#only to realise your powerlessness and then be considered a fool and naïve for trying to fulfill your godly duties

[orange-sora]

Fuck, they're trying to put me on a pedestal again.

[missnight0wl]

“I never met the boy,” she lied

Summary: Helena suspects that Rakepick was working with her brother before he disappeared. The truth is, it lasted way longer.

Words: 1440

Summer, 1984

It was late at night, and the rain kept tapping on the windows. The room was dim with only one source of light on the table among books and notes. Patricia had just made tea, and she put one of the mugs in front of the boy. They hadn’t spoken in a while now, both stuck on the mental block. In reality though, it felt rather like an impasse, yet none of them dared to say it out loud. At moments like that, what else one can do than drink a hot beverage.

He was staring blankly in one spot, leaning slightly forward on the chair, his temples resting on his hands. “I’m gonna join them,” he mumbled finally.

“We’ve discussed it already, Jacob.”

“Yeah, and we haven’t come with any better plan since then.”

“You call it a plan?” she snapped. “Doing what they want?”

He rose and started walking back and forth. “We can use it,” he went on more excitedly. “I just have to practise Occlumency, we can train… Think what it could mean for us, what insight we’d have. It’s really the best we can do…”

She hated that he was so stupid and naïve sometimes. It was harder and harder to control him, even though he still had so much to learn. She wasn’t so different once.

“Stop it,” she said quietly, but it was enough for him to hear her.

“It’s my choice.”

Now she also stood up abruptly. “What choice?” she hissed, clutching his arm. “To kill yourself?”

Quickly she realised that her grasp was probably too strong, so she let him go. She turned around, running fingers through her hair.

“I can do this, Patricia.”

She gave a cynical laugh, staring back at him. “No, you can’t. You’re just a kid.”

“And I’m already more powerful than most wizards in Knockturn Alley!” Jacob left up his voice. “You said so yourself! Or was it a lie?!”

They were standing face to face now, just inches between them. His stare was so intense that it felt like he was trying to pierce her soul. There were fear and restlessness in those green eyes, as well as determination and strength. He definitely wasn’t a child anymore, no matter how much she wanted to believe so at that point.

Still, she remained steady. “I’ve never lied to you.”

“Well, you’re not telling me the whole truth either.”

He bent for his bag and apparently wanted to pack his things. But then, he grimaced and inhaled sharply, holding his head and cringing as if he'd been struck.

“Jacob?” Rakepick looked at him alarmed.

“It’s nothing…” Despite his words, he was standing shakily.

“And you’re accusing me of not telling the truth? Then what the hell is going on with those pains, huh?! Is it because of them or the Vault? Didn’t it occur to you it might be important, that you should tell--”

She stopped in half of the sentence because the boy fell on his knees. In the next second, she was right next to him, holding his arms, repeating his name.

“I’m fine,” he said huskily and pushed her away so he could stand up. He tried to pull himself on the table, but instead, he ended up knocking the tea over. The mug shuttered on the floor, and one piece hit Patricia. “Damn it, your hand…”

She didn’t notice a cut; she was too worried about how pale he suddenly became. Yet Jacob, of course, had to show concern, even in the middle of the arguing. When he reached to her though, he was interrupted by a spasmodic cough. Eventually, he uncovered his mouth, and Rakepick noticed he’s bleeding. He must’ve felt that because he wiped the blood out with his sleeve.

“It’s nothing…” he repeated, seeing her disturbed expression.

With her help this time, he finally got on his feet. He needed to hold on to her a bit longer to regain stability, so she took a chance to talk some sense into him.

“You don’t have to join them. Don’t give them this control,” she remarked calmly. “I mean, just look at me!”

“But what do you have to lose, Patricia?” It sounded like it hurt him to say that, even though they both knew it’s true.

“It won’t help you protect your family, not for long. Think about your sister.”

He glanced at her with a sign of longing in his eye. “That’s all I think about. I’m sorry.”

The boy said nothing more. He took his stuff and put on his jacket.

“For fuck’s sake, let’s talk it over!” she yelled after him before he banged the door on his way out.

She cussed under her breath once again. She respected him too much to make him stay by force. On some level, she realised he was right. Nevertheless, she also just knew it’s the worst possible turn of events. She was angry that she had got so involved, that she had let him for too much influence. But most importantly, she was angry because she was powerless – and it was the worst feeling in the world for her.

Summer, 1985

It had been almost a year since she saw him last time. From what she had heard, he was doing well – although this expression wasn’t quite accurate, considering his situation. Patricia kept thinking about him a lot. How could she not, the Cursed Vaults were the main concern of her life. Still, they hadn’t got in touch until that one night.

She was walking down the streets of Knockturn Alley after checking her errands. Only a fool would attack her here, however, she stayed alert anyway. At one point, she unexpectedly took a turn in the lane, pinning her stalker to the wall.

“You’ve become terrible at sneaking,” she said derisively. She was holding her wand in the hand, but she didn’t bother to point it at the intruder.

“I wasn’t really trying,” he explained in a strangled voice because Rakepick was pressing his larynx with her forearm.

“Of course not.” She stepped away and put the wand back into the holster. “What do you want, Jacob?”

“Just like that? No, how you’ve been?” The Curse-Breaker peeked at him impassively. “All right, then I’ll start. How you’ve been, Patricia?”

Jacob was still rubbing his throat. He had got a bit taller and seemed a lot older – too much for such a short period. The dark stubble only increased this effect. In spite of appearing to be ill and tired, he was clearly trying to act like his old self. He was failing miserably.

“I’m fine, actually,” Rakepick said casually. “I’m going to Brazil in a couple of days.”

“Really? Why?”

“Job”, she replied shortly. “What now? Is it about your sister?” she added, seeing his troubled expression. “The cursed ice appeared at Hogwarts, I suppose you’re aware of that, but I don’t think I’m needed--“

“It’s not about that,” the boy muttered, staring at the ground.

“What is it then?”

He didn’t answer right away. He bit his lips, fighting his thoughts. Finally, he took a deep breath and looked into her eyes.

“I need a Secret Keeper.”

“Now?” Patricia laughed.

“Please.” There was helplessness in his voice which didn’t suit his new reputation at all, but the woman recognised it from so long ago. “She can’t know.”

The redhead was thinking about his words for a longer moment, wandering off a little to watch what’s hiding in the shadows. One could say Knockturn Alley was empty, though it merely started to live. She remembered their first meeting here which seemed to happen in another life... A drop of rain fell on her hair.

“I don’t like your decisions recently,” she stated eventually.

Jacob slowly came closer to her. “You don’t have to worry about me,” he reassured her blithely.

“That’s not what I said. I don’t worry about anything, Mr Ellis.”

He couldn’t help but smile weakly. “Oh, I think you’re lying.”

“Is that so? And how can you tell?”

“Let’s say I had a good teacher. You often worry too much, Patricia. Would it really hurt to admit that once in a while?”

“Why me?” she asked, ignoring his comment.

He hesitated. He had that look on his face like when he was about to say something Rakepick wouldn’t like. But as always, when he spoke, he was calm and confident. “You’re the only person I can trust.”

“Well, I definitely didn’t teach you that, now did I?”

“That’s true,” Jacob agreed. “I guess it means you still have room for improvement as a mentor.”