#on darrys end

[broareweabouttoviberightnow]

Do you think Cowgirl and Darry still have issues arguing? To me they could possibly give off the vibe of oldest daughter and father who clash because they’re so similar but idk

that's actually a real good comparison to be honest! ok so I imagine that cowgirl really only exists post canon. very much a 'n on top of all that BULLSHIT. I'm a GIRL?' but anyhow I mention that cause I think Darry n Cowgirl's fightin never totally goes away even after canon. in every universe she's still a teenager who thinks she knows everythin n Darry is always still her older brother. they can't not fight sometimes. but it looks a lot different post canon. it's a lot more controlled. with a lot more love. in my mind Darry n her have this system where when one or the other starts gettin too heated they take a 'smoke break' from the argument so they can walk away n calm down.

cowgirl n darry have always been way too similar to not fight. n the fact that she's his sister now not his brother doesn't make her any less of his kid sibling who is the most annoyin person on God's earth. who he loves so much he just has to nag.

[sodapopper]

POV: You’re Ponyboy Curtis and your big brothers are judging your choice in friends

Curly and Mark never stood a chance. Meanwhile on the other side of town, Steve Randle feels the hair on the back of his neck prickle.

[thegetou]

I feel like Two-Bit is def that hype friend that’s DANGEROUSLY supportive & enamored by Darry: ﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌ Two: *whistle* Damnnnnn, you look good as hell in them jeans. I would eat your shit front to ba- Darry: ALRIGHT, that’s enough.

Darry: I shouldn’t have done that to Pony. It’s really my fault- Two: On god you were right as fuck to smack the shit out that little boy. I’ve been praying for this day a good minute now-

Darry: I don’t know… I’m just worried sometimes no one will ever really love me. It’s like- Two: Yeahhhhh, I’m gonna need you to drop them drawls babygirl. Darry: WHAT.

Darry: Two-Bit, I have a boyfriend. Two: That don’t mean nothing.

Two: You know what? We should just kill him. Darry: We are NOT murdering my boyfriend. Two: FINE. I’ll get Dally to do it. Darry: Y’all, I got to be honest…I burned the hell out of the meat for tonight. Soda: JESUS DARRY, HOW LONG DID YOU LET IT GO FOR??? Darry: …Sorry… Two: Shoot, ain’t nothing wrong with it! (He proceeded to eat it all and Darry had to hold his hair back while he vomited it up an hour later 💀)

———— Shoutout my mookie wookie: Two-Bit would say babygirl I fear @sleepyfishboy

[specific-dreamer]

thinking about there being a tension in the curtis house that’s been building for a few days and over dinner one night grouchily pony says “jesus darrel it’s like you hate us or something” and darry, who is so completely not here here bc he’s trying not to holler or do something he’ll regret, accidentally says “god if only” in the most wistful tone that has both his brothers snapping their necks to look at him

and soda, in a low voice that sounds like it’s taking everything in him to not panic, asks “what does that mean?”

eyes widening darry forces a laugh out and a fake smile that hardly reaches his cheeks let alone his eyes. “i didn’t mean to say that”

ponyboy waits, “but you did, so.” his voice is steady in the way that only a fresh teenagers could be; ready to be angry, better yet, ready to force his actual feelings down because it’ll be easier to hit and holler than feel upset. “what the heck does that mean”

there’s no escaping. he knows this, which might be part of why darry huffs through his nose and leans back in his chair. they’re silent for a moment as darry looks around; soda’s looking down at his plate, obviously having lost his appetite. the clock says it’s 6:36 pm, a later dinner than usual but eating dinner as a family isn’t a tradition that’s supposed to go away anytime soon. ponyboy’s doing his best to stare darry down, but darry knows his baby brother well enough to know that the kid’s staring into space in an ill attempt to not feel anything.

unfortunately, he’s done the same thing too many times to be able to do it again tonight. “i’m not saying i do hate yall, i just think it’d be easier if i did.” and he probably shouldn’t add the next part, but it’s only fair to be honest. “at least that way i wouldn’t be working myself into a stupor for feeling guilty.”

“what are you guilty of?” soda asks in that same melancholy tone he’s been harboring all week.

darry doesn’t want to admit this, but he’s been having these dreams where he’s still in school and the boys aren’t anything more than an afterthought. if he’s truthful those are one of his favorite dreams because it’s the only time he ever wakes up with a smile.

but then, once he gets out the bed and starts getting ready for the day, reality sets in and he’s quickly disappointed. and then he gets those chest stabs that always come along with guilty feelings.

all because he felt disappointed. because shouldn’t he be waking up with a smile everyday since his brothers aren’t living in a foster home with random strangers? shouldn’t he be happy that he got to keep his brothers even if he had threw all his goals away? even if he did “throw it all away” he’s got them and that ought to count for something right?

“it’s not fair,” he ends. “it’d be a lot easier if i did hate yall because id be able to just walk away, guilt free. but that’s never gonna happen,” he adds. darry’s started collecting their plates before he catches sight of ponyboys quivering lip and the shininess of sodapops eyes. “because i don’t hate yall. i love you. both of you. and that ain’t never gonna change no matter how much i wish it on a bad day, hear?”

he feels that guilt creeping up again when pony gives him a look that he hasn’t seen since the kid was five years old and darry shoved him away to go play with the big kids. his eyes are all squinty and his mouth is frowned and he’s taking shallow breaths like it’s all he can do to keep from sobbing. “you promise?”

a quick glance tells him soda ain’t fairing no better. he’s got his head laid on the table, not even bothering to wipe the tears cascading down his face.

darry sighs and leaves the table to put the plates in the sink. turning the tap on he says, “you know, when you were born soda cried his eyes out.”

“really?”

“mhm. that christmas, he made me write santa asking to exchange you for a real pony.”

he can hear pony’s wet gasp and the distinct sound of someone’s chair getting kicked. “soda!”

“darrel!”

it takes everything in him not to laugh yet as he scrubs the plates. “yeah, he told mama he hated you and wasn’t gonna love you unless you became a real pony.”

“darry, you said you wouldn’t tell him-“

“it’s alright though,” he says when he turns around and sees the crestfallen look on ponyboy’s face. “cause i said the same thing when soda was born.”

“you did?” they ask at the same time.

“yeah, i followed daddy around everywhere right? and when they told me they were pregnant with soda, i said i didn’t want a brother because then i’d have to share daddy. fast forward, im holding a baby soda in my arms and i look at his tiny face and say ‘i didn’t want you’ then mama asked why and i said ‘cause i hate him!’ and you know what mama did?”

he’s never seen them both so silent and still, but they’re clearly enraptured by his story because neither make an attempt to answer. “she laughed right in my face. she laughed and she’d said ‘no you don’t. you can dislike him all you want, but sodapop is family and you don’t hate family.’ mama was right, of course. later that night daddy said he found me in the crib with soda, both of us knocked out but i had let you use my arm as a pillow.

and christmas day, pones, you spat up all over my new sweater and soda ‘bout laughed himself silly declaring he loved you and you were his new favorite.”

the plates are drying on the counter with darry takes his seat again. both the boys have shiny eyes but also have a small smile attempting to grow.

darry doesn’t mean half the shit he says when he’s feeling stuck. he’s changes his mind on things every second of every day, because this his first time being a real adult or a guardian, but the only thing he hasn’t changed his mind on is loving his brothers.

even though he wishes he were still in college, darry hasn’t for a second regretted loving them enough to give up his dreams to be their legal guardian and keep them all together.

sometimes he has to remind himself that he doesn’t regret it, and sometimes he has to remind them, but that’s alright. because at the end of the day, they’re all together. at the end of the day he’s got both his brothers and (if he takes the time to spray their perfume and cologne on their pillows) it’s almost like he’s still got his parents too

[neufer]

Darry carrying Pony in the house when they get back from the hospital. Them and Soda tying in their race back from the park because they wanted to stay together.

[marmaladedcroissant]

Darry who regularly has headaches and migraines so bad he ends up throwing up

Darry who goes to work feeling so lightheaded and nauseous that his boss doesn’t even let Darry drive himself home.

Darry who’s done everything himself for so long he’s forgotten how to ask for help. He’s forgotten he can even ask for it.

Darry who, after a long day, head in agony and the feeling of bile on his tongue, in his throat, on his teeth, having to make diner that night, because Soda is too busy mucking around with Steve somewhere outside, and Pony is off doing who knows what with Johnny and Dally.

All of them coming home to find Darry curled up on the floor, shaking and trembling and in absolute agony. Darry who can’t even keep his eyes open, who can’t stand anymore, knees giving out as soon as he even tries to get up, breathing shallow and fast.

[socgf]

oh nothing just thinking about dally talking to johnny "in a pleading, high voice, using a tone i had never heard from him before" and how he "never talked like that. never" and thinking about dally's entire expression and voice physically softening as soon as he sees johnny in the hospital and thinking about the little quiver in his voice when he says "it's gonna be alright"

[theblack-dog]

Darry uses the "I'm gonna count to ten" threat on Ponyboy all the time and it usually does work, but one time Ponyboy was being extra stubborn, so Darry actually got to ten and when he did they both just stood there like: 🧍🧍‍♂️

Eventually Ponyboy was like "So, what are you gonna do?" and Darry just shrugged and said “To be honest, not much."

[hunkadorusrex]

Ponyboy out here like “I don’t know why I keep ending up with these rough, emotionally constipated guys who manhandle me” and meanwhile the universe is just pointing directly at Darry like “Gee, I wonder,"

[mentalyunsteablepirate]

After Tim Shepard found out about Dallas's death, he came to the Curtis home, boozed up, and cried on Darry's shoulder. Later that night, he woke to hear Ponyboy screaming and prepared warm chocolate milk for him. He rubbed Ponyboy's head every time he saw him after that.

[made-my-peace-with-all-the-bad]

Headcanon that Darrel did this thing where he would pick Ponyboy up and throw him like half over his shoulder then would walk to his room and toss Ponyboy onto the bed before telling him to go to sleep.

It started when Ponyboy was six and his parents told him it was bed time and he stubbornly crossed his arms and shook his head, saying that he didn’t wanna. After 20 minutes of his parents trying to get him to listen, Darrel had come in and just plucked Ponyboy into his arms and walked him to his bed before tossing him onto the bed, Ponyboy giggling the whole time. Once Ponyboy was fully tucked in, Darrel had put his hands on his hips and asked which story he wanted before going to bed. While all this was happening, Mr and Mrs Curtis sat on the couch, stunned at how easily Pony complied when his oldest brother was asking.

It kept happening, so much so that it became their little tradition. Pony would never admit it, but sometimes he’d refuse to go to bed because he wanted to bond with his brother. That especially started happening when Darrel hit high school and was suddenly at practice, or a game, or a party more often.

Like one time when Darrel was 16 and about to leave for a party. He’d kissed his mama’s cheek and told her he’d be back the next morning. As he was about to open his front door to jog over to Paul’s car, he heard his mama tell Ponyboy it was time for bed, and he’d heard the familiar groan that meant Ponyboy wouldn’t be listening. He’d chuckled, and turned around to run up and grab his little brother, laughing harder when Pony shrieked. He’d walked to his brother’s room and tossed him onto the bed like normal, this time pausing as Pony looked up at him like he wanted to ask for something. Darrel sighed before sitting on Pony’s bed and ruffling his kid brother’s hair. He expected Pony to shake him off or smack his hand away not lunge forward and hug him. He held his little brother and smiled when he felt Pony mumble “I love ya Darry” into his chest, before saying a simple “I love ya too, buddy. g’night”. Once he knew Pony was situated, he got up and flicked off the light, smiling as he watched his baby brother snore quietly. He’d said another goodbye to his mama before running to Paul’s car and recounting the story on the drive to whatever shitty party they were headed to.

The next big time was Darrel’s last night before college. It was a bittersweet time for their family, they were overflowing with pride, but they were going to miss him. When it had gotten late, Mrs. Curtis had turned towards her youngest and told him it was time to go to bed. This time, instead of contradicting her or refusing, Ponyboy had simply turned his gaze to his oldest brother, silently pleading for him to do their tradition. Seeing that look in Pony’s eyes made Darrel’s heart hurt, because Ponyboy was twelve now and constantly insisting that he was getting too old for it, but here he was, sitting on the floor, a movie playing on the tv, silently begging Darrel to be his annoying older brother. So Darrel kissed his mama’s cheek, thanked her for the dinner celebration, and told her he could take care of this. When he started towards Ponyboy, his expression shifted to be a mischievous one, before he started tickling his brother. He let him squirm for a bit before picking him up. Once they were in Pony’s room, Darrel stopped and sat down on the bed. He didn’t miss the tears that threatened to spill out of his brother’s eyes, so he pulled him in close. He felt his shoulder start to dampen, then he heard something that took his heart and stomped on it. “I’m gonna miss you Darry, don’t forget ‘bout me ‘n Soda, okay?” Darrel just rubbed his brother’s back and promised him, “I ain’t never gonna forget ‘bout you, buddy, and I’ll miss ya too, every damn day”. That night, Darrel stayed in Pony’s room. And if Soda crept in and tucked himself against his brother too, that was his business.

It stopped happening once their parents died. Suddenly, Darrel was too tired from work and taking care of the house and the gang. Suddenly, what was once playful banter became screaming matches. Suddenly, Pony’s brother was drifting away.

But then it happened again. It was a normal night with the gang, Soda and Pony and Steve were engaged in an intense card game, where in which Soda was obviously cheating but still managing to lose at the same time. Two Bit was sprawled across the couch, watching Mickey on tv. Darrel was in his chair, watching the game and laughing. When he checked the time, he realized how late it was, so he looked at Ponyboy and told him, “alright time for bed little buddy”. Pony rolled his eyes and whined about how it wasn’t that late and couldn’t he just stay up tonight. Darrel gave him a knowing glance but Pony wouldn’t budge. So Darrel got up, pulled Ponyboy up from where he was sitting and threw him over his shoulder. When he got to his brothers’ room, he plopped pony down on the bed, but was shocked when he looked at Pony, who worse a smile with tear filled eyes. Darrel immediately stopped and looked at him, worrying he’d accidentally hurt his brother again. When he asked what was wrong, Pony choked out “‘s nothin, just, it’s the first time you done that since mama and dad died” all while bringing his arm up to wipe his eyes. Darrel sucked in a short breath before hugging his brother tight to his chest and responding with a simple, “I love ya, honey, don’t you ever forget that, okay?” He felt Ponyboy nod against him before he responded with a quick, “‘course, love ya too Darry”.

Maybe they weren’t perfect, maybe they wouldn’t ever be, but they were getting better. Pony was closer to having his oldest brother back and Darrel was slowly becoming Darry again.

[broareweabouttoviberightnow]

pinterest ily never change

[tending-the-hearth]

they’re actually the curtis brothers ever

[brat-pack-it-up-boys]

I can’t look at this picture from Tex 1982 without seeing an 18-year-old Darry trying to teach a 15-year-old Dallas to drive, after Dallas immediately drove into a ditch.

[aroaceoutsiders]

johnny cade & the archer by taylor swift

[cloversplace]

TW: Suicidal thoughts/self-harm, brief mentions of an eating disorder, very brief (and non-graphic) mentions of vomit

All of the Curtis brothers have attempted to kill themselves at least once.

Darry’s tried the most, at 13, 15, and then at 20, a few days after their parents died. If Pony and Soda had gotten sent away by the state, he would’ve gone through with it. When he was younger, his parents brought him to the hospital, and made up a story to tell the rest of the gang. None of them found out until years later, after their parents had died. Darry hides all the scars on his arms and wrists.

While Pony and Johnny were missing. Soda spiraled into depression, Steve had practically moved in with them. Soda could barely get out of bed in the mornings and almost collapsed several times on the job; he wasn’t allowed to work on the cars that week. Right after Sandy left, when everyone else had given up hope on finding the boys. When they had basically been pronounced dead, Soda tried to die the only way he knew how to. On the train tracks. He didn’t have a car, so he walked out onto them, standing there as the train grew closer. Steve stopped him before he could go through with it though. Soda now has to live with the eternal guilt that he was possibly the one to give Dally the idea of dying via train.

Ponyboy also tried multiple times. Right after Johnny and Dally died, he tried to hang himself, though Steve entered the house unknowingly just in the nick of time. Pony tried again a few months later, right before what would’ve been Johnny’s 17th birthday. Two-bit found him and managed to get Pony to spit the pills out before he swallowed too many. He still took him to the hospital just to be safe. After that, all the pill bottles (especially the Aspirin) were locked away in Darry’s room.

The brothers had a long talk with each other after that. They agreed they couldn’t afford to lose any one of them. Slowly, the self-harming stopped, no more cuts, no more attempts. They stuck together. It couldn’t erase the scars on Darry’s wrists, the ones on Pony’s fingers, from forcing himself to vomit. Or the thin lines on the back of Soda’s thighs. But they could make the mental image of them begin to fade.