#pls be forewarned this is heavy angst | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

heyitsyn · 5 years ago

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Breathing

a/n: back by popular demand, i will forewarn you. this might make you cry, either from feelings or disappointment. you’ll know in the end

oikawa tooru x reader

(technically part 2 of that oikawa angst but more like part 1.5)

There was one memory.

A memory from the past shared between two children who were filled with nothing but purity and innocence from the misgivings of the world.

A simple blurb from the past.

But it was then that the childish promise was made that was never met.

And it hurt.

...

She was only 10 when it happened.

He already turned 11, but just a few weeks ago.

They sat together in her room as they looked through the picture book of her parents and their past. Of course, she cringed at every picture because these were the same people who had no shame in showing their love through kisses at the front door for the whole world to see. Yet, she also valued the love that was clear-even in the pictures-because they were the evidence for her hope of love.

Tooru giggled as he pointed at the picture of the baby version of her being carried in the arms of her mother while her father stood behind the two, proudly smiling a grin so big that it made his eyes crinkle.

“You were such a flabby baby, y/n-chan!” You looked up from another picture and glared at him before kicking him with your foot.

“So mean, Tooru!”

He looked offended and gently took the picture off of the plastic slot to prove his point of the wrinkly little bean.

“Look! You had wrinkles right here and you weren’t even a day old yet!” He laughed and you couldn’t help but snatch it from his grasp, thinking that his words were true and that you were indeed a fat baby.

You held up the picture to the light to see the wrinkles more clearly but you saw faint lines on the picture.

There was something written in the back.

You turned it over and Tooru saw you flip the photograph so he scooted over next to you to see what exactly was written.

‘Breathing the same air, in the same space, was enough reason to fall in love.’

You tilted your head in confusion and had to re-read through the sentence again to try and understand what it exactly meant. But you were still confused.

Tooru had the same problem and even took the picture so he could clearly see what was being written and not just a misunderstanding of the different characters placed together.

“Fall in love?” you questioned out loud, furrowing your eyebrows together.

He shrugged, “I don’t know. I mean, I’ve never been in love before.”

“Mommy tells me that she fell in love with Papa because he cooked good tonkatsu. Is that what they meant?”

“Baka,” he playfully nudged. “I think it means your father or mother fell in love with you the moment you took your first breath.”

You looked at Tooru with an impressed look in your eyes. “Oooo, look at you, Tooru-kun! Since when did you get so smart?!”

He gave you an unamused smile before hitting your legs, which were laid across his lap. “I’m literate. And I have brain cells. Don’t think you can relate.”

You pouted then crossed your arms. “What about you, Tooru-kun? Did you fall in love with me when we met?”

He paused, thinking about it. “Hm, I don’t know. I don’t remember our first meeting since we were just babies so I can’t answer your question.”

“What about now?” You quietly asked. “We’re breathing the same air in the same space of my room. It mentioned that this would be the perfect situation and enough reason to fall in love. So, what about now, Tooru-kun? Did you fall in love with me now?”

At first, he was quiet. He didn’t exactly know what to say because he’s never felt the feeling of falling in love. Heck, he doesn’t even know what falling in love is!

But watching your figure beside him, the sun behind you creating some sort of angel-like glow emitting from you, and the strands of your silky hair that fell out from your previous nap. It was enough to make his heart race, he knew that.

So, was it enough to make him fall in love?

Instead, he answered you with a question.

“Do you want me to fall in love with you?”

You merely shrugged, seemingly oblivious to his rapidly blushing face and the weight of those words as you continued to look at the photograph.

“I mean, it sounds scary to fall in love, you know? If it has ‘fall’ in it, it would hurt, right? I’ve fallen before but I was never able to get up without someone to help me so I don’t want to just fall in love with anyone. Mommy already fell in love with Papa so he won’t be there to catch me or to help me up. And you’re the only other person I trust to help me so…. Yes, I want you to fall in love with me so I can also fall in love with you. That way, we can trust to help each other. So fall in love with me forever, okay? I’ll do the same for you. I promise.”

It sounded good enough to the young, innocent Tooru so he agreed, promising that he will fall in love with you and just you.

Unfortunately, not only was he not able to help you up or catch you at the bottom, but he was the person who pushed you in the first place.

....

Sugawara placed a hand on your shoulder for support after he felt the intense air between you and this chocolate-haired boy. There were no words exchanged but the both of you looked each other up and down, your eyes lingering quickly on that brace on his knee. The restraint to keep the scoff in was almost unbearable but you didn’t care anymore. You wordlessly followed Sugawara back to the team and refused to look back because you were afraid of seeing that look in his eyes.

They were sad, lonely.

Kageyama rushed to help you and Sugawara with the basket of water bottles before running off to scold Hinata for taking forever in the bathroom, probably puking his guts out. You inspected the gym and quickly found old teammates, who were your past friends. These mentioned friends, Iwaizumi, Kunimi, and Kindaichi, were shocked to see you standing at their home turf and even having to do anything with volleyball.

“y/n-senpai!” Kindaichi yelled and you smiled from the sidelines before walking across to meet his run to give you a hug. He was the same tall, first year with his hugs that squeezed you tightly. You were released but you turned to Kunimi, who bashfully smiled before walking over to give you an equally tight hug.

“It’s so good to see my boys,” you hummed while ruffling their hair with great difficulty. God, they were about your height when you first met but now, they towered over your form.

“Why didn’t you ever visit us, senpai?” Kindaichi whined but you gripped his ear.

“You’re glad I didn’t visit since I heard you both planned a revolt against Tobio last year.” They guiltily looked down as if they were being scolded but you knew how Tobio was acting. He told you himself, expressing the regret with the way he treated them, and you were disappointed, sure, but both boys were in fault for this.

“We had to do something, senpai,” Kunimi quietly reasoned.

“I know you did. We can talk about that later. But you’re playing right now and you’re in different teams so do your best in this match!” You raised an encouraging fist and they both grinned.

“I’ll win this for you, senpai!” Kindaichi, the ever energetic boy, swore and ran to Iwaizumi, who ruffled his hair.

“You too, Kunimi-kun. Do your best, okay? No slacking off,” you scolded lightly with a smile. He playfully rolled his eyes.

“Okay, mom.”

When you went back to the Karasuno side, they questioned you as to how you knew them but once you explained your past in their old middle school with Tobio, they settled down, only telling you that they weren’t worried because you were their manager now.

By now, you’ve taken responsibility for the water bottles of the boys so you’ve gone back to the same place to refill them with cold water. Only to get lost.

“I swear it was right here. What the hell?” you mumbled repeatedly, getting increasingly uncomfortable with the heavy container.

As you ventured down a hallway, you were so sure you got yourself more lost but you didn’t care because you just wanted to get water. There was a serious lack of water fountains in this school making you wonder how these children were being hydrated.

You hummed a song to make yourself feel at least a bit better from being lost but as you turned a corner, you froze.

There he was, sitting on the floor and leaning against the wall with his eyes tightly shut. One would think he was sleeping but you knew he was far from it.

Tooru liked to close his eyes so he wouldn’t have any distractions as he concentrates on the techniques and moves he’d use against a team. This time it was no different so you thought you could easily walk past him without even making your presence known.

But this was Oikawa Tooru.

He was one of the sharpest and most attentive people you knew but when he opened his eyes to peak at your form in front of him, you stopped, eyes wide as if you were just caught doing something bad.

“Hi,” he whispered. You gulped before nodding his way and turning to continue walking.

“I miss your voice, y/n.” His voice was hoarse, hurt and pained, causing you to instinctively stop.

You shut your eyes in annoyance because after all these years, he still managed to control your instincts more than you yourself.

“I know…. God, I know I must not be fair right now since it was my fault for yelling at you and hurting you. But please, just say something to me, anything. Because I don’t want the last time I heard your voice to be your goodbye.”

You remained turned away so you couldn’t see the tears that were welling up in his eyes but you thought that this could be the last thing you could do for him.

“Breathing the same air, in the same space, is not enough reason to fall in love.”

Then you walked away.

He sniffled, crying for both his knee and his lost love.

His wish was never granted.

The last time he hears your voice is your final goodbye.

a/n: yall dont kill me. i just had to do it this way and i know yall are probably screaming and punching the air right now but pls dont be too angry! to make up for this, i have a surprise for yall since youve actually given me so much support and love in such little time. So at 3 PM SHARP (Eastern Time Zone) so watch out for the time and check my account to find your gift!!!

a/n2: also, credits to someone in pinterest for the quote and i thought it was one of the deepest and cutest quotes of love <3

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