a trance.

“your lips tasted like watermelon,” he mutters out some time after, eyes locking with yours in an intense pull. still in a daze that out of all the bad things that could've happened it was none. literally none plus you perhaps wanting him just as much as he wants you.

“i had some in the morning before you woke up, anyhow yours taste like alcohol and your breath is horrible, go and freshen up,” you push at his shoulder, getting off him to leave the room to cook something. probably (as you said) a recipe searched up on the web, hopefully edible enough for a hungover person.

when he comes out later, all showered and back to the jake you know: the one who likes his hair slightly messy and almost never in a shirt. “why were- are you wearing my shirt then?”

“you practically begged me to last night while sobbing for i don’t know what reason,” he's a bit flustered at that, but hey, it's what got him here, you gotta do what you gotta do.

“candy, you wanna go out tonight? jay and sunghoon wanted to hang out but i don't wanna leave you so i said i’d bring you along,” jake asks, knocking at your door.

it takes you a little over a minute to open up but jake's does not mind it at all for obvious reasons, his jaw comically falling to the floor when you walk out in your tiny little blue sundress and the shade of lipgloss he was dying to see you in. you're unreal.

“yes! i heard you on call earlier,”

“oh my god candy, gimme a princess twirl,” the amount of desire he feels for you right now is unfathomable. biting his lips at the sight of your lace panties underneath that faintly flash him in the mini twirl you do. can you get any hotter?

“just fifteen minutes and i'll be ready,” he got ten minutes to do something about the boner he just popped, and it's more than enough to have him rub one out with what he just saw. maybe add a little hint of imagination and wondering what you'd sound like if he were to touch you down there. especially given the fact that the likelihood of it happening were through the roof now. you almost kissed last week, anything could happen at this point. and jake's dick gets impossibly sensitive at the odds of it.

at the restaurant, jay and sunghoon sit in an awkward silence, watching you both be all over each other. when they agreed for jake to bring his girl along, they didn't expect it to be so bad.

“um jake talks a lot about you,” sunghoon says trying to start a conversation that he knows probably wouldn't go anywhere.

“he does? that's so sweet,” you smile, giggling over something jake whispers in your ear, his hand palming over the plush of your exposed thighs,”what do you wanna eat?” sunghoon nerves feel boiled at the way jake completely skips over his attempt to talk to you. while jay sips at wine, agonizingly slow knowing this is how it's gonna be from now on. their friend is a changed man.

“i have this picture of jake from middle school, you'd love to see it i promise,” a little tipsy, sunghoon's persistence to put himself in the equation albeit admirable, annoys the fuck out of jake, scowling at the other well of aware of the so called picture he wants to share.

“jay man, take care of him. candy and i are going home,” jake gives them a tight lipped smile, holding your rather drunk self (it's just wine you had said)

“see you later ca- y/n,” at first jay leans in for a friendly hug but— nevermind. the way jake stares at him is scarily weird.

jake makes sure to have you sit on the couch before he leaves to get you water but you're sprawled out on the floor when he comes back. mumbling something about how cool the tiles feel against your skin,”come on you should drink some water,” jake pulls you up on your ass, sitting cross legged on the floor beside you. his hand softly holds the back of your head as he brings the glass to your mouth.

“alright say, what did you wanna say?”

“i wanna kiss you,” if jake thinks the pout on your lips is the cutest thing ever then the words you say must have to be the hottest thing ever. how can a simple word like kiss make his heart flutter so bad? and it's not even lust at this point.

he fulfils your wish without a thought, leaning in to capture your lips in a gentle kiss. sucking on your bottom lip a second long before he pulls away and boops your nose. no tongue and no other intentions. the after taste of your gloss lingering in his mouth.

“let me tell you a secret,” you whisper out, moving over to his lap, knees on the floor each side.

“i knew you stole my kuromi panties,” he's shocked you know about it, he made sure to be extra careful with it, though his nasty ass was internally hoping you'd catch him.

“mhm, i do have it with me but it's not really wearable now,” he did not see this becoming something sexual but the moment you brought up the panties, you might as well have brought up his dick. man practically re-lived every single time he used it to jerk off, all those orgasms coming to life at once.

“you need to punished!” you whine,

“what do you wanna do?” and jake feels his dick get harder at that.

“can we kiss again?” oh my god, you make him feel so fuzzy and horny at the same time, it's unbelievable. in the guide of jake sim: to make him horny is relatively easy, to get him all fuzzy is once in a lifetime and to get him both at the same time is impossible. yet you do it so effortlessly.

jake answers you with his lips against yours again, relishing in the feeling of them on his own. all those times he wondered of how it'd feel like to kiss you seemed so lame now that he actually did. no imagination could ever come close to way he feels right now. his hand comes up to cup the side of your neck, his grip firm as he pulls away for a moment,”i wanna love you so much and take you on cute little dates and buy you all the food you want and fuck you so hard you only remember my name,”he mumbles against your lips in a bit whisper, letting you take a breath before he dives right back in. this time he lets his tongue slide in, rubbing against your own for a short while only to pull back and go for another trying to keep your lips pressed together for as long as he could. finally pulling away when he feels you push against him a little too roughly, a crawl of shudders all over his skin at the roll of your hips against his bulge.

“wan’ you to fuck me too,” you whine, this time desperately.

“fuck candy, you're drunk we shouldn't be doing this,” he reminds, failing miserably to hold himself back. his hands keep twitching to just grab your hips and grind you down on his dick until you're both cumming together.

“i’m not, i swear. i just drank a little because i couldn't have done this all sober,” even through the layers of clothes, jake can feel your neediness dropping with the way you roll your hips harder against him. speeding up when you think he's pushing you away, but he's just grabbing you closer by the waist. he can't deny how wanted he feels right now, feeling like he'd explode any second. the fuck were you so horny for him?

“are you sure this is okay?” he asks again. no matter how bad he's dying to fuck you, he'll never do it if you don't to.

“‘s okay, please yunie,” you feel his hands slide along your thighs and in between your legs. fingers faintly brushing over the wet patch on your panties in a sharp inhale. he grazes two fingers against your clit, testing the waters. rubbing harder when he feels your breathing pick up it's pace, switching to spank your clit impossibly fast having lost control at the sound of your wanton whimpers.

“don’t move and take it baby,” jake growls, pushing you flush against his chest, making your back arch more and more into him. tits bouncing right up in his face as he bends down to nibble as the exposed skin between them.

he stops for a moment only to push your panties to the side and touch you raw. rubbing rougher and so intense, your legs feel number from pleasure,”has anyone touched you like before?” his jaw clenches hard, eyes dark with want as they remain fixated at the sight of his hands on your pussy. fuck he finally knows what touching you feels like.

“ngh— no, fuck!” and it boosts jake's ego through the roof, he doesn't think he's ever felt as horny as he feels right now. the thought of being the first to touch you in your princess parts, the first you have seen you putty like this, the first to be the one to get you like this. fuck, fuck, fuck! he feels so turned on it's literally inhumane. precum oozing out his tip with every twitch of his dick.

“mm, gonna put my fingers in you,” you feel one of jake's fingers press into you, sliding inside easily with how dripping wet you are. the pornographic moan you let out when he slowly slips in another and curves up has his dick twitch so damn hard he thinks he just came untouched. you sound so cute yet so fucking hot, his mind is in a spiral of everything he wants to do to have you moan like that again and again until you're so drunk on pleasure, you only want him all the time.

“shit you're so tight and warm, can't imagine how good you'd feel around my cock,” his eyes keenly hooked on the way you raise your hips to meet the thrusts halfway,”y-yun, ‘s feels too g-good ah,”

“fuck you're so hot and so perfect for me,” his words travel straight to your core having you clench tight around his fingers and all of a sudden you find your oragasm hitting you as violently as jake continues to run you through it, fast and painfully pleasurable. enamoured and obsessed with the way your doe eyes struggle to stay open, mouth parting in a loud whine, back arching and hips shooting up. god you're a piece of art and jake doesn't think he's ever gonna want anyone other than you.

he immediately stands up with you in his arms, walking over to the kitchen counter and placing you gently on the cold marble. his fingers run through your hair in a soft caress, tucking in the messy strands behind your ears,”you sure you want this? we can stop here if you want. just say the word and i’ll stop,”

“wan’ yun to be my first,” you whimper wearily, jake feels his heart skip a couple of beats. your first, he wants to be your last too and you to be his last.

”gonna make you cum so much harder on my cock,” he places his hands on your thighs in a tight grip and forces them apart fervently. he so damn wants to eat you out but he also wants to feel you cum around his cock, it's a hard choice to make but his cock feels so angry and heavy slick from all the precum he shot out each time you whimpered or moaned or whined, if he'd wait to get his dick wet he'd probably actually come untouched from your sounds and reactions alone. and only god knows(jay too oops) how bad jake sim wants the first time he cums with you to be deep inside you. so much so that he might develop a kink of getting you knocked up (nope you're too young for that!)

he takes his pants off in a snap, practically ripping his boxers along with it, grabbing his rock hard dick, throbbing and red at the tip and trusting into his fist a couple of times. breathing heavy at the way you watch him with your lips between your teeth. he wonders how good it'd feel to watch you touch yourself while he does the same, cumming together with your eyes locked. but he probably doesn't have that kind of self control to just watch you touch yourself, when he can do it himself?

he taps his tip against your clit for a hot minute sliding it along your folds in a strained groan. you're so embarrassing wet, it's like jake could shove himself inside immediately and your you'd hardly feel pain for a while. however, holding back his desires, he pushes into you slowly, holding your body close and stroking your back soothingly,”let me know when i can move,” a tender kiss at your forehead, trying to make sure you know you have the say it in.

jake groans as you give him the go seconds later,”mhmmm candy⁠— baby,” moaning soft and lustful as he pulls out till the tip and thrusts all the way in. your insides feel so warm and gummy, walls clenching around him crazy tight. he thinks he'll lose his mind and end up cumming embarrassingly fast like a teen getting pussy for the first time. the way he feels the pleasure throb in his veins so intense all over his body, it's almost numbing.

your hands loop around his neck, fingers scratching at his back as he pounds into you rough, his pace hard and fast pushing all his body weight against you.

“don't think i can ever get enough of you,”

the sight of the thin straps of your dress slipped to the sides, tits almost spilling out of the front gets jake going, fueling him to grab at you anywhere and everywhere his hands can possibly go,”tell me im dreaming fuckkk— i've wanted you for so long, can't count the number of times i've jerked off to the thought of having you like this, so pretty and dumb under me,” all those evenings when you roamed around the unit in the shortest shorts and the smallest crops, driving him mad shit insane, having to sneak off into the bathroom multiple times. fisting his cock hard, groaning and biting back his moans as he got off to the thought of you, while you sat all unaware and innocent on the other side of the wall.

he stops abruptly, pulling out in a frenzy and turning you around on your heels and pushing you by the back of your neck to lay against the cool granite. one hand going down to grab at your thigh and hook it up on the counter, drooling at the way your pussy glistens from the angle. he shoves his dick back in without a warning, feeling your ass collide against him harsh yet fervid.

you both pant in rasps when his cock hits a sensitive spot inside you. he shifts to angle himself just right to repeatedly brush against that spot and you mewl out loud at that, so loud your neighbours probably know what you're up to.

“fuck i can't stand not seeing your cute face,” jake bends over to grab you by your throat, pulling you up and flush against him, head resting back at his shoulders as he forces to look at him, fingers gripping your jaw softly,”eyes on me, okay baby?” grunting from deep within his chest, a wild grin on his face as he watches you get lost in ecstasy,”i’ll get you addicted to my cock,” just like how addicted he already is with your pussy and everything about you.

his other hand reaches up to tug the front of your dress down, groping up one of your tits, a silk touch to see your reaction. loving the way it's so obvious how sensitive you are there. mouth parting open with you in sensuous gasps as he twists your nipple harshly, rubbing the tip with his thumb. your walls clench a little too hard and your back arches off as you push your hips back into him, the tell tale signs of you getting close,”my baby's gonna cum for me?”

holding your jaw to have your eyes trained on him, he unexpectedly inserts his thumb in your mouth pressing against your wet tongue, your red swollen lips too tempting to resist,“fuck yes, show me how pretty you cum,” you mumble out a series of incoherent words in hazy chant.

the hand on your breast slips down to your lower abdomen pressing rashly against his bulge, feeling faint movement of his cock deep inside you. fuck you're so small and delicate. his hold on you tightening as his calloused fingers find your neglected bud, rolling it in quick, tight circles. it's so painful yet you feel so good, tears wailing down your cheeks as your orgasm crashes hard, overwhelming and violent, thighs trembling and pussy clenching uncontrollably. jake's continues to rub your clit, helping you ride out your high. eyes fluttering shut, and swallowing thickly at the sensation of you creaking over his sensitive length, cock throbbing impossibly hard.

jake refuses to stop even after you have come down,”one more candy, i know you can do one more for me,” hips hammering into you at full force, and lips finding yours in ragged breaths. and it dawns on you what exactly you have gotten yourself into when you feel the two of his fingers protruding at your entrance, trying to push in beside his cock,“if you try to close your legs i'm gonna punish you,” he warns making you whine into his mouth.

in a flash he turns your body to face his, quickly shoving his cock and fingers back into you. his other hand spanking the skin of your ass and kneading it a soft caress after. he eyes hypnotized at the view of you taking him in, a white ring of your cum adorning the base of his cock. he spits at your clit, once again toying with the engorged bud, pinching and flicking,”“gonna make you cum until you pass out, fuck i really wanna do that⁠—” your hand darts out to grip at jake's wrist, feeling too overwhelmed with hypersensitivity. wanting to shy away but the pleasure’s so good you can't bring yourself to push him away.

“but it's your first time,” jake mumbles between hoarse grunts.

before you can even realize it yourself your third orgasm courses through you vehemently. body jerking and twitching, almost falling over if not for jake's hold. jets of cum gushing out as you moan loud.

feeling you spill down his cock, all warm and tight, his brutal rhythm falters,”fuck- ‘m gonna cum,” eyes locking with yours as he thrusts once, twice and then stills, burying himself deep, streams of cum shooting out. hot spurt after spurt, swollen cock twitching against your walls. goosebumps all over, his legs quiver from how hard he came.

he stays quiet and motionless for a while, his arms wrapped around your shaking body. breathing in the scent of your shampoo, trying to calm his pounding heart and cock.

“you good candy? i’m sorry, i think i went a little rough on you,” you nuzzle into him in quiet,’its okay’ as he strokes your head, leaving fluttering kisses over your face. picking you up by the thighs he brings you to your bed, laying you down and gently pulling out. groaning at the way all your mixed cum oozes out, pretty little hole clenching around nothing.

exhausted, you let your mind drift, feeling the drowsiness kick in while jake bends between your legs with a wet towel. whining wearily, when his lips wrap around your nub in a suck, the wet sensation of his tongue against your clit like a shot of electricity,”sorry, baby just had to do that once,” he knew he didn't just call you candy for nothing and he was right. grining sheepishly as he wipes the rest of the cum off, cleaning you all up.

“you're nasty,” you manage to whisper out.

“only for you,” the touch of his body is hot and comforting, arms around your waist cuddling closely(and half naked).

“let's shower together in the morning, wanna eat you out so-”

“jake!”

“what? it's the truth!”

the following around four in the afternoon before jake has to leave for his soccer practice, you approach him on the couch, as always re-watching an episode of vincenzo. you haven't talked much about labels, but it's known to everyone that you're sorta together. more like jake is taken by you. his friends weren't too surprised to know about you both, it was obvious jake had the hots for you and from the little hangout at the restaurant they figured it all worked out for him.

“incoming, pocky!” you sit beside him with a banana flavored pocky stick between your teeth, leaning in teasingly.

“oh you want me so bad,” he plays along inch closer and biting it off in a snap, lips barely brushing against yours.

pulling you onto his lap with your back pressed into his chest, he locks you in place, chuckling at the way you attempt to escape. his fingers twirling the ends of your hair as you surrender in seconds, switching to watching the show absent-mindedly,”my parents wanted to meet you,” he drops the bomb, tracing random letters on your skin to distract of the fact that he just mention a meeting with parents.

“as my roommate, actually,” quickly adding the important point, fingers poking at your cheeks like jello.

“so suddenly though?” you think back on all the things you have ever done to him, for them to want to see you. perhaps they think of you as a snobby girl who’s indulging their son’s already unpleasant habits.

“they’ve actually been wanting to meet you for the past three months, i was putting it off but now summer break is starting next week and i have no more excuses to give,” hugging you, he rests his head on the curve of your neck, breathing in the smell of watermelon that surrounds you after you had basically devoured a whole at lunch. “if you don’t want to then you don’t have to, i’ll talk to them,” he assures, not wanting you to feel obligated to agree, or force yourself despite being uncomfortable.

“no it’s okay, we can go meet them. how long will the drive be?” fumbling with his red knuckles, your mind wanders off to when he fingered you, growing hot and embarrassed all of a sudden. hardly listening in on his answers.

when jake leaves for his soccer practice, you find time to complete the trivial chores around the house. watering the plants with a pout, missing jake more than ever. you have completely different majors and you are not in any clubs either to stay after classes. the only time you spend together being the one at the apartment which is also cut down by his frequent practice sessions, sometimes in the morning during weekends and normally most evenings on weekdays. it makes you ponder on whether you should try out for any club, after all these years doing something else besides studying. but you have no idea what you should consider, having no knowledge on which clubs you could be eligible to join.

it takes you two whole weeks and a bunch of outfit checks to find yourself on your way to meet jake's parents. feeling almost weird and exhilarating at how his parents and his older brother welcome you. treating you so well even though they recognize you as nothing more than just his college apartment roommate who helps fix his laptop and tolerates the boy knowing the kind of womanizer he is. appearing more as a meeting with in-laws when you jake and you are not even official yet, more so they have no idea of what's going between you two.

they try their best to make you feel at home. during the lunch as jake had told them beforehand, his mother had a few sweet dishes prepared for you, coddling you just as jake does back at your unit. they talk to you about casual things including your likes and dislikes, what major you are in, whether jake treats you well, if you have any complaints regarding his behavior. it doesn’t feel as awkward as you as thought it would and you didn't have to put on any act as you prepared yourself to do.

in the beginning of your roommate journey, his accent, his voice was the first thing to attract you but slowly as you explored his personality you came to like him for more than just what attracted you to him. now you as you spend time with people closest to him, you understand where he got it all from. the sweet person he is, which you never expected a fuckboy to be, you didn’t even have an ounce of hope that he’ll acknowledge your presence in the apartment when you got to know about his playing around conduct. yet he turned out to be the sweetest boy you’ve ever come around in your life ( and the nastiest perhaps, )

when you are sitting alone with his brother, while jake is away downstairs to bring you something sugary to eat, his brother takes it as a chance to share his thoughts,“you know until i heard him call you candy a while ago, i was under the impression that 'candy’,” he quotes it specially with a movement of his fingers,“is supposedly a cheerleader fling of his after i saw the contact name showing up when he got a call the last time he was here,” giving you a sly look as he catches sight of jake approaching,“turns out it’s you, i never knew he is the type to give such sweet, unique petnames,”

before you leave in the evening, jake makes sure to let them know that you’re toegther, and that he’s not playing around this time. he’s willing to give effort into it and change his usual ways of living, to be better for himself and as well as for you.

on your way there you had thought of a lot things, had a lot of assumptions and expectations. even prepared yourself to hear things that’ll stick to you not so positively. but what stays in your mind now is completely unexpected and opposite of what you had internally composed yourself for. it’s all you can think of in the car and after you’re back in the comfort of your familiar apartment.

cheerleader, not a bad idea—

“oh my god candy, you're gonna be the death of me!” jake pulls you away, dragging you to the back of the bleachers, his cock already rock hard and throbbing with need.

“don't you like it? i thought cheerleaders dressed like this,” you pout at him, fiddling with the ends of the literally shortest skirt of your closet.

“i love it baby, but you can't just show up to practice like that, how am i gonna be able to concentrate when all i can think of you is fucking you,” he groans scanning over your figure again and again, it's like you brought out a hidden desire he didn't even know he had. he'd win every game for you if you were to cheer by the stands like this, the adrenaline of getting to ruin your perfect outfit and your perfect makeup after, putting him on a winning streak.

“teach me to suck you off,” jake loses his mind when you get down on your knees, pushing your hair out of the way and looking up at him through your lashes, doe eyes driving him crazy.

“shit baby, i will,” oh he's so going to corrupt you.

#nic's recs ˚₊‧꒰ა ☆ ໒꒱ ‧₊˚

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fakeuwus · 2 years ago

Text

as expected from user taeghi- another masterpiece 🙏🏼

– i don't want to be your roommate, i want to kiss your neck || (m)

heeseung x reader | smut, fluff, angst, PWP lol | roommate + best friend's brother!heeseung

➤ summary : at first, you cursed lee hana for ditching your roomies-forever contract, but now you want to thank her for having such a great idea for her hot brother to move in as her replacement... just as long as she doesn't find out you think he's hot.

➤ includes : warning!cuddling!!!, also masturbating, unprotected sex, fingering, praise, breeding kink ;)

➤ word count : 15.7k (jesus)

minors DNI!!!!

taglist : @iamliacamila @m3chigo @jaylaxies @stellarpsh @noonareads @xrvrqs @enmayz @enhastolemyheart @notevenheretbh1 @jjhmk @heyitsbush @ipoststuffandyeah @seokseokjinkim @capri-cuntz @parksunghoonsgf @hoyeonheeseung @erehkinnie30 @niniissus @janehrt @jenojammin @heerated @luvjongseong @wonniewonwon @loveyrovey @page-odette @slay-you-slay-all-day

lee hana was the best friend you could ever ask for.

when you met during freshman year of college you knew that you would be best friends forever. she was the missing piece that you were missing in a lot of ways. so, when she asked if you wanted to find a place to rent together you couldn’t possibly turn her down.

you decorated the apartment you found so that it could be deemed as ‘your shared home’. parts of you both were mangled around the apartment, wherever you looked there were pieces of each other somewhere. hana’s favourite photography works she’s taken, your ugly wool throw blankets that you insisted on having and both of your dirty dishes piling up in the sink because you both hated doing dishes.

though, you both lived wonderfully together. you managed to cook almost everyday regular meals that were somewhat healthy and made sure the other one was getting to class on time. you figured that you would continue to live with her for the rest of your early-mid twenties.

until she got a boyfriend.

don’t get it wrong, you loved jay; but you despised him for taking away your perfect roommate.

you were worried at first when hana sat you down and told you she’d be moving out by the end of the month. her and jay had decided to take their relationship further and she agreed to move into his apartment with him. you knew that your lease wouldn’t end until the rest of the year, meaning that you would have to pay the rent for two people even though it’d be only you living here. which, you did not have the money for as a broke college student.

“but don’t worry!” hana smiled at you from her spot on the couch when she broke the news, “i’ve found you another roommate who is just like me! so there won’t be any problems.”

you sigh, because there are usually always problems if hana isn’t involved. meaning, you will most definitely hate your new roommate, hana’s replacement.

“don’t sigh like that y/n!” hana smacks your shoulder, “he’s seriously a perfect mix of you and i, you’ll like him.”

“him?!” you exclaim, shaking your head no to the fact that you will have to live with a boy.

“y/n, just give him a chance! you haven’t even met him yet!”

you glare at your best friend and soon-to-be-ex-roommate with displeasure at the new information she was laying on you. “but he’s a boy, hana! he’s gonna ruin our woman sanctuary here!”

“y/n, i don’t think this has been a woman sanctuary since we’ve moved in,”

“but it could be, if you stay living here,”

“y/n, i already told him he could have my room, I care about him a lot.” hana juts out her lips into a pout, her pretty features contorting into begging ones as she desires your approval.

“fine, but i want him to at least try to contain his man testosterone to one room,” you sigh, giving in to your best friend. her squeals reach your ears quickly as she leans over to pull you into a hug.

“you’re gonna love him! you won’t even want me back as a roommate,”

“who even is he?”

“his name’s heeseung,”

“heeseung?”

“yeah,” hana shrugs casually, “my brother.”

“what?!” you exclaim at her again. you had never met her family before, both of you growing up in different states made it hard to meet each others. hana was usually private about her family, not talking much about them either way. you were aware that she had an older brother, but you would have never thought that you would come to live with him. “hana, what.”

hana lets out her familiar roistering laugh at your shocked expression, “i told you he was just like me- and if he’s just like me then he’s just like you!”

you pout, “we’ll see about that.”

you didn’t meet lee heeseung until lee hana had officially moved out. he came unexpected, a knock on your door that you couldn’t guess would be him.

it was the day after you sat on the kitchen stool, a pout on your face as you watched hana and jay take her boxes to the moving truck.

“can’t i just move in with you guys?” you whine out to them.

“aw, y/n,” hana comes over to you, cupping your cheeks harshly together. “no.” you let out a hmph at her response, making her let out her obnoxious laugh. “i’m still going to see you!”

“yeah, i know, but it won’t be the same,” you shake your head at her.

though you were happy for hana, it was still hard to believe that you would never be roommates again with her. jay and her made the perfect match, so part of you knew this day would come. the day that you would no longer be able to refer to lee hana as your roommate. so the final goodbye as roommates was bittersweet when hana and her cinnamon scent left the apartment that she no longer called her home. the apartment had an echo to it that night, when you were cooking dinner by yourself- for yourself.

hana had texted you that she had forgotten a few boxes in her closet, therefore when there was knocking on the door at 8am the next day you figured it was her. you swung open the door, dressed in your loose sweatpants and tank top, ready to tease her for coming back so soon.

you were not expecting to open the door to see an ethereal man.

his warm brown, deer-like eyes were relaxed as they met your surprised ones. his said eyes wandered down your body, stopping to stare at your exposed lower stomach from your sweatpants sitting low on your hips. you felt your neck gush with heat as you attempted to pull down your tanktop when you realized where his eyes had been stranded.

“hi, you must be y/n,” he spoke first, his voice as warm as his eyes.

“uh, yes?” you respond curiously, your mind still flowing with sleep from waking up seconds before.

the boy raised a singular key on a chain in front of your face, “i’m heeseung- hana gave me the key but i figured i would knock first anyways.”

“hee- heeseung, right, um,”

“so, can i come in?” heeseung smiled at your shocked demeanor.

“yes! um, of course, sorry- i just woke up.” you mentally cursed yourself for being so bewildered.

your new roommate stepped in and stopped in the middle of the living room. looking over the place from top to bottom. his eyes were going over every nook and cranny that he could possibly see. when he figured he had seen enough, he turned back to you at the open door and said, “it’s nice in here- really nice.”

“thanks,” you stated, curious about where he was taking this.

“i’ll try to keep my man testosterone to my room so it doesn’t ruin what you’ve got going on here.” your jaw dropped at his words, not believing that hana could’ve told him that you said that.

“look, i didn’t-” you started, trying to explain yourself so your new roommate doesn’t hate you completely.

his laugh that is a lot quieter than hana’s, considering that they’re related, rings out in the apartment. you paused for a second to think that maybe you could get used to hearing his laugh instead. “it’s alright, don’t worry about it.”

“no, really, sometimes i just-,”

“it’s alright, hana gave me some pre-move in roommate tips, i got you.”

your demeanor changes as you cross your arms over your chest at the news, “oh did she?” heeseung gives a faint noise of confirmation as he scans the old couch you and hana picked up on the side of the street two years ago, “and what was one of those tips.”

“hm, that you must have green tea every morning before you can do anything else.” he smiles cheesily at you, “which i think we should get on doing so you’re down to help bring in all my shit.”

sure enough, you got your cup of green tea, showing heeseung around the kitchen as you did so. he sat at the kitchen stool where you sat yesterday, watching the other lee sibling move all her belongings out. you tried to tell yourself to calm down as he sat behind you, out of your view. you were not used to having a good looking boy in your apartment. you were glad that you slipped into your room to get a hoodie on before reaching the kitchen for that cup of tea.

“sorry it’s a mess in here, i didn’t know you were moving in today,” you spoke with your back still to him.

“really? hana told me that she told you i was coming,”

you scoff, “of course she did. she always forgets to do as she says.”

a knowing smile crawls onto heeseung’s pretty face, a smile that seems to be the only thing that gives away he’s related to hana, “i know; i shouldn’t have trusted her this morning.”

“she also didn’t tell me that it was her older brother moving in,” you joke, turning around now with a hot cup of tea in your hand. when he lets out a shocked expression you continue, “i knew she had an older brother, but she never told me your name.”

heeseung shrugs, “yeah, we’re private like that- i don’t think many of my friends have met hana either.”

“why not?”

“i don’t know, we’re just like that.”

you set down your now empty cup, feeling refreshed as the hot tea settles in your stomach. “right, let’s go get your man testosterone shit.”

heeseung follows you out of your now shared apartment, smiling to himself as you complain about becoming his personal mover.

with lee heeseung’s belongings finally all brought into your now shared apartment, you couldn’t help but compare his scent to his sisters. it was similar in a way, the cinnamon wisp of hana’s you became familiar with circled around heeseung, but there was a mix of something sweet along with it.

the boy didn’t have too many things. a big computer set, a few boxes of clothes and a ton of cd’s. hana’s old bookshelf seemed to suit heeseung’s cd collection easily as there was just enough room for them all to be lined up by genre. you could tell that the remnants of hana will no longer be in your apartment by the end of the day.

“i think i forgot another box of cd’s in my car,” heeseung said as you watched him unpack from the bedroom’s door frame you were leaning on. “i’ll be right back.” he walks past you, a noise of acknowledgement coming from your throat.

with the front door closing and heeseung’s brown hair leaving sight behind it, your head turns to hana’s now old room. heeseung’s clothes boxes are stacked up on his new bed. you wonder for a moment what other clothes he wears besides the gray sweats and black hoodie he has on today. then, drooping out of the farthest box on the bed, a white and black flannel catches your eye. before you know it your legs and feet have moved so you’re able to pick up the flannel. the fabric is soft and you instantly smell that sweet scent of heeseung surrounding you.

“i can put away my clothes myself, it’s okay.” heeseung’s voice speaks from behind you, making you jump and instantly drop the flannel from your hands, back into the box.

you turn to see him putting the last box of his cd’s onto his desk, his hoodie sleeves rolled up so you can see his smooth forearms now. “right, i know. sorry.”

heeseung chuckles under his breath as he flips his bangs up out of his face and runs a hand through his hair, “no it’s okay, i just figured you wouldn’t want to touch more of my man testosterone than you already have.”

your lips purse at him, “yeah you’re right. i can already feel it growing on me.” you make so that your hands are trying to brush something off of you in disgust.

“well how about you go wash it off in the shower while I make breakfast?” heeseung suggests with a playful smile on his pink lips.

“breakfast?” you exclaim, your eyes wide.

“well i would say it is around breakfast time, no?”

“hana never made breakfast.”

“what can i say? i’m the better roommate.”

you crossed your arms over your chest, “don’t push it, heeseung.” you glare at him as you push past him to go to the bathroom. “and I like my eggs over-easy.”

you hear heeseung’s soft laugh as you close the bathroom door.

not only did lee heeseung offer to cook breakfast, he is actually good at cooking. as soon as you walked out of the bathroom in clean clothes and the man testosterone on your skin properly washed off, you started drooling at the smell of food.

heeseung was standing over the stove, finishing up the last of the scrambled eggs he was making. the small kitchen table you and hana bought years ago was set up with plates and cutlery, some fruit, bacon and toast.

“heeseung, oh my god,.” you say in shock. you would have never imagined that your new roommate would have done something like this. .

heeseung turns with a pretty smile on his face, “sit down, the eggs are done now.”

in your shocked state you managed to sit down in the chair heeseung motioned to as he filled up your plate with eggs. “why did you make all this?”

heeseung shrugs as he set the empty frying pan in the sink and sits down across from you, “i mean you let me move in here without ever properly meeting me and then you helped me move in all my stuff, so i figured this was the least i could.” you stare at him in shock and heeseung lets out a quick, dry laugh, “well are you gonna eat it or what?”

“right! sorry!” you pick up your fork and start to dig in, “it’s just, i haven’t had a breakfast like this in years.”

“what do you usually have for breakfast then? besides green tea.”

now you shrug, eyes practically closing from how good his food tastes, “nothing, pretty much.”

heeseung rolls his eyes, “well that’s not good, we’ll have to change that.”

“if you make breakfast like this often then you and your man testosterone can stay here for as long as you like.” you point your fork at him with a knowing smile.

“or until the lease is up in december.”

“right, or until then.”

the mention that heeseung nor you wouldn’t be living here together for more than four months suddenly leaves a pit in your stomach that his eggs couldn’t manage to fill as you continue eating. heeseung has already been in your apartment for no more than four hours and you already could not imagine living with someone else.

besides their smiles, heeseung and hana seem to only have one other thing in common. which is their ability to get comfortable anywhere.

you had made sure to tell heeseung to make himself feel at home, since it is home now. at least it is for four months. you didn’t want to be those awkward roommates that feel like they have to sneak around the apartment to not piss off the other roommate.

but, for a moment, you forgot who he was related to.

so, heeseung made himself comfortable really quickly. by the third week of living together he was already settled in and acting like he had owned the place for years.

you learnt quickly that heeseung really likes music. his cd collection taking over his room was the first sign of his passion. when he mentioned he is a dance major at your university, it was not that big of a shock to you. you also quickly caught on to him seemingly always having his earphones in, the white cord trailing from his ear to his phone he always carries with him.

you didn’t mind heeseung’s obsession with music, in fact you found it interesting he could listen to music for so long without a stop. you didn’t think it would ever be a bother to you.

except for now.

you are in your room trying to finish writing your qualification letter to the university’s library so you could become a student librarian this year, which you procrastinated so much that you only have two days before the school year starts to hand it. it is like you are having a severe writer's block and could not think of why you should be the one with the librarian position. you love going to the library to study and to read, you spent your entire first year in the library so much that hana said you should just move in there. having this student librarian position would be good for your career as you wanted to become a teacher abroad.

you were getting frustrated at your lack of writing for this letter when you started to hear music coming from heeseung’s bedroom across the hall. it was loud and it was some aggressive heavy metal music. you take a breath and decide that it’s a sign that you need to take a break from this letter. you push your laptop to the side and lay down, covering your eyes with your arm draped over your face.

even with your eyes closed you can still see words going across your eyes, not being able to stop thinking about what you could possibly write in your letter. you lay there trying to think of something, anything, but everytime you think you get somewhere it seems to be stupid and then heeseung’s music fades into your ears again.

when you’ve finally had enough of laying there, getting nowhere with your letter and heeseung’s music having no sign of stopping, you toss your sapphire sheet off of your legs and stand up, beelining it right to heeseung’s door. without a hesitation you knock on his door, and a second later the music stops and it opens.

heeseung stands in the doorway now, his brown bangs practically stuck to his forehead with sweat and his bambi eyes immediately looking down at your figure. his cheeks are flushed a red hue that almost matches the colour of his lips that are parted as he breathes. but you can’t properly match the colour of his cheeks to his lips because you realize he is shirtless standing in front of you.

sweat droplets are trailing down his tanned skin like they’re racing each other. his broad shoulders that you couldn’t have stopped yourself from noticing weeks ago are now plain in sight for your eyes to drink in. his abdomen is full of muscles that move with his chest as he practically pants, trying to catch his breath in front of you.

“what’s up?” his voice successfully breaks you out of the trance you were somehow put in.

“uh,” you shake your head trying to grab onto all of the thoughts that were filling your head, “i’m trying to write my student librarian application letter and i can’t focus because your music is too loud.” you try to sound as angry and frustrated as you were one minute ago, but your words only come out mediocre when you speak.

“oh shit, i’m sorry,” heeseung’s hand brushes his damp bangs out of his eyes, his face forming into a sorry expression as he looks down at you. “i was working out because the university gym isn’t open yet– i’ll put my headphones in.”

“right, okay.” you speak, trying to not focus on the way his muscles flexed in his arm when he pushed his bangs back.

“good luck on your letter,” heeseung smiles at you and it triggers reality for you as you quickly back up and enter your own room.

“thanks.” you say to him, closing your bedroom door so you’re out of view of each other.

you hold onto the doorknob until you hear heeseung’s door click shut and you let out a breath of relief as your body laxes. you climb back into your sapphire sheets, thankful for the coolness of them that will bring down your flushed hot state.

when you realize your panties are damp against your skin, you make a pact to yourself�� and to hana– that there is no possible way you will find your best friend’s brother hot.

you thought that when school started you would see less of heeseung than you did in the final days of summer, but it seemed that you only saw more of him. you would see him walk past you on campus, never failing to wave at you or call your name. you also learnt that heeseung has a bad habit of skipping classes. so he was home more than you were. the only classes he never skipped were his dance ones, that would go on for hours and leave him to be tired and sweaty when he comes home.

like tonight, you were sitting on the couch in the living room, your laptop warm on your lap as you typed away at your essay, telling yourself to write just a few more sentences. since you ended up getting the job as the student librarian, you’ve had less time to do school work since you’ve had to run around helping other students in the library. when the front door opens, a very tired looking heeseung walked in, his clothes practically falling off him from exhaustion.

“long practice?” you ask him absentmindedly, still focusing on your essay.

“very, long practice.” you hear him respond as the fridge door opens. you hear him shuffle around in the fridge before it closes and he tells you he’s gonna get in the shower.

the faint sound of the shower running starts and you forget that heeseung is even home as you continue to write your essay. when the bathroom door opens minutes later, you glance up at the time on your computer, seeing it approaching 9pm.

“wanna watch a movie?” heeseung asks from behind you.

you sigh, “i really wanna finish my essay, though.”

heesung comes around the couch and sits on the other side, putting his feet up on the coffee table in front of it, “that’s okay, right? you can do both. plus knowing you, you’ve probably been working on it all day right?”

“maybe.”

“well then you need a break.”

“but i’m almost done, just a few more paragraphs.” you jut out your bottom lip as you look at him for the first time. his hair is wet and it’s falling into his eyes. the sight instantly makes you remember the working-out incident from a few weeks ago and you tighten your thighs together at the mere thought of it.

“c’mon, watch a movie with me, y/n.” he begs you, “please.” before you can say no he’s reaching over and taking your laptop out of your hands.

“heeseung!” you whine out, “i’m almost done!”

the position he was in to grab the laptop meant that he was a lot closer to you than before, his face only centimeters away from yours as he leaned on his elbow on the couch cushion. “please, watch a movie with me.” he mimics your earlier expression of your jutted out lip.

you sigh, giving into the boy, “fine.” he lets out a hissed ‘yes’ as he sets the laptop on the coffee table and passes you the remote.

you still for a moment when he drops his head into your lap. you’re unsure what to do or say so you try to focus on finding a movie in front of you on the tv.

“it’s okay if i put my head in your lap right? i’m just so tired.” heeseung asks, probably noticing how stiff your body went.

“uh, yeah sure.” you say, watching where you place your hands and arms now. you hear him let out a quiet ‘yay’ before he’s telling you to put on a studio ghibli movie.

It was hard to concentrate on Spirited Away at first, with heeseung’s head weight in your lap. you could feel his warm breath on your thigh everytime he exhaled. one of his hands was hooked onto your thigh in front of his face and you could feel him mindlessly tapping his fingers against your leg, probably to some song that is stuck in his head today. you told yourself to focus on the movie and it worked until you stopped feeling his fingers tapping on your thigh. you glance down at your roommate and see that he’s fallen fast asleep on your lap. his damp hair now dry and falling into his closed eyes. his lips are parted slightly as he exhales deep, slow breaths. you allow yourself to take him in for a moment, never seeing him so calm before.

through his bangs you see that his eyebrows are not scrunched up in their usual frown since school started. you almost instinctively brush his bangs off of his forehead, but stop when you're a mere inch away. roommates should not be affectionate with each other, especially when said roommate is your best friend’s brother.

haku distracts you again.

when heeseung moves once more, it’s an hour later when Spirited Away has finally ended, the ending music causing him to stir.

“damn, i basically missed the entire thing.” he mumbles, sleep laced in his voice.

“you did miss the entire thing.” you respond, quirking an eyebrow up at him as he lifts himself from your lap.

“sorry,” he shrugs, “but that was the best sleep i’ve had in a while.”

“really?”

“yeah, i’ve been stressed about the dance concert that’s coming up- they put me in charge of a major part of the choreography so, my minds just been on that.”

“heeseung, what? that’s amazing!”

heeseung smiles at you, brushing his bangs back like you almost did an hour ago. “thanks- and thanks for letting me sleep.”

“it’s no problem, it gave me more time to think about how to end my essay.”

“yeah? think you can end it perfectly after taking a break?” heeseung asks with a sly tone.

“just perfectly.”

since the night heeseung had slept in your lap, neither of you had shied away from little touches of each other. like hands casually sliding over each other’s when he passes you the milk for your cereal, laughing into each other’s bodies, and more naps with heeseung’s head in your lap.

you told yourself that it’s no different than hanging out with your other friends. that you guys are just friendly with each other. there was no romantic feelings between you and your best friend’s older brother.

you knew you and heeseung were getting more comfortable with each other, but when he barges into the bathroom while your mid-shower, you had to re-think just how close you two were.

“sorry!” heeseung immediately calls out as soon as he enters the bathroom, “but i gotta pee so bad and i need to leave!”

your mouth drops open as your eyes widen. you instinctively cover your body even though the shower curtain is covering you completely. “it- it’s fine.” you hear him shuffling around through the sound of the shower’s water hitting the tub. tyring to ignore that there is only a thin layer of fabric covering your naked body from heeseung’s gaze you ask him “where are you going?”.

“uh, jaehyuck’s having a party tonight and jeongin’s been outside waiting for me for almost ten minutes now and he’s pissed.”

“oh, ok. have fun.”

“i will, thanks!” are heeseung’s last words in the bathroom before he’s shutting the door and leaving.

once you’re alone in the shower again, you wonder what you should do tonight since heeseung’s gone and it’s friday night. you wonder if hana would want to hang out at the old cafe you two used to frequent before she moved out. but the odd’s are low since she’d probably rather go to a bar and “start her weekend off right”. you laugh to yourself as you perfectly hear hana’s words in your head. but still, you figure you would try.

your efforts immediately fail as an hour later you open the door to hana dressed in her ‘ready for the bar’ outfit glaring at your ‘ready for the cafe’ outfit.

“no.” hana states as she glances up and down at you, shaking her head. “it’s friday y/n! let’s go drinking! you can study for the other two days of the weekend!”

“ugh,” you move aside and plop down on your couch, hearing hana close the door behind her wander around her old apartment. “i hate going to bars!”

“yeah well you need to get away from “studying” places every once and a while!” hana’s voice rings from your bedroom. you sit up on the couch, realizing your head was placed right where heeseung’s face was pressed against your thighs a few weeks ago.

“we don’t have to study at the cafe!” you call back to her.

“but you’ll be thinking about studying!”

“i’d probably be thinking about studying at a bar, too!”

“not if you’ll be drinking and,“ hana’s voice gets clearer as she continues, “wearing this.”

you turn to look at her as she emphasizes her last word. in her hands is a tight black dress that you have never worn before. it has thin noodle straps and is made of silk. “no.”

“yes!” hana answers, “and since when did you have such a cute dress?”

“ugh,” you plop down onto the couch again, “i don’t know, a while ago. it was stupid of me.”

“c’mon y/n, it’s gonna look nice on you!” hana pushes your legs so she can sit beside you. “plus, i already ordered a taxi and it’ll be here in five minutes.”

“what?” you sit up with wide eyes.

“you better hurry and get this dress on!” hana grins at you, allowing for you to grab the dress and run off to your bedroom to change.

hana’s grin doesn’t leave her face, even when you’re sitting across from her at the table in some bar she’s chosen to take you to. since it’s friday night and you live in a popular school town- this bar is practically packed. you glance around nervously, always hating big crowds of people.

“so, what’s it like living with my brother so far?” hana asks you, sipping her drink through her straw.

“it’s fine.” you shrug, mimicking her actions with your own drink. maybe getting more alcohol in your system will take away your anxious thoughts.

“oh come on!” hana exclaims, “this is like the one hundredth time i’ve asked you and it’s always the same reply. and i’ve noticed you never even mention him to me either.”

“well what do you want me to say? living with him is fine, it’s normal.” you defend yourself, flashbacks of every not-so-normal roommate encounter you’ve had with her brother the past month and a half.

“well i mean do you talk to him?”

“hana, i kind of have to, because you know, we live together.” you roll your eyes at your best friend.

“well what do you talk about?”

“i- i don’t know! normal things! what’s this all about?”

hana shrugs and sits back into her seat, “nothing- it’s just ever since he moved in i don’t hear anything about him, like does he even still live there?”

“yes, he lives there.” you shove her legs with your foot playfully under the table, “and it’s just there’s nothing to say. we’re roommates- that’s it.”

“so you guys aren’t like, friends?” you think about it for a moment, are you and heeseung? friends? you suppose you see each other at some of your worsts, like right after waking up, or all sweaty from dancing. you share things about your day and food. but those are things that just come with being roommates. so, you shrug. “what do you mean? you’ve lived together for two months and aren’t friends?”

“well i don’t know! i haven’t asked him if we’re friends or anything- nothing like that has come up!”

“do you guys know things about each other? like share things like that?”

“yeah, some things.”

“like do you know who his stupid friends are?”

you think about it for a second. every time you’ve seen heeseung on campus he’s been by himself. and he’s only briefly mentioned jeongin a few times. so you’ve assumed to yourself that jeongin must be his best friend. “only jeongin. but i’ve never met him or anything.”

“ah jeongin!” hana nods, “yeah he’s one of the nice ones.”

you tilt your head, “what do you mean?”

“heeseung hangs around with the Sigma Fidi guys- the ones that are all born in 2001.”

“the ones that completely ruined the library last year?” your mouth drops open in memory of how the beloved library- the only place you could find peace- was entirely flipped upside down last year.

“yep, those guys.”

“oh my god!” you sat back in your chair in despair, “that took weeks to fix!”

“i know, i clearly remember how much you complained about it when it happened.” you ignore hana’s playful smile as you try to take in how someone as nice as heeseung could be friends with people who are capable of tearing apart such a beautiful place. “anyways, there’s the yang jeongin guy you’ve heard of. i guess him and heeseung have been friends for maybe ten years now?” so you’ve correctly assumed that they’re probably best friends. “and jaehyuk, beomgyu and theo. there’s more but those are the ones that heeseung usually hangs around with.”

“and all four of them ruined the library?” you ask hana, still not comprehending it all.

“mm, i think so.” hana nods, “i never really asked heeseung about it so.”

“oh.”

the music in the bar is suddenly louder, playing some song you’ve never heard of and are far too busy mentally to even decide if you like the song or not. you would’ve never thought that heeseung would be the one behind ruining your sanctuary last year. even after speaking to him about the library so many times! you remember how distraught your favourite librarian was when you walked in after opening hours. the books were pushed onto the floor and ripped. the tables, walls and ceiling had spray paint all over it. all the flowers that even you watered sometimes were ripped from their roots and dirt was mucked throughout the entire room. not even one bookshelf was together after being stepped on and smashed. you remember how much you struggled to find a calming place to sit at school for months afterwards.

“what’re you thinking about?” hana asks you, nudging her foot against your leg.

“nothing.”

“then let’s go dance!” before you can refuse, hana is pulling you up, leaving your drinks and table behind to enter the very crowded dance floor, pushing your new revelations of heeseung out of your mind, at least for awhile.

it was hours later, further into the night when you got back to yours and heeseung’s shared apartment. it was quiet and dark, as you expected since it was reaching 3am. your familiarity with the apartment was your only guidance to your bedroom.

within inches from your bedroom, you heard it.

a muted moan through the walls.

your entire body tensed and retracted your hand that was about to touch your bedroom’s door knob. a thump followed by a woman’s giggle from the other side of the hallway made you stand up straight. and then it was clear what was happening in your roommate’s bedroom.

you never expected heeseung to bring home someone. it was never even mentioned between you two. he’s never even brought home a friend before as they always just wait outside for him.

a deep, nauseous feeling overcomes you and you curse yourself for drinking tonight. without thinking much- only the vibrant thought of ‘i can’t be here anymore’ flashing in your mind, you turn back the way you came, catching a glimpse of high heels at the front door. you only stop when you’re in the lobby of your apartment.

the moonlight is filling up the entire room, bringing some comfort to you as tears start to well up in your eyes. you know the reason why you’re crying, but you refuse to accept it and blame it on the alcohol. you sit down on the small couches that the lobby holds for visitors, and accept your fate of sitting here for the rest of the night.

you didn’t know what to do. you couldn’t go to hana’s because then she’d obviously ask why you're upset. and what’re you gonna say? that you’re upset because you’ve developed a crush on your roommate that happens to be her brother and that the thought of him fucking another girl in your apartment makes you feel like you’re rotting from the inside out? that wouldn’t go well.

because you know how hana would feel to have trusted you to live with her brother just for you to ruin it all. she was never close with heeseung in the first place, so to have her best friend have feelings for him? it just seems out of the question. why would she want her best friend to date her basically estranged older brother? even after tonight, when she asked question after question about your relationship with heeseung, she seemed off. she seemed like she wanted to know that you and heeseung are just friends. you wouldn’t even put it past her to be secretly happy that you told her everything is just normal roommates between you two.

if only she knew how not normal it was. roommates don’t sleep with their heads on each other’s laps. they don’t drool over the other when they’re working out. their hearts don’t flip when they see each other in the hallways at school. and they most definitely don’t get upset when the other is fucking someone else.

you sigh frustratedly, swearing to wipe the last tear off of your cheek and rest your head on the arm rest of the small couch. it’s small enough for your legs to curl up on, but it does nothing from the small gushes of air that circulate your dress-clad body. you fight the urge to go to sleep, but soon give in, the last thought being of heeseung and the unknown betrayal he just carried out.

when you woke up, the pale moonlight had turned into a warm yellow glow.

which was being blocked by your apartment’s front desk worker, jongho. you sit right up when your sleepy mind clears and you realize he’s glaring right at you.

“good morning, y/n.” his monotone voice speaks to you.

“uh, hi, jongho.” you try to speak cheerfully to distract him from the fact you probably smell like alcohol and are passed out in the public lobby.

“have a good sleep?”

“uh, yeah! just wanted to see how comfy these couches are, you know?”

“no, i don’t know as i would think my own bed would be far more comfortable.”

you cringe at his words, standing up and avoiding eye contact as he scolds you. “yeah, i should go see just how comfortable my bed is- sorry.” you wave smally at him as you head to the elevator, wanting it to come faster as you could still feel jongho’s eyes on you as he makes his way back to his desk.

“have a good day, y/n.” he calls out to you when the elevator door closes with you inside. you only then let out the breath you didn’t know you were holding when his cold eyes leave your body.

out with that breath and in with the thoughts of what the hell you’re about to walk into as the elevator quickly takes you to your floor. you mumble a curse as you see the mess you look like in the elevator’s mirror. scrambling to fix your hair and wipe the fallen eyeliner as walk to your door.

your quick plan to quietly sneak into your bedroom and act as if you didn’t just freak out that heeseung was having sex with a girl and sleep on a basically public couch all night failed just as quickly as you thought of it.

as soon as you entered your apartment, lee heeseung was standing at the kitchen island, glaring at you with eyes almost as cold as jongho’s. “where the hell have you been?” your eyes catch the floor where you saw the high heels hours ago and take a mental sigh of relief when you see that they’re gone. she probably walked right past you when you were passed out on the couch. “hello?”

your body tenses again when heeseung’s tone matches his eyes. his hands stop mixing whatever’s in the bowl as he takes in your figure.

“i went out, to the bar with hana last night.” you reply, easing off your own high heels at the front door.

“and so you couldn’t answer a text? i was worried.”

it’s then that you realized you left your phone in your purse on the couch last night when you came home. mentally slapping yourself. “i forgot it, so i slept at hana’s.”

“i thought you said you never wanted to sleep in an apartment with jay and hana again?”

you shrug, not finding any humour this morning. “i was drunk.”

“ok, well i’m making eggs if you want some.”

you shake your head no as you whisk up your forgotten purse, “no thanks. i’m just going to go to sleep.”

“oh, ok.” heeseung’s tone drops, “see ya later then.”

you’re too upset to respond as you smell a woman’s perfume come from heeseung’s bedroom when you walk past. your bedroom is like a safeway for you as you close the door, your back sliding against it as your knees give up from under you. the events from last night seem too much for your body to take. first with hana interrogating you about heeseung, finding out heeseung’s friends are assholes and then hearing heeseung, your best friend’s brother that you have a crush on, have sex with someone else in your shared apartment. it felt like the world was against you.

you tiredly crawl around to slip on some sweatpants, throwing heeseung’s black and white flannel that you borrowed to the other side of your room that you stumbled on. when you crawl into your covers, ready for some sleep in your own bed you decide two things :

you need to make some distance between heeseung and you and

you’re never going to a bar again.

the last few weeks of fall in your once sanctuary of a home, turned into an awkward hell. it was easy to distance yourself from heeseung at first from your hours at the library and his hours spent choreographing for the dance concert. the apartment was usually empty until late hours of the night, which were spent solely for sleep until you woke up and left quietly again in the morning.

heeseung tried to speak to you at first, always asking if you wanted to watch a movie on the couch with him, or if you wanted another bowl of cereal. both things that you used to look forward to with heeseung, but had to turn down for the sake of your relationship with hana and heeseung. everytime you denied, you could see a deeper frown on heeseung’s face when he turned away.

his efforts to speak quickly faded just as quickly as he was denied. your only conversation was swift hi’s and byes as you passed each other at the front door. when both of you were home, which was rare, both of you stayed in your rooms.

you distracted yourself in your room with your studying, but hearing his laughter while he played video games with his friends echoing in the walls, only made you distracted with the thoughts of how much you missed his laugh and smile. but those thoughts were quickly fought with the fact that you should not miss your best friend’s brother’s laugh.

after a tiring day of classes and a shift at the library, you didn’t expect to come home to a bunch of boys lounging around your apartment. you hang your coat at the front door as all of their eyes land on you.

“hey, y/n!” heeseung’s cheery voice calls from the kitchen.

“uh, hey.” you respond, a shy smile spreading on your face as you greet everyone.

“these are my friends- jeongin, beomgyu and theo.” you smile as heeseung introduces them, all of them greeting in response politely. you try to pretend like hana didn’t show you pics of the Sigma Fidi members a few days ago so you know who exactly is sitting in your living room.

“heeseung you didn’t tell us your roommate was so pretty!” the one with long black hair who you recognize as yang jeongin speaks, his eyes almost sparkling as he speaks.

“yeah, you really are so pretty!” theo smiles at you. “isn’t she, hee?”

with the dim kitchen light, you can still see a hint of pink hit heeseung’s face as he continues to pour juice in a cup. “um, yeah- of course.” you felt exposed standing in your own living room and you quickly wanted to get to your peaceful bedroom and away from this group forming.

jeongin tsks at his best friend’s response, “c’mon heeseung, make it seem more meaningful than that!”

heeseung stops pouring and looks up at you, taking in your pink cheeks of embarrassment and the cold, fall wind before quickly glancing back to his friends, “she’s really pretty.”

“that’s it!” theo laughs tossing his head back to laugh at how embarrassed his friend looks. “if you’re gonna compliment someone, you gotta mean it.”

the apartment goes silent as you try to decipher what you should do next.

just as you’re about to beeline it to your bedroom after offering a quick goodnight, beomgyu speaks from his side of the couch, “oh and y/n!”

you turn, forcing an awkward smile on your face, “yeah?”

“thanks for letting me sleep over a few weeks ago.” his smile beams up at you.

“you slept over?” you ask him, confusing covering your face at the news.

“uh, yeah… the night jaehyuk had a party i came back here with chaeryeong and passed out.”

“the night of jaehyuk’s party…” you speak out loud, trying to comprehend what you were hearing.

“yeah, the night you went out with hana… i slept in your bed that night, that's why i was worried you didn’t come home.” heeseung speaks up from the kitchen. “i never got a chance to tell you i slept there… sorry.”

“oh…” you place your hand on your head… so it wasn’t heeseung having sex in his bedroom that night- it was beomgyu, “no, it’s fine, yeah.”

“are you okay?” jeongin asks you, a worried expression on his face.

“yeah, i just- yeah i’m good- just a long day so i’m gonna go to bed.”

“alright, it was nice meeting you!” theo waves to you, which is followed by the other three saying goodnight, too.

in your bedroom you had to fight the urge to laugh. the amount of relief you had now that you learnt heeseung hasn’t fucked someone. it was laughable how worried you got for something that could’ve been easily avoided. if you had just gone into your bedroom that night you would’ve found heeseung awake in your bed, waiting for your return. the thought of heeseung laying in your bed makes you wonder what he thought of your room. if he liked the smell of your sheets or perfume. if he even paid attention to those details about you.

the group of boys laughing in the living room makes you move from your bedroom door, suddenly extra ready for bed now that something that has been eating at you for weeks is finally cleared up. you crawl into bed, wondering if heeseung had put his head where yours is, and you wonder if it’s okay to think of your roommate this way.

soon after, you decided that you can’t avoid heeseung forever, and honestly it was getting tiring trying to stay away from him. so, instead of heading to the library to study for hours after your last class of the day– you headed home. you could feel your cozy blanket on your body the more you got closer to your apartment. you imagined eating a bowl of ramen in bed before taking an afternoon nap as soon as you got home.

the thought of heeseung being home not in your plan for the day as you assumed he would be at one of his many dance classes, or teaching his new choreography to the other dancers for the concert that was quickly approaching. you wonder what heeseung will say when he sees you home before him for once. you giggle to yourself when you try to imagine the look on his face.

when you open your apartment door, you quickly realize that the afternoon you had planned was in fact, not happening. the tv was turned off as heeseung sat on the couch. the sunlight from the large window panning onto him as he sat with his back completely against the cushion. his head was tilted back, his brown hair shaggy on his head, desperately needing a haircut that you didn’t want. his brown, bambi eyes were closed and his mouth hung open.

it only took a second for you to notice the rest of him, his body shaking and panting. your eyes glance down to where his hand was wrapped around his cock. the red tip oozing precum as heeseung continued to jerk himself off. your mouth opened, wanting to say something– anything, but you couldn’t. you knew this image of heeseung would forever be ingrained into your brain, but you can’t look away at how beautiful he looks, with each droplet of sweat catching on the sunlight.

your body rests on the right side of your body, moving the door an inch– the perfect inch that makes the door squeak, causing heeseung’s eyes to fly open. when they meet you, they widen, curses flying out of his mouth. “oh y/n! fuck!”

you turn your head, your hand covering your eyes, “sorry! sorry! i didn’t see anything!” you hear heeseung scrambling around, probably pulling his pants up and knocking things over in his surprised state. you felt your heart rate speed up, a feeling of anxiety taking over and you decide that you can’t take this right now and slam the front door after you. you’re practically running down the hallway of your apartment building, taking the stairs down instead of waiting for the slow elevator, needing to get away from this situation fast. because there’s just no way you just watched heeseung masturbate.

this is definitely not normal for roommates.

you head to the library and stay there until closing, trying to study and distract yourself from the image you saw earlier. but it seemed like every ten seconds, the thought of heeseung masturbating would pop into your head.

it was the way that heeseung seemed to be so close to his climax, his low grunts frequent as soon as you stepped in the door. the light sheen of sweat covering his face as he focused on the pleasure he was giving himself. his chest moving erratically as he struggled to catch his breath. he looked gorgeous and overwhelmed at the same time, triggering something inside of you that you’ve never thought of before.

the more you thought about heeseung masturbating, the more you could feel your panties getting wet. when it was closing time you could only sigh, thinking how now you have to walk home uncomfortably and how this wasn’t the first time heeseung had made your panties uncomfortably soaked.

you didn’t know what would await you this time you came in the front door, but you were glad that it was dark and silent. no group of boys, no heeseung attempting to cook and no hana who had forgotten something at the apartment again.

you lied in bed, wanting to go to sleep to forget this long day. but the uncomfortableness in your panties couldn’t go away. there was something swirling in the bottom of your stomach and you knew it was all because of heeseung.

your hand naturally finds its way in your panties, gasping quietly when you feel just how wet you are. your fingers basically slip through and catch all of your juices. within a second your fingers are circulating your clit in small circles, imagining heeseung was in your bed again, but this time with you. you imagine that he’s whispering for you to cum for him, that he wants to see you cum. you try to imagine what he’d look like laying beside you, watching you pleasure yourself to the thought of him.

but then it only takes a second for you to give up. the pleasure you’re seeking can only be satisfied with heeseung yourself. your eyes open and you groan out into your dark bedroom, frustrated with yourself and heeseung. you turn onto your side, eyes closing again, but this time for sleep, just wanting to forget this whole day happened.

you don’t think you were asleep for long when you woke up to a bump. you lay there, trying to listen for another and then you hear your bedroom door open and a whisper of your name. “are you awake?”

your roll over, eyes squinting as you look up to find heeseung standing at your bedroom door, “yeah. you woke me up.”

“oh i’m so sorry,” heeseung pouts at you, you hear the slur in his voice when he speaks louder and you catch the way he’s holding onto the door knob tightly.

“it’s fine– are you alright?” you ask him, sitting up on your elbows now as you take in his composure.

“mm-yeah. i was just- i’m really sorry- about what happened, uh earlier. and i just-.”

“it’s fine heeseung, if it's bothering you then we can talk about it in the morning.” you tell him, putting a smile on your face.

“well, okay, but i, i was wondering if i could sleep with you, in here. i just, yeah.”

“you want to sleep in my bed with me?” you ask him confused.

“yeah, i went out with beomgyu and jeongin and i told them and they laughed at me so i drank a lot and now, now i just want to lay with you.”

you take a deep breath before pulling the corner of your blanket over, “come on.”

“really?” heeseung asks excitedly.

you smile at his reaction, “yes, come on, i’m tired.”

within a second heeseung was lying beside you. there was only an inch of space between your warm bodies. it only took another second for heeseung to roll over and lay his arm over your stomach. he exhales into your neck before he speaks, “i’m so, so sorry for earlier, and for now since im so wasted.”

you laugh silently, causing his body to bounce from your movements “it’s okay, don’t worry about it.”

another beat of silence passes between you and you wonder if he’s fallen asleep until he speaks again, “will you play with my hair this time?”

“this time?”

“yeah, when i was laying on your lap i saw that you were about to, but then you stopped.”

“i thought you were asleep for that.”

you feel heeseung smile against your ribcage, “well i was, but i was awake for that part. why’d you stop?”

you shift under him, not knowing how to feel about his observation, “well, because we’re roommates, and i don’t know if roommates play with each other’s hair when they’re supposed to be sleeping.” you flick his forehead playfully.

“we’re more than just roommates.” heeseung replies, a slight slur onto his words as his lips are meshed against your body.

“are we?”

“yeah.”

you sigh, knowing that you really won’t be able to sleep now, but you need to know, “then what are we?”

your bedroom goes silent again, but you know heeseung isn’t asleep. his fingers are tracing tapping onto your side and you want to ask him what song is stuck in his head this time, you wonder if it's the song he’s choreographing for the dance concert.

“i don’t know, but it’s more than roommates.” he finally answers, gulping loudly after he speaks.

you decide you’ve heard enough for the night then and turn around in his arms so your back is turned to him. he only takes a second for you to get comfortable before he’s tightening his grip on your waist and pulling you into his chest. you can feel his heartbeat slowing on your back and you know the alcohol has finally taken over and he’s passed out.

the final thought your mind gives before your own slumber takes over is that you hope heeseung sleeps in your bed again.

when you wake up again, the sun is pouring onto your face and your bed is cold and empty. you sigh and sit up, glancing around your room. when your eyes land on your clock you jolt out of bed, realizing that you’re going to be late to class.

you scurry around your room, picking up heeseung’s flannel that you threw across the room a few weeks ago and throwing it over your tank top. in a flash, you’re out of your shared apartment and running to your class, hoping to not miss something important.

like usual, you’re headed to the library to study after your long class. thankfully, your professor only gave you a stern look when you walked into class late. you managed to not think about heeseung until your phone started vibrating on the table underneath your textbook.

“hello?’ you speak into the phone.

“hey, where are you right now?” heeseung asks you, his voice no longer slurring like the night before.

“at the library.”

“right, i could’ve guessed that.”

“hey!” you whine playfully with a pout that he couldn’t see.

his sweet laughter echoes through the line, “well, i think you should pack up now anyways.”

“what, why?”

suddenly your textbook is being slammed shut and lifted up. you drop your phone to your lap, ready to reprimand the person who’s stealing your textbook. but stop when you see heeseung’s cheesy grin looking down at you, “because we’re going home, c’mon.” heeseung turns with your textbook, leaving you to scramble once again and shove the rest of your things into your bag, catching up to him quickly.

before you leave, you catch the librarian giving heeseung a detached expression as she watches him walk out of the library and you gulp, remembering that he and his friends were the ones to disturb it only a year ago.

when you entered your shared apartment, heeseung finally handed you your textbook back after threatening to throw it if you didn’t hurry up the entire jog home. you’re about to give him a snarky thank you, but stop when you realize the living room is filled with the scent of your favourite food.

“chinese food?” you question, your eyes landing on the food on the coffee table, plates and chopsticks laid out as well. the couch has pillows and blankets, and the candles that were covered in dust are now lit. “what’s all this?” your eyes are filled with amusement as heeseung takes off your coat for you and hangs it up.

heeseung shrugs, “i just thought we could have dinner and a movie together, like we used to.” there’s a shy smile on his face as he avoids your eye contact.

“that actually sounds great.”

heeseung grabs your wrist, “then c’mon, let’s eat.”

heeseung sits in his usual place on the couch, lifting the blanket for you to sit down beside him and you start to dig in. he puts on Howl’s Moving Castle quietly and leans back into the couch cushion. it would feel like a normal night between you and your roommate, one that you used to look forward to after a long day of classes, but now, both of you can tell that there’s a heavy burden in the silence between you.

thankfully, heeseung is the one to break it, “look y/n, i’m going to be honest–,” you finish your last bite food and look over at him, his face curled up with anxiety before he continues, “i did all this as some sort of apology for how things have been these past couple of weeks. and for what happened yesterday.”

you sigh, “don’t worry about yesterday, i know you didn’t think i would be home because well, i haven’t been properly home in weeks, and that’s my fault.” you shift uncomfortably in your usual comfortable place on the couch and decide to let out what has been weighing you down for weeks. “it’s just- can i ask you something, heeseung?”

“of course,” heeseung bites the inside of his cheek out of nervousness, “anything.”

“was it you and your friends that destroyed the library last year?”

“what?” heeseung’s face contorts in confusion.

“well you know, the Sigma Fidi guys, did they really destroy the library?”

heeseung laughs suddenly and it makes you whip your head to look at him. anger washes over you as your roommate laughs at you, and you cover your body with your arms, huffing as you let him laugh. “what’re you talking about, y/n? you really think i, or jeongin or even theo! could destroy a library? why would we even do that?”

“w-well, it was just, hana-.” you stammer out, feeling awful now that you’ve literally accused heeseung and his friends of a crime.

heeseung laughs again at the mention of his sister, “hana told you that it was the Sigma Fidi guys who destroyed it?” he rolls his eyes at your confirmation nod, “hana always gets the frat’s names mixed up! it wasn’t us who destroyed the library, it was the Sigma Drakos who did it! all the guys born in 2000!”

“oh my god!” you slap your hand on your forehead as you sit back on the couch cushion. all these weeks of worrying that the guy you had a crush on destroyed your favourite place– just because your best friend can’t remember the name of a frat! you laugh with heeseung now, both of you now realizing how appalling the accusation was. “i’m so sorry!”

heeseung waves it off, “it’s fine– is that why you’ve been avoiding me? because you thought I destroyed the library? because i really would never do that. especially since i know how precious the library is to you.”

“well, that’s part of it.” the smile falls from your face as you find twirling your fingers together more interesting.

“what’s the other part?”

you gulp at heeseung’s question, not even mentally preparing yourself for your next words before you speak, “i thought- at first– that you had sex with some girl and i heard it, but then it turns out that it was beomgyu! but that set me off because i didn’t think i should be so worried about my best friend’s brother having sex with another girl…”

your apartment goes silent as joe hisaishi plays in the background. both of you stare off at Howl jumps off with Sophie. you wonder if heeseung will say anything, or if it’s his turn to avoid you for months now. with each burning second of silence, your calm facade begins to fade and your true interior of anxiety starts to shine through. your leg starts bouncing quickly, trying to relieve some of the anxious tension filling your body. could you deal with heeseung avoiding you for months? could you still live in this apartment if he moved out tomorrow? could you manage to see his pretty smile on campus?

“is that i’ll ever be to you? your best friend’s brother and your roommate?” heeseung finally asks quietly, interrupting Howl’s current dialogue. your leg stops bouncing as he speaks, wanting to hear every word of his perfectly.

“what do you mean?” you ask warily, not understanding what he wanted to hear. the truth of your real feelings for him? or the safety net of that there’s nothing between you two, just normal roommates?

“i mean,” heeseung sighs and brushes his bangs out of his face, “i mean, i want more than just catching a glimpse of you out the door everyday. i want more than whatever’s been going on recently. i don’t care if you’re friends with hana or not, i just want more of you.”

the silence between you two continues as you process his words. your relationship with his sister means nothing to him. and you wonder if it should mean nothing to you too when you thought of your relationship with heeseung. maybe it would be okay to be more than just normal roommates with him after all.

“alright.” you give finally.

“alright?” heeseung questions you.

“alright we can go back to the way we were, we can see more of each other.”

“really?” heeseung sits up from the couch. with your nod, he’s suddenly jumping from one side of the couch to the other, throwing his arms around you. you laugh as you wrap your own arms around him, allowing yourself to be surrounded with his warmth with no worries for the first time. he only held on tighter when he realized you hugged him back. “i’m so glad! i missed you so much! and– oh,” heeseung retracts his body from your own, his hands gripping your shoulders as he looks at you, “one more thing.”

“what is it?’ you grumble out.

“we’re having a party this friday.”

“what?” you jerk back from him, making his hands go limp in his lap. “why?”

“because exams will be over then! so we should celebrate!” heeseung speaks with an obvious tone.

you cross your hands over your chest, “is this why you got me chinese food? so i’d be more agreeable to having a party this week?”

heeseung’s hand scratches the back of his neck sheepishly, “well, no, but kinda.” you give him an unimpressed look. “so… yeah? we’ll have a party? please?”

you give in when he pouts at you, “fine.” and then you’re pulled into a bone crushing hug as he thanks you for ‘being the best roommate ever’.

“is this my flannel?” heeseung asks in your ear.

“um, yeah?”

heeseung only laughs melodically, not letting you go.

both of you go to bed when Howl’s Moving Castle is over. properly saying goodnight to each other for the first time in months. while you lay down, you wonder how the party will go this weekend. you wonder how hana will react to seeing how close you and heeseung really are. you wonder if she’ll notice that you have feelings for her older brother.

you try to push those thoughts away as you try to fall asleep for the night, and replace them with the memories you made tonight with heeseung.

friday night came fast.

you spent all week studying and then taking your exams, which you think went well. heeseung spent his afternoons practicing for the dance concert, but always made it home early enough to eat dinner and watch a movie with you. it was nice to see him so much again. the bond between you felt closer and tighter than ever before. and the fire in your heart only grew stronger for him.

little touches of each other grew into subtle hand holding during movies under blankets. his head always seemed to fall into your lap after he was done eating. soft compliments of each other were more frequently exchanged than not, always causing a pink dash to spread across your cheeks. it would’ve felt perfect if there wasn’t that nagging feeling in the back of your head that hana wouldn’t like this.

hana was in fact invited to the party that you and heeseung were holding. alongside the rest of the Sigma Fidi boys and their friends, and their friends and their friends. you were worried that your small apartment wouldn’t be able to hold everyone. but, even though winter was finally here, and outside was beginning to look like a sheet of white cloth, people went out on your balcony, chatting like everyone else.

by the time the party was in full swing, you were already feeling drunk. before everyone showed up, you and heeseung took a few shots together. you had to, because when heeseung stepped out of his bedroom, dressed in a nice silk button up, you knew you would be dead meat for the rest of the night. you also couldn’t ignore the way heeseung’s eyes wouldn’t shy away from trailing up your bare legs from the dress you borrowed from hana tonight.

theo, beomgyu and jeongin didn’t shy away from complimenting you tonight either, like they ever do. but they were definitely more sober than you, and having fun watching you drunkenly talk about the library, living with heeseung and how you miss living with hana.

“you talking about me?” hana suddenly asks as she appears and sits beside you, jay following her.

“no, never.” you playfully grin at her, laughing when she gently nudges you. the rest of the boys start greeting jay, who they apparently haven’t seen much of since he’s moved in with hana. “i’m going to get another drink.” you tell hana beside you.

“i’ll come with you,” jeongin says from across the coffee, you smile and give your hand out, letting him hold onto it to follow you into the kitchen. jeongin and you speak about nothing but everything while you pour each other drinks. he’s funny, and he’s good looking, and you’ve never noticed it before. the dim lights you and heeseung put up around the apartment make jeongin’s eye’s sparkle every time he drunkenly laughs. “do you want to go dance?” you don’t say no when he asks.

you’re in the middle of your living room, dancing with people who you assume are friends with either heeseung or hana, and jeongin’s grip is tight on your waist. you’re both laughing as you continue to jump around close to each other. you think his cologne smells a lot like heeseung’s. you felt jeongin’s hands slide from your waist to your ass, pulling you closer to his chest and you both continued to dance.

the music starts to fade out once you realize how close you are to jeongin, and focus on his movement and his laughter that doesn’t seem to stop. you’re both unaware of the envious eyes watching both of you.

suddenly, jeongin is being pulled away from you, and you stumble a bit to catch yourself since you were leaning so much of your weight onto him.

“what the hell?” jeongin turns angrily, but stops when he sees that it’s heeseung, “oh, hey. what’s up?”

heeseung shrugs, “i think y/n’s drank too much tonight.”

“what? no i haven’t!” you speak up with a whine.

“you only ever dance when you’re wasted.” heeseung points out, and it makes you mentally drunk-check yourself. heeseung pats jeongin on the back, “plus it’s almost 3 so i think it’s time everyone heads out.” you don’t hear what jeongin’s reply is as you turn and look for hana. she’s sitting where you left her not too long ago, but on top of jay now.

your eyes squint when the apartment’s lights are flicked on and the music shuts off. everyone groans before heeseung’s voice cuts through, saying that it’s been fun, but they gotta go. you wave bye to the people that you recognize. hugging jeongin when he walks past, laughing when he twirls you around, oblivious to heeseung’s eye roll.

“at least you seemed to have fun.” heeseung’s voice rings out behind you as you shut the door.

you turn and see your roommate leaned up against the kitchen island, arms crossed over his chest with a displeased look on his face.

“yeah, i did. and so what?” you huff at him, starting to head straight for your bedroom, “sorry you hate seeing me have fun.”

heeseung’s hand reaches out and grabs your wrist, stopping you from moving forward, “y/n.” your name sounds so desperate coming from him. “sorry, i didn’t mean it like that- i’m, i’m just–.”

“just what, heeseung?” you rip your wrist out of his grip. “why can’t i dance with jeongin? and why’d you have to tell everyone i drank too much, why do you even care how much i drink?”

heeseung’s face drops and it makes you scoff, turning around again to head to your room, “y/n!” heeseung reaches forward, so both of his hands are on each of your shoulder, forcing you to look at him, “please, just let me talk for a second.”

you sigh, but give into his bambi coloured eyes, “fine.”

heeseung lets out a breath, “i- i care, because i like you. i like you a lot.” a small gasp leaves your mouth at his confession, “i like that you’re shy when it comes to physical touch, i like that you’d make yourself blind just to finish an assignment– i like how passionate you are about libraries and books and writings! i like, everything about you.”

your heart started beating at heeseung’s words, a rush of emotions washes over you as you stand before him. his confession has taken you completely by surprise. you had never thought lee heeseung would have actual feelings for you– his little sister’s best friend, and his roommate.

you felt your cheeks turn pink as you looked into his serious, genuine eyes. you force yourself to respond to him, “heeseung, i didn’t know you felt this way. i wasn’t expecting this at all.” you hear heeseung gulp as his hands start to loosen on your arms. “but, i care about you, heeseung. more than i can put into words. i like you, heeseung. more than you’ll ever truly know.”

heeseung’s face instantly lit up with your words, his beautiful smile taking up his entire face. “y/n, you seriously mean so much to me, and i, i want to be more than just your stupid roommate.”

“hee, i want that, too.”

heeseung removes his hands from your arms and carefully place them on your cheeks, cradling your face, bringing your faces closer to each other. you swallow harshly as your lips brush together for the first time. you instantly feel the connection you thought you had just been imaging soar through your veins.

time seemed slow in that exact moment. it was just you and heeseung, kissing each other. kissing the only other person who truly understands you and never judges you. the kiss symbolized just the beginning of your relationship with heeseung.

when you pull away, you watch the adoration fade from heeseung’s eyes, and is replaced by deep lust. the alcohol had finally hit him, and now you could tell he was feeling the same emotions you were. you were needy, desperate and wanted to feel him inside of you so bad.

with no hesitation, heeseung picks you up, making you squeal out his name as he takes you to your bedroom. he plops you down into your sapphire sheets, making your body bounce slightly on the mattress.

“god, you have no idea how bad i’ve wanted- needed this,” heeseung says, ripping his silk shirt over his head and tossing it on the ground.

“oh, i bet i do.” you tell him honestly, knowing that you’ve wanted him since the first day he stepped foot into your apartment.

heeseung chuckles and smashed his lips onto yours, slipping his tongue so easily into your mouth to explore. your tongues mesh together, heeseung’s hips grinding into yours.

“why did you never do anything about it if you needed it so bad?” you ask him curiously, his lips trailing down your neck, nibbling at the sensitive skin. heeseung groans into it, his hands rushing up to cup your cheeks again as he looks into your eyes.

“i didn’t know you wanted it, too. thought you’d always just see me as your roommate or something,” heeseung admits, leaning down to kiss you again. your lips feel swollen from all the kissing, but you could care less, as long as it was because of heeseung.

“i do want it- i have wanted it.”

heeseung shakes his head at in you in disbelief, “i’m gonna fuck you so good, y/n.”

“please, hee, i want it so bad.” you don’t care if you sound desperate, because you are– and so is heeseung. he smashes his lips against yours once more, this time the kiss is just as despeate and needy as you are. his fingers start to pull down the top of your dress, revealing your breasts.

you can’t stop your head from falling back as heeseung sucks your nipple into his mouth. his tongue starts circling and prodding your nipples. you let a small whine fall past your lips as you glance down at the man. you let your hands trace down his bare back, finally able to touch his skin after months of being teased by it.

“hee,” his nickname is so soft coming from your lips. he’s always loved hearing you say his nickname, but hearing it as he pleasures you was something he thought he could have only ever dreamed of.

“such pretty tits,” he mumbles as he presses one last kiss to your nipple before he’s grabbing a handful of your thighs and flipping you over onto your stomach. you squeal out his name at the sudden, forced movement. heeseung pushes up your dress so it bunches at your hips, and pulls your soaked panties to the side. “you sure you want to do this, y/n?”

you gasp out, “yes, heeseung, please.”

with your confirmation, heeseung pushes his finger into your wet folds. you both groan at the feeling. you’re so soft and warm and he can’t believe how fucking wet you are. you helplessly whine into your bedroom, your grip on your sheets tightens as he slowly starts to move his middle finger in and out of you.

“fuck, baby, you’re so tight.” heeseung graosnas his vision is completely taken over by the sight of his finger disappearing into your squishy walls. he wonders when was the last time you’ve been fucked, he’s never seen you with any other guy– or girl. but your pussy is so tight, he conjectured if his cock would fit or not.

heeseung’s fingers are much more long and slender than your own, letting him reach places you’ve never been able to when you think about him late at night. he slips in a second finger alongside his middle finger, and they both start to massage the pad of your gspot. you slowly feel yourself start to reach your peak so you slip your own hand down to your clit.

heeseung groans at your actions, watching both of your hands work to make yourself feel so good. he feels himself get harder as your cries increase in volume. both of your hands are moving in sync, your hips are bucking up for more. heeseung wants to see you cum all over his fingers so bad.

“hee, fuck– so close.”

when heeseung slips in a third finger you know you’re about to cum any second, and so does heeseung. he feels your walls get even tighter some how and start to pulsate around his fingers. he can’t take his eyes off of the scene in front of him. your fingers wet from rubbing such fast, small circles over your clit. and your juices slipping down his hand from his three fingers fucking inside of you.

“c’mon baby, cum for me– i wanna see my good girl cum for me.” heeseung coaxes you to an orgasm. your eyes lock together as you hit your high. your body stills as your pussy starts to uncontrollably flutter around his fingers. your cries are mixed with his name, and soft grunts of praise from heeseung.

heeseung slows his pace to let you breathe from your climax. he carefully slips his fingers out of you, and you wince as your pussy tries to flail against nothing now, so spread open from his fingers.

you watch as heeseung insert his fingers into his mouth, watching to catch all your juices. his eyes close at your taste, his tongue pressing all over his fingers.

“heeseung,” you whine from you position on the bed.

he pops out his fingers as he looks at you, “what, baby?’

“please, fuck me. want your cock inside me.”

heeseung bites his lip as he leans over top of you, “you sure you can handle that when you’re already so fucked out?”

“yes, heeseung, i can, please.”

heeseung laughs at you, his hand coming down to brush his thumb over your swollen lips, “you’re so polite, baby. how could i say no to you?”

you relax back onto the bed as you let heeseung pull down your dress and panties and toss them onto the floor. your bare body makes heeseung shiver at your beauty and he can’t take his eyes off of you as he starts to take off his own pants.

heeseung’s hard, swollen cock springs up and hits his stomach. you can’t help but marvel at it as you take it in. it’s definitely the prettiest cock you’ve ever seen. the small veins that traces up his length to his red tip. drops of precum were already falling down his shaft, and it only made you want him inside of you more.

“uh,” heeseung suddenly sounds nervous as he looks at you, “do you have a condom?” you shake your head no, “shit, beomgyu took my last ones.”

you sit up, “that’s ok, i mean. we’re both clean right?”

“yeah, i am.”

“and you can pull out?” you tease him gently.

heeseung rolls his eyes but smiles, “yes, y/n, i can pull out.”

you try to contain your excitement as heeseung crawls on top of you. you position your legs so they’re encircling his waist. he slowly rolls his hips forward, so the tip of his cock slides in between your pussy lips.

“fuck,” you let out quietly as his cocks slides so easily between your walls, filling you right up. your breathing is already staggered from the intrusion. you’re fighting for your eyes to stay on heeseung’s as the pleasure already feels too much.

you manage to watch as heeseung’s teeth are gritting against themselves and his eyebrows are knitted together. he tries to steady himself to ease you into the stretch his cock is giving you. but its hard when you’re so warm and soft, your walls feel like velvet to him.

when your whines start to pick up, so does heeseung’s pace. your perked nipples are rubbing against his chest with the motion of his hips and the bed.

“you feel so big, hee, i love it so much.” you tell him genuinely. heeseung leans his head down to press his lips into yours. you try to kiss him back as best as you could.

your lips are wet and swollen when he pulls away, “your pussy’s gripping me so tight, baby, never wanna pull out.” his cock is hitting your g spot everytime, and you can only loosely smile at him in response.

heeseung seems to understand you anyways, and starts thrusting into you faster. a loud moan escapes your lips and it mixes with the wet, squelching noises.

“fuck, listen to how wet you are.” heeseung tells you, his own eyes rolling to the back of his head. “f-feels, so good, baby.”

your head is thrown deep into your mattress, feeling no control over the rest of your body as you let heeseung pleasure you. “i-i know.” you tell him honestly and breathlessly.

“wanted this for so long, and now this pussy’s mine, right baby?” his voice comes out in grunts as he matches his thrusts to his words.

you nod loosely, “all yours, hee. just yours.” your voice sounds nothing like it usually does, and it makes heeseung’s cock grow bigger inside of her. the thought that only him and his cock can make you so drunk turns him on so fucking much.

both of you can feel how sticky and wet it is where your bodies meet, and it only makes you lust after each other and your highs more. you’re both sweating and can see it drip down his line of abs that you want to lick so badly. they’re strong and prominent from dancing and you can’t help but reach out and drag your fingers down them lightly– so different from how hard and fast he is pounding into you.

heeseung’s grunts ring in your ear, and you mewl out to him to keep going.

“yeah? you like how i fuck you, baby? like how my cock streches you out?”

you nod eagerly, knowing he understands just how you’re feeling. you moan with every thrust he gives you, whines that only edge heeseung to fuck you faster. he wants to hear every moan you’re able to give.

“s-so big,” is all you can tell him.

“yeah, think you can feel me in your stomach?” heeseung asks you, moving his hand from your thigh to press down on your lower abdomen. “feel me right there, baby?”

you cry out his name at the pressure. your hand moves to grip his wrist, “fuck me harder like that, please. i s- so close. please.” you beg him, tasting the climax on your tongue at this point.

heeseung’s hand lands on her throat, choking her as he starts to use all his force to fuck into you. your body is jolting the bed back and forth as heeseung pounds into you. your whines turn into sobs as you feel your orgasm hit you. your body stills and your lack of oxygen makes your head feel fuzzy as heeseung continues to fuck yu through your orgasm.

“that’s it, cum on my cock like a good girl.” his voice is in your ear, praising you for squeezing your wet walls around him so good.

when your orgasm starts to fade and you enter a fuzzy state with your pupils blown out, all you can think of is how badly you want heeseung’s cum. so, with hooded eyes you wrap your arm around his neck so he can look right into your eyes.

“please cum inside of me, hee. wanna feel your cum so bad.” you whine out to him, lips pouted just begging for him to kiss them. heeseung grunts before he does just that. smashing your lips together as he continues his thrusts of pounding into you.

“a-are you sure you want me to cum inside?” his voice is breathless when he speaks. he’s too focused on how your pussy is even wetter from your orgasm, and how he could just slip out any second.

“yes, hee, please. want you to make me pregant.” you speak before you could even think properly, “want you to fuck a baby inside of me.”

“h-holy shit.” heesung sputters out, surprised by how turned on your words got him. he never knew he had a breeding kink– and well, neither did you until now. “you drive me so fucking crazy, baby.” your whimpers and moans encourage heeseung to continue. he swears he’s never been so turned on in his life. “g-gonna get your tummy so full, and swollen.”

heeseung’s pace doesn’t let up until he reaches his peak. his hips still as he releases his cum inside of you, his body practically laying ontop of you as you make out. you feel his warm cum fill you up. you continue to makeout until you feel heeseung’s cock completely soften.

heeseung’s careful to pull out of you, not wanting to overstimulate you. even though he’s gentle, you still squirm as your pussy readjusts to not having his cock inside of you. both of you watch with eager, hooded eyes as his white, cum drains out of you and onto your thighs, making them more of a mess.

“jesus christ that’s so hot,” heeseung mumbles to himself, choosing to ignore the twitch of his dick at the sight. you giggle at him as you relax back into your sapphire sheets. “i’ll buy you plan b in the morning, i swear.”

you shrug against your mattress, “i mean it wouldn’t be the worse thing to have your baby.” heeseung stops pulling on his boxers as he looks at you with eyes. “sorry,” you cringe, “i think that was the orgasm bliss talking.”

heeseung chuckles and leans back over your body from where he stands, “i wanna have a baby with you y/n, but maybe lets wait until we’ve dated for more than an hour.”

“oh, so we’re dating now?” you tease him, wiggling your eyebrows.

“uh, i mean, if you, if you want to. you can say no, but i uh,”

“heeseung,” you place your hand over his mouth, “shut up. yes i’ll date you.”

heeseung rips your hand off of his mouth and jumps onto you, pressing his lips to yours quickly out of excitement. he starts to press random kisses all over your face and neck, listening to your laughs to tell him to stop, but he doesn’t of course.

“i’m so happy.” he tells your seriously.

“me, too.” you smile, but then wince when you try to move your leg.

“shit, stay here, i’m gonna get something to clean your legs.” heeseung presses a kiss into your temple as he flies out your bedroom door and to your shared bathroom to wet a cloth.

without the boy in your bed, you easily fall asleep on your mattress. no worries on your shoulders for once as your breathing calms down. you drift off before heeseung can even come back. but, you know he will be.

the morning sun filtered through the curtains and onto your sleeping bodies wrapped in your sapphire sheets. you realize that your once naked body was no buttoned up in the black and white flannel you stole from heeseung all those months ago when he first moved in.

heeseung’s arm was wrapped around your core, pulling you into his chest as he continued to sleep. you watch him for a while, not believing that he was finally more than a roommate to you, more than, uh oh, your best friend’s older brother. suddenly, you’re filled with anxiety as you watch the peaceful boy sleep.

as if he could somehow sense your shift in mood, heeseung’s bambi eyes open and look at you. a soft smile on his lips once he realizes that you’re also awake and still wrapped in his arms. but, his smile drops when he catches the worry that is covering your face.

“what did we do last night?” you ask him, your eyes search his for help.

heeseung sighs, his morning voice comes out deep in your ear as he speaks, “nothing wrong, y/n.” his hand comes up and brushes your disshelved hair out of your face, “i like you, and you like me. you don’t regret it do you?”

you shake your head against your pillow, “no, i don’t regret anything about it or you.” you admit to him, trying to hide the shy smile that plays on your lips for a second, “but what are we going to tell hana, she’s going to be so mad at me.”

suddenly, just as the sleep was finally leaving your body, your bedroom door bursts open, and lee hana stood there, her arms crossed over her chest.

“shit,” heeseung grumbled as he looked at his sister.

“well, well, well, look who’s all cozy in y/n’s bed.” hana’s voice is loud like usual as she speaks.

“hana!” you sit up on your elbows, “this isn’t what it looks like, i mean-.”

hana’s laugh cuts you off, “relax y/n. jay and i totally fell asleep in heeseung’s bed last night and i think i heard your little… adventure.” she winks at you, “i knew you two would hit it off eventually.”

“what were you guys doing in my bed?” heeseung asks, but his question goes unanswered.

“hana, i, i can’t believe this.”

hana chuckles and leaned against the doorframe, “well i did warn you that heeseung would be a catch since he’s exactly like me.” she says with a mischievous gleam in her eye. “now, i think you guys are gonna have to resign the lease together before it’s up.”

you and heeseung exchange amused glances, the thought obviously appealing to you. your worries that have been on your mind since the day you met heeseung have now finally, finally faded as hana accepts your relationship. the relationship hana somehow knew would happen before you did. it seemed like your life was taking an unexpected but perfect turn as you laughed and teased hana to go back to her own apartment for once.

you smile at heeseung, happy that he’s no longer just your roommate, or your best friend’s hot older brother, but he’s your boyfriend. you’re soulmate. your connection, grown through late movie nights, chinese takeout and stupid misunderstandings is strong, and wonderful.

and you’re so glad that lee hana moved out.

@ taeghi, 2023. do not repost or reuse in anyway.

PLEASE REBLOG IF YOU ENJOY, AS LIKES MAKE IT HARD FOR WORK TO BE SPREAD AND ENJOYED BY OTHERS :)

stay safe everyone :)

#nic's recs ˚₊‧꒰ა ☆ ໒꒱ ‧₊˚

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fakeuwus · 1 year ago

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THIS. THIS WAS SO CUTE. idk how to word it but the way they got together perfectly describes modern talking stages istg. from swiping up on each others ig stories, to studying, the late night talks, them hoping the other would show up to a party they were going to. yn getting drunk and panicking the next day hoping she didnt scare jay off but he just thought she was so cute while drunk like pls 😭🤚🏼 and the whole will they wont they, push and pull dynamic is so so cute and relateable and how real life dating can be. i just love how realistic their relationship was written and it perfectly encapsulates two college kids turning from classmates to bee eff and gee eff ugh i love them sm !!

nothing to lose

pairing: jay park x fem!reader

summary: after a hockey party, a football game, and a near perfect first kiss, jay is humbled by his (practically silent) friend sunghoon, who reminds him that he has nothing to lose.

genres: university / college au, friends (uni crushes) to lovers, smut, fluff

warnings: minors dni, vaguely (very?) british undertones..

word count: 24,064 .. sorry.

playlist: awkward sza, do you like me? daniel caesar

author's note: please just be nice to me and let me know your thoughts (positive / negative / anything as long as ur not mean abt it) .. thank u @asahicore my rock, my bestie, my beta reader .. <333 hope u enjoy !!!

When you pair his kind eyes and charming smile with his ever-positive outlook on life, it’s easy to see why Park Jongseong is heavily popular amongst the student body; even described by your flatmates (and the rest of his fan club) as the stuff of dreams. And in your dreams, you know exactly why he’s staring in your direction with a sweet smile on his face. In real life, however, you have absolutely no idea and it’s kind of weird. Not his smile itself, no, his smile is.. really pretty, but it’s kind of weird in the sense that it’s directed at you.

You think.

Most of the library’s population sits across the room in the computer lab and based on your seat, at an empty table, in the (also empty) far corner, he’s either smiling at you or at the wall that your head is resting on. It’s not until the two of you lock eyes that you feel you should smile back, though your brows knit together at the way he whips his head around in the other direction when you do – a move that seems out of character for the Park Jongseong that you know. Or rather, the Park Jongseong Jay that you knew.

The Jay you knew was a (more than) pleasant enough guy who grinned in a way that pushed a dimple into his cheek every time he got to class and sidled his way through the aisle to sit in the seat next to you. The very first time he did it he’d mistaken you for someone else, his smile faltering slightly as he sat down anyway, a large hand extended to you.

“Jay,” he introduced himself, nodding thoughtfully when you told him your name and holding on to your hand for a split second longer than what was comfortable. And even though it was clear that he’d been sitting in the wrong seat, at Na Jaemin’s end-of-year party months later, you acted shocked when he told you about how he’d forgotten to put his contacts in that morning. Nonetheless, he continued sitting next to you in that class for the rest of the semester.

From your current seat in the library, you watch him curiously, wondering if he might look over again. For two minutes, he leans against a shelf in the reference section, completely unaware of his audience (you) as he types on his phone. You can’t take your eyes off him until the sudden vibration of your phone startles you, your hand reaching for it immediately thinking (hoping?) it might be a text from him.

yj: hockey mixer tn

yj: what are you guys wearing

You feel relieved to see that it’s just Yunjin in the group chat, though, as you read the messages, you struggle not to roll your eyes seeing that she (captain of the hockey team) is still trying to convince you (non-member of the hockey team) to go to the hockey mixer. By the looks of things, the field hockey team is the last to take advantage of the space that the student union building has to offer. Functioning as a nightclub over the weekend (and on select weeknights), The U is the place to be if you’re looking for a good time for a good price.

Unlike the other club parties, tonight’s hockey mixer is Yunjin’s answer to concerns raised by members of the students’ union about binge drinking on campus. According to her: “A mixer is an informal gathering where people mingle, interact, and get to know each other. And a party is,” she paused, fixing her eyes on the ceiling as if waiting for divine inspiration to strike. “Fun.” She didn’t seem pleased when you asked if this meant that the mixer would be boring and eventually confessed that the hockey party would be a mixer in name only.

You lock your phone without responding and lift your gaze back to references only to find that Jay is gone; stuck to the part of the bookshelf he was leaning on, you notice a lopsided poster featuring two crossed field hockey sticks and a ball over a green gradient, and a chill runs down your spine. If Yunjin is one thing, she’s bad at graphic design persistent.

Unfortunately, in all your time spent not working, you find that your laptop hasn’t begun doing your research paper for you, and the Google Doc looks exactly the same as it did when you last edited it one hour ago, with only the intro from the UN’s Sustainable Development Goals website pasted into it. In the bottom left corner of your screen, a white box tells you that it’s 467 words long, and, feeling a rare bout of motivation, you get to work paraphrasing and attempting to condense the text.

As morning turns into afternoon, the library starts to get busier and busier, and despite the low hum of several different conversations creeping in through your earphones, you’ve gotten into a flow with your work and don’t let anything distract you. That is until Jay himself lets his backpack thud onto the table across from you, brows raising a little at the sudden noise, before pulling out the chair and sitting down.

“Need a study buddy?” he asks, a tentative hand on the zipper of his jacket.

You take a moment to observe him; the way he asked to join you after having already joined you, settling into the seat before you’d had a chance to say anything. A part of you wants to say “no,” just to see how he reacts, but, with a smile on your face, you take out your earphones and say, “Sure.”

A grin spreads over his lips as he mumbles the word sweet, shrugging off the oversized coat and letting it drape over the back of his chair, revealing a chunky pair of headphones sitting around his neck and a thin gold chain with a hook pendant on it. His dark hair sits flat on his forehead and he rakes a hand through it twice before taking a textbook out of his bag. He doesn’t touch it, though. Instead, he lets his elbows rest on the table in front of him, biceps flexing slightly under his sleeves as he crosses his forearms. “What are you working on?” he asks.

“A report on the integration of renewable technology in buildings, for my sustainable development class.”

Jay hums, brows raising slightly. “Renewable tech like solar panels and shit, right?”

“Right.”

Another grin, pretty, sincere. “It’s cool you’re getting to learn about the stuff you care about,” he tells you, and even if you hadn’t been looking at him, you’d have been able to hear the smile in his voice, light, sweet. Jay is sweet. The statement trickled out of his mouth so simply, so casually, a small detail that you have to rack your brain to recall sharing with him; still just as attentive as you remember. “Really.”

“Yeah,” you nod, smiling too. “Exactly.”

There’s a distinct comfort that rolls off of Jay in waves as the two of you chat, and the scene feels familiar. It’s reminiscent of the nights you’d spend together last term, at a table like this one with the notes from your shared Property Law lecture sprawled out in front of you while pretending to study. The two of you would find anything else to talk about, and constantly received dirty looks from the laughter you’d struggle to stifle.

It’s not until Jay reaches for his textbook that you properly check it out, and as a non-fashion student, you’re not expecting to know what subject he’s studying but you’re pretty sure that Nutrition, Energy, and Human Performance are not part of his curriculum. “Excercise Physiology?” you ask, reading its title.

“I picked it up earlier for Sunghoon. He’s at the rink all morning,” he nods.

“So why are you studying it?”

Jay laughs, shifting in his seat. “It’s, like, the only thing I have in my backpack. I just came over here ‘cause I wanted to say hey.”

It takes everything in you not to say “aww” out loud; his sweetness palpable, his smile contagious, and his eyes so bright and warm that your heart soars in your chest when you look at them. “Hey,” you say after a beat.

“Hey,” he chuckles. “How was your break?”

“It was good! I went home for a week, or so, and then I got bored and came back to hang out with Chaewon,” you tell him, grinning despite yourself at the memory of poorly mixed cocktails and days spent lounging by the pool at her family’s holiday home. “85% of the summer was just us running around being stupid.”

“And the other 15?”

You feel more than a little awkward about telling him that you spent the other 15% fooling around with Jaemin, so with a forced smile you tell him, “Just more running around being stupid.” Hopefully, he can’t sense your mild discomfort and thinks you’re scratching your neck because it’s itchy and not because of the slight guilt you feel. “How was yours?”

“Minus Chaewon, I had, like, the exact same break.” He pauses, breaking out into the widest grin you’ve ever seen. ��Oh, and I went to the Yuuri show! It was crazy.” He runs a hand through his hair, sitting up a little straighter in his seat. “I was gonna text you but I didn’t wanna bother you during break or anything.”

“Oh,” you say, dragging the vowel. “Right. So you’re bothering me during term time instead?” You tease, though with the way Jay’s eyes widen and his brows knit together, it doesn’t seem like he’s caught on to your joking tone. “I’m kidding, tell me all about it,” you add as quickly as you can manage, a huge smile on your face.

Relief washes over you as Jay laughs, his shoulders shaking, and his nose crinkling, showing off the scar across its bridge that you’ve come to like so much. After calming down, he watches you carefully, his tongue darting out to wet his lips. “Right,” he finally says, taking a breath before talking with excitement and at great length about the concert.

But it isn’t without slight interruption: Jay’s phone vibrates against the table a few times, and he ignores it, eventually turning it on do not disturb before squinting at you. “You’re not allowed to laugh. Pinky promise me you won’t laugh.” He holds his hand out to you, wagging his pinky finger in your face. There’s a smile on his lips when you link your finger with his, his skin rough against your own when he squeezes your pinky. As much as his tight grip is starting to hurt, you (unsuccessfully) fight off a smile when you realise that the two of you are effectively holding hands.

“I’m not gonna laugh,” you promise.

A beat passes before Jay lets out a chuckle. “That’s my girl,” he says, voice low as if he didn’t want you to hear him. You wish you didn’t hear him.

When you try to let go, he doesn’t budge, only easing up a little so he’s not cutting off your circulation anymore; just holding it lightly with his. Across the table from you, struggling to meet your eyes, Jay wears a sheepish look. “He threw his pick out into the crowd at the end of the show, and I caught it!” he tells you, looking away. “And I cried..” His voice thins out into practically nothing though you think you hear the words “home,” and “Heeseung,” before he stops talking completely.

Jay’s sentimental side has tugged at your heart for as long as you’ve known him, and given the way he’d sobbed quietly in his seat at the cinemas when you’d gone out to watch a late showing of Spider-Man 2 together, you find it easy to imagine him welling up over catching Yuuri’s guitar pick.

For some reason, much like the tears he’d shed over Peter Parker, you find the thought quite cute, and a smile teases at the corners of your mouth as you make a mental note to finally listen to some Yuuri songs later on. Jay looks at you expectantly, and before you have the chance to speak his phone starts to ring, vibrating incessantly against the table, though Jay doesn’t take his eyes off of you.

“Do you need to get that?” you ask, unable to suppress the snort that makes its way out.

Jay shakes his head. “You promised me. You’re still promising me,” he says, lips curving into a frown as he makes a show of waving your still-linked hands.

“No, it’s cute that you cried.”

He seems shocked by this. “Really?”

“A little.”

His mouth falls open in a silent gasp as he furrows his brows at you. “A li—” He’s cut off by his phone vibrating once again, and he releases your pinky to check it. Jay sighs lightly, reading the messages from his screen and picking up the textbook. “Sorry, Hoon’s on my ass about this thing. I gotta go.”

Disappointment weighs lightly on your shoulders at his words, though you do feel better when you see the little pout on his lips, hoping that it means he doesn’t want your conversation to end either. “I get it,” you say, shooting him a smile that you hope is convincing as he puts the book in his bag before pulling his jacket back on, and standing up from his seat.

“I’ll text you,” he says cheerfully, waving at you before leaving. He looks over his shoulder a few moments later, waving again with the same smile from earlier on his face.

You can’t help but watch as he retreats, captivated by the air of confidence he somehow exudes even without showing his face, until he disappears into the mix of students by the entrance, becoming just another bag and shoulders in the crowd.

Without Jay to chat to, the idea of sitting in the library becomes jarring, and suddenly it’s time for you to leave too. You don’t hesitate to grab your phone when it vibrates twice next to you, an odd combination of the relief from earlier and slight disappointment hitting you when you see that it’s Yunjin — texting you directly this time.

yj: if you wanna ignore me turn off read receipts

yj: open bar for girls on the team

you: sounds like the hockey girls are gonna have a good night

yj: i’ll get you a jacket

you: don’t bother i’m not going.

SWANG rattles through tinny speakers in the student union and with every free drink you knock back, it gets harder and harder to pretend to Yunjin that you’re not having a good time. The team jacket she snagged for you and Chaewon to share fits a little big over your shoulders as you conclude that Number 20 is a lot more popular than you thought if the vaguely disappointed look on many faces when they see your face is anything to go by.

Sitting in a booth towards the back of The U, you and Yunjin mumble along to the song with a shot in each hand as she starts a countdown from 3! and you wonder whether or not you’ll be able to make it to class in the morn—2!—ing given how much you’ve had to drink and how much of the night is still left to happen 1! The formerly rancid tequila goes down like water the first time around, and gets caught in your throat the second time.

“I’m so happy you came tonight!” she yells in your ear, wrapping an arm around your shoulders, choosing to gush while you cough into the crook of your elbow. “I always have the most fun with you but you never come out.” Her drunkenness is evident in the slightly higher pitch that her words take on and the way most of the consonants come out almost the same way the vowels do.

As sweet as she’s being, you can’t ignore the alarms blaring in your head hearing that your best friend would describe going out (at least) two nights a week as “never” going out, but you chuckle along anyway, locking your hand with hers.

With a smile on his face, Lee Jeno brings Chaewon back to the booth in one piece, ruffling her hair a little before raising a hand to salute you and Yunjin, and disappearing back into the crowd.

“The period at the end of that last text almost convinced us,” she says as she takes her seat beside you. “But I new your little crush on Jay wouldn’t let you miss a chance to see him.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

Chaewon rolls her eyes, backing a shot before leaning over you to get closer to Yunjin. “She’s pretending again.”

With a scoff, Yunjin unlocks her phone and pulls up her camera roll to an album titled with an unfortunately cute ship name. “I can’t stop thinki–” You cut her off, snatching the phone from her hands and placing it under your thigh.

“Okay, okay,” you relent, letting your head fall back as you groan. “I may have had a.. thing for him last semester but I’m over it now.”

“Do you think he’ll swipe up if I post a song he likes?” Chaewon reads between laughs.

Flustered, you sink into your seat after hearing the text that you sent two nights ago, hoping with all your might that the booth will open up to swallow you whole.

To your utter devastation, it does not.

The universe chooses to soothe you in a different way by sending an angel Kazuha to drag you all out onto the dance floor. With intertwined hands, the four of you “excuse me” and “sorry” your way over to where Sakura and her friend Mark are dancing a little closer than usual with one another.

His hands are on her hips as he holds her back to his front, the two of them grinding to the music, but she’s quick to smack his hands off of her and break away from him when she sees you guys approaching. Using a hand to push hair out of her face, Sakura laughs at nothing, smacking Mark’s chest playfully while he glues his eyes to the floor.

“We missed you at pres,” you say, wrapping her in a hug.

“Right, sorry, Mark had a thing at his place!”

Despite understanding why she does, you ignore Chaewon when she nudges you at the mention of Mark and his place before hugging him too, agreeing when he says that you guys should come next time.

The six of you form a circle after greeting one another, jumping around while yelling obnoxiously to the music blaring into your ears. Over Mark’s shoulder, you see Jay nodding at a friend before leaving the clu—“I’m actually gonna go get some air,” you blurt out. “Alone!” you add before Yunjin can offer to come with.

Despite the way the breeze nips at your legs, the fresh air is a welcome slap in the face when it hits you; the previously ear-splitting music reduced to a pathetic mumble now that you’re outside. A few girls that you recognise from some of your classes stand opposite the, now short, entry queue, waving you towards them and blowing cigarette smoke over their shoulders. You shake your head when they offer you a draw, though (against your better judgement) you do accept a few hits of a polar menthol flavoured juul while chatting distractedly about your “new spot” on the hockey team and trying to find Jay — which doesn’t take you very long.

Not too far from where you’re standing, he leans against the building’s grey brick while looking at his phone. Its OLED display casts a slight glow over his features, showing off the crease of his brow, the slope of his nose, and the tiny little pout set on his lips as he types.

You can’t help but stare as Jimin and Minjeong plan the rest of their night, which includes afters at Yizhuo’s if she doesn’t pass out, and extend an invitation to you and your friends — “I mean, we’re still gonna go. She’ll probably need us more if she does,” Minjeong says, stubbing out a cigarette under her shoe before both girls head inside.

Waving goodbye, you let yourself find Jay again and take a deep breath. For a moment, you attempt to strategise in the way you and the girls always do together. A few possibilities play out in your head and right when you think you’ve found a good opener—“Hello!” You find yourself saying as you stumble walk over to him.

As you’ve come to expect, his mouth curves into a smile when he looks up at you. “Hello,” he says, laughing through the word. In the short time it takes you to reach him, and lean about an arm’s length away on the same wall, he slips his phone into his jacket pocket. “Since when are you a hockey girl?”

With a smile of your own, you roll up your left sleeve to refer to a watch that you’re not wearing. “It’s been a few hours.”

Jay’s teeth press down on his bottom lip as he chuckles, before mumbling an apology and pulling his phone back out. You don’t mean to peek at his screen when he opens the messages app, but you do anyway. And can’t help but feel bad at the sight of your name at the top of the second message thread — the memory of Yunjin taking your phone so you couldn’t text back forcing your stomach to turn a little.

Lifting your gaze back up to him, you sort of hate how pretty he looks as he ruffles his hair before putting his phone back in his pock—You turn your head immediately, finding sudden interest in the lamp post that irregularly flickers a pale yellow over his shoulder. For a split second, it seems like you managed to stare at him without being caught, but if the little laugh he lets out is anything to go by, your neck jerk wasn’t as subtle as you’d hoped.

“You’re cute,” he grins, stepping a little closer. “It suits you.”

It’s a struggle to backtrack and remember what the two of you were even talking about as the faint scent of his cologne hits your nostrils. “F-field hockey?” you offer.

“The jacket,” he clarifies, a sweet laugh slipping past his lips as he speaks.

“Ohh, you too.”

He cocks his head to the side. “You think this suits me?”

His hand comes to one side of his denim jacket, holding it out slightly and allowing you to catch a proper whiff of his cologne and a glimpse of his bare shoulder. You worry a little about what might come out of your mouth if you open it, deciding for everyone’s sake just to nod and pray that he’ll leave the damn jacket alone.

“It’d probably look better on you.”

An audible smile tugs at your lips. “No way.” You shake your head, trying and failing to keep your giggles to yourself.

“You wanna prove me wrong?”

With a tilt of your head, you turn the offer around in your mind; a pros and cons list starting to take shape.

Pros: getting to wear Jay’s jacket, having an almost permanent reason to keep chatting with him throughout the night, and getting to see Jay in a vest — arguably the biggest pro of them all, given the amount of IG stories he’s posted in the gym recently.

Con: losing free drinks privileges; which doesn’t really seem like a huge deal because Chaewon can just wear the hockey jacket and get drinks for you like she’s been doing for half of the night so far.

Under the weight of Jay’s stare, you shift on your feet, realising that he’s clearing his throat for the second time since he stopped speaking and you still haven't said anything. “But then I’d have to pay for my drinks,” you say in an attempt not to seem too eager. The words slur a bit on their way out, though you’re too caught up in the way Jay’s lips tug into a grin to fuss over it.

“Not if you stick wi—” He stops short, cut off by a voice from a few metres away. “Jongsaaaaaaeeeeeeng!” it yells. And if not for his silver head of hair, you’d never have believed it was Park Sunghoon screaming like that.

“Poor guy kept icing himself,” Lee Heeseung calmly explains, walking ahead of Sunghoon and, what looks like, Sim Jake who’ve been giggling with one another since the cry left the younger’s mouth.

Despite not knowing Sunghoon very well, from what you’ve heard about him, it’s easy to imagine him hiding bottles of Smirnoff Ice to ice one of his friends, only to lose track of where he’d put them and find them himself later on, thinking one of his friends was icing him. The thought makes you stifle your laughter; you like the fact that Jay laughs too.

Before dapping Jay up, Heeseung offers him the confiscated Smirnoff Ice that Sunghoon had made quite a dent in, only shrugging when he declines. Jay watches as his friend wraps an arm around your shoulder in a polite side hug while asking if you want to finish the “smice”. You let a beat pass before telling him that you’ll think about it.

For a while, you listen as he fills Jay in on what he missed at pres, smiling at Jake and Sunghoon as they get closer, and wondering when it would be appropriate if at all, to introduce yourself to the three boys that you’ve only ever walked by at parties or on campus. You find a window when the two arrive, waving a little when you tell them your name.

Jake’s lips curve into what looks like a smirk as he looks over at you. “We know,” he says, eyes darting quickly over to Jay before looking back at you.

Sunghoon says nothing.

The boys are quick to get back to their conversation, and Heeseung glances in Jay’s direction, nodding his head before making a show of unscrewing the cap on the smice and skying it. After an impressive chug, he wipes his mouth with the back of his hand, holding up the empty bottle like a trophy before putting it in the bin.

With a slight frown, you realise that you didn’t even get to tell him that you didn’t want it.

There’s a grin on his face as he wraps his arms around Jake and Sunghoon’s shoulders. “See you guys in there!” he says before guiding the two boys away and into the club.

With the two of you on your own again, you become hyperaware of your proximity, of the fact that if you moved your hand even a centimetre it would brush his. The heat from his body is dizzying, and with his body leaning down towards you, Jay is already watching you when you look up at him. His lips rest in a small smile that only widens at the sight of your face, seeming unbothered that you’d caught him staring. That it wouldn’t take much to bridge the gap between your faces. Between your lips.

“The offer still stands,” he says. “To wear my jacket and drink for free.”

A somewhat familiar 808 beat rattles through tinny speakers in the student union.Jay’s jacket fits pretty big over your shoulders as you try not to say anything ridiculous while he holds your hand, leading you through the crowd. Now that your hands are actually clasped, the butterflies you’d felt over having linked fingers for a pinky promise seem silly, completely eclipsed by the feeling of your heart clattering against your ribs. After every few steps, he looks over his shoulder at you, your cheeks burning hotter and hotter with each smile he throws your way.

Upon your return to the booth, you drop the team jacket in Chaewon’s lap, praying that your friends won’t say anything about Jay or the fact that you’re wearing his jacket — or the fact that despite having reached your friends safely the two of you are still holding hands. By the looks of things it seems as though telling her to move up isn’t enough of a signal to her that you’d like to sit down; though maybe she’s just too busy trying to shrug the jacket back on to move up. You tell yourself that she’s just too busy trying to shrug the jacket back on to move up.

Chaewon wears a wicked grin on her face, making no effort to be discreet about staring at your intertwined fingers. “YN? Why aren’t you dancing? You love this song!” she says, opening her mouth to wink obnoxiously at you and nudging Yunjin.

“I don’t know this song,” you say, liking the way Jay laughs beside you, squeezing your hand a little.

For reasons unbeknownst to you, Yunjin sees this as the best opportunity to chime in, tilting her head before saying, “Whaaaaaaat? This is your favourite song! Trust me, Jay, she loves this song!”

“And she’s such a good dancer,” Chaewon adds. “Have you seen her dance, Jay?”

You stand around dumbly, mouthing the word “stop,” at your friends and leaning up towards Jay when he leans down to you. “How about a drink?” he asks with a voice as smooth as velvet, soft lips grazing the shell of your ear.

“Please.”

After telling the girls that you’ll be back, and flipping them off with your free hand, you let Jay lead you back through the dance floor to the bar, letting an elbow rest on its surface. When you look at him, he’s watching you, his lips quirked up ever so slightly while he does so.

Letting your nails drum against the bar, you smile back. “Sorry about my friends,” you say, unsure as to why you’re apologising but feeling like it’s the right thing to say.

“Sorry about your friends?” Jay asks. He grins. “Sorry about mine.”

You want to tell him that you liked his friends, that they seemed nice. Even though Sunghoon didn’t speak, and Heeseung finished the drink he offered you before you even had a chance to let him know that you wanted it. But he’s already distracted.

His eyes scan the bottles that line the shelves behind the bar, and you busy yourself doing the same thing, the sight of almost every rum brand bringing up memories of past nights out with your friends. Two palm trees on a white bottle of “MarkLeebu” leave you suppressing your laughter as you think about Sakura’s friend falling asleep - standing up - against the wall of a club after drinking two bottles of Malibu to himself on a dare.

Jay’s breath fans your ear when he speaks, “What are you having?”

“A jäger bomb.”

With a nod, he orders your drink and a whiskey for himself, and as per his suggestion, the two of you toast “to third year” before drinking.

Jay makes good on his promise. One shot becomes two becomes three, and a cocktail in a comically large pitcher before you wake up the next morning to Sakura hogging the duvet, and no memory of anything beyond sitting down at the bar.

While lying on your back you curse two versions of yourself: the first for leaving the window open before you left, and the second for having so much to drink. Staring up at the ceiling, you attempt to go over your interactions with Jay using a fine-tooth comb to figure out just how badly you humiliated yourself last night. Given the fact that you don’t remember what happened after 1 a.m. (or so), this doesn’t take too long, and the corners of your lips quirk up into a smile as you think about the way his hand felt in yours.

Your memory tells you that he smiled a lot, but this seems like an insignificant detail because Jay always smiles a lot. There was a pitcher. A big one. Inside it was a vibrant, sweet, too cheap to be true cocktail that you sipped, blinked, and opened your eyes to find yourself in bed. The unaccounted-for period fills you with a visceral sense of dread, leaving you unsure if you shiver because of the temperature in your room or out of sheer embarrassment.

The notifications you find on your phone only make you feel more nervous, so you cover your eyes with your hand before checking them. You were mentioned in Chaewon’s Instagram story (which means you behaved catastrophically), and you have a text from Jay (which .. well you’re not quite sure what to make of this). Through the gap in your fingers, you start by looking at the story, uncontrollable butterflies in your stomach from what you see. A picture (on close friends) of you sitting in Jay’s lap with his arms wrapped around your wairs, and his chin resting on your shoulder; the two of you donning wide grins with THESE TWOOOOOOO 😍😍😍 written over it.

Jay’s text is simple yet sweet: hope u got home okay, was realy nice getting to chill w u again <3. You don’t even realise that you’re giggling until Sakura stirs next to you.

you: i did thank uuuuuuu

you: sorry if i was weird though haha

You say. Although all things considered, you can’t really think of anything to be haha-ing about but Jay’s reply comes so quickly that you barely have the time to dwell on this fact. “Nahhhh you were so cute dw,” he texts back.

With your stomach doing somersaults, you turn over in the bed, burying your head in the pillow to muffle a squeal.

Sakura wakes up.

While in the shower, you let the water hit you directly in the face for a bit with your eyes screwed tightly shut under the stream. And not a single thought occurs to you other than how cute Jay seems to think you are.

jay: do you have class today

you: slept in

jay: L

jay: for me.. i wanted to see you again

Your jaw falls open as you read the message, and over your shoulder, Yunjin lets out the gasp that you hadn’t been able to. “Oh, my God!” she says, watching as a cheek-aching smile creeps up on your lips. A small celebration ensues while the two of you squeal and kick your feet like children. And then your phone vibrates again.

jay: could still link if ur down?

jay: hold up

Yunjin pulls air through her teeth. “Could still link if you’re down,” she reads before taking the phone from your hand. “Fuckboy text, ignore.”

Knowing you’re not likely to win the argument that Jay’s not a fuckboy — even though he’s not one, you think — you roll your eyes. “So what if he’s a fuckboy?” you frown, pulling your knees to your chest.

“If a fuckboy was supposed to be liked he’d be called a like boy,” Yunjin says as if reciting scripture. “Text Jaemin back if you want a fuckboy.”

You don’t mean to groan out loud at her tone. “Jaemin’s not a fuckboy, he’s just.. a guy. Who.. likes to fuck.”

The sound of the front door opening prompts you to pause the TV, and the two of you crane your necks towards the open doorway to hear what’s going on. It’s Chaewon giggling loudly before speaking.

“Thanks for bringing me home.”

A deep chuckle sounds through the hall. Jeno. Of course. “You’re my girl,” he says and his smile is audible through his words. “Why wouldn’t I?”

Chaewon giggles at this too, and, pressing play on the remote, you share a look with Yunjin as you hear the beginning of a wet kiss. Brooklyn Nine-Nine gets through an entire cold open and the theme song before she – looking fresher than ever in her boyfriend’s sweatpants – joins you both on the couch.

“What’d I miss?” she asks.

“Yunjin thinks Jay’s a fuckboy.”

Chaewon lets out a snort. “Well, yeah, anyone could’ve told you that, dude’s best friend is Lee Heeseung,” she says, though quickly changes her tune as if remembering her audience. “It’s all just rumours though, people see a good-looking guy who’s overly friendly and flirts with everybody, and posts obvious thirst traps to his Snapchat story, and just assume he’s a fuck boy..” she trails off, sinking a little in her seat.

Somewhat disheartened, you nod your head. “Right.”

“So what did I miss?” Chaewon asks again, pointing at the TV this time.

Still in Yunjin’s custody, your phone vibrates in her lap and she gasps as she reads the screen. “A reformed fuck boy?” she says, holding the phone up for you and Chaewon to read.

jay: would you like to hang out with me later?

You grin despite yourself, reading the message and reading it again before telling him “yes”, and later can’t come soon enough. The time slips by like molasses and you finally meet up with Jay -four decades- two hours later, with no set plan, at the library where he approaches you with Jake and a smile on his face.

Friendly as ever, Jake chats with you and keeps a pretty smile on his lips the whole time. “If you ever have a hard time with physics or math based classes, I’ve got you,” he offers, clearly happy to hear that you’re in STEM too.

“I’ll keep that in mind,” you tell him, grateful as you remember the tears you’d shed over a Construction Mathematics lecture last year.

With a wave, Jake leaves the two of you alone, saying “See you later” before walking away. He excitedly glances over his shoulder to where you stand with Jay a few times.

After telling you that he “knows a spot,” Jay takes you on a bit of a walk, successfully distracting you from the distance by keeping you talking. He listens enthusiastically while you ramble about a show you started, and you like the feeling in your chest when he says he’ll check it out.

With a “ta-da,” Jay extends an arm to the gate in front of you. A play park. “We’re here!” he says, struggling to mask the excitement in his voice as he walks towards the empty play area. “It’s no fun when there’s kids here so I brought us the long way.”

As you follow him through the gate, you can’t help but feel a bit nervous. The last time you’d been sober at a play park you were probably 15 or so, cutting through the park on your walk home from school with your friends. You’d spin the roundabout at lightspeed cackling at the screams of terror coming from those sitting on it, and talk about your crushes while calming down on the swings.

Jay sits on one of the swings and watches you, and even though you’re not too sure what to talk about, you’re pretty sure confessing your crush on him as you sit next to him might send him running in the opposite direction. Instead, you clear your throat and look over at him. “So your “spot” is a play park?” you ask, using your feet to rock you back and forth.

He pulls air through his teeth, scrunching his nose and tilting his head. “Would you prefer it if I took you to CP in the Sky?”

If Jay had his car with him, you might have hoped for that. Most of the boys in your city who drive, including Jaemin, have been known to take girls to a spot they know. Super quiet, private, and almost as pretty as you, they’ll say, and take you up to ‘Car Park in the Sky’; the city’s most notorious hook-up spot. Though, Jaemin hadn’t exactly been secretive about wanting to hook up and actually only drove there after you’d told him about it.

You shake your head. “The park is good, it’s great.”

Conversation ebbs and flows between the two of you, the sounds of nature and the swings creaking keeping you company. It’s nice spending time with Jay like this. Sober. And not holed up in the library or a cafe with assignments and deadlines on your mind.

You don’t mean to gain momentum but you do, swinging about as high as you can, gasping when you see a car over the top of a climbing frame.

“What is it?” he asks, laughing to himself when you jump off the swing.

“I wanna take a drive!” you call out over your shoulder, jogging over to the wooden stationary car you saw.

Jay’s footsteps sound after yours, and he grabs you by the wrist before you climb into the driver’s side. “Did you get your licence yet?”

You shake your head, watching as his mouth falls open, bracing yourself for a lecture on how a girl of your age should be driving already.

He looks aghast, in genuine distress before he speaks. “What makes you think I’m gonna let you drive?” Jay nods his head to the other side of the car. “Go.”

Letting out the most exaggerated sigh you can manage, you comply, dragging your feet to the passenger side and climbing in. Jay follows suit, sitting down next to you on the small connected seat built with kids in mind, and his thigh presses up against yours.

“Don’t be upset, everyone knows passenger princess is way more fun than actually driving.”

And rationally, you know he’s not specifically calling you a princess but your tummy turns nonetheless.

“Whatever,” you mumble, faking a sigh and struggling to suppress your laughter when he buckles a fake seat belt. Jay gives you a disapproving look when you don’t move to do the same. “Are you serious?”

“As a heart attack,” he says solemnly, though you can see the smile teasing at his lips. “Better safe than sorry, that’s what I always say.”

There’s nothing behind his words, no hidden meaning but you read into them anyway, hoping he can’t hear the way you gulp at the thought that plagues you. For some reason, you’ve chosen this hill to die on, shrugging at him and turning to look straight ahead.

Jay sighs dramatically, pinching the bridge of his nose before leaning over you to grab your ‘seat belt’ and buckle in by himself. He takes his time though, and the way he looks you dead in the eye makes you wish you’d just done it yourself. His face is close to yours, his breath warm against your skin, creating a welcome contrast to the cold air around you. He lingers for a beat before sitting up straight and clicking the belt into place.

“Finally,” he whispers, putting an imaginary gear stick into reverse and draping his arm over the back of your connected seat. You can’t help but watch as he looks over your shoulders before moving the car, liking the way his side profile looks under the rapidly setting sun. Something stops him, he looks at you. “I can’t focus with you staring at me like that,” he says, taking his hand from the wheel to touch your cheek.

Your breath catches in your throat. Jay grins, gently turning your face away from him. You stare over at the roundabout and feel just as dizzy as you would have if you’d taken him up on his offer to spin you on it.

Jay gets on with all the necessary checks before ‘starting’ the car and ‘driving’ off. “What are you thinking about?”

It probably wouldn’t be appropriate to tell him that you’re thinking about the way it felt when he put his fingers to your cheek. Or how gentle he was with you, only pushing you a little bit and then guiding you the rest of the way. So you keep that to yourself. “The movies.”

You hear Jay chuckling next to you. “All of them?”

“Yeah,” you nod. “The drive-in kind. Have you been?”

“I went once.”

You gasp, excited. “Really? What did you see?”

Jay thinks about it for a while. He thinks about it really hard before shaking his head, “You know, I don’t think I was paying much attention.”

“You spent all that money on a ticket and didn’t even pay attention? What were you doing?” The words rush out before you can stop them and you cringe a little thinking about the possible answers.

He turns his gaze back out on the road. “Sleeping,” he mumbles, swallowing thickly.

You wish you could go back in time to stop yourself from asking, finding an answer to the question: “Is it better to speak or to die?”

“Hey, we can go to the drive-in right now! I just need to put this thing in park and we can watch any movie you want!” he says, stopping the car and turning as much as he can in his seat to face you. “Any movie that’s available with a Netflix subscription!” he adds, smiling when you do.

Cramped together in the front seat of the stationary car, the two of you watch The Devil Wears Prada and get about halfway through before Jay’s phone hits 10% — and it’s probably the best movie watching experience you’ve ever had.

You take Jay up on his offer to walk you home, and he chats with you about the movie, telling you how much he thinks it totally blows that Miranda Priestly isn’t a real person that he can work for after graduation, but he seems happy enough when you suggest that he could become Miranda Priestly.

Reaching the familiar crossing by the student union, you look up at him. “If it’s easier, you can just head your way from here. I can literally see my building,” you offer, feeling bad about him walking so far out of his way.

Jay scoffs like it’s the most ridiculous thing he’s ever heard. “I’m not gonna make you walk by yourself.”

“It’s barely five minutes,” you tell him, shaking your head. “You don’t have to.”

“YN?”

“Hm?”

A pretty smile spreads across his lips. “I want to, let’s go.” And Jay hardly gets to start telling you about his upcoming mock trial before you reach your flat.

“This is me,” you say, pointing at the door to your building.

He lets out a dry chuckle. “You’re kidding.”

You shake your head. He frowns, looking terribly cute with his lips turned down like that. Though it doesn’t last for long and he raises his brows when you gasp. “You know, we came from a place I’ve never been before, and I’m starting to think this might be the wrong street,” you say, struck by the sudden realisation. “We should probably walk around the block a couple more times, just to really be sure.”

Listening to your words, Jay beams at you and it’s heavenly. “I heard it can actually take, like, 4 or 5 walks around the block if you want 100% certainty.”

“Oh yeah,” you giggle. “I think I’ve heard that too. Should we make it 6?”

“Perfect.”

To your surprise, you’d both been wrong. As it would turn out, the required number of, very slow, walks around a student housing complex to be 100% sure, completely beyond a shadow of a doubt that you’re at the right place is ten.

“Hey, uh, how about we do one more lap? Just to make sure? For the absolute best measure,” Jay suggests, eyes twinkling under the streetlamp. He almost looks a little nervous, burying his hands in his pockets as he watches you.

“Sounds good.”

Just like your last few walks around the student housing block, fallen leaves rustle under your footsteps, and the back of Jay’s hand still brushes against yours, but this time feels different. Maybe because there’s a finality to this; the last lap. You couldn’t possibly ask him to spend any more time walking around here. Could you?

“This neighbourhood is so cute, all the student apartments clustered together like this, I love it,” he says, looking over at you.

“It’s nice knowing that some of my friends, and the people I like partying with, live so close, but it’s always so noisy around here,” you tell him, continuing when he doesn’t speak. “‘Cause it’s all just a bunch of 18–20–somethings that live here, and The U’s just down the street. The noise is fun when I’m part of it, but when I’m studying or just trying to sleep it’s annoying.”

“Don’t you think it’s kinda cool though? There’s always something happening. So even if the girls aren’t down to go out, you’re not exactly short on plans.”

You’d never really thought of it like that. Probably because Yunjin is always down to go out. But you like the way he puts it. You nod, reminded of your classmates who live in the building right next to where you’re walking. “Yeah, I should probably text Minjeong more.”

“And if not you can always hit me and see what I’m doing,” he says at the same time.

You stop walking, and your heart — feels like it — stops beating.

Jay, noticing this, stands in front of you, hands help up defensively as he shakes his head. “You don’t have to do that, obviously. I just thought it’d be cool if you weren’t doing anything and I wasn’t doing anything, maybe we could link and do nothing together,” he explains. “I’m stupid, sorry.”

This might be the first time you’ve ever heard Jay ramble like this, and your heart does a twirl just seeing his worried expression. “I think if I’m not doing anything, and you’re not doing anything, then it’d be cool for us to link and do nothing together, Jay,” you smile, liking the way he visibly relaxes, his shoulders falling slightly and an exhale curling out of his mouth and into the air.

“Cool.”

When, for the 11th time, you reach your building, you turn to Jay and hesitate a little, unsure of what to say. Glancing at him, it looks as though he’s feeling the same way. A silence falls over the two of you.

Finally, Jay speaks. “Goodnight,” he says, pulling you into a hug.

Despite your surprise, you wrap your arms around his waist, holding him close. You hope he can’t feel the way your heart is racing. Or the way it starts to pick up when you catch a whiff of his scent. Warm and cosy, tempting in a strange way that you can’t quite put your finger on but you like all the same.

When Jay lets go of you, you look up at him almost instinctively. You don’t mean to stare at his lips but you do, gulping at how close they are. You want to kiss him. Not any more than usual, but the urge is there. “Goodnight,” you say, taking a step back and walking up the path to the door.

Using your key fob, you unlock the door, turning to look over your shoulder and thankfully finding Jay still standing there, watching you with a stomach-turning smile on his face. “I had a really nice time tonight,” you say, smiling back.

“Yeah?”

You nod. “We should hang out more.”

“I think so too.”

“Cool,” you smile, biting your lip. “Goodnight, Jay.”

“Goodnight, YN.”

“Could you, text me? When you get home, so I know you’re, like, safe.”

Jay beams at you, nodding his head. “Of course.”

After a week (eleven days) of texting and hanging out with Jay when you can, you find yourself spending 3 hours of your Friday afternoon taking notes in your Sustainable Development lecture, and coming to the realisation that none of the course content is relevant to the report you’re trying to get through.

Seeing Jay leaning on the wall outside your class when you leave is a welcome surprise; he wears a thin pair of glasses and a smile that makes your heart stutter a bit as he stands up straighter, greeting you when he sees you and quickly falling into your step. “I meant to ask you earlier, are you going to the game on Saturday?” A beat passes. “Football,” he clarifies. “First home game of the season.”

“Maybe if my friends are going.”

Jay seems to think about this for a moment as you round the corner at the end of the corridor and he holds the door to the stairwell open. “After you.”

You mumble a thank you and count six steps before he speaks again.

“I’m going,” Jay informs you, his hand meeting the back of his neck to scratch awkwardly at it. “I mean, I’m gonna be on the pitch but.. I’ll be there.”

A breathy laugh slips from your lips at this added information; how sweet of the football team’s captain to let you know that he’ll be at his team’s football game on Saturday. “I’ll keep that in mind.”

“I just think it’d be cool to see a friendly face in the crowd when I score the winning goal.”

Given Jay’s unending kindness, you imagine that most of the faces in the crowd — or at least the ones from your uni — will be friendly, especially if he scores the winning goal. The thought causes a smile to itch at your lips as you consider that maybe he means that it’d be cool to see your friendly face in the crowd. And who could say no to that?

The rest of the conversation goes smoothly and Jay slows down when you reach the second floor. “I have some admin shit to work out, but I’ll see you at the game?” he asks, watching you with hopeful eyes and chewing on his bottom lip.

Knowing full well that you’ll be there, you pretend to think about it for a moment. “Maybe.”

Jay chuckles at this, tilting his head. “Please?”

“Maybe,” you repeat, despite already planning your outfit. Did you wash your white shirt or will you be doing laundry tonight? You wave at Jay when he waves and make your way down the rest of the stairs while clicking mindlessly through Instagram stories.

Nothing interests you until you reach IG user onyourm__ark's story; a picture of IG user 39saku_chan in his football jersey. You hit the like button and pretend to believe that the song choice (Infrunami by Steve Lacy) was made purely out of sheer enjoyment of the artist’s early work.

With a smile on your face, you text the group chat to solidify your weekend plans.

you: are u going to the football game tmrw

cw: not even if u paid me

yj: hard no

yj: i’m going to the party AFTER the game though

yj: why?

you: it’s nothing dw

cw: ???

you: jay invited me..

The chill of October’s first evening is unkind on your face as you sit amongst the rowdiness of drunk uni kids, cheering and groaning in unison as the game trudges on, and somehow Kazuha manages to sleep through it all with her head on your shoulder.

“Fuuuuck,” Yunjin groans, shivering in the seat next to you. “I hate sports.”

“Says the captain of the hockey team,” you say, voice coming out muffled behind the top of your jacket.

“Playing and watching are, like, completely different.”

You’re sure Yunjin’s right, she has to be, but you have to admit that there’s something more than slightly entertaining about watching a group of boys chasing a ball around and yelling expletives at one another, all while number 99 keeps a huge grin on his face, laughing at his teammate’s temper. Or lack thereof.

However, the novelty wears off at around 8:45 when the ref calls for half-time; a chill runs down your spine as you’re struck with the realisation that university football games are full-length. But other than Yunjin’s teasing, there’s no use pretending that you hate the sight of Jay lifting the bottom of his shirt to wipe the sweat from his face.

As the players retreat from the pitch and some students start to clear the stands, Yunjin gets up to stretch. She hums along to the song playing while you watch from your seat with aching knees, slightly envious and trying not to move too much and wake up Kazuha who sleeps soundly on your shoulder.

With her arms above her head, Yunjin lets out a yawn. “I can’t believe I’m saying this but I’d really rather be doing a reading for marketing than be here any longer.”

“And I’d rather be helping you out,” you say, frowning a little when Kazuha stirs. “Hey, what do you think they do during half-time?” you ask distractedly.

She thinks about it for a beat, eyes flicking to the pitch before looking back to you. “We usually strategise, use the bathroom, get water — quick things like that,” she says, raking a hand through her hair, watching as you shift a little in your seat to get your phone from your pocket when it vibrates. “They have a lot longer than we do though.”

jay: are you having fun?

you: yeah you guys are great, good game so far :)

Yunjin scrunches up her nose as she reads the exchange. “God, you’re so boring,” she sighs, taking the phone from your hands, and typing something before showing the screen to you.

“We should link at the party later,” you read, scoffing as you take it back and delete the message. “I’d never say that.” In those words.

jay: hahaha i think you might be my good luck charm

A dramatic gasp comes from a now-awake Kazuha. “Don’t reply!”

You heed this advice, joining her as she stands up to stretch as well.

“Look how much fun they’re having,” Kazuha sighs, pointing over at Sakura and Chaewon in their seats close to the pitch. They dance along to the music blaring through the speakers and laugh so loudly you can hear them despite their distance. “Why didn’t we join them?”

You think about it for a bit, filled with regret. “At the time, pregaming before the game and then pregaming again before the party seemed intense but..” you trail off, watching your friends clutch their stomachs in laughter. “Next time.”

“Next time,” Kazuha repeats, slouching in her seat. “I’m clearing your drink supply when we get back.” There’s a frown on her face when she speaks but she’s quick to perk up at the sound of your text tone, grabbing the phone for herself.

jay: are you coming tn? got a feeling that congrats will be in order

you (technically kazuha): wouldn’t miss it !!!

“Three exclamation points? I’m not that desperate,” you say defensively, nudging her in the ribs.

As if on cue, Yunjin reads another text. “I saw his notes again, his handwriting is so cute and ugly, agh I’m literally clutching my chest, he’s perfect,” she says, her voice high-pitched and mocking.

Hearing your typed words out loud from someone else’s mouth is troubling, especially because “It never seems that bad when I’m typing,” you frown, immediately checking your phone when it goes off.

jay: awesome :) see u there

jay: !!!

The game’s second half goes by much quicker and in the end, they lose 5-3, leaving you and Yunjin struggling to keep your laughter to yourselves at the sight of the FIRST W OF THE SEASON banner hanging up in the living room of the house that most of the footballers share. With linked arms, the two of you make your way to the kitchen to get something to drink. Already feeling the buzz from pregaming, you settle on a cup of lemonade which Yunjin rolls her eyes at.

“Shut up,” you say, eyeing her over the rim of your cup.

Yunjin holds her hands up defensively, spilling a few drops of her tequila-vodka concoction. “I didn’t even say anything.” For a couple of minutes, you pretend to listen as Yunjin tries to come up with a game plan for the night, nodding and humming along when she pauses, and trying to decipher the animal code names she’s using. A gasp. “I see him! Black cat and penguin sitting out on the half wall.”

You watch as she leans over the sink to get a closer look out of the window. “I feel like saying exactly where they are makes the code names redundant.”

“I feel like you’re redundant.” A beat passes. “Just be yourself, and if he says something funny, laugh and put your hand on his bicep while you do.”

“Noted.”

Yunjin doesn’t let you go outside without taking a sip (or three) of the poison in her cup, and after you gag over the sink, the two of you make your way into the garden, sights set on the half wall where “black cat” now sits alone. A potent mixture of the scent of tobacco and weed hits you the second you open the back door, and the two of you leave the house to make a beeline to Jay, apparently to Yunjin’s displeasure, given the way she asks you three times to play beer pong with her when some of the basketball boys start setting up cups for the next round.

“No,” you say. Three times.

As if sensing your presence, Jay whips his head around right before the two of you reach him, a bright smile gracing his face as he waves at you with his whole arm. He seems to glow against the darkness of the night, bright, dreamy, an unreal quality that leaves you feeling fuzzy around the edges. Jay, you think, over and over and it starts to sound made up. Jay. Jay. Jay. Until you reach him. He stands up when you guys are close enough. “You’re here,” Jay says with a smile, pulling you into a hug. With his arms around your waist, his hold is somehow both tight and gentle. Secure. Safe.

“Hey,” you say, voice muffled by the fabric of his hoodie. A whiff of his scent hits you, flooding your senses. Fresh, citrusy, and undeniably Jay. A dizzying combination, so light, and distinctly him in a way that makes your heart beat a bit faster.

When Jay lets go of you to hug Yunjin, you take the last sip of your drink and almost wish you’d taken her cup instead; your lemonade is sweet to the tongue but does absolutely nothing to boost your confidence. You watch as they greet each other while Jay sits back down. Standing in front of him with your arm against Yunjin’s, you feel as though you've missed the window to sit down too and opt to continue standing next to her.

“We like your banner,” you say, pointing in the direction of the house behind him.

Following your finger, Jay lets his head whip around towards the back of the house. Yunjin uses the time he spends looking over his shoulder to nudge you, nod her head in his direction, and mouth the word “sit” at you. So you do.

If he’s surprised to turn back around barely a second later and find you right beside him, Jay doesn’t show it. He gives you a warm smile and knocks his knee against yours before speaking. “What, first w of the season?” He tilts his head. “And here I thought you were a good luck charm, twenty,” he says with a chuckle when you nod.

Yunjin’s brows raise, and you feel yours rise too. “Twenty?” she asks.

“The hockey jacket,” he answers without missing a beat. “Speaking of, when’s your next game?”

“Oh, we’re playing the Foxes next week,” Yunjin rakes a hand through her hair. “TDU, you know?”

Jay nods, turning his attention back to you. “Can I look forward to seeing you on the field, twenty?”

Tilting your head, you pull air through your teeth. “You know what, I actually just got benched, like, right now,” you say, liking the way Jay laughs. “I’m out for the rest of the season.”

After clapping a hand to his mouth, Jay points at you. “Did they get you on a drunk and disorderly after the mixer?” he asks through a laugh.

In horror, you watch while Yunjin’s head falls back with laughter as she lets out cackles that only unsettle you. “That’s exactly what happened!”

“I was not.. disorderly,” you say meekly, finding sudden interest in the hem of your skirt.

It sounds as though Jay says: “You didn’t tell her how she got back home?” though you’re finding it difficult to focus on much other than trying to recover your missed hours after the hockey mixer.

You’ve gone on countless nights out, spent many mornings after vowing never to drink again, and, on multiple occasions, have gotten too drunk to enter the club. But even then, in the past, your memory has only ever been.. spotty, nonlinear. Never completely void for hours at a time, and it’s concerning. After tonight, you really won’t drink again.

Except on birthdays.

And when you go to the club. Or to parties. Or when you’re bored with the girls. But again, apart from that? Never.

“How did I g—” you start, though Yunjin cuts you off.

“I think Zuha’s lifting her leg again, hold on,” she groans, looking over Jay’s shoulder at the glass doors leading to the kitchen. Yunjin disappears back into the house and it’s not until you watch her slide the back door shut behind her that you remember Kazuha having too much to drink at pres and having to stay in with Chaewon.

When you look at Jay, he watches you with knitted brows. “Kazuha’s doing what?” he asks.

“Ballet,” you explain. He nods.

Neither of you speak for a moment. While you chew on the inside of your cheek, you can’t help but wonder if you should’ve followed Yunjin, or if you should’ve had less to drink at the mixer. You reckon the fact that Jay’s still talking to you must mean you didn’t do anything that you can’t recover from, but you can’t shake the feeling that your trip home that night was less than pleasant.

“Hey,” Jay says quietly, catching your attention with concern lacing his features. “What do you look so down for?” he asks.

Though terrified of the answer, you repeat your earlier question. “How did I get home?” you ask, wondering if the Earth usually opened up to swallow people whole or if you’d have to put in a special request.

Jay licks his lips, using his hand to push your shoulder playfully. “I have no idea,” he chuckles, shaking his head. “I was talking to Yunjin at the library on Tuesday, I think, and she told me you can’t remember anything. I just wanted to freak you out.”

You feel heat under his touch and relief from his words, though something about him talking with Yunjin seems to jostle you slightly. “Yunjin was at the library?”

Briefly, what looks like disappointment flashes across Jay’s face, replaced quickly with a pretty smile, light, playful. “You care more about Yunjin being at the library than me asking your friend about you?” he asks.

“You were asking my friend about me?”

“Yeah, I think you’re cute,” Jay says sweetly, smiling at you in a way that makes your cheeks burn even when you look down at your lap.

There’s something about the way he says it, so casually as if telling you the time or today’s date, that throws you off. It doesn’t make any sense to you that some of the most vivid sensations that Jay makes you feel are just that: sensations. You know that your stomach doesn’t actually have butterflies in it and that your heart isn’t really twirling in your chest, but it sure feels like it. You wonder if he also feels like that sometimes. You earnestly hope that if he does, it’s because of you.

He seems nearer than before when you look at him, and for fear that you might kiss him if he gets any closer, you bring your empty cup to your lips, lean back a little, and pretend to sip. Its emptiness isn’t lost on Jay, however, who chuckles, asking if you want a refill. While walking towards the house, you listen as he tells you what the team normally get up to during half-time (mostly strategising and pretending not to hear Heeseung’s snores), and silently beg your cheeks to cool down. His hand is heavy on the small of your back as he ushers you inside first, sliding the door shut behind him, and gently pushing you towards the kitchen island.

You let yourself lean against the counter, ignoring the fluttering in your stomach as you watch him reach for a visibly sticky bottle of your favourite drink without asking what you’d like. Though before actually touching it, his eyes widen. “Wait, I have something for you,” he says, holding out a hand for you to take. “Come on.”

Jay weaves his fingers with yours, leading you through the house and up the stairs into a bedroom. He closes the door gently behind you, stepping over a couple of backpacks before sitting on the end of the bed, and tugging at the zipper on one of them.

For a moment you watch as veins appear on his hands and have to physically tell yourself to drag your eyes to anything else, eventually settling on the walls. Walls that are covered in countless glossy 4x6 prints, some shots of landscapes, groups of people, out-of-focus beer bottles and.. “You have a lot of photos of Mark Lee in here,” you comment, scanning the room around you. “And it doesn’t look like you’re.. in any of them,” you continue as you notice a grainy polaroid stuck to the wall next to the light switch — a picture of Mark making out with his best friend, Sakura “give me a break, a boy and a girl can be just friends” Miyawaki, and make a mental note to bring it up later.

Jay glances at you as if you’re the one sleeping in a Markkura shrine. “Yeah, ‘cause it’s his room,” he chuckles. “You can sit down, you know,” he adds after a beat, moving over a bit on the bed.

With a nod, you look at some more of the pictures as you make your way over to the spot next to him, a photo of Mark and Jake with their middle fingers to the camera catching your eye. And holding it for so long that you trip a little over one of the backpacks before sitting down and pretending nothing happened. Thankfully, Jay doesn’t seem to notice.

“It’s not much by the way, don’t get your hopes up,” he warns, his hand still hidden by the fabric of his bag.

“Got it.”

Despite his earlier disclaimer, he makes a show of the whole thing. “Ta-da!” His voice is a little singsong as he brings the obje—bottle of Smirnoff Ice into view.

“Thank you?” The bottle is cold in your hands when you take it from him, reading the ABV 4% on its label and wondering how many of these Sunghoon must have had to drink to have been stumbling the way he was that night. You also can’t help but wonder what reason Jay has for buying you a bottle and then taking you into the privacy of Mark’s bedroom to give it to you.

“Yeah,” he trails off a little, letting his hand come up to scratch the back of his neck. “You looked pretty crushed the other night when Heeseung finished that one bottle.”

You can’t help the scoff that comes out. “Crushed? I mean, I might’ve frowned.”

“Frowned? You were near tears, I was worried about you.”

“Shut up.”

“I’m serious, every time I looked at you, you had this.. upset look on your face.”

“Well, maybe you should stop looking at me so much.”

Jay’s eyes sparkle under the light, flicking back and forth from your eyes to your lips as he brings a hand up to your face, tucking some hair behind your ear, his fingers hot on your skin, unmoving. His eyes lock with yours. “Come on,” he says in a low voice. “You know there’s no stopping that.”

A smile tugs at your lips. Jay bites his. His gaze drops back down to your mouth. Lingers. And in what almost seems like an alcohol-induced hallucination, he leans in. Slightly. As if testing the waters. As if waiting for a sign that you want him to stop. A sign that you want him to continue. Anything. His hand is heavy on your cheek when he cups it in his palm, skin rough against yours.

Mere inches away, Jay’s lips seem more tempting than ever. Separated only by the distance of a breath and your nerves, you try to settle yourself. To put your heart at ease. But how could you relax when he looks at you like that; his gaze soft, tender, all of his attention on y—The bottle slips from your hands, cool against your thighs, reminding you of its existence. Jay flinches when you do.

“Let’s have a drink!” you suggest, though the absence you feel when he takes his hand from your face makes you wish you hadn’t.

“Sure.”

The cap screws off the bottle with a few satisfying clicks, and Jay, amused, shakes his head when you offer him the first sip. “After you,” he says.

Without a second thought, the bottle touches your lips and the sweet, sweet taste of Smirnoff Ice touches your tongue, coating your mouth and leaving you wishing the alcohol content was higher.

“Do you mind if I put my lips on it?” he asks while you pass the drink to him.

You shake your head, determined not to think of a double meaning, and watch as his lips connect with the bottle’s opening, his Adam’s apple bobbing in his throat while he drinks. When Jay pulls it from his mouth, he lets his tongue dart out to wet his lips. You wonder if it will taste different in his mouth, if his lips, wet from the drink, taste as sweet as they look.

Now that you realise you’ve shared an indirect kiss, you kick yourself for passing up the chance at a direct one, deciding that if you want him to kiss you, you’ll need to get closer. Step up your game a little. Maybe you’ll say something about his necklace, ask to get a better look.. And hopefully, he’ll take the hint and kiss you because you’re not really sure what else you could say.

Of course, you could opt to skip words altogether, taking his face in your hands, and pressing your lips to his. You’re sure that’s what Yunjin would do. And you’re sure that would be her advice to you if you asked her.

Jay hands the bottle back to you and you close it, determined to feel his lips on yours if it’s the last thing you do. And you quickly open the bottle again, one last sip for good luck. The soft laugh he lets out is breathy, and it’s hard to tell if the heat in your stomach is coming from the drink, or from the way you see him looking at you in your peripheral.

His straight teeth bite at his bottom lip, and he shakes his head when you offer him another sip. This time when you close the bottle, you do it for good, setting the glass on the floor so it doesn’t interrupt you again.

“I really like your necklace,” you say, off to a good start, following the plan.

“Yeah?”

“Yeah.”

“Aw.. thanks,” he says, choosing now, of all times, to stop being a conversationalist.

In the quiet of the room, you realise that you hadn’t planned anything beyond the compliment. You let your eyes focus back on the charm hanging from his neck, trying to picture him with a fishing rod in his hand, and wellington boots on his feet. It doesn’t really work. “I didn’t realise you were so into fishing,” you blurt out, and the way he knits his brows together makes you wish you’d just grabbed him and planted a kiss on the lips he purses to the side while watching you.

“Me?”

“Yeah you, with your cute little hook on a chain.”

Jay squints at you. “Hook on a chain?” he repeats.

You let a hand reach up and press on the hook pendant on his necklace.

His shoulders rise and fall dramatically as he sighs, his hand coming up to wrap around yours, holding it to the base of his neck as the small (not) hook warms in your fist. “Why does everybody think it’s a hook?”

“It isn’t?”

“It’s the letter J.” He lets go of your hand to lift the charm. “See?”

You squint your eyes, leaning a little closer to him, gaze fixed on the little gold hook letter sitting near the base of his neck. “Ohhhh, right,” you say, but even from a few inches away, it still looks like a hook, and from this close, you can hear the way his breath hitches in his throat.

With an inhale, you find yourself lingering. Sticking around just long enough to make out the woodier notes of his cologne before moving back a little. Finally, you draw your eyes away from his neck, wanting to meet his gaze but finding yourself stuck on his lips instead. They sit slightly ajar, pink, pretty, sort of chapped in the way they always seem to be. His breath tickles your forehead. You sit straighter, noticing the way his eyes burn holes into you.

“Quit staring,” you mumble hypocritically.

Jay’s brows quirk up for a split second as he sits back on his hands. “I’m not.”

“You are.”

“Well, you’d have to be staring at me to know.”

“Do you want me to stop staring?”

He seems to consider this for a second before shaking his head. “No,” he tells you.

“What do you want then?” Your voice is soft when you ask.

“I wanna kiss you.”

Jay’s lips don’t move but you hear the word “really” being spoken out into the room like a question. Your voice doesn’t feel like your own and doesn’t fully register until Jay says: “Yeah,” so softly that it’s practically a whisper.

Jay wants.. to kiss you. You feel your breath catch in your throat and it seems even more ridiculous to think it than to have heard it from him. To see his lips move to form the words. I wanna kiss you, he’d said. You’d heard it. You’d seen it. It happened. He wants.. to kiss you.

“Do you want me to do that?” he asks, leaning in slightly, his hand rising to cup your cheek. Slower, gentler than last time.

You let your gaze meet his; regret flooding you immediately. Just as kind and soft as the rest of him, Jay’s eyes stare into yours, warm, and inviting, but, still, you can’t shake off your nerves. More than anything, you want to say yes; to say of course, can’t you tell? but you don’t trust yourself enough to open your mouth and speak to him. Instead, you nod, so slightly that for a moment you wonder if he even noticed. And then, there, in the dim privacy of Mark Lee’s bedroom, while your heart beats out of your chest, Jay kisses you for the first time.

His lips are warm against yours, the sweet taste of Smirnoff Ice only amplified as he holds you close. Soft, gentle, kissing Jay is everything you’d imagined it would be. You feel as though you might melt under his touch as his hand grabs your waist to pull you closer. So close that you’re nearly in his lap as he deepens the kiss, his tongue moving along yours.

It doesn’t feel real, it can’t be.

As if thrown by your thoughts, Jay pulls away. While attempting to form a coherent thought, you catch your breath, once again, regretting looking at him. He looks down the bridge of his nose at you with half-lidded eyes, and his pretty, pink lips sit parted, wet and plump from kissing. Jay leans in almost immediately, the moment cut short by his lips on yours once again.

It’s tangible this time; you couldn’t possibly make up the way his hand grips your ass or the way he groans softly when you whine into his mouth. He’s real, and he’s kissing you, and you only feel yourself growing dizzier, and dizzier the longer his lips move against yours. A gasp pulls you out of it and the two of you separate.

Looking in the direction of the now open door you see Sakura and Mark hand in hand. You can’t help the slight embarrassment that hits you at first, hating that, of all people, it had to be Mark to walk in and find you making out with someone on his bed.

Though you get a bit distracted seeing him and Sakura like this, they look cute together. His football hoodie covers her form completely, much longer than the dress she has on, as she leans into him, and a giggle slips from her lips when he lets go of her hand to wrap an arm around her waist instead.

Somewhat belatedly, and needlessly, Mark apologises, his eyes focused on you when he speaks but you can’t get the words out to respond to him. Jay chuckles at this, shaking his head and telling him not to worry about it as he stands up from the bed. You follow suit. Jay picks up your drink from the floor and takes you by the hand, telling Mark he’ll text him later while leading you out of the room. When you glance at Sakura, she’s grinning at you, mouthing: “Sorry,” before smacking your butt.

Jay hands you the bottle when the door closes, his hand slipping out of yours. A beat passes. And then another. He chews at his bottom lip. You clear your throat and the silence continues. It’s a shame to be standing around like idiots on the landing like this, you think.

“I..” he trails off, wiping his hands on his pants. He points over his shoulder with his thumb. “I should get back to the boys.”

Your heart sinks as you hesitate, unsure how to respond. Slowly, you nod. “Right, yeah,” you say.

“Later,” he mumbles, holding up his hand to wave stiffly at you before turning around to leave.

Deflated, you lean against Mark’s door while you search for your phone to ask Yunjin where she is. Maybe if you’d waited for a moment, you’d have seen the way Jay stopped at the top of the stairs to look over at you, seen the frown on his face when he saw that you weren’t looking at him. But instead, you read 2 texts from Yunjin.

yj: dude heso into u

yj: flirt more = hv fun upstairs

You spend the next three days pretending nothing happened at the party, avoiding Jay, and dreading going to uni. It’s just unfortunate that for you, pretending nothing happened looks like zoning out in the library while replaying the kiss in your head until your elbow slips off the desk. And avoiding Jay seems near impossible, given his tendency to show up everywhere. Or rather, your tendency to see Jay in everything.

Like the tiny little black cat you saw perched on the fence outside your apartment building, and the busker singing Harry Styles in the city centre. And the half-full bottle of Smirnoff Ice from that night that sits on your dresser with your perfume and jewellery, displayed with about as much sentiment as a trophy won at school for a random achievement.

Impulsively, you post a selfie to your Instagram story before hiding your phone under your pillow and leaving the room entirely, making yourself comfortable atop the kitchen counter and waiting for someone to come back home.

Chaewon gets home first, and quickly, arriving with a groan as she shrugs her jacket off and shuts the door behind her. “I hate uni,” she mutters. “I hate studying, I ha— Hey.” She jumps a little when she sees you in the kitchen. “I feel like I haven’t seen you in forever, where’ve you been hiding?”

“My room.”

She nods, leaning comfortably against the doorframe. “You’re not going out tonight, right?”

You shake your head, amused by the look of relief that paints Chaewon’s features as she whispers thank God. “I’m gonna shower, and take a nap,” she informs you. “But when I wake up, it’s you, me, pizza, and whatever story Yunjin has from practice.”

“Can’t wait,” you say sincerely, stepping down from the counter.

With a wide smile on her face, she salutes you before dragging her feet to the bathroom. Completely endeared, you decide not to comment on the salute even though you think it’s sweet that she’s starting to copy her boyfriend.

The sounds of student housing on a Wednesday evening seep in through the open window as you pour yourself a glass of water, unable to stop wondering if Jay saw your story; and what he thought about it if he did. Wondering if he’d notice that the picture was from Saturday night.

Filling up your glass again, you take it to your room and pull your phone out of hiding. Along with a message from Yunjin telling you and Chaewon to order your food so it comes shortly after she gets home, you find that Jay hit like on your story. Then sent a reply ten minutes later saying: you’re sooo gorgeous.

With a smile on your face, you type out various forms of “thank you so much, you’re perfect,” before settling on a simple: thank uuu :D, and Jay’s response is immediate.

jay: i don’t think i’ve said that before

jay: how prettty i think you are

The heat that rises to your cheeks is troubling, yet despite your best efforts, you can’t get it to pass. Especially not when you read and reread Jay’s message. You press your eyes shut, willing the heat to pass, willing the grin on your face to fade. Neither works, in fact, they only worsen when you open your eyes to see the new messages waiting for you in the chat.

jay: it’s a lot bte

jay: *btw

You let out a romcom-worthy sigh, clutching the phone to your chest and laying down on the bed. A glow-in-the-dark sticker stares back at you from its spot on your ceiling, a single star that you’d won as a set of two at the arcade with Kazuha in December. The memory brings a smile to your face, even though you remember being a little annoyed after she turned down the other star when you tried giving it to her.

Another message from Jay makes your phone vibrate in your hands.

jay: sorrry

you: it’s okay

You tell him. Even though you’re not sure what he’s apologising for. Just like before, Jay reads the message immediately though this time his reply never comes.

With Yunjin now home from practice, and freshly showered, you sit on the couch with your flatmates, talking and laughing over the sound of the TV for hours until Netflix asks if you’re still watching, and Yunjin’s passed out with her cold, wet hair on your shoulder.

Pressing a wet kiss to your cheek, Chaewon retires to bed, whispering “Goodniiiiiiiiight,” in your ear before abandoning you. Tired as you are, a part of you feels bad about waking Yunjin so you decide to sit a while longer, moving the blanket from your lap to cover her up properly. But of course, this is the movement that wakes her up.

In a soft voice, you tell her goodnight, standing up from the couch to stretch your arms above your head.

“You never told me what happened on Saturday,” Yunjin says tiredly. “Kkura told me you and Jay were busy in Mark’s room.”

The mention of his name takes you back to that night. Back to Jay and the way his lips felt against yours, the way his hand held your waist, and the way he’d ditched you outside Mark’s room. A pit forms in your stomach; and as if reading your mind, Yunjin asks if you’re okay.

You sit down on the other end of the couch, bringing your knees up to your chest and telling the story from top to bottom. After recounting the night in detail from after she left you guys alone, you find yourself hyperaware of the differences between you and Yunjin. For you, the highlight of Saturday night was Jay kissing you and then running away after.

“Wait, Sakura and who?” she asks when you’re done.

For Yunjin, the highlight of the story seems to be Mark’s presence.

“Mark.”

“She told me she went on her own, what were they doing?”

Although you have some idea, you think it best to keep your knowledge to yourself. “They were looking for her phone,” you say, pleased to see that Yunjin accepts your answer and moves on.

“So then what?”

“He texted me hey on Sunday morning, which I ignored, and then a couple hours ago he replied to my story and told me how pretty he thinks I am,” you say, pausing to take a breath. “Then ignored my response.”

Yunjin sits silently, seeming to take in everything she’d just been told. Her eyes are focused on the TV screen ahead so you look over at it too. It had gone into standby mode, displaying nothing but an indistinct impression of the two of you.

And the silence continues.

In the TV’s cast, you can just about make out the way she tilts and then turns her head to look at you. “Maybe he’s just.. frazzled, or something, from being walked in on. How did you feel?”

The answer takes a while to come up with because for you, the night exists in two parts — Before kissing Jay, and everything else that happened when you left the room. This whole time, you’ve been so focused on him leaving, that you’ve barely given any thought to how you felt when Sakura opened the door. Frazzled, you think. Probably the best word to use. Embarrassed suits a bit better though.

“I was embarrassed about it, but only because it was Mark. If it had been you, or Chaewon, whoever, it would’ve been different because they’d walk in and go “oh sorry” or something and leave, but obviously, when it’s Mark going into his own room, he’s there for something, you know?” you explain, chewing at your bottom lip.

“Maybe that’s how he feels too.”

“Yeah, but it wasn’t embarrassing enough to leave and never talk to him again.”

Yunjin exhales heavily. “I want to be on your side, really, I do, but isn’t that kinda what you did?” she asks, her voice hesitant as she tilts her head. “He texted you the next day and you didn’t reply, what do you think he’s thinking about right now?”

“He’s the one who said he should get back to the boys.”

“What if that’s just because he spoke first?” she suggests. “Obviously we don’t know what you would’ve said if you spoke first, because you didn’t, but I feel like you would’ve been like “I-I’m gonna get back to the girls” and ran away.”

Always correct, Yunjin is your worst enemy and your best friend rolled into one. Oh, how you hate her. Well, she’s correct about the fact that you would have said the same thing. You think. You press your lips together in a straight line and sink into your seat.

She sighs when you don’t speak. “Look, he talked to you today, and told you how pretty you are, which is a win, right?”

You nod reluctantly.

“So let’s celebrate that, celebrate the fact that you kissed Jay! Even better, the fact that he kissed you.” Yunjin pauses, for what you think is dramatic effect, before speaking again. “Just.. don’t sweat the small stuff, okay?” She stops again to yawn. “And text him back if he reaches out, or, text him first.”

Leaning against the doorframe of the bathroom, you brush your teeth, watching as Yunjin does the same, sitting on the edge of the tub with her eyes shut. While gargling mouthwash, you think about the conversation you’ve just had and decide to take matters into your own hands. By pleading with God to put Jay in front of you and have him tell you that he likes you back.

Once again, the higher powers seem to be on your side. Kind of. Jay does end up in front of you to tell you that he likes you back. Kind of. But only after learning that you’ll have to start your report again; which, given that you’d only gotten through 800 of the required 4000 words, wasn't exactly criminal. It was an irritation that settled in you, mainly, as all of your research and the sources you’d found were now redundant in the face of such adversity.

Nonetheless, with heavy feet, you leave the lecture hall, trying to come up with a way to fake your graduation ceremony next year so you can secretly drop out. You draw a blank and find Jay waiting in line at the vending machine near the library’s entrance.

Even though you’d spoken with her on Tuesday night, here, today, on Friday afternoon, Yunjin’s words echo so clearly in your mind you almost want to peer over your shoulder to see if she’s there. You do. She isn’t.

Your formerly heavy feet lead you right over to Jay, who greets you with a smile. “How’s the report coming?” he asks, his tone light, easygoing, and clearly oblivious to the fact that his question strikes you like a knife to the gut.

The two of you shuffle forward slightly, now at the front of the queue. Waiting for your response, he punches E6 into the machine that rattles loudly, delivering his bottle of Lipton lemon.

“Not great,” you tell him, feigning nonchalance and watching as he presses E4 before squatting down to collect both drinks. “Are you heading to class?”

Standing up straight, Jay holds out the new(er) bottle of Lipton peach towards you. “What happened?”

Holding the drink in your hands, you fall into step with him and sigh despite yourself. “I have to start over.”

Jay’s eyes widen and his jaw drops slightly at your words. Dramatic. Cute. “Nooo,” he says sincerely. “How come?”

“I read the question wrong.”

“Oh,” he says. “That’s okay, at least you found out now rather than later. And you still have until December to get it done, that’s almost two months! I’m sure most people haven’t even read the question,” he tells you in a gentle voice.

There’s a fuzziness in your chest, and Jay’s words make you feel like everything will be alright. Even though you weren’t exactly cut up about the report, something about talking with him about it leaves you feeling soothed when you look up to give him a warm smile.

“I don’t have classes today, I’m just here to study,” he says, answering your earlier question as he leads you to a table.

You watch as Jay sits down, and decide to take a seat across from him, dumping your bag on the floor at your feet. His brows quirk up when you put the drink down on his side of the table, confusion evident in his voice when he says: “You don’t like peach tea anymore?”

All of a sudden your heart is pounding, and you grin despite yourself. Oh, Jay, you think. “It’s my favourite.”

Matching your smile Jay slides the bottle over to you. “It’s yours,” he says.

You can’t explain the overwhelming sense of gratitude you feel over a barely cold, 500ml bottle of tea, but it beams brightly on the table between you; radiant, glowy, the most beautiful thing you’ve ever seen. “Thank you,” you say sincerely in a soft voice, lest you knock the bottle out of its haze.

The deepest part of your brain romanticises the scene around you even further, and the table you sit at, in the smallest library on campus, starts to seem like something from a kid’s storybook. From a mythical land where the iced tea is luminescent, and you get to study with an angel who wears Chrome Hearts pants and olive green 6s.

“Can I read it when you’re done?” His question cuts through your thoughts. Surprised by how genuine Jay sounds, you glance back over at him to find him already looking at you, his lips pushed up into a soft smile that spreads flutters around your chest.

It takes you longer than you’d like to admit to realise what he’s talking about, but you tilt your head when you do. “You wanna read my paper on wind turbines and solar farms?” you ask.

Jay’s eyes widen briefly as if shocked that you’re even asking him that. “Of course I do,” he says, sounding almost offended, defensive maybe.

You eye him from across the table, sceptical. Jay seems to pick up on this. “Why wouldn’t I want to know about the UN’s advances towards net zero by 2030?” he asks, chuckling to himself when you raise a brow. He shrugs. “I got curious after you mentioned it.”

With burning cheeks, you watch him as he continues to talk, neither of you making any effort to start on the work you’re there to do. As much as you feel it’d be useful to get work done in the library — because it’ll allow you to go home and do nothing without guilt — you don’t see the point in half-assing your research and absentmindedly chatting with Jay, when you could ditch the research completely and fixate over the way his lips move to form his words.

“I lost my student card so I need to read while I’m in here. I think it’s better though; easier to stay focused, less distractions,” Jay tells you when you ask what brought him to uni just to study alone. “Usually,” he adds, gaze flicking up to meet yours with a teasing smile crossing his lips.

Jay’s words hold a flirtatious undertone that isn’t lost on you or the butterflies that take flight in your stomach. “I’m not a distraction,” you say, frowning slightly.

“I never said you were, but I had no problem getting my work done until you got here.”

Jay’s words remind you of your first test for Property Law in February. The two of you sat together at a table in the campus cafe, empty mugs and printed slides scattered across the space between you. For four hours, you highlighted sentences and rewrote notes to keep your hands busy until Jay walked you back to your flat, where you pulled an all-nighter so you could actually study. You got a 61 and slept for twelve hours afterwards.

“If it’s getting to you that much, I can go,” you offer, really, really, hoping he doesn’t take you up on it.

“No, please stay. I like spending time with you,” Jay admits with a slight downturn at the corners of his lips.

You try to work out how to echo his sentiment without sounding like a lovestruck fool, though you draw a blank, distracted by the way he– “Are you batting your lashes at me?” you ask through a chuckle.

Jay squints. “Is it working?”

You shake your head.

“Well, neither are you,” he points out, crossing his arms over his chest in a way that almost makes you feel scolded despite his light tone. You think you like it.

An overly dramatic sigh huffs its way out of your mouth as you roll your eyes at him, fighting a smile at the sound of his breathy laughter. “Whatever. Starting now, I’ll work on my paper. You focus on your reading, no distractions,” you suggest.

“Right, no distractions,” Jay repeats, his eyes falling to your lips.

Sticking to your word proves much easier than you’d initially thought and you manage to sit, mostly undistracted, for more than a little while, putting the paragraphs that can stay in italics, the bits that need to be amended in bold, and deleting the rest.

Your workflow is broken only when Jay speaks softly, “Is it cool if Heeseung works with us?” he asks, sending a text after you tell him that it’s okay.

And as if he’d been waiting around the corner, Heeseung shows up seconds later. “Jongseongieeeeee,” he coos when he sees Jay, extending a hand to pat his head and ruffle his hair.

Unable to hide his irritation, Jay’s face scrunches up at the interaction and in an attempt to stop the sudden attack, he grabs Heeseung by the wrist, seeming shocked when it works. You watch him fix his hair in his phone camera.

In the same playful tone, Heeseung says your name too, sitting down in the seat next to Jay. “I feel like I haven’t seen you since the hockey mixer.”

You can’t help the breathy laugh that comes out at the cute pout on his lips. “Because you haven’t seen me since the hockey mixer,” you say, smiling at Jay when you notice him looking at you.

“You weren’t at the football party, were you?” Heeseung asks, his eyes widening right when the words leave his mouth. “Riiiiiiiight, you were.” He mumbles to himself before covering his mouth with his hand. “I’m just..” he trails off, pointing at his laptop with his index finger before opening it and sinking in his seat.

There’s a nasty pit forming in your stomach while you watch Heeseung all but disappear behind his screen. And in the black screen of your laptop, you stare at yourself, pretending that: 1. The fingerprints and smudges don’t bother you, and 2. That you don’t notice the way Jay’s looking at you. Or rather, the fact that Jay’s looking at you. If you’d noticed the way he was looking at you, you might have picked up on the softness of his gaze. But you didn't, so you don’t.

Instead, the fact that Jay’s watching you only makes you feel worse. Though at least it looks like your hair is sitting nicely today, you think, glad to have at least one thing working for you rather than against you. Like the pit in your stomach, or the Lipton peach that tastes like nothing when you take the first sip.

In the presence of Heeseung - and the things he said - the three of you manage to get on with your work, free of conversation.

Reluctantly, you let the two boys walk you back to your place when you’re ready to go home. Heeseung leads the conversation, thankfully, with no more mention of the football party and even hugs you goodbye while Jay watches from a few feet away. Judging by the expression on his face, you’d think the person he’d liked for months kissed him and then ran away.

“Sorry,” Heeseung whispers, pressing his lips into a straight line.

With your key in the lock, you watch as they retreat, Heeseung nudging Jay when he reaches him and mumbling something that you can’t quite make out. Neither of the girls are home when you get inside and, sprawling out on the couch, you look for your phone to make plans.

you: we should go out tn

cw: tmrw ! i have a deadline

yj: broke friday or .. j*emins party

Too broke for broke Friday, the two of you find yourselves stepping over the legs of a sleeping Sunghoon to reach the open door to Jeno and Jaemin’s apartment. There are people everywhere, including the hall outside, but you suppose this is the benefit of student housing; none of your neighbours can complain about noise because they’re too busy being part of the commotion.

Jake almost spills his drink when he sees you both, saying “heyyyyy,” with a giggle and eyes that linger on Yunjin while he talks though he quickly excuses himself to take water to poor Sunghoonie.

The night is largely uneventful, much the same as every other night out you’ve had since starting college. Except for the part where Jay shows up,a massive grin on his face to greet your friends. Sakura, Yunjin, and Kazuha all get a “hey” and a brief hug. Jay regards you with a nod and a small smile. At least Kazuha seems to believe you when you tell her that you’re crying in Jaemin’s bathroom because you hate your outfit.

After a weekend of self-pity, you spend Monday at a coffee shop with Sakura, watching as she studi—“You could at least pretend to study, you know?” she sighs. “Every time I look up you’re either staring at me or using your phone, it’s distracting.”

With a frown on your face, you touch your mug to see if your coffee is cool enough to drink yet — it’s not — before flipping your notebook to a blank page and trying to write out some of the key points that you remember from Friday’s lecture. A part of you feels bad for neglecting your Architectural Practice class but it’s just not as interesting, and you tell yourself that you’ll dedicate all of your time to it after finishing your report. You definitely will not come to regret leaving three months worth of work to the very last minute.

You study with Sakura for a few hours until deciding that you simply cannot continue, and the two of you leave the cafe in favour of a Mcdonald’s drive-thru, eating your dinner in the dark parking lot before she drops you off.

On Tuesday night, you’re thankful that Yunjin and Kazuha don’t push you to go out with them when you say you’re tired, but when Netflix asks if you’re still watching Modern Family at almost 3 a.m., you wish they had.

You push yourself out of bed to do your skincare, and hear the two girls coming back home as you apply your last pimple patch. After Kazuha all but yells something about a huge pair of shoes by the door, it seems like they settle in the kitchen.

They’re sharing a bowl of cereal at the table when you get there. Feeling bad, you make instant noodles for them while Yunjin hugs you from behind. Both of you try your best to laugh quietly at Kazuha’s story about some box blond figure skater who completely blanked her when she tried flirting despite staring at her all night.

Once the food is ready, you sit up on the counter, watching them eat straight from the pot. Trying to talk to those two while they’re so invested in dinner is a waste of energy so you busy yourself on your phone instead, scrolling aimlessly until both girls kiss you on the cheek to thank you for looking after them. Kazuha gratefully drinks the glass of water you give her, and Yunjin, as you expect, is stubborn about it; taking three small sips before running away to her room.

The argument you can hear through the open window keeps you entertained as you wash the dishes, and you check your phone on the way to your room, finding two texts from Jay.

jay: i know it’s late but can we talk in person if you’re up

jay: it’ s important

They came in four minutes ago and you chew on your lip trying to figure out what he wants to talk about.

you: are you okay?

jay: can you come outside

With not even enough time to hit send on the three question marks you’d typed out, the distinct ring of a FaceTime call surprises you. Though what you find more surprising is the sight of your building’s door behind Jay’s face which just about fills the screen. Lit dramatically by an orange street light, he looks beautiful. Looks cute when his lips pout slightly around the words: come quickly and dress warm, as he successfully convinces you to leave the comfort of your bed.

Through the glass in the main door, you see him. With his hands stuffed in his pockets, he looks up towards the sky and puffs visible breaths into the air above him. Jay turns around at the sound of the door opening. You feel your stomach lurch because he doesn’t smile when he sees you.

“Hey,” he says after a while, watching you intently, inspecting almost, as you shut the door softly behind you. His face softens, the smile he hadn’t given earlier coming through now. “Are you wearing my jacket?” His voice is soft too when he speaks, breathy enough for the smell of alcohol and vague peppermint to hit your nose.

“I thought I should probably give it back,” you nod. “Sorry I kept it so long.”

Jay shakes his head, hair shifting on his forehead from the motion. “No, I love it on you. Please keep it,” he pauses, taking a step towards you. “I want you to keep it.”

Thank God, you think. You hadn’t really been meaning to give it back, and you weren’t really sorry to have kept it so long, it just felt like the right thing to say.

The space between you is so small that you wonder if he can hear the way your heart rate starts to pick up. In the time you hadn’t talked, you’d seen him around campus, in the corners of story posts, but seeing him here in front of you is almost overwhelming. A gust of wind ruffles the jacket Jay has on and his scent unfurls right under your nose; warm, lived in, mixed with faint sweat and what you think might be tobacco. It creates a musk that leaves you weak at the knees.

“It was milk and cookies night,” Jay continues when you don’t respond, digging into his pocket and holding a plastic-wrapped cookie out towards you. “You like white chocolate chip, right?”

Hearing that it was milk and cookies night makes you wonder if you’d been too hasty when you turned down the girls’ invitation.

Despite the cold, Jay’s hand is warm when your fingers graze his. Letting your touch linger, you thank him sincerely, touched by the little things he seems to remember about you.

Even though you’re aware of the other students coming home from various nights out, and end up having to move out of the way so some of them can enter your building, it feels like the two of you are in your own world. You notice that his sights are locked on the cookie, on the spot where your fingers touch, allowing you to admire him freely.

Standing almost directly under the lamppost now, you notice that his cheeks and the tips of his ears are dusted with red. You feel a little bad, he must be freezing, you think. Your gaze falls to his lips that sit parted, chapped like you expect, and now you’re thinking of kissing him.

Clearing his throat, Jay moves his hand from yours to put it in his pocket. You do the same.

“I know I said I wanted to talk, but I just wanted to see you,” he says, looking you right in the eyes. “I wasn’t sure you’d come if I said that.”

You frown, wondering if this whole time he’s been avoiding you because he thought you didn’t want to see him. “Why wouldn’t I?”

Jay only shrugs in response.

From over your shoulder, you hear the door opening. Jay’s eyes flicker in its direction. You turn your head to look too. A boy with pink hair frowns when both of you tell him you don’t have the lighter he’d been looking to borrow.

“I’m sorry about leaving after we kissed. And for avoiding you. That was stupid,” Jay says as soon as the door closes. “It was childish of me to do that instead of just telling you how I feel. I wasn’t gonna say anything, because I know you only see me as a friend, but I have to let you know that I like you, a lot.”

You stand around limply for a beat, staring up at Jay and trying to take in every single detail about this moment before you inevitably wake up. But this ‘dream’ doesn’t cut off where you’d been expecting it to. Instead, you feel your heart thudding against your ribs, your stomach flipping. The only thing you can get yourself to do is blink at the boy in front of you. The boy who likes you.

A lot.

“It’s just that, after Heeseung said that shit in the library and you couldn’t even look at me, I knew I didn’t have a chance with you and I just.. am trying to figure out how to be near you and pretend like I don’t want to drop everything and kiss you.”

“What’s stopping you?” you ask, surprised that your voice even comes out properly.

Jay’s gaze drops to your lips. Without noticing, the two of you had gotten so close that your chests are barely an inch apart; they’d probably touch if either of you took just one deep inhale. A beat passes. His gaze flicks up to meet yours and your breath hitches in your throat. You want to kiss him. You must. Right when you start to lean up towards him, to put your lips on his, he steps back.

“Fuck,” Jay mumbles, his brows knitting together as he shakes his head. “I’m sorry.”

The ability to hold his liquor is something that Jay sees as both a blessing and a curse.

On the bright side, he can drink as much as he wants and won’t say or do anything he wouldn’t say or do when sober. His delivery might be a little off when he’s drunk but the point still stands.

On the not-so-bright, catastrophically dim side, however, Jay wakes up the morning after drinking with a vivid memory of everything that happened to him at whatever party he’d been to. Plus a killer migraine.

And so, since drunkenly showing up at your place with a cookie in his pocket and his heart on his sleeve two weeks ago, Jay’s been quietly pitying himself and gently encouraging Jake to work harder on physics so he can get some sort of time machine up and running.

Though it seems like you’ve been able to go on as normal. So normal, in fact, that Jay starts to believe the whole thing was just an elaborate dream. So elaborate that when he scrolls through your text thread, he finds the messages that you’d ‘exchanged’ that night. He finds the thought of having developed self-awareness in a two-week-long dream to be a greater comfort than the reality that you don’t like him back.

You would have said if you did. Right? Or at least brought up what he’d said. Asked if you could talk about it. You’d be so excited to see him again, sober, that you wouldn’t even be able to say anything except: “I like you too!” Right?

But you haven’t. So unless you’re going through trauma-inflicted amnesia, or someone has finally come up with the technology to invent The Neuralyzer, you really don’t like him back.

Jay had been so sure, certain that you liked him back. It just seemed so obvious; like the way you seemed to find him at every party, and how anytime you saw Jake in the engineering block you’d ask about him. Surely it wasn’t all in his head. The way that Chaewon and Yunjin had been teasing you at the hockey mixer, and how Yunjin made up that excuse to leave the two of you alone at the football party. It was all so.. like-y.

Even today, when you texted him asking to hang out. He was sure that you were finally (finally!) going to tell him you liked him too. So sure, he’d even told the boys that he’d be coming back home as someone’s boyfriend. As your boyfriend.

But instead, Jay finds himself climbing the stairs of his apartment complex wondering how the fuck he’d been so delusional. In his back pocket, his phone vibrates. Twice. Texts; both from you.

you: i forgot to say but lmk when u get home lol

you: and if u have time to hang out before ur game tmrw !

His heart twists in his chest as he reads your messages.

jay: okayyyyyyyyyyyyy, i can chill for a bit

jay: what did you have in mind?

After fishing his house key from his jacket, he twists it in the lock and crosses the threshold before texting you once more: home now :). You heart the message immediately. The laughter that Jay could hear in the hall quiets as soon as he closes the door, and heavy footsteps thud towards the living room’s open doorway. Sunghoon.

“It’s Mr YN YL—” he stops short. “Oh.” It’s not until Sunghoon looks over his shoulder and shakes his head that Jay even notices the stupid shutter shades he’s wearing. And when Jay joins his friends in the living room, he smiles despite himself seeing the way they’d decorated the space. Streamers dangle from the ceiling, hand-drawn A4 posters with both of your names written in lopsided hearts are stuck to the wall, and Jay ignores the thought of losing the security deposit to appreciate his friends; they’re good to him.

On the way to his usual seat, an armchair in the corner of the room, Jay stops to wrestle a bottle of Desperados from the open six back sitting atop the coffee table and kicks a balloon that was in his path before sinking into his chair.

Knowing there’s no use giving them a play-by-play, Jay recounts the last few hours as briefly as he can. He makes sure to leave out small details; like how he felt weak at the knees when you hugged him and told him you loved him after he won you a Hello Kitty plushie from the claw machine that you swore was rigged. Or how you’d worn his jacket out and his heart started racing when he noticed that your perfume had started to mix with his cologne. Unexpectedly, the guys seem hooked on the story right until its end. “So it’s not like it went badly or anything, I just.. didn’t tell her.”

Somehow, all three of them speak at the same time: “What do you mean you didn’t tell her?”

Jay stares at a spot on the floor, noticing a hole in the toe of Jake’s sock. He’ll make fun of that later. “I just couldn’t get the words out,” he mumbles, shoulders drooping as he slumps further and further into his seat before taking the first sip of his bitter drink a—“Fuck, why does anybody drink these?”

“Cheap,” Sunghoon mumbles, scowling after sipping from his own.

Clearly.

“Unless I’m missing something, this doesn’t seem like the end of the world. Just tell her tomorrow, tell her now, text her,” Heeseung sighs, letting his eyes fall shut.

The other two boys seem to agree, echoing the sentiment and adding their own ad libs to it. Jay watches as Sunghoon leans over to get another drink from the table, admiring his commitment to beer drinking even though he doesn’t like it. He waits for silence before speaking again: “I already know she doesn’t like me that way. And it’s only been two weeks so it doesn’t make sense to confess again so soon when I know the answer.”

“Again?” Sunghoon asks, raising a brow.

Ahhh, Jay knew there was something he’d forgotten to do. Though he's struggling to figure out how he’d withheld this information, considering it was the main thing on his mind at all hours. “Yeah, after milk and cookies I went to hers and told her I like her,” he says, attempting to feign nonchalance, shoulders rising and falling in a stiff shrug.

“And you kept that to yourself because..”

Jay scrunches up his nose, genuinely unsure. “I didn’t go there to confess, I just wanted to see her and give her the cookie I got for her,” he admits. “But then she came outside, and she had my jacket on, and she just looked so pretty. The only thing on my mind was oh, my God, I can’t go any longer without telling you I’m in love with you.” Jay pauses, taking a long sip of beer before telling them what happened outside your building.

As if he wasn’t feeling bad enough already, Heeseung bursts out laughing. Hard. It’s not long before Jake and Sunghoon join in and Jay wants to vanish into thin air. Feeling slightly left out, he also wants to ask what’s so funny, but the fear of being slated holds him back.

It’s the eldest who calms down first, sitting up straight in his seat. “So you go to YN’s door, tell her you like her, almost kiss her, then explicitly tell her not to say she likes you back, run away from her, again, and you’re wondering why she didn’t say she likes you back?”

With the story being laid out so simply, Jay starts to see the flaws in his logic. Though too stubborn to admit that he’s wrong in front of Jake, he nods his head. “Exactly.”

He presses his lips into a straight line when the boys call him chronically stupid.

“You need to call her, talk to her, figure your shit out before it’s too late,” Heeseung says with a firm tone.

Jay thinks about it, biting at his bottom lip before replying, asking in a small voice: “But what if she says she doesn’t like me?”

As much as not having confirmation is killing him, there’s a part of Jay that likes not knowing how you feel about him because it lets him play into his delusions. Lets him feed himself with thoughts of you being excited to see him because you like him and not because he makes great platonic company. The thought of you checking up on him through Jake because you’ve been thinking about him, but feel too shy to ask directly. And Jay knows when you properly reject him, he won’t be comforted by such thoughts anymore. They’ll only hurt him.

Though after hearing what may be the wisest thing he thinks Sunghoon has ever said, Jay starts to see the situation a little differently. It’s casual. Spoken through a yawn. “You already don’t have a girlfriend. Nothing to lose, right?”

The walk to your apartment building is longer than he remembers, but the cool air feels good on his neck as he tries to figure out what exactly he should say. Jay only starts to consider that this may not be the best idea when he stands face to face with your apartment building and feels a little too nervous to buzz your flat. What is he doing?

A grating screech comes from the heavy door when it opens, and Chaewon’s boyfriend steps outside with squinted eyes. “Jay?” he asks as the door thuds shut behind him. “YN didn’t say you were coming over.”

An awkward chuckle slips from Jay’s lips and (for the first time in his life) he does jazz hands. “Surprise?”

Jay feels better when Jeno’s lips spread into a grin. “Ohhhh,” he says, nodding and extending an almost empty deck of cigarettes in his direction.

“I’m good,” Jay declines, shaking his head.

Though if things go poorly up there he might have to take Jeno up on his offer.

Holding his cigarette between his lips, Jeno uses a fob to open the door for him, and Jay can’t help but feel comforted by the way Jeno pats him on the back and says: “I’m rooting for you.”

Standing at the door to your apartment only unleashes a new sense of nervousness. His hand rests on it, balled into a fist, waiting to be pulled back. But something stops him. Jay lets his hand slip down the door and takes a step away from it. He’d been standing too close. Now, he stands shifting his weight from foot to foot, and the toes of his shoes are just touching the doormat.

Reminding himself that knocking isn’t the hard part, Jay takes a deep breath and knocks three times.

A few minutes pass and it’s now that he remembers he doesn’t even know for sure that you’re home, or awake. He counts ten seconds before knocking again and the second his fist touches the door, he hears the sound of a lock clicking and the door creaks open.

Like something from a dream, you stand in the doorway, looking so beautiful with his hoodie on that Jay has to put in effort to keep his jaw from falling to the ground.

“Jay?” you say quietly, brows furrowed. “Is everything alright?”

“Do you like me?” Jay blurts out, pressing his eyes shut immediately as all plans of a proper conversation go to the wind. From his spot on your doormat, he can hear the sound of the TV quieting and a terrible silence settles over the two of you; lasting eight whole seconds before you speak.

“Do you wanna come in?”

Jay steps into the apartment, taking off his shoes at the door while mumbling a greeting to Yunjin and Chaewon who (definitely heard him) lay on the couch with wide grins on their faces, and follows you to your room where you close the door behind him.

“Sorry, I had, like, a speech ready and then I saw you and I just..” he trails off, standing awkwardly near the door and looking at everything in the room except for you; he struggles to tear his eyes away from a polaroid picture of the two of you with huge grins. It’s only when you talk that he manages to look over at you instead.

“You can sit down,” you say, patting a spot on the bed next to you. Without saying anything, Jay crosses the room to sit beside you — if sitting at arm’s length can be considered as beside you. “Tell me about the speech,” you say, and Jay shakes his head while trying to convince himself that your chuckle isn’t patronising.

“Do you like me?” he asks again, not wanting to waste any more time.

“I like you.”

Your words, simple and quiet, leave Jay winded.

“You look surprised,” you say, tilting your head. “You really didn’t know?”

Immediately, he relaxes his face. Clears his throat. Jay’s not entirely sure what he did and didn’t know, but he doesn’t think it matters. Nothing could possibly matter more than you do right now. “Doesn’t matter,” he says, letting out a sigh of relief. “I like you too.” The words sound regular when he says them, though he does like the lightness in his chest knowing for sure that the feeling is mutual. “Can you say it again?”

“Jay,” you start, resting your hand on his knee. Jay wonders if this is supposed to comfort him and clasps his hands over his lap as discreetly as he can manage. “I like you,” you tell him again.

Under the weight of your words, Jay feels his heart cinch a little in his chest. Why does everything sound so perfect coming from you? He can’t help but lean in, finally kissing you after what feels like an eternity. Jay didn’t think anything would feel better than your first kiss, but having your lips move softly against his, and knowing that you like him back, might just be the best thing ever. How did he go so long without this? Dazed and lovestruck, he lets his forehead rest against yours to calm down, to catch his breath. “Again?” he whispers, hopeful, one step away from begging.

You let out a chuckle, soft, breathy, fanning his lips. “I like you,” you say after a while, quietly, a whisper, just for him before kissing him again.

Jay’s not sure when it happened, he’s not even sure he notices that you’re sitting in his lap until you grind down on him; the feeling overwhelming despite all of the layers between you. A whine slips from your mouth into his when he rolls his hips up towards yours, and he can’t help but hate himself a bit for not just confessing sooner.

You pull away from him, a smile on your face as he chases your kiss. “Please touch me,” you whisper, hiding your face in his neck when he chuckles at your request, calling you cute under his breath.

He feels oddly thankful that you’re not grinding on him any longer because he was about two more movements away from cumming in his pants. His hand slips under your shorts, finding your clit and pressing on it through your underwear, liking the way your breath fans his skin when you sigh. The wet patch on the fabric only starts to spread when he starts rubbing you. “You like that?”

“Yeah,” you tell him on an exhale, letting your hips roll against his hand, whimpering at the friction.

Your mouth quickly finds his again, and you let your hand clutch at his shirt, balling it up in your first before tugging at it, parting to take it off of him. With wide eyes, you gape at his torso, the word “Shit,” falling from your mouth while you let a hand rest on his stomach.

When he tries pushing your panties to the side, the soaked material sticks to your slit slightly, and Jay groans despite himself. You’re absolutely drenched in slick, sopping wet to the core as you let out a broken whine from the feeling of his finger slipping into you. Curling his finger towards your belly button, his eyes fall shut, cock throbbing against his thigh when he thinks about how you’d feel around his shaft, how you’d look under him.

“You’re so good,” you whisper, awestruck and trembling in his lap.

The way you watch him makes him feel a little under pressure when he opens his eyes, but, determined to make you feel good, Jay attaches his thumb to your clit and everything is so slick that his finger slips around a bit before he can help it. You squirm in his lap, your head falling forward into the crook of his neck, forcing Jay to hiss when you bite on the skin of his shoulder. Your whimpers turn into cries and you mumble that you’re close, your walls tensing around him a moment later as if to prove your point.

Jay pulls his fingers out, holding back a moan at the way they glisten in the light, coated in you— “Nooo,” you whine, sounding audibly distraught.

Though he’s too busy tasting your cunt on his fingers to grace you with a response. In the quiet of the room, you sit up properly to look at him, watching with parted lips as Jay sucks on his fingers, humming at the way you taste. You barely give him a chance to put his hand back down before pressing your lips to his, moaning into his mouth as you taste yourself on his tongue.

Getting a tight grip on your waist, he moves around a bit to lay you down on the bed. Resting on his forearm, Jay leans over you, kissing you again. He lets his hand trail down your body, liking the way you spread your legs when he dips his fingers into your waistband. You nod eagerly when he asks if he can take them off, and his cock throbs when you tell him to take your panties off too.

With no unnecessary fabric in his way, his finger drags up and down the length of your pussy. Already close, it doesn’t take long for you to start whimpering and squirming underneath him, your walls stuttering once again as you cum, hot and hard on his hand.

Ever the gentleman, Jay stands up to place himself between your legs, groaning at the sight of you, pulsing and wet. “Such a pretty pussy,” he says. Deciding not to waste another second, he uses his thumbs to spread your lips a little before burying his face in your cunt.

It doesn’t take much for you to writhe under his tongue, and as soon as he kisses your clit it’s a wrap. He feels his cock leaking a little when your clit starts to throb between his lips, and he can’t help but groan when you tug at his hair.

You stutter through the words: “Too much,” and Jay tears his mouth away from you, letting his forehead rest on your inner thigh while he catches his breath, savouring your taste on his tongue. It doesn’t last long though; your scent drives him crazy. When Jay leans back over your face, he presses kisses to your cheek, mumbling to you about how pretty you are, and how good you taste, all while playing with the drawstrings of your hoodie.

He likes the way it looks on you, way better than it does on him. Likes it so much, he almost objects when you sit up to pull it over your head. Jay’s glad he doesn’t. He gulps at the sight of your breasts, surprised to see that you weren’t wearing anything under his hoodie, his dick somehow growing harder just from looking at you.

Jay feels an intense desperation to suck on them, but your hands reach back up to his face, pulling him towards you to kiss him again. He settles (ecstatically) for holding one in his hand, pinching your nipple with his fingers. He’s relaxed, he’s happy; not torn up about it because he has all the time in the world to feel your tits in his mouth.

He thinks.

Jay pulls away from you. “Wait,” he says, feeling butterflies when you smile up at him. “Can I be your boyfriend?”

Your giggle sounds like music and he feels warm all over when you say, “Of course,” the words somewhat muffled by his lips on yours again, he could make out with you all day. But he stops for a moment, looking down at you, into your eyes and revelling in this moment. Revelling in you, his girlfriend, and the way you look at him. Like he put the stars in the sky or moved mountains; like you want him just as much as he’s wanted you all this time. And he wonders what he’s done to deserve it.

Overwhelmed by emotion, Jay kisses you, lets his tongue run along the seam of your lips as he considers just kissing you for the rest of the night. It almost seems like he’s trying to, and you speak once more against his mouth.

“Are you gonna fuck me?” you ask, moving your head to the side. “It’s okay if you’re not, but I’d like to know.”

Jay smirks at you — pretty cocky for a guy whose dick is throbbing against his thigh just from hearing you talk. “You want that?”

“Mhm,” you hum, nodding. “Need it.” Your gaze burns into his as he tries to process your words. You look distractingly beautiful with a thin sheen of sweat on your forehead, lidded eyes, and kiss-plumped lips that you press up against his once more. “There’s condoms in the second drawer.”

Leaning up off of you, Jay reaches into his back pocket to show off the two condoms he’d brought with him.

“Classy,” you tease, though there’s an excitement in your eyes that drives him mad.

“Responsible,” he corrects, standing up to pull his pants and underwear down. Slapping against his stomach, his cock throbs when he hears you gasp. Jay lifts his head in your direction, trying not to cum on the spot from the sight of you leaning up on your elbows, staring at his dick with an open mouth.

Taking a deep breath, Jay reminds himself that he has all the time in the world to find out what your pretty lips will feel like around him, choosing to busy himself with putting the condom on instead. “How do you want it?”

If the way you stop and stammer through the word “However” is anything to go by, the question seems to catch you off guard. Making his way back over to you, Jay racks his brain trying to figure out how he wants this to go, but seeing you on your back with your legs spread for him makes it clear. He hovers over you, lips drawn to yours like a magnet, using his hand to run the tip of his cock up and down your pussy, all while you whine against his mouth every time he pushes past your clit.

“Don’t want to wait any longer.”

Your words make his stomach turn. He pulls away, his brows knitted together. “How long have you been waiting?”

“Months, Jay,” you say, voice barely above a whisper, eyes screwed shut in a tortured expression. “Please.”

Satisfied with your answer, Jay guides his cock to your slit. Pushes just a little. “I won’t make you wait like that again,” he tells you, and he means it, pushing in as much as he can before you cry out.

Worried, Jay stops, leaning close to press a kiss to your cheek. “You okay?”

“I just need a sec,” you tell him breathlessly.

Jay nods. As good as he feels, quitting while he’s ahead seems like the better option at the minute — he needs a sec too, but with the way your walls clench around him, it doesn’t really feel like much has changed. He finds himself having to hold his hips back after a while, as you get used to the feeling of him inside, your pretty little cunt starts trying to suck him in and his breath hitches in his throat when you look him in the eye.

With a hand on the back of his neck, you pull his face back down to yours. “I’m good,” you mumble into his ear.

“Yeah?” he asks, grinning when you nod in response.

You stretch around him so easily that Jay whines as you take him in, deeper and deeper, inch by inch until he bottoms out. “Shit,” he mutters. How did he go so long without this? The sting of your nails digging into his bicep makes him hiss and he all but passes out when you moan. Falling from your mouth on a loop with every move he makes, his name is the most beautiful thing he’s ever heard; you cut yourself off with a gasp, breath hitching in your throat.

“There?” Jay asks, even though he knows he’s hitting your spot.

You look up at him through fluttering eyelids, becoming more and more dazed each time his hips smack yours. “Mhm, I—close,” you mumble.

Jay takes this as a sign to hike your leg up around his waist, making sure to hit it each time he pumps into you. It seems like it’s working. “Cum for me, baby,” he whispers, using his free hand to push some of your hair out of your face.

Your whines turn into broken sobs and you hide your face in the pillow next to you, muffling your screams. Although he thinks your consideration for your flatmates is coming a bit late, he leaves you be, finding the sight sexier than he cares to admit.

Sexier still is the way your body tenses before squirming again, your walls pulsing uncontrollably around him while you cum. Jay’s stomach starts to tighten as he fucks you, spurred on by the look on your face as you orgasm, and the sound of his cock filling you up. With a few more thrusts and a jagged moan, he spills his load into the condom, just about collapsing on top of you.

Considering how fucked out and sleepy you’d been while Jay cleaned you up, he isn’t surprised to find you fast asleep when he gets back from cleaning himself. He does his best to join you in bed as softly as possible but it’s no use because you wake with a large yawn, making his heartache from a weird mixture of guilt and how cute you look.

He lays on his back, grinning to himself when you rest your head on his chest, making yourself comfy with an arm and leg slung over him. You talk drowsily about watching The Devil Wears Prada in full after his game tomorrow and nod eagerly when he asks if you want to wear one of his jerseys to come and watch him play. Jay keeps his eyes shut until he hears you snoring faintly, and looks forward to teasing you about it in the morning.

When he stares straight ahead at your ceiling, a fuzzy feeling rises in his chest. “I put my star on the ceiling too,” he whispers, knowing you can’t hear him, but feeling happy nonetheless.

Huddled up under Jay’s jacket, you sit on the half wall outside the football house with Chaewon, watching as Jeno blows smoke from his super king over his shoulder. Though given the way that the wind blows it back in your faces, the two of you may as well have taken him up on his offer to share.

Letting Chaewon rest her head on your shoulder, you take a sip of your drink and feel thankful to the version of you from five minutes ago who let Jay fill your cup with lemonade instead of vodka. The two of you laugh along with Jeno until you see Yunjin rushing out of the double doors and into the garden.

“Is there anything wrong with my outfit?” she asks, giving the three of you a twirl so you can check and mumbling a “thank you” to Jeno who reaches his arm out to stop her from falling over in the process.

Yunjin’s outfit looks fine. At first. Until you notice the massive hole in the left side of her skirt; the sight of which leaves you and Chaewon wiping tears of laughter. Through cackles and a slight stomach ache, you manage to ask what happened.

“I got caught on something, like, an hour ago, and I wasn’t hurt or anything so I forgot about it, and then I went out front and felt the craziest breeze on my thigh and I looked down and.. half of my skirt is just.. missing,” she explains, pausing only to take a draw from Jeno’s cigarette. “Does it look intentional at least?”

You almost choke on your drink when Chaewon suggests using her acrylics to make an identical hole on the side, telling her to market the holes as “cutouts” and try selling it on Depop.

“Vintage, Y2K, I.AM.GIA, Destiny’s Child, Britney Spears,” she says, although she’s had so much to drink that it all comes out as one word. “Don’t laugh at me, write it down! Babe, quick, take pictures!”

Yunjin poses dramatically while Jeno takes product photos on her phone, and in the space between them, through the double doors, you see your boyfriend standing next to the dining table, his friends laughing around him while he stares over in your direction with a sweet smile on his face.

And even though you can’t say for sure, you’re just glad that here, tonight, you have a pretty good idea of why Park Jongseong’s smiling at you.

permanent taglist: @asahicore

#nic's recs ˚₊‧꒰ა ☆ ໒꒱ ‧₊˚#user zreamy is one of my fav writers 🫶🏼

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fakeuwus · 1 year ago

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big boy jay ...

i need a big boy | p. jy

pairing. bf!jay x fem!reader

sypnosis. having a boyfriend meant that he’d like to do a lot of boyish things, especially going to the gym to workout. jay comes home in a sleeveless tank, what happens to you then?

genre. smut (mdni!!) & some fluff

wc. 2.0+k

warnings. smut with plot if you squint, softdom!jay & sub!reader, making out, oral (f. receiving), unprotected sex (naur!), squirting, creampie, cursing, fingering, praising, dirty talk , sweet talk, the love between you and jay is very soft

authors note. jay drabble! also got inspired by that one song from sza’s snl episode & from the bunch of enha edits w that sound (the color contrast between this post and my other one😭)

you were currently sitting on the couch in the living room watching tv, waiting for jay to come back home from the gym. sometimes you feel guilty that you should also go to the gym too since jay puts so much effort into it compared to you. jay has made such great progress within his workouts. of course you’d never miss the chance to see that change with muscles. seeing his grind with the gym always makes you smile since he enjoys it that much.

the sounds of the fronts doors keyhole could be heard. it must meant that he’s finally back. jay came in the door, still facing your back. once you heard footsteps, you immediately rose up from your seat and walked towards him.

“you’re home!” without looking his outfit well enough, you wrapped your arms around his neck as you tippy toed.

“i was only gone for an hour and a half, y/n. missed me that much?” he chuckled into your ear. you pulled away from him and gazed down at his chest. the way his bare arms showed his prominent muscles made your face freeze up. jay slowly smiled once realizing what you were looking at.

you snapped out of it before talking again. “what can i say? i missed my boyfriend even if it was a short amount of time.”

jay dropped his bag on the floor and grabbed your arm into an embrace. “mm, you’re right. i missed you too.” he smelled like sweat, but you didn’t mind at all since jay was in your arms. he continued hugging you, swaying side to side before he parted his head from you.

“i’ll go shower hm? i stink.” jays laugh filled your ears before letting him leave your eyes to go to the bathroom.

plopping yourself back on the couch, all you thought about was the way jays muscles glistened. the sleeveless shirt he wore made you weak in the knees. how could anyone ignore those biceps? you thought about all the ways you would hold his arms, to have them wrap around your waist, or to have his hands on yours. you’ve never been too selfish with your relationship with jay, so you didn’t want to tell him to kiss you or anything like that straight up.

jays a wonderful man with so much respect. you remembered when the two of you had sex for the first time that he was so gentle and asked for your consent multiple times. who would know the expression on jays face if you were to tell him to have sex with you right now.

you got up and headed to your guys bedroom only to find jay wearing nothing but a towel wrapped around his waist. your mouth dropped seeing his well toned abs and just his whole upper region.

my big boy.

jay smiled as he ruffled his wet hair with his hand. he probably wasn’t even wearing under the towel placed on his hips. “something wrong?” he asked you, obviously noticing your stare at him.

you shook you head at him. “nothings wrong, it’s just..” you trailed off with your words and your eyes moved from his abs to his eyes. “your body muscles are so nice. i love a big boy.” you softly smiled, rubbing your hand on his arm.

“big boy?” his eyebrow raised with a painted smirk onto his face.

“mhm, look at how big your arms got.” you smiled, squeezing his arms and making him flex them. jay looked so good you could actually drool. but then you remembered, the only thing he had on was a towel. he gazed down at you sincerely, eyes wondering all over your facial features.

you tilted your head up at him, looking in his eyes, switching from his right to left one. “jay..” he hummed as a response.

“kiss me, please.”

he smashed his lips onto yours, having the erratic feeling of desire. he received the message your eyes were trying to tell him. jays hands were placed on your jawline, tilting his head. as you intertwined your tongue with his, jays hands moved from your face, sliding down your curves, and to groping your ass.

jay lifted you up, carrying you as you leaned down to continue kissing him. you were surprised at how well the towel around his waist stayed on. he lead you to your bed and placed a hand behind your head as he laid you down. while he had his lips glued to yours, you took the time to unbutton your pajama top. he opened his eyes and helped you throw your shirt somewhere across the room.

you tangled your hands into his still damp hair. the both of you let out small groans from all the tension. he started his down to your neck and chest, placing wet kisses. “so pretty for me.” he said quietly, with his hands reaching for your breasts and massaging them.

“can i take these off?” jay asked, staring at your bottoms. you nodded at him as he quickly placed his hands on the hem of your pants and took them off slowly. that’s what you liked about having sex with him, he didn’t force you to use your words.

he placed kisses all around your thighs. you were soaked and he obviously noticed that from the wet patch on your underwear. he started kissing your clothed cunt, receiving a sharp moan from you. jay dragged your underwear off and groaned from the sight of of your pussy. god, he looked so hot. he smashed his lips onto your cunt, licking all parts inside. “oh!” you held onto his hair and arched your back.

the lewd noises his mouth and your pussy made were enough for your eyes to close. he’d eye you to make sure you’re okay. your legs were so close to clamping down on his head but he held you legs strongly with his arms. that was another benefit from going to the gym.

“taste so good, y/n.” you heard his words muffled from clenching so hard. he sticked his tongue in your hole making you gasp for air. “ah jay! nghh!”

he removed his mouth from your cunt seeing you struggle so much. that didn’t mean he would stop though. jay added a finger inside your wet hole. he was flicking his finger back and forth as you gripped onto the bedsheets. “god, you are so wet.”

“you did this jay. you j- just looked so hot, ugh f- fuck!” he was doing double the work with two fingers inside you now and his other hand rubbing your clit.

“y- you feel so good.” he smirked, hearing your barely audible comment. “i know, baby. clenching so much on my fingers.” he kissed your thigh areas.

“you’re making me so hard right now with how hot you look y/n.” and yet the towel around his waist still wasn’t off. a huge bulge on the cloth was so visible. you bit your lips and tried keeping yourself composed but being eaten out by him has never felt this way before. “m- more please.” his fingers parted away from your cunt and his mouth took over again.

you were angling your hips to his mouth. your legs were not moving anywhere as he had locked them into the hold of his muslces.

“aghh.. so close, jay.” you couldn’t even look at him because of how much pleasure you were receiving. his thumb on your clit started moving faster along with his tongue.

“cum on my tongue y/n.” the recognizable sensation is what you felt down there. you were so close to releasing everything. “ngh! s- shit! i’m gonna-”

“ahh! o- oh god!” you squirted without realizing it. it was until you opened your eyes and saw jays lower area of his face dripping. of course you panicked, you’ve never did that before with him and felt embarrassed, thinking he would be disgusted.

“oh my god, jay i’m so sorr-” he shut your lips by placing his on yours, not wasting any second to explore your mouth.

“that was the hottest thing you could’ve ever done. don’t apologize, hm?” he smiled at you, reassuring the situation. jay moaned deeply as he grinded towards your hips. you tasted yourself from jays wet lips. staring at his towel, his cock definitely wanted to be released. his growing bulge became more evident as he the friction between his hips and you rose up.

“can i suck you off, please?” jays lips turned up hearing your innocent beg.

he sighed at his bulge being so close to your hips. “baby, as much as i want you to, i’m afraid i’m gonna cum just by looking at you.” heat rose to your cheeks, you would have never thought to hear such a thing from him. jay was in crave of sex too.

he finally removed the white towel from his waist, revealing his thick girth standing high and proud. you gulped at the sight of precum leaking from the tip and how red raging it looked. jay tried reaching over to the nightstand to get a condom, but you stopped his actions. “do it raw, please.” with your quiet yet pleading voice, he clenched his jaw.

“fuck, okay.” he took ahold of his cock and swiped it back and forth on your folds. you both hummed and clenched around nothing. your folds were so wet from your arousal and gave him easy access to your hole.

jay took captive of your lips as he pushed everything in all at once. “aghh!” your mouth opened and prevented him from actually kissing you so he placed wet kisses down on your neck. you felt his length twitch inside even after just being inserted in. “shit, h- how are you still so tight?”

“jay-ah, faster please.” your legs wrapped around his hips, pushing them towards you. you rubbed your hands all over his arms feeling his muslces.

“yeah?” like an animal, he started pounding you faster and faster. he was a moaning mess. “ngh y/n, feels so fucking good.” the wet sounds and sounds of both your hips slamming together were echoing in the room. he gripped onto the headboard with one hand and had the other pinning your hand down onto the bed.

“so good, love your dick so much! nghh!” you vocalized your saying, feeling every inch of his dick hit your cervix. eyes were rolled back, mouth couldn’t help but stay open, and you were so close to your edge.

his breathing was heavy as it filled your ears. everytime you opened your eyes, you’d see his necklace dangling in front of your face. that only turned you in more. “b- baby, i’m close.” you told him, immediately running out of air. fuck the condom, going in raw was so much better. “me too, y/n.”

jays thrusting began to decrease and started slowly hitting all the right spots. “ah fuck.”

“c’mon baby, come with me.” his dick twitched like crazy and you arched your back so much. “nghh! f- fuck!” your eyes were shut as you released your orgasm. he panted heavily, spilling all his cum into you.

jay gently removed his cock from your cunt, seeing so much white liquid on it. you pulled him down to kiss him more and he grabbed you into his arms on the bed. your legs felt sore but that didn’t stop you from wrapping your legs on his body. you both giggled at each other once seeing your faces so close. “i love my big boy.” you moved some strands of his hair.

“that was so good.” jay spoke, tucking your head into his chest. your hand was placed on his peck as you hummed.

“sorry.. now you need to shower again.” you peeked up to find him smiling. “that’s okay, at least we can shower together now.” you sat up seeing all your clothing on the floor. jay gradually got up and walked towards the bathroom.

“come on, won’t you let me scrub you?” he said, right at the bathroom door. you laughed, jumping up to grab his hand and lead both of you to the shower.

“no funny business! okay?”

let’s just say.. your body was not left alone in there.

#nic's recs ˚₊‧꒰ა ☆ ໒꒱ ‧₊˚#buff jay buff jay buff jay #his muscles arent the only big thing!#WHO SAID THAT?!

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fakeuwus · 1 year ago

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can't believe its finished 😣😣😣

𝐒𝐓𝐑𝐈𝐂𝐓𝐋𝐘 𝐁𝐔𝐒𝐈𝐍𝐄𝐒𝐒 — 𝐌𝐀𝐒𝐓𝐄𝐑𝐋𝐈𝐒𝐓

↬ 𝐩𝐚𝐢𝐫𝐢𝐧𝐠: 𝐏𝐚𝐫𝐤 𝐉𝐨𝐧𝐠𝐬𝐞𝐨𝐧𝐠 𝐱 𝐅𝐞𝐦𝐚𝐥𝐞 𝐑𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐞𝐫

↬ 𝐠𝐞𝐧𝐫𝐞: 𝐬𝐭𝐫𝐚𝐧𝐠𝐞𝐫𝐬 𝐭𝐨 𝐥𝐨𝐯𝐞𝐫𝐬!𝐀𝐔, 𝐂𝐄𝐎!𝐉𝐚𝐲, 𝐬𝐞𝐜𝐫𝐞𝐭𝐚𝐫𝐲!𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐞𝐫

↬ 𝐰𝐚𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬: 𝐢𝐧𝐚𝐩𝐩𝐫𝐨𝐩𝐫𝐢𝐚𝐭𝐞 𝐣𝐨𝐤𝐞𝐬 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐥𝐚𝐧𝐠𝐮𝐚𝐠𝐞, 𝐭𝐫𝐚𝐮𝐦𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐜 𝐩𝐚𝐬𝐭, 𝐩𝐚𝐫𝐞𝐧𝐭𝐚𝐥 𝐝𝐞𝐚/𝐭𝐡, 𝐦𝐞𝐧𝐭𝐚𝐥 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐩𝐡𝐲𝐬𝐢𝐜𝐚𝐥 𝐚𝐛𝐯𝐬𝐞, 𝐬𝐞𝐱𝐮𝐚𝐥 𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐦𝐞𝐬 (𝐬𝐮𝐜𝐡 𝐚𝐬 𝐛𝐮𝐭 𝐧𝐨𝐭 𝐥𝐢𝐦𝐢𝐭𝐞𝐝 𝐭𝐨 𝐃𝐃/𝐋𝐆 (𝐝𝐚𝐝𝐝𝐲 𝐝𝐨𝐦/𝐥𝐢𝐭𝐭𝐥𝐞 𝐠𝐢𝐫𝐥 𝐝𝐲𝐧𝐚𝐦𝐢𝐜𝐬) 𝐢𝐧 𝐟𝐮𝐭𝐮𝐫𝐞 𝐜𝐡𝐚𝐩𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐬); 𝐚𝐠𝐞 𝐠𝐚𝐩 𝐨𝐟 𝐬𝐞𝐯𝐞𝐧 𝐲𝐞𝐚𝐫𝐬 (𝟐𝟖/𝟐𝟏)

↬ 𝐬𝐲𝐧𝐨𝐩𝐬𝐢𝐬: 𝐓𝐰𝐨 𝐩𝐞𝐨𝐩𝐥𝐞, 𝐭𝐰𝐨 𝐝𝐢𝐟𝐟𝐞𝐫𝐞𝐧𝐭 𝐬𝐭𝐨𝐫𝐢𝐞𝐬, 𝐭𝐰𝐨 𝐝𝐢𝐟𝐟𝐞𝐫𝐞𝐧𝐭 𝐡𝐞𝐚𝐫𝐭𝐬, 𝐨𝐧𝐞 𝐜𝐚𝐩𝐢𝐭𝐚𝐥 𝐜𝐢𝐭𝐲. 𝐀 𝐬𝐭𝐨𝐫𝐲 𝐢𝐧 𝐰𝐡𝐢𝐜𝐡 𝐚 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐧𝐠 𝐬𝐞𝐜𝐫𝐞𝐭𝐚𝐫𝐲 𝐟𝐫𝐨𝐦 𝐚 𝐬𝐦𝐚𝐥𝐥 𝐭𝐨𝐰𝐧 𝐦𝐚𝐧𝐚𝐠𝐞𝐬 𝐭𝐨 𝐛𝐫𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐚 𝐧𝐞𝐰 𝐛𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐭𝐡 𝐨𝐟 𝐟𝐫𝐞𝐬𝐡 𝐚𝐢𝐫 𝐢𝐧𝐭𝐨 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐥𝐢𝐟𝐞 𝐨𝐟 𝐒𝐞𝐨𝐮𝐥'𝐬 𝐦𝐨𝐬𝐭 𝐟𝐚𝐦𝐨𝐮𝐬 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐮𝐧𝐭𝐨𝐮𝐜𝐡𝐚𝐛𝐥𝐞 𝐂𝐄𝐎.

↬ 𝐬𝐢𝐝𝐞 𝐜𝐡𝐚𝐫𝐚𝐜𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐬: 𝐄𝐧𝐡𝐲𝐩𝐞𝐧'𝐬 𝐡𝐲𝐮𝐧𝐠 𝐥𝐢𝐧𝐞 (𝐚𝐥𝐥 𝐚𝐠𝐞𝐝 𝐮𝐩), 𝐀𝐞𝐬𝐩𝐚'𝐬 𝐊𝐚𝐫𝐢𝐧𝐚 & 𝐆𝐢𝐬𝐞𝐥𝐥𝐞, 𝐓𝐖𝐈𝐂𝐄'𝐬 𝐍𝐚𝐲𝐞𝐨𝐧, 𝐎𝐌𝐆'𝐬 𝐘𝐨𝐨𝐚

↬ 𝐓𝐀𝐆𝐋𝐈𝐒𝐓: 𝐂𝐋𝐎𝐒𝐄𝐃 | 𝐒𝐓𝐀𝐓𝐔𝐒: 𝐂𝐎𝐌𝐏𝐋𝐄𝐓𝐄𝐃

↬ 𝐒𝐓𝐀𝐑𝐓: 𝐎𝐂𝐓𝐎𝐁𝐄𝐑 𝟏𝟔𝐓��, 𝟐𝟎𝟐𝟑 | 𝐄𝐍𝐃: 𝐃𝐄𝐂𝐄𝐌𝐁𝐄𝐑 𝟑𝟎𝐓𝐇, 𝟐𝟎𝟐𝟑

𝐀𝐝𝐝𝐢𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧 𝐭𝐨 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐓𝐚𝐠𝐥𝐢𝐬𝐭 𝐨𝐧𝐥𝐲 𝟏𝟖+ 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐛𝐲 𝐜𝐨𝐦𝐦𝐞𝐧𝐭𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐧𝐨 𝐚𝐝𝐝𝐢𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧 𝐰𝐢𝐭𝐡𝐨𝐮𝐭 𝐚𝐧 𝐢𝐧𝐝𝐢𝐜𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧 𝐨𝐟 𝐚𝐠𝐞 𝐨𝐧 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐛𝐥𝐨𝐠!

↬ 𝐏𝐑𝐎𝐅𝐈𝐋𝐄𝐒

↬ 𝐂𝐇𝐀𝐏𝐓𝐄𝐑 𝐎𝐍𝐄: 𝐖𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐚 𝐟𝐮𝐜𝐤𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐟𝐢𝐫𝐬𝐭 𝐝𝐚𝐲

↬ 𝐂𝐇𝐀𝐏𝐓𝐄𝐑 𝐓𝐖𝐎: 𝐒𝐞𝐨𝐮𝐥'𝐬 𝐅𝐮𝐭𝐮𝐫𝐞

↬ 𝐂𝐇𝐀𝐏𝐓𝐄𝐑 𝐓𝐇𝐑𝐄𝐄: (𝐧𝐨𝐭 𝐫𝐞𝐥𝐢𝐠𝐢𝐨𝐮𝐬𝐥𝐲)

↬ 𝐂𝐇𝐀𝐏𝐓𝐄𝐑 𝐅𝐎𝐔𝐑: 𝐰𝐡𝐨𝐫𝐞 𝐛𝐞𝐡𝐚𝐯𝐢𝐨𝐫

↬ 𝐂𝐇𝐀𝐏𝐓𝐄𝐑 𝐅𝐈𝐕𝐄: 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐦𝐚𝐧𝐢𝐟𝐞𝐬𝐭𝐨 (𝟒.𝟒𝐤)

↬ 𝐂𝐇𝐀𝐏𝐓𝐄𝐑 𝐒𝐈𝐗: 𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐥𝐞𝐬𝐬𝐨𝐧

↬ 𝐂𝐇𝐀𝐏𝐓𝐄𝐑 𝐒𝐄𝐕𝐄𝐍: 𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐥𝐢𝐬𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧𝐬

↬ 𝐂𝐇𝐀𝐏𝐓𝐄𝐑 𝐄𝐈𝐆𝐇𝐓: 𝐟𝐚𝐦𝐢𝐥𝐲 𝐥𝐢𝐧𝐞

↬ 𝐂𝐇𝐀𝐏𝐓𝐄𝐑 𝐍𝐈𝐍𝐄: 𝐥𝐚𝐜𝐤 𝐨𝐟 𝐩𝐫𝐨𝐟𝐞𝐬𝐬𝐢𝐨𝐧𝐚𝐥𝐢𝐬𝐦

↬ 𝐂𝐇𝐀𝐏𝐓𝐄𝐑 𝐓𝐄𝐍: 𝐟𝐚𝐯𝐨𝐫𝐢𝐭𝐞

↬ 𝐂𝐇𝐀𝐏𝐓𝐄𝐑 𝐄𝐋𝐄𝐕𝐄𝐍: 𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐫𝐭𝐲 𝐲𝐞𝐚𝐫 𝐨𝐥𝐝 𝐦𝐞𝐧

↬ 𝐂𝐇𝐀𝐏𝐓𝐄𝐑 𝐓𝐖𝐄𝐋𝐕𝐄: 𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐥𝐢𝐭𝐲 𝐜𝐡𝐞𝐜𝐤

↬ 𝐂𝐇𝐀𝐏𝐓𝐄𝐑 𝐓𝐇𝐈𝐑𝐓𝐄𝐄𝐍: 𝐧𝐞𝐰 𝐞𝐦𝐨𝐣𝐢 𝐮𝐧𝐥𝐨𝐜𝐤𝐞𝐝

↬ 𝐂𝐇𝐀𝐏𝐓𝐄𝐑 𝐅𝐎𝐔𝐑𝐓𝐄𝐄𝐍: 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐜𝐚𝐫𝐞 𝐩𝐚𝐜𝐤𝐚𝐠𝐞

↬ 𝐂𝐇𝐀𝐏𝐓𝐄𝐑 𝐅𝐈𝐅𝐓𝐄𝐄𝐍: 𝐰𝐞 𝐜𝐚𝐧'𝐭 𝐝𝐨 𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐬 (𝟓.𝟒𝐤)

↬ 𝐂𝐇𝐀𝐏𝐓𝐄𝐑 𝐒𝐈𝐗𝐓𝐄𝐄𝐍: (𝐍𝐎𝐓 𝐋𝐈𝐓𝐄𝐑𝐀𝐋𝐋𝐘)

↬ 𝐂𝐇𝐀𝐏𝐓𝐄𝐑 𝐒𝐄𝐕𝐄𝐍𝐓𝐄𝐄𝐍: 𝐝𝐚𝐭𝐞 𝐧𝐢𝐠𝐡𝐭

↬ 𝐂𝐇𝐀𝐏𝐓𝐄𝐑 𝐄𝐈𝐆𝐇𝐓𝐄𝐄𝐍: 𝐑𝐔𝐌𝐎𝐑𝐒???

↬ 𝐂𝐇𝐀𝐏𝐓𝐄𝐑 𝐍𝐈𝐍𝐄𝐓𝐄𝐄𝐍: 𝐧𝐞𝐯𝐞𝐫 𝐛𝐞𝐟𝐨𝐫𝐞

↬ 𝐂𝐇𝐀𝐏𝐓𝐄𝐑 𝐓𝐖𝐄𝐍𝐓𝐘: 𝐟𝐢𝐧𝐚𝐥𝐟𝐮𝐜𝐤𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐥𝐲

↬ 𝐂𝐇𝐀𝐏𝐓𝐄𝐑 𝐓𝐖𝐄𝐍𝐓𝐘𝐎𝐍𝐄: 𝐜𝐥𝐚𝐫𝐢𝐭𝐲 (𝟒𝐤)

↬ 𝐂𝐇𝐀𝐏𝐓𝐄𝐑 𝐓𝐖𝐄𝐍𝐓𝐘𝐓𝐖𝐎: 𝐝𝐨𝐨𝐫𝐦𝐚𝐭

↬ 𝐂𝐇𝐀𝐏𝐓𝐄𝐑 𝐓𝐖𝐄𝐍𝐓𝐘𝐓𝐇𝐑𝐄𝐄: 𝐬𝐰𝐞𝐞𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐚𝐫𝐭

↬ 𝐂𝐇𝐀𝐏𝐓𝐄𝐑 𝐓𝐖𝐄𝐍𝐓𝐘𝐅𝐎𝐔𝐑: 𝐫𝐞𝐟𝐞𝐫𝐞𝐧𝐜𝐞𝐬

↬ 𝐂𝐇𝐀𝐏𝐓𝐄𝐑 𝐓𝐖𝐄𝐍𝐓𝐘𝐅𝐈𝐕𝐄: 𝟐𝟎 𝐚𝐭 𝐡𝐞𝐚𝐫𝐭

↬ 𝐂𝐇𝐀𝐏𝐓𝐄𝐑 𝐓𝐖𝐄𝐍𝐓𝐘𝐒𝐈𝐗: 𝐬𝐞𝐥𝐟 𝐚𝐰𝐚𝐫𝐞𝐧𝐞𝐬𝐬

↬ 𝐂𝐇𝐀𝐏𝐓𝐄𝐑 𝐓𝐖𝐄𝐍𝐓𝐘𝐒𝐄𝐕𝐄𝐍: 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐛𝐮𝐬𝐢𝐧𝐞𝐬𝐬 𝐭𝐫𝐢𝐩 (𝟏) (𝟓.𝟐𝐤)

↬ 𝐂𝐇𝐀𝐏𝐓𝐄𝐑 𝐓𝐖𝐄𝐍𝐓𝐘𝐄𝐈𝐆𝐇𝐓: 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐛𝐮𝐬𝐢𝐧𝐞𝐬𝐬 𝐭𝐫𝐢𝐩 (𝟐) (𝟔.𝟔𝐤)

↬ 𝐂𝐇𝐀𝐏𝐓𝐄𝐑 𝐓𝐖𝐄𝐍𝐓𝐘𝐍𝐈𝐍𝐄: 𝐚𝐝𝐣𝐮𝐬𝐭𝐦𝐞𝐧𝐭𝐬

↬ 𝐂𝐇𝐀𝐏𝐓𝐄𝐑 𝐓𝐇𝐈𝐑𝐓𝐘: 𝐛𝐚𝐝 𝐛𝐢𝐭𝐜𝐡

↬ 𝐂𝐇𝐀𝐏𝐓𝐄𝐑 𝐓𝐇𝐈𝐑𝐓𝐘𝐎𝐍𝐄: 𝐨𝐧𝐥𝐲 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐛𝐞𝐬𝐭

↬ 𝐂𝐇𝐀𝐏𝐓𝐄𝐑 𝐓𝐇𝐈𝐑𝐓𝐘𝐓𝐖𝐎: 𝐬𝐞𝐭 𝐝𝐞𝐚𝐥𝐬

↬ 𝐂𝐇𝐀𝐏𝐓𝐄𝐑 𝐓𝐇𝐈𝐑𝐓𝐘𝐓𝐇𝐑𝐄𝐄: 𝐛𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐤𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐧𝐞𝐰𝐬

↬ 𝐂𝐇𝐀𝐏𝐓𝐄𝐑 𝐓𝐇𝐈𝐑𝐓𝐘𝐅𝐎𝐔𝐑: 𝐦𝐢𝐬𝐮𝐧𝐝𝐞𝐫𝐬𝐭𝐚𝐧𝐝𝐢𝐧𝐠

↬ 𝐂𝐇𝐀𝐏𝐓𝐄𝐑 𝐓𝐇𝐈𝐑𝐓𝐘𝐅𝐈𝐕𝐄: 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐧𝐠 𝐬𝐨𝐮𝐥𝐬

↬ 𝐂𝐇𝐀𝐏𝐓𝐄𝐑 𝐓𝐇𝐈𝐑𝐓𝐘𝐒𝐈𝐗: 𝐚𝐥𝐥 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫𝐬

↬ 𝐂𝐇𝐀𝐏𝐓𝐄𝐑 𝐓𝐇𝐈𝐑𝐓𝐘𝐒𝐄𝐕𝐄𝐍: 𝐥𝐚𝐭𝐞 𝐧𝐢𝐠𝐡𝐭𝐬 (𝟔.𝟏𝐤)

↬ 𝐂𝐇𝐀𝐏𝐓𝐄𝐑 𝐓𝐇𝐈𝐑𝐓𝐘𝐄𝐈𝐆𝐇𝐓: 𝐰𝐞𝐞𝐤𝐞𝐧𝐝 𝐫𝐞𝐜𝐚𝐩

↬ 𝐂𝐇𝐀𝐏𝐓𝐄𝐑 𝐓𝐇𝐈𝐑𝐓𝐘𝐍𝐈𝐍𝐄: 𝐚 𝐦𝐚𝐧'𝐬 𝐜𝐫𝐚𝐯𝐢𝐧𝐠

↬ 𝐂𝐇𝐀𝐏𝐓𝐄𝐑 𝐅𝐎𝐔𝐑𝐓𝐘: 𝐟𝐨𝐮𝐧𝐝 𝐟𝐚𝐦𝐢𝐥𝐲

↬ 𝐂𝐇𝐀𝐏𝐓𝐄𝐑 𝐅𝐎𝐔𝐑𝐓𝐘𝐎𝐍𝐄: 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐧𝐞𝐰 𝐠𝐢𝐫𝐥𝐟𝐫𝐢𝐞𝐧𝐝

↬ 𝐂𝐇𝐀𝐏𝐓𝐄𝐑 𝐅𝐎𝐔𝐑𝐓𝐘𝐓𝐖𝐎: 𝐜𝐨𝐧𝐬𝐞𝐪𝐮𝐞𝐧𝐜𝐞𝐬

↬ 𝐂𝐇𝐀𝐏𝐓𝐄𝐑 𝐅𝐎𝐔𝐑𝐓𝐘𝐓𝐇𝐑𝐄𝐄: 𝐚𝐜𝐜𝐨𝐦𝐩𝐥𝐢𝐜𝐞𝐬 𝐭𝐨 𝐞𝐧𝐞𝐦𝐢𝐞𝐬

↬ 𝐂𝐇𝐀𝐏𝐓𝐄𝐑 𝐅𝐎𝐔𝐑𝐓𝐘𝐅𝐎𝐔𝐑: 𝐋𝐚𝐮𝐠𝐡 𝐨𝐮𝐭 𝐥𝐨𝐮𝐝

↬ 𝐂𝐇𝐀𝐏𝐓𝐄𝐑 𝐅𝐎𝐔𝐑𝐓𝐘𝐅𝐈𝐕𝐄: 𝐚𝐩𝐩𝐫𝐞𝐜𝐢𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧

↬ 𝐂𝐇𝐀𝐏𝐓𝐄𝐑 𝐅𝐎𝐔𝐑𝐓𝐘𝐒𝐈𝐗: 𝐒𝐞𝐨𝐮𝐥'𝐬 𝐛𝐞𝐬𝐭 𝐥𝐚𝐰𝐲𝐞𝐫

↬ 𝐂𝐇𝐀𝐏𝐓𝐄𝐑 𝐅𝐎𝐔𝐑𝐓𝐘𝐒𝐄𝐕𝐄𝐍: 𝐣𝐮𝐝𝐠𝐞 𝐟𝐫𝐞𝐞 𝐳𝐨𝐧𝐞

↬ 𝐂𝐇𝐀𝐏𝐓𝐄𝐑 𝐅𝐎𝐔𝐑𝐓𝐘𝐄𝐈𝐆𝐇𝐓: 𝐮𝐩𝐬𝐞𝐭

↬ 𝐂𝐇𝐀𝐏𝐓𝐄𝐑 𝐅𝐎𝐔𝐑𝐓𝐘𝐍𝐈𝐍𝐄: 𝐚 𝐰𝐢𝐬𝐞 𝐦𝐚𝐧

↬ 𝐂𝐇𝐀𝐏𝐓𝐄𝐑 𝐅𝐈𝐅𝐓𝐘: 𝐦𝐲 𝐥𝐨𝐯𝐞 (𝟒.𝟏𝐤)

↬ 𝐂𝐇𝐀𝐏𝐓𝐄𝐑 𝐅𝐈𝐅𝐓𝐘𝐎𝐍𝐄: 𝐣𝐮𝐬𝐭 𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐬 𝐨𝐧𝐜𝐞 (𝟒.𝟕𝐤)

↬ 𝐂𝐇𝐀𝐏𝐓𝐄𝐑 𝐅𝐈𝐅𝐓𝐘𝐓𝐖𝐎: 𝐢𝐧𝐯𝐨𝐥𝐯𝐞𝐦𝐞𝐧𝐭

↬ 𝐂𝐇𝐀𝐏𝐓𝐄𝐑 𝐅𝐈𝐅𝐓𝐘𝐓𝐇𝐑𝐄𝐄: 𝐰𝐚𝐫 𝐨𝐟 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐜𝐞𝐨𝐬

↬ 𝐂𝐇𝐀𝐏𝐓𝐄𝐑 𝐅𝐈𝐅𝐓𝐘𝐅𝐎𝐔𝐑: 𝐢𝐧𝐧𝐞𝐫 𝐜𝐡𝐢𝐥𝐝

↬ 𝐂𝐇𝐀𝐏𝐓𝐄𝐑 𝐅𝐈𝐅𝐓𝐘𝐅𝐈𝐕𝐄: 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐛𝐫𝐨𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐫𝐬' 𝐩𝐥𝐚𝐧

↬ 𝐂𝐇𝐀𝐏𝐓𝐄𝐑 𝐅𝐈𝐅𝐓𝐘𝐒𝐈𝐗: 𝐦𝐲 𝐞𝐯𝐞𝐫𝐲𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐧𝐠 (𝟒.𝟏𝐤)

↬ 𝐂𝐇𝐀𝐏𝐓𝐄𝐑 𝐅𝐈𝐅𝐓𝐘𝐒𝐄𝐕𝐄𝐍: 𝐯𝐚𝐬𝐞𝐜𝐭𝐨𝐦𝐲 𝐭𝐚𝐥𝐤𝐬 𝐯𝐨𝐥.𝟑

↬ 𝐂𝐇𝐀𝐏𝐓𝐄𝐑 𝐅𝐈𝐅𝐓𝐘𝐄𝐈𝐆𝐇𝐓: 𝐦𝐲 𝐩𝐞𝐫𝐬𝐨𝐧

↬ 𝐂𝐇𝐀𝐏𝐓𝐄𝐑 𝐅𝐈𝐅𝐓𝐘𝐍𝐈𝐍𝐄: 𝐌𝐈𝐒𝐒𝐈𝐎𝐍 𝐌𝐑𝐒. 𝐏𝐀𝐑𝐊

↬ 𝐂𝐇𝐀𝐏𝐓𝐄𝐑 𝐒𝐈𝐗𝐓𝐘: 𝐦𝐢𝐬𝐬𝐢𝐨𝐧 𝐚𝐜𝐜𝐨𝐦𝐩𝐥𝐢𝐬𝐡𝐞𝐝

↬ 𝐄𝐏𝐈𝐋𝐎𝐆𝐔𝐄

#nic's recs ˚₊‧꒰ა ☆ ໒꒱ ‧₊˚#onlyjaeyun the writer that u r

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fakeuwus · 2 years ago

Text

sunghoon as tristan <33 I LOVE

🗒️ 、 INTENTIONS

popular sunghoon x fem reader 1535 words genre fluff mikaela’s note because sunghoon is so tristan dugray coded, inspired by a gilmore girls scene

“I’d kiss you but your boyfriend’s watching,” Sunghoon mumbles, and he’s so close you can feel his breath on your lips.

He holds your gaze confidently, with a tinge of arrogance as his tongue darts out to lick his lip. You think that Sunghoon is the most annoying person in the world, because how can he look so devilishly handsome and have such an intoxicating effect on you.

It all started when he showed up unannounced and uninvited to your birthday party — still in his school uniform, tie loosened and sleeves rolled up with his blazer hanging over his shoulder.

And you should have known better than to let him charm his way into your house. “What are you doing here, Hoon?”

He loves the way his nickname rolls off the tip of your tongue, it's so addictive and he wants to record it so that he can play it again and again, even if your tone is one of spite.

“Happy birthday princess,” Sunghoon completely ignores your words, taking steps closer towards you, “now, where’s my birthday kiss?”

He’s at it again, aimlessly flirting with you. You roll your eyes, a deep sigh exiting your mouth, “it’s my birthday, Hoon.” How did he even know where you lived? You were sure you told everyone you invited not to bring him along.

“So I’ll give you a birthday kiss,” he grins, eyes glinting with mischief as he watches your facial expressions fall, ears burning red as you quickly turn around.

You hate Park Sunghoon and the unimaginable hold he has on you. “I’m going to find my mother. Do not, I swear to god, cause any trouble.”

“Your mother? It’s a little early in the relationship,” he moves swiftly to your side, arms casually slinging over your shoulder as he pulls you closer into him forcefully. “But it’s okay, I’m ready.”

Where in the world does Sunghoon get his cocky attitude from, you think as you try your best to pry and lift his arm away from your shoulder. Despite your surface indifference towards his advances, there were millions of butterflies invading your stomach at his every single action.

Before you can even try to escape, a voice calls your name and you stop to talk to Yunjin. “Park Sunghoon? What are you doing here?”

Sunghoon steals a glance at you, and he thinks you look absolutely adorable as you pout at the image of multiple people seeing you with him; given how you always seemed to have complaints about his overly flirty nature and playboy ways.

But Sunghoon hasn’t fooled around since you transferred into Decelis two months ago, a personal record for him. At first all you were was a form of entertainment, someone who had cute reactions to his smooth pick up lines.

Then it all came crashing down, when he started to feel the need to bicker with you everyday and mess up your hair every time he sees you in the hallways. And somewhere in between the blurred lines, he fell in love.

“Here to celebrate my girl’s birthday,” he cocks his head towards you, who’s palms now cover your face in sheer embarrassment. God, now it’s going to spread like wildfire. His girl?

Yunjin’s eyes widen and jaw drops, “really? You guys are together? But I thought you were with Choi Soobin.” She asks, nudging you.

Sunghoon frowns at her words. Choi Soobin? Since when? Sunghoon literally follows you around school whenever he sees you, and he’s never seen you ever talk to that boy.

“Soobin and I are just friends,” you clarify, “also we are not a couple,” your finger gesturing to you and Sunghoon as you answer the girl.

“Tomorrow we’ll be a couple,” Sunghoon cuts back into the conversation, voice loud, and he catches your surprised expression as he smirks slyly.

Though he continues the conversation without a single stutter or break, Sunghoon’s feeling utterly disgusted. Is that the kind of boy you like? Nerdy losers who can’t do anything for the life of themselves? He doesn’t really like the thought of turning into those types of boys, but whatever you want, he thinks — he’s already practised abstinence for you, he might as well go all the way.

At the same time Sunghoon wonders if you’re really that oblivious to his obvious advancements towards you. He’s made it crystal clear: dumped his girlfriend, follows you around, talks about you literally all the time, and yet you’re still clueless.

And he whisks you away before you find the chance to clarify his words again. He’s determined this time round, to make it extremely straightforward for you.

“Hoon why in the world would you say stuff like that,” you groan, hands slapping his chest. And he grins like an idiot at your touch, if this was what it took for you to initiate skinship with him, he’d be more than willing to proclaim himself as your boyfriend any day.

He places a hand on the place you’d just hit, “it’s painful,” he pouts, and you almost feel a little guilty at your harsh actions, “can you kiss it better?”

Until that. You huff, “i’m leaving,” you announce as you turn away, ready to walk right back into the crowd. Sunghoon quickly clasps his fingers around your wrist, pulling you into his chest.

Your eyes become those of a deer caught in headlights as your body is pressed firmly against his, his arms finding their way to your waist; a gentle but firm hold as he bends down.

“Wasn’t done yet, princess,” he smirks, and you feel some sort of danger looming over because Sunghoon looks like a devil enticing you to commit sin. His black hair styles perfectly like always and his red tie, due to his excessive movements, is now dropping down even more to expose his honey skinned collarbones.

The most you can muster is a mumble, “what,” and your eyes are glassy as you stare up at him, he thinks he might go insane — so close to just moving in to place a kiss on your invitingly soft lips.

“I’d kiss you but your boyfriend’s watching,” and he literally spits the term out, unable to believe he’s labelling someone else other than him ‘your boyfriend’. He knows you guys aren’t together, but just for the comfort of his heart he has to hear it again.

It takes you a while before you process his words. “He’s not my boyfriend, Hoon,” and it’s that short statement coupled with the way you say his name that really breaks it for him.

Sunghoon moves in just as you finish your sentence, and he sinks into your pillowy lips. It’s paradise on earth and he thinks he will never be able to get enough of this feeling.

“Sunghoon,” you mumble when he breaks the kiss, slightly out of breath as you look up with hazy eyes.

He chuckles, “sorry, baby, my bad. I’ll return your kiss back,” and Sunghoon doesn’t hesitate to give you another kiss, fingers caressing your waist as he pulls you closer to him.

This time it’s you who breaks the kiss, way too out of breath to even form full sentences without a few breaks in between. “You just kissed me.”

“Right, I just did that baby,” he smiles, those tiny fangs of his showcased as he gazes adoringly at you. “Actually, I’m looking for a girlfriend.” He pauses, eyeing your flushed cheeks and pink lips, “you looking for a boyfriend by any chance, princess?”

Now that you’re literally glued onto Sunghoon, you take the chance to look at him. Sharp nose, pretty moles that you could probably trace along all day, and his eyes which contrasting to his calm demeanour, held anxiousness as he waited for you to answer.

You’ve thought about dating Sunghoon before. Multiple times. Way more than you should’ve. And you never wanted to ever confess to it, because he was everyone’s crush. And not only that, he was annoying — constantly teasing you and making you flustered by his actions. You’d curse every time your heartbeat started to accelerate at his flirty words. You had thought that there was no way he’d ever like you back.

“I’m looking for a boyfriend,” you admit, letting out a soft giggle at Sunghoon’s overjoyed expression. And you decide that maybe now’s the time to get back at him, tease him a little to get him to stay on his toes, “maybe I should go find Soobin.”

His shoulders drop almost immediately and his arms wrap around your waist securely, chin resting on the top of your head. “No fucking way,” he grumbles, “you’re my girlfriend now. And I’m your boyfriend.”

“Yeah, you are,” you say, voice muffled in the embrace of Sunghoon. And you hear him giggle slightly, the rumble of his chest exposing the boyish feelings your boyfriend was currently going through, “for now.”

Sunghoon lifts his chin from your head, fingers brushing over your cheeks before they land themselves on your jaw. He tilts your chin up, “too bad my intention is forever.” And he places a chaste kiss on your lips again and again.

You are in for a long ride.

#nic's recs ˚₊‧꒰ა ☆ ໒꒱ ‧₊˚

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fakeuwus · 1 year ago

Text

jay is so slut coded like taylor literally wrote this song thinking ab him !!! (i was there trust me bro)

SLUT! — P.JS

synopsis: experiencing love in your last year of high school was totally unexpected, especially when it’s the fact that you had fallen for the boy everyone wants. what you weren’t prepared for was the troubles that came with it. however, you were willing to pay the price just for the sake of love.

pairings: non-idol!jay x afab!reader

genre: acquaintances to lovers, high school au, romance, angst, coming of age (?)

warning(s): profanities, (slight) slut shaming, underage drinking and partying

wc: 6.7k

a/n: last fic of 2023! thank you for all the support 🫶 a little piece dedicated to everyone and also those who loves this song equally as much as me! please leave a feedback and reblogs are greatly appreciated! muah xx

Finding love was the last thing you had on your list right now.

It was the final year of high school. Everyone was freaking out over the fact that they were growing older and their time in high school was over. The Californian air couldn't be any more duller after that. Senior prom and graduation preparations were already starting even though it was just the start of the year. What was stopping them anyway?

Being a teenager was art, but what they didn't tell you about growing up was the process of falling in love.

It was torture. Witnessing people in love all around you while you struggled with advancing past the talking stage. No, it wasn't fair. However, having cupid strike its bow at you unexpectedly one day was the worst of crimes.

You know the embarrassing feeling when you see your classmates outside of school? Right. That was how you felt the moment Park Jong Seong walked into your mother's clinic, your eyes widening behind the counter. Must you be responsible for the counter at this very hour?

“Hey—Y/N?”

Jay was a classmate. You didn't really know him and neither did he know much about you. It was just neutral, where you coexist in the same space until the bell rings and the day ends. You get the gist.

That doesn't exclude the point where Jay was widely known, though. He wasn't like his popular jock friends or an athlete whatsoever. Instead, he was a studious guy who kept his reputation clean. Basically, he was your typical golden boy. You knew he wasn't completely innocent to an extent, but at least he was good at hiding it.

There is no denying that everyone wants him. He was a nice guy paired with strong, distinct features. It was no secret he was also known for his looks and caring manners.

“Jay? What are you doing here?”

He was wrapped in a thick hoodie, hands hidden in his pants pocket. “Caught a cold. I thought I should drop by to see a doctor and get some medicine,”

“Oh no,” you tried your best at giving a concerned expression, though you were busy skimming through files on the laptop. “Do you have a record here?”

“I do. Not my first time,”

You tried for his full legal name instead of ‘Jay Park’ and thankfully, his record showed up. “Found it,” you glanced up just to find him staring back at you. This was probably the first time you were this close to him, enough to be able to distinguish the moles on his face.

“I'll call you in a bit,”

You did what you always do every time, inform your mother and call the patients in. But Jay wasn't just another patient to you. When you called his name, you watched as he got closer, casting you a sweet smile right before he disappeared behind the door, leaving you to your seat at the counter, overthinking the littlest details that you knew you'd have to spill to your best friend after.

Jay waited patiently by the counter once it was time to pay. His gaze followed your every move as you got his prescribed medicine and stuffed them carefully into a bag.

“Here you go,” you passed the bag over, then accepted the cash he had been holding for a while. “Thanks,” you muttered, taking the chance at avoiding eye contact when you slipped the cash into the register.

“Thank you too,” Jay said, immediately gaining your attention. He was still managing a smile even though you could tell he was shivering slightly.

“No problem. Rest well,” you took a piece of candy from your own bowl of personal sweets stash. “Here,”

“Candy?”

You nodded, humming softly.

“Thanks,” his voice was quieter, sounding as if he was in disbelief. Unbeknownst to you, his eyes twinkled, a hint of fascination lingered. “I'll see you around, Y/N.”

“See you.”

That night, you laid awake replaying the encounter you had with Jay. It was the first time you've ever talked to him, and it was barely anything, but you somehow understood why people liked him by then. Not like you didn't like him initially, you meant, romantically.

It was definitely an odd place to meet and talk to him. Out of all the possible places, it just had to be your mother’s clinic that none of your peers came to once, that was until him. But somehow, it was the right timing despite the location. It was the wrong place at the right time.

Who knew his cold and your candy would soon start something neither of you expected.

“Do you wish you made out with him or something?”

Telling Yunjin about it was probably the best and worst idea. Sure, she could be a great moral support, except she lacked filters when needed.

“What the fuck—no!” You glanced around, hoping none of the passing students heard your stupid discussions. “He's hot but not like that, at all,”

“So you admit he's hot!”

You rolled your eyes, chucking the bag of Doritos back to her. “I never said he wasn't,”

“You intended it, said you didn't get the ‘hype’ around him,”

“Until now!” You threw your hands up in surrender, only getting a cackle from Yunjin as a response. “Whatever. It's a one time thing. He's out of my league. It's a whole ‘You Belong with Me’ music video type of situation excluding me being friends with him,”

“You're yapping at this point,”

“Thanks, I know,”

“It's not that serious, Y/N. You fighting your life trying to defend yourself only makes it seem like you're in denial,” why must she always be on point?

“Whatever, whatever,” you waved her off, stubbornly ignoring what she said. “I'm at the back of the line anyway, I should be worrying about graduation and college,”

“Oh right!” Yunjin physically jumped, her backpack shook. “I need your opinion on something.”

That whole Jay discourse had swarmed your head that was currently leaning against the window. You purposely picked a seat by the window at the back of the class, hoping for some space to think since it was a class you didn't have with Yunjin.

“A dollar for your thoughts?”

To your right stood Jay, shouldering his backpack and offering a warm smile. You knew you shared this class with him, but to have him walk up to you at that very moment was something beyond unexpected.

“Hey,” you greeted rather stiffly, not knowing what to do now that you were put under the spot. “W–what are you doing standing there?” Facepalm.

“Oh—do you mind if I sit beside you?” He pointed at the empty seat next to you, and you shook your head. You usually sat with random classmates anyway, having no close friends in this class was a struggle.

Jay's face broke into a smile of relief, plotting his bag down before taking a seat. “Thanks, I don't really have anyone I know here,”

“You don't?” That's weird. You always noticed how people naturally swarmed around Jay's table, either greeting him or chatting with him.

“Not really. None of them are really my friends,”

But you were?

“You're a friend to me, though,” he added, as if reading your mind at that instant.

You were taken aback, but you hid it well, masking it with nonchalance. “Really?”

He nodded, a sincere smile that told you he meant it. You let yourself loose this time, reciprocating his smile. “I'm honoured,”

“I'm even more honoured.”

Throughout the class, you didn't miss the occasional glances from him and neither did you stop yourself from looking at him. He was much more breathtaking up close. Who were you to deny that?

By the end of the class, the bell rang and everyone started to pack up, some already rushing out in a hurry. You, on the other hand, was too caught up in your headspace to notice Jay was already done tidying up beside you and was waiting for his queue.

“Uh—Y/N?” he tapped you on your shoulder, stealing your attention at once. You stared at him expectantly, blinking with curiosity behind your eyes.

“Yeah?” You dragged the word out slightly, packing your last book into your bag.

“Would you like to go to a party this weekend?”

A party? That'd be your first.

“Where's that? Can I bring my friend too?”

“Yes and it's at Jake's house,” he winced, forgetting you're not one of those frequent party goers. “I'll text you the details—wait, I don't even have your number,” he laughed awkwardly, which only made you smile.

“Real smooth, Jay,” you signalled for his phone, and he grabbed it out of his jeans pocket without saying a word, eyes following your move as you typed in your number.

When you handed his phone back, he didn’t hesitate to press the call button. Obviously, you heard your ringtone coming from your backpack. You glanced at Jay, giving him a face that was saying ‘really?’, quite incredulous that he’d doubted you.

“Just wanted to be sure,” he smiled, scratching the back of his neck out of awkwardness. “I’ll make sure to text you,” he held his phone up, waving it a little and slowly getting up from his seat, to which you followed suit. At that moment, the classroom was already almost empty, so it was just a few lingering students with you and Jay, but it all felt like you were in a completely different universe altogether.

“Cool,”

“Cool,” Jay echoed after you, and you resisted yourself from laughing. Apparently he noticed your tight smile and smiled along with you. Wordlessly, you two communicated through each of your smiles even as you walked side by side out the door.

“Which way are you going?” he was quick to ask, eyes shining with expectations.

“I’m going that way,” you pointed to the right, down the busy corridor.

“Oh,” Jay visibly faltered, the expectations he held behind his gaze were crushed. “I’m heading that way,” he pointed to the left, the opposite direction of where you’re going.

“I guess that’s it for today,” you patted his shoulder, unbeknownst to how Jay had froze under your touch for a second. “Until our next class together, then,”

“See you,” he waved, gradually backing away.

You couldn’t help but grin. “Bye!”

You watched as he walked away, his back now fully facing you. It took you another beat before your feet were willing you away to where you were meant to go. But what you failed to realise as you concentrated on your steps was Jay turning his head back to catch a glimpse of you, his head only filled with the thoughts of you.

He’s so screwed.

Staying at the library was the last resort for you once you got to know Yunjin had an impromptu extra hour class after school. She promised she'd take you to the pool, considering the weather was only getting hotter day by day. But you suppose it'd have to wait for now.

What was worse, the heatwave or high school? Trick question.

The library was mostly empty by this hour, only a couple of students remained to either study or chill around just like you. It was one of those times where you wondered why you didn't explore more. As you wandered along the towering shelves filled with old books, you caught sight of an interesting looking one.

Instinctively, you pulled the book out of the shelf without thinking twice. But what caught your eyes wasn't the cover of the book or the book itself in general. Instead, it was the pair of eyes staring back at you through the small gap from where the book originally sat.

The most surprising bit of all was you knew and recognised who those eyes belonged to. Jay.

Your eyes widened, so did he once he saw your reaction. For some inexplicable reason, you stood up straight, unknowingly fixing your hair out of a nervous habit.

You were nervous? It's just Jay. No, wait, that's probably why. It's Jay. How were you not going to feel nervous around him?

Quick, think! Were you going to find him in the next aisle or run away. Maybe not the latter. You turned on your heel and walked forward, deciding to find Jay and greet him out of courtesy.

You were just about to turn the corner when you stumbled into the man you were looking for, perfect. Actually, not perfect. The moment you crashed into him, you stumbled into his chest and his hands flew up to catch you, the book originally in his possession dropped to the ground with a firm thud.

There you were, literally in his arms and looking frenzied. His wide eyes matched yours. It took a few beats and a moment for your mind to formulate what's happening for you to finally push yourself from him, absolutely flustered from embarrassment.

“Hey,” you dusted your front in an attempt to hide your burning cheeks.

“Hi,” he replied rather breathlessly, mirroring your rosy cheeks.

The book that fell to the ground suddenly became unimportant to Jay, but to you, it was a mark that was burning into the precious floorings. You moved fast and picked up the book, yet you weren't quick to hand it back, instead you took a look at it.

“Pride and Prejudice?” You noted from the old cover, then glanced at him, a glint of interest sparked. “Didn't know you're like that,” you extended the book out to him.

He took the book back into his possession, smiling rather sweetly. “Literature is the death of me,”

“Isn't it a selective subject?”

“It is. I was an idiot for thinking I could hold on,” he rolled his eyes, making you giggle softly.

“I'm sure you will. You're—like—Einstein smart,”

“Are you trying to stroke my ego right now?” He crossed his arms, leaning onto the bookshelf ever so casually.

“No, I'm just pointing it out. You literally rank in the top 5 every year! It's annoying,”

“Is it so?”

“Very much,”

“Should I be flattered? I'm flattered,” he bowed dramatically, unable to hide his smug smile. It was your turn to roll your eyes, shaking your head at him. He only let out a laugh at your reaction. “What are you doing here at this time anyway?”

“Oh—Yunjin, my friend, had a random impromptu class so she had to stay back. I was waiting for her since she’s bringing me to go swim, but now I don’t know if that’s happening,”

“You could always stop by my place for a swim,”

You blinked, head tilting to one side. “What?”

Jay seemed to have become embarrassed judging from the reddening tips of his ears that you were (thankfully) oblivious to. “I have a pool, and my parents are out of town for maybe a few months or so for work, so it’s practically unused,”

“What about your friends? Don’t they go over to swim?”

“They do, but they’re looking to take more advantage of it by wanting to throw a party soon since my parents are away,” he grumbled in the last part.

“Well, are you?”

“I guess? I don’t mind it,” he hummed, bright eyes flickering to you. “Will you come if I do?”

“If I’m invited,”

“Obviously you are,” Jay said matter-of-factly, eyebrows raised. “So what do you say?”

“Sure,”

“Great. I’ll hold you to it,” he snapped his fingers, and was basically beaming now. It only made you form more visible heart eyes. “But for now, I’ll see you at Jake’s party,”

“Deal.”

That day, you left the library with a lovesick smile instead of a book. You didn’t even get annoyed after knowing it was too late for a trip to the pool, and obviously Yunjin caught onto that. On the walk home, you thought about him and the party. Anxiety and anticipation were both building up, until he came up in mind again and everything disappeared.

You got lovestruck and it went straight to your head. It was almost the first time you’ve actually felt the way you’re feeling now, nobody had once made you fully experience every emotion of having a crush in your years in high school. No one was even capable of it, that was until Jay appeared into your life.

Going to bed that same night, you thought of him again. At that point, you wondered if he would materialise in your bedroom from the amount of times you had him in your head. Maybe he’d be accidentally manifested into life.

Tossing and turning, you kicked your feet at the imaginations you had of him. Upon realising your own behaviour, you covered your face with a pillow and screamed into it. Were you crazy? Oh my God, you were!

Then it hit you.

You’re admitting this now. You like Park Jong Seong.

“I can’t believe we’re here,”

Yunjin was currently having the best of her life even though nothing has happened yet and you both had just arrived at Jake’s house.

The walk in was already shocking. On the lawn of Jake’s house were knocked out drunks, then by the door were people making out and doing weird things you didn’t want to think of again. You were surprised that everything happening before you was something you’ve seen in movies and you were actually experiencing that now.

“Is this even … legal?” you glanced around, cringing at the tacky set ups and badly picked music in the background.

“No. But you’ve drunk before, so who are you to say?”

“Touche,”

Wandering further into the house, you realised there were many people here, but you weren't surprised at all. Jake was a well known footballer anyway, how could he not be popular in the first place?

"Y/N!"

At the sound of your name being called, you looked over your shoulder to see Jay approaching you. His eyes carried the same kind of brightness he has around you, the corner of his lips were curved up into a wide smile. Let's not forget how he has his hair styled up at that moment. Was he expecting you to not feel anything?

"Jay! Hey," you waved meekly at him until he was standing before you. You noticed his gaze on your friend who was standing beside you, a look of unfamiliarity clearly written in his expressions. "This is Yunjin, by the way,"

Yunjin and Jay both greeted each other amicably, though a little awkward but it was natural for it to be like that. Jay turned to look at you, eyebrows raised. "This would be a great chance to introduce my friends but—"

"Jay!"

"I take that back,"

You and your friend exchanged a brief look, stifling your laughter at Jay's demeanour. He was flailing his hand to get his friend to come closer, and by then, you could recognise who it was.

"Bro, why were you running around all night? Were you expecting someone—oh, hey," Jake, the host of the party and the popular footballer, had finally taken account of you and your friend's presence. "I'm Jake, nice to meet you,"

"Likewise, I'm Y/N,"

"Yunjin,"

"Y/N and Yunjin, you guys are new faces around here,"

"It's not really our scene," you nudged Yunjin a little, and she nodded in agreement. It's true, you and her equally preferred a night in with a romcom playing than this. But you'd make it an exception this time, and maybe the next time for Jay's party.

"You're always welcomed. Any friend's of Jay or friend's of Jay's friend are welcomed to our party," Jake patted Jay's back, while the latter only rolled his eyes at his friend.

"Jake! Your toilet's clogged—" another one you recognised to be a part of the friend group appeared out of the blue. It was Sunghoon. Star hockey player and basically every girl's crush, he was known for his wits, charming good looks, and crazy hockey skills, duh.

If you told yourself from months back that you'd somehow become friends with Jay and meet his friends, you'd think you're crazy.

"Hey, sorry," Sunghoon winced, but gave Jake a pointed look after. Jake scoffed in annoyance, then left with a huff and a wave of goodbye to you and Yunjin. "Sorry 'bout that, I'm Sunghoon,"

"I'm Yunjin," when did she become this bold? Whatever it was, you were willing to support her.

"I'm Y/N,"

"You're Y/N?" Sunghoon gasped quietly, glancing between you and Jay, interest forming in his head.

Jay slapped the back of Sunghoon's head, and in the midst of the latter's grumbles, he could only smile awkwardly at you. "Shut up," he hissed to Sunghoon.

"First, ouch. Second, whatever," Sunghoon bumped Jay roughly with his shoulder. "Wanna get some drinks?"

"I'm fine, I'll pass. Maybe Yunjin can go along with you?" You eyed Yunjin, and you saw her giving you those 'i owe you my life' type of eyes.

"Sure," Sunghoon smiled at Yunjin, but gave Jay a firm nudge, his gaze alone conveying the message. Apparently bro telepathy was a thing, because in a few seconds, he decided Jay was staying with you and wandered off along with your best friend.

"It's just us two now," you said, as if it wasn't already obvious.

"Yeah," Jay was equally stiff as you were. "Sounds crazy, but do you want to go up to the room? It's a little loud here,"

"I don't think it's 'a little' but totally, sure. Lead the way," you figured Jay was familiar with his way since it was quite literally his best friend's house.

He wordlessly took your hand and intertwined it with his. It was so casual and sudden that it was unexpected, knocking the breath out of you. He made sure you were walking in front of him the whole time, hand never leaving yours and only gripping tighter as he held you close to avoid the crowd.

In a world of boys, he was a gentleman.

He eventually brought you to a quiet room down the hall upstairs, into a bedroom that was decorated much simpler. You guessed it was the guest room, it would've made most sense.

"Do you normally bring girls here?"

Jay's face contorted into a mix of shock and disbelief, arms thrown into the air. "What—no!"

"Really?"

"What makes you think that?"

You shrugged, taking a seat on the bed. "I don't know? Well, everyone wants you—"

That was your crime.

"—you're popular, smart, cute, kind and—am I talking too much?" You paused, feeling the bed dip beneath you as Jay joined your side.

"I like it," he hummed, turning to look at you. "I like you,"

You blinked. One second. Two seconds.

"What?" Your eyes were widening, whereas Jay was just staring back calmly with an unwavering smile.

"I like you, Y/N," the confession rolled off his tongue like a secret he has been keeping for too long. The eyes that were searching for yours were filled with longing and hope.

Was this really happening right now?

"I like you too, Jay,"

It felt like the world had stopped and it was just you and him there. You were taking in his confession and so was he. It might've been silent but it was comfortable.

"Can I—" he leaned in, but stopping just an inch away from your lips. You could feel his breath on yours, noses making contact. That was how close he was.

"Yeah,"

Just before Jay could press his lips against yours, the door burst open and you jumped, literally. You heard a thud too, and realised Jay was on the floor.

You turned to look at the door, finding the culprit standing there awkwardly. It was Jake, and he, too, was self aware that he had crashed an important private moment.

"Uh—I just wanted to find Jay…"

"Jake, if you don't close that door right now, I swear—"

Jay didn't even need to finish his sentence when Jake slammed the door shut, yelling out 'sorry's and saying he'd be waiting for Jay down the hall. Talk about awkward encounters.

You locked eyes with Jay, who looked thoroughly embarrassed but also humoured. It didn't take long before you burst out laughing and he joined along. Soon, he returned to his original spot next to you too.

"That was … bad,"

"It was," you were fidgeting with your hands, suddenly nervous. "I guess the timing wasn't right,"

"It really wasn't,"

Silence fell between the two of you, and there was something in your mind that was bugging you. "Does this mean we're …?" You didn't need to finish what you were saying for Jay to get the meaning.

"I mean, do you want to try it out first? We don't need to rush into anything, don't even need to be official. I just wanted you to know how I feel,"

"I can do slow," you nodded, catching a brief glimpse of Jay.

"I'll always be waiting for you," Jay took your hand in his, and that was when you finally had the courage to meet his eyes again. "Whenever you're ready."

People say dating the popular guy was a bad idea, but for once, you were willing to let loose and give your heart a go.

Who knew the start of your newfound romance would soon blossom into a whirlwind of tears, love, and scandalous teen romance.

"So you're dating him now?"

Having Yunjin scream into your ear in the morning during the first period was not surprising. Maybe telling her everything over the phone and leaving her hanging wasn't the best idea. It wasn't your fault she was hungover anyway.

"Shush! Do you want everyone to know?"

"I'm sure everyone knows by now,"

You gave her a puzzled look. "What do you mean?"

"Jake kinda saw you guys, then he blabbered it to Sunghoon, and I guess others heard it because he was not quiet about it,"

Jake. You heaved a sigh, shaking your head a bit. "We're not boyfriend girlfriend official, but just … trying things out, you know?"

"I know," Yunjin let out a satisfied hum. "I think he'd be great for you,"

"Really?"

"He's a nice guy, Y/N. Judging from his reputation, he seems like a good man," Yunjin practically gave you her seal of approval, and it left you feeling happy for the rest of the period.

That was until lunch break where everything fell apart way too fast.

Walking out to the cafeteria, you didn't think much about anything else as you listened to Yunjin rant about her latest online purchase. But the moment you heard Jay's name along with yours in passing, your ears perked up. You thought nothing of it, leading up to Kim Minjeong confronting you head on and you knew that's when you should start worrying.

"Are you … the one with Jay?"

You glanced at Yunjin for a split second, anxiety bubbling in your stomach. "I guess?"

"You're a slut. Don't you know I have a thing for him? There's something call girl code—"

"Woah woah, wait, what? Look, we don't even know you like that," Yunjin quickly butt in upon seeing you fall silent.

"Everyone knows me! Everyone knows Jay and I had a thing! What is it you want? His popularity? Money—"

"Shut up,"

Speaking of the devil.

"You okay?" Jay appeared by your side, gaze softening once it landed on you. "I was searching for you, didn't know this is happening,"

"I—"

"Jay! What are you doing? Why are you with her—"

"Can you just quit it? We've been through this many times, Minjeong. I don't like you and I never have, why can't you just accept it?" He sounded exasperated, almost as if he had been putting up with this for ages. "Put my girl's name out of your mouth and leave her out of this. She's the one I want, not you,"

The only way you could describe Minjeong's face there was rageful. Her expressions were contorted and her lips were etched into a frown. She knew she couldn't defend herself further, so she eventually left with a huff.

It was quite unsalvageable at that point and you felt yourself breaking down from the inside out. Even when Jay called your name, you only shrugged him off and brushed past him. The worst part of all: he didn't run after you either.

Great. Now you were going to spend the rest of the day mulling in bed.

That didn't last long either. Once you got into bed, ready to sleep away from the day's incident and think back to Yunjin's pep talk, you heard your phone buzz. Not once, but multiple times. Who was sending messages at that time? Of course, it had to be him.

jjongster: hey, can we please talk?

jjongster: like right now

you: right now?

jjongster: yeah, send me wherever you're most convenient to meet

This was stupid. Sneaking out of your room when it's dark out and meeting Jay down the street from your house. All when your emotions were not stable and set yet. You've sent him the address and now he's waiting there, standing by his car like a dream.

"Hey," he called out softly as you walked closer to him.

"Hi," you hated this, the sudden stiffness and awkwardness that got between you two, you shouldn't be suffering because of it.

"Sorry for asking you to come out this late," he was quick to apologise, taking a step closer to you. He was always so nice, so kind and loving. "I–it's just eating me up, and I really wanted to tell you—speak to you—in person. I wanted to see you,"

"It's okay, I get it. I'm sorry too, for leaving so abrupt and ignoring you. That was wrong of me to do," you were feeling guilty about what you did earlier, letting your emotions get the best of you and neglecting Jay.

"I understand, don't worry. Are you feeling okay? I didn't expect that to happen, I'm sorry,"

"Don't apologise, it's not on you," you brushed away the strand of hair that constantly fell onto your face, occasionally avoiding his stare. "And I don't know. I don't know how or what to feel,"

He frowned. "Tell me, tell me what's on your mind,"

"Jay, what if this was all a bad choice? You're you, and I'm … me. You're the golden boy, everyone wants you! Now they're talking behind our backs and all I do is hear rumours that aren't true, names being called …"

"It's not a bad choice, Y/N! I want you … so much. No one else compares. Can't you see that?" Jay moved closer to you, his hands now on both your shoulders. "Don't push me away now,"

Jay was taking his chance, and you thought it was a big mistake, but he doesn’t. It might blow up in his pretty face, and you didn’t tell him straight on to do it anyway, yet you knew he was going to and he wasn’t going to care what others think.

"I could never," you shook your head, welcoming his embrace as he pulled you in, and before you knew it, the tears you held in all day started streaming down your cheeks.

He held you there on the pavement as you broke down in his arms, his hold on you never once loosened. There that night, under the starry sky and illuminating street lights was a connection and trust formed unknowingly between you and him, love that blossomed like a flower in spring.

"Gosh, I probably look stupid right now crying," you chuckled, pushing yourself slightly off of him to glance at his face.

"You look pretty, gorgeous to me," his thumb travelled to your cheeks, wiping away the tears that remained.

"I shouldn't have said that … us being a bad choice," you said quietly, cursing internally that you've even doubted it in the first place. "I trust you, Jay, I do,"

"Thank you," his hand travelled down to hold onto yours, a smile ever so soft. "We'll go at your pace. Whenever you're ready,"

"Whenever I'm ready." you repeated, unable to stop yourself from smiling either.

Jay knew he was already in deep, experiencing feelings he's never felt before in his eighteen years of life, but seeing you then, made him realise maybe young love was something to believe in. For once, he had a love to fight for.

Jay was true to his words. He, in fact, did throw a party at his place. But what he didn't tell you was the cleaning up, and boy, was it a headache.

Once everyone had filed out a little after midnight, it was only you and Jay left. It was peaceful. In an empty house that had music blasting in the background, you and Jay each struggled to pick up all the rubbish strewn. You liked this. You like him.

It might've taken a while, but eventually you had the place cleaned, or at least, rubbish-less. There was probably more deep cleaning needed (that was for the next day to worry about). However, for now, it was finally just the two of you, and a whole lot of space with nothing to do.

"Wanna go for a dip?"

"Now?" You glanced at the clock, then back at Jay, who was trying to convince you with his starry eyes and nodding his head like an overly enthusiastic puppy. "Fine."

You didn't even know why you agreed to it. It was a lucky decision you brought an extra pair of everything since you were staying over.

Jay was already in the pool, floating around when you walked out. The light coming from the pool was the only thing providing light. Blue reflection and wet messy hair made Jay increasingly dreamy, till the point where you stood there for a bit too long and he had to call for you.

"Coming!" You huffed, but the moment you reached the edge of the pool, you found yourself stuck and feeling nervous.

The sight of Jay's bare front and your lack of clothing was nerve wracking to even think about. Your mind was in a fuzz even as you accepted his hand and let him pull you in, the cool water invading your senses.

His arms came to wrap around your waist, the only thing you could hold for support was his bicep, so that was what you reached for. Jay didn't mind, he only held you tighter, a conspiring glare glazed over his eyes.

"Hey," he tilted his head, gaze travelling all over your features. You were close, very close. It was almost as if you could hear your own heartbeat in your ears.

"Hi," you whispered back. Your hand was on its own journey, absentmindedly moving to his shoulder.

You should be dying out of anxiety by now, or even freak the fuck out, yet, you successfully kept your composure, in front of a hot man. Hooray!

"How's the water? I swear it's clean. I gated it off before the party,"

You laughed, remembering how Jake was so insistent on keeping the pool part of the party. He claimed that a pool party was way cooler than just a regular party. Jay was not convinced.

"It's nice. Chilly,"

Jay nodded for a bit, pursing his lips, thinking for a beat. "I'm glad you were here today,"

"Why?"

"I just like having you here, that's all,"

"You're so cheesy, it's annoying," you joked lightheartedly, knowing you secretly enjoyed this side of him.

"Whatever, you tolerate it anyway,"

He was right, you did. Over the few months, you've grown to memorise and remember every part of Jay. His habits, his likings, et cetera. It was crazy how your relationship grew with time, but the much crazier part was the fact that you two had not gone official yet.

"Against my will,"

"That's a lie,"

"Whatever you say," you said in a sing-song tone, which only made Jay roll his eyes, reaching up to pinch your cheek.

His gaze never left yours, not even once. It was trained on you, always had been and always will be. The eventual silence got to you, and it was just the distant noise of the water that filled the air.

It was one of those moments where you think 'was this real'. Spoiler: it was. He was testing the waters, you could tell, and you let him.

Jay inched a little closer, eyes flickering between you and your lips. It was obvious that he was nervous from the shaky breath and wavering confidence, but it only made you more relieved.

You let out a breath, meeting his lips halfway. At first, he was shocked, you were too, but for different reasons. Kissing him was a breath of fresh air. His lips moved against yours naturally as if it was his first instinct, like he has been waiting for this for ages, which was not entirely wrong. He tilted his head, deepening the kiss and you swore you felt yourself imploding.

The moment you two finally pulled away to catch your breath, you could only stare at him and hold onto him tighter as if you were afraid he might not be real. Jay chased after your lips, pressing haste pecks and smiling into every one of them. It was infectious, everything about him was and it had you intoxicated.

You realised at that second that you’d be willing to go against the world for him if you had to. Even if someone called you a ‘slut’ again, maybe it’d be worth it for once, and you knew he’d always be right there to defend you.

“I'm ready,”

“Hm?” he was still in a haze, eyes staring back at you with more than love in them.

“I’m ready to be yours, Jay, I’m serious,”

“You are?”

He has never been so relieved and happy leading up till that moment, just having you in his arms was about to make him burst. All he needed was to see you nod and watch your lips mouthing ‘yes’ as a confirmation before lifting you up, arms tight around you.

Under the moonlit swimming pool, you’ve never been happier.

The night might’ve already ended for others, but to you and Jay, it was still ongoing, and you wished for it to not end. So, there you were, in his bed, staring up at the ceiling as he lay beside you. There was barely any space between you and him, his hand brushed against yours from time to time, neither of you dared to move from your original position.

Half asleep, you were taking your time to do something. You took the chance to move your hand closer and gently made contact with his. It didn’t even take a beat for him to lace his fingers with yours, his grip ever so firm, calloused skin against yours. You could tell Jay was equally drifting in and out of sleep as you were, mind in a haze but awake enough to comprehend that you were next to him and not a figment of his imagination.

“I’m in love with you,”

It was faint, almost a whisper, but a mumble that was audible came from Jay. You turned your head to look at him, even under the dim lights, you were able to see that smile from him. The one that always made him look like a lovesick fool, that his friend would claim he’d have whenever he talked about you; it was a smile only reserved for you, and you were the cause of it too.

“Goodnight,” he mumbled out, eyes remained shut, but the smile stayed.

“Goodnight.”

There in the bed slept two young lovers, a fresh love that was unbreakable that connected the two of you together, all of it was fated. From the clinic to now, it might’ve started at the wrong place but it surely was at the right time, and you were glad to be next to him, hand in hand, anticipating what the future had in store for you two.

☆ permanent taglist (open):

@silentkarnival @strvlveera @freshsaladbowl @bejewelledgirl @fakeuwus @yenqa @hsgwrld @ilovegyuvin @enhacatalog @aishigrey @shinrjj @kgneptun @ilovegyuvin @hyunniesvlog

#nic's recs ˚₊‧꒰ა ☆ ໒꒱ ‧₊˚#user jaylver ily

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fakeuwus · 2 years ago

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wanted to reblog when it was finished, 10/10 smau i love it so much my silly lil weed addicts and barista besties™️

a stoner’s guide to starbucks

PAIRING ▸ lee heeseung x fem!reader (ft. enha, winter from aespa, beomgyu from txt, and dino from svt)

GENRES ▸ social media au (smau), crack, fluff, stoner au, strangers to lovers

WARNINGS ▸ profanity, sexual jokes, zero braincells, limited knowledge of the starbucks corporation, weed consumption, dumb shenanigans, ignore timestamps!

SUMMARY ▸ in which you work at the starbucks where heeseung is a regular at (and considered a public enemy). also he only goes when he’s stoned off his ass.

UPDATE SCHEDULE ▸ every day

AUTHOR’S NOTE ▸ hello !! i am alive (real) also i was so committed to the bit that i got high to make this <3 shoutout @hoonbear for the Extensive Starbucks Knowledge 🫡 i would also like to note that i am NOT doing a tag list for this smau. also please note that this is a fictional setting and to boycott starbucks in real life for firing their workers for their pro palestine speech

Keep reading

#nic's recs ˚₊‧꒰ა ☆ ໒꒱ ‧₊˚#live laugh love jayflrt

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fakeuwus · 2 years ago

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im so soft pls

# LIKE THE MOVIES !

⇁ relationship tropes w enha

pairing hyung line x fem reader genre fluff , scenarios warning cursing

% LEE HEESEUNG | EMBARRASSING & EMBARRASED

— will definitely yell out "I LOVE YOU" in the loudest voice he can muster up before dropping u off to class and won't leave until u yell it back. he does this with the most shit eating grin ever

— he's so dreamy when ure together but sometimes he just gets that burst of energy where he absolutely NEEDS to do something that makes u question why u even liked him

— "um she asked for no pickles 🤓☝️"

— he buys u guys those ugly "if lost return to her" "hi im her" shirts and forces u to wear them everytime u go on a date

— unironically likes it and is a proud matching shirt buyer

— everytime u post he'll spam ur comments with all the compliments in the entire world, tags all his friends and old people he doesn't even know saying shit like "hey this is my gf you know my gf go follow my gf"

— "hey babe does my hair look good?" and its a picture of him smoldering, showing off his godly jawline. probably thinks hes the sexiest guy alive (he is)

% PARK JONGSEONG / JAY | CHIVALROUS KNIGHT & PRINCESS

— u guys saw that one vlog w his mom? jay literally gave her the more appetizing plate while he just dumped everything on his

— opens the car door, cooks ur meals, helps u w hw, and even buys ur parents flowers everytime he visits

— "open the door for a big surprise (not clickbait)!" and he doordashed u ur fav foods after his spidey sense told him u felt down

— ok i imagine him buying a 100-recipe cook book and making every dish whenever u stay over

— "but babe i'm ful-" "please just one more, i promise this will be the last"

— spoiler alert- it's not! dw tho, extra servings get sent to ur friends/family. ur mom teaches him some of her special recipes while ur dad is his assistant chef (taste tester)

— he's a gentleman, yes thats true. but once u too get real comfortable w/ each other is when the side of chivalry u never knew existed revealed itself

— he pampers u when ure tired but still likes to tease u if he sees the oppurtunity to. ex: massaging ur legs after an intense cardio workout, "ur feet are smelling kinda stinky. no need to worry, i'll lick the dirt away for u babe 😉 " NASTY.

— he pays for all ur cafeteria meals and always says something along the lines of "let's go out on saturday, except ure paying for everything"

— do u ever end up paying? no.

— he'll distract u the moment ure at the counter and pays w his card before u can even look back. "i guess they gave us a free discount for being their best customers 🤷" u know what he did even if he won't admit

— it's okay, u buy him a cheeseburger using ur free mcdonalds app awards

% SIM JAEYUN / JAKE | UNINTENTIONALLY RIZZING & RIZZED

— no lies here: sim jaeyun is the dreamiest man ever

— casually explaining to him what happened in ur day blah blah, u look to ur right and the softest eyes are staring at u with so much love u almost combust

— but not only was he staring at u, bro was unconsciously licking his lips, tilting his head and holding ur fingers so delicately like it might break any second (cute and sexy?) u had to stop talking for a sec and scream into ur hand

— ESP AT SCHOOL DUDE he'll run to u after a soccer match and hug u so tight ur friends start puking

— like ewww sweat but at the same time omggg ur bf's sweat 😝 u still have to push him off before u starting stinking too tho

— he's defo the type to lift his shirt up to wipe the sweat off his face and it kills u everytime... u look to see if anyone's looking before snapping a quick pic (who wouldn't)

— when u guys r studying together, he'll either pull u by the waist or by ur chair so u can get closer to him without having to stand up

— struggling to see the paper? no need to fear, dikeu is here :3

— he'll slide his hand (purposely) under ur shirt and scooch u over to his side of the table, never even stopping the conversation

— mind u, his hand is still on ur waist

% PARK SUNGHOON | SOCIALLY AWKWARD & SOCIALLY AWKWARD

— ur relationship makes ur friends giggle at how silly u guys r

— imagine: blah blah blah ure in a really interesting conversation with ur boyfriend and someone interrupts, asking if u guys did the hw last week

— "oh uh" "uhm" "idk" "sorry" UR REPLIES. EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.

— cue the intense eye contact until that person leaves the room. then u go back to whatever u were talking about. "so yeah lebron should honestly retire this season"

— since u have all classes together, ur teachers always make sure to pair u up as partners since no WAY in hell will either of u be able to talk to someone else willingly

— if ur friend group isn't at the cafeteria, the top 3 lunch spots would be @ the field, rooftop, or back of the classroom

— when u accompany him to skating/dance practice, all u do is record him reviewing a program or choreo and silently cheer him on

— both ur parents share concerns about u two not having any friends at/outside of school 😢

— no one really knows that yall r talking about the weirdest shit during class... they just think ure being little nerds and working on math answers

— "messi is literally better than ronaldo what are u on about boy" "ok buddy but who has more insta followers" "HOW IS THAT RELEVANT TO THE WORLD CUP"

requests are open !! click here to see request guidelines :>

#nic's recs ˚₊‧꒰ა ☆ ໒꒱ ‧₊˚

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fakeuwus · 2 years ago

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quite literally the best fic ever to grace the internet. tears r streaming down my face as we speak.

volume 3 ☆ jake sim - the first love trope

"oh shit, sorr- wait you like one ok rock? "yeah?" "no way, what's your favourite song?!"

pairing : popular boy!jake x shy!reader

summary : you, a quiet girl who is the introvert of all introverts, never thought you would befriend the most popular boy in school by having the same music taste. what songs are you going to show him next?

word count : 23,900 something lol

includes smut

topics of insomnia, depression, cigarettes, quick mention of death (sorry) (maybe slight trigger warning bc of the death)

MINORS DNI

☆read the other volumes?

taglist : @srirachibi @ryu-naa @blank-velvet @hoonstrology@person-standing @yuakagi @moasworld @rein-deer-stuffs @lix-freckle3 @leeis @turnipsandflowerss @hoewithnojams@liliansun @melaninjhs @sunshine-skz @andromedawillburryyou@shynypeacekitten @violevantae @rpkth @hime98 @fvryang @j4yluvr @heelariously @fireflies997 @rikipediaa @manaswisingh @pshwyfie @rikithebest @as-she-pleases

(sorry if i forgot anyone lol)

you have always hated busan. you hated the humid weather, the inconsistent transportation system, and, god forbid, the noise. but now, over the past few weeks, at least, you've started to enjoy the noise during your insomniac nights. you sit in your bed for what feels like the one hundredth time tonight, having nothing better to do than look out your window. the bags that have been accumulating for weeks under your brown eyes have started to grow into a shade of dark purple that harshly contrasts with your skin tone. your house has always been quiet. it started when your father left years ago. it seemed that no matter how many were home, the eerie type of quiet that had been set into the house, lingers. it's always clean and spacious, and no one talks unless they need to you haven't spoken to your siblings in weeks. there had been underlying anger between you that has been inherited like the freckles on all your cheekbones. you sometimes try to blame yourself for the falling out, but only your dad runs through your mind at the thought. your insomnia has been toleratable since it started through the summer. still, now that your junior year is starting in a couple of hours, the insufferableness is settling in. you wish you could sleep, if only for a day. on the other side of busan, jake lies awake in his bed, staring at his posters on the ceiling. he regret sleeping all day again because now all he can hear is his brother playing video games and the busan night coming in through his window. the sim house is usually always loud, even at night. jake's friends would come over, and they'd blast music and drink or talk about life events. jake's brother would sometimes join them, adding to the noise. jake has hardly left his room all summer. the thoughts are becoming too much, so he sleeps to get them to stop. things had been hard since isa had broken up with him. he looked up his symptoms and groaned when the word 'depression' crossed the screen. jake used to like busan. it was always busy and roaring with people, but now the noise adds to it all. he needs quiet. jake feels guilty for sleeping through the summer. but he doesn't have enough energy to do anything else. he wishes he couldn't sleep through a day, just for a day.

your hair is messy as you stand outside your school, your earbuds tangled as you look up at the building you despised so much.

you're not oblivious, you know that you don't look like you're the world's next top model in your oversized clothing, your hands shoved into the pockets of your unzipped sweater

you suppose everyone has headed to their second period class by now, so you're outside by yourself, the newly fall breeze starting to twirl around the city.

you look out onto the freshly cut grass field. it reminds you of the view from your bedroom window. it looks like your neighbour's clean backyard that he cares so much for. you then start to imagine that you're home. its quiet and you're relaxed. but that false relaxation turns into wondering where your family members are, and if they're thinking of you, at least in the slightless bit

the sudden voice beside you makes you somewhat jump, "what're you doing out here?"

you turn your head to the right and see a black-haired girl. you immiediatly notice how beautiful the girl is. her features suit her face so well and wish that you're own looked as good as hers.

"um," you state, noticing the angry expression on her face, her eyebrwos furrowed, "just, listening to music." you point to your headphones.

the girl nodded uncaringly before pulling out a cigarette and a lighter, lighting it before she puts it to her lips. "it's been the worst day so far, i hate school so much." the black haired girl suddenly rants, mocking the leaning position you were in against the wall. you nod in acknowledgement to her words. "what year are you in?"

"year 11."

"ah, so i'm your senior." the girl pulls her eyebrows up, "i guess i should be a good influence on you and tell you to get to class."

"i feel like i'd learn more out here than i would in a class."

a smile spreads across the girls lips, "i'm park chaerin."

"y/l/n y/n."

"yo, are you coming or what?" a boys' voice calls out suddenly. there's a boy with black hair pushed back. he's wearing a dark blue hoodie with the number 99 on it- realizing that he must be on the rugby team for your school.

"yeah, i am, can you not give me a second, jay?" chaerin replies, pushing herself off the wall and into his direction, inhaling from her cigarette as she does.

the boys'- jay- eyes you cautiously behind chaerin, analysing if he should say anything more while you're around.

"well i don't have all day to waste like you." jay replies, rolling his eyes.

"ugh." chaerin exhales the smoke, before throwing her cigarette on the pavement and stomping on it. "let's go. bye y/n!" she smiles at you, before walking away with jay.

you could hear jay scolding chaerin for smoking around him before turning the corner, neither of them glancing back at you.

over the first few weeks of school, you had somehow became close friends with park chaerin.

sure, she was a year older than you, and so much cooler than you, but you seemed to understand each other in a way that no one else has. she was quickly becoming your best (and only) friend.

you had learnt that she also comes from a not-so-great yet not-so-bad family like you. and she liked to cause some trouble. you most definetly weren't a goody two shoes- and you're grades were horrendous but not because you were stupid- but because you could care less about high school.

you learnt that chaerin was 'secretly' hooking up with park jay from the school's rugby team. at first, you had believed chaerin when she told you that it was solely sex, but quickly you learnt that there were feelings growing from her side- feelings that the imfamous park jay probably didn't reciprocate.

"god!" chaerin groaned out, sitting beside you against the concrete wall behind the school- the place where you had first met and had somehow mutally decided that the place would be your meetup spot. "did you see him not even look at me?"

"hm?" you asked, pulling out your earbud to hear the girl.

chaerin put her head against the wall, "stupid jay, i walked right past him and his stupid friends and he didn't even look. i mean i was right infront of him there was no way he didn't see me!"

you sighed, reaching out and patting your friends' knee. "maybe he didn't see you, why don't you ask him later about it?"

"i know what his answer is gonna be, 'what would the guys think if i looked at you?'." chaerin mocked in a deep 'jay' voice. "it's so annoying! he tells me he likes me and then pretends he has no idea who i am when we are in public!"

and chaerin's words are true.

park chaerin's reputation hasn't been the best at your school. she was known for being the 'bad girl'. the girl who parties a lot, and smoked a lot and had a lot of sex- which she says she hasn't but the rest of the school disagrees- and that she really didn't care about what anyone thinks of her.

chaerin thought she could live the rest of her life not caring about other people's opinions.

until she started hooking up with park jay.

park jay was the co captain of the rugby team. he was popular, and smart and athletic and majority of the girls and guys at your school wanted to date him. you could say that he was 'preppy' and comes from a rich family that owns a lot of buildings in your city.

chaerin didn't plan on falling for jay- and he most definetlly didn't plan for that either. it's not that he was necesarily embarrassed by hooking up with park chaerin- but he still didn't want people to know.

"i'm sorry chae, hopefully he will come to his senses." you tried to reassure her.

"no, hopefully i come to my senses and ghost his ass, maybe then he'll recognize me in public."

you smiled at her words, not getting a chance to respond, "he did mention that he told one of his friends about us, his best friend."

"oh really?" you asked, genuinely shocked at park jay.

"yeah, but he made the guy swear not to tell anyone else so i can't tell if it's a step forward or backward for us."

"it's a forward one, chae- now four of us know instead of three."

chaerin scoffed with a smile at your words, "yay, four!" she spoke in her usual sarcastic tone you had become familiar with.

she wrapped her arm around you, both of you looking out to the soccer field where a class of year 9's played a shitty game of soccer. chaerin smoked a cigarette as you listened to music- something the both of you had started doing together as you talked or sat in silence, waiting for the school bell to ring for another period to start.

you always liked listening to music. your interest had become a need to live over time since you listened to it so much. it broke the silence that had settled over you and your family. you found comfort in it

you needed music when you were alone, when you were in a classroom full of people that you didn't know when you were walking in the halls to a classroom full of people you didn't know.

music could allow you to daydream as well. you got so lost in music that it helped you cope with the harsh reality of your life. you could imagine up anything you wanted with your ears being blasted by your favourite- and not so favourite songs.

and maybe that means it's not always such a good thing to do when you are walking around a bunch of other people while you're losing yourself to your daydreams because you crash right into someone, and your phone goes flying onto the hallway floors, ripping your headphones right from your ears.

you were more concerned about the ache in your ears and a possibly shattered phone than the person you had bumped into you, jaw going slack as you watched your phone slide across the hall.

"oh shit." you heard someone cuss, taking a step towards your phone before a person beats you to it. "sorr- wait, you like one ok rock?"

you finally glance up at the boy who is now holding your phone, your headphones wrapped around his hand as looked down at your screen. he had shaggy brown hair and a pretty smile as he looked at you.

"uh, yeah?"

"no way, what's your favourite song?!" he exclaimed, not caring about the other students glaring at the two of you for standing in the middle of the hallway.

you couldn't focus on this question as you just continued to stare at your phone, wondering why he was still holding onto it so tight. when you didn't answer, he looked down at his hand gripping your phone and headphones.

"oh shit, sorry again." jake almost startled himself, hurriedly handing over your phone.

"thanks." you nodded to him, rolling your phone over to see no scratches or cracks on it, noticing that the ambitions album by one ok rock was paused on the screen.

"y/n!" you heard chaerin's voice call you from behind you. you turned around and saw her face twisted into frustration. "let's go outside." she put two fingers to her mouth, signifying that she needed a smoke.

"o-okay." you nodded to her, quickly putting your headphones back in your ears, starting to rush to chase after your best friend through the halls to the back. "oh, my favourite's nobody's home!" you called over your shoulder to the boy, who only stared you with a confused smile on your face, watching how fast you ran for your upset friend.

you didn't stay to hear his response, taking his nod as a good enough answer before you made your way to your usual spot outside with chaerin, ready to hear what park jay had done now.

a day after bumping into the boy who knew one ok rock, the realization hit you on how cute he actually was and how much you embarrassed yourself by literally bumping into him and then making him pick up your things for you. you didn't even say sorry to him!

you tried to remember if you had ever seen the boy around before, but your mind drew blank. his casual sweats and distressed plaid shirt didn't seem to be a fashion sense that you recognized around your school- nor did the pretty smile and brown hair.

you especially didn't think anyone would be interested in what music you listened to or what your favourite song was.

it had you up at night for even longer than usual. at least your insomniac brain had something nice to think about for once- a boy to imagine late at night as you listened to music and stared outside your window.

since that day, you had tried to find the boy in the hallways, just a glance at him and maybe see who he hangs around with. but you never did. the brown shaggy hair was nowhere in your vision, and it made you slowly forget about him after a week.

you think you had almost forgotten about him when chaerin sat beside you abruptly against the concrete wall. today, cheerleading practice was occurring on the field in front of you.

"jay said something weird last night" chaerin shrugged, plopping her bag beside her as she dug through it.

"about what?" you asked her, taking out one of your earphones.

"you."

"me?"

"yeah," chaerin pulled out a lighter from her bag, turning to look at you, "his friend said he saw you with me and asked jay about you."

"what?" you asked again, sitting up straight, curious as to why you were ever a topic of discussion to anyone.

chaerin lit her cigarette, "yeah, jay said he didn't know anything about you, though; he said his friend seemed annoyed at it."

"who's his friend?"

"that sim jake guy, he's on the rugby team, too."

"sim jake?"

"yeah, you haven't heard of him?"

you shook your head no, confused as to why a boy on the rugby team would want to know about you.

your high school took sports very seriously. so as soon as you were accepted onto one of the sports teams, you would instantly be popular and accepted into a great university with a great scholarship.

"why would this sim jake guy want to know about me?"

chaerin shrugged, "beats me. he said something about bumping into you in the hallway."

bumping into you in the hallway.

"holy shit." you cursed, shock ripping through you when you realized who this sim jake guy must've been. "the one ok rock guy."

"the who?"

"i did bump into this cute guy like two weeks ago; he liked this same band as me, i didn't realize he was on the rugby team!"

"you think he's cute?" chaerin's jaw dropped.

"wait- not like-."

"oh my god! you think sim jake is cute?" chaerin squealed loudly, her voice bouncing off the school's walls.

"shhh!" you shoved her, "be quiet! i saw him once for maybe 30 seconds; you cannot be going around saying i think he's cute or something!"

"okay okay." chaerin giggled at your embarrassed expression, "and hey, i don't care who you fool around with or who you date, but if things with jake do ever happen, just be careful because his and his ex had a messy break up- shits still not resolved and it's been like five months."

"who's his ex?"

"lee chaeyoung." chaerin nodded towards the cheerleaders on the field, "isa. she's in my year."

across the field, lee chaeyoung, who went by her preferred name as 'isa' stood a top three girls who all held her up in the air, her navy blue cheerleading uniform contrasting against her pretty, pale skin.

you knew isa was the most popular and prettiest girl in your school; it was hard not to notice her in the halls. it was as if everyone in the hall would stop and watch her walk past them, her beauty too controlling to look away from her.

"i didn't know she had a boyfriend."

you heard chaerin scoff at your words. "y/n, i'm sorry but you don't know much about anyone at this school."

you tilted your head in consideration of her words, "that is true."

you and chaerin laugh as you continue to watch the cheerleaders practice their routines, the comfortable silence taking over until chaerin speaks again.

"do you want to come over to my house after school, there's not much to do, but we could go swimming, my parents said it's the last weekend to use the pool before they close it for the year."

"Sure." you agreed before the silence settled in between you again before the fourth period's bell rang out.

now, the two of you are in chaerin's room. you're walking around, looking at chaerin's belongings on the shelves. chaerin's talking about some drama at school again, and you nod along, not really listening. you look at the pictures chaerin has on the walls of her family. over the weeks, you have heard a lot about chaerin's family; you know that they don't always get along, but you can't help but wish you had a family like this. at least they talk to each other.

"do you want to go swimming now?" chaerin asks from her bed.

"yeah, why not."

chaerin smiles at your answer and stands up to rummage through her dresser drawers before pulling out two bathing suits. she hands you a black bikini with a smile, "go change in the bathroom."

chaerin's black bikini was definitely chaerin's bikini as you looked at yourself in the mirror. chaerin was a lot more confident in her body than you were in yours. it showed a majority of your body and curves in a way that you weren't used to. you force yourself to pick up your dad's old smashing pumpkins t-shirt that you basically live in and slip it on your body before meeting chaerin in the hallway.

chaerin's little brother, cheol, asks to go swimming with you guys, smiling once you agree that he can come. you help him apply some sunscreen. cheol already likes you, and it's partly because he can tell how much his sister does. cheol has always looked up to chaerin, and it worries the family. everyone in their family looks at cheol like he is the innocent one of them all. like he is the one that won't be a screw-up like the rest of them.

chaerin and cheol ease themselves into the pool while you still contemplate whether you should go swimming with your shirt on or off.

"come on, y/n!" cheol shouts from the middle of the pool.

"okay okay, i'm coming," you climb the ladder and stand on the edge of the pool, looking down at your pretty friend and her brother, wondering how you became so lucky to become friends with a girl like chaerin.

"what. are. you doing?" a sudden deep voice says from diagonally behind you, startling you, so you fall straight into the pool: head first.

when you come up from the water with a scowl on your face for who was the culprit that scared you, the frown drops immediately when you see park jay and sim jake standing by the gate that leads to chaerin's backyard.

"we're swimming; what does it look like we're doing?" chaerin said sarcastically, rolling her eyes.

you turned away from the two boys, pushing your now-soaked hair away from your face and trying to smooth it over your head. you wiped the cheap, shitty mascara you were wearing away that had most likely leaked underneath your eyes from the water.

"i can see that. why are you swimming in september, you're gonna be sick, and then i'll have to deal with that, too." jay spoke out in frustration,

you heard chaerin scoff in annoyance, "god, you are so condescending; we are just having fun."

"whatever, can we talk inside for a second?" you heard the water in the pool start to swish around as chaerin started walking towards the ladder, so she responded to jay's question.

the two of them walked inside, a towel wrapped around chaerin's body as jay kept glancing at jake to make sure he wasn't looking at chaerin's bikini outfit.

cheol bursts out laughing beside you, smacking the water, "did you see the way you fell into the pool!" cheol said through his laughter, "head first!"

a smile spread across your face at his statement, glad someone found your embarrassing moment funny. "hey, you better watch it! I'll throw you into the pool head first!" you splashed water at the younger boy.

cheol laughed and splashed water back, drenching you again. "who are you?" his voice spoke out. you opened your eyes from wiping the fallen mascara again and turning to see that he was looking at jake, who stood by the side of a pool with a pretty smile.

"i'm jake; what's you're name?"

"i'm cheol," he said proudly, "and this is y/n, my sister's friend." jake turned and looked at you at your mini introduction.

"i know who she is," jake smiled and nodded at you, "and i like wherever you are."

"jake! come inside for a second!" jay's voice called out from the now-opened back door.

jake nodded at you and cheol before smiling and walking to where jay had just disappeared.

it took you a second to figure out what he had meant- but then you realized it was an one ok rock song. it was a song from your favourite album of theirs- and a song that really meant a lot to you.

cheol splashing water at you again turns your mind away from the thoughts of sim jake likes the same music as you, and into a water fight as you continue to splash the younger boy with both of you muffly giggling.

jake and jay end up staying longer than jay had planned. jay realized that chaerin had no food prepared to feed you guys, making him suddenly want to cook for you all. he avoided jake's teasing eyes as he started to look around for some ingredients- and he most definitely avoided the love-sick eyes chaerin was giving him- he wouldn't dare lose himself in them when jake was standing right there.

jake now stands in the kitchen, watching you and cheol in the window. jay had left to go to the convenience store to pick up some final ingredients. chaerin went to her room to change into something more comfortable than her wet bikini. with it being the late afternoon, the sun's setting behind the houses, leaving the sky smeared with dark blues, purples, yellows and pinks. jake watches you on the edge of the pool, and he can't help but think that even with the sky being so many gorgeous colours, you are a million times more beautiful.

jay finishes the dinner quickly and hands a bowl of it to everyone. you help cut the pieces for cheol, as jay and chaerin talk or argue about something amongst each other.

you are chaerin's house again this week, along with her brother, jay and jake. you've become comfortable enough to just walk in. you get along with everyone, although you've never spoken to jake since he told you his favourite song.

it was somehow agreed between you four (five if you include cheol but chaerin said he has no say in anything) that you'd all just sleep at chaerin's house tonight. you weren't sure how to feel about it, never having a sleepover in your life. you can't even sleep at your own house, so you don't know how you'd be able to sleep in someone else's.

the night went fast as everyone seemed tired from the long week at school. chaerin and jay settled into her bed, leaving jake in the guest room, and you insisted on sleeping on the couch; you didn't want to wake up anyone with your constant twists and turns and humming.

jake, for once, struggles to fall asleep that night. he thinks he slept too much the day before- falling asleep right at 4pm when he got home from school and then fully waking up at 6am today. he lays awake in the guest bed, looking around the room, scanning the walls that he's never been in before. he's had a few sleepless nights before; it turns out that tonight will probably be one of them.

soon, jake has had enough of trying to get the sleep he probably doesn't need much of at this point and quietly hops out of bed and goes down the hall. he hears cheol's soft snores come from his bedroom as he walks by- and it makes him resent him in a way. he wished he could sleep like a little boy again.

in the living room, you're lying awake in your makeshift bed on the couch. you don't know if the reason you can't sleep is that you're uncomfortable sleeping in someone else's house or that you can't stop thinking about how big of a problem your trust issues are.

at this point, you just couldn't sleep- there was too much stuff on your mind. you got up to get your bag, careful to not cause a loud noise that would wake the people upstairs. you reach in to grab a cigarette that chaerin had given you a few weeks ago. you opened the off-white back door and walked out onto the small porch.

jake walked down the stairs and noticed the backdoor open, glancing over at the couch and seeing that you were gone. he walked towards the door to close it, figuring that you had left and accidentally left the door open.

jake saw you outside, sitting on one of the old wooden chairs as you looked out into the backyard. he watched you for a minute, trying to figure out why you were out there at this time of night. he creaked open the door, before stepping out onto the creaky plywood of the porch.

you jerked around, surprised that someone else was up at this time. you and jake looked at each other for a moment, unsure of what to do, and then you chuckled and patted the chair beside you for him to sit. jake closed the door behind him and sat down, copying how you were sitting.

"what're you doing up this late?" you asked, concern laced through your voice.

"couldn't sleep. what about you?"

"i couldn't sleep either."

you stuck your hand in the pocket of your hoodie and took out the cigarette and lighter. you stuck the cigarette in your mouth and lit it.

"you smoke?" jake asked, he knew chaerin smoked, but he didn't take you for the smoking kind.

"yeah," you shrugged, "it helps me relax." you exhaled and offered the cigarette to jake, which he refused.

you liked that someone was up with you at this time of night. busan always had someone up at this hour, no matter what, but it was nice to be up with someone beside you. the night was as calm as busan could get. the occasional train would go by, a car would drive down the street, and sometimes a laugh would echo around the neighbourhood.

jake liked that you were the one awake with him. every once in a while, he would take a little peek at you and notice something different. your cheekbones, the single freckles scattered around and how every time you inhaled from the cigarette, you closed your eyes, really taking in the moment. the smoke swirled around them, and the smell of your shampoo from your hair made jake wish that this moment wouldn't end, but he was starting to feel tired again somehow.

"i heard you're on the rugby team," you said, breaking the comfortable silence between you.

"yeah, and a few other sports teams."

"do you like it?"

"yeah, i guess. i liked it more when i was younger, i think."

the two of you went back to being silent again, both thinking of different things. jake thought about how his parents forced him into sports when he was younger and wished he had started playing an instrument instead. you think about what your dad and mom are doing as you sit awake with sim jake.

"do you ever want to leave busan?" it was jake, now breaking the silence.

"yeah, all the time."

"do you have anywhere you want to go?"

"madrid, in spain." you said, throwing your finished cigarette down onto the grass. "do you want to go anywhere?"

"anywhere in california with a beach."

"why with a beach?"

jake shrugged, setting his head on the chair behind him, "you know, hot beach chicks."

you scoffed at his response with a smile, "you think hot beach chicks would be into you?"

"well," jake thought for a moment; he had never been on a beach before, so he didn't know if he fit the requirements as a 'beach boy', "i'm sure one of them will be."

you nodded and laughed at him, "they said opposites do attract." you reached into your pocket again, untangling your headphones.

jake has thought about opposites attracting before- he's never been able to tell if it's true when it comes to people. jake's tried to imagine his 'dream girl' before, but it's always been someone that was similar to him- never such a different person. he thinks that maybe you're the closest thing to his dream girl- but he has no idea how truly different you two are.

you're tired and wish you could sleep- and jake is tired and wishes he couldn't.

but still, you sit outside on the porch, sharing headphones as you both listen to one ok rock, your minds drifting to different topics once again.

over the next few weeks, chaerin and jay started becoming closer. you didn't mind jay, but you didn't think that it was that great of him to keep chaerin a secret from everyone except for you and jake. the two of them were always around each other, and when they weren't, because jay had practice, chaerin would not stop talking about him.

jake and you started talking in passing in the halls or at chaerin's house when chaerin and jay would go up to her bedroom together. overtime, it felt like jake was becoming your only friend.

jake has been going to your house almost every day now. jake liked your house. it was quiet, and he felt addicted to it. your brothers don't come home until late at night, and your mother is always working. your family could also not stand the silence that had crept its way into their house.

the two of them were up in her room like usual. she was looking at her window on her bed, her elbows propped up on the sill. jake walked around her room, picking up some things he'd find and ask questions about them, only getting small answers from her.

slow music played from your record player. jake and you have found out that you share almost all of the same music tastes.

"did you sleep last night?" you had opened up to jake about your insomnia, so when he asked you this question, you weren't surprised.

"kind of, more than usual."

you like nights like these. the sun setting, leaving behind the neighbourhood for the night, and jake somewhere in your room with you. you like to think during times like this. you wonder what it would be like if you hadn't met chaerin- you probably wouldn't have jake then, either. you try to remember what it feels like to get an actual nine hours of sleep. times like these are only toleratable because of jake. you broke the silence that you've been learning to like.

"come on, i need to smoke."

the two have gone to sitting by the window and sharing a cigarette for weeks now. it relax's them, almost enough for them to feel okay. the bags under their eyes have begun to fade since they started hanging out.

they've begun to rely on each other, and it scared both of them. they feel as if they're the only ones who understand each other.

now, the smell of your perfume and smoke surrounds them as they stare out into busan.

"what do you want to be when you're older?" you ask, blowing smoke out the window. over the weeks, they've taken turns asking questions like this, similar to the ones they asked when they first sat outside on chaerin's porch.

"a singer, maybe an actor." his response shocked you, thinking he'd say some kind of athlete or coach. you liked the thought of seeing jake on your tv, another way that he could comfort her.

"what do you wanna be?"

"i don't know, i like psychology a lot."

"that would be fun; maybe then you could tell me what the fuck's wrong with me."

you chuckle and nudge jake, "aw, ya know nothing's wrong with you."

"i guess." jake shrugs and watches you inhale the cigarette. He notices that he's been happier, but only when he's with you. when you're gone, all he wants to do is lay in bed and sleep. or think of her.

"i miss dreaming," you confess suddenly; having twenty-minute quick naps doesn't allow you to really dream up anything.

"i don't. that's all i ever do- my mind doesn't stop with them it's like overflowing."

they go back to silence as jake stares at you again, taking in all your pretty features.

"what?" you smile once you notice him.

"nothing."

-- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- --

jake wakes up at 7pm, successfully sleeping through the weekend again. he expects the morning light to be seeping through his curtains but realizes that it's too late for that. his thoughts turn to you, wishing that you were there with him. telling him that it's okay. nothing's wrong with you; your voice is in his head.

he's gotten used to waking up in your bed and seeing you awake by the window. you'd be smoking probably, and your earring's getting glimpses of the moonlight. maybe you'd be humming or painting your nails. but now, he's alone in his bed. the guilt begins to wash into him again. he closes his eyes and listens to his family rummaging around the house.

"are you asleep?" his brother, jaesung's, voice invades jake's quiet room. the light from the hallway lights up the room slightly. jake's eyes open, but don't look at his brother. too guilty for not spending time with him again.

"no."

"are you okay?' jaesung's question almost makes jake scoff. do i seem okay?

"yeah. 'm fine."

jaesung knows that his brother is lying. he's been worrying about him for months. the whole family has been. it hurts him. jaesung and jake have always been close. they would play video games together and watch movies. jaesung feels as if he's lost a best friend.

the older brother protectiveness is basically seeping off of him as he continues to watch jake lie in bed. it reminded him of his mother when they were younger.

"how's jay? or sunghoon? i haven't seen them around recently?" jaesung asks but gets no response from jake. "or how's that girl? y/n?"

"she's tired."

the almost silent hoarse answer from jake uneases jaesung as he tries to think of how to talk to this stranger he once knew.

jake used to party every weekend with his friends. he loved going out and brightening up any room he walked into. he liked being popular at school and having people cheer for him in the stands at any of his games. but now, jake feels like he'd rather stay in bed than do any of those things. sports have become a chore to him.

"do you want y/n to come over? i'm sure dad won't care."

"yeah."

and now you and jake have seemed to switch places. he's sat on his bed, tugging at the string of his blanket, looking out his window. and you're wandering around, looking at his trophies and medals on his shelves. it's the first time you've been to his house. his room is what you expected; messy, and there's clothing everywhere, papers thrown, and the posters that jake's collected over the years are peeling off the walls. jake hasn't been able to clean his room since the summer.

"your dad seems nice." you speak from across the room.

"yeah, i guess."

jake wonders about your parents. he's seen a glimpse of your mom before when he was on the way to your house. you don't talk about them often, usually changing the subject. he knows that they hurt you.

maybe that's why you and him bond so well; you both have sleeping problems and problematic parents.

"do you know what you're going to study in college?" you ask him, changing the subject.

"kinesiology," jake stated, "it's the only thing i could really go for with all my history in the school's sports teams."

you nod your head at his words, "i'm sure you could do something else; you'll be good at anything."

jake scoffs, "maybe not anything, but there might be something else for me."

you continue to stare around his room, trying to find something else to talk about before you stand up. "i think i should head back home now." you figured that you shouldn't overstay your welcome at the sim house. it was the first time you had ever been there, and it was already getting late into the night.

"you don't wanna spend the night?" jake asks, turning from his window to look at you, "i sleep at yours all the time; it'll be fine."

"i don't know, j." you shrug, "my brother's been home all day; he'll be wondering where i went to this late at night."

jake hums in agreement at your words, "that's okay; maybe next time then."

"yeah, next time." you take a step towards his bedroom door. "have a good sleep, jake." you smile softly at him.

"be careful walking home."

"i will, i'll see you at school."

you close his door behind you, and as you go, you can feel a ripping in your heart.

-- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- --

jake and you sit outside on their school's field, eating lunch together and daydreaming while listening to music. there's kids eating lunch on the other side of the field- and there are others that are kicking a ball around.

Halloween is just around the corner, and the weather resembles the holiday perfectly. it's gloomy, and leaves have fallen to surround you in a daze. although it's lunch, it feels like dusk. your jackets are zipped up, and you're sitting close to each other.

you pick up your sandwich, and your mind starts to wander off again. you think about sleep and how it feels. you wonder if your brothers are okay. you wonder if they think about you. you hate thinking about them like this because you know they aren't. they've never been the closest siblings, especially not now, with your parents basically abandoning you. being the youngest in your family, you feel like the rutt of them.

you would like to have a family like jake's; wealthy, loving, and they don't avoid each other like the plague. you know about his dad and his brother, but you've never really heard about his mom. you wonder what it must've been like to be held by a dad who loves you.

you watch jake out of the corner of your eye. the way he slowly eats, too caught up in his book to read fast. you wonder if he'll do his homework for once or go instantly to sleep when they get to your house after school. you wonder if he sleeps better at your house or his.

the breeze picks up and ruffles jake's books' pages.

"are you scared of anything, jake?"

he stops and looks up at you, pausing before he answers, "planes or turbulence. stuff like that."

"why?"

"uh, i'm not sure. maybe that's how i died in a past life."

"ah, you don't believe in that shit, do ya?" you nudge him with a smile.

jake does, if more than anything, he does .he thinks about how his mother used to talk about her fear of cars.

"what are you scared of?"

"ghosts." you smile at each other, jake shaking his head at you before returning to his book.

their walk home is spent by both of them complaining about how it's too early in the year to be so damn cold. her hands are freezing, and she wants to reach out and grab jake. but something forces her not to. she knows how jake feels about girls getting too close to him. it triggers some memories of him and his ex. she likes his warmth, though.

the past week, you had been sleeping for a bit, but only when jake's there. it's the warmth from him, you conclude. you finally feel not alone. his light breaths and the noises from busan remind you that you aren't going to be alone forever. you like knowing that jake will be there when you sleep.

when you step into your house, your brother, soobin, is sitting at the table. he's reading a textbook and looks deep in thought. he glances at you two and mumbles a quick 'hey' before you guys head upstairs to your bedroom to do your usual routine.

later in the night, jake is lying down on your bed. his eyes are closed, but he's not asleep. he's listening to you hum along to a song you both like as you lay down on your crossed arms on the window sill.

you were thinking about how jake used to date lee isa, the cheerleader. you never heard anything about her from him. he's told you about everyone in his life except for his mom and isa.

jake's listening to you hum until you're not, making him open his eyes and look at your slumped-over figure. "what're you thinking about?" he knows your habits so well now.

"you," you answer nonchalantly.

jake smiles and closes his eyes again, "yeah? and what about me?"

"you and isa." jake's smile drops at the mention of his ex's name.

"why are you thinking about that?"

he sees you shrug at the window, not looking at him, "you never mention her."

"well why would i mention her? we broke up months ago."

he hears you hum in response from the bottom of the bed where you sat cross-legged, "did you love her?"

jake sighs at your question, rubbing his face in annoyance. he hated thinking about chaeyoung. he blames her for triggering his sleep problems. he blames her for him falling out of love with sports. he blames her for why his whole life isn't fair.

he knows it's not right for him to blame her for everything. but he can't help it. blaming someone else is so much easier than blaming yourself.

"are you tired?" he asks you, avoiding the question you had asked.

"i'm always tired," you mumble into your arm, your eyes closed.

jake tsks, "i meant, are you tired enough to try to sleep."

you pause and think for a moment, "i could maybe sleep."

"come lay down then." you hear jake ruffle the blanket behind you, flipping it over, so you crawl in your blanket beside him.

your heartbeats quicken as you go under. the scent of jake completely taking over you even though you're in your bedroom. your back was facing him, trying to not get too close to him. you knew this was a bad idea, but when his arm reached around you to pull you close, tightening his grasp on you, you just couldn't get yourself to push him away.

jake's thumb found a way to slowly rub circles on your stomach that was showing due to jake's hoodie being pushed up your body from lying down. you that knew you should be stopping him, but you felt the calmest you have felt in years.

jake instantly fell asleep, having the best sleep he has had in a long time. you tried to sleep, but even though you were comfortable, you couldn't stop thinking about isa. you remembered a month ago when chaerin told you she and jake had a really messy breakup. the way jake changed the subject from her and being in love didn't sit right with you.

you felt like you knew mostly everything about sim jake, but you felt like he was holding something big back from you. you felt like you were holding things back from jake yourself.

you finally closed your eyes and fell asleep in jake's embrace, hoping that when you woke up, everything would still be okay between you two.

-- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- --

the next day when you both woke up, it was okay between you two. you got ready for school and walked to school together. you didn't see your brother on the way out, figuring that he had already left, and possibly didn't even spend the night.

things at least seemed normal between you and jake. at lunch, chaerin came and sat with you outside. you hadn't seen the black-haired girl for a week, having been too caught up with her boyfriend. you figured that jake would make his way out and sit with the both of you, but he never came.

you thought that maybe he figured you wanted some alone time with your best friend. but chaerin didn't really feel like a best friend anymore. all the times you had hung out at her house and skipped classes together felt like nothing to you.

"jay said he wants me to meet his friends, finally." chaerin said, grabbing the cigarette from your hand and putting it in her mouth. "and god, when did you become such a smoker?"

you shrugged, "when is he going to get you to meet them."

"he didn't say." you rolled your eyes at her obliviousness that jay was definitely not planning on introducing them all any time soon. "and why do you keep looking over there? Are you waiting for someone?"

"what? no, sorry."

chaerin quirked an eyebrow up at you, "how are you and jake anyways?"

"me and jake? we're fine; what do you mean?"

"what you saying there's nothing between you and jake? i know you guys hang out a lot."

"we're just friends, chae." you rested your head against the cement wall, looking at your friend.

"mhm." chaerin smirked at you but decided to leave it.

jake didn't meet you at your locker at the end of the day like he usually does, so you can walk home together. you waited twenty minutes before you realized he probably wasn't coming and you should just go home.

your mind began to worry that maybe you had upset jake- or weirded him out in some way last night. it was the first time that you two had shared a bed together and had gotten some decent sleep- or at least you had gotten some sleep; maybe jake didn't.

he didn't answer your text when you got home from school, so you figured or more so hoped that he had just fallen asleep and that he would get back to you later.

but actually, jake had left school early.

he went to tell you that he was leaving at lunch, but he saw that you were sitting with chaerin and didn't want to bother you. plus, he knew that you would want to leave too if you knew he was leaving. and jake just wanted to be alone for a minute.

jake woke up with anxiety in his chest that morning with you laying peacefully beside him. the scene honestly reminded him of chaeyoung and how many times they had slept together back when jake had an actual normal sleeping routine.

it made jake think of your question the night before 'did you love her?' and it honestly made him feel worse.

the whole reason he and chaeyoung broke up was because jake didn't say those three 'special' words back to chaeyoung. she gave him time to find out if he really loved her, but time didn't help those feelings develop. if anything, they stayed stagnant even more.

their breakup was messy since everyone in the school knew about the two of them dating. isa was a popular cheerleader, and jake was a popular athlete. he thought that chaeyoung and he were really similar, but in fact, they had nothing in common besides the fact that they were both popular.

chaeyoung lost herself in the high school popularity like jake used to. it was their breakup that brought jake out of that reality. he wished he could've stayed in it a bit longer-

but then he wouldn't have met you.

sure, he would've maybe seen you around since he knew you and chaerin were friends, but he definitely would not have gone out of his way to talk to you- especially if he was still dating isa.

jake liked hanging out with you. it was different than when he was with chaeyoung.

because while he dated her, he realized that when they were in public, he was dating isa, but when they were in private, he was dating chaeyoung. and he couldn't keep up with her double life.

with you, it was so much easier. you were yourself so he could be himself. at least, he tried to be. at least he could be.

the whole messy breakup that involved the whole cheerleading team scowling and glaring at him every time one of them saw him, and all of his team members annoyed him by asking, 'how could you let the hottest girl in the school dump you?'. It all had an effect on jake, and he thought that he was working on it- and it was easier to work on it since he was with you all the time.

he's started to rely on you, and he's scared. he doesn't want to put his all into someone just for them to walk away- he thinks maybe that's what chaeyoung felt with him. but now he's too tired to think anymore, and he just wants to go to bed.

-- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- --

jake shakes awake on his own later on. the guilt and anxiety bubbling up too much within him that it wakes him up. he feels hopeless and stupid. why can't he shake this sadness away that has him feeling like he's sinking?

jake looks across his messy bedroom at his old rugby jersey and can't figure out why he's lost so much interest in it. he used to love running around and playing with the ball, nowadays, he can't even pick it up.

his first thought is how he wants you. but he knows tha tyou're dealing with your stuff. he thinks to himself that he's just another bother to you- and he can't have himself relying on someone else.

and now jake is hysterically crying. for months, he's been feeling like he's been holding all of this in. it's like he's crying out his whole thought process. he's shaking in his bed, and he can't seem to stop.

"jake?" jaesung's voice invades his bedroom again like the week before. "what's wrong?"

he doesn't get an answer as jake continues to cry. he can't even see jaesung because of the tears overflowing. it's not like he wants to anyways. he's been hurting his first best friend for months now.

jaesung sits down on the bed beside his younger brother. a hand resting on jake's shoulder, rubbing circles and shushing him.

it takes a few minutes for jake to calm down, jaesung staying with him the entire time- to both of them, it feels like an eternity.

"move over; let me lie down."

the sim brothers lie on their backs and stare up at the posters on jake's ceiling that you had taped back up properly for him. it's silent between them. jaesung struggles to find words to say. he's never seen anyone like this besides their mom.

"mom's probably disappointed in me." jaesung thinks out loud, mainly to himself.

"why you?"

"because i've let my brother feel like this for so long." jaesung pauses before continuing, "i've tried to help you, but i just never know how." jake reminded jaesung of their mother so much. they keep their emotions hidden and never talk about it until it's too late.

jaesung hates it.

he hates that the trait has gone into his brother. a part of him wishes that he was the one to inherit it instead.

"i never know how, either."

it's silent between them again, until jake starts quietly crying again.

"i miss mom, jae."

"me too."

-- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- --

soobin is sitting at the kitchen table when you come downstairs in the morning for school. he's already dressed for work, and it makes you scared to go downstairs- as if you were to you'd guys would fight like usual.

"hey soob," you say as you make your way across the kitchen to get your school bag. it's the first time in a while that you actually get to look at your older brother. soobin and you are only three years apart, which is closer in age than your oldest brother.

when you were younger, soobin and you used to look exactly like your mother. you all had the same eyes and lips and dark, straight hair. your oldest brother looks identical to your father- and you wonder if he even sees your dad when he looks in the mirror.

"are you going to school today?" soobin asked with a surprised tone, he knows how much you skip it.

"yeah, i am."

"going to all of your classes?"

"yeah, i am." you roll your eyes at him with a smirk.

the conversation with your older brother resembles how they used to be before your dad left. it was like you were still close brother and sister instead of strangers that were somehow related. you wonder if this would be the last time you'd see soobin for a while; him disappearing for a month is not uncommon.

"have a good day at school then, y/n." soobin stares at you, unsure what to say to you as you stare back at him with your hand on the front door's knob.

you smile at him, "i won't." you wish you could stay at home with your brother for a little longer, but school is waiting, and chaerin says she has something important to tell you. "see you." the siblings nod their heads at each other, and it already feels like they've gone back to being strangers.

at school, you sat through your lunch confused as to why you hadn't seen even a glimpse of jake. chaerin sat with you at lunch, where you only gave vague answers to her new rant of problems she's been having with jay that you're sure you've heard before.

you walked past the rugby team in the hall and didn't see that brown shaggy head of hair that you had analyzed so many times in your bedroom late at night.

you didn't even see park jay in the herd of athletes. the rest of them didn't like too familiar to you, but you've seen a couple of them in pictures on jake's shelves or in his phone that he showed you. the captain of the rugby team, lee heeseung, was the only one that noticed you scanning them as you walked by, earning a curious look from him before you walked away.

you saw chaerin at her locker farther down the hall, deciding to ask her if jay was at school today.

chaerin scoffed at your question, rolling her eyes and turning back to rummage through her locker for something.

"what?" you asked her, confused at her response.

"if you actually listen to me when i speak, then you'd know he wasn't here." chaerin stated, "and why do you suddenly care about my boyfriend?"

"because i'm wondering where jake is i-."

"oh of course," chaerin slams her locker door shut, "jake this, jake that, whatever! i know that you guys bonded over... whatever sleeping problems you have going on, but you didn't have to ditch me for your boyfriend or whatever. i didn't ditch you; at least i try to tell you things, but you're always caught up with jake."

"he's- he's not my boyfriend, chae."

chaerin scoffs at your response, shaking her head and looking away from you. "that's really all you got from what i just said?"

"no! i heard the rest! and i'm sorr-!"

"just leave it, y/n, i'll see you around maybe." chaerin turns on her heel and heads to class, leaving you standing alone in the hallway as the bell rings for last period to commence.

you really struggled through your last period, walking in late, earning a warning from your teacher, staring at your classmates and worrying about jake and chaerin on your mind throughout it.

as soon as the final bell rang, you went straight to jake's house. you've only been to his house once before, but you've walked him home a few times, so you knew exactly where to go. you wondered why jake hadn't answered your text all day when everything seemed fine the day before.

walking up to the house, you see a boy that you had learnt the name of through jake, park sunghoon, leaving jake's house. he looked tired and his hair which jake described as 'always had to be perfect' was messy. he sauntered down the porch steps and started walking down the street away from you, not paying attention to the Halloween decorations that people were starting to put out for the year.

you waited a minute, kicking the fallen leaves on the sidewalk before walking any closer to jake's house, contemplating whether or not you should really be doing this. but nonetheless, you walk up to the white front door of the sim house and knock.

an equally tired-looking park jay opens the door. he looks much different than how he usually portrays himself in the hallways at school and on the sports field. you almost laugh at the thought that this is what jake and you must look like to other people with his messy hair and dark circles under his eyes.

jay looks confused to see you standing there but still greets you, "hey, y/n." "hi, why weren't you at school today?" you looked up at the rugby player. "no reason, just didn't want to go." jay hated lying, and he hated people who lied. but he realized that he had been lying a lot recently, not just to other people but to himself. "is jake here?" you could hear jay's breath hitch as you asked the question he knew was coming. "um, i don't think you should see him right now. he's sleeping and was in a bad mood earlier." the silence between them was awkward and uncomfortable. you moved nervously on your feet, as if it was the first time you had ever spoken to jay all over again. still, you nodded your head, acknowldging what jay had said. jay looked over your visibly tense body. he scanned you from head to toe, watching your finger start to tap against your upper thigh. over the years, jay had come knowledgable to when someone tapped their finger against their thigh repeatedly: they needed a smoke. it was a common habit in the house he'd grown up in, "come on, let's go to the backyard."

- jay sat cross-legged, picking and playing with the leaves and grass on the ground. you lay beside him, blowing smoke rings. it was now a somewhat comfortable silence between the two, different from how it had been minutes before. you watched the mid-afternoon clouds roll against the sky in a somewhat slow manner, your smoke mixing in. "Did something happen last night with jake?" you broke the silence.

"i mean, he probably doesn't want me saying anything." you sat up as jay confessed.

"he doesn't want to see me?"

"not today, no. he's tired."

you sighed, "he's always tired."

you were sick of the game that jay was playing. you knew something happened, and you wanted to know what. your first thought was that you had said something or maybe sleeping in the same bed had triggered something in jake. if jake didn't want to be your friend anymore, he could've said it himself. you're used to people leaving.

so, you left jay playing in the grass and leaves and walked home. you held back the tears that were threatening to fall.

sim jake was now just some other person that left you behind.

but still, jake's sweet laugh echoes through your mind.

-- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- it has been twelve days since you had last seen jake. you haven't been going to school. you don't see the point in it. the only reason why you went to school before is now gone. you don't think you could go anyways. you haven't slept for more than an hour in five days. the school has called your house to inform your mom about your absence, but it's no use because she isn't home. you've gotten used to the quietness again, and you wish you hadn't. you try to not think about jake, but you can't help imagining him lying beside you in your bed, laughing. his shaggy hair shaking with his movement and his warmth surrounding you. sometimes, you think you can really hear him calling your name, but you realize that it is just because you're sleep deprived.

today is halloween, and you knew what you would be.

you'd be alone like you have been for the past weeks.

you spend your days quietly in your quiet house. you listen to the chaos of busan from your window. most days, you smoke cigarettes and read the old poetry you found in your mother's drawers.

other days, you're in the bath, listening to the water run around you. you like to imagine then that you're starting fresh with everything. that when you get out, everything will be okay. but the only thing that will make all this okay is if jake would be there.

when you find yourself in your kitchen, you sit on the island looking out the window into the backyards of the neighbourhood. you sit there for a while sometimes and lose track of time so easily. you feel like you sit there for five minutes, but it's been an hour. everything moves by so quickly. you used to like being alone in the quiet, but now it's just so lonely.

tonight, the sky darkened quickly, and kids in Halloween costumes swarmed the streets. you kept the front porch light off, not wanting any kids to come knocking on the door. you sat on the couch, watching true romance. with the house being so still, you welcomed the company of the tv. the movie was at the part where clarence had fought alabama's pimp. his face being shown as bloody and his knuckles sore. you couldn't help but think of jake, knowing how hurt he got when his rugby team broke out into fights with the opposite teams.

when the movie ends two hours later, you fall asleep on the couch. the way you've been falling asleep recently is a lot different than how you used to. you're called up in a ball, a frown on your face. when you're actually asleep, you dream of jake for a moment.

it's always the same dream: he's alone in his room, on his bed, with an unlit cigarette in his hand. tears have been streaming down his face for hours, frustrated with himself for not being able to be who he used to be- that happy jake that everyone loved. then, you walk into his room. his face lights up automatically, and pats a spot beside him, motioning for you to sit with him. you curl yourself into jake's side, his arm over your shoulder. he lets the cigarette drop from his hand and onto his messy floor.

and then he falls asleep happily. you like that thought: the thought of how you're the only person-the only thing that can get jake to sleep with a smile on his face.

you feel wetness on your face suddenly.

"y/n? y/n!"

your eyes open, and you realize it's raining and dark outside. it feels like you have been asleep for days, but in reality, it has only been two hours. a sensation of coldness runs through your body, making you shiver.

a feeling of warmth being placed on your forearm makes you turn your head to side.

"jake?"

"are you okay?" you stare at him, not believing that after two weeks, he's standing in front of you. "come on, let's go inside." he wraps his whole body around you, trying to keep you warm from the rainy Halloween night.

you lay in your bed, blankets upon blankets cover you. your head is titled so you can look out the window, facing away from jake. he sits on a chair that he has brought up from downstairs.

he watches you, your eyes glowing from the streetlight through the window. the bags under your eyes have never looked worse, and he wonders how much you've slept in the past weeks.

it's been quiet for a long time between you two. jake notices that it's the same kind of quiet that's been shed through his house. his dad and jaesung are home more, but they barely talk anymore.

jay and sunghoon have been around a few times. heeseung even came with them once. jake can tell that something is wrong with them all- its like they're keeping a secret and he's the only one that's not in on it. he was still grateful that his friends came and checked up on him, but still, all he could think about what how happier he'd be if he was with you.

"how did i end up outside? how did you find me?" you finally speak, breaking the silence.

"you were standing at the corner, just staring. i saw you on my way back from the convenience store."

for the past week and a half, jake has been going to the small store late at night. he wanders the aisles, trying to find something to distract himself from thinking about you. he thinks it worked at first, picking up random chocolate bars and wondering where they had been before. Still, then he remembered he had seen you at his exact convenience store before.

it was the summer before, jay and him were there, picking out drinks that they could bring to the party with them, when the door's bell chimed, signifying that someone had come inside the store. jay was bent down, skimming over the pop flavours and reading them out to jake while he glanced over his shoulder at the door.

jake saw you start wandering the aisle by the cash register, smiling at the man behind the counter. jake remembers thinking how cute your messy hair was as it wrapped around your headphones. he thought you were cute with your shaky hands reaching out to place a single chocolate bar on the counter and paying.

jay distracted him then, handing him multiple bottles of soda for him to hold. he turns around just in time to see you leave the store, your messy hair turning the corner towards your house.

jake wondered then that maybe if he hadn't met chaeyoung that night at the party, he might have thought about you again, gone back to that convenience store and seen you, ask you about what song you were listening to. maybe then he wouldn't feel as shitty as he does now.

jay told him that you haven't been going to school either, which worried him. he wanted you to get good grades and graduate. he wanted you to go to college and study psychology. he wanted you to be successful and get out of busan unlike him, who would be stuck here forever.

jake's been in your room a relentless amount of times before, but now, he's sitting in this chair as if it's his first time again. your damp hair is sprawled out around your head on your pillow, your old, wet clothes are hung up in the bathroom, and you're wearing one of jake's old shirts that he had left over on accident a few weeks ago.

"i missed you, y/n."

jake smiles, the same pretty smile that you've gotten used to. it makes your chest hurt at the thought of how much you've missed it.

"did you?"

jake nods, "i thought about you a lot, and i'm sorry we had to stop talking for a bit."

it's silent in the room again until you throw open your blanket on one side, patting the spot next to you. "it's okay."

jake slides into bed next to you, covering his body up and now laying so your arms were brushing against each other.

jake closes his eyes, and you imagine that he's thinking about what it would be like if they had never stopped talking. how close would they be now? how many more inside jokes and songs would they have known?

"i'm really sorry though, i am. i just-." jake pauses, making you turn your head to you're looking at each other. "i had some shit to deal with, and i didn't want to bring you into it."

your faces are close to each other as you scan the other's faces. you've been close to each other like this before, but this time it feels different. it feels like you're being sucked into each other like you're slowly being pieced together forever. you bite your lip before asking, "are you okay now?"

"yeah, i am, but i-."

"then, it's okay. and let's sleep because i'm tired, and i feel like i can actually sleep tonight."

"why tonight?"

"because you're here."

-- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- --

jake and you decide to skip school when you wake up the next day. the rain from last night has stopped and left everything dampened and feeble. it almost feels odd to be around each other again, like you're forbidden to be together, but there's nothing actually forbidding it.

jake falls into your routine almost instantly, sitting around your house in silence, but not alone anymore. you're smoking as he reads beside you; music from your mother's record player is filling the lack of conversation.

you want to ask jake what had happened exactly that made him turn away from you. you wanted to ask if it would ever happen again and if you should prepare for it. you had so many questions to ask, but you kept quiet. if he wanted to tell you, then he would. he's said he's sorry, and you aren't sure if you're just naive to believe it or not. but you do, and you're so glad he's back beside you.

you glance over at the book that jake found on the old bookshelf you have in your house. your dad used to read to you all when you were younger; he's the only one that ever kept up with the collection of books on those shelves. now, they go untouched- the first person to even look at the thing in years was jake.

he's picked up romeo and juliet, you can see the star-crossed lovers on the faded cover. the pages are yellow from the oxidation over the years- and it makes you think, when did your dad buy the book.

"why're you reading that?"

jake puts his thumb on the part of the page he was on and looks at you. "i don't know, it's good." you make a disgusted expression on your face, making him laugh. "have you ever read it?"

"no, but i know what it's about."

"okay well, i'll read it to you and then you can see what it's really about."

you shrug before bending over to the table and putting your cigarette out in the empty coffee mug. you move so that you're lying down with your head in jake's lap, romeo and juliet is just above your head as jake opens the book and begins to read where he left off.

..."my bounty is as boundless as the sea, my love as deep. the more i give to thee, the more i have, for both are infinite."...

-- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- --

walking into school for the first time in three weeks was nerve-wracking. not many people at your school knew of your existence, but the stares you received made your hands shake in your sweater's pockets. they were most likely staring because sim jake had returned too and was walking next to you, but still, their eyes never left yours.

you couldn't tell if jake was as nervous as you. you figured that jake was used to being in the spotlight. he was used to having everyone's attention on him as soon as he walked into a room. but that was before he got depressed- before the dark, twisted thoughts started seeping into his mind and made him confused about who he really was.

you feel jake's hand slip into your pocket, latching onto your hand and lacing his fingers with yours. you figured he had felt your anxious behaviour beside him; it was something you had noticed he picked up easily ever since you became friends.

there was a split of students in the hallway, everyone moving out of the way when they saw someone coming from behind them.

isa stood in the middle of the hallway in front of you and jake. her high ponytail swung down and over her shoulder as she kept an unamused expression on her face. her arms were crossed over her chest, covering the school's logo on her cheerleading uniform. her eyes scanned you and jake, leading down to where jake's hand disappeared into your pocket.

jake ripped his hand away from you, seeing how isa's eyes turned darker at the physical contact between you two. your heart clenched at the action, but you knew it was probably for the best of your and jake's lives at the moment.

"hi, jakey." isa spoke with a fake smile on her red lips. jake answered with a quiet greeting back, trying to avoid her eyes. "so, who's this?" isa looked at you, "and why are you holding her hand?"

"we're friends." jake's statement is short but to the point and for some reason it makes your chest feel empty. like there's a dreading feeling growing there, and you aren't sure when it started.

isa's face contorts into a disgusted expression as she looks at you again. this time you can tell she's judging everything about you as her eyes look you up and down, resting longer on your hair before looking back to jake. "i thought you had a better taste in friends but i guess i was wrong."

you tried to hold back your laugh at her words, looking down at your shoes and biting your lip. she was so bold, so opinionated that she obviously didn't think more about her words before she spoke.

"why is that funny?" isa speaks to you, stepping forward, so she is right in front of you. you look up at her and can only shrug. "do you agree? are you self-aware that you look like shit?" the rest of the cheerleaders laugh behind her. "do you know what concealer is? god those bags."

"chaeyoung." jake warns with frustration.

"what?" she looks away from you, "god, you need some concealer too." she shakes her head and steps back from you both, "what the fuck do you guys do together to look so awful?"

"do you have to be a piece of shit?" you all turn and see chaerin standing beside you now, an annoyed look on her face as she stares isa down.

"oh great, the school's ashtray is here." isa rolls her eyes, and the students in the hallway start laughing.

"well," chaerin starts, pulling out a cigarette and putting it in her mouth, "at least i'm not the school's slut." the laughing stopped instantly at chaerin's statement.

"me?" isa points to herself in shock, "i'm the slut? what about you? you go around fucking everything in sight!"

"you better shut your fucking mouth, isa." jay cuts in suddenly, walking in front of you all to stand before isa. "just for once, shut up." you could see chaerin go frigid as jay spoke in front of you.

"what the hell are you doing, jay?" isa asks, her arms crossing over her chest again.

"i'm obviously telling you to fuck off."

isa scoffs, "and why's that? it's not like you've ever seen jake in months. all he does is run around with those two... things." she nods her head at you and chaerin.

"because he's still my friend," jay turns and looks at jake, making eye contact with you, "they're both my friends. and she's my girlfriend," he points at chaerin, "so like i said before, shut your fucking mouth about any of them, or better yet, just shut up about everyone and mind your own business!"

the students gasped when chaerin came beside jay, wrapping their arms around each other's backs.

isa scoffs once again before looking at jake over jay's shoulder, "you're an idiot for losing me, jake, i hope you realize that." she turns on her heel and disappears down the hall, her cheerleader friends following behind her.

the bell rings to start the day of classes, making the students groan and start heading to their class. it leaves the four of you in the hallway together. all looking at each other, unsure of what to say.

it's chaerin that breaks the silence first, "i'm sorry, y/n. for our fight a few weeks ago."

"no, it's okay. you were right, i was being a bit selfish when it came to my feelings."

"no, i was being selfish. all i ever did was talk about me, i never even gave you a chance to speak or ask how you are."

"it's okay, chae, don't worry about it."

"we're still friends?" chaerin asks sheepishly, playing with her hair nervously.

"of course, we are!"

chaerin grins at you before wrapping you up in a tight hug. "good! because you're like my only friend besides him!" she points at jay, who only rolls his eyes. "and i can't believe you stood up for us! where the hell did that come from?"

"she deserved everything i said," jay explains, "i don't know why she thinks she's so above everyone." jake stays quiet beside you, both of you watching chaerin kiss jay before they say their goodbyes to you quickly, chaerin pulling jay down the hall as they giggle.

"are you okay?" jake asks you, "i'm sorry for what she said, i should've said something, but-"

"jake, it's okay, i don't care what she said about me." jake nods, kicking the floor gently with his foot. "are you okay?"

"yeah, it's just weird that that was the first time I've spoken to her since we've broken up, i guess she's still mad at me."

"she'll get over it."

jake scoffs, "yeah, and hopefully soon."

"i'll see you after school, right jakey?" you ask, mocking isa's nickname for him.

jake only nudges you before walking away with a genuine smile. you watch him disappear down a hall before you head outside. you were already late to class, so you might as well just not go,

maybe you'll go to second period.

-- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- --

it rains for the majority of november. everyday jake and you share an umbrella as you walk to and from school together. he holds the umbrella so you can smoke. sometimes you hold the umbrella as jake finds a good song to put on as you share headphones.

it still rains the day that jake has somehow persuaded you to go to a party with him. he has been feeling better recently. he's still quiet at school, but he spends more time with you laughing than he does reading and listening to music in silence. his smile makes you feel better, and you wonder if he's picked up on that habit of yours like he has with your anxious tics.

the sky is dark navy blue as you walk with jake to the party. the neighbourhood has been quiet for the rest of the afternoon; the night will most likely remain just as quiet. you wish you could say the same for yourself, aware that your night will consist of loud teenagers and the bass of probably shitty music that you nor jake are very fond of.

jake holds your hand until you arrive at the party, pulling his away when you step inside lee heeseung's house. you've noticed that jake doesn't hold your hand in public like he does when you're alone, but you don't bring it up to him, knowing that you probably won't like his answer as to why he does it.

jake says he'll see you in a little bit when you both find chaerin and then he's disappearing into the crowd of people that go to your school, but you have no idea who they are.

you and chaerin are sitting on some chairs close to a window at the backdoor. you imagine that it's just you and chaerin in this house, and you're waiting for jay and jake to return for you both. you ask her about cheol, and if he still wants to join the army when he's older.

the sun officially set an hour ago, so now the backyards are only lit up by the street lamps. there are a few kids in the backyard; a couple kissing on the bench swing, two girls taking turns drinking out of a wine bottle and a boy smoking by himself in the far back corner. even though the music is loud and every now and then there is a too loud of a scream from someone, it's relaxing.

you let your mind start to wander again. it's the first time in a while that you let yourself think about deep things. it starts with your parents, your mystery brothers and then jake.

you've thought about being jealous of jake's life every now and then. you almost always get over the feeling, but it still stays in your head. it's how he's always been popular and good-looking and how he gets the prettiest girl in your school to fall for him. it's the way that he can sleep while you can only sleep for a few hours if he's the one that holds you. you've heard him talk in his sleep a few times; the mention of the word 'mom' slips out his mouth the most often, followed by jaesung's.

you're glancing around the party then, easily finding jake being the centre of attention. you watch him, feeling creepy and guilty as you do it. it's like you're watching him from a time in his life that you weren't a part of. like he doesn't know you exist, and he won't want you watching him. it's almost like you're spying on him. he's laughing, throwing his arm over some guy you've never seen before but figuring that the two of them are friends.

you're wondering then what will happen tonight. will jake realize that he misses all the parties he's always gone to? will he realize that he doesn't belong with someone like you? you wonder if he doesn't need you anymore. he has been sleeping regularly and laughing more. you wonder if the change in him after tonight will be like clockwork; inevitable and easy to happen.

"y/n," chaerin taps your shoulder, gaining your attention. the girl's black hair is braided back tonight, letting her pretty facial features be noticeable. "are you okay? you're shaking." chaerin's still been keeping an eye on you for the past month. she's also noticed that jake's been feeling better, but you seem to stay the same. the dark shades of purple under your eyes have disappeared, but she knows you still aren't up to your best point yet.

you become aware of your shaking knees and hands, making them stop at once. "yeah, i'm fine." you brush your sweaty hands against the fabric of your jeans. you glance back at jake for a second, seeing that he's already staring at you now. you aren't sure if he caught the worried look on chaerin's face for a second or your fake smile at her afterwards, but he's nodding his head at you for you to go somewhere together.

"i'm gonna go with jake for a second." chaerin nods, leaning back in her chair again and relighting her cigarette. you walk over to the front of the living room, where jake stands waiting for you.

"you wanna go outside?"

the early december air is cold on the balcony of lee heeseung's house. you and jake sit side by side on the couch, your hands brushing against each other so that you both don't want to be the first one to grab the other's hand. your hair is down and messy again, something that is unpreventable but in a pretty way. in a way that jake is sure you have no idea about, but he understands it more than anyone else ever will. from afar, they most definitely look like just friends, but up close, it's evident that there is something deeper between them in natural light.

"what's your favourite song? of all time." you have listened to the same music since you were born. you grew up listening to your dad's rock bands and your mother's classic 80s records.

"probably something by the neighbourhood. or something that would piss my parents off. they don't like my music very much."

"they don't like rock or alternative music?"

jake scoffs, shaking his head, "most definitely not; they were always the good-two-shoes type of kids in high school and college- rock music was not something they listened to." you nod your head as you listen to him. "what's your favourite song? of all time."

you think, looking up at the starry sky and imagining yourself being able to only listen to one song for the rest of your life. being able to be content with that one single song. music was something that controlled your life; you couldn't do anything without it.

"i don't know, there's so many good songs. so many songs that make me happy."

"yeah, i figured you say something like that." jake laughs, taking a sip from his red solo cup.

'what does that mean?"

"it means that i've been with you almost every day for three months; if you don't have your headphones in then, you're using that old-ass record player."

"music sounds better on that old-ass record player."

"music sounds better when you're drunk." jake tips his cup up and finishes it; you only smile in return.

-- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- --

the walk back to jake's house is silent besides your few huffs of struggle from holding jake up. he's too drunk to make any real conversation at the moment. you've both been sleeping pretty well lately, considering your old sleeping habits, and you wonder how jake will sleep tonight. you hope that after tonight the way he looks at you will be the same as when he watches you smoke out the window while humming.

when they get inside jake's bedroom finally, he plops down immediately on his bed. you see that his room is still undesirably messy as if he doesn't even notice it anymore.

jake strips off his sweater so that he's in his jeans and t-shirt. his hair is just as messy as your own as he flips over onto his back. the moonlight outside is shining through his window and is the only light in his room.

you watch him from the closed door of his bedroom, like the first time she did when she came over. you've never seen jake drunk before, but you've heard stories of it. he always made being drunk sound like something fun- but the memories you have with your drunk dad are the opposite.

"you're beautiful, y/n." he smiles that pretty smile of his at you, but his eyes are more slugged than they usually are.

you only scoff in response as you make your way to his bed, grabbing his duvet so pull it over him.

"do you not believe me?"

"not really, no." you said, tucking in the blanket,

"you are, though, so, so beautiful." jake closes his eyes then, and you're staring at him in the moonlight, taking in his cheekbones and heart-shaped lips. you want to tell him that he's beautiful, too.

"you're drunk." you stand up away from him. "i'm gonna go home so I'll see you tomorrow if you're not too hung over."

"don't go, y/n." you turn and stare at him, his eyes looking worried as your hand rests on the doorknob. "just spend the night, you know we sleep better when we're together."

you sigh and think about it; you've never slept over at jake's before. he smiles at you from his pillow when you're standing over his bed again, untucking the blanket you had just tucked. you're slipping in carefully beside him, his cologne engulfing you. jake tucks your hair behind your ear, moving it away from his face so he can see you.

"thank you." jake whispers out as if it was some sort of secret that no one else could hear.

you chuckle, "you don't have to thank me."

"yeah i do," jake nustles his face into your shoulder, "you're the reason i'm happy."

you try to think of a response, feeling your heart beat faster at the spoken words you had only imagined him saying before. before you can think of anything, you hear his soft breaths in your ear, his body going limp beside you as he starts to sleep peacefully.

-- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- --

jake wakes up in the morning with a headache. the night before was the first time that he had drank in months, and he had drunk a lot. all he can think about when he wakes up is how thirsty he is, he needs an advil and where are you.

he reaches down on the floor beside his bed to grab his sweater that he had thrown off the night before, getting easily frustrated when he can't find it, forcing himself to sit up and look. he's taken aback a bit when he sees that his room doesn't even look like his room anymore. it's not necessarily clean, but the garbage and clothes all over the floor are gone, and his desk is tidy of any papers and pens thrown on it. he instantly knows that you did it; no one else would.

jake walks downstairs and finds you sitting at the table with jaesung and his dad. they're smiling as they talk to you. it brings jake a sense of something he's never felt before. he can't help but compare them to when they had first met chaeyoung. they weren't as happy to see her, they didn't like the way she acted or spoke or 'bossed' jake around.

the creaking on the floor under jake's feet made them turn and look at him, their smiles growing bigger when they saw him. "hey." they greeted him back, asking him how he slept.

jake stood beside you, and you stared up at him, "i'm gonna go now, soobin texted me, and he wants me home."

"okay, do you want me to walk with you?"

"no, i'm okay." you head towards the door, saying bye to jaesung and his dad. jake leans on the wall and watches you put your shoes and jacket on before opening his front door for you.

"thanks for getting me home safe and cleaning my room." jake smiles softly, almost like he's embarrassed to say thank you now.

"it's no problem." you step out onto his porch, "i'll see you tomorrow at school?"

"yeah, tomorrow, be safe, y/n."

"i will." you turn and start to go down the stairs of the porch until he calls your name once again. "yeah?"

jake scratches the back of his neck, "i uh, i meant what i said last night." you tilt your head at his words, "the uh, i think you're beautiful, and you make me happy, i wasn't just drunk and saying shit out of my ass."

you smile up at him, "okay." you nod, "i'll see you tomorrow, j. have a good sleep tonight."

"you too."

jake closes the door then, taking a deep breath for no reason in particular. he wonders how he will sleep tonight now that you're physically gone because he knows you'll be taking up his mind.

your mother is already home when you get home, and she is not in a good mood. you can tell how she is as soon as you get in the door; she's sitting at the kitchen table with her hand on her forehead, pushing back her hair. soobin is sitting beside, leaning back in the chair and looking like he wishes he could be anywhere but there.

they both look up when you close the front door. your mother looks like how she always does; angry but pretty.

"where have you been?" your mom asks, "i got home last night, and neither of you were here. Do you even live here when i'm gone?"

"i was at a friend's house, i slept over." you shrug off your jacket and hang it up, trying to avoid your mother's angry gaze. you glance at soobin who is picking at a loose thread on his sweater. you stand beside the table, looking down at both of them now.

"which friend is this?" your mom turns her nose up at you, "because you smell of men's cologne and cigarettes."

"jake."

"a boy? you slept over at a boys' house?" you mom exclaims, shock on her face. "were his parents home?"

you hold back a scoff at her questions, choosing to look away at the floor. "y/n, i'm talking to you." you look up at your mom with a bored expression on your face. "are you going to answer?"

"why do you care if his parents were home? it's not even like you're home or even a parent at this point." you see soobin look away with a grin on his face, knowing that your words were true and wishing that he could say the same thing.

"i'm not a parent? then who raised you?"

"soobin, yeonjun, dad."

your mother sighs at the mention of your father but chose to not comment on it like she can't even say his name for some reason. "has anyone even heard from yeonjun?" when it stays silent, your mom only sighs again. "well can you try to contact him, please? because i want him to know, i won't be here for christmas."

"you what?" you and soobin exclaim but not moving.

"some coworkers and i need to go to cuba during that week to sort out a few details about a business plan."

"so you're going on vacation on christmas?" soobin deadpans, shaking his head at your mother.

"no, i'm going on a business trip."

"in cuba." you point out.

"for a week." soobin adds on. "why can't you just leave after christmas?"

"because we need to leave on the 22nd." your mother shakes her head before standing up. it remains silent as she gathers her suitcase and jacket. "well, this is not how i expected to spend my day off. i wanted to come home to a house full of my kids and spend some quality time together, but instead, no one's home, and we fight! so thanks a lot!" your mother sighs, rubbing her forehead again because she's angry, "I'll see you later in the week. Hopefully, you'll be home then." she opens the front door, "and please, find yeonjun!"

your mom leaves you and soobin in the silence both of you have gotten used to. soobin avoids the silence at most times, spending nights at his friends' houses, his college or at his girlfriends' house. you're stuck in this house for another year; at least for some of it, you'll get to be with jake.

you don't exchange any words with soobin as he starts to get ready to leave the house for the day, not bothering to tell you where he's going because you're already making your way up the stairs to your bedroom, trying to process the idea of spending christmas alone. the only reason your brothers came home for christmas morning was so that your mother was happy- but now she's not coming, so it'll just be you alone in this sickly quiet house.

-- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- --

you're used to spending the first days of winter vacation alone. your house is not only quiet during those days, but it gets extremely cold. you start this year's winter vacation the same way. you drink a cup of coffee, listen to your mom's classic records and take a bath.

you must take a bath during this time of year- it's become almost traditional for you. they make you feel cleaner and ready for the cold busan day.

after your bath, you usually sit on the couch, waiting for the day to be over so you can do your whole morning routine over again tomorrow until the day your brothers and mom come home.

this year, it's different. after your traditional bath, you smoke around the house, waiting for jake to come over. it's become traditional itself- the way you and jake lounge around your bedroom as if it's a vacation just for you. both of you take short naps together throughout the day, knowing that it will just mess up your sleep schedule by the time school starts up again in two weeks.

today, jake comes over while he's hungover. you smile at him as soon as he comes in, picking up on how his eyes are squinting from the sunlight reflecting off the snow outside.

jake's gotten used to the little routine you two have going on. it feels familiar and good. he's likes coming over to you sitting on the couch with wet hair, wearing one of his or your dad's shirts.

jake mumbles something to you about wanting to lay in your bed upstairs, away from all the windows down here that bring in all the sunlight that 'kill his head.' you follow him up your stairs as if he's showing you his house instead and plops down on your bed with a sigh of relief. he moves over, so he's against the wall, making room for you.

jake and you lay beside each other; he's telling you about the party he went to last night for park sunghoon's birthday a few days ago. he tells you he didn't plan on drinking that much, but sunghoon always convinces him to drink more. you stop responding to him after a while, getting lost in your thoughts. the thoughts about what jake does when he's drunk, and you're not around.

"what're you thinking about?" jake asks suddenly, putting his hand over yours to stop them from shaking, another habit he's picked up on.

"nothing." you shrug because it really is nothing; the things you think about you don't even know if they are true or not.

"no, tell me." jake moves over so he's on his side facing you now. "i know when something's bothering you, so just tell me."

"how were all the pretty girls at the party?"

jake scoffs at your question, turning his head to look at the window before looking at you again. "are you being serious?"

"yeah, i am."

jake stares at you for a moment, in disbelief at your question, "none of them were as pretty as you." you could only look up at your ceiling, not having enough courage to look at the boy beside you.

jake thinks ever since he met you, you've been insecure about how you look. and it's just something he's never understood. he thinks you're the prettiest girl he's ever seen. he wishes he could tell you that more, but every time he does compliment you, you just ignore him or change the subject. he wishes you could see just how pretty you were.

jake reached out and put his hand on your chin, pulling your face so you could look at him, "i mean it. you're the prettiest girl there is, and i wish you were at the party with me last night- it would've been more fun with you."

you shake your head, "no, i would've made it more boring by complaining about the music choice."

jake laughs before going back to being serious, "you're pretty." he can tell you're about to shake your head no again, so he decides to stop you.

his grip on your chin tightens as he leans over and presses his lips to yours.

it's a quick, soft kiss- a peck- and you barely feel it.

"you're pretty."

"j, i-." you're about to disagree again when he pulls you into a kiss again. this one longer, you could feel his heart-shaped lips against yours as you closed your eyes and relaxed.

"say you're pretty."

you pause for a moment, "i'm pretty." you sigh, making jake laugh as you shyly smile.

"say it like you mean it."

you pause again before stating, "i'm pretty."

jake hums in approval, "that's a good girl." he leans in for a kiss again, his hand dropping from your face to play iwth the string of your old sweatpants. when he pulls away again you both look down at where his hand is laying against your abdomen. "can i show you how pretty you are?"

you immediately nod, making jake chuckle softly before he unties your sweatpants and slippin his hands in over your panties. if it wasn't jake beside you, you think you'd be more embarrassed that you're wearing the purple cotton panties you've owned for maybe four years. but with jake, it's comfortable, and you know he won't think anything different of you as fingers slide over the cotton fabric.

you feel like you and jake had talked about everything except your guys' sexual history. it was a topic that you had thought about asking each other but never had the courage to actually ask. "have you ever done something before?" jake asks you, his lips pressing softly into your cheek and down your jaw.

"yeah," you sigh out, trying to suppress the urge to moan at the way his fingers started pressing harder into your clit over your panties. "b-but, it's been- a while." you feel jake smile into your neck at your confession.

"that's okay, baby, we can go slow." you nod in response to him.

jake slips his fingers into your panties, his fingers meeting your core finally. you're so wet for him, his fingers easily running through your slit. he presses into your clit, circling it with his index finger slowly.

"it kills me that you think you aren't pretty." jake confesses now, biting softly on your neck. "i wish you could see how i see you."

"no one-" you suppress a moan again, "no one's ever called me pretty before-you."

jake starts to slip his index finger into your core, feeling your walls clench around it. "it's probably because you intimidate everyone with how pretty you are," you can hear the teasing tone in his voice, "you intimidated me when i first saw you."

he pushes another finger into your core, his fingers reaching deep inside you, feeling all your walls as he curls them upwards.

you almost snort at his confession, "you thought i was intimidating when i- i, bumped into you and my phone went a-across the floor?" your voice was becoming high-pitched when you spoke.

you felt jake shake his head at you, "no, i thought you were pretty when you walked into the convenience store with your messy hair and eye bags." he spoke between each suck and nip at your neck, surely leaving some marks for others to see.

"when- was that?"

"over a year ago." jake shrugs casually as if he isn't knuckles deep inside of you. "i've thought you were pretty for a while y/n, god you even feel pretty; you're so tight around my fingers."

"please," you moaned out, not sure what you were being so polite about as his thumb started rubbing your clit.

you groan and start rocking your hips against his fingers. his fingers start to pump faster in and out of you, creating a pleasant burn up in your stomach.

his thumb continues to rub along your clit, his other hand playing softly with your hair on the pillow. his lips continue to kiss down your neck, his lips circling your collarbones.

"oh god," your hand flies down and holds onto his wrist, your head tips bakfc, your eyes meeting jakes as he looks down at you with a smirk on his face. "i'm gonna cum, jake." his fingers on your clit start to speed up.

"go on, baby, cum all over my fingers, i've been wanting you to for so long." he confesses once again, leaning down and kissing you as your body starts to go rigid from your orgasm hitting. your eyes flutter shut as your grip on his hand tightens.

jake slowly eases his fingers out of you, not wanting to overstimulate you. you watch as he puts his soaked fingers into his mouth, humming at the taste of you. "fuck, just as good as i imagined."

"that's so embarrassing," you whine, taking his fingers out of his mouth.

"what is?" jake laughs, playing with the string of your sweatpants again.

"i didn't know you saw me at the convenience store for the first time." jake laughs into your neck, kissing it once more before pulling away from you.

"well you looked pretty so it doesn't matter." you roll your eyes at him before rolling over so you can face him.

his hand is still playing with your hair, relaxing you. you feel like you could fall asleep and stay asleep for a while with how content you are in that moment.

"what are you doing on christmas?" jake asks suddenly, making you sigh at the mention of the holiday.

"i'll probably be watching re-runs of the same shitty christmas movies downstairs."

"with who?"

"no one."

jake sits up at your words. "what do you mean, no one?"

you roll onto your back again to look up at his shocked expression. you feel embarrassed to explain to him about your mom's actions. jake knows the basic knowledge about your dad, small stuff that you've brought up in passing, but you never speak about your mom. "my mom's going to be in cuba on christmas, i mean, she's in cuba right now and won't be back for a week, so."

"cuba?" jake asks you, "why is she in cuba?"

"a work vacation."

"where are your brothers going to be?"

"they only really come by on christmas to see my mom, so now that she's not coming i most likely won't see them."

"well you're coming to my house on christmas then."

you sit up at his offer, facing him, "jake no, i can't! it's like a family holiday, i can't be there!"

"yes, you can and you will! jae and my dad love you anyway."

you sigh, "i'll think about it."

"great!' jake leans over and kisses you quickly- like it's becoming a habit already and it scares the both of you in the best way possible.

"what..." you start, a quesiton coming to your mind before you're pushing it away.

"what?' jake asks, nudging you, "just say it! we've been through this before, i can obviously tell that there's something you're thinking about."

you pause, trying to think of the proper way to say it before you're turning towards the smiling boy, "what about, your mom? you never mention her, so, i'm just... curious."

jake's smile drops at your question, clearly not expecting the sudden mention of his mother. he lays back down then, his back flat on your bed, as his head lands on one of your pillows. you lay down with him, turning on your side to watch him. you're about to apologize for bringing it up, ready to reprimand yourself for not staying out of other peoples' business.

"my mom died," jake pauses to think for second, "three years ago now."

your reach your hand over and grab his. you've seen jake in tired states, sad states and angry states, but never like this. he looks like he's about to burst into tears and never stop. "i'm sorry, j." is all you can say to him.

"it's okay, you didn't know."

"how did she pass?"

"in a car accident, some drunk driver- both of them died."

"god, i'm so sorry jake." jake grabs onto your hand tigher, looking at you with a solemn smile.

"it's okay, really. i'm glad you know now, i like telling you things, even if they are shitty like this."

you two fall into silence again, your room becoming peaceful again. you can hear the winter wind pick up outside as the late afternoon glow fades from your room. You try to think about jake as much as you can before sleep seeps into you, taking over you and jake as your calm breaths mix together and your hands hold you together.

-- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- --

jake wakes up beside you with a quick jolt. he hasn't woken up like this in a few weeks now. he can feel his heartbeat start to pick up, and his breaths become uneven. he wants to reach out to you and wake you up, tell you that he's panicking, but he doesn't- he can't.

he can't tell you that he's panicking because of you. his emotions are becoming too much for him that he can't be here anymore. he somehow barely manages to get off of your bed without waking you and slip out your front door.

he doesn't know what time it is, but he figures it's late with how quiet the busan neighbourhood is. there's a fresh layer of snow on the ground, and he can see his rigid breath in front of him in the air. his jacket his zipped up to his chin as he started to walk. he doesn't know exactly where he is walking until he's standing in front of lee heeseung's door and knocking.

heeseung opens the door with a tired-looking expression on his face- as if he had just woken up. his faded pink hair is standing up a bit as he looks at obviously panicked jake in front of him.

"dude, what's wrong?"

"can i come in?"

heeseung opens the door wider instantly, letting his friend in from the cold, winter night.

heeseung sits jake down in his bedroom. jake had been to heeseung's house multiple times before. he looked up to heeseung in a way he's never looked up to anyone before. he was the captain of the majority of the sports teams at their school, he's someone everyone can rely on, and jake's grateful he had someone like that at one point.

jake's sitting at heeseung's desk as heeseung is leaning against the wall on his bed. jake's looking around heeseung's room; it's been a while since he's been in heeseung's room. it looks different and cleaner, and there are pictures missing from the walls and books missing from the shelves. he notices the boxes packed on top of each other in one corner.

"i'm packing for college, i know we have some months left, but i want to get it out of the way," heeseung speaks quietly, noticing the way jake's staring at the brown boxes. jake can only nod at his friends' words, too much on his mind to try to make conversation. "so, are you gonna tell me why you showed up at my house at 11pm or are we just gonna keep sitting in silence?"

jake almost laughs at heeseung, the way he usually does, but he can't seem to make any noise or movement come out, "i've been talking to this girl."

"y/l/n y/n." jake jolts at how your name comes out of heeseung's mouth so instinctively. "what? everyone knows you're close with her now."

"right," jake nodded, remembering isa's standoff with you, chaerin and jay a month ago. "well, i fingered her."

heeseung scoffs and closes his eyes for a moment, trying to not laugh at the way his friend is obviously not thinking straight at the moment, "okay, and?"

"and then i told her my mom's dead.'"

"did you tell her that you're mom's dead before or after she came?"

"after." jake stated, "god, obviously after."

heeseung put his hands up in defence. "so then what?"

jake paused and thought about it for a moment, "and then i woke up not being able to breathe, and that's happened a few times before, but it's never happened because of y/n, and now i'm here because i didn't want to go home because then i'd think of my mom and i couldn't stay at y/n's because then i'd think of y/n." jake rambled on, heeseung only nodding along as he let his friend rant to him.

it was silent between the two teenage boys, heeseung trying to think of a way to help his friend while jake was thinking of you. heeseung and jake had been friends since year 9, both loving sports. it was obvious then that they had a lot in common when it came to almost everything, and it was obvious now how much they had slowly started to lose everything they had in common.

heeseung still loved playing sports and hoped to go professional once they graduated in a few months. everyone knew jake didn't want to do that- jake hated sports now and only continued on this year because he felt like he had to.

still, they had so many memories together that they remained friends, and heeseung wanted to help his friend at the very moment.

"so what's wrong with y/n that you panicked about her?"

"Nothing!" jake rushed out, clearing his throat before calmly continuing, "there's nothing wrong with her. i just- i don't- god hee! i don't know!" jake put his head in his hands. heeseung moved across his bed so that he was sitting closer to jake now.

"so, is there something just physical with you and her or is there, like, emotional stuff, too?" heeseung asked, trying to figure out why jake was being like this.

"it's, emotional. more emotional than physical- wait no! i guess there's an equal amount of them, but still i'd rather listen to her favourite songs with her and read to her and make her laugh than shove my dick down her throat. but i wanna do that with her too! but i'd take listening to her talk about her favourite songs than a blowjob. i think." jake rambled on again, heeseung really trying to focus and help rather than laugh his ass off at his friend's rambling.

"so," heeseung starts, trying to process jake's words and his response, "you... love her?"

"what?" jake gasps, looking up from the floor at his friend.

"shh," heeseung slaps jake's shoulder, "you're gonna wake up my parents. Be quiet!"

jake brushed his hair away from his face, "i- i don't know if i love her."

heeseung almost laughs at his friend again, "did you hear what you just said about her?"

jake thought about his rambled confession he just told heeseung, thinking about how he had described you.

"you love her, jake." heeseung repeated, noticing the look of realization slowly creep onto jake's face. "and you're panicking because you've never loved someone before; it's obvious, man."

"holy shit," jake sat back in his chair as he processes his feelings.

heeseung sighed out of relief, laying back onto his elbows on his bed, "great! now go tell her that! tell her everything you just told me!' heeseung pointed to his bedroom door, "well, maybe leave out the blowjob part- and the shoving your dick down her throat part."

"i can't go back!" jake yelled before getting slapped by heeseung again to be quiet.

"and why not?"

"because- because, i don't know! what if she doesn't love me?"

"well, then i guess you'll come running back here, so i'll keep my front door unlocked for you." jake turned and looked at his friend, that had a smug look on his face, "go!"

-- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- --

you had woken up maybe ten minutes after jake had left. you woke up to a cold bed, and an empty feeling started to grow in your chest. you sat up in your bed when you realized he wasn't in your room or your quiet house. the snow was picking up and covering your window, blocking the moonlight from entering your bedroom.

you brought your knees to your chest, playing with the bottoms of your sweatpants by your ankles. you weren't necessarily surprised that jake had left. he had sleeping problems of his own, and plus, you were used to everyone in your life leaving you.

it felt like he was just another one of those people again. of course, jake and you had gone through three weeks of not speaking before- but this time really hurt. at this point, you were aware of your feelings for jake. they weren't covered up in a friendship like the first time he had left you.

your feelings were clear to you- and maybe not (definitely not) to jake.

you sat your elbows up on your window sill, lighting a cigarette, trying to relax from the anxiety creeping up into your chest. you exhaled the smoke as you tried to find the perfect print of a snowflake on your window. you thought then that you would be spending christmas alone now after all.

it soon felt like you were going into a haze of sleep deprivation, anxiety and nicotine. the coldness seeping through your window is the only thing to comfort you and your mind into reality. you closed your eyes for a moment, resting your head on the window sill as the cigarette in your hand burnt out.

your thoughts were filled with jake and you. your imagined future crumbling down. your past together meant nothing to him as you thought about all the times you had shared your headphones, listened to him read and made each other laugh.

you seem to be reliving your past mentally, and you're stuck in it, trying to remember it all because, for a moment, it felt like that was the only thing you were going to have left with sim jake. your bedroom gets darker as the late night passes, the smell of smoke fading out from your room. and then you are woken up from the long dream you were living in for a moment, and you feel a tear slip down your cheek.

"y/n?"

it's his voice. it feels like you're still dreaming with the way it sounds. like you're memories, and sleep deprivation are playing a trick on you.

"y/n are you awake? i'm fucking cold."

and then he's silent again, the snow and wind outside being the only sound. his voice is coming from your bedroom door behind you.

when you speak again, your voice is softer than you remember.

"jake?" he doesn't answer. "jake, are you..."

"what're you doing?" his voice becomes clearer, and it becomes evident that he's right behind you and you aren't having some sick dream.

"say my name again, please?"

jake's quiet for a moment as he stares at your slumped-over body on your window sill, and then he carefully whispers to you, like he doesn't want to wake you after you have just fallen asleep,

"y/n."

-- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- - - -- -- -- -- --

jake crawled into bed with you afterwards, wrapping his arms around you from behind and pulling you down onto the bed with him carefully like you were going to break.

"where were you?" you ask, facing away from him as you let your body sink into his from behind you.

"i went to heeseung's for a second, i'm sorry. he kissed the back of your head, "i'm sorry i didn't mean to upset you." he kissed your head again, his arms tightening around you as if he was scared you were going to run away from him.

"i thought-" you tried to control your breathing, wiping away the tears falling down your face quietly, "i thought you had left me again- thought you weren't going to see me again."

"no no," jake shushed you, putting his head on your shoulder from behind, "i'm sorry, baby, i won't leave you again. i mean it."

"really?" you manage to ask out, your breathing coming back to a normal pace when you realize everything is okay still.

"yeah," jake states before pausing, "i love you."

and the words ring out into your quiet bedroom and ring around the walls until you're turning to look at him over your shoulder. he looks frightened but sure of himself at the same time. you can hear him harshly swallow as he looks at you, trying to figure out what you're thinking.

"you love me?"

"yes." jake quickly answers you, "a lot. and everything about you. and i've never loved someone before, but i know i love you. i don't want to be without you in this life- and i mean that." his grasp on you loosens as you turn to face him.

"i love you."

jake grabs your face, pulling your lips to his for the tenth time that day. both of you feel like you could never get tired of just kissing each other like this.

"fuck, i love you." jake grumbles out against your lips before kissing your again passionately.

"i've loved you for a long time, i don't think i've noticed until recently." you confess, pulling away from him. "i've never loved anyone before either, but i know i'll love you forever if you let me."

jake smiles at you, pulling you into kissing him once more. your hips instinctively grind into his, unable to stop the way he's making you feel at the moment. you've never felt so loved before by a single kiss.

your kiss turns into a loving and lustful one quickly. your hands running through his shaggy, brown hair that you've come to love.

"you don't know what you do to me, baby." jake mutters, his hand leaving your jaw and roaming down your side to rest on your hip.

you chuckle as your hands slide in between you two, going under his shirt and lifting it over his body. your eyes travel over his skin, loving how it looks and feels. so many pretty moles to memorize as you kiss his collarbones.

you roll over so that you are on top of him now. jake pulled you closer and started leaving wet kisses over the hickeys he had given you earlier. you couldn't stop the low moans leaving your lips as you started to grind down onto his bulge.

you both felt rushed but knew you had all the time in the world at that very moment. your hands started to travel down his stomach to where his sweatpants were loosened on his hips. he smiled against your skin.

jake's hands travelled underneath your hoodie, pulling it off to reveal your breasts. his hands instantly cupped them, tweaking your nipples as you arched your back into him.

"are you wet again for me, baby?" jake asks with a smirk. one of his hands slipped into your panties like he did earlier, this time more confidently as he knew your body enough already.

you bucked your hips in pleasure as he started to thumb quickly at your clit again. your body is still sensitive from earlier.

"j-jake." you whimpered out to him, arching your back.

you whined when he slipped his hands out of your panties.

"i want you to come on my dick this time, baby." jake explains to you, kissing you before flipping you over so that you are on your back. jake slides your sweatpants and panties off, and you hear his gasp as his eyes meet your fully bare body. he's almost unable to stop staring at you before you remind him to take off his pants.

you wrap your arms around his neck as you feel his hard cock start brushing against your wet entrance. you instantly let out a moan as he enters you. jake feels his eyes roll back at the feeling of your bare walls on his cock. he pushes deep inside of you, making both of you have laboured breathing already.

"you feel so good, jake."

"yeah, feels like i was fuckin' made for you." jake starts to thrust into you with a steady pace. his eyes never left you, wanting to see how you reacted to him fucking you.

"fuck!" you gasped once he hit a certain spot, your voice going into a higher pitch. you grasped onto his arm when jake started to fuck into your faster, hitting your newly found sweet spot every time.

you looked so pretty wrapped around his cock that he didn't know how much longer he could go with you tightening so well around him. he's thought about this for so long- he just wants to be as close to you as possible.

"jake." you moaned out his name. you clenched around him as his thumb started to circle your clit again. he started to thrust deeper and faster at the same time, allowing you to feel every inch of his cock.

"are you gonna cum for me, y/n?" jake moans out your name as well.

"y-yes! god, jake." you intertwined your hands with his, coming on his hard dick with a loud moan. jake couldn't hold back as he felt you soak his dick- his own cum releasing into you at the same time.

"f-fuck." jake groaned out into your skin.

both of your hairs' were messy as jake pulled out of you, watching the way his cum dripped out of you, leaking onto your bed.

he ran his fingers through his sweaty hair, a smile on his lips as he looked at your fucked out expression. "fuck, baby, you're so good. so pretty, too." his hand was still holding onto yours as you both looked down at your ruined legs.

"you're cleaning it up," you spoke out, your head falling back down onto your pillow- sleeping wanting to fill your body for the first time in months from pure exhaustion.

"of course, baby." jake smiled as he kissed your forehead, letting go of your hand to go to the bathroom to get a warm towel for you.

you felt jake clean you up and wipe your sheets before laying down beside you again, pulling your blanket up and over you before lacing your hands together- falling asleep in perfect contentment- knowing that when you both wake you'll be happy.

-- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- --

jake asked you to be his girlfriend a day later on christmas, not wanting you to feel alone on christmas ever again. he was right when he said his family loves you; they happily accepted you in with them on christmas day.

you seemingly fit in with not only his family but his rugby team members as well. officially meeting thee lee heeseung when you returned to school after winter vacation. they all seemed to love you- just like jake (and jay!) had said they would.

you and jake continued to spend your days alone in either his bedroom's, constantly finding new music to listen to together- creating new memories with all the songs. somedays, jake would make you tag along to a party with him, smoking out the window as he got shit-faced with his friends- happily knowing that you would walk him home and tuck him into bed with you afterwards.

you had always heard stories about not becoming friends with seniors when you were younger than them- and you quickly found out why you shouldn't when the last weeks of high school were approaching.

it was sad helping jake pack up all his things for college- he, like the rest of your friends, had gotten accepted to a college in seoul. you were happy for him! happier for him than he was happy for himself. he didn't want to go to college for kinesology, but he felt like that was the only thing going for him. he especially didn't want to go and leave you behind in busan.

on the day that he, jay, chaerin, sunghoon and heeseung had all planed to drive together to seoul, you presented jake with a gift.

it was a cd you had burned all your favourite songs on. because i couldn't tell you what my favourite one was, here's all of them :) - y/n

"fuck." jake said as he looked down at the cd, a warm but hurtful feeling playing along his chest before wrapping you up into a hug, "i'm gonna fucking miss you, baby."

"i'm gonna miss you."

"we're gonna call and text all the time! and i'll see you on christmas break!" jake reminded you and himself, pulling you into a passionate kiss before sunghoon honked the horn of their van to tell jake to hurry up.

"get in the car or be ditched forever!" sunghoon yelled out the window, "some of us haven't had our first love yet and want to get on the road to meet their first love!"

you laugh into jake's lips as you pull away from each other.

"i love you." jake says sadly, scanning your face quickly as if he's gonna forget it as soon as he turns around.

"i love you."

sunghoon honked the horn again, "come on!"

jake and you let go of each other's hands sadly, watching as jake got in the car, waving goodbye to them all as they drove off down the street- leaving you alone in god forbidden busan.

and you've always hated busan.

-- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- --

your insomnia got worse than ever before when jake left. it was something you couldn't deal with anymore. you had to stop going to school in fear of hurting yourself accidentally by the lack of sleep you were having.

you had started tossing and turning in your twenty-minute sleep so much that you were waking up with bruises all over your legs and arms. you continuously had nightmares about jake- and how he's going to leave you.

the long-distance relationship worked between you and jake for the first few months. you celebrated your one-year anniversary together on christmas- buying each other matching headphones.

you continuously told each other that you loved each other- everyday over text. even if you hadn't spoken during the day, you could always count on him for texting you those three words.

you think now that, over time, you had lost the meaning of those three words with jake. you used them so much that both of you didn't even realize when you stopped loving each other.

you think you noticed it first on valentine's day after your one year anniversary. when it took jake all day to call you and say he loves you. jake got busy with school- and he got depressed about school. he told you a little bit about how he was feeling a first- how he hated the classes but needed this degree so he could get some sort of job.

after a while, it felt like neither of you knew anything about what was happening in the other's lives. you only knew the shell of the people you use to be and knew that you should say 'i love you' to each other.

your breakup happened not long after valentine's day- when he had forgotten your birthday. it had been a week or two since you had even spoken on the phone with each other- forgetting each other's voices at that point.

it felt like your heart was being ripped in half when the clock hit midnight for the next day to begin, your birthday finishes and not a single call or text from jake had appeared.

you waited three days for a frantic spree of texts to be sent, saying how he's sorry and that he loves you, he's sending you a present right now and so on.

you didn't respond to any of them.

he called and called for a week, finally giving up when you hadn't answered after the 100th time.

jake ❤️ : i'll get you out of busan y/n, i swear i'm sorry. i love you

you didn't answer that text either, and ended up blocking your first love.

when you graduated a few months after your first-ever breakup, you went to seoul for college. soobin helped pack up your things and sent you on your way by train. you could tell that soobin was a bit sad to see you go- but at least he'd have the house to himself for once.

it took three days before you saw someone you recognized on your school's campus; park chaerin.

you hadn't really spoken to her since jake, and you had broken up. over time, she had become more of jake's friend than your own.

"holy shit." chaerin said as she saw you standing in front of her in front of the school's fountain. she looked like she had seen a ghost. "y/n! what the hell are you doing here?" she wrapped you up into a hug; she tried to ignore the eye bags under your eyes and the awful paleness of your skin.

"i got accepted here, so, yeah." you sheepishly responded.

"holy shit." another voice spoke out behind chaerin, jay and heeseung stood there, their jaw almost on the floor when they saw you. they ran and hugged you as well- jay lifting you off the ground before placing you back down.

after a few minutes of catching up, you asked the question everyone knew was coming, "so uh, is jake, around?' you asked them, your hands shaking on your sides and you knew if jake saw you he'd know you were about to pass out from anxiousness.

"uh, no." chaerin spoke carefully, "he dropped out a few weeks ago."

"he said he was going to busan." heeseung added.

"busan? when?"

"three days ago."

"three days ago?!" you yell out, the noise from the fountain not making your voice too loud.

you groaned when you saw them all nod in agreement. you put your hand on your forehead with a sigh of frustration and anger filling your body.

of course, you had to leave cities at the same time.

jake knocked on your door three days before that day, anxiousness filling his body at the thought of seeing you again after seven months. he wondered the whole train ride back to his hometown how you would react when you saw him standing on your front porch. he thought maybe you'd punch him, yell at him, or simply not open the door.

he was not expecting a pissed off soobin to answer the door instead.

"what the fuck do you want?" soobin grunted out to him.

"uh, is y/n here?"

"nope." soobin said curtly, looking at jake as if he was ready to close the door on his face already.

"where is she?"

"seoul."

"seoul?! why?!"

soobin shrugged, "couldn't stand to be in busan anymore."

jake rubbed at his face in shock, not believing his luck.

"is there anything else you want to know?" soobin asked the younger boy. jake only shook his head no, "great."

soobin slammed the door in his face.

the last time you saw sim jake was four years ago. when he kissed you goodbye on new years and told you he'd see you that summer.

he did not see you that summer.

none of you had known where sim jake had gone after he left seoul. you had all figured he went to busan, but none of your friends that had stayed in your hometown had seen him.

you ended up staying in seoul for four years to finish up your music production degree at college. it had taken a lot from you, physically and mentally. your insomnia had gotten better over time, but you had started using your restless nights as a way to be productive and get your shit together instead of smoking your nights away.

during your years at college, you had stopped being friends with anyone you had been friends with in high school. you had all fallen out of touch with each other- none of you realize that the only person that kept you together was jake.

the last time you had seen park chaerin was across the cafeteria during your third year at college. she had grown out of her 'gothic' phase of dressing and makeup style, looking more mature instead. apparently, her and jay had stayed together- they graduated together, but you haven't seen them since then.

lee heeseung dropped out of college during his second year- only six months of his first year. he had a major opportunity to play football in america, so he took it in a heartbeat. he knocked on your dorm the night before and told you the news. he hugged you goodbye and wished you the best as he took a final look at those godforsaken purple bags under your eyes.

when you had finally graduated college- you were done with seoul as well. it felt like you just hated korea altogether- you didn't belong there- everybody and everything was the same.

you took the first job opportunity you got that wasn't in korea- but california. it was for a record label you hadn't heard of, but decided to take a chance on, maybe you could help the label a bit with your producer abilities.

it had been four years and seven months since you had seen sim jake- and you hadn't forgotten a single thing about him. he went through your mind several times a week- even when you knew he shouldn't be when you were in the middle of an exam.

it had been four years and seven months since you had seen your first love- and you were not expecting to see him on your first day at your first job in california.

sim jake still had his pretty smile and brown eyes. his shaggy brown hair was now shorter as it was slightly pushed back from his face.

you really thought you had lost your mind when you saw him- you thought that the sleep deprivation had finally caught up to you over all these years and had made you crack.

jake and you stood in front of each other down the front hall at the production company, staring in shock as you looked at one another.

"y/n?" jake asked you first, not believing himself as he said your name.

you nodded your head at him, "say my name again, please." needing to hear it again to know you weren't dreaming.

"y/n." a smile spread across your face at the sound of the familiar voice.

"you guys know each other?" the young assistant asked you both as she stood in front of you, ready to take you on a tour through the building.

"yeah." you both respond at the same time.

"oh, that's good then since you'll be working together a lot." she stated, causing you to give her a confused look, "he's the singer you'll be producing music for."

and now you're sat outside the recording booth, listening to your first love sing about you into the microphone- producing your first hit song that would only be the start of both of your careers.

a smile on your face knowing that you'll be able to sleep tonight since he'll be beside you, holding your hand.

@ taeghi, 2022. do not repost or reuse in anyway.

PLEASE REBLOG IF YOU ENJOY, AS LIKES MAKE IT HARD FOR WORK TO BE SPREAD AND ENJOYED BY OTHERS :)

stay safe everyone :)

#nic's recs ˚₊‧꒰ა ☆ ໒꒱ ‧₊˚

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fakeuwus · 2 years ago

Text

i rmr reading this awhile back and it came back up on my dash its one of my favs !!

spf 23

pairing: park sunghoon x fem!reader

summary: for as long as you can remember, your summers have been much the same, largely spent in your hometown, relaxing by the local pool. when you get back home this summer, things seem like they'll go the same way, until you get to the pool that is — when did the lifeguard get so hot?

genres: smut, fluff, people that kinda know each other to lovers, summer au, lifeguard au..

warnings: minors dni, MENTIONS OF UNIVERSITY DURING SUMMER, sunghoon in water, sunghoon on ice, sunghoon

word count: 31,818 .. even more sorry than last time.

playlist: kiss nct dojaejung, obvious ariana grande, safety net ariana grande

author's note: lmk ur thoughts (positive / negative / sunghoon) i'd love to hear. to beta bestie @asahicore u da best MUSIC DJ EMMAAA. i hope u have a good time reading, lord knows this has been a long time coming.. ok enjoy <;333

It’s the hottest day of the last summer of your life.

The sun’s rays coat your skin in a film of sticky sweat and sunscreen. Crisp white clouds hang in the sky, drifting overhead. Yunjin complains about the temperature as if you and Chaewon aren’t outside with her.

If you strain your ears over yelling children and raucous laughter, you can just about hear a Top 40 playlist looping Cupid and Dua Lipa songs through age-weakened speakers. What holds your attention the most, though, is the blond by the pool. He leans back on his hands with pretty fingers spread out behind him. He’s been lifeguarding at the public pool for more summers than you care to count but he’d never looked like this while he did it.

Park Sunghoon seems relaxed as he sits on the pool’s edge, kicking his legs in the water and scanning the space. Presumably watching out for kids drowning, or diving, or.. whatever it is lifeguards get up to at work. His voice is deep as he (half-heartedly) yells at a group of kids with water guns to stop running. When did he get so buff?

He’s always been attractive. Always. But this is outrageous. The bleached hair. The toned arms. The sliver of skin you can see peeking out from under his cropped vest. It’s almost too much to take yet you can’t bring yourself to look away. Given the way he turns his head when you catch his gaze — with flushed cheeks and upturned lips — you assume his glow-up has been purely external.

“Can you believe this might be the last summer we spend here together? Like, this time next year we’ll be graduates.” Yunjin’s sudden statement makes you wish she’d go back to talking about the weather.

Chaewon’s jaw drops. “Whoa.”

“Is it bad that I’m looking forward to fall?” Yunjin asks. “No offence, YN.”

This isn’t the first time she’s shared such a sentiment. Last summer and the one before, she’d said something similar before clarifying. She’s excited about her new classes, not about you going back to your apartment a few towns over.

You’re only looking forward to your shared two-bed and Minjeong’s dinners. It pains you to have to thank university for anything, but thank university for giving you something to miss over the holidays.

“None taken, YJ, but break just started last week.”

“Our last finals were five weeks ago.”

“Well, you know break doesn’t really start until our girl gets back.” Chaewon leans up in her seat to grin at you. She raises her cup, the tiny puddle of melted slushy shaking a little. “Here’s to the best summer ever!”

Needing all the affirmation you can get, you entertain her, raising your own cup so the three of you can toast properly.

“Cheers!”

The next few hours do nothing to affirm your belief in the effectiveness of toasting. Recently hot Sunghoon hasn’t taken his shirt off yet and you’re not sure how many more times you can beg your friends to stay for another half hour in hopes something will happen that causes him to tear the thing off. At this point you’d settle for a simple conversation or even the word hey.

“I’m begging, like, actually, let’s go.” Yunjin groans, sitting up.

“Just let me pee first,” you grumble, attempting to buy more time as you stand up from your lounge chair, packing up your towel and the magazine you never bothered to look at.

On your walk to the restroom, you see him leaning in the doorframe of the changing rooms with his toned arms crossed over his chest. Perfect. There’s a smile on your face as you approach him and unexpectedly he speaks before you do.

"He—" He clears his throat, thick brows coming together as he places a big hand on his chest. "Hey."

You let out a breathy laugh. “You okay?”

He straightens up his posture and nods his head, blond hair shifting over his forehead from the movement.

The sounds of the public pool fill the silence stretching over you, though it’s not enough to distract you from the way his eyes trail over your body, landing on your chest as his tongue darts out to wet his lips.

“I’m Sunghoon,” he eventually introduces, extending a hand for you to shake.

A smile stretches across your lips when you do, noticing how much bigger his hand is than yours when his fingers wrap around it and cover the whole thing. “I know,” you nod.

“You,” Sunghoon pauses, tilting his head to the side as if considering your words. “Know?” His brows quirk up.

You hum in response. “We had Spanish together. You sat with.. that kid,” Your hands come up to gesture around your chin and neck. “With the jaw, Jay, was it?”

He looks at something over your shoulder for a bit while you worry that he didn’t take Spanish and you’ve got the wrong guy, but a laugh rises out of him instead. “Yeah,” he grins. “Jay.” Nods his head.

Despite stuttering his way through the conversation, Sunghoon makes you laugh as he tells you about how he didn’t realise he’d have to swim on the job and almost drowned trying to save a kid in the deep end. He seems more confident after seeing that his story was well received though he still fidgets with his hands, and can’t hold eye contact for more than a second at a time, always looking away and clearing his throat.

The story was a bit of a ramble, and it might be the most words you’ve ever heard him say all at once before falling quiet, though his pretty lips open and close a few times as if he’s stuck on what to say. “How-” He’s cut off by the sound of someone yelling his name.

In the pool, a cute (and very tall) kid waving his arms above his head yelling: Quickly! Quickly! makes you laugh, and the way Sunghoon rolls his eyes makes it clear he knows him.

Much to your dismay, the yelling doesn’t stop and you realise you’ll have to make your exit. “I’ll let you get going, but, uh, say hi to Jay for me, okay?” you say, grinning at the way he nods his head, mumbling yeah, of course before you turn around to leave.

Sunghoon’s still standing in the spot you left him in, hands crossed over his chest as he eyes you. Head snapping in the other direction when you look back over your shoulder to call out a: Later, Hoonie, with a wave of your fingers.

Chaewon watches you over her sunglasses with a smirk on her face as you approach. “Who is that?”

You crinkle your nose. “Park Sunghoon.”

At the sound of his name, Yunjin gasps, abruptly sitting up in her chair. “The figure skater?”

“The what?”

At home, you type his name into the search bar and find that the shy boy you’d only met properly some hours ago is something of a celebrity in the skating world.

You watch YouTube videos of his short programs and feel a swell of pride with each jump he lands. The tiny Sunghoon on the screen carries an air of confidence as he glides across the ice — nothing like the Sunghoon you’d met at the pool today. And definitely nothing like the quiet Sunghoon who’d sit in the back of your 9th grade Spanish class conjugating verbs as his friends got into trouble for talking over the teacher.

It’s not hard to trip down a rabbit hole, and suddenly every video with his name in the title has a little red bar under the thumbnail as a mark of your affection. It doesn’t take long for you to find Instagram user smartblond, and the blue follow button on his page greets you with the option to follow back, which leaves you feeling a little bad as the pad of your thumb falls onto it unthinkingly.

Sunghoon’s feed leaves much to be desired. A modest 1 post he’d made 4 years prior, a square photo of himself and Lee Heeseung with bros as the caption. The only comment is from Heeseung who wrote ma boiiii. The tagged photos however tell a different story.

Thankfully.

You spend longer than you’d like to admit scrolling through these pictures, grinning and ignoring the way your stomach flips at the sight of the seemingly outgoing boy captured in the pictures posted by his closest friends with wide smiles and middle fingers while trying not to hit like on any of them. Even though you do like them. A lot. Except for the one of him and Bae Sumin at the pool with pretty smiles on their faces, and their arms around each other that she posted 15 weeks ago with the caption lifesaver. A smile spreads on your lips when you see Sumin’s (way more populated) page and the post she made yesterday to celebrate two years with her boyfriend.

Distraction only reaches you in the form of an alert from your university’s portal app. The words you’ve got new correspondence in your inbox wipe the smile from your face in an instant. While chewing at your lip, you click on the notification and wait for the email to load.

A pit forms in your stomach while reading four paragraphs offering advice for people who’ve failed their final exams. At the end is a link that you click with squinted eyes. A countdown appears and there are 8 days, 12 hours, 2 minutes and 17 seconds until results are out.

During your next trip to the pool, you hear Sunghoon before you see him and his voice comes out in a cute whine when he speaks. “Why do you guys only wanna hang out here when I'm working?”

Looking over your sunglasses, you see him running a hand through his hair, looking up from the water at a group of boys you recognise from both high school and his tagged photos, including the very tall kid who’d cut your conversation short the other day. With a wide grin on his face, he slings a towel over his shoulder and calls out something about the concession stand before running for the changing rooms and ignoring Sunghoon’s cries to stop.

His back flexes deliciously as he wades around the mostly empty pool, chatting to his friends, and in all of your staring you notice Jay’s eyes on you, looking back to Sunghoon after a while and nodding his head not so subtly in your direction.

You look at Yunjin in the lounge chair next to you, who stares at the remnants of your blue raspberry slushy with disgust on her face, finishing off her cherry-flavoured one. “I said thanks when you came back with them, it’s abnormal to want this much recognition over a £1 purchase,” you say defensively, sighing and thanking her again anyways.

“You should thank Sunghoon’s giant friend,” she says, nodding in his direction. “He came over to me in the line, asked how I knew you, and gave me change when I told him Chaewon introduced us.”

“Huh,” you say, taking a refreshing sip, the last, before putting your cup down between your chairs.

“I don’t understand what you see in that insane flavour.” She leans over to put her now empty cup next to yours. “It’s.. unnatural,” she says, shuddering dramatically.

“It’s the only flavour I like,” you say simply, watching in your peripheral as your new favourite lifeguard (not that you have an old favourite) climbs over the edge of the pool.

The sight of Sunghoon’s lean figure coming out of the pool only makes you regret ever wanting to see him with his shirt off. Water slips from every part of his body in droplets, running from his broad shoulders down his veiny forearms before falling from his pretty fingers onto the ground. This must be the fittest-looking person you’ve ever seen, and Kazuha can do push-ups (one) with you and Chaewon on her back.

With his wet hair stuck to his forehead, he laughs at something one of his friends said and it’s only when he looks over at you that you’re able to tear your eyes away.

You miss the sight as soon as it’s gone.

“That’s absurd,” Yunjin says after a moment. You have no idea what she’s talking about. “Can I open the Skittles?”

You’d forgotten about those. “Go ahead.”

While rummaging through your bag, Yunjin tells you quietly that Sunghoon’s coming though you barely have a chance to look at him before his shadow casts over the two of you, stark and vivid. With his arms crossed over his chest, Sunghoon towers over you. His red shorts cling onto his hips, so low you can see every inch of muscle definition spanning his stomach where little beads of water stare you dead in the eye. By the time you manage to look up at his face, he has a huge grin stretched over his pretty lips. “Hey, stalker,” he says.

Though his smile falters when you crease your brows, pulling your sunglasses down your nose. “Stalker?”

“You, uh,” he pauses to sniff, less sure of himself than earlier. “I saw that you followed me on Instagram last night.”

“You did? And no DM?”

No DM, he repeats under his breath, visibly confused, and the—“Ohhhh, you wanted to talk to me?”

“Yeah, that’s why I followed you.”

“Right.” A nod. “And no DM?” Sunghoon seems to like the way you laugh, uncrossing his arms, and puffing his chest out. “So what did you wanna talk about that just couldn’t wait until you saw me again?”

“I wanted to catch up.”

A sceptical look crosses his face. “Really? Anything specific you wanted to talk about?”

“Not really. I just think you’re interesting.”

“Me? Interesting?” The mixture of amusement and surprise on his face makes you laugh.

“Yes, you, interesting.” A saccharine smile spreads across your lips as you swing your legs over the side of your chair. Sunghoon apologises when your ankle grazes his calf. “Very interesting.”

Sitting like this, your face is so close to his hips you can see the loose thread at the top of his shorts. He seems to notice, taking a step back. Down the bridge of his nose, he watches you through squinted eyes, furrowing his brow and letting a beat pass. “How so?”

“There’s a lot of reasons, but, for one, you’re the only figure skater I know.”

So quickly you barely see it, Sunghoon’s lips curl into a frown before he presses them together, nodding. “How’s summer treating you?” He changes the subject.

You let him. “Pretty good,” you say, bringing a hand up to the tied strap of your swimsuit to pull it to the side. “And I’m tanning pretty well, right, Sunghoon?”

A massive cloud glides across the sky, casting a welcome shadow over the scorching sun. The transition is gradual but relief is immediate and even Sunghoon sighs. You push your sunglasses up to rest in your hair, taken aback, like always, by how bright it actually is outside. Even with the sun covered up, your eyes sting a little without the tint making you squint up at Sunghoon who watches you with an amused smile.

“Is there something on my face?” you ask.

“No, nothing like that.” He shakes his head. “It’s just.. nice catching up with you.”

“Yeah. It is.” You return his smile, liking the way his widens. “So, how’s summer trea—” You’re cut off by the same kid as yesterday, yelling “Sunghoooooooooon!” At the top of his lungs.

“What were you saying?”

“Uh,” you start, distracted by the kid pointing at Sunghoon, who waves frantically when he realises he’s caught your eye. “You, uh,” you pause, using a finger to point over to the pool. “I think your friend might need you.”

He turns to look over his shoulder, the sun shining directly on the side of his face when he does, highlighting the pretty mole on his nose that you’ve somehow never noticed. Sunghoon shakes his head and freezing water splashes onto your stomach, making you flinch. A non-committal sound comes out of his mouth as he shrugs, facing you once again. “It’s just Riki.”

Just Riki doesn’t let up. Instead, he enlists the help of a cute cat-eyed boy, clambering onto his shoulders and balancing precariously as he yells and yells at the top of his lungs.

“Okay, yeah, I gotta,” Sunghoon sighs, using his thumb to motion towards the pool as he walks backwards away from you. He points a long index finger at you before turning around. “I’m coming back,” he says.

With a huge splash, Riki falls from his friend’s shoulders unceremoniously, his form disappearing for a moment, replaced by a mess of bubbles and long frantic limbs until he resurfaces.

“I’m not here to play, I’m here to work!” Sunghoon calls out, walking right off the coping and into the water, swimming towards his friends anyway.

He doesn’t come back.

That night you stay at Chaewon’s, rifling through old teen magazines and taking quizzes to determine who your ‘celeb bezzie’ is. Answering mostly C’s, the two of you squeal at the prospect of a friendship with Lindsay Lohan.

Jaehyun’s complaining when you reach the pool and you figure Yunjin and Kazuha must be nearby. Your hunch is correct when you round the corner by the water slide and see the two of them splashing each other in the small pool. He’s standing with his hands on his hips and yelling something about the literal sign that says they can’t be in there right now. The sign is a bright red fold-out thing, saying in bold white letters that the pool is closed for swimming lessons starting at 1:30 p.m.

“It’s 1:20, you can’t be in here,” Jaehyun groans, raking a hand through his hair. “I know you guys think because we’re friends you can do what you want but the other lifeguards kicked me from the group chat and Sunghoon said it’s all your fault.”

The mention of Sunghoon makes your ears perk up, and you decide to insert yourself. “What did they do wrong?”

Jaehyun practically jumps at the sound of your voice next to him and Yunjin calls out for you to get in! “Don’t you dare,” Jaehyun mutters, cutting his eyes. “Whatever it is was bad enough for Mark, Yeri, and Chaeyoung to decide I’m not worthy of LIFESAVERS 2.0 swimming guy emoji, ring float emoji.”

“If you got kicked because of them, I don’t see why Sunghoon gets to stay.” You tilt your head, stepping back a little when you feel a splash hitting your feet. “His one million-man friend group takes up half of the big pool every day, competing for who can laugh the loudest, and these two are pretty much doing the same thing.”

“Yes, but Sunghoon’s friends aren’t breaking the rules.”

“I saw Riki take an ice cream cone from a kid yesterday.”

“That’s not against the rules,” Jaehyun sighs. “And Chaeyoung thinks Sunghoon’s cute, so.”

“She does?” you ask too quickly.

“What do you care?” Jaehyun spares you a glance, arching his brow. He seems to undergo some kind of revelation, gasping a little and nodding his head. “So that’s why you guys are here all the time! You totally like that loser.”

“Sunghoon’s not a loser, he’s hot.”

“Interesting thing to dispute.”

You roll your eyes. “Do I need to worry about Chaeyoung?” you ask quietly.

“If you’re trying to hook up with Sunghoon I wouldn’t worry about her.”

You hate his response; hate that instead of really answering you, he’s just left you with even more questions.

And you hate Chaeyoung for falling into your line of sight just as you mention her.

She leaves the locker room, laughing about something with Yeri, and making you wonder what exactly she wants with Sunghoon. And why she suddenly feels like your competitor.

“And if I’m not?”

Jaehyun cackles at your suggestion. “You? Not trying to hook up?”

You can’t come up with a reason for why his words make your chest ache so you shove him with your elbow before jumping into the water with the girls. The sound of Jaehyun groaning and begging you guys to get out of the pool only dissolves the ache and puts a smile on your face.

Yunjin and Kazuha gang up on you for taking so long to join them but the water feels so cool against your skin you can’t help but enjoy it.

The sound of what you think is Sunghoon’s voice makes you freeze in your spot. “I can’t keep defending you, man,” he sighs.

At the sound of a whistle blowing, you raise your hands to cover your ears and all three of you whip your heads in its direction. Sunghoon stands next to Jaehyun with a whistle in his mouth, coughing around the metal when he sees you. He smiles, dropping it to rest against his chest. “Oh, hey.”

“Hi,” you greet, swimming over to the edge of the pool and resting your arms on it, letting your chin find a home against them. Looking up, you see Jaehyun rolling his eyes before walking off in the opposite direction and Sunghoon stares down at you with a smile on his face.

“How are you?” he asks, fidgeting with the whistle like a charm on a necklace.

“I’m good, how are you?”

“Good, me too. Uh-your friends,” he pauses, clearing his throat. “I’m teaching lessons here, in five minutes, so I was wondering if you guys could maybe hang out in the main pool or by the slides instead?” he asks. It seems like he’s asking. “Only if you want.”

“What if we’re here for lessons?”

“Oh, I’m sorry, you guys must be the six-year-olds I’m teaching this afternoon, my bad for assuming.”

You can’t tell if he was trying to be funny or if that was just something he said for the sake of saying it, but it makes you smile anyway. “You don’t do lessons for grown-ups?”

Sunghoon shakes his head. “I teach 6 to 12-year-olds, but Mark teaches adult classes on Saturday mornings if you’re interested.”

You nod, lifting yourself out of the pool, dripping water on the concrete. You’re close enough to Sunghoon to clearly see his jaw tensing, and the way his gaze shamelessly falls to your chest for more than a few seconds.

“What if I’m interested in a one-on-one lesson?”

Close enough to see the goosebumps that rise on his skin. He licks his lips, holding your gaze. “I guess we could work something out,” he says, clearing his throat when you rest a hand on his wrist, though he doesn’t look away from you.

It seems like it’s just the two of you and the sun beating against your skin. And his pulse racing against your fingers.

An excited wail grounds you, brings you back to the pool. “Sunghoonie! Sunghoonie!” You hear over his shoulder, as a tiny girl with pigtails and a huge grin comes rushing over to you. “Look, I got new goggles, look at my new goggles!”

You take a step back and Sunghoon gasps, holding her Hello Kitty goggles in his hands, inspecting them carefully while crouching down to her level. In his absence, you see more, equally excited, kids plodding along, babbling to each other, followed by parents with small character backpacks slung over their shoulders.

Sunghoon chats animatedly with her, nodding and gasping and saying really? at all the right times, in a way that summons butterflies. She giggles and holds her belly laughing when he holds her baby sized goggles over his head, asking if he can try them on, and you need to leave before you burst into tears at how sweet he’s being.

Yunjin and Kazuha beam at you when you look over at them, winking dramatically and giving you silent rounds of applause. Your cheeks burn at the sight, mumbling at them to come on, before turning around to walk away.

“Hey, YN!” Sunghoon calls out, stopping you in your tracks. He’s standing with his arms crossed over his chest, and a small smile on his lips. “See you later, yeah?”

“Yeah.” You nod.

The girls have caught up to you by now, Yunjin’s eyebrows waggling suggestively as she links her fingers with yours. “Oh, he is so into you,” Kazuha whispers, wrapping a dripping arm around your shoulders. “Chaewon was right, summer really doesn’t start until you get back.”

In the main pool, you play around with the girls until you’re tired from swimming and the heat, and if it wasn’t for what Sunghoon said, you would have gone home already. You lay back in a lounge chair and close your eyes behind your sunglasses. You could probably fall asleep out here, feeling an odd comfort in the blood-curdling screams and mix of music playing from tiny bluetooth speakers all over the place.

About five minutes later, you use your fingers to pick out a few pieces of Oreo from Yunjin’s ice cream, deciding they’ll be compensation for having to deal with the sticky dessert trickling down the cone and onto your fingers. Though in this heat, it doesn’t bother you so much.

On your trip back to your seat, you see Heeseung and Sunghoon by the locker room entrance. Standing in the shade, the two of them talk while Sunghoon lets a chunky pair of sunglasses rest on the back of his head, a sight that makes you clench your fist so hard the cone crunches under your fingers. You watch Heeseung’s face split into a grin while he throws his head back laughing, though Sunghoon presses his lips together in a straight line, clearly unimpressed.

Yunjin jogs over to you, thanking you for the cone and complaining about how stingy Jungwoo’s being with the Oreo pieces these days but taking an appreciative lick anyway, letting her head fall back and a long hum of satisfaction buzz against her lips. “Just go over there and talk to him,” she says after a while.

“Wow, YJ, thank you. I hadn’t thought of that.”

She flips you off before walking away.

You don’t mean to catch his eye but he smiles when he sees you, waving when you wave. Heeseung waves too. If Sunghoon had been standing on his own you’d have no problem approaching him, but something about interrupting their conversation puts you off. Heeseung nods at you and calls out your name, inviting you to interrupt them.

“It’s funny, we were just talking about you,” Heeseung says. You’re not sure how he wants you to respond to that, but Sunghoon looks at him with wide eyes, using his elbow to nudge his oversharing friend. “All good things, of course,” he adds on, raking a hand through his hair.

“Who could have anything bad to say about you?” Sunghoon asks.

Out of genuine concern, you ask if they’re okay, which only makes the two of them burst out laughing. Awkward laughter in the form of robotic ha ha has and forced applause. You’re not sure what to make of this, looking back and forth between them with a crease along your brow. High school was probably the last time you talked to Lee Heeseung, but besides the piercings and muscle definition he doesn’t seem to have changed much.

“How have you been? How’s college?” Heeseung asks after wiping his left eye with the back of his hand.

“I’ve been good. I saw you graduated last week, congrats!”

He looks delighted at the mention of his own studies, missing the fact that you’re trying to avoid talking about yours. “Thank you!” he says, beaming. “Do you know what classes you’re taking this year?”

“No.” You shake your head. “You studied music, right?”

An impossibly brighter grin spreads across his lips, eyes shining with genuine happiness as he nods. “Yeah, I majored in production actually. Best thing I ever did.”

For a while, Heeseung talks about his course though most of it goes over your head as jealousy burns in your stomach. The last three years have gone well enough for you to know that you’re more than just good at your major, so why, like him, can’t you enjoy it too? Right now, you want nothing more than for stupid Heeseung to shut up about his stupid career choices.

Sunghoon interrupts the conversation, seeming to notice your mild irritation. “Hey, are you okay?” he asks, resting a hand on your shoulder.

He doesn’t seem convinced when you nod your head belatedly, clearing your throat. You do your best to focus on the burn of his hand on your skin and not your jealousy.

Sunghoon looks over at Heeseung, giving him a look that the older boy takes as an invitation to leave, smiling at the both of you before waving goodbye.

“What’s the matter?” His voice is much softer now that you’re alone, so comforting that you’re tempted to fall into his chest and tell him everything that’s ever upset you.

“What makes you think something’s the matter?”

“You were staring at Heeseung like you wanted to wipe the stupid smile off his face with a bullet.”

“Actually, I think he has quite a nice smile,” you admit.

“Yeah,” Sunghoon agrees. “But it’s a little annoying, right? Like how everything just seems to go so well for him no matter what. Perfect guy with a perfect major, it’s a little hard not to be jealous of him when he talks like that.”

“You don’t like what you study?”

“It’s not my major I’m struggling with.” He lets out a dry laugh. “What about you?”

A deep sigh rolls out of you, pulling your shoulders down. “I’m good at it so why stop, you know?”

“Plenty of people stop things they’re good at.” The response comes quicker than you expect, in a defensive tone that makes you want to slice open his brain and take a look inside. “Sorry, I just mean if something isn’t making you happy, then it’s okay to stop. Right?”

It doesn’t feel like he’s talking about you. “Right,” you affirm anyway. “It’s just that I only have a year left so the way I see it, I should just deal with it, graduate, and worry next summer instead. Uni sorta freaks me out is all,” you explain, shrugging in a way that you hope looks nonchalant. “I don’t like my course, and I don’t like talking about it, so let’s not talk about it.”

Sunghoon nods. “No talking about uni, got it,” he says, holding an imaginary pen and making a note of your words in the palm of his hand, with a tiny smile on his face that makes your stomach twist. “So, what do you like talking about?”

“Literally anything else.”

“Look at us, so much in common.” There’s a hesitant look on his face, like he’s questioning his word choice but he smiles when you do, letting out a breathy laugh at the sound of a chuckle slipping out of you.

“Hey, Sunghoon?” you ask after a beat, tilting your head and continuing when he hums. “Do you work here every day?”

He shakes his head. “Just Monday through Thursday.”

“So, if I wanna see you, I could just come to the pool on those days?”

“Yeah.” Even in the shade, it’s hard to miss the way his cheeks flush pink, and he scratches at the back of his neck while stifling a smile. “Exactly.”

“And if it’s Friday or the weekend, and I wanna see you, I could just text you?”

“Yeah, I think I’d like that.” That same smile curves on his lips, gentle, happy.

You think you’d like that too.

Sunghoon puts his number in your phone and you send a text so he has yours too.

The sun doesn’t set until late that night, and you spend the better part of the evening in the garden with your mum, catching the last moments of the sun’s rays from a blanket in the grass. The sound of her fingers against the keyboard is like a perfect mechanical OST for the summer romance you’re halfway through. Though knowing that the countdown in your email is set to strike zero in a matter of hours makes it difficult to concentrate on what’s going on in the made up beach town you’re reading about.

After a late dinner, you click the link to watch the countdown hit zero before refreshing the page. The stark white background of the login page stings your eyes in your dark room as you wait for the results page to load with a held breath. All three of your course titles are marked with MP for merit pass. A weight falls from your shoulders only to be replaced with another.

The family group chat doesn’t seem to share your distress. Your dad hearts the message and sends a gif of Michael Scott clapping, your mum texts back that she’s so proud of her baby, and your older brother says KNEW U COULD DO IT! You throw your phone across the room, hiding your face in your pillow to muffle a scream.

That night, you dream of graduation. Of crossing the stage and seeing the culmination of four long years on a flimsy piece of paper. The ceremony ends and behind closed eyes, you watch yourself sign your life away to a 9-to-5 in a field you hate, the same your brother had done. Drenched in a cold sweat, the nightmare jolts you awake.

You spend all day in your room for fear of running into your mother and having to discuss your future.

The day after that, the familiar smell of coffee hits your nose as you walk by a cafe you used to frequent in high school, drowning yourself in hot chocolate in the winter and in sweet frozen lemonades in the summertime. If it wasn’t for your plans of seeing Chaewon you might’ve picked something up for nostalgia’s sake.

Right when you think about her, she calls you. “Bring me a coffee,” Chaewon says.

“What?”

“Can you get me some coffee?”

Looking over your shoulder, you fully expect to see Chaewon standing behind you or perched in one of the bushes across the street with a pair of binoculars. Her voice rings down the phone at you, at a volume you’re sure you would be able to hear if she was watching you from somewhere. “Hello?”

“Yes, I’ll do it,” you say, ignoring the chill that runs down your spine and hanging up.

A bell rings above your head when you open the door, the cafe greeting you warmly like it always has. You admire its familiar green walls and the organic curves of its interior, from the sweeping archways to the round tables and chairs. Back then, you must have sat in each of them.

You think you’re going crazy when you hear Sunghoon saying thanks, and you know you’re going crazy when you actually see him leaving the counter with his fingers wrapped around a vibrant orange iced drink. He doesn’t see you, focusing on the phone in his hand and the straw in his mouth, Adam’s apple bobbing in his throat with each sip. Sunghoon turns his back to you, walking towards a table in the far corner, his head moving to the beat of whatever song he’s listening to. He sits in the seat facing away from you, and you stare for so long that the barista has to say excuse me to get your attention.

After apologising, you order Chaewon’s latte, giving her name over to the barista when she asks and waiting off to the side while she makes it. The whole time, you watch Sunghoon, willing him to look over at you. It doesn’t work.

Not in the way you’d been expecting, at least. Your phone vibrates against your palm.

sh: hey yn! are you doing anything nice today?

You grin at the back of his head.

yn: seeing chaewon later :) hbu

sh: oh cool i hope you guys have fun!

sh: working later.. closing shift :/

When it’s ready, you collect Chaewon’s drink and approach Sunghoon’s table. He’s staring at his phone screen, where you see your conversation over his shoulder — even though it’s been five minutes since he texted you — and have to bite back a smile.

“Hey, you.” The words come out like you intended, light, pleased.

Sunghoon jumps in his seat anyway, slamming his phone face down on the table and looking up at you. “YN,” he breathes. “Hey.” He wipes his palms on his pants. “What are you doing here?”

“Same as you, I guess,” you grin, raising the cup in your hand. “Can I sit?”

“Of course.” A beat passes while you take your seat and Sunghoon’s eyes don’t leave you once.

It’s been a while since you last had a vanilla latte but it’s just as sweet as you remember when you try it, the ice doing a good job at keeping you cool. You tilt your head at the boy in front of you, checking the date on your phone. “It’s Friday today.”

“Yeah…” Sunghoon squints at you, nodding his head slowly. “Oh, it’s Friday,” he says, seeming to figure out what you were getting at despite the lack of context. “There’s a girl I normally coach on Mondays at the rink, Hyein, but she couldn’t make it this week so we moved her session to this afternoon. To be clear though, I don’t normally work on Fridays. At the rink or otherwise.”

You nod, taking another sip of Chaewon’s coffee and angling the cup so he can’t see her name written on the side of it.

“So, if you wanted to see me, on a Friday, or over the weekend, you could still text me about that.”

Smiling, you nod. “Good to know. Do you work Monday to Thursday at the rink as well?” you ask, curiosity getting the better of you.

Sunlight spills through the tiled windows, warming your skin through the glass. Over his shoulder, the bell by the door rings incessantly and under the sun’s rays, flecks of amber glow in his eyes that crinkle at the corners, a dimple peeking at you as he shakes his head.

“I have my own training at 6 on Tuesdays, Wednesdays, and Thursdays, and then I teach kids classes on Monday and Tuesday nights, and I see Hyein on Monday mornings.”

“6 a.m.?”

“No, our sessions start at 10.”

“I mean your training, you start at 6 in the morning?”

“Oh.” He nods. “Yeah,” he says, shrugging.

“Fuck, that’s so early, I could never.”

“I mean, that was just my training block during school. 6 to 7:45, so I’d go to the rink, back home to shower, and go to school when I could.” A beat passes before he speaks again, using his straw to stir his drink. “But that was mainly during, like, off-season. If I had competitions coming up then I’d spend entire days at the rink, or dance class, in the gym, so I missed a lot of school.”

You nod. “I remember.”

Sunghoon’s eyes flash with something, as his brows knit together for barely a second. He smiles. “Anyway, I did try later sessions when I started college but I was so used to my early sessions that I’d still wake up at 5 a.m. even though my classes didn’t start until the afternoon.”

There’s a sparkle in his eyes when you ask about Hyein, and excitement in his voice while he tells you all about her. About how much potential she has, even though she doesn’t seem to realise it; about how much better she’s gotten in the year since they met and how similar she is to him at her age.

After a very slow walk with Sunghoon, you reach Chaewon’s place. It doesn’t hit you that you’re empty-handed until she opens the door and frowns at you, asking where you’ve been and what happened to her coffee.

It starts to feel like you’re running out of friends to take to the pool when, a few days later, the entire girls chat is too busy to come along, and Lee Jeno from an engineering lecture you took two years ago sits in the chair next to you, lazily flipping through an old copy of Dazed Magazine. Even if only as a last resort, Jeno makes good company seeing as you like the funny Tiktoks he shows you and the way he sneaks vodka into your slushy behind your towel.

For a while, you pretend not to care about Sunghoon’s absence in hopes he’ll spawn from the pool’s deep end. Surprisingly, he does not. And just like that, an ugly pattern is formed: you go to the pool, wait all day for Sunghoon, and eventually, stumble back home in a daze from alcohol or sunstroke.

It takes four and a half more, uneventful, Sunghoonless visits to the pool to leave you trying not to tear your hair out at Chaewon’s dining table.

Kazuha serves as a good distraction though, making you quiz her on the details of Kim Yeri’s driving licence so she can come out to the club with you guys. Between the two girls looking nothing alike and Kazuha thinking a March birthday makes her a Sagittarius, you’re not hopeful.

When she goes to the toilet, you check your phone just to be sure Sunghoon hasn’t texted in the twelve minutes since you last checked. And like before, the only messages you find are from Yeonjun asking if you’re “tryna slide” later. You aren’t, and haven’t been for the last two weeks he’d been asking. Completely unrelated to a certain blond lifeguard, of course. You sigh, thinking of Sunghoon again and why he hasn’t texted yet.

There’s nothing stopping you from sending the first text (today) — except for the fact that you’d been texting back and forth until you accidentally aired him at the start of the week. Unless you’re trying to hook up, you never send the first message. And as much as you would like to hook up with Sunghoon, there’s something about him that’s too endearing to only experience in the quiet of a backseat at 3 a.m., or in your room when no one’s home.

Four shots and a lot of egging on seem to be all you need to make your way to Sunghoon’s DMs. You let Chaewon and Kazuha debate over what your opening message should be, and with shaky thumbs, you type out something simple. Much to your friend’s (and your own) disappointment, you eventually settle on hey handsome.

sh: hiiiiiiiiiii

For a while, you watch as Sunghoon types and stops and types and stops before his message comes through.

sh: pretty

You can’t help the giggle that comes out, clearing your throat when Chaewon raises a brow at you. The two of you hold eye contact for a beat before erupting into a fit of laughter.

you: i haven’t seen you at the pool in a while and i was wondering if you’re ok..

sh: yn.. have you been at my workplac e waiitng for me to show up again ???

you: are you ok.

sh: i think it’s cute that you did that, my friends tol d me they saw you there every day this week

you: why are your friends reporting my whereabouts to you..

sh: i asked them to, also im good i just took some days off

sh: back monday am i gonna see u then?

you: or we could just see each other on one of your off days?

On the left side of the screen, you watch animated ellipses dance above the keyboard before halting, though no message comes to replace them and it doesn’t take you long to figure out that the message hasn’t come through because your phone is frozen.

Right?

You let out a laugh at your stupidity while Chaewon looks at you like you’re insane, turning off your phone and letting it sit for a bit before turning it back on. Wasting no time, you go straight to Instagram and pull up the DM thread where the word seen sits underneath your last message, laughing at you.

Perplexed by what seems like your first rejection ever, you’re not quite sure how to move on so you send a text to the group chat (mainly for Yunjin, the only one who isn’t present). Yunjin replies with a message suggesting Sunghoon’s phone died. In the chair opposite, Chaewon suggests maybe he died. Jaehyun brings you more shots to cope with your heartache and you clutch your stomach laughing when he squirts lime juice into his eye.

Because your friends don’t respect you, you end up in the middle seat when the Uber arrives; sandwiched between Chaewon and Kazuha, drinking as much vodka as you can stomach from the younger girl’s flask while she mutters March 5th, Taurus over and over again.

All that hard work was done in vain, though; when you reach the club Kazuha insists on being the first to go up in line, and tears start streaming when the bouncer asks what part of Seoul she was born in. Yeri’s ID gets confiscated and the four of you pile into another Uber and head to your backup plan, which you only learn about when the car pulls up.

Living in another city for uni means you’ve never partied with Sunghoon’s friends before — beyond walking by each other in a club — and some combination of excitement and alcohol makes your stomach heat up as you think about seeing him again.

Nishimura Riki’s family home is a giant structure that takes up more room than what’s probably necessary. There’s a massive fountain in the middle of the driveway shooting a stream, out of the mouth of what you think is a lion, into its main bed of water. The grand front door has banners criss-crossed over it saying HAPPY BIRTHDAY KIM SUNOO! Before you reach it, the door swings open and Jay’s jaw is even sharper than you remember when you see him so close. He grins at you and your friends, whooping obnoxiously at the sight of Jaehyun, dapping him up before waving awkwardly at you, Chaewon and Kazuha. You watch him lean over to Jaehyun and ask if that chick’s okay, while not so subtly pointing at the youngest of you all.

When you look at her, black streaks of mascara tear through her blush like a knife though she wears a bright smile as she eyes Jay like a predator. You nudge her in the ribs and make a mental note to find a bathroom to help her fix her makeup. She frowns when you take her hand and enter the house, leaving Chaewon with Jaehyun and Jay, the three of which chat easily with one another.

Upstairs in the main bathroom, you kneel on the floor between Kazuha’s legs, gently running a makeup wipe over her face while she sits on the lid of the toilet babbling about Jay. “He’s the one,” she says determinedly. “I mean, he was worried about me.. he barely knows me and he was asking if I was okay. Like, how did he know I’d been upset?” You wonder if Kazuha has seen her face in the last half hour. Or if she knows why you insisted on taking her makeup off.

“Right,” you nod, knowing it’s easier to agree with a drunk Kazuha than face an argument.

“It’s a feeling. Like, sometimes you just have to look through the eyes of your soul, and everything will work out.”

It’s amazing to you that she can say the things she says without laughing. But there’s a finality in her tone that makes you hope she’s right.

With Kazuha all cleaned up, you’re able to focus on how crammed the house actually is. There are people in every room of the house, sitting on the porch, in the backyard. People are everywhere and you’re not sure you’ll ever manage to reunite with your friends. In favour of getting to know Jay, Kazuha presses a kiss to your cheek and runs off in the opposite direction. You head for the kitchen knowing that Chaewon will most likely be in there somewhere, batting her lashes at a tall graduate in hopes to score a free smoke.

People are grinding and hanging off one another in the hall and the living room, making out by the stairs, and in what looks like the only empty spot in the kitchen Sunghoon leans against the counter, taking generous gulps from something in a red cup. Judging by his smart trousers and pretty black cardigan, Sunghoon has also developed a personal style in the time since you’ve last been home. A dent forms in Sunghoon’s cheek when he sees you, a sweet crinkle in his eyes as he says hi!

You can’t figure out whether you should hug him or not but he looks so sweet with his wide smile and flushed cheeks that your arms widen of their own accord. His embrace is gentle, wrapping you up in a mixture of toned arms, soft cotton, liquor, and something light, floral, you think.

“Can I fix you something to drink?” Sunghoon asks quietly, you only just hear him before he lets you go. “I didn’t think you’d be here tonight,” he says, reaching over the counter to grab a cup for you.

“Yeah, I didn’t either.”

“I was your backup plan?”

“Oh, come on.” You nudge his shoulder with your hand as he screws the cap back on a bottle of lemonade. “I wouldn’t use those words. If I’d known about the party you would’ve been the plan.”

“I thought you wouldn’t use those words.”

“You’re using those words,” you say, grinning when he laughs.

You both go back and forth on it for a while, as Sunghoon tries to find Malibu in the mess of bottles cluttering the countertop. A wide grin spreads across his face when he does and you watch him fill the empty space in your cup before handing it to you.

The first sip is syrupy sweet on your tongue, forcing an appreciative hum out of you. “So good,” you say through a dreamy sigh, shaking your head before taking another gulp.

From his nose, he lets out a breathy laugh, his lips quirking up at the corners as he watches you. “It’s good to know my bartending classes are paying off.”

“Have you ever considered a recipe book?” you ask, putting the cup down next to your phone, looking up at Sunghoon who seems to seriously consider this for a while before nodding.

Almost experimentally, he rests his hand on your hip. “I’m sorry about earlier,” he tells you, holding you a little closer when he sees that you’re okay with it.

You tilt your head at him, pretending not to remember the way he’d left you on read. “What happened earlier?”

“On.. iMessage,” he starts, trailing off at the end though he continues when you nod. “I’m not good at talking to pretty girls.”

Despite not fully believing him, there’s a sincerity in his voice that makes your stomach flutter. “Lucky for you, I’m very good at talking to pretty boys.”

You can’t tell if he’s flustered or drunk, but his cheeks redden after you speak.

“Pretty boys, me?”

“Who else?”

Sunghoon’s laugh comes out in ha ha ha’s, and if you couldn’t see the way his eyes crinkled up you might have thought he was faking it.

For a moment, his gaze flickers between your eyes and mouth, his tongue darts out to wet his lips, and he speaks. “I don’t want you thinking I’m not interested or anything.” His voice is low, almost too quiet for the cramped space where Me and Your Mama bounces off the walls and rowdy kids constantly bump into you.

With his hand still burning through your dress, he nudges you, turning you both around to take your place. Your ass rests against the edge of the countertop and the drunk students bump into him instead. “I’m just.. still figuring out how to stop being so shy all the time,” he says, using his thumb to lift the fallen strap of your dress.

You’re having a tough time believing him. If this is what being so shy looks like for Sunghoon, you’re terrified to see him being confident.

The heat of his lingering hand against your bare shoulder only leaves you drawing a blank. Part of you feels silly for saying that you’re very good at talking to pretty boys. You’re way out of your depth right now.

“But you,” he trails off, looking between your eyes and lips again. His hand starts to tremble against your waist. “You make it so hard.”

“I do?” you ask dumbly, at a complete loss for words, trying not to read too much into his word choice. Why, anyone could say that word, hard, and not mean anything by it, it’s a word after all. An adjective, you think.

Get out of your head.

“Mm,” Sunghoon nods solemnly. “You have no idea.”

Three people nudge past you, each one shoving into him harder than the last; he looks thankful when you suggest going outside. His fingers brush against yours before he pulls them away, turning around to head for the garden immediately.

The smell of smoke spikes through the fresh air, strong enough to make your head swim as Sunghoon closes the back door behind you. “Wow,” you whisper, looking around. It’s like stepping into a whole new party, with slow R&B pumping out into the summer heat. The garden spills out way beyond what your eyes can see, glowing with twinkling fairy lights and excited chatter.

“I know, right.”

There’s a two step staircase in the centre that you follow Sunghoon up, mumbling an apology to the couple whose makeout sesh you had to break up to do so. Both of your footsteps crunch against the stone path that splits the grass, and — at Sunghoon’s request — you tell him everything that led you to this party tonight. Leaving out all of the overthinking that went into the text you eventually sent him of course.

“Wait, how old is Kazuha?”

“21, she’s just waiting on her new ID coming in the mail.”

“What happened to her old one?”

“I think she’s like.. 13 or something in her old photo, and we didn’t get in last week either ‘cause the bouncer didn’t think it was her,” you pause. “Or she just looked too young in the photo. I’m not sure.”

You can hear Sunghoon humming along to the SZA song that’s playing, tilting his head at your words. His brows knit together for a beat, and he has to grab you by the forearm to keep you from tripping over your own feet. Sunghoon’s eyes meet yours, as he maintains his grip on you. “Thanks,” you say through a breath, trying to focus on anything other than his touch.

“Let’s sit, yeah?”

Sunghoon rests his arm around your shoulders when you nod, keeping you upright as you walk slowly towards the back of the garden. “I don’t know where you guys go out, but one time, we put Riki in a dress and gave him Hwang Yeji’s ID.”

“And then stayed home?” The mental image makes you cackle, getting funnier with each second you dwell on it, but your breath catches in your throat when you look up at him, shaking his head as best as he can while laughing. The way his head falls back, showing off the column of his neck and angle of his jaw forces you to screw your eyes shut to stop the thoughts of kissing him there.

“And then took him to the club with us and got him to buy our first round.”

With each thing he shares about that night, it grows more and more unbelievable, leaving your jaw on the floor as he leads you around a timber shed (that houses a hot tub) to a big swingy chair thing. “I’ll find the photos in a sec,” he smiles. “Let me hold your cup while you sit.”

The spot provides about as much privacy as you figure a packed house party could afford. Not that you need privacy to be endeared by Sunghoon or anything. You take him up on his offer, sitting down and watching as he ignores the phone ringing in his pocket, handing you back your drink. Even though you’re not thrilled about the interruption, you tell him he should at least check who it is.

“Jungwon?” He flinches, yanking the phone away from his ear. Jungwon’s voice is so loud you can hear him despite the distance. “Yeah I got it, I’m at the swing outside.” The call ends there and Sunghoon still doesn’t sit down and neither of you speaks.

Blinking fairy lights are strung neatly around the swing’s frame. Only a few of the bulbs are working, but together they produce enough light for you to see the sun-bleached blue of the cushion you’re sitting on, and the way Sunghoon’s looking straight at you. You smile. He doesn’t budge. Instead, he worries his bottom lip with his teeth for a while, completely spaced out, until a broad-shouldered child arrives.

Sunghoon daps him up and your brows raise when he pulls a short, flat bottle of vodka from his back pocket to give to Jungwon. “How much do I owe you?” he asks, taking the bottle.

“For the drink or for the lifelong tab you and Riki have been racking up?”

Chuckling, Jungwon shakes his head and points his thumb at Sunghoon. “Don’t you just love that sense of humour?”

The two boys share a look, and Jungwon nods in understanding. He affectionately pats Sunghoon’s bicep, face lighting up in awe. “Wow!” he gasps, turning to glance at you. “Have you felt the muscles on this guy? I wanna be just like him when I grow up.” With wide eyes, he nudges Sunghoon in your direction.

Despite his apparent indifference towards Jungwon’s attempts at hyping him up, Sunghoon comes closer to you, letting you feel his arm anyway. He flexes his bicep — all firm, sculpted muscle through his soft cardigan — under your fingers in a way that spreads fire in your stomach. Unintentionally, you catch his gaze and your breath gets stuck in your throat. A quiet laugh slips from his lips as he puts his arm down.

It’s hard not to think about what Jungwon had said about growing up, and even harder not to study him to figure out his age. His outfit is similar to Sunghoon’s; loose pants and a knitted cardigan which does nothing to help you make an estimate. Not being able to buy his own booze tells you that he’s not your age, his wide eyes and round cheeks only make him seem like a child, but his height and broad shoulders throw you off.

“How old are you?” you ask, giving in to your curiosity.

“21,” he says, too quickly. “.. in two years.”

He lingers for a bit to hype Sunghoon up some more; not so subtly bringing up his great qualities, like his considerate nature and unwavering dedication. Though Sunghoon’s “never ending” patience wears out and he asks him to leave. With a nod, Jungwon waves goodbye before sprinting back towards the house. Sunghoon laughs watching his friend and sinks into the seat next to you, his thigh pressing against yours for a beat before he closes his legs and rests his arms over the back of the chair.

“Wow,” you grin, leaning into his side. “Figure skating legend Park Sunghoon buys alcohol for kids.”

He shrugs. “I’m not a legend.”

You raise a brow, a smirk playing at your lips. “That’s the part you’re disputing?”

“Well, the other part is true,” he says, chuckling though unable to hide the flash of discomfort in his eyes. “If you consider a 19-year-old a kid.”

“You’re way too humble.”

“Anyone could be good with the right coach, and I have, like, the most supportive parents ever so they help me a lot.”

“Well, yeah, probably, but even then, your parents aren’t the ones skating, you are,” you point out.

Sunghoon deflates, sighing heavily. “Can we talk about something else?” He takes a sip from his cup in a silent plea for you to drop it. When his eyes meet yours, his lips press into a flat smile and the soft lighting brings out the dimple in his cheek.

You nod, using your hand to push his hair away from his forehead. The flat smile spreads across his face as you play with his light hair, that’s somehow silky smooth under your fingers despite the bleach. It’s a little messy when you move your hand, sitting over his thick brows in a way that, when paired with his boyish grin, makes him look younger.

A dull thump startles both of you as a couple jog away from the shed with linked hands and no regard for you or Sunghoon. Neither of you bother trying to hide your amusement when you meet each other’s eyes, laughing hard enough to make the swing sway.

“I’m sorry,” you say after calming down — maybe too late.

He shakes his head. “You don’t have to be.”

The smile on his face is soft, sincere, but does nothing for the guilt you feel over stressing him out — your lips tug into a frown.

“Hey,” Sunghoon whispers and his forehead is warm against yours when he nudges you, grinning at the way you giggle when he pulls away. “I’m not upset or anything.” he pauses. “I don’t think I’m upset or anything, I’m just tired, you know. I spend a lot of time talking about skating during the day and there’s, like, a million and one other things I’d rather talk about right now.”

His honesty assuages your guilt and piques your curiosity. “Yeah?” you ask, arching a brow. Sunghoon nods. “Other things like..”

He hesitates, caught off by the suggestiveness in your tone, by the way your hand grazes his knee before resting low on his thigh. A gulp echoes in his throat. “Uh, like..” His voice trails off.

There’s a flutter in your chest as a smile tugs at your lips. “Why don’t we start with those pictures of Riki at the club?”

“Riki at the club,” he repeats, nodding his head. “I can do that.”

Sunghoon’s arm falls around your shoulders when you nestle into him, close enough now that his scent hits you effortlessly. A tiny square in his camera roll expands under his thumb, showing you Riki in a tight black halter dress with his hair grown out and styled in neat curls. There’s a boxy grin spread across his lips while he holds Yeji’s ID next to his face. In the next picture, he crouches between Shin Ryujin and Lee Chaeryeong while the three of them make kissy faces for the camera. “And then he had two shots of Fireball and passed out in a booth so we had to carry him home.”

A laugh bubbles in your throat at the sight of Riki hunched over in a booth with his head on the table, and tears start to spill when you watch the video of Heeseung stumbling down the street, accidentally letting Riki slip off his back and onto the concrete.

Out of nowhere, Sunghoon’s eyes practically bulge out of his head; an expression you’ve only seen on Kazuha whenever she suspects she left her flat iron on at home. Dread settles in your stomach as you brace yourself for what he might say next. “Just give me a minute,” he says, his words holding an urgency that only fuels your nerves. “I need to text someone.”

Sunghoon thinking about talking to someone else while you’re trying to get to know him isn’t your favourite thing. In fact, it feels worse than what you imagine might happen if Kazuha actually does leave her flat iron on one day — because it shuts off automatically after 15 minutes.

You try hiding your disappointment but you can feel your lips drooping at the corners as he angles his phone away from you, deep in thought about this message he so urgently has to send. Whatever, you think. Couldn’t care less.

At long last, he finishes typing and pulls air through his teeth before putting his phone back in his pocket, drumming his nails against the seat until your phone goes off in your lap. In a fit of Kazuha-inspired absurdity, you want Sunghoon to feel bad about his lack of manners, so you ignore the notification despite your burning curiosity.

“Aren’t you gonna get that?” he asks, his gaze fixed on you expectantly.

You shake your head. “It can wait.”

A frown creases Sunghoon’s brow and you hate it; checking your phone immediately to find two texts from the boy sitting next to you.

sh: hey yn! sorry i took so long

sh: if it’s not too late do u wNt to go on a date with me next saturday?

After six days of exchanging Spotify links with Sunghoon over text, Saturday rolls around, and the doorbell chimes earlier than you’d been expecting it to. You call out that you’ll get the door, grab your bag and bolt down the stairs. With a hand on the door handle, you catch your breath, an act that seems pointless when you see Sunghoon through the glass. The door creaks open and his neck snaps in your direction, jaw falling to the floor.

He waves.

Your greeting is followed only by silence, your Hey, Sunghoon, dissipating into the sticky summer heat as he chews on his cheek, letting his eyes scan your body over and over. If he didn’t look so nervous you might have offered to pose for a picture. “How are you?” you ask, locking the door behind you and double-checking that you did lock it before tossing your keys into your purse.

“You’re so pretty,” he sighs, pushing his hand through his hair. “And I love your dress,” he adds. “Very pretty.”

“Yeah?”

Sunghoon nods and suddenly, your group FaceTime call with Chaewon, Minjeong, and Yunjin feels like two hours well spent.

While you tried on every summer outfit in your wardrobe for them to judge, Minjeong gave enthusiastic reactions to Sunghoon’s tagged photos, or, rather, to Mark in Sunghoon’s tagged photos but even she was struck by the outfit you settled on. The pretty floral dress that sits at the middle of your thighs that Sunghoon can’t seem to look away from. Hopefully, you’ll remember to thank them appropriately.

You follow him to his car where he opens the passenger door for you. Struck by the fact that this is the first time anyone’s done that for you, and the sound of his hand rattling against the metal, you sit down, beaming up at him as he closes the door. Sunghoon’s car is neat, and tidy, and smells pleasantly of the new car scent Little Tree that hangs, completely still, from his rearview mirror. Through the clean windscreen, you watch him walk around the front of the car with pursed lips.

“You like ice cream, right?” he asks when he sits down, looking over at you nervously.

“Who doesn’t like ice cream?”

Sunghoon takes you to a little old diner themed ice cream spot with checkerboard floors and a handful of plush vinyl booths. Some of the walls have cursive LED signs that you can’t quite make out and a great big jukebox in the back corner plays What Makes You Beautiful.

It doesn’t surprise you that Sunghoon is quiet when it’s just you guys, but you can tell that he’s trying his best. He listens attentively to everything you have to say, nodding his head and asking thoughtful questions at all the right times; he makes you laugh more than you ever have. He practically lights up when you bring up his friends.

“Your friends are so cute,” you say with a smile, thinking of the change Riki had given Yunjin to buy those slushys the other day.

“If you knew my friends you wouldn’t think that,” Sunghoon says, a fond smile that goes against his words spreading on his face at the mention of them. “Except Jake,” he corrects. “Jake is so cute, yes.”

“I don’t think I know which one he is,” you admit. “I know Heeseung, I know Jay, Jungwon, and Riki..” you trail off, looking up at him and the smudge of ice cream on his lower lip.

“Jake is the cute one,” he frowns. “You’ll know him when I show you.” Sunghoon takes his phone from his pocket, scrolling for a while. “I’m sorry, I can’t find a normal photo of all seven of us.”

“Just show me whatever,” you say, looking up at him and the smudge of ice cream on his bottom lip.

Without thinking, you reach over the table, using your thumb to wipe it away. Sunghoon’s cheeks immediately flush with pink and he gulps watching you suck the ice cream from the pad of your finger.

“Thanks,” he mumbles, shy, while turning his phone towards you to show the most absurdly staged photograph you think you’ve ever seen. “So, uh, Jake is.. he’s the one holding Heeseung up by his hair, and Sunoo’s posing in front of Jay.” Sunghoon hands you his phone when he’s done talking.

You use the opportunity to examine the picture.

Jake (so cute) really does hold Heeseung up by his hair, and Sunoo (also so cute) shows the camera his pretty side profile and a thumbs up. Some other things stick out to you in the photo, a laugh making its way out of you as you notice that Jungwon isn’t there but Jay holds up a printed picture of him in his right hand. Riki sits between Jay and Jake, wearing a concerned expression about something going on off-camera. Sunghoon is in the back, holding what looks like a yoga pose on the back of the couch they’re sitting on.

Happily, you let Sunghoon tell you more about his friends until the sun starts to set and the backs of your thighs stick to the vinyl seat. Not quite ready to say goodbye, you ask Sunghoon if you can go on a walk together. He seems into the idea, nodding his head and smiling down at you.

Walking aimlessly, the two of you maintain a neutral silence (not uncomfortable, not particularly comfortable either, just quiet), and pretend not to notice the way the backs of your hands touch, each bump longer than the last though amounting to nothing.

It’s not until comforted by the smell of chemically treated water that you realise how close to the pool you are. You follow Sunghoon around a corner and see the locked gates, wondering if he’d brought you this way on purpose or just out of habit.

“Wish it was open,” you say off-handedly, not really meaning anything by it. Like telling the person you sit beside on the first day of class that you’re so tired even though you had the best night of sleep in your life.

Sunghoon isn’t beside you when you look over at him, he’s a few paces behind you, standing by the gates. A mischievous smile spreads on his lips as he holds his keys in his hand, dangling them. “It could be.”

“Are we allowed to do this?” you ask nervously, watching Sunghoon twist his key in the lock.

“Allowed to?” he repeats, tilting his head as though the concept is foreign to him. “No, I don’t think so.” A satisfying click sounds as the lock comes undone and Sunghoon pushes the gate open with a huge grin on his face as he gestures for you to go inside first. “After you.”

He follows you in, shutting the gate behind him and holding out a hand for you to take; you lock your fingers with his and decide that you never want to let go. Not even after a thin layer of sweat forms between your palms.

The space seems so large when it’s empty like this, with the parasols closed and the lack of screaming children. Streetlights cover the area in a dim orange haze, turning it into a fuzzy dreamscape. The pool itself seems so small when you see it covered up, nothing like the ocean-wide abyss you remember it being when you were young, racing with Chaewon, or pretending like you were only playing around when you tried to drown Jaehyun.

“Do you wanna get in?” Sunghoon asks, his soft voice interrupting your thoughts.

You don’t hesitate to nod.

One night a week, the pool stays open until after dark, but you’ve never been. So when the mechanised pool cover whirs open after Sunghoon flips the switch, you’re shocked by the lights that illuminate the still water. It makes sense that the pool would have some form of lighting for safety, but you hadn’t expected the yellowing fixtures set in the tiled walls to shine so beautifully.

“Come on,” he says, taking you by the hand again, approaching the water.

A part of you wants to protest when he lets go, but the words catch in your throat as he pulls his shirt over his head. Having spent the better part of most summers poolside, the sight of shirtless Sunghoon isn’t a new one though you find yourself breathless all the same. It’s different tonight but he doesn’t seem to notice.

Worried you’ll break the spell, you can’t bring yourself to speak. Worried you’ll open your mouth and the moment might slip out from under you. These worries, however, are no match for Sunghoon’s slim waist which leaves your mouth forming an O at the sight.

“Wow,” you whisper, awestruck.

Sunghoon laughs, nervously, running a hand through his hair and using the other to hold his shirt over his stomach. “Don’t do that,” he says under his breath. He drops the shirt. The rest of his clothes follow, quickly leaving him in only his tight-fitting black boxer briefs that you struggle to look away from.

An odd feeling starts to creep in, causing a fire in your belly — obviously from the sweet cider you had earlier, nothing at all to do with Sunghoon. Or his sculpted torso. Or his face, with his soft smile, and sparkling eyes. No one’s ever looked at you like this before.

“What are you thinking about?”

Those shoulders. Those lips. Kissing those lips. You gulp. “Nothing.”

Even though he doesn’t look like he believes you, he doesn’t press you on it. Instead, he smiles. Sunghoon turns his back to you, walking towards the pool’s edge to dip a pointed toe into the water. You like the way he hums, nodding his head as if it’s just to his liking.

“Feels good?”

“Perfect,” he grins, stepping into the pool.

A splash makes the water ripple around him — you’ve never noticed it’s so clear, you can see everything. From the mosaic-like blue tiles on the pool floor and walls to the way Sunghoon’s hair moves around his head. It’s a dazzling blue, shifting brilliantly through the whole spectrum under light from the moon, the pool, and the lampposts.

Considering the way you’re sweating in the sticky heat, the water even looks refreshing, so you’re not sure why you don’t move to pull your dress off; or why you can’t shake your nerves. Sunghoon’s seen you in skin-tight dresses, and skimpy bikinis, so you’re not sure why the thought of him seeing you in your underwear is spooking you so much. It could be your lack of a bra. But even then, Sunghoon isn’t going to be the first person to see your bare breasts.

Interrupting your thoughts, he bobs to the surface with closed eyes and straight lips; his dimple shows. Pushing hair from his forehead, he asks if you’re going to join him though he seems to sense your apprehension, shaking his head. “You don’t have to take anything off,” he tells you gently. “Except maybe your shoes and socks.”

You nod, stepping out of your shoes and pulling your socks off almost robotically.

“It’s okay,” he smiles, comforting, reassuring, as he swims up to the edge of the pool and extends his wet hand to you. “I got you.”

You tell yourself to get out of your head, looking into Sunghoon’s sparkling eyes and feeling at ease from the way he looks up at you like you’re God’s gift. When you reach for the bottom of your dress, he gulps, his arm falling limply against the coping. You turn away from him to pull the light fabric over your head, letting it fall in a heap next to your shoes, and Sunghoon’s looking in the other direction when you turn back around. Even with the ‘privacy’ he’s afforded you by looking away, you can’t help but use your arms to cover your chest as you make your way over to the pool, sitting down on the edge and slipping into the water.

It is refreshing. The water is the perfect temperature as it envelops you, soothes you.

Just more than an arm’s length away, Sunghoon’s form is broad. His shoulders are so wide and his back so toned that your head starts to swim. His skin, sunkissed, glowing, is dotted with pretty moles that you’ve never noticed before but can’t look away from — suddenly feeling as though you could point to each one with your eyes closed.

With an odd half step, you reach him, letting your arms fall around his waist and pressing your chest to his back. You don’t know why you do that.

He draws a sharp breath. “Hi,” he whispers after a beat.

“Hi.”

A quiet falls between you until Sunghoon mumbles, over there, while pointing towards the deep end of the pool. You swim poorly behind him and he only stops when you call out his name. Sunghoon breaks out into laughter when he sees you. For him, who’s well into the deep end, the, now still, water might tease his chin if disrupted. For you, almost 2 metres behind, the water tickles your nose even when you stand on your tiptoes.

“Whoa,” he whispers.

You tilt your head back to speak. “What?”

“You’re just..” He pauses to gulp. “So short.”

Offended, you scoff. “I’m the tallest out of all my friends,” you say defensively. And untruthfully — hoping he’s never seen you standing next to Yunjin.

“Are you friends with the Lakers?”

You drift away from him, laughing as well, until the water just about reaches your armpits. He follows you. As more of his body breaches the surface, water slips from his chest, droplets and streaks glowing under the white light of the moon, completely breathtaking.

“I was so nervous about today,” he says, pushing some water towards you, his lighthearted tone gone.

“Oh?” You pause, continuing when he nods, and push water back in his direction. “How do you feel now?”

Sunghoon’s pouty lips jerk up the corners, playful, boyish. A soft laugh slips from the space between his teeth. “I’m absolutely terrified.” His honesty draws you to him, and has you actually drifting closer in the water.

“What’s scaring you?”

His breath seems to catch in his throat. He tilts his head while eyeing you. “Are you asking because you really don’t know?” If you’d still been splashing each other you doubt you’d have heard him talking over the water.

“Does it matter?”

Sunghoon seems to consider this for a moment, to consider you. Despite sitting just high enough to cover your breasts, the water doesn’t do very much to conceal them and his eyes get stuck on your chest for more than a little while. He clears his throat, looking back up at your face. He doesn’t answer. Instead, he raises his hands and smacks the surface of the water between you with open palms. A big splash hits you in the face.

It’s on, you think, doing the same thing to him with all the force you can muster and laugh at the yelp he lets out. Something of a splash fight ensues, both of you doing everything you can to create a bigger mess of water to attack the other with.

The rain starts so subtly that you don’t even notice it at first. You’re both too busy laughing and trying to splash the other harder to think about anything else. Only when you stop to catch your breath, to rest your aching arms, do you catch the faint ripples skating across the pool’s surface. Sunghoon doesn’t relent, taking the opportunity to gain the upper hand. And the rain gets heavy fast.

“Sunghoon, it’s raining, stop!” you call out, turning your face away from him. His raucous laughter makes your stomach flutter as you grab his wrist. “Come on, we’re gonna get wet, we have to go!”

When you look back over at him, his smile is so wide, so sweet that you almost feel faint. Sunghoon doesn’t stop laughing, the sound is so contagious you can’t help but join in. His arms fall around your waist like it’s the most natural thing in the world to do while he cackles in front of you, you let your hands rest on his firm triceps.

Large droplets start hitting your lashes, clinging to them, obscuring your vision, so you bring a hand up to act like an awning above your eyes. He calls you so cute under his breath though his laughter doesn’t seem like it’s going to stop anytime soon.

“Hoon, come on. What’s so funny?”

The rain is cold against your shoulders but the boy in front of you doesn’t seem to share your concerns about the sudden downpour. You lock eyes with him, and his laughter seems to get caught in his throat. He’s still smiling but seems nervous, as though he’s only now become aware that he’s holding you so close that your naked chest is pressed against his.

Sunghoon clears his throat. His smile returns, as a breathy laugh makes its way from his nose. He lets his face come down towards yours, slow, cautious, and too desperate to wait, you meet his lips halfway; they’re every bit as soft as you’d imagined.

As if relieved, Sunghoon’s shoulders sag and his body seems to melt into your own. Desperation, hunger hits you from all angles, lighting up your insides and leaving your skin burning under his touch. Unthinkingly, you link your arms around his neck to pull him impossibly close, almost whimpering when his tongue grazes yours.

Sunghoon tastes light and sugary, like the perfect combination of artificial strawberry and sweet coffee as his tongue moves against yours. From your mouth into his slips a dreamy sigh, while he holds onto you gently, like you’re the most delicate thing in the world; like he’s the most delicate thing. Why haven’t you been kissed like this before? So slowly, so softly, as if he means it. As if he’s kissing you for no reason other than simply wanting to kiss you.

Only when he pulls away to catch his breath do you regain your senses and notice how much heavier the rain has become. But your brain short circuits at the sight of him. His breathing is ragged, his chest rises and falls against yours. Water darkened hair clings to his forehead, letting beads slip from its ends to his cheekbone before slipping down the column of his neck.

Shelter is the only word you manage to say and all you can do is hope that he’s able to work out the rest. Like something from the purest depths of your imagination, Sunghoon’s kiss-bitten lips stretch into a wide smile. A giggle, the softest thing you’ve ever come across, slips from his mouth while his fingers squeeze at your hips.

“YN,” he says, breathless. “We’re in the pool.”

Dripping water onto the concrete under your feet, you and Sunghoon walk at snail’s pace from his car to your front door, with your linked hands swinging between your bodies.

The porch light diffuses dramatically over Sunghoon’s features, and somehow, even under the stark lighting, he’s still beautiful. His wet hair drips water onto his shoulders, darkening his shirt in abstract splashes around the neckline. A grin splits across his lips when he locks eyes with you, his face scrunching up and his shoulders racking up and down as he laughs to himself.

It’s impossible not to join in. “What’s so funny?”

He only shrugs in response, struggling to keep a straight face. “I’m just.. happy,” he says eventually, a tinge of uncertainty hanging from his words.

With shaking hands, Sunghoon grabs you by the waist and holds you close, leaning down to kiss you. As your lips move with his, the only thing you can think about is how badly you want to feel this moment forever. To feel the tremble in sweet Sunghoon’s hands as he holds onto you gently, to feel his soft hair under your fingertips, and his hard chest pressed against your body. To feel his lips curving into a smile, his forehead resting on yours as his breath fans your lips. “Are you happy too?” he asks.

You think you’ll die if you ever forget the way it feels to like Park Sunghoon.

“Yes. Very.”

Through the peephole in your front door, you watch as Sunghoon stands outside, bringing a hand to his cheek, fingers grazing the spot where you’re certain your lip gloss lingers. You suppress a giggle with your hand and run up the stairs to your room where you bury your face in your pillow to muffle a squeal. You can’t remember the last time you felt so giddy over something that was happening in your own life rather than something sweet you’d read in a book or heard about from a friend.

With Chaewon’s hand in yours, and butterflies in your stomach, you make your way to the community pool for the first time in about a week. Like always, you find Sunghoon’s friends wreaking havoc in the water until.. something happens. By the time it occurs, you’ve been laying poolside for about an hour, trying to convince your best friend that you liking a guy isn’t going to do anything to your friendship.

“You’re not supposed to like that guy,” Chaewon whines like a child, playing with the frayed hem of her shorts. “You’re only supposed to like me!” A sigh passes from her lips as she uses her arm to shield her eyes from the sun. “And Yunjin!” she adds after too long.

“What about the rest of our friends?”

“And Kazuha, and Minjeong, and Jaehyun, an—”

“Jaehyun’s a guy.”

She seems a little thrown off by your interruption, pursing her lips before speaking. “Well, yeah, but.. he’s one of our guys. A Chaewon-approved guy.”

Suddenly, the noise level reduces by at least half and you can’t help but feel alarmed, whipping your head in the direction of the pool. A quick scan tells you that nothing bad has happened, allowing you to release a breath you didn’t know you were holding. In the corner of your eye, you see Sunghoon’s friends huddled together and quickly realise that the space has only gotten so quiet because they’re chatting at a normal volume. Huh, you think, it almost sounds like the speakers are quite good. Heeseung and Jay get out of the water, sitting up on the pool’s edge while the other four boys all stand in place, all six of them fix their eyes on something in front of them but you don’t care enough to investigate further.

You look back at Chaewon as a pout settles on your lips. “Why can’t Chaewon approve of my guy?”

“When you say that Sunghoon is your guy, do you mean it in the same way that Yeonjun is your guy?” she asks, her tone scathing but her face concerned. “Or, the way that Asahi is your guy, or, even Yoshi?”

“No. This is different. Sunghoon is different.”

You know how trite and naive you must sound, but he is different. You’d never dated a guy who’d pick you up right at your front door; Yeonjun and Yoshi typically sent DMs to let you know they’d parked out front, and Asahi did nothing but honk the car horn because he found it funny. Though to call what you were doing with those guys ‘dating’ would be a huge overstatement. There was Renjun from first year who was nice enough but never wanted to hang out, and Donghyuck who made you laugh but never complimented you.

Chaewon crinkles her nose, reaching out to hold your hand, giving it a reassuring squeeze. “I really hope you’re right.”

And now there’s Sunghoon. Sunghoon who tells you that he can’t wait to see you again; who always tells you how pretty you look; who blushes when you hold his hand, who touches his cheek when you kiss it. You can’t imagine him doing anything bad to anyone. Sunghoon is different, and you hope you can be different this time too. In all the time you spend thinking, your guy shows up with a shy smile on his face with both of his hands behind his back.

It’s your first time seeing him in person since your date and the sun glows against his skin, his wet hair tickling his thick brows as he stands at the foot of your chairs, watching Chaewon nervously. “Hi, Chaewon,” he says after a while.

“Hello!” She grins, seeming so bright and happy that you find it hard to reconcile this Chaewon with the one who’d been clutching her chest and sliding down the walls over the fact you have a crush on the boy she’s now being so pleasant to.

“I got this,” Sunghoon says, bringing his hand from behind his back to reveal a strawberry-flavoured slushy. “For you.” He adds on, holding the drink out to your friend. While Chaewon gushes about how much she likes the mix of berries that make up her favourite flavour, Sunghoon hums and nods along while making his way to the other side of your chair. He wears a wider, more confident smile on his face while he stands over you.

“Hi, gorgeous,” he says quietly, bringing his other hand out to give you the blue raspberry slushy he’s been holding. With his foot, Sunghoon drags a spare lounger from behind him next to yours before moving out of the way and using his hands to push it some more, making the armrest touch yours. “Hey,” he smiles, taking a seat.

You take a grateful sip of your drink, surprised at how much better it tastes coming from him. “Thank you, Hoon.” You can’t stop yourself from leaning over to press a kiss to his cheek, liking the way your stomach flutters when his hand flies up to touch the spot you’d kissed.

“I like when you do that.”

“This?” you ask, kissing him again. Through squinted eyes, you notice a dusting of pink over his cheeks and take such a big sip of your slushy that every single part of your body goes numb and your head starts to hurt. Sunghoon only laughs, watching you. It’s quiet between you for a bit until you come to. “I’m not complaining, really, but don’t you have.. lives to guard?”

“I’m on break,” he says. “Do you want me to go?” His brows raise dramatically as the corners of his lips sink to the floor, a glint of something playful in his sparkling eyes.

You shake your head, face alighting with a grin when you remember something. “So can I see the skating videos you promised you’d show me?”

All playfulness is gone. “Did I.. promise?”

“Yes!” You don’t like the way he arches his brow at you. “Two nights ago.. before you fell asleep on the phone.”

He scoffs at you, playfully. “If I remember correctly, you fell asleep on the phone,” Sunghoon says, tone accusatory. “And you snore.” Sunghoon lets his cheek lie flat against the chair, grinning. He’s beautiful. And correct.

“Skating videos,” you repeat. Sunghoon rolls his eyes at you, grinning brilliantly when you laugh. “I’m serious,” you frown.

“You’re cute,” he says quietly, like it’s a correction. “I’ve been meaning to ask you something.” Sunghoon pauses but takes your nod as a sign to continue. “I have a thing, next Tuesday, and I was wondering if you’d want to come and see me skate in person?” His voice tips up at the end of the question.

Excitement bubbles up inside you, causing you to sit up straight in your seat, turning your body to face him. “You want me to come?”

He nods eagerly.

“I’ll be there.”

The tips of Sunghoon’s ears redden as he smiles at you, his eyes scanning your face. You can’t resist kissing him, and he doesn’t try to stop you, meeting your lips halfway. It’s sweet as sugar and goes on until his friends start to cheer loudly and Sunghoon pulls away, shy. But he looks like he wants to kiss you again. You grab him by the cord of the whistle around his neck and pull him back towards you. Relief floods you when your lips reunite.

“I’m gonna text you later with the details, time and shit,” he mumbles against your lips before getting up to go.

As he retreats, he looks over his shoulder a few times, waving at you and smiling widely while he does. Until he bumps into a small child who practically topples over; Sunghoon manages to catch them in the nick of time and his neck flushes pink.

It doesn’t make sense to you how he could be so cute.

Chaewon watches you as she sips her slushy with an appreciative smile, letting out a long ahh of refreshment before putting the cup down. “Chaewon approved.”

It seems like your mother’s been back from work for a while when you get home. A stretchy white headband holds her hair out of her face while she stands over a pot on the stove, looking comfy in some sweatpants.

Happy to see you, she pulls you into a hug, pressing a kiss to your cheek. “Hi, honey,” she grins.

She turns down your offer to help and insists on you setting the table instead, which you do happily, taking a seat when you’re done. Through her phone, she plays the music she listened to while you were growing up and sitting there, watching your mum cook while dripping chlorinated water from your hair to the kitchen floor, makes you feel a bit like a child. Like it’s 2008 and you’ve come home from a day at the pool with Chaewon, who would sit across from you at the dinner table, all blunt fringe and missing teeth, talking about this brand new thing called cheesecake, while your mother made dinner for the three of you with a towel wrapped on her head, drying her wet hair.

As your mum fills your plate, she tells you about her day at work. Her boss was unreasonable, like always, and her office bestie took off on maternity leave. Again. She asks you about your day and pretends like she doesn’t notice the way you smile when you talk about the pool.

You don’t wait to tell her about Sunghoon.

“Is that who you went out with last week?”

You cough around a grain of rice; you don’t remember mentioning him. “How do you know?”

A smile takes over her face. “Because I watched him stand around the driveway for five minutes before he rang the bell.” You can’t help the way you laugh, it sounds like him to a tee. “What’s he like?”

You tilt your head for a minute, thinking. “I still feel like we’re getting to know each other, you know?” Understanding, she nods her head. So, naturally, you talk for the better part of 10 minutes about Sunghoon until your food gets cold and your cheeks hurt from smiling.

In preparation for Sunghoon’s skating showcase, you read up on the sport and audience etiquette, and stay up late the night before making a pretty banner for him. Sleepiness plagues you when you wake up that afternoon but at least you’re happy with the way the sign came out.

While doing your makeup, you start to second guess your outfit choice. It was nice when you picked it last week, and it was nice when you put it on an hour ago and then back on twenty minutes ago. So, out of options, you stand in front of the mirror for the umpteenth time, sending Sunghoon a picture of your flowy off-white dress and asking if it’s okay.

Sunghoon, dramatic as ever, responds with a selfie, all pretty smile and red hearts drawn over his eyes. You almost want to drop dead at the sight of him. And then another message comes through, no words, just emojis. At least 40 silly little yellow faces fill the text box. Some are crying, some have heart eyes, some have starry eyes, and some are drooling. There seems to be no apparent order, and you see sprinkles of white hearts in between them.

sh: you look so beautiful you’re so beautiful baby

Baby, he’d said. Simple, pixelated, enough to make your heart flip in your chest.

sh: can i come over

sh: just to loo k at you or smth

you: please

You want to kiss him.

sh: ok omw .. lying i dont have time :(((

sh: also i fucked up my hair last night don’t laugh when you see me.

you: no promises ..

There’s a short queue at the reception desk when you arrive at the rink. The lobby is full of excited parents and bored teens, all eager with anticipation for the start (and end) of the summer showcase. Sunghoon had been relatively vague about the event until you called him last night, with a list of questions about it. With one question about it. The two of you chatted and laughed for hours until you got an answer.

When he’s not spending the day at the pool, Sunghoon volunteers to teach kids classes at the rink he grew up in. Every year, the teaching cycle runs from April to July, at which point the rink holds the summer showcase, for parents and family members to attend and see what they’ve been funding for the past four months.

“We don’t normally let parents sit in on classes because it’s distracting for the kids,” he explained through a yawn. “And it’s the whole reason I started skating in the first place.” Sunghoon paused. You hadn’t been expecting him to stop speaking but you rubbed your eyes and mumbled oh, really? as you used a pencil to sketch out the outline of your bubble letters. “You know, at first I thought you fell asleep, but I didn’t hear you snoring so I got a little worried,” he said, nervous.

“I’m still here.”

He fell quiet for a beat, speaking nervously. “Just let me know if I’m boring you, yeah?”

“I could listen to you talk forever,” you admitted. “I’m having fun learning more about you.”

Sunghoon’s light laughter made you bite back a giggle. “You make me feel good about myself,” he said quietly before continuing, giving you no time to respond. “But, yeah, I used to play hockey because I didn’t know how to talk to anyone except my parents and my one-year-old little sister, but my only friend on the hockey team invited me to go and watch him at the showcase one year and it was just.. the greatest thing I’d ever seen.”

You encouraged Sunghoon to go on, still reeling from his quiet confession, and loving the grin in his voice while he spoke about skating and the way he laughed through some stories from work. Like how on a quiet day at the pool when he’d been messing around with Heeseung, Jake, and Riki in the water, some random guy approached them.

“And this is so crazy too because we were just, like, fucking around, and the guy goes, “My grandmother can swim faster than you,” like he yelled it and stomped away.”

Worried about waking your sleeping parents, you covered your mouth while laughing, mainly from the offence you can hear in Sunghoon’s voice over something that happened in October. “What did you guys do after that?”

“I was on shift so I clocked out and went home.”

The back of the program has a picture of Sunghoon and some of the other skating coaches, but it’s hard to pay attention to them or the signup sheet at the bottom when you see the wide smile on his face; you love the photo, it’s your favourite. He looks so happy, so radiant. If the scrunch of his nose and eyes is anything to go by, he must have been laughing when the picture was taken. This detail only makes you love it even more.

In the corner of your eye, Jake leans against a wall, scrolling through his phone with a sheet of paper tucked under his arm. Seeing as he’s now (technically) your friend-in-law, you decide to approach him. Through the crowd of attendees waiting to be seated, he spots you as well, rushing over with the widest smile you’ve ever seen on anyone. You could count his teeth.

Jake takes you by surprise, hugging you. “Hey! Hoon’s so happy that you’re here,” he says, somehow smiling even wider. “I’m so happy that you’re here, I finally have company!”

When the double doors to the rink open up, you follow Jake to what he describes as the best seats in the house. “I always sit up here, so our boy knows to look over,” he says with a smile, his eyes never leaving you. “In case you were worried about that. It’s kinda far, and there’s lights, so you might have to wave a little harder than normal but, he’ll see you.”

You nod, smiling too. “Got it.” Jake doesn’t look away. “Are you okay?” you ask him. More out of concern for your own well-being than anything else; you’ve heard of people murdering their best friend’s crushes before.

He chews on his lip, tilting his head. All traces of his welcoming smile have faded, replaced with a more solemn expression as he looks over your shoulder for a beat. “Sunghoon’s my best friend,” he starts, and it’s hard not to picture yourself tumbling to your death down the slowly populating rows in front of you. They seem steeper now than before. “And he’s.. well.. you know him. It’s just that, he really likes you, you know? And I’m not saying this to be rude but I know about Yeonjun.. and—” Jake stops short, shooting you an apologetic look. “Anyway, I know that for some people, for you, for me, even, seeing more than one person at a time isn’t a big deal, but Hoon’s not like that.”

You wait for him to continue. He doesn’t.

A voice booms through the tannoy, telling everyone to take their seats as the show will be starting soon.

Unsure what to say, you look out at the ice while Jake’s words sink in. It might have been easier to come up with something if he’d been any less kind about it. Spoken to you in a harsher tone. You hate the idea of Sunghoon knowing about the others, even if they were before him. Hate the idea of Jake having a similar conversation with him; telling Sunghoon that he’s not trying to be rude but..

“Sunghoon’s..” you pause, nervous. “He’s the best, and I can’t imagine seeing anyone else,” you admit.

Jake beams, trusting you, and nods his head. “He’s gonna love your banner,” he grins. “And that.. angry looking plushy you brought.”

The lights cut and all of the chatter hushes in an instant. Slowly, they fade back on, as a classical piece begins. Jake bounces his leg so hard you can feel the bench rattle under you, he’s practically glowing with giddiness. He’s like a little puppy, a golden retriever with light hair to match.

After a short while, a boy skates out onto the ice, tall, graceful, an—Riki? He reaches the middle of the rink and introduces himself, enthusiastically reading a script from a few cue cards and looking right up into the stands to wear you and Jake sit. Beside you, Jake cheers, raising his banner, and you crane your neck to read it (LUCKY STRAWBERRIKI), and on the ice, Riki hides his face with his hand, quickly looking at his feet before continuing with his intro.

You count eight tiny kids skating towards Riki, followed by Jungwon, and a line of other older skaters, Sunghoon is the last to appear, and your stomach churns with pride. All of them are dressed casually; you like Sunghoon’s straight-cut jeans and open button-up.

As Jake predicted, Sunghoon (and Jungwon, and Riki) look up in your general direction, and next to you, Jake struggles to hold all three posters up at once so you help him, yelling along excitedly. It’s hard to tell from so far away but it feels like Sunghoon is staring straight at you like you’re the only two people at the rink. You feel like standing, like standing and singing HOOOOOOOOOOOON at the top of your lungs. For a moment you wonder if he’d shout back, telling you that right now he can hardly breathe. As if reading your mind, his mouth tugs up at the corners, slightly, before spreading into an ear-to-ear grin that makes your cheeks burn.

The entire show passes by in an adorable whirlwind, as you and Jake applaud and encourage all of the performers, gushing with one another over how cute the baby skaters (including Jungwon and Riki) are. It’s beautiful and exciting, and you’re so happy you came.

But time seems to stop when Sunghoon returns. Jake cheers loudly for him when he skates out; you can’t bring yourself to do the same.

He comes to a stop in the middle of the rink, looking right up at the two of you. Jake waves his poster and raises yours too, seeming to notice the way you’re stuck to the spot. Sunghoon smiles, and somehow, he’s even more beautiful than you remembered.

Graceful, elegant, Sunghoon glides on the ice when the music starts, immediately skating into a jump — you watch with held breath. He spins once, his arms tucked neatly by his sides, his hair fanning out around his head. Another spin, beautiful, clean. In the seats around you, people are cheering, you can hear them clear as day but the only person you see is Sunghoon who’s turning into his third rotation; the last. He sticks the landing, and an eternity has passed by as you let a sigh of relief slip out.

Each jump is more gorgeous than the last, though seems to go on forever — you’re nervous as if it’s you on the ice.

Chewing on the inside of your cheek, you watch as he skates beautifully, executing smooth spins and controlled turns. You don’t think you could look away from him if you tried — this must be what people mean when they say someone was born for something. Even in the casual setting, he looks like a professional, just as stable and fluid as he was in the videos you’d watched.

The music fades out, his performance is done, and you find yourself thankful for the fact that no one’s sitting behind you as you stand up. Jake does the same. Both of you hold your banners up for him to see, cheering louder than anyone else. Sunghoon raises a hand to wave at you. You wave back excitedly, getting a little flustered by the girl sitting a few rows ahead of you who turns around, smiling dreamily at Jake and rolling her eyes at you.

After bowing politely, Sunghoon looks back up at you, and you can’t help but blow him a kiss, only feeling silly about it when Jake nudges you with a goofy smile. You watch as Sunghoon raises his right hand for a beat, shifting a little on his skates before reaching out ahead of him, catching the flying kiss.

Butterflies run rampant in your stomach when he holds his hand, and your kiss, over his heart.

As the show ends, you chat with Jake for a bit, gushing over the performances together as the audience clears out, and you trudge slowly down the stairs and back into the lobby. It’s nice chatting with him, seeing the way his face lights up as he talks so excitedly and passionately about his friends.

You understand why Sunghoon likes him so much.

Sunghoon shows up at the other end of the lobby space, a vision in purple-tinted hair. You have to tell yourself to keep your feet planted on the spot for fear of literally running into his arms. He doesn’t seem to share the same sentiment, thank God, jogging through the lobby, dipping and dodging people as best and as fast as he can to reach you.

He hugs you. Holds you tight. “I’m so glad you’re here,” he says, quietly, only for you.

In your chest, your heart seems to grow tiny fists that throw a million punches a minute. Your brain scrambles for the words to say but you can’t come up with anything, hoping that the tightness of your arms around him lets him know that you’re glad to be here.

He lets go of you, beaming, and moves to dap up Jake, asking his friend if he’s aware that he’s taking Jungwon and Riki go-karting tonight.

“I’m doing what?”

“Yeah, they wanted me to take them but I’m busy.”

“Busy doing what?” Jake asks conspiratorially, arching a brow. He glances sideways at you, and can’t hold back his laughter.

Sunghoon sets his jaw, punching Jake in the stomach. “Grow up,” he mutters, stifling a laugh of his own.

You laugh too, partially at what Jake said, mostly at the way he keels over, clutching his stomach, a long groan passing from his lips. Sunghoon’s brows raise when you hand him the banner. “Look what I made for you.”

“I saw you holding it earlier, baby, I love it,” he says, beaming at you as he reads over it again. “You did such a good job. Can I take it home?” His eyes sparkle when he looks up at you. Your heart cinches in your chest.

“Of course.”

Next to you, Jake holds out the banner he made. “Do you wanna take mine home?”

Sunghoon doesn’t even spare him a glance. “Recycle it,” he says.

Jake tilts his head, confused. A loud huh comes out as he raises his brows. “I make a banner for you every single year and every single time you turn your nose up at it. But here comes a pretty girl and all of a sudden you love banners. Really, Sunghoon? You love it?” He pauses to let out a laugh, incredulous, seeming not to care about the few people that have turned over in your direction. “I can’t stand you.” Jake’s voice is whiny and hard to take seriously.

“I don’t love banners, I love this banner,” Sunghoon corrects, using his hand to shove Jake’s shoulder before holding the banner up over his chest.

Amused, you watch the two boys bicker for a bit before Jake cuts Sunghoon off mid-sentence, raising his hands, muttering the word whatever.

Sunghoon seems sceptical of Badtz-Maru when you hand him over. He holds the plushy in his hand, eyeing it suspiciously before wrapping his arm around your shoulders. “He’s cute, baby, really, but why’d you pick the world’s unhappiest penguin?”

“He reminded me of you.” Sunghoon’s jaw drops, brows knitting together as he tilts his head, all while Jake struggles to stifle a laugh. “Because he’s from Gorgeoustown,” you add, your heart singing when Sunghoon kisses the top of your head, and you can’t resist letting your arms wrap around his waist.

Compliments flow out of you like water from a fountain when Jungwon and Riki join your little group outside. Jungwon, with deep dimples and flushed cheeks, shyly mumbles variations of thank you, and I appreciate that while shifting from one foot to the other. Riki glows with pride, standing up straighter, and asking you what else you liked about his performance.

The sun feels nice on your arms as you watch the two play a very intense, high-stakes game of rock, paper, scissors for the front seat of Jake’s car. They’re playing best of five and getting ready to begin the third, and possibly final round. Riki has two wins under his belt, it’s not looking good for Jungwon whose breathing has become heavy. He’s taken off his hoodie and is stretching his arms in preparation.

You start a countdown from three and laugh so hard your stomach starts to hurt when Jungwon throws a losing rock against Riki’s paper, the oldest boy falling to his knees on the pavement and holding his head in his hands. Riki jumps higher than he had on the ice, embracing Jake in a tight hug, overjoyed by the victory while Jungwon groans.

“Let’s hang out,” Sunghoon says as you walk to his car.

Squeezing his hand, you nod and try not to melt on the concrete when he opens the car door for you. “What do you normally do after skating?”

Sunghoon seems to think about your question for a while, tilting his head to the side as a fond smile pulls at the corners of his lips. “My parents would always take me out for dessert after competitions, or the next day if it was too late.”

“Well, what do you think, Hoon? Is it too late for dessert?”

Giddy in a way you’ve never seen him, he shakes his head in response. And in his car, he hums along to the radio, gingerly resting his hand on your bare knee.

Sunghoon takes you to a dessert spot by Chaewon’s house, a fairly popular family-owned establishment that serves her favourite cheesecake. You sink into your seat over the table from him, in a slightly stiff booth with a tall back that makes it seem like it’s just you two and a coffee shop chatter Youtube video playing on a loop.

“What are you having, baby?” he asks, drumming his fingers against the laminated menu.

Knowing that Chaewon is coming over later, you let your eyes fall to the ice cream selection, reading the names of all 27 flavours and still settling on the only flavour you ever order here. “Cookie dough,” you say, reaching across the table to point at it on his menu.

“And?”

“And nothing.”

His brows furrow. “You’re only getting ice cream?”

“I mean, it’ll probably come in a cup, with a spoon,” you say, liking the way Sunghoon laughs at your stupid comment. “Chaewon’s staying over tonight so I don’t wanna fill up too much before dinner. I’ll order some cheesecake to take away when we’re done though, it’s her favourite,” you explain.

He nods his head. “We can share my tiramisu.”

It’s only after a conversation with Jake later on that you realise how big of a deal this is.

The two of you only manage to stop chatting and laughing when a girl with a cute bow in her hair and a smile on her face comes to ask if you’re ready to order. Across from you, Sunghoon orders a slice of tiramisu and a 3-scoop cup of coffee-flavoured ice cream. He runs a big hand through his hair and clears his throat, cheeks covered in pink as he asks if it would be okay for us to get a milkshake, to share, so, like, one milkshake, but then with two straws? Her eyes flick between the two of you and she grins, nodding her head but Sunghoon doesn’t go on.

“A strawberry milkshake, please,” you say, watching the waitress take note of it before saying she’ll be right back.

More than anyone you’ve ever met, Sunghoon loves tiramisu; he adores it. He lets you take the first spoon, and it’s delicious so you don’t have to fake your reaction when you try it. Sunghoon lights up with childlike excitement as he tries the second spoonful, his eyes widening as he hums around the dessert, shaking his head a little out of genuine enjoyment.

Surprisingly, he’s able to tell you about the origins of the word (stems from the Italian tira mi su or pick me up), and shares a fond memory of the first time he tried it — he was 9 years old and choked on the cocoa powder on top.

Sunghoon takes the first sip from the tall glass that sits between you both, you gulp at the sight of his lips wrapping around the straw and need to try it too. Your noses bump a little when you lean in, and, with sweet strawberry coating your tongue, you can’t help but giggle.

As you’d been expecting, your cookie dough ice cream is delicious and after a while, you use your tiny plastic spoon to scrape the sides of your cup and ignore the way Sunghoon laughs at you. Even when he’s mocking you, he still makes your stomach flutter.

“I can get you more if you want,” he offers with a wide smile.

You shake your head. Sunghoon frowns, watching you collect the last pitiful scrapings before eating them. “You were so pretty today,” you tell him around the spoon.

“Did you think I was ugly before?”

“Extremely.” His face scrunches up with laughter, showing off his dimple and his fangs. “You must have practised forever,” you add, distracted.

Sunghoon shrugs, reaching his hand across the table to play with your fingers. “In a way I did but not really,” he says vaguely, using his nail to draw a circle in the palm of your hand. “I don’t plan anything for the showcase, it’s just meant for fun, you know? I just go out and do what feels right on the day — so, I guess I’ve been practising for the last 13 years.”

Completely awestruck, you utter a quiet “wow” and giggle when he pinches your hand.

“What’re you and Chaewon gonna do later?” he asks, changing the subject.

You let him. At the mention of your best friend, a smile teases at your lips and Sunghoon matches it, beaming sweetly at you, looking forward to what you have to say. “I’m gonna cut her hair.”

“Really?” Your heart thuds at the genuine interest in his tone. “Do you always cut it for her?”

“No,” you pout. “I’ve never cut anyone’s hair.”

“Not even your own?” Sunghoon laughs when you shake your head. “Wow, she must really trust you.”

It’s your turn to shrug. “We’re best friends.”

“She’s lucky.”

A chuckle slips out of you and you scrunch your nose. “Me too.”

When he sees the waitress approaching, Sunghoon stacks your dishes to help out, handing them over to her with a soft smile. “Would we be able to get two slices of cheesecake?” he asks. “To go?”

“Sure, what flavour?”

“Vanilla, please.”

Eunchae, as you read from her nametag, makes a face, pulling air through her teeth. “The vanilla’s gonna be about an hour wait.”

Sunghoon pales, looking at you. “That’s alright,” you say, smiling.

“Is there anything else I can get for you?”

Sunghoon shakes his head, asking only for the bill. The two of you go back and forth on it and you practically beg him to let you pay. You put up a good fight, only backing down because he renders you speechless, shaking his head and saying: I’m not gonna take my girl on a date then make her pay.

His girl hides her face with her hands, flustered.

He laughs.

A beat passes before he stands up, holding a hand out and asking you to go with him to the photo booth. With a smile, you slip your hand into his, allowing him to tug you towards it. Behind the curtain, he wraps his arm around your waist, leaning forward to pay. The two of you agree that you’ll take a set for him to keep and one for you. On the screen, a countdown starts from 4, and you almost feel under pressure.

Posing for the first picture is a little awkward; you watch as Sunghoon puffs out his cheeks, poking one, and suppress your smile to copy. The second isn’t much better; you both grin and hold up peace signs. As you pose for the third, you can feel Sunghoon’s eyes burning holes in the side of your face, can see him on the screen, staring as you look at yourself ahead but can’t bring yourself to look at him.

The countdown reaches 2 and he holds you closer. His lips touch your cheek when the screen says 1 and you grin when the picture is taken. Sunghoon’s gaze is soft when you look at him. His hand touches your cheek, heavy on your skin, as he leans in to kiss you. You’ve never been kissed in a photo booth before and your heart beats in the back of your throat when the screen flashes, taking the last photo.

He sticks his head out of the curtain to collect the 4-cut and cringes a little. “God, we look so stiff in the first two,” he complains.

“I love them,” you say, taking the photo set from his hand. “They’re perfect.” You mean it. The visible awkwardness that you can feel through the frame is endearing to you, and you like the gradual transition into comfort as the photos progress.

He looks at you with disbelieving eyes and pays for the next set.

When you reach your table again, Sunghoon slides into the booth next to you, letting his arm rest over your shoulders, and he’s just as sweet as the tiramisu you tasted on his lips.

With full bellies and two slices of cheesecake packaged in a pretty yellow box, you head back to his car, where he clips his photo set to the sun visor. You can’t help but lean over the centre console to kiss him again. When you pull away from him, you swear his eyes dart to the backseat, but the moment goes by as quickly as it happens so you must have been imagining things. He drives you home with the radio playing lowly, and his fingers locked with yours.

On your doorstep, Sunghoon kisses you goodbye, biting at your bottom lip and grabbing your ass. He’s never kissed you like this before. You don’t think you were making things up earlier. “I really like your dress,” he tells you quietly, his lips brushing yours.

Suddenly nervous, you mumble a thank you.

“I like everything you wear, but this dress?” Sunghoon pulls away from you, just enough to rake his eyes down your body before holding you close. “You’re beautiful,” he whispers, holding your cheek in his palm before kissing you again.

A few hours later, Chaewon stands on a towel in the bathroom, between you and the mirror while your right hand shakes over a pair of scissors. “Are you sure about this?”

She nods her head. “It doesn’t need to be neat, it just needs to be short,” she assures you, smiling at your reflection in the mirror. Despite only just passing her shoulders, Chaewon’s hair is the longest you think you’ve ever seen it. “I wanted to grow it out, like Kazuha’s, but I hate the way it feels on my skin.” Freshly washed, her hair is just beyond damp and darkening her pink t-shirt.

You gulp, nervous. “How about you sit down?”

She nods, saying it’s a good call.

Chaewon sits on a towel in your bedroom, between you and your full-length mirror while your right hand shakes over a pair of scissors. Before you grab them, you move her hair over her shoulders just so she can tell you once more to give her a chin-length bob.

She does. You nod.

Releasing a deep breath you make the first cut, and the sound of the blades slicing through her hair leaves goosebumps forming on your arms. Wet and slightly clumped together, the remaining hair falls from your hold and smacks her ear. You hold your breath as she runs her fingers through it.

“It’s even!”

“I only cut one part, Wonie.”

“Yeah, but you did good!” Her eyes meet yours in the mirror and she grins. “Keep going, keep going!”

The other three sections generate similar reactions, and you keep having to tell her to sit still while you try to trim her hair.

Chaewon claps her hands when you finish, running her fingers through her “new” bob. “I love it!” she squeals, beaming at your reflection. “It’s perfect.” She turns around on the spot to fling her arms at you, appreciative, wrapping you up in her familiar, soft scent.

The two of you sit on the couch, as Gossip Girl plays on the TV. For the duration of an entire episode, Chaewon turns her head gently from left to right, her short hair fanning out around her, with a light smile on her face as she does so. You only manage to look away from her when you remember the cheesecake, getting up from your seat abruptly, and excusing yourself.

As you enter the kitchen, you check your phone, grinning at the sight of a few texts from Sunghoon. You open the fridge as you unlock your phone, clicking on the notification as you take the box of dessert out. Giggles fall out of you at the first message: a cute bed selfie, with his plushy tucked under his arm.

sh: no way

sh: he smells like you :o

sh: are we seeing each other tmrw?

sh: (say yes)

It doesn’t make sense to you that Sunghoon is as cute as he is — you have to put the cheesecake down to relax.

you: noooooooooo ur so cute

you: i gave him some perfume :o and i’m w wonie tn and tmrw but another time

you: talk later hoonie!

The sight of the box in your hand makes Chaewon spring out of her seat, covering her mouth with her hands as she does a cute happy dance, prompting you to set the cake down on the coffee table to join her. Tired out, you slump back onto the couch after a while, smiling when she hands over your plate before sitting next to you.

With a fond smile, you pull your knees to your chest, watching as Chaewon says: You know you love me, xoxo, Gossip Girl, in perfect sync with Kristen Bell. She grins to herself before taking a forkful of cheesecake to her mouth, moaning around the utensil.

You’ve never known anyone to like dessert as much as her, and a grin forms on its own as you remember the way Sunghoon had done almost the same thing with tiramisu only hours earlier. Being an avid hater of tiramisu, you wonder how Chaewon might react if you told her, before focusing on your slice and the gorgeous face of Leighton Meester.

The two of you must sit through four episodes, before you sleepily lean into her, telling her she can finish off your piece of cake that she’s been eyeing hungrily since she finished hers approximately 15 Gossip Girl blasts ago. She watches you from the counter while you wash the dishes, thanking you again for the cake.

Later that night — when she thinks you’re asleep — Chaewon presses a soft kiss to your cheek. “I’ve never had a friend like you before,” she whispers, turning over in bed and grabbing your hand. You don’t know what to do when you hear her sniffling next to you.

Salt air and sun cream skate around you — the only things you can smell over the oil soaked chips you share with Chaewon at the beach. Heavy trainers weigh down each corner of the fitted bed sheet underneath you and Chaewon as you watch the wind push clouds through the too-blue sky. Drunk on cider, she laughs to herself, pointing above you. “That one kinda looks like Sunghoon’s friend, right?”

“Which one?” you ask, moving your head to see exactly what she’s pointing at. You’re not sure if you’re asking which friend or which cloud.

“That one, like Jay.”

Laughter hits you immediately. She’s absolutely right. A triangular mass in the sky leaves you both cackling and rolling around.

Same as the sand through your fingers, three weeks slip by. You and Sunghoon take more pictures in photo booths and struggle to stop kissing each other. He clasps your necklaces, and puts sunscreen on your back; you hug him from behind and take naps in the park with your head on his chest. Sunghoon makes daisy chains to sit in your hair, and puffy paper stars to fill a jar in your desk. You take his little sister for ice cream and braid her hair when she asks you.

Tonight however, completely spent from a day of shopping with your mum and Chaewon, the three of you sat on the couch, all eating your bodyweight in cheesecake and crying over the ending of How To Lose a Guy in 10 Days.

After you’ve all recovered, your mum watches from the car as you hug Chaewon on her doorstep and you fall asleep in the passenger seat on the ride home. No longer small enough to be carried up to your room, you drag your feet to the bed where you fall asleep as soon as your body hits the mattress. But a phone call from Kazuha disrupts your slumber.

“Are you going to the pool tomorrow?” she asks, sounding alarmingly awake for 4:57 a.m.

“Tomorrow, today, or tomorrow, tomorrow?”

“Like,” she pauses, you can picture her running a hand through her hair as she thinks. “In a few hours, I guess.”

You hum down the phone.

“We can go together!” The smile in her voice is audible. “Oh, Jay likes YJ. Did I tell you? And fuck, Lee Heeseung is so annoying.”

“No, he’s not,” you say defensively, slightly rattled by the fact that she woke you up in the middle of the night to shit on your boy’s best friend.

Kazuha scoffs. “Sure.” The line falls quiet for a beat. “He’s not actually annoying, I was just trying to announce that I have a crush on him.” Of course she was.

“Heeseung seems like a great guy and I’m really happy for you, but let’s talk at the pool, okay?”

“Talk at the pool!” she chirps, cutting the phone.

You don’t manage to get back to sleep.

At the pool, Kazuha says you’re beautiful when you pull your t-shirt over your head and cuts you off before you get to thank her, going on a tangent about how badly she wants to nap but doesn’t want to tan unevenly. Or sleep for too long that her face gets puffy. You take your mission seriously, using your phone to set timers and waking her up each time it goes off despite the way she grumbles at you.

Riki runs over to tell you to watch him before running away and flipping into the water. Your praise doesn’t seem to get old, but the flips don’t either, each one just as clean and impressive as the ones before.

Kazuha’s on her 4th rotation when you find yourself wandering over to the concession stand, in the mood for something sweet after being tempted by the scent of baking dough wafting over the pool. But as you get further and further ahead in line, you eventually decide you only want a lollipop, and there are only two people in front of you when you realise you left your phone in your chair and won’t be able to pay.

As if sent from heaven, someone taps you on the shoulder, but you’re met with no one when you look to your left; Sunghoon’s laugh is adorable on the other side of you, contagious when he bumps your hip with his.

“Hi, baby,” you say, looking up at him. He has a white towel on his head, covering his forehead and tucked behind his ears. “Is there a reason you have this on?” you ask him, touching the damp fabric that sits on his shoulders.

“What, I’m not allowed to dry my hair?”

“I’m not allowed to be curious?”

Sunghoon gently flicks your forehead and you pretend it hurts.

Like Hannah Montana, he hooks his fingers under the front of the towel, pulling the “wig” off to reveal his luscious (and soaking wet) locks of dark hair. A gasp falls from your lips as your hand flies up to cover your mouth. Having essentially grown up with Sunghoon, or rather, grown up adjacent to Sunghoon, him having black hair isn’t anything new. But it’s definitely something you’re fond of. Fond of him and the way his dark hair only brings out his features, matching his thick brows and the hard lines of his face.

“Do you like it?” he asks.

You love it. “What are you gonna do if I don’t?” you ask, pushing some of his hair from his forehead.

“Buzzcut.”

With a worried look on his face, he lets you use both hands to cover his hair and imagine it. “Are you laughing because I’m so devastatingly gorgeous with black hair or because I’m about to buzz my head?” Laughter bubbles in your chest, as his hair flops back over his forehead. “Wait, baby, no.” A deep pout settles on his lips. “You actually don’t like it?”

“I love it, you know I love it.”

Sunghoon lets you compliment him until you reach the front of the line when he talks with the person on shift. He uses his phone to pay for what you want, and seeing your smiling face on his lock screen makes your cheeks burn while you hide your face in his back, arms locked limply around his waist.

The two of you only leave the stand when the line behind you builds up, standing in the shade next to it. He watches you unwrap the candy and raises a brow when you hold it out to him. “First lick?”

He shakes his head.

“Come on, Hoonie,” you tease, letting your hand rest on his arm, liking the way it tenses under your touch. “I know you want a taste.”

His eyes drop to your chest for a split second, his tongue darting out to wet his lips as he lifts his gaze. “You have no idea,” he mumbles before opening his mouth a little, leaning down towards you. His lips are slightly parted and very tempting as they wrap around the lollipop.

“Good?”

Sunghoon’s eyes lock with yours as he sucks on the candy. “Very,” he says, the word coming out kind of garbled around it before letting you take it back. You watch him chew on his lip, humming to himself at the lingering taste of your lolly.

The cola flavour hits your tongue immediately and you like the way Sunghoon gulps as he watches you, struggling to maintain the eye contact you’d had a moment earlier. You don’t take nearly as long as he did, pulling the lolly from your lips with a satisfying pop before smiling up at him, sickly sweet. “Very good indeed,” you echo him, letting the candy rest between your lips before you turn to walk away. Sunghoon follows, thankfully. Heading back over to where you’d been sitting, you find Kazuha’s chair empty.

A shriek over your shoulder locates her like a pin on a map.

In the pool, you see her sitting on Heeseung’s shoulders cackling as she pushes Sunoo over so hard that Jay, whose shoulders he’s sitting on, falls too. Gleefully, she leans back, falling into the water only to resurface and find her way into Heeseung’s arms. You stop walking when she tilts her head up to kiss him. Oh? Sunghoon walks right into your back. The kiss is short, not much more than a peck really, she pulls away with a grin on her face, swimming to the edge of the pool and Heeseung’s ears turn red as he watches her.

Against your own, Sunghoon’s skin is warm, slick almost from what you think is a combination of pool water, sweat, and sunscreen. You hate yourself for liking it. His hardening dick presses against you, and your heart swells — some frenzied mix of feeling flattered, and horniness, you assume. A flame burns in your stomach, hot, blue. Neither of you moves for a while, long enough for Kazuha to walk over to your seats and scrunch her hair with a t-shirt.

Sunghoon exhales shakily when you lean into him, resting the back of your head on his chest and holding the lollipop by the stick. “You okay?” you ask, voice nothing more than a whisper.

His head dips, breath fanning your neck as he kisses your shoulder. “I’m sorry,” he mumbles against your skin before standing up straight. He wraps his arms around your shoulders, holding you close. “Do you wanna come over tomorrow?” he asks, words coming out as one. “My family’s on vacation.” His cock twitches against you when he says it.

“They are?”

“Mm, they leave tomorrow morning.”

A breathy laugh comes from your nose as you step away from his body, turning around to look at him. Not so subtly, he takes the towel from his shoulder and holds it in his hand, covering himself. A proper laugh falls from your lips, your head tipping back a bit.

“What if I wanna come today?” you ask, raising a brow. “Tonight even?”

“Tonight? I can call you if you wanna come tonight.”

You have a feeling that the two of you are talking about entirely different things.

“Pick me up?”

“Always.”

Sunghoon’s bedroom is exceptionally neat. Everything on his desk (his PC set up and a notebook) is placed precisely, and there’s nothing on the floor except for his furniture and a giant 8-ball rug. His off-white walls are completely bare, save for three posters above his desk; your favourite is a handmade (you think) white poster that reads There’s No Planet B in slightly messy block capitals, which sits between blown up pictures of Childish Gambino, and SZA. Underneath the perfectly aligned posters, stuck right above his monitor are the words: Figure skating prince, Park Sunghoon! You’re the best! with a bright red lipstick kiss in the corner; your heart does a triple axel at the sight.

He stands in the middle of his open doorway like he has been for the past two minutes, watching you admire the medals that sit in a display case on a floating shelf. In 2015 he took home a gold medal from the Lombardia Trophy, and another from the Asian Open Trophy. The two silver medals beside them tell you that he continued to do well at the Asian Open Trophy in the two years that followed.

Along with the Sunghoon you saw today, tiny Sunghoon skates through your mind, so impressive and so young. The quiet boy who often missed class. Who’d fall asleep with his face in a textbook during the classes he did attend. Who you’d let borrow your notes after days of absence, and who wordlessly thanked you with a carton of banana milk each time. How didn’t you know about all of this? Beyond awestruck by his accomplishments, you look over your shoulder to ask him about it.

Sunghoon only shrugs. “I was okay.”

“You were okay?” You can’t help but scoff at him. “I’ve seen the videos, Sunghoon. I’ve seen you in person, you’re.. amazing.” The word feels like an understatement. “I don’t know very much about skating but you’re breathtaking.”

“Thank you,” he says, looking at his feet.

“Have you thought about the Olympics?” you ask seriously. You get ready to apologise when you watch him purse his lips to the side, making you worry you’ve touched a nerve—But Sunghoon speaks before you have the chance.

“I used to train with the Olympic team but it was too much pressure for me, and I much prefer coaching nowadays, it’s, like, the perfect way for me to feel all the joy of skating and absolutely none of the stress.” The fond smile on his face makes you think he means it.

It almost feels wrong to sit on his neatly made bed but you take a seat on its edge anyway, desperate for one of you to at least look comfortable in this situation. BaMa sits between his pillows and you can’t help but smile at the penguin who stares back at you, unimpressed. Sunghoon stays in place. From where you’re sitting, it’d be difficult to miss the way his eyes widen, stuck on you as he chews on his bottom lip. “Are you okay?” you ask him after a while, starting to feel awkward under his stare.

For a split second, Sunghoon presses his lips into a straight line that shows his dimple before shrugging. “I’ve never brought a girl to my room before. I don’t know what we’re supposed to do,” he says, fixing his gaze on the wall behind you.

“The only thing we’re supposed to do is whatever you want. Whatever you’re comfortable with.”

Sunghoon looks at you, thinking. “We should kiss,” he blurts out.

“That’s what you want?”

“Badly.” But he doesn’t move.

You wait it out a little, counting thirty whole seconds with no sign of movement from him. “How’re you gonna kiss me from over there?”

A gorgeous grin takes over his face. Sunghoon closes the door behind him, crossing the room in a few paces to sit beside you. With some hesitation he pats his lap, struggling to meet your eyes while he does so. Your insides feel like a shaken bottle of Coke when you straddle him, and you can hear him exhale shakily at the way your dress hitches up, showing off your bare thighs. Sunghoon’s thighs are firm underneath you, his pants soft against your skin. It’s no use trying not to think about riding his thigh or riding him. But try as you might, your efforts don’t stand a chance against the feeling of him hardening under you.

His lips catch yours in a gentle kiss. You can feel the way he smiles, feel a giggle, light, airy, passing from his mouth into yours. It’s hard not to smile too. His fists clench behind you, bunching up the fabric of your dress in his palms desperately. Hard and thick, his cock presses against your core. You moan and Sunghoon all but freezes, his hands releasing your dress.

Barely a second passes before he grabs you again, leaning back against the bed without breaking the kiss for anything, until you need to catch your breath and you pull away, sitting back in his lap with your hands resting on his toned stomach. You instinctively grind down on him when his cock twitches under you.

From your seat you can see the way his eyes widen when you do, see his Adam’s apple bob in his throat when he gulps. Or maybe the gulp came first; it’s hard to say. Either way, you don’t think you care. He sighs, relieved when you rock your hips against his for a second time.

Sunghoon looks like sin the third time you do it, groaning and sitting up on his elbows, looking at you through lidded eyes, sighing through pouty lips. “I’m not ready to have sex yet.”

You freeze in place. “That’s okay.”

“I’m sorry.”

“Don’t apologise, there’s nothing to be sorry for. I’m ready when you are.”

“I just feel bad that you came all the way over here for nothing.”

Looking down at Sunghoon with all of the uncertainty on his face makes your stomach twist. You wish he knew how much you like being with him; like spending time with him. Wish he knew how nice it was to spend the day sitting by the pool and just getting to look at him. How nice it was to eat fruit in the park with him. To talk about nothing on the phone before bed. You rest a hand on his cheek, melting when his fingers wrap around your wrist and his thumb strokes the back of your hand. “Hoon, I’m not here because I wanna have sex with you, I’m here because I like you.” This thing you’ve felt for weeks, lived with and nurtured seems so foreign now that you’ve put it into words.

The smile on his sweet face almost has you saying it again, and again, if for no other reason than seeing the way his fangs peek out at you, or how his eyes crinkle up into crescents, or hearing how he laughs, breathy, happy. Sunghoon moves his head to kiss your palm. “I like you,” he says into your skin, mumbling like it’s a secret. “And I like being with you.”

Even though Sunghoon saying he likes you feels a bit like a toddler telling you they can’t read, the statement shocks you. You knew he liked you, there wasn’t a shadow of a doubt this entire time, but hearing the words, feeling the shape of them against your palm makes his feelings for you seem tangible; so vivid; so thick. Like moisturiser sinking into your pores.

He moves his head a little so your hand cups his cheek again. He smiles, soft, shy, Sunghoon. “You do.. eventually want that though, right?” The way his brows knit together when he asks is so cute that you can’t help but laugh a little. “Like, to have sex with me,” he adds.

“Yes, when you’re ready.”

“I’m ready to do.. other things,” he says, voice dwindling into a shy whisper.

Curiosity piqued, you arch a brow. “Yeah?” Sunghoon nods. You press on. “Other things like..”

A beat passes, and Sunghoon doesn’t speak.

Instead, he opts to pull you down close to his chest, turning the two of you over. My God. His thin silver chain slips out of his shirt, swinging over your face just a bit, his light hair tickles your skin. You think you’d be happy if you died like this. With his bottom lip pinned between his teeth, his eyes scan your face, locking on your parted lips. His fingernail traces shapes on your hip, you immediately notice how blunt it is now compared to yesterday at the pool and can’t help but smile. Sunghoon moves his hand, his fingertips ghosting over your skin until he reaches the top of your panties.

“Is this okay?” he asks.

You nod, smiling, eager. You think you might die like this.

His finger is long and thick, rubbing devastatingly slow circles on your clit through your underwear. Sunghoon puts a little pressure on it, just enough to please you yet still leave you wanting more. He slips a finger into your hole, pressing a kiss to your lips and catching your gasp in his mouth.

“What got you so wet, baby?”

There’s something about hearing these words from Sunghoon that makes them sound new, makes them sound fresh; alluring. Makes you want to cum on the spot when you answer. “You did.” Quickly, you learn that the way his lips quirk up into a smile also makes you want to cum on the spot.

You try to focus on the feeling of his tongue on yours, on the loud, wet sound of your lips smacking together, on anything other than how much better one of his fingers feels than two of yours. How much better he fills you up. How quickly he finds your spot and presses on it. A surge of pleasure licks down your spine, causing you to yelp. Kissing becomes hard fast, but if the way he moves his head to your suck lightly at your neck is anything to go by, he doesn’t mind.

He bites and he nips and he kisses the tender skin to soothe you, all while pushing a second finger into you. Time stops at the stretch and you arch your back towards the ceiling. He passes a breathy laugh; calls you cute. Your thighs press together around his hand.

Leaning up from your skin, he makes a scissor motion with his fingers to work you open, studying the way your eyes screw shut, liking the way you gasp. His head dips back down beside yours, hair tickling your face. You can feel his lips graze your skin, breath fanning your ear.

“I can’t stop imagining how you might taste,” Sunghoon whispers. “You gonna let me find out?”

Your dress is bunched up around your waist, and if it wasn’t for all the material, you might have been able to see the trail of spit and love bites that Sunghoon had left on your stomach. You’ll have no choice but to wear one-pieces and full-length shirts for at least a week. There’s a smile on his face as he looks up at you from between your thighs.

Sunghoon kisses the dark spot on your panties, holding the wet fabric between his lips, tasting you. A quiet moan slips from him, and your body jolts involuntarily, a chill inching up your spine. His fingers hook on the sides of your underwear and he looks up at you, smiling when you nod your head, pulling them down when you lift your hips. With all that material out of the way, he can finally see your pussy, and the word fuck comes tumbling from his lips before he groans. “So pretty, you’re so pretty, YN.”

He buries his face between your thighs to press light kisses to your clit, pecking it sweetly. Your body buzzes from the contact. “Shit,” you sigh at the feeling of him licking a strip from your dripping hole back up to your clit.

“My God,” he whispers, licking his lips. He presses his tongue against you, lapping up your wetness and humming appreciatively. Sunghoon’s eyes flutter shut when he holds your swollen clit between his lips, sucking on it, licking at it, slowly, passionately, the way he kisses your mouth. His movements make you jolt and he chuckles against you, a delicious vibration running along your cunt.

Unable to fully express how you feel, you settle with saying so good through a whine. A match strikes a flame in your stomach when Sunghoon moves his head down a little, letting his tongue tease your hole, his nose bumps your clit and he moans into you when you clench around the tip of his tongue. You can’t help but grip his hair to hold him in place, hoping he’ll never stop.

Shamelessly, you hump his pretty face as your orgasm quickly approaches, reminding you how long it’s been since you were last eaten out — not that anyone has ever come close to making you feel this good.

His lips focus on your clit again as he presses a thick finger into your hole, curling it up towards your belly button a few times before adding another. Immediately, your toes curl up, everything flashes white behind your eyelids while your orgasm rips through you and Sunghoon moans when you finish. You’re thankful for the way he slows down, letting your cum slip out onto his lips and chin for a beat before sucking and licking your slit to clean you up, holding you down as you squirm against his sheets from the sensitivity.

Looking just as spent as you feel, he leans back on his heels. His eyes are blown wide, his chest heaving, and his lips are swollen, glistening in your arousal that’s spread all over the lower part of his face. Spellbound and unblinking, he stares straight ahead at your cunt.

“Hoon,” you say, breathless, leaning up on your elbows.

“Yeah, baby?” He doesn’t look away when he speaks. The trance seems to break at your lack of a response and he seems to want to cuddle just as much as you do if the way he scrambles off the floor and crawls over the bed to you is anything to go by.

Save for Sunghoon’s coaching sessions, the two of you are practically joined at the hip for the entire weekend. In the mornings and before bed, you brush your teeth together and don’t even separate to shower, stuffing yourselves in the cubicle to make out and lather shampoo in each other's hair or soap on each other's backs.

It’s this excess time together that makes waking up to nothing but a note in Sunghoon’s absence so disturbing. His handwriting stirs something in you, the short and sweet: miss you already, please come visit me at work :)

None of the girls want to go with you, so you find yourself trying on different swimsuits and figuring out what you’ll do at the pool on your own. With four magazines you’ve already read, a book, and your laptop just in case, you make your way there, enjoying the sun on your skin as you walk.

“Hi!” A chirpy voice makes you flinch when you reach the pool. Sunoo’s whole face is curved into a grin when you look at him. “I’m Sunoo!” he says, extending a hand for you to shake. His grip is firm, not matching his smile at all. “Do you wanna hang out with us?”

Equal parts excited and scared to say no, you nod. Dumping your bag in a locker, you meet Sunoo out by the changing rooms’ entrance, and he smiles when he sees you. You follow him over to the smaller pool where the rest of the boys are, Sunghoon included, and introduces you.

The boys look around at one another, wondering if Sunoo knows that all of them have already met you. He doesn’t pay it any mind, jumping in and joining them. They all continue bothering each other while you sit on the edge, dipping your legs into the water.

Sunghoon, who’s been grinning at you since you arrived, swims over to you and stands in the space between your legs. Cool droplets hit your thighs when he lifts his arms up to wrap around your waist in an embrace that might leave others wondering how many years it’s been since you last saw each other. After promising Jungwon that you won’t make fun of his armbands, you card your fingers through Sunghoon’s wet hair, giggling to yourself when he presses a kiss to your stomach.

“Aren’t you supposed to be working?”

“Well, yes,” he says, looking up at you with a pout on his lips. “I’m just on duty at this pool today. Are you unhappy to be spending time with me?”

“A little.”

Sunghoon pulls you into the water with him. “Even as a joke I don’t like that you said that.” There’s a crease in his brow that you want to kiss away but he’s already calling the boys over when you have the idea. Before you know it, all seven of them are splashing you with so much vigour that you don’t even bother fighting back. Even Riki who’s taken a liking to you shows no mercy.

As much fun as you had, you can’t help but feel a little drained when Sunghoon takes you home at the end of the day. You end up spending the week with him and his friends, and Riki seems crushed when you politely decline his invitation to poker night on Friday but his spirits lift when you say you’ll treat him to ice cream if he wins. On Saturday afternoon when you get out of the shower, you spend the better part of an hour wrapped in your towel texting Sunghoon, grinning at the messages he sent you while you were catching up on the girls’ group chat.

sh: riki didn’t win anything last night so don’t let him lie to you, ok baby?

sh: plus im kinda mad at him ngl ..

sh: i wanna see u today

sh: only you

sh: need it :(

sh: if i find out you’re making plans w riki rn i’ll kill him

sh: babyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy

sh: i miss you can i take you out

you: why are you beefing a kid ur 500

sh: you’re older than me ???

you: yes and ur my baby bubu bear

sh: ..

sh: picnic baby

sh: ?

you: yes when

sh: rn..

you: uhm..

you: let me go get ready i miss u so bad

Your picnic quickly turns into an evening nap session for Sunghoon who, full on pizza and cider, lays down on his stomach with closed eyes and his cheek on his forearms. Meanwhile, you slowly sip cider from a sun-warmed bottle and pick off bits of pepperoni to eat, knowing Sunghoon will be annoyed about it later. The setting sun shifts the sky through warm oranges and purples, casting its hues over the park and Sunghoon’s sleeping form.

“Quit watching me,” he mumbles, blinking his eyes open and yawning as he sits back up. Soft hair is all flat on the side he’d been lying on and his lips rest in a pout that, when combined with his eyes resting in a permanent squint, makes him look confused.

You watch with a grin on your face as he sits back on his hands, crossing his legs. “I have something for you, actually.”

“For me?” you ask, shocked, your brows raise, and butterflies go crazy in your stomach. The thought of Sunghoon seeing something and thinking of you drives you crazy; you’re in way deeper than you could ever have anticipated.

You hear the bikes whizzing past you, zipping down the cycle path over to your left, you can see the people walking dogs, pushing strollers, jogging, walking. But it still feels like you’re the only people here. The only two people left in the world, sitting on Sunghoon’s blanket in the middle of this park you’ve come to frequent.

“For you. Do you see anyone else here?” Sunghoon chuckles, though you can see his nervousness peeking through the joy on his face. “Well, kinda for us I guess, to put it properly. You know what? No, it’s dumb. Forget I spoke.” He covers his face with his hands, embarrassed.

“Something for us?” Even though it’s not a new development, the thought of you both being an us, in any capacity, still makes you giddy, and the butterflies in your stomach are bordering on feral. “Baby, come on. If it’s from you it’s not dumb. I promise I’ll love it.” You nudge his knee gently.

“You promise?”

“Promise.” Your pinky finds his, linking together for a little while longer than you’d expected.

“There’s some stuff I have to say first though, is that okay?” he asks, continuing when you nod. “I know you don’t like talking about it, but we should probably have some kind of conversation about what’s going to happen when you go back to uni, you know?”

The thought of leaving unsettles you; of leaving him, but you’re desperate not to show it. “Yeah,” you say, aiming for calm but hitting upset instead.

Sunghoon chews on his lip before he speaks again. “And you’re happy, right? Like, with me?”

You nod. Of course, you want to say but the words get caught in your head, how could I not be?

“Good.” Sunghoon smiles. “Because I like you, so much, and I hate the idea of you going back and telling all your friends about the totally awesome, smokin’ hot, mega babe you hooked up with over the summer.” He continues when you nod. “So I’ve been thinking it might be nice if, when your uni friends ask about your summer, and you feel comfortable talking about me, that you tell them about me as your boyfriend.” The uncertainty in his tone doesn’t match the widening grin on his face while speaking, and the word boyfriend comes out as nothing more than a whisper but you hear it clear as day.

Head spinning, you meet his eyes, a hopeful glint behind them as he watches you. “Do you mean my totally awesome, smokin’ hot, mega babe boyfriend?”

“It wouldn’t upset me if you said that.”

“I’ll keep that in mind.”

“Hold that thought,” he blurts out, opening his backpack.

Drawing a deep breath, Sunghoon pulls out a pink box with your name written neatly on it before placing it in your lap and asking you to open it. He chews on his lip while he watches.

WILL YOU BE MY GIRL ? is written on little chocolates that span three rows. The word girl is followed by six empty slots that you can only assume held the word friend. Between the shy look on Sunghoon’s face, and the gesture as a whole your heart leaps jaggedly in your chest. “Will you be my girl?” you read, unable to keep from grinning like a fool.

“I picked them up yesterday before the guys came over, and Riki..” he pauses to sigh, bringing a hand up to scratch the back of his neck. “He ate part of them. I think he shared them with Jungwon actually — not that it matters. Anyway, the store’s closed on Sundays so I wasn’t able to replace them or anything, and I didn’t wanna wait any longer to ask,” Sunghoon says in a partial ramble.

You look down at the pretty pink box in your hands and giggle to yourself. His friends are cute, you think. “I mean, they could’ve eaten the girl part.”

Sunghoon nods his head, grinning. “At least the sentiment still stands.” He eats a raspberry before looking up at you expectantly. “So, will you be my girl?”

With a smile spread on your face, you nod. “Yes, Hoon, I’ll be your girl,” you say, hoping he knows you’ve always been his girl.

You cuddle in the grass with your boyfriend until the sun goes down, giddy from cider and the joys of summer romance when he walks you to your door. The two of you stand under the light at the doorstep, grinning competitively at one another. Reluctantly, Sunghoon bids you goodnight with a kiss and — just like after your first date — he stands there beaming brightly long after you’ve gone inside.

A few nights later the two of you have your first sleepover as a couple and Sunghoon seems to take the idea in stride, showing up at your door with an overnight bag stuffed with his skincare, actual pyjamas, and snacks. Plus a bottle of wine he brought for his first meeting with your parents, despite having already had an awkward meeting with your mum at 3 a.m. in the hallway two weeks ago.

With his face glowing under the lamp on your desk, Sunghoon makes a show of bringing up the time he’d talked at length about his friends and says he thinks it only fair that you talk about yours. Your college friends. A blush coats his cheeks when you tell him he doesn’t need an excuse or justification to ask you things he’s curious about.

This results in him sitting cross-legged on the bed in front of you, asking you silly things like what kind of Youtube videos you like to watch (his ears burn red when you say Park Sunghoon skating compilations), and more serious — to him — things like what your first impression of him was (he covers his face when you say I thought you were the cutest boy I’d ever seen, and it upset me that you missed so much school).

“Do you think we would’ve dated if I was in school more?”

“We are dating.”

“I mean back then.”

“When we were five?”

Sunghoon nods.

“Even if we did date back then, we’d have broken up by lunchtime.”

His jaw drops. “But it’s us,” he says like it’s the simplest thing ever. It takes a while to console your pouting boyfriend but when he moves on he gets back to asking about your friends.

“They’re like.. the only reason I don’t completely regret picking my major.” The words come out before you can help them. You rarely talk with Sunghoon, or anyone, about your major, never mentioning much more than what results you got or the classes you’re taking if someone asks.

So it doesn’t surprise you that he sees this as an opportunity to ask you about it. “Why do you hate it so much?”

“It just makes me unhappy.” You feel your lips sagging at the corners when you finish speaking. “And the thought of working in that field forever, or, at all, makes me feel physically sick.”

“What are you gonna do after graduation?”

A tightness occupies your chest. You think about your brother, on the other end of the country, favouring texts over calls so no one has to hear the sadness in his voice when asked about work. You think about the future, all the unknowns awaiting you once you leave the familiarity of the education system. “I don’t.. I don’t know.” You hate how small your voice sounds when you say it.

You don’t even realise that you’re crying until Sunghoon mumbles hey, no, baby, it’s okay, and cups your cheeks with his hands, using his thumbs to wipe your tears. “I’m sorry,” he mumbles. “I’m on your side, okay? You know that. I’m not trying to upset you, baby, just trying to understand. To help.” Wrapping his arms around you, he pulls you into him, letting you cry into his shirt. “If I’m going about it the wrong way you can tell me, I never want to make you cry.”

For a while the two of you sit in silence while Sunghoon rubs your back and kisses the top of your head, only speaking when you’ve stopped sniffling. “How about you finish telling me about the girls? Minjeong, Jimin, Aeri, and Yizhuo, right?”

You don’t even remember telling him their names, besides maybe mentioning missing Minjeong. “You remember their names.” It’s not a question, not really. When you pull away from him, looking up, your heart snags in your chest at the sight. Of lovely Sunghoon and his small smile, the Kuromi headband holding his hair back. You want to cry again.

“I remember everything you tell me.”

Everything about him is lovely, from his soft cheeks to the Piplup pyjama pants he’s wearing and the way he’s looking at you with literal heart eyes.

Knowing that Sunghoon has his last competition coming up, you savour every second with him. Barely sleeping that night trying to prepare for the lonely nights to come, memorising the feeling of his arms and the steady beat of his heart against your ear.

His training schedule is rigorous and he’s had to stop his shifts at the pool to accommodate it, committing his days to skating and his nights to you when he can. Though he’s always so tired by the time he gets to your house that he can only sleepily sit through dinner with your parents and falls asleep almost as soon as his head hits the pillow.

Like most nights you spend apart, Sunghoon’s face fills your screen, talking about what he did that day that kept him from you. Today’s activity was back-to-back coaching sessions, then going to the movies with the boys, and, now, tired out from pretending to be patient, his eyelids are shut for most of the conversation. He looks so warm and cosy under his duvet that you wish you were there with him, or that he was here with you.

“I can come over if you want me to,” he says, and from the way he sits up, you can tell he means it.

You hadn’t meant for those thoughts to be verbalised.

Looking to your left, at the space in your bed, you don’t trust yourself to be alone with him. Not here. You do want to see him though. Almost desperately. For the good of you both, you shake your head. “Let’s go for a drive?”

Sunghoon smiles and your stomach turns. “Give me 25 minutes.” He cuts the phone.

Sitting in the darkness of his car is way worse than having him in your bed. Having started on your knee, his big hand now rests on your thigh, barely an inch away from where your shorts start. A cold sweat breaks out on your skin. Leaning your head against the window, you let your eyes fall shut while Sunghoon sings SZA quietly. Eventually, the car comes to a stop.

“We’re here.”

It’s too dark out to see anything properly until Sunghoon opens your door for you. “The park,” you say, looking around at the now familiar street. “Wouldn’t be my first choice for a murder.”

“If you think about it, it’s sorta perfect. Who would hear you screaming for help at 2 a.m. on a Wednesday?”

Sunghoon pulls his backpack and a fleecy blanket from the backseat, and, with a ridiculous grin, you watch him put the blanket down in the grass, not too far from where he’d parked the car. You leave your sandals to the side and sit down next to him.

“The store was closed, so we’ll have to deal,” he explains, taking out some fruit and two bottles of water.

You shake your head. “It’s perfect.”

Sunghoon lets you feed him strawberries, humming appreciatively around your fingers. You take a few sips of water before shifting on the blanket, turning around in the space between Sunghoon’s open legs and leaning back on his chest. He hums the same SZA song from his car and you can’t help but close your eyes.

You tip your chin to kiss him, accidentally letting your hand rest on his lap.

Ever since that day in his room, things between you have found a way to turn sexual after a while. Not that either of you seems to mind. Though you will admit that sometimes it is nice to just sit with Sunghoon and watch the sun come up over the hills by his house. Or to watch Mighty Ducks on your laptop with your head on his shoulder.

Tonight doesn’t seem like one of those “sometimes”, but you really can’t find it in you to complain or want to change anything when he slips his hand down the front of your shorts. More focused on the way your lips feel on his, Sunghoon lazily runs his finger through your slick for a beat before pushing into you and smiling to himself as you gasp against the kiss.

You pull away from him, shifting around a little, trying to angle yourself so you can see what you’re doing when you tug his waistband out of the way. The sight of Sunghoon’s cock, of his pretty tip coated in precum that dribbles from his slit down his shaft never gets old. If anything, it only turns you on more and more each time. You stroke him slowly, occasionally letting a finger tease the spot below his head, just the way he likes it.

“Oh, my G—” Sunghoon cuts himself off with a groan, pressing his lips to yours again.

The breeze tickles your arms, keeping you cool despite the way your skin burns under his touch. He’s close to cumming, you can tell in the way his cock twitches in your hold.

“I want you,” he mumbles against your lips.

“You have me.” Sunghoon lifts his head away from yours after you speak, looking down his nose at you. It seems like he’s searching your face for something as he pushes a third finger into your hole. Something clicks in your head, understanding. “Fuck me,” you say, barely short of begging.

His hips buck up into your still hand. “I don’t have a condom.”

“You’re joking.”

“No,” he sighs, shaking his head solemnly. “I wish.” A frown teases at your lips. “Why didn’t you bring one?”

You arch a brow. “Why would I bring a condom when we’re waiting to have sex?”

“Because I don’t wanna wait anymore.”

“Ok,” you nod, trying to think as he separates his fingers. “Well, this is.. this is me finding that out, right now.”

Sunghoon’s never put a fourth finger in you before; it’s a tight fit. Your head falls back and you give up your poor attempt at continuing to jerk him off. “I don’t care if you don’t. About condoms.”

“Oh, you’re on the pill?”

“I ran out two weeks ago, I thought.. you’d give me—” A moan cuts you off. Sunghoon chuckles. “I thought you’d give me notice or something.”

“Notice?” he asks, voice high, incredulous. A beat passes. “I don’t care,” he says eventually. “I need you.”

You nod your head, relieved. Whining a little when Sunghoon pulls his hand out of you, and whining a lot when he sucks on each of his fingers, one at a time. “I’ll get Plan B in the morning,” you say, scrambling to your knees, facing him.

“We’ll go together.” A soft smile spreads across his lips as he holds you by the waist. “And I’ll ask Jake to pray for us.”

Hungrily, you watch as he pulls his white t-shirt over his head. There’s a flash of something in his eyes. Sunghoon has a firm grip on your shorts, barely a second away from yanking them off when he stops, leaning away. “I’ve never..” he trails off, struggling to hold eye contact. “I’ve had sex just not.. outside,” he whispers, his lips pouting through his words.

Despite your desperation, you can’t help but feel like maybe this shouldn’t be the moment you two have sex for the first time. You almost can’t believe yourself, having Sunghoon here, hot, sweaty, with his kiss-plumped lips, and lidded eyes; his groans, and his sighs; his wandering hands and hard cock pressed against you, yet thinking that maybe you should wait a little longer.

“We don’t have to do this now.”

“I do.”

“Okay,” you whisper, relieved, pressing your lips onto his. You shiver in Sunghoon’s hold, cold and chasing his kiss when he pulls away, shuddering at the feeling of his fingertip grazing your collarbone.

“You’re cold, baby.”

You shake your head. “I’m not.” As soon as the words leave your mouth, your body betrays you and your teeth chatter.

Sunghoon frowns at you, playing with some of your hair beside your ear. “You have goosebumps, and your teeth are clattering. I’ll take you home, come on,” he says, letting go of you.

“I have goosebumps because I’m horny, and I want you to fuck me,” you admit, feeling your need for him in every part of your body. “And I don’t want you to be nice about it either, I’m already your girlfriend.”

You watch him gulp. Sunghoon’s eyes scan your face. He leans into your touch when you let your palm cup his cheek, his skin is burning hot, if it was any lighter outside you might have been able to see the pink on his face. He wraps his thick fingers around your wrist, letting his thumb stroke the back of your hand, and his pretty eyes find yours.

“I want to, so bad, but you’re freezing.” He kisses your palm. “How about I take you home and fuck you there, hmm? I won’t be nice, I promise.”

Oh, God, you think, clenching around nothing.

Dazed, you almost agree until something clicks. “Take this off,” you say, practically begging as you tug at his knitted hoodie. His brows knit together. “Let me wear it.” Without hesitation, Sunghoon pulls the jumper over his head and slips it over you. “Please, Hoon,” you all but beg, as you put your arms through it.

The two of you are close enough that you can see his pupils dilating as his eyes trail over your body. “I like my clothes on you.” Is the only thing he says before kissing you again.

Sunghoon’s hands are all over you, eventually settling on the top of your shorts, as he does his best to tug them off. You raise your hips to help him out before settling back into his lap, whining at the feeling of him under you, touching your pussy for the first time. He throbs against you when you grind down on him.

It all seems so real now. He’s so big; so hard, that you start to worry. Suddenly you remember the ache in your jaw every time you suck him off and how much of him is left over, even when his head inches its way down your throat.

Flustered, you start to stall a little, rocking back and forth on his length, coating him in your wetness. You take him in your hand after a while, jerking him a little to spread his precum and your slick all over him. He doesn’t seem to notice that you’re whiling up time, and if he does, then he doesn’t seem to care, simply moaning when you lift yourself off of him to stroke your clit with his tip and tease your slit.

Sunghoon’s teeth worry his bottom lip as you try to take him, his head falling forward, eyes trained on the spot between your bodies where you connect. His hold on your waist is so firm you can practically feel bruises forming under his fingertips and the sting of his cock pushing into you makes you draw a breath. “Just take your time, yeah?” he mumbles. “No rush.”

No rush? you think, he must be crazy. You don’t think you can wait any longer, trying hard to sink down on him despite the pain of the stretch. You like it, that sting, the heat, you don’t want to go without it ever again. You must be crazy. Fuck, and Sunghoon are the only things you can bring yourself to say.

“I know, baby. I’m sorry,” he tells you. “It’s okay,” he says, though he doesn’t look like he’s doing any better than you are.

Sunghoon’s head falls forward once you’ve taken all of him, his teeth sinking into the skin at the base of your neck as he lets out a broken whine. Everything feels a little too much to bear. It’s so hot, when did it get so hot? With the last few crumbs of your brain power, you tell yourself to take the hoodie off, but you feel like you can’t move.

He fits so well, fills you up just right.

With a shaky breath, he lifts his head to look up at you. “So beautiful.” Sunghoon pushes some of your hair from your face. “Good girl,” he coos, using his thumb to wipe tears you hadn’t even realised were there. “You’re doing such a good job, baby. Taking me so good.”

Sunghoon asks if you’re okay. It sounds like Sunghoon asks if you’re okay.

Your fist balls around the fabric of his cotton shirt. “Warm,” you whisper. “Too warm.” He loosens his grip around your waist, moving his hands to your hips to pull the hoodie off of you. You lean back a little to let him take it off and feel as if you’re being split open, the angle only pushing him deeper.

With the hoodie off, the cool summer breeze makes you feel a lot better; makes taking him a lot more manageable. So you move. His pretty face scrunches with pleasure, as a long, heady groan comes from his throat. “You feel so good. So tight.” There’s something in his voice that you don’t recognise, desperation, need. Sweat beads along his hairline, the flush in his cheeks so prominent you can see it despite the dark.

You want to see him like this all the time. Need to.

His hips buck up towards you, seeming to catch you both off guard if the way you gasp simultaneously is anything to go by. He wraps his arm around your waist, his trembling hand beating against your skin, and lets his other hand rest on the blanket behind him, leaning back on it.

“You’re so good at this,” you sigh. “How are you so good at this?” You practically clamp your mouth shut, not letting yourself say any more lest you propose to him, or worse, expose your breeding kink.

Sunghoon only gives you a languid smile before kissing you.

It’s more than a little hard to focus on coordinating the movement of your lips and tongue when he’s fucking you the way he is; lifting you off of him so only his tip stays inside, then thrusting all the way back in, deep and slow, trying to feel every single part of you and doing a good job hitting that spot that has you seeing stars. So the kiss is messy and loud, an exchange of spit and moans but you’re way too turned on to care.

Before long, he uses his hand to pull down the front of your vest, attaching his wet mouth to your nipple instead and your brain short circuits. He moans into your skin when you clench around him, his body stuttering under you.

“Baby, I don’t..” Sunghoon sighs, lifting his head from your chest to look at you. He’s the picture of desire, of lust, with his messy hair and parted lips, the sweat slipping from his brow bone. “I don’t think I’m gonna last much longer,” he admits, thick brows pulled into a furrow.

At this rate, you don’t think you will either. His words only make you dizzy, they spur you on as desperation sets in; to see him cum, to feel it. Like always, his sounds are just as pretty as the rest of him, his grunts and his groans, and the ragged breaths that catch in his throat. And you quiver in his lap at the feeling of a knot forming in your stomach, immediately unravelling when his finger catches your clit again.

Your head falls back. “I’m—” Is the only thing you can say.

“I know, baby, don’t hold back. I wanna see you make a mess.”

His words send you over the edge, forcing your orgasm out of you while Sunghoon moans and fucks you through it. So good, baby, he mumbles over and over, stuttering through the words when you cum, though you barely hear him over the sound of his cock squelching up into you.

A shaky breath and the word fuck tumbles from his lips.

Sunghoon’s thighs tense and his stomach does the same. Shuddering under you, he cums hard, filling you up completely. You’ve never had a guy cum inside before, let alone been fucked without a condom, so you weren’t sure what to expect. But nothing could have prepared you for this.

Heat courses through you everywhere, and you’ve never been so warm in your life. You can feel every last drop of his hot cum spilling into you, can feel it leaking out around him, slicking up your thighs. Shaking in Sunghoon’s lap, you’re full in the best way, eyes rolling back as your mind goes completely blank.

Both of you try to catch your breath as he holds onto you tightly, his arms hugging around your waist. You’re having a hard time calming down with him still inside, but you don’t think you could move if you tried, and it seems as though he feels the same, only being able to bring his head away from your chest. With heaving shoulders and a dazed look in his eyes, he smiles up at you, sweet, contagious. Drunk on him, a laugh starts to bubble in your throat, forcing its way out. Sunghoon laughs too, and breathy chuckles slip from you both, happy, delighted.

He reaches for some napkins, cleaning up what he can with you still in his lap before reaching for his hoodie. You watch as he folds it up a couple of times before putting it down near the blanket’s edge, shifting over a bit to hold you in his arms and lay you down, the hoodie under your head like a pillow.

You think he must be an angel.

Gently, he separates your legs to clean you up properly before pulling his boxers and shorts back up. You watch as he looks around the space for something, returning to your feet to help you put your underwear and shorts back on, sniffling a little and making his way to lie down on the grass beside you. Sunghoon reaches over your body and uses the remaining blanket behind you to cover you up.

Sleepily, you rest your head on his chest, feeling his heart race against your cheek. “You’re so big, Hoon,” you whisper, mind still reeling.

A beat passes. “Ok, baby, thank you,” he says a little awkwardly, you can feel his chest stutter as he chuckles and you can’t help but smile.

The stars above you beam brightly and you don’t think you’ve ever seen so many at once, peeking through the few dark clouds that drag lazily through the sky.

“You did so well tonight, YN,” Sunghoon tells you after a while. “You always do so well.” Your heart beats in your throat as he kisses the top of your head.

“Really?”

“Mm,” he hums.

Curious, you look up at him. “What did I do well?”

“Should I fill out a performance review?”

“I just wanna know what you’re gonna tell your friends later.” Your heart rate picks up when Sunghoon laughs, sweet, contagious. “I’m serious.”

Into the air above, he huffs a long, dramatic sigh. “You really wanna know?”

“Desperately.”

He leans up on his elbow, looking down at you. Butterflies flutter in your stomach, already nervous about what Sunghoon might say. It’s as if he’s the only person in the world, the only one that makes a difference. You can’t help but feel special under his gaze, grateful that you’re the one who gets his attention. His hand is big on the side of your face, his thumb grazes your cheek.

Sunghoon opens his mouth but closes it before speaking, then brilliant, bright, he smiles. “I think I’m gonna tell them I’m in love with you.” Your breath hitches in your throat. “And, ask Jake to pray for us.”

And, ask Jake to pray for us, you repeat as if bound by a spell and he nods his head. Overwhelmed, you hide your face in his shirt. “I love you.”

Back at your place, Sunghoon does a good job of living up to what he’d promised you earlier. Leaving you to wake up that morning in his t-shirt, with your head on his chest and a dull ache between your thighs — though not before, for the first time since primary school, you (and Sunghoon) kneeled by the side of the bed to perform the sign of the cross. He’d stumbled his way through a prayer first and you followed, watching as he sent a text to Jake before eventually drifting off to sleep, tired and sore.

The duvet is bunched at the bottom of the bed, leaving your bare thighs victim to the light breeze rolling through your room. Sunghoon’s mouth is slightly ajar and he snores sweetly. Even in his sleep, his stomach is tight and his soft penis rests cute and limp against his thigh in a way that leaves you stifling a giggle. You want to kiss it.

Regrettably, you don’t.

“Stop looking at me,” he mumbles, half-heartedly lifting his arm to cover your eyes, though, with his still shut, it ends up resting on your neck.

“I’m not.”

Sunghoon pries open one of his eyes, catching you. He follows your gaze down his body, groaning when he realises what you’re looking at. “You’re worse than I thought,” he says, sitting up to pull your duvet back over himself, resting over his waist. “I’m never sleeping naked next to you again.”

You open your mouth to quiz him but he covers your lips with his hand. “Or anyone else, relax.”

“Good boy,” you mumble, the words muffled against his palm.

“Ew,” he whispers when you lick his hand, wiping it on your t-shirt before pushing some of your hair away from your face. “How are you feeling, baby?” His voice is soft when he asks, eyes scanning your face for even the slightest sign of discomfort.

“I’m kinda sore, but I’m good.”

“You are?” There’s pride in his voice when he asks, eyes lighting up for a beat before pressing his lips together, trying to hide a smile. His broad shoulders betray him, trembling with silent laughter. Fuck off, you mumble, just as amused as him.

Sunghoon clears his throat. “I’m sorry, baby,” he whispers. “I’ll be gentle next time, promise.”

Next time. The simple words and all of their hopefulness leave your mind reeling. Laying next to Sunghoon, you grin at the thought of all of your next times with him. Through the seasons of the year; through autumn; through winter, spring, and back to summer again.

“What’s on your mind?” he asks through a yawn.

You love him. “I love you.”

You’re expecting him to kiss you when he starts to lean in, but he pulls you tight against his chest instead. He smells faintly like sweat when he hugs you. Like sweat, and sunblock, and peonies. Like kisses during sunset, and late-night swims. Like the happiest you’ve been in a long, long while.

“I love you, more.”

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