#no sketches this time i exhausted myself drawing today ^^"

[mimicsunraiys]

Is strawberry still a witch baked cookie? Or does she have a different origin?

Also is crunchy chip cookie going to do something about her? Like looking for a way to get rid of her. And on that note will they ever mend or change their relationship

(Sorry for all the questions, I’m just loving these Au <3)

i'm thinking that she'll stay a witch baked cookie, but i'm also thinking of having Strawberry with different origins, that sounds fun! i'd just need to think it over some more lol ^^

i don't think i explained Cruchy Chip & Strawberry's relationship well, but Crunchy Chip doesn't want to get rid of Strawberry, in fact he feels extreme guilt for what happened to her.

as of right now, Strawberry was left behind by a group of cookies she was traveling with, she was the youngest and the others thought of her as dead-weight so they left her. Strawberry then found the walls of the Dark Cacao Kingdom and dug her way under and through to the other side.

he struggles to look at Strawberry because he feels it should have been his job to be diligent when looking for cookies wandering around the mountain.

the two do eventually grow a relationship, but it's strained since both are very closed off, and Crunchy Chip doesn't want to burden Strawberry with the knowledge that she was left to her own devices.

[teyaamiran]

Returning to Galactik Football was surely one of the best random decisions. I’ve started the year almost exhausted in terms of inspiration and art; idk Black Clover is still my beloved but I felt losing passion to it, developed through months plot lines, texts and sketches became… blank? Like drawing just for drawing, not because you like that, and writing because I had to, not because I really wanted to

It’s complicated when you’d like some audience, not insane numbers but a certain circle of people who enjoy same stuff like you, so you try to understand what audience likes, prefers and… end up understanding you do things you don’t like. That hype and toxic individuals destroy a pretty nice fandom. And you keep thinking, thinking—

Until come back to forsaken by gods old French cartoon which you still love, still enjoy and omg, it’s so simple to enjoy!! 😭🙏🏻

Idk maybe I’m overestimating myself again and my current ideas will end with nothing, but it’s a big pleasure to have a break and meanwhile keep creating stuff.

And what surprised the most — today I got back to random thoughts about Yuno & Zenon fanfiction I’ve started 2(+?) years ago and wrote only 3 chapters, with tens of unfinished drafts. And those thoughts went so easy, I felt those characters again, conflict of their ideologies… that’s really refreshing

I hope to keep forward with GF still; no promises about time cuz I always ruin self-made deadlines but I’ll try my best to write Mijok stuff I’d like 😌✌️

(And perhaps AsuYuno and YunoZen once again haha, but later)

[drymouther]

various comic sketches for different projects (dec 2024 - jan 2025).

my first serious multi-page comic was made 2018 -- both my most recent comic and first were made in january AND made for fanfic. there's seven years' difference between those two but being a fan of other fanworks has not changed at all. more thoughts and past artwork underneath the cut

bits from my first serious comic (2018). i've simplified my process wrt to shading because it took me a whole week of being in front of a screen day-to-night to finish five pages. i also didn't color it, because, fuck, man. i hate coloring. i was burnt out for a whole month before i started drawing again.

these one-pagers (amongst others) preceded the multi-page one by a few months or so. iirc i gave up using screen tones very quickly...

a few thumbnails of two dudes beating each other up hotly. i had good taste as a seventeen y/o, ngl. i did the first page (not seen here) i think a few years later:

(2022) i'm not happy with this, but i accept that my skill in art would never grow in a linear fashion. BUT. i think the composition of this particular part was kinda cool.

(2020) i didn't touch multi-page comics for months at a time. they took up a lot of work and i was frequently exhausted.

this one (2020) was fully shaded but i prefer the lines. i think i was in the process of lining it again but i lost the process when i fucked up the save. i had a whole story and everything-- it was an au stuck in my head for a while, but tbh i quickly lost interest when no one else was into it. the line art is sloppier, but i approached it w a, "finished, not perfect" attitude. at the time i thought i had peaked in 2018-2019 (still do) and my enthusiasm for art was on the decline.

in my past reflections i was so hard on myself. didn't give myself enough grace-- i barely had enough energy and focus to do another one of those labor-intensive multi-page comics of the same quality as the ones i made around 2018.

it's not a standard i hold myself to anymore.

(dec 2024 - jan 2025) i think my interest in art (and by extension, comics) is back on the upswing. i acknowledge that it probably won't stick around forever--my skills and interests wax and wane--but i think i've made peace with my self-criticism. i was very hard on myself as a teenager. this will probably will change in the future too.

but i think that's okay.

there wasn't really a point im trying to make here. i just fucked up really badly today and i'm trying to scrape together some sense of esteem in myself LMAO. it'll be fineeeeeeee.

anyway, i'm proud of all the stuff i've done. i've always wanted to be a mangaka since i was a child. and i still am wanting...

here's julia ortega and chris if you've made it to the bottom. thanks for reading all my shit!!

[alexologyart]

[WIP] A young Entrapta killing the Last King of the Scorpioni

Is okay to cry for what had been lost, my dear. Tomorrow is a new day, as for today the child you once were had died.

Maybe no the most happy of drawings, but I think is a good one to finish 2023.

Firts of all, I hope you all had a very happy Christmas this year, and I wish an equally Happy New Year!!

This year has been rough for me, I passed my internship with the highest grades in July, and now I am days to finish my thesis finally.

In the past months there has been very little updates from me, no art whatsoever, and I'm ashamed of say, not even commission updates for those who had been due theirs. I apologize profoundly.

At the beginning of 2023 I experienced a back injury that took months to heal, the pain was too much, and still today I feel the reminicent of it. At the same time I've been too exhausted by all the requiriments to finish this big step in my life to become a professional and academic in my field, that I negleted the one thing that brings me the most joy in my life.

I am not good balancing work and life, and this took a toll on me. For the first time in long time, that part of my life that brings joy became a burden, I indentified it as a distraction, and I turned it off completely.

This happened because I'm experiencing a big sense of dread to the prospect of what the future awaits for me, trying to search for summer jobs without avail and feeling disappointed all over, feeling depressed because I feel stuck and not growing as an adult reaching 30, there are a lot of expectations to what I could do after getting my degree, defending my thesis on March will be one of them. And this has taken all my energy and time from creating things I love, to the point I even asked myself what was the point of continuing with it.

Art is one of these things that has been with me for the longest, starting drawing when I learned to hold a pen, even before knowing how to write, but in the past six months, after spending a great time without even sketching, I was afraid I had lost this ability, as my head was on Uni, and my body felt heavy by all the stress I didn't want to even check if I could still draw.

I do, I can still draw, although slowly and always resting. My brain needs to adapt again to what it was after months of not doing so.

Creating this version of Entrapta has been a roller coaster of emotions for me, she helps me to express myself and I love thinking in new ways to draw her, I don't care she is not really an original character, but mostly the deep emotional connection I have with her while writing and drawing her story.

She is strong, she is cunning, she is fierce and intelligent. But even a woman like her has to have moment of vulnerability. And this scene, is a pinpoint moment; killing while losing something of herself, quite literally, not feeling fierce but fragile, in pain, and overwhelmed.

Is something that I have reflected a lot the past months, to realize I am entering a moment in my life I should allow me to feel and not to restrict myself from the things I love, so I will try to take my time facing the situations that scares me and as well trying not to feel overwhelmed and anxious for what is to come.

If you would like to support my artistic journey, you can do so on Patreon and Kofi! I would greatly appreciate it! wish you a Happy New Year!

[meimeikyu]

Giving sans AUs kpop solo songs,,, an extremely self indulgent post

this is based on both the tone/lyrics of the song, my interpretation of the lyrics, and the music videos. also just songs i like

also!! a lot of these will be focused on my interpretations of both the song and the characters, as well as specific parts of them

(this will be slightly long and full of links so it goes under the cut)

Cross: Lilac - IU

this song makes me so aggressively happy and sad at the same time and its so hgksghkshgksghs i feel like itd fit him so much,,,, for one lilac being the song name bcs i associate cross heavily with lilacy purple but also just the whole theme of the song being losing a person but it being like a perfect goodbye and etc and. idk i see it in him

"Will you forget me someday?

Will you forget our faces and the scent of today?

While having a good nap

Like a faded mid-spring’s dream"

Blue: Bam Yang Gang - BIBI

okay so this is mostly based on the lyrics, and the concept of blue working with the stars but kinda being lesser than them? since hes 'only' mortal and cant keep up and yet hes expected to and. yeah i love this concept n i love this song so

"As you were leaving you turned around and said to me

"You always want far too much"

No what I’ve always wanted was one thing

Just one thing sweet chestnut red bean jelly"

Dream: INVU - Taeyeon

god so its like a sad song about forbidden love in my mind but like. some of the lyrics hit so hard n i feel like theyd work for dream so well and the mvs so pretty (and also has a bow!) but like. dream and forbidden things work so well together in my mind bcs shes the one trying to keep everything together and yet also be the perfect guardian of positivity and can never be sad or angry and never get tired or stop and. she cant even love someone because shes supposed to be a guardian and thats not part of her job </3 (also trans fem dream canon to me)

"I think I lost my mind

But it's my kind of love

Without leaving anything

Pour everything out and flop

Suddenly at one point

I see myself exhausted

Even though I'm trying my best"

Ink: water color - Whee In

okay one i adore this song two the whole song being art/painting themed!!! literally ink!!!!!! and the theme of a lot of the lyrics being about becoming/embracing yourself (in my mind) i feel like fits him bcs like, hes out of the normal hes weird but hes HIM!! he has an identity he has a life he has friends hes not just that sketch anymore!!! hes a full person :D

"Gonna make it colored

I'll pick my brush

Just dye my everything, yeah, deep in my mind

Then I will follow my heart

Draw the things that only I have

Gonna do it my way

I don't wanna stay here"

Nightmare: Animal Farm - BIBI

(warning for fake blood/gore in the mv, as well as violence and guns)

so i actually had a few ideas for nightmare tbh but idk they didnt feel quite right to be 'the' song i put as nightmare, but oh boy this song did! the whole royalty vibes of the music video plus the apple in the beginning, and just the whole tone of the song and mv felt so right. whats more fitting than the one video thats age restricted lmfao

this is meant to be a more fanon nightmare but not quite the whole 'only doing it for the balance would never do violence otherwise' nightmare but also not 'fully evil an corrupted and the real nightmare is dead' just,, some combination of the two that i like to do nightmare as. definitely bad but not cruel to those close to them, would do violence or manipulation for purposes other than the balance and for her own gain, but doesnt intend to tip the scales all the way and destroy every positive instance. also very much fancy and royal aesthetics :3

"Welcome, well done

Shameless friends of mine

Who's next?

Hang my pretty head in your room

Where is love? Where is my sympathy?

What have we lost?

Is it a farm? Is it society?

Am I a tiger or a gazelle?"

Killer: Heart Attack - Chuu

oh wow the song i drew killer with like a week ago,,, shockinggggg (silly)

tone wise does this song seem like killer? meh debatable but i associate it with him so fucking hard!! one i feel like if we go off popular like fanon-ish killer i think hed like this song <-projecting probably but TWO!!! all the lyrics about like giving his heart an the apple themes in the mv??? consider: its him about nightmare, giving his whole heart sould and purpose to nightmare and how nightmare is obviously tied to apples canon wise, and the mv uses apples to represent freedom or sin (imo) and killer 'eating the apple' or agreeing to work with nightmare for some form of freedom. also non toxic killermare has my heart and soul and this is so killermare to me btw <33333 (also the other girl in the mv is yves and for the sake of this idea she is nightmare in this context <3)

btw have i mentioned how much i fucking LOVE this song bcs i fucking adore this song i love it so much im so insane about it

"Pounding more and more

I’ll give it all, take my heart

Surely you’re my destiny

It shines fully in my heart"

Dust: 28 Reasons - Seulgi

ok lyric wise maybe less fitting than the other songs but like,, the whole mvs theme of 'good and evil exist together in a person' is like. so how i feel about dust how do i word this. what he did is bad or 'evil' killing everyone is objectively bad but in his mind hes freeing them from a worse fate (the constant resets) and doing it for the greater 'good'. it doesnt matter if thats true or not, the fact is he believes it to be,,,, combine with the idea of him sometimes feeling horribly guilty about what hes done versus comforting himself with what he does because its better for him... i feel like both dust and killer have this very skewed view of their past vs present, and where killer barely remembers his past dust VERY MUCH does, and has a massive line in his head of where sans ended and he started. idk if this makes sense to anyone else but alone those lines, picture the chorus as if its him talking to himself,,,, also this songs amazing i love it

"28 reasons that ruined you, you don't have to know

I have no bad intentions

You know all 28 reasons to run away

So, why are you leaning into me again?"

Error: Glitch - Kwon Eunbi

This ones also kinda less directly connected but i couldnt not do the glitchy song for error (i also had minimal other ideas shhh)!! The whole glitchy theme and a lot of the lyrics being based around that is perfect for our glitchy man,,,, also this song is just really good n i love eunbi!!

"I make a touch, t-t-touch the limit After crashing the steep wall again The shaking caught my eyes, wait a minute"

---

so originally this was gonna have more guys but ive run out of proper ideas for it and if i don't post it as is its gonna live in my drafts forevr n i dont want that bcs im actually really happy with what i have so far so end for now!! i may do more another time but yeah!

i do offer this bonus tho!!

Festivalverse: Apple - Gfriend

in general i adore this song but also i just associate it with my au, specifically the gods!! also the apple theme in general fitting with dreamtale, the final bit, and just how gorgeous the whole mv is! its so my au to me :3

silly thing but if ur curious about which member would be who in festivalverse: Sowon - Ink, Umji - Error, Eunha - Geno, Yuju - Reaper, Yerin - Dream, SinB - Nightmare

"There’s no turning back when the night turns restless Let the festival I dared to imagine come alive"

[cetitan]

Just wanted to say that I'm happy for you that you found the canvas files you thought you lost. I've been drawing for almost four years now, but sometime after the first year of me drawing, I lost all my canvas files for real, with no way of getting them back. I remember being so devastated about it. At the time I comforted myself by remembering something my art teacher told me in high school. "I could rip up this piece you made right now, and the art would be gone, but it wouldn't erase what you gained from it." Or something like that. Something about how even if the piece itself goes away, the skill you gained from it remains. Which doesn't really make sense looking back on it, because this same teacher also told us to take notes on everything and save the notes forever, which I agree with now cause I'm always forgetting things I learned. Anyways, it kind of worked to comfort me at the time, but if you erased all my canvas files now, I would go postal man. But I don't care at all anymore about the canvases I lost from then, like there's a sketch I saved from that time to trace over and finish later, but I think I would sketch it completely differently now. Anyways, all this to say that I'm happy for you and I believe you can rebuild.

Hey thank you. Art's kind of all I "do", or it is at least my sole primary creative outlet, so when I lost the files I was really sad of course, but I think I experienced something similar where I went, ahh it's fine, I posted some of it and I still have the skills I built with me, it's no big deal. But finding them yesterday and going through them today was very surreal. When I was finished going through them to extract and organize the contents I felt so exhausted, it was like I ran a marathon. I had dinner and became so high strung it was like every cell in my body was activated.

I've been trying and I keep coming up short to explain the depths of my most recent Identity disturbance. I had treated these files as if they were gone, when all that happened was I lost track of my CSP recents list, after a day of attempting to organize files on my computer I must have moved the default save path somewhere else, and that was enough for me to completely lose track of where they could possibly be located. I'm not about to knock myself for being "lazy" or something for not trying harder to find them, but I treated them as disposable in a way I don't like.

Art's something that I wish meant more to me than it does. I still struggle to respect the time and effort I put into it. I think this experience though, has taught me that I harbour deeper more emotional connections and feelings with the shit I create than I think I do. If there is any indication for when I've found inner peace and belonging it'll be when I draft art, write art, and talk about it. I just don't have it in me right now. The lips stay shut but the hands still move.

[bvannn]

Weekly Update April 19, 2024

I had more lingering sickness from the last surgery this week. I'm pretty sure that's what it was since it went away after I took my medicine, although I'm still messed up and exhausted from all my schoolwork, though. Haven't got a whole lot done as a result, but I made some progress.

Most of what I did was on music projects, which I've decided to start referring to by their initials in these updates so they can be differentiated from one another, but they aren't completely spoiled either. OEB was the cover I got done a while ago, and I've been chipping away at the music video for that, which is 16% storyboarded. Also finished up another cover I had been working on, WOTW, which I'd like to do an animation for as well, albeit a shorter and simpler one. This means I'm sitting on 4 songs I can't release for a while, because those two need visuals, and the two originals, BMBO and BATB, still need lyrics. I did progress on lyrics for BATB this week, and I've been upset for the same reasons that prompted me to write BMBO in the first place today as well so I'll try to take another bite out of that one, too. BMBO is 33% done with lyrics right now, BATB is like, 45%. Both a ways out but if I sit down and focus they'll get done quick, that's how I was able to finish WOTW as fast as I was. A couple instrumental themes are in progress too, I've been having fun just sitting down and writing melodies, but I don't think I need to work on those for a while anyway because I want to focus more on my comic once I'm able.

Oh yeah the comic. I haven't had much chance to work on it myself because I've been sick and playing piano helps my heart rate, so I've been doing that instead. Right now comic pages are 7% done, I am bottlenecked on drawing backgrounds because I really don't feel like it with my workload, but if I get more free time I'd like to just pound out another page's worth. It's mostly a time issue right now, but hopefully I can get some rest, and finish up page 3 soon.

I also haven't had the chance to do anything else. I apologize for posting so many low effort sketches, I hope I'll be able to have time to make a real drawing soon, but for now I'm focusing on schoolwork above all else. I'll do schoolwork for now, but normal classes are done after next week, finals shouldn't be too bad, and I'll be able to just unload on animation and comic after I get some rest. I've been in a pretty bad headspace as well due to being sick and all the work, so I've been trying to post more small drawings to still have something to show, since interaction makes me feel less lonely, but it seems like you guys are getting tired of it, which is fair. I'm going to try to lay off for a while, and if I have time to make a real drawing I will, but it's unlikely. Thank you for being patient, I'm almost through the worst of it!

[scyphosunny]

vargastober day 11 was posted a couple days ago ! this is a huge one , so let's talk about it .

i wanted to write an entry for this one yesterday , but i wasn't home ! i was still able to write something , but i spent most of the day getting some sleep . SUNNY , SLEEPING MORE THAN 3 HOURS A DAY ? NEVER HEARD OF IT !

first of all . . . what happened with day 10's piece ? if im being honest , i can't really remember anymore . but i'll try .

ah , yes ! it was a busy day , overall . ( it really wasn't .

i spent some time with else on vc , had a nice time ! talked about a bunch of stuff . then , i tried to get something before 7PM . . . and while i did get a small sketch i wasn't really pleased with it . which is weird ! because i drew something similar a while ago . . .

THE COMPARISON IS FUCKING KILLING ME , WHY DOES HE LOOK LIKE HE SWALLOWED A FUCKING BRICK IN THE FIRST ONE . i had a lot of trouble with face shapes , as you can probably notice . . .

did my usual things , watched evo with sister and had something to eat . then , it was thursday ! and usually my friends and i do stuff on thursdays . that day we played stardew valley !

my sister ended up puking and i panicked because i have emetophobia so after crying for an hour i was exhausted

i was planning on going to sleep early today since i was so tired . i tried to push myself a bit to get that piece done but i knew for a fact that i wouldn't be able to stay awake or focus even if i wanted . i also knew that if i tried maybe i could get something i liked ? sometimes the sketches for these don't look great , it's mostly about the colors or the ambience i add afterwards . ough then my friend asked if i could wake her up at 3AM because they all know im usually awake at that hour , and my stupid ass said yes even if i was falling asleep on the couch . i took a nap and i was talking to cris to try and keep myself awake . then i just went to sleep . and yeah , i knew the piece for yarn would be huge so i didn't even try to continue with the past one . another one to my " failed " folder ! this is the second time i chose a reference from the same artist and this is the second time i fail . MAYBE THAT'S BEEN THE PROBLEM THIS WHOLE TIME

i was setting ideas for the prompts , and the idea i had for this one was actually very different ! i was thinking , maybe scriabin using edgar like a puppet with strings of yarn ! that was a cool concept . maybe too cool . so i was like . . . what if someone already has this idea ?? what if we end up doing the same things ? something i want to avoid . i feel like , that's an image that also appears in other people's heads . so i was thinking . . . what else could i do . . . . . . and don't even know how , but i got the idea of that one scene scri described on chapter 20 !

this one ! it had been a scene i wanted to draw for a long time . honestly , i want to draw all the memories they described ough I JUST LOVE DRAWING FOR THIS UNIVERSE SO MUCH . it feeds my age regression delusions .

as soon as i was up , i tried not to waste too much time so i could work with this one . i really wanted to get it done that day ! since i knew i'd be out on saturday .

let's see . . . when i told brusk about this one i talked about how i had NO IDEA how i was going to achieve this and she shared this cool website with a bunch of 3D models of pretty rooms ! so i searched for one that looked similar to what i had in mind for their room .

started thinking . . . what do i think their room looks like ? at first i was thinking of it a bit like bluey's room , maybe . . . or dipper and mabel's room too . just two beds in the corners of the room . a bunk bed would also work for them , but let's just leave it like that .

this is a bit of what i had in mind ! maybe edgar's bed being the one on the lefft and scri's the one on the right . i tried to make it look messier for that reason lolz . two windows , some toys on the floor , a nice carpet in between the beds . . . i can't really imagine them having posters around , to be honest . maybe just some pictures . . . even if i added two beds ( for obvious reasons ) i have the hc that scri would mostly sleep on edgar's bed . a bit like what he does on the chapters after he has a body ! scri just goes , sits on the corner of the bed and even if edgar told him not to sleep there he still does and edgar doesn't do anything about it lolz . i can imagine scri walking to edgar's bed in the middle of the night to cuddle with edgar and that's that . so , in theory , edgar's bed should be the messy one and scri's would be made most of the time since he doesn't really sleep there . " his bed would be made " , is that how you even call it ? i don't know . . . then , they'd have fights and would sleep separately . ough , my little kids . </3

so yeah , that was the layout i had planned originally . i searched on the website , and these caught my eye !

( links for them are here and here

i was going to use that ffirst one as the reference but then i was like . that's a bad place to put a bed . ( ??? ) so i kept looking , even if i wanted to give those vibes . then , found that second one and my brain immediately went PERFECT

BUT .

i have a little problem . and my perception of time is absolutely broken . I CAN'T VISUALIZE HOW THINGS WERE BEFORE 2000'S i SWEAR . 2000's for me are like . how everything is rn . maybe like those nostalgia pics ppl like to share on social media . but , for everything before the 2000's it's like

WHICH IS A FUCKING PROBLEM BECAUSE I CAN'T VISUALIZE ANYTHING FOR THEM THAT DOESN'T LOOK LIKE IT BELONGS TO YEAR 1800

i knew for a fact that the story was set in the 90's but i also wasn't sure ? because there's this entry on violation where scriabin writes a date .

I WAS PRETTY CONFUSED , i wanted to go with that but i also knew that we couldn't really trust scri when it comes to anything . i asked zar because i wanted to have everything in place and she did say that scri was lying lolz . I JUST THINK OF THAT A LOT everytime i want them to do something i'm constantly thinking " did this thing exist back then " " is this how this thing looked when this happened " IT'S ANNOYING

i had to do some calculations . . . let's see , if the story is set roughly on the 90's , and edgar's like , 30 years old let's say ( i hc him being +30 , but zar usually says that he's in his late twenties so i'd go with 27 or 28 ) , so he was a kid on . 1970 , let's say . i literally googled " rooms in the 70's " but i was still leaning into something that looked more old that that . THEY ALSO SEEM TO LIVE IN THE FOREST OR SOMETHING IDK their house looks old in my head

i did end up changing the bed's design , though . make it a little more square-ish . if that makes sense . oh , also ! i added some stairs for scri , since he's so small and the bed looks tall ( it was actually even taller in the 3D render ) . he maybe moved the stairs to edgar's bed so he could just hop in when he wanted . smol boy .

so well . . . i had no idea if i could trust the process , to be honest . i had to move some stuff around , pushed the bed to the corner of the room , added the window in between the beds and uh idk i think that's all i had to move

so , i went from this

to this

to , well . this !

before even starting i watched a tutorial . i know for a fact that i'm not good at backgrounds . and i really REALLY didn't want to fuck this one up because if i got it right it would be SO GREAT . this is the tutorial i watched , by the way . . . it was super useful !

i started working on it at 1pm maybe , and as you can see by the hour on the screenshots ( i just checked and i took the screenshots at night lolz ah well ) it took me the whole day . ougghh . once i got to take a break and eat something , it was time to color stuff . i had fun choosing colors and textures for everything . . . really like that one wallpaper i chose ! and green always looks pretty on everything . also , added that one texture i always use for the skin and i really like how it makes everything look . looks less flat .

i didn't know what i wanted to do with those pictures . i just added one of edgar and his grandma maybe and a random rose . i wanted to make it a butterfly and looking back at it i should've gone with the butterfly but i couldn't get it to look right , bleh .

also , those strings holding the frame weren't supposed to be red but i accidentally drew them in the same layer as the yarn , so when i colored everything the strings also got colored and was too lazy to get them back to normal lolz .

coloring little scri was really fun ! i was planning to draw edgar crawling on the floor originally , as scri described . but i couldn't find a reference i liked and also , it was about time to draw scri in one of these ! it's been a while since he showed up . i just keep drawing edgar but i do find funny that everytime i tried to draw scri on these recently i just fail . DID I GET USED TO DRAW EDGAR AND NOW I CAN'T DRAW SCRI ANYMORE ??????? IDK but that can't be good .

uh , what else . . . coloring everything was a long process but picking colors was still fun . scri's sweater was actually blue at first but i didn't like how it looked so i changed it . . .

getting the yarn in place was actually harder than i expected . I DIDN'T REALLY ADD A BUNCH OF STUFF TO LOOP IT WITH , i wanted to make their room look messier at first but i got lazy . maybe add some clothes on the floor or shoes , i don't knnnnow . . . I JUST DIDN'T WANT TO ADD MORE DETAILS I'M SICK OF THIS DRAWING

i tried to make it just a whole thread of yarn going everywhere but at the end i did add some random pieces because it looked empty , bleh . even know , i feel like the yarn is not noticeable enough and that bugs me off because YARN IS SUPPOSED TO BE THE MAIN THING ON THE PIECE and you can't even see it .

( quick break to say that i'm listening to dusty dirty curse by kikuo and i keep feeling sad because i didn't know the song before going to the concert a month ago , I REMEMBER ENJOYING IT AND STUFF BUT I LISTENED TO IT LIVE AND DIDN'T KNOW HOW IMPORTANT THAT WOULD BE FOR ME IN THE FUTURE . god i only knew its name because zarla told me but god GGGODDD PLEASE TAKE ME BACKKKK PLEASE I CAN ENJOY IT MORE THAN BEFORE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE I WAS SO HAPPY BACK THEN

my art is already HARD TO SEE I'D SAY but bleh

i was almost done coloring stuff . . . and sometimes for some reason my csp lags a bit when i try to change to certain brushes . well , i tried to change brushes , my csp freezes , the screen gets black for a second and i'm thinking " please don't crash , please don't crash " then i got a blue screen

fun ! ( fun fact , blue screens used to scare me so much . everything related with technology errors still scares me but last pc i had would crash over and over and over again so i kinda just got used to it lolz . now this one doesn't crash as much . last time it did was because i tried to play minecraft with shaders and it really didn't like that . oh well , where was i . .

i couldn't remember last time i saved and honestly it SCARED ME because i couldn't afford to lose progress back then . it was probably past 11PM at this point . . . i did get why my pc crashed , though . . . i had it turned on since 1PM . i did take breaks and stuff but i didn't turn it off completely ? so it was probably tired . at that point my time with csp opened was more than 11 hours . well . . .

i turn it on again . . . i check the file . . . didn't lose a lot ! i just colored the lamp on the drawer and the calendar lolz . i checked my file though , and i realized that csp actually restored some of the progress for me ! i didn't know it could do that . . . when it comes to the app crashing , i knew i could always trust sai2 . everytime the app crashed , i would open it again and it immediately would be like " hey you didn't save do you want your file back ooorrr . . . . . . . " and i never got that on csp until that ! really appreciated .

didn't know what to do for that calendar , exactly . so i just added that day's date . october 11th !

what else . . . had fun with the lightning and the colors . it was mostly me experimenting . i didn't know that to make for edgar's blanket . . . and well i just love the combination between blue and yellow . so why not throw some stars .

also , that bit of green is supossed to be scri's bed . added some random drawings to the paper sheets on the floor . . .

i searched for a while to find a nice texture to add to the floor . . . most of the ones i found weren't free . and when i finally found one i liked it took foverer to download . i was like PLEASE I JUST NEED TO DO THIS ONE THING

and i think that was all ! i'm really proud of this piece . it's my best piece currently . took around 13 hours with breaks . . . started at 1PM and finished it at 3AM maybe ? took two breaks to eat and shower. i'm used to take this long on pieces but god . it also has like , 300 layers . maybe 200 , i don't know . . . and makes me so much happier knowing that it ( mostly ( came out of my brain and not from a random pinterest reference !

i wish i had a speedpaint and i've been wanting to record speedpaints for these but I ALWAYS FORGET TO PRESS RECORD UGH

with and without filter ! i really , REALLY love this filter . it kinda gives 2016 tumblr vibes . or one of those filters on instagram no one actually uses . Río de Janeiro

as you can see , there's some stuff i cropped out . mostly because it didn't look good . . . those books on the shelf look kinda odd and the window is also throwing me off .

quick comparison ! last time i made a background this complicated was back in 2021 . . . even if it's been a long time since i really tried with one of these it's still way better . i've grown so much as an artist X3

i don't know if i'll work on today's piece , if i'm being honest . . . i think i'll try but i was out all day today and woke up at six . tired . . . was falling asleep in the bus back home until bug by kairiki bear started playing . my eyes just snapped wide open lolz . i really don't want to skip another prompt , ugh . i do enjoy drawing edgar bleeding to death , so that might encourage me just enough lolz . i was also out on saturday , as i already mentioned . didn't do a whole lot . . . i did write a small jake / edgar drabble i know for a fact i WON'T POST because i'm not good with writing !

pics i took today ! aren't i pretty ? also , i told you my shoes were cool !!!!!!!!!!!!

i'll have something to eat for dinner . . . then i'll see what i can do X3

also lol i've been having trouble to TURN MY MONITOR ON and i'm afraid that one of these days i'll try to work on a piece and it won't turn on . ugghh

[pbandjesse]

I am absolutely shattered today. More exhausted then I have been in a while. I am super glad my workshop tomorrow is not happening anymore because I don't think I could handle it. I am just. So tired.

I didn't sleep amazing again. My ears hurt again. I have had go take out all of my piercing. Which seems to have helped a little bit. But I also absolutely slept through my alarm because I was asleep on top of my phone. Thankfully James woke me up at 715.

I was in a horrible mood though. And I was very snippy. I was in my head telling myself to knock it off but I was having a bad time. I was to hot. I would be okay but it did not start well.

James left for work before me. And I took a few extra minutes to sit and watch my new fish because I read that it can help your blood pressure and I do think it helped a little bit. I was out the door by 755.

I got over to creative alliance and loaded up my wagon. As I walked from the corner where I parked t Creative Alliance Parker pulled up and I was like. Oh hi! And I really tried to put on all my energy. But I was for sure more low energy then normal. I tried but I was struggling.

The classroom was 72 degrees. Which was wild. Parker would realize and fix it pretty quick but it did not help how warm I already was. But it would be okay.

I started setting up my program and slowly the kids started coming in. Including some I knew! One from the nursery I subbed at before and one form puhtok. And everyone was really great.

James had given me a bunch of flattened cardboard boxes from soap being sold at the gift shop. So as the kids came in, some went to draw, and some came to help me assemble the boxes. And it was fun. A nice little way to get to know each other and jump right into making stuff.

They were all really excited about the Rubbermaid tubs of stuff I brought. And I gave them plastic bins to start putting things to the side in case they might want to use them for their dioramas. But we would be breaking into two groups later on so it was no rush.

The kids were really funny. And by the end of the day they had developed their own religion, with one of the older boys, Andrew, becoming the cult leader. It was all around an egg that did not shatter with the others. And then at lunch they went to the park and saw a dead bird and I think there is a chicken and the egg conversation to be had but they just kept chanting. And making art about the egg. Children are so wonderfully weird.

Parker took the kids on a tour of the two buildings first. Which gave me a few minutes to eat my breakfast. But soon they were back and we jumped right in.

We started with taking about what a dioramas was. I wrote things in the board and we discussed what it is, what it's made of, why someone might make one. And they had really great answers. Next we filled out the worksheet I made up with information for thinking about how your diorama will function. Who's in it? What's the environment? What are the materials? We then sketched it and then we made paper models of the ideas. Not everyone did all of these steps, and they really didn't have to. But it was good to work through the ideas.

We had approximately 2 and a half hours for each group. And I found that about half of each group spent the entire time making, while the other half finished in about an hour. So I had to push for adding things. And I would find some books and Legos to entertain the littler ones. But overall I think we did great.

I did struggle when I realized I forgot my hot glue sticks at home. So the first group only had 5 sticks. But they really made it work. Like it wasn't perfect but it was still good. Even if I was stressed. And I would cut my finger in my pocket knife when I was helping cut windows out of boxes. Ouch. It was bleeding pretty bad and I was mad at myself.

But the kids did great. Only a few little finger burns on the hot glue guns. No one seriously injured. And they all worked really hard. It was nice to see.

They had a snack break half way through the morning. I would have my little lunch then since I was planning on quickly driving home to get the hot glue during their lunch half hour.

After their snack some of them finished quickly. Some took the rest of the hour. Other started drawing. I had music going. It was a little tough for me to find music without cursing so we ended up listening to Mitski and Julien Baker all day. Which I enjoyed and I think kept the space calm.

We finished the morning session and Parker collected the other class and my class and I headed to the car.

I quickly drove home. Washed my face and tried to shake off the tired feeling. My feet hurt and it would only get worse. But it was okay. I grabbed the hot glue. Pet Sweetp. And quickly drove back. Got the same parking space even!

They were still at the park for lunch so I enjoyed sitting on the stairs outside. I was out there for like ten minutes when I heard the entire group of children chanting "all hail the dead bird!" Over and over. Children are hilarious.

I did have to ban chanting though because half of my second group was getting very frustrated by the boys repeating and being loud about eggs and I was getting frustrated too. You may worship the egg quietly in your head. I just don't want to hear it anymore.

The afternoon felt long. But I know it was mostly because I was very tired. I still had fun. And really enjoyed seeing what everyone was making. Some of the kids really were great at this project and I was so proud of them. This is for sure a 3rd/4th grade project. But what else it new, that's the age I work best with.

Around 330 we started cleaning up. Some were still working. Some were done. I was slowly cleaning up around them. Teaching some how to properly wash paint brushes. Giving others the job of sweeping. And soon parents were showing up.

As they were getting picked up I thanked them all for coming. One of the kids showed me a magic trick. I got to meet the other teachers who were teaching the kids to do magic tricks which was very neat. And after packing my wagon I was ready to go.

I checked in with Parker before I left. And he just said how awesome he thinks I am and how he loves how I know so many things. To be fair I know a little about a lot of things, and it's hurt me in the past. I remember when I applied for Penland to try and get a residency after college and they said I had to many directions in my portfolio. That I needed to focus. But that was never going to be me I guess. I think I like it better that way.

I held it together until I got home. But I was exhausted. My feet hurt so much. I desperately wanted to lay down.

And that's just what I did. I got home and took my shoes off and got on the couch. And that's where James found me not long after. I was very upset and very tired.

I just kept closing my eyes. But James asked me what I wanted for dinner and I wanted brass tap. It took me a while to get to that answer but I did get there. And it was hard to get up. But James pulled me off the couch and we headed to Towson.

James took us a fun back roads way. And I talked to them about some frustrations I am having and that helped me feel a little better.

We parked in the parking garage at the mall and went to the restaurant. And it wasn't amazing and I felt horrible. But I was happy to be with my James. Even if it was to loud. Ah well.

I still appreciated James trying to make me feel better. The food was fine and I saved the salad for tomorrow. We walked through the mall to go to the car because it had started to rain. And it was nice window shopping but I was very much ready to go home.

When we got back here I got changed and got in the couch. James did some painting for the stairwell. And me and Sweetp have just been resting.

And I am very very much ready for bed now. Thankfully the only plans I have this weekend is to have brunch with Callie tomorrow. She's coming to get me in the morning and we have reservations so I'm hoping it's pretty low stress. And I'm just really looking forward to seeing her. Hopefully I will sleep good and be able to feel amazing tomorrow.

I hope you all feel amazing too. I love you all very much. Goodnight everyone.

[threshasketch]

Wow, so apparently today is the 8th anniversary of me starting this art blog. I started Threshasketch in the September of 2015, and my main blog the year before in June.

In that time, I've gone through drawing OCs, fanart for numerous fandoms, traditional style line work and pencil sketches, digital line work and coloring, painting photo-real style, and so, so many chibi art pieces. Art has been my rock through some really hard times in my life. Posting cute chibis to brighten somebody else's day helped brighten mine.

Since 2015, my country has gone through three different presidencies, the world has gone through (and is still quietly going through) a global pandemic, and I've gone through years of struggling. Most of that struggling has been in the past 5 years, but boy does 5 years sound like a lot of time to be struggling for basic living things like heat and food.

Things were really bad just a few years ago. At one point I only had electricity four hours per day, because I couldn't afford gas for the generator. I uploaded digital art because "scanning" (taking pics of on my phone) traditional line art was hard when the place I was living was so dark. Patreon and art commissions were the only reason I had money for food on many occasions.

I've had to move three different times in the past four years. I got rid of or lost a lot of my belongings to live in a small space. Had to deal with rats in my living space twice in as many years. Had to take my 23-year-old cat to the vet to pass peacefully AND help my parents take their little dog with heart failure to the vet to pass peacefully in the same year.

Did I mention I had major abdominal surgery this summer with months of recovery time? Yeah. That actually went really smoothly. I didn't realize how bad my health was getting for the past few years because it was a gradual problem, but I was exhausted all the time, unable to do much physical activity, and super anemic. Just passed the two month mark since surgery, and am feeling so much better it's shocking remembering how bad off I was before. Cripes, I should have done this years ago.

So why, if art has been a coping method for me, has this blog had barely any updates for years? Well, I overextended myself on art commissions, which made my art escapism into a pressure thing. It's nobody's fault but my own, but several of those commissions did not get finished, and that made art into a guilty thing, so I sort of...shut myself down on Tumblr, because drawing for fun seemed wrong when somebody was waiting on me to finish their art piece. So I stopped drawing at all for a long while. That helped nobody—it just made it so that I wasn't warmed up enough to draw the commissions, either.

I'm just now getting to where I'm financially able to reach out to the people who paid me for commissions and refund them. I've refunded several already. If you are one of my art commission customers, you'll be hearing from me, I promise. I haven't forgotten you, I have every commission I ever took in a list saved on my computer.

Speaking of financially able, I'm no longer supporting myself with art and Patreon alone. For most of The Pandemic Years I've been pouring all of my creative energy into becoming a full-time indie erotica author. I write my own stories, I paint my own covers, I do everything myself. It's the most fun job I've ever had, honestly, and it's paying my bills. ♥

I've managed to build it up into a monthly income somehow, and this winter is looking a lot less terrible than last winter. In general, my living situation is now stable, the roof doesn't leak, the lights all work, hell I even have a functioning shower and the ability to have running hot water.

Anyway, yeah. It's been a rough go of it, and this art blog has been around through it all. I got a new art tablet for my birthday, and drawing feels like being carefree again. Here's to many more years of art. ♥

[flyingfitandsugarfree]

Trying to get back into things

I've been very up and down with... y'know. The demons. But I'm trying to get a grip on my eating and get back into doing a little exercise every day. Sunday and Monday I walked a lot around Tokyo, and today I finally convinced myself to do 30 minutes of yoga.

I've been doing a lot of other things recently. Writing, drawing, studying Japanese. I need to cut back so I have the time and energy to focus on my health. I've reduced my drawing from "filling 2 whole pages of my sketchbook and also drawing a giraffe in socks" every day to "sketch for the length of a single song every day", which is a little less demanding on my time and energy, and I've reduced my writing from 50K words/month to 30K/month. Japanese varies, but my current dailies are just my vocab app and my kanji app, each of which takes about 5 mins a day and I do before or after work. So hopefully adding in just a little movement every day on top of those things won't be too arduous.

I'm thinking of bringing back my report card that I was using before, but not applying it to Sundays so that I have one day a week where I don't have to think about it. Might help a little to keep my binging under control if I give myself permission to do it once a week instead of trying to completely quit. The thing is, it takes a lot of effort for me to not binge, and it gets pretty exhausting. Especially when I'm also trying to drink enough water and get my five a day and eat enough protein and also exercise and stay within a calorie limit and cut down my pepsi zero intake as well as keep up all my hobbies and go to work.

Normally I do a challenge called "Just Move July" where I try to do some kind of exercise every day of July, but I might make it "Just Move June" this year. Try something else in July. Not sure what, though. We'll see.

[theendofuno]

tw sh (theres a drawing under the crop)

man i am. going thru a terrible phase rn if you couldnt tell already

i feel like i either kill myself or go to the psych ward and honestly im. not very into the second idea as much as the first one! im genuinely so tired of living on this autopilot mode that i genuinely cant get out of because. guess what. im disabled as fuck. i dont think i ever mentioned this here but i didnt even finished my middle school, i cant go thru college, i cant find a job because people scare me, no one likes me online and i dont think i have people which i genuinely can call friends or count on if i ever have an emergency. its literally just me and the voices on my head which are being weirdly kind recently

i think you can tell why i relate to uno so much and why im so. defensive of him all the time lmao

life is bad and i dont feel like being here anymore but honestly im so mentally and physically exhausted of going day by day that i dont even. have the motivation to try and kill myself. i just go day by day hoping i dont wake up or that i accidentally fall and break my skull or something along these lines. i was almost 5 months clean of sh and i relapsed so badly yesterday, thankfully my husband was there and was able to calm me down but. yeah. im just like that.

also i. honestly wish i felt bad by saying i dont have friends while having people around me but. i genuinely feel like i dont have anyone. theyre online people around me, if something happens to me theyll never know and they very likely will never even try to reach out because im just. someone on their routine that can be easily replaceable. and im not lying when i say that lol. no one cares about me, not even i care about myself so why should they i guess

anyway. thats just a doodle, and i didnt rlly liked how this looked with the black outlines so i just kept my sketch colors! i think it looks cute. idk why he has long hair tho i wasnt really braining while drawing. i left the chest mark out on purpose because it wasnt looking cool

guess thats all for today lmao

[drbogdanovsnotes]

Note 2 Day 5 Year 1

I spend the past few days exploring this wing of the laboratory and trying to get as much information as I can. I did a lot of mapping and I was usually too exhausted at the end of the day to sit down and write an entry. But finally, today I sat down to compile my thoughts and observations.

First, I decided to try to remember and gain as much information as I can about myself. I know my name is Atanas Bogdanov. I am sure of it. Even though, I keep having the feeling that there is a middle name that I am forgetting. But it’s not that important, to be honest.

I have no idea how old I am. I really can’t remember. From my physical appearance, I believe that I may be in my mid-30s.

My hair and eye color are black. My skin color is unhealthily pale. I honestly look like a walking ghost.

I went to the medical room to use the equipment there and did a few checks.

My height is 175 cm. (5′8″)

My weight is 65,5 kg. (144,4 lbs.)

My heart rate is normal.

My blood pressure is a bit low.

My eyesight, thankfully, is quite good for the moment.

Only thing of note is that I still can’t remember anything from before I woke up in this world. Every time I try, my head hurts and I get dizzy.

I did a little sketch of myself with that information along side it. I am quite bad at drawing human figures, but it’s only for me to reference anyway.

Next, I did a detailed sketch map of this wing of the laboratory. I will refer to it as the “Dormitory wing” from now on, since it hosts mostly the apartments, equipment and rooms for relaxation for the staff. It has six floors, a roof area and a basement. The first floor is the most spacious and has a higher ceiling than the others. The building has two blocks on the side, which are actually the elevator and the stairs. Each floor has doors that lead to them respectfully. I have marked the elevator as X and the stairs as O on the map. The entrance to the building is very interesting. It is a very big gate, that has a smaller door on the bottom. That door opens with a staff security pass. I found one in the medical room. It belonged to Nurse Min Jiang. I took it, to use it whenever I need to go outside.I apologize in advance for stealing it, my good lady, but I couldn’t find mine, nor any other. I do hope that you are alive and in good health. Unless enough time has passed and you have reached a very, very old age. In which case it would be a bit weird for you to still be alive. Uhm…

What am I talking about?

Anyway. It is interesting that there is this big gate. When I first discovered the building, before the power was restored, it was opened. It means that it has some use. It is weird for it to be here in this Dormitory wing. The structure of it indicates that it allows big things to be transported in or out of the building. Perhaps machinery like tanks or planes, or maybe something even bigger. For the time being its purpose is a mystery to me.

Here is the map of the Dormitory wing that I have made:

I will go over each floor individually, explaining my findings.

The first floor:

The first floor is simple. It consists of the entrance, which transitions into an area for security check-up. There are two booths on each side of this area, meant for the doormen/security guards. At the far end wall of the floor is a wall with mail boxes. I tried to check my box; however, it requires a security pass. It meant that I could check only Nurse Min Jiang’s box. Apologies again, miss for the invasion of privacy, but I really need to get to the bottom of this! Unfortunately, there was noting in there. I will try to find a way to bypass those locks.

The second floor:

The second floor consists or the medical room (on the bottom left of the sketch), the canteen (on the bottom right of the sketch), as well as two storage closets (on the top). I have already been to the medical room a few times. There is a lot of equipment that you would expect to see there – needles, medication, scales, blood pressure monitor and many, many other. I don’t know what year it is and I am unsure of the medication. Some of it could be expired. I used some on my first day here and it healed my wounds, so at least the one I used seems to be working. I have to note, that my wounds healed quite quickly by my estimations, which made me a bit suspicious. I have a feeling, that it’s not the medication to thank. Point is, I am unsure how much of the medication here could be used.

The canteen is as one would expect. Many tables and chairs, a glass window where the food would have been, as well as a kitchen area, where the food is prepared. The food in the freezers, looked gross. When the power went out, it must have soiled. I threw it away.

It was then that I realized something…peculiar about myself. It has been two days from when I first woke up and I haven’t had a meal since then. And yet, I didn’t feel any hunger. It was interesting. I have no idea why. However, I knew that I needed to find food. I thought that I will go hungry eventually and I would need to have something to put on the table.

I searched the storage closets. There is a lot of things there and I definitely need to search a second time and make a list. I found a lot of plants seeds, but opening them, they all seemed expired. I was getting nervous. I had no available food in the laboratory and most of the plants and animals outside are still not familiar to me. I don’t know what is eatable and what is not. But more about that later.

The third floor:

The third floor is what I have deemed “Relaxation floor”. It consists of a library (on the bottom left of the sketch). A game room with different digital, board and sport games (on the bottom right of the sketch). A pool (on the top left of the sketch) and a fitness (on the top right of the sketch).

I was most interested in the library, of course. There are a TON of books and documents, I got overwhelmed. It will probably take me a week to go over them, so I left them for later. I tried to search for book of the local flora and fauna. Unfortunately, I found none. I will keep looking.

The fourth and fifth floors:

The fourth and fifth floors are the dormitory floors where the apartments of each staff member are. These apartments are locked with simple locks, requiring keys, but I found that most of them are left unlocked. I want to explore them thoroughly in the future, but they are quite many, so I have left them for a different day. I apologize in advance past colleagues, but I really need some answers.

All the apartments share the same layout, so I have sketched just mine for reference. My apartment is the bottom most right on the fifth floor.

Here is the layout of my apartment:

It enters into a large corridor/lobby? area.

Right when you enter, on the left is the entrance to a bathroom area. It too has a small corridor, where there are a washing machine and a drier. If your back is facing the washing machine, the room ahead is the bathroom, equipped with a sink, drawers and a mirror, a bathtub and a shower head. There are also a few basins. The room on the left is a toilet.

Back in the lobby, on the right there is a large closet, with a lot of clothes for all the seasons. They are all my size. In front of the closet there is a big mirror with a cabinet.

From the lobby on the top left there is a kitchen. There is a sink, stove, cupboards with different cooking equipment, a refrigerator and a big table.

From the lobby on the top right is the bedroom. There is a bed, the desk with the documents, computer and a printer/scanner. There are a lot of cabinets and a wardrobe where, apparently, I kept the clothes of the current season and the ones I was currently wearing.

The sixth floor:

The sixth floor is what I called a “break floor”. It’s basically a large café. There are tables and chairs and a large booth in the back with a coffee machine and an area where there were pastries and sandwiches. When I saw it, I got a craving for something sweet. It was weird that I got that instead of feeling hungry. It shows that I got my priorities straight.

The basement floor:

The basement is quite big. There is a large corridor with rooms along it. However, they are locked and require a staff pass. I tired the pass of Nurse Min Jiang. However, it didn’t work this time. It appears that this area requires a pass with a higher rank than a simple nurse (no offence, Miss Jiang). At the end of the basement is the big room with the generator.

The rooftop:

The rooftop is quite large. It is also overgrown with trees and other weird plants. It was a row of solar panels on each side as well as a greenhouse. There was nothing fresh in the green house, unfortunately.

And that is the whole building. There is a lot to unpack and I would need a lot of time to go over everything there is to find here.

Now back to the question of food. With the seeds in the storage and the green house in mind, I decided to try an experiment.

I have some suspicions from last time about the nature of my blood. The shadow creature seemed to crave it. That isn’t necessarily a cause for suspicion, it could be craving any creature’s blood. However, the mysterious power on of the generator, when I touched it with a bloody hand and the fact that my wounds have healed relatively quickly, makes me a bit suspicious.

So here is the experiment:

I planted the same type of seed in two areas close to each other. I cut my arm and put my blood on the first area. I left the second area untouched. I want to see if the seeds will grow and if yes, will there be any difference in them.

Of course, the plants will need time to grow. In the mean time I though what I could do. There is a huge field around, but it seems mostly bare. There are plants, but I am unsure if they can be eaten without consequence. There is also the forest. I saw many creatures there. I might go and try to hunt some. However, I am afraid that I might run into that thing again. For the time being, I thought to try my luck with the body of water. There must be some eatable fish, right?

I looked for equipment for hunting from the storage closet. There was a lot, thankfully. I went to the shore the third day and tried to study the situation. There were a lot of fish in one particular area, not too far from the laboratory. There were a few small ones and a few bigger ones. They seemed edible enough. The next day I took the fishing rod and a harpoon and went to hunt some food. I manage to catch a few of the bigger ones. Here is a sketch on what they look like:

The ones I caught had roughly the same measurements. They were 50 cm (19,7 in) in length and weighed around 3 kg (6.6 lb). They had a black beak on their faces. Their bodies were covered with scales and ended with a tail. From their bellies, came one four pair of small arms. They looked quite out of place for some reason.

I somehow felt a bit disturbed by the looks of this creature at first. It felt wrong in a way. My brain was giving me the image of what a fish looks like and for some reason it differed a lot from this.

Anyway, I quickly got used to the look. I caught five of them. I don’t know what this type of fish are called, but I chose to called them Shamarcho. Why? Because, I thought that the thing I should be worried about with them was their beak. But no, no. Their main weapon of choice…. are those tiny arms. They use them to slap. Hard! So yeah. Not the most pleasant of surprises, but an important information nonetheless.

The Shamarchovtsi use their tiny arms as defense to slap. With the combined strength of four arms slapping at the same time, it’s not pleasant. So, keep in mind!

After I captured them, I decided to spare their suffering of slowly dying from suffocation and cut their necks open. They bleed normal red blood, so a good start there. I brought them to the medical room and took their measurements for reference. Then I brought them to my kitchen. I put the other four in the freezer of the refrigerator and cooked one of them. I didn’t have any herbs, so I ate it like that. It actually tasted quite good. If it had herbs it would have been a delicious meal. I remembered the taste as something similar to a fish that I remember eating before – a carp. It has been a day and I feel quite good. No sight of poisoning or anything bad. So Shamarcho is qualified to be eaten. I am sorry, buddy.

I will keep researching the Dormitory wing, trying to gather information and insight. I hope to find some answers soon.

Anyway, that is all for now.

Dr. Atanas Bogdanov Abandon laboratory, Dormitory wing Don’t know where Day 5 Year 1

Previous Note Next Note

[xatyre]

I don't fully finish drawings most of the time. I tend to be more prone to simply putting out sketches and brief doodles, I think that's mostly due to my dissatisfaction with creating fully fledged pieces and both with how exhausting it can feel to do it, but also how I don't tend to really even end up enjoying the piece after I've finished it. I've rarely created a drawing that I've come to fully enjoy and say with certainty I'm proud of. I think there's also a level of pessimism I have with the overall result that keeps me from wanting to do so, to the point that sometimes it pushes me to not draw entirely. I enjoy the process of drawing. But sometimes I get so frustrated with my incapability to draw the things the way I want them to look, despite my effort. I came to the stark realization today that despite my diligence in at least sketching something once a day, I had to strain myself to remind my brain what a hand or arm or legs even looked like, and with some arduous effort I finally drew something that was at least recognizable. It makes one ponder at times if I'm doing something wrong. Or perhaps there's simply something I'm not seeing. I have no intent to stop. But I'd be lying if there weren't moment where I was stuck staring at my page or tablet uncertain of what to do.

[sowerrr]

The ‘cocooning’: A new clothing brand’s orgin story.

TW: depression, anxiety, suicidal ideation.

Hello! Hope you are having a great day. If you’re new, my name is Kennedy Harris, and I own the latest fashion brand: SOWER. In today’s article, I will discuss how the ‘cocooning’ was my most significant catalyst for starting SOWER. I will strive to answer questions like “What does SOWER mean?” “Did you even like fashion before the ‘cocooning’?” “What is the ‘cocooning,’ and why does it even matter to the brand’s creation?” So buckle up, get your tissues ready, and put on your blue light glasses, because this is gonna be an emotional one. Enjoy!

So now you might be asking: what was so crucial about sixth grade? Well, sixth grade was the first time that school did not come easy to me. I had just finished the best school year of my life (and that opinion still stands as I write to you in the 12th grade), and immediately once I entered middle school, I felt a very negative shift within myself. So many new changes were happening; I was going through some of the most pivotal changes that puberty had to offer, I was being separated from my peers, and, most notably, doing the schoolwork that my teachers gave me was actually hard.

These things led to a steady decline in my grades, and I couldn’t have been more distraught. Admittedly, I’m a bit competitive, so I wanted my grades to be high, and it felt like I was letting myself down. But, what really put the nail in the coffin for me was thinking that I was letting my family down, letting my mom down. And I couldn’t deal with that.

Anyway, before I knew it, my room was a mess, my sleeping patterns were ridiculous, I was exhausted all the time, and I cried every day after school. I knew that what was happening to me and around me wasn’t normal in the slightest. On top of that, I was also realizing that I didn’t trust anyone to know about this information. I thought that if I told my family how I was feeling, I would be burdening them, and I wouldn’t tell my “friends” because they were all gifted kids and seemed to be able to handle everything.

As I said before, I try to find ways to fix my problems, especially when I am in a bind and feel like I have no one else to turn to. So the first thing I figured was, “I need to earn money so I can get a therapist. And maybe, just maybe, I can go back to being my old self”. That goal wasn’t strong enough to rid me of my suicidal thoughts, however, and I continued my downward spiral. My grades were getting worse, my relationships were getting worse, my mom was expressing more and more disappointment in me, and I was getting closer and closer to the point of not being able to take it.

But one day, a particularly bad progress report graced my mother’s home screen. I had been lying to her about my grades. I mean, she still knew I was doing poorly, but she didn’t know that I was doing this poorly. And I thought to myself, “This is it; she’s going to give me a spanking.” I had never gotten a spanking before because of my good behavior and grades, and to think that my mother was finally going to give me one, really made me feel like I was a no-good, lowlife scum who was better off gone. I had finally driven the woman who meant most to me to the point of hitting me, of punishing me.

But she didn’t.

She gave me mercy. She believed in me and my ability to pull myself back up. And at that moment, when she told me that, I figured that I could do this, I could live for her. I can live, I should live, because someone actually believes in me. Once that was over, I started to hone in on finding a true purpose for myself instead of just living for my mother. I didn’t find it, however, until about the 7th grade.

I was still depressed during the seventh grade, so I couldn’t work on it in full force, but bit by bit, I started building a brand around the lemon drawing. I made descriptions for the first collections, I drew up a few sketches, and I could even vividly picture in my head how I wanted everything to go. I chose SOWER because it’s ‘power’ with an ‘s,’ and I thought it would be too on the nose to call the brand ‘sour.’ When the pandemic hit, I started taking SOWER more seriously by drawing up more mockups and establishing characters. Things were really starting to come together. However, the first year or so of me putting more force behind it didn’t bear any fruit. But I hope that this third year is really the charm!

Welp, that is all from me today! Hope you have a great rest of your day. Sorry, I didn’t get to talk about my new brand mascot today; I promise you that I’ll have all that information in my next article. Stay tuned!

Remember to be kind to yourself and accept yourself for everything you are and may be. Kennedy, signing off!

SUBSCRIBE TO THE EMAIL LIST!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

↓

[iamthecomet]

Hoot again!

The visit with my family went by quite okay. My aunt was actively calling me by my chosen name, and my little cousin (she’s like 4 or 5 or something) drew a picture of all family members and on that, my chosen name was used for me

It was really sweet

They went for a walk during the time they were over (everyone except for my grandma and I), and I spent that time in my bed under my blanket to re-charge.

I was only able to eat dinner at 1am, which is a clear sign that it was really exhausting. I had kind of underestimated that. But except for that, it was quite nice.

Your weekend sounds really exhausting, but I hope it was nice ♥️

It’s basically some kind of French chocolate tart. It has as much chocolate as it has butter, and the amount of chocolate is more than twice the amount of flour that is used. It tastes fucking fantastic and isn‘t dry at all (I can’t stand crumbles and stuff like that for it‘s taste and texture. But that tart is not dry at all and soooo good)

I decided to give up on day 7. I wouldn’t have had any fun, it would have just been me forcing myself to draw it. So I just posted the sketch and didn’t finish it.

I finally toned my hair again yesterday (the red part of it at least)

I did. finish Day 8 (Sona) yesterday, it was 3 am so technically on the 9th but we‘re gonna ignore that XD

It‘s my sona, so basically a self insert that represents me. I forgot the scar through my lip, but I’m actually still really proud of the drawing

(When you look at it, you know what I mean with the red part of my hair. And you can kinda see my hair cut as well)

I Hope your day was good too

~ @owlishanon

Oh I'm so glad to hear that your Aunt called you by your name! And that your little cousin included it in their drawing. That's so sweet. Being with people like that is really exhausting. I had a whirlwind family weekend too and I crashed HARD because of it yesterday. But despite that it was a pretty good weekend. That tart sounds AMAZING! I'm running over to look at your art now! I haven't gotten caught up on stuff posted over the weekend yet, but I'm trying. I can't wait to see your sona! Today was much better than yesterday. I have literally nothing to do tomorrow, so I'm hoping it will be EVEN better, and that I can just sit around and do some crafts and write some porn and just decompress even more. I still need it. I'm going to bed early tonight and I cannot WAIT.