#oop matt found a clue

[at-honeydevice]

[ WOUND ]:          upon noticing a recent injury on clea, matt carefully moves closer, running a thumb (or hand) across the wound in a gentle, troubled manner. -`♡´- › @murdocktm

clea winced as she pressed her fingers to the tender spot along her side,  the pain still sharp from the recent confrontation.  she hadn't noticed how deep the cut was until the blood began to seep through her clothes,  staining the fabric.  but it wasn’t the injury itself that unsettled her — it was the way matt murdock’s presence seemed to fill the space with a quiet,  undeniable weight. 

she didn’t need to see him to feel the shift in the room when he moved closer.  his footsteps were soft,  deliberate,  like a shadow drifting across her own.  the air between them felt thick with unspoken understanding.  his hand — warm  &  steady — reached out,   &  clea's breath caught as his thumb traced the edge of the wound with a delicate touch,  as though afraid to cause more harm than necessary. 

for a moment,  she stood frozen,  his proximity more comforting than she would ever admit,  the way his touch lingered on her skin,  troubled yet tender.  he said nothing.  not a word escaped his lips.  clea could almost feel the silence wrapped around them,  a shared space where words weren’t needed.  there was no judgment in the way his fingers brushed over her wound,  just an unspoken understanding.  his touch was a question she didn't have to answer. 

her gaze fell to his hand,  the coolness of his touch burning in contrast to the heat of her own pulse,   &  she allowed herself to close her eyes,  if only for a moment.  ❝i’m fine, ❞ she said quietly,  the words coming out softer than she intended,  a trace of vulnerability slipping through her usual composure.  ❝it's nothing. ❞ she knew he didn’t believe her,  not from the way his thumb lingered a moment longer than necessary.  . 

[capribornio]

Oops, it seems Matt DraculaDaily missed quite a bit from today's mail. Here's the rest (extracted from last year's archive).

Later.—Another change in my patient. At five o'clock I looked in on him, and found him seemingly as happy and contented as he used to be. He was catching flies and eating them, and was keeping note of his capture by making nail-marks on the edge of the door between the ridges of padding. When he saw me, he came over and apologised for his bad conduct, and asked me in a very humble, cringing way to be led back to his own room and to have his note-book again. I thought it well to humour him: so he is back in his room with the window open. He has the sugar of his tea spread out on the window-sill, and is reaping quite a harvest of flies. He is not now eating them, but putting them into a box, as of old, and is already examining the corners of his room to find a spider. I tried to get him to talk about the past few days, for any clue to his thoughts would be of immense help to me; but he would not rise. For a moment or two he looked very sad, and said in a sort of far-away voice, as though saying it rather to himself than to me:—

"All over! all over! He has deserted me. No hope for me now unless I do it for myself!" Then suddenly turning to me in a resolute way, he said: "Doctor, won't you be very good to me and let me have a little more sugar? I think it would be good for me."

"And the flies?" I said.

"Yes! The flies like it, too, and I like the flies; therefore I like it." And there are people who know so little as to think that madmen do not argue. I procured him a double supply, and left him as happy a man as, I suppose, any in the world. I wish I could fathom his mind.

Midnight.—Another change in him. I had been to see Miss Westenra, whom I found much better, and had just returned, and was standing at our own gate looking at the sunset, when once more I heard him yelling. As his room is on this side of the house, I could hear it better than in the morning. It was a shock to me to turn from the wonderful smoky beauty of a sunset over London, with its lurid lights and inky shadows and all the marvellous tints that come on foul clouds even as on foul water, and to realise all the grim sternness of my own cold stone building, with its wealth of breathing misery, and my own desolate heart to endure it all. I reached him just as the sun was going down, and from his window saw the red disc sink. As it sank he became less and less frenzied; and just as it dipped he slid from the hands that held him, an inert mass, on the floor. It is wonderful, however, what intellectual recuperative power lunatics have, for within a few minutes he stood up quite calmly and looked around him. I signalled to the attendants not to hold him, for I was anxious to see what he would do. He went straight over to the window and brushed out the crumbs of sugar; then he took his fly-box, and emptied it outside, and threw away the box; then he shut the window, and crossing over, sat down on his bed. All this surprised me, so I asked him: "Are you not going to keep flies any more?"

"No," said he; "I am sick of all that rubbish!" He certainly is a wonderfully interesting study. I wish I could get some glimpse of his mind or of the cause of his sudden passion. Stop; there may be a clue after all, if we can find why to-day his paroxysms came on at high noon and at sunset. Can it be that there is a malign influence of the sun at periods which affects certain natures—as at times the moon does others? We shall see.

Telegram, Seward, London, to Van Helsing, Amsterdam.

4 September.—Patient still better to-day.

[raysofcrosby]

NOW THAT I FOUND YOU – M. BARZAL

requested: yes | no

warning(s): cursing, slight mentions of sex, but other than that, nothing.

word count: 5,868

authors note: welcome to my new series :) i have no idea how long this is going to last, but i’m pretty excited for it. so, first things first, considering what i have planned for the character of jeremy, i didn’t want to use a real rangers player. so jeremy is a fictional dude on the team. i think that’s it for now, i’m not really sure what else i can think of about this series. so, oh well, enjoy :)

my masterlist | stuff i have planned | who i’ll write for | requests

"I can't take it anymore!" Tito said, storming into the locker room and stomping his way over to his cubby. "I am literally going to take her to the Brooklyn bridge and throw her into the Hudson."

Mat looked up from his skates and over at his best friend as he plopped down into his cubby, huffing, and puffing as he got undressed. He looked over at Anders, who was looking at Brass...the three of them all sharing confused looks at their locker neighbor. "Uh, you okay over there Tito?" Anders asked, looking at Mat for at least the slightest hint as to what he could be rambling on about.

"No clue," Mat mouthed, shrugging his shoulders and looking back down as he continued to tie his skate.

"No, I'm not okay," Tito tossed his sweatshirt into his cubby and stepped out of his joggers. "Does anyone want a newly 22-year-old female college student? Because I have one and I'm not opposed to passing her off before I result to murder."

"I'm pretty sure that is illegal, buddy," Jordan said, walking by and patting him on the shoulder. "Both are, actually. Like, highly illegal."

"Oh, God Tito," Matt said, coming out from the bathrooms. "What are you bitching about now?"

"She ironed my underwear." Tito tugged on his pants over his compression shorts and sighed, shaking his head.

"What?" Mat laughed, reaching behind him and grabbing his compression shirt.

"Y/N...she ironed my underwear," he stood up and turned towards his cubby, pulling a pair of ironed boxers out of the duffle he had carried in with him and turned back towards the guys. "I went to grab a pair this morning and I was greeted with this! They're stiff, feel powdery and quite frankly smell like shit–"

"Are you sure that's the soap and not just your horrible hygiene?" Matt joked, tossing a water bottle at him.

"Manchuk...Matty," Tito smiled, turning in their direction. "How do you two feel about having a live-in nanny? Her cooking skills are subpar unless even worse if the recipe comes off of Pinterest. She consumes more wine than water– but she's great with kids."

"I'm just finding it hard to believe your only problem with Y/N is the fact she ironed your underwear," Jordan said, shaking his head. "What's the catch?"

"Yeah, there's got to be something else that has you considering pre-meditated murder," Matt chimed in with a loud laugh.

"I NEED TO GET LAID, all right?!" Tito yelled, tossing his ironed pair of boxers back into the duffle bag. "I need to have hot, drunken sex with a stranger who lets herself out in the morning! I need to get laid so fucking bad, but I can't do it with my sister in the room across from mine! It's gross."

The locker room was silent as his teammates just stared at him. Mat wanted to laugh at his best friend but didn't want to do it at his expense. Sure, he'd been there a time or two, what young guy in his 20's hasn't. But never had he yelled about it to his teammates in such an exaggerated fashion. "Have you thought about telling her that?" Mat asked, grabbing his practice jersey and sliding it on over his head. "Y/N's pretty reasonable, I'm sure she'd agree to go to a friends or something for the night."

"Oh yeah, let me just go ahead and tell my little sister, 'hey, do you mind getting out of the apartment for the night? I need to get my dick sucked. Thanks, don't tell mom!'" Tito sat down to put on his skates, giving Mat a sarcastic look. "Does that sound good to you, Barzy?"

"I don't know about Barzy, but that sounds great to me," Matt laughed as he tied his pants. "Why is she staying at your place? I thought she was in Uni? Doesn't she have a dorm?"

"Nope, she followed her doucheface of a boyfriend down here and he convinced her to stay in his apartment instead of getting a dorm." He stood up and reached into his locker, grabbing his practice jersey. "Next thing I know, she shows up at my door crying, saying they broke up and she's been at my place ever since."

Mat remembered that night. He and Tito were pre-gaming, finishing off their drinks, and waiting for the uber to arrive. They were coming off of a high, absolutely destroying the Maple Leafs 5-0 and that high followed them home. Everyone on the team was going out– it was a well called for a celebration, even the guys with families at home. Normally, the team would pregame together before taking ubers over to whatever club or bar they decided to take over for the night. But those who did have kids at home wanted to stop at home and say goodnight to their wives and kids before heading out.

They were talking about whether or not they wanted to wait up here for the uber or wait down on the street when a knock barely made noise about Tito's playlist. Mat thought he had heard something but wasn't sure if he had confused it with the bass or not. So, he brushed it off. It wasn't until a small break in the song when the two of them could hear three rapid knocks, followed by the sound of your voice coming from the other side of the door, did they know that you were there.

Mat was closest to the door, so he was the one who walked over and looked through the peephole. He knew it was you just based on the sound of your voice from when you knocked, but, it didn't hurt to be safe and check to see who was at the door– that way Tito couldn't blame him if he let a random into his apartment. He recognized the hoodie you were wearing, it was the Beauvillier Islanders hoodie that Tito had gotten you for your birthday just this past summer. Mat told him it was a stupid gift, but Tito laughed, saying that it was his way of tricking you into finally wearing something in support of him since you had stopped wearing Islanders gear the moment you started dating Jeremy last fall. A Rangers player you had met on a girls' night out in the city. "A mix of interests" as your excuse, and Tito was bothered that his sister wouldn't wear his team's logo anymore– but instead, the logo on their top rival.

It was a mess, but one that Mat never, ever wanted to get involved with.

But there you were, dripping wet from the thunderstorm that had been hovering over the city from the moment he walked into Barclay to play. You had the hood on your head and you were avoiding eye-contact with the door– but he knew it was you. So, he opened the door with no hesitations, barely getting out a simple hi before you brushed by him and darted down the hallway, a door slamming behind you.

Tito, in true fashion, paused his music and stomped after you, mumbling about how you were just going to stroll into his apartment, that he pays for, and slam his doors without even saying hello. Mat remembered laughing, just because the Beauvillier sibling dynamic was an interesting one. He came back a few moments later, shoving his phone into his pocket and walked over to Mat. He said that he couldn't get much out of you but the fact that you and Jeremy had broken up and he needed to pay the cab driver downstairs $40 for driving you from Manhattan.

Tito was a good brother. He could be a huge pain in the ass, sure. You and he had had more than your fair shares of endless, rigorous chirping fights that most of the time, left Mat standing there just looking between the two of you like he was watching a match. But still to this day, Mat could never understand why Tito didn't seem all that bothered about how abruptly you had walked into his apartment. Tito had you and Francis, and more often than not, always brushed you off as one of the guys thanks to your tomboy upbringing. Mat had a sister and she's dated one too many assholes for his liking, so he could spot it from a mile away.

Your face was swollen and red and he was more than positive that you had cried the entire car ride there.

And you've been living at Tito's ever since.

"I'm serious, I need her to leave," Tito was following behind him as they left the locker room to head out to the rink. "And I can't just kick her out."

"You literally just talked about shoving her into the Hudson," Jordan laughed, shaking his head. "I think you can do something as simple as, 'hey, maybe you should find someone to stay with for a while.'"

Tito just rolled his eyes as he stepped out onto the ice, skating beside Matt. "I'm serious Barzy, I think she's driving me insane."

"It was one incident, Tito," Mat said, shaking his head. "Y/N isn't that bad."

"It wasn't just one incident," they cut the corner, Mat pushing himself ahead. "She almost burnt down my kitchen trying to make breakup cupcakes. She's redecorated my bathroom with bath bombs and make-up, she even got rid of my Shrek shower curtain!"

"To be fair, that's your guest bathroom and that Shrek shower curtain was hideous"

"Regardless! She's slowly taking over my entire apartment and turning it into her...her...her stupid lovesick breakup reno project!" He tossed his arms up in the air, letting them fall back down and almost hitting Brass in the head. "Oops, sorry bud!"

Mat laughed as they cut another corner, shaking his head. "Have you ever tried talking to her?"

"No, because then she'd get her puppy eyes all going and I'd feel like even more of a douche for wanting her out." He huffed, shaking his head. "I need an excuse, something to just...get her out for a few weeks until I can find her someplace to stay for the rest of the year. Then plead with her housing office to find her a dorm."

"I don't know what to tell you, man." Mat said, skating ahead.

"I'll come up with something, I'm sure I can cash in a favor somewhere." Tito sighed, as the two of them joined the rest of their team at center ice for stretching.

Mat just laughed, shaking his head at his best friend. Sure, if he was in the same position, it wouldn't exactly be his ideal living situation to have his sister living across the hall– but he definitely wouldn't be as against it. At least, he didn't think so.

~

"I've figured it out."

Mat felt his foot slip against the wet tile and his heart practically jumped out of his chest as the slipping feeling. He held his right arm out, holding himself steady against the tile before ducking his head beneath the shower head, letting the conditioner rinse from his hair. He looked over his shoulder to see Tito standing at the opening of the shower area, freshly showered with a towel wrapped around his waist. "Yeah, can we not talk about this right now?"

"I'm just letting you know, I figured it out." Tito smiled, nodding before walking away from the shower.

Mat shook his head, spitting out some water before turning off the water and grabbing the towel he had hung up just to the right. He wrapped it around his waist, shaking his head as he ran his fingers through his hair to get all of the excess water out. He almost dreaded making his way back towards the locker room. Tito had been pestering him all practice, trying to make him come up with ways he could kick you out.

Fake an insect infestation? No, then he'd have to leave his apartment too.

Figure out a way to get some flooding in her room? But then he'd have to hire someone to clean up all of the water.

Every outrageous idea possible had crossed his mind and Mat had to listen to it for the entire practice. As if the practice itself hadn't been draining on him, listening to him go on and on was even more.  But, he was playing the best friend role, and did say he would help him on one condition– it didn't involve hurting your feelings.

"Great, you're here, now listen–"

"No to the insects. No to an animal break-in and we already decided that pouring water on her stuff and saying a pipe was leaking wouldn't work," Mat said, sitting down in his locker and looking at Tito. "What in the hell could you have come up with now?"

"Remember how I said I could cash in a favor?"

Mat nodded, standing up and grabbing his street clothes as he turned his back to Tito. "Yeah, did you figure it out?"

"I sure did."

Mat stepped into his boxer briefs and dropped the towel as he picked up his joggers. "All right? And who's the poor sucker?" Tito hadn't replied as fast as he had been and Mat would be lying if he said it wasn't a little concerning. He tugged the waistband of his joggers up before turning to see Tito smiling at him. "What are you looking at?"

"I'm looking at the poor sucker who owes me a favor." He had his classic shit-eating smirk on his face, the kind cameras always zoomed in the moment he checked someone hard.

Mat blinked once, twice, three times before the reality set in. His brain was racing through every recent time he spent with Tito, never once remembering an event where he said that he owed him a favor. "I'm sorry, what?"

"You owe me a–"

"Yeah, yeah, I know what you said," Mat put his arms through his sweatshirt, tugging his down and over his head before running his fingers through his hair again. "But I don't know what you're talking about. When did I ever owe you a favor?"

"When I saved your ass that night at Nest when you were picking up the redhead but that hot tinder girl with blue hair you invited showed up." Tito stood up and walked over to Mat, still smiling. "I performed the perfect, switcharoo maneuver so that the redhead never noticed you took tinder girl home."

"You took the redhead home! How is that helping me?" Mat turned towards his locker and grabbed his phone and Gatorade, shaking his head. "Besides, that was two years ago."

"It was a win for both of us! You didn't get totally bitchslapped in the club and I got laid," Tito followed behind him, staying on his heels. "It may have been two years ago, but you still said, 'Tito, man...I owe you one.'"

"I don't–"

Tito cut him off, standing in front of him as they stood in the hall. He crossed his arms, his smile falling from his face. "And now I'm cashing it in. You're helping me get Y/N out of my apartment."

Mat rolled his eyes, resting his hands on his hips. "And how exactly am I supposed to help you with that? You've literally exhausted every plausible option." When Tito didn't come up with a reply, Mat just shook his head and brushed by him.

"I've got an idea bro, I swear," He jogged up behind him as they walked out of the arena to head towards the parking lot. "But, you're probably not going to like it."

As the crisp fall air greeted them, Mat could hear the voice in the back of his head telling him not to entertain Tito. A gut feeling deep inside that this wasn't going to work out– none of Tito's ideas ever worked out. "What is it?"

Tito hesitated, unsure just how his best friend would reply. Sure, he's had plenty of other crazy ideas before– but this one might just be way out there. But he didn't care, he was a young, physical and thriving man in his early 20's– and at this point, he didn't care about logical reasoning. He just desperately needed to get laid. And if that meant brushing his sister off onto his best friend, he'd do it.

"You're going to pretend you're utterly heartbroken from some break up and can't be alone–"

Mat stopped in his tracks, whipping around to Tito with wide eyes. "Dude what the–"

"Y/N is a total empath and when I tell her all about your emotional turmoil and that I don't know how to help, she'll no doubt step in. Then I'll just figure something out to keep her out of my apartment and boom, problem solved."

"Problem not solved!" Mat yelled, waving his hand at Tito. "Your problem literally has about a million plot holes in it!"

Tito closed his eyes and took a deep breath, sighing before opening them and looking at Mat. "I'm going to need you to hear me out before you say no– which, may I remind you, isn't an option anyway."

Mat took a deep breath and sighed, knowing damn well that somewhere down the line, he'd regret this very moment he even gave Tito the chance to explain. Even his initial explanation seemed so fucking stupid that there was no way it could ever work out. But maybe, if he allowed him to explain, he'd realize just how unrealistic his plan was, and just drop the entire idea then man up and tell Y/N to stay with a friend. "Fine," he stopped at his car, unlocking it so Tito could get into the passenger seat. "But you're buying lunch."

~

This was such a bad idea– he knew it would be. From the moment the suggestion left Tito's mouth the first time, Mat knew it wouldn't work. There's no way it could. Hell, even Liana said it was when he called her for advice after his lunch. And as far as common sense goes, he likes to think that Liana has a lot more

Tito's plan stayed the same– Mat was supposed to play brokenhearted and after lunch, the two of them would go over to his apartment, where you would be home from class. Tito would comment on how Mat 'hasn't been the same' and make a joke about how the two of you should just live together in your misery. You, the empath that you were, would take an interest in Mat's "broken heart" and offer to help in any way. Tito, knowing Mat was actually in the middle of turning the third guest bedroom in his apartment into a man-cave/gaming room and how much you love decorating, I.E. his bathroom, would suggest that maybe you could help him with that too.

It wouldn't work, Mat was convinced of that from the moment the entire idea left Tito's mouth. He'd known you almost as long as he knew Tito, meeting you the summer after the 2015 IIHF World U18 Championship. You were only a year younger than them both and for the three weeks that Mat had stayed with your family, he felt like he got to know you pretty well. You guys weren't best friends by any means, but you were definitely good friends. Your friendship growing when you decided to transfer to Fordham and when you weren't hanging out with Jeremy or your classmates, you were with Tito, Mat, and their teammates.

Needless to say, he was confident walking into the apartment knowing that there was no way that you would fall for this horrible excuse. You wouldn't leave your room in Tito's apartment to come and stay with Mat because he was "too brokenhearted to function." But leave it to Tito to think that you would fall for it. He tried not to break character, he really did. But how the hell was he supposed to pretend to be brokenhearted from a failed relationship, when he's never felt that?

He's had relationships before, sure. Break-ups? Absolutely. But none so bad that he felt like he wanted to drink himself into a slumber or just hide under the covers for the rest of time. He had outlets to get out any negative emotion. He had hockey and he had the boxing classes he attended with Tito every now and again. Besides that, he never had strong feelings for someone to the point where he was feeling what you were feeling.

As predicted, you had agreed to go with Tito and Mat over to Mat's apartment to see just what he had to deal with. He felt a twinge of guilt when you started to ask the simple questions:

How are you feeling?

Do you want to talk about it?

What happened?

He and Tito hadn't gotten that far in the plan– creating a backstory, which should have been another sign that this was never going to end well. So, on the ride to his apartment, he just stuck with short answered replies– "fine" "not yet" "it's still too soon." And he wanted nothing more than to smack Tito in the passenger seat, who was trying his damndest not to laugh.

When they got to the apartment hours later, Mat led you to the third guest room, showing you just everything he had. In a corner on tarps, he had three cans of paint, all unopened and a bunch of painting supplies. In the middle of the room, boxed furniture he'd been too lazy to move. He was barely focused on what you were saying when he felt his phone vibrate and saw Tito nodding at him.

Tito: see? i told u. total diy/renovator. you could get free labor out of this.

Mat: one problem there, bud. she doesn't seem too keen to get out of your apartment. all she's done is offer to take me to lunch for the next week to 'talk about my feelings'

Tito: okay? go talk about your feelings.

Mat: I DON'T HAVE ANY FEELINGS

Mat: I DON'T HAVE A RECENT EX-GIRLFRIEND

"Are you two okay?" You asked, almost scaring the two boys. Mat shoved his phone back into his jacket pocket, staring at you with wide eyes. You had an eyebrow raised and looked awfully suspicious of them both.

"Do you guys want dinner?" Tito asked, already heading towards the door. "I can order some pizzas from down the street."

"That's okay," You said, following him towards the door. "I've got this new enchilada recipe I wanted to try and–"

"No!" Tito couldn't be any less obvious that he didn't want you to follow him, his raised voice causing you to step back and look at him in shock. "I uh, I mean...I already ordered them. Barzy and I talked about it...right?"

Mat glared at Tito, wishing deep down that this plan would fail, but knowing that he couldn't leave his best friend out to dry. "Yeah...we did." He turned to you, crossing his arms. "Hope that's okay."

"No, it's fine," you replied, nodding. "Pizza is good."

Tito clapped his hands together and smiled. "Great, I'll be right back!"

He couldn't have run out of the apartment any faster, leaving you and Mat there standing in the middle of the room. This wasn't part of the plan and Mat was pissed. He stared at the door, contemplating telling you about your brother's ulterior motive to all of this– but it wouldn't hurt Tito...it would hurt you. So he decided against it and turned to you, sighing. "We can go wait in the living room for him to come back."

You nodded and followed him out of the guest room, walking down the hallway. "Can I have something to drink?"

"Water? Wine?" He asked, waving you over to the couch as he stopped in the kitchen. "Tequila?" God, how he wanted a drink. At least it might alleviate the headache Tito's antics were causing.

"It's Monday," you laughed, leaning against the back of the couch. "I guess I could go for some wine."

"White or Red?"

"You have both?"

He laughed, turning around and placing two unopened bottles– one of each. "My mom likes red, I like white. It's her leftover bottle from when she was here a two weeks ago."

"I'll take a glass of white, thank you."

He nodded, putting the bottle of red back into the fridge before moving towards his cabinets and opening the drinking glasses– reaching up to the top and grabbing two wine glasses. When he turned back around, he looked over at you, ready to say something, but he stopped.

You were still leaning against the back of his couch, left arm draped across your stomach as the other held onto your phone. You were chewing on the inside of your cheek, your eyes glued to the screen. He normally wouldn't think anything of it, except for the look on your face. Even from where he was standing, he could notice the frown and the way that your eyebrows were burrowed towards each other. He noticed your fingers on your left hand were fidgeting, plucking at your Fordham long sleeve. Everything about you standing there was just...small, quiet– radiating energy that said, 'I don't want anyone to see me.' Which, in all of the years that he knew you, was the complete opposite of who you were.

He couldn't help but wonder what the hell Jeremy did to screw you up this bad.

He poured your glasses, putting the cork back into the bottle, and made his way to you. You were so lost in your phone, that it wasn't until he cleared his throat, that you realized he was standing there.

"Oh," you stood up a little straighter, putting your phone into your front pocket before taking the wine glass from him. "Sorry, I was just..."

"No need," he said, waving you off. "I don't need an explanation." He walked around the couch and sat down, nodding at you to join him.

You sighed, taking a sip of your wine before sitting down beside him, sinking back against the cushion. "So, Tito hasn't tried taking you to a strip club to help you out of your breakup funk?"

Mat laughed, his head leaning back against the cushion. "No, he hasn't," he took a sip of the wine, tilting his head to the side. "I don't think he'd leave if he did."

"He tried to offer to drop me off at that knockoff Magic Mike, two days ago." He looked at you like you had two heads, his mind spinning in circles at just how long Tito has been trying to get you out of his apartment. "It didn't work, it's not my scene."

"Male strippers?"

"Male strippers that aren't the cast of Magic Mike," you joked, laughing softly as you stared down into your wine. "I don't know, I just haven't really been in the mood to do anything besides go to class and sleep."

He wasn't sure how to reply. Even with Liana, he'd never really been that open with talking to her about his relationships or hers. That was a no-touch topic in their siblingship– only ever talking about it, just to say that they were seeing someone new. Never what happened during or after. Not to mention, he was supposed to be like you, heartbroken. He tried to copy your mannerisms– slumped into the couch, relaxed face– he even went as far as to try and tell himself to copy the tone in your voice.

But all he felt was guilt for playing into Tito's scheme and a genuine need to talk to you about what happened. He just didn't know how to go about it.

Your phone rang before he could ask you the dreaded 'how are you feeling' question, and you sighed, digging your phone out of your pocket and putting your wine glass down on the table. "What, Anthony?"

Mat held back his laughter as he took a sip of his wine. One thing was for sure, your attitude towards your brother hadn't changed from pre-breakup. He looked at you, your eyebrows knitted together as you brought your hand up to your forehead, rubbing it. "What do you mean? Is my stuff–" you sighed, closing your eyes. "No, you won't get electrocuted if you–"

He reached out, bumping his elbow against yours and raising an eyebrow. "Everything okay?"

You looked at him, shaking your head as you pulled your phone away from your ear. "He forgot his wallet at home and went back to the apartment– I guess something leaked and my bathroom and room are flooded."

Mat had to act like he was surprised, but if anything he was pissed. This was the one scenario that they didn't agree on– simply because it wasn't fucking plausible. "Well have you talked to him? Maybe there's–"

Your head fell back against the cushion and you closed your eyes, sighing. "I didn't leave a faucet on, I didn't even go into my bathroom before we– can you stop interrupting me?"

He could hear Tito rambling on through the other side of the phone, no doubt barely giving you time to talk because he didn't want you to fill in the gaps of his fake story. "Well, where am I supposed to go?"

Mat chewed on his bottom lip, bringing the glass up to his lips as he knew this was when Tito was suggesting that you stay with him. He couldn't look at you because the guilt was taking over. He could tell you were stressed and obviously, Tito hadn't been exaggerating at just how bad you were after the breakup with Jeremy. And if he looked at you any longer, the guilt would swallow him up and he'd cave in and tell you everything.

"No, I'm not asking–" you sighed, taking a few deep breaths and exhaling before speaking again. "Because Anthony, it's rude! "

Mat felt like reaching over and grabbing your phone, ending the plan then and there. But again, he knew that the Beauvillier sibling dynamic was a lot different than any other one. Tito knew when to stop pushing, you were his sister after all. So, he sat next to you, sipping on his wine and waited for you to ask the question they'd been pushing you to do all along.

"Can you just...ask, please?" His eyes went wide the moment he heard the emotion in your whispered reply. "I can't just...move everything, I don't even have everything. It's all at Jer–" you stopped yourself, sitting up and hunching over, resting your head in your free hand. "And he said that's all that was available?"

He kept sneaking looks at you from the corner of his eye, trying to gauge whether or not the emotion in your voice was leading to tears. He brought his phone out of his jacket, opening to type a message to Tito.

"Fine, I'll...I'll just ask," he froze as you turned to him, holding your phone away from your ear. "Hey Mat?"

He placed his phone face down and away from your sight of vision you couldn't see that he was about to send a text to Tito. "Yeah?" Yikes, that wasn't casual enough. "What's up?" Better.

You were holding back tears and for the first time, he could see the dark circles beneath your eyes, still peaking out from whatever make-up you had put on that morning. Yeah, this plan wasn't good– this on was definitely a punch in the gut. "Do you think I could stay here? I don't have much and I–"

"Yeah, no," he cleared his throat. "No, I mean yeah...you can. I've got the guest bedroom."

You nodded, looking away from him and brought the phone back up to your ear. "There, happy?"

Oh, you have no idea how happy Tito was, was all that Mat could think as he brought his phone back out. "Can I at least come and get some stuff to– Yeah...okay. Yeah, see you."

You hung up the phone and your head fell back against the cushion, eyes closed. Mat looked at you, wondering whether or not he should dare to see if you were okay. He started to reach a hand out to nudge your arm when his phone vibrated.

Tito: IT WORKED! I'M FREE!

Tito: well...at least for the next week i am. i’ll need to figure out another excuse for the extra week i guess.

Mat: dude...i don't think this is a good idea. y/n's like...really emotional right now.

Tito: AND I'M GOING ON A TWO WEEK DRYSPELL.

Mat: okay, get laid tonight and let her come back.

Tito: nope. i'm using all seven days of this time and look on the bright side, now you'll get the guestroom done faster than you planned.

Mat: are you at least coming back with the pizza?

Tito: no, just her clothes. caroline is coming over in an hour.

He laughed in disbelief, shaking his head as he looked at you– still lying in the same position from when you hung up the phone.

Mat: dude, you so owe me one.

Tito: 👍🏻

Mat put his phone back into his jacket pocket and turned to you. He was sure that the movement on the couch would have been enough to get you to open your eyes– but you didn't budge. He reached out and nudged your arm and you opened your eyes and turned to look at him. "What do you think about Chinese?"

"Let me guess, he's not getting the pizza?" You asked, drained of any energy.

Mat bit the inside of his cheek, shaking his head. "No, he said they were packed," the lie was a lot better than telling her the truth. "If you're not feeling Chinese, we can go to Chipotle?"

"I don't know," you sighed, picking up the wine glass and taking a long sip. "Do you think we'd miss him?"

Not in a million years. Even if they did, he'd just drop the bag of belongings in front of Mat's door, no doubt.

"I'll buy you a large guac and a large queso," He smiled, shrugging his shoulders. "Free of charge."

"You had me at large guac." You looked at him and then back at your wine glass, downing the rest before placing it back onto the table and turning towards Mat. "Besides, he's the one who didn't bother to offer me the couch in the new 1 bedroom he'd be staying in until everything is fixed. He can wait a few extra minutes if we're not back in time."

Mat just nodded, standing up with you and playing into your mood. "Yeah, fuck that guy."

You laughed, and for the first time since he walked into yours and Tito’s apartment...he saw you smile. He felt proud of himself for being able to cheer you up in some way. And maybe, he thought, if Tito wasn't going to look out for you...he could.

It was only for seven days, how bad could it be?

[kaiparker-avengerssmut]

Seduction’s an art, darling

Pairing | Enzo x reader

word count | 1594

warnings | smut, sex, rough, fingering

Summary | you and Enzo always flirting and teasing and one day stuff finally happens

I swung my fist but he caught it as if it was nothing. I hated being a human in a town of vampires so much. He held my fist there, slowly leaning in until there were mere inches between us. His breath fanned out across my face and I felt my core get hot. "You know I can smell your arousal, love." He taunted. Ugh. Damn vampires. "I have no clue what you're talking about. Must be someone else." I winked before ducking and walking away to the bar. "Hey." Elena said to me as I stood next to her. "You want anything to drink?" She asked. I shook my head and leant against the bar, lost in thought. Suddenly Enzo walked up beside me. "Hello, gorgeous." He smirked with his irresistible accent. I looked at him and bit my lip, slowly I turned my head back to Elena and said, "I'm going to play pool. You coming?" She nodded and we walked away, leaving Enzo to chase after me, once again.

"So you and Enzo, huh?" Elena teased. I rolled my eyes, "I'm not into him like that, and besides, even if I was he'd never like me back anyway." I stated. Elena nodded, unconvinced. "You sure about that?" She said playfully, motioning over to the bar with her head. I looked over to see Enzo slouched against it, elbows resting on the bar. He gave me a wink and a seductive smirk before turning his attention back to his drink. My cheeks turned pink as I attempted not to melt on the spot. Elena took her first turn, potting 4 balls before handing the cue to me. I leant over the table and tried to line up the cue with a ball. I sucked at pool, I don't even know why I suggested playing in the first place.

I felt someone leaning over me and I turned me head slightly to the side. "Hello, gorgeous." Enzo smirked at me and brought his hands up and placed them over mine, holding me in the right position to hit the ball. "Relax, gorgeous. Don't be so tense." He breathed in my ear. He was helping me aim the cue at the ball, lining up the perfect shot. He pulled his arm back - and mine with it - his breath fanning on the side of my face and he hit the ball,potting it effortlessly. He remained leaning over me, his pelvis pushed into my ass. "Take your time, be certain and precise." He whispered in my ear. I gulped and nodded, before he stood up and handed me my cue. He sauntered off - back to the bar to get another drink.

Elena turned to me and gave me a see-what-I-mean look, then a that-was-so-intense-I-need-to-sir-down look. Rolled my eyes and looked over to where he was standing, probably compelling the bar tender to give him a drink on the house. He sensed my stare and looked over his shoulder and gave me a seductive wink, before turning back to the bar. I looked down at my feet, Elena taking her turn.

"Why does he have to be so damn good at that." I muttered, squeezing my thighs together to try and relieve some tension as the thought of his flirting made me hot.

"Remember, seduction's an art, darling." I hear whispered in my ear. I look up to the bar and Enzo's gone, so I look behind me and I see him leaning against the wall. He raises his drink in acknowledgment, a sly smirk plastered on his face. I drop my cue to the table and say to Elena, "I'll be a minute." She nods and I walk off.

"Someone's flustered." He said with a chuckle as I approached him. "It's not funny." I sat through gritted teeth, grabbing his arm and pulling him into an empty storage room. Before I can do anything he has me pinned against the wall, his knee between my legs and his hand pinning my wrists above my head. "I think it is, gorgeous." He said with a playful smirk. With his free hand, he began trailing his fingertips over my jaw, my lips, my bare neck - brushing my hair out the way. "Tell me you want this." I shook my head and bit my lip. He growled lowly and leaned into my ear. "So you're telling me you don't feel this," he breathed in my ear, dragging his hand up the inside of my thigh, teasingly, stopping just under the hem of my skirt. "No." I say.

"Or this." He continues. He brings his hand up to my boob and cups it through my shirt, flicking my nipple through my shirt and bra with his thumb gently. I swallow and say no, again. He leans in, his lips almost touching mine. "Or this." His breath fans over my face, his lips brushing over mine as he speaks. I stare intently into his eyes, my gaze flicking to his lips and back up. His whole being dripped with seduction. Suddenly I lean forwards, attempting to connect our lips in a passionate kiss.

He was one step ahead, leaning back as I leant forward, his expression smug. "Aw, so you do want me, gorgeous." He smirked. I scoffed. "Yeah right. I was teasing. Making the game fair." I said, turning my head to the side. He leaned into me and whispered, "But I don't play fair." I could practically hear the smirk he had. I swallowed, preparing myself for his next act of seduction. I felt his fingertips back on my thigh, grazing just below my core. I held back a groan as he innocently brushed my panties. I struggled to get my hands away but failed, his vampire grip much stronger than my human self. I bit my lip as he began rubbing me through my underwear. "Your panties are soaked, gorgeous." Enzo smirked at me, hooking his fingers in the waistband and ripping them off me. "Oops." He teased, his fingers connecting with my clit and rubbing slow circles. I breathed heavily and grabbed his hand. "Enough teasing, we can do foreplay next time." He raised his brow at me, "there's going to be a next time?" I nodded and fumbled with his belt buckle, tugging the leather from round his waist and unzipping his jeans. I pulled them down his legs with his boxers and jumped up, wrapping my legs around his waist. He shoved my back against the wall and kissed me roughly, sliding his tongue over my bottom lip. I grabbed his access and his tongue explored my mouth before fighting mine for dominance. My arms wrapped around his neck, my fingers tangling in his hair. I felt his tip teasing my folds, rubbing over my clit and down to my slit.

He sheathed himself inside of me in one heavy thrust, knocking the air out my lungs. "Fuck." We both moaned in unison, Enzo picking up and already punishing pace. With each thrust my head was sent flying back into the wall. Enzo placed one hand around my throat, pinning me to the wall while the other reached down and rubbed my clit. "Fuck Enzo." I moaned as his pace sped up a bit. "You're so tight and wet around me." He groaned, collecting my right nipple in his mouth. My moans and pants increased as he swirled his tongue around my nipple, giving it a gentle nibble with his teeth before pulling back with a pop and repeating his actions on the other side. He groaned as I clenched my walls around him, the knot in my stomach appearing. "Cum for me, gorgeous. Make a mess of my cock." He cooed and all I could do was moan louder in response. His grip on my neck tightened, making me even more aroused and I came with a scream of his name.

He kept his pace up - letting me ride out my high and chasing his own orgasm. His thrusts started to get sloppy and he moaned out, burying his face in the crook of my neck as his length twitched inside of me. "Fuck y/n." He groaned, his hot cum filling me in spurts. We stayed there for a moment before he pulled out and set me down on shaky legs. He pulled his pants up and put his belt on, smirking before disappearing back into the grill. I found my panties on the floor and put them back on along with my shirt and ran my finger through my hair before going back to elena, who was now sat at the bar talking to Matt who was on a shift.

"Hey guys." I greeted, sitting down next to me and catching the club soda Matt slid across the bar to me. "So, you and Enzo, Huh?" Matt said coily. I went red and saw elena giving me a suggestive look out the corner of my eye. "I thought you said you didn't like him like that." Elena teased, poking my arm playfully. I rolled my eyes and picked up my drink, taking a sip and catching enzo's eye from across the room. Elena and Matt followed my gaze and Enzo gave me a wink before ducking out the door and disappearing into the night.

[accio-spaceman]

BBC Radio 6 Music – Shaun Keaveny

Wednesday 4th April 2015 – Catherine Tate joins Shaun after 9am

“Comedian Catherine Tate joins Shaun this morning to chat about her hosting of the The Olivier Awards this week. The ceremony will be hosted at the Royal Albert Hall on Sunday and broadcast to the UK and worldwide.”

Listen HERE on BBC iPlayer.

Highlights HERE

or

Full Transcript Under the Cut.

Shaun Keaveny = SK

Catherine Tate = CT

02:09:19 – 2:21:43

SK: Our next guest well may be best known to some of you for her array of comic creations – “a array” - from foul-mouth gran to not-bothered teen, but has done a billion things since then, including things like… anything you could imagine really! Doctor Who, along with some theatrical roles, not least penned by the Bard himself. Her latest role is as a presenter of the forty-second Oliver Awards, at The Albert Hall; all rise, for Catherine Tate.

CT: [comic voice] I thank you!

SK: I don’t know, I try and remember Catherine, it feels to me as though this is a novel experience – like we’ve probably not had you on before! If we have it was a long time ago.

CT: Oh, what on this show?

SK: On this radio programme.

CT: Never-

SK: -I don’t think we have-

CT: -never had me on.

SK: Phil!

CT: Bring me the h-

[incoherent talking over each other]

SK: Here he is!

CT: Oh right, so what was the, uh, what’s the story there?

SK: What’s the delay? Who’s to blame?

CT: What’s the story there, Phil?

SK: Let’s gang up on him!

CT: Wait ‘til I was hosting the Olivier’s, was it? Nothing on the TV impressed before?

SK: [laughing] What’s all this nonsense? Right, oh The Olivier’s is it-

CT: -oh yeah, alright, let’s get her in-

SK: -oh we’ll have that! But it’s a pleasure and a privilege-

CT: -thank you-

SK: -and I can’t believe we’ve not had you on before! What of my good old show-biz mates is someone you might know called Matt Horne?

CT: I have certainly… been in his company.

SK:  Yeah.

[both giggle]

SK: I have not spoken to but I imagine he sends hugs or something.

CT: Yeah, I mean, I doubt it-

SK: -yeah? Not toughy-feely?-

CT: [giggles] No, I was speaking to him… only Easter Saturday.

SK: Were you?

CT: Yes! That’s how close we are, we-

SK: -Closer than me and him, obviously! I haven’t spoken to him all over the Easter weekend!

CT: Oh, you’re a complete acquaintance, whereas I’m in the inner circle!

SK: [giggles] Oh, you’ve worked… you’ve got some stuff together over the years.

CT: Oh, the laughs. The wigs! The teeth…

SK: The wigs! It’s mostly the wigs and the teeth, isn’t it?

CT: Matt’s very partial to a gold tooth-

SK: -ah, I can see that-

CT: -to characterise… my words!

[both giggle]

CT: He always feels a gold tooth is going to, um… And when we were on tour last time, I said, I said no.

SK: Just stop with the gold tooth.

CT: I said stop with the gold tooth, we’re playing to quite big theatres, no-one’s going to see it, and it’s five hundred quid out of the budget!

[both giggle]

CT: So, act the gold tooth, please!

SK:  Yes! *** that’s a really good… that’s the kind of thing Laurence Olivier himself might say, isn’t it? [posh, deep voice] Act! Why don’t you try acting, darling, it’s so much easier?

CT: Yes-

SK: -Love that quote, if it is indeed attributed to him. But, um, I mean, the casual observer might be unaware, Catherine, but you are an inveterate board-treader yourself, aren’t you?

CT: Oh, I love it! I loves the theatre, I do!

SK: Was it theatre, TV, theatre, or was it TV, theatre? That was confusing, wasn’t it?

CT: It- no, it was theatre, stand-up-

SK: -oh that’s right-

CT: -TV, I… [posh voice] but I started in theatre as a child!

[both giggle]

SK: [posh voice] Were you a child actor?

CT: I was a child - well, not a child actor, well I suppose so, yeah, but-

SK: -not like one of those TV ones-

CT: -I was like, National Theatre, yep.

SK: Yeah.

CT: National Youth Theatre. So I all… and uh, like… yeah, youth theatres, youth theatre. That’s where I did loads of stuff. And that’s what… bit me, that’s when I got the – as they do call it, in fact – the theatre bug! And I loved it, I absolutely loved it! And then I went to drama school, did loads of theatre there – you get very little training in TV at drama school, or you certainly did in the nineties, I don’t think anyone thought the TV was going to take off much!

[both giggle]

SK: It won’t stick around!

CT: [Nan voice] It won’t-

SK: -it will be back!

CT: Let’s not bother! Um, let’s send them all out into, at the time, no reginal theatres, because they’d all gone, and of course… yeah, that’s all there was really, was, um, was TV stuff. But I did, yeah, my first job out of drama school was at the theatre. In the theatre.

SK: What was your first paid theatre job?

CT: My first paid theatre job was, um, “All My Sons” – Arthur Miller.

SK: Oh.

CT: And then I went into The National and did, uh, “Way of the World” and, a play called “The Prince’s Play”. And that’s when I started doing stand-up.

SK: That, that brings us into what we’re doing here, which is The Olivier Awards, ‘cos I think-

CT: -whatever the [incoherent talking over each other] are doing-

SK: -well, I mean, what is the-

CT: -it’s just waiting for Sunday really!

SK: It is, good now isn’t it? I mean, you know, just going to throw it in there, another reference. Does it sound like I know what I’m talking about – well I don’t! But they’ve got a lot of nom’s this year, haven’t they, with “The Ferryman”?

CT: “The Ferryman” is the most nominated play.

SK: Most nom’ed.

CT: I think it’s nine?

SK: Eight!

CT: Oh, eight, oops! Oh well, they’ve just lost one.

[both giggle]

CT: And- But of course, “Hamilton”! I mean, “Hamilton”, it’s the-

SK: [whispering] –tell me about “Hamilton”, ‘cos I don’t know… [normal voice] I mean, I see it everywhere-

CT: -yeah!-

SK: -and I think ******, I’ve got to go and watch it, I haven’t even got a clue what it’s-

CT: -Do you know what-

SK: -what it’s about.-

CT: -this is an absolutely true story about Hamilton; um, from my point of view. I knew nothing about Hamilton. Now, Hamilton is about the founding fathers of America, of which Alexander Hamilton was one of them. And it’s brilliantly realised in this incredible production, that is about the founding fathers of America, and mainly done in… in… you know, rap!

SK: I see, that’s the… that’s the way they’ve done it!

CT: Now, I was doing a show called “8 Out Of 10 Cats Does Countdown”-

SK: -I remember it.-

CT: -right, I was… Before we went on, I was in a make-up room with Jimmy Carr. Jimmy Carr, who loves a musical – and this is a couple of years ago – and he had been to see a... had been to see “Hamilton” in America, in New York, and he said to me, “Have you seen Hamilton?” and I said, “Jimmy, I like a musical, but I don’t go to New York to go and see stuff that’s not here yet!” and he said “you’ve got to go, it was absolutely fantastic, listen to the music.” He absolutely loved it. And he said to me, “you know Miranda is going to be doing it here”, right?. Now I don’t know that he means Lin-Manuel Miranda, the co-creator and star of Hamilton, because I‘d never heard of him at the time, right-

SK: -[giggles]-

CT: -and so, all I know is that, I’m pretty sure this is a rap-based show, based on the founding fathers, okay, and I think he means Miranda Hart-

SK: -[loud laughter]-

CT: -right, who is a… who is a dear friend of mine, but I was… [stuttering] My mind was just going… I’m like, “sorry, are you telling me…”… I didn’t even get a… I didn’t even get an availability check! I didn’t… And I mean I was genuinely sort of… This tells you more about me than I want people to know… I was sick to my stomach! And I was like… And we’re about to go on and record a show! And the show really showed that when we… We were… When I watched the show, I could tell that all I was thinking of was “I can’t believe Miranda‘s got this part”-

SK: -you were distracted!

CT: Oh, yeah! I mean, I can’t blame that for getting no points, because I never score a point on that show, but I had an extra layer of…

SK: [giggling]

CT: And I was thinking, “I can’t… I genuinely cannot believe this!”. But Miranda Hart is the lead in “Hamilton” in the West End?

SK: [loud laughing]

CT: And, do you know, it was a year… it was a later. I carried that around-

SK: -No!-

CT: -and Miranda doesn’t even know this, I carried it around, and it wasn’t until I genuinely was in a cab, and saw a poster of “Hamilton”, and it said “Lin-Manuel Miranda”, and I made the connection, I had to make the cab stop, get out, and check! And then I said to someone, “You know Miranda Hart is not in Hamilton?” and they were like, “Of course she’s not in Hamilton!”

SK: [wheezing]

CT: And I was… So it made me, um… It tainted “Hamilton” for me-

SK: -Yeah, the whole experience-

CT:  -because I was just thinking, but I could have at least been seen.

SK: Well, it’s like, it’s fine for Miranda to get it, she’s a contemporary, she’s talented. But I think, as you say, I would at least like to have been on the pick.

CT: I would have like to have been just a place at the table!

SK: Yeah!

CT: Just… Just, check out my rapping skills first, before you assume Miranda’s are better than mine.

[both laugh]

CT: That’s all I ask!

SK: It’s just ridiculous!

CT: That’s all I ask!

SK: It’s like when Les Dennis got “Network” over Bryan Cranston isn’t it? We all remember that!

CT: [laughing] You know what, it… [incoherent]

SK: But then, he was unavailable in the end, and they got Cranston at the last minute. But what a… You see, there you go, ‘cos “Hamilton” is all over it as well, so they’re going to do well-

CT: -“Hamilton”, they are the most nominated ever at “The Olivier’s”, and it is… You’ve not seen it-

SK: -I’ve not seen it-

CT: -I mean that is a proper-

SK: -That is the thing to… Is it still… It’s still on!

CT: Oh, it’s still on, that’s going to… [croaky voice] That’s going to run and run, love!

SK: But it’s getting yourself ticket! We had The Cranston in at work-

CT: -did you?-

SK: -and, amongst other things at the end of last year, and he came into that studio and spoke to us, just like the legend he is, and they gave- They said, do you want to go and see Network? I said I’d chew my right arm off to go and watch it. “You’ve got a ticket”-

CT: -[gasps]-

SK: -that’s fantastic, and then the day before they said “you haven’t got a ticket”-

CT: -Oh no!-

SK: -it had to go to some- I mean, Prince Charles or somebody, you know…

CT: Yeah, that the… That’s the… That’s the…

SK: You’re going to get bumped for Royalty!

CT: You’re going to get bumped for… Yeah, you are.

SK: What’s it like on the, on the night? Have you presented this before?

CT: No, I’ve never presented.

SK: *******!

CT: I’ve got a feeling, this is the first time they’ve allowed a, [mocking voice] a woman to present on her own!

SK: Yeah…

CT: [posh voice] They usually have a gentleman with her.

SK: [incoherent]

CT: -or a gentleman on his own. But for me, I… I’s got no-one!

SK: ****** ****! I mean that’s kind of… How do you feel about it? Are you… I don’t want to put-

CT: -I’m, I’m… I’m alright! I’m pretty good! Yeah, I’m not-

SK: -you’ve got the chops, haven’t you? I’m not worried.

CT: Yeah. Well listen, if you’re not worried, it’s going to be a breeze!

[both giggling]

SK: It’s going to be easy! I think… [incoherent] ‘Cos I’ve failed at stand-up like I’ve failed at many things. I’ve done it, and not done it very well, but I think that the thing is… To my mind, as a non-actor, what’s even more frightening about theatre is letting other people down!-

CT: -Yes! Oh yeah-

SK: -you know, that idea of… if you dry up-

CT: -absolutely-

SK: -and you stand up, that’s terrifying because it’s just you, and you’ve just let yourself down-

CT: -yeah, and you can-

SK: -but if you let the company down-

CT: -absolutely, and if you-

SK: -horrifying-

CT: -dry up, on your own stand up show, you can absolutely, and it is really quite advisable, to make stuff up!

SK: Yeah!

[both laughing]

CT: But you do that in the middle of, you know…

SK: “Hamilton”!

CT: “Hamilton”! And it’s… Oh my gosh! It’s a whole different… ‘Cos, you know, there’s no spoken words in “Hamilton”, if anyone were to drop a lyric, I don’t know how-

SK: -the whole machine would stop!

CT: Absolutely! It’s an incredible… It’s an incredible piece of art, “Hamilton”.

SK: Well, that’s something dangled in front of those of us that haven’t seen it!

CT: Well, I only got to see it because I’m hosting the Olivier’s, so-

SK: -well, fair enough. It was probably-

CT: -so get your name in early for next year, because it will still be on!

SK: It was probably you that for my ****** “Network” ticket, isn’t it?

[both laughing]

SK: It wasn’t Prince Charles after all, it was Catherine Tate, which is fine, I suppose… And, um, and it’s always fun to watch actually, but it is going to be on ITV1, at 22:20, for the military types listening-

CT: -oh yes, those types-

SK: -this Sunday! Not to be missed!

CT: That’s twenty past ten, in old money.

SK: That’s right, it is, yeah!

CT: It’s also, should you want this as an option in your life, and I know you do, the whole show-

SK: -unexpurgated-

CT: -broadcast live on their Facebook channel!

SK: Ah!

CT: So I mean, there’s really no excuse! And you’ll actually get to see a lot of performances from a lot of the shows, but the cast of “Hamilton” are going to be there, opening the show, so if you haven’t seen it, it’s a massive, massive thing to see.

SK: That’s so exciting!

CT: Cast of forty-three! “Forty Second Street”, come on!

SK: [cockney accent] What else are you going to be doing on a Sunday night?

CT: [laughing]

SK: [normal voice] You’re going to be watching that! The Olivier Awards, presented by Catherine Tate. And, and finally, before we let you go, is there any way… Apart from that, have you got any other TV stuff on the boil or is it going to be mainly theatre stuff, or other things, or…

CT: It’s going to be… The next thing up is theatre, um, but there’s always a bit of TV stuff on the go, ain’t there!

SK: [incoherent] No, I don’t know. [incoherent]

CT: Yes!

SK: I mean, I’ve been plugging away for fifteen years and I’ve got nothing, but I know-

CT: -not a sniff!-

SK: -Not a sniff of the butchers apron!

CT: [laughing]

SK: But you never know your luck! Oh, well, we can’t wait, we can’t wait, ‘cos we love what you do-

CT: -Thank you. Thank you very much.-

SK: -but thank you for joining us. Catherine Tate.

CT: Thank you!

[survivor-kuwait]

Episode 14 - “Maybe i should be careful what I wish for nxt time” - Owen

What the motherfucking ass shit was that. Who in their right mind would let it slip so that Ian/Devon would play an idol. And then Matt playing the idol, first of all wtf I didn't know he had an idol. But god damn that was messy. I'm shook that Maynor and I didn't get any votes in the revote, but wow that paints a target on our backs which is the last thing I want. It makes me feel great about where I'm at with the people I've been talking to and even those outside the alliance. So this is both good and bad but wow messy. Ahhhh I still don't know how to feel, but if that revote tied then maynor and i would've gone to rocks and been out since it would only be us and yeet there I go.

I feel super shitty for doing that to Corey. I don't even know if it was the right thing to do, but I didn't want to have to use my tiebreaker yet and if it had tied I was not about to let Timmy/Maynor go home. I never wanted to turn on Corey in this game but the way this merge has turned out ugh idk. I had to make a choice and I had to choose the group of  people I feel comfortable with over the group of people I'm only tied to because of Corey. It was shitty all around. I'm sorry Corey, I know you're going to be mad at me but asdfkjhf fuck i love u :((( god im shit. okaythat was actually kind of crazy tho and I'm honestly a little happy it went down like that? two idols OUT OF HERE! and that ian idol couldve been so fucked up later on. matt's idol gone got me happy af too. I feel closer with timmy and maynor after this round and hopefully matt knows he cann trust me for not blowin up on him about his HIDDEN IDOL!!!!  madison and I got closer a little this vote too. I'm glad she was on the same page as me. It's a little awkward to deal with the aftermath of devon and ian. especially with corey or cullan coming back.... cullan I can deal with but corey not so much. thats gonna suck. i still got my idol i still got my tiebreaker and a threat is still leaving either way. but now when the pieces rearrange next vote I gotta work hard to pull them together in my favor. kjDFHSKJSF goooooooooooooooooooooooood idk. that wa swild. i said at tribal that the game was gonna blow up soon. maybe i should be careful what I wish for nxt time lmao

Oh... WIG guess this tribal popped the hell awf. At the time of my last confessional I had no intention of playing my idol, but things were just so tense and quiet that I knew it should be done, but boy did I not know how badly it needed to be. Now I’m more scared than ever with like 3 pissed off people and all the eyes on me for having a secret idol. Guess it’s time for everyone to stop playing quiet, easy games, and time to go the heck crazy.

Annnnnd that was the worst possible outcome from that round. I inadvertently idol'd out my closest ally. My game could potentially be over, this very well be my first ever double digit placement in the 9 orgs I have played, but if I'm going out then it's not before I do the only move I got left. I've shared all my information I have been sitting on about Owen/Kait and by extension Matt, how they are aligned with Thomas and Madison. All I can do is let the others make informed decisions on how they think this game can be played best for them. If they choose to let the power team continue to run it for them then that's their prerogative. It's all I have left. At the very least I didn't go home with an idol in my pocket and I didn't burn it without needing to use it.

So last night, I wanted to die after the votes became 0-0. Me and Timmy had a 1/3 shot of going home but we some how managed to get zero votes against us. I felt really bad about voting for Corey. He was someone i really liked and was working with but we got to different sides. Now ian has some interesting info that Owen and Kait are part of an alliance with Thomas & Madison and also had devon and corey. Idk which side they are most loyal to because they sided with us this time but they could easily flip to other side if they wanted to. I need to keep an eye on them thats for sure.  

---

What the hell, 11 idols in play!? Like this twist is crazy. I want and need to find my idol. There is no excuse. I really need it to make sure im here after tribal. Like idk care who its getting votes as long as im safe.

I have so many feelings on this immunity challenge. Mainly I'm pissed because I don't have an idol clue because I got second so technically I didn't bite Chips so he didn't get a clue for me which sucks because like people like me I guess so I'm pretty much punished for that. As a result it could be easy to vote for me since I have a disadvantage in finding my idol since I don't have the clue. I'm scared because of that since what I learned after last tribal is spicy (and i'll make another confessional about that tomorrow) so I don't even know what to do at tribal and I'm just hoping it's not me. But I didn't give Thomas his clue so hopefully that will help me since he won't know where to look either so that's an advantage for me because I have absolutely no reason to give him his clue, we don't talk. I'm not going to help someone else while subsequently actively hurting myself. At times I also want to try looking at spots for other people to try and get their idol so I know that they won't have it...but that's just a maybe.

---

I’m heated and I can’t even do much about it because of the nature of this round. Kait, Owen, and Matt think their sitting so pretty and I’m fucking sick of it. Here I thought I was doing well and hearing shit about them and now seeing it first hand is ridiculous. Owen is kind of slipping up with that trio and here’s why. Owen told me that kait and Matt found their idols, so I messaged both of them asking how their hunt is going. Kait hasn’t answered yet but Matt says “If I get up at 9am and guess every hour I’ll find it” because he’s “figured out the math”. Bitch i already know you have it and now you’re just lying to my face. Like we’re in an alliance together but I guess that doesn’t mean shit to you. I’m assuming Owen even probably has his idol and is lying to me. I feel so stuck because i can’t make a move this round due to the idols, but I’m probably going this round due to not having a fucking idol clue because of the bullshit this challenge was.

---

OH OH KAIT JUST ANSWERED “no luck lol I suck” WOWOWOW AND SHE HAD EVEN SAID SHE WOULD HELP ME FIND MINE. Fucking fake people i can’t stand them.

THIS WHOLE IDOL THING GOT ME CRACKT OUT MY MIND LMAOOOOOO HSKSHDJDJDHD FORST OF ALL!!!!!!! I hate that tommy gave immunity to chips and not Timmy. Why wouldn’t tommy pick someone more likely to give him his clue????? Ugh. SECOND OF ALL. Literally fuck madison and Maynor for giving Devon and Ian their clues. What the fuck were they actually thinking !?!?!?!? Everyone with a clue is gonna find their idol unless they’re stupid or someone else finds it first so like.... idk I genuinely don’t get it. I think Maynor just wasn’t thinking and madison was tryna be social with Devon idek. I’m mad about it and it makes me want madison outta here. Not Maynor tho bc he’s precious and I luv him. Third thing why does Devon think I’m going to believe any guess he sends me nnnnnnn like he sent me matt and Kait random coordaintes that apparently weren’t it. I replied to Devon being like ‘e9 is miss too hehe’ and then realized I shouldn’t tell him where I’m searching and panicked and sent ‘omg typo meant r9 oops!’ Hskshdjdjdh Fourth KAIT FOUND MT IDOL SHSHDHD AND THEN WOULDNT GIVE UT TO ME AND I ACCIDENTSLLTNPOSTED ABOUT IT IN THE TEIBE CHAG AND KEPT IT THERE FOR A MINUTE IM SO STUPID. Literally started crying after. I’m like I can’t velieve I did that but if only my roommate hadn’t woken me up singing I’d still be ASLEEO RN AND NOT FUCKING UP. Or if Kait had just Given ME!!!! Oh my god like I’m rlly embarrassed and if they didn’t know Kait and I were tight before they sure do now! Tommy and Timmy are the only ones without clues. It’s kinda fucked that chips didn’t get a clue for Timmy grrrr. I rlly don’t want either of them to go but if I gotta I guess it needs to be Thomas. But I can tell Kait wants thomasnto stay....

---

God I love when the dumb bitch disease flares up 

Having idol make me happy, but I’m probably gonna end up losing a number, that being either Thomas or Timmy. I can’t even figure out who I want to go out of those two and I hope maybe Ian doesn’t have his? It’s very strange trying to come down from the last vote without really having the chance to vote anyone besides who’s available.

Honestly this challenge probably could not have come at a better time, just about everyone has their idol so people feel more free to talk since we're all "safe" but if Timmy goes instead of Thomas my game could still be in trouble. The beauty of this round for me is that I planted the seeds about Owen/Kait/Madison/Thomas alliance before the challenge even began, then they played it out exactly how they would and Timmy at least took notice. Timmy has become woke, that's why I absolutely need him to stay, I can't say for sure if Chips is on the wavelength but Maynor seems to be since he shared my clue, albeit late, but he did. I could still end up tenth but if that alliance burns to the ground then I have done what I needed to in this game. I also talked things over with Mateo, we might work together down the line, we might not. At the very least I expressed why I felt we had beef at the beginning of merge and that I was willing to turn a new leaf with him. 

So this is a crazy round obviously. I really think the trio approach really helped but finding all those idols myself was crazy. Still don’t feel safe in this game for now, going to be a crazy night. 

I’m so stressed!!! Like I don’t want to go home on a twist round, that already happened in Virgin Islands, like been there done that already. I have Thomas’ idol so I know he doesn’t have it, thank god. People are saying their voting Thomas, but I have no reason to believe them bc they have been lying to me so much. I only trust maynor so if I see after the season that he was lying to me...I’m going to be hurt, like genuinely hurt for a while because he knows how much I trust him. These past 2 rounds have been taxing on my stability and I want to make a move but with the nature of this round, i can’t.

There were barely any vote talk this round. I found my idol and Im playing it on myself. Im trying to find Timmy’s we only have 2 more guesses. Thomas is the target this round which okay with me because he hasnt been talking to me all that much so dont think he’ll be a good ally moving forward. This round has been not chaptic like last round.

So this vote has a lot for me to cover. Last time, I was voted out alongside Corey. However, after a 3 1/2 hour endurance challenge, I fought my way back into the game with an idol and a legacy only the jury know about! Coming back into the game there was a challenge which chips won immunity. There was also a twist where everyone had to search the grid for their own idols where I found mine and will be immune at tonight’s vote. From what I know, Thomas does not have his idol therefore will be the person I am voting for and hopefully he goes home and I don’t get blindsided again

in a shocking turn of events...... i love tommy so much i'm so sad at the prospect of him leaving. 

Well I am very fucking pissed at the moment. Timmy wanted to keep the fucking idol clue away from me and I wasn't able to find a fucking idol. Now I am going to be going home because of it. I just got to get this off my chest, THIS SEASON HAS BEEN SHITTY! I love traditional Survivor gameplay and stuff like the warzone and the everyone gets an idol twist like Oprah gives everyone a car twist is unnecessary. Like what the fuck! I've been in several ORGs but, no offense to Alyssa, Johnny, and Monty, this has been the worse ORG I have been apart of. I was able to meet Kait, Maynor and Chloe but those were the only posituve things from this ORG aside from a few challenge ideas I got for my ORG. That is it. Peace y'all.

[celestialallstars]

Episode #6: “Can i PLEASE get a blindside.” - Jared

ok so basically the game has been sooo quiet and ive like.  felt dead. idk. i had a breakdown last night bc of it and i cried on my couch (KNOW THERE WAS A LOT MORE THAN THIS LKSDJGKLDSGLS I WOULDNT CRY PURELY BC OF THAT) but yaaa and now im better but like the entire day i was throwing up in class (or like feeling anxious im exaggerating sorry) about going home.

i didnt want mo out but with that being said i didnt want anyone out?? after i mentioned to him that stephen/mo were targeting each other, rhys came to me with the idea that like him jared chloe and i should make a chat, and i was down for that bc it would secure my positioning and like ALSGKSDG who'd flip on an alliance THIS early.. right?? right..

chloe was really not talkative with me. stephen/jared were active so i appreciate that immensely. im just thrown off. i dont really know who i can or cant trust.

OK ALSO SIDE NOTE CHRIS SENT ME [IM NOT EXAGGERATING] 55+ MSGS SPILLING TEA ABOUT HOW THE TUATHA HAD AN OG ALLIANCE WITH EVERYONE BUT MITCH + MAYNOR - which i knew about but LASKGLDKS AHHHH. and he leaked that stephen wanted kori/bryce targeted and i leaked that to bryce to further stephens target. IM JUST SO MESSY LOL

also i kind of predicted a swap likeee omfg. and i dont know how i feel. i kind of felt safe on my tribe??? but like.. oh no. anyway, my tribe isnt super dominant in challenges or anything (compared 2 the other tribe who has bryce/stephen/drew), but i think we can win a lipsync since we have a woman, gay men, and a metrosexual male who has an outgoing personality (and i mean that in the nicest way obviously). IDK I HOPE WE WIN BC THAT TRIBAL WAS HORRIFIC AND I LOVE MO SO MUCH AND AHH.

ill probs give a video soon in more depth with what chris said. yalls deserve it.. oops period.

I HOPE YALL CAN FORGIVE ME. im eating hotdog. bye bye love u all.

Wow I like the whole tribe! Alyssa is probably my front runner of talking and honestly she's great! I am in her spell ahhhh but hey JARED is here too woo! I think at least with Mitch and Zach too I'll be safe but I'll see! This challenge could either go really well or really badly for us but I'm excited to do anything creativity!!

I absolutly love my tribe at the moment, i'm getting along well with alot of them except Kori who i haven't spoken to much at all but im confident in our abilities to win! Jared is talking a little bit about wanting the game to pick up a little bit and i agree to some extent however blindsiding someone just for the sake of a blindside isn't smart gameplay so im just gonna lay low nd continue making those strong bonds here there and everywhere to hopfully come out on top should we end up at tribal

Can i PLEASE get a blindside

________________________________________________________________

hi it's 6 am but rhys fucking filmed vertically so if we lose he automatically has my vote

I feel good but also scared. I dont think I'll do as good of a job as I hope, but it also is turning out decently so far. My biggest concern is time. With having work tomorrow, I can only do the editing on my lunch break of 90 minutes, then whenever i get home which probably wont be until 6, given the upload time that leaves me with about 3 hours in total. Hopefully I'll be able to work with Rhys and Jack's stuff, as i think it'll be easier for me to do it then. Regardless, I'm gonna be a zombie but LOL this is the second Wednesday in a row I stayed up late except this is not for school and instead of 3 hours, ima get 2 hours of sleep haha that is so sad and funny and heebee jeebee zoinks, alright goodnight

Two things: 1) there's really nothing quite like making a fool of yourself multiple times in a single org, just to be immune for one round. 2) i am horrible at looking for idols

So Matt just told me he thinks we’re gonna have a double tribal right before merge which is like ew I hate that throw it out please, speaking of throwing out uh Kori can go because he’s wearing on my nerves like yes we’re gonna get things done on time calm down please and thanks.

these people are actually delulu if they think that video is winning. no fucking way we are winning. time to go to tribal!

So the swap has happened, and I get what is almost probably my worst case scenario player-wise. All of my close allies, with the exception of Kori, are currently on Cyrena. Meaning that winning immunity isn't even really good, since it puts them in danger.

I think there's a way to make this bad situation good though. Getting to finally work with Michael, Matt, Loris, and Drew can actually be a blessing in disguise. If I get on their good sides now, they might clue me into their plans once merge rolls around. That's the hope, anyway. For now my goal is just to survive being swapped with a bunch of people I've barely spoke to!

The past 24 hours have been major toughie for me. Staying up late and then trying to manage editing a video, work, and time constraints, and I won't lie, its been exhausting, but I didn't want to let my tribe down, or anyone down I guess. A little ways through, I kinda felt pretty defeated and then learning at last minute it was due an hour before I predicted made me panic A LOT internally, but it does seem like the tribe likes it so if we do lose and if they do vote me out, I can look back at this and feel like I did something right.

Well a lots happened and to be honest at times life and this game move too quick for me to even remember if I've mentioned it. We swapped, and I'm trying to just keep myself afloat however I can.

The challenge was overly stressful and I have no idea if we'll pull it out. Editing has been so stressful and I've found new appreciation for the people that do it. I just hope whatever I whip together will just be enough so that I can breathe and really take stalk of my new situation.

So, I haven't been around a whole bunch recently. However I'm glad we didn't go to tribal, that could've been  a reason if my name came up. So I'm glad I have time to more cement my bonds on this tribe and keep my name out of peoples mouths.

We JUST WON IMMUNITY WOOHOO. I was kind of nervous with a music challenge considering the only other one I did previously I did not do the greatest in :P. Both videos were amazing and im so glad Eve and Jones's mom liked ours significantly greater than the other one! As far as my position is concerned, I am reunited with Jared and our relationship is still strong I think so that's good. Stephen I am HOPING will be ok by just latching on to Kori at least for premerge. Those two are still the ones I trust the most, but I also like Alyssa Chris and Zach. I WISH i could connect more with jack, but i feel like every time we play together it gets more difficult to hold a conversation, so that's a yikes. Jared myself and stephen are diligently working on the idol search, but it's likely already found. I'm pretty sure there are too many components for someone to just find it by themselves

WELL. Im a target tonight! God we really do love that for me. We really do. Kori, eat my fucking ass. You leave me on read all the time. And then you have the NERVE. THE ACTUAL NERVE. to be like "omg stop slipping in my dm's!" Boo if you didn't leave me on read constantly then maybe i would actually want to speak to you! an actual moron. And then STEPHEN HAS THE FUCKING AUDACITY to me like "ya lol i'll be at tribal i'll make the decision between you and Kori at tribal!". BOI. THAT IS NOT HOW YOU GET TRUST IN SOMEONE. Its fucking ridiculous. Thank god Michael is in my corner, hopefully drew and bryce too. I am NOT getting 15th right now, no way. I am BETTER than this. i am going to make it work, tim gunn style. maybe its time to break the fajitas and channel their energy once again

Why do I go on the initiative literally ever? I'm clearly bad at it, I wasn't even remotely thinking things through and I SHOULD have let Stephen or someone else suggest someone but no I had to be mildly greedy and wanna send home Matt whom I barely DM.

I already flopped editing the video, and now here I am flopping the social/stategy game that I love playing supposedly.

Of course I tried reaching out to Michael and Drew FOOLISHLY because I wanted to build trust and maybe work with them. So naturally Michael tells Matt because ofc they'd be close as would Drew probably since he and Michael have been together since Day 1. As it stands I'm stuck praying Loris is gonna vote with me and it just sucks because I'm so bad at this game.

I'm trying to keep a cool head right now because there's still time. Stephen and I are trying to work logistics, see if we need to switch the vote to say Michael in case of an idol, but I'm not sure Loris/Bryce would be on board for that.

There's a pretty good chance that I'm definitely dead. But I'ma fight to the bitter end!

Today I learned from Stephen that Kori is in some dangerous water. He I guess said Matt's name to Michael who told Matt and now them and Drew are voting Kori. However Bryce and Stephen and perhaps Loris are all voting Matt. Now this is good if it works because honestly that group having to endure their numbers dwindling is good for my game. It only leaves Jack and Alyssa but I think we better be careful because I can see both of them slipping through the inevitable war zone that is gonna be happening.

Today's been a pretty informative day for me. After losing the immunity challenge by a hair, I was worried because I didn't think I had bonded very well with my current tribe through One World, luckily for me, that doesn't seem to be their biggest concern at the moment.

During the initial stages of the vote, I talked to Kori and the two of us decided Matt would be the easiest target to take out. I was leaning towards voting Matt because we hadn't talked very much, so hearing Kori was on board right away simplified things for sure. Bryce and Loris both seem to be on board with it too so I shouldn't have anything to worry about at this point.

In the morning, things got a whole lot more complicated. Matt found out he was the target through Michael, and began his campaign to get Kori out instead of himself. I'm not entirely sure why Michael decided to do this, but it doesn't make much of a difference at this point. Matt campaigned to me, and I sorta pretended to be on the fence. I was listening to what he said, but Kori is realistically one of my closest allies, there's no way I'm voting him out to side with people I had just met.

Once campaign season got under way, I had a conversation with Chris. Chris tells me that on original Orfeo, him, Loris, and Zach believed there was an alliance of Chloe/Sharky/Drew/Michael formed. This explains not only why Sharky was seen as an easy boot on swap-Tuatha, but also why Michael wants to keep Matt instead of Kori. With Chloe re-joining after tribal, him/Drew/Chloe/Matt would form a tight majority. Without Matt, they're a minority.

I proposed an idea to switch the vote from Matt to Michael or Drew. I said it was because I was worried about an idol, but this alliance is the real reason I wanted to do it. However, Kori, Loris, and Bryce are comfortable with the status quo and since it's not my neck on the line I didn't feel the need to push too hard.

Me, Kori, and Bryce now also have an alliance with Loris, which is cool? I haven't gotten very close with Loris yet but he seems like a smart player tied to Chris and Zach which spells good things for us working together in the future. Assuming I survive this vote and have a future, of course.

hi I think I might make it past final 15 that’s nice umm... I suggested an alliance of me Bryce Stephen Kori to counter the potential power of chloe Matt Michael and drew once chloe joins our tribe because my brain is massive. but now we’re like scared for idols . scary shih anyways like how r u I’m good.

________________________________________________________________

oh huh tribes r gonna be even again next round... so I have to make this conf by default just in case of a you know what wait no anna u said no more 24 hour challenges QUEEN ... thank god I can’t be bothered to delete this so she’s being SENT

Right now there's so many things running through my head with the introduction of Matts vote steal, because realistically i could convince him to give to me or i could keep him around as a potential shield. I don't want to do it to the guy but also a vote steal could shift the tides of the game in my favour later down the line. so it's a difficult decision and one id rather have more time to contemplate.

Wooo ok operation vote steal is a go and next round we’ll be swimming in green hopefully but with one world sis og tribe lines just ain’t it!

God im over this tribal. Like ugh these people really are under Kori's mist so like im probably going home. Do I think i might be able to survive? a small glimmer of hope says yes, but i'm not confident. God im just... so annoyed at this. Im clearly on the outs here and I just HOPE i can pull through i just am so scared. I know if i do leave though that I have fought my damn hardest to stay tonight. Im trying to think of the positives because its hard to do so because im being sad atm.. UGH. the fajitas really have failed me tonight, their light has dimmed and their guidance is no more. i am now with the darkness. we r one.

Oh my fucking god my heart is breaking. Matt is basically in such a deep hole he's going to go home, unless he plays an idol. And Alyssa has an idol. And she doesn't think it's smart to use it on him because Michael says he's just gonna go home next round. His social game hasn't been up to snuff and they're gonna boot him regardless, so she wants to keep us with power and let him go. And I agree with her. Which kills me. I'm usually able to just be a robot when it comes to this like yes I will make the smarter decision if it means I'll be emotionally torn, and this is such an instance. Luckily, it's not my idol to give up. Yes Alyssa says it's "our" idol but it's her call end of the day. I just... fuck. This is all stars man. And I'm actually starting to feel, for once.

Well it's about an hour before tribal and at least on it's surface it would seem Matt is going. I'm not confident though because any number of things COULD happen. I'm hoping there's no idol play, just because I feel like pre-merge just isn't a good look for me.

If Matt does pull something off, then kudos to him, and if it's me that'd make this my final confessional for the season. I've had such an amazing time playing and while I feel like I've been playing a lower key game on purpose I feel like I'm doing what I can to really come into my own. I hope the bonds I've made are gonna stick and that everything works out for us.

But if it doesn't I guess I'll have to find a way to be ok with that. This has been such a unique All-Stars experience so far, and I hope I can take what I've gotten from it and make myself better for it. (Also highkey hopefully this isn't my last confessional and I'm getting sentimental for no reason.)

________________________________________________________________

Kori is voted out 4-3.

[iwillretitlethisatalaterdate]

March 14

I’ve been meaning to come here and jot a couple of things down but usually I’m too tired or not really in the mood oops. I’m not overly either of those things right now but I’m also not overly keen to write but the more time passes the more I’ll miss (if you don’t know me, my memory is fucking horrendous). I went and saw my family a couple of weeks ago to belatedly celebrate my mum and sisters birthdays. I decided to just bite the bullet and tell my sister, since we’ve always been really close and she’s always been so supportive of me, so it made complete sense to me to tell her first. In saying that I still wasn’t 100% sure about what her reaction would be. I think at first she was shocked and maybe hoping it was a joke but she saw that I was serious and I quickly explained the situation to her to assure her I was serious and happy and then she quickly got excited for me, so that was certainly a nice feeling. Also, it’s my brothers surprise wedding this weekend and I sure won’t be drinking so it’ll be good that she’s aware of that. I have to drive home afterwards for work anyway but people can be pressuring on the topic. Anyhow I’m at 12 weeks now, and conveniently had an appointment with my doctor. He told me the next step was an 18 week scan which really threw me since pregnant friends and just general comments or motions online from preg individuals suggest a 12 week scan. Not only that, my doctor himself had mentioned to me a blood test at 12 weeks to check for Down syndrome. So I questioned him about the whole thing and he was relatively dismissive, said it wasn’t compulsory it’s voluntary and as such not covered by Medicare ie. you have to purchase the test which is a scan and blood test. I relayed this information to a few people who were low key mortified, told me that it was bizarre that a. He didn’t mention it and b. That I have to pay since neither of them did. I asked in a forum about the whole thing and honestly there were sooo many mixed responses. I seriously think a bunch of women need to get together and confront the government and be like what the fuck are you trying to do here, it’s not fair and your doctors are all taught and practicing different things. He gave me a referral anyway, I was quoted 480$ for a test two of my friends and a large handful of girls online were given for free. Wasn’t over the moon about that as you can imagine. I did a quick google and found another place that makes you pay but it’s basically half the price, so matt and I agreed to go with that one. You win some you lose some I guess. So that happens next week, I really just want reassurance that the heart is still beating and the growth is timely, also I guess an all clear of Down syndrome would be helpful. I also really wanted a scan pic to alleviate the stress of telling people, and also because it’d be nice to have. Which is another thing 🙄 I’m so sick of feeling like a burden or like I’ve done something wrong, like I have to go out of my way to “gently” tell the news. Why the fuck????? This is literally completely 200% MY life and honestly, by now no one has a right to be disappointed in my decisions. Matt and I told Jacob who told matt’s mum a couple of times (idiots we were) and she’s made a couple of comments about how it’d be disappointing right now and I’m just like ?????? What am I meant to say to that exactly? And why would she be so disappointed? What has my life really got to do with her daily functioning? Matt has a good job, there’s not a lot else he could do. And I will live within my means and put my baby first regardless of my career status which no, isn’t what I’d hoped for by now but a. Life happens differently sometimes, I’m 25 and still have no clue what I’d “like” to do or be, and b. I’m quite sure by my age she’d had her 3 or 4 kids and didn’t start working again til they were older, nor did my own mum so I’m not sure about this do as I say not as I do business but I’m not here for it. I don’t mean to sound bitchy because I’m not and I love them both. But it honestly kind of irks me to think that I’m “scared” to tell them when ultimately, it’s no ones business besides matts and mine. I’m so sick of feeling this lingering shame in the back of my head for something I’m so excited about, and why should I? I can’t wait for the little things, like encouraging creativity and confidence and freedom, and having a set bedtime and enforcing teeth brushing and neat presentation and communicating calmly and working on diverting tantrums and being honest and telling it that it can eat dead animals if it wants but that’s literally what it is. I can’t wait for my dad to grandfather it and to be present and get the hell off social media and not worry about a single thing except for it’s happiness and access to whatever it wants to do. Anyways I’m gonna be late to work what’s new sayonara

[jenmedsbookreviews]

This past weekend I have been on my travels again. After a fairly sedate week at work, where I spent most of if trying to work out what day it was thanks to the Bank Holiday, Mandie and I have headed oop north, very far up North as it happens, to Stirling in readiness for the launch of Bloody Scotland 2018, which takes place today at the Golden Lion Hotel. Excited muchly? Yes. Yes I am.

As if this wondrous happening wasn’t enough, we also booked out trains, hotels and accommodation for Bute Noir in August. this is the first time I have been off mainland Scotland and while it may not be the furthest away island I am still a touch excited and totally looking forward to it. Much of my holiday time is being spent exploring parts of the British Isles that I have either not experienced before or not visited in years. You would think with my job I’d be bored with travelling the UK by now but you’d be wrong. Have you actually stopped and taken time to look around you lately, or perhaps a little further afield. Our island, small, waterlogged and generally poo on the weather front as it may be. is actually a pretty bloody fantastic place to visit and there are so many parts I have yet to explore. Bring it on. Despite this being the fifth time in a smidge over two years that I have been to Stirling, this is the first time I’ve been to the Wallace Monument so there is always the chance to do something new, no matter how many times you go somewhere.

On the bookish front, it was all rather quiet again until mid week when I received a package from the lovely Karen at Orenda Books. Copies of Big Sister by Gunnar Staalesen, The Lion Tamer Who Lost by Louise Beech and Overkill by Vanda Symon. I also received a copy of the next Leigh Russell Geraldine Steel title, Death Rope from publishers No Exit and How Far We Fall by Jane Shemilt from Penguin. I also received a digital arc of A Steep Price by Robert Dugoni from Thomas and Mercer. Super tidy book week for me then 🙂

One Netgalley ARC this week which is one I have been looking forward to. I picked up The Thieftaker’s Trek by debut author Joan S. Sumner. I met Joan on the Crime and Publishment course in March and we had a really good talk about her writing. It turns out I have a little knowledge of the area in which Joan has set her books, if not of the era in which she has written them, but I’m really excited to read it and find out more.

So … last week I was on a bit of buying slump. Yeah … that’s over. 😀 I bought the following: The Defence, The Plea, and The Liar (also on audible) by Steve Cavanagh, The Lion Tamer Who Lost by Louise Beech, After He Died by Michael J Malone, The Girl With No Name and Her Mother’s Grave by Lisa Regan. I also took the liberty of ordering the US cover of Thirteen by Steve Cavanagh as it is very pretty (Not out until 2019 but I can wait …) and Death Rope by Leigh Russell.

Normal service has resumed. Yay. (For Amazon anyway).

Books I have Read

Ultima – LS Hilton,

The shockingly audacious conclusion to the international bestselling phenomenon that began with Maestra. If you can’t beat them – kill them

First there was Maestra. Then there was Domina. Now – there is Ultima.

Glamorous international art-dealer Elizabeth Teerlinc knows a thing or two about fakes. After all, she is one herself. Her real identity, Judith Rashleigh, is buried under a layer of lies. Not to mention the corpses of the men foolish enough to get in her way. 

But now, caught in the murderous crossfire between a Russian Mafia boss and a corrupt Italian police detective, Judith is forced to create an even more daring work of art – a fake masterpiece she must take to the world-famous auction house where she used to be a lowly assistant and sell for $150 million.

For Judith the prospect of putting one over her loathsome former employer and the world’s art establishment is almost as thrilling as the extreme sex she’s addicted to – especially when the price of failure is a bullet in the back of the head.

But exposing her new identity to the glare of the spotlight puts her at risk of an even greater danger. Like a beautiful painting stripped of its layers of varnish, something altogether different could be revealed. 

A truth about her past even Judith might find shocking.

Yes. I know. I surprised me too. But you know what? I actually enjoyed this. Slightly steamier than your average thriller, there was a great story and really strong characterisation behind this book and as this was the final part in the series, I’m actually looking forward to going back and reading the first two. You can read my review here and purchase a copy of the book here.

…

Follow Me Home – DK Hood

‘Don’t you agree Detective? That some people deserve to die? I’ve killed the first. I’ve killed the second. Now will you catch the others, or do I have to kill them too?’

The body of Amos Price lies in a pool of blood on the polished floor of an otherwise empty house. With no signs of a break in, and no clues left at the scene, Detective Jenna Alton is at a loss.

But as the team begins to unpick the life of the reclusive victim, they discover a disturbing link between Amos and the disappearance of several young girls in the county going back years. 

Days later, another brutally murdered body is found, in a remote motel on the outskirts of town. Ely Dorsey was killed in a frenzied attack and Jenna fears not only that the murders are connected to the missing girls, but that the killer hasn’t finished yet.

As Jenna tries to work out who will be next, the killer suddenly starts sending her deputy, David Kane, messages. Is she being taunted? Or does the murderer want to be caught? And will Jenna discover who’s behind these killings before more people die?

An absolutely nail-biting thriller with plenty of twists, Follow Me Home is perfect for fans of Robert Dugoni, Karin Slaughter and Rachel Abbott.

The third part in the Kane and Alton series sees them on the hunt for a vicious killer who seems to be extracting their own kind of justice for truly heinous crimes. The subject matter is tough to read but carefully handled. The murders are brutal and varied. You’ll be able to read my review as part of the tour and can order a copy of the book here.

…

First to Die – Alex Caan

A DARK AND EDGY CRIME THRILLER FOR FANS OF SARAH HILARY, KATERINA DIAMOND, ANGELA MARSONS AND ROBERT BRYNDZA.

SOMEWHERE IN THE CROWD IS A KILLER 

Bonfire Night and St James’s Park is filled with thousands of Anonymous protesters in a stand-off with the police. When a cloaked, Guido Fawkes mask-wearing body is discovered the following morning, Kate Riley and Zain Harris from the Police Crime Commissioner’s office are called in.

The corpse has been eaten away by a potentially lethal and highly contagious virus. The autopsy reveals the victim was a senior civil servant, whose work in international development involved saving lives. Why would anyone want him dead? 

THEY WILL STRIKE AGAIN 

As the research team looking into the origins of the deadly virus scramble to discover an antidote, first one, then another pharmacist goes missing. Meanwhile, a dark truth starts to emerge about the murder victim: he was an aggressive man, whose bullying behaviour resulted in the suicide attempt of one of his former staff members.

AND TIME IS RUNNING OUT . . .

With thirty lives potentially at stake, Kate and Zain have their work cut out for them. Can they find the two missing pharmacists in time, or will they too end up dead?

Gah. You have no idea how long I have wanted to read this book. I have had several false starts, plus some emergency blog tour reads which demanded my attention but have finally been able to finish what I started and boy am I a happy bunny. Uncannily topical this book had me hooked from start to finish. Oh how I have missed Zain. You’ll be able to read my review around publication day (not long now – 14th June) but can preorder a copy here.

…

Three books. Not bad considering I got distracted by Bute Noir and spent half a day driving to Stirling. I am actually half way through another audio book as well so I am still being productive if not effective. Blog wise, I have no idea but here is a recap.

Ultima by LS Hilton

Guest Review: Six Stories by Matt Wesolowski

Absolution by Paul E. Hardisty

Summer at the Little Cottage on the Hill by Emma Davies

When the Waters Recede by Graham Smith

Okay. So not so busy, Well I did say i was slowing down … This week I have blog tours today for Thirteen by Steve Cavanagh and on Friday for Big Sister by Gunnar Staalesen. If you stop by on Sunday, I may have a bit of a surprise for you all too.

Funny old week this week. I’m only actually in the office for two days (yippee) because I have a two day leadership conference to attend at Alton Towers of all places (less yippee) and of course today I am in Stirling. Then I am off work for a whole week so no office for me. Cannot wait. I may even remember to put my out of office on the email this time as well. Whoops.

Have a fabulously bookish time this week folks. I’m sure you’ll be hearing from me again very soon as I let you know all about this year’s Bloody Scotland line up. I am so excited.

If anyone wants to know why I blog and why I travel the country so much then this … this is why. I am super privileged to be in a position where I can do this kind of thing, where I am offered the chance to be part of something really special and where I am trusted enough to help to spread the word. You can keep the free ARCs, I am lucky enough to be able to afford my own books (as this weeks purchases will confirm). I appreciate being trusted with the books, I truly do, but they are not why I do this. What drives me, what I love about blogging, is being given the opportunity to support, champion and shout out about the bookish community that I love. What a gift.

Speak soon.

Jen

Rewind, recap: Weekly update w/e 03/06/18 This past weekend I have been on my travels again. After a fairly sedate week at work, where I spent most of if trying to work out what day it was thanks to the Bank Holiday, Mandie and I have headed oop north, very far up North as it happens, to Stirling in readiness for the launch of Bloody Scotland 2018, which takes place today at the Golden Lion Hotel.

[survivorsolomonislands]

Episode 4 “We Dancin“ - Mitchell

Zakriah seemed convinced Aromal would flip to Linus since they're both from Wikia... where I played and I had no idea Linus won there???? Wtf!! But whatevs. Anyways, it looked like he did, and both Monty and Linus are safe with Lily going home. Even if I don't fully trust Monty/Karen/Lexi, I do know that I know Monty more than I know Lily, so inherently I trust him more and hopefully we just keep on ousting rookies until then. 

MEANWHILE they just had tribal but my ass is like ! it's a new round !! And I got a clue last time gabbin about some toxins. And I don't know where I'm gonna find dangerous toxins, in the volcano or the lagoon?? Well let's find OUT

Well fuck, that was a mess. I had been unsure about my spot before this tribal and now I know I'm at the bottom, maybe I should have let it go to rocks but I would have been so bitter if I went home. But, at least my debate about working with Linus is officially over because its very clear I can't trust him, I mean I'll work with him because I don't have much of a choice but he's definitely someone I want gone now. I respect his moves and shit and I'd do the same in his position but its VERY obvious he's dangerous. I MISS JACOB. Gotta be a try hard now and do my best to make sure we don't go to tribal again cause I'll probably be next.

So I go searching for the Idol and you know what? When they say someone's looking for an Idol, I'm gonna own up to it. Let's destigmatize Idol searching. If we make it casual and normative, we're creating a more open and honest tribal environment - even though I didn't find the Idol, I found something better, which was a more united tribe. The less paranoid we are about things like Idols the more time we can spend getting to know each other; if we're taking the game casually, it's going to be better for our mindsets moving forward. Familiarity is good for us to have in this game, and if we're familiar with each other, when there's another inevitable swap or merge, you're gonna stick with who you feel familiar with. Open trusting tribe = open trusting alliance, to some degree.

And ANYWAYS I just found ANOTHER clue to the Hidden Immunity Idol. This one basically says that it's in the plane wreckage... but in our cute vets Idol searching doc, someone marked off that the Idol wasn't there. Sneaky sneaky! I don't know, these two clues seem to conflict with each other, but it's definitely disconcerting to have a clue that basically says it's somewhere where we've already searched and nobody's stepped up to it. I mean, if I'd found it, I wouldn't tell everyone about it, but... I didn't find it. Someone else might've. That changes a lot - it's better to be on the outside looking at the person who might've found the Idol than on the inside not knowing that everyone else knows.

The game continues to move. All I can do is to continue to develop bonds with these people and trust that, in three or so days, I'll get some confirmation when I go and search that plane wreck myself. This is quite bonkers.

In this other game I'm in with Aromal we just blindsided this guy together and then that guy deactivated but Aro thought he blocked him and he goes "whew I wasn't tryna get blocked by TWO people i blindsided in one night" so S H O O K LILY FUCKING BLOCKED HIM lily is whitney duncan and aromal is cochran confirmed rkoghkwdjfklf hold me back I'm wylin

These challenges keep getting harder and harder what the heck. Like I'm trying but I'm just not fast enough, and right now we're in the lead, but we really need to keep this up so that I'm not voted out.

What was this tribe doin in this challenge before me?? bupkiss!! their asses were GRASSES!! and then i STARTED gettin into this challenge and you know where we at now???? a 22-point first place to a 16-point second and a 12-point 3rd with 2 and a half hours left to go. i rest my CASE.

my first ever tumblrvivor individual immunity was a speedtyping challenge after jimmy went home, so i really felt like i NEEDED it and i fucking - oops now it's 22-17-12... the last time this happened i SCORED mid-confessional FUCC - DOMINATED IT!!! and it's not as dominant this time, but i'm still leading my tribe to victory here, especially when ur considerin that two tribes are winnin and not just one. we'd have to lose the next 17 consecutive points without gaining a single one to lose and I just don't see that happening.

we dancin, and the longer we continue to dance, the less time i've got to worry and the more time i've got to build bonds with people. they're gonna see my value to this tribe and, the next few days, i'm gonna get the chance to sink my personal value to them individually even further. i'm COCKY and with SOME RIGHT to be and we gon DANCE all night LONG

Y'know, when I said I would be a try hard during this challenge, I didn't think would be on my own for 80% of it. So glad everyone but Aro could help out during the last two hours. Now, I have to see if I can get them to flip on Aro or vote out Daisy rather than me. 

Mitchell did so good in that last immunity challenge like he's the reason we won omg. Also Mitchell is such a cool person like he'd be one of the vets that I would want to work with but I don't wanna tell him that bc he seems to be in the majority with the other vets idk.

It's been a while since I did one of these and so much stuff has happened!

For starters, I'm really happy with my spot in Temoana. We've won the last two immunity challenges, everybody's active and trying, and I'm in a solid and most likely loyal three-person alliance with Johnny and Jacob. Ryan/Matt are really cool and I could see the five of us working together at merge. Six if Lexi decides to stop being inactive.

But I wonder just how long we can keep this immunity streak going. If Lexi shows back up, it's gonna be a 3-3 at the first tribal we go to. That never bodes well and honestly, either one of us 3 could get votes. I'm completely unsure what to think here.

Another day safe in the game, another day closer to the end!

So we lost that last immunity. Again. Which is great, because I have barely any idea where I stand with anyone. After Aro flipping on us, everything is a little sketchy. He said it was because Lily kept throwing out his name as a decoy without telling him, which seems like a shit reason to flip. I mean, if it happened a bunch of times, sure. But it only happened once, which kind of shows how paranoid he is and how easily he'll give up his alliances. I really wanted the newbies to come out on top, but that doesn't seem like an option anymore. I'm pretty sure he's aligned with Linus. I don't think he is, or at least not as strongly, with Monty. I talked with Monty a bit and it kind of seems like right now everyone feels a little bit on their own and confused with their standing. Even Aro said he still wants newbies out on top, and we should go for a vet, but I don't trust him. L.A. and I want him gone ASAP. He's just not trustworthy, plus he barely helped in the last challenge without even giving an explanation. I know I was barely there, but I explained before that I had to go to seder which is something I really can't get out of. Plus, I did the most work in the last challenge. Monty and I agreed we want to work together, and he thinks Aro is a good decision too. I think Linus is on that page too and L.A. definitely is. I'm being a bit wary because anyone could be lying to me, but I really hope this goes as planned, and that I'm not blindsided. I really do want to work with Monty, I think we could go far together but he might not trust me after voting for him last tribal. So we'll see what happens.

Well, after heading into the immunity challenge, seeing Lily gone, and KNOWING that she had the idol is really making me worried. I wouldn't be too surprised if Daisy ended up going home next, because I'm sure Daisy was one of the three votes to keep Lily, and I know that Daisy isn't the BEST when it comes to talking game with people, and having game awareness, so that's also really not working in her favor.

As for the immunity challenge itself, DAMN that was tough. I didn't want to seem like a try hard to the other tribe, but I honestly think I got about half of our points, I didn't really go back to check after the challenge was over, but I wasn't there the whole challenge, which hopefully made people not notice me too much, but I am thrilled we won immunity. I need our tribe to not go to tribal for just a little bit longer so I have time to prepare.

As for the Temoana tribe? I've still got Luca, Jacob and I as a tight three, and I don't see us breaking up, especially considering the fall of the rookies happening on the other tribes. Lex has been pretty fucking quiet, even though I continue to try to talk to her. She participated in yesterday's immunity challenge, but I don't think that she got one point for our team. Didn't she win a main already? What's up with this girl?

I've just made a tight New Jersey and Ginger connection with Ryan, but not only that.. I really like the guy. I think he's cool, and the fact that he really hasn't done well in games lets me think that he's going to do a lot of things to make sure it isn't the same this time as it was last time.

Matt has been pretty quiet, and at this point, I've just been doing mini prayers that we get to merge with at least five rookies still in the game. I'd love for those to be Luca, Jacob, Willow and myself, maybe with a splash of Daisy, but I don't see many high hopes for her going later in the game.

My game plan going forward? Get to another swap and make more solid connections with more vets. I think the merge is going to be crazy, and I really need to begin to start working my social relationships, while fading into the background, and I honestly think I can do it, on top of my killer personality, and trying to not be super intense when it comes to comps, hopefully I won't be seen as a threat for awhile, and my social connections can keep me going for a long long time in this game. I'm in it for the long haul, and I'm not going to go down without a fight, if that's what it comes down to...

Hi! So my plan is to still stick with Monty and Linus. Me and Linus are pretty sure either Daisy or LA has an idol, so the plan is to dupe them into thinking we're voting Daisy and then actually vote out LA. Hopefully everything works out ^_^

Well, wow, last round freaking worked  and Lily was maaaad which was pretty funny. Im worried this time around, L.A and Daisy know they are at the bottom, but like,  they aren't as nervous as they should be. The main reason for this confessional is so L.A can read it after the game though. I play this game aggressively, and it was a very hard choice for me to vote how I am. I think in the short time we spent on a tribe you have become one of my favourite people I've ever played with, however every single ounce of logic tells me that I have to vote you this round. I hope you end up reading this after the game so you know that I genuinely am sorry for this, and I hope we can stay friends down the line no matter what happens. You did amazing for your first org, and this was almost completely out of your hands, so I hope you play again in the future because I know you will completely crush it. You don't deserve this vote at all, but it's the only thing that makes sense for my game since I can't betray my alliance, and they aren't willing to vote Daisy out of risk of an idol. :( 

Im getting weird, very quiet vibes :/ . I don't like it one bit.