#oc: leila maciel

[akp-1327]

dear diary // chapter ten

Auditions have arrived...O_o

Fair warning, I don’t know much about drama...anything? So I did a bunch of research from the original books, websites, and friends with experience...so let me know if any of this is inaccurate!

Also...hello! It’s been waaaaaay way way too long since the last update, but I’m beyond happy to be back! :)

As always, find the series masterlist here (Tumblr) or here (AO3) to catch up! :)

Pairings: Ajay Bhandari x f!MC (Charlotte Parker), Skye Crandall x f!OC (Leila Maciel)

Word Count: 6.5k

(*) Warnings: the briefest mention of dementia, otherwise there’s just a roller coaster of emotions in this chapter!

After one of the fastest weeks known to man, it was the day that classes started

This morning was all too familiar; the sudden remembrance of signing up for the morning classes, then the curse as I woke up with the sun. However, it was comforting to have this routine again. It made me feel normal, which had been a feeling I missed all summer back at Dad’s.

Walking to class on days like these, where the sun was warm and the sky was clear, had been another thing I missed. Birds chirping, the light foot traffic around campus, the smell of coffee wafting on the light breeze...

I could only think of how many hours spent pouring over the script for The Enchanted Kingdom. There were also points where Rory physically had to tear me away from the script to get outside, which to say, was not a task he succeeded at...

“C’mon! It’ll be fun! We can go find you some new blazers or something, since you insist on wearing them all the time.” Rory was slowly easing a highlighter from my hand. I gave him a death glare and he backed away, “At least take a break? You’ve been hunched here for hours.”

After a pointed look into his eyes, I focused my attention back on the script in front of me.

“I’m completely fine. Also, while I would love to get a few new blazers, I don’t have the time right now.” My voice was rough. I hadn’t been able to sleep much or eat anything but instant ramen for the past couple days. Though, I was feeling adventurous this morning and drank a piping hot cup of coffee. That felt like it did the trick, at least for a good while...until I fell asleep on my script for an hour or so. Ever since then, my eyes have been pretty droopy.

“Just let me be, Rory.”

Without another word, Rory sighed and left with a frown.

...was I a jerk that day? Maybe. But that was my nature; I’m a director and I’m supposed to be that way.

Another drift of wind caught the unbuttoned flannel I wore. Flannel was definitely a go-to right now, especially since all my blazers were much too warm for this kind of weather. Also, who knows who I’ll see?

I adjusted the backpack on my shoulders with a heavy sigh and tightened my grip on the straps. Something about today felt different from first days of class in the past. Could it be how nice the weather was today? It’d been raining on the first day for the past two years...

Maybe it was about where I was going? Performance Theory wasn’t the most interesting thing on the planet, but it was also something I’d taken the past two years. By now, it was something to wake me up in the morning. So why would that make me feel weird?

I shook the feeling away and continued to walk at a relaxed pace, focusing on something else.

Naturally, my eyes traced over campus. A big group of students laughing in the shade of a tall maple tree, a few couples walking shoulder to shoulder, and many stragglers like me with their textbooks in hand.

The environment was serene, and it was definitely one I enjoyed. The long summer of renting out that spare room at Dad’s apartment was, at last, something I didn’t need to worry about for a while. Or...ever again, now that I’ve visited Amma.

Maybe that was the feeling? Amma looked so happy to see me, and so did Mo. I guess I missed them more than I thought...

My feet fell onto a familiar path towards the arts building. I was almost there; only a few more steps and a small staircase until the doors--

“Ajay!” A voice shouted from behind me, making my eyes roll. I fought the urge to keep walking and just ignore them, but I knew that’d be a bad choice with who this was.

Craaaaaap.

“Danielle.” I greeted through gritted teeth. I turned around to face her. “Hello.”

She gave her normal maniacal grin, creepy as always.

“Auditions are tonight, yeah?” She asked, and then held up her already battered script for me to see. There was bright yellow, green, and pink post-its peeking out from the pages. She’d always been dedicated to her auditions...but she just couldn’t execute.

Honestly? That was okay. She was an alright person for ensemble roles because she’d been a good dancer. But that doesn’t mean she was a great actor.

“They are, so make sure to be at the auditorium by four.” I sounded a little annoyed, but Danielle was oblivious. She wouldn’t notice; even if she did, she wouldn’t care. “Don’t be late, otherwise I’ll make sure you can’t audition.”

Her eyes widened a little, but otherwise that annoying smile still stretched across her face. Ugh, absolutely obnoxious.

“I won’t let you down! Oh, and tell Rory to save me a seat!” Danielle said before walking away with a wave. Once she was out of sight, I rolled my eyes with a shudder and started walking to class again.

*

*

As expected, classes were already boring. One lecture after another, going through all those stupid, stereotypical ice breaker games. Your name, your birthday, your major, your entire life plan...

I didn’t have another class until noon, and that was about an hour and a half from now. To pass the time, I decided to pull out my script. The sun reflected off the white paper and instantly obliterated my retinas, so with a watery blink, I looked away and tucked it back into place in my backpack, vowing to look at it later.

There was...nothing left for me to do.

Wait, is this what people call a break? This is what breathing feels like? Wow, this is so surreal...

Something about the moment just felt wrong. I shouldn’t be idle like this.

Students were laughing as they walked by. I recognized a few of them, but only by their faces. Some I recognized from past classes, others from past ensembles, a few from Lafayette...

Then, though, I found a familiarity within the group.

Erin.

“Ajay,” Erin smiled, looking relaxed as she sat next to me, “didn’t expect to see you sitting here.”

I gave her an eye roll. “Is it...illegal?”

Her loud laugh drew the attention of people around. “In the book of Ajay, it definitely is. It’s almost concerning to see you so calm on audition day.”

So it was noticeable. Huh. Immediately, my posture straightened and I crossed my legs, prompting Erin to laugh a little.

“I guess it’s just weird coming from you. I’m not a drama nerd, but I know this isn’t how directors normally act when they’re hours away from auditions.” She slowly turned to face me before continuing. “Anyway, what brings you to this bench?” 

Her voice was surprisingly even. She looked like she’d been doing a lot better, but I could still see the sadness and exhaustion in her eyes. Erin had always been extremely resilient and level-minded, but even she could only handle so much stress at once. 

“My next class is at noon so I figured I’d sit for a little while.”

Almost immediately, she sighed. “Preach. I have psych, so I’m in for a treat.”

Then, silence. It was thick, deafening, excruciating...I quickly wracked my brain for a question to get rid of it. Her confession about her grandma came up, then so did something else.

I hated to bring it up, but my mind wouldn’t forgive me if I chose something else to talk about.

“Erin, what happened to your grandpa?”

The question was met with another sigh, but this one was heavier. Regret already plagued my brain, but it was too late now. Nice job, Ajay.

“Let me guess, Rory told you?” Her expression wasn’t much different, but it definitely solidified into a more serious one than before.

“Yeah, on the first day back. With your grandma and all, I was wondering if they were both...”

Before she spoke again, she took a deep breath. “No, no. You’re right to wonder. It’s nothing concerning, though. He just didn’t like the idea of being separated from my grandma while she gets treatment, and so he let out a lot of his frustrations on me in an argument a few days before I came here. Said he didn’t like everyone he loved leaving him,” she shrugged, shaking her head, “I called Rory afterwards, since his parents were the same way when he left for college, and that ended up being a three hour-long conversation.”

I nodded when she took a break, and in that moment, I wondered how she worked through this. It was terrible, especially when her family was so far away.

“It hurt when I left this time, of course, but I think it’s good for me to get away from them for a while. I just need some space to process everything.” She shook her head, almost like she was shaking the thoughts away. Instead, she changed the topic. “Did Rory say something bad happened to my grandpa?”

Another nod, and Erin clicked her tongue.

“Rory was just being a gossip like always, then. Pops is just adjusting,” A genuine smile came back to her face, which was always reassuring. “So, I heard you went to your mom’s house? How was that?”

I groaned. “Can we talk about something else?”

She laughed loudly and, again, prompted lots of attention to our bench. “That great, huh?”

I sighed. The weird feeling from earlier came back, slowly eating away at my thoughts once more.

Erin quirked an eyebrow. “You’re making a face.”

“What do you mean?” I asked, challenging her gaze. “I always make a face. Everyone makes a face. It’d be concerning if someone didn’t make a face.”

That answer only made her eyes narrow even more.

“You’re rambling,” With this realization, she looked me over, “are you...okay? You never ramble.”

I could feel my leg start to bounce. “I can assure you that I’m fine.”

She hummed loudly, and I noticed my hands were starting to sweat a little.

“Add that to the pile of other lies you’ve been telling Rory for the past week. He’s been keeping me in the loop since, y’know, you never text me,” her elbow nudged my arm with a force that made me let out an uncharacteristic squeak, “so I’m sorry, but I’m not buying any of that crap. I can easily tell something’s bugging you.”

“I’m just stressed and on edge for tonight. That’s all.” Was all I could say. Knowing Erin, she wouldn’t take that as a viable answer.

“You’re never on edge for auditions. You say it’s one of the most laid back parts of the process...” Erin’s voice was accusative. She could see right through me. Sadly, that had always been one of her talents.

“Sometimes auditions are easy, but this isn’t one of those times,” I heaved a loud sigh and rested my chin on my ever-so-slowly tightening fist, “It’s a big cast, and so that a lot of decisions need to be made.”

Erin was quiet for a second. I could hear her drumming her fingers against the cover of her textbook softly, and then she spoke. “Sure, I get that part, but you’re off, too.”

I whipped my head towards her and found a teasing smile growing on her lips. “How so?”

She cocked her head to the side and playfully squinted. “You’re not wearing a blazer, for one,” she was keeping a tally on her fingers, “you’re too relaxed, you’re bouncing your crossed legs, your posture is super straight, you’re rambling, you’re defensive, you’re even a little jumpy...”

I slouched back down at the mention, and this only made her smirk grow into a full-blown grin. “You’ve been pretty quiet about the show, too. By now, I’d usually hear you going on and on about them like a proud grandma.”

“Erin--”

“Oh, this scene will be so interesting to choreograph, and this scene will bring an audience to tears, and even this--” Erin’s voice was mocking. Of course she was fairly accurate, but it still got on my nerves.

“Okay, I get it,” A helpless sigh escaped me, and she had that knowing look in her eye that made me want to gag.

“What’s up with you?” Erin laughed, narrowing her eyes a little in curiosity. “Don’t leave a poor girl in suspense!”

The truth was something I could barely admit to myself. It was the thought of a feeling I never, ever wanted to experience again. Heartbreak.

“Ajay, you’re blushing...” Erin was smiling now.

And then it hit me. All hope was lost when she covered her mouth and squealed. I’ve never, ever blushed in front of her.

“Ooooohhhhh, do you like someone?” Erin started to cheer. I opened my mouth to stop her from getting too loud, but she was already squealing again. There was no stopping the stares from the passing students now. “Oh. My. God! And that someone is making you nervous, right?”

I grimaced, the reminder of why I kept quiet surfacing for the millionth time. People always make a big deal out of your feelings, so that’s why you never show any emotion.

“Don’t you dare. Don’t--” The heat sweltered on my cheeks, and I knew it was still visible when Erin clapped. She looked so relieved while I wanted the world to open up and swallow me whole.

“Oh, I called it! I so called it!”

I looked up at her and found her grinning with some emotion I couldn’t quite place. She looked like she was about to scream! “Erin, if you tell anyone, I swear to any and every deity in this damn universe--”

“Anyone does not include Rory. He needs to know!” Erin said excitedly.

“He does not need to know! That information is not on a need-to-know basis!”

And he’ll know exactly who it is!

“Ajay! This is awesome! It’s been so long since you liked someone!”

Awesome? Awesome?

“Awesome is one of the last words I’d use.” I could practically feel the blush on my cheeks slowly burn me from the outside in; it made me wonder if there were actual flames dancing on my skin. “They might be auditioning. I...can’t let something like that distract me from the show. You know what happened with Kelly.”

Finally, Erin let her smile turn into something more composed.

“That was two years ago. Plus, not to mention, it was with a girl who was as blind as a bat.” Erin lifted a hand onto my shoulder and patted it gently, “You’ve changed since then, so I think it’s safe for you to let that fear go.”

“I know I’ve changed,” I was basically whispering at this point, “but I guess I’m just...”

She patted my shoulder again. “You’re scared.”

Before I could bite my tongue, I blurted, “Terrified.”

She sat in silence for a minute, but then, that sly grin of hers was back. “Well, then.”

“What do I do?”

Erin placed her hands on my shoulders. “One of the healthiest ways to overcome a fear is through exposure therapy. So, maybe...you could tell me who they are?”

I searched her eyes, and much like her grin, all I found was warmth. It was the warmth that’d been missing from Erin since we’d arrived on campus. It was nice to see her start to heal from her summer and return to her normal self.

Still, I blurted the one word on my tongue. “No.”

She sighed, but she couldn’t stop smiling. “Ugh, fine. But just build the courage up sooner rather than later, please? I don’t handle anticipation very well and I’d very much like to know who made you this way.”

My eyebrows shot up. “You think I’m ready for that?”

Erin stood up, suddenly, and laughed. “That’s up for you to decide. Though, from an outsider’s perspective, I think you would’ve been just fine two years ago.”

Her gaze went soft for a second, but it was gone before I could decipher more. “Anywho, text me if you need help asking this mystery person out. You know I’d be happy to help!”

She was off with a sly wink before I could retort, already whipping her phone out to text Rory. Even if I didn’t want that to happen, I smiled.

*

*

My noon class was both a bore and a nightmare. Calculus was all gibberish - well, all math was - so I did my best to not pay attention to the professor. I needed to keep my head screwed on straight for later, so instead, I focused on reading through the script and notes I added in the margins. It ended up being quite nice, actually.

After the class spawned from the fiery depths of hell finished, I had a quick lunch consisting of a pack of rainbow goldfish crackers and hurried across campus to my next class.

Theatre arts was the perfect class for today, especially with it being audition night. Prime location and a great way to get back into the swing of things.

When I arrived, the auditorium entrance was buzzing with people. The drama building has never been a popular destination during the day, so what gives? Were auditions really something special this year?

Among the many faces, I spotted Rory, Skye, Leila, and Charlotte all huddled around a bulletin board on the front lawn. From the looks of it, they were...arguing, I suppose.

“...but wait! Skye, you’re good with computers!” Leila gasped, pointing at whatever was pinned on the board. “There are still tech spots available! And there isn’t an audition necessary for them.”

I watched Skye shake her head. Her hair was down, per usual, and she looked uptight. That was normal for her. But she also looked anxious when her eyes were looking at the bulletin board.

“Leila, you never need to audition for a tech spot,” Charlotte sighed, shaking her head, “can we please just let Skye make her own decision?”

“But there always needs to be more tech people! And it’d be fun to have another friend be at rehearsals.” Rory was pleading. He looked at Skye like she was his saving grace. “Please, Skye?”

It wasn’t an exaggeration at how small the tech crew was. Everyone in the drama program wants to act, not do tech. So, if anyone in the cast or crew heard about another tech, they’d jump at the opportunity and recruit them.

Skye gave everyone a look of dismay, then before she spoke, her eyes met mine.

“Ajay,” Skye said loudly, waving me closer. I hurried over and became apart of the huddle, and somehow fate was nice enough to put me next to Charlotte. “Does the drama program need more tech people?”

She was about to hate my guts.

“There’s never enough of them,” Memories of failing to do sound board last year flooded my mind, “don’t mind me asking, but would you be willing to give it a shot?”

That’s what made Skye groan. “Ugggg, you too?”

Her response made Leila laugh, but that was the only sound before a few moments of complete silence.

Finally, Skye sighed in defeat. “Depends. I’ll have to see what the software looks like first.”

I’ll take that as a yes...for now.

“Auditions are--” I started, but then Skye rolled her eyes.

“If I hear about auditions being tonight one more time, I swear...” Skye said, a hint of a smirk coming onto her face as she started to laugh. That was different, too; I don’t think I’ve ever heard her actual laugh.

“So does that mean you’ll do it?” Rory asked eagerly.

Skye smiled; it was small, but it was genuine. All the anxiety in her eyes vanished. “We’ll see.”

“Don’t feel forced to, though!” Charlotte squeaked, her voice cracking a little. “There are plenty of techs out there--”

“No! Don’t you dare rub her the wrong way!” Rory exclaimed, making Charlotte giggle.

It was cute. That thought alone made me blush a little.

Then, Leila gasped, her eyes widening in panic.

“Oh crap! I have to go!” Leila yelled, checking her phone. I decided to check my watch, and it read that it was almost two. Then she piped up again. “Skye, wanna walk with me?”

Skye let out a soft, surprised gasp. Her cheeks visibly reddened against her pale skin as she nodded.

“Sure,” Skye said, clearing her throat, “uh, maybe I’ll see you guys later,” she waved, allowing Leila to quickly drag her away by the arm, “jeez, lady, slow down--”

“Bye guys!” Leila yelled over her shoulder, then disappeared with Skye down the sidewalk and into a crowd of students.

Rory was the first one to speak, looking right at Charlotte. “Let me guess, you gotta go to the drama building?”

She nodded. “Whoa...it’s almost like I told you that when I got here...”

The two kept joking around as we started to walk into the building, but I kept thinking about what Erin had said about forgetting the whole Kelly situation. It felt like a great idea, but I couldn’t shake away all the fear associated with it.

It was another one of those things that’d eat away at my brain, but I guess that’d be okay. There wasn’t anything I could do about it now...

*

*

Theatre Arts wasn’t as boring as usual, but it was definitely a lot more chaotic. Commands for props here, calls for help with setting the lights up over there, and somewhere in between, lots of laughing coming from Charlotte and Rory.

It looked like Charlotte was blushing from here, but I couldn’t exactly tell. She and Rory were on the complete opposite side of the auditorium.

Professor Olson and I were skimming through the lists we had in front of us. It was hard to focus on the character descriptions I’ve read a gazillion times when I heard Charlotte’s vivacious laugh in the background.

“Alright,” Olson said, sounding exhausted already, “I’ve had some people hang posters around campus, so this shouldn’t be a hard place to find. Hopefully we get some new faces around here...”

Instantly, I looked over to Charlotte, still laughing at something Rory had said. Her smile brightened tenfold when she met my gaze, and she eagerly waved. With a small smile, I shook my head and looked back at Olson.

“That shouldn’t be too much of an issue,” I pulled out the form with all the auditionees on it and pointed to her name, “Charlotte Parker. Freshman.”

He nodded quizzically. “Anything unique about her?”

A lot, my brain immediately responded, though I shook the thought away.

“She performed at the Spotlite festival in London as a lead a few years back,” The professor’s eyebrows shot up, “and her school won. So I’d say she’s a pretty strong contender tonight.”

The fact that she was auditioning made me feel like I’d been punched in the gut by the universe. Exactly what I wished to not happen...happened. Though, at the same time, I couldn’t help but be a little excited to see what she could do on stage.

“That’s quite the accomplishment. Is there anyone else you know?”

As we ran through the list once more, a few names stuck out like sore thumbs; Rory, Danielle, Natalie, Clint, Jordan, and some frequents I’ve seen over the past couple years.

What finally tore my attention from the conversation was a gleeful scream.

“Skye!”

Charlotte. Duh.

Then, rushed footsteps up the aisle and towards the doors. A collision, then a groan of “why”. My guess: there was a hug and it’d been extremely one-sided.

That was Skye, alright.

Wait, my thoughts started to jumble together in panic, it’s already four?

Sure enough, I checked my watch. It was already a quarter til four.

“I hope you’re ready. It looks like this’ll be a long one.” Olson gestured back to the doors where Skye and Charlotte had still been talking. Several people were starting to flood into the seats, all with scripts in hand, and began to mingle.

“Jesus,” I mumbled.

As the start time approached, I got a little more nervous when thinking about the inevitable crashing and burning of this show if I let my feelings come before my job as a director.

Then, a loud timer rang off of Olson’s phone. He leaned over and whispered. “Show time.”

*

*

“Next, please!”

Already an hour in and we’d only made it through half of the list.

Jordan was on stage and running through their lines. They had a great way of controlling their emotions, but it all felt a little bland. However, it could’ve quite possibly been the scene they chose; a scene of the princess or prince daydreaming about the knight. 

I knew it’d be a popular scene for auditions; it really goes into the character of the princess or prince by going through ranges of emotion, from happiness and love to humiliation and regret. The scene is extremely captivating and is a great choice for actors to showcase the abilities they could bring to the table if they got the role. 

What I wasn’t prepared for, though, was the majority of the people auditioning for the role to use the same exact scene. Especially Jordan, who was usually someone who chose scenes that’d be risky for others. 

Strange.

“Alright, thank you, Jordan.” Professor Olson said, composed as ever. It took him a few moments to finish writing in notes next to Jordan’s name, but then he finished and glanced at the auditionee list. “Next, I’d like to see Danielle. Start whenever you’re ready.”

My eyes rolled. She scampered up onto the stage, script in hand, and started with a completely different tone than the millions of other scenes we’d heard. I quickly searched for the passage she’d been reading from in the never-ending stack of papers on the table.

She was reading for the witch, surprisingly enough. Her voice was startlingly dark. It was deep, it was evil, it was rich, it was...what we’d been looking for in a witch. However, her downfall was the lack of control over her emotions.

“Alright, Danielle, thank you.” Olson held up his hand, jotting a quick note down next to her name. Voice: dark, brooding, menacing. Emotions: uncontrolled.

During the transition, I took a glance back at the list to see who’d be next, and my heart stopped. It’s like I couldn’t feel it beat in my chest; it’d felt like it stopped entirely-

“Kelly, whenever you’re ready.”

My eyes snapped up to the stage, and there she stood. For the most part, she’d been the same Kelly I fell for two years ago, but this time, I didn’t get the butterflies in my stomach. Instead, the sight made me a little uneasy. Obviously it wasn’t her appearance, because that was the same, but her very presence.

The only feelings I had were irritation and sorrow and cowardice and regret--

“Ajay, are you ready?” Olson asked. The room was silent, and so I realized they’d been waiting on me.

“Oh. Um, yeah, go ahead.” My voice was rushed, but I barely noticed as the nostalgic feeling of her chocolate brown eyes burning into my being washed over me. It didn’t make me nervous like it used to, nor did it render me speechless.

“Right. Um.” Kelly said anxiously, fiddling with her script before she started to repeat the average line for the prince and princess roles. I noticed that her voice had the same lilt, but something didn’t feel right with it. 

It’s not for the right character, that’s why.

I tapped Olson’s shoulder and pointed to another character on the list, watching as he nodded.

“Kelly,” He interrupted her mid-sentence, and a look of fear glazed her eyes, “have you read over any lines for the witch?”

She shook her head, the look of fear melting into one of utter confusion.

“Flip back a page in your script and choose a line from the witch, then read it as you see fit. Take your time.”

I was so happy Olson was the one doing all the talking. I’d probably just tell her to move on at this point.

After a few moments, Kelly nodded and took a deep breath. Much like Danielle, she had the sharp undertones we’d been looking for, but they weren’t as clear as Danielle’s. Kelly, though, did have more control over her emotions.

I never thought I’d find myself saying this, but I hoped Danielle would have more advantages over Kelly. I just didn’t want to work with her again, not after what happened.

“Alright, Kelly, we’ll consider you for both options. Thank you.” 

At this point, Olson sounded exhausted beyond belief.

Kelly left the stage with a nod. My eyes met hers just before she vanished, and there was some emotion in them that I couldn’t quite place. Guilt, annoyance, confusion...I really didn’t know.

When she left the stage completely, it felt like there was a heavy weight lifted off of my shoulders.

“Well...let’s see here...” Olson mumbled under his breath, taking a sip of his coffee before he pointed down at one last list of names. “Only a few more left. How’re we looking?”

There’d been several great candidates for each role; this was always great, since then we’d have understudies and members for a complete ensemble.

“Like we’ll have some decisions to make, for sure,” I ran a hand through my hair as I read through the notes I made for each auditionee, “especially for a few of our veteran actors.”

It was true. Some were better for other roles, some didn’t have the strength or spark they did last year, some were improving...

“People change, scripts change, expectations change. It’s just a new journey to start,” When the exhausted professor smiled, the faintest purple bags beneath his eyes deepened, “and new journeys require a fresh and open mind.”

*

*

Somehow, Charlotte was the last to audition. When she was called to the stage, it was almost eight. Everyone in the house seats looked like they wanted to go home.

A familiar fluttering in my stomach appeared when she looked at me from beneath the stage lights. She looked like she’d been in her element, her smile shimmering and her eyes sparkling as she looked around at the red velvet seats in front of her. The script she held was neat and shook a bit, but her resolve remained calm and composed.

A good stage presence, I noted.

“Alright, Charlotte, because you’re new, do you have any questions I can answer before you start?” Olson’s voice gave way to his fatigue from asking the same question all evening, but Charlotte shook her head.

“All of my questions were answered throughout the evening,” She smiled, her voice smooth, “but if I have any, I’ll be sure to ask.”

That was an answer that made Olson blink in surprise. He wasn’t someone to be speechless, but those few seconds were definitely silent. It was clear she’d impressed him with just a sentence.

I definitely know the feeling...

“Excellent, so I believe you’re ready to go,” Olson wrote a few notes on his paper, then looked back up, “any specific role you’re auditioning for, or are you open to any?”

Charlotte cleared her throat and glanced at me before she focused on Olson once more. Her posture visibly straightened.

“I’d be open to any role. Lead, understudy, or ensemble.”

Jeez, she really does carry herself well.

“Sounds good...” After another scribbled note, Olson waved at her to continue. “Alright, whenever you’re ready.”

Her shoulders rose with a deep breath and she closed her eyes. It stayed that way for a second, and I couldn’t help but continue to admire her. It took strength to be that calm in front of a crowd.

She’s looks so natural up there, almost like that stage was built for her...

When her eyes opened, it’s like she’d transformed into an entirely new person. Her expression radiated innocence and her eyes filled with life, even more so than usual.

Then, she started to speak from a scene we hadn’t heard at all today. It was one where the prince or princess would come across the witch for the first time; this was a powerful and somewhat challenging scene, as the actor needed to portray multiple emotions at once while still keeping themselves under a neutral mask.

A minute passed, and then two, and then maybe even three. I had no idea. But, what I did know for sure, was that her acting was out of this world.

From what she’d put forth so far, it looked like she’d barely broken a sweat. Her voice was perfect and her control on her emotions was even better. She wasn’t overconfident, but calm. She was a force to be reckoned with on that stage, and it was equally empowering and terrifying. She had so much power, so much passion, so much potential...

She had everything we were looking for in this role.

Olson leaned over with wide eyes. “Wow. I...would like to believe we just found our princess.”

I couldn’t help but smile when the response left my mouth. “Absolutely.”

Then, the sudden horror dawned on me.

Princess. Charlotte...was princess.

*

*

It’d only been about ten minutes after she left the stage with a polite bow and dazzling smile that the entire auditorium started to empty out. Only a few stragglers were talking by the stage or the exits.

One of them in particular smiled and sped over to me.

“Ajay,” Charlotte grinned, “hi.”

“Charlotte,” I responded, “how’re you?”

She puffed out her rosy cheeks before letting the air out in a long sigh.

“So tired,” She was lightly laughing now. It was a little out of place, but it was cute. “Since I just decided to audition a few days ago, I’ve been pulling all-nighters with Leila to get my lines right.”

I feigned a smile and let a white lie slip through my teeth. “I’m glad you decided to audition.”

“Me too. I’m excited to see your directing skills in action,” She said this with a wink, “because it’s all I ever hear about from Rory.”

“Really?” Why does he talk about my directing...?

Charlotte rolled her eyes. “He gushes about how great of a director you are, like, all the time. You really haven’t heard any of this?”

I gave her a deadpan look, and she huffed out a laugh.

“Well, you should ask him about it. I’m sure he’d gladly tell you about how amazing you are,” she said thoughtfully, “he looks up to you, you know. It’s easy to see by the way he talks about you.”

I can’t imagine why...

“That’s surpris--” Before I could get through my sentence, I watched Charlotte stumble forward into me. Everything felt like it’d been in slow motion; her eyes widening slowly as her arms opened to hold onto me. Without another thought, mine did the same, wrapping around her small form carefully.

“Whoa!” Charlotte gasped with her arms tight around my torso and cheek pressed against my chest. I felt my heart start to pound, so I started worrying she could feel it thumping against her cheek.

The sound of laughter could be heard behind her, and when I looked up, I caught a glimpse of Danielle and a few others sauntering away. I glared at their backs, my grip on Charlotte tightening by a fraction.

Danielle better keep to herself from now on, because if that happens again--

The thought made a snarl appear on my face, and I quickly shook it away.

“You okay?” I asked, instantly feeling her rapid nod against my chest. I expected her to move...but she didn’t.

“Y-Yeah, just caught off-guard, um, I’m good.” Her voice sounded panicked. She pulled away from me slowly, looking up into my eyes with a deep red blush. “Thanks for not letting me fall.”

“Well, you didn’t really give me a choice.” I teased, watching her eyes widen for a second before she looked away.

“Right. Well. Uh, I should probably get going. I already have a ton of homework,” she hummed, smiling once more, “I’ll see you...sometime this week?”

I nodded, returning her smile. My heart felt like it was floating.

“Of course. Good night, Charlotte.”

“G’night,” She smiled and waved, awkwardly walking out the door. This whole goodbye thing felt like the new normal - that is, watching her run off while I stay glued to my spot, still living in the previous moment and imagining her eyes, her voice, her smile--

“Ajay! C’mon, man,” Rory shouted from the stage, “let’s go get dinner before we starve.”

It was like I snapped from a daze when I blinked.

The effect she had on me was maddening, but I realized I couldn’t get enough of it. Everything about her was just so frustratingly perfect--

“I’m in the mood for some absurdly overpriced pizza,” I said abruptly, walking with Rory out into the cool September night air. He laughed, nodding in agreement.

“Ohhhh, me too!”

I could swear the scent of her perfume drifted along in the breeze, but that was probably just my mind playing tricks on me.

*

*

It was hard to fall asleep that night. Maybe...maybe greasy pizza wasn’t the best idea.

I kept flipping over, hoping to find that one magical position and miraculously succumb to sleep.

But I just couldn’t get her out of my head.

This shouldn’t even be happening. Why did I let this happen? She was definitely involved with the show now. My rule still applies to me!

But...Charlotte. Sweet, kind, talented Charlotte.

Ug. The temptation to scream into my pillow was terrifyingly high.

For the love of...

Then, a thought. With a blink, I reached over to grab my glasses and a pen. After I turned my phone’s flashlight on, the feeling of a leather book from underneath my pillow brushed against my fingers. At the feeling, I sighed.

*

*

September 17th, 2020

Dear Diary...

Why does life have to be so complicated?

*

*

It wasn’t anything extensive, but my brain felt tired after writing all of that. So...short entry it was. Oh, did I sign it?

Too late. It was already closed.

I still felt like I was going to explode, but it was less severe than before. Progress. Maybe I could fall asleep now.

When I put everything back and folded my glasses, my head dreadfully hit the pillow with a soft thud. To make matters even better, I thought about her audition. How it was breathtakingly powerful and absolutely stunning. About how her voice was perfect for the part. About how...

It’s going to be a long night.

[akp-1327]

dear diary // chapter six

Hey! Here’s the next chapter! Also, before you delve into it, I just wanted to inform you about how gloomy this chapter is. It’s a major turning point for the series, though! I hope you enjoy and thank you for reading. ❤️

As always, find the series masterlist here to catch up! :)

Pairings: Ajay Bhandari x f!MC (Charlotte Parker), Skye Crandall x f!OC (Leila Maciel)

Word Count: 4.4k

(*) Warnings: mentions of bankruptcy and dementia.

(Buckle up for an emotional roller coaster, everyone...)

“Hi, Ajay.”

Charlotte looked worse than she had this morning when she was dealing with her hangover. Now, as she stood helplessly in front of me, she looked like she was about to cry.

“Charlotte, are you alright?” I asked, knowing what her answer would be right off the bat. With a purse of her lips, she looked down at the floor and slowly shook her head. She finally met my eyes and let her own fill with tears, her walls slowly crashing down.

“No, not really.”

I instantly waved her in and closed the door. Rory was out with a few friends that had just arrived on campus, so I probably wasn’t going to see him until morning. That was okay; Charlotte didn’t look like she was ready to leave anytime soon when she was perched on my bed, wiping desperately at her tears.

“What happened?” I questioned softly, coming to sit beside her. 

I wasn’t usually the crying-on-the-shoulder type, so I honestly felt out of place in this situation. Although, despite my inexperience, she answered.

“When I got back after our coffee trip, Leila and I got into a huge argument about what happened last night.” Charlotte sniffled, her voice breaking as more tears rolled down her cheeks. Without knowing what to say, I wrapped a hesitant arm around her shoulders to try and console her. I felt her tense up underneath my arm, leading me to assume I went too far. 

I was about to pull away before she huddled closer to me, leaning her head on my shoulder. Of course, I tried my best to ignore how my heart started to thunder in my chest at the action, but that’s unimportant right now.

After a few beats of silence, I found my voice again. I still didn’t know whether or not I’d been doing this whole ‘consolation’ thing properly, but talking seemed to alleviate her emotions, even if it was temporary. 

“Did she apologize for what happened?”

Charlotte shook her head, wiping her tears away with the back of her hand. “No. I guess she was angry at me, too.”

“Why?” My eyes widened and my embrace around her tightened by just a fraction. It was such a small movement but I could tell it was something she noticed by the way she wrapped her arms around me, clinging to me as if I’d disappear.

“She thinks that I’m dependent on her protection,” Charlotte said, her voice still unsteady, “and...and I just...” She broke down into sobs, her shoulders heaving and her arms tightening around my torso. Yet again, I had no idea what to do, so I frowned,

Just this morning she’d been upbeat. She was fatigued, sure, but she was herself nonetheless. Now, she was the complete opposite. It...well...it hurt my heart. 

(Dammit.).

I failed to muster a response before she started to speak again.

“I didn’t tell you about my parents’ diner, did I? About what happened?”

I started shaking my head when she pulled back to compose herself. It was barely a second before she crossed her arms tightly around herself. She was silent in deep thought for a minute, her eyes trained on Rory’s unmade bed across the room.

“You don’t need to tell me if you don’t want to.” I muttered softly, though she sniffled and looked back up at me. I don’t think I’ve ever seen so much hurt, so much pain, so much despair, in my life aside from her eyes in that moment. The blue irises that gazed into mine were overflowing with such a depressing sadness that I was rendered speechless.

Of course, she had beautiful eyes. She had a beautiful smile, too. Everything about her was just beautiful, even when she was at her lowest point like this.

“I do want to,” Charlotte breathed, nodding to herself in a way that seemed forced, almost as if she’d reminded herself that she wanted to, “you’re the best person I can talk to.”

Things with Leila, her best friend, must be seriously messed up. It’s been about two weeks since we met and she’s already crying on my shoulder.

I nodded wordlessly in understanding (because I still couldn’t find the right words to say) and let her continue.

“The day I got here, I called my mom. She told me how their diner had gone bankrupt,” Charlotte said, her voice now clear and consistent, “then, to top it all off, the building got condemned. It’s never really been in the best condition, but it’s always been like that. We’ve never had the best finances, either, so we couldn’t get anything permanently fixed.”

She buried her head in her hands. “I don’t know what to do, or what to think. I basically grew up there, y’know? It hurts to hear, but it hurts even more to know that I’m not at home with my family. And then everything with Leila and the stress of classes starting soon...”

“Oh my god,” I whispered, surprising her (and myself; I mean, I finally found my vocal chords!), “that sounds like a living hell.”

Charlotte cracked a wry laugh, immediately easing the growing knot in the pits of my heart. Even if it didn’t sound like her usual chortle, I deemed that it was better than her sobbing into my shoulder. 

“Oh, I can assure you that it is.”

“What a poor, poor reassurance,” I sighed, “can I give you some advice?” 

I watched her nod solemnly before I started.

“For starters, you’re strong. I don’t think you’re dependent on Leila’s protection because you wouldn’t be here if you were,” I said, watching her reaction carefully. It had been my job as a director to read people’s character and emotion and give them advice on how to improve; these circumstances hadn’t been much different...besides the fact of not literally directing her around.

“Second. You need to know that it’s okay to feel. It’s okay to share your emotions and opinions. You don’t need to bottle everything up all the time, especially when something big like this is bothering you.” I heard (and felt) my voice soften. I don’t exactly know why - maybe it was because of how calm the moment felt or because I didn’t want to worry her - but I did know that she was listening carefully because of her newly-formed expression of confusion.

“How did you know I was holding everything in?” Charlotte questioned. I simply smiled.

“I’m a director, remember? I know lots of things.” I teased, watching an unconvinced smile spread across her features. So I sighed and told her the truth. “I have lots of experiences with keeping my emotions hidden from the world. Plus, from what I’ve heard, you’re the instituted older sibling; I just happen to know all about that.”

“Oh.” She breathed. It sounded vulnerable. “That’s very observant of you, mister director.”

(Why are my cheeks starting to heat up? Whatever. Um. Advice. Respond to her. Um.)

“Not observant,” I corrected, giving her a tender and understanding smile whilst ignoring my growing sheepishness, “experienced.”

And then I watched as the silent wish I had in my mind came true; she smiled. It was such a brilliant thing; I couldn’t move, think, breathe, or function like a normal human being for a whirlwind of a second. It was something alleviating, breathtaking, and mesmerizing all at once.

“Ah, right. You have lots of...experience.” Charlotte laughed, giving me a thankful look before rubbing at her eyes. I just noticed how exhausted she looked and instantly felt guilty for keeping her awake. It was almost half past ten and I knew she was a night owl, but her eyes were growing bleary and she let out an occasional yawn.

“I do.” I hummed, gingerly reaching for her hand. I don’t really understand why I did; it just seemed like the right thing to do in the moment. To let her know I was here for her. “And if you need to talk about anything else like this, I’m here. Okay?”

Her cheeks burned bright pink when I grazed my thumb over the back of her hand. I’ve noticed that her hands are always impossibly soft and comfortingly warm. 

“Okay.” Charlotte nodded. A moment of silence passed, and then another, and then a whole two minutes passed without any conversation; it wasn’t awkward or weird or anything, but it had definitely been different. The air between us seemed to thicken. Her blue eyes looked up to meet mine again and I immediately knew why the moment had felt so different. Emotions like vulnerability and relief swirled around her irises.

She trusted me.

We continued to gaze at each other for what felt like hours, mindlessly but also knowingly, before she cleared her throat and pulled away. I took my hand back and the moment ended. 

I immediately missed the warmth of her hand in mine.

“Thank you, Ajay. Seriously.” Charlotte breathed, standing up. “I owe you one.”

I smiled and shook my head. “I disagree. I was just doing what nice friends do.”

Charlotte rolled her eyes but still grinned. “Nice friends accept an offering from another friend.” she winked, pulling me into a hug so quick I barely had time to react. She was halfway out the door before I processed her quick embrace. “I’ll get you coffee or something sometime and I can promise that you’ll never see it coming. Goodnight.”

Before I could retort, she was gone with a flourish. She closed the door softly, leaving me with my thoughts.

*

*

August 23rd, 2020

Dear Diary...

Wow. Three entries within the span of a month? Wow, I’m genuinely shocked. Anyway. I have something to say, and I think it might be urgent...in a sense.

Charlotte. Remember her? Yeah. I think something’s happening with our...friendship. And in a really good way. Over the past couple days, she’s been looking at me differently. Talking to me differently. Smiling at me more. She even pokes my arm...which has never happened before? It’s far from usual, but at the same time...I’m getting used to it.

The more I think about it, the more I realize that I shouldn’t be letting myself do this. I shouldn’t be letting myself grow closer to her. With every passing day, I keep allowing myself to spend time with her in the way that will eventually kill me. I know what’s going to happen: she’ll audition for the show, get a lead part, and forget about me. I’ll be heartbroken...again.

I don’t know what these feelings mean. Wait. Maybe I do, actually; I just don’t want to admit the truth to myself because the truth scares me. A lot.

So. That’s really it. Unless you want to hear about my “home life” problem? Well then, do I have news for you. I haven’t visited Amma, Mo, or Jim in almost a year and have been purposefully putting it off out of the fear that they won’t accept me as their family. (This is basically stemming off the fact of me “spending lots of time” with my dad over summer...)

Anyway. That’s about it. I’m seriously considering the thought of not directing the show this year so I can actually breathe with the whole Charlotte situation, but I don’t think Olson would like that. He always says that I’m the “most qualified” and “better seasoned” student he has.

Why must everything in my life be so confusing? 

Ajay

*

*

The air had slowly grown colder over the next week, signaling flannel season. Pumpkin spice season. Spooky season, as Rory called it. It was finally September; the start of autumn and the school year. 

Erin asked me to go shopping with her at a local craft store. She needed new autumn decorations and, by some sort of force, I just happened to be the only one free on the last Saturday before class officially started on Tuesday. So here we were; walking into a large corner store I’d never seen before with a small basket on Erin’s arm.

“Look at all of the leaf garlands...” Erin smiled, pointing at all the aisles. She eagerly looked around at all the decorations. I, in all honesty, could spend the entire day in this store. It was so tranquil.

...But don’t tell anyone that. 

“Ajay! Look at this!” Erin held up a small pair of purple and orange striped witch legs with black boots. “It’d be right up Skye’s alley! We could hang it outside the door.”

Without further explanation, she tossed it into her basket and proceeded to the next aisle with Halloween decorations. She glanced at a few before continuing on. Erin isn’t a Halloween person; she doesn’t get scared easily, but she just doesn’t like how cheesy the holiday is.

“You seem to be doing better,” I said nonchalantly, showing her a miniature pumpkin that looked like a paper weight. She took the pumpkin but didn’t respond until she placed it in her basket.

“I am.” Erin said just as casually. It was quite...infuriating, to say the least.

We continued to walk around the store, the odd encounter almost forgotten until we got to the fake flower aisle. Erin took a faux orchid into her hands and looked at it wistfully, twirling the plastic stem between her fingers.

“These...are my grandma’s favorites.” She whispered, her voice faltering.

Oh, no.

“Erin?” I questioned, watching as she shook the emotion away and put the orchid back. It was faint, but I watched several emotions flash through her eyes. Pain, grief, longing.

She walked away from the orchids without looking back and instead picked up a yellow rose further down the aisle.

“I could cut the stems off of these and decorate a stick wreath with them. Maybe add a few orange cosmos and red daisies? Oh, and maybe--”

“That’d look nice,” I hummed, cutting her off. She took some artificial baby’s breath and added it to the mix, not meeting my eyes.

Clearly she was ignoring what had happened with the orchid. 

I remember Erin talking about her grandma all the time - the amazing woman in her life that had been a philanthropist within her community. I don’t remember her name, though I do remember that Erin adored her just as much as she adored Erin. The latter would ramble on and on about all the people her grandmother inspired (herself included) and loved to talk about how her grandmother taught her about living her life to the fullest.

Then, unexpectedly two summers ago, Erin’s notorious grandmother forgot about her birthday. Then she forgot her wedding anniversary. Then, unbelievably, she forgot about her career that she used to talk so much about. She had no recollection of what she’d accomplished, though when someone reminded her and talked about it in vivid detail, her memory would kick back in and she’d act like nothing ever happened.

The memory lapses continued over the course of freshman year, but she still fought to remember the people closest to her. It stayed that way for a while, but you could tell that it was becoming increasingly difficult for her to recall certain things.

Then, right before winter break of sophomore year, she was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s.

Erin talked with me about it all throughout the entire course of break. How her grandma was put on all these medications and needed to be moved into a nursing home for daily care. How Erin was terrified that her grandma would forget about everything she ever loved, ever knew, ever experienced. She had every right to, as well; it was scary, especially for Erin. Her grandma was like her safe place, her shoulder to cry on. It could all be taken away.

Erin’s heart slowly broke as she watched her grandma’s strength slowly wither away. By the start of the summer, Erin’s grandma couldn’t even walk because she’d gotten so frail. The last time Erin and I talked about it, everything was as good as it could’ve been.

But by Erin’s mention of the orchid, I’m guessing it hadn’t been an easy summer for her or her family.

“Erin,” I said suddenly, catching her off-guard as she looked for a wooden wreath, “it happened, didn’t it?”

I absolutely hated and regretted the blunt delivery, but she seemed to understand. She looked down at her shoes and grimly nodded.

“The week before I arrived on campus, I took one last visit before school. I held her hand for a while and hoped, but she...didn’t remember me. No matter how many times I said my name or showed her pictures...” Erin breathed sadly, holding her palm up to look at. It shook the tiniest bit.

That’s why she’d been so...cold for the past couple weeks. Her grandma forgot about her. Not willingly, but, forgot about her nonetheless. This was what she was scared of most, and having it come true...

“I know this doesn’t help in the slightest, but I’m so sorry, Erin.” I whispered, placing my hand on her shoulder thoughtfully. She took a deep breath and shrugged.

“It’s not your fault, Ajay. It’s no one’s fault.” Erin whispered, failing to keep her voice even.

Erin shook her head again and sniffled before she took a small wooden wreath, gently placing it into her basket. She walked away after waving at me to follow her towards the register.

*

* 

After the whole situation with Erin, I just needed to relax. I got back to the dorm and started to get all my school supplies organized. It was just the therapy I needed. Rory even joined in when he got back from who knows where and played random songs from musicals he loves. I can’t even name them all. 

We talked about things, too. Serious things, like my tobacle with Charlotte. I didn’t go into much detail, but I could tell Rory picked up on a couple things. He knew me too well. Even throughout all of that, I didn’t mention Erin to him. I debated it, but then I remembered that it wasn’t something I should share. When she was ready, she’d say something. And, clearly, that wasn’t right now.

It was at least half past eleven when we decided to call it quits; or I decided, since Rory had been passed out on top of his blankets.

Before I settled in for bed, I sent a text to Charlotte.

I hadn’t heard from her all day. This wouldn’t have looked out of the ordinary to anyone else, but she usually sends these stupidly funny memes about theater throughout the day. I don’t even know where (or how, for that matter) she finds them.

Ajay: You okay?

It was nearly thirty seconds after I sent the message when she responded.

Charlotte: leila and i are still iffy but i’ve been alright. i’m pretty exhausted but overall okay...ish :)

Charlotte: how are you?

I really, really wanted to share how I was feeling. Not just about Erin’s struggles or my own, but about her. But, first of all, I was not going to be “that guy” to confess over text. Second of all, I didn’t even know how I would confess. I couldn’t turn the weird notions I had floating around in my mind into words.

Even if I could, I still doubt I’d tell her.

Ajay: Tired, as always. Also, would it kill you to capitalize your words?

I knew she’d have a witty response to this. She always had one to anything thrown her way. I quickly learned that it was one of her most quirky traits.

Charlotte: YES I WOULD, GRANDPA! I WOULD DIE OF UTTER SHOCK FROM PRESSING THE CAPS BUTTON ON THIS VERY SCREEN ALL THE TIME! YOU’RE GONNA ATTEND MY FUNERAL AND GIVE A SPEECH ABOUT HOW AMAZING OF A FRIEND I WAS BECAUSE YOU JUST KILLED ME.

Such a dork.

Charlotte: there. hope that resolved the problem. oh, and i hope you can afford my funeral, you murderer.

Such a cute dork, one could say.

Ajay: Not especially to all of that, but I guess I can let that one slide. But I better not see any lowercase nouns on your audition form once the show rolls around.

And that’s the reason that’d always hold me back. Whenever I thought I’d worked up enough courage to actually formulate some thought about these feelings I had for her, I’d remember that she was a theater kid, and I don’t allow myself to get involved with them. Not after what happened with Kelly.

Charlotte: you really think i’m that unprofessional? how rude.

Charlotte: plus...i don’t even know if i’m doing the show yet. i feel like it might burn me out. i’m a workaholic when it comes to school.

A familiar feeling of hope lightened the dead weight of stress on my shoulders. I may actually have a chance; well, a chance without making myself relive bad memories. 

Ajay: I guess that makes sense. If you’re interested, auditions are on the 14th.

Charlotte: would you have a bias towards me because i’m your friend? 😉

Of course she’d ask that. Why wouldn’t she? This was Charlotte; she was the most curious person I’d ever met.

Ajay: Absolutely...not.

Charlotte: gosh diggity darn it. not even for me? i thought we were...like...besties or something. you hurt my fragile feelings. 🤧😭

God, why is she so cute? 

I couldn’t stop myself from laughing out loud and had to hold a hand to my mouth to contain it before I woke Rory up. The last thing I wanted was his snarky question about why I’d been laughing while he was still half asleep.

Ajay: Apologies, but it’s against the rules. 

Ajay: Also, how would we be best friends when we’ve known each other for a little over a month? I don’t even know your favorite color or movie or animal. Oh, and even your birthday? This is all stuff that best friends know about each other.

Charlotte: green 💚 she’s the man ⚽️ penguins 🐧 December 28th, 2001 🎉

Charlotte: you?

I was playing a dangerous game here; I didn’t know if I wanted to win (stay friends and hold in my feelings forever)...but I didn’t know if I wanted to lose (tell her how I felt...eventually; once I knew), either.

Well, I guess you only live once, right?

Ajay: Green, The Bicycle Thief, octopi, and August 2nd, 2000. Relatively basic.

Charlotte: OMG HAPPY BELATED BIRTHDAY!!! (ignore how it’s sept 4th please) 🎉🎉🎉 the big 20, right?

Ajay: Sadly, but shhh, I’m still 19 at heart. Don’t tell anyone.

Charlotte: my lips are sealed 🤐 and i have a question; it’s almost midnight. why’re you awake?

Stress? Was stress a good answer? I think it was. She didn’t have to know what I was stressed about. It was general but also just specific enough to pass as a viable excuse.

I don’t think it’d help if I confessed that some of it was because of her, either, so that was another good reason to just give a simple answer.

Ajay: Stress. Why’re you awake?

Charlotte: same reason. i also haven’t been sleeping well, if at all, since leila went to stay in skye and erin’s dorm.

Ajay: Wow, since your argument? That was more than a week ago. Erin hasn’t said anything and I haven’t heard from Skye in a few days.

Charlotte: leila has always been a bit dramatic when it comes to holding grudges. but, anyway, i should let you get some sleep. but before you go, do you wanna do something tomorrow? i think we both could use a break.

That sounded like an amazing idea. Just taking a breather from everything that’d been happening in my life. But...

Ajay: I was thinking of going to visit my family tomorrow.

Maybe this was just another one of my excuses to stop me from letting these feelings grow. I didn’t want to get my hopes up; there was still a possibility that she’d audition for the show.

Charlotte: oh, that’s okay! another time?

But, then again, I wasn’t exactly sure if I wanted to win or lose this game. And it’d be nice to have someone there with me.

Ajay: Would you want to do something tomorrow?

Charlotte: ...is this your way of asking me to go with you to visit your family?

Ajay: Maybe.

Yes.

Charlotte: well, as long as it’s alright with you, i’d love to tag along. if you wanted me there.

Ajay: It’s definitely alright. Is ten okay? It only takes like...half an hour to get there. Maybe we’ll stop and get coffee or something before we go.

Charlotte: cool beans! you know exactly how to persuade me. see you at ten :) please try to sleep well!

Ajay: Ditto.

Boom. Just like that. Simple as pie. I was going to visit family that I hadn’t seen in a year...with Charlotte.

Tomorrow. 

Yeah, there’s no way in hell that I’m actually getting any sleep tonight. 

Awesome, wow. Cue ‘The Reynolds Pamphlet’, because I felt like Hamilton at this very moment...an absolute idiot.

Still, it might be nice, right? 

Might. It just might.

It will be nice...with her company.

Ajay: :)

*

*

Walking to Charlotte’s dorm the next morning felt completely different than the last time. I vividly remember the walk; it was quick and painless. I had little to no butterflies fluttering around my stomach. I wasn’t hyperventilating. I wasn’t trying to wipe the sweat from my hands as I marched down the stairs and up to her door. 

My hands didn’t shake for a second that night, but now...I couldn’t find a way to keep them still.

That party brought us closer together than I ever thought imaginable. That party basically sparked this entire flame. It’s what made me realize that Charlotte could never be just a friend. She’d felt like something more for...for a while; sometime during the party, it just kind of became a thought. 

Even that night when she was showing her raw emotion, her concern for her family, her frustrations with Leila...it opened my eyes to what I could tell her with such honesty. It made me humor the thought of becoming the type of person to share my deepest and darkest secrets with someone.

This someone, somehow, just weaseled her way into my life without any warning.

Everything fit into place and everything was put into perspective the longer I went over the “what if’s” and “what could be’s”. The weird notions in my heart were now scripted...and there wasn’t a way to take their roles away. There wasn’t a way to write them out or scribble over their lines with pen. 

And...let me just say...this terrified the living hell out of me.

Putting myself and my already damaged heart out there and on the line again...didn’t seem worth it. It didn’t seem like something I could handle if it went wrong. But you know what seemed worth it? The slim chance that she saw me the same way, that she wanted to be something more.

Now, as I stood at her door, the ever increasing rate of my heart pounded in my ears. I hoped I could admit these thoughts to her today. Or do something that could give her a hint.

It’s crazy how something small, like a feeling that you had for a split second, can manifest into a overwhelmingly large tower of impending doom in such a short period of time. It felt like I had a small, irking suspicion that I liked her at the party, but...I knew for a fact that I liked her now. A lot more.

Dammit.

[akp-1327]

dear diary // chapter eight

Hellooo! I’m alive, I swear! Just wanted to thank y’all for all the support and patience. I know I fell out of the loop with updates, though I absolutely love that you all like this series and are sticking around for it! It seriously makes my day to receive such kind feedback! Anyway, enough from me. Here’s the next chapter! <3

As always, find the series masterlist here (Tumblr) or here (AO3) to catch up! :)

Pairings: Ajay Bhandari x f!MC (Charlotte Parker), Skye Crandall x f!OC (Leila Maciel)

Word Count: 5.3k

(*) Warnings: mentions of divorce and minor injuries (nothing graphic)

(A cynical Ajay is always a great time, right? ;)

Holy crap.

It was wild being back here.

Did I feel like an alien right when I walked through the door? Absolutely. The whole house just felt different. It lost the usual homey feeling and, instead, felt foreign. The squeak of the wooden steps beneath my feet didn’t even sound the same as it used to.

Mohit and I started to make our way upstairs after Charlotte retreated to the bathroom, the door closing softly behind her. A rare silence fell between us and, finally, I was able--

"Oh my god, Ajay. You brought a girl over. A girl who isn’t your girlfriend?" Mohit teased, poking my arm as we walked down a short hallway. 

So much for silence. Oh, and when Mo said that? I blushed. Profusely. Still, I had to put on a neutral face and hope that my sudden sheepishness didn’t shine through.

"Since when are you an expert on romance?" I quipped, rolling my eyes before I shot him a teasing look. "Do you have something to tell me, Mo? Maybe something about a future sibling-in-law?"

Mohit instantly reeled back in disgust. "Eww! No!"

God, I missed this kid. I ruffled his hair and looked around at the room we wound up in. It had been my dad’s old office, but since the divorce, it just sat there useless (well, so I thought?). All of his stuff stayed because he had to downsize for that stupid little Manhattan apartment, so I guess Mohit took it over. It was littered with soda cans and empty candy wrappers, but smelt like the clean linen Febreeze that Amma spritzed around the house on an everyday basis.

It's been too, too long since I’ve been here. I knew I should’ve been here the past few summers.

I shook the recurring thoughts away and turned back to my brother, who seemingly grew a whole two feet since I last saw him. Crazy.

"It's okay to have a crush, Mo. There's no sense in hiding it. You know I'll find out eventually."

(I guess I could say the same to myself.)

Dismissing the subject entirely with a shake of his head, Mohit let out a dramatic sigh. "What're we doing up here, again? Hiding from Amma and Jim?"

That was such a villainous way to put it. Obviously, though, he was right. I didn't want to see Jim all lovey-dovey with Amma. Now that was gross.

"Just Jim," I responded, "which is why you will go down and greet him first when the time comes. I need to talk to Charlotte before I say hello."

Mohit wiggled his eyebrows suggestively. “Oh, I I bet. Through some smooooches--”

I mercilessly smacked him upside the head...but, out of some decency, it wasn’t as hard as I wanted it to be.

"Oh dear god, Mo. We aren't going to do anything but talk."

"Hmm," Mohit hummed, still sounding suspicious, "if you say so..."

Just then, before I could respond, Charlotte appeared at the doorway with her arms folded. "Hey. I'm not interrupting any guy talk, am I?"

Mohit laughed, but I chose to ignore it. 

"No, you're not interrupting anything. Come on in." I smiled. I hoped my voice sounded normal because I couldn’t seem to get her out of my head. Thanks, Mohit.

Oh my god...so much for keeping my distance from her...

She walked in and instantly made herself at home on the couch. I mindlessly followed and sat on the opposite side while Mohit (disappointingly) squished himself in the middle with a proud grin.

"Now what?" Charlotte asked, her eyes flitting over to mine. They were such a beautiful blue that reminded me of the ocean. Though, before I could drown myself in the feeling and become overwhelmed, I looked at Mohit's ponder instead.

"It won't take much time for Amma to tell Jim that Ajay's here, so I don’t think we’ll have time to do much." Mohit shrugged. "Well, depending how long you guys stay."

I looked back up to Charlotte, willing myself to hold her gaze this time around before her eyes met mine again. My stomach tied in on itself with just a glance, and that was just due to her eyes. When she smiled, my heart started to race. Pound, even. It was so loud in my ears that I could barely hear her response.

"That’s okay. What about that comic collection you were talking about earlier?" Charlotte grinned, sending me a discreet wink that left me stumbling over my thoughts even further.

"Yeah! You absolutely need to see--" Mohit rambled before I clamped a hand over his mouth. He was not going to interrupt this moment for me with another one of his obsessions. Her eyes were still on mine, her gaze soft. It was such a perfect moment. 

"Let's do it." I said, not looking away from her. In result, I watched her face redden a bit and her smile brighten, if that was even possible.

As much as I loathed Mohit’s (extremely boring and stereotypical) comics, I guess I could tolerate them for a little while. So long as Jim doesn’t know I’m here, we were alright.

*

*

Mohit finished up explaining his entire suitcase of comics before I heard a faint squeak from the stairs. I decided to lean against the threshold of Mo’s room while he and Charlotte geeked out over his Batman collection, but I immediately regretted the choice when I felt a small hand on my shoulder.

“Ajay, sweetie,” Amma whispered, “I told Jim that you’re here.”

My entire frame tensed at his name, but I held in my scowl. Instead, I let out a heavy sigh that caught both Mohit and Charlotte’s attention.

“He’ll be downstairs waiting when you three are ready. He’s watching a game of cricket.” Amma smiled before making her way back downstairs. 

“I’m missing it! Jim, you liar!” Mohit shouted before sprinting out of the room and thundering down the stairs. You could hear a faint thump and a brief yelp at the bottom.

For moments after that, it was silent in Mo’s room, though my mind raced with all of the possibilities. All of the worries. All of the fears.

Admittedly, I’ve had these looming fears for years, but they’d gone dormant the more time I spent away from home. I’ve always thought that I was the one who caused all of this turmoil within my family because of my college expenses - which, to say, is a lot of green - and that I could’ve avoided it entirely. Amma would never say that I’d caused them immense debt to my face, and neither would Dad. 

But, to be real, they didn’t have to.

I can distinctly remember the night before they broke the news. It was during the last few weeks of high school and I had been doing math homework angrily. I was stressed and because math was a spawn from the deepest depths of hell, it wasn’t something I wanted to spend my time on. My pencil bolted across the paper, sometimes squeaking with how hard I’d been writing. After a while, though, I realized the squeaks were turning into coherent words.

Yelling, coming from the kitchen downstairs.

It was maddening to hear, so I tried to tune it out as usual, but then I heard the three familiar words come up: “the college money”.

I dangerously decided to bring it up at breakfast the next morning and apologize; it felt like the only thing I could do. Amma swooped in to shoo away the apology seconds after it tumbled out of my mouth...while Dad only sat there. She was the one who encouraged me while my dad sat on the sidelines, like always. 

That’s really when I realized that my mom was tired of it. Tired of being the only one to give a damn about anything happening in our lives. So she put an end to her problem and filed for divorce. They told me only a few minutes after I’d brought up their fight.

To this day, I feel like I was the hearth. The origins of it all, only because of my desperation for success. To become someone who left a small stamp on this chaotic world.

“Ajay?” Charlotte asked from across the room, snapping me from my thoughts. Her eyes were slanted with concern, and the emotion only grew when I didn’t respond.

With Charlotte around, I felt like I could be my own person. Not be the person who’s parents divorced because of him and not the snarky director. I could be myself with her without having to feel any guilt or shame. This is why I wanted to keep her close; she was the only person who understood what it felt like to be judged. To be an outsider. To be distinctly different from everyone else. 

She was starting to seem like my other half, and as days passed, I noticed that the feeling was only growing stronger. That scared me to death, especially if she decided to do the show. Then I’d really have to call this off and protect myself. 

I’m not going to put myself through hell again.

“Ajay,” Charlotte shouted, her eyes now amused. I cleared my throat and shook my head to clear the thoughts away. “You okay?” 

With a quick nod and an extremely unconvincing smile, I gestured for her to follow me out the door.

“Just fine, um,” I said, my racing thoughts never slowing. Forming coherent sentences with a jumbled-up brain never had a good outcome, so I let my thoughts organize themselves for a moment before responding. “Let’s go downstairs before Amma nags us again.”

She nodded and hesitantly followed me out of the room. I tried to relax with a deep breath, but that just felt like suffocation. So I did not do that again in fear that I’d pass out or embarrass myself even more.

Once we got downstairs, I felt a rush of panic course through my veins.  Charlotte noticed my missing presence and stopped.

“Are you sure you’re okay?” She asked softly, worry flooding her eyes as she turned to me. I searched them for the longest second of my life, and finally, let myself take an actual deep breath.

“Yeah, sorry.” I sighed, shaking my head, “I just really don’t want to do this. It’s...”

Charlotte lit up with a small smile for a moment before it disappeared. “You don’t have to explain. I get it.” Then, without any semblance of warning, she quickly wrapped her arms around me and held me in a tight embrace.

This felt nice. My arms found their way around her small frame after a few seconds, trying to reciprocate the vice-like grip she had around me. I felt her head rest against my shoulder, and for a moment, this felt...natural. It was the same feeling as holding her hand for the first time back at the party.

“You’ll be alright. Just remember to breathe and you should make it through without a scratch,” Charlotte smiled before pulling away slowly, “but you’re making them wait, old man. C’mon.”

I missed her warmth, and I think it showed. She laughed, stepping into my space again. The sound put me at ease, so much so that I lost control of myself and glanced down at her lips. They were a velvety pink, layered in a thin veil of lip balm. From this close, I could tell it was infused with peppermint.

God, I am a sucker for anything peppermint--

No, I thought to myself, you can’t do that. You shouldn’t hurt yourself more. She doesn’t feel the same!

With great strength, I stepped away entirely. Charlotte looked confused, so I gave her a relaxed smile to show that I was okay. It was weird to have someone other than Rory to help calm me down - it was alleviating to be able to confide in someone else.

“Right, because we’re missing a cricket game. I’m devastated!” I sighed, a slight humorous twinge in my tone. I could tell she picked it up when she giggled and slipped her hand into mine.

“You are such a dork...” Charlotte teased, shaking her head and squeezing my hand reassuringly. Every time she held my hand, my heart would stop. Of course this time wasn’t an exception, but in this moment, I squeezed back.

*

*

It’d been at least fifteen minutes since Charlotte and I silently slipped into the living room. We stood very close to the exit in case I had to make a mad dash to the car.

Jim was completely oblivious to our presence before Amma discreetly took the remote off the coffee table and paused the game of cricket. My heart dropped when he looked to my mom...then, following her gaze, looked right into my eyes.

All the feelings I’d pushed down years ago - disappointment, guilt, anger, confusion - started to emerge the longer our gazes were tied. However, this seemed to be a one way street of thought. He smiled at god-awful smile at me, the same one that probably lured my mom in. Disgusting.

“Well, if it isn’t the college boy,” Jim grinned, standing and making his way over to stand in front of me and holding his fist out, “how’s it going?”

Swallowing my pride (well, er, attitude), I gave Jim a tight-lipped smile, trying to hide my grimace as I forced my fist to bump his. It was really bad acting on my part, but I don’t think he had enough of a functioning brain cell to notice.

“It’s been...going okay, I guess.” I said, willing my teeth to not grit against each other; that’d make the entire situation worse. Amma’s eyes had already caught mine over his shoulder and she had shaken her head disapprovingly at my attitude. Jim, however, was completely oblivious to the action and turned his attention to Charlotte instead.

“You must be Charlotte,” Jim said, his usual warm smile brightening and his hand extending for her to shake. It made me want to hurl. “Shruti told me that you’re one of Ajay’s friends from NYU?”

Charlotte, thankfully, was her normal kind self as she shook his hand. “That’s me! Nice to meet you, Jim. Ajay’s said nothing but good things about you.”

She caught my eye and gave the slightest wink.

“Oh! Well, that’s nice to hear. Why don’t you guys come and sit? There’s plenty of couch space to go around...”

Amma gestured to the small loveseat-like sofa on the far side of the living room, and of course, gave me her all-too-familiar teasing eyes. She really was looking to embarrass me.

Before I had the chance to retaliate, Charlotte walked over and sat politely. She waved me over, and so with a sigh, I sat next to her with a now-familiar heat in my cheeks. It wasn’t the fact that I was sitting next to her that made me coy, but rather that I was in my childhood house with a man - who wasn’t my father - now cuddling my mother. It was weird and made me beyond uncomfortable, and then add in how the girl I liked was seated right next to me...I was just a mess.

“So, um, I heard that the two of you are getting married?” Charlotte piped up after a few moments of silence. My eyes met Mo’s across the room and I could immediately tell he was tuning out of the conversation. Honestly, the idea didn’t sound so bad.

“March seventh of next year!” Amma beamed, showing off her left hand. A small ring on her ring finger sparkled in the light, and I could just feel a tsunami of hurt crash right over me. I don’t care how long it’s been since the divorce. It still hurts as much as it did a few years ago.

“That’s exciting. How has the planning been going?” Charlotte asked, trying to keep the conversation light; her voice was soft, but it was serious. It was missing her usual preppy tone, which to say, was odd.

I heard Amma talking, but I decided to tune out of the conversation.

Of course I was happy for Amma. I was glad that she found her happiness and that she could find someone else. My problem, however, was what she settled for. Jim wasn’t anything interesting. A dentist that enjoyed the outdoors and European sports - so what? Amma has always been an adventurous and bold woman, so why’d she decide on someone so...bland? My dad was an adrenaline junkie that won her heart with a simple motorcycle ride into the sunset. 

How do you go from that...to Jim? In what world does that make sense?

In my opinion, no one likes the dentist and you’d have to be crazy to go hiking by a will of choice. Mother Nature was one hell of a force to mess with, and to put your life in her unpredictable hands willingly? You’d have to be danger levels of psycho.

Plus, it didn’t help that Amma and Jim got together only a month after the divorce. It was like the crappy cake holding the crappy frosting and crappy toppings. 

I hated, and still do hate, their relationship with a burning passion.

After the thoughts and discussions of their wedding (more so the thought of my mom officially being his) the house felt stuffy. The walls looked like they were closing in on me. I felt like I couldn’t breathe.

I needed to get out. Fast.

Why didn’t I stay by the door...

“...and then the venue’s gardens. Oh, they are to die for! Just div--” Amma sighed wistfully before I cleared my throat, catching everyone’s attention.

“Um, sorry to cut this whole reunion short, but Charlotte and I have some stuff to do back at school.” I said, keeping any emotion out of my voice. Amma knew me too well; she’d be able to sniff out that lie like a bloodhound if I added any sort of emotional flair.

Charlotte’s eyes scanned mine for a brief second before she nodded. “We were gonna go shopping at a store outside the city to get some dorm stuff.”

I guess she really is good at improv. Huh. Well, in any case, the white lie worked.

“Oh! Alright. Don’t let us keep you. Traffic is terrible at this time of day,” Amma rambled, quickly standing and immediately going to the kitchen. The rustling of plastic and the closing of cabinets was all I heard before she came back into the living room. “Take some of these off of our hands!”

She handed us a Tupperware container filled with some of my favorites: Italian Pizzelle cookies. Amma always had them stocked in the house for some odd reason.

“Dammit, Amma.” I said, trying my hardest not to let my smile get too big. “You give me these every single time I visit!”

Her arms wrapped around me tightly, “I do. And I want that container back, so visit soon.” Amma’s eyes flicked over to where Charlotte was, laughing along with Mohit about what I could only presume to be comics, “Oh, and bring her, too.”

“Oh my god--” I groaned in exasperation, rolling my eyes when she lightly hit me from where her hand was on my shoulder.

“I can see that look in your eye, Ajay. Don’t even bother acting like you don’t like her, it’ll be a waste of your time.”

Sigh. She has a point. 

“Instead...maybe you could make a move?” Amma whispered, pulling away and slightly angling her head in Charlotte’s direction. “I can see the same look in her eyes, too.”

Reflexively, I looked over at Charlotte again and found her staring at me. When our eyes met, she hurriedly looked away while a faint rose tinted her cheeks, her hands coming up to tighten her ponytail in almost an embarrassed manner.

Adorable.

“Okay, go,” Amma sighed, “say goodbye to Jim, otherwise those cookies aren’t leaving this house.”

With a nod and an invisible eye roll, I strolled over to Jim and held out my hand. It wasn’t my favorite thing in the world, but it was a lot better than him smushing me against his chest in a bear hug. The thought alone gave me chills.

“It was nice seeing you today, sport,” Jim said, gripping my hand firmly and shaking it, “come over again soon. We miss having you around here, especially Mohit.”

“Uh, right. Nice seeing you too, Jim.”

No, no it was not.

Before I could even step away from Jim, Mohit barreled right into me.

“You need to come over more often,” Mohit whined, “next time I see you I should crash at your dorm!”

“No, no,” I immediately responded, still returning his embrace. “I’ll be over soon, Mo. I promise.”

With that, he let go and turned to give Charlotte a hug. “See you soon, Charlotte!”

Charlotte gave a giggle, her cheeks still recovering from her blush only a few moments before. She happily returned his hug.

“See you soon, Mohit. Behave, or the comics get it.” Charlotte said before they both broke out into another fit of giggles. Jeez, maybe introducing these two was a bad idea. Wait, correction; introducing these two was a bad idea.

Now that they’d bonded and actually get along...what am I going to do?

*

*

The ride back was quiet, save for a small periodic hum from Charlotte as she watched the scenery outside the passenger window. It was a comfortable silence, but I could tell she had something on her mind.

“You’re eerily quiet,” I said softly, keeping my eyes on the road, “what’s up?”

I knew I went too far, dammit! I’m such a--

“Well, Leila texted me earlier...” Charlotte sighed. From the corner of my eye, I watched her shrink back into her seat. “She apologized and mentioned that something’s up with Skye.”

“That only took a million years.” I said, trying to make her smile. Thankfully she took it as intended and laughed lightly.

“Tell me about it. Anyway. I didn’t want to tell you back at your mom’s house. You looked...tense. I didn’t want to trouble you further.”

Tense was one word for it, for sure. Also, why is she the sweetest?

“My mom’s boyfriend, er, fiancé has never been my favorite person. He tries too hard when he talks to me, makes me feel like I’m not really welcome at home anymore.” I said, careful to not reveal too much. She does have good advice, but she’s already going through so much turmoil herself...

“That’s terrible.” Charlotte frowned, readjusting herself to sit properly in her seat. I could tell she turned towards me as she did so. “He seems nice, but you obviously have more experience with him, so why is he so bad?”

Of course she’d want to know. She was curious in that way.

“He’s a dentist, likes boring sports, enjoys the outdoors...” I grumbled, my hand mindlessly tightening on the wheel, “he took my dad’s place, though he’s just so bland and boring. It irks me.”

“Wait, so you don’t like him because he’s boring? Out of all of the qualities in a person to hate, you chose boring?” Charlotte squeaked, her voice going up an octave out of pure curiosity and slight humor. “Would you rather her date a random, stuck-up billionaire from...like...Hollywood? With a name like Blaze or Lazer, maybe even Blazer?”

“I don’t think the odds of--”

“Oh my god, Ajay, just answer the question!” Charlotte laughed. I rolled my eyes fondly and sighed. 

“Probably not.” I answered, arching a questioning eyebrow at her. “Materialistic people are usually assholes unless you schmooze them and give them opportunities to get even more money.”

“Exactly.” Charlotte smiled. “So I think Jim is an alright. It’s obvious that you don’t agree, though.”

I knew she was right. I knew I’d been cornered and that it was almost impossible to prove another opposing point. Just by this information, anyone could tell that she knew what she was doing. Was I even supposed to act annoyed? I was impressed, and I didn’t know how I could compliment her on it without coming off too strong.

Why are feelings so complicated...

Why can’t I just work up the courage--

Why did she have to be a theater kid...

“Yeah, it was that way for a while.” Was all I could say; the phrase was brief, but the sentiment was the same. I appreciated that she gave me another perspective.

It was silent after that; nothing awkward, but nothing too comfortable.

“What’s been going on with you?” I asked, willing my voice to stay steady. That sounded so awkward...

“What about?” Charlotte hummed, not seeming to notice my nerves. “Like, with Leila, or Skye, or the diner, or--”

“The diner,” I said, calmer this time, “have you heard anything?”

Out of the corner of my eye, I watched her shake her head briefly.

“Absolutely nothing, but if I had to guess, things haven’t changed. My mom said she’d call me with updates, but I haven’t gotten any calls or texts from her in a while. It’s weird.”

I nodded, trying to focus on the road ahead. This was usually an easy task, but with Charlotte next to me, it became...almost impossible. Infuriatingly so. With Kelly, I could control this. She didn’t make me blush as much. She didn’t make me smile or laugh as much. She didn’t make me this nervous.

Just when I thought I knew what romance was, after Kelly, the rug just had to be ripped out from beneath me. This only proves how difficult life can be.

I had a high tolerance for everyday annoyances. Having a composure of steel was in a director’s job description. I had to put up with nonsense and chaos on a daily basis...but I’ve never had my patience tested quite like this.

“Now you’re too quiet.” Charlotte teased. I felt her poke my arm. “Spill.”

My eyes flitted over to check my mirrors; rear, left, right. Though, when I looked to the right, I caught Charlotte studying me intently, her eyes slightly narrowed and her lips pursed.

“I’m just thinking,” I sighed. 

About you.

“About anything interesting?”

You.

“Not really, no. Just...school.”

Liar.

*

*

We got back to Lafayette and, to me, the air felt even heavier. It was still hard to breathe, especially now that I was thinking of the visit and Charlotte. It was a deadly combo.

Even the Tupperware container of cookies in my hands felt heavy. 

“Thank you for inviting me today,” Charlotte said, slowly walking towards a staircase. I could feel her familiar warmth that’d been next to me all morning fade and immediately wished for it to come back. Though, the more I wished, the further away she ventured.

“Thank you for coming with. It was...really nice to have someone there with me.” I said, leading her to blush a bit under my gaze.

“Of course! I hope you get everything sorted out soon. In the meantime, feel free to talk with me. I’m here for you.” Charlotte grinned, sticking her hands in her pockets after she gave me a quick wave. In response, I nodded; leading her to take off. “See you later!”

“Bye,” I said quietly, though she was already too far away to hear me. She disappeared up the stairs a few moments later.

Time passed; I stood there for a good five minutes before I was bumped into from behind. God, the audacity of some people...

“Oh, sorry,” A familiar voice piped from next to me. I was adjusting my glasses on my nose when I met their eyes - her eyes - and my eyes widened in both surprise and concern.

“Skye?”

Her eyes were red and puffy. Along with that, she had a few faint, purple bruises forming just along her jawline and on the right side of her nose. Before I could find any other injuries, she looked away. I realized she was carrying a large garment bag in her arms.

“Hey, Ajay. Uh, I...gotta...go.” Skye rushed, her voice unsteady with emotion. Out of habit, I called out her name again as she made a beeline towards the same staircase Charlotte disappeared into. 

“Wait, no, Skye--”

But she was already gone, too.

*

*

It was only two in the afternoon. The couple days of freedom before classes started...and I was lying here alone, deep in thought.

Was Jim really such a bad guy? Every cell in my body screamed at me to say yes, but in the back of my mind, I found myself saying no. He made my mother happy; maybe not so much with Mohit or I, but I guess that’ll have to come with time.

Reconsidering this situation never really passed my mind. For the past three years, the sentiment of “Amma and Jim, sitting in a tree” was extremely nauseating and unnerving. I felt obligated to dislike him, just like everything else in my life. Obligation, guilt, you name it. It probably crossed my mind throughout the first couple months of their relationship.

And if Charlotte hadn’t been there, who knows what would’ve happened. Even with her there I was too scared to face the thought of their wedding.

I grumbled, rolling over to bury my face in my pillow in an attempt to hide from everything.

“Why me?” I groaned, clutching my comforter tightly in my fists. With thoughts like these, I was in for a long afternoon.

*

*

September 5th, 2020

Dear Diary...

Damn, do I have an entry for today.

Firstly. I visited Amma, Mohit, and Jim back in Brooklyn today. I’d been holding out on that trip for a while; long enough to make myself feel unwelcome with each passing day.

The trip was mediocre, to say the least. I thought it’d allow my guilty mind to feel better and focus on other things, but I guess I was wrong. I’m still pondering over the fact that I actually abandoned them for a year. So, so much happened within that time; it’s hard to comprehend, all that new information...

What does that exactly entail, you ask? Well, then. Amma and Jim are getting married in March and Mo is actually growing up. It’s crazy to think that his birthday is in a few short weeks...

This actually leads swiftly into the next topic up for discussion. Charlotte. I know that I like her. There’s no denying that anymore. I would be all for confessing and asking her out properly, but she still hasn’t decided whether or not she’s getting involved with the show. Of course, though, this is completely reasonable - I’m not someone to tell her to rush her decisions or pressure her into something she doesn’t want - but at the same time, I want to know now instead of later. I need to prepare myself for what I’d face.

I’m almost to the point where I’m tired of waiting. I want to tell her how I feel, now that I know how to put my emotions into words. There were so many times today where she’d make me lose my focus. Make me nervous. Make me do all these uncharacteristic things that, in my opinion, would scare the hell out of people who know me for...me (AKA as a strict and uptight director and, sometimes, an emotionless blob).

If only theater wasn’t a thing. Then I’d actually have a fair chance. I try to tell my stupid brain that she isn’t like Kelly. I want to get over that fear; it’s piteous in a way that makes me second guess myself. My problem, though, is that I don’t know how.

Alright. My hand is starting to cramp. I’ll give updates as they come, but don’t expect anything grand. I want to have hope, but that’s pretty hard with all of my experiences with romance.

Ajay

[akp-1327]

Picrews!

I was inspired to make Picrews of Charlotte and Leila in addition to the headcanons I posted earlier!

The link to the Picrew I used is here if you want to try it out!

^ Charlotte Parker!

^ Leila Maciel!

[akp-1327]

dear diary // chapter three

Hey! Long time, no see! I am so, so, so sorry that this chapter is late. I’ve been having a bit of a busy time recently and haven’t had many opportunities to write/edit like usual. But now I have a looser schedule so updates to the series should go back to normal! 😄 I hope you are all doing okay wherever you are! :)

Find the series masterlist here to catch up on the previous chapter!

Word count: 4.6k

(*) Warnings: mentions of bankruptcy and emotional abuse

All I could see was red. The anger that flowed through my veins was terrifyingly smooth, leaving my entire body shaking. The news that my mom just told me, well, sobbed to me, left me in awe. In terrible, heart-wrenching, shocking...awe.

Sweetie, my mom’s sweet and clear voice bellowed through my memory, I’m so sorry. So, so, so sorry, darling.

“Charlotte, you need to calm down. Seriously. I don’t know what’s--” Leila said softly, her hands firm on my shaking shoulders.

At a time like this, I didn’t need her soothing me. I needed her to slap me out of this impending doom that I thought would tear me apart. I needed to get a grip on reality, to comprehend that this entire nightmare was actually happening.

“Leila, do you know what my mom just told me?” I huffed, throwing my phone onto the tidy bed that I had just made. Our first night in New York had started off amazingly, as if it was taken straight out of a movie; we met new and amazing people, found Leila’s wayward bag, explored the dorm building...

Then, when called my mom once we got back to our dorm...everything came crashing down like a colossal, teetering tower of Jenga blocks.

Leila scowled at me then, squeezing my shoulders harder. Her eyes, usually a coffee bean brown, looked inky black when her entire demeanor changed from confused to quite ticked off. I immediately regretted the tone I used, though there was no going back now.

“Does it look like I do? God, you can be so dense sometimes!” Leila stated, glaring right into my eyes with a look that sent a chill down my spine. “Something’s up and you need to tell me immediately.”

This wasn’t something that I thought I could even have the guts to say. But, sooner than I though, words started forming on the tip of my tongue at the speed of light; but one stood out in particular, one chilling me to the bone.

“Bankrupt.”

This set her back, making her hands falter a bit on my shoulders.

“What? Charlotte, I need deta--”

“The diner, Leila.”

The words slowly tore my heart into microscopic pieces. Every notable memory I had from my childhood took place at the diner. I could distinctly remember the scent of buttermilk pancake batter being mixed and the sounds of plates being stacked. I could remember the outside, the bright yellow paint standing out against the lifeless gray colors of the neighborhood that it’s surrounded by.

“T-The Golden Griddle?” Leila asked, confusion consuming her features once more. The intense look in her eyes slowly fizzled out and turned into pure fret. As she’d always been, Leila was not well-composed in these types of situations.

“Yes. There’s just too many complications with the building, too many expenses and so little money...” I sighed sadly. Tears welled in my eyes, though I didn’t need to show Leila that. And so, with a deep breath, I sniffled and shook my head to clear the emotions away. “My dad spent what he could to fix the cheaper things like the light fixtures and seats, but then he got carried away with fixing the rest of the bigger issues. It all added up over time, Leila. Now the diner...the diner doesn’t have anything left.”

The diner had so, so many issues for such a long time. The interior, for as long as I could remember, was small. There were only ten tables, half of those being booths that lined the walls, in total. The kitchen was also considerably compact for the amount of business that the diner would face. My parents always wanted to get around to renovate properly, but could never keep up with the overwhelming amounts of money spent on necessities like ingredients, napkins, utensils, advertisements...so DIY projects and repairs it was.

“But your parents still own it, right? They can bounce back?”

My heart yearned to be at home with my family. Why would I leave? God, I really am dense. Forget school, forget dreams. Home is where I should’ve been when that news was unveiled, not thousands of miles away.

“No. I guess the health inspector said that there were so many things with the building that set off a lot of red flags. He condemned it right on the spot.”

Leila’s eyebrow’s furrowed in thought. It was never easy for me to talk about these things - the serious things - with her. Of course, though, she knew almost everything about me; she knew that I was never the “open book” type and would always need a bit of encouragement to work my way up to talking things through. I’d rather sit and wallow in my misery than get help. The whole mindset had definitely not been ideal for anyone, but that was always the least of my worries.

The moment Leila looked back into my eyes was the moment she started to speak, her voice soft like it was before; again, I didn’t need to be sympathized, I needed to be able to see reason. This whole thing caught me completely off-guard.

Leila whispered, shaking her head, “How did this even happen?”

In high school, a very wise teacher of mine once said that there is no such thing as a stupid question, only stupid people who ask questions. However, by the looks of it, this was definitely an exception. Even with her ingenious, Leila had just asked one of the stupidest questions known to man. 

She knew exactly how this happened, and has known for years. The Golden Griddle’s financial instability had never, ever been able to be kept secret in a town such as Ceder Cove, no matter how many times my parents tried.

“Oh, wait. Sorry.” Leila stammered, looking up at the ceiling to collect herself.

“It’s fine. I just can’t fathom what my parents are going through right now. Henry, too.” I sighed, stepping back from Leila and letting my shoulders deflate. I slowly sat on the edge of my bed and crossed my legs, my gaze trained on the aged wood floor. “Even if I should, I’m not calling my mom back with more details tonight. This...this is just too much for me to handle right now.”

Leila was silent and I looked up to see her scrolling through her phone. 

Seriously? I cleared my throat to get her attention...but she didn’t even flinch.

“Leila. Are you even listening to me? Or...are you texting Skye?”

Leila’s eyes immediately averted from her phone to look at me. The smallest hint of a blush crept into her cheeks, though she played it off and rolled her eyes.

“Actually, Erin wants to take us shopping for the party next week when we’re available. Check your phone.” Leila stated, a defensive edge in her tone. I was the one to roll my eyes this time.

Now, let’s get this straight; I am not fond of parties. Leila had dragged me to each homecoming, each winter formal, and the two prom nights that we had. My date to prom both years, a guy named Harold Longhorn (a total snob), would not shut up about politics or the “oh-so-stupid” stock market. I only went with him because he said he’d tutor me for free with my AP Euro and AP Chem homework in collateral. Oh, and did I mention that his dad is a major entrepreneur in the Portland area? Wait, that’s unimportant; just like every single party I’ve ever been to in my life. 

“Do I have to go? I’d rather stay here and reread Pride & Prejudice for the millionth time or something that I actually enjoy. Dancing the night away doesn’t sound as interesting to me as my daily dose of Mr. Darcy.”

Leila scoffed and looked over at me again, her eyebrow quirked in such a way that left me a bit uneasy.

“News flash, Charlotte Parker, but Mr. Darcy is fictitious and will not save you from this.” Leila scolded, though she was playful about it. “I’m not letting you stay here because you’re a college girl now and you need to socialize with people other than me!”

“Ughhhh,” I groaned, laying down onto my bed and turning away from her and burying my face into my pillow that sadly smelt like home, “you sound just like my mom!”

Leila burst out into laughter that sent a faint chill down my spine. Whatever her plans were, she knew I’d loathe them.

“I’m glad.”

*

*

August 10th, 2020

Dear Diary...

Okay. Sorry for the radio silence. Lots has happened over the course of a couple weeks that I need to get off my chest. As Scar would say, be prepared...

First off, NYU is amazing. I’ve already met lots of (!!) people, though 4 have become friends! Two girls, two guys: Skye, Erin, Rory, and Ajay. They’re all really down-to-earth and genuinely cool people that I’m getting along with! 

Rory and Leila are really like two peas in a pod, and so are Skye and Leila. Leila is just a social butterfly, so she honestly gets along with everyone. Erin and Ajay, though, are more mellow and easy-going. Erin is so...laid back? Like she’s the type of person that you could spill your life story to. She’s just so, I don’t know... nonchalant? - definitely in a good way.

However, I feel more drawn to Ajay; we share similar interests and outlooks on life. He even saw my performance at Spotlite! He’s also a student director here at NYU, so if I do somehow wind up in the show, I’d probably work with him. It even helps that he’s kinda cute, but you didn’t hear that from me.

Overall, though, the campus is absolutely stunning and the view from our dorm window takes my breath away each and every morning.

Second, The Golden Griddle is doomed right now due to both bankruptcy and condemnation. My parents are all torn up about it, and to be blatantly honest, so am I. The diner has always been a home away from home, and now that I may have to face losing it forever...

Third, I HATE PARTIES. With a deep, burning passion.

Leila, if you’re reading this, then you can call me George Eacker: piss off because I’m watching this show - also known as Zoey’s Extraordinary Playlist - now...well..when you’re at the party! There’s no way in hell that I’m stepping foot into anything resembling a disco or a dance or even, god forbid, a hoedown like that one during our sophomore year. Nope, nope, nope. Over my dead body.

All in all, I’m having a wonderful time settling into my new life in New York. Of course I miss home, but I also feel like it was time for me to spread my wings and learn to fly!

Alright. I gotta run. I’m going shopping. And, yes, it’s regrettably for this pointless party that I’m being forced to go to against my will. 

Talk, er, write soon!

Charlotte :)

*

*

“Ooo, what’re you writing about?” Leila asked, barging back into our slightly messy dorm after finishing with her morning routine. I hastily closed my diary and forced a smile.

“Um, it’s just the address of my uncle’s new house! Mom said to write it down somewhere in case I lost my phone.”

Shoot. Thank God Leila wasn’t really paying much attention to catch how bad of an excuse that was; she just turned her back to me and scavenged through a pile of dirty clothes already heaped in the corner by her closet. It’s been six days since we’ve moved in. I still haven’t really organized nor have I gotten around to calling my parents or Henry with updates about the diner.

“Right, right. He moved a couple days ago. Though, with our plans today, are you ready to go? Erin and Skye are already waiting for us downstairs.” Leila said, grabbing her purse. I gave her a scowl and grabbed my own, sighing as I slung it on my shoulder.

“Ready as I’ll ever be, I guess. But I have one quick question,” I said, finally catching her attention, “why are you wearing those?”

My eyes went to the unscuffed black stilettos on her feet; they had to have been at least 5 inches tall. She laughed and instinctively brought one of her ankles up to rub it as if she’d been in pain. The stilettos were paired with a pair of skinny and holey whitewash jeans and a black Shinedown sweatshirt with a crow and a butterfly printed in white; from what I remember, that was one of the band’s songs.

“I’m wearing these to the party so I figured I’d break them in a little first. And I need to find a dress that looks good with them, so why not?”

“Fair warning, you might actually break something else before you walk a block in those death traps.” I teased, making her huff. This was obviously not something she wanted to hear, but let’s remember who was dragging me to this stupid party in the first place. My sarcasm comes with the territory!

“Jesus, you make it sound like I’m breaking a law! They’re just heels!” Leila laughed, shaking her head. Her hair had been in two Dutch braids, making her outfit even more unique. To each their own, I suppose.

“Just heels that might put you on crutches,” I mumbled, rolling my eyes as I slipped my (comfortable) light pink flip flops on. We headed down to the lobby and quickly spotted Erin, chatting with Rory and Ajay, and Skye standing a little off to the side.

“Ah, there you guys are!” Erin grinned, running over and leading us over to the group.

“I thought this was a girl trip?” I asked, playfully eyeing the guys. Ajay gave a tight-lipped smile and rolled his eyes.

“Oh, don’t worry, it is. We were just heading out to find Rory another outfit that he apparently needs because his six other ones aren’t enough.” Ajay explained, making direct eye contact with me. I could see the different blends of brown tinges in his eyes - the light from both the windows and the bulbs above hitting just the right angles - shimmer behind his glasses. I also noticed that he was wearing a simple green t-shirt and a pair of khaki shorts with black Nike’s. 

Wait, what?

“I may have a slight obsession with shopping,” Rory said sheepishly, slowly creeping away from the group, “but I also need something fresh. I can’t be seen in the same maroon shirt that I wore to--”

Ajay’s groan interrupted him but he followed in Rory’s footsteps with a small shrug. “We’ll be going now. Have fun.”

I immediately felt myself missing his eyes. The brown sparkles that caught my own. Was it so wrong to find his eyes...gorgeous? Didn’t think so.

As they waved goodbye, Leila migrated from my side to Skye’s. The redhead looked particularly sad today, but let out the slightest trace of a smile when Leila started talking to her.

“So, where’re we going to go first, o’ wise Erin?” I asked, turning to her. She looked a bit lost in thought, a bit dazed when our eyes met, but I could tell she regained herself before she answered.

“Well, I thought we’d take a trip to The Shops today,” Erin said smugly, her hand resting on her hip, “we can take an Uber in case we want to make other stops along the way!”

Skye visibly revolted at the thought, her arms tightening around her chest and her glower intensifying. The way her blue eyes darkened was just a bit unsettling, too.

“Okay. Sounds good...” I sighed, gripping my leather purse strap a bit tighter.

“Sure,” Skye groaned, “good. Great. Grand. Just how I wanted to spend my day.”

*

*

The nearby mall, The Shops, had a wide array of stores that we buzzed in and out of, Erin and Leila eagerly leading the way.

“You know,” I said, looking over at Skye, “I really don’t understand why we need new clothes for this party.”

Skye shrugged. “Me neither. I never really had to get new clothes for the banquets that I went to as a kid with my parents.” 

I instantly noticed that her hands were in tight fists at her sides.

“What do your parents do?” I asked, trying to keep her talking. I really wanted to get to know her better; she was still such a mystery and I was destined to change that.

Though, the bitter grimace she gave at the question was all the hint that I needed to know that I’d said something wrong, maybe even crossed a line.

“They do nothing but make a lot of money and prioritize themselves over anything else, even their own kids.”

Oh, wow. I blinked rapidly, willing my brain to say, something, anything, to break the agonizing silence building between us.

“Oh. I’m sorry I brought it up.” I stammered, though she shook her head.

“It’s okay. It’s just...not something I really like to talk about.” Skye sighed, almost ruefully. Despite my pending curiosity, I left the topic be.

“What’re you here in New York to do, Skye?” I asked instead, hoping to lighten her spirits a little. When she looked back over at me, she gave me a neutral expression.

“Graphics,” Skye stated, her tone firm and assured, “I want to be a graphics designer.”

“That’s really interesting. Have you designed anything yourself?”

Sadly, before I could hear her answer, Erin and Leila gasped in unison and pointed to a store. A quick glance at the shop name was enough to make me roll my eyes.

“Windsor! Yes!” Leila squealed, bolting into the store without a second thought. Erin rushed after her, gesturing for Skye and I to follow.

Several racks of dresses filled the store and even lined the walls, some popping with bright color and some glittering with infinite sparkle. I watched Leila pluck several dresses off their racks and fold them over her arm, shaking my head.

“Wow, look at this abomination.” Skye murmured, plucking a dress made of plastic (well, not literally, but basically) off the rack. It was a flamingo pink and looked like something a Barbie doll would wear. A laugh escaped her as she sifted through and pulled out the other options, the colors ranging from a vibrant cobalt to a neon yellow.

“I’ve always wanted to be Barbie disguised as a highlighter! Skye, how’d you know?” I giggled, taking a resembling green one off the same rack. My poor eyes ached at the sight of all the vivid colors.

“Pure intuition, obviously.” Skye responded, putting the dresses back on the rack. “Jeez, I could never wear any of these.”

I could agree; I would never be able to pull any of these off. Also, it didn’t help that they were so effervescent and looked severely uncomfortable. (I mean, how do you even move in that kind of material?)

“Me neither,” I said wistfully, plucking another dress off a nearby rack. It was a black sweetheart-necklined dress that cut off at (what I’d say) the knee. It had some lace detailing on the straps and a few sparkles scattered across both the bodice and the skirt. It wasn’t over-the-top, nor was it boring...

I held it up to Skye, making her jump back a little with surprise. I giggled and closed an eye, coming to a conclusion about how this dress would look incredible on her.

“Whoa, what’re--” Skye asked, her eyes widening. I smiled warmly and laid it over her arm.

“I think this is a good option for you, and I’m guessing your a 4?” I smirked, watching her gape in both confusion and amusement.

“How’d you...know?”

“Pure intuition, obviously.” I playfully mocked, making her crack a tiny smile. As we continued throughout the store, we came across a few more ridiculously bright options, thankfully not made out of a faux plastic. 

About five minutes into our little exploration, I spotted a dress; it was a silvery mauve skater dress with a flowing skirt and spaghetti straps. By some sort of force, it spoke to me.

“That’s pretty,” Skye said, nodding in approval as I held it up, “ it definitely speaks ‘girl who can read minds’ to me.”

Oh jeez, she’s cool. She’s really cool.

“Perfect, it’s just what I’m looking for, then,” I joked, folding the dress over my arm and walking further into the store. Erin and Leila, practically having the time of their lives, had their arms brimming with dresses that ranged from super glittery to extremely bright. I could swear I could see a familiar highlighter yellow in Leila’s stack, but that could just be my mind playing tricks on me.

Speaking of Leila, I stifled a giggle as I watched her wobble around in her stilettos, grimacing whenever she walked too fast. Not to say I told you so, Leila, I thought, but...I told you so.

“Ladies!” Erin squealed, pointing back to the dressing room area with her free hand. “Let’s go try these on!”

*

*

“How about this masterpiece?” Leila giggled, sauntering out of the dressing room. Erin burst into laughter, Skye rolled her eyes, and I, well...

“Oh my God, Leila...” I playfully gagged, covering my eyes. Turns out that she really did pick out a highlighter dress to try on. After a few laughs, she turned around and changed into a royal blue dress with a deep V neckline. It was sparkly, sassy, and overall...very Leila.

*

*

“Wow, you look great, Skye!” I cheered, giving her two thumbs-up as she examined herself in the mirror. The dress was a perfect fit and she seemed to be comfortable in it. Her hands idly fiddled with the skirt, experimentally flicking it back and forth in thought.

“It seriously looks amazing on you!” Erin smiled, nodding with approval. Skye gave me a small, appreciative smile in the mirror.

I took a quick glance over at Leila and was met with her wide eyes and deep red cheeks.

*

*

“Charlotte, phew, you look hot!” Leila whistled, gesturing for me to spin around. I didn’t really gush over the “dream dress” as much as I had hoped. In fact, the more I looked at it, the more I disliked it.

“Maybe we can find a different color?” I said, looking back at Erin’s face; she definitely did not like it. She shot up out of her chair and came back a moment later with a similar option. It was the same style of dress but in a jade green shade instead. It was also not as shimmery, but more dull and had ruffles on the neckline.

I ducked back into the dressing room and quickly changed. With just a glance at myself now, I knew I found the one. I stepped back out and saw everyone’s face light up.

“Yup,” Erin said smugly as she crossed her legs, “that’s the one.”

*

*

Erin walked out in a tight-fitting midi white dress that popped against her flawless chocolate brown skin. It had a plunging V-neck and a small slit on the left side that climbed all the way up toward the middle of her thigh. Needless to say...she was killing it.

“Now I just need some hoops...” Erin mumbled as she examined herself. Leila looked over at me and just gaped.

“Stunning!” I said, and Erin gave me a warm and self-satisfied smile.

*

*

Finally, we were heading home in an Uber. But because of how long the shopping took, we decided to stop and get some ice cream from a local parlor; all after persuading the driver to wait for us with a hefty tip.

Erin munched on a mixture of raspberry and vanilla, Leila got creamsicle all over her face, Skye picked at her brownie swirl, and I delightfully ate two scoops of cake batter.

“So. Are you two excited about going to this party now?” Erin asked, eyeing Skye and I. At the same time, we both shook our heads.

“New dress, same feelings.” Skye sighed, looking down into her dish. I nodded in agreement only to hear a dramatic sigh from Leila.

“You two will have fun. We’ll find fun things for you guys!” Leila grinned, glancing at Erin. The two shared a look that, like all the times before, sent a chill down my spine.

“You guys can’t make us have fun.” Skye said, figuring her face was serious; but I looked over to see a teasing smirk on her face.

“Well, we can sure as hell try! Besides, what do you guys have against parties?” Erin said, her tone a bit more tame then it was before. My eyes averted from theirs, and without looking, I could tell Skye was doing the same.

Awkward silence wracked the table for what seemed like hours before Skye spoke up.

“You can thank my parents for being the pessimistic and narcissistic assholes that they are. My distaste originates from them.” Skye said, her teasing tone completely replaced with a hiss. She spoke in a mumbled tone, as if she wished she didn’t want to speak.

“I’ve just never been really...happy with the ones I’ve gone to in the past.” I added awkwardly. I thought about the one good party I went to...and of course it had to be from the diner. Emotions bubbled in my throat and were about to escape before Leila (thankfully) interjected with a disapproving groan.

Then, right after, all three of us got looks of unbridled hope and amusement from Erin.

“That’s going to change because, dearest freshmen, you’ve never experienced a party quite like a college party.”

And it can stay that way, I thought.

*

*

The rest of the ice cream was eaten alongside lighter conversation, and then, FINALLY, we were back in the dorms.

The afternoon flew as I decided to buckle down and unpack the remainder of my things. Leila went to hang out with Erin and Skye (without heels, if you were wondering) as I slaved away at stacking my t-shirts in my closet, that is until I got a knock at my door.

As soon as I opened it, I saw a familiar pair of gorgeous eyes lock onto mine.

“Hi, I know this is kinda weird,” Ajay said casually, “ but I have a question for you.”

I leaned against the door, praying I didn’t look like an uncoordinated mess. “It’s not weird at all, actually. Shoot.”

God, his eyes are just breathtaking in any and every way. Was it weird to be obsessing over an acquaintance’s eyes like this? Yes, I thought, yes it was.

“Well, since we really don’t want to go to the party, I was hoping we could try to get something out of it?”

What does he mean? If we didn’t want to go, what good would we be able to get out of it?

I tipped my head a bit to the side in curiosity and felt some of my blonde hair come loose from its bun.

“Let me escort you. To the party.”

Wait, was that an actual thing? An escort to a college party? No way. It sounded so childlike, almost like something an elementary kid would say.

“Hang on. Do you mean, like, as a date?” I asked, my tone packing more intensity than I had hoped. His eyes widened and he shook his head.

“No, no. I just want to get to know you better. I thought that this would be a better option than hunting you down in a huge mass of drunk people and ending up not being able to find you.” Ajay explained, a light smile tugging at his lips. “So...?”

Maybe spending the night with someone with the same ideals as me would make the night less dreadful, perhaps even fun. I barely gave the idea a thought before words left my mouth. 

“Sure, Ajay, I’ll be your escort.”

[akp-1327]

dear diary // chapter one

Hi, everyone! This is the first chapter of the new series I’ve started. I hope you enjoy and stick around for future chapters! 💕

Find a series “description” and other detailing here!

Word Count: ~ 5.3k

(*) Warnings: none

July 16th, 2020

Dear Diary,

Nothing would make me happier than to visit the city. The bright lights, the busy streets, the shops, the smell of car exhaust. For all the wonders I’d discover, for all the opportunities I’d face. For the experience, for the fun.

Living in a small town is boring. It’s the same, day after day. Then as soon as you bat an eye, you’ve turned eighteen and have barely left the state. Some would call me a hobbit, some would call me lazy. But it’s hard to get out of town when your family can’t really leave because of their job and you’re too scared to learn how to drive.

The diner that my parents own is great; awesome pancakes, delicious milkshakes, and every single pie flavor you could ever imagine. It’s called the Golden Griddle and it’s located right in the heart of Cedar Cove, Oregon. You’d have to be blind to miss the sunny yellow paint (that’s ever so slowly chipping away, but don’t tell my dad) smeared on the bricks.

Anyway. I’m Charlotte, but you knew that already, didn’t you? Of course you did. Well, if you needed a reminder of my sob-worthy life story...my brother and I are adopted. But you probably remembered that, right? Wow, I need to stop ranting about how you probably remember me. You’re a literal book for God’s sake.

Wait; back on topic. I want to go to see the city. So badly. Oh, and have I mentioned that I got accepted into my dream school? New York University, here I come. How have I not written about that yet? Holy crap. NYU preparations have been coming along nicely. I already have half my room packed and almost all my dorm stuff that my mom insists on buying. My brother Henry, too. He’s going to Ohio State on a football scholarship and a desire to pursue athletic training. Big dreams!

Me, you ask? Good gracious, Diary, stop interrupting! (Oh boy, I’m talking to myself. Skye would laugh...). I’m pursuing acting and theater, of course. A major in drama and a minor in production. I’m chasing the sun here, okay? I am a future Broadway star and actress with dreams as far as the eye can see!

I am ecstatic to make the big move at the beginning of August. More updates to come. Sorry if this ending was abrupt. My dad made his famous chili tonight and I gotta go get it while it’s hot and before Henry inhales it all like the vacuum he is.

Yours, Charlotte :)

*

*

The faint, familiar smell of spices filled my senses as I put the old and tattered diary down. It was a gift I got years and years ago from a friend, but I never used it. May as well start before the wild ride of my new life starts, right?

I threw my blonde hair into a bun as I walked out of my room, avoiding boxes piled up high on the floor. Right as I stepped into the hallway, however, my foot met a ball of fluff curled right outside my doorway.

“Aw, Cooper,” I cooed, leaning down and scooping the little snowball I called a dog into my arms, cradling him close, “you’re missing all the food downstairs, buddy!”

A small whimper came from him as I made my way down the stairs. Henry was spread out on the couch and watching some sort of European soccer, er, football on the TV.

“Hey, just in time!” Henry smiled, waving me over to sit next to him. I obliged, setting Cooper down onto the floor and taking a seat next to him. 

...It was crazy how he was twice my size. And how I was the older one by three whole minutes.

“What’s up, Henry?” I asked, nudging his arm. A laugh escaped his throat as he gestured to the screen and unpaused the video (wait, it was paused this entire time?). I watched the screen to see a player get hit in the head with a soccer ball.

“Hah!” Henry laughed, his deep pitch echoing off the walls. I gasped and swatted his arm.

“Henry! Laughing at someone else’s pain is so rude! What if he got a concussion that ended his career?” I said, a twinge of amusement in my tone. All in all, I loved to see my brother get all flustered. He was such a goody-two-shoes that even something like this comment would make him blow a gasket--

“He’s laughing, sis. I don’t think the dude’s hurt.” Henry said, his tone smug. Maybe college was finally really going to his head.

I shook my head with both surprise and disappointment as I stood up, gesturing for the walking vacuum to follow suit. “C’mon, knucklehead. Dinner’s almost ready.”

We both walked into the kitchen to see the finishing arrangements being set up for dinner; Mom was retrieving bowls and utensils as Dad strained the water from the elbow macaroni at the sink.

“You two are in here early,” Mom teased, giving us a side glare as she placed the bowls and spoons on the counter, “what about?”

A sweet, innocent smile crossed my face as I batted my eyelashes at her. “It just smells so good that I couldn’t stay away!”

“I’ve heard that one before, you jest. Come get your bowls.” Mom chuckled, stepping away. Henry and I grabbed a bowl right as Dad turned to us.

“Get it while it’s hot!” Dad said, grabbing a bowl of his own. Henry and I both dove for the noodles and chili, somehow managing to get our servings without making a complete mess like we usually do. It’s crazy to think of how people mature over time...

The old seats at the table squeaked as we all sat down and started to dig into our chili. A comfortable silence blanketed the table and just as I got used to it, Mom broke it.

“So, you two have been packing, yes? Even the stuff you aren’t bringing?” Mom asked sweetly, dabbing a napkin at the corners of her mouth. She’d always been the politest one in the family; too bad no one else at the table had her mannerisms.

“My room is basically packed except for some of my clothes and books,” I said in between chews of the (extremely hot) chili in my mouth, “but otherwise I’m good.”

Henry nodded and pointed his thumb at me, his eyes never leaving his bowl. “Mhmm.”

“That’s great! Your flights leave in only a matter of days!” Dad cheered, giving Mom a high five. It was such a weird but common thing to see parents do: act like teenagers.

“You sound excited about that?” Henry questioned. I looked over to see half his bowl already gone. 

Mom heaved a sigh.

“We’re excited for you both to finally experience the world. We can’t wait for your lives to truly start!” Mom said, a smile encompassing her features. Her kind, brown eyes flitted between Henry and me.

“You two have the world at your fingertips,” Dad added, glancing at Mom. They shared a fond look. 

At that moment, for the briefest second, I wished that I had a connection like that; a soulmate, someone who you could spill your heart out to. Someone who you could love and be loved by. Someone who’d want nothing more than to see you happy. 

Also at that moment, I decided that I would make it a small goal of mine to make this wish come true during my time at NYU.

*

*

My blankets were soft around my legs as I sat propped up against my pillows. Leila and I had been talking on the phone all night. I felt like I was in that moment in Mean Girls where Gretchen was switching between Cady, Karen, and Regina. Except...I wasn’t switching between anyone at the moment. 

Leila Maciel is my best friend. She’s someone with a sarcastic personality and a snarky remark to anything. She’s as smart as a whip and could, without a doubt, put you in your place if you stepped out of line with her intimidating strength. Though, she also has a soft and caring side that she only reveals to those who she deems trustworthy. A confident, kind, and bold girl indeed. 

We’ve been friends for our entire high school careers, but it feels like I’ve known her my entire life.

During our freshman year, Leila was in an extremely toxic relationship. Her ex-girlfriend, a “sweet” but a rather manipulative girl, was to blame for our friendship. This girl, Sadie, ticked all of Leila’s boxes; beautiful, smart, compassionate, sweet... 

Remember that Leila and I had only known each other for a month at this point.

Leila and Sadie’s relationship was adorable from the outside. Both bright-eyed and bushy-tailed freshmen with hearts in their eyes. It was something you’d see in a more realistic version of High School Musical because let’s be real...those movies aren’t realistic. (I still love them, though!)

About a year into their relationship, though, Sadie transformed from sweet to sour. She used Leila to get what she wanted like she was her very own puppet. Her antics ranged from cheating on tests to almost stealing a designer handbag before I intervened. Then, like the cherry on top of this extremely nasty sundae, Sadie revealed that she cheated on Leila with a college girl for the majority of their relationship. Let’s just say that their relationship was terminated seconds after that bombshell blew up.

Leila was broken for months. She truly believed that she loved Sadie, but upon further examination, I found that Leila felt guilty whenever she had the opportunity to say no. It had never been any sort of love; it was an obligation. Also after that relationship, Leila decided that instead of focusing on liking girls, she’d be open and love anyone. She was sick of limits.

So, here we are today.

Now, as we talked on the phone, I thought about how she’d also be going to NYU, majoring in business. We were roommates! It was like a dream come true.

“Uh, Charlotte?” Leila asked with a laugh. “You alive?”

Reality snapped back into place as I blinked my eyes rapidly. “Oh, uh, yeah. What’d you say?”

“Did you buy a fan for our dorm?” Leila asked monotonously. This made me laugh for some odd reason. “Dear Lord, what’s so funny?”

Honestly, though. What was funny, Charlotte? One could say that I was losing my mind.

“I don’t know, spur of the moment? But otherwise, yes; I got the one you pointed out at Target.” I said, surprising myself with how even my voice sounded. A familiar hum came from the other end of the line in response.

“Cool. Then you’re all set to go for next week?” Leila asked, her voice making it sound like she was smiling. I laughed again and nodded to myself.

“Yes!” Was all I could say.

Leila’s sigh was so loud that I could swear that I felt her breath through the phone. “You’re not stressing out over this, are you?”

My eyes widened at her question. Was I stressing out about this? I’d been packing for days on end without breaks. I had folded, re-folded, and re-re-folded all of my clothes several times in my duffel bag. I had splurged on so many things, like that fan Leila mentioned, without a second thought. I don’t think I’ve had a proper shower in almost a week; I was too busy being a nervous wreck.

“Maybe a little bit, but not too much,” I responded, my tone a bit somber as I tried to conceal my lie. My fingers twirled the fringed fabric of my tie blanket around as I waited for Leila’s retort.

“Stressing out over this is like a circle, Charlotte. It’s pointless,” Leila said, her voice starting to reveal her exhaustion, “and you need to relax. We’ll be fine.”

Thoughts buzzed through my mind as I contemplated her words. Would we be fine? Is “fine” even the correct word to describe this situation? How about rephrasing the entire statement entirely by saying “there is a chance that we’ll survive, but it definitely ain’t high.”? That version was more accurate, in all honesty. Moving across the country for school didn’t sound like a situation that could only earn the word “fine”.

“Aren’t you worried, though? A big city, a new city, a scary city...we’re diving into the deep end here, Leila! We have no idea what the hell we’re doing!” I panicked, squeezing my eyes closed.

Now it was Leila’s turn to laugh uncontrollably. Though, hers was more of a witch’s cackle.

“Wow, okay. First of all, we’ll stick together. Second, not knowing what we’re doing is all apart of the college experience. We’ll seriously be okay if we stick together.” Leila assured, still laughing - she never was the sympathetic type in these types of situations.

“If you think so, then I guess I need to believe it.” I yawned, tucking myself further into my blankets. Leila broke out into a yawn as well, making me think that she was actually tired for once (the girl was the definition of a night owl).

“We should get some sleep. We’ll have plenty of time to talk later.” Leila stated. I could imagine her rolling her brown eyes at her own words. A laugh escaped me instead of the hum I intended on.

“Jesus, why do you keep laughing? Why do you have so much energy?” Leila groaned, making my laughter subside.

“I honestly don’t know, I’m a complete and utter mess. We’ll text tomorrow?” I suspired, resting my arm over my eyes to completely block out this embarrassing reality.

“You bet. Love you lots.” Leila said. Her declarations of love truly became more meaningful after that whole spectacle with Sadie. She had a ginormous heart of gold beneath that rough exterior.

“Love you more! Good night!” I said, hanging up after she murmured a farewell. I tossed my phone onto the soft fabric of my blanket and stared up at the ceiling, a nostalgic feeling washing over me. All of the nights during elementary school where I’d do this exact thing, except I would be thinking about my Barbie dolls or my recess adventures. Now, I thought about the future and what waited for me.

College better live up to its well-known reputation.

*

*

Before I could comprehend what was even happening, I was standing in the middle of Portland’s airport with the arms of my family around me. 

Days legitimately whizzed past with nothing short of a greeting. I mean, it was already August 4th...somehow.

“You have all your bags, right?” Dad asked, his voice wavering the slightest bit. I looked down at my belongings for the fourth time; a large duffel bag of clothes, a chest full of dorm stuff and personal items (including that stupid fan, yes), and a very large and heavy carry-on stuffed with all of my technology. And, for the fourth time, I confirmed that I had everything.

“It’s all here, Dad. For the last time.” I giggled, shaking my head. He could only respond with his usual eye roll and grin.

“What about Leila? Are you completely positive that she’s on your flight?” Mom asked, her eyes inspecting mine. A sigh freed itself from my lungs as I nodded.

“She’s already waiting for me by the baggage area, Mom. You even saw her when we walked in, remember?” I stated, returning her inspecting gaze as she fondly smiled in remembrance.

My hands were reaching down to pick up my bags before Henry lightly punched my shoulder. “Wait, whoa, where’s the love, sis?”

“It’s hiding from you,” I teased, punching his shoulder before I pulled him close for a tight hug, “I’m gonna miss you bunches, you know.”

Henry’s grip tightened before he pulled back to show me the tears in his eyes. I gave him a sad smile, knowing that familiar look in his eye; he agreed but didn’t want to admit it.

“Don’t worry, Henry. I’ll only be a call away if you ever need to talk to me,” I said, putting my hands on his shoulders, “and I’ll be a nine hours’ drive away if you ever need me in person.”

He cracked a smile that was identical to my own and let out a deep breath that turned into a shaky laugh.

“Shut up, midget. Go catch your flight.” Henry laughed, shaking his head to compose himself. His blonde hair was tucked away in a red hat with a big, fancy ‘O’ embroidered in gray and black on its face. My heart swelled with pride to see it, too.

“Ditto!” I laughed while reaching down to grab my bags. “Well, I ought to get going. Leila’s been waiting on me for a while”

“Travel safely and call us when you land, no matter the time!” Mom said, hugging Dad and pulling Henry close. My eyes burned with tears as I nodded.

“Can do,” I shakily breathed, “I love you guys.”

Mom blew kisses my way and Dad smiled. Even Henry gave me a rare, genuine grin. I waved, and with a final glance, turned around and headed to the gate that was just behind me without looking back.

The weight of the bags in my hands doubled with each step towards Leila. She was sitting in the waiting area, her bags all around her, scrolling through her phone. Her straight black shoulder length hair was accessorized with a jade green headband, matching her comfy outfit that consisted of a matching jade green tee and a pair of workout leggings.

“Took you long enough, you slowpoke!” Leila smiled, patting the blue seat next to her as she tucked her phone in her backpack. I dropped my bags in relief as I sat down next to her. “How emotional were your parents?”

“Enough to make me almost cry?” I laughed, wiping the wetness below my eyes. “Well, maybe I did cry a little.”

Leila laughed and wrapped her arm around my shoulder. “It doesn’t take much to make you cry, Charlotte. But I am beyond glad to see that you held in most of your alligator tears.”

We both laughed, though our laughter faded after about a minute, turning into a stressed silence...

“We’re really doing this, aren’t we?” I said while taking a deep breath. After almost a year of building up the nerves, the day was finally here.  College...adulthood...life...

Leila turned to me, her eyes showing the most vulnerability that I’ve ever seen in them, and took a deep breath with me. “We may be crazy, but at least we’re crazy together.”

*

*

Bag security was a surprising breeze; little to no lines and no troubles. The security guys even smiled at me. Talk about weird.

Waiting for the flight time was tiring. I did, however, get a text from Henry saying that he’d successfully reached his gate and would be taking off for Ohio at dusk. So that was at least something to keep me occupied for a good two minutes.

Another distraction was to play matchmaker with Leila. It was our favorite pastime in high school, so why not continue the tradition?

“Ooh, that business guy over there wearing the red tie, and...” Leila trailed off, scanning the rows of seats until her eyes focused on a woman talking animatedly on the phone only a few feet away, “her.”

“Wait, the Adrian Raines-looking guy paired with that preppy woman?” I asked, my eyes narrowing. Leila hummed with approval next to me, making me cringe immediately; why, and how, would that work? They were polar opposites!

“Leila, listen. He looks like the type of guy that’d bite your head off if you gave him the wrong coffee order and she looks like the type of girl to organize a charity event. It’s all in the eyes and the cheekbones, even the eyebrows.” I explained, shaking my head. Leila, however, disagreed like she always did.

“They’d balance each other out. He’d soften up and she’d harden up. It’s that simple! Plus, it helps that they’re both very attractive...” Leila smirked, her eyes examining them both with a wistful sigh.

“And they’re probably much older than us, so don’t even get ahead of yourself.” I sighed, rolling my eyes. “But back on topic. Are you talking about the whole ‘opposites attract’ lore? Because that’s just not...plausible. Maybe it is in the movies--”

Leila let out an exasperated breath that hindered the rest of my thought. “It is plausible, though! Just think about how you would feel in this situation. Would you want a guy who has a prickly exterior and a mushy-gushy heart?”

My heart started to palpitate as my hands started to sweat. I have learned to loathe Leila’s ‘boy talk’ because it’d always turn into her setting me up with guys that were either way out of my league or guys that just didn’t meet my expectations.

Her question, though, did deserve some deep thought. I guess I can set my pride aside for a mere second and give her some sort of approbation...

So, the question on the table: did I really have a thing for those types of people? Snarky but also impossibly soft? I guess I’ve never really been invested in relationships of my own. The idea of romance, sure, but not for me. It just never really seemed as important as the ACT or my GPA. I’m starting to regret my valedictorian title; I focused so hard on my studies that I forgot about the fun aspect of high school like the average, rebellious boyfriend with a leather coat and a motorcycle.

“You know what, Leila?” I started, carefully testing this ground as to not lead her down the matchmaking rabbit hole, “I would like a guy like that. A sarcastic and snarky guy with a secret soft side? Yes, please. Oh, and glasses that he’d push up his nose when he was frustrated? Even better.”

An uncharacteristic snicker escaped Leila; she was never one to snicker like that, and now that I actually think about it, our boy talk always had that stereotypical effect on her. Man, this hobby was melting her brain. Is there any research out there on how the quietest whisper of romance can turn the human brain to goo? If so, I need to get my hands on it ASAP. 

“I knew that you had a thing for that! I’ve been scoping this out for years, Charlotte!”

Of course she has.

“Glad you’ve been looking out for me. That or stalking me, but that’s up to you.” I teased, bumping my shoulder with hers only to receive a tired groan in response.

“Oh, hush. You know exactly how damn predictable you can be sometimes. Don’t even try to contradict that, either.” Leila stated, giving me a side glare. I gave her a bright, innocent smile in response as I fiddled with my duffel bag’s handles.

My mouth opened to bring up another round of matchmaker, but I was overpowered by a loud speaker.

“Flight one-hundred two for New York boarding at gate fifty-six!” A voice said gently over the speakers. Leila and I instantly looked at each other with the same anxious looks that slightly weirded me out.

“Um, Leila--” I stammered, trailing off as Leila hopped up and started to grab her things. She wore the biggest and brightest smile when she glanced at me out of the corner of her eye.

“C’mon, slowpoke! We gotta go! Move those short legs of yours!” Leila beamed, grabbing my duffel bag with her open hand. Before I could retort, I was ushered into standing and walking towards the luggage area.

“Alright, eager one, slow down a bit?” I asked through a huff. Only two months off of the cheer team and away from drama and I’m already bent out of shape.

Leila threw my duffel bag and her own suitcase onto the conveyor belt and so I followed suit.

This...this entire experience was moving faster than I expected.

*

*

The plane ride wasn’t really all that exciting. Just Leila falling asleep on me, like I expected. Throw in a couple packs of peanuts, a dash of watching Dirty Dancing and Grease religiously, and a sprinkle of a baby’s obnoxious tantrum...and you end up with the definition of a typical plane ride.

Woo, college. Already kicking off with such an exciting start.

*

*

We were about thirty minutes out from The Big Apple when Leila finally woke up from her sleep. I felt my shoulder lighten and then felt the instant soreness from the five and a half hour flight.

“How’d you sleep?” I asked, busying myself by pausing Dirty Dancing on its second playthrough. Of course it was right as Baby started to awkwardly dance down the staircase and onto the bridge.

Leila’s response didn’t come when I thought it would, so I looked over to see if she fell back asleep on the plane’s wall. To my surprise, I saw that her eyes were glued to a figure a few seats over. 

The girl who sat there had this gorgeous auburn hair that cascaded over her shoulders. Her black headphones stood out against her pale complexion and revealed the slightest trace of taupe freckles scattered about her cheeks. Also from the girl’s side profile, you could just barely see the tint of matte black lipstick on her lips.

A gentle but teasing smile formed when I looked back over at a wide-eyed Leila, her cheeks now starting to redden with embarrassment.

“See someone you like over there?” I asked, softly nudging her arm with my own. She cleared her throat and blinked rapidly before turning her attention to me.

“I thought she was snoring?” Leila stammered, now rubbing her tired eyes. I looked back over at the girl - her head bobbing slightly to whatever she’d been playing on her laptop - and let out a laugh.

“Sorry to break it to you, Leila, but she’s completely awake.”

Leila whipped her head back around to see and then let another deep blush cover her cheeks. It was hard to notice against her olive skin, though it deepened enough to see from miles away.

“Okay, um, she was snoring a little bit ago. I swear on your life.” Leila said, pressing her hands to hide her bright red cheeks. 

I let out another laugh. She had never let herself get this flustered...ever. This was so rare that I’d only ever seen it once and that was back in high school. Leila locked eyes for a solid twenty seconds with a junior guy named Michael Harrison at lunch during our freshman year. She couldn’t stop blushing or stuttering for the rest of the day, and that’s not mentioning the dejected look she had when Michael walked out of the building with an unfamiliar girl on his arm after school.

As expected, Leila only responded to me with her notorious deadly side glare.

“Shut up right this instant, Charlotte Parker.” She hissed between her gritted teeth.

Did I listen? Of course not.

“Looks like Miss Maciel has been struck by Cupid’s arrow...” I teased, dramatically leaning into her lap with my hand against my forehead. She grumbled and leaned her head on her palm, looking out the window. After I sat up, I could see her brown eyes flit over in the girl’s direction every once in a while and couldn’t hold back my smile. Not teasing, but happy.

I knew that wistful look in her eye well enough to know that she’d been enamored.

*

*

The plane landed at about seven in the evening. Before getting off the plane, I looked over to the girl. She was frantically putting her computer away in it’s decorated case. I saw a patch with the familiar NYU bobcat...right next to another patch with the name “Skye” in this sort of horror-ish calligraphy.

Huh.

“I think her name is Skye,” I said, leaning in to whisper to Leila, “and I think she’s going to NYU.”

Leila glanced over as she stuffed her neck pillow (that she never used) in her bag.

“Cool. Um...Skye, you said?” Leila said, a blush blooming across her cheeks again. 

I’m seriously loving this.

“Yep, Skye. Maybe she’s a freshman like us?” I said. Leila bit her thin bottom lip.

“Maybe,” Leila said, a smirk crossing over her features, “just...maybe.”

*

*

Waiting for our luggage was so boring. I decided that it was even worse than waiting for our fight.

“Ah, it’s mine!” I heard a girl a few feet away from my tired figure cheer. She rushed forward to grab a gaudy pink suitcase bedazzled with fake gems. Leila pretended to gag next to me.

“Gross,” Leila sighed, though her eyes suddenly lit up, “hey, wait, those are our bags!”

She pointed toward a cluster of familiar bags on the conveyor.

“Ah! C’mon!” I stammered, rushing forward and grabbing them. We both started to laugh as we lugged them off.

“Jesus, this is heavier than I remember.” Leila huffed, lifting her bag onto her shoulder. I did the same, though almost toppled over because of the weight.

“Are we sure that these are ours?” I asked, unzipping the duffel bag to see my familiar coat. Relief flooded my features as I looked back at Leila.

Her face was a sickly greenish pale.

“Uh, Charlotte, this...this isn’t...” Leila stuttered, carefully shuffling through the bag. There were lots of black sweaters and lots of striped shirts. A couple pairs of ripped jeans, a few rock band tees along with an NYU sweatshirt...and a tag on the strap.

I reached out for the black tag on the strap and flipped it over. It read...

Skye...Crandall?

“Leila, remember that girl from the plane?” I asked, showing her the tag. Her face immediately fell, though I could see the flame of hope flickering in her deep brown irises.

“Oh. My. God.” Leila groaned, taking the tag into her hand. “You’re kidding. Charlotte, this seriously isn’t happening right now.”

Despite her panicked state, I laughed. And laughed. And laughed.

“I’m officially calling you Eliza Schuyler because you are helpless!” I giggled, doubling over. Leila loudly sighed.

“No, no no no...” Leila whispered, zipping the bag closed, “how are we going to find her now? I bet she left already with my bag.”

I sadly let my laughter subside as I wiped the humored tears from my eyes, being careful to not let my light layer of mascara run or smudge into a huge mess. That was the last thing I needed right now.

“Alright. Well, I think we should wait and see if your bag is still here. We don’t know for sure that she has it,” I stated, patting Leila’s shoulder, “but if it doesn’t show, we’ll track this Skye girl down and give her the right bag. Okay?”

Leila nodded, her face still contorted with a mixed emotion of annoyance and helplessness.

“Welcome to New York, where we lose your freaking bags and make you chase after freaking girls that you like,” Leila mumbled in a bad imitation of a New York accent, pinching the bridge of her slender nose.

“So you do admit it! Aww!” I cooed, booping her nose. She caught my wrist and gave me another glare, though this one was downright teasing.

“Shut it or I will mercilessly write on your face tonight with a Sharpie while you sleep,” Leila teased, “but let’s get going. We still gotta find our dorm and the sun’s already starting to set.”

I nodded and gathered up my stuff, taking another look back at the conveyor...

“Oh, everyone’s gone?” I questioned, my eyes scanning the now empty area around us. Leila rolled her eyes and started to drag me along towards the masses of people with her free hand.

“Yes, but now let’s go find this girl before I lose my mind. I need my bag and I can bet that she needs hers.”

[akp-1327]

dear diary // chapter two

Hello again! Thank you all for the support on the first chapter! 💖 I am super happy that you all liked it and hope that you enjoy this one, too! 🤗

Find the series masterlist here to catch up on the previous chapter!

Word Count: 6.5k

(*) Warnings: mentions of divorce and a little swearing throughout.

(*) August 4th, 2020

Dear Diary...

Can't believe I came crawling back to this old thing. It sure has been a while, hasn't it? I haven't written in here since my parents (finally) got a divorce.

Yep, they decided that it was time to put an end to whatever sliver of a marriage they had left. Mohit (my little brother) and I were split up; he stayed with my mom in Brooklyn while I moved with my dad to Manhattan. He told me that it’d be "closer to school" and "more convenient" than driving all the way there from Brooklyn. And so, without starting yet another argument between them, I just went with it. I still see my mom, of course, but I can always sense the tension in the air whenever I pass through the threshold of my childhood home.

My life has been non-stop since graduation...and not in a good way. Sure, getting accepted into NYU was great, but then there was the post-divorce debris and rejection (Kelly…) and all of these god forsaken emotions that I had to sort through. It really, really messed me up. I almost failed my production class in that first semester because I was too busy focusing on Kelly’s rejection (about how she fell in love with her co-star and left me in the dark? About how she broke my heart? Yep, that whole spectacle.).

So, in conclusion, my life is nothing short of chaotic. Erin would say that I need to relax, but what is that when you work yourself to the bone? 

...Yeah, I really don't know either. Obviously.

Alright. Into my bag you go. Let's see if I can find riveting stuff to write about this year...

Ajay

*

*

(*) I hastily unzipped my backpack and shoved the leather book I found moments ago inside, somehow managing to zip it closed. Right as I finish, though, I hear my dad’s deep voice from down the hall.

“Ajay, are you almost ready?” Dad shouted, his voice ringing through the empty room I sat in. It wasn’t necessarily my room, per se, but a guest room that I rented out for the summer. It’s the only way Dad would let me stay here - to be honest, I don’t understand why I just didn’t live with Amma for the whole two and a half months in an actual house where I could stay for free. Maybe I’ll do that next summer.

“I’ll be out in a second, Dad.”

Why was he rushing me out? Seriously, I’m driving myself. There’s no need to clamber me out the door like I’m some sort of animal. There was also the fact that it was August and how class didn’t start for another month; maybe Dad just was getting tired of me.

The floors of the downtrodden apartment squeaked beneath my feet as I walked out to the main living area, my packed bags already waiting for me on the carpeted floor. Dad stood in the kitchen, his nose in a newspaper, when he heard me approach. My hand instinctively tightened on my backpack strap as his eyes bore into mine.

“Well? Let’s get this going, Ajay. I have a meeting at seven and I’d rather not be late.” Dad huffed, walking to shoulder my light bags. All they had in them were my clothes, books, and dorm necessities.

It took him all of three seconds to walk to the patio door and slide it open (Dad lucked out and found a complex in the “suburbs” of Manhattan, so there was some grass and walking areas all around). I heaved a sigh and took one last look at the apartment, then headed out the door and into the hot and humid Manhattan air. Still, when we were only a few blocks away from the bulk of the city, you could smell the familiar scent of car exhaust waft on the wind.

Dad had already popped my car’s trunk open and set my stuff inside before I could even get over. He stood next to the driver’s door as I finally reached him.

“Thanks for letting me stay for the summer,” I said, rather cynically, “and for carrying my bags out.”

Because, you know, I can’t do that myself.

Dad gave me this weird smile; it was almost the one that he gave me when I first asked about him seeing another woman. The thought of him being with someone besides my mom still makes me angry, but there was nothing I could do about it now. Three years of divorce and he'd already found another.

Anyway, the smile he gave me was straight-lipped and had no hint of any genuine happiness. Just a fake smile that he hoped would convey some sort of message, like ‘congrats’ or some other stereotypical phrase that you’d say.

“Of course, Ajay. You’re my son,” Dad said, his tone feigning sincerity, “I’d do anything for you.”

Hmm, that’s what you told Amma. Now look where we are.

I held back an eye roll and stepped closer to my door, moving to open it, before Dad pulled me to him and gave me a bone crushing hug.

“I’m going to miss you, Ajay. Stay safe, okay?”

Huh; that response actually had some emotion. I could sense the probity in that one. If he were one of my actors I’d tell him to bring it out a bit more and really demonstrate the feeling in his body language. But, no, this is Dad and I can’t direct him around.

“I’ll miss you too, Dad. Remember to lock your door, seeing as I can’t do it for you anymore.” I said, pulling away to both catch my breath and to open my car door. With a quick glance at Dad, though, that wasn’t happening yet.

“When you get the chance, you should go visit your mom and Mohit. I can tell that you miss them, too.”

Something must’ve been in his coffee this morning. He never talks about Amma so domestically, but when he does (which is seldom at most) he keeps his tone even, almost somber. Mohit is a different story, but he still gets a little tense over the fact that he was his youngest son's second choice.. I believe that he lost a piece of himself when he divorced Amma; a vital piece that would make him act like the father I remember. Maybe that’s why he was so discombobulated.

“I’ll probably visit them this weekend. We’ll see, though,” I said, now getting into my car. Dad handed me the keys and clapped his hand on my shoulder.

My door, however, wasn’t closing due to Dad’s leg being in the way.

“Well, whatever you decide to do, just be smart about it.” Dad said, now laughing a little bit. (Jeez, I’m making a mental note to examine his coffee grounds when I come visit if this odd behavior keeps up.)

“Okay, Dad. Remember how you have a meeting at two?” I said, trying to ‘get this going’. If he was so hesitant on letting me go, why was he shoving my ass out the door?

“Oh! Crap. You’re right. Get going, kid,” Dad stammered, “I love you.”

Wow, color me surprised! Definitely going to sift through that coffee next time I’m here.

“Love you too, Dad. Bye.” I said, closing my door with a small wave. Dad waved in return and retreated back into his apartment, closing the door without looking back. Not surprising, of course, but definitely a little disappointing.

My car, a grey 2010 Ford Taurus, revved to life without hesitation when I turned the key in the ignition. Shifting into drive and pulling away from "home" for the final time that summer should’ve felt bittersweet like all the summers before...but I couldn’t find it in myself to miss this life anymore. The freedom of summer, no matter how much I had with my jobs, would never compare to the school life I cherished; mainly to escape my messy reality.

*

*

The forty minute drive to NYU whizzed by all thanks to my favorite musical soundtrack, Les Misérables, and a couple packages of rainbow goldfish that I bought specifically for the occasion. I avoided most of the traffic by taking the long way (the closest thing to “back roads” in the city), which tacked on a good twenty more minutes, but I could care less. All I had to do was track down Rory and Erin and knowing them...that wouldn’t be hard.

Sure enough, right as I’m an intersection away from the familiar campus grounds, my phone vibrates with a call on my passenger seat. With a quick glance, it was from Rory. I would get it, but then the damn light turned green after about two minutes; perfect timing. 

After I pulled into the office parking lot to get my keys and dorm, I saw Rory’s familiar face light up and run towards my car from a nearby bench. He’s absolutely insatiable.

Rory beamed as he ran toward my car, Erin on his tail with a neutral, almost unhappy expression.

“Director man! You finally decided to show up!” Rory shouted as I opened my door. I rolled my eyes but couldn’t hide the grateful grin that grew across my features.

“I would’ve waited another month if I knew that you’d greet me like this,” I laughed, accepting Rory’s uncharacteristic fist bump with an arched eyebrow, “what was that for?”

Rory looked like he was about to combust from excitement. He kept bouncing on the balls of his feet and wringing his hands around.

Erin, on the other hand, rolled her eyes at his excitement. Ever the oddly unenthused one of us three, and that’s coming from me.

“Erin got a new roommate!” Rory shouted, his hands shooting into the air. I laughed as Erin sighed, though I was still quite confused. Erin wanted a singles dorm, though, because we’re still on campus, I guess she didn’t have control over that.

“I haven’t met them yet, but I think it’s a freshman,” Erin said, crossing her arms, “and we got our keys already. Go check in quick and we’ll go find our dorms.”

Erin was always bossy, but there was something different about her sternness in that moment that just made an unsettling weight settle in my gut. So, without pushing the situation further, I nodded.

“Sounds good,” I said, tossing my keys to Erin, “put your stuff in the trunk while you wait on me.”

*

*

The campus registration office was way too familiar for my liking. The past two years were alright, but this time around it just felt awkward. I could tell that I was surrounded by freshmen because of the bright lights in their eyes and their wondrous expressions as they looked around.

I pushed my glasses up my nose and let my eyes wander around as I waited for my turn. Ahead of me stood a girl with flaming red hair. Just by her stance I could tell she was someone that you shouldn’t cross; intimidating, but also carefree. She had a backpack on her shoulders and a black duffel bag sitting at her feet. From here, I could read the name on the tag: Leila Maciel, in dainty handwriting. I also looked at another thing that she was holding - a computer bag - and saw the name ‘Skye’ written in a font that you’d see printed in green on the cover of a Goosebumps book.

Maybe it was just an aesthetic to have different names in different styles on your things? Or one of the bags belonged to a relative? Maybe she had a fake ID and is currently failing to conceal her real identity?

I was snapped out of my thoughts as the girl picked up her bag and walked forward. I had to know more. My curiosity has been piqued.

“Welcome to New York University! Name, please?” Danielle, the student that I disliked behind the counter asked, her familiar soprano sending chills down my spine. I’ve always found Danielle to be a little creepy ever since I witnessed her ogle Rory all the time last year at rehearsal. She was completely smitten with him. Of course, Rory felt the exact opposite.

“Um, Skye Crandall.” The girl said, almost disdainfully. I didn’t even need to see her face to know that she cringed at the sound of her own name.

“Awesome, awesome...” Danielle trained off, scrolling through her computer, “Aha! Skye Crandall, you’re in dorm 332 in Lafayette Hall. Your roommate’s name is Erin Ward! She is a super cool junior.”

Danielle was even more of a blabbermouth than I remember her being.

“Here are your keys! Enjoy!”

“Uh, thanks.” Skye said, taking the keys from Danielle. I debated whether or not to tell the redhead about Erin, but decided to let the meeting happen on its own. This Skye girl also looked exhausted but also ready to kick someone’s ass at any moment...so...let’s just let that one slide.

“Ne--” Danielle started, though stopped and brightened when she saw me, “Oh my gosh, it’s Ajay! Hey, stranger!”

“Hi, Danielle.” I sighed, trying to not let my discomfort show. 

I was probably failing.

She was already typing in my information before I could ask.

“How was your summer? Don’t you live in Manhattan?” Danielle asked, still typing away with her eyes focused on the screen.

“My dad does, yeah,” I said, maintaining her divided attention much to my displeasure, “and I had an alright summer. You?”

“Oh, it was great! I did so many things. Golfing, surfing, snorkeling, swimming with dolphins...all the things I usually do back home in Florida.”

That explains...some. She has always seemed to have a Florida-esque persona in that way. Not to give in to a stereotype, but Floridians tend to be on the “crazy” side of the behavioral spectrum. Danielle fits into that like a glove.

I was about to continue the conversation before she beat me to it. “Ajay Bhandari, you are in dorm 413 in Lafayette Hall and are rooming with Rory Silva. I’m guessing you know the rest?” Danielle said, passing me my keys. Internally, I rolled my eyes. Externally, though, I forced a nod.

“Yes, Danielle. Thank you.” I said, holding my breath as I walked away. She shouted something back at me, but I was too focused on getting the hell out of there to care.

Back at my car, I saw Rory leaning up against the passenger door and Erin sitting on the hood.

“Jeez, Erin, the hood of my poor car isn’t a bench!” I joked, trying to lighten the mood. Though, instead, she just looked burned out.

“I’m not sorry, director man,” Erin smirked, her smile not showing the happiness that it usually had. She stood up anyway to hand me my lanyard with my keys.

As Erin clambered into the backseat, I turned to Rory.

“You packed your entire house, right? Because I didn’t bring much this year for our dorm.” I said, attaching my new keys to my lanyard. Rory groaned and nodded.

“You’re lucky I basically bought Target out of their stuff. I even bought you those nice bed sheets you wanted so that you’d actually shut up about them. Oh, and a comforter to match at my mom’s insistence.” Rory said, sighing. I smirked and gestured for him to get in.

“I’ll pay you back for them later. For now, we gotta get to Lafayette Hall.”

The whole ride, because it was quiet, I tuned out. And then, without warning Guns and Ships from Hamilton played over and over in my head. 

...This is going to be a long year.

*

*

The sun was almost hidden under the horizon once we arrived at Lafayette Hall. It wasn’t packed at all. It was actually pretty nice.

“Okay, guys, let’s go. We’ve already burned daylight, so we’re burning nightlight!” Rory laughed. Erin groaned from the backseat.

“Not how that works, Rory, but alright. I’m letting it slide for now.” Erin said, getting out. She sounded a bit happier, but still not like her usual self.

We all gathered our things and started to head inside. Rory was lugging countless bags with him, per usual, and Erin had three.

The lobby was like any other dorm building; familiar purple and white furnishings, same set-up. The front desk’s clerk looked like they were about to fall asleep. 

Yep, this is definitely the NYU I remember.

“Okay, this is where we part. Come find me in room 332 when you guys finish up getting your room ready.” Erin said, heading in the direction of the stairs.

“Too cool to take the elevator?” Rory asked, earning a glare from Erin.

“I need to keep my legs toned for volleyball, genius,” Erin snarked in her (somewhat) usual tone, “now go take the elevator like a wimp.”

She turned and disappeared onto the staircase, leading Rory and I to look at each other.

“What happened with her over summer?” I asked nonchalantly, pressing the elevator button with my free hand. Rory heaved another sigh next to me.

“She didn’t tell me much, but,” Rory said, his voice dropping to a whisper, “I heard that something bad happened to her grandpa. I don’t know what, exactly, but you know how she gets with that kind of stuff.”

I should’ve known; this was the same Erin that I met two years ago when we were both freshmen at NYU; her grandma had just passed away that summer and she was a wreck. It was what allowed us to bond, both being damaged in our first year at NYU, and what led to us being so close. We had that pitiful connection and would always talk to each other about our painful experiences.

“Oh, um,” I said, unable to think of the right words to say in the moment, “that’s concerning.”

“Very. I left it alone, obviously, but I think you should talk to her about it. You guys have that kind of friendship, you know?” Rory said, nudging me with his elbow as the elevator doors opened (thank goodness it was empty).

“You have that kind of friendship with her, too. I’m not the only one here with good advice.” I said, remembering the moment last year when Rory had single-handedly pulled me out of a bad mood. It was right after I heard about my mom’s boyfriend, Jim, proposing to her and how she said yes; let’s just say that I wasn’t taking the news well.

Rory was silent for a second, and I could tell he was processing my words. 

“I mean, I guess you’re right, but I really don’t...” Rory trailed off when we arrived on the fourth floor, pausing to walk off, “I don’t have the right kind of advice that Erin needs.”

Like I said, Rory is insatiable.

“Dear lord, Rory,” I laughed, hopefully walking in the direction of our dorm, “you seriously need to learn how to take a compliment and run. Especially from me.”

“Oh, shut up, director man,” Rory huffed, “I’m just saying that my advice isn’t as good as yours.”

Oh. My. God. And people always wonder why I never compliment my actors. Well, here’s example A.

“That’s controversial, but I’m too busy trying to find our dorm to argue with you,” I said, squinting at the dorm numbers; all of which weren’t ours.

“These are all going up. Let’s turn around.” Rory said, looking back at the empty hallway behind us. Jesus, why is this building so confusing?

“Good idea. Reroute.”

Over the next two minutes, we found dorm 413. It was right next to the elevator...but the opposite way. I fished my lanyard out of my pocket and unlocked the door.

The dorm was quaint, like any other, but with two tall and slender windows as opposed to one. It was also pretty big in comparison to what Rory and I had last year.

“So, are we doing the same set-up as last year?” Rory asked. I nodded and sighed, setting my lightly packed bags on the left bed.

“The right side is always seemingly larger and we both know who needs the extra space.” I joked, earning a tired laugh from Rory.

“How about we take Erin and we go shopping this week? Then you won’t complain so much.” Rory said, making me roll my eyes.

“If you insist.”

*

*

Unpacking didn’t take long. I just needed to organize my still-empty closet and set up all my personal items; a few pictures, a few of Mohit’s drawings, and a plain calendar that Jim got me. I really, really didn’t want to use it because of his relationship with Amma but I didn’t want to buy another one, either. I also ended up making the rock-hard mattress with the sheets and comforter set that Rory got me as I waited for him to finish setting up.

As Rory hung his dress shirts, I took a look at my phone. It was already ten past nine and Erin texted me about twenty minutes ago.

Erin: are you and rory alive? jeez, hurry up.

Ajay: Yep. We’ll be on our way in a second.

“Okay, that's enough unpacking for now,” Rory said, moving to store his suitcases. I loudly sighed and got up.

“Are you ready to go now? Erin’s waiting.” I asked loudly.

“Yes! Can you hear me?” Rory yelled, dissolving into laughter a second later. I rolled my eyes and started to walk towards the door. 

Jesus, I feel bad for the RA this year.

*

*

“Knock knock, Erin! Your two favorites are here!” Rory said, knocking on Erin’s door. Only a second later, the door opened to reveal her dorm. Surprise, surprise, it was almost the exact same as ours.

“Took you guys long enough. Come on in.” Erin said. She already had everything unpacked on her side. Posters, pictures, and there were even fairy lights on her headboard.

“Nice place,” Rory starts, looking around, “almost looks like mine.”

A small snort came from the other side of the room and I looked over to see the familiar redhead from the registration office sitting on her bed. The only oddity...it was bare; no sheets, no blankets. Just a mattress.

“You guys must be Rory and Ajay?” Skye asked, her eyes leaving her laptop and flitting over to Erin for confirmation. 

“In all their glory. Guys, this is Skye.”

Rory was the first to wave and stick his hand out for her to shake. “I’m Rory! Nice meeting you, Skye.”

Skye hesitated a bit before shaking Rory’s hand, and even then, she rolled her eyes.

“Same here, I guess,” Skye said, looking at me, “then you’re Ajay?”

“Yeah. I’m not going to shake your hand, though.” I said, trying to ease the gloom that weighed the room down. Instead, it just made things a bit awkward. Skye gave me a tight-lipped smile and nodded, brushing loose auburn hair that fell out of her ponytail away from her eyes.

“So, Skye, what’s up with your...decoration?” Rory asked. Her entire side of the room was bare.

“Well, I got the wrong bag from the airport, for starters,” Skye exasperated, closing her eyes, “and then I realized I forgot my computer charger and my phone charger at home just before you guys came.”

Yeesh, that’s rough.

“Speaking of, Skye, did you take the bag--” Erin started, though there was another knock at the door. Erin furrowed her brows and looked at me before she moved to answer it. On the other side stood two girls; one with blonde hair and about six inches shorter than me, the other with black hair and about the same height as me. They both looked nervous.

“Um, hello! Sorry to disturb you guys. Is this Skye Crandall’s dorm?” The one with blonde hair asked. She looked calmer and more composed than the other and she held an identical bag to the one at the end of Skye’s bed in her hands.

“Yeah, come on in.” Erin said, her familiar, welcoming smile appearing for the first time since I arrived.

Skye perked up from her bed, her eyes lighting up. The two girls clambered into the room awkwardly, making a beeline for the redhead.

“Skye, right?” The girl with black hair asked softly, taking the bag from her friend with a blush. Skye nodded and gave her the smallest smile.

“That’s me. Are you Leila, then?” Skye asked, getting up to retrieve the other bag. The girl with black hair sighed with relief.

“Yep. Leila is definitely my name.” Leila said. Her friend elbowed her in the side with a small giggle. Skye nodded and held out Leila’s bag.

Wow...this is really painful to watch.

“Sorry for the mix-up, um...” Skye blushed, blinking rapidly, “I was not paying attention. To anything at the time.”

Leila was about to speak before the other girl cut in. “That’s okay! I’m glad we found you. I’m Charlotte, by the way.” 

“Charlotte,” Leila said between gritted teeth, taking her bag and putting Skye’s on her bed. In an even lower voice, she added, “Thank you, now butt out.”

Rory nudged my arm to get my attention. When I looked at him, his eyes were wide and looking between Charlotte’s back and my eyes. 

“What?” I whispered, though Rory shook his head. Confusion blanketed my mind...all up until I saw that she was wearing a purple drama program shirt.

Drama. Program. She had to be in the drama program. She just might be a part of the show! Of course, because that’s just my luck. A girl that I could actually have a chance of getting to know in a non-theatrical way--

“Ajay?” Erin asked, waving a hand in front of my face. I stammered, feeling my cheeks involuntarily heat up. I could tell it was visible because Rory’s smirk grew by at least ten sizes.

“What?” I shouted, frustrated with my own thoughts.

“Want to go explore the building with us?” Erin asked, holding in a giggle. Glad to see she’s doing better.

“Oh, uh, sure? Why?” I said, looking between everyone’s humored looks.

“You would know if you weren’t so distracted, Ajay.” Rory teased, elbowing me again. I almost let out my retort but was interrupted by someone - probably the girls that were now snickering - clearing their throat on the other side of the room.

“To get to know the area, obviously. Why else would we?” Erin said, making me heave a somewhat dramatic sigh. Maybe she just needed to pick on me to raise her spirits.

“Is that okay with you two?” Rory asked, looking between Leila and Charlotte. They both gave a quick nod, though Leila frowned at the bag in her arms.

“Can we make a pit stop first?” Leila asked, eyeing Erin who gave her quite possibly the warmest smile I’ve seen her give over the past three years.

“Yeah, of course! Let’s get going, though. We need to be fully functional tomorrow to go shopping for the first big party of the year!” Erin squealed, making her way towards the door.

“I...you want me to go to a college party? With...but I’ve--” Charlotte gasped, her eyes going wide with panic. This immediately made Leila roll her eyes and nudge her friend hard in the shoulder with her own. A genuine laugh escaped Leila as she turned to everyone.

“Charlotte here isn’t much of a party animal, but she’ll definitely loosen up with time.” Leila teased, causing Charlotte’s cheeks to darken with embarrassment.

Nice to know that I’m not the only one in this friend group who isn’t too fond of parties. And it’s also nice to know that I may get along with her better than I thought.

“Well, sweetie, you’re going with us. We’re friends now, and no friend of mine will sit idle on the sidelines.” Erin grinned, opening her door.

After everyone exited the room, Leila and Charlotte walked a little ways down the hall before stopping in front of a door.

“We’ll be right out!” Leila said before dragging Charlotte into the room behind her. Not even ten seconds later, they appeared again.

“Okay, c’mon. We gotta explore this maze!” Rory encouraged, coaxing everyone to follow him. I caught his eye and he gave me a teasing wink. What the hell? With a glance around, I saw Charlotte walking next to me, her head immediately swiveling forward. Another blush covered her cheeks.

*

*

It turns out that Lafayette Hall isn’t exactly confusing, but it’s definitely something to get used to. It was just a big square with a lot of twists and turns.

Another thing to get used to was the fact that it had a nice game room, and with Rory and Leila’s insistence (I’m starting to think that they’re a deadly duo), we got the key.

“Oh my God, Ajay! They have a pool table! I call a rematch from that stupid party last year.” Rory gasped, taking a cue stick from the wall. I groaned and shook my head.

“I’d rather not hear you complain about your loss all night. Face off against Erin instead.” I laughed, earning a nudge from Erin.

“Thanks. Now I’ll be the one complaining all night - sorry, Skye.”

Skye gave a halfhearted smile, her mind seemingly elsewhere. Anywhere but this game room.

“Skye, can I challenge you to a game of ping pong?” Leila asked hesitantly, taking two paddles in her hands and holding one out to Skye. With both a sheepish glance and a gingerly-moving hand, Skye took it and spun it around a few times.

“Don’t go easy on me. We may have just met, but I’m not made of glass.” Skye smirked, taking her place at the table and serving the ball to Leila. Over at the pool table, I watched Rory narrow his eyes at Erin; it looked like she currently had the upper hand.

“So, Ajay, right?” Charlotte said from beside me, startling me a bit. I turned to see her leaning up against the wall, looking at me.

“That’s me,” I answered awkwardly, relaxing onto the wall to match her stance. Her eyes, which I realized were a cerulean blue, left my figure to watch the ping pong match that slowly intensified.

“Where’re you from, Ajay?”

“I was born in Maryland, but my parents moved to New York shortly after that.” I said. “You?”

“Cedar Cove. It’s a tiny town in Oregon a few miles east of Portland. I bet you’ve never heard of it?” Charlotte said. I nodded, still keeping my eyes moving between the two games despite my lackluster concentration on them.

“Nope,” I chuckled, “but that’s alright. What’s so unique about Cedar Cove?”

Charlotte fell silent for a second, though quickly replaced it with a humored sigh.

“That’s like asking a little kid why they want to go into a candy store, dude. I don’t have a single answer! Give me a different question.” Charlotte giggled, shaking her head.

“Fair enough,” I smiled, “what brings you to The Big Apple, then?”

She let out another small giggle, and in that moment, I noted that she had a very laid back personality and a contagious laugh.

“Besides college?”

“Well, yeah. Obviously.”

Deafening silence fell between us again until she piped up once more.

“I’m planning to take over the world, of course,” Charlotte whispered, “but, shh, you don’t know that. So don’t blow my cover, okay?”

Okay, she is officially someone I’d like to get to know better.

“I’ll try my best.” I responded, looking over at her. I didn’t realize this before, but she had light freckles scattered around her face, too. “What are you majoring in?”

“Drama, and then minoring in production. I’m trying to make it as a Broadway star or an actress.” Charlotte said, her voice louder than a whisper but still quite hushed. Something immediately clicked in my mind.

“Wait, you’re from the Cedar Cove that won the Spotlite competition in London like two years ago? Berry High, I think it was?” I gaped, making her gasp. She turned to face me with a bright and surprised smile.

“No way, you saw our show?” Charlotte beamed, her expression softening with (what I could only assume to be) nostalgia.

“Not in person but I did see clips. It was one of the best shows I’ve ever seen! Every aspect of it was spectacular and I was blown away by the improv skills of the leads during that blackout.” I rambled, my director’s side slowly finding its way out. Another thing clicked in my mind when she smirked. “Wait, you were a lead, weren’t you?”

Charlotte eagerly nodded. She looked so happy to be talking about this, for some odd reason.

“I was! And, for the record, that improv was terrifying!” Charlotte babbled. “But enough about me. What’re you doing here, Ajay?”

Should I blow my cover already? Tell her that, ‘yeah, I might be your director and will probably be someone that you'll learn to resent.’? I barely got to know her before she heard the truth.

“I’m majoring in drama, too. Minoring in both cinema studies and theater. All for the purpose of becoming a director.” I said, keeping my tone composed.

“Are you going to strictly direct theatrically or are you going to branch out to the silver screen?” Charlotte asked, examining my eyes. It was both flattering and a little embarrassing at the same time; she’d look at one eye for only a second before moving onto the other, and back again. It was like a workout for my eyes. 

Oh no, I’m rambling.

Before I could give her my response, Erin yelled a cacophony of slurs, swears, and phrases mashed into one.

“Ajay, please knock some sense into this guy!” Erin huffed, shaking her head. “I can’t believe I lost to...to Rory!”

I gave Charlotte a sorrowful expression before looking back at Erin. “Another time, Erin. Can’t you--”

Leila yelled out, too. “Jesus, how’re you so good at ping pong?”

Skye simply gave her a smile. “Many, many hours practicing.”

I sighed, turning back to Charlotte. She was grinning, her arms folded across her chest; still looking like she was waiting for my answer.

“To answer your question, I think I’ll stick to the stage. I’m taking cinema classes this year if that thought changes, though.” I rambled. A hum escaped her as she nodded.

“Then you’re going to be a part of the show, right?” Charlotte asked, tucking a few stray hairs behind her ear. Her eyes, a deep cerulean blue, swirled with uncertainty. An anxiety, almost.

“Yeah,” I said softly, noticing her change in demeanor; her once carefree posture had coiled into a tense inverse of itself. “Are you planning on auditioning?”

Charlotte bit her lip and looked down at her shoes.

“Do you think I should?”

I hesitated for a second, running a hand through my unkempt hair, and lowered my voice down to a whisper. “Well, not to sound creepy or anything, but I’ve seen you act. And from what I saw on that stage two years ago, you’d be a great addition to any cast.”

A massive blush exploded across Charlotte’s face, turning her cheeks a bright red. “That’s...high praise coming from a director. Thank you.”

I gave her arm a small nudge with my elbow in response, causing her to break into a fit of laughter. All the sudden, though, the door to the game room slammed open, revealing a group of ambitious freshmen.

“Oh, we’re done in here, guys!” Erin said hurriedly, hastily gesturing our group out the door. For a split second, I saw surprise pass through her features; the kind that made it seem like she was remembering something. Dear God, what is wrong with this day? 

“The room is all yours!” Rory blurted before closing the door behind him. In the hallway, everyone looked confused.

“I still want to know all your secrets to being a ping pong goddess.” Leila laughed, making Skye crack a laugh for the first time since Rory’s grand entrance about an hour ago.

“My secrets are extremely guarded, so good luck.” Skye challenged, narrowing her eyes the slightest bit at a clueless Leila.

“Oh, wow, what time is it?” Charlotte gasped, whipping out her phone. Her expression turned into panic. “Oh my God, I have six missed calls from my parents and a few from my brother! I need to go!”

“Wait, wait! Let’s exchange numbers!” Rory said, not letting Charlotte leave. Hurriedly, she shoved her phone into everyone’s hands. Once she reached me, I fumbled over the numbers. Dear God, Ajay, get yourself together.

“Quickly, please!”

Leila laughed for a minute before she pulled her own phone from her pocket, her happiness crumbling into annoyance.

“Jeez, ten missed calls from mine!” Leila huffed. Erin was about to speak before Charlotte chided in with a farewell.

“It was super awesome meeting you guys,” Charlotte said hurriedly, taking Leila’s arm, “I will text you all later! See you!”

Without another word, the two took off down the hallway and to the elevator.

“Well, um, we met three new people today!” Rory cheered, elbowing Skye’s arm. She didn’t look too pleased.

“Awesome, but I’m ready to go relax. Skye, need help setting a few things up?” Erin said, turning to her roommate that gave her a shrug.

“You don’t really need to help me, but, sure.” Skye sighed, looking down at her feet. Again, why were everyone’s feelings so sensitive today?

“Alright, then. This is where we split up.” I added, walking towards the elevators. Rory started to follow when Erin led Skye towards the stairs.

“Good night, guys.” Erin called, waving, and then turning a corner.

*

*

After tossing and turning for a good two hours, I pulled out my phone and decided to text Erin. She’d be up at the late hour (she rarely sleeps) and I wanted to check in with this odd behavior.

Ajay: Hey. Is everything okay? You’ve been acting weird ever since I arrived.

A response came not even a minute later. Figures.

Erin: i don’t want to talk about it, ajay. thanks tho.

Ajay: I wasn’t asking to talk. I was asking if you were okay.

I knew something was wrong, but Erin was usually the type to ramble on and on about anything she faced. It was strange to see her bottling up all of her emotions.

Erin: i am. don’t worry about me.

Erin: i just had a really rough summer.

Wow. How do you even respond to that?

Ajay: If you need to talk or anything, you know where to find me. Okay?

That’ll have to do for now. No pressure, just assurance. Hopefully that’s enough.

Erin: yep. night.

Because either of us will actually end up sleeping tonight...

Ajay: Night, Erin.

[akp-1327]

Hiii!💕 Can you do headcanons for your MC Charlotte or OC Leila?? They’re so adorable and I love them🤭

Absolutely! And because I love them both just as much, I did them both! Thanks for asking! 😆💖

Find the prompts I used here! Also, feel free to give me other characters!

Charlotte Parker:

Charlotte has quite the music taste. She’d love to listen to anything and is open to suggestions, but she especially loves the classics. Her favorites consist of “Jolene” by Dolly Parton, “Proud Mary” by Tina Turner, and “Be My Baby” by The Ronettes.

Charlotte can practically sleep in any space. Maybe not comfortably or soundly, but she can definitely close her eyes and catch some z’s. The worst place she’s ever drifted off to Dreamland was at school. This may not sound that bad, but it was in the middle of a Homecoming dance. In a bathroom stall. Why? She was bored!

While notorious for her pool and dart skills, Charlotte has another game that she excels at: Clue. Everyone she’s ever played with always claim that she cheats, but she shrugs off the lie with her reasoning of being a descendant of Sherlock Holmes (which, of course, is a complete lie).

Charlotte is a very expressive person and she absolutely adores emojis...maybe a little too much. Her top 3 favorites are as follows: 🥰, 🤘, 💕 (all hearts, really)

Because Charlotte can literally sleep anywhere, she doesn’t get super tired very often. Though, when she does, she mopes. Her usual lively personality is replaced with one of utter laziness.

Charlotte’s favorite warm beverage to enjoy at any time of the day is hot chocolate. She likes coffee and tea respectively, but hot chocolate just comforts her in a way that makes her feel all warm and fuzzy.

Music is a huge part of Charlotte’s life, so when she’s feeling down, she loves to sing and dance. She doesn’t care what it looks or sounds like; her only wish is to feel a little bit better than she did before.

Charlotte has always loved drama. Since she was young she has wanted to be a Broadway actress. Theater has always been her passion and she’s over the moon that she’s going to pursue it at NYU.

Rainy weather has always been Charlotte’s favorite. Not only does she like the soothing aspects but also the positive impact it has on nature. According to Charlotte, without rain, the world wouldn’t be half as beautiful as it is now.

Charlotte has a beautiful singing voice. She classifies herself as a soprano (she has a natural high pitched voice, so that intensifies when she sings) and loves to belt out high notes as she stands under a spotlight on a stage.

Drawing...doesn’t come easily to Charlotte. She enjoys scribbling little stick people all over her notes - some with bows, some with glasses, some with wacky hair that sticks out all over - but that’s as far as she’ll go with sketching.

Leila Maciel:

Leila has a very distinct music taste. She loves any type of rock, though hates any pop or country. Her favorite bands - Shinedown, Styx, and Boston - are superior, though she does enjoy Queen and some REO Speedwagon. Her favorite (ever) songs consist of “Cyanide Sweet Tooth Suicide” by Shinedown, “Renegade” by Styx, and “Don’t Look Back” by Boston.

Leila isn’t the fall-asleep-anywhere type, so the weirdest place she’s ever drifted off was at her cousin’s birthday party when she was 6.

Leila isn’t a huge fan of board games, so she likes to demonstrate her skill through sports; particularly soccer. She’s been playing soccer since she began to walk, but became less involved in high school because of her rigorous classes. So, whenever she gets the chance, she’ll put on her cleats and shin guards and teach everyone a lesson on the field.

Leila isn’t a huge emoji-heavy texter (solely because she thinks emojis are pointless) though she does like one emoji...and one emoji only. She thinks it’s pretty universal and can be used in any situation...😎

Because Leila doesn’t sleep just anywhere, she tends to be tired pretty often. Her normal personality, usually somewhere between sarcastic, logical, and teasing, can turn into pure and unbridled anger when she’s extra exhausted.

Green tea is Leila’s go-to warm beverage on some mornings. She doesn’t like coffee at all and thinks hot chocolate is too childish. Leila also doesn’t drink any other types of tea besides green. Charlotte always calls her a grandma whenever she nurses a mug and asks when Leila will knit her a blanket.

When Leila’s in a slump, she doesn’t necessarily have a plan. She likes to do what’ll make her feel better in the moment, which could be going on a walk or going over by her friends’ houses. However, one thing she will not do is trap herself in a room with her thoughts.

Leila’s “dream career” has changed multiple times. When she was in middle school, she tried to imagine herself as a doctor or a lawyer; neither of these options fit, so she was clueless until she took a finance class her sophomore year. Everything clicked when she decided to become a part of the business world.

Leila loves thunderstorms. There’s just something calming about the sudden flashes of lightning and rolls of thunder that just make her feel at ease. She likes to curl up under a blanket and read a mystery book whenever this happens to take full advantage of the relaxation.

When it comes to singing - or anything musical - Leila struggles. Of course she enjoys to hum and sing along to her rock songs when she’s alone, but she isn’t a great singer by any means outside of that.

Drawing is something Leila has somewhat of a grasp on. She can sketch out pretty good pencil portraits if you give her time. One of her favorite works was a semi-realistic drawing of Shinedown’s lead singer Brent Smith. She has it framed and hung among her posters.