#outofwrench

[southernbelleengineer]

Im tired.

Im exhausted.

And I just want this mess to be done with.

No, this doesn't mean I don't care about the issue at hand. But, when you have mental illnesses, and already went through so much personal shit in such a small period of time, the everpresent negativity spotlight in the news and on the internet is disheartening. Disheartening, draining, and exhausting.

I'm at the point where I only have forks, not spoons, and im consistently being "stabbed" by em. Couldnt do the distance learning thats in place, the time im being "locked away" from the love of my life (and the ONLY thing keeping me going rn) is extending. And if I leave the campus I'm on, I cant come back. So id end up more homeless than i already am.

My (albeit toxic) mother disowned me (ive had to pull my knife on her equally shitty bf in jANUARY), and my birthday? Next friday. Its supposed to be a happy time for me, but all i want is to keel over and die.

This is a vent post because im at my fucking limit with everything. I may be white, but fucking christ im Demisexual and Panromantic. I know the shit LGBTQ+ people in the past went through. Please dont fucking come flying at me about "Oh you need to care more about X, Y, and Z" in the notes because i can and will block.

I wish to shout my troubles to the void, i do not wish the stars to shout back at me.

[southernbelleengineer]

(But there will come a time where those come in handy)

the only domestic instinct my parents have managed to pass on to me is the tendency to hoard multiple plastic bags in another plastic bag despite the fact that I will probably never need this many plastic bags in my adult life

[southernbelleengineer]

(-aggressively shrugs???-)

[district6smechanic]

Thinking about a verse where Kaylee was in the games and won... still trying to figure out what games would work and how she wone

[southernbelleengineer]

iF UCKING L I V E FOR THE NINJA/BADASS PRINCESS E S

if you think shrek 3 sucks think again

[southernbelleengineer]

Ok. I need help..... big time....... During the majority of may, I got horribly sick with a uti turning into sepsis and nearly killing me, and work has completely taken me off the schedule, leaving me with only $15 to my name. I have no where to go, and my aunt is giving me till tomorrow to find a place to stay. No one I know can house me, and I literally have only clothes and select few bedding items. I have no money for a hotel or anything, and I have no idea what the hell Im going to do.  The goal is a bit high, but Im accounting for hotel taxes and fees, not to mention transportation there.....

[southernbelleengineer]

mmmmm i love my odd anxiety/possible ptsd triggers

[southernbelleengineer]

Psssssssst

(It my bday!!!)

[southernbelleengineer]

Mmmmm tfw depression and anxiety hit you so hard that you get into a deep ass rut and you loose absolutely all your will to do anything

[southernbelleengineer]

Tfw familial stress has affected you to the point where your already bad short term memory has gotten worse.

[southernbelleengineer]

Me: *is trying to find out if a guy is ready to hang after he asked me if i wanted to*

Me: *has been ready for like, over an hour and hasnt heard back from him*

Me: *has finally given up and is staying home*

Me: I just love making plans with friends ((((((((:

[southernbelleengineer]

Ah yes, i love waking up to a text message from my aunt tellimg me i have two weeks to move out of her apt and it puts a damper on my whole day.

[southernbelleengineer]

Bleh

Im such a horrible rp partner yall. 

Im sometimes never on, and when i am i just...stop replying to threads i have going cause i keep loosing muse so easily nowadays.....

needless to say, living with my family mentally and emotionally exhausting, on top of my job where i legit have to fake being happy all the time to save face for kids and parents who come in, and i think this is why i feel do drained, empty, and out of ideas for threads. 

im so fuckin sorry about all of this... usually writing helps keep me somewhat sane, but im wearing thin with the exhaustion and emotional drainage i get from my family all the time, and now even writing isnt helping anymore. I tried scheduling a therapist appointment, but my funds went so much faster than i wouldve liked, especially when i had to pay my mother $80 for a kennel, or else we would loose our dog. 

[southernbelleengineer]

iM NOT THE ON L Y ON E

I feel like the real peril of growing up Christian that no one really talks about is how deeply veggie tales songs get embedded into your fuckin head like a ticking time bomb of inanity

it could be decades later and you’re minding your own business in line at the grocery store or on the bus or trying to fall asleep and from the depths of your brain comes “the bunny, the bunny, ooh I love the bunny”

you’ll never be free

[district6smechanic]

Sneaking back on this blog because need to breath life back into this bean

[district6smechanic]

“Everything is shiny,

                       Don’t you fret, none.”

Loved by Steph.

Mun has about 10+ years of rp expirence