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intellectualtomfoolery · 1 year ago

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DREAM

This unimpressive archive of mine consists of a dream. I had it years ago when I was in third grade and my power of perception wasn't as strong back then as it is now so I didn't ponder much about it.

Have you ever dreamt that you were falling from an extreme height? This one here is quite common. Everyone has this one at least once in a lifetime. I do too, a lot infact. Many people say that we see this when we almost die in our sleep. They say, angels carry our soul away but while doing it, their hands sometimes slip, and as they slip, we do too and fall. As we fall, our soul becomes conscious and because of that, all we experience is the fall. We become frightened and there is a sinking feeling in our chest as we feel the air climbing skyward at an extremely swift pace. We feel our sides burn as we brace for impact. But just as we are about to hit the earth, we wake up with a throbbing in our heart. Cold sweat and quickened breaths.

But this isn't the dream I want to talk about. It's similar but then again, it's not.

Imagine you're falling just like you are in the last one, but it's different this time. There isn't an end to it, no ground. You're not just somewhere, why, you're in space! But there is no gravity in space, silly. I know, I know. But bear with me for a little while. So just like in the previous one, you're falling but faster. You're a thousand times more freightened than you were when you were falling towards the earth. The sinking feeling in your chest is a thousand times worse. But you're not just freightened because of the fall, but also, there is a fact for you. There is no end to the drop. Knowing this by itself torments you. Then you pray silently that this was just a dream, and that you're actually falling too but towards the earth because that's something you'd rather do than experience such anguish. The pain is unbearable and eternal. There is nothing you can do but wait. Wait? For what? You don't have any knowledge about where you're going to end up but you feel hopeful. So you wait.

Back home, your parents are growing old. Their bones have become weak. Skin sagging. Brain rotting. The house is cold. Lifeless, even. There used to be a time it was full of laughter. Life. Then something happened. Something unexplainable. The old couple, not so old at the time, gave up everything they had in trying to find

(you)

their child. They don't speak of it anymore. It hurts. It hurts too much.

Here we are again, experiencing the eternal fall. You wish it gets over soon or else you're going to be late for breakfast and your mother will be mad at you. Dad's asleep, probably. You have to be careful not to make a sound while you're getting ready for school. You don't want to disturb him. However, you don't stop falling. The drop is infinite- the number 8 knocked over to its side. Soon, you're not freightened anymore. All you can do now, is look around. You look around into nothingness. You may spot a star or two if you're lucky. You count them. If you get to twenty, you win the game. However, the nothingness will swallow you. It'll swallow you whole. The occurrence is very much anticipated, inevitable. So you drop, drop into the

(void)

black, heart of darkness.

There is something almost elegant about the colour black. You like it a lot. It soothes you and gives you chills at the same time.

Congratulations though, you are a now a long way from home. You have been awake for too long. How many times did you actually blink since you took off from god-knows- where? I think its time to get some shut-eye.

It was a dreamless little nap. Wait? How long were you actually asleep? There are no clocks or watches in space. For you it seemed for a few minutes but you felt well rested. You felt... relaxed. Did I stop falling? You stopped falling! Well this isn't any better either. You can't get home now.

So if you're not falling, what is happening? You look around. You're drifting. You stretch your arms out, wiggle your feet and attempt to swim in the dark. You are surrounded by nothing but blackness. There is no air so you don't feel yourself going further. You look around, searching for stars or distant galaxies or even a drifting bit of rock. You flail your arms and legs around wildly.

You're trapped. For eternity. There is an ache in your chest. A terrible one. You want to cry but there are no tears. You open your mouth to scream but produce no sound. You lose hope but keep looking around as there is not much to do. Black, black again. Wait, what's that? Oh yeah, more black. You close your eyes and open them again. No surprise, more black. You never hated black as much as you do now.

You see a faint white glimmer from the corner of your eye.

(Huh? What is that? Maybe all that falling has messed with my brain. Yes, that's exactly what it must be.)

Nevertheless, you turned you head towards it, tried to swim towards it knowing quite well that it won't do you any good. You're not getting anywhere with that. Instead, that light follows you! Is that a star? Or is it a galaxy? If it is a galaxy, am I moving towards it or is it moving towards me? If I'm moving towards it does that mean that my hopeless swimming attempt worked or am I still-

(Am I still falling?)

Don't worry, you're not falling. You're swimming!

So you reach towards the light. You swim, swim and swim.

You soon catch speed. Now you're speeding towards the light, but you are not moving your arms or legs. You're not doing anything by youself. There is a force. A strong, unknown force that attracts you towards itself. The light is getting nearer and nearer. The nearer it gets, the warmer it feels. The warmth is pleasant for a while but then you start burning. Your skin feels like it's on fire. Your brain is

(melting)

getting hotter by second. The light is blinding. It is

(blinding you.)

Here we experience a time skip. It's like one of those times you forget some context of a dream you just had

(A dream?)

and only remember some part of it. The time skip starts when the luminous object is speeding towards you. You have already accepted death. You're life is passing by in front of your eyes.

(Dad's gonna love this card I made for him.)

(I can't swim!)

(Huh? A prefect?)

(I love drawing)

(I wanna grow my hair so long!)

(I'd like to cut my hair, please.)

(I don't like wearing this.)

(You should make peas often, Mama.)

You're four, you just discovered that you can sing better than most kids in your class. You're five, now. You just wrote your first ever story and are excited to show it to your parents. Now, you're six. You are not really fond of your lazy-eyed class teacher this year- not that being lazy-eyed is the reason, mind you. Ah, seven. Short hair made you look silly so now you wanna grow your hair, grow it as long as Rapunzel's! Eight. You realized that braids make you look like a teacher's pet, you want to get your hair cut now.

But enough of that. You need to say your last prayer before you die. Maybe that might save you. So you join your hands, close your eyes and start away-

(Our Father, who art in heaven-)feels like- (Hallowed be Thy name)someone is holding- (Thy Kingdom come-)a burner-(Thy will be done on earth-)next to- (as it is in Heaven-) your skin-(Give us this day-Jand you are-(our daily bread-)burning up- (and forgive us or tresspasses-). You're skin is glowing- (as we forgive those)a bright shade of red- (who tresspass-). Your life feels like- (against us-)a sentence and- (Lead us not-)this is it.- (into temptation-)This is the- (But Deliver us-)end. The- (From evil-)Full Stop.

(Amen.)

Stars, you think, are peculiar little things. Some are just too small to be seen. Okay, give yourself a break, you're a child. Not old enough to understand the fact that stars are actually giants. Hot giants.

You do know what giants are. Although, according to you there are limitations, like the enormous Nordic giants. The World Serpent always fascinated you whenever you read works of mythology. Fascinated, because the serpent's body is so long that it wraps around the earth. If it shifts ever so slightly, the earth starts to shake. But that was all you ever limited your imagination to.

You open your eyelids just to be blinded. Only for a moment, though. Your mouth falls open as you struggle to adjust to the sight before you: a slow but gradual motion of stars. You carefully try to observe the figures they form in all their mightiness. Giants, maybe?

As you so curiously behold the terrifyingly surreal sight before yourself, you feel as as if you're trapped in a Lovecraft novel.

(helpless)

What you saw at that very moment was indeed way beyond your compehension. The uncanny euphoria took hold of your thoughts. Alas! You weren't able to think at all. All you could do was admire the macabre figures shifting gradually, performing a sort of... ritual? Perhaps.

You felt as if the gods themselves had sighted you.

(are they really the gods? Or is that merely an astute observation?)

The gods, in all their divine glory. Shifting magnificently for their so-called ritual.

Big is the word you would've naively used to describe them, for you were but a child. Words like panoramic and omniscient were yet to take place in your vocabulary.

The shapes resembled cave paintings- vague and implactical. They made no sense, but they did. Their existence as a whole did. They were the ones that crafted the mountains and the plains, the oceans and the lakes- minuscule in contrast to their own immesurable glory.

The giants- or how you liked to call them- gods were faceless. They displayed no emotion

(for they existed beyond it)

and no sign of the awareness of your existence. Or perhaps, your existence was the last thing they were aware of.

But oh- just a moment! And they all proceeded to turn towards the likeness of you. Caught in place, you felt. Like a deer in the headlights.

(was it really you who was the 'deer' in this dynamic?)

All their godly motions came to a halt.

("you're not supposed to be here")

Why? Weren't you the ones that created me? Weren't you the ones that enabled me to think? To feel? Why is it that you push me away?

("you're mistaking us for someone else")

[pause]

What-

[ZAP!]

Static ensues. You're blown to pieces.

[you are met with light]

You wake up, clutching your heaving chest. Your insides feel like they're contorting inward. As you calm your breath, you sit up on the bed. Eyes wide. Staring listlessly into the-

(black heart of darkness)

-void.

#surrealism #macabre #outer space #aesthetic #writing #dreamcore #weirdcore #space #“dream” is like the best title i can come up with for this #what am i doing with my life #it's kinda 🌌🌌🌌🌌#Spotify

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