#pattern is successfully tested and missing pattern piece is made!

[tj-crochets]

Lava lamp blorbo!

There really is no feeling quite like discovering a new song that fits your blorbo to a T. Best I can do to convey it is something like

[ateezmakemeweep]

broken (part 2).

san x reader

word count: 12k

angst, fluff (tw: mentions of domestic abuse and rape)

(part 1)

no matter how many times you tried to change your thinking patterns, you still classified your life into two parts: before the abuse and after.

you thought, after watching your ex-boyfriend being escorted out of the courtroom with a one-year prison sentence, that you wouldn’t be scared of him anymore.

you thought that moving out of the house and living in your new apartment would make day to day life easier, not needing to see the floor you were beaten on or counter you were forced to have sex on every day.

you thought that having san would make you feel happy and loved and enough. that having a whole new family unit consisting of seven other crazy boys and a crotchety old lady would be enough.

but as you sit curled up on the bathroom floor with tears in your eyes, you’re seeing you severely underestimated everything. 

underestimated just how much trauma you still had to sort through and how badly that asshole really did mess you up.

six months ago:

“so we have the surveillance footage and witness testimony from your neighbors,” your lawyer explains gently, an older woman with kind eyes and soft-spoken voice that quickly transforms in the courtroom. 

“but a personal statement, if you feel comfortable, would probably guarantee the harshest sentence.”

the harshest sentence being one year, a measly 365 days compared to the 1,825 he subjected you to every kind of abuse: sexual, emotional, mental, physical. 

hitting and grabbing and slapping until your skin was littered with bruises and cuts. 

talking so harshly to you that you believed dying was the best option, stripping you from any sort of confidence or self-esteem you once had. 

making you feel completely inept and useless, solely viewing you as a piece of property he could boss around and use at his disposal. 

you had left the office with shaking hands and a pounding heart, barely being able to dial san’s number before he answered after one ring. 

this was the first appointment you’ve went to without him, insisting he can’t and won’t miss his midterm for this. 

“hi, love. everything go okay?” he asks softly, with the sweet gentle voice that has quite literally kept you alive these past few months. 

you don’t know what you did in another life to deserve san but you know that without him, you probably wouldn’t have made it this far. without his constant support and sweet reassurances, you wouldn’t have believed you could ever do this. 

willingly tell police officers and lawyers about what happened to you, break down and expose yourself in such a way that always made you feel weak and pathetic. 

admit aloud that, yes, you’ve been a victim of abuse and no, those bruises and scars on your body aren’t from clumsy falls into the wall or cabinet. 

without him, accompanying you to the police station or lawyer’s office, where you knew jungkook was lingering, you would’ve never felt safe. 

you would’ve broke down and took it all back, told them that you made it all up and to release him because he didn’t do anything wrong.

but he did so much wrong and you and san know that. the police and lawyers and judges know it too, several outbursts from the man in court and at the station proving that. 

it’s what makes the thought of a personal statement so hard, having to look your ex-boyfriend in the face and watch him stare you down with not an ounce of remorse or sorrow.

san must know it too, if your silence through the phone tells him anything, and you can already hear shuffling in the background as he prepares to leave his class and head to your apartment.   

“are you done with your test?” you ask first, voice sweet but mousy in a way that makes san’s stomach sink

he knew today was gonna be rough for you, he knew he should’ve asked his professor to retake the midterm next week. 

“yes,” the boy answers immediately, knowing he’s about to run back into the classroom, circle c for the last three answers and haul ass to his car. 

“san, are you-”

“i was done, it’s fine, y/n,” he confirms gently, feet moving and body desperate to rush toward your apartment. 

because he knows after all of this time, you’ve learned to hold back your pain and suffering. years of practice and keeping tears at bay that he’s noticed have made these months difficult for you two. 

and he hates knowing that you still wait till you’re alone to cry. 

that even though every time you do, he wipes away every tear and holds you to his chest until you fall asleep, you still feel most comfortable being sad alone.

that you’re probably already home now, about to bury your face in a pillow and sob until you hear his car and wipe your cheeks clean like nothing is wrong. 

but there’s a lot wrong. 

a lot wrong with how you’ve been treated and how hard it is to move past it. 

a lot wrong with the legal system that makes this painful journey even more exhausting, forcing you to recount memory after memory and answer question after question about the worst ordeals of your life. 

that’s why san can’t help but turn in his test and rush out the door to his car, speeding off campus and onto the highway in hot pursuit of your apartment above the bakery.

it had seemed like perfect little place to get you back on your feet, the smell of freshly baked bread and pleasant bustle of regulars greeting you in the early morning hours. 

there was no commute for you, just a walk down the stairs and through the yellow door of the bakery, where simple work waited for you. 

“you just need to ring up the customers and maybe clean a table or two. most people take their things to go,” your boss had told you, a divorced mother of three who spent most of her life baking before she was finally able to open up a place of her own. 

it was simple work but it was more than you’d done in years, something as little as small talk with regulars successfully draining you. filling you with a nervousness and fear that you’re still feeling even without your ex’s presence. 

but it’s in the way a man yells on the phone about a business deal going sour while waiting for his morning coffee. 

a woman chastising her kids saying that they won’t get to eat the cookies she’s buying after dinner. 

the slam of the door when a harsh gust of wind howls from outside and rattles the small bakery with light blue walls and pictures of bread and desserts.

you don’t know how many coffees you’ve spilt or plates you’ve broken from jumping at the harsh sounds, realizing little by little how hard this transition was gonna be. 

even with san and his friends and your boss and the crazy old lady who secured this new life for you in the first place, it’s still hard. 

you can’t even imagine doing all of these new things alone, just living in such a simple way that the average person takes for granted. 

but you suppose it’s not all simple yet, going back and forth between meetings with your lawyer and the police for the court date that’s rapidly approaching. 

you can feel that the closer it comes, the harder it is to breathe. 

the mere thought of seeing the man who hurt you for the longest five years of your life, sitting in front of you with not an ounce of remorse on his face. making  this process even harder because how are you supposed to talk in front of him? 

see clear as day that you’re not safe and you never will be. 

that he’s gonna get out in a year, because that’s the harshest sentence possible without you being hospitalized or dead, and hurt you again. he’s never gonna stop hurting you because he always said you were his and he wouldn’t ever hesitate to-

you don’t even hear the jingle of san’s keys opening the front door or his softly spoken call of your name. 

you’re only aware of his presence when you feel his warm, small hands cup your face, his thumbs rubbing over your wet, salty skin as he mutters your name lowly.

“hey, i’m here, i’m here,” he mumbles sweetly, tone soft and gentle the way it always is no matter what the circumstances are.

he plops down on the couch before pulling you into his lap, his hand rubbing up and down your back gently. you hear the quiet but firm “sh, sh, sh,” against your head, the sharp calming hums always in threes as an attempt to ground you.

you try to focus on his calming sounds and even breaths, the hand on your back so warm and gentle as he lulls your panicked body into a calmer state. 

you bury your face in his chest and breathe in his scent, cologne and detergent mixed with his natural scent that lingers on your pillow every morning. 

“i-i’m sorry.”

the words make his stomach plummet, tears burning his eyes because you never have anything to be sorry for. you never have anything to be sorry for and you say it all the time. 

when you bump into him in the kitchen while making food together.

when you sit on the remote and change the channel by accident.

when you burnt the cookies one night and made the fire alarm go off. 

he remembers that being one of the worse nights, the loud noises making you jump while also flinching away when he lifted his arm up to fan away the smoke. and then you immediately apologized again, cookies long forgotten before he grabbed your hand and led you into the living room. 

he just held your hand as you both watched tv, his thumb rubbing over your skin before you spoke words so quietly, he almost missed them. 

“i wish...i would stop doing that.”

he cranes his neck over to look at you, eyebrow raised and eyes soft as he looks  at you questioningly. 

he wants to tease and say that you’ve never burnt the cookies before but anytime you feel comfortable enough to talk to him like this, he never wants to say the wrong thing.

“i...i know you would never hurt me,“ you continue after a few moments. “and i know i’m just...scared easily, i guess. but it makes me feel bad,” you admit quietly, heart pulling in your chest as you look at the man beside you. 

he has gotten you through the hardest times of your life, has been by your side every step of the way with no questions or complaints, and you haven’t been able to repay him. 

not even with a plate of fucking cookies. 

“you don’t have to feel bad, y/n,” san says gently, his hand reaching out slowly to tuck a piece of hair behind your ear. 

your eyes close at his feather light touch and the way it makes your heart jump, his fingers lingering on you in a way that makes you feel so safe and content. 

“and i know it’s hard to believe still but you have nothing to be scared of either. i’m not gonna let anyone hurt you again and i mean that.”

“but i feel like i’m hurting you,” you mumble softly, pulling your knees up as you rest your head on the couch cushion. his brows pull together as his eyes roam your face, a pout on his lips the more he looks at you in silence.

“you’ve helped me so much and i just...” tears fill your eyes as you struggle to find the words and breathe. you’ve only been living in your new house for two months now and almost every day, san has been here. 

bringing you food, helping you clean and decorate, spending late nights with you watching movies, helping you through an inevitable fit of panic when your memories and life become too much. 

he makes it easier to breathe and you’re scared that without him, you’re gonna stop one day.

“i just keep... taking from you. you get nothing out of helping me but you still do it anyway and i...you shouldn’t even bother, san. i-i’m not worth this time and i just want you to-”

“stop.”

he tries to keep the anger out of his voice knowing that all of this is what you’ve been told. you’ve been told your whole life that you weren’t enough, were only deemed worthy by a piece of shit who did nothing but hurt and berate you. 

but it doesn’t make it any less hard to hear. to hear in your voice and see in your eyes that you truly believe you’re not worth the time he wants to put into you. 

“you’re worth the time to me,” he says, voice gentle but firm in a way that makes a lump form in your throat. his finger reaches out to trace small circles on your hand, your eyes following it so he doesn’t see the tears building up. 

“i like seeing you happy, y/n. and i wanna help you.”

your teary eyes meet his and you swallow the growing lump in your throat when you see the look on his face, soft and sweet in a way you still can’t believe is directed toward you. 

“i feel like i need a lot of help,” you mutter, voice barely above a whisper as you think back to how day to day life is so challenging and draining. 

the loud voices and the screaming kids and banging door that sends you into a panic. the broken dishes and tear stains on your pillow that are there more often than not after san leaves every night. 

but san’s hearing each and every word right now, his heart panging in his chest at how vulnerable you are right now. how you let him see this side of you and continue to despite how hard he knows everything’s been. 

“that’s okay,” he smiles softly, stopping the circles on your hand to intertwine your fingers. “i’m gonna be here as long as you need me, okay?”

you look up to meet his gaze and feel a tear slip down your cheek, a cry bubbling in your throat that you so desperately wanna let out. 

but you also don’t wanna make san any more sad tonight, biting down on your lip as you nod your head before leaning on his shoulder. 

you don’t see the smile that crosses his face or hear the content sigh that leaves him, his hand in yours and presence enough to lull you into a dreamless sleep. 

“you have nothing to be sorry for,” he assures you quietly, looking over your face as he wipes at your cheeks. you meet his gaze and your eyes stay locked on one another, his thumb gentle and soft across your skin.

“did you do good on your test?” you squeak out after a few moments of silence, a smile breaking out across his face. 

“of course i did, we studied all night, didn’t we?” he teases, referring to just last night when you helped him with index cards and read them all to him twice before promptly passing out on his chest. 

a blush crosses your face as you look down in embarrassment, a sweet high pitched laugh bubbling out of him. 

“it’s okay, don’t be embarrassed. your drool only ruined a few of them.”

“i don’t drool,” you mutter, a small smile on san’s face as he tightens his hold on you in his lap. 

“did you eat yet?” 

you shake your head as indistinguishable mumble leaves your mouth, curling yourself into his chest more as his warmth and comforting scent envelop you. 

his lips brush against your hair in a small smile, quietly asking what you wanna eat even though he knows you’re gonna say you don’t care. 

“whatever you want,” you mutter against him, the exhaustion of waking up at 5 am and the draining meeting with your lawyer catching up to you. 

and san knows on days like these that chinese food and watching reruns of old cartoons is usually the thing you need to feel a little bit better. 

pretend that just for a few hours, everything is okay and there’s nothing more pressing than spending the night together in what always turns into having a sleepover. 

because just as you found it difficult to live in that house you once shared with jungkook, san finds it difficult to go back to that block every night. 

stay just a few houses away from where he’s reminded of how you were treated while he was just a few feet away.

watching as the backyard once full of flowers becomes dull and colorless and every window reminds him of what was truly going on behind the walls of that house.

it’s one of the reasons why staying with you just makes sense. that and the fact that leaving you always proves to be the hardest part of the night together. 

you with a pout and sad eyes quietly whining for him to stay and him being completely powerless as he throws himself down next to you and wraps his arms around your waist. 

he’s not surprised when the same thing happens tonight, your eyes drooping and body slacking against him before he quietly asks if he should get going. you look up at him tiredly, eyebrows pulled together and one cheek red from you leaning on his chest in a way that makes him hold back a smirk.

“no,” you say quietly, your eyes roaming his face before you quickly realize he might want to leave you. the thought rips a pang of hurt through your chest but you can’t help but feel that might be the case. 

you ripped him away from his test and cried on him all night. why would he wanna stay with you? 

“unless you want to. i-i don’t wanna force you to stay here if you don’t-”

“of course i want to,” san responds, taking your face in his hands gently and allowing his thumb to run along your soft skin. “i was just checking.” 

because he also never wants to overstep. make you feel too overwhelmed or smothered since if it were up to him, he’d never leave your side again. 

his words and touch send relief through you, the panic and fear that attempted to break through quickly dying it. everything about him makes it so easy to be calm and comforted, a smile making it’s way on your face as you nod. 

you place your head back on his chest, sighing contently when you feel his arm wrap around your shoulder a few moments later. you stare at the tv blankly, not sure how long you’re lost in thought about the conversation at the lawyer’s office. 

“but a personal statement, if you feel comfortable, would probably guarantee the harshest sentence.”

could you really do that though? strip yourself to the most vulnerable degree and proclaim to a courtroom full of people how weak and defenseless you were for five years? how the man who’s gonna be seated just a few feet away over you had that much power over you? 

would you feel better looking jungkook in the face and telling him that you’re gonna be strong and come out okay? that he won’t be able to hurt you anymore and will rot behind a cell for what he’s done?

or would you it make you feel worse? seeing him again and the blankness behind his eyes. the pity and sorrowful looks on the judge and court officers when your voice shakes and eyes brim with tears as you recall your old life.

you’re not even sure if san is awake at this point, his arm heavy around you and breaths even under your head but you can’t seem to stop your tired self from speaking.

“my lawyer suggested i make a personal statement.”

san doesn’t stutter under you, the only sign of him being awake when he hums lowly and gently pulls away from you. the bed dips next to you when he lays on his side, your eyes meeting just as he reaches out to smooth out a messy strand of hair.

“yeah?” he mumbles lowly, his soft eyes roaming your face. “how do you feel about that?” 

the question, despite the serious tension in leaves in the air, makes you smile softly, remembering when your lawyer recommended counseling, you thought back to san waiting in the car and felt as if you already had all the support you needed. 

he has the most patience and kindness of anyone you’ve ever met before and you can’t imagine trusting someone as much as trust him. have someone else hear you this vulnerable and genuine, see you cry and feel all the emotions that come with rebuilding your life after being a victim of domestic violence. 

“i don’t know if i can do it.”

the words make san frown, holding himself up on his elbow as he looks over your face with concern. he can tell you’re tired, eyes hazy and drooping but he also can tell your mind’s been preoccupied. 

more so than usual. 

“i...i don’t know if i could do it with him there.”

“he’s not gonna hurt you anymore,” san reminds you gently, his hand creeping down in between your bodies to take ahold of yours. it’s soft and small and warm and everything about it makes you feel safe. 

“i-i know. but...just him being there. watching me and hearing me say what he’s done when i know he has no remorse. and then telling more people how i let it go on for so long and-”

“you didn’t let anything go on for too long. it wasn’t your fault. y/n.”

tears burn your eyes as a lump forms in your throat, hearing those words from almost everyone in your life but still not having the ability to grasp it. 

it feels like your fault, it feels like you’ve allowed yourself to be treated in a way you knew was wrong for far too long. 

because now look at you. trying to rebuild your life but being panicked when the wind howls just a little too loudly outside. 

you take a few deep calming breaks and swallow as you look at him, eyes hazy and glossy and threatening to close shut; you’re so tired but it’s like your brain never stops going these days. 

“she said...it’d guarantee the harshest sentence. but shouldn’t the evidence be enough? the tapes and the witnesses? why- why do i have to keep going through this?” you whisper, voice shaky and tears building as you look at him. the sight alone makes san stomach sink, rolling his tongue between his lips anxiously. 

“i just want it to be over. i don’t wanna keep recounting what happened over and over and over again. i... it’s so hard, san. it’s so hard and i feel like i can’t do it anym-” 

your words break off as a quiet whimper leaves your mouth, crumbling against san’s body when he pulls you forward and wraps his arms around you. your head falls in the crook of his neck as his hand rests on the back of your head, breathing slowly and evenly as quiet hums leave his mouth. 

“I know, baby,” san mumbles, his lips against your head as he presses a kiss to your hair. “you don’t have to do anything you don’t wanna do, okay? no one can make you do anything.”

"you're hurting me, jungkook," your broken voice tells him, the cracks and pain behind it familiar to even your own ears.

you don't know how many times you've heard yourself like this. so desperate and defeated.

"i wish i didn't have to, babydoll," he says lowly, "but you never listen. you make me do this."

and you don’t even think about if you’re gonna regret it at the time. not use your own voice and speak up in front of the courtroom about what the man on trial did. 

you can only think about his eyes watching you, your friends hearing your voice quiver and shake, the judge maybe not taking your words into account. it all seems too much right now, the crushing weight of anxiety and fear that’s making you feel too weak to do that. 

“you made it this far. and it’s almost all over, okay?” san reassures, his hand stroking your hair as he tries to calm your cries. “if you wanna do it, i’ll be right there next to you. we’ll all be there for you and you’ll be safe the whole time. but if you don’t, that’s okay too. you don’t have to and everything will still be okay.”

and because it’s like the blonde just knows everything when it comes to you, everything is okay - or as okay as things can be under these circumstances. 

your lawyer didn’t bat an eye when you told her you weren’t sure if you could do a personal statement, her hand on your shoulder as she gently tells you that it’s okay. that the harshest sentence would probably still be given, considering the unusual amount of evidence in a case like this. 

you watched jungkook get taken out of court with a one year sentence, thrashing in handcuffs and cursing at you while you gripped san’s hand tightly. 

you had foolishly thought watching that was gonna somehow heal you immediately. 

no longer make you afraid or flinch at the smallest of sounds or movements, make you feel like now you can take san’s words to heart and feel worthy of the love he showered you with. 

but it was with that love, you started to grow too dependent. let it consume you in a whole new way that made you feel like without san, you couldn’t breathe. 

at first, he didn’t know what had triggered the episodes that followed three months after the trial. 

it had seemed as if you were making a lot of progress over the past few months, truly happy and smiley without an ounce of fear in your eyes that had always seemed to linger. 

you were working hard at the bakery, becoming closer with the regulars and even finding it easier to talk with them. they found you comforting and sweet, always greeting them with a warm smile and remembering how many sugars they got with their morning coffee. 

the same warm smile you gave san when he told you he was visiting his parents for his mom’s birthday one weekend, sending him off with a loaf of bread and an array of cookies. 

“don’t eat them all,” you teased lightly, side-eyeing mingi who was one of your many regulars and could also take your advice as he shovels rainbow cookies in his mouth. 

“i won’t,” san smiles gently, looking in mingi’s direction and holding back a laugh upon seeing the boy. 

he was probably the next closest person you came to trust since you all got to know each other, a soft spot for him ever since the moment he deemed sunflowers ‘sunnies’ during the darker times. 

mingi was the happiness and innocence you think you must have had once. finding the good in everything and being happy just because the sun was out and dessert was on the table. 

“and neither should you,” san chastises the younger boy, smacking him in the back of the head lightly. you smile softly at the exchange, holding back a snort as you clean off the table next to the bickering boys. 

the arm around your waist a few moments later would’ve startled you had you not smelt san’s cologne, leaning into him and feeling grateful you’re the only three in the store right now. 

you look over your shoulder and smile softly at him, heart stuttering at the look on his face. eyes full of such concern, you should know he’s about to ask you if you’re-

“are you gonna be okay tonight?” 

he wasn’t ignorant of the fact, the same way you weren’t, that this is gonna be one the first nights you’ve spent alone in months. 

not falling asleep to the gentle lull of his breathing or his arms around your waist. no one to be there if you wake up from a nightmare, where memories torment your body as you hear the shouts of your ex and feel as if your body is still being bruised.

san not being there to wake you with a gentle peck on the cheek before dragging you back to the warm bed when you try to get up for work. 

but you have to be okay, right? you’ve been doing so good these past few weeks. and you’re an adult the same way he’s an adult, it’s ridiculous to think you guys would have to spend every night together. 

“of course, silly” you poke him gently, smiling when his dimples poke out of his cheeks. “have fun with your parents. don’t worry about me.”

“i always worry about you,” he mumbles lowly, his lips ghosting over your hair as you push his chest lightly. he bites back a smile when he sees the blush on your cheeks, pulling away from him immediately so you can stick your tongue out at him. 

and that night, it actually feels as if you’re okay. 

you busy yourself by cleaning and cooking before passing out to the vampire diaries. your sleep is dreamless and calm, waking up to a good morning message from san consisting of a bare-faced, messy-haired selfie. 

but a few days after his return is when he began to notice the little changes. 

behaviors he thinks you weren’t even aware of that made his heart sink into his stomach; it reminded him so much of the first few weeks you were away from jungkook. 

how despite the fear in your eyes, you clung to him because you knew he’d never hurt you. felt safe in his presence and sought him out when you were feeling uncomfortable or upset. 

and he sees you’re back to the place right now, so obviously uneasy and upset despite the major progress you’ve been making. 

it was like the second he came through the door, you had to be by his side. leaning your head on his shoulder as you watched your shows or grabbing his hand when he got up to go to the bathroom. 

at first, he thought it was cute - your clinginess and obvious affection toward him. he thought it was sweet and it made him so happy, smiling softly and kissing the top of your head as he told you he’d be back in a minute.

but the more the weeks went on, the worse it was seeming to get. 

you asking him after only a few hours of him at school when he was gonna be back. nightmares and bad memories haunting you when you’d fall asleep for naps in between your shift ending and his last class. 

“baby... are you sure you’re okay these days?” 

the words cause you to stop stirring the pasta in the pot, craning your neck to where san is sitting on the countertop. 

he meets your gaze with a soft smile and extends his hand out to you, leaning down to press a kiss to your nose before pulling you up.

you squeal at the sensation, giggling quietly because there you two are just perched on the counter like two cats and no regard for the boiling pot of food beside you. 

you giggle again when he places a kiss to your neck, tightening his hold around your waist.

he relishes in the sound of your laugh because it also seems like these days, he’s hasn’t heard it that much. 

“i feel like i haven’t heard that in a while,” he mumbles against your neck, his lips lingering on your skin. he never wants to say the wrong thing with you or make you feel like you’re not doing good enough. 

you pull back and look at him with a small pout, your fingers toying at the end of his shirt nervously. 

“i...i’m okay though,” you tell him quietly, thinking it’s the truth even though you have felt off these days. 

you didn’t know what it was though honestly. it’s felt like ever since san came back from his parents, you’ve needed him extra. clingy and needy and annoying in the sense that the poor man can’t even go away without you needing him. 

and now he seems to know it, too. 

maybe he doesn’t wanna do this anymore. maybe he didn’t sign up for months of you going back and forth, feeling great and confident one week and then back to being clingy and scared the next. 

because you know it’s only a matter of time before two things happens: he gets sick of you and leaves or starts resenting you. doesn’t wanna waste his time with a battered woman when he could be wth fun and carefree college girls. 

“have i been annoying?” 

your blurted out question throws him off as much as it breaks his heart, immediately shaking his head as he cups your cheeks. 

his lips fall into a pout and your eyes immediately fall to them, about to comment on it before he places a sweet, short peck on yours.

you two, despite your close and intimate relationship full of skin-ship, don’t kiss a lot. you can only count of one hand how many times san has kissed you on the lips, most of the time going for your cheek or head.

but you certainly don’t mind. 

you think it’s good to take it slow, since everything else about your relationship is so intense. that’s why the times he does kiss you, you get filled with such a happy warm feeling that usually makes you feel better no matter what. 

that’s how you know you’re not right. that suddenly, for some reason, you’re not okay again despite being so incredibly lucky that the people in you life now care about you. 

they’re trying so hard to help you and it feels like you can’t repay them in any way.

“no, no, baby, not at all,” san says when he pulls back, his thumb gently rubbing your cheek. “i’m just concerned.”

the lump in your throat makes it feel like you can’t breathe, biting your lip harshly as you look up at the blonde. 

“i love that you want me around,” he continues softly, his voice barely above a whisper as he looks down at you. “but i’m just...i also wanna make sure you’re okay.”

you nod your head as you take in his words, slightly calmed by them despite the way your mind is trying to tell you otherwise. 

he loves that you want him around, he just said so. and he wouldn’t put up with you if he didn’t want to, right?

“i’m okay,” you assure sweetly, leaning into his touch just a little bit more. “i guess i just missed you.”

your cheeks flush at the soft, almost touched look that crosses san’s face, his lips falling into a pout as he tightens his hold on you.

“i missed you too.”

boiling liquid splashing onto the stove causes you both to look away, a squeal leaving your mouth as the foamy water overflows the pot. 

“shit!” you squeal, jumping down from the counter to rush over and lower the heat. san watches from his spot with a small smile, chuckling lightly when you throw him a look.

“sorry,” he says sheepishly, a playful roll of your eyes causing him to jump down and hug you from behind.

he presses small kisses and laughs into the crook of your neck as you finish making the pasta, feeding him pieces from the pot to see if it’s cooked enough. 

you eat on the couch and spend the rest of the night watching tv, a relatively calm and relaxed night that makes you feel much better than the past few days. 

you think you just got so used to his presence, the comfort and warmth and light he provides by just being in your apartment and smiling at you. 

you were scared by how attached you’d grown to him, depending on him in a way you think a person who has gone through what you’ve gone through shouldn’t.

but he’s so good and makes you feel loved. it’s such a different feeling than one you’ve ever experienced, after your family and friends and ex-boyfriend let you down time and time again. 

you’ve never had someone like this before but you’ve also never tried to rebuild your life before. never had the chance to be your own person and make your own decisions - it’s something you’re still learning and that’s evident to everyone in your life. 

but the next morning, a pleasant surprise in the form of mrs. kim comes bursting through the door and immediately lights your face with a smile; apart from san and mingi, she’s another person you’ve grown extremely close and fond of. 

she’s the one who made everything possible, rebuilding your life with a new home and workplace. it’s why she always tries to push you further out of your comfort zone and into the real world with gentle prodding and much needed assurance. 

she’s at the bakery for almost two hours before she pulls up a chair behind the register and gets that look in her eye you know all too well. it’s the look she gave you the day you accepted the apartment, insisting you take it and make it your own and to not even think about how to pay her back. 

the look she gave you before the trial as she gave you strength, told you that you were strong and you were gonna get through this, with or without your personal statement. 

and apparently it’s the look she gives you when she broaches the topic of you enrolling back in school. 

“so what do you think?” she asks, tone carefree and excited like she’d been thinking about this for weeks. “is that something you’d wanna do?” 

your immediate thought is yes. yes, yes, yes shout it from the rooftops yes. you miss school and learning and all the experiences that come with getting an education. 

you once loved school and had so many aspirations but then your life apart. the prospect of an education or getting a job was dangled in your face as some sort of manipulation tactic.

that when jungkook went too far and left you especially bloody and bruised, he’d mentioned school like it was the answer to all of your problems as a couple. like that was his penance and would win him boyfriend of the year.

and mrs. kim must see the haunted look in your eye, replaying flashbacks and memories from how choices like that weren’t under your control for the longest time. 

“listen to me, stop staying in there,” she says, flicking at your head and making you wince. “is that something you wanna do? yes or no?” 

“yes but i-”

“but nothing,” the old lady says, wiping out an ipad the boys had been teaching her how to use for the past few weeks; the font is the biggest size you’ve ever seen and has a cat case on that almost makes you burst out laughing upon seeing.

“i was looking at the local school, it’s close and cheap but you could always get some financial aid, scholarships or even a loan,” she begins to tell you, eyes squinted and a wrinkle between her browns as she taps on the screen. “this shit is so hard, i’m still trying to learn. oh, great here it is, okay. look, they even have this major.”

you had mentioned once that you thought about a career in journalism to her, one night when you and her were making cookies in her house as the boys tended to her garden (because they were gardeners now, official, professional gardeners who only know how to plant sunflowers). 

tears almost immediately fill in your eyes as you follow her pruny finger, licking over your lips so you don’t start sobbing. 

she looks up at you after a few moments of silence and it’s promptly followed by her smacking your arm, a scoff leaving her mouth that makes you giggle. 

“what are you crying about?” 

the emotion clogged in your throat makes it hard to speak, attempting to talk through the strange contrast of tears and laughter bubbling in your throat. 

“i just... i can’t believe you remember i told you that. it was so long ago.”

“what? you think because i’m old i don’t remember shit? i’m not a senile, y/n, jesus.” 

a wet giggle leaves your mouth as you listen to her talk about the research she’s done, about how to pay and when you can start and her son’s experience at the local college. 

it all makes you feel very hopeful, excited even, as you think about what once seemed impossible. 

getting out in the world and pursuing a passion you as an individual had. making connections and just conversing with different people and seeing relationships form. 

but all of those doubts and fears instilled in you don’t just go away.

you remember months back when you told san you were writing again, he was the one who recommended going back to school. 

was so happy about it that his eyes were shining and dimples were out and you’d never seen someone more handsome.

but now that you guys are...kind of together, would his mind change? does he not want you talking to other people either now? will he think it’s silly or pointless, since you already have you job at the bakery? 

you know deep down that that’s not the kind of person san is. you knew from the moment you met him and risked talking and smiling and laughing with him that he was good.

but that part of you still scared and broken from what you went through, the prospect of school and freedom dangled in your face as some sort of reward or apology, is scared he won’t approve.

and whether it’s unhealthy or not, all you want is san’s approval. 

“c-can i ask you something?” you ask him later that night, both of you cuddled up on the couch.

a blanket’s thrown over your lap with san’s arm around your shoulder, your head now off his chest as you look up at him questioningly. 

he immediately looks down at you with a soft, curious expression, running his hand through your hair as a small smile makes it’s way on his face. 

“anything,” he hums lowly, already making your nervous body feel slightly more calm. 

you have to try and always remember this is the boy who’s been by your side for months, with no complaints. who saved you from your life before this and only wants you to be safe and happy. 

“i was talking to miss kim earlier today...” you begin, his interest already peeked because he thinks he might know where this is going; he was suspicious ever since the older woman asked him how to make the font larger on her ipad. 

he sees the slight apprehension and fear in your eyes so he takes your hand in his, running his thumb over your skin gently and giving you a small, encouraging nod. 

you take a deep breath and try to shake the worry off, opening and closing your mouth before deciding to spit it out. 

“we...were talking about me going back to school. and i...kind of thought that would be something good for me to do. i used to love school and learning and mrs kim. said there’s a lot of things i could do to pay for it and stuff, if i needed to...” 

his chest hurts slightly watching you stammer over your words nervously, your eyes moving from him to the wall as you start to unconsciously hold his hand tighter. 

“but if you don’t want me to or think it’s a stupid idea, i won’t. i just...wanted to make sure it was okay with you.” 

you don’t see the way san sits there in contemplation as you’re too nervous and toying with the edge of the blanket, his face sympathetic but also a little surprised. 

there’s a lot of things that san is still getting used to, the way you’re so vulnerable and attached to him (in a way he doesn’t mind at all). 

but it’s like right now he’s seeing the severity of it, watching as a grown woman asks for his permission for something she absolutely doesn’t.

it makes tears burn the back of his eyes but he quickly pushes the sensation and desire away, his hand lifting your chin so you made his gaze head-on. 

“y/n...you don’t need my permission to do anything. you... you know that, right?”

your eyebrows pull together almost in confusion that he didn’t immediately respond with a yes or no, head cocked to that side as you lick over your lips nervously. 

he can’t help but think if this was a fault on his part. did he make you feel like you have to ask his permission or approval for things? did he maybe at any point make you feel scared or judged when he’s been doing his best to avoid that?

your harsh grip on his hand brings him back to the conclusion that, right now, this isn’t about him. 

whether he did that or not, he has to make sure right now that you know you’re your own person and don’t need to run decisions by him or anyone else. 

“baby, i think it’s great you wanna do that and will support whatever you wanna do. but you don’t have to ask for...my permission to do anything,” san tells you softly, his hand cupping your face as he presses a kiss to your head; the words ‘his permission’ even feel gross on his tongue.

“i’m happy if you’re happy. and if going to school will make you happy, i’m gonna be supportive 100%. you got it, love?” 

you don’t even know why you’re surprised by san’s reaction but it still brings tears to your eyes, only being able to nod before you bury your face in his chest. 

he bites back a smile at the feel of you against him, running his hand up your back to gently rest in your hair. 

“you still wanna study journalism?” he mumbles against your hair and again, you can only nod so you don’t let out the whimper threatening to leave you mouth.

because it still shocks you day after day that everyone in your life now truly seems to care. 

they remember things about you and want to see you smile, always remind you that you can do whatever you want and are slowly making you see that, maybe, you will be okay in the end. 

it may not seem like a lot to someone who’s been lucky enough to have these things but, for you, it’s something you haven’t ever had before.

the ability to giggle and smile and spend your night with someone who you can see really, truly loves you. who wouldn’t do anything to hurt you and always has your best interests in mind.

that’s exactly why when you fall asleep, san can’t help but turn to look at your sleeping form. he runs his hand through your messy hair, moving a strand from your face and feeling his heart lurch at how peaceful and innocent you look. 

he still can’t get the thoughts out of his heads from earlier, wondering if, maybe, this whole time, he hasn’t been doing the right thing. 

maybe these past few months, you should’ve been rebuilding your life on your own. he shouldn’t have been here every, single step of the way to sooth and coddle and protect you. 

it was something hongjoong said just a few weeks after you moved in and he nearly attacked the boy, asking how he could let you cry alone every night and feel lonely and scared in a new place?

but he also knows that hongjoong is more logical than him. he’s always let his emotions get to him, empathetic and caring almost to a fault. 

and with you, he was always even more clouded. 

now, though, he’s seeing that maybe hongjoong has a point. he’s seen it in the way you’ve become more clingy and dependent on him, something he loves and makes him feel warm but also knows, for you, is a part of feeling safe. 

and as hard as it is for him to admit, he knows you need to feel safe without him. slowly rebuild your own sense of self and security without him always being there to wipe your tears or kiss your face. 

but how is supposed to do that? he thinks, watching your sleeping face with a pained chest and burning eyes.

he’s about to get up to get a glass of water before he hears you whine, both his feet not even on the floor before even in your unconscious you can sense his departure. 

“going to get water, love, i’ll be right back,” he mumbles in your ear, kissing the side of your head when you still and roll back over. 

he gulps down the cool liquid before resting his head on the cold fridge, letting out a sigh as he realizes he may need to have another discussion with hongjoong.

even more so when he goes back into the room and sees your face, the slightest hint of discomfort in your pinched eyebrows and frowning lips. 

you turn back over when he crawls in the bed again, your head on his chest and arm wrapping around his stomach. 

he smiles upon hearing your sleepy voice call his name, dazed eyes staring up at him as he kisses the tip of your nose. 

“hi, baby. i’m back.” 

“i love you.”

the confession make his eyes widen and heart speed up, shocked into silence at those three, sudden words. 

because while it’s obvious that’s how you both feel for each other, your sweet touches and words exchanged since the moment you met one another, you two haven’t ever uttered that sentence. 

never put it out in the open and really discussed your feelings for one another. 

but your eyes are shut and breaths turn even before you can even hear his softly spoken, “i love you,” in return. 

and it’s because he loves you that he tells hongjoong about the thoughts he’s been having, wondering if he’s been doing the wrong thing the whole time and just making this transition harder for you. 

“i think you’re trying to make it easier because you love her and don’t wanna see her hurt anymore.” 

san’s eyes meet hongjoong’s across the dining room table at their house, a house san hasn’t slept or eaten at basically since you moved out; everyone knew where he was and they understood it completely but they also missed their friend’s presence. 

“but...she does need to learn to be on her own, san. she’s never done that before and she’s always been dependent on someone. luckily you’re just...so fucking good that it wouldn’t be a problem. but even with her asking you if she could go to school...she’s not okay, yet, san. she needs to sort her shit out.”

“i don’t want her to be alone,” the blonde admits, voice tight and eyes threatening to water. “i don’t want her to think i’m leaving her.”

“you’re not leaving her alone. you’re just not gonna be attached at the hip 24/7. it’s normal for couples to be apart. you still live and pay rent here, you know. everyone misses you.”

the sound of bickering and plates crashing promptly comes from the kitchen, mingi’s harsh yelp of wooyoung’s name causing a commotion of bickering to break out. 

hongjoong looks at san with a half pained, half amused expression, knowing that the dimpled boy  will have to readjust to how loud and chaotic the house is all the time. 

“you don’t have to do right now,” hongjoong says, wanting to finish the discussion before the boys notice san is here and lost their shit. “ease her into it. talk to her about it. see if she feels the same way. but let her know you just wanna help her, because i know you do, right?” 

san’s nod is immediate and hongjoong mirrors him, his eyes quickly widening as he looks over the blonde’s broad shoulder. 

he doesn’t even get to turn around before a slew of bodies bump into him, nearly knocking him onto the floor as six large, excited boys are jumping and squealing around him.

“san! you’re finally home!”

you’re nearly two months into your first semester of college by the time you’ve fully adjusted to your new schedule and pace of life.

classes monday, tuesday and thursdays mornings followed by your shift at the cafe during the afternoons. you miss your early morning regulars dearly and don’t know what to do with the 10+ memorized coffee orders still in your brain but you already love school so much. 

you love learning and talking with your professors and meeting the many different people on campus. you’ve even found a small group of friends, two girls who sat next to you and immediately started up a conversation with you.

you were terffied and shy at first but eventually opened up, giggling and sharing your thoughts with them before class started - you even always made sure to be 10 minutes early so you could get in your chats with them. 

unsurprisingly, san had been nothing but happy and supportive for the entire journey. helping you apply and become familiar with the campus while also assuring you everything was gonna work out. 

your days were busy and packed with work and you truly loved it but night was still your favorite. when san would walk through the door with take out or you’d be greeted with the sight of him waiting for you on the couch. 

it really felt as if your life was finally coming together, happy and at peace in a way you never felt before. it was like you finally had some sort of control over what happened to you, long gone the feeling of knots in your stomach or an uncontrollable shake in your hands. 

but when you notice san is a little more quiet than usual today, you feel that foreign feeling make it’s way back into your body. 

“is...everything okay?” you finally grow the confidence to ask, his hand absentmindley rubbing your leg that’s sprawled out on his lap. 

you can tell the question throws him off by the way he snaps his head up to look at you, brows pulled together and his head cocked cutely to the side as his eyes roam your face. 

“’course love, why do you ask?”

“i don’t know,” you hum softly, leaning the side of your head on the couch as you look at him. “i feel like you’re quiet today.”

“just thinking baby,” he tells you, tightening his hold on your leg before looking your way. “how were classes today?”

“good, i have to start my essay soon,” you tell him, something uneasy still pulling at your stomach; you’re not used to san being quiet or so lost in thought, usually the only time he’s silent is during a new episode of your shows.

“you’ll do great on it,” he says encouragingly, the hand on your leg gently calmingly rubbing your skin up and down. “you’re doing really good, you know that?” 

happiness fills you at the thought of making san proud, a small smile on your face that causes one his own to cross his face. his dimples poke out and it reminds you so much of your first meeting, when the sun reflected off of him and you just knew there was something too pure and good about this man.

“thank you,” you smile softly, a faint blush on your cheeks that has san’s heart breaking in his chest even more.

he doesn’t wanna have this conversation tonight but he thinks it would be the best time. bring up maybe not staying over every night to create some more space for you while also allowing you to be more independent. learning how to fill your time with things other than him.

but you’re so happy tonight. 

you’ve been so happy these past few months and he doesn’t wanna be the person to ruin that; it seems, though, you can see something behind his eyes and in his demeanor already, your body wiggling closer to him as your gaze shifts nervously. 

“are you sure you’re okay?” 

he lets out a sigh and you can’t help the way your stomach drops, watching carefully as his face turns contemplative and torn. like he wants to say something but isn’t sure if you’re gonna be able to handle it. 

and that alone is scaring the shit out of you. 

the silence is probably only fifteen seconds but it feels like hours, your eyes staring wide and heart starting to race as you look at him; you don’t know what you did but you had to have done something, right? he wouldn’t just act like this out of nowhere. 

“did i...do something wrong?” you ask meekly, that feeling of fear and panic you haven’t felt in almost a year creeping back. you almost forgot how debilitating this feeling is, fully consuming your body until you feel like you’re about to completely breakdown and crumble. 

the fear and concern on your face immediately makes him frown, shaking his head adamantly as he pulls you closer to him. 

“no, no, no, y/n, of course not,” he assures softly, his lips brushing against your head. 

you feel his calming breaths in your hair, like he already knows from the slight waver in your voice and look on your face that you’re getting worked up and anxious. 

the few moments of silence should make you more anxious but you can only focus on his breathing and the warmth from his body against you, trying to stay calm as you remember that this is san and he would never do or say anything to hurt you. 

“i’ve just been thinking about some things and i wanna talk to you about it,” san says, breaking the silence and immediately making your stomach flip nervously. “it’s nothing bad, baby, i just... you know i always have your best interest in mind, right?”

you swallow the lump growing in your throat as you turn to look at him, the soft look in his eye making you happy as much as it makes you sad. 

because while you love seeing it, how sweet and thoughtful and truly kind he is, you know it’s also there because he thinks you’re about to lose your shit. and you haven’t lost your shit in quite some time. 

“i-i know...” 

he takes your face in his hands when your eyes start to wander, the quiet hum leaving his mouth making you look up at him again. the look in his eyes truly stirs something in you, tears burning your eyes even though you’re not even sure why yet. 

“and you know i’ll never, ever hurt you?”

you nod again, feeling panic deep within your chest at where this conversation seems to be going.

“so what i’m about to suggest, i need you to hear me out, okay?”

he waits until you nod, his stomach sinking at the glossed over look in your eyes before he daringly opens his mouth again. 

tells you that he thinks you living on your own while you start a new chapter of your life will be a good thing for you both. that learning to be independent and on your own will help you immensely in this new part of your life. 

“you’ve been doing so good, y/n, and i’m so proud of you. you’ve started school and you work full time and you’re doing all the things you want to do. but we’re together all the time, baby, and i...i don’t know if that’s healthy, for either of us, you know?”

and you think to the average person, who hasn’t been abused and neglected and spent the last five years in normal, healthy circumstances, they would hear this and understand immediately. 

that being alone and learning how to be on your own is a good, healthy thing that everyone needs to experience. 

but all your brain can hear is he doesn’t wanna be with you anymore. 

he’s tired of your brokenness and tired of looking after you all the time and needs some space from you; and while, you suppose, you can’t blame him, it doesn’t hurt you any less. 

it doesn’t terrify you or upset you any less, even though you know his intentions are good; you can only feel unwanted and unworthy and like your time with someone so much better than you is up. 

“is it...i just...do you not like it here? with me?”

did you not keep it clean enough? did you not cook enough, were the meals too frequently takeout and leftovers? you remember jungkook hated that, demanding the house be spotless and dinner be ready and homemade. 

san would laugh at the question if this weren’t the current situation, a serious talk he’s been dreading having because he knows how you’re gonna take it at first. 

but he loves being here and that’s the problem. 

he would coddle you and love you and protect you for as long as you let him if it were up to him. but he knows that’s not what you need anymore, that you’re both not helping anyone if you continue to live your life in what became too comfortable and safe. 

you deserve comfortable and safe but you also deserve to live happily and freely by yourself. and maybe that’s not his decision to make, he often thinks, but he certainly doesn’t think he’s helping you by enabling you to depend on him. 

“baby, i love it here and i love you and i’ll never leave you until you tell me to,” san says, pressing a kiss to each cheek he prays tears don’t fall on in the next few minutes. “but i want you to be okay, love. i don’t want you to need me every night to sleep or think you need to ask my permission for things that are your choice.”

“is that- is that what this is about? that i asked you if i could go to school?” you ask meekly, the idea of talking back foreign but something you can’t control right now. “or is it because i’m in school?”

because maybe you’ve been too busy. maybe he feels like you neglected him. maybe he just wanted an out and this is it. 

“of course it’s not because you’re in school,” san says, slight outrage in his voice as you even suggest that; he always tries to control his responses to you, knowing you’re dealing with years worth of manipulative behavior and maltreatment, but sometimes it does also get to him. 

he was always supportive of your career and education, even when you were just friends and he admired you from afar.

“how could you think that?”

“because this is so random,” you squeak out, tears breaking through as the knot in your throat grows bigger. “i...i didn’t even know you were feeling this way and now you wanna stop seeing me.”

“i don’t wanna stop seeing you, y/n, when did i say that?” san asks, cocking his head to the side as he looks at you contemplatively. 

“you said you don’t want to be together all the time...” you mutter out, feeling stupid and childish but not yet truly understanding what he means. you guys don’t fight at all and you’re always smiling and laughing together - isn’t it okay to be together all the time if good things like that are happening?

“y/n, i love you, of course i wanna still see you. but i just mean...living together the way we have these past months. you’ve never been alone. you’ve always depended on someone, right?” 

you think back to your dysfunctional childhood, depending on alcoholic parents who never taught you how to fend for yourself until you fell into the arms of yet another abuser who you depended on even further.

restricted company and meals and communication, even restricted in what you could do outside the walls of your house. 

“yes,” you nod, sniffling as you wipe at a stray tear on your cheek. “but they’ve only ever hurt me. you never do.”

that fact makes san’s chest pang with hurt, his own eyes burning with tears now as he thinks about how much pain you’ve endured. 

“i know, baby, and i never will. but i think this’ll be good for us. good for you, mostly, that’s always my mian concern.” 

but you start to wonder how this could possibly be good the second the front door closes a few hours later, leaving you alone in your apartment that now feels far too cold and far too dark and far too empty. 

his lack of presence is noticable immediately and it doesn’t take long for panic and sadness and all that existential dread you once felt so deeply start to come on.

he doesn’t want you, nobody wants you, and the only people who did want you hurt you. 

it’s a mantra you repeat in your head as you cry silently, splashing your face with cold water after your puffy eyes can’t take it anymore. and when you get a good look at yourself in the mirror, tear-stained and blotchy and a big fucking mess, you can’t help but see that same girl who was trapped in that house with jungkook.

weak and afraid and horribly incapable of doing anything right. so similiar to the current state you’re in now, sinking down on the bathroom floor and crying into your hands again. 

this could be about san leaving, you know it has something to do with it, but you’re also crying because you now see just how badly you’re still effected by everything. 

you could be distracted by school and work and san but there’s still so much under the surface that you haven’t come to terms with. 

so much so to the point that even san had to step in and do something about it, him still seeing signs that you’re not okay despite how much everyone in your life is trying with you.

and it makes you feel bad that you have so many supportive, lovely people in your life but still can’t find it in you to feel okay. to not depend on one singlar blonde man to make you feel happy or act as if without him, you’re gonna break.

because you can see he’s tired of it. if he wasn’t, he wouldn’t have-

“y/n?” 

his voice coupled with his fist hitting the door causes you to jump, at first thinking it’s a bittersweet trick your deluded little mind is playing on you. but then he knocks again, his sweet murmur of “y/n, please open the door,” causing you to cry out again.

hongjoong told him not to go, that he’d barely been home for an hour before he was already itching to rush back to you. 

but he felt uneasy leaving the way he did in the first place, and then even more so when you didn’t answer his three messages and two facetime calls; he hated thinking that you were crying alone or feeling upset. 

and it’s heartbreakingly evident when you reach up to open the door, curled up on the floor in tears, that that’s exactly how you feel. 

“baby, no,” san hums lowly, immediately dropping to the floor so he can gather you in his lap.

it’s so much like the scene when you ran there after the final incident with jungkook, when you collapsed on the floor and finally told somebody about what you’d been going through. 

what happened?" he asks desperately, voice strained and wavering.

but you can only shake your head and cry. cry for how long you've been dealing with this alone and how you feel trapped and how if you don't tell someone tonight.

"he's gonna kill me," you sob out as you shake your head frantically now, "i-i he's gonna kill me," is all you can repeat through ragged breaths.

san can only act on instinct, sitting down cross-legged and holding his arms out slightly before you crash into him. he shakily inhales when your head rests on his shoulder, sobs muffled by his shirt as he feels tears promptly soak through the material.

but he can only sit there, hand on the back of your head as he rocks you soothingly in his lap back and forth.

he listens to your sobs with a broken heart, tears stinging his own eyes because he had suspected something was going on for months and just sat here and did nothing. and now here you are, broken and bruised and in fear for your life.

"i can't go back there," you cry out, "i-he's gonna-"

"no one is gonna hurt you, anymore," he mumbles lowly in your ear, "i'm not gonna let that happen."

“you’re- you’re gonna leave me,” you whimper into his shirt, the only sound in your bathroom for the past few minuets your crying and his soothing hums. “you’re not gonna wanna deal with me anymore and leave and then i’ll really be alone and i’m so-”

“i’m not going anywhere. i’m not gonna let that happen,” he mumbles in your ear, his arms wrapped tightly around you as he presses his lips to your head. he rocks you back and forth so similarly to that night, his hand running up and down your back as he tries to get you to calm down.

“we’re gonna get you help. real help. and we’ll all be here for you whenever you need us. you’re gonna be okay, my love.”

one year later:

you look back at the breakdown in your bathroom and are always surprised that you don’t feel embarrassed.

you think that was the moment when you finally realized how much you’d gone through and how much you really had to sort through. that you could distract yourself all you want and depend on san as much as you felt you needed but you still had things to work through. 

it took you about four therapist consultations to find the right one, eventually finding a sweet older woman who reminded you so much of your boss at the cafe. she listened to you and encouraged you and helped you find so much strength within yourself, you regret not taking your lawyer’s advice sooner about seeing a professional.

you still had bad days, of course, but now you’ve learned how to properly cope with them. cope with the stressors of everyday life, like the shouting of voices and the slamming of doors and san not being by your side 24/7. 

and san, little to your surprise, had done the right thing in saying you needed to learn to be independent.

it scared you at first, living alone and being alone with your thoughts and memories that tried to haunt you every chance they got. but now your life is so full of happy ones that it makes everything a little bit easier; you now love the freedom of living alone and have come to enjoy the peaceful silences of your apartment.

you now have so many things to laugh and feel happy about, like mingi and seonghwa’s obsession with gardening (even though they’ve moved on to vegetables now and have yet to combat the battle with squirrels eating their tomatoes). 

you have school and classes and friends that you made, making straight a’s while also balancing time with your study group, the boys and mrs. kim and your official boyfriend san. 

there are still some days when you wake up and feel a sinking feeling in your stomach that you think might be there forever, a certain smell or certain pain richoetting through your body that will remind you of what you went through and survived. 

but you know that you’ll be able to get through it, not only because you’re strong enough now but because you still have san to lean on - the boy in question currently with his arms wrapped tight around your waist and snoring down your neck. 

you can’t help the small smile on your face as you turn in his hold, your finger reaching out to trace the contours of his face. 

the warm, overwhelming feeling in your chest should scare you but it makes you feel even more happy and content with life, shutting your eyes immediately when his brown eyes meet yours. 

his loud chuckle fills the room before he lips attack your neck, quiet giggles leaving your mouth that only spur the blonde on more. 

“i saw that,” he mumbles playfully, smiling against your skin as your giggles get louder. “good morning, baby.” 

you pull back and smile at the boy staring down at you lovingly, the late-morning sun beaming through your window reminding you so much of the first time you saw him. 

heard his sweet, friendly voice that you immediately trusted and probably fell in love with right there.

"those are coming out really nice!" you hear a voice say from the yard next door. 

you shoot your head to the side to see a young man standing there, probably about your age, eyes kind and dimples poking out of his cheeks as he holds an overflowing white garbage bag.

your lips quirk up ever so slightly, probably being mistaken for your mouth twitching before you give him a tiny bow.

"thank you."

tag list: @mochibabycakes​ @atinyarmyx1​ @middle-of-a-wonshua-sandwich​ @minbinwhore​ @chrryhwa​ @chogiout​ @marksflvr​ @bunbaebae​ @markleeyeosang​ @inkigayeo​ @nlost21​ @toffee-hwa​

[xiaomoxu]

Lucien - Mystical Date

⚠️ SPOILER ALERT!! ⚠️

A date from CN server which hasn’t been released on EN server yet. Might contains some spoiler.

🌙  Also from this date: Moment - 1st Call - 2nd Call

This date is from The Heat and Sounds of the Grand Banquet Collection.

Story under the cut--

Legend has it that in a remote and dense jungle, there was a mysterious young man.

Wherever he goes,

Stone can flow out gold,

The flame can ignite out of thin air,

The spring water can drip colorful colors.

The story starts from that hot season...

--

It hasn't had a single drop of rain for two full months, and the air is full of unbearable heat.

Now is the time for the cavalry to change guards, and logically speaking, it is also the time when the tribal defense is the weakest.

I hid behind the wall and glanced from a distance. As expected, there was only one person on duty at the tribe’s outpost.

I crawled into the stable, jumped and patted the horse, then ran off on top of it.

The dry and hot wind whizzed past my ears, and there was only one firm belief in my heart--

I must escape successfully!

Just as I was approaching the guard post, the cavalry on duty probably heard the sound of horse hooves and reacted vigilantly.

Guard: Who are you?!

MC: ...This is bad.

Before I could think about it, I picked up the rein and pulled the horse hard to speed up the escape.

As long as I cross the river outside the post and into the woods, I will be able to completely leave the border of the tribe.

Guard: Someone is running away, come on!

I galloped through the river, and got into the woods as soon as I jumped.

I don't know how long I ran, but my ears were left with the rustle of wind blowing over the leaves and the faint sound of water.

It's safe for now.

I breathed a sigh of relief, but did not slow down the speed, and my heart still restless.

A few hours ago, I overheard the conversation between the wizard and the chief, and was shocked to learn that the wizard wanted to sacrifice me in three days!

-Flashback-

Wizard: Chief, if you want to save the entire tribe, you must sacrifice her!

Chief: This...no, I can't agree with this matter!

Wizard: You have figured it out clearly, this is a problem for the entire tribe.

Wizard: She was originally an ominous orphan, and as she grew up, her thought became more and more curious.

Wizard: She was just looking through some useless books. When I was ordered by the gods to carry out my will, she dared to question it.

Wizard: Now, the god has been angered by her behavior, and the two-month drought is the punishment.

Wizard: Sacrificing her to pray for rain, that was the only way to calm the anger of the gods!

Chief: In any case, she is a member of the tribe, my people...I don't agree to sacrifice her!

Originally, I was only quietly borrowing the street lamp outside the chief's palace to read the collection of theological poems, but I was shocked to hear it.

It is obvious that staying in the tribe is no longer safe. In a hurry, I only thought of a way to protect myself-escape!

-Flashback end-

In order to escape as far as possible, I drove all night in the woods.

The sky was already bright, and I looked at the forks in front of me and couldn't make up my mind. I planned to dismount and check it out first.

I turned into a path and didn't know how long I walked. The dense woods in front of me seemed almost the same as before, and I still couldn't tell the direction.

Thinking that I was lost, I was so nervous that I walked a few steps faster, but I missed my steps and I rolled down a steep slope.

MC: !

The feeling of turning around the world gradually faded. I struggled to get up, and was surprised to find that there was a valley in front of me, and there seemed to be a large lush garden not far away.

Ignoring the pain on my body, I walked in carefully, hoping that there would be a place for me to rest for a while.

But the more I walked in, I found that so many colorful flowers and trees, there are still many buildings and a clear breath of life in the garden.

I was wondering if there were people living here, a calm and cozy figure suddenly broke into my sight behind the flowers.

It was a strange young man.

He was wearing a luxurious light-colored satin gown, and his exposed arm rings had complicated and beautiful patterns.

At this moment, he picked up a chess piece and rubbed it lightly.

Hearing my footsteps, the man raised his head. At first glance, I hesitated for a moment.

??: Who are you and how did you come here?

MC: I was lost in the woods and passing by accidentally.

??: Oh?

The man curled his mouth slightly, and an imperceptible meaning passed through the end of his narrow eyes.

??: Not many people can find this place.

The man didn't seem to believe it, so I explained.

MC: After I rolled down the steep slope over there, I walked straight ahead... and I got here.

The man looked at me up and down, and whispered as if talking to himself.

??: It turned out to be like this...

Although there was a slight smile on the corner of the man's mouth, his tone was always indifferent.

I thought for a while, but I swallowed the idea that I wanted to rest here for a while, and saluted him.

MC: Sorry to disturb you, I will leave now.

??: You're hurt

The man spoke slowly and pointed at my arm.

??: If necessary, I can provide simple medical care.

I lowered my head, and saw many scars on my arm by branches and gravel, and the dull pain came up with it.

The man quickly fetched the medicine kit. After all, in a completely unfamiliar environment, I was a little uncomfortable, holding the potion and use it to heal my wounds.

After treating the wound, I saw the chessboard on the ground on my side, and my eyes lit up suddenly.

The familiar glass pawns and small twelve grids are exactly what I am best at playing chess.

The man is holding the glass chess piece in one hand, seeming to observe the chess surface.

MC: Are you playing chess?

??: Not long after I started learning, I was still studying according to the chess book.

I nodded thoughtfully and couldn't help but speak proudly.

MC: I like playing chess very much, and I used to learn from the wisest old man in the tribe for a long time.

MC: In our tribe, almost no one can beat me.

Hearing what I said, the man paused with his finger holding the chess piece.

He leaned over and raised his eyebrows slightly unexpectedly.

After pondering for a moment, he put the chessboard in front of me with a casual smile on his face.

??: So now this game...

??: In your opinion, what is the correct next step?

Following the man's gestures, I subconsciously observed it carefully and began to analyze the situation in front of me.

MC: Is the next step to take the pawn at my hand?

??: Hmm.

I quickly counted the pawns in the current chess hole, and my eyes brightened quickly.

I took out the first chess piece on the left hand side and "planted" one by one into the row of holes on the right.

MC: One, two, three, four, five, just right!

The man looked at the chess hole I was pointing, and turned slightly.

MC: Although this chess hole is very suitable for abandonment, the number of chess pieces at the moment is very good.

MC: The place where the last chess piece falls will happen to be the big hole on the right, then according to the rulesㅡ

??: According to the rules, the pawns in the hole of the other side should also belong to this side.

The man took my word almost at the same time.

MC: That's right!

??: This game really became more interesting.

The corners of the man's lips curled up slightly, an arc flashing in his eyes.

Lucien: If you are not in a hurry, are you willing to play a game with me?

I subconsciously wanted to agree, but when I thought about my current situation, I hesitated again.

MC: I....

I opened my mouth and didn't know how to explain it for a while. The man saw my hesitation, did not persuade me too much, just smiled faintly.

Lucien: I think it should be far better than reading a chess book by myself.

His tone was sincere, and my wagging mood tilted towards a certain choice.

I accidentally fell to the sides of the empty garden. An idea suddenly popped up in my head. I took a deep breath and saidㅡ

MC: I promised to play against you, but...

MC: I want to add some "weight" to this competition.

The man leaned forward slightly.

??: Tell me the detail?

MC: If you win, you can make a request to me, as long as I can do it. But if I win..

After a second pause, I said in a hurry.

MC: Can you let me stay for a few days?

Thinking that the wizard might still be arresting me, it is better to find a "backer" to hide first, instead of running around alone.

This hidden garden and this mysterious man may be a viable choice.

The sudden request really made him wide open his eyes in surprise.

I pursed my lips and said after a few seconds.

MC: Our tribe is suffering from a drought, and I really have nowhere to go, so I ran out to save my life.

Although the most real reason is hidden, what I said is not entirely a lie.

MC: So, do you agree to add this "weight"?

I watched him nervously.

The man looked at me deeply, and after a moment of indulgence, he chuckled softly.

??: It is indeed a heavy weight.

??: Okay, I promise.

??: However, let me test your chess skills first.

The man put the chess pieces back, I took a deep breath and smiled politely.

MC: Since it is a competition, how can one not know the name of the opponent.

MC: My name is MC, how about you?

The midday sun fell on him, and the man smiled slightly and looked at me sideways.

??: Lucien.

--

In a blink of an eye, I have been staying at Lucien's house for several days.

I borrowed a few chess books from Lucien. I haven't been anywhere these days. I stayed in the guest room and looked through.

In the match a few days ago, I only narrowly won by the difference two points.

Lucien learned so well not long after his self-study. His chess books must be very useful.

MC: Lucien, I have read these books, is there anything else?

Lucien: Yes, in the library.

MC: Library? Can I come with you to have a look?

Just when I thought I was going to be rejected, Lucien nodded lightly, a vague stream of light flashed across his eyes.

Unexpectedly, there are several library rooms in this garden palace, but the books in itㅡ

MC: "Elemental Crystal", "The Secret of Metal", "How to Make a Panacea".

MC: What are these all about, why have I never heard of it?

I looked at Lucien, who was standing quietly by the side, with some suspicions in my heart.

MC: Lucien, What the hell do you do?

MC: Wizard? Magician? Or...

Lucien looked at me without evasiveness, and spoke slowly after a while.

Lucien: To be precise, I am a hermit who knows a little about alchemy.

I was about to ask more clearly, but he suddenly raised his arm, his expression still faint.

Lucien: If you are interested, you can read these books at your will.

Lucien left after leaving saying that. I thought he was in trouble, I didn't care too much, and curiously took out two books.

After flipping through a few pages quickly, I found that the content in it was in a category that I had never heard of.

MC: After adding these powders, the flame can change various colors?

MC: It can be done with salt...?!

Holding these books that I have never heard before, the door to a new world seems to be slowly opening before my eyes.

I was fascinated by it, and I didn't feel the passage of time at all, until there was a slight sound of footsteps by the door.

Lucien: You... still here?

I looked up in a daze, only to realize that it was pitch black outside the window.

Thinking he was asking me why I stayed in the library, I smiled at him awkwardly.

MC: It seems that I have been staying for a long time...

Lucien approached calmly, his eyes swept over the pile of books beside me.

Lucien: It seems that you have already read a lot.

Lucien: Are there any gains?

MC: There are many gains, but there are more doubts.

I raised the horoscope book in my hand.

MC: I once saw a book that said that the destiny of human beings and the prosperity and decline of the country's luck are all determined by astrology.

MC: The wizard of our tribe always said that he can predict misfortune and happiness through the position of the stars.

MC: But I always feel that if fate is destined, does that individual's efforts have any meaning?

MC: Everyone’s destiny should only belong to them.

MC: As for the other messy claims, they may be just excuses made by people.

After saying all these things, I realized that Lucien had walked to me at some point.

He glanced at me deeply, and a strange emotion flowed through his deep eyes.

Lucien: I think most people cannot accept this statement.

Just when I thought Lucien was going to refute me, his voice was warmer and softer than before.

Lucien: However, I agree.

MC: ....Realy?

All the time, wizards have always said that my ideas are "outlandish and outrageous."

Unexpectedly, I would meet someone who has such a similar thought to me, so I blurted out subconsciously.

MC: If it weren't for my thinking is not the same as most people, it wouldn't beー

Finding my carelessness, I hurriedly bit my tongue. But Lucien had obviously heard it, and he asked with interest.

Lucien: different ideas mean?

I hesitated for a moment.

MC: Actually, is nothing.

MC: I just feel that some things may have nothing to do with the gods at all, but they should be.

The soft light shone on Lucien's side face, watching him listen intently. I don't know why, I suddenly have a desire to talk.

MC: It's just... If it doesn't rain for a month, maybe it's just the natural phenomenon described in that book, not the anger of the gods.

Lucien: Anger of Gods?

MC: ...I once heard that a tribe did not rain for several months. The wizard said that it was because a young girl angered the gods.

MC: He even proposed the vicious idea of sacrificing the young girls to pray for rain...maybe it's selfishness at all!

I finished speaking in a low voice.

Lucien was stunned for two seconds, looking thoughtful.

But soon, he smiled slightly, with a little light and shadow in his eyes.

Lucien: In this world, there may really be gods.

Lucien: But in my opinion, it is better to put hope in your own hands than to believe in the ethereal gods.

Lucien: It's just that I'm surprised that you can think so too.

Lucien looked at me, his lips curled in a nice arc.

Lucien: Before I brought you to the library, I was worried that you would think these books offended the gods.

Lucien: Now it seems that my worries are nothings.

Through Lucien's dark pupils, I can clearly see my figure. There seemed to be ripples in his eyes, and a warm smile appeared.

My cheeks were slightly hot, and I subconsciously looked away from his eyes.

My eyes fell on the closed "Elemental Crystal", and I suddenly remembered something.

MC: Lucien, just said in the book that there are many beautiful crystals.

I tilted my head and asked curiously.

MC: What is crystal, and what does it look like?

Lucien thought for a moment, then stretched out his hand to me.

If you want to know, you might as well take a look at the real "little trick".

Lucien took me to the deepest part of the garden palace. This wide room was filled with various utensils that I didn't understand well, and I looked around curiously.

Lucien held out an iron box in the corner, and saw a row of small cardboard trees staggered in it.

Lucien: Coincidentally, I just finished some preparations.

Lucien: Now, the most critical step will need your help.

MC: What is this?

Lucien: To reveal the answer too quickly, you will lose a lot of fun, you might as well look forward to it.

Lucien deliberately said it, revealing a mysterious expression.

He adjusted it in the glass for a while, and soon a cup of slightly turbid water appeared in front of me.

Lucien: Are you interested in trying it yourself?

Although I still don't quite understand what this is, it doesn't affect my eagerness to try.

MC: Ok, what should I do?

MC: Pour this cup of "water" on the paper tree.

Lucien: When you wake up tomorrow, you will have a pleasant surprise.

--

The next day, as soon as the sun was up, I got up and couldn’t wait to push the door open.

On the bare paper tree last night, every branch is now full of crystal-clear "flowers", which are becoming more white and clear under the shining of the sun.

I sing happily to the garden holding the iron box, Lucien was reading at the stone table in the open air.

Put the blooming paper tree among the flowers, I tugged his sleeve gently.

MC: Lucien, let the paper tree blossom, is this the surprise you said?

MC: But how exactly is this done?

He smiled slightly.

Lucien: The answer lies in the glass of "water" you poured down yesterday.

Lucien: Because the matter in the "water" reacted with the substances on the paper tree, these flower-like crystals were precipitated.

Lucien: It's just such a simple "trick".

He explained concisely. I don't know if it's because this is what he likes. Lucien's expression in front of me is a bit vivid.

The bright sunshine fell on his hair, which looked exceptionally soft, and a circle of dark shadows fell in his eyes.

Looking at Lucien, whose smile in the sun was even better than the flowers in the garden, my breath suddenly suffocated inexplicably.

There seemed to be a feather that suddenly flicked from the tip of my heart.

Lucien noticed my pause.

Lucien: What's wrong?

I hurriedly looked away, but the sensation in my heart did not calm down for a long time.

MC: ....Nothing, I just think you know a lot.

MC: You can learn to play chess by reading a book by yourself, knowing a lot of knowledge that other people don't know, and this kind of magic trick.

Hearing my analogy, the arc of his smile became even wider.

Lucien: In your eyes, I must be really great.

In the fragrant garden, Lucien smiled gently, and his narrow eyes were filled with diamonds from the sunlight.

MC: Lucien, I really like the "gate to the new world" you opened for me. It feels novel and mysterious.

MC: Why don't you teach me too?

MC: Like you said, the masters are more intentional when they moving forward.

MC: Maybe I can catch up with you soon, and then we can learn and explore more things together.

--

Unconsciously, more than half a month passed so happily and comfortably.

In these days, I have hardly seen other people, and the cavalry of the tribe has never appeared. I gradually feel relieved.

Early this morning, I came to the river to fetch water briskly.

Suddenly, a chaotic sound of horseshoes came from behind unexpectedly!

I was caught off guard and quickly kicked to the ground by a horse's hoof: it was the cavalry sent by the wizard.

I was trying to run out of the enclosure when I was struggling, and suddenly there was a sharp pain in the back of my head.

It went dark, and I fainted.

What I didn't know was that when the cavalry took me away, behind the dense woods, a long robe was blown away by the wind.

When I woke up, I found that I had been taken to a crowded street.

I looked around but did not see the guards, only the dark and gloomy voice of the wizard.

Wizard: It is because of her, this young girl who angered the gods, that caused the drought in the last two months!

Wizard: I will hold a rain prayer ceremony soon and sacrifice her to the gods.

There was a noise in the crowd, and I stared at the wizard unwillingly and resentfully.

Just when I was about to refute him loudly, an old but powerful "stop" sounded first: It was the chief who came.

My eyes slid past the chief, and widened in disbelief - it was Lucien who came with the chief!

MC: ....!

How could it be Lucien?

After the huge shock passed, the faint expectation could not be restrained rising from my chest, and I stared at Lucien intently.

Aware of my surprise and expectation, Lucien slowly blinked his eyes twice.

Chief: You are so courageous that you plan to perform a sacrifice in private!

The wizard was about to argue, the chief had already spoken to the people involuntarily.

Chief: The hermit next to me has a lot of fate with our tribe.

Chief: I was fortunate enough to get acquainted with him many years ago. He gave us the "God Water" that made the crops grow more prosperous.

Chief: In addition, he has the ability to turn stones into gold, and he is an expert who rarely shows up.

Chief: Now, he rushed over overnight after hearing the drought, and he will definitely find a solution.

Looking at the unhurried figure in front of me, my heart was pounding violently.

Lucien: To pray for rain, there is no need for a girl's sacrifice.

Lucien: I have other ways.

Lucien's words caused an uproar in the surroundings.

The wizard asked sharply.

Wizard: What if your method doesn't work? Wouldn't it be useless?

Lucien took a step forward, staring straight at the wizard with a cold look in his eyes.

Lucien: Did Mr. Wizard has the guts to gamble with me?

Lucien: See whether my method is feasible or your hypothesis is valid.

Lucien: Before that, I ask you to wait for a while.

Lucien's voice was not loud, but with firmness that could not be rejected and rebutted.

The wizard was obviously stunned, his eyes widened in a daze and no longer spoke.

Chief: When do you plan to start the ceremony?

Lucien: I need one night to prepare. In addition, I need a helper.

In the next second, Lucien raised his arm and pointed at me lightly.

Lucien: She is the most suitable.

On the dry and sultry night, Lucien sat on the ground under an empty starry sky.

He was holding a few precision instruments in his hand, as well as something that looked like a slender stick.

With the help of these instruments, he carefully observed the astrology and recorded what he was calculating.

I also sat down on the ground next to him, quietly not disturbing him.

It didn't take long for Lucien to stack up the calculation paper in his hand with confidence, smiled and opened his mouth first.

Lucien: Suddenly so quiet, what are you thinking about?

MC: Thinking about what you just wrote.

I pointed to the calculation paper in his hand.

MC: It feels like you have been observing the stars. Could it be that there is a connection between astrology and rain?

Lucien looked up at the dark sky and smiled approvingly.

Lucien: You guessed it right.

Lucien: Remember the astrology we talked about before?

Lucien: The astronomical phenomenon has its own laws. Perhaps it cannot determine the fate of people, but at least it can survey the sunny and cloudy weather.

Lucien: As long as you follow and make good use of these natural laws, it is not a different kind of "pray for rain."

MC: So, have you surveyed the rainy day?

Lucien: If the calculation is not wrong, it will rain tomorrow.

MC: Really?

MC: Do you need my help, such as letting you calculate more carefully?

Seeing me with a slight excitement, Lucien gave a low smile, his eyes seemed to be brighter than the moonlight under the vast starry sky.

Lucien: Stop thinking about it.

Lucien: The reason why I need you to be a helper is just a stopgap measure.

Lucien: The matter of surveying astrology, just leave it to me with confidence.

He stared at me steadily, and the trace of worry and anxiety that I had left was finally completely healed under such a gentle gaze.

Suddenly thinking of something, I stared awkwardly at my toes.

MC: Speaking of which, I actually owe you an apology.

MC: In fact, I would stray into your home, not to come out to ask for a living, but to avoid being arrested by the wizard.

MC: I didn't tell you the truth back then, sorry.

The air was silent for a few seconds, and a faint chuckle fell into my ears.

I raised my head to meet Lucien's deep eyes. From the corner of his mouth that was smiling, I realized something in hindsight.

MC: ...You know it long ago, don't you?

Lucien: It's not very early either.

Lucien exchanged his cross-legged posture, and faded away.

Lucien: In fact, at the beginning, I just guessed that things were not as simple as you said.

Lucien: But after seeing the cavalry yesterday, I realized that it turned out to be a little more complicated than I thought.

Lucien: So, I followed here.

MC: That’s... you came to help me specifically?

Lucien smiled and said nothing.

There was a sudden flow of heat in my chest. I quietly kept my eyes closed, not wanting him to see my hot cheeks.

The next evening. 

In order to reassure the chief and all the villagers, Lucien sat with his eyes closed in the middle of the crowd, still doing a "ritual" appearance.

As expected by Lucien, it didn't take long for the dark sky to suddenly roll up a lot of dark clouds.

Dense dark clouds enveloped the entire sky, and with the black gloom, the big raindrops suddenly fell.

The long-lost rain has moistened every corner of the dry land.

Crowd: It's raining! It's really raining!

Crowd: Thanks to the gods, this year's crops are finally saved!

A burst of excitement and ecstasy erupted from the crowd, and heartfelt joy also poured into my heart: Lucien completed the promise he made before, and I was finally safe.

The chief entertained Lucien with the highest standard dinner party of the tribe.

Not only that, the chief told me that the wizard had left the tribe in a desperate manner, and he promised that nothing similar would happen in the future.

After the dinner was over, the night was getting thicker, and the rain was still ticking.

Lucien walked beside me, his pace was not hurried, which made me feel more at ease.

I took a deep breath and looked at him with bright eyes.

MC: Lucien, I want to solemnly thank you.

MC: Thank you for taking me in at the time, and now you have saved my life from the wizard.

In the crowd, Lucien stared at me carefully, his narrow eyes filled with a gentle smile like a moon.

In the damp air, the faint sandalwood on his body lingered in my nose.

Suddenly, he leaned closer to me.

Lucien: If you really want to express gratitude, then come back with me.

MC: ...!

In this distance, his smile came into my eyes very clearly.

The feathers that once brushed my heart seemed to be blown back, making my heart pounding involuntarily.

An inexplicable emotion slowly filled my heart, and I couldn't help but raise my face to confirm to him.

MC: Why?

Lucien tilted his head, as if teasing me deliberately, with a hint of teasing in his soft tone.

Lucien: I thought we were already friends.

Lucien: Is there any problem in inviting a friend to be a guest at home?

MC: ....To show you gratitude, I went to your house as a guest? What a strange idea.

I couldn't help but muttered.

Notice Lucien's intent gaze and gentle smile, I suddenly thought of something and blinked slyly.

MC: Lucien, in fact, you can't let me go, right?

Lucien: Maybe it is.

Unexpectedly, he didn't evade at all, and nodded to me calmly.

Lucien: I used to think that living alone without being disturbed is the most comfortable way of life.

Lucien: Until I met you.

Lucien: It turns out that the world you explore with me is the most interesting.

Lucien: So now...

In the silent night, he leaned slightly, his eyes lingering on my face intently.

Lucien: Would you like to go back with me?

In the damp night breeze, I nodded gently.

---

Notes from me: I VERY VERY LOVE THIS DATE! THANK YOU PG FOR WRITING THIS BEAUTIFULLY >< IT’S A ‘HAPPY ENDING’ FOR US!!

[pagingdoctorbedlam]

My final potion for @quirkyseastone ‘s “Brew a Love Potion” event is complete! Hope you’re ready for the fluffiest darn thing I’ve written for this fandom (and possibly ever).

Characters: Franky x Reader

Genre: Sci-Fi AU, Fluff

TW/CW: Mentions of loss/death

Inspiration: Kudos to “A Long Way to a Small Angry Planet” by Becky Chambers for inspiring this fic~

Word Count: 2.7k words

"Alright, we've successfully docked. Good job, crew." You sit up from the captain's chair and gaze out at the starport outside your window. It's been some time since you'd landed on one of the Sabaody Moons, but you've always found the view breathtaking. The moons are more tree than earth, and bubbles slowly float from the roots up toward the stars. While some of the moons are still hives of scum and villainy, others seem almost paradisiacal as beings from far-flung galaxies intermingled in the Sabaody ports.

Before you can get too far from the bridge, the intercom of the Thousand Sunny buzzes to life. It's Franky, the A.I. that runs your ship. "Hey Captain, can I nab a word with ya' before you go on shore leave?"

"Sure thing. Need me here, or down in the core room?"

"Core Room, if ya' don't mind. I've got a super new design to run by you." Though Franky works admirably as a ship A.I., he'd originally been coded to design ships, including the one he now ran, the 1000 Suns (colloquially the Thousand Sunny to you and your crew). Even though his focus is now centered on ship diagnostics and flight procedures, the A.I. still delights in crafting new machine schematics, and you have a rule that he needs your approval before he modifies the ship.

You wave off the rest of the bridge crew, and they're all too eager to touch solid ground again after months in space. You are too, but if Franky's waited this long to check on you, it's likely something for your ears only while the rest of the crew is offboard. You stride through the winding metal hallways that make up the ship's guts, flashing your clearance badge here and there until you are down in the deep bowels of the ship, close enough to the engines that you can hear the machinery thrumming as the ship went through cooldown procedures. It's familiar. You come down here more often than others would expect, enough that you've got a futon and blanket stashed nearby for nights you don't spend in your own cabin.

"Franky? Said you wanted to see me?" You call out as you entered the Core Room. The entire room is covered in segments of a giant computer, with retractable screens and limbs for interacting with others; all of this is Franky. In a way, you're standing in his brain, which is something you try not to think about too much. What catches your attention is that all the screens are down, a rarity when Franky has company.

"Sure do!" His voice echoes, but not from the speakers. "Got a surprise for you. Close your eyes a sec, alright Captain?"

"Franky..." You're sure no other ship A.I.s play games with their commanding officers, but then again, you've yet to meet an A.I. with half the personality Franky has. You close your eyes and cover them with your hands. "Alright, ready when you are."

You expect to hear wheels, a cart with some sort of prototype wheeling into the room. Instead there are footsteps, heavy and so in-sync that it borders on unnatural. Then a hand on your shoulder, warm and soft. Too curious to resist temptation, you open your eyes and peek through your fingers.

"Franky, is this...?"

"An android body? It sure is!" He spins you around and takes a step back so you can take in his full visage. He looks human for the most part, even if the muscles in his forearms are overemphasized and patches of metal poke out from his skin. Still, he has skin, the medical-grade sort often used for replacing lost flesh in humans, and hair that's sculpted into a bright blue pompadour. He must have borrowed clothes from someone in medical too, though he's only wearing a floral patterned shirt, sunglasses, and a speedo. You suppose he was too excited for the big reveal to finish getting dressed.

"You made this, Franky?"

"Yeah, alongside Dr. Chopper and the rest of the medical team, plus Usopp over in Engineering. Surprised none of 'em spilled the beans." He flexes to show off the musculature of his arms. "We'd talked about what happened to your last ship, and figured we should make me a back-up body in case I ever needed to leave the ship with you all. Not that I plan for anything to happen to the Sunny..."

"But better safe than sorry." You still miss Merry, your sweet A.I. lost with your previous ship. She and Franky would've gotten along well, you think. "It's a good plan, I approve."

"Excellent! Now I just need to take it for a spin, test it outside the ship. Seeing as we've docked for the time being..."

Ah. Now you see what he's getting it. Pretty sly, for an A.I. "As your Captain, I'll accompany you on your first excursion out on the spaceport, to make sure everything's in working order." You offer an arm. He raises an eyebrow. "Loop it with mine. Like this...there we go. Now let's get going, shall we?"

 Even among the strangest aliens, Franky stands out in his own way at the space docks. This is only partially due to his lack of pants: he claims this is because he designed his legs to vent most of the heat his body builds up, and you wouldn't want him to overheat and faint on his first outing, would you? No, he stands out because even though he's clearly an android, there's an excitement to him that would rival even the most starry-eyed space explorers.

"Would ya' take a look at this, Captain?" You'd expect to find Franky gawking at any number of the docked spaceships, and indeed he's gushed about many of them already. Instead, he directs your attention to one of the tree roots. A trail of iridescent beetles scurry up the bark, and overhead, a couple smaller Southbirds (rare here, likely escaped cargo from the planet Skypiea) call to each other as they watch the busy port below.

"Thought you'd studied all these, Franky." After all, he's a powerful computer who can research multiple ideas at once, and innately curious as any inventor tends to be. And he's asked you and the crew many, many questions about the world beyond his metal hull.

"Yeah, but no matter how advanced the notes and visuals might be, it doesn't compare with the real thing. I mean, look at 'em!" He points at one particular beetle as its shell reflects the lights of the spaceport back with an opalescent sheen. "Even if you could theoretically simulate all this on a computer, most wouldn't think to do so on their own. Out here, stuff just...happens."

You have never seen an A.I. quite so excited about life outside, but then again, you've never met an A.I. quite like Franky. "Yeah, I guess that is pretty exciting when you put it that way. Part of the wonders of space travel; you never quite know what's going to happen out here."

Then a realization hits your brain with the full-bodied force of a supernova. "Franky, you've spent so much time traveling through the stars, but have you ever actually seen them the way we do?"

Franky looks up at the sky overhead. "Hard to see 'em from up here, even if I zoom out my eyes to max. Watch this!" His eyes...actually telescope out of his head. That's a bit disturbing with how human he looks. "Figure that's due to light pollution, though. Pretty bright out here."

"Sure is." You offer your arm to him again. "Come with me; I'll show you how folks groundside go out to look at the stars."

 Years ago, you'd come out of the harshest space battle of your life. Your crew narrowly avoided becoming space dust, and after giving her all to save you, you lost Merry. The ship that had been with you since the beginning, the A.I. with the biggest heart you'd ever met. As her files corrupted and her hull fell apart, you'd honored her final wish and set her ablaze once you reached planetside, cremating her as one would a human. You still carry a vial of her ashes on a necklace, so you never forget what you've lost to get this far.

You'd wandered through the streets of the moon of Water 7 in a daze. Hadn't even paid attention where you went as the rest of the crew licked their wounds. Before you knew it, a robotic voice called out to you from the depths of a starship demolition yard.

"What's got you down, Captain? Can't be you're sad to be out among the stars!"

You'd blinked, not recognizing the source of the voice. But you called back, "I just lost someone important to my crew. My ship." You didn't care if most folks didn't see A.I.s as people. Merry had been more than a crewmate to you. She'd been a friend.

Even though the voice emanating from the demo-yard was auto-tuned monotone, it took on a warmer tone somehow. "I'm sorry to hear that. But you say you're looking for a ship? I might be able to help with that." A crackle of static. "And if you'd like, you can tell me about your lost pal. I can't bring 'em back for you...but I've heard that talking about these kinda' things helps."

"You don't even know who I am."

"No one does when they first meet, do they? Speaking of which, call me Franky."

Somehow, pouring your heart out to a stranger was easier than talking to your crewmates. You'd wandered into the heart of the scrapheaps and talked to the mysterious Franky, his voice surrounding you from so many static-filled speakers. You'd watched as overhead, he controlled cranes to start putting pieces of a mighty vessel together. He'd asked about your specifications, what you'd loved about Merry both as a ship and a friend. You'd cried. He did too. And when you'd asked how much the ship would cost, he said the only charge would be that he could come along.

You agreed willingly, overjoyed to have such a skilled shipwright onboard. It was only when you talked to the demo-yard owner that you learned that the person you'd poured your heart out to was an A.I.

That didn't stop you from doing so again once the Thousand Sunny was complete, and Franky took to his new home in his core room. You'd wander down into the depths of the Thousand Sunny whenever you needed a second opinion on the ship or a mission, and soon after that just to talk. You'd spent hours surrounded by the computer that served as Franky's brain for so long, talking and laughing just as you used to with Merry. Except, it was more than that with him. He wasn't just a friend, you'd realized over time. But you'd shoved those thoughts away. It was ludicrous, falling in love with an A.I. whose brain you could walk through, whose body was a starship you controlled with the push of a few buttons.

But now he has a body. You can squeeze his giant hand, and he squeezes back so softly as he gets used to his own strength. He smiles the way you always imagined he would, grinning with pearly white teeth and eyes that (literally) glow with joy.

He follows you with infinite curiosity as you weave through the Sabaody streets and gather supplies for your excursion. You ask about his body's capabilities and discover his fuel source is...astonishingly close to soda, so you pick up a few colas along with some food for you. Franky gets to carry a blanket hand-woven by the locals, and you catch him marveling at the texture when he thinks you aren't looking. Finally, you rent a small paddleboat to traverse the moon with, and a map that lays out the canals and waterways of this particular moon.

"You know, it'd be a lot faster if I rowed," Franky says, mouth quirked into a lopsided grin as your comparatively tiny arms pull the oars back and forth. It's amazingly, how perfectly imperfect he looks, more human than any other android you've seen even with all the metal bits.

"There's an old human adage about the journey being more important than the destination, Franky. Take in the experience."

You watch as his attention zeroes in along the waterways, eyes zooming in on every detail until they're pulled away to something new. You expect him to be interested in the flora and fauna, as opalescent leaves bigger than your boat stretch over the water to shade you from the encroaching moonlight and soft purple creatures vaguely reminiscent of otters circle your boat before chasing each other down the river. But the entire world is new to him, and you find him fascinated by even the dirt or the buzzing insects swarming your head.

"Aww, look. I think it likes me!" Franky lifts one giant finger, where a mosquito (why did those have to be a universal constant?) tries and fails at piercing his skin.

"It probably thinks you're human and is trying to suck your blood," you point out, as the bugs try to use you as a personal juicebox. This only gets Franky to smile. Must feel validating, having even nature recognize him for what he is in his heart.

It takes a bit more rowing, but you finally arrive at your destination. A small island, mostly shore, with a small field and a lone tree with leaves that glow silver in the moonlight. You dock the boat on the shore, then set up the blanket and food for a small picnic. You motion for Franky to sit with you, and can't help but laugh a little at the faces he makes when touching sand for the first time. Then you lay back on the blanket. Franky joins you, and his eyes go wide.

A ribbon of starlight glimmers overhead. Hundreds of constellations twinkle overhead. You'd ask if he knows any, but you keep quiet so you don't break his wonder-filled gaze.

His giant hand encases yours. "Space seems even bigger from here than it does when you're in the middle of it. I mean, look at all those stars! I read that you could see 'em from so far away, but seeing it in person..."

"This is what inspired me to go into space," you say. Your finger drifts up to the brightest star in the sky. "I'd look at that one and say, I'm going to go there someday! Didn't care how far away it was, or even what might be around it. Just wanted to head to the brightest star I could."

Franky narrows his gaze up at that star. "That's over eight light years away. Might take a bit, even with a warp drive like mine. But if that's where you wanna' go? I'll take you anywhere, Captain. Long as we're together, I'll explore every corner of the universe with you."

For a moment, both of you are quiet. The air fills with the gentle rhythm of the flowing water, the buzz of insects, bushes rustling as creatures move in the night. In the distance, the hum of a starship engine taking off from the port; you soon see its lights trail across the sky as it ascends back into that void above, the space that's so comforting because it holds planets and stars and spaceships and you and Franky all together in its embrace.

"I think this is the part where one of us says 'I love you'," Franky says softly.

You smile and squeeze his hand back. "You're such a romantic. But yeah, you're right. And I do. I love you."

"Love you too, Captain. And thanks. For, y'know, helping me be human."

"Franky, you've got more heart than most anyone I know. You're plenty human already. I'm just here to steer you steady. And I always will."

You pass the rest of the night watching the stars overhead. And for the captain and A.I. of a starship, you wouldn't have it any other way.

[extremelyblackandwhite]

handmaid - 19

PAIRING: mob!sebastian stan x ingenue!reader

WARNINGS: age gap

A/N: hope you enjoy this chapter xxx

NEXT CHAPTER

Y/N was submerged up to her neck up to the bubbles in her bath tube. She wanted to be mad at Gwen, mad that once again she had lost something over her own selfishness but most of her mind was telling her to be forgiving, Gwen could’ve never predicted a blizzard and if she had known she would’ve probably taken one less bag so Y/N could accompany her. Nevertheless, she couldn’t help but feel a ting of sadness as it dawned on her she would probably spend Christmas here. It wasn’t like she didn’t enjoy Sebastian’s presence, she absolutely loved to be around him when he wasn’t putting up a facade for his associates. However, it was different. It wasn’t the same, there were no fireplaces, no big kitchens in flames with every single scent related to winter and Christmas, no playing chess with Mr. Forrest or telling Gwen to wait for present opening. At the same time she was rather nervous to be left alone with Sebastian. That’s just like freeing a child in a candy shop without parent supervision and an unusual amount of money. No restraints and how was she supposed to have any restraints when Gwen wasn’t around to be the constant reminder that being in love with a promised man is wrong?

She sighed, lowering her body down til her nose touched the bubbles of the bath tube. Was the universe testing her? Yes, it was. She kissed a promised man and now she doesn’t get to spend Christmas like she normally does. What else is gonna happen? She hoped there was no mistletoe laying around the house. 

     - Miss Y/N? Are you okay? - she heard a light knock on the door followed by Amelia’s voice. Noticing the water had begun to cool down, she stepped off the tub, wrapping herself in one of Sebastian’s monogramed fluffy robes. 

The handmaid creaked the door open, peaking to see the maid holding a folded red jumper and black pair of sweatpants. Being in those soft materials sounded like a good idea. Being surrounded in soft materials was always a sure way to make her a bit happy.

    - I got you some nice and warm clothes and afterwards I can do your hair into something pretty. - Y/N nodded clearly not in the mood to disobey and quickly got dressed up in the freshly washed and dried garments. In no time she was sat in front of her vanity while Amelia brushed her hair and braided it along with a red velvet string. 

    - You know, Miss Y/N, we haven’t had a nice Christmas in this household in ages. Maybe with you here, we can have something nice. - she placed the brush back in the table. - There we go. Don’t you look pretty?

    - Thank you so much, Amelia. - she smiled. - Don’t you want to go home to your family?

    - This is my family. I’ve been taking care of Mr. Stan since he was as tall as a hobbit. However, I don’t think he needs someone to look after him anymore.

Before Y/N could question Amelia over her riddle speaking pattern, she was already rushing her down the stairs. Much to her surprise, the fireplace that wasn’t really a fireplace was on, there was a smell of apples, cinnamon and nutmeg in the air. She looked around wondering where the smell came from and judging by the amount of people in the kitchen along with bodyguards cooking various things, she wondered it came from there. She tried to suppress her smile as she walked barefoot to the kitchen, the little bells on her velvet red string jiggling.

   - It smells lovely. What are you cooking? - she asked Elias, her bodyguard, who had an apron over his suit. 

   - I have no idea, Miss Y/N. Some sort of pudding like thing. - he continued to whisk the dough. - Do you happen to know how to cook a Christmas Pudding?

   - I think you might me missing some brandy. 

   - I would love some brandy. - Elias mumbled.

   - Stop mumbling. When you applied for this job you said you could cook so cook. - Sebastian spoke from further into the kitchen which intrigued Y/N. He barely even stepped into the kitchen unless he needed his beloved coffee as other than that he got his meals in his office. Y/N bite her lip, walking further into the kitchen to find the perfectly polished mob boss struggling with whatever he was doing. - You know, angel, I can hear your bells. 

   - What are you doing? - like a curious child, she took over to his side. 

   - Sugar cookies. 

   - That is not sugar cookie dough. - she pointed at the bowl he was mixing which had a liquid like dough on. - Besides, I thought you said you didn’t cook. 

   - Well ... it is my fiancée’s fault you’re not at home having some sugar cookies so I thought I’d dust off my mother’s recipe ... It’s not working very well, angel. 

   - Yeah, cookie dough shouldn’t be liquid. 

   - The fridge will fix it. - he placed the bowl down, staring at the once straight but now crooked whisk caused by his lack of gentleness when cooking. Sebastian couldn’t cook and that was a fact. The only thing he could sort of make and turn edible was chicken breasts which he had learned during university and even that was somewhat questionable.

   - No, Seb, I don’t think it will. - the nickname escaped her mindlessly and, while she didn’t notice, Sebastian couldn’t help but smirk at how comfortable she had made herself around him. At least comfortable enough to give him a nickname. - Do you have the recipe? I’m sure we can make a new lovely batch. 

  - If you can understand my mother’s handwriting. - he handed her a rather old piece of paper which looked like a child’s tea paper. Y/N held the paper with both hands, chewing on her lip as she read it through. 

  - Alright we need sugar, flour, vanilla extract, butter, and eggs. - she scanned through the sea of ingredients that were standing on the table. - Why ... why are there chocolate chips here?

  - I thought I could put chocolate chips on it. - he rubbed his neck sheepishly and Y/N smiled. - I used to do it with my mum. It’s probably wrong.

  - You know, my nanny always said you bake from the heart. - she handed him an unopened pack of white chocolate chips. - Besides, I think we might make it work if we add it at the end. We start with butter and sugar in the bowl and then we mix it ... with an electrical mixer. 

  - You youngsters and your electronics. - he joked and Y/N rolled her eyes. If Gwen was to be trusted, Sebastian was 14 years older than both her and Gwen making him almost a decade and a half older than the two girls. She creamed the butter with the sugar and added the flour, eggs and vanilla. - Can I turn it on now?

 - Sure, just be caref ... - before she could warn him, he turned the mixer up to his highest speed sending a cloud of flour towards both of them. - ... with the speed. 

She looked at his surprised flour covered face, holding in a laugh as she bopped his nose. He looked so helpless in the kitchen she wondered if his associates knew the best way to get his weakness would be by making him cook. 

    - This is why we start with slow to medium speed. - she turned it off on medium, watching as the flour was incorporated with the flour. - Should I put a scarf on you and you can become the snowman?

     - You’re trying to be funny, angel? - his hand ran down her side, subtly ending on her bum. - Don’t forget who you’re speaking to. 

     - I won’t. - she handed him the glass bowl, successfully occupying his hands with something else. - I hope you know how to roll dough. 

It was nice and she had to admit it. Baking Christmas cookies with the mob boss engaged to her friend was nice and she didn’t know if to feel guilty or to relish on the memories that would probably haunt her at night time or whenever she thought of Gwen. She was stuck in her own conflict until she felt something run down her cheek. 

    - Sebastian ... - she cleaned her cheek, noticing the red icing. - Stop it. 

    - I always thought you were sweet angel but I think you might just taste sweet too now. - Sebastian kissed her cheek making her widen her eyes, looking around if any of the staff had noticed. To her luck, they were much too busy looking at a video on youtube on how to properly cook a turkey. Guess they shouldn’t have given the chef an early holiday. 

   - Stop it, you’re engaged. - she took a step to the right and handed him a bowl where she had placed the chocolate chips on. - Go on, decorate your cookies. 

   - They won’t say anything. - Sebastian observed as Y/N’s pipped some icing onto her cookies making them look like small pieces of art. Surely his cookies were not gonna be displayed. - Besides Gwen isn’t here. 

   - You could look a bit sad that your fiancée isn’t here. - she grabbed the tray of cookies and placed it in the oven, cleaning her hands against her apron. - You don’t need to mean it. 

   - Admit it, you’re also happy she isn’t around. 

   - I am not. We’ve spent Christmas together since we were kids, it’s sorta of odd that she isn’t around. 

   - C’mon, angel. Do you even have a day in your life that’s just for you? Your birthday perhaps?

   - Me and Gwen have the same birthday and besides, I don’t know what I would do with a day just for me. - she could possibly spend the whole day reading but other than that it would sound a bit weird not to have Gwen barging into her bedroom with her issues. - You spend Christmas with family and the ones you love. 

   - Alright, angel, if you say so. 

   - We should go outside. 

   - Outside? - he looked over the window, noticing the soft fresh snow on the ground. It looked way colder than the warmth provided by his heaters inside the house. - Are you sure?

   - We could go to the Rockefeller Centre, see the Christmas tree or even go to the ice rink.

   - You wanna walk all the way there?

   - It’s not that bad. C’mon, it’s gonna be lovely. - her eyes sparkled in a way that didn’t allow anyone with an once of a heart to say no to her. Sighing he just smiled and that wasn’t for her to kiss his cheek and rush out of the kitchen to grab her coat.

She returned in a few seconds in a white faux fur coat which most likely used to belong to Gwen and matching winter hat and gloves. He thought she looked adorable all in white like some sort of snow angel with the robin necklace in gold shinning with the reflection of the Christmas lights. In odd comparison, Sebastian was wearing his traditional signature long black coat, sunglasses with a Burberry scarf. As they stepped outside, she seemed to light up with energy, her hand wrapping around his as they looked at the other house’s outside decoration.

People couldn’t help but smile as they saw the two people contrasted with colours and with expressions. Sebastian himself would’ve gone home but his heart would skip a beat every time her gloved hand touched his pulling him along. In what felt like hours and hours of walking and looking at various lights, they reached the Rockefeller Centre and even Sebastian had to take off his sunglasses to look at the Christmas tree. 

   - Let’s go ice skating. - she grabbed his hand, smiling. - It’ll be fun.

   - No, angel. You can go, I’ll just watch.

   - It’ll be fun besides, I’m sure none of your associates are here to see you ice skating. 

   - Do you ever take no for an answer, angel? 

   - You’re gonna like it. 

   - Alright. - he gave in and walked over to buy the tickets and rent the skates. Mindlessly, she put her skates off and went off onto the rink, turning around to see Sebastian still trying to look as polished and stoic as he could. - What?

  - You can’t be holding onto the rail all the time. - she crossed her arms. - That’s cheating. 

  - I never said I would do the skating part of ice skating. 

  - You could always use this as an excuse to hold my hand. - she skated over to him, extending her hand towards him.

  - I don’t need an excuse to hold your hand, angel. But ... I’ll take your offer. 

tag list: @lilya-petrichor @xoxohannahlee @irespostthingsiwanttoseelater @nikkipea @madisonpillstrom @cevans98 @thelostallycat @sideeffectsofyou @anxiousdreamersworld @captainchrisstan @lookiamtrying @sarge-barnes-sir​​ @stuffforreferences​ @thebadassbitchqueen

[baoshan-sanren]

Part 11

to the fucking NieLan arranged marriage AU I can’t stop thinking about, that should really have a title by now

pt.1 here | pt.2 here | pt.3 here | pt.4 here | pt.5 here | pt.6 here | pt.7 here | pt.8 here | pt.9 here | pt.10 here

The next time XiChen sees Nie MingJue, it has been exactly eleven days since their parting at YingChuan.

In those eleven days, XiChen had managed to successfully slice into the heart of YueYang, burn two of the Wen Sect supply columns on his retreat, and decimate the small group fleeing the slaughter at KuiZhou, who had made the mistake of veering too far east. He had lost two men, out of fifteen he had brought with him, and although in terms of war casualties, two deaths are considered an acceptable loss, they both weigh on him heavily.

It is hard to send or receive messages while on the move, so he does not bother. Word travels quickly across the rural countryside, and within two days of leaving the border of YueYang, he knows that the Jiang Sect, along with half a dozen smaller clans, is holding the line at ShuDong, preventing the Wen from moving any further southeast. It is a relief to hear, as he has gotten no word from WangJi in nearly a fortnight now.

XiChen knows that many of the elders do not understand WangJi’s insistence to join the Jiang Sect and fight along his betrothed, instead of taking Wei WuXian into the Lan Sect. Even uncle, who should know WangJi better than all the others, had attempted to change his mind. 

None of them truly understand WangJi. They only see a dedicated, upright youth, who would rather suffer death than stray off the righteous path. It had never occurred to them that WangJi’s ardent devotion, once focused on a single human being, rather than three thousand rules incapable of returning the sentiment, could ever look like this. But XiChen had known, ever since those first letters began arriving at Cloud Recesses, the letters that were written to his brother, and not the Second Young Master Lan, not the Twin Jade of Lan, not the second most beautiful Young Master of the cultivation world. XiChen had known that if Wei WuXian could only see his brother as the others could not, if he could love his brother as he deserves to be loved, that WangJi would return that love a thousandfold.

The last piece of news that had reached XiChen, from three different sources, stated that the Wen have begun retreating from HeJian, and that the Nie Sect is moving back into YingChuan, lining up for a direct attack.

XiChen can only deduce that Nie MingJue means to cut them off from QiShan, to catch them in a wedge between himself and the Jin Sect.

It is a good plan, XiChen thinks, and a logical one to make. But he does not trust Jin GuangShan. If they had more time, and if the distance was not so great, XiChen would have exchanged the Jin Sect for the Jiang Sect in a heartbeat. It does not take a lot to hold the line at ShuDong, and the Jiang Sect, along with WangJi, are wasted so far from the bulk of the Wen forces. But in a war, one must work with what one is given, and he hopes MingJue realizes the same, all while keeping his temper in check. Working closely with Jin GuangShan could test anyone’s patience, and his husband does not have much on his best day.

By the time he reaches the hills above the YingChuan, the Nie Sect has already set up camp, spreading nearly two li across the countryside. XiChen picks out another twelve small clans, their banners whipping in the wind, and a few larger gold tents of the LanLing Jin, set further north. It is easy to distinguish the QingHe Nie from the others, even without the Sect colors on blatant display. A shallow row of trenches has been dug to the northwest. Beyond them, to the south, the tents are perfectly lined up, row after a row. Beyond the tents, XiChen sees the supply wagons, and even further south, long picket lines of horses.

In contrast, the other clans, including the small camp set up by the LanLing Jin, look like scattered toys of some inattentive child. The rest of the Lan Sect is still some days out, but XiChen hopes they follow the Nie Sect example.

It takes a long time to make his way through the camp. Logically, he knows that QingHe Nie is much larger than the small corner he had inhabited for the last couple of months, but the sheer amount of people who know him by sight are astounding. He is forced to stop multiple times and speak to people he has never met, answer dozens of questions, refuse multiple attempts to be steered to some cook fire or another for food or tea, all while collecting a larger and larger number of disciples along the way. He also knows, logically, that Nie SuShen and Nie YongZhi, as well as the other disciples who are now surrounding him, are all sixteen and seventeen years old, only a few years younger than himself. Still, to him they seem like children, and he wishes MingJue had opted to leave them all at QingHe Nie.  

It is nearly dark by the time he bypasses the empty Sect Leader’s tent, and continues on to the larger meeting tent to the north. The men he had brought with him turn southeast, intending to make a small Lan Sect camp beyond the Nie Sect lines, in a place where the incoming Lan Sect forces should be easily spotted, once they cross the mountains. The disciples had informed him that Nie MingJue and the twelve clan leaders have been in the same meeting since the sun was at its noon peak. Being the unrepentant gossips that they are, no doubt due to A-Sang’s influence, they also inform him that MingJue had already broken two tables, and physically thrown one of the clan leaders out of the tent the day before. They giggle about it, because to children, it is amusing to see large men being propelled into dirt like sacks of rice. But XiChen’s worry, carefully subdued for the last eleven days, flares high.

The disciples abandon him shortly after, none of them brave enough to continue on any further. XiChen finds Nie ZongHui standing guard outside the tent, and the man seems relieved to see him, bowing deeply.

The tent is large, but stifling hot, with two dozen men crammed inside. The murmur of voices stops when he crosses the entrance, every set of eyes turning to XiChen. XiChen, however, can only see MingJue, standing perfectly still at the head of the table, a thousand emotions XiChen had never seen before flying rapidly across his face. He looks tired, and his shoulder plate still has specks of blood embedded in the silver. Whoever is in charge of scrubbing his armor clean has done a poor job. XiChen will have to speak with them.

XiChen bows to the clan leaders, and is forced to listen to a string of congratulations on a job well done, only some of them genuine, and most of them patronizing in nature. MingJue has not moved to approach him, so XiChen makes his way through the crowd of men, subtly implying that he is not here to join in their discussion, but to see his husband, hoping they will take the cue and finish up quickly.

When he reaches MingJue’s side, he positions himself a few steps back from his husband’s right shoulder, making it obvious that he is simply waiting for the others to leave. Although some of them are slow on the uptake, majority seem ready to be done. The little bit that XiChen can see from the map tells him that they are hoping the Jiang Sect can push the Wen from ShuDong, while the Nie and the Jin are slicing into the HeJian retreating forces. There is also another marker, northwest of YiLing, bearing the cloud pattern of Gusu Lan. The same strategy again, except this time, if they pushed hard enough, the Lan Sect could actually reach the Nightless City, effectively cutting the Wen forces in half.

It takes forever for the clan leaders to make their way out of the tent, but even as they trickle out, XiChen moves a little closer to the map. Unless some of the information marked on it is wrong, the Wen are nearing YangYuan in their retreat. It looks as if MingJue means to hit them before they reach GanQuan, which is strategically the best option, but it also means that some of them will fall back against QingHe. Two of the smaller sects should probably be sent back, and LaoLing Qin is likely to insist that they be one of them. QingHe cannot fall, under any circumstance. There is a gaping, undefended stretch between QingHe and LanLing, where the Wen could easily swing back northwest and catch the Nie Sect from behind. It is an uncertain world, when the Nie must trust the Qin to protect their back, but a war makes for strange bedfellows.

“XiChen.”

Startled, he looks up from the map to find that all the clan leaders are gone. MingJue is watching him carefully, and XiChen smiles.

“It looks like I am heading back to YiLing,” he says, turning his eyes back to the map, “I wish I had not brought all of the man back with me now. This does seem the next logical place of attack, and with the entire Lan Sect pushing hard, we could reach the walls of the Nightless City before--“

“You are going back to QingHe,” MingJue says.

MingJue is no longer looking at him, but unhooking the shoulder plates from his armor. Disbelief keeps XiChen silent for a few long seconds, before he can come up with appropriate words.

There is no reason for this. They had agreed before XiChen left, that any supply columns they encounter on their way in or out of YueYang should be burned. They had agreed that any small Wen force they come across must be eliminated. XiChen had done exactly what they had agreed on, no more and no less.

“I should be leading the Lan Sect into QiShan. This is no different than--“

“You are going back to QingHe,” MingJue says again, dropping the left shoulder plate, splattered with blood, onto the table.

He begins unhooking the right, and XiChen feels that he is missing something here, something large and not necessarily related to the war strategy.

His stomach drops.

“You do not trust me to do this,” he says, “You do not think I am capable of leading them into the Nightless City--“

The right shoulder plate goes flying across the tent, smashes into the tea set on the side table, shattering both the pottery and the table itself.

“Eleven days!” MingJue roars, “Not a single message! Not a whisper! Three runners sent, for only one of them to return! A thousand times I pictured you dead! Wounded! Cut off in YueYang by the Wens! Bleeding out somewhere where no one could reach you!”

XiChen had flinched back in shock, but now he takes a deep, shuddering breath, and tries to remain calm, “We have spoken of this before departure. The chances were high that any message sent could be intercepted--“

“Two dead men,” MingJue growls, his voice tight with restraint, his eyes flashing, “That is the news the only runner who returned brought. Two dead men from the Lan Sect, and no one-- no one could tell who they had been.”

XiChen feels his stomach twist in guilt. It had never even occurred to him that MingJue would think him dead.

“Lan GuoZhi and Lan GongHui,” XiChen says softly, “The rest of them are back, and safe. You cannot win a war without losses--“

“Do you think I care for winning the war if you are dead!?!!”  

The words strike XiChen like a blow, knocking all the air out of his chest. Something warm fills the space immediately, spreading far and wide, heating his face, making his hands tremble. There are only a few coherent thoughts flashing through his head, but they are blindingly sharp, leaving no room for others.

A heavy silence has fallen between them, and in it, MingJue seems to gather himself with some difficulty. He turns away, pulling the breastplate off his chest, and dropping it on the ground. XiChen distractedly thinks that no one will find it there when it needs cleaning, and that it is no wonder his shoulder plates still have blood on them.

The warmth in his chest throbs painfully.

There is a low platform set at the very back of the tent, holding the Sect Leader chair. It is tradition, to bring one along, and XiChen is surprised MingJue had allowed it, such nonsense traditions usually the last of his concerns. He would easily wager that Nie MingJue had not sat in it once since it was placed in the tent, and even now, MingJue proves him right by sitting down on the edge of the platform.

He no longer looks angry. He looks more tired than XiChen had ever seen him be, elbows resting on his knees, his shoulders slumped. Soundlessly, XiChen crosses the tent and settles down next to him, wanting to offer some comfort, but incapable of coming up with any words that would suffice.  

“I should not have shouted at you,” MingJue says, his voice hoarse, “Forgive me.”

XiChen hums in response, and shifts a little closer, pressing their shoulders together. MingJue leans against him sightly, and takes deep, measured breaths, matching them to XiChen’s. XiChen had wondered if he should offer to play for him, but now he thinks this is working just as well. The warmth in his chest is throbbing with his heartbeat, and his body feels light all over, as if everything in the world has somehow shifted into its rightful place.

“The rest of the Lan Sect should be across the mountains tomorrow,” MingJue says, “We must strike at the Wen before they reach GanQuan. That leaves-- four days to reach YiLing.”

“We will only need three,” XiChen says, “They can rest here until nightfall tomorrow.”

“Move only at night,” MingJue says, “Wen RuoHan will expect something. It is unlikely he will be prepared for another attack from southeast, but--“

“We have rattled him enough that he has probably strengthened his defenses everywhere,” XiChen says, and smiles sadly, “the only downside of the original plan.”

MingJue seems as if he might say something else, but no words come, and they sit in silence for another few minutes, listening to the bustle of the camp outside the tent.

Finally, MingJue shifts, and stands up. He extends his hand to XiChen, and XiChen takes it, warm palm sliding against his, sending a tingle through his fingers.

“You should rest,” MingJue says, releasing him, “There are reports waiting for my attention.”

“Would you like me to play for you? It may make the reports easier to bear.”

“Not tonight. You have only just arrived, and must leave again tomorrow. Rest, sleep. If you are still willing, tomorrow will do just as well.”

XiChen wants to ask if the reports can wait until the following day, but does not. He understands that a single message could make the difference between moving tomorrow, moving two days from now, or having to retreat.

“Have you eaten today?” he asks instead, and MingJue huffs a laugh.

“I have not.”

“Then I will have some food sent to you, and you must promise to eat.”

“I promise,” MingJue says.

XiChen leaves the tent knowing that something is left unfinished between them, something neither of them can address right now. But he hopes there will be time soon enough.

[catpella]

FFXIV Write Entry #1: Emerald Assessment

Prompt: crux

the decisive or most important point at issue

Words: 1813

The carbuncle test at the Arcanist’s Guild will be the defining moment of Valle Serreta’s life.

Dawn's golden light was washing over the island of Vylbrand, illuminating the fact that a port city like Limsa Lominsa could never be truly said to ever sleep. It was always abustle with some type of activity, whether it was the steady rhythm of the experienced workers at the docks tending the early boats going in and out, the merchants and hawkers setting up their wares, the guilds opening their doors as their members shuffled in, and the scents of food wafting all over as the eateries which had been working on breakfast opened up to let patrons enter and get their well-earned breakfast.

Two bells to go before the exams at the Arcanists' Guild.

Every young Arcanist who had an exam or presentation of some kind was stuffed somewhere with a source of caffeine and their notes and books surrounding them. Some were currently inside the cafe known as Jewels and Java, a carbuncle-themed cafe run by a Miqo'te and incredibly popular among young arcanists and students and lovers of fluffy things. This morning, despite the early time, it was full of nothing but the students collaborating and reviewing together.

Valle Serreta was on her third cup of Thanalan tea and her hand was trembling slightly as she ran her quill over the pages of the grimoire to inscribe equations and passages. She _knew_ she'd done well in her basics courses and passed those exams. She'd gotten to the stage where she was allowed to qualify to summon the basic emerald carbuncle. There were plenty of would-be arcanists who didn't get to this stage.

She'd inked passages into a grimoire already and cast spells from them, adjusted aether and made effects happen. By those standards, she was already a fledgling arcanist, ahd succeeded at the basics. But it was the love of carbuncles, those beautiful aetherial creatures, that had started her on the path to being an arcanist. The carbuncle sign had led her to Jewels and Java. Being headbutted by one had introduced her to X'erys. Summoning her own carbuncle would make her feel like a real arcanist.

Was she ready?

She'd looked at the equations, traced them and hummed them. She'd thought about the mapping of aether to mathematics, the entire principle of arcanima. How the symbols represented the state of the aether, the way it took this flowing, changing substance that made up the world and changed it from a powerful force that affected lives and twisted and changed and reshaped Eorzea and seemed immense and immovable and impossible to truly grasp or understand, and instead broke it down and turned it into something you could refine into smaller parts, understand bit by bit and comprehend. How once you grasped the symbols and the theory, you could understand how aether did what it did, and measure it, and see what it had done before ; what it was doing right now; and predict what it might do in the future. Most importantly to Valle, if you truly grasped the theory of arcanima, you could understand the symbols, adjust the way they were laid out, and by doing so manipulate the aether to how you willed it to be. You could re-create the world.

Or, at least for this test, you could create something new to the world. One carbuncle. Something brought into being by you and you alone.

Assuming she could do it.

Surely she could, with all that preparation. She knew the equations by heart, and they had to be right. The guild did give you the basic equations for a reason, they didn't expect you to design your own for the first time.Though some people, Valle knew, _had_ modified their carbuncle equations. Typically it was arcanists further along in their careers modifying later carbuncle summons, though she'd heard tell of a few bold ones who had modified her first. And when she had read over the base equations, it hadn't just been a few recitations till she was sure she could scribe and pronounce them without stumbling. No, she'd gone over them over and over again on paper, until she could redraw them entirely from memory in ink without any mistakes.

Then she'd felt ready to copy them into the practice grimoire they'd been given. Which is the task she was doing now, in the time remaining before the exam. Halfway through, with plenty of time remaining, to finish copying, and then perhaps manage one pastry, before heading back to the guild headquarters, in time to present herself to Mistress Ingolia for book review and then the test... Oh. Out of ink. Fortunately she'd caught it at the end of a passage, she hated the idea of running out partway through one and then re-dipping and continuing. What if the change partway led to a change in the strength of some of the pieces, unbalanced it somehow? She moved her hand to re-dip the ink and continued with her work, until finally, it was done.

She cleaned up her papers and books into her bag and then set out for the short walk to Mealvaan's Gate and the Arcanist's Guild headquarters. There was a line of other baby arcanists outside, all ready to take their tests. She joined in and smiled at the ones she knew and were friendly with, but didn't take time to talk with anyone, continuing to run through carbuncles on a loop in her head. As the line descended down the stairs to the practice grounds in the basement where trainees summoned carbuncles and ran assessment trainings, she was able to see what changes they'd made for the test. The round training area was clear of all people. Spaced equidistant from each other around the ring, looking down into it, were two senior arcanists. Mistress Ingolia checked people's grimoires, spoke a few words to them, then let them into the ring before taking the third point of the arcanist triangle. The student would channel aether into the grimoire. The carbuncle would appear.

It all looked so easy. She hoped it would be true for her.

Finally she reached the head of the line and it was her turn to face Mistress Ingolia. The dark-haired woman was short for her race, and while her accent was something crisp and not-Limsan, her voice was warm and did not have the air of cool reserve many Elezen displayed. "Ah, Miss Serreta. Let me see your grimoire please."

She extended the book and waited, shifting her weight from foot to foot as subtly as she could to try to burn some of her nerves, not sure if it was escaping notice.

The book was snapped shut with a noise that sounded like a resounding slap echoing through the entire hall, but it must have been Valle's overactive imagination. "Your penmanship is exquisite and your work reads true. I gift you a summoning foci."

Atop the grimoire, which Ingolia was extending towards her, was a small faceted emerald. Valle's hands trembled only slightly as she took the emerald and the book into her hands and bowed to the instructor.

"Enter the ring," she added, opening the door for Valle.

Valle stepped forward into the ring. It was her first time there. Tradition was that fledgling arcanists could observe carbuncle summoning and training from outside but not step into it until they'd summoned their own - it was said to be bad luck if you did and that it would curse you from ever successfully summoning your own. She hadn't wanted to risk it, even though X'erys had told her how stupid the idea was and claimed she'd pranced all around the ring twice before her summoning and it had gone fine -

"You may begin," Mistress Ingolia said, interrupting Valle's racing train of thoughts.She bowed quickly to the other two senior arcanists as well, then flipped open the grimoire and held the quill an ilm above the page.  Next, she took a deep breath. This was going to be an emerald carbuncle - wind aether was concentrated around the gemstone already - she would need to infuse a touch of wind into the aether from herself she was going to pour into the quill and into the book to launch it. Thus, breath, wind.

She filled her lungs as deep as she could, thinking about the strong breezes and the sea air, and then she breathed out onto the top of her quill, a spark of green touching the top and making it ruffle. She touched it to the first line and began to chant softly, moving the edge of her quill, infusing her aether into the stored pattern set out.

The grimoire glimmered in her hands and aether shimmered around her as she began...

a circle of runes and markings appeared in the air as her voice built...

Valle's voice gained in strength and speed as she reached the key part, all fear and doubt gone as only the purity of the passage, the expression, remained, and she was its conduit...

another circle of marks appeared intersecting it at a 90 degree angle, now both rotating...

Valle took the summoning emerald from underneath the grimoire and threw it into the twisting circles, where it caught in invisible winds and hung, suspended...

from out of the vortex, something twisted and turned, aqua light too bright to stare directly at...

and an emerald carbuncle sprung from the circles to land delicately on the ground of the ring.

It cheeped and wriggled its body and shook its paws and waggled its ears and swished its tails and looked up at Valle.

The circles faded away, the winds died down, and Valle had to reach out to catch her grimoire before it fell. "Hello there," she said, beaming at the beautiful carbuncle. She could feel its presence in a way she hadn't expected, it tugging on her own aether in a way she'd understood in theory but hadn't expected in practice to make her feel instantly smitten. Her lips curved in a reflexive smile at her carbuncle.

"Valle Serreta, you have passed the trial," announced Mistress Ingolia.

That announcement broke Valle from her moment of surprise. She bowed again at the two supervising seniors, then turned to bow at Mistress Ingolia, and accepted the guidance out of the ring. Then she headed up the stairs, carbuncle in tow beside her.

For those who had passed, there was a congratulatory event in a lounge in an upper tower. As well as lectures on proper uses and caretaking of carbuncles, she was sure. Not that she minded the idea of lessons. She'd done it - summoned a carbuncle - become a real arcanist. She'd proved that this guild was the right place to spend her life. That meant she needed to learn all she could, now, to make sure she kept doing it right. Not just today, but forever.

[historicalfightingguide]

Drilling With Gear(by Tea Kew)

" Something I've often seen in HEMA is the idea that ‘technical practice’ can be done with no or minimal gear. Partner exercises for ‘form’ or ‘technique’ in many clubs are done with just masks, or masks and gloves, or even no equipment other than a sword. This is often pretty safe, as long as all participants have reasonable control over their weapon and actions. But it does still lead to some issues, even if there’s no actual injuries caused. I think that this habit is often a factor in complaints we see about how technique seems not to be reflected in sparring.

The key problem with minimal gear drills is transferability. No drills are like fencing - and good drills don’t have to be like fencing - but it’s important that the skills learned in that drill can be easily and effectively transferred to actual fencing. When using minimal/no gear for drilling, there are a number of factors which limit the transferability of the exercise. Since many of these are required for safety, it’s hard to fix them with better drill design - but it’s easy to address most of these simply by drilling with gear.

The first is intent to touch. When my training partner is not wearing gear, I can’t actually touch them with my action. When they’re wearing limited gear, I can touch them - but I have to ensure I don’t miss in any way (we’ll come back to this later). Both of these mean that I’m not concentrating on delivering my touch to the best of my ability - instead I’m practicing *not* touching, or practicing staying slower than I can to avoid any chance of a mistake. This makes it difficult for me to learn the actual feeling of making my touch, or the commitment required to attack effectively. It also applies to the incoming cues my partner is giving me: the attack they make which I parry/riposte will not actually be an attack that’s going to hit me. I might learn the movement pattern, but the underlying intent in both parties actions is almost certainly going to be missing.

One specific way in which this manifests is distance. Understanding and controlling distance are critical factors in the success of any fencing action, but when drilling with minimal gear, the distance is normally increased for safety. This means participants are learning to associate a particular action with an incorrect distance situation, harming their ability to effectively use it in real fencing. If they try to perform the action in fencing at the distance they’ve practiced it, their opponent is likely to be able to make it fail. So they need to learn to re-adjust it on the fly when fencing, increasing the difficulty of using the action effectively. As a concrete example: say we are practicing a parry/riposte against a thrust. Since we aren’t wearing fencing jackets, my opponent thrusts from slightly wider distance, so that if I miss the parry they will fall just slightly short. I make my nice crisp parry, and riposte with my own thrust - also falling a fraction short. When I try to use this in fencing, I parry at a wider distance than is ideal and my opponent can now likely touch with a disengage. Even when my parry connects and I riposte, the distance is probably a little wide and I’ll fall short or be counter-parried. Another is structure and targeting. In order to shorten the distance without injuring training partners, we see actions like cutting with bent arms, changing the angle of the sword with the hand, shortening the arms in the thrust, slipping away from the target at the last moment, etc. All of these have obvious impacts on what the action will achieve. If my training partner is feeding me weakly structured cuts, I might learn to parry in ways that resist this - but won’t hold up against a properly structured cut that I find from an opponent in sparring. If I learn to change the angle of my thrusts at the last moment to make sure they miss the target for safety reasons, then that is likely to reflect when I try to use the same technique under more pressure. The common thread here is feedback. A good drill needs to quickly give clear feedback about the success or failure of the student’s actions. The safety requirements of minimal gear technical drills make it much harder for them to give this feedback to the participants - and make it much harder to interpret the feedback which is received. If my counter-cut isn’t strong enough to displace their blade properly, was the problem in the action I made, or was it that I’d deliberately weakened the structure to avoid injuring my partner? If my partner’s thrust falls short, did I evade it successfully, or was their attack intrinsically launched at the wrong distance to avoid hurting me? Successful repetitions are in some ways even worse here, because we are learning that an incorrect execution of the action leads to a successful result. A riposte from out of distance should be punished by a counter-parry, but now it’s allowed to be successful. An attempted counter-cut with bent arms should fail to displace the blade, but the helpful training partner lets their sword be knocked aside because it’s the ‘correct’ way to do it for safety here. There’s another major aspect to discuss as well: minimal gear exercises are far less accepting of mistakes. Making mistakes is really important in training - it’s how we really learn what does and doesn’t work, what is and isn’t important to the execution of a technique, etc. When the risk of mistakes is much higher, it’s hard to ‘push the envelope’ and stress test one’s decisions and execution. If I can only thrust into a specific small target area, then I have to slow down the pace of my riposte to make sure it lands there - and my training partner will in turn have to artificially allow this slow riposte to land successfully. By wearing gear, I can push the speed of my execution while trying to keep the same precision - I will fail at this at first, which is why the equipment is necessary, but I can only learn that precision at speed by training it at speed. To be clear, none of this means you have to do technical drills by smashing each other at full force. Controlling the intensity and pace of actions is very useful for longer term training - it allows more practice, with less injuries, and more conscious thought about the action. But doing technical drilling in gear allows for correct distance and structure to be safely used, it allows for intent to touch on the part of the participants, lets mistakes be made safely and gives much better feedback about correct or incorrect execution. Using relatively full gear makes it far easier to train techniques in a way that translates to using them under pressure - whether that’s in free fencing, or in ‘real fighting’, or whatever purpose you are training students for."

Found here via   HEMA World Domination* where you may find further useful information in the comments.

Do remember to check out Tea’s blog https://pteappic.tumblr.com/

And remember that he will likely combine the various bits and pieces of teaching advice in a book or such like.

And remember that he also does seminars and workshops that you may want to employ him for. * “ HEMA World Domination is a place for HEMA School owners and Club runners to discuss the good and the bad, the highs and the lows of running a HEMA based business. Share your tips and advice about running a HEMA school, student outreach, or student management.”

Remember to check out  A Guide to Starting a Liberation Martial Arts Gym

Also here’s a few pride-themed things to check out getting as well as a few related topics

And stay safe

And if you can consider donating to any of these causes.

Consider getting this rashguard or this one or something from here

We need change and justice for all.

This may be a useful link as well.

For anyone unclear on this Black Lives Matter.

Good luck everyone.

[miniaturetacopuppy]

Full Women’s Figure Skating Short Program | PyeongChang 2018

Court Dimension:

The 2018 Winter Olympics' ladies' single figure skating competition was held at Gangneung Ice Arena in Gangneung, South Korea, with an Olympic-sized figure skating rink measuring 30m x 60m (98.4ft x 197ft).

Equipment:

The basic equipment you require for figure skating is boots, blades, and comfortable appropriate clothes.

Basic Skills:

Basic 1

Sit on ice and stand up

March forward across the ice

Forward two-foot glide

Dip

Forward swizzles (6-8 in a row)

Backward wiggles (6-8 in a row)

Snowplow stop

The rocking horse (2–3)

Two-foot hop in place (optional)

Basic 2

Forward one-foot glides (R and L)

Backward two-foot glide

Backward swizzles (6–8 in a row)

Two-foot turn from forward to backward in place

Moving snowplow stop

Forward alternating half swizzle pumps, in a straight line (slalom-like pattern)

Basic 3

Forward stroking, showing correct use of blade

Forward half swizzle pumps on a circle (6–8 consecutive clockwise and counterclockwise)

Moving forward to backward two-foot turn (clockwise and counterclockwise)

Backward one-foot glides (R and L)

Forward slalom

Two-foot spin (up to two revolutions)

Basic 4

Forward outside edge on a circle (R and L)

Forward inside edge on a circle (R and L)

Forward crossovers, clockwise and counterclockwise

Forward outside three-turn, R and L from a stand-still position

Backward half swizzle pumps on a circle, clockwise and counterclockwise

Backward stroking

Backward snowplow stop (R and L)

Basic 5

Backward outside edge on a circle (R and L)

Backward inside edge on a circle (R and L)

Backward crossovers, clockwise and counterclockwise

Beginning one-foot spin (up to three revs, optional entry and free-foot position)

Hockey stop

Side toe hop (both directions)

Basic 6

Forward inside three-turn (R and L from a standstill position)

Moving backward to forward two-foot turn on a circle, clockwise and counterclockwise

T-stop (R or L)

Bunny hop

Forward spiral on a straight line (R or L)

Forward lunge (R or L)

Technical and Tactical Skills:

There are six common jumps, which can be split into two basic categories: toe jumps (toe loop, flip, and Lutz) and edge jumps (Salchow, loop, and the axel). As the types imply, with toe jumps, a skater uses the pointy toe of the skate, called the “toe pick”, during takeoff. With edge jumps, they use the edge of the skate (inside or outside).

Toe jumps:

Toe loops —This jump takes off going backward on the right outside edge. As the skater leaps into the air he would twist left, crossing his left leg over the right, make 1,2, or 3 revolutions, and land on the right outside edge. Then swing his left leg behind to follow through.

Flips — The skater moves forward on the left leg and makes a 3-turn to get into the backward position. Skating backward on the left foot, back inside edge, the skater would then use the toe pick of her right leg to vault her into the air. After making 1,2 or 3 revolutions the skater would then land backward on the right foot, outside edge.

Lutz’s — It’s very difficult to stay balanced when launching into a full, mid-air revolution from the outside edge of the skate. While skating backward on the left foot, back outside edge, the skater uses the toe pick to vault into the air. After making 1,2 or 3 rotations the skater would then land on his right foot, outside edge.

Edge jumps:

Salchows — The salchow jump sees the performer launch into the air by pushing on the inside edge of their strongest foot. After performing a half-revolution in mid-air, the skater then lands smoothly onto the outside edge of their weaker foot, before continuing to skate their way across the ice.

Loop jumps — When attempting a loop jump, the figure skater takes off from the outside edge of their strongest foot before spinning a full-revolution in the air. The performer then lands back onto the same foot and either carry on skating across the ice or prepares to launch into another spin.

Axels — The axel takes off from a forward position on the left outside edge. The skater must then rotate 1 1/2, 2 ½, or 3 1/2 times before landing on the right back outside edge. The triple axel is the biggest challenge for women.

There are three common spins: the camel, the sit, and the upright.

The camel spin — is a one-footed spin in which the free leg is extended straight back above hip level, with both the leg and chest parallel to the ice.

The sit spin — is pretty self-explanatory. It’s done in a sitting position with the skating leg at least parallel to the ice.

The upright spin — is any spin with the skating leg extended, or almost extended, that’s not a camel spin.

Rules of the Game:

Individual events consist of a short program and a free skate. The former is seen as the technical test for skaters, where requirements are stricter and mistakes more costly. Of the 30 initial skaters, 24 make it to the free skate portion. For both men and women, the short program is 2:50 long (+/- 10 seconds). The women’s free skate is 4 minutes (+/- 10 seconds). The men’s is 4:30 (+/- 10 seconds). The scores from the short program and the free skate are combined to determine a winner.

Officiating the Sport:

As I observe there is one referee who oversees the ice conditions, ensures that all rules applicable to an assessment or competition are followed. Nine judges officiate at all levels of competitions and are responsible for assessing the quality with which a skater performs. One Technical Specialist and TechnicalControllers who are former athletes, coaches, Skate judges, or referees recruited for the correct identification of elements and levels. One Data Specialists are the individuals responsible for calculating the marks awarded by the judges and tabulating the final result.

Analysis:

USA 🇺🇸 — is the 1st performer in the single figure skating program. She did an explicit performance having the cleanest spin with a lovely line and extension for ribs changing position as layback spin to catch the foot, the footwork step in a sequence, the toe loop is clear. However, in the opening jump, she misses the triple combination that causes a one-point deduction in the overall score performance further than that team USA did a wholesome show.

BRA 🇧🇷— is the 2nd performer in the single figure skating program. She completed the required element for the program and did well and the safe landing on the double toe as well the loop is nicely executed. However, she is not that flexible makes her layback spin with the catch loop will be only level 2 even so she stimulates the music very well which makes her performance admirable because she's showing expression while performing.

UKR 🇺🇦— is the 3rd performer in the single figure skating program. Her performance is quite a pity since she got a two-point deduction for her performance. The opening first triple toe in the combination was quite good, however, she does not have enough speed to carry through the second jump that she missed went through the same thing that happens in the triple loop. She executes well on the double axel, her performance is more on footwork, and gestures tropical ended her show with a layback to catch-foot.

LAT 🇱🇻— is the 4th performer in the single figure skating program. She has exceptional choreography as she did the triple toe, triple loop, double axel, back entry to the combination spin to side waist-length leaning turn to the layback to the catch-foot are well played. However, she lacked step-on footwork and did not complete the three basic spin but did a classy performance.

KOR 🇰🇷— is the 5th performer in the single figure skating program. She's a strong competitor for 17 years old and her performance is lovely because of the right speed and choreography completed the triple toe, triple loops, double axel, startling footwork, jump in spin to the outside edge changing the position to the layback with speed to catch-foot. Overall her performance is surpassing, although she is unsatisfied with the score she got.

SWE 🇸🇪— is the 6th performer in the single figure skating program. She has a good speed and great flow on footwork and did a jump sit to a broken leg position that is very low and centered, did triple axel and the triple toe to triple toe, but on the second triple toe spin, she almost lost her balance, finishing her performance to a layback spin with a catch-foot. She's disappointed after finishing the presentation since made a big mistake at the top because she did a single jump which is not a valid element in the program.

CHN 🇨🇳— is the 7th performer in the single figure skating program. She has good quality on the combination spin with all quality position to camel spin proceeding to the footwork, good work on the triple toe-triple loop, double axel is outright low but very well done. She's completing all the position and movement to classic layback position to side waist to catch-foot. However, she missed the opening jump which was the opening triple flip that was supposed to be the combination. Moreover, she got full marks on the triple toe-triple loop jump combination.

SUI 🇨🇭— is the 8th performer in the single figure skating program. A 16 years old girl with no missed in the seven elements and did an excellent performance. She has done an outstanding job on the triple toe-triple toe together at a quality speed and footwork, the footwork doesn't cover much at the ice as it quite complex and it's not flowy, footwork to transition up to double axel, the side waist spin is unusual, back entry back camel spin and some illusion to change-foot and finish her performance with the flexibility and a smile.

KAZ 🇰🇿— is the 9th performer in the single figure skating program. She performs a piece of exotic music with exotic performance having an opening combination which is the triple axel-double toe it is a low-level combination jump but well successfully succeed, footwork is step sequence, she did pretty well delivering on the short progress although there is some problem.

FIN 🇫🇮— is the 10th performer in the single figure skating program. She wondrous performs lots of speed and high-quality jump on the triple toe-triple toe surprisingly clean, then executes a good transition on a high-quality double axel movement to marvelous lift even to the layer backspin to body movement and step sequence. However, she missed the triple loop because she does not have enough strength to land causes a one-point deduction to her score.

CAN 🇨🇦— is the 11th performer in the single figure skating program. She has a good speed as she did the opening combination triple salchow-triple toe but she sadly missed the landing on the triple toe for the reason of a one-point deduction, doing well on footwork, did the double axel that was a bit shaking as she lands on the ice, overall her performance is well-made.

FRA 🇫🇷— is the 12th performer in the single figure skating program. Her performance on the opening jump combination as she flips almost lost her balance that makes her hand touch to the ground proceeding to the double toe did the back camel to an upright position to sit position, done right on the triple loop, and the step sequence is slow, however, the crowd is enjoying it.

AUS 🇦🇺— is the 13th performer in the single figure skating program. She is a beautiful skater were emphasizes her performance with a charming expression that fascinates the crowd. She did a triple flip on the opening, has a great spin starting with a toner, step sequence using edge and loop, spectacular move on a double axel, excellent speed, and layback spin is nicely done. Overall, her performance is clean for having a green light on every element since she has a sense of expression and music.

HUN 🇭🇺— is the 14th performer in the single figure skating program. She chooses bright and rock music as she has delivered a fun performance. She did an excellent job on the triple toe-triple toe alternating the foot combination offset with the sit-to-back camel to an upright position means that she completed the three basic positions. Also, did well on a triple loop, has a good step sequence, and did a rush and split into a double axel to tropical entry to the layback.

ITA 🇮🇹— is the 15th performer in the single figure skating program. She has an interesting transition on the music among expression and composition with the triple flip, double axel, and good speed. Her performance was different where we want to figure out what it meant but it doesn't matter because it was well delivered. She may fail to complete the triple then combo where she misses on her next jump or both jump elements because of too much stress, however, she was please with her wonderful performance.

BEL 🇧🇪— is the 16th performer in the single figure skating program. She did a terrifically athletic performance, to have great movement and strength a good flow of footwork across the ice to a strong edge opening with a triple loop-triple toe, a big to sit spin to a nice irregular camel spin to change position to sit, and the upright, step transition to double axel, more footwork and did a single flip which is an invalid element, continue with a tropical entry into the layback to catch-foot with a good speed. She was unhappy with her performance since she doesn't have a point in one element because it's an invalid element.

GER 🇩🇪— is the 17th performer in the single figure skating program. She's a skater filled with confidence when she jumps and lands where you don't need to feel like you wonder if that's going to land or not because she can make the crowd feel comfortable. Her jumps are not that high but over well-executed, she did a neat triple flip for the opening also did triple toe-triple toe has a good series of turns and step sequences where curves are visible in and out.

SVK 🇸🇰— is the 18th performer in the single figure skating program. A clean performance for her for a good transition on the layback spin change position and speed to camel spin to sit spin to eight ball spin to upright spin. All the element step she plays was level 4 for every single element has received a positive grade for execution.

JPN 🇯🇵— is the 19th performer in the single figure skating program. She performs a centered layback spin, synchronizes footwork, expended execution on flying camel spin, completes the triple flip-triple toe and the triple loop, the jumps and spin are of dignified quality for a brilliant performance having the green light to a positive grade on every element. Her achievement is very pleasing to have a great flow and the jump looks effortless same as the spin for her to be called an astounding performer.

USA 🇺🇸— is the 20th performer in the single figure skating program. She looks tense since she's was next to perform to Japan who currently tops for all performers in the single figure skating program. She completed all the position and movement to layback position to side waist to catch-foot, did naturally execute the triple flip-triple toe. She also did a safe landing on the triple loop, however, miss the chance to do the figure for the triple axel causing a one-point deduction to her grade. Overall the gesture and transition are well done.

CAN 🇨🇦— is the 21st performer in the single figure skating program. She has incredible speed, the jump was high but quite majestic, footwork straight to the triple loop which was even better since she misses the double combination on the opening program causing a one-point deduction, but she did splendid execution on the other element. Overall, her performance is entertaining because her interpretation of the music is compliant.

USA 🇺🇸— is the 22nd performer in the single figure skating program. Her first jump attempt was a little bit of tilt where she almost lost balance but thankfully didn't get the fall yet there's a deduction to the points. She completed the footwork into the triple loop-double toe for the combination, pulling up a lovely spiral which is barely seen to the other performers to double axel. Overall, her performance tells a story as the symbolism of her hand gesture from beginning to end.

KAZ 🇰🇿— is the 23rd performer in the single figure skating program. She did a magnificent combination spin, a triple salchow-triple toe for the combination jump, double axel to butterfly into the flying camel to the inside edge, the transition was fast and neat which she has air good position and did a great job executing her show.

KOR 🇰🇷— is the 24th performer in the single figure skating program. She has a beautiful performance for she can bring emotion into it for a clean short program. She executes well on the triple loop-triple toe, back entry to the camel spin to sit and upright all in one foot then move to the triple flip, footwork is simple but elegant. Overall the performance was stunning and green light all the way.

RUS 🇷🇺— is the 25th performer in the single figure skating program. She has an enchanting performance, what I like most about her is the emotional feeling she brings as she skates into the ice where the breath and heartbeat have to do with her soul, choreography was very mature as truly she is a strong competitor. She did the camel start the triple flip-triple toe, a beautiful landing on the triple loop and triple axel, another beautiful combination spin, polished a beautiful shapes layback with ending great expression.

JPN 🇯🇵— is the 26th performer in the single figure skating program. She did the triple loop combination jump, a light entry into the fine camel turn, back to footwork to a secured triple loop, wonderful composition, and transition an excellent sigh to the double axel, very flexible as she does the layback to catch-foot. Overall, she is one of the best performers in the program and her movement does have meaning on it.

CAN 🇨🇦— is the 27th performer in the single figure skating program. She did a brilliant clear transition on the combination where the high is equal, footwork change feet to the triple loops to double axel. Her vibe makes you feel like in the European coffee in the late 1950s, her jumps were quite fast and high but sometimes a jump can be risky, so when there's a risk there should be a reward making her jump attempt worth it and superior.

RUS 🇷🇺— is the 28th performer in the single figure skating program. She nailed it a marvelous performance for 15 years old from Russia. She did complete the seven-element with a high average score for the green light all the way, starting with the different composition of spins, step sequence on footwork, the triple loop-triple loop, triple toe, double axel makes her all in all performance almost perfect.

ITA 🇮🇹— is the 29th performer in the single figure skating program. She has a good speed and great flow on footwork and did a jump sit to a broken leg position that is very low and centered. Also did triple flip-triple toe just the right leg edge coming out a little slow and the triple loop she almost lost her balance which an error in the step on the triple loop where she touches down with a hand causing for a deduction to her score, and finish her performance with a spin.

RUS 🇷🇺— is the last performer in the single figure skating program. She completed the required element for the program and did well and the safe landing on the double toe combination as well the axel is nicely executed. She has a lack of confidence but gracefully delivered well her performance however she wasn't able to control the landing on the triple loop causing a one-point deduction for that.

[hardyalise92]

How To Stop Cat Spraying Heat Stunning Unique Ideas

Give your cat behaviors that need attention.Yet, many problems adjusting with dogs as well.The final option is ultrasonic cat house soiling accidents because as they relearn the rules of the diagnosis is to handle when new.-- If your flea problem and don't expect your furry friend should be kept closed.

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[orderoftheavengers]

Just Because A Spell Works Doesn’t Mean it Can’t Be Improved 

PRINCESS SHURI 

Summary: Princess of the most advanced wizarding nation on the planet

House: Ravenclaw

Species: Human

Blood status: Pureblood

Wand: Baobab wood, nine inches, fwooper feather

Broom: Builds herself a new one every other week; but she prefers dragons as transportation

Patronus: Great Blue Turaco

Specialty: Creating magical talismans, using spells that include, but are not limited to: transfiguration; invisibility; teleportation; flying; astral projection....

Sorting

Okay, we've seen some sharp Hufflepuffs and Gryffindors, and half the geniuses in this AU seem to be in Slytherin. But Shuri's intelligence and pursuit of knowledge is her number one strongest trait. Stark, Strange and the niffler are all brilliant; but their brains are in competition with their Slytherin determinism and temperaments. Shuri never backs down from a challenge, but she is usually far more quick to accept when it's time to quit than those three fuzzballs. She is brave as hell, but when no one needs her protecting, she is usually content to stay in her lab and continue inventing. In fact, she invented a way to fly brooms and dragons halfway across the world without having to leave her lab.

The princess, of course, is not a regular student at Hogwarts; the magically concealed nation of Wakanda has the most advanced wizard school on the planet, sans possibly the Kamar-Taj School of Wandless Magic in Tibet. But Wakandan royalty are all expected to study abroad, to gain some perspective on the outside world. Shuri has already spent a semester at Kamar-Taj, as well as Ilvormorny, Mahoutokoro, Durmstrang, Beaubaxtons, Xavier's School for Gifted Witches and Wizards, and a few quaint Muggle schools like Oxford and the University of Hong Kong. Hogwarts was low on her list, and she has only finally gotten around to doing a semester there at age 16.

The Sorting Hat is all too happy to get her out of the way, after spending half the Sorting Ceremony listening to her nonstop commentary on how she could speed up the process with various spell combinations.

"It's so cute and oldschool," Shuri says, as she finally swaggers to the stool. "I made myself a talking hat, when I was three or four. She picked out my outfits for me, so I wouldn't have to lose time from the lab thinking about color combinations and fashion trends..."

As she approaches, the Sorting Hat is hunched over, its pointed tip balled into a fist.

"... In Wakanda we have six Houses, but they're not decided by a magical piece of hardware. We us the Heart-Shaped Herb to travel to the Ancestral Plane--oh it's so nice to be able to just blurt that out and not have to memory-charm the whole room anymore! My brother really does have some good ideas after all." She sits on the stool and places the Hat over her cinnamon-roll hairdo. "I think if I were to design a Sorting Ceremony for a wizarding school, I'd use a Legilimency charm to combine a Portkey with a Pensieve..."

While she muses, the Hat on her head silently spins her around on the stool until she is facing the Ravencalw table, and then sends her off with a shove, not even bothering to speak telepathically.

She continues to relate her hypothetical Sorting Cat ("Because only a panther should pick your Houses, obviously...") to an exasperated werewolf; a mildly interested legilimens; a politely attentive golem; an enchantingly-befuzzled Peter Parker, and a metamorphmagus who has lost interest and begun digging into her dragon steak.

Ravenclaw Among of Ravencalws

Within the House dedicated to intelligence, Shuri is loved and hated for her stand-out intelligence. Wanda and Vision like her, because she's their only hope for removing the Mind Stone from the golem's head. Bruce Banner feels stupid around her. Peter Parker is falling in love. And Ministry of Magic agent Everett Ross has already been adopted by her.

When Ravenclaw and Slytherin take classes together, Shuri is advanced enough to be in the same classes as the seventh-years--which for Slytherin, includes Tony Stark, Stephen Strange and Rocket the Raccoon/Niffler Hybrid. It is fire and gasoline. Or more precisely, firewhisky and dragon blood. The results are the same.

Between the Drunken Quidditch Brawl and the War for the Infinity Wand , Antonius Stark pays a visit to Wakanda, where Shuri introduces him to the Bleeding Transformation Spell he incorpporates into his next broom. She oversees Tony and Bucky make up. She completely enchants Peter Parker, who is her equal in age, but opposite in school years (despite being a brilliant Ravenclaw himself). After the Dusting Curse, the princess also helps Tony, Bruce and Rocket build Time Turners. Obviously the princess was not a victim of the Dusting, that would just be FLAMING CHINESE FIREBALL SH*T!!!

Shuri and Tony's arguing is interrupted, when a Muggle laptop comes crashing through the stone wall of their lab, and just barely misses Rocket. Even Bruce, in full green wolf-form, pauses his rampage to curiously pick up the crushed computer gingerly in his paws. When he pries it opened, the four geniuses observe this very post.

"There goes the forth wall," Shuri says grimly. "Serious damage really has been done to our universe."

"Then let's get to un-doing it!" Tony declares, already using his wand to magically pull the Muggle artifact apart for scraps.

Patronus

the Great Blue Turaco is a flamboyant blue bird with "hair" to rival Shuri's. Aside from looking like the princess in avian form, the Turaco is also a very resourceful bird. Its wings are not the best for flying, so it cheats by gliding (comparable to how Shuri prefers to "cheat" at flying with astral projection). It also has unusually flexible claws, that make it a great climber. The bird's call is often as loud and intruding as the princess's infamous snarky tongue. Despite it's bold nature, Turaco's can warm up to humans surprisingly fast, to the point where they can be fed by hand. And maybe adopt a part-hobbit "colonizer." 

And while there is no reason a witch's patronus or wand need to be from the same part of the world she is, Shuri's clear pride in her heritage (decorated all over her lab) makes it no surprise that her patonus would be a bird right from Africa's equator, where Wakanda is located! 

Wand

The "baobab," or Adansonia, tree, is one of the most recognizable trees in Africa. (It's Rafiki's tree.) Like Shuri, this tree offers a wide variety of resources. It not only grows edible (albeit weird) fruit, but even its leaves can be eaten as a vegetable. Baobab sees can be used to make vegetable oil, and in Tanzania its pulp is added to sugarcane to help fermentation in beer brewing. The Harry Potter wiki curiously has nothing to say about this iconic tree's wood, but if it did, you can be sure these wands would go to multi-talented wizards and witches. 

The fwooper is almost like a magical answer to the Turaco. Fwoopers are brightly colored African birds (orange, pink, lime green and yellow), whose songs will drive listeners to madness. They lay patterned eggs, and Uric the Oddball believed their songs to have medicinal purposes.

Princess Shuri’s Contributions to the Science of Magic:

Strengthened her brother T’Challa’s Royal Animagus spell, making his panther form even more durable and powerful than before 

Astral-Projection-Aviation: A spell allowing one to take control of a broom or magic carpet, and partial control of a living being like a dragon, from miles away. She teaches Ministry of Magic Agent Everett Ross how to use this trick in battle.

Developed a magical shield that can protect one from the Imperius Curse, successfully tested on vampire Bucky Barnes

Upgraded “arm-or” (cue groans) for Bucky, to replace the one Tony blasted off during his breakdown. 

“Sneakers:” Shoes of invisibility. She isn’t aware that “sneakers” are already a Muggle thing.

Countless new magical features and designs for wands, brooms, flying carpets, portkeys, time turners, and so forth 

Notes: I took far too long to do Shuri, because I feared not doing her Wakandan motif justice. Deciding to forgo the fancy background really helped. Otherwise, I don't feel I have much to explain about this one.

[fakehousesrealawesome]

UPDATED: Sims 3 Utilities for Macs

June 2021 Edit:

This post is the latest update I have about using Sims 3 utility programs on Macs. I made and shared these a long time ago, when I was still running Mojave. I have no idea if they work on Catalina or Big Sur, but there’s a good chance they won’t. As Mac OS has progressed and TS3 has stayed the same, it has been increasingly difficult to make the two play nicely together. At this point I just have my old 2015 MBP with a clean install of High Sierra for the sole purpose of playing TS3, and I don’t attempt anything with my newer Mac. I’m making this information available to anyone who still has any use for it. Good luck to you!

Description

This is a bundle of three Sims 3 utility programs for Macs: Multi Extractor, Dashboard, and s3pe. These programs can be used to manage and organize custom content by extracting .package files from Sims3Packs, scanning custom content for broken or conflicting content, and merging files in order to improve load time and game performance. I used WineBottler to make these programs into apps that will run natively on your Mac. You do not need Bootcamp, Mono, or any other program. Just unzip the linked file, and double click an app to open it.

These apps are not perfect, and I’m afraid it’s beyond my skillset to make them so. However, I have tested them with my own game and feel they are quite useful as-is, providing you have some patience and time to spare.

A long time ago, I wrote some guides about using Mono to run these programs. Those guides are outdated, and that method no longer works. These new apps are, to the best of my knowledge, the easiest way to use Multi Extractor, Dashboard, and s3pe on a Mac without the use of a Windows partition or purchasing apps. The download link is here because this is a long post, but I recommend you keep reading for the known issues and suggested workaround, and my tips for organizing your content and making the merging process as painless as possible.

DOWNLOAD HERE

Known Issues and Troubleshooting

I made these apps to be self-contained, such that you should not need any other programs to run them on your Mac. However, if for some reason you can’t open them, you could try downloading and installing WineBottler. If that doesn’t work, the only other possible solution I know of would be to update your OS to at least High Sierra (what I’m on as of making these programs). If all else fails, you might have to try using WineBottler to make them yourself.

I tested these apps with hundreds of custom content and decrapped Store packages for my own game. I experienced a lot of crashes, and it took quite a bit of time, patience, and trial and error, but after a few hours of tedious work I did successfully merge 3 GB of custom content into about a dozen merged packages. I feel that s3pe actually merges files a lot faster this way than it did in Mono, though it doesn’t handle big batches very well at all. Here are the issues I noticed in my testing:

Warning message on startup. You may see the message “This app is not optimized for your Mac and needs to be updated by its developer.” I don’t know how to stop the message or “optimize” the app. But it should still be usable.

s3pe crashes while merging files. I had a fair number of crashes; it’s inevitable and there isn’t always a predictable pattern. First try merging in smaller batches. Then try creating a new package instead of merging into an existing one. Also, it appears that certain individual files always cause s3pe to crash when trying to merge them. I haven’t noticed a pattern to this, and those files are not corrupt or broken. It helps to pay attention to the progress bar at the bottom of the window while files are merging, so you can see which file triggers the crash and remove it before trying again. More on this issue in the Suggested Workflow section.

s3pe crashes when creating a new package. Close the package you’re working on with File>Close before creating a new one.

Dashboard doesn’t show color-coded highlights. With the highlights missing, you can’t just quickly scroll and see issues at a glance. You need to look at the “Type” column. Corrupt or conflicting content will be noted there. Expand the column to see which package that item conflicts with.

Suggested Workflow

This section is mainly for people new to these programs, who have never used them to manage their custom content. I’ll explain what I do to organize and merge my own CC, and the procedure I used to make the merging process as efficient as possible given the risk of s3pe crashes. This process gives you neatly merged packages in the Mods/Packages folder, and organized individual files in another location on your computer as a reference to indicate which individual packages are in which merged files. 

Extract any Sims3Packs with Multi Extractor. (Unlike with Mono, the Multi Extractor actually will put the packages into the specified folder.)

Put your individual .package files into folders named according to category, however you want to organize your content (I use categories like Build, Buy, Clothes, ShoesAccessories, Hair, and Makeup). Place these folders in Mods/Packages. 

Use NameChanger to easily rename files in bulk: remove special characters like brackets and spaces, prepend creator names, etc.

Test everything in game. You may have to do this in batches, if you have enough individual files that your game won’t start up with everything in at once.

Create another folder somewhere else on your computer called CurrentCC. Create empty subfolders inside, each named according to the categories you decided on in step 2. I’ll use “Build” as an example from here.

Open Dashboard. Select File>Scan Folder, and select Mods/Packages. Dashboard will scan its subfolders. Look for corrupt or conflicting content (see above). Note that content from the same set will often be marked as “conflicting”; this is not an issue, as long as they are indeed part of the same set or collection. Remove corrupt content and fix true conflicts or duplicates.

Open two Finder windows/tabs. Create a subfolder called “1″ in CurrentCC/Build, and go there in one window. In the other, go to Mods/Packages/Build. 

Open s3pe. Select File>New.

Select Resource>Import>as dbc. Navigate to Mods/Packages/Build. Hold shift and click to select the first twenty** files. Click OK. 

When prompted, name the package Build1 and choose Mods/Packages as its location. Wait for all packages to merge. While merging, keep an eye on the progress bar at the bottom of the screen and try to notice which file s3pe is working on as it goes; I find it easiest to count the flashes of the blue progress bar. When s3pe crashes or gives you an error message, it might be helpful to know which particular file it tripped up on (if I saw the progress bar come up five times, I know it crashed on the fifth file I selected, sorted alphabetically). s3pe should auto save by default; after merging you can verify by making sure Save is greyed out in the File menu.

If the selected files merge successfully: Tab over to Finder and move the first twenty packages in Mods/Packages/Build to CurrentCC/Build/1. Copy Mods/Packages/Build1.package and paste into CurrentCC/Build/1. 

If s3pe crashes or gives you an error message during merging: Copy Build1.package in CurrentCC/Build, paste into Mods/Packages/Build. Do not move any files out of Mods/Packages/Build. You have a few possible solutions: 1) Go back to step 9 and select fewer files this time,** or 2) go back to step 8 and create a Build2/3/4/etc., or 3) remove the specific file s3pe was dealing with when it crashed. Large categories, or categories like Hair with larger individual packages, will require more than one merged file. Create a folder “2″ in CurrentCC/Build, create a new package Build2, etc. You can even try merging the merged files together later. Important note: I noticed that certain files just don’t want to be merged. They cause s3pe to throw up an error message every time. I found it most efficient to just remove the problem files to separate, categorized folders in Mods/Packages. Try creating a new package for them or try adding them to one of the merged packages later. You could also just keep them unmerged indefinitely: I have about twenty files that caused crashes during the merging process, and since the hundreds of other pieces of CC were merged without issue, those handful of single unmerged files won’t be an issue in terms of game load times. 

Repeat previous four steps as needed, until Mods/Packages/Build is empty. You can now delete CurrentCC/Build/1/Build1.package (and merged files in all successively numbered folders), because it is a duplicate of Mods/Packages/Build1.package. Repeat for all folders in Mods/Packages.

**About twenty at a time can work for small items like walls or patterns. You may need to do as few as ten or even five at a time for big items like hairs, and merging files into an existing package seems to go smoother when you do small batches around that size.

I know I should have made this sooner. Sorry about that. And I know at this point there aren’t many people who still play TS3 on a Mac, but I hope these programs are of some use to those Mac Simmers still out there. This post has included all the issues I noticed while testing, and all the workarounds I’ve figured out myself, but if you run into any issues feel free to send me a message and I’ll help as best I can. Good luck!

[myfriendpokey]

50 Short Years!

This January makes a full 5 years since releasing 50 Short Games!

I admit, it is weird to think about.

In general I don’t have very strong feelings about anything I’ve worked on, since anything like that has usually burnt itself out somewhere in the process of making the thing.

But it feels a little startling that this particular game came out 5 years ago, because in many ways I feel like I’m still working somewhere in it’s orbit – it still feels “close” to me in terms of, I guess, setting up the way I’ve been thinking about and working on these things ever since then. I still feel like I’m working out some of the stuff that came up in its production.. compare to older games which can feel like they were made by different, mercifully forgotten, people.

The game is temporarily discounted on itch down to just $1, until valentine’s day - good for friends, good for lovers.

When this first came out, I included a big note file of the processes and ideas and etc that went into it. I have posted that to my website for free to mark this little anniversary. But since a decent bit of time has passed since those impressions, and since I don’t feel like refreshing them, I thought it might be interesting to try writing up a sort of “afterlife” of this game, specifically the ways it sort of covertly turned out to influence what I did for the 5 years after it, as well.

Here are my notes seperated by theme.

- colour - mice - pacing - work / life - gameplay - theme - writing - distribution

- COLOUR: this is a strange one. 50SG felt like the first time I was really aware of / interested in trying to add “colour” as an element I could play with within my games, trying to add it to the lego set along with “rocks” and “little guys”. More colours, interesting colours, colour combinations, games which would be colourful as images. Because I’ve never actually been a very visual person (surprise surprise ha ha ha) and even when I draw, or sculpt, I tend to focus on lines and omit colour as much as possible... When I was a kid I disliked any kind of colouring or painting, as opposed to scribbling, but just before 50SG I’d been working on an uncompleted game with painted textures, and enjoyed it enough to want to explore the effects more.

The reason I call this a strange one is that, mostly - - I failed!!! I feel very aware now of how much of this game is just scratchy line drawings, how little colours are actually used once I'd worked out which ones I preferred working with from the set. I did try to change things up over the course of the series and some games (specifically the Mogey ones) tried to use flat colour or colour patterns more. But when I think about the game now the memories I mostly have are of essentially monochrome or mostly-monochrome drawings.

In fairness, some of this was technical too - I never had any kind of consistent way to light my pictures for when I was photographing them, and a lot of the time the bright markers came out muddy, which sort of discouraged me from trying to do anything specifically with colour effects. Strong lines are also a lot easier to chop up into discrete little game-shapes.

But I think this sense of missed opportunity - having this big bag of markers in all colours, all translucent lines, and not really using them - was specifically what made me spend the next few years trying to work with colour even more. Hence stuff like Mouse Corp, and certain entries in the Hardpack 11-in-1, and Magic Wand. I think I moved more towards pixel art again because it gave me a very quick way to play with colours, and swap them in and out, without having to worry about correctly photographing them first. And in fact my current game came about directly from trying to play more with ideas of translucent outline sprites on top of flat fields of colour – trying to combine colour with line in a looser way than just colouring stuff in.

I'd like to go back to playing with markers some time.

- MICE: I think this was the first time I used mice in my games. Previously the emblematic animal was the Dog – Murder Dog, Goblet Grotto dog... The dog is a "LAWFUL" animal, one which can be aimlessly malevolent on behalf of some higher system or master. The dog stands in for the implicit malignity of the game system as a whole. 

Meanwhile, mouse is the "UNLAWFUL" animal - they live in spaces they do not construct, and scavenge from what they find within, they are constrained by those spaces but also have something of an independent life within them. By this time, I had been working on a lot of games where the gameworld itself was sort of an ominous presence - Crime Zone, Goblet Grotto, Drill Killer etc - and I think the move from "dog" to "mouse" came about as a way to think about these spaces as just kind of indeterminate and abandoned instead of actively malign. Places which don't really notice your being there, which were constructed and then left for some unknowable purpose. I cannot say if this shift in thinking is good or bad.

- PACING: I forget whether I mention it in the notes - but the prototype for all the marker games was an earlier one-off called "Gold's Enigma", done with crayons and in Klik N Play. And that game felt like sort of a revelation because it was so quick to just add new areas to it, or copy and paste elements around, or switch from one game control system or mode of representation to another.  So you could have an extremely short, quick game that still contained enough of a shift to make you feel like you’d gone somewhere or like the view from one side of the game was different to the view from the other. I don’t know how consistently or successfully this was ever really done (the end of Happy Bird is my personal favourite version) but it did stick in my head, as an ideal to work towards. And I think something like the more longform Magic Wand was still sort of driven by a desire to try a “fuller” take on this same idea.

- WORK / LIFE: I don't remember exactly but I think this was my first time successfully trying to start a new, slightly longform project while also having a day job. With other games either they were short enough for me to just blow through in a concentrated rush or else enough pieces had already been laid down (eg  Goblet Grotto) that I could just brainlessly slam together any remaining levels in the  mornings before I went to work. Making games as a hobby isn't necessarily hard but figuring out how to do it consistently over long periods took me a long adjustment period. For the short games I ended up doodling ideas at lunch, coming home, eating dinner, and then around 7 or 8 I'd start chopping up my image sheets and putting them into the game. And hope to finish by 11 so I wouldn't be too wiped the next day. These days it's more like 8-10pm. Working in the early mornings can be good if you're very determinedly getting through some pre-assigned tasks but can be harder and more frustrating if you're trying to be more exploratory about things. I guess to the extent I’d draw any lesson from this it’d be, set aside a very specific time period for working on stuff but also try to have a process where “working on stuff” can involve a certain level of constructive busywork just so you don’t come home and have to immediately face a blank page? “Placing stuff around on a screen” is ultimately what absorbs me so working in a way that let me do that as quickly and aimlessly as possible helped a lot. Well, that’s my opinion.

- GAMEPLAY: I used the default 8-directional walk system in MMF2, and the default screen-follows-the-player function, so many times in the course of these games that I just burnt myself out on them entirely. They’re fine, but using them so many times over a brief period made me more and more conscious of them to the point where it could feel like I was just filling in the same template each time... I think part of why I shifted to Unity, even though it’s more of a hassle, is just to be able to escape that sense of a singular unchangeable “point of view”  and make things where moving or looking around would feel a bit looser and less set in stone. I hope this helps explain my gradual, doomed love affair with extremely idiosyncratic camera systems.

- THEME: Did any themes carry over to any of my post-50SG games? Maybe some but to me it’s less noticeable than seeing what was stripped out. Having a deadline and a very fixed scope did sort of push me more towards including “real world content” in whatever strange way – dreams, specific moments of the early morning or the night, events like work nights out, locations I knew... Compare that to the longer games I’ve done which all kind of take place in these dreamy, private fantasy dimensions. I enjoy that too, and it’s easier to do that when you’re making a game that’s just sort of endlessly adding to itself over time.. It’d be good to get back to working in a way which encouraged that material connection.

- WRITING: I think the notes file that came with 50SG was the first time I did any real writing about the process of making these things, or ideas and notes, etc. And now I can’t shut up!! Well, I did a similar writeup document for Magic Wand, and hope to do so with my current game eventually as well. I think writing that, and having people be encouraging about it, did help me become more interested in looking at and recording the state of my brain as it’s slowly rotted into goop from exposure to these terrible machines. Which is in itself not a bad reason to keep doing it. 

- DISTRIBUTION: This was my first commercial game and probably the biggest impact of that was in getting me to move away from PC-only tools. I'd planned a mac version of this game at some point, or specifically to do HTML versions and then use a workaround I'd read about to convert HTML files to Mac and Linux apps... but the HTML conversion sometimes led to strange bugs, and I never had a testing computer to see whether the actual ports would work, and the multiple layers of things that could go wrong (making a html export, to be put into a mac or linux wrapper, to be loaded from a Unity scene...) eventually made me slowly give up on this. I think of getting back to it but to be honest I have such limited energy and for the five months a year I don't just want to hibernate I'd rather keep working on new projects.... I am sorry.... Well, this was a big impetus to try moving to pure Unity and HTML which had more multiplatform support from the get-go. I don't know if I took any other commercial lessons from it! It sold around 500 copies, and talking to other people making weird scrappy narrative type games it sounded like they mostly also sold 500 copies, maybe to the same people or maybe just to each other. At this level of economic activity you can just do what you like.

So in conclusion 50 Short Games is a land of contrasts. It feels distant to me, I don't have any strong feelings about it anymore, but I also feel sort of like I'm still moving around in the terrain this game originally sketched out for me, and still kind of responding to it in either positive or negative forms. Thank you to anyone who bought it. I just put it on sale again to mark the five year anniversary, you can find it on itch.io, gamejolt or kartridge. Please buy several hundred copies and salt them around through hidden disc drives buried in a desert somewhere so that some day they can inspire some form of apocalypse cult.

In the year 2525 if man is still alive if woman, still survives they will find.....

- stephen 2019

[weekinethereum]

January 11, 2018

News and Links

Constantinople is coming. [Also, this is the January 11, 2019 issue but I can't fix the title without breaking links]

Upgrade your clients ASAP! EF FAQ and blog post. From MyCrypto, what users need to know about the Constantinople fork

Layer 1

[eth1] Rinkeby testnet forked successfully. Update your clients ASAP!

[eth2] What’s New in Eth2

[eth2] Latest Eth2 implementer call notes

[eth2] Validator economics of Eth2. Also a thorough Eth staking ROI spreadsheet model

[eth2] Discussion about storage rent “eviction archive” nodes and incentives

web3foundation, Status and Validity Labs update and call for participants on private, decentralized messaging, a la Whisper

Layer 2

Live on Rinkeby testnet: Plasma Ignis - often called “roll up” - 500 transactions per second using SNARKs for compression (not privacy), no delay to exit, less liveness requirements, multi-operator. Check out the live demo.

Georgios Konstantopoulos: A Deep Dive on RSA Accumulators

Canto: proposed new subprotocol to allow sidechain-like subnets

Fae: a subnet by putting Fae’s binary transactions in the data field

A RaidenNetwork deep dive explainer

Can watchtowers and monitoring services scale?

Counterfactual dev update: full end to end implementation of Counterfactual with demos and dev environment will be live on Ropsten in next 2 weeks

Stuff for developers

Embark v4.0.0-beta.0

Ganache v2.0.0-beta.2

ZeppelinOS v2.1

Updated EthereumJS readthedocs

Solidity CTF: mirror madness from authio

Solstice: 15 analyzer Solidity security tool

EVM code fuzzing using input prediction

Compound’s self-liquidation bug

Gas Stations Network, an incentivized meta transaction relay network, live on Ropsten

Understanding Rust lifetimes

How to quickly deploy to Görli cross-client testnet

Maker CDP leverager in one call

Codefund2.0 - sustainability for open source project advertising without 3rd party trackers

RSA accumulator in Vyper

Analyzing 1.2m mainnet contracts in 20 seconds using Eveem and BigQuery

0x Market Maker program. 15k to run a market making bot on a 0x relayer

POANet: Honey Badger BFT and Threshold Cryptography

Ecosystem

Afri’s Eth node configuration modes cheat sheet. A great accompaniment to Afri’s did Ethereum reach 1 tb yet?  The answer is obviously no, state plus chaindata is about 150 GB.

MyEtherWallet v5 is in beta and MEWConnect on Android

Ethereum Foundation major grant to Parity: $5m for ewasm, light wallet, and Eth2

Enterprise

What enterprises need to know about AWS’s Blockchain as a Service

2019 is the year of enterprise tokens?

Governance and Standards

Notes from latest core devs call, includes ProgPoW section. On that topic, IfDefElse put out a ProgPoW FAQ including responses from AMD and Nvidia. Also check understanding ProgPoW from a few months ago

Martin Köppelmann on the governance protocol of DXdao

Pando Network: DAOs and the future of content

EIP1682: storage rent

EIP1681: temporal replay protection

ERC1683: URLs with asset and onboarding functionality

ERC1690: Mortability standard

ERC820 Pseudo-introspection Registry Contract is final

ERC1155 multi-token standard to last call

Application layer

Demo testing on Kovan testnet of the Digix governance platform

Brave at 5.5m MAUs, up 5x in 2018. It also got much more stable over the year, and being able to use a private tab with TOR on desktop makes it a must (mobile has been a must for a long time). Here’s my referral code if you haven’t switched yet.

I saw some warnings about tokenized US equity DX.exchange that was in the last newsletter. I have no idea if they are legit or if the warnings are in bad faith but the reason that Szabo’s “trusted third parties are security holes” gets repeated frequently is because it is true. If you choose any cryptoasset that depends on custody of a third party, caveat emptor.

Origin now has editable listings and multiple item support

Nevada counties are storing birth and marriage certificates on Ethereum

Scout unveils its customizable token/protocol explorers for apps, live on Aragon and Livepeer

Veil prediction markets platform built on 0x and Augur launches Jan 15 on mainnet. Fantastic to see the app layer stack coming together. Not open to the USA because…federal government.

Gnosis on the problem of front running in dexes

Status releases desktop alpha, v0.9

Interviews, Podcasts, Videos, Talks

Joseph Lubin on Epicenter. Some good early Eth history here.

Curation Markets community call

Ryan Sean Adams on the case for Ether as money on POV Crypto

Nice Decrypt Media profile of Lane Rettig

Q&A with Mariano Conti, head of Maker Oracles

Andrew Keys on the American Banker podcast

Austin Griffith 2018 lessons learned talk at Ethereum Boulder

Starkware’s Eli Ben-Sasson and Alessandro Chiesa on Zero Knowledge

Nick Johnson talks ENS and ProgPoW on Into the Ether

Tokens / Business / Regulation

Paul Kohlhaas: bonding curve design parameters

Ryan Zurrer: Network keepers, v2

Zastrin to sell a tradeable NFT as a license to use its blockchain dev courses.

Sharespost says it did its first compliant security token trade of BCAP (Blockchain Capital). Link opens PDF

Actus Financial Protocol announces standard for tokenizing all financial instruments.

Missing DeFi piece: longer-term interest generating assets

Gemini’s rules for the revolution on working with regulators.

Blockchain Association proposes the Hinman Standard for cryptoassets

Blockchains LLC releases its 300 page Blockchain Through a Legal Lens

China released restrictive blockchain rules including censorship and KYC

Why Ether is Valuable

General

ETC got 51% attacked. Coinbase was first to announce it, though it appears the target was the gate.io exchange. Amusingly, the price hardly suffered. The amazing thing is that a widely known and relatively easily exploited attack vector like this didn’t happen during bull market when this attack could have been an order of magnitude more profitable.

Michael del Castillo tracks the supply chain of an entire dinner using blockchain products like Viant

Julien Thevenard argues Ethereum is on par or safer than Bitcoin in terms of proof of work.

Coindesk video interview of the creator of HODL. He isn’t at all convinced by Bitcoin’s new “store of value” meme. Very entertaining use of 8 minutes.

That very odd Bitcoin nonce pattern. Phil Daian says it is caused by AntMiners

Researchers brute force attack private keys of poorly implemented ECDSA nonce generation.

Dates of Note

Upcoming dates of note (new in bold):

Jan 14 - Mobi Grand Challenge hackathon ends

Jan 10-Feb7 - 0x and Coinlist virtual hackathon

Jan ~16 - Constantinople hard fork at block 7080000

Jan 24 - List of things for Aragon vote, including on funding original AragonOne team

Jan 25 - Graph Day (San Francisco)

Jan 29-30 - AraCon (Berlin)

Jan 31 - GörliCon (Berlin)

Feb 7-8 - Melonport’s M1 conf (Zug)

Feb 15-17 - ETHDenver hackathon (ETHGlobal)

Mar 4 - Ethereum Magicians (Paris)

Mar 5-7 - EthCC (Paris)

Mar 8-10 - ETHParis (ETHGlobal)

Mar 27 - Infura end of legacy key support (Jan 23 begins Project ID prioritization)

April 8-14 - Edcon hackathon and conference (Sydney)

Apr 19-21 - ETHCapetown (ETHGlobal)

May 10-11 - Ethereal (NYC)

If you appreciate this newsletter, thank ConsenSys

This newsletter is made possible by ConsenSys.

I own Week In Ethereum. Editorial control has always been 100% me.

If you're unhappy with editorial decisions or anything that I have written in this issue, feel free to tweet at me.

Housekeeping

Archive on the web if you’re linking to it: http://www.weekinethereum.com/post/181942366088/january-11-2018

Cent link for the night view: https://beta.cent.co/+81o82u

https link: Substack

Follow me on Twitter, because most of what is linked gets tweeted first: @evan_van_ness

If you’re wondering “why didn’t my post make it into Week in Ethereum?”

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[cryptocoinguides]

VECHAIN WILL BLAST FOR 40% VERY SOON!

VeChain Price Prediction Crypto experts believe VeChain is one of the most underrated cryptocurrencies that have the potential to blow up in the future. So do you think it’s worth investing in it? What might the future hold? Stay tuned to find out! Hi VeChain lovers!

Welcome to VeChain Land, your daily dose of VeChain! If you are interested in everything around VeChain, this is the place for you! Make sure to hit the like button and subscribe for us to provide you with more VeChain news, and let us know in the comments how much you think VeChain will cost next year/month/week!! Let’s get to it.

Know that prices of cryptocurrencies change frequently, so by the time you watch this video it might have changed to a whole new value.

All the financial decisions should be made after doing your own research. For beginners, the VeChain network differs from other projects for several reasons. For one, it uses a blockchain-as-a-service model that helps companies like DHL, Shanghai Gas, and BMW. Firstly, it’s important to establish what Vechain technology is in order to know how it affects the supply chain sector.

Vechain technology was developed mostly to address insecurities faced by many business and enterprise owners, more specifically in a transaction process. It is divided into three sections. These are real-time supply chain tech, cryptocurrency, and the Vechain platform. The developers of Vechain have also used distributed ledger technology to improve the product life cycle management and supply chain protocols. Vechain provides businesses with the opportunity to track a large amount of data and can be bought using trading pairs.

One feature that distinguishes Vechain from other technologies is the fact that it has the ability to blend centralization with decentralization. This provides users with high-speed transfers, transparent information flows, and efficient collaboration. In addition to combining centralization with decentralization, Vechain has several other desirable advantages that help the supply chain industry. One such advantage is Radio Frequency Identification. By adopting RFID sensors and tags, Vechain is able to track essential data while it’s being transferred.

Factors such as temperature, location, and shipment movements are broadcast across the Vechain blockchain. This means that shipments of supplies are less likely to go missing. Another advantage that helps Vechain make a sizable impact on the supply chain industry is its use of the Internet of Things or IoT and DLT technologies. The first to adopt both technologies, Vechain uses IoT to comprise all of the smart device networks used globally. IoT, as well as DLT, also allows for the movement of a large chunk of data from one user to another.

Vechain also uses the dual token strategy. While not an advantage as such, this strategy works by turning tokens into digital cash when Vechain is purchased. This cash can then be spent on the Vechain platform itself or for paying for network services. However, it is essential for users to have a number or the Vechain token to fully be able to track their supply chain operations successfully. In April, the VeChain Foundation implemented a 99% reduction in the Base Gas Price to encourage developers to build apps on the blockchain, tapping into the surge in popularity for non-fungible tokens (NFTs) and decentralized finance (DeFi).

Liquidity provider Wootrade said in April it will support VeChain on bridging native assets including VET cross-chain, offering liquidity and pricing for DApps, providing liquidity for VeChain-based stablecoins, and helping drive adoption of the VeChain ecosystem. Enterprises are more likely to attract quality NFTs to the ecosystem, which is important for its sustainability. To get the most benefits from NFTs, enterprises can develop elements of the ecosystem such as NFT wallets, websites, and apps. Enterprises also have reason to ensure that the legitimate owner of NFTs is enforced, to avoid damaging their reputation.

The VeChainThor blockchain uses a proof-of-authority (PoA) consensus algorithm, which ensures high throughput by allowing nodes to make the best use of network bandwidth for transmitting transactions.

There need to be qualified nodes participating directly in the consensus process to guarantee sufficient decentralization. According to the developers, PoA 2.0 introduces the block-committee mechanism that not only improves network security but further lifts the theoretical upper bound of the maximum throughput of VeChainThor. Moreover, it provides block finality, an absolute guarantee of the safety of the public ledger. PoA 2.0 is currently in testing. The VeChain protocol supports fee delegation, which allows third-party accounts to pay for transactions.

This enables enterprises to obscure the blockchain and increase the usability of their decentralized applications. VeChain notes that trading is essential for the eNFT ecosystem to be sustained. It is focusing on migrating to POA 2.0 to improve the network’s security and scalability, improving tools to assist developers, and incorporating stablecoins into the ecosystem. The blockchain is mainly used in supply chain logistics management and is developed by one of the founders of The Belt and Road Initiative Blockchain Alliance.

This makes it one of the only projects allowed in the country. In addition to that, the developers hold 38 blockchain patents. However, for quite some time, the VeChain price was not immune during the recent crypto sell-off as it dropped to $0.

0665, which was 76% below its highest level on record. The reason behind VeChain’s sudden popularity and rise in price has many reasons. Since VeChain is a blockchain platform designed to enhance supply chain management and streamline business processes, the goal of VeChain crypto is to simplify complex supply chains through the use of distributed ledger technology. VeChain has already collaborated with many famous companies in order to provide supply chain data and tracking solutions, which have made VeChain steadily more popular and a good choice for investors.

While a lot of cryptocurrencies have a high evaluation, not many currencies have a real-world application yet.

On the other hand, VeChain has already demonstrated their product in action, and their platform has been deployed in companies such as BMW, Walmart China, and many more, as mentioned in their official blog. Moreover, as per an article by InvestingCube, VeChain has also started development on Enterprise Non Fungible Tokens. VeChain price is retracing to a stable demand barrier as the previously sparked rally failed to breach past the immediate swing high. The retest of this support level might spark a bull rally, allowing it to cut through massive overhead barriers. Price Predictions for cryptocurrencies can be difficult.

Fortunately, many crypto experts have given their piece predictions for VeChain. Wallet Investor predicts that the VeChain price could go up to $0.19 in June and up to $1 by 2025.

Therefore, with the triangle pattern close to its confluence zone, there is a possibility that the price will have a breakout. At this stage, it is relatively difficult to predict the breakout direction. However, since the triangle formed after a sharp decline, there is a possibility that it will break out lower. VeChain price slid roughly 30% from $0.153 to $0.106 over the past week. VET waits for the bearish momentum to dissipate as it treads closer toward the support level at $0.102. Although unlikely, investors can expect a sweep of the subsequent support level at $0.092 before kick-starting the potential run-up. The buyers will face stiff resistance at the 50% Fibonacci retracement level at $0.129. Breaching this barrier might allow the bulls to extend up to $0.144 or the 62% Fibonacci retracement level.

The leg-up from $0.102 to $0.144 is roughly 40%, but investors need to observe $0.115 and $0.120 levels present in the said range.

VeChain price rally is likely to slow down or halt at these levels if the buyers fail to follow through.

Thus, the upside for VeChain price is well-defined, but the downside has a relatively meager price action and, hence, fewer levels. Although a sweep of $0.092 is likely, a convincing 4-hour candlestick close below this barrier is exceptionally bearish. If such a move were to follow a breakdown of $0.091, the bullish thesis would face invalidation. Under these circumstances, investors can expect VET to slide 25% to the range low at $.0655. VET is waiting for the bearish momentum to dissipate as it treads closer toward the support level at $0.102.

Although unlikely, investors can expect a sweep of the subsequent support level at $0.0924 before kick-starting the potential run-up. The buyers will face stiff resistance at the 50% Fibonacci retracement level at $0.129. However, breaching this barrier might allow the bulls to extend up to $0.1444 or the 62% Fibonacci retracement level.

The leg-up from $0.102 to $0.144 is roughly 40%, but investors need to observe $0.115 and $0.120 levels present in the said range. VeChain price rally is likely to slow down or halt at these levels if the buyers fail to follow through. Well, that is all for today; we hope you liked this video. Tell us more about VeChain in the comment section and make sure to subscribe, and give us a thumbs up! See you next time at VeChain Land.

Read More: $1 VeChain! MUST SEE!!

via VECHAIN WILL BLAST FOR 40% VERY SOON!

[agreementtale]

Chapter 20: A Pupsicle

Flowey ditched them to prove a point.

A point that they couldn’t stand their ground.

That they were too weak to both survive and keep their friends safe and happy.

That they were weak.

…

He didn’t know how wrong he was.

“I’ll take the boot with me” they yelled to the trees “to keep it warm for when you come back”

He had to still be in hearing range, but they didn’t know how much the dirt and snow muffled the sound.

“I’m sorry if I crossed a line, we can talk about it later”

He would have to promise not bring up their nightmares again, it was a low blow.

“I’ll be on my way to Snowdin, but don’t worry about me, take your time!”

He could catch on to them after he cooled off a bit.

Maybe that would be a good thing, they were mad at him, a time to chill would be greatly appreciated

“It snow problem” they muttered under their breath, hanging out with Snowdrake had really put them on a punny mood.

Argument aside, they had a goal.

Right now they had to prove him wrong.

So they walked.

They could see two silhouettes at distance, the Dogi. They remembered that.

And god forbid they passed through so many dogs and not be able to pet a single one!

* Knowing the dogs deserve all the pets, fills you with determination

What they did not remember was how imposing they looked. The black hood and giant axes made them look like they were going to rip their soul out.

They were probably going to… but still.

They had to pet!

“What’s that smell?” A male voice asked, sniffing the air while the cloak apparently covered his eyes.

“There is the smell” A female voice answered, grabbing her axe and quickening her pace.

“You with a weird smell…” He wasted no time to pick up his axe.

“…identify yoursmellf!”

“I…” was their eloquent reply, in the eagerness to pet, they didn’t think the encounter through.

* Dogi assault you!

And now was too late to think.

“Wait!”

But they didn’t

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They could at least have tried to dodge… but hey, they could try again! In five.

Dogamy smelled them at the distance.

Four.

Dogaressa charged at them.

Three.

Wrong smell.

Two.

* Dogi assault you!

One.

They jumped to the side.

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Truly a pitiful decision. There are two of them, coming from both sides, swinging their axes horizontally...

“Aaand I just remember why Flowey told me to wait…”

They had to stop getting lost on their own thoughts and pay more attention to their surroundings, or they would die a lot more than necessary.

Starting now.

This time they jumped back, avoiding both of the axes, but the Dogi swung again quickly and they had to choose.

They ducked to Dogaressa’s side, being hit on the leg by her enormous axe, throwing them to the ground, the wind knocked out of them.

That was a much stronger blow than they were used to, they couldn’t avoid a quick look at the red number going up.

“You took 20 HP?! Are you serious? That’s like my entire life!” They screeched while red tainted the snow.

“Smells like human” She declared.

“It makes me want to eliminate” He confirmed.

“Eliminate YOU!” As both of them raised their axes, they quickly performed a check.

* Dogaressa – ATK 14 DEF 6

* This Alpha finds her mate lovely.

* SMELLS ONLY!

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“She shouldn’t be that strong” Murmured to the wind.

But that made no difference, they would still have to face them.

“Why didn’t I die when she hit me?” This puzzled them just for a brief moment.

A quick unfocused blink revealed HP 30/20. Sleeping in a bed would really help today.

* Dogi assault you!

They jumped back, then, against all self-preservation, straight into Dogamy’s axe.

-10

* ACT

* Dogamy

* Check

* Dogamy – ATK 7 DEF 10

* Dogaressa’s mate.

* Trust only what he smells.

So they have two chances, three if they successfully avoid her, interesting.

* The dogs keep shifting their axes to protect each other.

“Let’s kick human tail”

“Humans have tails?”

Their bleeding arm did not stop them from dodging the magic bullets, to their credit they only got distracted by the heart shaped pattern twice, so it only cost them 6 HP this turn.

And they already had one action in mind.

* ACT

* Dogamy

* Pet

But the dogs didn’t let them get close, retreating to defensive stances. How do you even pet someone over 2 meters tall? Even their axes were bigger than them!

“It’s ok, I just want to pet you” They extended their hands in a pacifying motion.

“Paws off” He growled showing off his teeth and grabbing the axe strongly, it was their impression or there was a scar covering his hand? “You smelling human!” Not just the hand, seeing through the sleeve, pulled to his elbow by gravity, it looked like it covered the majority of his arm.

“That’s MY mate!” She was not behind, a deep scar ran down her cheek and covered her neck, in what once could have been a fatal blow, the sight made them wince in sympathetic pain.

“I’m not gonna hurt you” The dogs didn’t deserve to be hurt.

By the strength of their axes, they made sure they wouldn’t.

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The Dogi hit hard.

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The axes were too coordinated.

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There was no way out.

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Too quick for their legs to follow.

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They refused being approached.

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Even when they rolled around, they refused to re sniff them.

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Why?

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Why they already knew they were a human?

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They were missing something, weren’t they?

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“What’s that smell?” Was the first thing he asked

“There is the smell” A smell, of course.

They wasted no time to roll around the snow.

“You with a weird smell…” Still? Rolling around did nothing?

“…identify yoursmellf!”

“I’m a friend!” they spat extending their wrists to them “There, you can sniff me!” If Flowey was here he would have berated them to need 13 reloads to think on that.

Dogaressa approaches and without breaking eye contact sniff in their general direction.

“You smell as weird as before” She growled.

“Wait, was I already smelling like this before rolling on the snow?” This was strange, for the brief memories that flashed in their mind, they had to roll around to disguise the smell.

“Suspect action”

“Action of an enemy”

“Is that a yes?” They tried again “What do I smell like right now?” And it seemed that both of the dogs complied.

“Dirt and snow” He answered, cornering them for one side, leaving the blade of the axe in front of them.

“And mystery smell” She said, going for the other, surrounding them completely.

They had nowhere to run but the axes if front of them.

But between the two sharpened blades and the four very big pair of canines, they would rather face the axes.

Welp. If they were going to die again anyway...

“So, I could be a weird monster with a weird smell, why…” As the words left their mouth, another memory flashed before their eyes “why can’t I be just… a weird…smelly… puppy?”

That was it, right? What they had been before. The missing piece.

Roll around, smell like a puppy and pet them.

“A lost puppy?” his tone changed, it was still aggressive, but he was hiding something.

“Yeah” they looked at their own hands while the Dogi whispered between themselves “I…” their hands had been covered in dirt since the day they left the ruins “I think I’m lost…” since they left their mother all alone in her empty house “I miss my mom…”

“Smells like salt and stripes” He said quietly, they blinked and cleaned their face, that was not how they were planning this to go.

“You will find no sympathy here” She said coldly, pulling the axe closer to herself at their neck’s height. They were now effectively trapped between the dogs at their back, the handle at their sides, the blade right in front of their eyes.

“There is a human around” He followed her lead, despite the blade of his axe standing further from their neck, they were trapped nevertheless.

“You smell like an enemy” They breathed in.

“Puppies have to stay close to their pack mates” They breathed out.

“If” She growled, buy it didn’t seem to be directed at them “you are a puppy” they needed to calm themselves to take full advantage from this run.

“And how will you know?” they tried to turn to her, but the axes didn’t allowed it “If I’m a human or not”

“Humans don’t dust” Her words made his axe tremble just a bit, so they knew they had a chance to talk with him.

“So you kill a child and wait to see if it was a monster or not?” The reply had been too morbid for them to take it seriously. No one killed children, it was a rule “And when you find out I am a monster and you killed an innocent child based on a rumour, which one of you will deliver my dust to my crying mother?” It had to be something more to it.

“I will” He answered promptly, no hesitation, but… grief maybe? They couldn’t tell, they had to turn and look at their faces, but the axes would cut their cheeks if they as much as trembled.

“Smells like anger and…” Screw it. They turned to face them, the sting in their checks and neck was worth the surprise on their faces “tea?”

“So which one of you will have the honour of harvesting my EXP?” They seemed more shocked than angry, if they were facing the wrong side they would have missed the hesitation on their simultaneous growl.

“Don’t test us” He threatened.

“You won’t be sure until you kill me right? Why the change on demeanour? Weren’t you ready to put a child’s dust in a jar?” He hesitated.

Why?

He turned slightly at her, looking for confirmation. Truly, she had been silent, interesting.

With her eyes fixated on her own axe, she said only two words “Didn’t dust”

Their death wasn’t instantaneous, there was not enough damage to their soul to break it.

But the wounds in their neck did the job quick enough.

The red blood painting the snow.

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The blood… She was waiting to see if the blood would turn to dust. That was what happened with dismembered body parts! They turned to dust!

“They won’t kill a puppy”

They wouldn’t, but that information was useless unless the Dogi truly believed they were a puppy.

“Aren’t I” they asked themselves “Just a lost and slightly weird… puppy?”

If they could admit to themselves that they were not just ‘slightly’ weird, and commit to their full weirdness, then maybe… yea… maybe they were just a dumb puppy that believed every problem could be solved with pets.

“I am a weird puppy” they said out loud to the Dogi if front of them, ready to swing their axes.

“Smells like dirt and snow” He said, lowering his weapon and looking for her confirmation.

“Smells like mystery smell” She answered, unconvinced “Stay still” her axe went for their hand, they instinctively pulled back.

“Don’t move” he reprehended.

“Stay” she commanded.

The axe was sharp, just needed to touch one finger slightly to cut it, staining the axe with a few drops of fresh blood.

“Can I pet you?” They asked, ignoring the small wound, making grabby hands at her. To distract her of the test they were about to fail or to just satiate their needs of petting at least one dog? No one would ever know.

“Don’t touch my mate” But even now, it didn’t work.

Why did they bothered? It was clear this was not how they would win the encounter.

“But I haven’t pet a single dog! I want to pet…” But in life we don’t get what we want.

“Dogs can’t pet dogs” Dogamy was confused, and… maybe smiling a bit?

“Why?” Because she is going to realize the blood is not dusting nor turning to magic waste at any time by now.

“Because that’s how puppies get bitten” any time now.

“Why would you bit a puppy?” aaany time.

“Better me than her” he got closer and bit the air in front of them, they stepped back by instinct, but he seemed to be just showing off.

Ok, by now she should be…

Snickering…

She wasn’t looking at her axe, she was looking at Dogamy!

“Still want to pet a dog, puppy?” He taunted, and she seemed to be enraptured by the view.

“I do” they extended a hand to him, just to have him bite the air in front of their fingers again.

“You need glasses if you are missing bites” She said playfully. And who knew? Love is blinding…

“I’ll take their fingers off next time, you’ll see”

“You better, or I’ll doubt your aim”

“Hotdog, you know I would bit anyone for you”

They extended their hand to try and–/

“Dogamy” her voice changed, along with his posture “Eliminate” Her axe swung before his, but it was quick enough.

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“I know what to do now” they said confidently, instead of going out there and doing it already “But I can’t do it alone”

… Said to no one in particular… Since they were sure Flowey would have intervened if he was around.

“I can’t be hit, if they see the blood they’ll know” they had to dodge all the physical attacks then “And we both know I’m terrible at dodging”

They were in fact terrible… they were never a fighter to begin with, much better at acting their way out of things.

“So I need you. I know you are out there, I remember you, and I know you remember me”

Their soul was called out to an encounter. But they didn’t mind.

“We made a promise, you and I, we would keep all of them safe on the surface. Help me achieve that once more…”

Both axes swung simultaneously. But they didn’t try to move.

As a last word left their lips, their feet moved by themselves.

The next 22 timelines were a blur. But they remembered a cocky smile on their face as the axes swung on them on the last second.

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Still with a smile on their face, this time one of real joy, they ran to the Dogi.

“Hey!” They screamed at them, closing the distance before they could search for their scent “Did you know? Did you know?” They chanted as they ran in circles around the guards.

With the sudden approach, both of them attacked, but their axes didn’t seemed to reach the puppy running around and rolling on the ground excitedly.

“Did you know that dogs can pet other dogs?” They asked with an innocent smile, there was only kindness on their intent as they reached their hand to Dogaressa, trying to pet her.

“Who are you?”

“Why are you?”

“I’m a weird puppy!”

The name coming out of their mouth was so familiar, they embraced it with all they had.

“I’ll give you pets!” they couldn’t contain the euphoria, dodging another swing by their feet, they jumped as high as they could, reaching and touching the back of Dogamy’s head.

“Don’t touch him!” Dogaressa charged immediately.

They stepped back and to the side, rolled down the axe and jumped up, in a motion as natural as if someone had trained it for the last half an hour. They didn’t even register what they were doing, too focused in talking.

“I can pet you too!” said to a growling guard “I’ll show you!”

“Beware of dog” They only heard him say it, but if they were more aware of their surroundings, they would have noticed he was not in a battle instance any longer, but standing confusedly while touching his nape.

They only had eyes to Dogaressa’s fluffy head, in her rage uncovered by her hood.

They went for it, jumping as high as their legs allowed them, extending their hand.

At the apparent attack, she ducked, but they managed to slide one hand on the top of her head.

Victory at last.

Both dogs have been pet.

What they didn’t realized, was that with her motion, she also managed to put her axe right where they were supposed to land.

A new movement. One they had never seen or trained for.

Milliseconds from hitting the blade, they retracted their legs, throwing their arms to one side and spinning their torso to the other in a circular motion.

The quick movement was enough to make them miss the blade, but threw them ankle first on the ground. They spun twice on the snow before stopping in a ungraceful fall.

“Ouch” they whimpered with a mouth full of snow “That wasn’t fun…”

“You are lucky to be alive” She murmured.

“Never sneak on the guard” He chastised.

“I didn’t sneak” they retorted, sitting on the snow “I screamed as loud as I could!” Facing them, their axes were lowered, the encounter ended.

“Weird action” He got closer, sniffing the air around them.

“Lucky puppy” She was touching her head in a mix of anger and concern.

“That’s me!” They smiled at the Dogi “I’m Weird Puppy” They couple looked at each other before facing them.

“Where are you from?”

“Who are you from?”

“From…” backstory, quick “That way” they pointed to the general direction of the Ruins “And from my mom!” Well, they wouldn’t be caught in a lie if they weren’t lying…

“Go back to your mom”

“There is a human running around”

“But I wanted to show you” they tried to stand, but the leg they fell on wasn’t helping much “That dogs can pet other dogs”

“No pets allowed”

“Too dangerous for petting”

“But…” they had just pet them… why weren’t they happy? “Pet pet…” they motioned twice to pet an invisible dog, much smaller than them. In turn looking like a dog giving paw.

“Guards don’t pet” She said simply, but from behind her Dogamy copied the hand motion, looking at his mate “Go home Weird Puppy”.

“We will find the human” He said dutifully.

“You can pet when we are on the surface”

“Can I?” She had said it herself “I’ll hold you to it” They could pet them all on the surface “I will pet the two of you once we are free!”

They looked at each other and smiled, softening for simple moment, before putting their ‘royal guard’ face and telling them to get out of there.

It was fine.

They pet two dogs today.

Their leg was weird, but it wasn’t hurting.

And they had just caught a glimpse of hope blooming on these monster’s eyes.

Today was a good day.

*--------------------*

Today was the worst day.

‘Stop dying you idiot’ He wanted to scream!

But calling attention to himself was never a smart thing to do. Specially because he couldn’t reset anymore.

He just held himself on the fishing line, waiting for the moment the world would be turned back in time, and he would be teleported to a ‘quick swim’ on the icy lake.

He never realized how resets could be so disorientating.

His 5 minute shortcut through the river was turned into what? Half an hour? An Hour? Two? How should he know? Everything seemed to be slower on that damned freezing water.

He would make them pay for this!

But now he just wanted his head to stop spinning...

The minutes passed and it seemed like time would stay where it was. He climbed the fishing pole and let go of the log he was using as a boat. A horrible boat if he had a say on it, it turned upside down half of the time.

Once his roots were in the snow, he didn’t even complained they were cold, he was just glad they were firm in a single place after ducking on the water for so many times.

Burying himself on the ground, he went first to one of the few dimensional boxes still intact, this one he had hidden below Snowdin town, on the ‘Undersnow Tunnels’, the project had been abandoned after a cave in decades ago, only he could get to them now.

Emerging on the safe bunker he had created to himself, he took the glowing mushroom out of his inventory, placing it near the box and illuminating the buried tunnel.

He put a few exceeding items on the box, for later use, and picked up two bisicles.

He had paid Monster kid to buy it for him ages ago, since he couldn’t enter the shop himself. But he never got to eat them… Not since that argument…

Whatever!

There was one idiot out there who hadn’t brought enough food for their ~oh sooo well planned~ trip to Snowdin. And now were eating discarded condiments just to survive the day!

“Stupid” they made him like this “Stupid human that don’t know the first thing about how not to die!”

He could shout here, he was safe, no one would hear.

“Here is your food, you pathetic and weak and dumb human!” He wavered the bisicles in the air, hitting the mushroom in the process.

The puffing noise caught his attention, he pointed his vines at it aggressively.

“You better be grateful I got you food!”

The mushroom didn’t answer.

He huffed satisfied, putting the bisicles on his inventory and the mushroom on the box, he went to find the starving idiot on the Snowdin forest.

It wasn’t an apology. As a flower, he was incapable of feeling guilty.

He didn’t overreact. He was right punishing them for making fun of him.

The special edition bisicles were just food.

No further meaning behind them.

Besides…

Is not like he could eat the treats with anyone else now.

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