#notevenabreakup

[justhavetorant]

Why

It’s been almost half a year since I’ve seen you in person. I thought moving to the other side of Lake Michigan would make me forget you. That distance would be good. Helpful.

It wasn’t.

It seems like as soon as I moved out, she moved in. Even though you had been seeing her for about a month at that point, I didn’t know that. You were always so private. How was I supposed to know?

How did I ever feel like I knew you.

But then you were tagged in a photo on facebook. One of your master’s cohort friends who likes to document everything. You invited HER to your annual get-together with your master’s friends.

I think I knew then SHE was staying around.

I don’t know anything about this girl. I’m sure she has a fine personality. I only know her online persona. She seems vapid. She seems fake. Her teeth are too white and her hair color isn’t natural. She posts so many selfies. And who the fuck wears pinky rings in 2019?

But it’s been 5 months.

You’re officially in a relationship with her. You smile wide in every photo. You dress up. You wine and dine her even though with me you were always pretty stingy. Heard through the grapevine that you have been since September.

You still send me snapchats. Never facebook notifications. Never texts. Nothing but SnapChat texts which flow away after 24 hours. SnapChat texts that you don’t respond to for days at a time. You never remember what we were talking about. You sometimes leave me on read.

You’re playing with my heart and I think you know it. But you won’t stop it.

 I know you’re what we would call a “fuck boi.”

Too bad we never even got to fuck.

Now everyday I’m kicking myself for agreeing for us to be “friends.” I’m kicking myself that I ever told you I had feelings for you. I was so naïve that I thought you might too.

You chose a 22 year-old. You, a 27 year-old, chose a 22 year-old.

I know you’re immature. I know I intimidate you. I know I’m not as attractive as the one you did choose. But why lead me on like you did? Like you continue to do?

Why?

We’re at an impasse now. With every happy couples pic she posts, I’m out. With every left on read snap, I’m out. With every hopeful comment you send my way, I know I need to fight.

I’m not talking to you anymore. You make me feel worse about myself and I don’t need that.I’m just so tired of being sad and stuck in the past while you moved on immediately.

You didn’t. even. pause.

I’m tired of asking why. So instead….goodbye.