#ooc: hint hint there's a code but it's not one of my normal ones

[49-20-53-45-45]

[whinelo]

OP! Reader x X, reader got isekaied into TBHX and is not affected by the trust system, and is being a cryptid and doing their own thing there, confusing and piquing X’s interest, not understanding why she’s so powerful and not causing so much chaos. Just an idea that was in my mind :3

A/N : OP reader is just a silly goober why is she getting hunted down by the commission free her asap she’s just whimsy. X poking at a bear ( reader ) is so funny hehe, just imagine meeting someone far more powerful than you and your first reaction is to tease them- smh. Reader’s height is below 190 cm so.. sorry to my tall readers out there :,) I got carried away with the word count too..

CHARACTERS | X ( Bai Xizhuang ), Reader ( You )

SYNOPSIS | 'The Second Coming of Zero' They dubbed your existence, you don't actually do anything bad- the public is just making ooc headcanons of you lol.

INCLUDES | Slight religious reference, X is a cryptid, the Hero Commission is a warning too, Cryptid X likes to tease friendly eldritch Cryptid Reader, ( have you ever thought of punting this man to another galaxy? ), cryptid to cryptid communication.

[ Name ]

X

Queen

[ RELOADING ]

X

Queen

Dragonboy

It was an ‘error’ the commission said, just a fault within the rankings— ‘[ Name ] does not exist, this person does not exist’ The commission said. But the public cried- why would that suddenly happen? They asked, no answer. Who is this [ Name ]? A person who managed to stay at pinnacle until their name was forcefully removed. Why would the rankings suddenly display such a specific name? Why not ‘error’, or maybe even a line of broken jumbled code?

The leader board has remained so reliable over the years, why break now?

So many questions, so little answers— a mystery shrouded upon more mysteries, a ‘person’ of unknown origins, a being with immense power.

Reliable journalism companies such as ‘Focus’ tried to keep to under wraps, better yet- Tried to bury the outcry in some cold ditch, but when news like this is fresh and piping hot- y’know how society gets. Panicky, fidgety, curious— yet fearful of the unknown. It was like a domino effect, the moment a social media post gets seen by enough people- the faster the news spread, the harder it is to contain.

The harder it is to ignore.

The commission had a meeting, ‘The Second coming of Zero’— They feared- and while common sense was lacking in that very meeting room, a thought was expressed- “ If they really are such a threat- why haven’t they done anything yet? “ Congratulations, someone managed to figure out that you weren’t some malicious entity hoping to destroy the globe. You watched beyond the normal eyes, you knew what most didn’t.

Back at home, this universe was just fiction- a story you found comfort in.

Now it’s reality, you live here now—- For who knows how long, and watching as how people scurried to find hints and tidbits of your identity- scouring the globe, trying to grasp at invisible threads.. It was fascinating, diving into the depths of the nigh-infinite internet, investigating people that had a name similar to your own- Searching within every hospital, every medical center— Just to find out who [ Name ] is.

Bare their hands were.

.. They were looking for a drop of clean water within the dirty ocean, it was impossible.

You didn’t belong here, you were brought here.

Hence you had no legal identity, no recorded biology, nothing.

You were as unknown as could be, known by name- and nothing else, everyone knew you- no one knew you.

And while you said you weren’t malicious, you weren’t wholly good either— The story that partakes in this world is not yours to direct, not yours to alter— Never yours to change in the first place. Because you were a viewer, you know this world from the eyes of a viewer- a watcher, an observer.

Which made sense, if this world truly wanted you as its own, you would’ve re-spawned as a child.

Every day— You spent days theorizing, analyzing- following bread crumbs just to understand this world; How much did this world rely on the Belief System? Is the Hero Commission the ruling power of this world? Just how different was the body composition of the people here? Does religion exist?

If you were born here maybe you would’ve known. But you were transported, body- soul, and mind.

You were basically an entirely different species of human with no blood relation to anyone here, hell— you weren’t even sure if your biological similarities with these people were as similar as your physical makeup- or was it? People here had hair colors that were impossible to obtain in your home world without the means of hair dye, eye colors so uniquely bizarre— And with the Belief System? People had abilities that weren’t even possible at home.

And yet this world rewarded you just for existing here,

Vague memories from back home- you remember that you grinded for Belief Points within the Bxlibxli Website— And while you normally got it from.. Usual means- What moved you to do something.. treacherous, was a split second decision to hack into the code of the website, to alter the points you got— have ( and soon, will have ), and you did.

Zeroes upon zeroes added unto the right side of your original digit— Surpassing millions, billions— Even going beyond with the addition of exponents; sure, rigging the vote for your favorite character’s favor and ensured they held the ‘X’ title for the third season of To Be Hero X— was wrong — but you didn’t care, the definition of favoritism had your name on it and you didn’t care.

It was a fuck it all decision, and the very second to the last decision you’d ever make in your life.

So when you reloaded the site once more and noticed that— it worked, you had the points you definitely didn’t work hard for- You coded another program, one that would automatically give the votes to your favorite— Without you being there physically, maybe the team behind the voting system would remove the absurd amount of votes and possibly your account too, but it didn’t matter- you weren’t going to see it anyway.

Unfortunately fate had it out for you and now you were here— Inside the universe of your comfort show, most people would’ve been ecstatic— You originally were, until you remembered — The commission, the heroes, the cults, the everything — Oh you were cooked.

Until you looked at the hologram that flashed on your wrist—

It was the same.. The same number of points you had given yourself.

And when the world caught wind of it,

… How could you guarantee your own safety without getting caught by the commission— What if you get changed by the system— What if?

Finding about your own abilities was.. Unique to say the least…

—

There was a few hours that the Belief System stopped working.

No hologram on your wrist, no powers— As if it never existed in the first place,

But then it came back.

At first everyone shrugged it off as a ‘them’ situation, but the realization soon dawned upon them that it was a collective experience— No one knew what exactly happened, but they knew exactly what was lost.

The Commission knew exactly who it was, it was Mystery- The name they gave [ Name ], was it a ploy to make her sound more inhuman? Maybe it was. The Commission finally figured out Mystery’s ability— Power over the Belief System as a whole, they realized that this ‘being’ wasn’t the second Zero— They were worse, more powerful— far beyond the system’s means, far beyond comprehensible power.

But their fear for the apocalypse was irrational.

X was well aware that this event was caused by a person, so as the media dubbed ‘Mystery’— ( Now, the bigger question is why they dubbed this person ‘Mystery’ and not ‘random nobody’ like they did with him— ) Someone that was able to take the world by a storm just by existing— And he was curious, how were you able to obtain such an absurd power just to be able to do such?

While it was hilarious to think that you possibly got the trust of every extraterrestrial being in the universe ( if there were any ), or the trust of every single microorganism to exist— It was just a theory, nothing solid to create an actual reason.

In this game of chess he wondered- Who would you be? What purpose, what role will you serve in this twisted manipulation of fate?

Being able to end the system.. He doubted that would be your only trick in the book, he was curious— painfully so, sadly he had a job to work— and as a corporate wage-slave, he knew that gathering information on you would come at a later time ( preferably one where he’s free from the shackles of his cover-up corporate job. ) So making use of his time, he’d strategize in the meanwhile.

Was he potentially playing with fire just by coming into contact with you? Potentially, but the very nature of your existence confused him— Were you the exception to the madness of ultimate power?

And if so, then is the commissions fear irrational?

“ Guys! “ Looking up from his laptop screen, in the middle of his office his boss stood out- No. No not again. Please don’t say it.

His boss clasped his hands together, stern as ever- as his wrinkled face looked at them all. “ Considering we’re behind on schedule and we have a deadline to meet, we’ll be working overtime until eleven p.m alright? “ Screw you. Bai Xizhuang thought bitterly, and judging by the same dejected look his co-workers shared— This was going to be another long day of hard work.

‘Maybe I should quit to do Hero work full-time.’ Though he’d never act upon such an enticing thought, Bai Xizhuang had to restrain himself from actually doing it so that he’d pass off as a normal citizen once more.

—

..Now what does he have here?

Considering the nature of the Belief System, and the sheer amount of mass hysteria you’ve garnered— X thought that you’re appearance would be more.. ‘Eldritch’, to be completely honest with himself he expected to be faced with a being who’s form is an incomprehensible amalgamation of tethered limbs, and congregations of stars and cosmos..

Instead, X saw a completely ‘normal’ human being ( uncanny albeit, ) wandering across the empty city streets- gasping and wide-eyed at the environment, sometimes stopping by to look through the windows of a closed shop. This wasn’t what he expected at all, then again what did X expect in the first place?

A being capable of bringing the world to it’s knees.. Acting so abnormally innocent and docile.

Suddenly your gaze quickly turned to the left- His left. “ I know you’re there.. X. “ You spoke- apprehensive, uneasy by his secondary presence— X cocked his head to side before deciding that indeed, there really was no use to hiding anymore when you’ve been caught, red-handed.

With a calm tone, he asked “ Did you now? “ Stepping out of the shadows he stepped closer to you— Wow, you’re much shorter than he expected. You looked up at him, brows furrowed as you tried to discern his own reason for coming to you— Say could he ask if you could be his arm rest—?

Raising your arms, “ .. I’m not here to cause havoc- I swear, “ You explained, averting your gaze- The swift air blew against the both of you in that dimly lit street- the sound of distant ads acting as background music- Feeling the need for a drink, X snapped his fingers a can of Iced Cola appeared from thin air- a muffled sound resounded as he caught it within the palm of his hand.

Giving a sly grin, he then teased “ Now, aren’t you excited? Don’t go answering questions- I, haven’t asked yet. “ He shrugged, opening the can as he brought it towards his lips- Sipping the fruity carbonated liquid, now which can is this- the 22nd can.. or the 23rd? Inserting his hand into his pocket.

Your brow then raised,“ So.. you were going to ask that? “ you ask in utter monotony, giving him a deadpan look as you watched him take a sip from his soda.

“ Maybe, “ Deciding to remain vague, ( on purpose ) he then removed the can from his lips- Gulping down the liquid.

“ What are you doing alone in this cold night, anyway? “ X followed up, gaze towards the can in his hands- feeling the coldness of the droplets contrasted greatly to the warmth within his palms.

“ Kinda' obvious that I’m just wandering around.. “

X hummed, “ Mhm.. “

“I have a question, “ You piped up, “ Shoot it, “ X responded, curious.

Taking a breath, you looked at him determined— “ Why do you wear shades at night? “

“ ..How about we don’t talk about that? “ X shot down.

[sandflow]

Sugimoto and Ogata’s Rivalmance - anime vs manga comparisons

Hello there.

So I just saw the last episode from he 3rd season of the Golden Kamuy anime series and it left me a little perplexed. I’ll be talking about how the anime handled their scenes compared to the manga.

I’ll be blunt, season 1 was average while season 2 turned out kind of bad. Season 1 is alright as an introduction to the series, even though the CG bear really turned off many people from liking the show. 

Season 2 skipped a lot of arcs and while some of them turned out to be animated as an OVA, there are arcs that even at present haven’t been adapted and as of which happen pre-Abashiri. (Ogin arc, Fake ainu arc).

Season 3 was alright though. The animation quality is way better and the pacing felt really fluid and relaxing for the most part of the season.

I will only be comparing the scenes that have changed, and won’t adress the ones that haven’t been adapted in the anime.

Here we go.

Season 2 Episode 3 (chapter 81) - Sugimoto saves Ogata in Edogai’s house

The manga - After Sugimoto says the infamous tsundere line to Ogata, Ogata spits blood and then the scene shifts to something else.

The anime - After Sugimoto’s line, we can see Ogata looking disgustingly at Sugimoto while he’s leaving the room, and then he spits blood.

I guess that the anime tried to make it look like Sugimoto hurt Ogata’s ego with that line. And Ogata didn’t like it at all. 

(Chapter 83) 

The manga - Ogata tries to hunt the birds by shooting them only to be denied by Asirpa. Sugimoto is all smirky because Ogata is being lectured.

The anime - They don’t show Sugimoto’s evil smirk reaction to Asirpa lecturing Ogata.

The manga -  Sugimoto being jelly of Ogata who caught more birds than Asirpa. When Sugimoto says that Ogata tried to hunt the birds just to prove Asirpa wrong, we can see Ogata’s sad reaction to that line.

The anime -  It’s pretty much the same scene but we don’t get Ogata’s reaction.

Season 2 Episode 5 (Chapter 99)

The manga - Sugimoto calls out Shiraishi’s betrayal. Shiraishi panicks thinking that he might kill him right there, but it ends up with Sugimoto showing him that he gave fake skins to Hijikata.

The anime - it’s the same scene except for when Sugimoto calls Shiraishi out, we can see Ogata’s expression while the conflict unfolds.

And then Sugimoto says that the skin that Shiraishi gave to Hijikata was a fake.

And we see Ogata again where he closes his eyes.

The Ogata reactions never existed in the manga.

I’m thinking that they added this so as to hint at his future betrayal in Abashiri.

(Chapter 100)

The manga - they kill some deer so as to hide in them and get rid of the 7th from pursuing them, Shiraishi becomes delirious and runs away. No one goes after him.

The anime - Shiraishi runs away delirious and Asirpa goes after him and tells Sugimoto to skin deers with Ogata until she comes back. Sugimoto decides to go after her and Ogata calls him to come back.

This entire scene did not exist in the manga.

OVA 3 (Chapter 104)

The manga - Shiraishi gets bitten by a snake. Sugimoto, for some reason, gets bitten too. 

And when both of their heads get inflated, Shiraishi asks Sugimoto what happened to his face.

The anime - Ogata is the one who asks Sugimoto about his face.

All I can say is thanks Geno for this addition.

OVA 4 (Chapter 111)

The manga - Asirpa asks Ogata to help Tanigaki escape from these ainu dudes who think he violated and killed wild animals.

In the manga, after Asirpa asks Ogata for help, Ogata follows it with the reasoning that Tanigaki may have killed his comrades from the betrayer group, to which Sugimoto and also Asirpa defend Tanigaki by saying that he wasn’t the one to do it.

After that, Sugimoto sort of taunts Ogata by saying that uwu Asirpa won’t cook for you anymore~

The anime - After Asirpa asks Ogata for his help, the whole reason he wouldn’t save him is skipped, and it jumps to just Sugimoto taunting him.

All what Ogata needed was a small tease reply from Sugimoto and he was totally down on risking his life saving Tanigaki. Comrades getting killed by Tanigaki? Naaaah.

Season 3 Episode 7 - (Chapter 169)  

The manga - The group starts talking about the legend of a mountain cat (lynx) and Koito thinks that they were probably refering to Ogata. And so the bullying begins.

Sugi when first hearing of this, he smirks in a way that says “Lol wut where did that come from”.

The anime - when Sugimoto first asks “What’s Ogata gotta do with it?” we don’t see his smirking face like in the manga. 

And when he says the line of “What a pathetic joke”, his face looks a bit more..dramatic and sad in a way?

Or when he looks all determined after Koito says that they should kill a cat when spotted.

This scene felt like he really does feel sorry for Ogata being bullied compared to the manga.

Season 3 Episode 11 - (Chapter 187)

Ogata lies about Sugimoto’s death to Asirpa so as to get the code out of her.

He sees that Asirpa isn’t cooperating with his pleas of sharing the code with him. So he uses the Sugimoto card.

The manga - he starts blushing the moment he mentions Sugimoto

The anime - the blush wasn’t shown in this scene

He starts talking about the fake flashback of hearing Sugimoto’s last words.

The manga - we get this simple panel of just Ogata calling out Sugimoto’s name.

The anime - we are serviced with the same scene but from a different angle which I appreciate because it looks shippier.

Another notable thing is that while this scene is happening, you can hear Sugimoto heavily breathing. To me it felt like the breathing sounds lasted a bit longer than I imagined when reading the manga... 

Sugimoto’s voice sounds very soft and gentle while begging for Ogata to take care of his buddy’s family.

The manga - blushy lying Ogata

The anime - blushy lying Ogata but the blush seems to be drawn lighter? You gotta squint to see it.

The manga

The anime

I don’t have an argument for these panels I just like how cute he looks while blushing.

when you imagine your arch nemesis’s last soft, gentle dying words you just can’t help but feeling flustered

The manga - Ogata leans in close to Sugimoto’s face. Sugimoto is looking directly into his eyes while trying to mutter Tome’s name. And Ogata seems to look sad.

The anime - the scene is shown from a different angle, and Sugimoto is probably looking at the sky or something. We can’t see Ogata’s expression anymore.

The manga - Ogata is still running on the ice floe while pretending to care about Sugimoto’s last wishes.

look.at.his.frowny.cute.staplebrows.

The anime - Ogata and Asirpa are...standing still, looking at one another, and being all sad about their boo-boo Sugi-chan's death wishes.

The manga - The projecting is now going off the charts.

Sugimoto grabs Ogata’s hand, holds it tightly,with Ogata also tighting the grip, tells him that he wants to go back to his hometown while also tearing up, all of this happening while they look in eachother’s eyes.

This is peak soft fanfiction I SWEAR-

The anime - Geno wasted all of their money in this episode and they didn’t have any other left to animate this panel, so they just use the same frame as before.

That sky must be very fascinating to look at.

The manga - Ogata being all pouty and sad that he has to bear Sugimoto’s burdens-

The anime - He seems not as pouty but the cute eyelashes are more visible. CUTE.

The manga - a beautiful ending for a fanfic  Ogata projects even MORE because I guess that everyone on this planet loves the same fish stew as he does.

The anime - it’s basically the same but Sugimoto’s voice is so dramatique and sad that it just brings tears to my eyes how Ogata is so good at writing fanfics.

(Chapter 188)

The manga - Sugimoto heard Ogata’s fanfic and was enraged because of how ooc he turned out, so he went to him and to show what sort of fanfics he’s into, he comes from behind, grabs Ogata by the hair, pulls it, and cuts his poisoned eye out.

The anime - He comes in from the front???? catches Ogata’s head in a very gentle way, and cuts his eye out. No hairpull.

Geno. I’m looking at you.

The manga - Sugimoto making very angry eye contact, sucking Ogata off and still pulling his hair.

The anime - Geno doesn’t like gore so they just animated one single suck panel. Ogata is sort of moving his eye a little there. Hm.

We also get some new frames that weren’t in the manga.

One in which he scolds Ogata for wanting to make small children kill people.

The other still looking angrily at his bandages face.

Ok Geno you’ll get a pass on this one.

Season 3 Episode 12 (Chapter 197)

The manga - Sugimoto tries very hard to convice everyone to save Ogata.

The anime - it’s the same thing except the very heterosexual tension orange glowy eyes, and the more obvious and wider drawn devilish smirk.

This is thirst depicted in one frame.

The manga - The doctor says that Ogata will most likely die and Asirpa is sad.  Sugimoto is looking at her thinking oh nooo she’s a killer now.

The anime - Asirpa is sad but Sugimoto isn’t looking at her but towards the doctor....

The manga - Sugimoto has white danger eyes with a tint of sadness/dissappointment in his expression.

The anime - Sugimoto looks SO ANGRY HOW DARE YOU DIE LIKE THIS? PATHETIC OF YOU. *spits* 

He’s just as thirsty here too.

I didn’t understand why they coloured his eyes like that. What was is supposed to mean????? He wants blood but he also wants to continue to hunt for it I guess???

This is, I think, the first time in the anime where they colour the pupils that bright.

The manga - Sugimoto is so shocked that Ogata is alive and ran away.

The anime - they added two new frames, basically empathising how Sugimoto is slowly processing the whole event.

God the adapted manga panel looks so funny he just goes super duper wide eyes as if no one would have predicted this outcome.............

(chapter 200)

The manga - wishing for his arch nemesis to come back to him. A very normal wish.

The anime - it’s the same. But now with sparkly eyes like in the volume.

And that’s it.

I think that Geno somewhat tried to promote their relationship to a certain extent by adding new scenes while trying to stay somewhat faithful to the source.

Sadly, they cut a lot of arcs. If you’d watch this series without checking out the OVA’s, you’ll definitely miss out on scenes where their bickering bond is being shown in all of its glory. They didn’t even animate the Fake Ainu arc even as of today, which has the best sugio bickering in the series.

[ironmandeficiency]

love me naked

pairing: fox / reader

word count: 1749

summary: you and fox both overwork yourselves and in order to get him to slow down, you have to do the same.

a/n: i love fox dearly and had intended on saving this for a while but i got impatient. i’ve never written for fox until now so he may be a bit ooc, fingers crossed that he isn’t. hearth is an oc and i love him so much, if you have questions abt him or any of my other oc darlings i’d love to answer them. (listen to this song)

“he hasn’t come out in ages,” thorn’s voice is rightfully worried as he approaches you. you’re treating a shiny that came back from his first rough shift. the poor thing was shaking, nervous and still reeling from the fact he was attacked by the civilians he was so eager to help. hearth, he said his name was, and you recognized the name from hearing chatter around the medbay. medics were flies on walls, and hearth was quickly becoming known for his empathy and what some claimed were the best hugs in the guard.

you knew that thorn was talking about fox. your boyfriend had a reputation that heavily revolved around the way he would throw himself into his work and burden himself with more than anyone ever should, but to point fingers would be quite hypocritical on your part.

being the chief medical officer of the coruscant guard’s medical bay, you’ve pulled all-nighters that could put some front lines medics to shame. you hadn’t slept in nearly three days, spending all of your time elbow-deep in blood and bacta. there wasn’t even a reason for you to be up; your staff had recently been replenished (there had been several civvie medics quit after a particularly bad riot) last week so there was no dire need for you to stay in the medbay.

it could be seen as hypocritical of you to chastise fox for his behavior with your current state as well as priors, but someone had to take care of the self-sacrificing commander.

“i’ll be with you in a minute, just let me take care of hearth here first.” thorn nodded and stood nearby while you finished up with the last of the bacta patches the former shiny needed.  it would’ve normally taken a minute or two tops, but you wanted to go slower; you could tell that hearth needed the extra attention.

after a few minutes, hearth is completely patched up. he’s leaving the medbay with a sucker in his mouth and a calmer demeanor than when he came in. your area is sanitized and the bloody gauze and gloves are unceremoniously thrown into the biohazard basket, and you’re off.

it’s time to rescue your fox from his own mind.

--------

three knocks snap fox from the hypnotic daze the datapad had over him. he hadn’t moved his eyes from the screen in what was probably hours, his eyes no longer registering the burn the blue screen caused. he called out a gruff come in and was surprised to feel how dry his throat was. when was the last time i actually talked?

you were in your greys, thorn standing slightly behind you. your eyes were a little hollow, probably from pulling the third triple shift this week. why didn’t you try to rest? you had the authority to maneuver the schedules of your medics however you wanted to, there was no reason you had to put so much on your shoulders.

but what upset him the most was the way your eyebrows shifted when you took in his surroundings. datapads were anywhere from six inches to two feet high stacked like a fortress around and on his desk, crumpled balls of flimsi scattered throughout. one stack of datapads had several dirty plates stacked from what little food he’d actually eaten in the past couple days.

your voice is soft, worried, when you speak. “fox, can i come in?”

fox hated the way you were using your gentle medic voice on him because it meant that his state was more pitiful than he cared to realize. “yeah, baar'ur’ika.”

thorn nods, seeming to be satisfied now that you were here to get his commander the rest he needed, and leaves. you slowly make your way into the room and fox goes to meet you in the middle so you don’t have to navigate his datapad fortress, but he must have been sitting far longer than he thought he had been. his legs start to give out under him and he leans onto the corner of his desk for support. his weight jostles the desk a smidge too much and one of the datapad stacks is seconds from falling on top of him before you’re pulling him towards you.

you both end up on the floor after you tripped during your daring rescue but it was fine.

the datapads crash into the space fox was occupying seconds before and for a moment, the office is completely silent. then fox laughs, and he laughs and laughs and laughs. it sounds like the heavens are singing, his weary smile shining brighter than the stars could even hope to. you grinned, soon joining him in gleeful fits. neither of you remembered the last time you both found something funny enough to show it this much and it was peaceful.

fox sat up, pulling you into his arms and resting his chin on your shoulder as his jovial demeanor mellowed out into a peaceful, easy feeling. you and him sat in comfortable silence for a while, letting you both heal from the long hours at the other’s side. moments like this are rare and you don’t think anyone or anything could drag you out of fox’s embrace.

that is, except for fox himself.

he pecked your temple lightly before shifting you out of his lap. there was no hint as to what he was deciding to do, no way for you to gauge his next move. when he picks up a datapad from the toppled stack you’re immediately standing. he was not about to start working again so soon, you wouldn’t put up with it.

right as you’re about to scold him for leaving your spot on the floor, music reverberates through his office.

it wasn’t a song you recognized but it was soft and slow, the kind of music you’d sway to on a date or in your bedroom after nights spent in his arms. it was relaxing and you could see the way fox’s shoulders released some of his backup supply of tension that it had the same effect on him.

fox knew he was working himself into the ground, and he knew that you had a tendency to do so as well. if taking care of himself would get you to do the same for you, he just had to take the bullet. for you, of course, not because he thought he needed (or deserved) a break. when there was an opportunity to rescue you from responsibilities for a little while, he had to take it. here you were, eyebags darker than he’d seen them in a while and a soft gleam in your eyes that reminded him of the first time you treated him in the medbay, and he felt at peace for the first time in a while.

he extended a hand out to you as he set the singing datapad precariously on one of the pillars of its brethren. “would you like this dance?”

the last time fox had danced was at a stuffy senatorial party, before either of you made your affection for the other known. that night he didn’t pull you as close as he wished he had, but today he held no such reservations about maintaining proper space between the two of you. he was so graceful when dancing, his body having an elegance about it in those moments that was utterly hypnotic. you didn’t realize how much you missed the way his body felt against you until he was beginning to guide you to the song.

but what if i told you

there's nothing i want more in this world

than somebody who loves me naked

someone who never asks for love

but knows how to take it

the words resonated with you, the softness of the instruments driving the sensitivity home. it made you pull fox as close to you as possible, his chest flush with yours. with the proximity, fox seemed to debate with himself for a moment before abandoning the structure of your slow dance in favor of both of his arms wrapping around your waist. yours went to his neck while one hand gently played with the hair at the nape of his neck, relishing in the serenity around you.

no matter how hard i try

to run away from love at the end of the night

i need somebody who loves me naked

you gasp when there’s an unexpected twirl, your feet somehow able to carry you away and back into fox’s arms with ease. fox shoots you a sly grin when his hands take new positions against your skin and you bury your face into his neck. he’s warm against you and you can feel the calluses of his hands even through your scrubs.

i need someone who loves me when i wake up

who thinks i'm beautiful when i'm looking fucked up

i want the perfect love, am i asking too much?

someone who shoots for the stars

knowing i think i’m never good enough

you allow fox to lead in the swaying (because let’s face it, it stopped being actual dancing after the surprise spin) and let the words and the solid body of your commander bring you to peace.

are you that somebody

who sees a wall and breaks it

are you ready to fight just to see what's lost behind my flaws

can you love me naked

--------

thorn returned to fox’s office a few hours later with two trays in hand stacked high with food from the mess. he’d asked around base if anyone had seen either of you since you left the medbay, but no one had. this brought the commander to the conclusion that you never left fox’s office. it also meant that neither of you had dinner, which was an error that would soon be rectified.

with a sense of balance thorn didn’t know he possessed, he was able to successfully rest one plate on a raised knee while entering the entry code for fox’s office. upon entry, he found you both curled up against the front of fox’s desk, clinging on to each other as if your lives depended on it.

“it was about time they took a damn break,” thorn mumbled to himself. he set the food down on fox’s desk and searched his vod’s office for a moment before finding a blanket to drape over you both. maybe this way you two would actually get some well-earned sleep.

[1zashreena1]

Trading Trauma -13

18+, m/f, technically OCxDiego Jimenez [Power]

Summary:  They share the rough stuff while trying to figure out how to be gentle with each other. And an antagonist?

WARNINGS: Ridiculous descriptions and ‘the code is more like guidelines’ outlook on grammar. Is it OOC if the character was given essentially zero development in canon???

Detailed discussion of abuse in all forms- Physical-Mental-Emotional-Verbal*** SERIOSULY HEED THIS WARNING Anxiety attacks, vague hinting at mental-behavioral health disorders, plus size woman+fit man, This one is all feels and 

I Am So Sorry.

A/N:  Princess took on a life of her own and has essentially become an OC. There are infrequent mentions of her description (specifically as plus size) and her actual name in later pieces (its Bicki). She started as self-insert so she looks like me (plus size, white, short, blue eyes, curly hair). If that is not your thing, I totally understand. And do not feel obligated to read this, I will not be offended!

I’m not a fan of “plot” so be aware that most of this series is just meandering through their relationship, angst-fluff-smut whiplash style. But with dick jokes.

TAGLIST: @chelsfic ​ @symbiont13 ​ @nicke0115 ​​ @bunnykjm ​ @rosee-sensuelle ​ @girlpornparadise ​ @mandoplease ​ @heresathreebee ​ @xxsteph-enrixx ​ @jetiikad ​ @joalsglasses ​ @mutantcookiesecrets ​ @demoncatstone ​ @squidlywiddly87 ​ @lockedoutofmyotherblog ​ @poeedamerons ​

I believe gif came from @girlpornparadise​ 

Its a Friday like any other and Bastian picks you up like always. Only, something is wrong. You can tell because Bastian is silent; absolutely, completely, dead silent.

"So," You try from the passenger seat, "What the fuck is going on that you don't want to tell me?" Its raining and everything in New York is shaded in tones of gray. The gray buildings pass by, people in gray coats with gray umbrellas trudge along the sidewalk, even this SUV is gray. It still has new car smell. What happened that he bought a new SUV?

A muscle tics in Bastian's jaw as he tenses under your attention. Pale green eyes dart to you, then back to the road. Finally, Bastian speaks, "Alicia was here today." 

Your jaw drops. "What? Why? Is he okay?" Your immediate concern is Diego, both his physical safety and his mental well-being. Bastian's silence is an obvious negative. After staring at him for an indeterminate amount of time and receiving no further details you go back to the windshield. "We can order food later, just take me to him."

~~~~~~~~~~~~

Diego is stationed on the sectional when you arrive, working on his laptop. Bastian places your bag just inside the penthouse then retreats back into the elevator. That's never a good sign.

Diego looks up and smiles, its blindingly gorgeous and your heart stutters. The laptop gets dumped to the side in favor of grabby hands going for your curves. You climb into his lap, knees outside his hips, loop your arms around his neck, and fold him down into your softness. With a huge sigh, Diego melts into you.

"Princess. Missed you." His rumble is soft and quiet against your neck. He wraps you up tighter and squeezes your squishy middle. "Stay. Please." What started as an order ended as a plea in under two words. 

You stroke over his hair, kissing his forehead and nodding gently. "I'm here, baby. Are you okay?" The likelihood of getting a straight answer is slim but you have to ask. You need him to know that you care, that you want to take care of him. 

He nods into your neck and settles further. Apparently this is where I sit now. His breathing is normal, he doesn't flinch or jump wherever you pet him, and his clothing is in place. As far as you can tell, he is physically well. The only thing out of place here is his hidden face.

He is surprisingly cuddly in private, your Murder Panther rather enjoys petting, but he has never hidden from you. Its concerning, especially in conjunction with Bastian's hushed announcement in the car. 

"What do you need me to do?" You keep your voice even and quiet because you're not sure how upset he really is. Broad shoulders shrug under you, he seems almost defeated. You try a different tact and ask, "Okay, when did you last eat?" 

"Dish mornin." Diego mumbles into your skin like a kid. In truth, he is like a large child a lot of the time. He gets easily distracted by activity and is frequently lost in whatever task happens to be most interesting to him at that exact moment. He fidgets minutely under you, a tiny bit of his normal reaction to your presence is evident. 

You turn to smirk into his cheek, "I meant food, but if that's what you need, well, it's a sacrifice I'm willing to make." His deep chuckle shakes your entire body. "Where's my phone? Lemme order dinner before you go after dessert."

Diego pulls your phone out of the back pocket of your jeggings and passes it to you, then replaces it with a huge hand. You laugh but proceed to order from that steakhouse you like in Brooklyn.

----------------------

By the time dinner has been completed Diego is relaxed and loose-limbed, sprawled on his back across your lap in the corner of the sectional. He is still quiet, but if you keep both hands on your tablet a little too long he makes his displeasure known with a growly whine. You’ve been absent-mindedly petting him for some time when you decide to try again.

"So, can I do anything to help you? Listen? Massage? Cuddle? Err, cuddle more intensely?" You don't look at him in an attempt to not make him uncomfortable. 

Diego heaves a sigh and holds your hand flat to his chest. You can feel his heart, its picking up speed and you feel a little guilty. He licks his lips and finally speaks, "Alicia was waiting for me when we came back from a meeting this morning. She has been questioning my books. I suppose she doubts my math." Diego waves a dismissive hand in the air.

You have seen this man complete statistical mathematical analysis in his head, everyone knows his math isn't a problem. 

"Um. First of all, no. Secondly, n-o-o-o." You draw the word out in your sarcasm and Diego snorts with amusement. "Why do you think she was really here?" You ask soberly.

"It is the math. I need to redistribute my surplus. What is that saying? Use it or lose it?" Diego looks up at you from under raised brows, waiting for you to confirm or correct his language. 

That is fucking adorable. Your chest tightens with his easy familiarity with you and his trust that you have his back in all things, even something as small as a possible mistranslation. You nod in confirmation, but also need some clarification. "So, help me understand here, you have a surplus of what? Profit?" 

Diego nods succinctly. "Technically, it is a deficit of expenses. However, the expenses are paid out of the profits, so I simply hadn't moved the profit surplus into the expense account, which would have highlighted the cost deficit. I attempted to not draw any undue attention to it, but that failed. I must find somewhere to funnel the excess money that would not arouse suspicion."

It takes you a minute to process that whole thing. Diego watches you mentally work through it with amused patience. You now have more questions than answers. "Okay, wait. Rewind further back. Why do you have extra money? Are you not spending as much?"  What is happening? 

"It is two folds," Diego holds up a hand with one finger raised, you don't bother correcting him this time, "I am not consuming my own product, therefore selling more and netting more profits." He raises a second finger and continues, "I am spending substantially less on incidental costs. Not so many bottles or strippers or whatever. So saving more." 

He stares at his own raised fingers in bemusement before muttering thoughtfully, "Julio always led me to believe that women are expensive to keep but you have been saving me money. Hmm." He glances up at you with a small smile, tentative and cautious, so very not Diego-like. 

Your shrug is exaggerated, but your flush is not. "Glad I could help? I mean, its my fault this extra money is sitting around, so its my fault she noticed and then came here. I'm sorry, baby." Sometimes when you open your mouth everyone goes on a surprise trip, including you. It wasn't meant to turn self-deprecating, but here you are. You really do feel guilty. My presence has altered his lifestyle and its a problem.

The worry must be obvious on your features because Diego catches it immediately. He rushes to soothe you, "No, Princess. I chose to do these things, or rather to not. You have done nothing wrong. I would rather have you and this problem than to not have you and not this." His right hand comes up to cradle your cheek and direct your gaze down to him. Those beautiful brown eyes are molten, fierce with some emotion you don't want to analyze. It still fucks you up.

You swallow hard and lick your lips, "So what do we do?" Diego follows the path of your tongue with his thumb while his lips curl up in pleasure at your choice of wording. The way he looks at you sometimes, like he might try to move heaven and earth for you, it hurts. You can't decide if you like it or not.

"We must spend the money." He winks at you. "I will invest some and hide it in offshore accounts. If anything happens it will come to you." His air of finality is chilling.

Looking him over, you can feel tears welling up. "I don't want the money. I mean, don't get me wrong, I enjoy being spoiled, because duh. But if I have to make some ultimate choice between money or Murder Panther?" Your hands fling around with impassioned gesticulation. 

Diego chuckles, "What does," he imitates your sharp movements, "mean, Princess?" His eyes sparkle with the city lights twinkling in through the windows, but so far he is succeeding in suppressing his smile.

"It means, you know!" You flail your hands around faster, as if that will make your point. 

Diego does it back faster, so you interject with even faster movements, and Diego rebuts the same way until you grab his hands to stop him. The both of you dissolve into almost hysterical giggles.

He uses your joined hands to pull your forehead down to his. You can see a dizzying array of emotions swirling in his eyes, its breathtaking. His breathing hitches, brows draw down, and then his eyes close. 

"Baby." You sigh, cupping his cheeks gently, "What?" The question is soft, tentative. He doesn't release the hold on your wrists, but allows you enough space to pet him minutely. 

"When I have you here it blocks out everything else." Long fingers spasm on your forearms as Diego pauses to drag in a ragged breath, he continues, "I want to keep you here."

I don't know what to say. You're dumbfounded. "What? What does that mean?"  Your voice has shrunk down to a quavering whisper.

Diego opens his eyes to look up at you and they are deep enough for drowning. "You are coddling me and I like it. I want you here every day. Give me this whenever I want it." He whispers roughly. Diego studies your form as though committing your features to memory. "You should," that raspy voice hesitates and Diego grips your arms tighter, "You should quit your job and move in with me."  He stares up at you in complete sincerity. 

You're trying to keep it together. Diego is the one who had a bad day here. You're supposed to be helping him, not having your very own freak out. Think rationally about this. He isn’t here all the time, sometimes he's in LA. I'm not hot enough to be a trophy wife. What would I do all day? Just help him? Wouldn't that just be a different job? Oh my god, if I say yes to this… what if he asks me to go to LA? What if--

"PRINCESS!" Diego's bark cuts through your mental tornado and you blink back to awareness. He is still in your lap, cupping your jaw in one giant hand, while he watches you silently freak the fuck out. 

"I'm sorry," you gasp, "I didn't mean to just. Just. Zone out." Your breathing is shallow and you can feel your heart racing. 

Diego just watches you, unreadable. You glance down at him then look away. One of the coffee mugs is missing from the tree. Must be in the dishwasher.

"Hey." That rumble is soft and you cannot ignore it. Your eyes shoot down to his again, then away, and you shake your head 'no' minutely. Diego shifts to sit up (Via only abdominal muscles, your entire pelvis helpfully informs you) but keeps a hand on you. He sits back into the corner of the sectional and beckons to you. When you move toward him Diego spins you so your back is to his chest while you sit in his lap.

He wants to maintain contact but not overwhelm me by being in my face. I wonder if he’s been researching again.

Its enough to crack your heart open a little.

His long legs bracket your hips and you smile fondly, it reminds you of all the times spent in the jacuzzi tub. Diego rests his prickly chin on your left shoulder, wraps huge hands around your middle, and just sits there. Your hands pet over his thighs, his knees, then inward to cover the grip on your rounded stomach. 

"Logically," you clear your throat, "I know you don't mean it this way. But. I, well, I basically gave up my entire self once before and, as you know, it did not go well." Your voice is clear but soft as you continue, "You're not him. You are so very not him. But I still have… scars." Your hands are shaking noticeably so you stuff them under his. Diego laces his fingers with yours and steadies you.

"You never told me what he did to you. I want to know everything about you, Princess. Let us make a deal, huh?" Diego is always just a little bit greedy and you can only respect that as a fellow hedonist.

Tilting your head to the left, you lean your cheek against his nose, then answer warily, "I'm listening…"  You can feel Diego's smirk.

"I will tell you what happened when I was little and you will tell me what happened during that 'relationship'. An even exchange." He stares at you from a few centimeters away and you return the calculating look from the corner of your eye.

Your lips purse while you consider, then offer a caveat, "Only if I can write it out and not speak it." You turn to face him fully. He looks so… soft.

Diego licks his lips, "Deal. Now kiss." 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

You write out everything you can remember from your ex.

How no one was allowed to know you existed, you could have no title, that it wasn't a 'relationship' despite living together for eight years. 

You worked full time, you cooked, you cleaned, you kept a household budget even when it meant emptying your savings account to pay for his bankruptcy filing. 

The way you paid all the bills but your name was only listed on the lease, the three cases of beer you had to buy every week no matter how tight money was for groceries, you weren't permitted to hang anything on the walls so your ex could cover them with posters of girls half your size. 

You kept your hair dyed strawberry blonde because that was what he liked, because then he would touch you without sneering. The other girls you poached for him to sleep with instead of you. How you were supposed to be grateful that a man would even deem to fuck you at your size.

The wake up call when you argued back the first time after all those years. How he had backed you up to the top of the steep stairs in your second floor apartment and then loomed over you. The way you teetered on the precipice before diving under one of his arms and escaping to the bathroom, the only door with a lock.

How one day while he was at work you stuffed everything that would fit into your car and just left. The way you had to start over from scratch with no credit history or savings. The court proceedings for the restraining order, that you had to recount everything in front of your family, a judge, and the ex himself.

. . . . .

You don't realize how badly your hands are shaking until Diego takes the tablet from them. He sets it down on the neighboring cushion and locks the screen dark before turning back to you. Those huge arms wrap around your middle, on top of your own arms hugging yourself, and pull your back flush to his chest. You ponder his largeness; his thighs are as long as your arms, the stupefyingly huge hands and feet are an endless source of fascination, the biceps are your favorite pillow. You grin dumbly. 

"What?" Even at a whisper his voice vibrates deep in your chest. Its not especially deep, but its so rough, it almost reminds you of a cat tongue. Diego watches your face from an inch away.

Left shoulder raising in a lazy shrug, you sigh, "I love sleeping next to you. And I don't like sharing a bed with anyone." You blush a bit with the confession, but its true. "I feel safe with you even though realistically I know it should feel the opposite. You won't hurt me and you won't let anyone else either." Its a direct contrast to what you were just writing about and you say it with absolute conviction. 

"Of course not! But, but if I do, accidentally obviously, you will tell me?" Diego sounds simultaneously aghast and condescending but not at all offended by your acknowledgement of his potential danger. Amazing.

You turn to face him and lean your forehead against his. Diego sighs softly and squeezes you tighter. "I mean, I might write it, but yeah." 

He makes that adorable scrunchy-thinky face that you love before announcing, "I'll allow it."

Your eyes roll fondly as you sigh, "Oh good. So glad that meets your approval."  His sly smile is mesmerizing. 

"So. Are you gonna read that or…?" You glance down to the tablet then back up at him. "No, wait," you interject before his open mouth can start making noise, "Tell me yours first. Please." You turn solemn as you consider how bad this might be. Watching his face gives you a hint; his forehead smooths and his eyes shutter while soft lips turn down at the corners. Its his poker face, he is hiding from you.

Diego clears his throat quietly and looks away before he begins, "Our mother died when I was young, before I started school. My Lita said she committed suicide, apparently she was depressed after I was born. Alicia blamed me." 

You knew he had grown up without a mom, all of his delighted reactions to your own mother knowing and hearing about him had suddenly made a hell of a lot more sense when he told you. And you already knew that he was close with his grandmother, Lita, that she had looked out for him. And now much of Alicia's behavior made sense, too.

"My earliest memory of Alicia is at age twelve for her. By that point she had convinced our father that it was my fault. I was four the first time he hit me with a belt. The buckle, of course." Diego's jaw grinds, you can see his right eye twitch. You want to reach out to him but he probably won't tolerate it right now. He frequently misreads sympathy for pity. I'm starting to understand why.

"When I was eight she said to get in the car, I was allowed to go to the grocery store with her. The nearest was the next town to the east. Halfway there she pulled over and told me to get out, then she left. A neighbor driving home from the store saw me and took me to Lita. I do not know how long I was out there but I was very hungry." Here Diego pauses and swallows, "Lita said I ate a pound of beans." His wry smile is bitter. 

Brown eyes turn to you, his face is closed and guarded at first. You keep your mouth shut and just look at him. Slowly but surely, Diego's big body relaxes behind you, his eyebrows flatten and his lips soften. 

"When I was ten she pushed me through an open window. He beat me with the metal frame from the broken screen. At twelve I burnt one of the kitchen cabinets trying to make food before they got home. It was a rake that time. Thirteen was a microwave, I did not know about the thing with aluminum foil so it sparked and it was ruined. Also, I somehow got a video tape tangled in the VCR, I have no idea how. I begged my friend not to leave, father would not do anything until we were alone. It only made it worse." You can't take it anymore, your right hand comes up to his far shoulder and strokes up to cup his jaw. 

Diego turns toward you, rests his forehead into your neck, then proceeds to give you more. "I was sixteen when father staged the coup and killed his uncle to take over the cartel. He and Alicia sent me on 'errands'. I learned that these were suicide missions when I turned nineteen. Each time I came home fucked up but alive they were furious. Every time the cartel experienced a setback Alicia convinced everyone it was my fault, that I somehow ruined everything I was given." The seismic effect of his voice has shrunk in correlation to his volume. You can clearly tell that this is the time period when Alicia cemented into his mind that he was a total fuckup. 

Rough beard sears your skin as Diego raises his head to rub a cheek on you. You shudder and fist his shirt in your hand. With a deep sigh he goes on, "I was twenty-two when I made my first deal with a cousin. It took three years but we arranged for a rival outfit to give information to the DEA and they took our father away. Alicia decided this was her chance to take over everything but the men did not all take her seriously as a woman. Thus, she finally had a use for me and so here I am still."

You lean into him, rubbing back. Diego is the first and only person with whom you have actively wanted and enjoyed cuddling. He always smells good to you, even when he should probably shower you still like to bury your nose in his hair and breathe deep. Its gotta be pheromones. 

"She doesn’t know that you made that deal, does she?" You question cautiously, wary of upsetting him. He shakes his head 'no' and brushes fleeting kisses up your neck to your cheek. You take it one step farther, "So could you potentially take over everything by yourself?"

Diego pauses to meet your gaze, his head cocks to the side just the tiniest bit. "Do… do you want me to do that?" His voice is hesitant, cautious even. 

"No." You whisper softly. "I just want you safe. As safe as possible. And I know you'll be safer if she is out of your life." Your smaller hands cup his jaw through their own volition, thumbs stroking over the silver patches in his goatee. Plunging straight into the deep end, you offer an alternative, "Or, if that isn't a viable option, maybe you could quote-unquote 'retire'?" You study his beautiful face as his eyes unfocus while he digests your words. His brow furrows and he purses his lips in concentration. 

"That is worth some deliberation, Princess." Diego admits. Then, with a visible shake, he comes back to the topic at hand. "But now, it is your turn. Turn back, huh? I'll read this." Big hands move you around like a ragdoll and you melt a little inside, I wonder if he could just carry me like a baby all day.

You snuggle back into thick torso and sigh with pleasure. Yes, you're still anxious about this but you trust Diego more. Knees drawing up, you hide in your thighs, he only squeezes you tighter. You can hear him picking up the tablet and. And.

Breathe. Just breathe. My jeggings are soft, the couch is slightly fuzzy, his pants are silky, the blanket is plush. I'm here, with Diego, right now. Safe. You practice the grounding techniques that have worked in the past while he reads silently. His stillness is killing you slowly.

Finally, the tablet goes back to the cushion and the second hand comes back to you. Diego grips your stomach tightly before speaking, "Princess. You understand that you are beautiful, yes? I said I love you because I meant it. You. Just like this. Round and soft and thick. With your glasses and your big dark eyes and these curls in so many shades of brown and silver. Smart, sarcastic, funny, ballsy. You are shrewd and sneaky, that's sexy!" He chuckles a bit and you laugh raggedly, trying to hold back tears. 

"But," he continues in a milder tone, "I understand why you were unnerved earlier. I did not mean to absorb you, or, or erase you. I only want to take care of you. Spoil you how you deserve it. You understand?" That dark voice directly in your ear is incredibly distracting, and then the words register in your consciousness. 

"I, I mean I understand but I don't get it. You know?" Your voice is raspy, you're so tired deep in your soul. This is everything you never allowed yourself to dream of and you're not entirely sure that maybe you aren't in a coma somewhere hallucinating all of this. It certainly feels real, you snort to yourself as you pet over Diego's muscled arms. 

Nuzzling into your neck, he sighs deeply, "Oh, I do. You have no criminal record, you rescue tiny baby animals, I have seen you buy food for other people when their card declines, you sort recycling, woman." Here he laughs wryly and you join him. You see his point, you're both from very different backgrounds and from the outside probably don't seem like a good fit. But still…

"Most of my insecurities come from my size and the way that has influenced other people's demeanor toward me. You have never behaved like that, you always treated me just like all other women. It's both confusing and freeing. Like, at times I don't know how to behave but other times I just run with it." Your confession comes out evenly and sounds logical. Huh, maybe I'm finally getting over some of this.

Diego hums thoughtfully from where he is pressed into your cheek. "And you have always treated me like a person, not a bank or just a good time. Or a path to power." His voice is raspy and low, full of emotion. "As though my feelings mattered. Even that first night. You regarded me as an equal." You chuckle with the memory of forcing him to come to you in the club when you first met. His dimpled smile of delight still has the same effect on you. Recalling the morning after when he wasn't at all fazed upon seeing you while sober and well-lit fills you with warmth, too.

Diego goes on, oblivious to your musings, "I want to take care of you as a partner, not take you over. I want you just as you are, I wouldn't have taken you home, or texted you later, or invited you back if I didn't. I will share everything with you. I have kept you from the business for your own safety, but I, but if, if you want to see or learn, I know you would be an exceptional addition. It would change your life drastically and I did not want to make that decision for you; that would not end well."

You can hear the restrained hope in his words. His serious consideration of leaving the business for you is a revelation. He really and truly wants to share his life with you; to make a life together, not simply add you to his own as an accessory. He values your input and observations but doesn't want to put you in a precarious or dangerous situation. Being with him like this already does that. I'm already in this far, I'm IN LOVE WITH HIM.

"I want to think about it. I can't lie, of course I like the idea of being taken care of, not having to worry about things. But I still need to be my own individual, not a dependent, you know?" Its easier when you can't see him, you're less likely to shutdown and go nonverbal. Diego clearly understands this, and therefore you. Its new and novel and comforting and terrifying. 

With a kiss to your cheek he leans back a bit to whisper, "That is understandable and reasonable. I have been doing research, reading on normal relationships and not so normal women. I have never done any of this before.  But know this: Everything I have, everything I am, is yours, Princess. My wealth, my connections, my power, me, my heart, this dick, all yours."

You snort through tears, "That's like a fucking hallmark card, baby." It hurts underneath your ribs, Is this what love is supposed to feel like or am I doing it wrong? He's certainly doing it right. You giggle unevenly before amending, "Except for the dick. That is all Diego."

His laugh is deep and soft. "I have never bought a card in my life. Is that really what they're like?" He asks incredulously. Your enthusiastic nod only makes him laugh harder, the hoarseness of it giving way to wheezing. "That is horrible!"

"I know!" You crow and then collapse back into him in helpless guffaws. Diego wheezes into your hair, grabbing your hands and holding tight. 

"But," he pauses to giggle briefly, "But, can we try? Will you at least consider more for me? I wasn't sure when to tell you, but... we are going to split the territory and the duties. I am going to stay here, in New York, full time." Diego declares haltingly, his voice quavers with the fear of rejection. "You can come here whenever you wish and I'll be able to reach you in two hours on any day. I want to be as close to you as possible, close for you."

You turn around slowly, openly gawking at him. His big brown eyes are wet, he blinks furiously and licks his lips in apprehension. This dangerous, powerful, stunning man is afraid of your refusal.

 "You… I. I don't know what. That's. No one has ever…" you trail off and gesture vaguely. Your question is thick with shock, "You're rearranging your life for me?"

Diego shrugs half-heartedly. "You are my priority,  Princess. I don't want a life without you. Please tell me that is ok-kay." His voice hitches. For this man that is practically begging. 

You can feel your throat closing up, its all you can do to nod and throw yourself into his arms. That big body sags with relief as Diego crushes you to him. Burrowing into his neck, you choke out fiercely, "I love you, Diego Jimenez." 

His choppy sigh, the soft, "Te amo, Princess." It all shatters you apart. When the pieces come back together again its Diego who fits them into place, Diego who holds you together, Diego who tries to set you free to thrive on your own terms. 

This is like the most ridiculously lovesick puzzle in the universe. Fucking feelings.

[s-v-rasmussen]

Introducing: Soren Rasmussen

NAME: Soren Rasmussen (The Old Man)

AGE: 53

RACE: Hyur - Highlander

GENDER: Male

SEXUALITY: Pansexual

MARITAL STATUS: Widowed, but spoken for

SERVER: Balmung

physical appearance

HAIR: Salt and pepper, primarily grey.  Always kept in braids and pulled behind.

EYES: Right - bright amber.  Left - damaged, white.

HEIGHT: 6′5″

BUILD: Muscular, well maintained.

DISTINGUISHING MARKS: Facial scar running down the left side, damaged left eye with blue markings surrounding.  There are countless scars all over his hands and throughout his body, evidence pointing to them coming from both beast and steel alike.

COMMON ACCESSORIES: Old and worn beads in his hair, keeping loose strands neat and tidy.  Pair of black cloth gloves cover his hands at all times.  A few knives hidden on his person, such as under his vest or tunic.

personal

PROFESSION: Researcher, illegal trafficker, occasional sellsword.

HOBBIES: Drinking coffee, reading, writing music, fishing, taking long walks into the void, cooking.

LANGUAGES: Eorzean, Doman

RESIDENCE: Shirogane, Ul’dah

FEARS: Being without control of their own life, being misunderstood, losing those he holds dear.

relationships

SPOUSE: Vadis Vinter, deceased

CHILDREN: None

PARENTS: Emilie (mother), deceased. Kiaran (father), deceased

SIBLINGS: Elisa (sister), deceased.

OTHER RELATIVES: None of note

traits

extroverted / introverted / in between

disorganized / organized / in between

close minded / open-minded / in between

calm / anxious / in between

disagreeable / agreeable / in between

cautious / reckless / in between

patient / impatient / in between

outspoken / reserved / in between

leader / follower / in between

empathetic / unempathetic / in between

optimistic / pessimistic / in between

traditional / modern / in between

hard-working / lazy / in between

cultured / uncultured / in between

loyal / disloyal / in between

faithful / unfaithful / in between

additional information

SMOKING HABIT: never / sometimes / frequently / to excess

DRUGS: never / sometimes / frequently / to excess

ALCOHOL: never / sometimes / frequently / to excess

possible hooks

Ala Mhigan - Born and raised Ala Mhigan, Soren lived there for most of his life with a band of sellswords.  He and his adopted family of mercs fought both there and all around Eorzea, taking jobs as small as bounties or hunting beasts to fighting in various battles and skirmishes.  Speaking of the latter, the old man was among the first to resist against the Garlean armies that took full advantage of the rebellion against the mad king Theodoric.  After Ala Mhigo fell under Imperial rule, Soren was left licking his wounds as he left his home.

Sellsword - His work as a sellsword continued after he left Ala Mhigo, offering his services around Ul’dah as he scrounged up what wealth he could by doing what he did best.  Depending on when you met him as a sellsword depends on who you met: the man brimming with life who sought nothing more than the next challenge, or a broken fool that had little regard for both those around him and himself.

Research - Some time after his arrival in Ul’dah, Soren began pouring a lot of his time into research.  He’d delve into the unknown to recover any scrap of knowledge he could muster, and depending on his findings he’d either sell it or keep it in his private library.  While he normally prefers working alone, he has never shied away from assistance or trading notes should he find himself stumped  He has also been known to offer services in leading expeditions if they could stomach his steep prices and conditions.

Illegal dealings - About the time Soren’s attention began turning toward expanding his research, he pulled away from the public as a sellsword.  Instead he began pursuing other means of income - very illegal ones.  Lacking much of a moral code, there was hardly anything Soren wouldn’t do.  Kidnapping, murder, thief...  so long as he got paid, he’d do it.  However, as time went on he began to be known for selling trinkets, relics, artifacts, and research on forbidden magics, many of which he acquired from his studies throughout the world.

The Void - There are rumors around that the old man has tinkered with forces beyond his control, delving into the Void without the slightest hint of hesitation.  It is said Soren has a great deal of interest in the Mhachi and their usage of the Voidsent, and not to mention an abnormally high likelihood he’s interacted with a few Voidsent here and there.

OOC details

Hello hi, I are socially awkward potato.  Please forgive my initial shyness, I’m terrible at reaching out to people but I’ll get to it eventually if you don’t say something first.  I am always willing to chat about things here on tumblr, in game, or on discord.  I’m more than happy exchange Discord info if you ask!

That said, I will stress that OOC communication is INCREDIBLY IMPORTANT.  I don’t mean I want to get all up in your private life and all that, what I mean is that I want your honesty when it comes to RP.  If you don’t like where things are going, please say something.  If I feel like the RP is going somewhere that might make anyone uncomfortable, I will definitely be saying something.  I’ll be behind the scenes, poking and pestering you to make sure you’re okay and/or whether you wish to fade to black and handwave whatever is happening.  The old man is a terrible person and he’s been into some really bad shit.  I am not.

And remember folks, IRL/OOC > RP/IC.  Always.  If you’re having a bad day/week/month and don’t feel up to RP, just say something and I’ll be okay with it!  I promise.  Just keep me in the loop of “hey I’m okay!  Things are just crazy” and I’ll never throw a fit, lol.  I just want to make sure it’s nothing I did, and that you’re doing well over there.  :)  I’m patient and understanding, even if our scene takes weeks or a month or two to finish, lol.

[rxd-riot]

shipping meme

What  is  your  OTP  for  your  character?

Kiribaku!!!  I started off bakudeku but in the back of my mind I always thought kiribaku was flawless even though it was blasphemy problematic to think so.  They’re just so cute and wonderful together like Bakugou benefits from Kirishima being the sunshine boy, positive with the social aspects he lacks but can also handle when he gets intense and Kirishima benefits from Bakugou always inspiring him to work hard and do his best plus isn’t phased by his hardassness.  They cover each others weak spots and it completes me AND A CUTE HEALTHY RELATIONSHIP LIKE THAT IS IN NO WAY BORING.

What  are  you  willing  to  write  when  it  comes  to  shipping?

I don’t have any limits cause I know this is fiction and I’m just here to have a fun time.  I guess I hate the idea of planning a ship with someone I haven’t threaded much with to see if there’s chemistry.... but I like exploring even toxic ships if I have the chance.  But like Red, I hate character death memes or anything like that, I will start crying and be very sad cause there’s plenty of ways to do angst without killing a character or like maiming them, like the amputee au’s and stuff make me depressed, even bakugou being fully deaf because of his quirk hurts me, I just hate it when people are hurting on a certain level because of my crazy empathy.

How  large  does  the  age  gap  have  to  be  to  make  it  uncomfortable?

I know this is a #problematic opinion, but firstly age gaps between adults irl or in fiction don’t bother me like a grandma with a 28 year old, that’s not my job to say stop even if I don’t get it.  In real life, if you’re older and trying to get with a teen or kid, you sicken me, get out, but in shipping and writing I don’t see the problem shipping say a 17 year old with a 21 year old because it’s not a real mind at stake of being damaged, it’s a character you’re portraying or making as healthy or unhealthy as you want so if both muns are adults, you’re just having fun doing a ship just like you have fun making a headcanon or doing a really dark murderous verse.  It’s fiction and as long as you understand there’s a power dynamic that comes with that instead of saying it’s a perfect or flawless ship, then yeah.  You just gotta understand how that would legit work and know the consequences of it.  Doesn’t mean I always like it but I’m not going to say HOW DARE YOU EVEN T H I N K OF DOING THAT, I AM A THOUGHT POLICE, like it’s really no problem what you write as long as you’re writing with a fellow adult and portraying things in a non-glorifying way.  Doesn’t mean I’ll do it and I really don’t wanna do any age gap things on this blog but you get my point.

It depends on muses and muns because I don’t believe in set lines we have to follow in fictional writing like I do irl, otherwise we could never plot villain verses or anything like that.  Please soft block me if you can’t handle that so I don’t have to follow you back either <3 Throw me to the wolves if you wish but I’m not going to associate shipping and writing with real pedo tenancies unless you’re shipping 14 year old or younger with each other or an adult cause in that case that’s uncomfortable and concerning, get help.

Are  you  selective  when  shipping?

Nahhh, it just seems like I am because I like working up a lot of chemistry with another muse to make sure they’re on the same wavelength before I feel it and start thinking of it as a ship.  With someone like Kirishima, he’s real easy to ship and can get along with anyone opposed to a character with a more difficult personality.  I try to default all my muses as bi because I am but with all the gay coding, I’d be a fool to ignore it even if I still think a m/f ship could still happen with extreme extreme work and chemistry.

How  far  do  steamy  moments  have  to  go  before  they’re  considered  NSFW?

The moment you start touching the groin parts is where it gets NSFW in my book.  But before that point with like intense makeout and rubbing, I’ll tag things nsfw? just to be safe, if that ever happened.

Who  are  the  other  characters  you  ship  your  character  with?

I came into this fandom thinking Todokiri was cute af, kinda did that a bit with my ex and think they’re very adorable, like a different version of tod/odeku and I think Kiri would do that boy right, we also did shinkiri for a very brief time AND I HIGHLY LOVED THAT.  Uhhh... but some crack ships that might be cute are him with sero or tokoyami... shoji... tetsu and sen too, those boys need more lovin. 

Does  one  have  to  ask  to  ship  with  you?

Nope, normally I’m pretty transparent if my muse is starting to develop feelings and if that isn’t obvious enough it’ll be in the tags me giving that extra insight.  I like working up to that point instead of just chatting ooc asking each other how the ship would work out and stuff, I’d rather experience it is what I mean.  If I feel like it’s not consensual though and one sided crushes make anyone uncomfy, I’ll stop straight away, just reply and in the tags go ‘nah man’ and it’s fine.  But yeah, to me ships can be obvious coming so no need to specifically ask me about it.

How  often  do  you  like  to  ship?

I loooove shipping but I prefer the work it takes to even get to that point is what I figure.  I like development threads, and if they lead to ships, AWESOME!  And if not, that’s cool too!  It really just depends on the ic and ooc chemistry.  

Are  you  ship  obsessed  or  ship  more-or-less?

A little more on the obsessed side, which is funny because I’VE ONLY DONE KIRIBAKU.... I think it’s cause most of the fandom dodges me for being problematic, not that I don’t block their intolerant asses anyhow. Sorry if you came here expecting me to be mainstream...

Are  you  multi-ship?

Yes, I like being multiship cause it gives me a chance to explore different dynamics and that’s a ton of fun for me.  I used to want one ship per character but.... the first baku I ever loved already had a kiri so I had to throw that out the window.  DON’T REGRET IT THOUGH BECAUSE I MET ANOTHER FANTASTIC BAKU TOO, U KNOW WHO U ARE.

What  are  your  favorite  ships  in  your  current  fandom?

Kiribaku obvsly, momojirou is super cute.... deku x not being totally op due to bad writing is a great ship.  Being in the fandom has given me a lot more notp’s than otp’s lolol....

Finally,  how  does  one  ship  with  you?

Just subtle hinting as we thread leads to maybe a few fluffy memes or if you want a darker ship then we can develop an AU, it’s really not too hard cause denying a ship is very unlikely to happen unless the chemistry in our threads is too weak or if I just don’t see two characters as a thing for one reason or another.

Tagged by: @explosivevictory Tagging: NO TAGS, I FEEL PROBLEMATIC

[truth-in-dreams]

Illuminati Dossier: Sorin Zaharia

Agent’s Note: This is a work-in-progress. Most of this guy’s records are on hard copy, a lot of those from before World War I, so it’s not like we can ping Cassini for this shit...

• Character Name: Sorin Zaharia

• Nickname / Alias: ?? None assigned as of yet by HQ. Goes by “VeiledDreams” on Twitter.

• Species: Alfar. Elf, in English, but not your typical Christmas elf. These guys are the Norse equivalent of the fairies of Celtic myth. More specifically, we’re leaning towards Svartalfar, but the folklore is a mess and some of it uses the term to refer to dwarves, which he most certainly is not. Think Unseelie fairy.

• Date of Birth: Unknown. Possible references in folklore matching this guy’s MO date back to the mid-1400s. Unknown if folklore refers to the same person or to family members.

• Place of Birth: Again unknown, but heavily hinted to be outside Romania. Possibly Scandinavia or northern Germany.

• Residence: Somewhere outside Harbaburesti, Romania. We know the general area but the place is warded and agents on the ground can’t get a good fix on it.

• General Appearance: Short and lean. His fashion is dated. Though the clothes look new, the style went out of fashion in the late 1800s. We’ve noted the same style bone amulet on both Sorin and his son, Andrei. Unknown if it has any significance. Naturally red hair, slightly below shoulder length and worn half up. Naturally red eyes. We checked, it’s not albinism. Eyesight is well above human average. Usually wears a Venetian-style mask.

• Height: 5’6”

• Weight: 145 lbs

• Hair Color: Red

• Hair Length: Long

• Eye Color: Red

• Handedness: Right-handed

• Jewelry: A silver ring on his left hand.

• Tattoos / Marks: Scar above his right eyebrow.

• Key Relationships:

Andrei Zaharia - Son - Known Templar. Much like Sorin, appears much younger than he is. We have a birth certificate on this guy from July 21, 1919. Theorized aging slightly faster than Sorin, as they appear to be similar age, unless aging stops at adulthood for these types. Known to have inherited some of Sorin’s abilities, but lacks the same finesse and control. Unknown if he shares Sorin’s other habits.

Irina Zaharia - Wife - Daughter of a Russian judge, she fled Moscow along with her siblings during the Russian Revolution. They got as far as Transylvania before they were forced to stop and find a place to hide, due to the war. Irina posed as a maid in the Zaharia household, and after the war, married Sorin. Died in 1978.

• Education: Unknown. Very knowledgeable, impressed interviewing agents. Has a working knowledge of technology but little desire to use more than a cellphone on a daily basis. Speaks Romanian, English, Russian, and German fluently. Has a working knowledge of Icelandic and Danish. Magical knowledge is high enough to teach a couple different classes at Innsmouth if he wanted to.

• Work History: Unknown. Is wealthy enough that he doesn’t have to work and has enough knowledge of financial matters to put that wealth to good use. Has a fortune squirreled away in off-shore accounts, property, and investments.

• Skills: Able to travel through Agartha. Very strong command of elemental magic, not a surprise. Strong command of necromancy, transfiguration, and illusion magic, as well as defensive magic. Agent’s Note: Basically, this guy is used to using magic in place of technology for even everyday small things. Think Harry Potter, only in fucking fairyland. We’re only beginning to understand the thing the Templars use Andrei for with dreams, but we suspect very strongly that Sorin is able to manipulate actual or perceived reality to a much greater extent than Andrei with less ill effects.

• Phobias / Fears: Avoids certain types of iron or steel. Has been observed that some, but not all, iron or steel can cause a negative physical reaction. Dislikes churches, sanctified ground in general, and church bells. Had a very strong negative reaction to being in New York. Tolerable, he claims, but the nausea did give one or two junior agents a bad afternoon. Possibly linked to the lack of natural environment in New York and particularly in the Labyrinth, as he was observed complaining about that.

• Bad Habits / Vices: Temper is mercurial at best. Tends to particularly hold grudges against those that have insulted him in the past. Polite usually, but has a violent streak that is not particularly well-hidden.

• Quirks: Moral code is entirely alien to normal human morals. Seems to view humans as another, possibly lesser species. Or at least seems to view humans as a prey species and reacts accordingly.

• History: Frankly, not much is known beyond what he’s revealed on Twitter. He’s Alfar, from somewhere north of Romania, very old, and has links to one of several different Wild Hunt myths. We’re taking his quotation of Goethe’s Erlkönig poem seriously, he has a lot of habits in common with the Elf King, including a particular attraction to prey that is young or dying.

• Goals and Motivations: Beyond removing vampire, Orochi, and/or Filth influence from his land, unknown. Has no love of human society but claims to care about Gaia. Similar, in some respects, to other fairy creatures from the region.

• Morality / Ethics / Religion: Probably still holds to some sort of variation of pagan Norse beliefs. Has been observed making comments that suggest something to that effect. Morality is all over the place and is, as stated before, not at all human. Sees humans as a prey species.

• Style of Speech: Slight Romanian accent.

• Additional Information:

From Templar files on Andrei: The full extent of his ability with dreams is unknown, but he has been documented inducing a dreamlike state, controlling dreams, and in one particular case killing someone via a dream. Assumed Sorin’s ability meets or exceeds this benchmark, as his other magical talent exceeds Andrei’s observed talent.

Preys upon humans. Rarely, but it does happen, and agents should be aware this is a possibility. Has been observed by agents engaging in some sort of psychic feeding. Subject is usually left dazed, with no memory of the event, and is often kept and fed upon for a great deal of time. Theorized correlation between this feeding and the folklore surrounding humans losing years while in the company of fairies.

Folklore suggests that at least some humans can be raised or become new Svartalfar by some means. Unknown if Sorin knows this practice, but the Erlkönig story, folklore, and his own attraction to the young and to the dying suggest a possible pattern.

Note: “Elf shot” is a thing. A curable thing and it doesn’t do more than ruin a bee’s day, but don’t be stupid around him, k? As KG would say, ciao ciao.

((OOC: His abilities are on the more extreme side and OOC, I will always, always ask permission before using them on your character. I tend to prefer to avoid IC fights where possible, and have planned my characters’ personalities to keep this preference in mind. If there are any issues, please feel free to speak to me OOC about it! I don’t bite!))