#ori hates cals

[paperweightfeatherlight02]

I’m literally recovered (failing to starve)

[lovesosweeet]

better left unsaid // cth

chapter forty one

in which orion has leukemia, and calum doesn’t know.

calum hood x fem!oc

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november 21, 2018 san diego, california orion

I wake up at an excruciatingly early hour, incredibly achy and just feeling awful. I knew this would be part of letting my body ride out whatever leukemia has in store for me. That doesn’t mean that I feel any better about how awful I feel. 

It’s not even 5:00 yet. The alarm clock on my windowsill reads 4:48. 

I do what I seem to do best these days, grabbing my phone to scroll on Twitter more than I probably should. 

@ILoveCashton: anyone else feel like cashton is… gone? Idk how to explain it

@5SOSItalia: Replying to @ILoveCashton: no same! something is weird. 

@5SOSNo1: already missing tour! </3 but hope cal can get the time he needs to heal. we can all tell he needed a break by the end.

@5SOSFangirl: Replying to @5SOSNo1: 100%. Cal needs time to separate himself from her, for sure.

@OrixnSux: god i’m so glad they finally broke up @OrixnSux: anyone could see how awful she was @OrixnSux: i met her in the pit at a show once and she was SO entitled. thankfully cal is finally away from her. excited to have our man back!

@CalGirl2011: Let’s cheer @Calum5SOS up! Reply to this using #SmilesforCal and show him how many of us are here for him! 103 Replies

@5SOSFan14672: Oh my god Cal and Luke’s version of Yellow has me on the FLOOR!!!!!!! SOBBING!!!!!

@CashtonGirlie: Replying to: @5SOSFan14672: FUCK THIS HURTS @MikeyPizza4: Replying to: @5SOSFan14672: he deserves the whole damn world

@CalumStan: hate seeing how sad cal is. It hurts seeing someone so special look so hurt.

@ILoveCalumHood5: cal deserves the world. RT if you agree! @ILoveCalumHood5: ori*n deserves to rot in hell. RT if you agree!

@CorionFan: i still can’t wrap my head around the breakup @CorionFan: do we actually have confirmation or is this all just a speculation of sad shit from cal?

@5SOSUSA: Replying to @CorionFan: no we have confirmation. someone asked orion in person and she confirmed.      @CorionFan: Replying to @5SOSUSA: damn. :( 

@5SOSUSA: haven’t ever seen cal this sad. If you see this @Calum5SOS, we love you!!!

The Tweets and the photos posted from onstage and the clips of Calum being silent in interviews all send me into a spiral. I break down and fall into a weird, exhausted, in-between state of crying, sleeping, and crying again. My dreams aren’t restful. It’s always an unrelenting torture session of seeing Calum torn apart again and again by my news. I wonder when the last time I actually had a good night’s sleep was, and guess that it was probably before I broke up with Calum. Long before it.

When Emelia walks into my room around 8:00, I’ve been up for a few minutes and am already crying again. She comes to my bedside, perching on the carpet in front of me with worry written all over her face. 

“What’s up, babe?” She asks. I know that she knows the answer without me saying anything.

“Em,” I whimper. “I... I miss him so much.”

Emelia nods an reaches out to rub small circles into my side. “I know, O.”

“I can’t reach out, though.”

She sighs and looks at me with worry. “Orion, I swear, he’ll answer you.”

I want to believe she’s right, but our last few interactions have me doubting everything about my relationship with Calum. Actually, I can’t say that. I don’t doubt the strength of our relationship a few months ago, it’s just that whatever we’ve been since then is hazy and blurry and the bounds are unintelligible. I know nothing has changed for me, but I don’t know the extent of how things have changed. 

I grab the box of tissues on my nightstand to blow my nose, which is all runny and gross from crying so much. As I blow my nose, I look down at the tissues and groan as blood starts to soak them. Of course my nose would bleed now. Through teary eyes and with fresh tissues shoved up my nostrils, I look at Em, feeling helpless and tired and awful.

“I don’t know how to do this, Em. I don’t know how to get out of bed or eat or fucking breathe anymore. Everything is broken, and I’m the one who broke it.” 

The pity on Emelia’s face makes me unable to look at her. She’s on the brink of tears too. 

“It’s gonna be okay,” she quietly says. She’s trying to be soothing, but it’s not working.

“It’s not, though! I’m going to die! It’s not going to get better, Em. This is it. Nosebleeds and crying in bed and not being able to eat… this is my life.” 

I look back at Emelia and she’s now crying along with me. I hate to do this to her, but I can’t do anything else right now.

“I fucked up my life. I’m fucking up your life. I fucked up Cal’s life. I fucked up Ashton’s life and Mike’s and Luke’s and my moms’ and Eri’s and—“

“You’re not fucking up our lives! Sure, you made a mistake — with good reason — with Calum, but you are not at fault for having cancer, O. It’s not your fault.” 

I look at her, tears blocking almost all of my vision. “Ash and Cal aren’t even speaking!”

“That’s not your fault!”

“Yes! It is! I ruined them. I ruined everything, Em. I…” 

I know what I want to say, but I trail off, not wanting Emelia to have to hear it. 

I deserve to die.

Michael’s texts may have hurt to read, but I now think he was far more accurate than anyone else has been. Karma has come around for me. 

Emelia gets in bed next to me and hugs me tightly. “You didn’t ruin everything. We all still love you just the same.” 

Do they? Does Calum? I hate to think it, but he’s really the only one that’s at the front of my brain. He's the only one that really matters.

“I don’t know, Em. I feel so… lost. I used to think I was a good person, but I don’t know if I am anymore.”

Emelia is still crying next to me, and it sends a pang to my chest to know I am making her cry right now, or at all. “You’re still the best person I know.” She sniffles and hugs me even closer. 

We cry together for a while and I feel like my head is pounding. The inevitable sickness is kicking my ass today. 

“Can you get me some Nyquil? I think I need to nap.”

Emelia nods and wipes under her eyes. “Sure, I’ll be right back.” 

Emelia gets up and leaves the room, coming back a few moments later with the bottle of green liquid in hand. She wordlessly opens it and pours me a dose of it, handing it to me for me to gulp it down. She hands me my water so I can wash out the taste. 

We’re both still crying.

“I’ll let you take a nap, okay? I’m just down the hall in the guest room if you need me.” 

She doesn’t wait for me to respond before she leaves. We both need to be alone. I hear her cry quietly as she walks to the guest room and shuts the door behind her. I don’t think she knows that I can still hear her, because what she does next breaks my already shattered heart even more. 

“Ash?” She asks quietly, sobs making her voice wobbly. “Hey, I just… fuck. Everything is so bad. I don’t know what to do!”

I do my best to block it out, not wanting to hear her private venting session with Ashton. I turn on white noise and put a pillow over my head, flipping over to face away from the light and closing my eyes. I do want to sleep, and my body knows that’s what I need.

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[bitchcakcs]

have you ever noticed that ( jessica drew ) from the ( marvel universe ) looks a lot like ( meghan ory  )? but ( she ) also goes by ( spider-woman ). Having the abilities of ( bio-electric spider physiology & pheromone secretion ) sure makes them a force to be reckoned with. they’re known to be ( tenacious, ) but also ( capricious, ) and they’re ( ~eighty ( due slow aging experiments), physically thirty-five ) ) years old.

{ trigger warnings : mental illness, mentions of suicide attempts, child abuse, sexual abuse, torture, overall hydra bs, comas, experiments/medical stuff, kidnapping, and pregnancy ─> ive indicated which sections contain each. }

hey everyone, me again!! here’s my second baby aka jessica drew!! more about her under the cut~

INTRODUCTORY INFORMATION ABOUT JESSICA //

okay so jessies backstory is going to be pretty similar to her comic canon along with a few of my own head canons sprinkled in. the biggest change will be some alterations to her pregnancy backstory, which i’ll explain based on what cal and i plotted for jessica and carol.

JESSICAS CHILDHOOD BACKSTORY & ESCAPING HYDRA // ( has most of the triggers here, pls skip over this if it’s likely to trigger you <3 )

jessica’s father was a hydra scientist, who used her as his lab rat, experimented on her, and is responsible for her powers.

when jessicas mother was pregnant with her, she was exposed to her father’s experiments. in nothing short of a miracle, jessica was born healthy, or so they thought.

when jessica was a kid, her exposure to the uranium on her family’s estate made her incredibly sick to the point of near death, coupled with what would be revealed as a subtle DNA match of wundagore widow DNA in her blood, and so her father injected her with more DNA of the wundagore widow to try and turn her into his precious experiment that’d salvage years worth of failed research

while her father was abusing her mother in front of her, jessicas bioelectricity activated and she attacked her father, then fell unconscious

when she awoke, she was naked and surrounded by male hydra agents, now a full grown teenager.

hydra brainwashed her into perceiving all of her loved ones as demented creatures. they also had her manipulated by one of their male agents into believing he loved her. this was her first boyfriend.

hydra trained her in multiple styles of martial arts. she was personally trained by the taskmaster and worked under the tutelage of one of hydras supremes, otto vermis.  

jessicas first assignment was to infiltrate shield and murder nick fury. but shield showed her the truth of what hydra had done to her and of her origin story

jessica betrayed hydra, escaped, dyed her hair brown, and ran away. she lived briefly in london where she connected with mordred the mystic and a sorcerer named the magnus, the latter of whom taught her how to acclimate back to civilization.

she moved to LA, where she made her first friend, lindsey, in a therapy group. she worked as a bounty hunter in LA until moving in with lindsey in san fcanscico.

shield and hydra both started trying to track her down. hydra found her, and her boyfriend confessed to having manipulated her so she’d stay loyal to hydra. in a 24-1 battle, jessica murders taskmaster, her ex boyfriend, and the other hydra agents.

nick fury again attempts to reach out to jessica, this time telling her he knows her parents are alive. she finds her mother brutally murdered on the bed and finds her father’s research

jessica then goes undercover to seduce otto, pervy old man, to try and discover information about her origin and about her father. they try to kill her, and reveal that madame hydra wont be happy when its presumed jessica’s dead. (more on this below)

she decides to infiltrate hydra again, this time she finds her father, and when it’s revealed he only cares about her because she’s his experiment, jessica’s conditioning kicks in. she reveals that hydra tortured her for her entire life, leaves the facility, and then meets the next legacy of her father’s experiments: other spider-mutated girls, just like jessica. she blows the facility up and leaves.

she went back to her place with lindsey and worked in San Fran as a PI. there, she earned a reutation as the dark angel of san fransisco.

DEPOWERED & REPLACED // ( mentions of suicide attempts & mental illness, kidnapping )

during her time as a PI, jessica went on several adventures. for one thing she found for herself an archenemy in Morgan le fay. In one of these particular magic-related brawls, she was left powerless.

she helped out the x-men by letting them move in with her

she continued working as a PI, powerless, even doing investigation on the criminal territory of madripoor

as her powers started coming back, she teamed up with the heroes for hire. she also worked with jessica jones on a case involving mattie franklin.

however, her powers kept fluctuating, and so she accepted a deal with madame hydra herself, who’d become obsessed with jessica because she became convinced she’s jessica mother when morgan le fay convinced her she was meriem drew. as part of the deal, jessica had to join shield as a double-agent to give information to hydra. fury figured it out and used jessica to spread false information for hydra

at this time though skrull queen veranke kidnapped and replaced jessica. jessica was held a prisoner of war on the skrull’s ship for two years. and most everyone regarded jessica cruelly after she got back, because they were reminded of queen veranke, who was responsible for the skrull invasion.  

she became extremely depressed this time, and attempted suicide by venom blasting herself in the head

jessica joined sword, the european version of shield, and began hunting down skrulls

the rest of jessicas adventures after this time involve her working as an avenger and dealing with the spider-verse. there she seduced Morlun and became his “lover,” gathering the information that would let them defeated the inheritors. she was killed during the secret wars, but the timeline was undone.

PREGNANCY & PRESENT //

jessica did get pregnant, but instead it was as a surrogate for carol’s baby. gerry is therefore carol’s biologically.

the rest of the pregnancy, giving birth on a skrull ship she was invading with carol at her side, remains canon

she decided to work part-time as a hero so she could be around more for gerry but also show him what it means to be a hero.

now she works as a freelance PI, part-time hero, rogue shield agent, and committed mom. she’s a full time Spider-Mom though and wants to love on all the spiderlings always.

A BRIEF SYNOPSIS OF HER POWERS//

jessica is one of the totemic avatars (weird spider-verse shit). aka she’s a strong baby

superhuman strength, speed, stamina, durability, agility, reflexes, flexibility, and enhanced hearing

containment immunity: of all radiation, drugs, poisons, and toxins

wall-crawling

bioelectric venom blasts

accelerated healing factor and slowed aging

pheromone secretion: of fear/repulsion and sexual/attraction pheromones

self-propelled glide — she used to be able to fly. now it’s just gliding.

MISCELLANEOUS//

raging lesbian ok thanks

crippling fear of rats

shield agent rank 7

has an obsession with her red, classic american motorcycle. seriously, it’s her baby

i imagine she actively stifles her english accent, which was a defence mechanism in the past to stay hidden from hydra and shield, then stuck

she constantly dyes her hair brunette, hates wearing it blonde

lowkey Sex Addict™ . but also was taught sex should be weaponized. v similar to black widow in this respect

will respond to jessica, jess, or jessie (or spock, to carol)

shes a sad baby who needs all the love ok????

so that’s it for my baby jessica!! let me know if you want to plot! im so excited to write her with all of you!! <3