#of course mikey fans are soft and sensitive

[brightlotusmoon]

People out here really think 2003 Mikey is a straight cisgender man like have they seen what he has worn and how he acts? I bet he's a pan gender fluid person what are your thoughts on this?

I have had tags for Pansexual Mikey and Genderfluid Mikey since 2017. Also polyamorous. Gendervague. His gender is chaos. He's always the prettiest girl at the dance.

And of course, 2003 Mikey has his whole thing where he joyfully cross-dresses to kick ass and will rightfully complain if the colors clash.

2012 Mikey loves tiaras.

[razzerturtle]

the personalities and dynamics of my characters tmnt fan iteration(just don’t the main turtles)

Personalities:

Mikey: older brother, leader, very skillful in a lot of asian weapons(only a few since I don’t want them to be overpowered), slightly overprotective of his younger siblings, daddy issues(with Shredder), he doesn’t let his trauma or disability stop him from the things he does, artistic, love language is words of affirmation and touch

Lea(Leo): big fan of invaders zim or any space show, like space(not the scientist side of it just the fictional side of it), slightly anxious due to her OCD, fears water due to a fun activity that gone wrong, she’s slightly like Mable from gravity falls but also like 2012 Leo, sensitive to touches and sounds due to autism, words of affirmation and quality time

Donnie: Quiet, smart(of course), likes science, math, history, mythology and math, at first he doesn’t seem like he doesn’t show expressions but he actually does, just like Leo, he’s also sensitive to touches and sounds due his autism, love language is gift giving and quality time

Raph: had angry issues due his depression, all though it doesn’t seem like he cares for Leo, he gets very overprotective of her if someone judges her for being Transfem or cat-calls her, is jealous of Mikey and Leo, when it comes to love he gets all soft, love language is act of service and touch

Dynamics:

Mikey and Lea(leo): they get along well, Mikey is very supportive of Leo, Mikey was actually the first one that Leo came out to because Mikey is intersex, so he knows how to deal with this stuff, they had a fall out when Leo found out Mikey was the son of Shredder but don’t worry it didn’t last long

Mikey and Raph: they kinda have a complicated half sibling dynamic, since Mikey was announce leader, he got jealous and when he found out Leo was announce ‘second in command’ he got more jealous, but don’t worry there are gonna be times where they get along but most of the time, Raph just keeps trying to pick fights with Mikey, even if Mikey tells him to stop, though when Raph gets his leg chopped off by the purple dragons, Mikey comforts him because he knows what’s it like to not have fully functioning legs

Mikey and Donnie: Mikey is Donnie’s favorite brother, they get along super well, Mikey is mostly the one to be the inspiration for Donnie’s inventions, when Donnie was first made, Mikey was very attached to him, he wouldn’t even let Raph or Leo have their turn to hold him

Lea(leo) and Donnie: since they sorta share the same interests in space, they would sometimes watch star track or invader zim together in Leo’s room, they even infodump each other, they were very excited during the space arc :)

Lea and Raph: it may seem like they hate each other but Raph gets defensive of Leo if someone try’s to hurt her, judge her for being Transfem, or cat-call her

Donnie and Raph: Kinda like their sibling relationship in the 2012 tmnt

[ducknotinarow]

87Michelangelo - All Symbol Headcanons please uwu

| Send me a symbol and I will write a headcanon about…  For multimuse blogs, please specify!

The og party dude, I love 87 mikey a lot hes such a dork at times in the show but sassy and its just the funniest thing to see. Mikey for sure is mostly just light-hearted and upbeat. He is normally the more positive one out of his brothers. I do love that no matter what though Mikey is always shown to be just ad skilled if not more at times in battle do to his natural raw talent uwu

𝓕 : My muse’s handwriting. (Is it good, bad, difficult to decipher, do they prefer writing by hand or with the help of some form of machine, e.t.c.) 

"Can't be having a sloppy signature after all" I like to think due to Mikey's bit more matureness in 87 series at least he dose have a less sloppy hand writing, and thanks to him being creative he still likes to had some flare into his writing. Mikey letting sizing of course shows he is out going but it;s a pretty easy thing to say when it comes to the orange banded turtle. The spacing in his letters show that well Mikey may like alone time here and there he perfers the company of others. He is very much a dependent turtle. Not that he can't handle being alone but if the option of being around someone else is there he will rather that that. He uses a soft pressure due to his empathetic and sensitive nature. 87 Mikey is pretty in tune with his emotions. Likely thanks to him being the youngest and having said freedom to be as such. It's why he was able to tell Casey had a crush on Raph, or that Don was truly heart broken over what happened with him and April. And well he is someone who can be dependable in this sense if you notice how far off to the left the dot of his i is you will also learn he is a massive procrastinator. Even if this Mikey tends to take training a bit more serious than other versions he still rather watch tv or make pizza at times.

✈ : My muse and  traveling. (If they do it frequently and why, if they never left their home town, e.t.c.)

"Ehh we been to a lot werid places?"

in Raph I had forgotten the turts have been to Europe but also other dimensions even. So I would argue traveling to different world may just be further than anywhere they have been on earth.

✿ : My muse and nature. (If they are an ‘outdoorsy type’, like the sound of bird’s singing, if they have never set foot in a forest, e.t.c.) 

"Sure i'm all for nature so long as I can bring the tv with me."

I love constantly making fun of the turtle not being into camping despite it also being like the one time they can fully enjoy just being out and about at times like even in later seasons when the turtles are more free to walk around in later seasons they do go some stigma against them. I feel Mikey just truly has become accustomed to the modern conveniences is all.

☼ : My muse’s first memory. (Where it was, who was with them, how this memory makes them feel, e.t.c.) 

"uh I guess the most I think back to is when we mutated?"

far as I am aware or can recall 87 turtles never had a childhood per-say. Their baby stage/kid stage of life was spent when they were normal turtles and by the time they mutated they were already mature which is why they just pop as we see them in show. I feel that is when Mikey first memory kind of starts himself. Not that he don't recall somethings at time just his mind was developed in the same manor so it's easier to recall anything since that moment. Besides it's pretty life changing when you think about it.

☙ : My muse’s favourite food. (Bonus: A memory, be it good or bad, associated with said food.)

"If ya don't know then I don't know what to tell you dude."

I feel you have to be a fake fan not to know the turtles love pizza especially Mikey u-u and like many of the Mikey's it seems that love takes him to learning to cook. I feel he learned the basics from Splinter. But since most his cultural intake is from tv he started to try stuff out from tv shows and just really go into cooking ever since. Not like baking himself he perfers the savory stuff. But He would love to hear about Caasey being a baker uwu he has an odd friendship with Casey so I think he just like to bond with his brother in law this way. Look the moment he clocked into Casey crush he decided Casey was family u-u.

In truth HE should be the one making food for Von I like to think he was the one who gave Raph the idea that cooking would be the way to make peace with her. But Mikey sort of understands where Raph is coming from he should step in and help sorry Von but he knowns it wouldn't quite do the same if he made the food for Raph to give.

But he likely will be the one that has to sort of point out to Raph why this make casey jelly uwu Mikey understand the relationship to food.

♬ : My muse and music. (What type of music they like listening to and in what context, what music they would never listen to, e.t.c.)

"Oh I love music! nothing better than some good tunes brah."

Mikey dose love music of course, he tends to like more pop and rock music. A big fan of the likes of Modonna and Billy Joel. And just music that fits his more upbeat persona himself. Often can be found blasting music in the lair when he is in the kitchen or alone in the room it's always a karaoke session with Mikey.

↺ : My muse and the past. (Do they live in the past and struggle to let go of past grievances, or move on more easily, is there anything in their past they want to forget, e.t.c.) 

"ehh sometimes shit happen my dude but can't dwell forever."

Mikey's pretty good about learning to let things go. Being the youngest dose often mean he sort of gets his feelings hurt unintetnationally by his brothers time to time. But Mikey's able to understand and sort of see where they come from. When Don takes his frustrations out on his inventions being stolen or not working. When Raph makes snarky remarks or Leo even can get to be a tad demanding. His empathy dose allow him the head space to come to an understanding. he isn't immune to making petty comments or sassy remarks himself when he dose get baited into it. He's just a tad more emotionally mature.

☾ : My muse and sleep. (How much they sleep, how much they wish to sleep, if there is something that never fails to put them to sleep, e.t.c.) 

"I gotta get my beauty sleep don't look this good with out it."

Mikey is someone who can just sort of clonk out once it time for bed he is very much like the sun come morning he is up and beaming bright. Which im sure can annoy others not feeling the same way. the sunnier the day the sunnier Mikey himself is going to be. He can be an early riser even soon as the sky is awake Mikey is awake. Even with them often having to be active at night though he find its tough to stay up too late with out being busy he can do it and often can survive on little sleep and still be happy as can be.

✧ : My muse and art. (If they have an artistic side or not and why, favourite artist if they have one, e.t.c.) 

"I am named after an artis buuuuut I aint following his foot steps unless cooking counts?"

Which i feel it dose and should be more often. I truly see Mikey being a fan of many cooking shows and liking to try and plate and presentation food in a similar fashion. Its only for fun so he only dose it when its just him in the kitchen or if hes making something special for someone else. He may also make it look nice buuut that's resevered for someone he had feelings for more than anything uwu or his brothers just to cheer them up.

❃ : My muse and social media. (If the muse is/would be on social media and why/why not, their general opinion on it, e.t.c.) 

"Eh not much myself."

I know there was like forms of social media in the time that the 87 show aired over and such but with the fact the turtles tend to not really give much implications of wanting to really interact with humans at times but will help because it's the right thing and something they can even do. Mikey seems content with the friends they have ant not in a real need to expand his circle any time soon.

✉  : My muse and others. (If they social and outgoing or more introverted, and why. If they prefer communicating with others face to face or in written form, e.t.c.). 

"I mean I'm the party dude?"

I find the idea of mikey not being extroverted hilarious. Mikeys someone who tends to be able to openly talk with others with out issues often the friendest of the group as well. Where Mikey can be sort of between his brothers when it comes to thier involvement with the humans he tends to lean more on Leo's end not so much to be a hero but very much following his brother well also feeling it is the right thing todo. He dose enjoy meeting new people but that dosent always mean everyone. Sometimes he can find some charaters a bit much and be happy to just move on with them but he's also happy to welcome them back as well. It's just who Mikey is after all.

▶ : My muse and level of education. (If the muse has some form of education, what education they perhaps wish they had, e.t.c.). 

"I mean splinter taught all of us so there's that I guess?"

Mikeys real only education has been his ninja training so to help protect himself after all beyond that it's very much a if he wants to learn deal. Mostly mikey is more invested in not sitting down and learning stuff he dosent need to or even want to. He isn't like an idiot he's been shown to understand some concepts here and there but he's still got his gaps in knowledge he just at least have some common sense. Surpingly.

◐ : My muse and animals. (If they like animals and treat them well, do not care for them at all, e.t.c.). 

"I've had a few pets even got some fish for Raph!"

Mikey's had at least three or four pets himself in the show and even got Raph Japanese fighting fish once. I feel like he's very much a guy who sees an animal inn need if home and wants to help. I don't think he keeps any pets himself but will have a pet for a bit before having to take them somewhere they can live a happier life at instead. But of course he dose have a soft spot for cats like many Mikeys Do.

❒ : My muse and gifts. (If they are good/bad at finding gifts, good/bad at receiving gifts, good/bad at wrapping gifts, e.t.c.) 

"Gift are prettt nice I like to give and get them."

As mentioned before he did gift Raph some fish and its sort of over looked and misinterpreted that 87 raph dosen't care for fighting where it's ture he isn't looking for a fight he sure dose like to pick them still and even express interesting in contact sports still. So I feel mikeys pick of the fish shows this understanding of people he is close to. He did get upset when he thought everyone forgit his brithday but he seemed more down about just not getting acknowledged for it over a party or gifts.

Dosent mean Mikey dosent enjoy getting gifts of course but he dose agree its all about the thought that went into it over what the item is.

I feel like he lokes to try and out the same though behind gifts he may go for others but he dosent really got out of his way very much a it's your brithday or Christmas so I'm getting you gift person.

☘ : My muse’s relation with their family. (If they speak with each other and how much, if they are close or estranged, e.t.c.). 

"My brothers can be annoying buy I love them."

It is sad to me how I feel Splinter dose very much and clearly viwe the turtles as his sons but the turtles are some of the few to not see him as a dad but I feel it's that they do. They worked through the first season alone to try and help him demutate from being a rat after all. And when he had advance to go back to the human world theu were all sad at the thought of never seeing him again. Mikey shows he respects Splinter a lot and will often listen to him. Like when he refers to them as man and gets scolded he corrects himself. I feel he dose see Splinter as someone who cared and cares for him but worries he may lose that.

But knows he at least has his brother always.

Mikey dosent take advantage of being baby brother comaprednto later interactions fo and will. But I feel his brothers do instead viwe him a bit more that way so it dose allow Mikey to get away with his antics and such but also at the same time getting seen as equal to his brothers as a ninja.

I feel Mikey is the closest to Leo.he often follows in thier lead with not real fight. And tends to team up with Leo the most well sharing in Leo's ideals at times here and there. It could be he is just following because Leo is in charge but often he also speaks up when ever Don or Raph tend to expression not seeing why they need todo something he will speak up before Leo.

I feel he is about the same closeness to Don and Raph. But feels the pair are much closer he dosent have anything against this because he in turn os the same with Leo after all. But he also seems just as happy to be around either of them as Leo. But Raoh at least dose seem guilty of seeing Mikey as baby brother even expressing he can't beat even a robot version of the guy and the time he because a kid turtle didn't help. So he will at times get annoyed with raph and is often opposite of the more rude brother. Where with Donnie he seems to try and hold mkre balance along with.

[pristinekanesays]

🦋Life Is Strange: General Headcanons

🦋 just some pretty normal headcanons

🐺 GN!Reader, no specific pronouns are mentioned!

🦋 warnings: dorky stuff, bad mental health and swearing.

🎧A/N: Been super busy lately, thanks for the loads of support though guys! Gonna be writing more for Skip because nobody's writing for him and he's actually REALLY attractive??

🦋Chloe Price:

📄It's obvious that Chloe literally adores punk rock and possibly heavy metal music. She's also a HUGE PissHead fan, from listening to Skip's demo to then asking if she can hear more of his music.

🖤She doesn't wanna admit it but she definitely sees Skip as an older brother figure, they're basically family and they have such a sweet bond together.

📄Chloe and Steph are actually pretty close in Before The Storm, from how Steph asks Chloe for permission to ask Rachel out and how she's okay with Chloe venting to her if she wanted to.

🖤Her favourite songs are Nothing Wrong - Pisshead and Everything Reminds Me Of Her - Elliot Smith. (those are all literally my favourite songs as well..oops)

📄She is actually secretly a bit of nerd, like not a huge nerd but she's played Dungeons & Dragons multiple times with Steph and Mikey before and after Episode 1.

🖤Her favourite animal is the Palos Verdes Blue butterfly, since a blue butterfly is her spirit animal but she also really likes Tiger Sharks and 100% thinks she could take them in a fight.

📄She sucks ass at cooking and Joyce has tried to teach her before but she gets bored so easily.

🖤When she got her skull tattoo, she teared up and nearly started sobbing but told everyone she knows that she was totally 100% cool + badass during it.

(hella pissed about the zero skip gifs and lack of fanfiction, he's literally so attractive?? wtf)

🎤 Skip Matthews:

📄He secretly flips people off behind their back as they walk away if they've pissed him off, will totally freak out then switch to standing still and laughing awkwardly if they turn around.

🖤Listens to Taylor Swift but apart from that he's a huge punk rock + heavy metal fan.

📄Okay now, Skip is a HUGE horror game nerd. I'm talkin' Outlast, Resident Evil, Amnesia: The Dark Descent and Silent Hill.

🖤He can cook, okay?! He doesn't look like your average chef but he can definitely serve up some good fucking food.

📄Talks shit about anyone he doesn't like with you, if you guys are together of course or really good friends, he's like Victoria Chase sometimes because oh my god is he a bitch.

🖤Apart from listening to music, he'll also listen to urban legends podcasts on his way to work.

📄Skip comes from a pretty normal family in the suburbs of Denver, Colorado with two older sisters and a younger brother.

🖤(He's such a dork, I love him.) He's also pretty into fishing and is constantly taking trips for his band when he has to.

📄His favourite animal is the Polar Bear, like yeah he'd piss himself if he ever saw one in real life but he thinks they're pretty cute online instead of them being outside his door ready to beat his ass.

🍂Kate Marsh:

📄She's very religious but also very supportive. She just wants to settle down with someone, falling in love + possibly starting a family together, sitting on the porch swing in the afternoon while drinking tea/coffee side by side.

🖤Can Kate cook? Yes, she could totally make a living out of her talent but she just isn't into that for a career.

📄She never really has anything bad to say about anyone, she doesn't believe in being mean to other people because that just isn't in her blood.

🖤Kate is sort of sensitive, she won't cry if you bump into her accidentally but would tear up if you were to raise your voice/insult her in any way like any normal person. (so don't, you asshole)

📄Listens to soft, classical music sometimes but also some indie pop now and then.

🖤She's a walking angel, her personality, her looks and smarts, everything about her is just *chefs kiss*.

📄Her favourite animal is either the Florida White Rabbit or the Harp Seal, commonly known as Saddleback/Greenland Seal, Kate adores Harp Seal's so much and is always smiling while looking at photos of them.

🖤Hobbies? Playing the violin & the piano, back when she lived with her parents she was super into gardening + cooking.

📷 Max Caulfield:

📄She's always cooped up in her dorm either studying away, practicing her guitar skills or hanging out with Warren and Chloe.

🖤Max is a proud geek, alright? She's a board game, video game, everything remotely geeky fan, 100% played Dungeons & Dragons with Warren and has a few photos of the whole thing in a box under her bed titled 'W&M DND'.

📄Has overplayed Speedy Ortiz & Syd Matters so much but surprisingly never gets bored of their songs, but everyone else around her already has.

🖤Max sucks complete, utter ass at cooking and she knows it, she'll still try her best though but she can't even make toast properly without making it suffer through the toaster.

📄She can say some bad shit about people if they're assholes but she'd never say anything about someone who's innocent/someone she knows is a good person.

🖤Her spirit animal is a Doe and while she adores it completely, she also really likes Koala's and thinks that they're absolutely adorable.

🎭 Rachel Amber:

📄Rachel is that perfect, pretty and amazing popular girl that everyone knows, she struggles with her emotions pretty bad and I can see her going to Rose for help but never really her father.

🖤She wants to be an actor, right? Then that's what she's aiming for, to be in the public eye with a smile on her face and an award in her hands.

📄Multiple public bathrooms, walls and doors across arcadia bay are marked with 'RACHEL AMBER WAS HERE' or 'R.A'.

🖤Best chef in the world, clap clap! She's honestly so good at cooking and baking, has definitely thought about being a badass chef instead of a badass actor before.

📄She can sing really good, her and Chloe made a song together which was stashed away ..kept in a safe place after she went missing.

🖤She's heard about Skip from Chloe + always thought he was a cool older brother/father figure to any fucked up kid around the campus and 100% agrees with his nerdy horror game lifestyle.

📄Rachel's favourite animal is the Red Panda, she has a photo of one on a shelf somewhere and also has a Red Panda stuffed animal.

🖤Listens to punk rock and some heavy metal if she's in the mood, she loves PissHead and Firewalk.

🎬 Victoria Chase:

📄Her schedule is nearly always full, she's either bossing Vortex Club members and others about or practicing with her camera.

🖤She secretly listens to punk rock sometimes but will roll her eyes and say 'you don't look like the type' if anyone else like her takes an interest in her music taste.

📄She's got a geeky side to her from the figures in her room to the shit she's stuffed under her bed (video games, etc) so nobody else will find out about it and make fun of her.

🖤Victoria isn't the best at cooking but she isn't awful, she's told everyone in Blackwell that she's a master chef though. There's room for improvement, she needs MAJOR improvement cooking-wise.

📄She's really good at playing the piano, photography (of course) and she can make her own outfits with the right fabrics + tools.

🖤Her favourite animal is the Cheetah and she makes that very clear, even told someone 'i could claw you like a cheetah, bitch.' once before.

📄Definitely posts stuff about positive vibes on her socials while acting like a total bitch in real life.

🎮 Warren Graham:

📄He's broken his hand before during a fight, it sounds so badass but he's hella embarrassed and ashamed about it.

🖤Listens to small bands he found through his dorky websites that he's always on and always attends their gigs.

📄(Sucks dick at cooking), will totally hype his friends up about it then laugh awkwardly and act completely clueless at their grossed out reactions.

🖤He knows Skip pretty well since Warren was already in Blackwell at the same time that Skip was working there, they've exchanged opinions about games and movies way before the first game.

📄His favourite animals are Owls especially the Great Horned Owl, he saw one at night while he was hanging with Max and watched as she took a near hour taking photos of it.

🖤He hangs out on websites nearly all the time to read about the local bands, owl sightings, when the new video game he wants so bad is coming out.

📄Has probably searched up shit like 'how to get a boyfriend/girlfriend' before.

🧨 Nathan Prescott:

📄(He looks like a bent ass banana from the fruit bowl with the weird ass way he's sitting, fix your posture man.)

🖤He's 99% busy all the time, he's either attending therapy, in class, doing stuff for the Vortex Club or doing his usual..shady shit.

📄When he's texting you or his friends, the messages are barely readable because he texts like 'CU Thre, LOL, 2nte' and adds an unnecessary amounts of ?? and !!.

🖤Nathan doesn't have a specific music taste but he does sort of like listening to heavy metal.

📄Doesn't know how to cook at all, his parents never cared to teach him and why bother when you're filthy rich?!

🖤He doesn't really care for shit other than his fucked up photography or the Vortex Club, he'll maybe sketch some stuff here and there but even his sketches come out looking severly fucked up.

📄His favourite animal is the Indian Saw-Scaled Viper, he's into some scary shit because he's a scary asshole so don't be surprised. I mean, he also likes dogs..i guess.

🖤Huge horror movie fan as well like you sit him down, turn on a terrifying, traumatizing ass movie but he just rolls his eye and stays there completely unphased.

[kshira]

THEY TEACH U W/ TOKYO REVENGERS

ft. mikey, draken, hanma, ran, rindou, sanzu

tw: f!reader, cursing, virginity loss, m!oral, praise, soft corruption kink, creampie, dom! w/ sub reader

an: request of the reader being inexperienced so they ask their bff for help (plus they have feelings for u) <3

-ˏˋ mikey

the absent thoughts flowed through mikey’s mind when you told him you wanted him—your best friend; to teach you. he was afraid at first, treating you like a delicate flower as he laid you down on the bed—scared any gust of wind he blew on your naked body would rip you to shreds. “why me though?” mikey questions, skimming his fingers across your stomach till he reaches your thighs, spreading them apart slowly. your answer is simple, he’s the one you trust most so of course, you trust him the most with your body. but mikey has a conflicting battle in his head, he’d be excited to jump on this opportunity but he’s kinda madly in love with you. mikey rests his face in the crook of your neck, his hot breath fanning over your skin “what if i can’t stop once i’m inside?” his finger slides between your folds, simmering down till his digit knocks at your tight hole. your fingers dig in his arm, a small whine at the touch of him—mikey subsides the butterflies swarming his gut and pushes a finger in. “f-fuck you’re tight” he watches your expressions, the fluttering of your lashes every time he plunges his finger in, the noises of your whines of how good just his fingers feels. “do you want more?” mikey leans on his hand beside you, his hair masking half of his face while he watches your chest rise and then fall, sweetness saturates his features. gentle fingers pull the hair from your mouth, a kiss landing on your cheek—he doesn’t want this to end whether it be fucking you with his fingers or genuinely just being with you. you reply yes, feeling his body dip into the mattress as he crawls over you, his hand resigns back between your legs. “wanna make you cum before i fuck you, okay pretty girl?” you innocently shake your head yes, feeling his finger gently move inside you. mikey watches your head throw back side to side, his finger grinding against your velvet walls— he’s drowning in this feeling. he can’t describe the taste that lays on his tongue, he wonders if it’s the amount of times you call his name when he moves his thumb around your clit, the begging adorned speech that settles evenly on his heart. your hips begin bucking at the unsettling heat pouring from your stomach, pooling around your cunt until the waves of heat circulate through your whole body. it’s powerful, surges of pleasure snip at your bones, and mikey is there—kissing the salty tears that linger on your eyes as you cream around his fingers. “fuck you’re so beautiful” mikey kisses your temple, licking at your perked nipples as he aligns himself with your sensitive heat “gonna make this pussy mine.” he cradles your face within his palms, watching your eyes tilt close at the stretch, his thumbs rubbing circles among your cheeks feeling warmth under his touch—his cock fully pushing in molding his place within you. your eyes knock back open once he’s reached the bottom, he’s there guiding your hips with his as mikey starts to move—slowly. you notice the twinkle in his eyes, the soft touch clouding his vision, and soon enough he starts sloppy thrusts in you. your eyes align back with his as mikey gasps at your cunt clenching down on him, swallowing him whole. he stills for a moment to hold you closer, his nose brushing past yours “i have you now don’t i? can this be forever?” you don’t reply but the way you’re unraveling under him—he has his answer.

-ˏˋ draken

draken’s eyes glance down at his hands, looking at the blue veins wrapped around his wrist then at his fingers thick enough to swallow the rings scattered on his digits—he wonders how are they going to fit in your tiny hole? draken looks back up at you on the bed, your naked body propped up on his bed—eyes set in a sinless stare as you whimper at his absent touch. draken isn’t complaining about this effect on you, he’s wanted this and you for a long time—asking for his help in teaching you was just the tip of the iceberg. “what do you want next, princess?” his question hangs clear in your mind—him. you mutter a shy answer, begging for a relief of the throbbing between your legs, he obliges nervously hovering his body over yours. he lands his weight on his knees as draken traces his fingers down to your cunt, slowly circling his thumb at your clit while his finger breaks the innocence of your hole. “fuck you’re so wet” draken groans at the tight grip of your pussy on his thick finger. you gasp at the stretch, feeling the icy touch of his ring push through your velvet walls—he settles a finger in your hole shifting his weight so he can crash his lips with yours, between the kisses he starts to move, your nails digging into his shoulders while he stretches you more. within the pants of his lips mixing with yours he slips his tongue in your mouth “i feel how much you keep clenching, you’re about to cum, you want that huh?” he questions, mesmerized at your body heaving from the rush of pleasures. “i wanna be the only one that can make you feel this good” draken moans, watching your body jerk at the final plunge of his finger until you’re creaming around him “there you go pretty girl, let go.” the first time you’ve ever felt this good, the first time you’re moaning this loud and the first time you’ve came and it’s all because of him. draken feels chains set on his heart flutter when you’re beneath him; begging for more. he steady his cock in his fist, pumping it a couple of times before aligning with your clenching hole “i guess this is a bad time to tell you i love you” he snorts, pushing in you—you can’t say anything back, the words choked back as a moan erupts through your chest, he wears a bashful smile as draken thrusts inside of you. the burning wavers once he’s fully inside of you, cooing at your whines of how big he is and hissing at the grip you on shoulders for support. “move your hips with mine, gonna make you feel good” draken holds your ass with his palms, rocking his dick deeper in you—what did he say to you earlier? you think maybe he was caught up in the moment but draken is quick to remind you, his face buried deep in the ravine of your neck “i love you” he whispers, throwing one of your legs over his hip while he holds your face with one of his hands still moving you in sync with him “and i’m going to fuck you till you know just how much i love you.”

-ˏˋ hanma

hanma’s eyes follow your body till it reaches him, he’s sitting comfortably on the bed with a cigarette placed neatly between his lips “you want me to teach you?” he asks, raking his eyes over your body. you’d been friends with him for what felt like an eternity, he always did what you asked so it was the polite thing for him to teach you how to properly fuck. a question he tried his hardest not to flinch at, tucking in his emotions while you emptied your begging questions of wanting to be more experienced. he didn’t mind, no not at all—but hanma had feelings for you so the jealously he felt wondering where the experience was going to take you drove him insane. pondering thoughts as he told you to stand in front of him, curious habits as hanma asked you to kneel at his crotch, and lingering love when he asked you to suck his cock. “let’s start out with this, try to fit my dick in your mouth—start sucking and i’ll make you feel good” he smiles down at you, your hands nervously gripping at the base of his cock while you obediently try fitting his whole girth in your mouth. “f-fuck—yes like that, you’re such a good girl” hanma hisses at your warm mouth pitifully trying to take him in, your tongue swirling around the head, he can’t help but grip your hair while you sink down further. hanma wipes the tears from your face, cooing as new ones arise from the stings of his length. “just like that, keep going, won’t be long till i’ll be cumming down that pretty throat of yours” you whine back at him, the vibrations echoing through his core. hama groans watching you suck him faster, even putting your hands up to cup at his balls—are you going to do that for someone else? hanma clears the thoughts as he feels himself coming undone, your throat swelling at the twitch from his dick. “bout to cum, you’ve done such a good job sweet girl, you ready?” you expected from his question hanma was going to cum down your throat but the next thing you knew he was spraying the hot liquid on your face, covering your vision. he grabs your cheeks pulling your lips to his “gotta mark what’s mine~ now get on the bed and let me fuck that pretty pussy.”

-ˏˋ ran

a lazy smirk spreads on ran’s face when you ask him about lending a hand on your problem about being inexperienced. he snickers as you word vomit your insecurities about being a virgin, the clueless thoughts you have when it comes to sex and the innocent cloak you wear. as he continues the half hearted laugh as you explain yourself, you decide your best friend wasn’t the one to ask and your eyes roll as you turn from him and leave, the door knob in your grasp before ran marks his fingers around your wrist and throws you down on his bed “i’ll fuck you don’t worry about that, but you know i’m going to have to tease you first.” although ran has loved you for half of the time he knew you, ruining your virgin facade wasn't a thought in his mind but now it was all he could think about. “i wonder how hard you’ll cum around me” his voice lingers in your ear, your body laid flat on his bed as he cages himself around you. every taunt he leaves on you, he takes an article of clothes off until you’re naked under him and he’s fully clothed in greed and sin. “i bet you’re going to make the prettiest moans for me huh?” ran slides his hand down your stomach, stopping right about your pulsating cunt “this pretty pussy is about to be ruined by me” your head fills with fog when ran slides a finger in your hole, the threading of his finger moving inside you—feeling his stiff cock bump against your leg—you need him now. ran leaves purple kisses on your neck, sucking on the tattered skin and leaving small bites alongside your flesh. your whines become distracting as ran pumps his finger inside your messy hole “you’re so needy for my cock already? can you handle it?” ran taunts feeling your cunt clench at his words, another loafing smile creeps on his face “i guess your pussy is answering for you, you ready pretty girl?” you whimper a yes, grabbing at his shoulders until ran is hovering over your cunt and slowly sinks in. your teeth bare down the burning stretch on his shoulder, his groans hits higher pitches as he feels your cunt suck him in whole. once ran bottoms out inside of you, he pushes away the stray hairs from your face kissing your cheeks and nose “i don’t care if after this you run to another person” he starts small strokes inside of you, letting his finger come between your bodies to rub at your clit, the feeling of your orgasm coming through already, he starts swiping harder at your sensitive bud watching your body twitch “but nobody will make you cum like this, sweetheart” and on ran’s words, you cum—hard, all over his throbbing cock.

-ˏˋ rindou

as soon as the words slipped from your mouth rindou is on you, needing to taste you as he presses his lips against yours, sliding his tongue inside all of the spots in your mouth. it happened on a whim, confiding in your best friend for much needed help with your lack of knowledge pertaining to sex. you didn’t expect rindou to be this needy, asking permission as he stripped you of your clothes leaving behind a kiss on every inch of your skin. “can’t believe you want me to teach you” he mumbles, taking his shirt off and then his hands grabbing your face to press his lips back on yours. “i’ve wanted you for a long time now” he moans, taking the rest of his clothes off in one motion so there’s no wasted time without your touch. his chest is heavy with every kiss you feed back to him, just as needy as him now you beg for every touch, kiss and lick he owns. “need in you now, ride me please” he begs, but you don’t know how to do that—guess it’s good rindou is there to show you. his hands carefully hover you over his hard cock, watching sweetly as he drags you down on him. a whine escaping from your lips but rindou is quick to eat the cries of pain with his mouth on you until you’re slowly sinking down fully flush on his lap. “i’ll move you, okay? just hold me and let me make you feel good” rindou starts at a smooth pace, grinding down inside of you—his eyes never leaving your perfect body. your arms cling to his neck for support while he moves you, slowly you feel a knot move from your legs till it reaches your aching cunt “that’s it, you’re gonna cum soon pretty girl” his praises set your heart to the skies as he reaches your high for you, the gutted feeling of him loving you rather fucking you. your whines warp to moans before you know it but rindou is there, kissing away all the pain with his lips on your neck “i’m here baby, always and forever.”

-ˏˋ sanzu

“that’s it pretty baby suck a little harder for me now, yeah?” sanzu swipes the hairs from your fluttering lashes as you sink down further on his cock, his fingers meshed with the bedsheets while you take more of his dick. how did a timid question turn into this? you’ll never know fully, but you do know you don’t want to stop. not when your childhood best friend can’t stop rolling his eyes in the back of his skull when you slurp around his cock, his ungodly moans rolling through his lips and those scars you always loved to see curled in his most beautiful ‘o’ face. “you’re doing so good for me, i’m about to cum but you don’t deserve it down your throat” sanzu’s head is thrown back as you gag around his words, he whimpers as his seed is about to spill but he finally gathers enough willpower to pull you off. “you’re so perfect for me” he whispers, watching your tongue hang out ready for his seed, he shivers glancing down at your legs a mess and rubbing together. “come here angel, it’s time for your reward for being such a good girl” sanzu pats on the bed beside him, watching you eagerly sit beside him. he smiles at you again, the corners of his lips curling into a mischievous smile as you gasp at him turning you around on all fours, “look at that pretty pussy, it’s so wet for me” sanzu slides a finger down your slit, erupting a whine from you—he shushes you soaking in the pleasure he’s getting from the view on his end. “wanna be mine after this? i’ll make you feel good all the time angel” he asks, slowly pumping a finger in and picking up speed as you blurt a yes mixed with shocks of pleasure. “that’s my girl, now spread your legs some more and tell me if it hurts, okay?” your ass shakes in response and sanzu is there to guide his cock slowly in your tiny hole. “so tight angel, so tight for me, yeah?” sanzu gently smacks your ass as he guides your hips against him, feeling his orgasm hit faster than expected “you’re mine angel, all fucking mine” sanzu is hard on the statement, filling your needy hole up over and over.

[itoshit]

'Your wish my command baby'

Switching our positions from you on top to you under me, I caged your body while my knee started rubbing at your crotch.

Taking my shirt off and tossing it away I sensed your hands roaming at my chest caressing my skin softy. I couldn't help the shivers and I sighted at the contact. Your hands were so warm on my cold skin.

Yanking me close to your face by my nape your breath fanning on my lips, my eyes were drifting from your mouth to your dilated pupils and I kissed you softly, almost scared to break you if I put more pressure. Your tongue licking at my bottom lip I let you inside. My thumbs were massaging your cheeks as your hand slided into my pants kneading my cock.

'Aah Vee I-'

'Shh'

Foreheads pressed against each other I was drowning myself in your eyes, too absorbed to even notice my pants moving down my thighs with the help of your feet.

I wanted to take care of you to show you how much I was sorry for the mess I've made out of your life but you didn't let me to.

'Today isn't about me or you, Mikey. It's about us'

Your words warmed my heart and my mind was becoming all fuzzy. The more you talked to me, the more I let my guards down. I was so scared to let everything go, so scared to be in that position again where I would risk to lose someone else. But did I have a choice in the matter? You seemed willing to please me or at least show me how much you wanted me.

Your hand still pumping my cock I was breathing with difficulty, head in your neck nibbling at your skin. I needed to find something to hold on to, anything. I had to keep the control, I had to stay neutral and not let myself melting under your ministrations but I felt so fragile at that moment. You were so tender and soft, it was at the opposite of our first night together. Our touches felt more thoughtful and at that moment I told myself.

I could do it. I could just stay like that and let go of everything. Why would I need to go to that business meeting tomorrow's evening while I could stay with you all night?

-Mikey

I'm so in love with sensitive Mikey even if he probably isn't like that irl like- it's just so SOFT

SOFT MIKEY 💳💥💳💥💳💥💳💥

I take my time jerking him off, in slow pumps of my hand, eyes locked on his the entire time. We’re so close that we can’t decipher which one’s breathing over the other’s face—all our breaths meet at the center to form one giant one.

Absorbing Mikey’s pleasure-stricken face, consuming him in his furrow-browed, flush cheeked, softly groaning glory and can’t help but recall the comparison I had made it in the car. I hit the nail right on the head: Mikey is like a kitten. In likeness and affections.

Whenever he tries to break eye contact, lids daring to flutter shut, I slow my movements to near-halt, only continuing when he’d reopen them, gaze bleary with list-filled confusion. My coos and soft praises of how good he’s doing, how pretty he looks only make him softer, whinier and clingier.

So different from the man I slept with three months back. I don’t think he’s ever allowed himself to be this vulnerable with a partner in bed before, allowed himself to be soft. He fucked hard then, almost as if he didn’t care whether he pleased me or not once he got his own, but I realize now that that was all a facade. The Mikey I’m seeing now wants to be doted on and taken care of, yearns for it in small moans and whimpers.

And I dote, bringing his lips to mine every time his sounds of pleasure grow in volume, quieting him effectively as I suck his tongue.

V-Vee, he pants. You’re— you—

I shush him, already knowing, speeding my strokes along his shaft. Cum for me, Mikey.

He throbs in my fist thrice before exploding, hot streams of white shooting up over my hand and splashing the bottom of the shirt I wear. Mikey hunches over in my neck, shuddering in bliss and I allow him, rubbing along his nape with one hand and assisting him through his orgasm with the other.

When I pull away, I notice his eyes are half-closed, nearly swallowed up by the bags below his eyes. Oh yeah. The meeting.

Let’s get some sleep, yeah? Need to be well rested for your meeting tomorrow. I ask but my tone is not inquisitive. I slowly clean him and the surrounding area up as he rejects the offer, slurring bits about returning the favor and wanting to treat me well, not even aware that I’m inching his boxers back up his legs, peeling back the sheets and tucking him in as he does so. The little uh huhs and of courses I feed him in between his sleepy rant must’ve made him feel like he was getting his way. It makes me snicker, stubborn man.

His eyes immediately shut once his neck rests against the pillow, and I back out of the bed in increments, scared that even a shift’ll wake him and ruin the progress I’ve made. Grabbing some of the new clothes we’ve purchased, I tiptoe to the bathroom, hoping to get a shower in, so quick he wouldn’t have even noticed my absence. Once I have everything from underwear to pajamas, I spare a soft look to the bed where a halo of whitish blonde sits atop a mountain of white, the steady rise and fall of his chest convincing enough to be on my way.

[buttercreamroyalty]

A Conor imagine based on the song wild thoughts, please. Thank you❤️😘 I um, can I have a conor imagine where you're like 7 months along with his child (a boy) and he stays in for a day working on whatever, you go with the buttercreams (whoever you want) they vlog and stuff. Conor gets jelly when you come home late and fight and ends with possible fluff or ya know whatever! Thanks, don't wanna bother you. A/N: So I decided to combine this two and it turned out well! Thank you to this lovely anons! ~~~~~~~~~ You had been Conor's friend for about a year now but there was always this attraction between the two that neither could deny, but it was all mere glances and smiles across the room and sometimes a touch here and there. Everyone that was near could tell this tension surrounding you, even fans could tell, but you continued reassuring nothing was happening between you two, not romantically at least. You were having dinner with your friends and of course Conor was there sitting beside you, as he played lazily with your fingers as you waited for your meal to come, you turned to the blue eyed boy smiling and he smiled back, just then you felt something hit your face, you turned your head towards Jack who had his signature playful smirk plastered on his face. "Do us a favor and go make out in a dark corner" he said playfully making you both chuckle, now Conor's hand rested on the back of your chair, your friends always teased you but you brushed it off because it was something you were used to by now. The night came to an end and you decided to stay with Conor at his flat a little longer, you took off your coat giving Conor a perfect view of the cleavage on your back, he gulped quietly as you sat down on the sofa, sighing tiredly but also relieved. "Fancy a beer?" He asked as he walked over to the fridge and opened the door, you shrugged "Sure" you said as you placed your legs on the side and looked over to Conor who was opening both beers, you turned away from him and took off your heels throwing them across the room. While that happened, Conor sat beside you and handed you the cold beer, you smiled before taking a sip. He looked at you from the corner of the eye before taking a longer sip, you raised your brow teasingly at the boy beside you "Someone was thirsty" you laughed taking another sip of the beer as you shook your head. He remained silent, if only you could read his thoughts, it would be so different. His mind wondered, wondered how would your lips would feel against his, how would your skin feel against his, what would you do if he touched you the way he had craved for so long. "Conor?" You called out making him leave the infinite pool of thoughts that were running through his mind, he turned to you, a little confused "You okay?" He stared at you, his gaze was intense and you almost felt embarrassed, the heat on your cheeks growing as you saw him lean in, you started to do the same and when his hot breath crashed on your lips he cupped your cheek and closed the space between you. The kiss was passionate and steady instead of sloppy, your lips moved in sync with yours, his other hand traced the length of one of your legs making your stomach drop as you grabbed your hands around his neck pulling him down onto your lips again. Conor firmly grabbed your leg and placed it on his side, so now you were straddling him, his movement made your mouth open granting his tongue the access he needed to explore. His hands sneaked all the way to the button on the back of your neck. You slipped your hands off the dress and Conor laid you down so he could take off the rest, you tugged the hem of his shirt, desperate to feel his skin touching yours, he pulled away and took off the fabric, you gasped softly at the contact of his skin with yours, your legs grabbed around his hips and pulled him closer to your body. That's how it started. You remembered waking up with your nose buried in Conor's neck, breathing the faint scent of his cologne smiling to yourself when you felt him hold you tighter against him, you looked up, his eyes finding yours before giving you a peck on the lips, you smiled as you playfully made the kiss a little longer, he grabbed you by the waist and flipped over hovering your body with his, as he rubbed hi nose in your neck, tickling the sensitive skin, making you giggle. But the moment was interrupted by Conor's ringing phone, he groaned as he rolled over and reached it from the night stand, his eyes opened wide as he turned to you "Shit is Mikey" you wasted no more time before walked over to the door in your underwear to letting him answer the incoming call. "Hey!" Conor replied cheerfully "Mate stop by Joe's we're gonna play some FIFA" "Can I call Y/N to come too?" He asked trying to act as casual as he could "WHIPPED" he heard his younger brother's voice call out "Am not!" He chuckled "Sure, why not?" Mikey replied "See you guys there" he waved goodbye "See ya" and with that Mikey ended the call Conor let out a frustrated sigh "That was so fucking close" you laughed "C'mon we gotta stop by my place, can't go in my undies" you teased and he smirked "Good for me, not them" you rolled your eyes before leaving his bedroom You entered the place as normal as you could, greeting everyone and sitting down on the large sofa with your legs crossed as the boys started the game, Conor looked over to you and smirked, you did the same. Caspar noticed, he could tell that something was up, that weren't the same shy glances and smiles from last night, this onces were more confident and mischievous as if you two knew something no one else in the room did. It all went smoothly, exclamations, teasing the losers, but everyone could tell-as Caspar did before-that something was different between the two of you. But it wasn't until you stood up to lift your jeans at little higher that everything clicked, and Jack was the one to solve this puzzle once and for all. When you stood, you gave Conor a perfect view of your butt and even though he tried to peek just a little bit he glanced at the view a little longer biting his lip slightly before turning away. When you turned to the boy that now looked at the screen and smiled to yourself as you sat back down, he understood what was happening, he paused the game making all of you turned to Jack who was smiling widely. "You two fucked!" He pointed out to Conor and you both shared a guilty glance before turning to Conor's brother "H-how?" You stammered astonished as your cheeks were tinted a crimson red, confirming his suspicions. You heard Conor leave his controller on the table before you heard him say "Fucking finally" after that you felt his soft lips touch yours again and you couldn't help but melt into the kiss and the boys began howling at you like wolves making you smile. That was three months ago, and now you were at work as you ran to the bathroom to puke, you had felt awful the last few weeks, you had constant migraines and you're back was killing you not to mention your period was a little bit late, you thought it could be the stress at work but there were other symptoms too. So, that day, after your shift was done you hurried over to the nearest drugstore to buy a pregnancy test, to say it was awkward was an understatement, some people looked over and rolled their eyes, you felt pissed at that but ignored it because it wasn't really worth it. After that you drove all the way to Conor's flat and grabbed the plastic bag as you pulled over, you needed him more than ever, a few knocks on the door later, the boy who you were eager to see appeared right in front of you. "Hey babe" he said smiling widely at the sight of you "Is everything okay?" He asked looking over to the plastic bag you were holding "I think I'm pregnant" you blurted out not really knowing how to say it, his eyes opened widely in surprise, a grin covered his face "Are you serious?" He asked happily and you nodded, he opened the door a little bit further to let you in, you took the pregnancy test out and took care of everything, then you set the timer and sat next to Conor anxiously playing with your fingers, his fingers intertwined with yours, your eyes finding his "Don't worry, whatever happens I'm gonna be here" you smiled before pecking his lips, but that didn't stop your heart from pounding restlessly inside your rib cage, as you drown in your thoughts, until your alarm finally went off. Instinctively you and Conor looked at each, and it was then that you nervous he actually was, you took a deep breath breath before walking over to the sink and hold onto the test, your eyes glued to the answer. "Well?" He wondered anxiously and you finally turned to him "We're having a baby" you said softly as tears blurred your vision and you gave him a warm smile, without being able to contain his happiness any longer he hugged you tightly and slightly lifted you up making you giggle. You couldn't think of someone better to be the father of your child than Conor. "Stop Joe!" You chuckled as you put his hands away from your sides, but that didn't stopped him from tickling you, you managed to squirm away from him and you found yourself running around the house with Joe behind you. Conor watched the whole scene closely not really liking how playful and touchy the younger Sugg was with you, at some point you tripped over the cables of the Xbox that was connected to the TV put Joe was quickly enough to grab your hand and pull you towards his body, keeping you from the impact against the floor. "You okay, love?" He whispered as he looked at you, you merely nodded "Thanks bud" you teased "Good" he muttered before holding you tightly with both hands as his fingers tickled your ribs, making you laugh loudly as you tried to squirm away once more, but he was holding onto you tighter. You and Conor stayed at Caspar's to watch a movie, Conor had his arm around your shoulders and your head was laid on his neck, you were looking at the movie when you felt a few popcorns hit your face, you looked over to the left side of the room where Caspar, Josh and Joe were, the last boy had a grin printed on his face before he threw a few more popcorns in your direction. You rolled your eyes playfully before grabbing the popcorns his threw from your lap and shoving them into your mouth "Jokes on you" you muttered making him chuckle, Conor shifted in his seat tensely as he pulled you closer without his eyes leaving the screen. You frowned a little bit at that, staring at him but he didn't bother to look over to you, something felt off, but it wasn't until you arrived home, that you could paid attention to his movements, he didn't spoke at all and he showed no expression in his face. You couldn't help but laugh when you figured out the cause of his odd behavior, he turned to you frowning. "What?" "You were jealous back there, weren't you?" You asked teasingly and he blushed slightly before turning away "No" he said quickly and you went over to him grabbing your arms around his neck "I'm caring your baby and you get jealous of Joe?" "Well when you put it like that I sound like an idiot" he laughed nervously as he put his arms around your hips, holding you closer

[mikeyd1986]

MIKEY’S PERSONAL BLOG 56, June 2017

On Monday morning, I heard the terrible news that Jodie’s mum had passed away and so the Healthy Cooking on a Budget course was forced to be cancelled. Mum and I decided to buy her a lovely sympathy card and gave it to the staff at Balla Balla Community Centre to pass onto her. She truly is a wonderful chef and cooking teacher and I feel blessed knowing that she helped me to improve my skills in the kitchen. Hopefully she returns in Term 3 after she’s had time to grieve. http://www.ballaballa.com.au/progra...

On Monday night, I had my Strength Training session with Luke Davey at Breakaway Fitness in Berwick. Suffice it to say, it was a really bad session for me. My “I’m not good enough” tape was playing so loudly inside my head that I couldn’t switch it off and suddenly my depression got triggered off. After Luke asked me what I was on my mind, I went to pieces and started getting teary in front of him. I couldn’t keep all those emotions buried any longer.

I just feel socially inadequate and depressed. I was really struggling to connect with anyone socially tonight. I get myself jealous when others can easily start or contribute to conversations and I can’t. My social life is practically non-existent. I don’t know how to fit in with friends or the other trainers and coaches at UFT. At least a few people said hi to me so that’s something but it didn’t feel like it was enough. Unfortunately, I couldn’t seem to explain why I was feeling this way to Luke and resorted to replying with one-worded answers.  https://www.facebook.com/breakawayf...

WARM-UP...Because of how I was feeling inside mentally, it really affected my performance tonight. I did 3 rounds of 15 back extensions. I was struggling heaps especially when I got passed my 10th rep. My knees and lower calves were on fire and I had to stop and rest. It was absolutely embarrassing. I just felt so shit about myself. Next, I used a small rubber ball to release tension from my hips and upper back. This is also known as SMR (Self-myofascial release) or rolling out.

DEVELOPMENT...Tonight I had to do 5 rounds of 8 dead lifts. I honestly felt like I wasn’t doing my best tonight. I was overthinking and unable to focus on getting my posture and technique right. Still, I didn’t give up even though my brain and my negative thoughts were trying hard to make me fail. I believe my weight was around 60-70kg.

We ended the session by playing a game of spike ball. You basically have to hit a soft rubber ball into a round trampoline-like net and return the ball back on the full. I’ve pretty much sucked at ball games all my life and so I knew I was gonna be terrible at this. Still I gave it a go and though Luke was trying hard to encourage me, I just couldn’t execute it properly and the ball flew in random directions. Overall, I just wasn’t myself tonight and I found it hard to be positive about my session.

On Tuesday morning, Mum and I went to the walking group at Narre Community Learning Centre. It was quite a large group today with about 30 members participating. I was a little daunted meeting all these new people at once but everyone was so welcoming and friendly towards me. We ended up walking down to at Fountain Gate Super Centre and had a coffee at Cafe Oreo just outside Spotlight. I was a little too cluttered for me and so I found myself avoiding eye contact and tracing the wood grains on the table. But at least I was around positive people which is what I need. http://narreclc.net.au/neighbourhoo...

Around lunchtime, I brought my Mum along to my counseling session at Piece Together Counselling. I was a little nervous but thankfully the session went smoothly. I touched upon some of my social difficulties during Kindergarten. I remember doing some creative craft activities inside when all the other kids were playing outside. I was very much an introvert from early childhood and fitting in with people was always going to be a struggle for me.

Ruth also discussed the idea of joining a meetup group and finding like-minded people to associate myself with and also getting another cat. I do believe that having companionship is very important for somebody like me. She reminded me of how independent and courageous I am, engaging in social activities such as going to fitness classes, cooking classes, local gigs and the gym. These are all things that I should be proud of.

The absence of having a Dad in my life has had a significant impact on me. I’ve noticed that I look to male figures for comfort, reassurance, validation and praise. This is the massive black void within me that I just cannot fill. It’s the reason why I sometimes come off as desperate, wanting others to verbally say the words “I’m so proud of you Michael”. But I am truly blessed to have such a close relationship with my Mum and a lot of supportive friends in my life to get me through tough times. https://www.piecetogethercousellingnarrewarren.org/...

On Tuesday night, I went to a Restorative Yoga class with Kim Lousada at Now, Yoga.. My yoga practice this term was been very irregular due to having financial issues and life generally getting in the way. It’s been a tough few months for me but I’m determined to start making yoga a weekly practice again next term once the dust has settled. After last night’s emotional episode with Luke, I knew I really had to go tonight. http://nowyoga.net.au/

Kim began the class by talking about the inner guru and the silent observer. Basically it’s about letting go of your thoughts, feelings, doubts, worries and anxieties and focusing on your breath. It’s also about nurturing and being kind to yourself or being non-judgemental. We did a variety of different supported poses including Child’s pose, Fish pose, Mermaid pose, Butterfly pose and Seated Forward Fold. The idea behind a restorative yoga practice is to hold poses for longer and yet doing so in a gentle way using several props including blocks, blankets and bolsters. https://www.yogajournal.com/poses/t...

We ended the class by doing a long Yoga Nidra meditation which left me feeling lighter like I was about to float out of the studio. I made a Sankalpa (Positive intention) for tonight which was “Everything is going to be okay for me”. After some deep breathing, Kim guided us through the Rotation of Awareness, a body scan of sorts from the right side of the body to the left. And finally, we did a visualization exercise which involved creating mental images of various scenes such as a full moon, a sunset, a doctor’s office and a temple on a mountain. http://www.abc.net.au/health/librar...

On Thursday afternoon, I decided to treat myself to a full body Chinese massage at Top 1 Therapy in Cranbourne West. It’s been about two months since my last massage so this was long overdue. I’m slowly letting go of the false belief that “it’s selfish to have a massage” and that “I don’t deserve this”. Both of these thoughts are bullshit. Self-care is so important and honestly it’s much better to seek the treatments I need rather than be proud and suffer in silence.

Of course, I was a little anxious approaching the Asian sales lady and trying hard not to be too awkward but it was all good. The obvious language barrier was not a deterrent for me. In fact, I was grateful for the silence and the calming music in the store. It meant that I could focus on relaxing even with my mind racing with thoughts. I’m still not a fan of the thumping and chopping style of massage but at least it didn’t take up the entire session.

I was very tense and sore across my back, neck, shoulders, thighs...pretty much everywhere and whilst I was feeling a bit sensitive today, I managed to relax enough to enjoy the massage. And at $39, I’m certainly not going to complain about the service. I will definitely go back there again. http://www.top1therapy.com/

On Thursday night, I had my second Strength Training session with Luke Davey at Breakaway Fitness in Berwick. To be honest, I was feeling a bit nervous after what happened on Monday night but I tried really hard to be as optimistic as possible. It was good to see that Luke was really caring, asking me if I was doing okay after Monday. I didn’t feel like confiding in him completely but enough to explain myself. I have to remember that Luke’s not my therapist and he can only do so much to help with my issues. I just wanted to focus on getting through tonight’s session.

I recently learned that sometimes it’s better to just focus on being myself rather than trying to fit in with everyone else. I have enough self-awareness to realise that I’m not narcissistic, I don’t have a large ego, I’m not obsessed with all things Crossfit and I really don’t care that much about how much I can lift. My sense of achievement comes from making the effort to show up to training and being able to give it my all. Numbers aren’t a motivator for me. I’m still learning to be okay with all of this and eventually I will be. I don’t have to be like the others.

WARM-UP...I started my pushing the side of my body, underneath the armpit, into a long stick leaned into the wall on a diagonal. Next I did my usual 12 reps of resistance band stretches into both arms and then 2 rounds of 15 bench press bar raises.

DEVELOPMENT...Today I did a slightly different weight routine to what I’m used to, doing 10kg bar bell presses on the bench (5 rounds of 8 reps). It was a lot harder than it looked because you had to keep the bar bells steady whist pushing them upwards and into the middle. I did gradually improve over the four rounds though. I attempted to do one round of 20kg bar bell presses but it ended up becoming to difficult to lift.

WORK-OUT...Honestly this was easily the hardest workout I’ve done in weeks. It started with a 12 round EMOTM (Every Minute on the Minute) ride on the assault bike doing 6 cals per minute. My first attempt on the assault bike was dreadful to say the least but this time I was determined to do better.

My knees were starting to burn about halfway through and for some reason I was pedaling backwards on a few rounds but in the moment, I really didn’t care. In the last round, I had to reach 10 cals so I decided to close my eyes to block out any external stimuli and just focus on pedaling as hard as possible. My legs were like jelly stepping off that bike.

The second part of the workout however was even worse. 3 rounds of 12 ring rows and 20 Russian twists with a 10kg plate. I was panting so much and no amount of controlled breathing could stop it completely. Luke was trying hard to motivate me but my body was slowly caving in to the fatigue and the pain so I had to stop several times. However, I wasn’t feeling weak nor ashamed about myself. This was a fucking tough workout and yet I’m somehow getting through it.

I thought that I wouldn’t be able to finish the workout but Luke made sure I crossed the finish line. I literally collapsed onto the foam mat as I was so breathless and exhausted. It’s clear that Luke pushes my hard and there’s a part of my brain that absolutely hates it but in reflection, I know that he has good intentions for me. He could have given up on me after Monday night’s session and tossed me into the “too hard to deal with” basket but he didn’t and that truly means a lot to me.

On Friday morning, Mum and I went down to the Dandenong Market to do some shopping. We visited the usual regulars including the greeting card stall, the Marketto Cafe, the florist and local green grocers. The only thing I don’t like about the Dande market is the crowds. My anxiety levels tend to spike up whenever I’m in a high traffic area with people trying to pass each other and I have to be gentle with myself. Literally, breathe through the anxiety. But otherwise, I enjoy spending time with my Mum there every month.

On Friday night, I went to my RPM class at YMCA Casey ARC in Narre Warren. It’s been about a couple of months since my last cycle workout but I was ready to jump back on the bike tonight. I had to be mindful about how hard I push myself considering how intense last night’s assault by workout was but I still gave it everything I had in the tank. We’re up to release 75 which consisted of some short sprint tracks and high intensity endurance tracks.

I was hitting around 60-70 RPM on the uphill sections, 80-90 RPM on the flat easy ride sections and 100-130 RPM on the sprint and race sections. I actually felt really good walking out of the class tonight because I really gave it everything. http://w3.lesmills.com/israel/en/cl...

On Saturday night, I decided to treat myself after work and went to see Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Men Tell No Tales at Village Cinemas Fountain Gate. Honestly, I thought this was a really solid entry in the franchise. It was certainly much better than the bloated and boring third installment (At Worlds End) and the incoherent mess that was the previous film (On Stranger Tides). This film is very much a return to form, going back to the roots of the original with returning cast members, over-the-top fighting and chase sequences and plenty of entertaining moments.

The basic storyline involves Henry Turner (Brenton Thwaites), who is the son of Will Turner (Orlando Bloom) and Elizabeth Swann (Keira Knightley). He is in search of the fabled Trident of Poseidon, which if found can break the curse that his father is currently under. He believes that finding Captain Jack Sparrow (Johnny Depp) will be the key to locating this hidden treasure. But of course an old foe in Captain Salazar (Javier Bardem) has been reawakened. Captain Hector Barbossa (Geoffrey Rush) forms an unlikely alliance with Salazar in order to hunt Sparrow down.

Directors Joachim Ronning and Espen Sandberg successfully steer the ship (so to speak) into much clearer waters. Johnny Depp brings his usual charm and humour to Sparrow, who is still a drunken, careless and now crew-less pirate. He steals quite a few of the scenes especially during his execution with Scarfield (David Wenham). There are still moments where the dialogue is as wooden as the Black Pearl and some supernatural star gazing requires major suspension of disbelief.

But overall I thoroughly enjoyed this film. It has an interesting plot, great characters, plenty of action and lots of funny moments. It even managed to tie a few loose ends together before the credits roll. If this happens to be the final POTC film, then it goes off with a squash-buckling bang. Make sure you stick around after the credits for an extra scene. http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1790809...

“You’ll be knocked out, come around, shot down, shatter on the stony ground. Yeah take it from me, it’s how it’ll be...But if you crash land in the quicksand, I will pick you up, I’ll pull you out. And if the world shakes, your brittle heart breaks, we will patch it up, we’ll work it out.” Tom Chaplin - Quicksand (2016)

“Oh I see it now, see it now. Look back and see. From shadows the loneliness reaching for me. I will give it a home so it’s never alone. It was buried so deep...Now there’s nothing to fear, I see it so clear.” Tom Chaplin - See It So Clear (2016)