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islandpcosjourney · 5 years ago

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Hindsight

29th December 2020

3 years ago, after a lovely family Christmas and a crazy few weeks beforehand redecorating the kitchen & dining room, I was enjoying some down-time. Facebook reminded me today that we were removing my fireplace in town – a big job involving big hammers and lots of sweat, on hubby’s part anyway ;) I had also just said goodbye to my Dad for the last time, although I didn’t know that. My final words to him were “Please go see a doctor” as we had noticed that he wasn’t himself while he was with us Christmas week. If I’d known in hindsight that I’d never see or speak to him again, I’d have never let him go. For the last 3 years I’ve punished myself for that. But in all honesty, I’m glad I didn’t know, despite the shock of his untimely passing, as I spent no time trying to cling onto something I wouldn’t have. He was just my Dad, it was just an ordinary Christmas, we were just hammering concrete out of a fireplace, as per usual and it was his time to go.

This year. The year of COVID. The year of cancellations. The year of worry. The year of unknowns. The year of excess screen time. The year of FOOD! This was the year of a fresh start. A chance to really sit down and think, quietly about anything and everything. In a year where our health has been debated so much in the press and in the community, I chose this year to sort it out, head on. Or rather, this was the year that my body chose, to WANT to sort itself out.

Many of you will have read before of the trials and tribulations that my PCOS gives me daily. It’s a vicious circle of physical and mental symptoms caused by external and internal factors. But before this year, although I’d done tons of research and I knew everything I could about my difficulties, I still couldn’t solve them. Something was always stopping me and that was indeed me.

We are what we eat. I truly believe this and always did but mentally I was always being drawn to the wrong foods. I still am, I am human after all but while most people had a kill switch to stop themselves from eating junk, my switch was broken, or so I thought. I understood the theory behind what foods would be good for me but putting it into practice is always the hard part and I’m sure many of you will have faced this before yourselves!

During lockdown, like many others, I was forced online to work. It wasn’t long after that I started noticing daily headaches, getting worse and worse. After a while, it was debilitating, and I was at the point (when in normal circumstances) where I’d have run to the GP for some stronger pills! But this wasn’t really an option this time and it forced me to think alternatively. I was convinced it was screen time to blame so I took a wee break and combined my teaching days/hours to make sure I had a long weekend away from the computer to recover each week. Around the same time, I was also experiencing buzzing in my ears – one Sunday thinking I was going insane hearing somebody strimming in their garden, when of course nobody would do that up here on a Sunday! Kevin definitely thought I’d gone mad and I was certainly believing I was! We figured out it was tinnitus or something similar and deduced I’d just have to ignore it, along-with my headaches. Fast forward to June when I finally decided to move a huge pile of recipe books from the landing upstairs. I can’t remember why they ended up there in the first place but rather than putting them back downstairs again, they’d just sat there in a tall pile for months. It was at this stage that I came across Jason Vale’s Turbo Charge Your Life in 14 Days book. A book I’d had at college and had used to lose weight before my degree’s final recital in 2009. I remembered losing 7lbs in 7 days. I sifted through all the pages and got swept back through memory lane and my tastebuds started to remember the taste of some of the juices. Mmmmmmmm yummy. Especially the Turbo charge smoothie – Pineapple, apple, lime, spinach, cucumber, celery & avocado. The ONLY form of avocado I would eat as I hated its taste but seemed to love its creaminess in a smoothie! Avocado being an essential fat that I KNEW I should be eating with my PCOS…… So, the next shopping trip I decided the buy the ingredients, dig out my juicer and before I knew it, while planning a week away to see my Mum & brother, I also planned a detox! AND it timed in perfectly with Jason’s BIG juice challenge between 6th – 12th July! Perfect, all meant to be.

So now, let’s cut a long story very short. I returned a week later totally rejuvenated, hadn’t eaten a single morsel of chewable food in 8 days and I’d lost 8lbs – here, something was working! I felt amazing, my headaches had gone, my skin was glowing, my teeth were whiter, I had tons of energy and I no longer had any ringing in my ears – all after just one week. Ok, so let’s continue! Nearly 6 months later incorporating juicing into my daily diet and I’m 30lbs down (It was at 33lbs, but Christmas was far too good hahahaha). I’ve set myself a target of 100lbs but the biggest reason for this dietary change is not to lose all the excess weight I’m carrying, although of course that will help, its to always put my health first and live the healthiest life I can. In a year where health has never been more important, I am finally on top of mine. I have finally found a way to control my symptoms and my cravings, naturally. I know it probably all sounds ridiculously obvious, but we are what we eat. My body was consuming junk therefore I was junk – I was overweight, chronically fatigued, had oily/acne skin, excess hair, moody, depressive, stressed, dull, no fun – the list is endless. I will now consume, in an average juicy week: 7 pineapples, 56 apples, 7 limes, 28 celery sticks, 28 asparagus spears, 7 courgettes, 2 bags of spinach, 1.5 bags of kale, 3.5 cucumbers, 3 broccoli stems, a few bananas, massive handfuls of mixed berries, beetroot, 7 pears, 7 avocados. Safe to say I am now bright, bubbly, happy, positive, glowing, full of energy, no back pain or headaches, smooth skin everywhere and best of all, I am reducing my PCOS symptoms massively. I’ve been at this weight before; I remember how I felt at this weight before. My weight has nothing to do with this feeling. The food I am eating is directly responsible. Finally, an answer to all my troubles. I know it sounds obvious but how many of us will turn to medications or look for other factors to blame for our chronic conditions? I did! As soon as I was diagnosed, I continuously went running back to the GP/consultant for more and more pills. One to sort that, one to sort this, another one to counteract the last one etc etc. I KNOW categorically that the medications were intoxicating me and that the fuel I put into my body causes the relevant energy output whether strong or weak. I know that if I wake up in the morning and feel tired, a juice will sort me out, not caffeine. I know that if I’m tired at night it is because of the incorrect fuel I’ve put into my body earlier that day, for whatever reason I decided to consume it. I am seeing a direct long-term result of it all too.

From previous blogs, you will know that I DID NOT have a menstrual cycle without medical intervention. As of Boxing Day this year, that is no longer true. It may have taken since July to regulate my hormones naturally, but it has worked. Obviously, time will tell if I’m going to restore any kind of regularity to it but in all honesty, that’s not a concern right now as I can’t remember having a regular cycle since I was a teenager, so we’re talking around 20 years of hormonal disruption to be reversed and Rome wasn’t built in a day! Interestingly the last “natural” cycle I had after stopping years of medication also appeared on Boxing Day, in 2016 ;) In August this year, I was convinced “mother nature” had come to visit but she only said a very brief hello in a socially distanced way for a day so this time with the COVID restrictions lifted a little she was able to come to stay with gifts of stomach cramps, carb cravings & headaches as a way of getting us reacquainted again. Needless to say, she was made very welcome and I’ve never been happier, especially by hugging a hot water bottle.

Not everything is quite sorted but as you can imagine, its well on track! I now choose my food wisely, looking for naturally wholesome options as is humanly possible and just being more conscious of what I am eating (of course I eat treats ocassionally but I’m doing it consciously). Would you put dirty fuel in a car? Of course not. Would you put dirty oil in during an oil change? Of course not. That’s what I believe medications do to chronic conditions – they throw dirty oil into an already dirty engine. Our cars need servicing each year where they get an oil change, where the filters are cleaned, where essential maintenance is done, so why don’t we do that when we’re chronically sick? Why do we turn to pills to sort a condition we’ve developed rather than look to what we’re fuelling our body with and give it a good clean out? Of course we need medicines for acute conditions but chronic ones can be reversed if we clean out the “filter” and do an “oil change”. I’ve seen tons of documentaries recently where I’ve learned of people curing their Asthma, Eczema, Psoriasis, Diabetes etc I’ve even seen a documentary where cancers have gone into remission for dozens of years through eating raw food alone. I know it’ll sound very “out there” for some people and it would’ve done for me too had I not gone looking for Functional Medicine (using food to heal) research after years of understanding the theory behind it but not finding the right way to put it into practice. But, never in my whole life and in spite of a worldwide Pandemic, have I felt more alive or healthier than I do right now. I may have turned the clock back 3 years on my weight but energy-wise I feel about 15 years younger which is far more important than any number on the bathroom scales.

In hindsight, do I wish that I’d reached these dietary conclusions earlier? Not at all. It wasn’t the right time. In hindsight, I can see that all of the information that I have been armed with over the years, are the tools that have set me up for the success I now have. Like a fine wine, I needed time to breathe, time to mature to become the best I can be. No point in opening it early, you’ll just be disappointed. A good teacher is somebody who’s struggled themselves and I’m a better, stronger person for having had my major struggles. There’s probably many still to come. Life is never boring!

Now that I’ve written this, I logged into Tumblr to copy this blog across and to see when I last posted and to my amazement it was Boxing day last year! I love coincidences of dates & Boxing Day seems to have cropped up a number of times. I said that my goal was to increase my energy levels as I really struggled this time last year. I had said regarding Christmas day:

“I want to be able to, one day, wake up early to make the breakfast, open stocking presents, get dressed inc. make up, cook a Christmas dinner, watch a bit of Christmas TV, play some board games, do the washing up and still feel like a proper woman – not some shadow of one who can only do one or two tasks a day.”

Well I did all those things! I’d totally forgotten that I’d even set that goal (for one day!) but I reached it a year later and more. I never thought I’d be sizes smaller than a previous year as my pattern has always been to be one size bigger each year ;) I recently ordered a few jumpers for the harsh winter, one a size 16-18 and one a size 14 for the future. Well, although a stretchy material, I’m in the size 14 jumper and had to send back the other as it just hung off me! Considering I was a size 20 last year, ballooned to a size 22 by the middle of the year and now I’m back to the size I was 3 years ago, I’m delighted. I also don’t get the violently ill episodes when I eat gluten/dairy now that I did before when I religiously followed a PCOS diet and ocassionally slipped up. I honestly think fruit & veg is healing my gut, my hormones, my skin, every organ in my body! There’s a lot to say for eating a plant-based diet, not only for my health but also the purse-strings but there’s also lots to say for eating balanced nutrition and listening to one’s body for what it really needs. My ears are wide open now.

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kiyabujayniah1996 · 5 years ago

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bemrcog1-blog · 6 years ago

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While you struggle to cope with all these unwanted feelings that failure brings, a cascade of judgement is inevitably thrown by the surrounding world. You obviously did not measure up to the expectations of your family and friends, further worsening that self-worth anxiety. Sounds familiar? Well, you may find some comfort in knowing that you are not the only one experiencing this. Damn, I’ve myself been there for many more times than I’d like to admit. And I’m not talking about failing in small things, I’ve been through failures that altered the entire landscape of my life. Each time I failed, I felt bent and broken; but only to acquire a better shape, and to learn the most important lesson that failure is not an outcome, it’s a symptom. Failure shouts out loud at us that something somewhere is not just right, and identifying that ‘not just right’ element is the key to future success. This is the reason why instead of nursing the bruises of my unsuccessful students, I always encourage them to identify that ‘not just right’ factor. Here at mrcog part 2, we call it a debriefing.

Debriefing: In our debriefing meetings, I encourage students to be vulnerable and talk freely in a non-threatening and supportive environment. If you are not a part of BeMRCOG family, you can help yourself by understanding the process. Debriefing is nothing but a critical reflection on your own performance – self-analysis. Reflection is the best practice to bridge the gap between present and desired outcome. It is an exercise that helps you identify what needs to be done differently to achieve different results. This can be done by adapting one of many approaches. I personally do a systematic reflection on my own performance following the fish bone model that I have explained in detail in my blog post ‘The man on top of mountain did not fall there’.

Risks of debriefing: But before you embark on self-analysis, let me warn you of the potential risks associated with this process. Critical reflection is not as easy as it sounds, it is an emotional process. All the reactions that I explained in the opening of this blog are rooted to our ego and self-esteem; telling us how incapable we are as compared to those who succeeded. If your first reaction to the failure was, ‘I don’t know what went wrong, I did quite well’, then trust me you are coming from a point of ego. Evidence proves that an ego-centred self-analysis is unlikely to change the outcome. I believe that failure should be treated like bereavement and therefore, I allow a good few weeks before conducting the debrief. This allows the emotions to settle down, denial to convert into acceptance and most of the times I find students ready to move on and look forward. It still remains an optional and voluntary meeting, because another risk of debriefing is student disengagement with the mentor and peers. Essentially, any such disengagement is an emotional reaction which is oftentimes not very helpful. I have faced all sorts of emotional reactions in a debrief, including violence against the mentor (myself) on a rare occasion.

So, before you proceed further to a self-analysis, it is imperative that you shift your focus from ego to task-oriented. This means that instead of thinking ‘the exam is tough’, shift your thoughts to ‘What can I do to improve?’. Unless you develop this mindset, you will not be able to be productive enough and move on.

Aims of debriefing: Improved future performance is the only aim of debriefing and this can be achieved only once you have shifted your focus from ego to task. The more task oriented you become, the better you communicate with the teacher, this consequently helps them to shape their teaching to your needs. Shared commitment towards learning process is the rule of thumb. No coaching, mentoring, courses or groups can be ideal, perfect and complete, because your learning is your individual process and is unique to you. This is precisely why I keep myself personally available to my students at any time of need so the gaps they might find within my course can be filled up with one-to-one interaction. Knowledge is not a fixed entity, it evolves and increments with experience and increased engagement with mentor and peers. And debriefing is an excellent opportunity to rebuild motivation and construct new knowledge.

Common Causes: The most common reasons that students highlight are listed below although this list can be exhaustive: – Inadequate preparation – Lack of revision/practice – Poor time management – Inadequate planning – Unawareness of UK systems

But did you know that under the surface of these apparently simple and obvious reasons, the actual problem is sometimes of a serious nature. This is more specifically true if the failure is recurrent. So just identifying this case will not solve the problem, you will need to consider the root cause to bring a better result.

Root Cause Analysis: All the reasons listed above have much deeper roots. I am elaborating just a few below to avoid a very lengthy post.

1. Superficial learning: This is the number one culprit for failure and a direct result of lack of understanding exam requirements leading to sub-optimal preparation. Most higher education exams are specifically designed to test your critical thinking and problem solving skills. This is next to impossible to pass this exam easily with superficial learning behaviour. Obvious indicators of this behaviour are what I call ‘red flag questions’ from the students. ‘What is the right answer?’ ‘Which books do you recommend to read?’ ‘What questions can come in the exam?’ ‘Can you provide me notes?’

The attitude behind this behaviour is seeking easy and quick fix, as well as dependence. None of this ever allows a critical thinking to develop.

2. Confidence issues: Both over and under confidence are silent killers. Confidence levels directly affect exam day performance, so no matter how well prepared you are and how good your critical thinking is, you can very easily make silly mistakes. The story doesn’t end here. What happens after exams is that those who were under confident further lose their confidence, and those who were over confident usually cannot identify the gaps they must bridge.

3. Social circumstances: This is unfortunately one factor we have least control on. The list is long but some of common ones are financial restrains, relationship problems, domestic abuse, work-place bullying, loss of a loved one etc. etc. One useful strategy is not to push yourself through, and plan the exam at a time when you feel is convenient. There is no need to be hard on yourself and as a matter of fact, this exam is never a top priority when compared with social factors. A practical and realistic approach is mandatory in these circumstances.

4. Mental health issues: Well, I can see some rolling eyes here. Unfortunately, doctors are most vulnerable but least open to accept this factor. it’s not surprising to develop circumstantial/temporary depression, anxiety, mania, phobia etc. with such a highly stressful job. And if these problems are not addressed in a timely manner, they can develop into chronic conditions. It’s important to understand that mental health is equally important like physical health, and just like we know physical exercise is beneficial even in the absence of physical illness, similarly a few counselling sessions now and then are very beneficial in mental strength.

5. Personality disorders: Once again these are much common among doctors than you can think of, but the problem with anyone with a personality disorder is that they are themselves completely unaware of this. A typical differentiating feature between mood and personality disorder is that people with mood disorders are aware of their problems and do accept help if available. As you can clearly see from the root causes mentioned above, faulty study is just one factor resulting in failure. So, focusing only on the study factor may not reveal other areas that require your attention. In my courses, I address the study factor by using a variety of teaching strategies.

As mentioned earlier, it’s almost impossible to cover every learning objective in one course. Therefore, I try to bridge the gaps and address individual needs by one-to-one sessions, non-academic support by offering to be your talk buddy, moral support and motivational chats. I also try to cover areas not covered by any other courses like systems in the UK, Clinical Governance, communication skills, statistics etc. in live online events. In my e-courses, my focus remains to facilitate you to build up your foundation knowledge and develop critical thinking by not offering any ready-made notes, encouraging brainstorming and promoting self-directed learning (I know I am a pain, but it’s a short term pain for a long term gain).

I feel to be privileged that the Almighty has given me an opportunity to help my colleagues and students beyond their study by having this platform BeMRCOG. The support we offer you here is extended to help you address non-academic challenges you might be facing. ‘Doctors in difficulty’ is a service where our dedicated and highly skilled professionals are available to help you through confidence issues, prioritising skills, mental health issues and even just for a routine counselling. The added beauty is that you can avail all of this in a private and confidential atmosphere, right from the comfort of your room. However, any help can only be offered to someone who seeks it.

Can you see now why is it so important to be honest to yourselves and take failure as a symptom rather than an outcome. Go through a thorough self-analysis, (you may wish to use the tool explained in my blog, The Man on the top of mountain did not fall there) and devise a practical plan of action for future. It is important to understand that experience is not the key to learning, it is the reflection on that experience that opens the doors to success.

Dr Asma Naqi MMEd,MRCOG, MBBS, BSc Academic Lead, Mentor and Supervisor

Source — BeMRCOG Ltd

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