#oc: Ellaryen Ingellvar

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shoutout to lucanis dellamorte for losing his v card on solas' terrible bachelor pad aquarium couch, true love really can conquer anything and make a heaven out of hell

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rook falling asleep on the red couch in the lighthouse dining room while lucanis is making dinner....... they were helping out by keeping him company and peeling and chopping potatoes for a while there but then the potatoes are done and the room is so safe and warm and smells like coffee and good food and lucanis is trying to explain something to spite and his voice is low and soft and good to listen to and rook's eyes only slip closed for a moment. they'll get up to save the world again or whatever in a second just. one moment. while the world is warm and kind. and then they're being shaken gently awake an hour later because it's time to eat and everyone's starting to drift hopefully dinner-wards

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do you think that when rook stumbles out of the fade prison and through the eluvian to safety, there's a moment of everyone standing around in joyous (and probably exhausted) disbelief, where lucanis meets their gaze and recognizes the look of tremulous, hesitant uncertainty in their eyes -- that tentativeness of someone who feels they stand on the threshold of madness and one wrong move can send them over, the terror of something finally breaking apart in your head in a way that can never come back together and be whole again; the helpless is this truly happening? is this real? are you really here? confusion that verges on pleading. (the last time they saw him, he was dead. the last time they lost someone, their mind fractured around it for weeks, months, to spare them the knowledge, and they couldn't tell. until they could, and by then it was all too late. how could you know it's not all happening again? how could you not fear that it might be?)

yeah, lucanis recognizes that look immediately and with an instinctive visceral wave of empathy. because it's how he's felt so many times looking at them. anyway. anyone ever think about isabela's comment that lucanis looks at rook like he's afraid they're a fever dream. me neither

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I adore it whenever rook rests their hands on their hips like a handyman or mechanic about to deliver some bad news as to how much the repairs are going to come in at. the hero equivalent of a plumber. they're out there saving the world with the gently beleaguered air of an overworked janitor and I quite simply love that for them

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rookanis really is like... first base is you walking through the haunted ruins of my mind to find me in an act of breathtaking psychological intimacy with added tam lin undertones. second base is baked goods (cautious erotic connotations). third base is deicide. THEN we kiss. also second deicide of course once you pop it's hard to stop

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everyone comments on villa dellamorte being all fancy, but since I'm running this mission with emmrich and ingellvar I can just imagine these two insufferable mourn watch assholes looking around and politely being like 'well it's no van markham mausoleum mansion from the steel age built entirely out of gilded and polished black marble inserted with gems, the hushed halls of which have known only the footsteps of the dead for centuries. but it's cosy enough to be getting on with while you're still alive for sure! and the wallpaper is lovely'

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a collection of early game ingellvar moments that made me go '...oh. oh rook LOVES loves the grand necropolis huh' with devastating force in my first playthough (+ one bonus lucanis being -- perhaps not quite convinced because his delivery makes me so happy and I made this for me. every day I'm so incredibly glad you're here even if you maybe aren't so much yet lucanis)

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little detail I've picked up on: lucanis seems to like it when rook is smart. not in an academically minded way, necessarily, but when they're clever/analytical and clear-eyed about the practical realities of a matter and able to sort out the bullshit. most immediate example that comes to mind is of course when rook points out to illario that zara physically can't have made it back to vyrantium yet by conventional means in the café scene (where they're also backing what lucanis is trying to say, so the approval there makes extra sense), but it pops up in several other places too where rook cuts through to the heart of a problem with that kind of thinking. his and davrin's approval often overlap, but davrin seems to like it when rook is resolute and practical (and kind but don't tell anyone that sssh <3 ilu davrin), where I get the sense that lucanis gets that extra little thrill when they're also clever. in another contrast emmrich likes it when you're curious and openminded and kind (a lot like solas in da:i really) -- more like a life-long earnest academic *would* think about and value learning and knowledge in terms of a process and way of thinking rather than the results that come out of it -- while i think lucanis kind of likes it (and possibly gets a little ah frisson out of it depending on your relationship with him lol) when your mind is a knife. which I think is really neat. also tracks perfectly with him liking both viago and neve too haha. he clearly enjoys the Thinkers of the world.

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something so sweet and hilarious about the fact that varric apparently wrote to every single person he liked and trusted that 'hey I found this strange little raccoon creature who pisses everyone off in a dumpster out here and I really like their vibe I think we might save this world yet👍'

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It’s really too bad that the stiff kind of awkward ending point of it being held so long kind of distracts from the effect of Lucanis walking over to Rook at the end of the second café romance scene*, because the symmetry of how it fits into the pattern of his other scenes is really beautiful to me. 

In all three main-ish romance scenes for Lucanis — pantry near-kiss experience, café scene post loyalty mission, and post-Tearstone/breaking Rook out from Fade jail — we get Lucanis crossing a floor to go to Rook. Not only is it a mirror to Rook in Inner Demons walking and walking and walking undauntedly towards Lucanis until they find him when he is lost and stuck in his own mind, but it’s also sooo… do you understand how important it is that every time, it’s Lucanis, however stumblingly and uncertainly from how unpracticed he is at it, seeking out something he really wants, actively, from a place of desire, not fear. Not because it’s something that has been asked of him (Rook in fact looks quite sweetly surprised in the café scene especially haha), but because it’s something he longs for. Are we all on the same page about what a massive thing that is for him. That in every state he’s in through those three scenes — the helpless vulnerability, existential confusion, hope and despair of the pantry scene, the relief and refound sense of equilibrium and inner coherence of the café scene, and at long last the certainty and tenderness and unafraid devotion of the main romance scene where he is finally able to return the comfort and steadiness Rook has been giving to him the whole game when they are the one who needs it — the one thing that stays consistent through all of it is him seeking to be close to Rook. He wants!!! The wordless but consistent way it shows you how he wants to be with them in such a physical, literal way, even when his shattered state of mind (and nervous system :’) ) makes him flinch back from it in overwhelm at times because in that place everything, even joy, feels like pain. And Rook is so kind in how they wait for him that way without asking anything of him he is not able to give. They’re really just happy to, as it were, hang out with him and his imaginary friend exactly as they are, with no transactions, expectations, debts or contracts to dictate that relationship.

(Which is probably why it’s such a potent counterweight to his relationship to Caterina, based so much in what he can do for her, in how her love is contingent on his performing her perfect poor little golden child boy who doesn’t want anything for himself and gives himself over freely as a weapon for her to use. Who rises to her expectations even when it breaks him to do so. Rook could and would never, rip to Caterina but Varric’s poor little meow meow is just built different) 

There’s so MUCH beautiful symmetry all over the place in this pairing, honestly!! Some of which will only be clear on a second playthrough in some *chef's kiss* ways. Rook seeing dead Lucanis and Varric overlapping before Solas slam dunks them into hell as a sort of insult on top of the injury of bereavement (solas I love you but I’ll never forgive that one that was fucking MEAN). Rook starts the game helping break Lucanis out of a terrible prison, he helps them break out of one at the end. They’ve both had their souls and minds meddled with through blood magic and still find each other, through everything they can’t remember and everything they can’t forget. They’ve been walking together and walking towards each other patiently the whole game step by stubborn baby step, and finally reach each other by the end and it’s so good and quiet and safe, such a deep relief to find yourself still yourself at the end of all that violence and invasion, and to have the further and greater miracle of having somehow found each other as well. 'and with you. but here we are'. and here is finally, finally a good place to be. because you are here with me.

Hhhhhhhhow does it not make you feel crazy to think about????!!!! I’m sorry if I sound unhinged here but it really does make me feel like a feverishly muttering Bloodborne character whose head is about to explode into something celestial and unfortunate

*Though if you want to see a place where the animation budget seemingly similarly abruptly ran dry, and in my opinion an even more egregious case, look at Taash’ romance scene after we find out what the old Qunari tablet says, where Rook wordlessly leans into them as a gesture of support and it’s really sweet in theory, but the way it’s animated looks. Real odd for a moment. Listen the animators on this game have pulled such fucking heroic feats again and again and I will not hear a single bad word against them, these weird beats are clearly a case of resources or time running out rather than incompetence or lack of care. I only wish they’d been given what they needed to finish the polish on some of these last awkward spots.

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tiny animation detail from this scene I really like: rook glances towards the locations of lucanis and bellara's rooms (and possibly where they're most likely to be found in this moment?) respectively when they deliver this line!

(honestly I expect that lucanis is hanging out somewhere other than the pantry during this to give everyone in this unfolding catastrophe some space, but consider: it's so much funnier if he IS sitting in the pantry hearing this all go down on the other side of the wall like

taash stomps in with thunder and trepidation in their eyes like 'hey. I need vegetables. can we make vegetables happen.' and lucanis already handing them a lettuce and tomato like i gotchu fam this is literally the only thing I know how to do for you in this situation go with the maker and these salad ingredients I resignedly already know you'll just put on a plate with no dressing no spices no nothing. just the most sleep deprived caffeinated to the point of vibrating gently in place awkward-yet-painfully-well-meaning man in the world standing there before his friend about to have one of the most difficult conversations of their life like '...can I offer you a turnip in these trying times' while rye desperately treads social water out in the dining room to buy time. amazing. our lives really all do touch each other. headcanon passionately embraced)

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fucking crying real tears of laughter at the idea of lucanis letting out a sigh of relief at finally leaving the endless wind-whipped halls of the grand necropolis behind only to find that rook has brought the cursed giant skeleton statues back home with them. and turning to look directly into the camera as only a man who has slept six hours altogether in the last week and is animated only by coffee and spite at this point could. the nevarran lighthouse decor my beloved.

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:) :) :) hey. hey I'm scrEAMING.

Rook: You know... I think I knew the truth. Deep down. But I couldn't face it. (Varric: Why not?) Because it would mean admitting that I let you die.

Bellara: Maybe when I do, I'll feel it. (Rook: Feel what?) That he forgives me. And that I deserve it.

while we're on the subject of 'stuff that's completely recontextualized once you've played the whole game and that's driving me absolutely bugnuts insane on the replay'... hhhhhow about this scene, huh. I reacted the first time around to just how emotional rook's voice gets in this part (listen to that 'you lost someone important') -- her story is very sad, don't get me wrong, but it's early on in their relationship and it seemed so intense of him out of nowhere. and uh. well now I get it. and it breaks my fucking heart. who do you think rook is really talking to here? just as much as they're talking to bellara? just as much as she is speaking to something in them they cannot face yet, negative space grief you see everywhere around rook in this game when you come back around and understand what you're looking at. they're talking to each other, but each of them is also talking to themselves. all the scenes where Rook is guiding their companions through grief and loss... and winding through, over, under, all those conversations, a separate conversation Rook cannot have yet. because they don't know. they can't bring themselves to know it yet. but it's still here the entire time, leaking into everything like blood or ink into water. it haunts them every step of the way, and no one, least of all them, can see it.

It's not your fault. You have to know that./Then why does it feel like it was? You could switch that dialogue around between them after the regret prison and it would work exactly the same way. Two people talking with one voice of grief, of guilt, of 'he's gone and it's all my fault, I wasn't good enough. I wasn't good enough when it really counted' and not knowing it. I'm kind of speechless at how elegantly it comes together now that I know to look for it, and how much meaning it suddenly adds. It really is so FUCKING good. this game is so good, when you pay attention and start to understand what it's actually doing.

But if you don't learn to get past it, you'll drown. well, rook. you'd know lmao. it really is all

I was much further out than you thought    And not waving but drowning.

up in here in this lighthouse tonight

This convinced me irrevocably that Rook truly did know the whole time, deep down. it's right below the surface of their mind that whole time, kept from them both deliberately by solas and helplessly by their own brain trying to shield them from the pain. that whole time!!! and you can actually track it through the conversations they're having and see all the signs along the way, once you realize it

And now he's gone. Because I wasn't good enough. So I try to make up for it. Honor him. Find the truth. and maybe shared grief doesn't always make for half the sorrow. but it's something. and it's so much more than nothing.

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powerful mental image of lucanis expounding passionately about any given one of his limited but extremely deep areas of interest (the wyvern/knives/coffee/cooking/murder continuum of lucanis dellamorte special interests if you will) while rye lounges around and Beholds him with palpable twink boutta pounce energy

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I have so many thoughts I (ironically) can't put into words yet about the use of heightened and ritualized poetic language and phrases in connection to magic in Nevarra (or possibly within the mourn watch?). they don't default to an ancient language for it like tevinter predictably seem to, and while they do have a whole scholarly language for the academic side of it -- when they're actually casting it and interacting with the dead, they speak in common but through poetry and metaphor in ways we haven't seen any other culture do. maybe the avvar, as the closest, just in a different literary tradition. they speak to the dead, but in a living language. ingellvar rook gets a bit defensive and even reproachful during emmrich's recruitment quest when the other companion makes some sort of comment to question it. 'it's watcher tradition! >:('

'Open your hearts to the final day, companion of all the ages'. even a rook who doesn't take the almost religious element of the role of watcher as seriously knows that one by heart no matter what you make them say during walking the graves. when myrna in so many words says that the necropolis is still rook's home, the way they agree with her is simply to quote 'A home in life, a berth in death...' and her smoothly finishing the thought with 'a house of many mansions'. there are several times with emmrich where rook answers something he says just by quoting from some watcher text they both clearly know well. (if you do this to weasel out of answering when he asks if you're afraid of dying, he is understandably peeved you're quoting watcher 101 stuff at him, and rook clearly knows exactly what they're doing.) this shared base of literature -- and more than that a kind of oral tradition, it sounds like? it's just What You Say when you do certain things, do you think half of this is even written down anywhere? this shared inheritance of language making for a feeling of belonging and continuity is beautiful and moving in a way but also. a bit cold and distant, all mind and no body connection. which I feel might be a running theme around the necropolis haha they mainly seem to have interest in bodies once life has vacated them, they don't give that much thought to what makes it feel good to be in one while you're here. we can only imagine the psychological effects of growing up a crypt baby in this particular cultural milieu.

you know what it reminds me of a little bit in places, actually? the way the qun uses language and set phrases to convey layers of meaning. the qunari are an oddly poetic bunch. and I think there's also something here about like... cultures whose religious side are more about philosophy and the language used than an idea of the divine as such. yeah nevarra is technically andrastian, at least on the surface, probably largely for reasons of 'ugh it would be SO inconvenient to have an exalted march called on us :/ some of us have real shit to get on with you know this body isn't going to mummify itself. sure tell orlais we'll join their dumb club or whatever'. but within and beneath that the syncretism with and survival of much older traditions are still so obviously (and double ironically!) alive. how much does your average watcher believe in god, and how much and how immediately do they believe in the grand necropolis, and in their duty to what has been, what is and what will come after them -- the quest for knowledge? memento mori ass culture to the point of absent-mindedly forgetting about everything else including god (affectionate). maybe the maker exists, but he's just not that relevant down here. he may take the souls, but we still tend the graves. render unto the chantry what's the chantry's, and unto the watcher what is theirs!!! really is the whole thing huh

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Rook: The meditation bells. I used to know the right order to ring them in.

Lucanis: Strict training. Sounds familiar.

Rook: I need a moment. It's been a while.

Emmrich: Take your time.

cute detail/called out parallel between ingellvar and lucanis in the necropolis memorial garden! :)