#none of that is our fault
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There's another post getting popular on this hellsite that boils down to, "in my anecdotal experience every child is perfectly reasonable as long as you just treat them as a tiny adult" and I'm ready to scream.
Actually mental illnesses are still mental illnesses! No matter how you treat the mentally ill person sometimes they will still show symptoms of being mentally ill because they are mentally ill! Yes even children!
I swear the minute it's about parents or children all the ~uwu take care of yourself~ acceptance crowd on Tumblr instantly reverts back to ableism and cultural Christianity - because obviously children are perfect and pure beings who are only misbehaving because the adults around them, especially their parents, aren't ~doing it right~ aren't ~trying hard enough~ actually mental illness just comes from parent fuck-ups ~obviously~. So any parent that isn't perfect 24/7 is bad and any kid is perfect until an adult messes them up. And yall haven't even unpacked your attitudes enough to realize that's the logical conclusion of these "well I work with kids and I just listen to them and everything goes perfect" posts and never fuckin reblog my angry posts where I try to point it out and I am absolutely fucking exhausted yall are exhausting. Sometimes, for parents with mental illnesses, the mental illness mental illnesses! Sometimes, for kids with mental illnesses, the mental illness mental illnesses! If your premise is "the only problem with kids is how the adults around them treat them" you are completely disconnected from reality.
It's ableist.
It's ableist.
I.t. i.s. a.b.l.e.i.s.t.
I am *begging* yall to think for five minutes before you make yet another "well I saw a kid in the grocery store crying and I asked them what was wrong and they were fine after we talked so clearly this is the secret to parenting" post viral on the 2% of people have children website. Just accept you don't know jackshit about parenting, shut the fuck up, and stop spreading ableist garbage!
#unforth rambles#whine whine whine#i held this post in the first time i saw the newest iteration that triggered these fells#er feels#but i saw it again this morning and apparently i am Done#dont yall non parents *ever* get tired of thinking you have the secret to parenthood#and yall none of whom have kids all nod and agree with each other and when a parent is like um actually#you fuckin ignore us#and i think probably assume were using the talk to cover up our bad parenting#like ooo id reblog that post from a parent saying sometimes it not bad parenting#but what if they only wrote all that sngry defensive stuff because theyre a bad parent#i cant platform that obviously#cause we all know its bad parenting so actually if theyre trying to point out that its not bad parenting they might be a bad parent#NEWSFLASH SOMETIMES KIDS HAVE ISSUES AND ITS NOT THE PARENTS FAULT more at 11#aaaaaaaaaaaargggggghhh#i am not perfect i fuck up plenty parents dont need to be perfect to deserve your compassion and listening ear#and some kids will be mentally ill no matter what their parents do because mental illness isnt the punishment for imperfect parenting#like either you believe its brain chemicals qnd can happen to anyone or you dont#and that has to hold true even when its a kid showing symptoms#i know calling the people i hope will reblog this insufferable is not a good way to win allies#but i am so fucking tired from trying to support my mentally ill child#and yall constantly spreading useless ableist parenting garbae are insufferable#ugh i have gone off the rails in these tags lmao i should shut up now im sure im really selling the im a good parent spiel#actually i take out the frustration in tumblr tags so that im less likely to take it out on my kids lmao
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okay so this image always makes me feel kind of insane because if it’s just a hug between friends then why does jensen’s face look so friggin intense about it
#deep sigh#i swear to god it’s their fault i think about cockles at all#if they were just normal about each other we wouldn’t be in this mess#buuuut we probably wouldn’t have destiel either so i guess we get our cockles AND our destiel or we get none of it#i swear i used to be normal at some point….not sure what happened to that
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said goodbye to him feeling weird!
#hes abt to go skiing w his friend im abt to go back to the uk to an ordinary life#he is perfect and I've felt appreciated none of the time and i think it's not his fault idk#not how racemic compounds work not how amphetamines work not how people work#french suits his mouth but german does a bit more i think . climbed to a very beautiful place#asked him to be my boyfriend then almost took it back yesterday. chemistry is not his strong suit#he carries things for me he catwalks he gives me his jumper when im cold he's good at kissing#he got me a beautiful necklace on a riverside in amsterdam he lights my cigarette with his#he holds my hand and his only complaint about me putting lipstick on his lips is that it wasn't evenly spread#his eyelashes are long and he's sharp and scarily productive and very good at navigation#always on time always the right place . i make a comment about being a beautiful collective and he says yes but it's odd that we havent#received the social benefits of it. what you mean? well when im alone or with friends people just...give me things. flowers baked goods#compliments a pack of cigarettes he says. he asks me if I've ever had to pay for a pack. i felt genuinely SO UGLY like am i. downgrading u?#ppl see me next to you and..what you get negative attractive points? gosh.#unfortunately shutting the fuck up is not my strong suit so i never let that go. he says nooo it's just you are So Gorgeous that you scare#people away. OK!!! he knows he's pretty and he uses this to his full advantage#you're cool and you're friends with all the club bouncers and you take such good care of me and you know#the state secrets and we can scheme murders together and i love that you love your friends#but when i joked we wont get to see each other in months and you said 'so?' that rly did smth very upsetting!!!!#twisting and backtracking is his strong suit but unfortunately seeing it happen is mine#and sometimes it's endearing and sometimes i want to kill him about it. he would be a very good diplomat#who the fuck stumbles gracefully on cliffs? anyway his voice is gentle and he says i don't want you upset#he holds my hands he says lets talk about it please i want you to know i appreciate you#he says all the correct things i believe 0 things out of his mouth and he can tell#i am snappy and terrible and calm. i tell him he's sweet and i want more i want to be missed#SHUTTING THE FUCK UP IS NOT MY STRONG SUIT! would you be ok being just friends? eventually.#and the next day ive decided what to do with you. what is that? you can still be my boyfriend. he says thank you.#walking is our strong suit so we go everywhere. i tell him about my best friend his head looks great thrown backwards#im afraid this is too good for me and I'm also afraid it's not enough. not asking questions is not my strong suit.
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went to see sonic 3 with friends & we each made outfits based on a character so. them in the outfits
#this is the second time im making this post. it wouldnt process the image or somethin idk#anyway none of us have ever played a sonic game in our lives#this is all the snapcube fandubs fault (ive watched like. 1. 2 i think actually#sonic#rouge the bat#shadow the hedgehog#sticks the badger#tails the fox#wait why is tails the only one with a real name#miles tails prower#<== hello
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#ruben amorim#manchester united#yo the content for my last few posts were all from today???#if i have to see this much of this man you guys have to see him too#+#btw i love seeing his confidence dwindle as time goes on#like he used to say oh this is our long time plan for the club etc and now hes like winning the pl is the clubs plan...maybe not with me#also how he always says i will not change the way i see football i will stick to it no matter what and#here he says the same but adds we are going to do it....or not we will see#all with a deranged look on his face i am living#this self depreciation shit is what i like to see none of that talking shit about others cos everything is your fault!! (affectionate)#(but also derogatory)
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venting onthe robot blog yet again. tw death in the tags
#sorry lol#my grandpa died in the living room a few days ago#almost a year to the day my dad died. early april yknow#we live so far out of town that it took the ambulance a long time to get here. and our driveway branches off so like. i ran out to redirect-#them but i fell in the woods and sprained my ankle lol#so they went up the wrong fork and it took them even longer#i guess its nobodys fault. i just cant help feeling stupid. i fell in a rodent hole.#but yeah my grandpa just fell and none of us could pick him up. i guess his heart gave out. we called my uncle and he got here quicker than#the first responder lol. what can you do. my aunt knew cpr but the body can only take that for so long. etc#were getting the ashes tomorrow and i guess my grandma wants to keep them in the living room. i think its...creepy#like the thought of it freaks me out. idk man i just dont have any attachment to the body that way. it feels wrong lol#but im not going to say anything about it#i keep replaying it in my mind. trying to help pick him up off the floor. everything is so freaky.#plus our financial situation is about to get a lot worse. i just feel so fucking miserable. my freelance-#work hasnt paid out in forever. i guess the grant is tied up bc of (current events)#i cant even draw. i feel useless. ive been all fucked up since my dad died and now im back at square one.#can i get a break lol. please#ok the end
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I want Viva to yell at Peppy and make him feel soooo fucking BAD for abandoning her and the others, I want her to heal, I want her cry to get the pain out, I want Peppy to feel the pain she felt, I just want Viva to get closure.
#‘Viva… I’m so sorry—‘#‘NO. No you don’t get to be sorry. You left me. You left ALL OF US behind! We trusted you as our king to protect us. /I/ trusted you.’#‘But Viva sweetie you don’t understand I—‘#‘Save it. I don’t want your excuses.’#‘and for the record? I don’t blame Poppy. None of this is her fault. She was just a baby. The only troll to blame is YOU.#YOU were in charge. YOU made the decision to abandon your people and then chant NO TROLL LEFT BEHIND as you /left us behind/.#The Putt Putt trolls and I will not be returning to Pop Village. We’ve made our home elsewhere and that’s where we’re staying. I’ll#visit for Poppy but that’s it. Don’t bother talking to me not unless you’ve learned what you really did wrong here.’#trolls#trolls headcanons#trolls viva#trolls peppy
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It just keeps happening
#forgot that both of them are considered 'not alive' through character design#and both of them are old#oh both of them attempt or do commit child murder as well#which is actually pretty standard for a disney property i think#but yeah the insect transformation is pretty niche. especially when its kinda thematically coupled with loss of the self in both cases#though both cases do backtrack on it. and one of them then attempts to go into it again#and then doesnt really make it explode. not their fault admittedly but yeah there is a weird back and forth with that. like ok are we losin#the self in this place or nah? are we literally killing the god we claim to worship (and metaphorically killing the one we do worship)#and putting ourselves in his place or? like is that still on the menu or is that cancelled? like are we just doing it physically#with none of the horrible implications for the state of our psyche now or?#anyway yeah pretty funny#can i have 5 more of these little bitches. new type of guy theyve been testing out for 12 years#ok admittedly i do think the stag beetle one was better because it also incorporated the deer themes. you know because. stag beetle.#and it worked with both deer and insect themes as separate AND joined themes which were then both incorporated into the#stag beetle deal which was also a separate thing#it has more layers and they just work
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am i going to single-handedly create a fandom about jay holt from the video game "as dusk falls"? i just fuckin might
#i Cant stop thinking about him. ive literally been dreaming about him. i Need to help him. please#hes just a fuckin kid!!! (18?? 19??) hes a TEEN and his family is FUCKED and its not his FAULT#none of this was his fault. he deserves so much fuckin BETTER#also i thought i didnt care about vanessa but then shes got dead brother trauma hi hello hiiiiii#and now jay does too#fuck my LIFE#ive never been one for self-inserts but actually me jay and vanessa hang out regularly in a tree house we built#we laugh and shoot the shit and talk about what losing our brothers have done/are doing to our psyche#as dusk falls#jay holt#vanessa dorland#new hyperfix u say ? this one will be brief hopefully. bc the game is fucking. unfinished. stupid ass cliffhanger ass bjtch ass#plus im rewriting canon so jay has a good young life. no timeskip for MEEE#maria is literally just rambling. hi#.txt#the only fic ive ever written/outlined was about alana bloom from nbc's hannibal & she Deserved a rewrite#but maybe i need to indulge in writing jay holt's better reality TOO#theres a quote. hang on. a quote from a beloved piece of media. why cant i recall what its from rn#but theyre talking about different timelines n shish and one of them says ''maybe this *is* your best reality'' and its SO sad. fuck#is it hannibal. i feel like its always hanniba#no but also i feel like its not???#its like ''this is your best life. youre not getting a better one''#what the eff is that. im gonna be stuck on this forever#EDIT: IT IS FROM FUCKING HANNIBAL. BUT ITS GODDAMN FREDRICK CHILTON OF ALL PEOPLE WHO SAYS IT#''The optimist believes we live in the best of all possible worlds; the pessimist fears this is true.#This is your best possible world Will. Not getting a better one''#fucking CHRIST chilton#lines that go HARD
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well. the thing is. i don’t need to watch this show or lose a beloved character to remember that life is fleeting
#to me it was always about the hope that things would be okay despite all of that#also. we were doing a good job confronting life and death when it wasn’t the main characters#it’s not our fault the calls are barely meaningful or memorable anymore and that none of the callers are dying…#sorry#rambling#negativity#i guess
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a guy that fell out with my friend group is sat making posts about us "stalking him" as if he's not harassing people to the point of deactivating and sending everyone involved cryptic anons. brother you're the one continuing it...
#probably block evades us too. hi!!!! hi i see u!!!!! hiiii :D#its been months man can you just let it go we're tired#none of us have reached out in ages bc we know it isnt worth it#i tried to have sympathy for you in the beginning bc i know how it feels but youre doing it to yourself now#im tired of this continuing leave us alone pls it was you that started it in the first place 💖#you dont get to refuse to take accountability and then vaguepost like it was our fault
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tried putting on my radiator for the first time this winter (we've had snow this week.... its focking cold) but it trips the fusebox for the entire flat lmfao. I'm fuuuucked 😐
#all the other radiators work fine its just mine :'(((#and bc its thw weekend they wont come out to fix it until monday at least so thats great#its fine i havent needed it on this week so far and i have layers and a hot water bottle so ill be fine but i did cry abt it a bit#but not so much abt the radiator just a lot on my mind.. i couldnt pick up my prescription after work either bc the secretary left half an#hour early and the very kind nurse who had a look for it anyway couldnt find it and i cant get there any earlier next week bc of work#i know itll be fine ive already sent an email to ask if they can send it to my local pharmacy instead ill get my meds before they run out#but still i cried a bit walking home from the clinic 😢 just been a long week even if not a bad one. and i miss my friend whos moving#he'll be on the plane now.... man. its a bit selfish but im also sad abt it bc he always noticed how i was feeling when i was at the gym#like if i was privately dealing w some shit or just wasnt quite myself he could tell n would find a moment to gently ask or just be there#without probing abt it like man hes so reassuring and kind and has such a big heart. before he left he asked me to look out for some of#the quieter ones in our group and make sure they feel included and someones listening to them when he wont be around to anymore#😢💔💔💔💔 and i know i didnt know him long enough to become proper good friends with him but it meant a lot that he looked out for me#like all i really want in this world is to feel seen n safe esp when im having a hard time. and none of my closer friends really do that#and thats okay like its not their fault and they just express their way of caring differently but sometimes i feel so lonely ah....#and also my period is due and im kind of scared of how painful itll be bc the last few have been so bad snd i find loneliness a lot harder#when im in a lot of pain and anyway this is all probably just the pre period hormones making me so tearful so it doesnt matter#its ok made a big bowl of rice so im going to eat that wrapped up cosy in bed with a movie i think. and then sleep#.diaries
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i'm so glad i don't feel the urge to have to political post on the blog anymore.
#like. if you know me then you know what i believe in#which is. the value of every life.#the importance of providing every person on the planet what they need to live with safety and dignity.#and the necessity of mitigating opposition to that goal and limiting harm to The World#as much as is possible as one person living under the conditions of our current reality#with hope and effort toward making our future reality one where we are increasingly able to care for one another#instead of engaging in an endless competition of profit and imagined division that causes immeasurable suffering and death.#like. from that philosophy i think you can determine my stance on anything that matters.#The Game Of Politics is only important insofar as it impacts actual lives.#and we should all be thinking bigger than that. like. yknow. abolishing borders altogether. dismantling capitalism worldwide.#creating a global society that benefits as many individual human people as possible.#so like. yeah. i'm going to vote. i'm not gonna be happy about it because there is no one on the ballot that actually represents my values.#because fundamentally all politicians are going to enforce and uphold a system that is inherently oppressive and authoritarian#but. there are some politicians who will cause more harm than others.#and their policies will make a difference in many lives.#and i feel personally obligated to try to Lessen The Harm. since there is nothing i can presently do to Eliminate The Harm.#like. idk. we're not gonna vote our way out of the root of the issues. but we can vote our way out of Some Degree of Some issues. like. idk#abortion. deregulation. environmental initiatives. etc. that stuff makes Some Difference to A Lot Of People.#(none of this passes judgment on those who are abstaining from voting for president because of the continuing genocide in palestine.#i do sincerely understand not being able to stomach it. and if the dems lose then it's only their own fault for being spineless fucks)#but like. if i can vote for somebody who IS LESS LIKELY to directly jeopardize the lives of certain groups of marginalized people#then. i'm gonna... do that. while continuing to work toward & believe in a better fairer freer future for everyone.#ANYWAY. that's my ONE political post for the year. steps off my soapbox.#izzy.txt
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whats worse than having only like 1-5 friends?
having only that many friends and you talk to only 1 more than once every two months!
#absolute traumadump in tags!#ive never had a friend where im as important to them as they are to me#for most of my life ive had one or none friends at any given time#attaching myself desperately to anyone who could tolerate me without constant insults#my 4 (3 now i guess) friends all have people they can turn to if they lose one to three people#i have no one#ive never had anyone that was a friend that i didnt either distance myself from so i wouldnt end up over attached#or attach myself to.#my best friend all through elementary constantly let people interrupt our conversations and i was her least favourite friend#i once briefly had a mutual bestie#who then turned around and didnt let me have other friends or acquaintences at all#i still stayed by his side! for years!!!#he kept me isolated after he moved past me even.#my support system is exclusively online at this point#i regain two friends!#now they talk to eachother daily and im lucky if they message me more than three times a year#im trying#at least one of them seemed happy to see me last time i saw them#the other hasnt even paid attention to me in one on one conversations#and all i have is them and two people i met here#and im scared its my fault#am i just a bad friend?#am i just like *him?*#am i somehow worse#i miss having more than these frienfs#even if the others threatened to hit me and constantly called me selfish at least they were there sometimes#i know people get busy but.#months where they messaged others while ignoring me?#what did i do wrong? where did i fuck up? ill fix myself ill hide myself just. please talk to me. please. its so lonely out here.
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why are jobs always like “expansion of duties without increased depth or adequate compensation” . lol girl ew …. no like seriously EWWW ….
#i did the thing you’re not supposed to do (be honest when a manager asks for feedback about how they can best support you)#told them i’m stressed because i’ve suddenly become one of two (2) senior staff members and everyone else is brand new#and that none of the new people are being trained adequately and i don’t have time to train them and it’s affecting our client relationship#and the manager was like hmmm 🤔 well how about we give you privileges to shift around the day staff schedule so you can train them all?#LIKE HUH ????? HUHHHH ???#in what universe does me saying ‘i’m overworked and stressed the fuck out by (not their fault but) incompetent coworkers’ translate to#‘i want to continue doing the workload of 3 people while Also taking on the additional duty of training between 7-10 new staff’#I DO NOT HAVE THE TIME#OR ENERGY. OR WILL TO LIVE#and the sad part is i’m going to do it#because the alternative is letting our clients down#and i’m … not physically capable of Not doing everything in my power to prevent thaf. like what the fuck#pegasus speaks#i <3 using tumblr as my personal journal
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hey does anyone know how we’re supposed to survive it all. asking for a friend
#she speaks#oh gang we’re really in it now#i don’t think i’ve ever felt this bad this deeply in my whole life lol#the burnout just keeps accumulating past any point i thought it could reach#and i can’t even pretend at work anymore#i’m so tired and these kids are so infuriating and it builds and builds every time they do something shitty#and i love them and it’s not their fault they’re just kids and they’re tired and it’s almost summer#but god i can’t fucking do it anymore#how exactly am i supposed to survive the next two weeks#the class i’m taking is too confusing and too fast paced#and i didn’t buy the textbook bc it’s 200 fucking dollars#and our apartment is always a mess#and i can’t keep up with friendships and feel like i’m constantly letting them down#and there’s nothing i can do to fix any of it#until the school year is over#bc at this point it takes everything i have just to get up and go to work in the mornings#but then i still have to somehow find energy to do other stuff too. and like actually teach.#i have to grade and do report cards and return materials and clean up my classroom#i need to complete a checklist the size of a novel before i leave for the summer#i need to keep the kids engaged but none of us want to be here#i need to start organizing to make next year easier#i need to fill out paperwork and spreadsheets and update my password and find time to feed myself and grade more papers and#vacuum the floors and scoop litter and clean up clutter and do dishes and wipe down counters#and i haven’t been able to fucking do any of it in months and left so many chores to my poor partner who’s also going through it#bc i have nothing left and i don’t know what to do!! i want to scream every minute of every day bc i’m so beyond overwhelmed the moment#i wake up in the morning but i don’t have time for a meltdown so i just keep going!!#i wish i had better words to explain how bad it’s gotten but the brain fog has gotten so so bad#i can barely think i can’t make decisions my memory and recall have gotten so much worse#i take my anxiety meds so often that they’ve stopped working#and yet i still worry that i’m making it up and being dramatic. anyway sorry about all this lol
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