#or bc an interviewer is hitting on her and she's like uhhhh

[rencatuive]

i thought itd be fun to document my reactions to the prologue on notes so this is just a copypaste of that. dont expect anything detailed at all mostly just 'ooh this character is cute' and. itll be that for all of them cause i dont dislike any characters at all:

[Student X]

airi feels extremely traumatised already

god bless student 4 is so real

ah shit student 6 intro is so cool with the student 1 connections

student 9 has good vibes i like em

STUDENT 11 <3 [manami]

i feel like student 12 is the type of character to have an *interesting* fanbase /neu

TAMBA THATS THE ONE I LIKED shes sweet omg

[Interviews]

isono is so cute i love the butterfly vibes. also i like the more mysterious vibe change near the end, its intruiging! i see her as the type to put on a strong/overly positive façade but i guess thats a pretty surface level observation

uh oh i think im just gonna call all these characters cute. harada is very cute. i love animal likers. not much more to say

(sidenote, it kinda sucks being willingly spoiled on a media youre not into. and then you decide to get into it, and you recognise these things you know play a part in the story. totally my fault lol)

chiba has the biggest 'probably have gone through the Horrors' energy to me just cause like. child star. she really intrigues me personality wise though. (oh maybe she is 17 ?? theres a lot of mystery here already which i like - she has a doctor too) fun!

ooh i was looking at designs and i liked kamimura too a lot. (side note is the interviewer straight up The Mastermind that would be neat i think) I like his voice a lot btw!! i like the energy

hayashi is so cool omg thats it . genuinely its nice to someone actually this defiant like Yeah fuck em up

oh wada is the guy whos i guess a fan of isono! probably too much of a fan! wonder about their interactions for sure... hes actually really cute. also this interviews getting deep.

sasaki is so cutr omg my type is glasses. the studious archetype is really cool and... dies early a lot of the time?? so uh good luck !!

aww childrens book illustrator <3 i really like ojima he seems nice!!

oh yeah okazaki had a cool asf design. ive. heard like One spoilery comment about her but its okay no i didnt. i really likw the intonation of 'im an open book'. (also i like how most of this cast have "no phobias" which i guess could be true?? but yeah no im not spilling that either) i like her vibes a lot rn though :D

demonologist?????? okay dude. this guy is interesting! /pos

oh oh im gonna like tsuno a Lot. and could i assume a lot more than other people? just based off how energetic she is. she has a lil fang :D hope shes not dead

i really like the vocal perforamance in hiroakis one btw. oh wait dude people ship hirojima. thats The ship in this fandom right. i love his energy btw. he dgaf (until the character development hits) also i assume youre not meant to see that little strip of glasses shading as eyes but i totally do and it makes him 100x goofier i love it

Tamba is the character I put as my favourite pre-reaction so i remember her [Student X]. loving the contrast of attitudes between them(understandably) and i do actually like her a lot here!!!! tamba nation!!!!

theres a few shyboys in this cast and i think at least one of them has to be evil or generally has a personality change or something. right? But right now theyre all cuties <3 including hasagawa

firedancer is a cool talent. lotta cool talents in this one actually. she also has fangs yippee!! watari having an unconventional talent seems to be bringing her a lot of stress though, makes sense. love the vibes

fancy boy. i thought he and tamba could be related or something at first bc. omg light blonde hair!!!! if a character mentions another cjaracter in this ill assume theyre a ship. uhhhh sasanagi

okay so right now im a big Tsuno enjoyer shes a real cutie. still liking tamba a lot!! okazaki is my favourite design. as for the boys i like harada and hiroaki for totally different reasons. and i think i want to learn the most about chiba right now :D

the voice acting in this is great btw and im really looking forward to the rest!!

[alltheprettyplaces]

I should be working more on my homework for my interview tomorrow but alas I am on tumblr

[girlfriendsofthegalaxy]

tuesday again 11/29/22

reminder that this project is taking 12/13 off and will return 12/20. or, two weeks from today, we will have a one-week break.

listening

this booster shot knocked me flat for a day longer than anticipated, so i watched the first two seasons of adventure time in something of a haze. very funny to watch these first two seasons of largely unconnected episodes find their footing and tone, and think about the huge eight-episode arcs in the back half of this show's run.

the credits song, Island Song (Come Along With Me), is one of like. three songs that instantly make me feel safe. a well-loved picnic blanket of a song.

-

reading

not a fallow week but i haven't gotten far enough into the 1920s cowboy novel i picked up to have coherent thoughts about it. except for: why do cowboy movies and books always want you to know that a man isn't like Hot hot. but he's still the hottest guy around. get a load of this handsome piece of 100% american beef. who is a little rugged from his time on the range but he has nice eyes and knows what soap is we PROMISE. have we talked about his stubborn yet classic jaw yet

as a consolation prize for no new cowboy thoughts, chief henchwoman/blogging assistant mackintosh is interviewing her own assistant today. third round! we'll see if he makes the cut next week when she plans on extending job offers

-

watching

nonspoilery A/ndor thoughts. i can't really do the "what worked for me, what didn't, why, and what do i think this work is trying to do" bc the finale dropped too recently for anyone to want to read a wall of rot13, and i am unable to be objective about S/tar Wars.

i really really really liked this show. head and fucking shoulders above any other recent S/tar W/ars (henceforth SW) show in writing and production. GOD i love watching some leftist infighting when it doesn't affect me personally. the gunfights are never just gunfights, there's always something environmental going on that everyone has to work around. DAMN this shit fucking hit for me!!!

rot13 below for an arc much earlier in the season

yvxr bs PBHEFR gurl uvg gur vzcrevny dhnegreyl cnlebyy!!! guvf vf fb zhpu zber onat sbe gurve ohpx guna fgrnyvat jrncbaf be grpu, op nf jr unir frra jvgu gjvggre, jura lbh'er abg noyr gb cnl crbcyr ba gvzr be nf hfhny lbh ybfr n GERZRAQBHF nzbhag bs tbbqjvyy. rira n qnl yngr jvyy frevbhfyl shpx jvgu crbcyr'f yvirf, naq neenatvat nygreangr cnlzrag va culfvpny pheerapl vf tbvat gb gnxr SBERIRE. ubyl shpx guvf jnf fhpu n tbbq pubvpr gunax lbh sbe guvf SBBQ gbal tvyebl

this is an analogy that will work for three people, but the difference between mainline SW and A/ndor is like the difference between modern east coast and west coast Fallouts. the writing team behind A/ndor is the kind of team that would look at the brief for New Vegas, go “okay, so this city is obviously a special economic zone with a NCR embassy within the city” and fucking run with that, the Jackals and the Vipers are distinct groups that fight everyone and each other with distinct beliefs and methods meanwhile there’s uhhhh some??? trade??? i guess??? in the greater Boston area and the biggest coherent roaming XP group in Fallout 4 is called the Gunners. what their deal is, who pays them, where they came from?? who fucking knows!!! certainly not me or the writers!!!

in the process of researching this post, i had in my head for SO long that the Gunners originated from Vault 75, the one under Malden Middle School, but that is simply incorrect. that's so fucking easy that's right fucking there it's already a Gunner base why isn't that canon

back to SW. i wanna know what JE S/awyer thinks of this show so bad, esp bc there are so many nods to the West End EU TTRPGs, but i don’t think he’s a huge SW guy.

-

playing

the multiplayer aspect of this newest pokemon game is more of a photo op with friends simulator than anything else. you can't in any meaningful way (or at least we didn't figure out how to) battle together or even make sure we were synced up to do star team or gym fights at the same time (except for the terra raids which take thirty seconds max). however i do have this very cute, if slightly choppy photo of me and my best friend

GOD this gym leader is FUCKING HOT

-

making

swatching a baby blanket in palest mint for my in-production goddaughter

[iovnyu]

happy ending (8/?)

summary: being cinderella’s daughter has many pros and cons but on top of that you are soon becoming responsible for the citizens of auradon. the first thing you do to show the citizens of your worthiness is by creating a program to bring kids from the isle of the lost, a isolated island where villains and their kids are held, onto auradon. with this new program, you undergo harsh realities and maybe a little bit of love and drama along the way, who knows?

a/n: hi!! im trying to find a good schedule for posting for this series and my tbz series and other little headcanons. it might be a little wonky in the beginning because im also starting school this week,, sorry if i might not post for a little bit for the series bc i might not have time for writing...

“where is y/n?” fairy godmother frantically asked jun. he shook his head and  shrugged. as soon as he said that, y/n and mingyu had appeared at the doors of the school, making their way over to the crowd. from where jun stood, he could tell y/n was trying to not to rip mingyu’s head off.

although y/n looked like she had steam coming from her ears, jun thought she looked stunning in her new dress. the dress was baby blue color with a lace fabric overlapping the bottom half of the dress. jun would even go as far as to say that she looked exactly like her mom, cinderella -- minus the parenthood and stress.

making his way over to mingyu, jun slightly shook him. “dude! can you not do that? i seriously thought you were y/n.” mingyu dramatically put his hand over his heart.

jun scoffed and looked around at the school’s band that was lining the sidewalks of the school, ready to play their instruments. there were cheerleaders that ran around the driveway, waving at the other students on the sidewalk as if they were their fans. there were even people who had big banners two times their size that read ‘WELCOME’ in a bright yellow medieval font.

jun knew this was all an act, the band kids didn’t want to welcome the new students and most definitely the cheerleaders didn’t want to either. they just  did it because they knew that this event would be broadcasted.

famous news braodcasts lined the sidewalk with the students. they all were prepared with their big fancy cameras facing the driveway, interviewing students.  

jun rolled his eyes and made his way over y/n, who was talking to fairy god mother. he maneuvered around the hoards of students, coming up behind y/n.

“what is the princess thinking about now?” jun said, smiling at fairy god mother.

“jun! thank god you are here. they are on the gateway over here! this. very. second.” y/n said, now turning towards him as he bid fairy god mother a goodbye.

jun always knew y/n was a worrier but he had never seen her this anxious over something ever since she had to make her first speech -- which, she was excellent. jun guided her over to a place that was more reserved and not filled with students.

“y/n, don’t worry! you worry too much. everything is already set and everyone is in their places. there is nothing to worry about. now, you need to make sure you put on your best smile and make sure the isle kids feel at home here.” jun said whilst fixing her hair that was everywhere due to stress.

y/n nodded, “yeah... okay. whew, i just needed to take a quick breathe.” jun smiled and patted her shoulder. now they were walking back to the crowd as all of them see a car entering the long driveway of auradon prep.

since the band started playing their instruments, jun had to lean closer to y/n. “you got this princess. i am always going to be behind you if you need anything, okay?” y/n nodded and wiped her sweaty palms on her dress.

going around everyone, y/n and jun eventually got to the front of the driveway in time as the cars parked. y/n knew how cramped it would be with 10 grown boys in the limo so, she wanted to have two cars pick them up.

and she was right as the chauffeur opened the door having five of them stumble out of the car. looking at the other car, the same event happened to them too. she chuckled lightly while the boys fought on which sweets they got to keep from the snack bar in the limo.

“don’t worry! there is more of those treats in the student store.” fairy god mother said, smiling at them and bowed. slowly but surely they huddled together in front of y/n and smiled at her. they all knew better to not talk to y/n like how they talk to her on the isle and plus there were guards amongst the crowds that looked like they would hit someone if they even touched y/n.

“i am fairy god mother, aka the head mistress.” fairy god mother bowed elegantly to them.

“hello! it is nice to greet you guys again but here, at auradon prep. as you know i am princess y/n. to my right is prince mingyu and seokmin and to my left is prince jun.” y/n said, pointing at her friends who stood a few steps behind her.

exchanging smiles, y/n stepped to the side to show the school. “let’s begin the tour.” she said. the crowd of students had slowly dispersed and went their own ways, no longer interested in the new students.

making their way inside the school, they all had gasped. “woah.” chan said, admiring the tulips that sat in the middle of a table in a shiny vase. “your flowers actually grow here?”

“yep! you should check out the garden what the ecology club is growing, they have many colorful flowers like that one.” jun replied.

“so... does magic actually work here? like those bippity boppity boo spells and shit like that?” seungcheol spoke from the back of the group. seokmin and jun looked back at seungcheol, surprised with his word choices.

"well, magic and...”  jun trailed off. “-stuff does work here but we don’t do spells anymore. it is strictly against the rules.”

y/n started to giggle but quickly stopped when jun glanced at her.  “oh. uhm,  here is the-” she was cut off as another student tapped her shoulder.

“hey, hyunjin! what’s up?” y/n said as she turned around. to his surprise, y/n actually knew his name. his hands were shaking more than usual as this made his even more nervous than before. dang childhood crushes (not really since he still crushes on her)

“uhhhh, i got news from mrs. greenwald... who got the news from fairy godmother... who got the news from the King-” hyunjin said, trying to not to mess up the message he is supposed to say. “-that said that if you can, you need to see him as soon as possible to discuss something very important.”

“thank yo-”

“OH! he also said to not worry about the tour for the new students because i will be showing them around.” hyunjin smiled at y/n. he was glad that he said it all correct, trying to remind himself to pat himself on the back later.

y/n smiled back, “okay, thank you hyunjin! i will head over to him now.” she turned towards the confused group behind her, “sorry guys! my dad would totally get mad if i don’t see him right now. but! i will make it up to you guys at lunch!” she said, walking backwards down the hall.

hyunjin stared at the group of scary looking teenagers who stared at him with a straight face. “so-” he turned towards jun, mingyu and seokmin only to see that they had disappeared with y/n.

“okay, please follow me to your rooms!”

previous //

masterlist

[hxssvns]

i’m HERE, i’m QUEER, and i’m FINALLY FINISHED WITH THAT PUZZLE so here’s an intro post!

[ OLIVIA HOLT / POLYTROPOS / THRASOS / MUSE 1 ] / [ PARKER HASSAN ] is a [ NINETEEN ] year old [ COMMUNICATIONS ] major. [ SHE ] is known for being [ INTREPID & DISARMING ] but [ BRASH & UNRELIABLE ]. when i think of them, i imagine [ GRASS-STAINED JEANS, OVERFILLED ICE CREAM CONES, & IMAC G3 COMPUTERS ]. and even though they’re a proud HU student now, we all have our roots. theirs run back to them being a [ OAK PARK ACADEMY (WILLIAMS WING) ] graduate.  i asked around and it turns out they [ ARE ] an AOP student. in their interview, they managed to woo the admissions team by [ STRIKING OUT TOP-NOTCH BATTERS WITH EITHER ARM ]. i guess that’s all there is to know! unless…

tw: minor mention of drug and alcohol abuse

BASIC INFO

full name: parker theresa hassan

birth date: april 13th

pronouns: she/her

hometown: hillsborough, north carolina

sexuality: pansexual

height: 5′1″ on a good day

eye color: brown

hair color: blonde

build: athletic

tattoos: the ny yankees emblem on the back of her neck

piercings: earlobes, won’t go any further because she would have to plug them during baseball season and it’s a pain in the ASS

style: comfort over style, function over fashion. unless she’s going out then as few clothes as possible while still being considered “decent”

favorite color: orange

favorite food: cupcakes

zodiac: aries sun, leo moon, sagittarius rising

mbti: estp

hogwarts house: gryffindor

enneagram: type 7 wing 8

temperament: sanguine-melancholic

alignment: chaotic neutral

RAMBLING MESS OF FACTS

so parker here is your typical middle child, with two older brothers and two younger sisters

and as a middle child she had to be louder than everyone, which came easy for her since she was the fussiest baby out of all five hassan children

(she could hold a scream longer than both of her older brothers combined)

but she was giggly as much as she was fussy, and the MOUTH ON THAT GIRL

(def called her brother a dick when she was mad at him at the age of two, because she heard someone else get mad at him and call him a dick)

so naturally being the loudmouth she is, her mother had hoped she’d follow in her footsteps and pursue cheerleading, since neither of her brothers had any interest

so ofc parker showed a talent for baseball instead lmao

her pops tom hassan was a minor league baseball player who was on his way to the majors when he suffered a career ending knee injury

so yes he lived vicariously through his little girl obvi

she started in tee-ball, which is y’know fine and dandy for a three year old girl to do, but it was a bit of an upset for their town’s traditional southern ways when she wanted to join little league

she still got her way though lmao and became the first girl in the town’s history to join little league, breaking down barriers for girls everywhere 🤪

fast forward to high school and she ended up joining the boy’s baseball team and was their star pitcher

that is until her sophomore year when things took a turn for the worst

her dad flew out to every single one of her games no matter what

until he didn’t

one day parker was one out away from the school’s first no-hitter and she looked up into the stands to find her dad and he wasn’t there

so she flubbed the pitch and there went her no-hitter

after the game she went home and found out her dad had left without saying goodbye

four years later she still hasn’t heard from him (tho if we’re being honest, if she took the rose colored glasses off she’d realize it was for the best bc her dad is not a good guy)

that summer was rough for her, and it was the first time she didn’t go home for break (she’s v close with her fam and misses them a lot but couldn’t handle not seeing her dad there)

she fell off the rails a bit during the fall semester, but her bff (wanted connection!!!) convinced her that she had to get it together for baseball season

out of spite, she couldn’t let him ruin that for her too

so now fall is when she lets loose, and then she’s sober as a judge when she’s in baseball mode

ok some fast facts!!

she’s a big ole cuddler

she keeps sneaking stray dogs into her room bc she loves dogs so much and wants to save them all

(stray cats she usually leaves alone bc they like being outside but she still loves them)

her best feature is her ass

she has a radio show through the school

she is the first person you’ll notice in a room

you either love her or hate her there’s no in between

she has five dogs and four cats at home, and they all miss her terribly when she’s gone (though they tolerate the rest of her family)

(imagine fitting NINE ANIMALS into your bed at one time bc that’s what it’s like when she’s home for breaks)

she can’t cook for shit and also can’t mix drinks so unless you’re making a drink for her, she’s drinking it straight (or just incredibly unbalanced lmfao)

uhhhh there’s some wc in /tagged/wc but i’m wine drunk and can’t think of any off the top of my head so if you wanna plot hit that heart!!!

[inkslingerharry]

this is another rant about my friend who i recently made a post about bc sometimes he does stuff and my petty self needs to vent about it

i went to start this off by saying that i genuinely do enjoy talking to and spending time with this friend, he just happens to do stuff that i find weird or he acts a certain way and it bothers me. again, he really is my friend, i do care about him, but every single person does something that we’re annoyed by lol

so a lot of the time whenever i ask him how he’s doing he responds with “i’m not sure yet” or “i don’t know” ya know something along those lines. well one time he said that and THEN he texts me “i don’t mean to change the topic, but [one of our other friends] isn’t feeling good and it would be good for you to reach out to her. i’m not trying to deflect my own issues but i don’t want her feeling poorly either” and i was like uhhhh ok like thanks for telling me and then he said “i know how i feel now. i feel fucking awful” and i was like oh uh why is that and he SAID “I really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really don’t like when my friends feel bad and the same for when I can’t do anything to help them” (that is 100% word for word i literally copied and pasted it) and i was like...... dude... i said something like “well like you said you can’t help it so i wouldn’t feel this bad about it, especially when people just need bad days” then he quickly changed the subject lskdjfa

and he changed it by asking what i was up to so i was like “just watching videos” and he was like “what videos?” like... we are just not on that level of me being like “here’s an exact title of video i’ve been watching” you know so i told him “just some youtube videos, not much” and THEN he says “Alright, I get it, I’ll take the hint, have your privacy.” like......... i literally put down my phone and sighed like i’m SORRY i didn’t feel comfortable enough to tell you i was watching “NYC cycling incidents compilation 6″ like idk what to tell you!!!!!!!!! and he’s done this before like he asked me what songs i’ve been listening to lately and i said something like “oh some new stuff i’ve found recently! stuff that i don’t really listen to tbh” and he was like “like what songs?” like...... normally i’m very happy sharing what music i’ve been listening to but!! (this will be another paragraph so i’m sorry) considering he doesn’t listen to the music i already recommend him i don’t understand why he cares!! and why does he need exact titles omg

okay this one has a death tw!!!!! so both him and i are ~mentally ill~ and we can relate on a lot of things that deal with that!! but sometimes... he takes it.. too far lol he jokes about death quite a bit and not in the typical sense like ‘omg i’m gonna die’ like... ‘i chose a history major bc if i can’t find a job to pay for everything i need to live i can just die slowly’ and it’s always super morbid and weird and kinda makes me uncomfortable especially bc he also jokes about my death :))))))) haha yeah!! fun!! like i told him that it sucks working but i kinda have to do it bc.. money!! it’s needed to survive!! and he went “Naw only if you plan to survive for any real length of time, death is cheap” and he always jokes about me dropping out of college and just making small jokes about me dying which isn’t the biggest deal for me personally but it’s also like... why are you saying that to your friend who has mental illnesses luv lol

he’s also lowkey stubborn? like sometimes when he’s not feeling well i suggest some activities to do as distractions and he shoots them all down so fast like i’ll suggest painting and he’s like “i can’t do that bc i have high standards for my painting and i know it’s going to be bad and i know i shouldn’t feel that way but i do” so i’m like... ok.... reading? and he comes up with another excuse and i’m like omg ok so taking a walk? and he has ANOTHER excuse so i’m like ok i understand wanting to sulk in your sadness but you have said that you wanted to get better but if you purposely do nothing about it why are you complaining about it to me :/

it’s also awkward holding a conversation with him bc he texts weirdly like... i’ve been making it more my language in these rants but the way he texts it’s not like “omg that’s hilarious” it’s like “Let’s see, right now I am doing nothing besides texting you and a few others. I am on a couch and not very active. For tonight, I plan to eat another meal today at some point, but other than that not much. And in life in general I have no idea but I’m gonna keeping for at least another 10-20 years and see how I feel then.” (that’s another copied and pasted text) like... he uses punctuation very carefully which puts me off and he phrases everything weirdly!!! and he says he wants to have a conversation with me when it’s good with his schedule and his “conversations” are just him interviewing me lol like he asks my favorite shows, movies, colors, books, but it doesn’t flow naturally, it’s just him going “what are your favorite movies?” and i answer and he goes “what is your favorite color?” like why are you interviewing me lol

okay about the music thing when i first met this friend he listened to ONE BAND..... ONE. when i asked him why he gave me a bullshit answer and he knows some classic, older songs, but VERY little. like idk why he didn’t know basic songs that are on everyone’s “classic hits” playlist SO i was like holy shit i’m making him a playlist of songs that he should know!! obviously it’s biased bc it’s songs i listen to and whatnot. i WRITE that shit out while also making it on spotify in case he makes an account or something. i make a key.. a LEGEND with different colors meaning different things i put fucking washi tape on that thing and i hand it to him and i can 100% tell he is not interested. but i give it to him anyway and WEEKS later (like over a month later) i ask him how much he has listened to and he said he didn’t listen to ANYTHING so i’m heartbroken like that fucking sucks to make a playlist for someone, introducing them to new music that you personally love and they literally don’t give a fuck lol so i went “...oh..” and bring out my phone bc i’m 1) pissed and 2) very sad that he did this and he can totally tell that i’m upset so he’s like “well... the list is in my room but i did take a picture of it so i can start listening to it” and i was like hmm ok and lowkey ignored him well i told my friend about this and she was APPALLED she was like “omg fuck that what’s the name of it” and i renamed it to her playlist on spotify and that was the only thing she listened to for weeks on end and she constantly complimented it so i love her omg and i can 100% guarantee that he has still not listened to all of it lol oh well!!!!

[piamii]

Taking a mental health day from work today but was really conflicted about how to word it.

Last year I took a few mental health days but there were 6 of us so maybe it was less conspicuous

It’s only me this year and I for some reason keep feeling this push pull with my supervisor to be close and honest with her

Last night I was feeling ok about work. But after once again not sleeping properly I feel like somethings up with me

I’m feeling all the ways I used to feel about my mental health

Being small is not okay, it’s not okay to let go, I’m responsible for all of my clients progress and safety

Which is true in a way but

I also have beeen thinking about the difference between me and my supervisor

She’s the only person I see on a regular basis. Like I see her 4 times a week

So I don’t know how to be myself, a postdoc

I keep comparing myself to her

I wondered to myself would anyone else take a mental health day in my position?

Who cares, others aren’t me

It’s like I forgot I’m extremely sensitive and have been sobbing every day and not sleeping well at all during the weekdays

My nutrition and hydration and shit has been ok, so I’m not getting sick which is the weird part

Im so incredibly emotionally constipated

There are so many incredibly destructive thoughts in my head right now that haven’t been addressed

Things have just gotten increasingly harder for a long time now and I can’t tell where adjustment starts and my dysfunctional mental state ends

Is it really ok for me to say work is too much?

Does it make me pathetic?

Didn’t I feel this way in all previous years too?

2nd year, it wasn’t like this but at least I was more honest with myself about how anxious and nervous I was about work. I definitely took it easy and complained more often. I slept poorly frequently on clinical days and would feel really angry about it. I don’t think I got sick more than once that year

3rd year i wasn’t sleeping quite as poorly but still had sleep problems, hated my commute. That was the year I kind of had to start blocking people out of my life, like not completely but was so down and exhausted that I couldn’t function socially outside of work and school. I didn’t get sick much tho. Definitely noticed SAD symptoms starting this year but to be honest felt somewhat depressed on and off through early winter until spring which is I guess the colder darker months in OR. I think I had some SI but it was towards the end of winter

4th year was when I had more somatic issues. My sleep was honestly not bad that year comparatively speaking but when m and I broke up during internship application season I had a bunch of health issues that resolved shortly after my interviews ended. Tbh internship interviews were a nice reprieve from the dark slump that probably would have hit me if I had just done school in the winter. I had my first sinus infection in spring and went to see Slushii anyways Hahahha.

Internship year... I had a sinus infection too and got a cold maybe 2 other times. Last year was the most I’ve ever gotten sick. I took a mental health day maybe like 3 times and actually used sick days too. I want to say this was the hardest year for me mental health wise until this year in terms of symptoms but the best in terms of self care. By like April/May I was feeling really good about life. Maybe it’s the weather here too idk

This year feels so much harder than the other years combined. I’ve used one sick day and two mental health days and I’m having a hard time understanding where I’m at mental health wise in conjunction with who I need to be to do well at work. It feels like I’m growing at an unmanageable pace. I’ve had the most frequent SI I’ve ever had in my life which is somewhat alarming to me. I’m safe don’t worry but I’m just saying the thoughts coming into my head. My sleep is getting reallynfucked up over these last 2 weeks. I sleep like a baby on the weekends which makes me feel like it’s stress related. On one hand I’m acclimating to this insane amount of stress and on the other hand it feels like every day I’m being stretched open and carved out.

I’m not even ruminating that much before bed anymore. Like I’m not actively distressed like I used to be when things hit me hard last year. I’m just constantly unhappy and anxious this year which I feel like is my lot in life right now. My self care has gotten much better last year and this year, but this year it’s been harder to find ways to relax. Things went downhill really fast, when the seasons finally changed here and I started seeing 4 of my clients in the field. I am most definitely consistently working over 40 hrs a week now. I tried really hard last year to work less whenever I could and honestly the agency was pretty good about giving us a reasonable workload. But now it feels like I’m meeting the real world, where work just comes at you and never says sorry. You had to do extra and stay longer this week? Sucks for you. You have to completely uproot your already untenable schedule because one of your clients has really a really complex risk presentation? Welp that’s the price of doing this work.

Like when I was told the weeks here typically don’t go past 40 hrs I feel like I was lied to. I feel alone and singled out bc I’m the only postdoc this year. I want to know how C felt 2 years ago. If there were 2 of us I feel like I’d be having an okay time. Can you fucking believe they had a hard time building to full caseload last year? It cannot be just me in this position. I want to give up every day.

I don’t feel protected I don’t feel like I can ever let my guard down. There is no one I talk to regularly that I can be honest with. I don’t have the energy to relay this information to the people I do talk to regularly which at this point is my supervisor and M. And like hell im going to tell my supervisor this stuff.

Is this the real world?

Something tells me it is, but I have to find a way through it somehow

I’m still debating about this one client. She’s on my mind a lot and I’m scared which is probably a parallel experience to what her family is experiencing.

The fuck you mean our ethical duty? What am I supposed to take away from that convo? I know I have my own voice and opinion but that made me feel really bad for not doing exactly as you said. I know I tend towards the anxious paranoid side of things but that really scared me because instilll can’t think straight about this client and I sure as hell cant go to you.

The relationship between e and I has changed too, I think she’s overwhelmed too

Something that keeps popping up over and over again is- how fucking awful it would be for a client to complete suicide

I know it happens and it’s time I face that this could happen

It’s a terrifying thought and I almost don’t want to tell anyone that I’m having it

It feels shameful and dangerous to think about, because if I can’t handle it who could?

Who can contain this for me and tell me it’s okay? I don’t want to fucking hear that I should do more

It’s a complex mess of emotions inside my head. I understand why I would need to do more in this situation but there’s no room for it. I want help in trying to balance but my schedule is already unbalanced and bringing me into a dark place emotionally.

What if because I took today off no one sees my hospital patients all week?

Friday is going to suck ass if that’s the case

I could ask my supervisor directly to see them

But I want to be small today

And that would take a lot from me

How does the psychology service work at the hospital during Xmas break?

Uhhhh....

Shit.

I’m scared for some stupid reason that someone will make me stay during break or I’ll have to work some crazy stupid long hours on Friday

I hate ongoing patients bc they still need to be seen but it’s kind of your choice whether or not to see them

It’s like adding an automatic to do to the list every time I’m there but the task takes 2 hrs at least

I’m always scared I have to stay late at the hospital, luckily the latest has been 6:30 but I’m terrified every time I go in that it’s going to be longer

This is new for me and it’s ok to get freaked out

To not have a clear idea how much I am going to work each day and each week really puts me off

I feel pathetic because aren’t there a lot of jobs that are unpredictable like that? Especially once you become salaried ?

My stomach is starting to hurt

It’s weird because I haven’t gotten any somatic symptoms this year but I’ve also been sobbing my eyes out every day so maybe that’s why my body is feeling okay. I haven’t really cried the last few days because I’m just very tired of crying at this point, so maybe that’s why my stomach has been hurting a bit more

Every time m says something nice to me, hell anytime anyone says something nice to me I start to cry and I’m just so fucking done with crying and feeling out of control just to have nothing change and things even get harder at work

Fuck!!!!!

I haven’t properly dealt with this terrified feeling

I have to tell myself this feeling is informative but separate from reality

I’m so fucking scared.

[cosmicmoved]

HELLO AND WELCOME TO A LIST OF FACTS ABOUT TOMO, some useless and some not so useless!! It’s a toss-up, really. Apologies in advance for the length but I didn’t feel like smacking this one under a Read More ): Some of these are from the intro post I wrote for him when I made him for a closed rpg and some of these are newer things I forgot to write down beforehand. Some of this is also referenced in his bio page. I’m not really going to double-check if I’ve repeated myself anywhere so, if I have, sorry about that! But, hopefully, you can learn a little more about Tomo from this! I’m just dumping these all together like this as they’re mostly quick pieces of trivia and posting them all as individual headcanon posts would be a pretty clunky task? If you wanna know anything else about him, always feel free to ask!

Tomo does not take especially well to nicknames unless they’ve been approved by Tomo himself. If you give him a nickname out of the blue, he’ll probably address it directly and tell you he doesn’t like it. So far, approved nicknames are Tomo (of course) and KatsuTomo --- that one’s more of fan-title-nickname rather than one he actually uses but he came up with it himself, tweeting it out like ‘you guys can call me katsutomo from now on if you like ^^’ before changing all his handles to that exact name. Nice.

On the other hand, he does NOT like being called Tomohiko. The only people who call him that are his mum and grandparents. It’s not that he dislikes the name itself but he doesn’t believe it suits him and is much more comfortable with Tomo.

Tomo doesn’t really have any delusions of grandeur in regards to being famous or anything like that. He prefers to detach himself from the concept of fame, even though he can’t really do that and it’s not how it works, and that can cause problems in the long run but it mostly means he’s usually fairly down to Earth. He probably has more famous friends than otherwise but that’s just because they’re in closer proximity. Because Tomo’s a friendly person, he’d probably be willing to befriend most people so long as they’re not shitty-fuck-awful.

He’s not very good at watching himself in films. It depends on the film and he can do it. He will do it. It’s just a bit of a weird experience? But, uhhhh, let’s just say he once watched the one horror film he was in at the cinema (and didn’t like most of it bc he hates horror films) but he laughed during his own death scene. There were tears in his eyes. Real tears.

He’s scared of bugs and ghosts. (for reference, i have had him join a conversation (in an ic groupchat) by making jokes about the place everyone was staying was haunted btu it turned back on him when it became clear he actually thought ghosts were scary and then he refused to go to sleep bc he’d convinced himself he was gonna get haunted.....) For the record, he doesn’t dislike ghosts or think they’re bad/evil. He’s just easily spooked!! You could probably tell him his awful long furby was demon and, despite him realistically drawing the line at demons & absolutely telling you you’re an idiot, he’d still get a little upset if you repeated it enough times. Whereas bugs? Definitely evil.

He doesn’t like dating because…well, he likes the IDEA of it but he’s the type to really fall for someone and BASICALLY? He’s scared of being dumped! He’s a bright & appealing personality with just enough edge to balance it out but he’s a bit of an emotional screwball and he feels like getting people interested is easier than keeping them interested, leading to mixed experiences with dating so he’s...kinda...settled for sleeping around a little instead. Oh well, whatever works! (does it actually work? shhhh it’s a secret…)

Like...he’s kind of an emotional wreck. He does his best not to show it on the surface and the whole...being a good actor thing probably helps with that but, beneath the top layers of Sparkly Glam Tomo, shit’s all scrambled up. He doesn’t really know what to make of himself. Acting and having friends present are the only things, he believes, keeping him grounded and together.

I’ve basically said this before but he really likes cute shit. This isn’t really reflected in how he dresses or acts or anything like that; it’s not part of the aesthetic. He just owns a lot of expensive Hello Kitty-branded shit because...it makes him happy?

He owns a kaninchen/rabbit (smaller than miniature) dachshund called Chicken (she looks roughly like this image i snagged off of google). Chicken Katsumura. It’s a terrible pun. He’s not sorry.

His hair is currently bright red. It’s a recent change (so it’s not something he’s known for) but he wanted to make a visual statement and that was that. He likes to go for more interesting colours when he’s not filming anything because it’s the only time he really gets to. I mean, he still has dyed hair in a lot of his films but it’ll usually be brown or blonde or something else more ‘realistic’.

Tomo cares a LOT about the way he dresses and styles himself. He’ll probably complain if he has to do a promo/magazine shoot and he doesn’t like the outfit he’s been given. It doesn’t actually help him half the time and he just gets told to shut up but it’s the PRINCIPLE of it !!!!!!!! 

Tomo is a competent singer. This is because, growing up, his mother made him take singing lessons in the hopes that he might follow in her idol footsteps. He was not in the least bit interested but it was fun enough for him not to complain about it (not that it would’ve helped) and, if nothing else, it helped him get the lead role in school plays. His mum is secretly happy he’s best friends with a popstar because, hey, close enough.

He’s watched his dad’s films. He doesn’t think he was a very good director, he was better at acting, and is kind of mad that he was ignored as a kid in favour of that shite. I can’t say he was a big fan of his dad in general but he can’t really say anything about it since he’s...dead. I’ve said before that he’s always at odds with his mum but he actually does care about her. He can’t stay in a room with her for too long if she starts lecturing him and has hung up on her mid-call many times but he DOES love her a lot. As guilty as he feels about it, he’s not sure he can say the same about his dad.

He hates being asked about his dad in interviews --- he’d rather not be asked about his parents too much in general but going to Japan and being asked about his mother instead was weirdly refreshing for him. He’d rather talk about his mum’s short string of innocent pop hits than a bunch of films he actively dislikes.

When it comes to food, he doesn’t have especially refined tastes. His favourite food is tuna-mayo onigiri from 7-Eleven. Maybe this why he doesn’t judge Minwoo for his pretends-to-be-a-vegetarian-so-ppl-won’t-complain-abt-his-fussy-eating scam.

[tsaritsa]

30q

i was tagged by @b-griveros and @the-flame-and-hawks-eye!

rules: answer 30 questions and tag 10 people

# following: 150ish? i am the PICKIEST person i’m sorry ;;

# of followers: 800 or something??? 

average hours of sleep: 6-8 on a good day, maybe 4 if i’m bad and i stay up until the wee hours

lucky number: 3, 7, 11

instruments: more like what don’t i play lmao. piano, violin, guitar, voice and bassoon are my top 5 that i can play to a “i’m good enough to teach this” level

what are you wearing: shirt and shorts. it’s too hot rn

dream job: i was told i should work for vogue and honestly, being able to interview lots of different people and write about them does sound like an amazing gig! being prime minister would also be a cool job

dream trip: wherever lets me see mar the quickest <3 (ideally the us)

birthday: oct 12

height: 5′11 

gender/pronouns: she/her

other blogs: @rizsa is my fma-centric sideblog, and @santisimar is the writing blog @capthawkeye and i are currently setting up to publish our writing on (for future projects, may i feel will remain as is on mar’s blog bc i am Such A Slut for stuff matching)

star sign: libra

time: 9:23am

favourite bands: six60, muse, placebo

favourite artist: i’m really enjoying georgi kay rn! 

favourite tumblr artist: hmmmmmm i love lots uhhhh well obviously babs, @kinschi, @bebbies, @wishlaced off the top of my head!!!! there are so many i’m forgetting tho, i’m sorry ;;

song stuck in your head: young and beautiful, lana del rey

last movie you watched: the shape of water 

last show you watched: b99. if i ever don’t say b99 assume this is an imposter

why did you make your blog: tumblr hit peak ~fashionable trend when i was 13/14 and so i just made one and followed all my friends and we just reblogged like...cool bento boxes and photos from pinterest and stuff. i did a major spring clean of my blog so i think only stuff from 2012/2013 shows up now tho

what do you post: fic, a mess of things under my ‘aesthetic’ tag, haute couture, b99, occasionally fma stuff too (tho generally rizsa gets more exposure so i’ll reblog there primarily)

last thing you googled: something related to the new chapter of may i feel (it’s a spoiler :p)

ao3: u can find me under bergamots on there and ffn

do you ever get asks: occasionally! i’m a pretty quiet blog tho...

how did you get the idea for your url: me and the romanov’s go wayyyyy back. i prefer tsarina aesthetically, but tsaritsa does the job too haha

favourite food: fried chicken, freshly toasted crumpets with butter

last book you read: an academic reading about indigeneity

top 3 fictional universes: hagaren, harry potter, whatever kurt seyit ve sura is (i need me a man who will be as swoon-worthy as seyit)

tagging some new followers!! @girl-of-your-memes, @umidontknowwhattoput, @luuscris, @illogicalife, @fifthhorsman-of-john, and @fuki-yuki!

[ravenvsfox]

Can you make a couples post about Kevin and thea please make it up as you go along if you have to, please. I love your writing and ideas.

thank you lovely, i’ll try my best bc they’re so good

SEND ME A SHIP AND I’LL TELL YOU…

who is more likely to hurt the other?

I think kevin is an ~idiot and he’d probably say something thoughtless about Thea’s form 

I also think that he canonically abandoned her without a single fucking word when he left the ravens and that a lot of her anger after that comes from hurt

I think they’re both pretty damaged and susceptible to hurt tbh, but kevin doesn’t seem to understand when he’s hurting people

who is emotionally stronger?

proooooobs thea I mean. she braved the nest and came out the other side with her head on straight. she did not for a second let kevin fuckin day get to her. she’s still soft on the inside, and exy’s become kind of a coping mechanism in a lot of ways, but she’s less obviously fucked up by the moriyamas then kevin is (simply bc she was less important to them yikes)

who is physically stronger?

THEA BOYYYYY this isn’t even up for debate!!!!! neil describes her as being built like a tank, she’s an unstoppable fucking powerhouse on the court, we’re talking serena williams’ body type, just like.. immovable and gorgeous. kevin is so shaken he’s in love w her muscles..... he wants to be knocked to the fucking floor by her....... she fires a ball into his helmet so hard that it cracks and he pops a boner

who is more likely to break a bone? 

hilarious im gonna say the boy w the infamously broken hand 

who knows best what to say to upset the other? 

good question I have no fucking clue they can both be dicks if the situation calls for it

I’m going to say that thea knows what to say to give kevin mad cold shoulder and she can smoke him out in a SECOND if he’s being a dick like she knows when to ignore him and when to back him into a corner

but kevin tends to be unnecessarily rude more often. he’s mean bc he knows that it gets results. thea does not tolerate him bringing this attitude home w him

who is most likely to apologize first after an argument? 

neither? bitch?? if both of them believe they’re right there are gonna be exactly zero (0) sorry’s

I do think they’re probably softer w each other when they’re one on one and I’d be willing to bet that their arguments end with kevin explaining things to death and thea listening and narrowing her eyes a lot and holding the front of his shirt bc she’s mad but she still wants contact and they kiss and make up w out actually ever saying the words

who treats who’s wounds more often? 

I think in the nest you’ve gotta take care of each other, so they both learn to sit the other down and hold gentle hands to the injured person’s sternum to keep them down, and they sit and wrap gauze. it’s v intimate. they probably did it for the first time when thea was playing for the ravens and kevin had yet to debut on the raven line, and there was enough of an age difference between them that it was pretty innocent. thea was overworked and hit for her trouble and kevin came up bc he was terribly impressed by her and a little bit in love and he dabbed at her cuts like the clumsy 17 year old that he was

who is in constant need of comfort? 

it’s mutual bc their pasts are mutual, but I’m willing to bet that it’s kevin who wakes up sweating and crying, & thea knows how to give enough distance and turn on the lights so he remembers where he’s not. He was in shackles for longer. he still kinda hates himself sometimes. thea strokes the chess piece on his cheek and tells him that he checked riko straight to hell

who gets more jealous? 

shit man idk?? neither of them really have room for anything in their lives other than exy and each other (and reluctant connection w teammates/family) so there’s not a lot of jealousy fodder. and they’re never gonna be jealous of the other person caring more about exy than them bc like. that’s understood. if I had to guess I might say thea’s jealous of the world falling all over themselves to get a glimpse at Kevin Day you know

who’s most likely to walk out on the other? 

I hate to say either bc they’re a really good match and I feel like they’d bounce back really easily, but it’s possible that they fade away from each other when they’re getting their footing on their respective teams. thea can feel herself getting distracted and she pulls out. kevin shows up like???? >:( and they make up on the spot

who will propose? 

probably kevin bc he does the math and realizes that thea is the best thing that’s ever happened to him in his LIFE. he’s probably 10 shots of vodka deep and he looks up suddenly like :O wait a second she’s perfect??? how do I keep her? and nicky has to be like dude.. have u heard of marriage..... it’s nifty and it’s been legal for you straight people for a bajillion years

who has the most difficult parents?

i know literally nothing about thea’s parents but considering jean’s family was a shitty mess that got caught up in the moriyamas I’m assuming most or all of the ravens are in similar situations?? they play for.... the mafia.....

so unless they’re saints, they’re definitely not better than david wymack can I get an amen

who initiates hand-holding when they’re out in public? 

im trying to picture them holding hands........ I think they would in a like... come here! hurry ur ass up! kind of way like thea spends all her time dragging kevin’s oblivious ass around

who comes up for the other all the time? 

considering neither of them mentioned each other or their relationship for like two books........ idk

i bet you in an easier world it would be kevin though. (my gf is beautiful and strong. she could obliterate u w one swing of her racquet. she wears pretty pastels on her face. i want to kiss her)

who hogs the blankets? 

don’t tell but kevin’s obsessed w feeling coddled and warm and I’m willing to bet that he hogs both the blankets and the woman until thea is also bundled up. i hope they learn to cuddle. I bet they’re rlly bad at it at first but it gets easier and more constant over time

who gets more sad? 

again like. I know v little about thea’s background but if she’s in the nest she’s in deep shit. the both of them were assets that had their lives manipulated out of their own hands. kevin’s wound is open and thea’s is poorly sewn up and neither of them are doctors tbh it takes time and professional help until thea can take her old jersey number off of her necklace and replace it with a chess piece pendant (3 guesses which one)

who is better at cheering the other up? 

they’re reeeally bad at this tbh both of them are like ‘uhhhh... don’t cry.. please..rlly.. stop’ spoilers it’s bc they’ve never been properly comforted themselves :))))

BUT as time goes on kevin starts clumsily recreating things the foxes have said to him and it’s really sweet, and thea can be v mellow when they’re alone together, so she’ll take his bad hand and massage the tension out of it, and smooth his hair back and tell him what an idiot he’s being but like.. fondly

who’s the one that playfully slaps the other all the time after they make silly jokes?

nope

who is more streetwise?

I still know nothing about thea but I’m willing to bet that it’s her bc she’s been out in the world for longer?? idk where she was before evermore but she’s already building a life for herself after it when we meet her. kevin’s fresh out of it. he’s messed up but he was messed up indoors under lock and key. all he has now is a little experience from columbia and from watching andrew

who is more wise?

tough to say? I get the feeling that thea knows better than kevin? idky she just..... knows

he’s oblivious at best tbh he knows obscure facts and exy exy exy. thea does too but she also has that practicality and survival baked into her. she seems sharp to me

who’s the shyest? 

not really shy so much as unwilling to show mmmmm anything about themselves until they’re in deep. Thea comes in and orders neil out of the room the first time she meets him ! like she has every right to be pissed but she doesn’t seem stressed that she’ll be disobeyed or come across as rude. I think she’s familiar with being listened to. kev has that sickly media personality and a seven layer cake of repression underneath that so..

pick ur poison. they’re both mostly bravado anyway

who boasts about the other more? 

again, in a perfect world, kevin’s bragging about thea

but as is thea gets all these questions about kevin in interviews and she’s like “hi we’re here to talk about me” but if they ask the right question she’ll get this sly smile and drop them some subliminal messaging type hints about their relationship and move on

kevin’s more sputtery and obvious about thea. she’s his weakness

who sits on who’s lap?

I bet it’s both bc kevin’s obsessed w thea’s thighs on either side of his lap & her weight on top of him and thea likes how pliant and focused kevin gets when he’s looking down at her