#other people are operating without the pain and fatigue and jetlag
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i wish i didn't need so much external validation that i'm not worthless but my desire to perform well has been ingrained in me since early childhood
#it is v difficult when you can't function like other people#other people are operating without the pain and fatigue and jetlag#they naturally sleep at night and wake up in the morning#they don't have to rest in bed for several days after exerting themselves#they don't wake up unable to move#none of my accomplishments matter bc i'm physically too far behind everyone else#and it's hard not to see that as an indicator of my worth as a person and the value i contribute to society#bc if i don't earn money then how am i earning my right to exist#but that's a stupid way of thinking. no other animals think that way lol can you imagine a cat having an existential crisis#but still all the time i want to hear ''you're doing a good job'' ''you're not lazy'' ''you're not a leech'' ''you've accomplished a lot''#this is what happens when you're a really good student and nothing else#until you get diagnosed with multiple Try Making it to Class Like This You Loser diseases 😐#and then school is over and you made zero connections and have zero prospects bc it was all you could do to fuckin graduate w honors#bc that's all that mattered
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