#number 1 keep driving stan

[talk-danmei-to-me]

pls pls pls pls make a list of all danmei people should read. I am thirsty for love and angst and pls be my salvation

Omg I can't say no to that!

Full disclosure, I've only been reading danmei since May. Also, I only read official translations. Others may be able to give a wider range.

But since you asked so nicely, let's go!

1) Yuwu/Remnants of Filth

Obviously, my number 1 is going to be the danmei I spend 80% of my time here trying to convince people to read.

Yuwu is a gift for fans of angst, literally opens with the MC getting stabbed in the heart and Meatbun doesn't let up from there.

Fun fact - the only Meatbun without non-con elements in the primary ship.

Sad fact - it also lacks her usual comedy.

Why I love it: Mo Xi, my princess, genuinely the saddest boy in all of danmei. I'm ridiculously invested in Ximang's quest for happiness.

2) 2ha/Erha/The Husky and his White Cat Shizun

At it's heart (at least to where the official translations are up to) 2ha is a romantic comedy. Tropes you may have found in other danmei hit so good (ghost weddings and shizun fucking).

Fun fact - Has my favourite confession scene out of all danmei I've read.

Sad fact - Being Meatbun's most popular work, you can basically collect spoilers like pokemon cards. Not even ao3 tags are safe.

Why I love it - Meatbun's smut writing is S tier and Mo Ran is one of my favourite protaganists... although he has some competition.

3) Ballad of Sword and Wine

I feel like I need to formally apologise for sleeping on this series after reading the first volume. It’s so, so juicy! Obsessed with the character dynamics and it’s always a winner when the main couple starts to dabble with each other in the first volume. It’s not Meatbun levels of smut peddling but I appreciate Tang Jiu Qing’s hustle. If you love courtly politics, graphic descriptions of violence and the most insane levels of sexual tension you will ever read. You need this danmei in your life.

Fun fact - I am as obsessed with Cezhou as Xiao Chiye is with the nape of Shen Lanzhou’s neck.

Sad fact - The sheer amount of characters will drive you insane.

4) To Rule in a Turbulent World

Enter You Miao! His introduction made me fall in love with him just as fast as I did Mo Ran! There's a reason everyone raves about chapter 3. Hilarious, horny and wholesome. The side characters are amazing, the main couple is adorable and it's giving hints of political powerplays. Also the first danmei I've read that seems to really deliver when it comes to skinship. The main couple literally can't keep their hands to themselves.

Fun fact - I'm only 50% through but I am buying every single Fei Tian Ye Xiang 7 seas is about to release day 1.

Sad fact - there's no pictures. Also I'm not sure how angsty it's going to get.

Bonus: For the toxic yaoi fan in your life

Meatbun's most unhinged work. She's peddling all the toxic smut fans of bl mangas and manhwas will be familiar with. Even though it's modern it made me nostalgic for that reason. He Yu is a clown and I adore him. Meatbun is airing all her kinks with this one and I'm not mad about it.

Fun fact- This is the first modern danmei I've read. Also, one of the more fun uses of the straight man trope I've read.

Sad fact - Vol 3 cliffhanger!

Why I love it - It's just pure Meatbun chaos.

(Am I just exposing myself as a Meatbun stan, probably, but she delivers every time.)

[yanmuffins]

asks 2.

context.

here are some more asks i'm replying to in a bulk about phineas and ferb reader!!

my favorite part in dc. vs vampires is when reader comes together with damian and damian to build a silly machine that un-vampifies people in like half a day so they can defeat the vampire king. it is canon.

@amethystjellyfish

perry really is reader's number #1 stan. they're his family, reader's had him since he was a small platypus baby!

he does his best to keep reader safe, which is why he doesn't like the batfam much. he keeps it professional on the rare occasions they go on missions together, but that's it. he hates how dismissive of reader they are in the beginning, and he hates them later on when they star showering them with attention because they found out about their inventions.

not tired, anon! i love seeing people enjoy my concepts and interact with them!! ദ്ദി(˵ •̀ ᴗ - ˵ ) ✧

and i'm sure this has happened. more than once, actually. the power of coincidence is strong with reader. the life-saving laser beam comes from a situation involving reader's latest machine they built and tested with the help of jon.

unfortunately, one of his lasers richochets on the machine during testing, not only causing it to save batfamily's life, caught in a dangerous situation in a completely different location, but also destroys the machine so there's nothing to link it to reader.

ah, well. they'll just have to keep looking.

reader, seeing them run past her: oh! there's perry :)

i love how we have established tim is terrified of this platypus. nevermind the other pets in the manor, it's the platypus with its googly eyes that drives him insane. they don't get it, he got up to drink water at 3 a.m. and the thing was just there, looking at him. menacingly.

jason would though. meanwhile, perry is wishing he could just go back to metropolis. he didn't have to deal with reader's siblings in metropolis. he doesn't get enough hazard pay for this.

hm... good question!

i like to think that, much like with phineas and ferb, luck is on reader's side most of the time, so i don't see reader getting injured by their own inventions.

but, let's suppose they do: it's a nice sunday afternoon, the batfam has decided to gather around the living room and hang out, watch a movie, lots of popcorn and soda. they don't have to think about criminals or fighting, tim and damian are bickering, jason is around, peace reigns the manor.

until they hear an explosion. they run to the garage only to find reader on the floor, unconscious, bleeding, and an assortment of destroyed metal components to a machine they can't decipher. damian doesn't even feel good about reader finally being busted.

later, when reader is back home, awake and out of risk but with a bandage around their head and their leg in a cast, they're in for the biggest (and probably first) scolding of their entire lives. reader tries to play it off. it wasn't that big of a deal, they're fine, aren't they? and they're genuinely optimistic about it. but the entire family is talking over each other at first, until bruce signals for everyone to shut up and leave the room. he has a very serious talk with reader, and makes it very clear they're not to come near a toolbox ever again.

but he understands. it's partly his fault for not being attentive. he won't make that mistake again.

ofc reader is really upset. dick comes next, then stephanie, then cass, then duke, then barbara and they all try to convince reader in a much more amiable tone that hey, it's fine. who needs to do all that whacky stuff to have fun? just hang out with us. they can get another hobby, and this time they can make it a family thing! how's that sound? not fun? don't be like that... they're sure reader will come around.

tim is pretty much the only one who congratulates them for being awesome pulling all those stunts, one per day, it's impressive. but now it's time to step back a bit. who knows? try being careful and bruce will let you work with a welding tool again. one day. maybe.

damian and jason's reactions are more similar to bruce's. in other circumstances, damian is on reader's side and helps them sneak around to continue their shenanigans, but in the case of reader getting hurt he just wants them to not do that. any of that. ever again. and jason has to hold himself back not to snap and ask them what the hell were they thinking?! they could have died! he ends up just telling them to quit it. they're just a kid who shouldn't be messing around with that sort of stuff.

anon, i wouldn't go as far as say he'd use venom against them, but he's bit batfam before. as stated, he does not dig their vibe at all!

anon, that's a great idea! though i think p&f! reader is much too motivated by the creative process and experience that their inventions bring more than just willing them to come to life.

they have the power to create whatever they want, but what's the fun of it? what about hte process? the building? the friends they make along the way? the memories? i think reader would find the ring awesome at first, but the novelty would wear of in less than a week.

anon...

because i dig the idea of reader being friends with dipper and mabel. reader talks about their crazy inventions, and loves hearing about all the cryptids they came across during vacation.

reader invites the twins to the manor, they share their most recent summer memories. reader talks about that one time they built and drove a massive monster truck with their brother damian, but jason only comes into the room in time to hear about dipper and mable talk about the weirdmaggedon. he has several question marks around his head. aren't those kids a a little too old to be making shit up? or maybe... no, there's no way. or is there? no... he would have heard about this... but weirder things have happened. but what if...

@randomlyappearingartist

you are so right. to be honest, i don't even think the batfam would even know of his existence, since he's pretty much a very minor villain acting in metropolis. after perry joins the league, or in the rare occasion of dr. doof teaming up with another minor gotham villian like condiment man, is when they get to know he exists.

and since perry seems to have him under control, they don't even acknowledge the guy.

i love love love this sm!

they assume it's just flash mobs. it's got to be. flash mobs with really weird themes, like an entire musical number dedicated to the squirrels in damian's pants. that was strange. bruce patrolling in the middle of the night and this new crime lord just burst into a song with a band and hired back dancers, because it's apparently a new trend a minor villain in metropolis started.

and what about that one time dick took damian (and reader) to the library and some guy just started singing about how he doesn't have rhythm? and damian just started playing a trumpet? and reader started singing? i mean, it was a bop and he started dancing, but it was weird anyway.

but now i'm thinking of damian and reader singing the "summer" song together (he sings the "it's noticeably warmer" and that's it) though! wholesome.

@lazyandannoyng

not annoying at all! you're good ⸜(˙꒳​˙ )

i have this little idea in my head that reader doesn't take the wayne name when find out bruce is their dad and move to gotham, and bruce is pretty secretive about this new kid of his for purely privacy and safety reasons. so when reader does their networking, it's often not obvious they're a wayne. not sure if this will make it into the fic, but it really resonates with this concept!

it's also funny to think that a lot of people don't even know reader and the waynes are related. even if they do know reader is related to the batfam, nobody really talks about them by name (just "your sibling"), and all of those little details like never asking about where the gloves came from (because why would he) or the misunderstandings where one party means one thing and the other assumes it's another (dick has many siblings! too many!) just end up helping reader not get caught. and i just think that's neat.

[smuttaburger]

Mommy Issues (Seonghwea Smut MDNI)

Summary: What happens when you're cuddling your boyfriend and without thinking, you make a comment about another member of Ateez?

There is just filth under the cut, so MDNI brb I'm gonna go dunk myself in Holy Water

In hindsight, you never should’ve challenged your boyfriend like this. But god damn it was it fun.

All because of a damn TikTok. That cursed app got you in trouble so much, but what’s life without a little risk?

Nothing at the start of the evening was out of the norm after Seonghwa got off tour, cuddles while he played Animal Crossing and you doom scrolled TikTok.

Not remembering that you weren’t alone after months of that being the case, you spoke without thinking.

“Damn, those poor San stans, fuck!” You couldn’t help the blush that crawled up your cheeks at seeing your boyfriend’s friend get chained up before Wake Up.

“Come again?” Said boyfriend asked, a brow risen above his glasses.

“Nothing baby,” You patted his head, hoping it would help him forget the words that left your lips moments ago.

Spoiler alert, it didn’t.

“No, what did you just say kitten?” You gulped at the tone Seonghwa used. It was the one that he used when he meant business. And if that didn’t give it away, the use of the word kitten definitely made it crystal clear.

You shook your head, not wanting to awaken the possessive side of your boyfriend. 

In the blink of an eye, he flipped you two so he was on top of you, your hands pinned above your head by one of his large hands.

“I think my kitten is being naughty. What do we do when she’s being naughty?”

“Punish her,” You mumbled, not wanting him to hear you.

“I’m sorry, speak up, I couldn’t hear you,” You shook your head. He grasped your chin in his other large hand.

“I said speak up,” His voice deepened as he slipped into his more dominant persona. The one that made you shake and cry for him either to stop or keep going.

“I don’t wanna,” You whimpered.

“Why not?” He demanded.

“Bcause,”

“Because why?”

“I don’t wanna get punished,” You finally gave him what he wanted. So he had heard you right. And from the look in his hard almost black eyes, he had your punishment picked out.

“Pick a number over 5,”

“Eight,” He smiled a little, knowing why you picked that number. He sat you on his lap. His eyes tracking you like a panther waiting for his prey to enter the trap.

“Bend over Kitten,” You obeyed, resting your belly on your boyfriend’s lap with your ass in the air.

“Good girl,” He purred before ripping your lounge pants down your legs, knowing full well that you weren’t wearing panties since you two were originally winding down  for bed after your shower together.

“Count for me,” You nodded.

Smack

“1,” Your voice was clear in his ears, despite the handprint that was starting to become visible.

Smack

“2,”

Smack

“3,” Your voice started to waver a bit as you felt his large hand start to sting.

Smack

“4,” It started to burn now, making a tear leave your eyes.

“You’re halfway there baby girl,” He switched hands as his first hand started to now sting from spanking you as hard as he could.

Smack

“5,”

Smack

“6,” Your voice wavered as the smacks started to reverberate and spread to the place you now needed him the most.

Smack

“7,”

“You can take one more. This is your punishment, not mine. And you picked the number, not me,”

Smack

“8,”

“Good girl,” He slowly started to massage your now cherry red ass.

“You might as well ride me, Kitten. Since you can’t lay back,” He leaned back, patting his lap, where his cock was strained against his gray sweats.

You swung your legs to straddle him, determined to mess with his head and drive him insane.

“Gotta get rid of these,”

“Who’s the boss here, you or me? Huh? Who was the one being a little slut on TikTok. Looking at someone other than me,” He punctuated every sentence with a roll of his hips, the friction on your bare core making your head swim. 

“You, and I was the bad one,” You whimpered.

“Yes, you were being a bad girl kitten. Now for your punishment,”

“You spanked me! Wasn’t that punishment?”

“That was only part of it. Now’s when the punishment really begins.You’re not allowed to cum until I say so,”

“Okay but no using your tongue. That’s not punishment, that’s torture,” he grasped your chin in one of his large hands again, forcing you to lok him in the eyes.

“First off, who made you think you were in charge of your own punishment? And secondly, who said anything about eating that pretty pussy? But now that you mention it,” he got a devious smirk over his plump lips.

Oh shit!

“If it keeps your eyes from wandering, what’s pleasure without a little suffering? Plus I’m starving,” he growled as he threw you onto the bed, crawling up your body, lapping at your legs. As he got to your thighs, he started to suck harder, even biting a bit. At least enough to give you that sweet mix of pain and pleasure that you oh so craved while he was on tour. You moaned as he inched closer and closer to your heat.

Nothing compared to how your boyfriend ate you out, knowing exactly what areas to put more pressure on than others in order to send you to the heavens. Your hands flew to his hair, wrapping it tightly in your face, making a moan leave Seonghwa’s puffy pink lips.

The moans from him caused a vibration to rub on your pearl, making your own moan rip through the air, and your back to arch.

You were only stopped from him putting one of his large hands on your stomach to keep you still. When he introduced his long dexterous fingers to the mix, you felt like you couldn’t breathe. Without warning, he stood up, stripping off his own lounge pants.

“I want to feel you cum on me,” He explained before entrapping your lips in a heated kiss. One where he dominated, and you let him. Seeing as you trying to avoid it was what got you partially in this predicament in the first place.

In record timing, he had his pants down, his cock springing free: red and angry from being hard for so long without release. As quick as he was off you, he was back on you, slipping into your damp heat.

With how long he was on tour, you had to take a second to reacquaint yourself with how big he was.

“Fuck Kitten! You’re so tight. I’m almost afraid to move. Almost,” he smirked before pulling your lips into another kiss and rocking his hips. You had to grasp his hair in your hands. You needed to pull on something, and your boyfriend’s silky jet black locks worked perfectly.

“I can tell you’re close Kitten. Cum for me,” He ordered and it was like you were pulled down in the tidal wave of pleasure at his words, not realizing how much you both needed this.

“Atta girl, Just keep listening to me Kitten,” He acted as your lifeboat in the tidal wave, keeping you grounded to your body.

“F-Fuck!” He hissed before you could finally make out his contorted features as he let his own pleasure fill him before filling you to the brim.

Once you both were back on Earth, the first thing Hwa saw was you running your fingers through his silky locks.

“I love you,” You whispered as his eyes fluttered and he could slowly piece together all of your features. The sex hair leading to the look of bliss in your eyes, and finally, all of the hickeys he left on your skin.

You attempted to stand to get water for both of you and some baby wipes to clean up. Except your legs weren’t cooperating.

“Damn Hwa, I don’t think I’m gonna be able to walk for a bit,” You giggled and he chuckled, pressing another sweet kiss to your lips.

“I’ve got you Kitten,” He told you before throwing a robe on and getting the recoup items.

“It’ll make you think twice about looking at San, right?” He chuckled, handing you the water bottle.

“I don’t know, seeing you get all possessive was kinda fucking hot,”

Taglist: @the-princess-of-mischief-1998 @multidreams-and-desires @faeratil

Read the other guys here: Hongjoong, Mingi, Wooyoung

[rapunzelbro]

The Act of Stealing a Loved One |1| (Stanley Pines x Reader)

This is a beginning of a prompt I wrote. Please don't expect chapters quickly. Enjoy!

Story guide

Being the wife of a man who went missing was hard. Many told you it was time to move on, many told you he was dead, and hell maybe you should just move on. But if they knew what happened that night, what actually happened to the man you loved, they would know why you couldn't exactly give up hope. You told him to shut it down, to stop what he was doing, hell Stan even did, but none of that would matter.

When he got trapped in the portal, it was the day you shut yourself out from everyone, you moved back to the small town home you two had bought before moving to Gravity Falls, you couldn’t take living in the house he went missing in. Stan kept living in his brothers’ home, turning it into some ‘Mystery Shack’ tourist attraction after a few weeks, which you wanted no part of. And after that, it was just radio silence. You didn’t hear anything from Stanley, nothing about your husband, it was just silence.

10 years went by. You still had hope that he was going to walk in that door and embrace you, telling you about the crazy things he saw while he was away, promising to never leave your side. It was now August 1992. He was smart, he knew about this sort of thing, so he was going to be back in your small home in New Jersey any minute now. That was going to happen… Right?

Another 10 years went by. You were grasping at straws trying to keep the memories you had with him in your mind. It was February 2002. The ring on your finger was a reminder of the love you two had, your hope was beginning to slip away. You stared down at your phone. Some weird new portable phone you finally decided on getting after debating. You should call Stan…

You never ended up calling him.

10 years later you had a car packed, a for sale sign was up in your town home you once lived in. It was now June 2012. Your wedding ring was no longer on your finger, you put it back in its box years ago. He wasn’t coming back, it's been 29 years. You were headed back to Gravity Falls, Oregon. To say you were nervous would be an understatement, you didn't know what to think. How would Stan react?

Shit. Stan. You had to call him.

After starting your car, you scroll through your contacts before landing on your brother-in-law, Stan Pines. The contact photo was an old photo of him from your wedding, he was being chased around by some smaller kids who were there tormenting him, thinking it was hilarious, you obviously had the photographer take a photo of it. Looking back on it gave you hope that he was willing to forgive your absence. You dialed his number before you started driving, praying he hasn’t changed it after all these years.

It was on its final ring before someone finally answered “.. kids don't do anything stupid! Ugh…Hello?” he sounded the same as you remember, almost identical to your Stanford. “Hello? If this is some telemarketer im not interested” he said again, you realized you did say anything “Hi! Uh Hi sorry. Stan.. Is that really you?” you heard him spit his water out before coughing, then clearing his throat “Y/n.. it’s you. Um, geez sorry not good at this, why are you calling me? It's been 29 years..” He sounded off put by you calling him. “I’m heading back to Gravity Falls Stan, I was hoping I could see you? Unless you don't want to then-” “Quit rambling.. You're sure you want to see me after all these years? I did uh, take over your old home” Stan muttered into the phone “That wasn’t my home Stan, and yes I'm sure. I'm driving so it'll be a couple days until I arrive. I have a place already so don't worry” You sigh slightly

“Grunkle Stan who are you talking to! Is it a girl?” you can hear a younger girl on the other side of the line, you must be on speaker. “Who’s that?” you ponder “It's no one” Stan quickly replies, hearing the girl gasp “Y/n Pines?! Grunkle Stan! You’re married?! DIPPER YOU’RE NEVER GOING TO BELIEVE THIS” She had to have seen the caller ID. Guess he just added you as a contact “Mabel you get back here! Shit, Y/n I gotta go, I’ll get it sorted out. I can’t wait to see you” Stan grumbles before hanging up. You slightly smile at the interaction.

You marrying Stanley? Hard pass.

Taglist: @cherryblom @leo4242564

[laguezze]

PAC: A letter you're meant to receive

I'm baaaaack~ (kinda) (pretty casually, life's been tough)

As always here are the rules:

Minors DNI

Don't take everything to heart, this is a general reading! Take what resonates!

It's honest, I don't sugarcoat. If you're not liking what you read, keep scrolling! It may not be for you or you may not be ready for that message yet!

Let's take a look at the piles!!!

Pile 1

Pile 2

Pile 3

Let's go!

Pile 1

Signs this may be for you: unicorn, South Korea , the letter S, Squirrels, Love, Skydiving, birthday, anniversary, 12, 6, 16, 2006, 2001, 2026, 1970s, Billie Eilish, John Lennon, glasses.

Dear ____,

How could you think I'm not proud of you? How could you think that minor thing you did would erase all the love I feel for you? It doesn't. I don't think anything can at this point. You're human, you're allowed to make mistakes. And while I do still think you need help, you're still doing your best, even though you don't feel like it. You're trying and I see that. You're wonderful and magical and although your light is dimmed at the moment, I know there's a bright sun under that blanket of darkness you're currently holding over your head. Everything will be ok. Have you ever not gotten a resolution to your conflict? Trust me. You're going to be fine. Let yourself be, enjoy the people around you, breathe. Treat your life like you treat your dreams. Be as excited as you can. You're alive! And while you are not responsible for this darkness that has been placed upon you, you are the only one that can take it off. I understand it's difficult, but you can do it. You're tired of fighting, but you're not just anyone. You're a legend. Legends don't have it easy. Go get them.

Pile 2

Signs this may be for you: Harry Styles, Fashion school, blood drives, nurse, 😜, smoke, laughter, blonde, blue eyes, "that boy is mine", 0%, Rihanna, water, rain, Hawaii, Jumping, Rave, Cindy, the letter C, N, and A. Numbers 5, 8, and 30, AMANDA.

Hello, it's been a while.

How are you?

This is awkward, you probably didn't expect to hear from me. I have been okay, I honestly can't stop thinking about us and how it ended. It pains me to think that you left with the impression that I didn't care. I do. I did. I just want to let you know that in another life, maybe we should try again. I don't have much to say, I'm not sure why I feel so compelled to tell you this. It's so basic. I'm being channeled right now (ok aware) and it's weird because it shouldn't be this deep but I really wanted to come through and say sorry. And say that I know you miss me and I do too. And one day we will reunite and we might be able to show our love then. Sorry it ended that way. Sorry that was the last you knew of me. I think of you each day, I dream of you each night.

Pile 3

Signs this may be for you: YES GIRL, happy, cheerful, spaghetti, squash, "I'm allergic", ibuprofen, love is in the air, matchmaker, fruits, VSCO, musically, Harmony, dating apps, Jenna, Lisa, "I stan", Twitter account, laughs, pigs, 25, 23, 2022, 2001, 2000, Beyonce.

Wow, am I impressed with you,

Not only are you grown and beautiful, you're also such a good person. I'm immensely proud of you. You're doing exactly what you need to, you're living life to the fullest and I am here for it. Remember our trips to the beach? I miss you. You should call more often. I love that you're meeting new people and having fun but sometimes I need to see you and hear from you. Please call me from time to time. I know I may seem clingy, but I just miss your presence. I also don't know when I'll actually see you next, you've become so unexpected and exciting. I love you, that's why I need to hear from you. Tell me everything, I'll listen. I'm here for you and I want what's best. Come back from time to time. Please. That's the only thing I ask of you at this time. I can't say this to you normally, you'd get uncomfortable. But please listen and take this opportunity. Let's talk more often! I wanna be part of your life again! 🥰

Hope it resonates! 💕

[lu-minarie]

silly goofy AU where furina is fontaine's number 1 idol and neuvillette is her bodyguard OSIEUEHEHSHFHFHF,, he's got a secret fan acc where he beefs with her haters so real so true

neuvillette's most likely that one stan acc who can and WILL overanalyse her MVs and her song lyrics like he's critiquing classic literature. he (unintentionally) became famous in the fandom for it and all of her fans run to his acc as soon as there's a new release. (he also has an advantage bc furina is always too happy to go into detail about her music and will ramble about her artistic choices)

as a bodyguard, he probably has the rep of being really intimidating and he won't hesitate to keep her safe. BUT at the same time his stan acc username is probably something surprisingly cutesy (otterfuri or furipyonpyon or something like that KAJSJSHFHG)

also idol AU! furina where neuvillette is driving her home after one of her shows and she pesters him to get jollibee drivethru. then they just sit in the parking lot and munch quietly

I just think they should get to sit and eat together quietly!!!!!

[lkfarrout]

What Happened Last Summer (18+) Chapter 1

My first fic guys! (I'm gonna throw up I'm so nervous)

Read Chapter 2 next!

This is the first chapter out of probaby 10 or more and I plan to post a chapter a day. Takes place the summer after the show does, and introduces an OC/love interest for Stan named Kathy :)))

There is some mild sexual content, so I will be marking the whole series as 18+. There is some light angst, arguments, etc. This series really could be titled "Stanley Pines is forced to actually talk about his feelings for once in his life"

Enjoy! Press 'keep reading' for the fic

“Welcome to the Mystery Shack,” the redhead at the counter was less than enthusiastic – she barely bothered to glance up from her magazine. Kathy lingered at the counter and studied the interior of the store. The walls were covered in shelves of bizarre amalgamations of animal parts, interspersed with hats and t-shirts and a few hand-painted signs that said “No Refunds”.  A few customers browsed the items, including an older man in a light blue Hawaiian shirt eyeing a treat inside the vending machine.

“Could I talk to your boss, Soos, if he isn't busy?” 

The girl looked at the clock, then back down at her reading, and said “He’s finishing a tour right now. What do you need?”

Kathy dug around in her bag. “I’m new in town, just reopened the motel. I was wondering if I could leave some business cards here?” 

At that, the man at the vending machine spun around.

“Actually, I’m the owner of this fine establishment.” He leaned an elbow on the counter and proudly gestured around the room. Suddenly, she found her hand in his and he shook it firmly. “Stan Pines – original Mr. Mystery.” His rough, but confident voice echoed through the giftshop.

Kathy tried to meet his eyes but instead found herself staring at the open collar of his shirt. A gold chain poked through a bit of hair that matched the thick silver stands on his head. 

“Sorry,” she began with a small laugh, “I thought you were a customer.”

“I guess you could say I’m retired,” he replied, gesturing to a $15 bobble-head of a man in a black suit and fez. Kathy could sort of see the resemblance, especially the nose. “But I’m not too old to recognize a good business opportunity!” He grabbed the cards from her other hand and studied them. Gravity Falls Twin Bed Motel - now under new management. Open Friday -Monday. He flipped it over to find a name and a phone number. Katherine Phillips, owner. 

“Lovely to meet ya, Katherine. Welcome to town.” He shook her hand again.

“Thank you Stan, but you can call me Kathy,” she replied.

“I’ll strike a deal with you, Kathy. I’ll hand out your business cards if you take some of these,” he handed her a stack of bumper stickers, “and send a few people this way.”

“That’s exactly what I had in mind.” She threw the stickers in her bag. “I look forward to working with you. See you around, Stan” Then, Kathy did something stupid – she winked at him. She wasn’t entirely sure why, other than it seemed that this man’s charisma was rubbing off on her. As soon as she winked, however, every drop of charisma, every minute of sales experience, every cool, casual part of Stan instantly vaporized. A slight pink tinge flooded his cheeks and he cleared his throat into his fist. 

“Yeah, I’ll see ya around.” He watched her walk out the door, then watched her get in her car, then watched her drive off. Before he knew it a hand was waving in front of his face.

“Mr. Pines?”

“Huh?” He shook himself out of it. “Oh, Soos.”

“I see you met Kathy.” Soos nudged Stan with his elbow.

“You know her?”

“She hired my grandma to clean motel rooms – real nice lady. And close to your age too, Mr. Pines.”

Stan considered this information, and started fiddling with the stack of business cards. “What are ya sayin’?”

“Well, you know, ever since I met Melody, I’m sort of like the expert on relationships. I’m sure if you don’t ask her out, Mabel will do it for you when she gets into town.”

“No, Soos, I couldn’t…” Stan began.

“Mr. Pines,” Wendy butted in, “she winked at you. C’mon, ask her out! Ask her out!” She pounded on the counter in rhythm, and Soos joined in the chanting.

“Ask her out! Ask her out!”

“Fine!” Stan grabbed a business card and shoved it in his pocket. “Just get back to work.”

_______

With a deep breath, Stan picked up the phone’s receiver and began dialing. 

“Kathy? It’s Stan… yeah, from yesterday at the shack. Look if you’re not busy tonight, I thought ya might like a tour of the town. I’ve lived here thirty-one years, y’know.”

“A personal tour from Mr. Mystery himself? I couldn’t pass that up.” She teased him, “Will I get to see Bigfoot?”

Stan chuckled, “Nah that stuff's all for the tourists – if you’re gonna live here you need the real tour. Thought I’d take ya to the diner, we could drive around, and maybe go out to the lake.”

“Stan, this sounds more like a date than a tour to me.”

“Ah, ya got me! Guilty as charged.”

Kathy laughed, “Alright, Stan, I’ll see you tonight.”

[simblorbo-bracket]

Round 2 - Simblr's Saddest, Wettest Meow Meow - Mainline

Thrum (@ssspringroll) VS. Hadvar Hammersmith (@plasma-tree)

(polls are presented left -> right unless stated otherwise)

Who's sadder? Who's wetter? Read on for more information, and vote with your heart!

What is a ‘Meow Meow’?

(taken from tumblr user @/torturelabyrinth) “The thing about a true poor little meow meow is they have to be 1) downtrodden 2) morally questionable at best 3) deeply and pathetically miserable”

Thrum

What makes Thrum a sad, wet little meow meow? His own fucked up, twisted little romance life.

Try to keep up.

Thrum, you see, is incredibly loyal. So loyal, and so, so jealous.

Another thing about Thrum, is that he's polyamorous. He really prefers having more than one partner. His partner, Wither, is not into the whole poly thing. But, for Thrum's sake, he agrees.

Enter Ke'a.

Thrum is the one that notices Ke'a at a bar one night, and instantly has a crush. Has to get him in this newly-opened relationship.

Ke'a is also not too keen on the polyamory, but agrees to give it a try.

He hits it off with Wither almost right away, which is a relief because you'd think that the two dudes in this polycule who aren't into the idea of a polycule might fight over the guy they mutually like.

This is not the case.

Thrum, boiling with white hot incandescent rage and jealousy at the mere thought of either of his partners talking to someone else leads him to violence.

Drinking, to cope with the rage

His outbursts are almost constant, he can't exist in the same room as his partners without further driving a wedge between himself and them. And that's not the end of it, all of Thrum's hot-and-cold back-and-forth feelings about this polycule he built have driven Wither and Ke'a even closer to each other.

They go on dates behind his back, bonding, forming a closer relationship with each other than either of them had ever built with Thrum.

Thrum was always doomed to fail. To push himself out of his own relationship. But can you blame him for craving love? All of the love? Forever??

Thrum, Wither, and Ke'a are all original creations. While Thrum and Ke'a were literally made for each other, Ke'a entered the situation organically, and that's when it all started crashing and burning to the ground.

The throuple that flew too close to the sun 💔

Hadvar Hammersmith

What makes them a Sad, Wet Meow Meow? He's just a little guy. Just trying to get famous and enjoy his life. He's trying so hard. He's also terrified of his mother's disapproval so he avoided her for about a year. Also he tried to get rid of his Stan by telling her that he'd give her his number if she stopped showing up at his house. He gave her the number for a local hospital.

Hadvar is literally out here just trying to become a movie star. Sure, he's like. Kind of neurotic and definitely will end up biting people when he's overstimulated, but look at him :'( sad. Wet. Like a sopping plushie full of milk.

[notquitejiraiya]

I want to ask! 3 - 14

Absolutely absolutely! I answered number 8 and 14 in my precious post (replying to the lovely @clumsydragon28) but I’ll answer the rest under here:

3) screenshot or description of the worst take you've seen on tumblr

Oh god, many many many. The first that comes to mind (if I try and keep this Naruto related) was something about Temari being forced to birth Shikamaru’s misogynistic son?? like mate, please calm yourself.

4) what was the last straw that made you finally block that annoying person?

I don’t often block, but the straw that broke the camel’s back with the most recent block was just someone’s persistence ignorance and lack of interest in learning and improving, despite pretending to. Not even just of a craft, just of being a better, more personal and understanding human

5) worst discord server and why

A server entirely made up of Paul McCartney stans I was invited to and quietly observed for like 6 months before being chucked out for being inactive. I sent like one message — I was too scared to speak — and I don’t even like Paul McCartney past a general appreciation of his music. Not the worst as in a bad place, but worst as in I didn’t belong lmao.

6) which ship fans are the most annoying?

I personally don’t think any fans are THAT bad anymore. Not bad enough to be mean about. Back in the day found a fair few shippers whose main ship has Naruto as one of the characters to be a right pain in the arse. But that’s only my memory of the old, bad shipping war days (from the sidelines) and honestly, it’s not that bad. Not bad enough to broadly label as annoying.

7) what character did you begin to hate not because of canon but because how how the fandom acts about them?

Not necessarily hate, but Sakura. I always found her just fine in canon but all of the pointless discourse around her absolutely drives me up the wall to the to the point where I see her name (outside a fic as a non-main character, which is rare for me, too) and I just groan.

9) worst part of canon

Do I even need to say it? It’s the fucking aliens.

10) worst part of fanon

Maybe it sounds dumb, but for me it’s just when people write Naruto himself. I can’t think of a single fic I’ve read where Naruto hasn’t annoyed me. He was already so precariously on the edge of bearable for me in canon that seeing interpretations of him is always bound to drive me nuts.

Alternatively, across various fandoms, bragging about how niche things are as if that makes them better. This always gripes me in fandoms: spaces that are supposed to bring people who enjoy the same things together. Of course please do like what you like and be proud; I’m happy for you that you like that thing, but the popularity or lack of popularity of something is no bearing on how much more nuanced, clever or deep your level of thought is.

11) number of fandom-related words you've filtered

Grand total of 6 muted words on twt if that’s what this means. 0 on tumblr because I can control what I see better :)

12) the unpopular character that you actually like and why more people should like them

I mean, I don’t think anyone in my fandoms is that unpopular. Maybe I just got good at not seeing bullshit, but nobody. My violence for this one is that there’s content for most things in this fandom to a level that reflects canon and that doesn’t make things “unpopular”. Less popular, maybe. But obviously your fave with 1 minute screen time or 3 lines in a novel isn’t gonna have an insane fandom following probably. Doesn’t make them unpopular, they’re just a nobody.

If I have to give a “proper” answer though, I say Rasa. Just cause I find him interesting and he’s perhaps not widely enjoyed.

13) worst blorboficiation

Think as of late it’s got to be Kankuro. But specifically the cat-boy stuff I see. I just don’t get it. The man might have a good and the capacity to be silly and soft and dorky, but the cat-boy stuff just doesn’t align with him at all for me. Not a fan.

[hoodoo12]

1. middle names: starts with a C

2. age: 31

3. birthday: 9 january

4. zodiac sign: Western: Capricorn; Chinese: Rat

5. favourite colour: atm yello

6. lucky number: three

7. pets: currently two dogs, a Basenji and an Aust Cattle Dog

8. from: Ohio

9. height: 5'4"

10. shoe size: 10

11. pairs of shoes: several pairs of Crocs for work, a pair of boots, a fancy pair of boots I bought to wear for a show, knock-off Birkenstock sandles, and my favorite pair, a 'shoe' with a non-slip tread but the tops are like socks

12. last dream: recently I can't remember any

13. talents: sarcasm, quoting lines from movies or the Simpsons that no one else gets, laughing at myself, writing, placing IV catheters and ET tubes, talking to dog breeders when they're upset at the vet

14. psychic ability: nah 15. favourite song: I'm really digging Stan Rogers atm

16. favourite movie: Time Bandits, The Thing

17. ideal partner: lucky to have found him

18. children wanted: wanted is different than had

19. church wedding: it was a chapel

20. religious: The Satanic Temple is looking better and better every day

21. hospital visits: many due to horse-riding accidents and eye surgeries

23. legal trouble: no

24. celebrity encounters: yes, several

25. bathing preference: showers

26. current sock colour: none (I'm barefoot at the moment)

27. famous: nah

28. favourite music genre: Irish folk

29. want to be a big celebrity: I would like to be well known under a pen name

30. skinny dipping: yes

31. number of pillows: 1

32. sleeping position: side sleeper

33. typical breakfast: tea (hot or cold depends on the season), cereal, and a banana

34. fired a gun: yes

35. tried archery: yes

36. favourite clean word: obliette

37. favourite swear word: fuck is used most often, cunt when I want to really drive the point

38. sleep deprivation record: two days

39. scars: numerous

40. secret admirer: nope

41. good liar: yes

42. good judge of character: I don't even know any more

43. other accents: not well, no

44. strong accent: Midwestern American

45. favourite accent: I like Welsh

46. personality type: INTJ

47. most expensive piece of clothing: I . . . don't know

48. tongue curling ability: yes

49. innie or outie: innie

50. handedness: right

51. arachnophobic: no

52. favourite food: lychees

53. favourite foreign food: too many to choice from

54. clean or messy: messy

55. most used phrase: for the love of god

56. most used word: fuck

57. length of time to get ready: less than 30 minutes

58. ego: nah

59. suck or bite lollipops: suck

60. talk to myself: all the time

61. sing to myself: all the time

62. good singer: I think I'm pretty good in the car

63. biggest fear: losing loved ones

64. gossip: you just pull that chair right up beside me and we'll go through all the dirt you have and I'll tell you all the dirt I have

65. best dramatic movie: Twelve Angry Men

66. long or short hair: short but growing it out

67. name all 50 states: yes, plus the capitals

68. favourite school subject: writing

69. extrovert or introvert: introvert

70. scuba diving: NO

71. nervous about: the fucking state of politics in the US and the existential dread of the orange shit stain being re-elected

72. scared of the dark: no

73. correcting others' mistakes: I try to control myself but yes

74. ticklish: no

75. started a rumour: no

76. position of authority: no but I act like I do

77. underage drinking: nope!

78. done drugs: believe it or not, nope!

79. first real crush: I can't remember that far back!

80. piercings: yes

81. R-rolling ability: no

82. typing speed: not as good as I want it to be

83. running speed: In the immortal words of Gimli: "I'm a natural sprinters, very dangerous over short distances, and my athleticism is wasted on cross-country."

84. hair colour: grey and loving it!

85. eye colour: stirred up silt at the bottom of a stagnant pond

86. allergies: penicillin, fools

87. journal: I keep track of the books I read. Does that count?

88. parents' occupations: mother was a nurse before she died, dad worked in local government

89. like my age: yeah

90. gets angry about: people who cannot trouble-shoot anything on their own. Assholes who mistreat animals. People who are proud they don't read.

91. like my own name: No. I dislike it so very much

92. thought of baby names: Yes, for future dogs

93. want a daughter or son: (see #18)

94. strengths: calm and take charge in an emergency, can cook/bake, hunting

95. weaknesses: my back hurts, sometimes get overcome by what happened in the past . . . wait, were the last two supposed to specifically be about surviving after the apocalypse?

96. how I got my name: I don't want to talk about it

97. royal ancestry: nah

98. scars: just because it repeats doesn't mean I'm going to trip up during this interrogation

99. bedspread colour: a pinkish kaftan quilt with birds and flowers of various colors

100. room colour: the room I am currently in is purple. Other rooms in the house are yellow, teal, ombre grey, forest green

Get To Know Me Uncomfortably Well

PLEASE DON’T LET THIS FLOP AHHHH

1. What is you middle name? 2. How old are you? 3. When is your birthday? 4. What is your zodiac sign? 5. What is your favorite color? 6. What’s your lucky number? 7. Do you have any pets? 8. Where are you from? 9. How tall are you? 10. What shoe size are you? 11. How many pairs of shoes do you own? 12. What was your last dream about? 13. What talents do you have? 14. Are you psychic in any way? 15. Favorite song? 16. Favorite movie? 17. Who would be your ideal partner? 18. Do you want children? 19. Do you want a church wedding? 20. Are you religious? 21. Have you ever been to the hospital? 22. Have you ever got in trouble with the law? 23. Have you ever met any celebrities? 24. Baths or showers? 25. What color socks are you wearing? 26. Have you ever been famous? 27. Would you like to be a big celebrity? 28. What type of music do you like? 29. Have you ever been skinny dipping? 30. How many pillows do you sleep with? 31. What position do you usually sleep in? 32. How big is your house? 33. What do you typically have for breakfast? 34. Have you ever fired a gun? 35. Have you ever tried archery? 36. Favorite clean word? 37. Favorite swear word? 38. What’s the longest you’ve ever gone without sleep? 39. Do you have any scars? 40. Have you ever had a secret admirer? 41. Are you a good liar? 42. Are you a good judge of character? 43. Can you do any other accents other than your own? 44. Do you have a strong accent? 45. What is your favorite accent? 46. What is your personality type? 47. What is your most expensive piece of clothing? 48. Can you curl your tongue? 49. Are you an innie or an outie? 50. Left or right handed? 51. Are you scared of spiders? 52. Favorite food? 53. Favorite foreign food? 54. Are you a clean or messy person? 55. Most used phrased? 56. Most used word? 57. How long does it take for you to get ready? 58. Do you have much of an ego? 59. Do you suck or bite lollipops? 60. Do you talk to yourself? 61. Do you sing to yourself? 62. Are you a good singer? 63. Biggest Fear? 64. Are you a gossip? 65. Best dramatic movie you’ve seen? 66. Do you like long or short hair? 67. Can you name all 50 states of America? 68. Favorite school subject? 69. Extrovert or Introvert? 70. Have you ever been scuba diving? 71. What makes you nervous? 72. Are you scared of the dark? 73. Do you correct people when they make mistakes? 74. Are you ticklish? 75. Have you ever started a rumor? 76. Have you ever been in a position of authority? 77. Have you ever drank underage? 78. Have you ever done drugs? 79. Who was your first real crush? 80. How many piercings do you have? 81. Can you roll your Rs?“ 82. How fast can you type? 83. How fast can you run? 84. What color is your hair? 85. What color is your eyes? 86. What are you allergic to? 87. Do you keep a journal? 88. What do your parents do? 89. Do you like your age? 90. What makes you angry? 91. Do you like your own name? 92. Have you already thought of baby names, and if so what are they? 93. Do you want a boy a girl for a child? 94. What are you strengths? 95. What are your weaknesses? 96. How did you get your name? 97. Were your ancestors royalty? 98. Do you have any scars? 99. Color of your bedspread? 100. Color of your room?

[the-firebird69]

The rain is coming to New England it will be there in about 4 hours 2:00 p.m. today. That rain coming down here usually takes 10 hours. So that'll be noon tomorrow that would make it close to high tide and last night it dropped about 6 and 1/2 in which tied quickly about this left on last night before the drop so at one foot five inch so theoretically it's about 10 and what half inches this is not a new development but it is pertinent to what we're talking about and it is also meaning the water that's coming from this particular rain we want to about 5 inch drive it's a lot less than the last rain which was very big going to go ahead and we're going to start to get ready for tomorrow night a lot of people have figured it out

--these assholes are here and they're on him still like fly on fly paper I mean these idiots will not learn for the price of anything they get killed every time and they die every time and it's gross and their s*** hits this s*** heads we need to put controls on them in a more strict right now I'm sending words

Thor Freya

It means we're going to get help we needed pretty bad and we're sending out what we need we want to send more and that would be great

Frank Castle hardcastle

We have to do it on the back end there's a ton of it that we have to do and we need to start doing it now and yeah these people are very presumptuous I mean they walk right in and they're trying to screw around with it everybody is watching them my son is watching her wait I'm almost to her and the idiot is trying to f*** around with the laundry machine okay and you know she's saying it's hers but boy what a f****** day it's it's unbelievable they don't even care what our son's reaction is and his reaction is getting them hurt and they just keep doing it we need them out come out now.

--the recent release of information regarding churches it's going global these people are in a lot of trouble they are going to fight each other and they're going to raise Giants and they're going to raise a lot of them it's a huge day huge is going to be a much bigger day shortly and is going to be very intense

--there's a huge influx of people that just came in it's a massive number of people who pose trumpsters they do not want them around is going to be a huge day and it's going to be a giant giant giant chain coming up very soon we have a lot of stuff going on and we don't want to put up with this b******* and she's trying to use the women's knowledge of laundry okay that's what she's up to we can't stand them anymore

Thor Freya

Olympus

What it is is harassment and it's illegal and we are putting warrants on them it was sending people out to grab them

Mac Daddy

Talk about angering and frustrating okay a bunch of dumb assholes you don't know how to use washing machines and they get they're here every week can't stand them

Stan

Olympus

[actualfkingvoid]

precisely

this action is making it unnecessarily harder for anyone using the ao3 website. when i tag, i generally ask these three questions:

what aspect of the content might potentially trigger someone? (FOR FILTERING)

what trope would an audience potentially look up? (FOR ACTIVE SEARCHING)

what other referential data do i have? (FOR ARCHIVING)

number 1 is the most important and you can skip the rest but make sure to tag your content appropriately if you will be using themes like “suicide” “murder” “rape”. yes, it may feel very uncomfortable reading these words straight. but between reading the word “rape” in the tags and getting shocked over graphic depictions of it in the middle of the fic i’m reading because filters didn’t work, i think i would prefer getting queasy for 3 seconds and moving on with my life.

number 2 is for your audiences. be broad as possible when tagging. think of words you would personally use to look up fics you like. for example, would it cross your mind to look up fics using the keyword “dining room”? most likely not even if that’s where your fic’s setting takes place in the most (although, i’m not saying that fans of the “dining room” tag do not exist).

also consider it from the perspective of the reader looking through the tags. is the fic something that the readers of the “dining room” tag are looking for? to further elaborate, we can use the “high school” tag. fans of the high school tag are likely there to read about mushy student romance in a school setting. if the characters are merely high schoolers but the focus of the story is a fantasy setting in another world without academia, then they are less likely to check the fic out.

there is no hard and fast rule for this, but a good starting point would be to ask a beta reader or a friend to summarize your story in three words: genre (e.g. comedy, romance, mystery), dynamic of the characters (e.g. found family, rivals to lovers, established relationship), and the conflict/macguffin/checkhov’s gun/just the THING your story is about (e.g. hanahaki, body switch, fake dating, revenge, overprotective behavior, manipulation, jealousy). if you are unsure of what your story is about, don’t worry as your friend/reader would likely be able to spot what you’re going for anyway.

number 3 helps keep the archive organized. this means putting:

appropriate fandom names (you can look it up beforehand or edit after posting. mcyt stans i’m looking at you, please stop putting “no” as a fandom name as i’ve used every single filter i can possibly think of and i’m still finding philza fics that it is driving me to the brink of losing it) and

appropriate character names (”if i was a major X bias, would i want to read this work?” before you tag X) and

appropriate ship names (have mercy on rare pair shippers. if the focus isn’t on the X/Y ship, you can use the tag “background X/Y” so that it’s filterable but it won’t lead to false hope and tag clutter) and

any other data such as events the fic is made for (e.g. Kinkmemes, Big Bangs, etc; ask the event host!)

this is important so that future users of the archive know where to go if they are interested in a particular event for example. this helps greatly for posterity and is the reason why ao3 is highly regarded as it is: it is a very good archive. let’s all collectively do our work to keep it this way

similarly, please remember that it’s not a grievous sin to have previously committed bad tagging etiquette, and i don’t think it ever will be. but we can definitely enjoy the website more if we all do our part in making the job easier for the volunteer team, as this is a nonprofit endeavor

I just saw a story on AO3 tagged "pet p!ay"

TIK TOK MUST BE STOPPED BEFORE IT DESTROYS LANGUAGE

[iamstevessmile]

HAT RULE

Sebastian Stan

Summary: Cowboy Bucky, Cowboy Steve, Cowboy Sam; fluff; implied smut

——————————————————————————

“Come on Chels, this isn’t a good idea ..”

“Oh please, you’ll blend right in.” I scoff, staring at myself in the body length mirror.

“I am a real city girl, if the leather corset doesn’t say that, the way I talk now will.”

“Listen, you’ll be with me the whole night. If anyone tries something, I won’t hesitate to knock them out.” I can’t help but laugh at that because knowing Chelsea, she was not over exaggerating.

“Oh I know.”

“Come on, Austin is taking us.” Chelsea chimed, gesturing for me to follow her towards her brothers truck. “Also, city girl my ass, d’ya forget where you came from?”

“That was a long time ago, my every day no longer consists of working in the barn or herding the sheep.”

“Yeah, and what does it entail? Big shopping sprees and all that fancy stuff?”

Chelsea’s brother hopped into the truck, turning on the ignition as he tuned into our conversation.

“Now that’s a stereotype and you know that.”

“What’s so bad about it here anyways?”

“I wouldn’t say bad, I suppose it’s nice to be away from the business of the city life.”

“There ya go, look at the bright side of things.“

“If you’re worried you’re gonna run into anyone, I don’t think they’d recognize you.” Austin piped up, finally joining the conversation, rather than simply listening.

“Yeah, and why do you say that?” I asked curiously, leaning forward till I was propped between the truck seats.

“Well Little y/l/n ain’t so little anymore.”

“He’s got a point.” Chelsea backs up her brothers statement, leaving me silent for a second.

It’s been a long time since I left, so they could be right, but then again, I had cut ties with everyone except Chels when I left, so maybe I was sitting in their ‘not so good’ books.

I tried to keep contact, but it never happened, and that was completely on me.

“Well, I’d hope not.”

- - -

“Thanks for the lift Aust, we’ll see you later.”

“Don’t go too wild, don’t wanna have to carry the two of you inside.” He says, looking over at me. “‘Specially you, city girl.”

“No promises.” He chuckles, and I flash him a smile before he reverses and drives away, leaving Chelsea and I alone, in front of the bar.

“Well come on, there’s no point of just standing here.” With that, she grabs my hand, yanking me towards the entrance.

As soon as the doors swung open, I was met with an odd nostalgic feeling.

I immediately felt like I didn’t belong here anymore, sticking out like a sore thumb, but then again, the last time I had been here was just under eight years ago.

Time I didn’t exactly spend in bars either.

“Anything in particular I need to remember?”

“Don’t go taking anyones hat unless you plan on leaving with them t’night.”

“Ah, rule number 1. Gotcha.”

BUCKY’S POINT OF VIEW

“I’m telling you Stevie, she ain’t worth the hassle she’s causin’ you.” I sighed, lifting my beer up to my lips, taking a large swig.

Steve had been going on about the Carter girl for over an hour, she had truly been driving him wild over the last few weeks, not in the good way, yet Steve still seemed to stick around her.

“I’m sure there’s a ton of gals here, just waitin’ to get there hands on ya.” He scoffs at my words, shaking his head as he reaches for his own drink.

“I’m not you Buck, I don’t have anyone fallin’ at my feet when I flash a smile.” With that, Sam burst out laughing, seemingly finding that statement hilarious.

“You two are both a catch, now stop with all that.” Sam speaks up, finally joining in our conversation. “In all honestly, Buck is right.”

“Ha!” I exclaim, laughing softly as I watch Steve roll his eyes.

“Steve, you’re a great guy, and if Carter doesn’t see that, then she don’t deserve you, plain and simple.”

I nod in agreement at Sam’s words, about to speak when my attention was snapped towards the bar, where two girls sat perched on the stools.

“I see Chels has arrived. Brought a new friend along this time.” Sam points out, leaning forward until his forearms were resting on the table, watching the two girls, more specifically Chelsea.

I observed the other girl silently, scanning over the way her corset hugged her torso, her red hair falling down and over her shoulders perfectly.

There wasn’t a doubt in my mind as to who was sitting only a few meters away.

After studying her body for so many months, I could recognize her from a mile away.

“I was gonna say have at it Steve, but I think Buck’s mind is already set.” I hear Steve laugh, paying no mind to the two of them as I stand up, leaving my beer behind as I make my way over to the bar.

“One beer and whatever the lady wants. On me.” I call out to the bar tender, noticing Chelsea was now occupied by some guy I had seen around a few times.

Real pity, she’d be good for Sam.

Someone to whip him into shape.

I slide into the empty seat, watching her swivel around slowly until our eyes met.

She had grown up for sure, but it was definitely her.

“Hi, doll.” I could see the small gulp she took, her eyes full of curiosity, not fraying away from mine. “Been a while, hasn’t it?”

That seemed to clear any of the confusion she had, slowly biting down on her bottom lip as she looked up at me.

“Buck.”

God that voice.

Y/N’S POINT OF VIEW

“I don’t think they’d recognize you.”

Yeah Austin, it hasn’t even been ten minutes and that statement has proven to be awfully incorrect.

“Buck.”

“Never ‘xpected to see ya around here again.” He said, grabbing the bear off the counter before holding it out to me.

“Never was much of a beer girl.” I shake my head politely, subtly dragging my eyes around his face.

How is it possible that he got so much more fucking attractive?

“That’s right, though that coulda changed along with everythin’ else.”

“I suppose.”

“Well.” He whispered, lowering his face down slightly until his arms were flat on the bar, and his hat looming over me, as he gestured with his head to the dance floor. “What’s it gonna take to get you out there?”

Was he not angry with me for leaving still?

“How ‘bout that drink you offered.” I flashed a smile at him, knowing I wouldn’t be able to resist him any which way. “Kinky blow pop.”

James Buchanan Barnes was one hell of a charmer.

“By all means doll, anything you want.” He signaled over the bartender, ordering my drink and giving me the time to let my eyes wander over his body.

The flannel he was wearing was tucked into his jeans, the top five buttons undone, allowing me to see the start of his abs just below the chains that were hanging around his neck.

I lick my lips slowly, turning to grab my drink as it arrived before looking back at James.

With the look in his eyes, I know he had caught me looking, but honestly, I could think of a few things worse than that.

There was not a single chance that he never knew how fucking sexy he was.

“Tell me, what managed to bring you back around?” His voice was low, the rasp evident as he kept close, making no movement to back away.

“Just Graduated.” I shrug, giving the most simple answer, “thought I’d come back and visit.”

“Oh, do we have a qualified designer around now?” I freeze for a moment, not thinking that he would even remember that small detail of what I wanted to study.

“You remembered?” I tilt my head slightly, not dropping any of my confidence.

“Why wouldn’t I?” His eyebrows furrow for a moment, watching me intently as I shake my head.

“I think it’s time we get out there!” I chug back the remainder of my drink, Bucky watching in awe as I slam the glass down and strut over to the dance floor, leaving him standing by the bar, alone.

Once I’ve reached the middle of the floor, I turn back around, seeing him laugh as he shakes his head. I can feel the excitement running through my body.

I’ve missed this.

I’ve missed him.

He raises an eyebrow, leaning back against the bar as he lets his legs spread, dominating the area around him and potentially me as well.

He slowly lifted his beer back to his lips, not moving his eyes away from me.

He wanted a show? I could definitely give him one.

I let my hands move upwards, allowing them to find their way into my hair, letting my hips sway sensually to the rhythm of the music.

I keep my gaze locked on his, watching the way he practically undresses me with his eyes.

I feel hands snake around my waist and I immediately stop my movements, turning around to be met with some man.

“You new around here darlin’?” I shake my head, stepping back slightly, which seemed to be pointless as he replaced that step with one of his own. “Haven’t seen a pretty thing like you around here. Are you here alone?”

“She is not.” I feel the presence behind me, knowing it was him without having to turn around to check.

“Sure looks like she is to me.” The man speaks up, which only causes Bucky to step closer to me, his back almost resting against my chest.

Suddenly, I feel the weight of something on top of my head, lifting my hand up to push it out of my eyesight.

“Still look like that to ya pal?” I finally turn my head to the side, taking in Bucky’s protective stance, his arms crossed against his chest, highlighting his muscles, as well as the death stare across his face. “Thought not. Run along.”

The second I hear the man’s footsteps fade off, I turn completely to Bucky, lifting my gaze until I was met with his.

“Thank you, I could have handled that though.” I smile softly, “though, I did appreciate the show.”

“Thought I recognized that looks in your eyes.” He chuckles deeply at my words, his eyes eyeing my body before moving back up to mine.

He lowers his head to my level, lifting his hand up to my head, about to take the hat when I stop him.

“I think I’ll keep this.”

“D’ya forget the rule, wear the hat..?”

“…ride the cowboy. I remember just fine.” I say, stepping closer to him until my lips brush against his.

“Well seeing that you don't plan on giving that back...” He finally closes the gap between us, our lips meeting perfectly against each other as he pushed on my lower back until I am pressed right against him. I pull back, only slightly, dragging his bottom lip between my teeth gently before whispering.

“I think that’s only fair.”

[sexhaver]

what confuses me about the direction MTG has been going over the last few years is the constant back-and-forth between vocally displeased/alienated players and MaRo/WOTC stans. whenever someone complains about how the latest cash-grab product is The Last Straw for them and they're considering never buying MTG products again, the response from the other side of the aisle is usually some variation of the following points:

"just don't buy it then lol"

"even though you and everyone else mad about this product release are being very outspoken online, you're actually vastly outnumbered by a silent majority that either doesn't care either way or is actively happy to buy it"

point 1 started out popular when the Walking Dead secret lair dropped but has slowly fallen out of favor since then as people realize that it's dumb as fuck. not buying the product yourself doesn't stop you from facing it on the other side of the table, and as more and more Universes Beyond stuff gets released it gets harder and harder to pretend like it's something you can just ignore by not buying it yourself

point 2 is the one currently in vogue. it's especially popular with MaRo and other WOTC public relations staff because it serves as the ultimate argument-ender. if someone tells MaRo they didn't like a specific set/product/IP tie-in, he can just say "actually you're wrong and it's super popular and i have the confidential sales data to prove it, no you can't see it, she goes to a different school, it's, uhhh, in canada"

besides being very dismissive, what really gets me about this is that. i have never talked to or heard from any of these people. i know that's what "silent majority" is supposed to mean, but like. the main way that i and everyone i know engage with paper MTG is by talking about it online and playing games in person at LGSs. if none of the MTG players i actually interact with like this agree with these decisions/product releases, and all or most of them end up losing interest, it doesn't really matter to me if the game is still "alive" because there are still people out there ordering secret lairs and making Hasbro's line go up. from my perspective, itll be dead.

writing this out, i realize this is just the same issue people in their late 20s have been dealing with since the dawn of time: seeing something you grew up with and loved change into something unrecognizable until you realize that you're no longer the target audience. what makes MTG sting so hard is that 1. im not even convinced the hypothetical target audience they're marketing to even exists in numbers high enough to keep the game alive, and 2. WOTC has been not just unapologetic about driving away enfranchised players, they actively mock them on their way out the door. This Product Is Not For You. maybe it isn't.

[adrena-dine]

British GP 2022: a summary

Pierre and Yuki went shooting ? Helmut be scared bestie they’re coming for you 😈

Guanyu showed once again he’s a fashion icon

pierre and Charles went together because BESTIES !!!!! 🥰🥰🥰🥰

Lance stroll showing up in an helicopter, what a material guuuuurl 💅🏼

Lewis spoke FACTS during press conference and I love him for that

Alex won the cutest helmet contest and Lewis the most meaningful one 🥰 Lando’s was amazing too (McLaren can find him so easily with this NEON colour)

PEDAL CAM IS BACK AFTER 20 YEARS (the angle is rubbish but I’ll take whatever I’m offered)

Daniel tried to kill Lando by throwing him a jumping ball (do whatever you need to be number 1). can we say it was his bday present ?

His cake was amazing too

The crowd going dead silent when Nathalie Pinkham asked if mclaren was to score a podium this weekend 💀💀

Lance said HELLO MATE to the gravels

To the person who told him that he couldn’t park there : you were the man.

Yukiere doing gay things. Again.

Daniel’s speech for his bday being « thank you 🤠 ». Relatable.

Rain being in a silly goofy mood and just keeping on coming and stopping

NICHOLAS IN Q3 ?! GUANYU IN P9 ?! WHAT IS GOING ON ?!!! So proud of them 🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹

Cars went ⬆️🔃⬆️ (I’m talking about you Max and Charles 😒)

CARLOS FIRST POLE DNLEKZKZKDKDKKE VAMOOOOOOOS

it’s his cousin screaming in Ferrari garage for me ✋🏼

TV direction was awful tho

An illustration of Aston Martin’s mess: Keanu Reaves started to watch quali in AM and finished in Ferrari 🫤

Sebastian in Mansell’s car, sustainably fuelled 😍🌿 we stan an environmental aware king (who celebrated his 35th bday)

Huge incident at the start, I am glad everyone is fine ❤️ we can thank the halo once again

Basically Pierre was sandwiched between George and Guanyu, who end up in the gravels, alex spun while avoiding the accident causing damage to Esteban and Yuki

Protestors entering the track during safety car 😒

Yuki still driving without a wheel, nothing stops this man

George stopping his car and running to help guanyu, costing him his race �� what a man

Then he almost got into a fight with the FIA for starting the race again

Red flag shenanigans : Lewis and Yuki hanging out with their mechanics, Esteban having a snack time and trying to share it with his team, Lewis on his scooter, George arguing with FIA and Sebastian trying to get into Ferrari to escape Aston Martin mess

Alpine’s mechanics fixed estie bestie car in such a little time 😳

Carlos fighting for his dear life against max, missing his corner, and then got his place again bc Max’s tyre said « bitch im out »

Yukierre facing relationship difficulties. This hurts. But the spins were pretty 🩰🩰🩰

Sebastian overtaking Max, who would have thought ? Not me 😳

Bottas and Pierre’s DNF 😢

Ferrari messing up strategies again, costing Carlos and Charles’ race 🙄 grande strategia

Esteban was recovering well but then his car said no and stopped. In the middle of the track.

🚨SAFETY CARS 🚨

charles doing a hell of a race with used tyres and a broken front wing. F1 golden boy behaviour✨

The last laps almost caused me an heart attack

The battles were so amazing, I think they made me fall in love with f1 once again. Boys were doing the race of their lives

MICK’S FIRST POINTS 🙌🏼🙌🏼🙌🏼🙌🏼🙌🏼

CARLOS FIRST F1 VICTORY FINALLY GRANDE CARLOS GRANDE VICTORIA ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

but not grande strategia 🥴

charles didn’t give him a single gesture after the race 😪

We had an amazing race but at what cost ? F1 new ships.

Mattia scolding Charles right after the race. Post race meeting is going to be fun isn’t it 🤪

Checo and Lewis’ dads hugging during podium :) cute.

Carlos’ smile on podium was everything 🥰✨

Guanyu walking in the paddock after the race is was comforting

His car is completely destroyed tho

Wishing all the best to Alex ❤️

Anyway see y’all next race

[englishknightsky]

Random South Park Headcanons

- Kyle took Cartman to see Jojo Rabbit and Cartman started crying before Kyle.

- Craig names all of his guinea pigs Stripe because when he was younger he walked in on his mom cleaning out Stripe #1's cage and she had to very awkwardly explain 1. death in general 2. that she accidentally stood on Stripe and 3. that she was going to replace Stripe with an identical guinea pig and hope Craig wouldn't notice, Craig offered to call the new guinea pig Stripe anyway, so Laura wouldn't technically be lying to him

- Clyde kisses his homies goodnight and tells them he loves them. Sometimes he goes out of his way to assert his heterosexuality while also loving his homies, but the guys don't mind.

- Butters is the youngest in class and the rest of the class treat him like their little brother. Nobody can pick on him but them.

- Tweek was a teen pregnancy and sickly methbaby and feels a lot of shame about it, even though nobody but Craig knows. The Tweaks don't have any baby pictures of him to keep up the facade of a normal family. Craig tries his best to forget the 'Crack Baby Athletics Association' and feels really, really guilty.

- Timmy lets just about anyone sit in his lap and ride around with him, except for Cartman. Similarly, Jimmy will let his close friends play with his crutches as long as they're careful with them. He has spares, just in case Clyde accidentally flings one through a window, but he keeps that a secret.

- Damien and Pip spend a lot of time together at the cinema, even after Pip dies. They like to sit right at the back and eat popcorn they didn't pay for in seats they also didn't pay for.

- Kenny knows what the delicious flavour packet in beef jerky tastes like, but refuses to tell anyone.

- Cartman absolutely hates Neo-Nazis and Holocaust Deniers.

- Stan's really good at poetry and songwriting, sometimes his metaphors go over his friends' heads, but the Goth Kids always understand his intentions.

- For the kids' senior prank they decided to burn down the school, it was incredibly well planned out and executed, and nobody got hurt or arrested. People called it a freak accident and the kids pretended to be sad that their "actual" prank was destroyed in the fire. They also set off a number of smaller group pranks during the week up to the main event, like releasing three calves into the hallways labelled #1, #2, and #4.

- Mr. Mackey can pretend all he wants that the kids were nothing but trouble and he's glad they're gone, but he cries the hardest during their graduation.

- Damien's phone number is 666-6666-666, it rings at all hours of the day and it drives him crazy. He threatens most people who call him with curses, but never actually curses anyone because he's lazy.

- Damien can also be summoned by saying his name in a mirror three times, but thankfully nobody's figured that one out yet.

- Tweek has a reputation for being unreliable but he's the only person everyone trusts with carrying spare meds. He keeps a big medkit on hand at all times that's full of his friend's medications.

- Stan keeps sneaking stray animals into his bedroom. All cats go to Cartman and all mice and rats go to Kenny.

- Kenny has been officially banned from the weekly sex ed classes, he had to sign a contract to never go near the classroom or share his experiences again. Several people are in therapy after listening to his stories.

- Ike kept the Newfoundland he rode in Splatty Tomato, his name is Tiny and he only behaves for Ike.

- Craig, Clyde, Token, Jimmy and Tweek have completed all the Just Dance games as a team.

- Damien and Pip are the source of all ouija board activity in South Park. Other spirits and ghosts and angels and demons are around, it's just that Damien loves playing with the boards.

- Tweek's signed his name as Tweek Tucker multiple times. Craig hasn't mixed up his surname, but he has been caught doodling hearts with 'C + T' in them in the margins of his books.

- Scott and Jimmy are gym bros. Jimmy appreciates that Scott finds every joke he tells funny, even if he's already heard it.

- Big Gay Al and Mr. Slave run the yearly pride festival with the help of Craig, Tweek, and their highschool LGBT club.

- Stripe recognises his daddies by scent, Craig smells like cheetos and Tweek smells like coffee.