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please don't go | bunker au

"can we go outside now" by crewlin.
read it HERE
#rhaenicent#bunker au#please don't go#breezeblocks.mp3#crewlin#crewlin is a genius#alicent is innocent#teambunker#hotd fanart#house of the dragon
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I can feel the ghost of your breath upon my lips,
warm and fleeting, a whisper of fire and longing.
Your hands trace constellations upon my skin,
mapping the valleys, the rises, the quiet echoes of me.
But the thought of usāfragile, achingā
was already halfway to ruin,
a dream dissolving into specter,
a love too tender to bear the weight of waking.
I watch you from across the silence,
your smile deep enough to drown me,
pulling me into the undertow of your laughter,
where I forget the cold and colorless world I once knew.
You make me believe in things I should notā
that love is more than poetry,
that fools who write of devotion
are not just weaving myths for others to live.
Yet here I stand, breathless in surrender,
raising my flag not in passion but in peace.
White, not redā
for I would rather yield to the inevitable
than bleed for what was never mine.

#poetry#lovers#heartbreak#love#poets on tumblr#heartache#passion#love quotes#friends to lovers#romance#spilled writing#spilled poetry#spilled words#spilled thoughts#spilled ink#i dont know#im just a girl#just friends#please don't go#movies#moving on#in love#unrequited love#long reads#quiet love#heart eyes#unrequited feelings#i love him#one sided love#drown in my mind
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again p, we wonāt be mad if you take that 6th year.
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(FANCAM) 160902 SHINee World V in Seoul ā Please Don't Go
#160902#shinee#onew#lee jinki#jinki#kim jonghyun#jonghyun#shinee world v in seoul#fancam#please don't go#decalcomanee#jongyu#1of1 era#live#swc v styling#brown hair
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Normal People
#mine#screens#normal people#sally rooney#please don't go#marianne sheridon#connell waldron#daisy edgar-jones#paul mescal#connell and marianne#marianne and connell#tv series#series#love#kiss#couple#romance#romantic series
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Please Don't Go
I did a thing! Posted a fic in full. I'll get to my other fics eventually. Some day. Don't hate me.
Anyway, this one is HEAVY and it hurts. Please, please, please read the tags and TW in the notes. Our boys are not having a good time.
Please Don't Go
Inspired by the song of the same name
#young royals#wilmon#prince wilhelm#simon eriksson#young royals fanfic#yr fanfic#please don't go#Spotify
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The sins of the past linger, spreading tendrils like smoke, filling your lungs. It is smothering, choking, obscuring the truth.
The Church of Hallowed Silence is here to help.
Pulvis et umbra sumus. We are but dust and shadows. The Church of Hallowed Silence is at first glance a normal, if not unorthodox, congregation deep in the mountain town of Adder's Tongue. They show piety through quiet meditation on the ephemeral and fleeting nature of life, listening to hear the voices of all creatures. Some members have taken a vow of silence while others restrict their speech to only certain hours of the day.
But the silence holds secrets, and those who know how to listen to the whispers of the winds know there is power in words we choose not to speak. We live in shadows and they are among us.
Follow the journey of a lost soul trying to see through the haze of lies and mystery to uncover a way to break the curse that has left their family broken and haunted.
You'll be safe with us. Please, don't go.
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Hi! So this is in no way meant to pressure you into writing, purely out of curiosity so I can manage my own expectations lol, do you plan on continuing Please Don't Go? Or has the vibe passed?
Secondary question, how do you feel about people binding your fics? I would love to bind it if it is ever completed (again no pressure). Disclaimer, it would be purely for my own personal bookshelf and never sold or profited from in any way.
Thanks š
This is a tough thing for me to give an answer to, because I really don't know. I have always planned to finish it - I have an ending that has been in my mind for a while, and I would love nothing more than to get it finally out there.
I don't exactly know why writing has been so elusive for me for so long, but I know parts of it: my substance use bullshit, my difficulty with not getting overwhelmed by stresses at work, and sometimes feeling like if I let my brain go back to the really painful sort of place that I need to be in to write PDG (lol) I will get stuck there more and more. Thinking about parenthood, and thinking about grief, and thinking about dads (lol again) - it all remains something of a Russian roulette game for my sanity :)). There is also the fun input of my psych meds, which I feel made it take me longer and longer to get words out as I titrated up on then. Sometimes I wonder if I am just tricking myself, looking for an out, but sometimes I do really feel like they made it harder for my brain to get creative in the same way.
And tragically, because capitalism, I do have to function. So... the answer is... I open my docs once in a while, with not that much progress to share. I am obviously not ready to let go of this story. I think about it all the time. I'd love if I found my way back to it sooner than later, but I'm famously unreliable.
Thank you for reading. I feel so much guilt at starting it and sharing it before it was done, but I feel so much gratitude for the people who do read it and enjoy it and message me. I am so fucking grateful.
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Whumpril 2024 : days 26 to 30
The last days of @whumpril !
26 . « How could you ? »
Ever since they came upon Boethiah's altar, the Dragonborn had been acting strangely. Falsely. It was almost too late that they realized that the Daedric Prince was speaking to thir soul, leading them to the abyss of betrayal.
They have almost sacrificed the trusting Lydia, their thane, their unwavering support since the beginning. She had been narrowly saved and was staring, shocked, at her thane who had betrayed her.
āHow could you?ā Auri spat. "How could you even think about that? She is one of us!"
Kaidan just slapped them, his eyes filled with anger. The Dragonborn looked away, a tear rolling down their sore cheek. (105)
ā¢
27 . « Please don't go. »
They have their hand on this new Black Book, ready to open it. Lucien grabbed their wrist, his face betraying his concern.
āPlease donāt go.ā, he begged, his voice sharp with anguish. Lucien stared at the Dragonborn who seemed determined to open it. Lucien's blue eyes grew wet and bright. He added :
"This is a Daedric kingdom and its Prince is a devious being. There is no certainty that you will be able to return intact... Please..."
Lucien knew that, there would be no guarantee that Hermaeus Mora would not lock them away in his world, as he had done to Miraak before. (104)
ā¢
28 . Fight/Flight/Freeze
They saw some webs but they did not expect the monstrous size of the frostbite spider that descended on them. Inigo welcomed the sight of this spider with joy, ready to face the creature head-on. Nebarra's heart raced as he caught sight of the arachnid's menacing form. Under his helmet were hidden his features distorted by terror. His breathing had spontaneously stopped. His legs gave out, causing him to collapse to his knees. His hands were shaking uncontrollably, unable to grab his sword or cast a ward. While the others attacked the threat, he remained frozen, unable to defend himself or even flee. (105)
ā¢
29 . Reluctant Caretaker
It was his turn on duty at Lucifer's bedside. Xelzaz was exhausted and needed to get some sleep. Reluctantly he sat at the injured man's bedside. The wound was badly infected and Lucifer was layig motionless, his breath shallow and labored, a feverish sheen coating his scales. Xelzaz had concocted a medicine for him which everyone hoped would work quickly. The Altmer sighed.
āAnd Iām the one being asked to babysit you, Lute.ā
He placed a cloth soaked in cool water on the Argonian's forehead without much care.
āYou better not die under my watch, now.ā, he threatened. (100)
ā¢
30 . « We're out of time. »
As the Dragonborn and his companions moved deeper into the Dwemer ruin of Arkngthamz, sinister rumblings were heard. Remiel and Lucien, both fascinated by Dwemer complex mechanisms and architecture, had lingered to examine a particularly intriguing tonal mechanism. The ground trembled beneath their feet, creaks echoed through the halls and walls began to crumble here and there. Both were so absorbed that they had become oblivious of the imminent danger and deaf to the calls of their companions. It was only when they were forcibly taken away by the latter who shouted "We're out of time!", that they realized the danger of their situation. (105)
You can find all the drabbles written for Whumpril 2024 here (in addition to other whump drabbles on Skyrim Custom-voiced Followers written for various challenges).
Remember to leave me a little comment, itās always nice ;)
#whumpril2024#skyrim#skyrim custom followers#whumprilday26#whumprilday27#whumprilday28#whumprilday29#whumprilday30#auri#xelzaz#nebarra#lucien flavius#lucifer the argonian#remiel#the last dragonborn#whump#how could you#please don't go#fight flight freeze#arachnophobia#reluctant caretaker#we're out of time
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When you left you didn't take the sadness with you. It stayed, we, I absorbed it. You're not here to process it, it's left unresolved. I'm here surviving both of our regrets. All the joy we could've had reminiscing over shared memories have turned gray. Now nowhere feels like home.
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#soul and r&b#soul#r&b#rnb#r&b/soul#music#1990s#90s#boyz ii men#please don't go#cooleyhighharmony#gif
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youtube

Release: January 26, 1992
Lyrics:
Please donā²t go, please don't go
Please donā²t go, please don't go
Please don't go, please donā²t go
Please donā²t go, please don't go
Babe, I love you so
I, I want you to know
That Iā²m gonna miss your love
The minute you walk out that door
Please don't go, please donā²t go
Please don't go, please donā²t go
Please don't go, please don't go
Please donā²t go, please donā²t go
Please don't go, please donā²t go
Please don't go, please donā²t go
Please don't go, please donā²t go
Babe, I love you so
I want you to know
That I'm gonna miss your love
The minute you walk out that door
Please don't go
Donā²t go
Donā²t go away
Please don't go
Donā²t go
I'm begginā² you to stay
If you leave at least in my lifetime
I've had one dream come true
I was blessed to be loved
By someone as wonderful as you
Please donā²t go
Don't go
Don't go away
Please donā²t go
Donā²t go
I'm begginā² you to stay, hey, hey, hey
Please don't go, please donā²t go
Please don't go, please donā²t go
Please don't go, please don't go
Please donā²t go, please donā²t go
Please don't go
Babe, I love you so
I, I want you to know
That Iā²m gonna miss your love
The minute you walk out that door
So, please don't go
Donā²t go
Don't go away, hey, hey, hey
I need your love
Iā²m down on my knees
Baby you please, please, please, don't go
Don't you hear me, baby?
Donā²t you leave me now
Oh, no, no, donā²t go
Songwriter:
Please don't go
I want you to know
That I, I, I love you so
Richard Finch / Harry Wayne Casey
SongFacts:
šš
#new#new music#my chaos radio#Double You#Please don't go#music#spotify#youtube#music video#youtube video#good music#hit of the day#video of the day#90s#90s music#90s style#90s video#90s charts#1992#pop#electronic#dance electronic#house#hard house#trance#disco#funk#r&b#lyrics#2619
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He seems fine most of the time, forcing smiles and neverminds His laugh is a symphony, when the lights go out, it's hard to breathe I pull at every thread, tryna solve the puzzles in his head Live my life scared to death he'll decide to leave instead
Taylor Swift - Forever Winter
#TS#Taylor Swift#song quotes#song quotations#lyrics#please don't go#don't leave me#please don't leave me#forever winter#don't go
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please don't go: a last of us fic
after David / Silver Lake / post-episode 8
angst, Joel & Ellie bonding, 99% canon compliant
rating: mature - content warnings re: s/a, violence, gore, more
The best found father-daughter duo help each other recover, work through their trauma, stay alive - hopefully a satisfying fill in for things we didn't get to see after winter !
if you're after a long read here's one for you
work in prog! +100k words
ch 1 | ch 2 | ch 3 | ch 4 | ch 5 | ch 6 | ch 7 | ch 8 | ch 9 | ch 10 | ch 11 | ch 12
I'm no longer copying this over to tumblr because it got way too long and it's too much!!!! Read on ao3 for the updated chapters
please don't go: chapter 1
Ellieās frantic eyesĀ finallyĀ seem to focus on him, and he can see her body language shift immediately. The hard adrenaline fuelled tension in her muscles sinks away as her face falls into unsettling blankness ā he didnāt think it was possible but she somehow looks even smaller. Her lips start moving but she isnāt saying anything. Only low, halting sounds, whimpers and soft gasps of air that slice into his gut with a hurt nearly as sharp as the sewn up hole in his side.Ā
āItās me,ā he hears himself repeating. Never feeling more useless in his life, except for - it feels wrong to think of Sarah right now, with Ellie so immediately in need in front of him, but the image of her pink t-shirt soaked in blood swims up in his mind anyway, crystal clear even 20 years later, her heaving and jerking belly so small itās easily covered by the width of his hands until it suddenly stills. He learned a long time ago that heās helpless to fight it when this moment flashes back to him.Ā
This is what is written in the stars for Joel - his girls, too good and too sweet to know better than to trust him until that mistake catches up and they pay with their blood. Itās what he deserves. But - heād seen it coming with Ellie - heād known he wasnāt going to be able to keep her safe - Tommy would haveĀ neverĀ let - why theĀ fuckĀ does he keep existing when heās so goddamn weak, worthless, worse than -Ā poison, ruining everyoneĀ he -Ā
Ellie moves towards him and presses her face into the crook of his neck with more babbling - a word too this time, āHe-ā - and the weight of her, the warmth of her cheek against his is the only thing that could possibly bring him back into his body.
He feels his blood pound in his head as he wraps his hand up around the back of her neck ā soĀ impossiblyĀ smallĀ ā tangling his fingers through her knotted hair, holds her against him like sheās made of glass. Her whole body is trembling.
āItās ok, baby girl,ā he says in a breath as he shuts his eyes, trying to keep himself upright against a surge of heartache. He hears the words as if someone else has said them, like they didnāt leave his lips ā but immediately feels the truth in it. The wall heās tried to keep up between Ellie and Sarah, the nothing-but-bullshit line heās drawn to try to somehow separate what they are to him is gone. Thereās no more pretending. Sheās his to take care of ā thatās how she ended up here shaking and bleeding, after all, isnāt it?
His penance for failing Sarah is a life sentence, but Ellieās still here, in the flesh and breathing (he thanks the god heās never believed in). She needs him present more than he needs to hate himself. Thereās a future full of self-loathing stretching out ahead of him - time for that later. For now he just needs to getĀ herĀ safe.Ā Ā
āWe need to leave, baby,ā he says, clearing his throat as it strains from the lack of use. He feels the urgency as the words leave his mouth ā they donāt stand much of a chance if more men are coming after them, and though heād die before he let anything (else) happen to her, who would be left to take care of her then? He pulls back from holding her to look at her face again, eyes tracking over the hollow look in her eyes and the fresh blood splattered on her skin. Heās never seen anyone who needs to be taken care of more.
āAre you hurt? Can you walk?ā He waits a moment for an answer that he knows isnāt coming. Ellieās little fingers twist and pinch on the sleeves of his jacket as she holds onto his arms, but sheās still standing. He sees the moment the shakiness that he felt running through her body moves from invisible to visible, and on instinct he quickly slips off his pack, shrugging off his jacket to wrap around her. Sheās swimming in it.
āIāve got you, honey, letās go,ā he says as he shifts to her side, wrapping his arm around her as he begins moving through the snow. Walking again makes the ache in his side throb angrily and he clenches his teeth to keep from groaning out loud.
Ellie starts shuffling along next to him,Ā thank fuckĀ ā heās sure he couldnāt carry her now ā but sheās unsteady. After a few steps she falls against his side, leaning her weight against him like she canāt stand on her own. He hates that heās so weak he feels his body start to do the same. His brain conjures up an image of the skyline as they left the Boston QZ so long ago ā two crumbling buildings fallen inward, holding each other in place.
Ellie stumbles and he tightens his arm around her to keep her upright. She makes a noise, half choking and half swallowing, sounding like the air is being pushed out of her lungs.Ā
āItās ok, Iāve got you,ā he keeps saying. Itās all he can offer. āIām here.ā Itās not enough.
---
Going back along the road towards the suburbs seemed like a death sentence ā they're moving so slowly, and clearly the area was within the boundaries of where the group theyāre running from was willing to go. If anyone was coming after them it would be the first place theyād look. But the longer they push forward with nothing in sight the more heās convinced he's made a mistake that will kill them.
It's near silent in the aftermath of the snowstorm, and itās rough going along the edge of the woods with patches of snowdrifts occasionally blown so high they nearly have to climb their way over. Theyāve both sunk down half way up their shins more than a few times and their wet jeans are freezing against their skin.
He doesnāt know how theyāre still going. Theyāve been moving for hours.
The only noise is the occasional whistle of the wind, and itās not enough to cover up their heavy breathing and slow, shuffling steps crunching through the snow. It makes it obvious when Ellie starts to flag, the cadence of her steps shifting as her feet start to shuffle and drag more than stepping, and he tries to swallow down swelling, suffocating dread as he scans around them for somewhere to rest. Time is running out ā the sun, heās horrified to acknowledge, has started to dip behind the tree line. Heās hurting more intensely the longer they walk, and heās sure Ellie is too. Her breath is coming in pants and whines ā she sounds so young he aches.
When snow starts to fall again around them, softly first and then steadily picking up, he fights back the urge to start screaming.
Theyāre fucking doomed ā their bodies are running on empty. Theyāll stumble soon and find they canāt get up, and he wonāt be able to do anything at all other than pull Ellie close to him as they wait to freeze to death. No sooner has the thought crossed his mind than Ellie crumples at the knees and his mind goes empty with terror. He tries to squeeze in the arm around her when he realizes sheās sinking but heās too slow. She thumps down hard onto her knees on the ground and is only spared from ending up face first in the snow by the way her upper body slams sideways into Joelās legs.
āMā sorry,ā sheās mumbling, he realizes in horror as he drops down with her and grabs her shoulders to stop her from collapsing. His wound is fuckingĀ rippingĀ as he kneels. He tries to soothe her as she keeps trying to get words out.
āSorry, I ca- I āā seems to be all she can manage before she falls back into silence. Her teeth are chattering and sheās weakly grabbing onto his pants as if to pull herself up, even as her lower body remains motionless. Sheās too weak, too tired. Sheās done.Ā
Joel takes a breath, and then another, and another. His vision is tunnelling as he drowns in the fear. This canāt be it.
āGotta get up, baby, we canāt stop here, gotta get you somewhere warm,ā heās saying, knowing damn well that no such place is around. Ellie closes her eyes and leans her head into him like sheās falling asleep. An angry sob catches in his throat.Ā
He closes his eyes and leans his face down into the top of her head, breathing her in and out, sliding his numb fingers into her hair to hold her tight against him again, and looks around asking a miracle.
And finds one.
From the slightly lower vantage point, he can see just a few feet further into the trees, below the bottom branches of a cluster of pine trees, and there it is, undeniably - wood.Ā Pressure treated.Ā It looks like the edge of ā a porch?
He shifts sideways to see more and really tests the limits of the stitches in his side āĀ fuck, fuck, fuckĀ ā and heās flooded with relief. Itās not a porch ā just a couple wooden steps, leading up to what has to be the bottom of a door. A cabin? It canāt be more than 50 feet away.
āEllie, look,ā he croaks out, and she doesnāt move. He points. āLook, thereās a building ā we just gotta get there and we can rest, ok?ā
For a moment he thinks sheās still not responding, and she doesnāt turn to look where heās pointing, but he feels a small nod as she moves her head, and she mumbles a quiet āāKayā into his shirt.
Heās breathless with pride āĀ sheāsĀ so goddamn tough, the strongest person heās ever met ā and the fresh surge of adrenaline is enough for him to stand and tug her up on wobbly legs, to tuck her back into his side and move them forward, foot by shaky foot, moving away from their almost-grave in the snow.
-----
working on transferring from ao3 to here but here's the ao3 link if you want more now - updates regularly on ao3 (36 ch so far!)
#last of us fanfic#joel and ellie#tlou fanfiction#ellie and joel#tlou fic#god I love Joel Miller#this whole fic is a love letter to Dad Joel so if you are a fan of that enjoy#joel miller#dad joel#silver lake#Joel angst#ellie angst#protective joel#ellie is a badass#Joel loves Ellie#Ellie loves Joel#please don't go#the last of us
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Whumpril #27: Please Don't Go
She is the outsider amongst the crew. Not because she is the newest, nor the youngest, though that does exclude her from the years of in-jokes and history they share, not to mention the fact that even the worst of the spacerās bars on the most questionable of asteroids raise an eyebrow at her, isolating her from the recreation the other crew share.
Itās not any of that.Ā
Itās not even - exactly - that they are family and she isā¦not. They are stand-offish, brusque, untrusting; as are the many other rebels she has met during her scant fifteen years. They would welcome her, she could be one of them: a place bought for her with her family name and the fact that Darrow, at least, had a history with uncle Romulus. Itās that she has a family and, alone as she may be now, she is not looking to replace them.Ā
Academically, she knows they are dead, knows they bought her life with theirs. She has nightmares of them in cells, gaunt and bleeding and grey with exhaustion and pain, memories long buried from her barely-more-than-infancy of her mother, slashed open throat to groin by a stazer whip, hot iron blood pouring over Rosie, the shock that had locked horrified screams behind baby teeth and kept her wide eyed and blankly staring. The last protection her mother had given her. Her motherās face and blood and howl of agony replaced by uncle Romulus�� and uncle Cyrusā and her dadās in turn until she barely sleeps at all, wanders the ship like the restless ghost she imagines them to be.
She knows those visions are likely true. Or, more likely, not true. Her motherās death was too quick, too painless for what they will do to her dad.
But her heart does not believe it and, though she recognises the brittle loneliness in Nico and Casey, the willingness to welcome and accept her in David and Gene, the cautious and flattering trust extended by Darrow, she canāt make herself take the final step and accept them. She has a family who died for her, and to accept others into her heart seems the worst way to replay them. She, of everyone aboard the Valjean, except perhaps Lee, has never wanted for love or acceptance. She has never known the fear that those closest to her could turn on her at any moment. Rosie has always known deep in her guts and bones and soul that everyone she loves would give themselves up to any fate to protect her from so much as a bruise. She doesnāt know how to love without that assurance, with the caution that Jemma and Jay learned in slave camps and delta grade work parties and Darrow learned from his military superiors and David from his own children whoād reported him to the inquisition.Ā
Then she falls ill. Itās inevitable. She is barely sleeping, rarely eating and a lifetime dirt-side has left her immune system ill prepared for the recycled air and water shipboard.Ā Ā
She lies in her cabin, shaking with chills and burning with fever and knowing that sheās going to live through it and still still still wonāt get to see her family, her real family, again. Ever again.Ā
David tends her, reassures her itās spacerās flu and theyāve all had it, coaxes her to eat and drugs her to rest and she hates him for not being the retired veterinarian who was the only medical professional her dad had trusted with her. She resents Jemma for stroking her hair and mopping her brow and helping her to change and stripping her sheets. Sheās heard enough whispers by now to know that Jemma would love a child but fears to bring one into the world she inhabits. Sheās no one's daughter. Not anymore.Ā
Nico and Casey sit with her, keep her company and she hates herself for how uncomfortable they make her, but sheād grown up in a secluded parochial community. Sheās never seen a non-human before. She doesnāt know which of their many eyes to look at, nor how to ask without sounding like a fool and a dirt rat. She pretends to sleep because she can keep her eyes shut.Ā
Gene coddles the environmental systems in her room so she can change the temperature by the tiniest of increments by voice control. She can alter the gravity, relieving her sore muscles of her weight. And itās not fair that he can do such a thing when uncle Cyrus would have faithfully promised he was going to and then broken something crucial trying because he was a shit engineer.Ā
She can barely look at either Darrow or Lee because they still have each other and itās not fair. Because if she canāt have her dad, even when sheās ill and alone and the pain in her heart is worse than the pounding behind her eyes, then why does Lee still get to have his? She had long since grown out of believing that her dad hung the moon.
My daddy can do anything, she had once told a teacher and never been allowed to forget it.
But at a push, if necessary, he would have caught her if sheād fallen off the edge of the world. So where is he? She knows that answer and itās her fault, just as her motherās death had been. Weapon in hand, but unable to bring it to bare with a squirming three year old in her arms, she hadnāt even died on her feet, on her knees hunched over Rosie, making a shield of blood and flesh and bone and sheād let uncle Cyrus and uncle Romulus and dad do the same. As though sheās worth four lives.Ā
And as though the crew of the Valjean can ever be that to her.
Which is when Jay comes to see her. He looks careworn at the corners of his eyes. She has a vague idea heād been off ship, searching out information from someone and about something, but her tired, aching head canāt grasp the details.Ā
āSpacerās flu, huh?ā
She wants to scream. Another person to be kind and sympathetic and treat her like a child and do it wrong. She would sell her very soul to be called Rosie-Posie by uncle Romulus and offered a cup of lime icy that he always forgets is dadās favourite, not hers.Ā
Jay settles in the chair by her bed and regards her.Ā
āYou gunna tell me everyone gets it?ā she rasps out and is proud of how steady her voice is.Ā
A smile tugs the corner of his mouth. āNah. You know that. Iām the last in and Gene loves to state the obvious.ā
That almost makes her smile. āYou gunna read to me?ā
Jay raises an eyebrow. āYou want me to?ā
No one has asked. Theyāve all just treated her like their child and she isnāt. āUncle Cyrus used to read to me if I was sick.ā It both is and isnāt an answer.Ā
Jay nods and doesnāt reach for his tablet. āYou miss them.ā
She has to swallow twice to answer like a crew member, not like a little girl. āGeneās not the only one who states the obvious.ā
Once again the near smile tugs at his mouth. āStupid thing to say.ā Thereās a silence, long and considering and eventually Jay offers, āI still miss mine.ā
āYouāre not going to tell me it gets easier?ā
This answer comes quick and certain. āIt doesnāt.ā
Rosie forces herself to sputter a laugh instead of tears. āYou are not a comforting man.ā
āIt gets familiar if that helps. But my-ā and to Rosieās surprise there are tears glimmering at the corner of his eyes. For the first time, such easy trust offered to her doesnāt enrage her. Jay gives her this because their loss is the same, not because heās claiming her in a way only her family have a right to. āMy parents were killed for hiding me.ā
āHiding you?ā
āI was born on Adroit. There are strict population controls. I was my parents' fourth child. They hid me until I was almost 6, then my older brother told his best friend and her parents reported mine. My whole family was put to death. I was allowed to live.ā Another silence. āIāve never been sure if that was their punishment or mine.ā
Voice tight, Rosie offers, āWe were hidden, by the time our proximity alarms went off we were surrounded. Uncle Romulus sent out a message to his contacts, Darrow was the only one near enough to answer. Theyā¦theyā¦pushed me into our only capsule, then they made a production of surrendering. The famous Porter family,ā her voice turns bitter. āEvery ship in the whole quadrant was focused on them humiliating themselves. No one picked up a single capsule.ā
Jay nods. Rosieās not wrong. He was on the bridge. Darrow had been foaming at the mouth, desperate to charge in and help, unable to peel himself away from the vid-screen. It had been Nico and Casey who picked up the weak, encoded transponder, Lee and Jay who reeled the capsule aboard. Darrow had been watching the Porters, looking for a moment to drop a charge on them. If death in fire and explosion was the last mercy he could have given Romulus he would have done it.Ā
Rosie realises sheās crying. Itās the first time sheās wept in front of any of them.Ā
Jay does not reach out in an overly familiar way. Does not wipe her tears away with the blade of his thumb as he dad had done; does not sling an arm around her shoulders and pull her into the warmth and shelter of his body as uncle Cyrus used to; does not hold her hand and tease her hair and call her infantile nicknames like uncle Romulus.
He doesnāt touch her at all.Ā
He offers her a scrap of mostly clean fabric and busies himself looking away from her face by refilling her water glass.
āDo you want me to go?ā No one else aboard would have thought to ask that, would have seen a crying child that they should comfort and help and protect.Ā
āNo.ā Rosie surprises herself by answering. āNoā¦donātā¦please donāt go.ā
#my writing#whump#whumpril2024#coffeeangelinabox's space opera ocs#grief#sick whump#child character#whumprilday27#please don't go#character death mentioned#found family but in the worst way possible
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Nayobe - Please Don't Go (12ā³ Version)
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