#paints mcspectrum

[offbookkeeping]

21. Murder on the Picturesque Express with Scott Aukerman

Plot summary:

A murder takes place on a picturesque old timey train. Paints McSpectrum, an artist/detective is tasked with solving the crime. He meets a rich blind little boy named Specs and a poor little girl named Janely who are best friends. A grandfather and his two grandsons, Griseldo and Greg, get in the way of the train detective Detective Montgomery and his apprentice Fiffle Mplopple. They discover that the floor of the caboose is coated with blood and red blood paint and that Specs' parents have been dismembered. Specs says that the body parts couldn't have belonged to his parents because his father's penis was bigger than that (how would he have known, he's blind). Eventually he accepts that his parents are dead. Griseldo and Greg try to solve the murder on their own to appease their Daddy Grandpa but they're scrappy kids and don't succeed. They meet a german knife salesman and a mexican maraca salesman. Janely talks about how there are no laws protecting her and how she has to work on the factories and gets one free club sandwich a month. She gives it away to another child worker. She asks Specs how many sandwiches he gets and realizes she'd have to work for 11 years just to get the same amount of food. Specs gets paranoid and assumes he killed his parents. Griseldo and Greg are told that they can call their grandfather Daddy Grandpa if they saw the crime. Specs is murdered immediately after being accused of murder. Fiffle and Detective Montgomery break up after Detective Montgomery fires him. He jumps off the train to his death I assume. The detective is accused of murder and is then murdered. Daddy Grandpa is also murdered, leaving Greg, Griseldo, Marco Rodriguez, Janely remain. Marco is killed. The knife salesman is also murdered. Greg and Griseldo are then murdered. Janely is the only one remaining and she's accused of murder but she denies it because she's just a poor dining cart girl. Fiffle reveals that he didn't kill himself and that he's actually the murderer because he got tired of his lover Detective Montgomery solving boring crimes. Janely sings a song about she's going to try to kill Fiffle with a maraca but he kills her. He stabs Paints immediately after. It turns out the knives were fake and everyone's alive. Fiffle is taken to prison and then hell.

Best quotes:

• "Seems like you've been pretty horny for sandwiches this whole time"

Best songs:

• Knives und Maracas

Thoughts Overall:

HELL YEAH PAINTS MCSPECTRUM! Arguably the most iconic Off Book character besides Peter the fire duck (whack whack!) and Syntrax. I adore Zach's German accent. Also he's terrible at math and it's very endearing.

[mistershoestied]

random things i remember happening on off book (the improv musical podcast) (in an effort to convince y'all to listen to it):

there's a man named Paints McSpectrum who is a famous artist (and also solves mysteries!)

there's an episode about a peasant family visiting a lovely village in which, among other things, they accidentally start the dancing plague

in the same episode there's a trio of witches who like fishing who say "cackle cackle bait and tackle" instead of "double double toil and trouble"

one time they sang a song about professor x and magneto hooking up

they did an episode about building an amusement park themed entirely around a writhing mass of eels

they have a returning act called "Every Place I Cry" that's like a really emo boy band it's great

there's an ep about the oregon trail featuring a really fancy horse that used to do dressage and an ox that wants to fly

one time they did a song summarizing the plot of guardians of ga'hoole except they didn't actually know the plot and were just making it up (it features jess singing "ga'hoole! ga'hoole!" in the background in an owl voice)

in the same episode (i think) they did a song about fireflies by owl city. like. a song about the song fireflies. and they were right about it

i don't know how to describe 12345678BYE but they're here to try on jeans and take a fry and i love them

in another episode a little kid sends the president into a coma because she can't do a push-up

in emo knights there's a guy named Stu whose traits are: himbo, and really good at making stew. he has eight brothers who are also himbos but not good at making stew

[mulaneysbutt]

I went to Earwolf’s insta story and heard bits of James Pilot Pilot of Time AND Paints McSpectrum!!!!

UM ARE THEY RECORDING AN ALBUM DO YOU THINK?! 

also i’m SOOO behind idk that first one

[offbookkeeping]

okay this is semi obscure but i will now be listing off my favorite off book episodes that you should absolutely listen to right now

(not in any particular order)

• 277. wine from the hospital floor with addie weyrich

• 165. one two tree with eliza skinner

• 146. bachelor quest with the 2 johnnies

• 118. barn of darkness with paul sabourin

• 87. what's in thrift store with sasheer zamata

• 13. attorney at love with nicole parker

• 4. curses curses curses with jamie denbo

• 283. all black everything with ross bryant

• 229. breadtime: who will survive with rachel bloom

• soap opera! with kelly marie tran

• 224. the other scottish play with katie berry

• 83. night at the natural history museum with janet varney and steve berg

• 247. a single pull up to save the president with peter benifaz

• 209. non stop socks! with lilan bowden

• 275. this book only happens when you read it with rashawn scott

• 270. PMS: perpetual mischief season with gilli nissim

• 196. get haim to the greek with shaun diston

• 189. anything goes: in montana with demi adejuyigbe

• 198. can i compare you to a cheese? with sherry cola

• 177. trashassic trash with nick mandernach

• 161. clear eyes, full hearts with arden myrin

• 114. billionaires and future children with carl tart

• 23. o little town of doggywood with paul f thompkins and nicole parker

• 21. murder on the picturesque express with scott aukerman

• 299. clueless: a paints mcspectrum mystery with scott aukerman

• 102. love island: normal edition with elliot glazer

• 29. reborn in the fire with rachel bloom

248. cowminal house (animal house where the animal is a cow) with brendan dowling

• 88. tacoma valley with douglas widick

• 213. moms, bombs, and dante's gone with laci mosly

• 271. kisses to my critics with tim murray

• 250. intermission! with alice stanley jr

• a seastar is born with jeff hiller

• 80. candy crushin' it with mark mcconville

• 81. sean cullen live at sketchfest

• 99. mirage à trois with lucas hazlett

• 102. the cat five and the bad boys with heather anne campbell and nick wiger

• 73. The Dr & the Beast with D'Arcy Carden

• 74. actually, love with matt rogers

• 291. every place i cry live at permanent records

• 110. keeping pace with pace with the cooties

• 75. a cup of christmas with paul f thompkins and nicole parker

• 66. we object to fear

• 228. mariah who are ya? with matt rogers

• 34. zigging through time with ross bryant

• 96. summer stock: the musical with joel kim booster

• 290. the podcast about a ride about a show about YOU with tony rodiguez

• 6. wolf/tuck:LIVE! with d'arcy carden and paul scheer

• 11. shift your north: LIVE! with griffen newman and michael cruz kayne

• 18. touched by a gabriel with ashley ward

[offbookkeeping]

it sucks that off book is the one fixation i have where i can't make an oc for the universe because it's essentially an anthology. except with the wetzels pretzels workers and paints mcspectrum's family i guess