#probably should have been studying nearly failed my classes oop

[emotionaldisregulation]

hunt and run lives rent free in my mind

[selfwriting-sugarquills]

70 Fred Weasley headcanons in celebration of 700 followers:

(plus an extra one, for the heck of it lmao) 

You guys, thank you so much for 700 followers! I appreciate every single one of you and writing for the twins has been such a blast so far, much to the thanks of all of you <3 

Find the 70 George Headcanons: Here

Fred has always been really good at sleight of hand stuff, as a kid, he could do card tricks with ease, steal baked goods from his mother’s kitchen and later on since his allowance wasn’t exactly anything to brag about, he’d steal sweets from honeydukes' on Hogsmeade trips, with the help of George, he’s not proud of it but in his defence, he was a stupid teenage boy at the time. 

Fred is incredibly competitive and will hold onto anything you challenge him to for way longer than you might think. He’s definitely the type to “race you” anytime you’re headed to herbology, care against magical creatures or Hogsmeade together.

As the man himself said in the deathly hallows, Fred doesn’t like the idea of a big grandiose wedding ceremony, he’d prefer something more low-key and simple, where the focus is more on having fun and celebrating instead of neat seating plans and meticulously chosen decorations. Some flowers and booze will do, he’ll provide the fireworks - In essence, he only needs his S/O and the rest he couldn’t care less about. 

George may be better at cooking, but Fred makes a damn good pancake and he will forever pride himself on that. 

Fred is the more jealous, overprotective twin. He’s aware of this and tries his best not to let it go to his head but he can’t help it. 

Fred snores, I’m pretty sure it’s canon that both twins snore, but Fred is louder and, as mentioned in my last headcanon post, a very heavy sleeper meaning it’s more difficult to get him to wake up so he can stop, your best shot is trying (and probably failing) to turn him over. 

Fred is also a very restless sleeper, he’ll toss and turn, and occasionally dream about quidditch. I’m saying you might want to be aware that he might confuse you for a bludger in his sleep, don’t worry though, he’ll always apologise profusely and make it up to you with a lot of kisses (and maybe a bit more than that, if you’re keen ;)) 

Fred has an extensive caffeine addiction, which is unfortunate cause he’s quite hyper already but he can’t function properly until he gets his coffee in the morning, and then again in between lessons/at lunch and then again late in the afternoon. Sometimes, if he needed to write an essay that was due, he’d drink coffee at like nine pm. He knows he won’t be able to sleep because of it, please, Y/n, he’s accepted his fate. 

I personally always imagined the twins as having ADHD, idk why it just fits their characters. Fred is for sure the more outwardly fidgety and intrusive, this gets less and less with age, as it does for a lot of ADHD people, his inability to focus remains the same though. 

Fred loves being outside, he’s the first of the Weasley siblings to suggest a game of quidditch or just going outside for walks, hide and seek in the woods near their house. He absolutely loves taking his dates on walks in parks or at the beach and when he has kids he plays with them in their yard, building snowmen etc. 

Fred probably suggests at some point that the whole family should go camping, and he’s actually really fun to camp with. He’ll tell the best scary stories by the campfire. 

In regards to children, Fred wants a lot of kids. Like at least three but would be willing to have more if his s/o wants to. He just really likes the dynamic of a large family since that’s what he’s used to. 

Fred’s favourite flavour of sweets is anything sour, the sourer the better, because of this he can handle it really well and he loves handing people some of his ridiculously sour candy and watching them squirm. 

He also really likes spicy food, he’s a bit of a daredevil so don’t challenge him to eat anything because he will eat a whole chilli and nearly die. 

 You know he’d be really casual about it too, lol, like sweating and crying but just leaning on the counter like “*pant* what? hot? no not at all *deeeeep breath* I can ha-aw-rdly taste it!” 

One thing about Fred is that he’s oddly squeamish, like seeing his brother’s ear blown off isn’t so bad (if you don’t take into account the emotional trauma that is), but a needle for a blood sample or a vaccine? oooh, he’s gonna need a big juice box and a cookie and his s/o’s hand to hold if he’s gonna make it through. He also has a thing about leeches. One time at Hogwarts they were mentioned in a lesson and he thought he was going to faint the entire time. 

Fred’s broken five bones over the years, four are from quidditch: his left arm and two ribs, and then the other arm from trying to do an elaborate stunt on the stairs in the burrow and falling down two flights. 

Fred loves to sing karaoke (because I cannot get that damn clip of James singing karaoke out of my head) though he particularly enjoys doing a very poor job on purpose. 

Fred is such a good liar that on several occasions he’s given presentations in school and gotten good marks for them despite having bullshat his way through the entire thing. 

Like seriously, he’s that guy in the group project who only looks at the slides like five minutes before the presentation and then just turns on a full charming newscaster voice on the professor to the point of them being genuinely convinced (albeit a little confused) that what Fred’s saying is true. 

This is also why Fred loves playing card games like poker: he’s really good at bluffing. 

Speaking of poker-face, he’s really quite good at teasing in public (if you’re into that sort of thing *wink*) because no matter the dirty deeds he might get up to under a table, his face remains as regular as always (safe for a little smirk to his lover every now and then) 

Fred always wanted to learn an instrument, he thought it’d make him cooler when he was a teenager, as an adult, he just really wants to recreate that clip of the trombone-playing dad with the sunglasses, or maybe serenade some cows with jazz or something. 

Fred was never a big fan of the uniform thing, so he always tried to make it his own, whether that be tying the tie differently, or having his sleeves rolled up; it’s not much but you gotta take what you can get when you’re literally dressed the same as everyone else. 

Fred might make fun of his dad’s interest in muggle things but secretly he loves it too. He has spent a lot of hours in the shed with Arthur, assuring everyone that it was just to have some quality time with his dad but he would still pay close attention when Arthur explained things to him. 

Fred had a whole business of selling candy from Honeydukes’ and joke products from Zonko’s to second and first years before he and George started dabbling with their own products, he could get you a butterbeer too but it’ll cost you an extra three galleons. 

Fred really likes glitter, George has a thing for lace, anything that glitters on his s/o makes Fred weak. If you want to get your way just put on some glittery eyeshadow or lipgloss and watch him spin. 

Since he loves things that glitter and gleam he loves buying his s/o jewellery, he loves seeing them wearing them as little tokens of their relationship. 

Did someone say slight possession kink? oops not me

Fred is incredible with numbers, this is pretty much canon and has been explored but I’m just amazed at this boy’s wit AND intellect. I have a slight headcanon that if he ever goes on a proper first date with someone where a bill is involved, he impresses his date by calculating the tip after just a glance.

Even if Fred has a longstanding reputation of not caring about school, when he has kids he does want to help them with any coursework over the summer and Christmas breaks, he’ll even study up on his old books just to be able to help out in any classes he didn’t take/didn’t pay attention in. 

Fred would, in general, be an amazing father. He’s goofy and playful most of the time, though he’s serious and incredibly caring whenever his kids are in a bad mood or have problems. He knows that he’s not the most outwardly emotional of the twins but he makes sure his kids know they can always talk to him about anything. 

Fred is incredibly messy. His room is usually a cry for help and he only cleans it when it gets to the point where it distracts him from focusing on work. 

No worries though, his S/O doesn’t have to do all the housework for him, he’ll do it. He just needs to be reminded that he needs to every once in a while. 

Fred has a really bad temper, he doesn’t know where he gets it from but he tends to get angry easier than George, though Fred is better at letting it out so it doesn’t continue to bother him. 

His bad temper does mean that he used to brawl more with siblings as a kid, and it wasn’t unusual to see him with scrapes and bruises as a kid, much to Molly’s dismay. Fred didn’t mind though, he thought it made him look tough. 

Fred is more likely to get caught sneaking around because of his brash nature, he tends to forget just how quiet you have to be to avoid Mrs Norris in the corridors. 

Fred is certainly not an early bird but his favourite time of day is, in fact, the morning when the sun’s coming up. He only knows this because of Wood’s ridiculously early quidditch practices but there’s something about the way the world looks when it’s bathed in soft golden light that just hits different to Fred. 

Fred is a great team player, as much as he seems like he’s more selfish than George, if it’s regarding a team activity (like quidditch or a battle of sorts) he’ll completely lose all focus on himself and only try to ensure other’s safety and victory. This is also why he plays as a beater, he’s not afraid of getting hit at all when he’s focused on getting the bludgers away from his teammates. 

So if his s/o ever needs it, he’ll be there to help with anything: Needs to take a day off from work to take care of his sick s/o? no problem. Needs to stay up with his small child because his s/o is exhausted and needs rest? On it. Something as small as carrying groceries or books, making a cup of tea when the other is busy or doing the dishes is all on the list of things that Fred will happily do for his s/o, and often without having to be asked, he’ll just do it. 

Fred’s boggart is seeing his family members and/or his s/o hurt beyond what he can save. Essentially his worst fear is being helpless when he needs it most. 

One of those times was when George lost his ear. The first night when George was lying practically unconscious on the couch with blood everywhere was the worst night of Fred’s life, he truly felt so anxious and helpless and angry that he vomited and ended up passing out next to the couch after staying up till sunrise watching his brother like a hawk. 

He didn’t just sleepwalk when he was younger, he also often experienced nightmares, it’s only George, Molly and Arthur who remembers anything about this. 

They got less and less the older he got and he assumed that he’d never be bothered by them again until after the second wizarding war and the battle of Hogwarts. 

I don’t like to headcanon that he dies cause he didn’t and that’s final lol. I do, however, headcanon that Fred still gets hurt, since everyone in the explosion beside him seemed to sustain minor injuries, I just think that to even out with George losing his ear, he hurts his leg and needs a lot of retraining/a walking stick. I think that’d be a more fair/unfair ending for Fred who’s always full of energy having to have to adjust to living slowly for a little while (not permanently, I couldn’t do that to my boy). 

The boy has anxiety sometimes, ok. (just let me project for a second)

He didn’t know how much tension he usually holds in his body until he drank alcohol for the first time and felt his entire body loosen up and was like “huh this is new.” 

He doesn’t use alcohol to deal with it though, he prefers just talking to George about whenever he feels is stressing him out and that helps. A massage from his s/o to loosen him up doesn’t hurt either. 

Fred prefers to talk to his dad about his problems more than he prefers to talk to Molly, generally. 

His favourite body parts on his s/o: Shoulders, hips, hands. 

He loves to kiss, just in general, but he also loves kissing his s/o’s nose, forehead, neck, shoulder, etc. as little gestures of affection. 

He def. has a bit of a size kink, he loves being taller than his s/o. 

If Fred could have any pet he wanted, he’d probably want a dog, the bigger the better. He doesn’t think he has the time for a pet though. 

It was his idea to start breeding pygmy puffs, it’s the closest he’ll get to having a pet. 

I don’t know why but I feel like when Fred and his s/o are expecting and his s/o goes into labour he just panics. loses it, drops the binkie as we say in Denmark: Freaks the fuck out, if you will. He’s definitely the pacing and wringing his hands together type, though he probably tries his best to keep himself composed and chill during the whole thing whilst simultaneously hyperventilating. 

Fred doesn’t cry often but he sure as hell wept with pride when he held all his kids for the first time. 

Despite the notion that the twins often slip in a joke version of a sweet treat or something similar amongst the snacks at parties, Fred is strongly against tampering with drinks. He knows the connotations it holds and he doesn’t want anyone to be afraid they’d put something in it. If he wants you to test out their truth serum or a love potion, he’ll just ask you flat out and if you don’t want to, he’s not going to continue asking. 

Most of the detentions Fred has gotten from Snape come from times he’s spoken back to him when Snape’s been giving another student a rough time. He doesn’t regret it one bit. 

 If you ask Fred what his proudest accomplishment is, he’ll probably say that it’s having had enough restraint to not punch Umbridge in the face every time he saw her. 

On the note of Umbridge. It wasn’t her detentions with him that got his blood boiling, it was when she punished little kids (a la Nigel) for doing practically nothing, he understands that to an extent and by comparison, setting off a bunch of fireworks inside a building would harbour a harsher punishment, but making twelve-year-olds bleed for running in the halls or playing music or just doing things that twelve-year-olds will inevitably do, is something Fred doesn’t understand. That year pretty much any kid younger than him, or anyone who was too afraid to stand up for themselves, became Fred and George’s little siblings, and they’re very protective older brothers. Umbridge can vouch for that. 

He struggles with a lot of insecurity in his relationships, he always puts on a front of being extra funny and outgoing when he’s in a new relationship because he’s secretly afraid that the way he is isn’t good enough and that eventually, his s/o will see through him and leave because they don’t like the softer, more serious side of him. 

Fred is the godfather of all of George’s kids but is also the godparent of Hugo, Lily and Lucy. 

Fred loves business meetings, he sees them as a good challenge to practice his smooth talk. 

Fred spent his first salary from the shop on the most expensive bottle of champagne he could find and a new suit. 

Fred tried to get into whiskey, feeling like it’d make him a cool business owner type of man, so, with his second salary, he went out and bought a fancy-schmancy bottle of whiskey and the whole getup with a bottle and some cool glasses, and then invited Lee over to try it with him and George. 

They did not like it. Fred thought it tasted like what he imagined gasoline tastes like so they mostly used it as decorations, not having the heart to mix it with something. 

Fred doesn’t necessarily like PDA, it depends on what you mean. He likes being secretive. Pulling his s/o into an empty classroom, nook, hallway, secret pathway etc where anyone could wander in at any time and snogging her senseless is one of his favourite things to do. 

Fred knows how good he looks in his quidditch uniform and will absolutely use it against his s/o. (they’re gonna get spicy from here on so read with caution if you're in public)

Fred prefers giving more than receiving oral. 

He has a lot of energy, did you not think that would rub off (no pun intended) on his sex drive? He can go pretty much any time and place, and typically last at least two rounds. 

Also, his favourite position is having you on top. Okay, I'm gonna stop now. 

[jessbakescakes]

@twwobsessed​ asked for either 89. I noticed or 90. you can tell me anything from this post..

I accidentally deleted the ask, sorry! 

This one spans across the series... it also got way longer than I anticipated. Oops?

“Want some chips?”

Donna looks to her left to find Josh holding out a bag of barbecue potato chips he insisted on getting from the store across the street before they loaded up the bus to South Carolina. “Thanks,” she says, taking a couple from the bag. 

“Take as many as you want. It’ll probably be a little bit before we can stop to get something to eat, and we didn’t get a chance to eat lunch.” He places the bag between them, but doesn’t so much as reach for the chips again.

~*~

“Pizza’s here!” CJ announces, dropping several pizza boxes on the table in the center of the room. 

Josh tosses his pen on his notepad. “What did you get? I’ll grab it for you.”

Donna looks up from her note cards. “Oh, no, I didn’t get anything.”

“What? Why?”

She thinks back to the intern who came around asking for everyone’s orders about an hour ago, and the excuse she gave him. The Massachusetts Democratic Party catered a lunch with a sandwich spread; she told the intern that she was still full from lunch, but Josh would see right through that. He sat right next to her while she ate half a turkey sub and a just-this-side-of-stale oatmeal raisin cookie before they were ready to head to their next meeting. 

The truth, of course, is that she’s made a pretty big dent in her already modest savings account since rejoining the campaign. Her parents, in an attempt to impart some financial wisdom upon her during her teen years, had declared that half of each paycheck from whatever after school or summer job she held at the time was to be deposited into a savings account. She managed to make it all this time without having to dip into it; selling her car and sleeping on the floor had made it easier to stretch her limited budget. But it won’t last forever.

Before she can answer, CJ interrupts, calling out everyone’s orders. “Looks like we have some breadsticks on top, here, and some wings… here’s a cheese pizza for Kevin McCallister over there,” CJ says, motioning toward Josh as she opens the box, places it beside the stack, then closes the lid. 

“Hey now, Donna and I are splitting this pizza, I wanted to make her feel at home,” Josh retorts, grabbing a plate and handing it to Donna before pulling two slices of pizza out of the box CJ just abandoned. 

Donna turns to Josh. “I’m fine, Josh, really.”

“Donna,” he says, grabbing her hand and pulling her up from her seat.

“I don’t want to eat your food.” Josh gives her a pointed look, and she lets out a sigh. “How much do I owe you?”

Josh laughs. “What’s mine is yours, Donnatella.” He places his hand at the small of her back and ushers her toward the pizza box. “Eat.”

~*~

They manage to find a 24 hour diner in Little Rock two weeks before the convention. When their server approaches, everyone’s either staring blankly at their menus or engaged in subdued conversation. They were already tired, but they were pulling hours even longer than normal due to what should have been a minor PR snafu turned media beast that just wouldn’t die. 

Josh had gotten Leo to agree to bring Donna on as a salaried member of the campaign once the Governor was no longer the presumptive nominee, but the official nominee; all Donna needed to do was make her last few dollars stretch as far as possible for just a little longer. Her stomach growls loudly as the server moves next to Josh.

“I’ll have the chicken and waffles,” Josh starts, handing the server his menu and sliding Donna’s toward him. “She’ll have an omelette with spinach and feta.”

By the time she opens her mouth to protest, the server’s gone and Josh is listening intently to whatever it is Sam is saying to his left.

~*~

“I’m just saying,” Josh starts, putting his half-eaten box of Chinese food on the table in the Mural Room, “if Thompson thinks Braun and Miller will pull out, we need to plan for that now.”

“You really think they’ll do that?” Toby asks. 

Josh nudges the container toward Donna. “I do. At least, that’s what Braun was hinting at earlier. I don’t know what the hell that guy’s up to; he’s harder to read than any woman I’ve ever dated.”

Donna reaches for the food and peeks inside, noticing that it’s honey garlic chicken - her favorite.

~*~

“I think you’re not giving theoretical physics enough of a chance,” Josh insists. “I think you have some weird, unfair bias against it.”

Donna holds out her hand and takes the wrapper to Josh’s chicken sandwich. “Well, considering physics was the only class I ever came close to failing, I think my biases are perfectly fair.”

Josh laughs. “Donna Moss almost failed a class?”

“I stayed every day after school for a month and pulled it up to an A minus. But for a little while there I was in the mid-C range.”

“Painfully average,” Josh teases. 

“Shut up and eat your salad,” Donna sighs.

“I’m full, you can have it.”

Donna rolls her eyes. “Josh, you ordered this salad. You said you wanted this salad, and I didn’t question you…”

“You’re about to go back to work, and I know you won’t have time to stop and grab something for another… seven, eight hours? Eat the damn salad.”

~*~

The Hawk and Dove is nearly empty; it’s just CJ, Sam, Donna, Charlie, and Josh in the late hours of the snowy evening. 

“Toby was mentioning that earlier,” CJ says. “I don’t buy it.”

Donna pulls Josh’s untouched tray of cheese fries toward her and begins to eat, expecting a grumble or a whine from him. It never comes.

~*~

She’s not invited to this particular State Dinner. She could have gone home an hour ago, but she decided to take advantage of the rare opportunity to catch up on some filing while Josh wasn’t around. 

Donna works through the last stack of files and returns to her desk to find two plates full of hors d'oeuvres.

~*~

Donna opens her eyes and stretches as much as the hospital bed will allow. Josh hears her stir and stands up from his chair. “Hey,” he says. “How are you feeling?”

“Been better,” she says, her voice a little hoarse. 

“They brought you some breakfast. Looks like you’ve got some fruit and eggs. They’re probably a little cold by now, though. You hungry?”

“A little, yeah.” 

Josh extends his hand and offers her a small package of mini muffins. “Don’t ask me how this works, but apparently there’s a vending machine down the hall that has some American snacks in it. I thought these would be chocolate chip, but… they’re blueberry.” 

She takes the package and notices that the word blueberry is written in bold, blue font across the front, directly underneath the logo. He hasn’t eaten any of them.

~*~

“If anyone asks, the Congressman won’t be commenting on the situation with Senator Stephens,” Lou says. “Donna, do your best to make sure they don’t ask.”

Donna nods. She walks back to her seat to find a small bag of chocolate covered pretzels sitting in the chair. She looks across the room at Josh, staring at an electoral map, eating a bag of the same pretzels. He turns to grab a marker and makes eye contact with her from across the room.

Donna’s stomach nearly ties itself in knots when he gives her a small smile before returning to the board.

~*~

Josh takes his seat next to Donna, leaning in for a kiss. “Hi.”

“Hey,” she says, putting a hand on his shoulder. “Everything okay?”

He nods. “Yeah. I was just getting the ‘don’t you dare hurt her’ talk from the President.”

“Which one?” Donna asks, taking a sip of champagne.

“Either. Both. They both like you better than me, anyway, does it really matter?” 

Donna laughs. “No, I guess it doesn’t.”

Josh looks down at his empty plate, then at Donna. “You ate my slice of cake?” He’s saying it in a tone of incredulity, but he’s grinning.

She shrugs. “You left it; I assumed you didn’t want it.”

“Donna,” Josh whines. “I was going to eat that.”

“There’s still plenty left,” Donna reassures him. “Don’t worry. You can get another slice.”

“Why, so you can eat that one, too?” Josh sighs. “At what point did you start stealing my food, anyway?”

Donna moves her arm to rest on Josh’s chair. “Probably around the time I noticed that even though I was on salary, you still continued to feed me. I don’t think I ever thanked you for that, by the way.”

Josh turns to face her. “Wait, you knew?”

“Of course I knew, Josh,” Donna says. “It was your way of taking care of me. It’s really thoughtful, actually. One of the many reasons I fell in love with you.” 

She looks at him for a moment, studying the smirk on his face. She’s still in awe that she gets to call this man her husband - this incredibly caring, ridiculously sweet, wonderful man married her. 

“I’m going to start putting my name on my leftovers,” Josh declares

“I’ll just eat them anyway,” Donna says, leaning her head on his shoulder.

“Yeah. You will.”

[heycallmeladytypewriter]

A Call of a Siren - Chapter 2

A/N: As you guys have noticed, I tweaked a few things to fit Delia into the story but please let me know if I missed or messed up something on the storyline. Again, looking for a beta reader if anyone is interested. Chapter three should be up soon along with everyone's favorite angry boy. I don't own My Hero Academia. I only own my own characters and the story I create within Horikoshi's masterpiece of a world I'd love to live in.

Chapter One

_____________________________________________________________

“I expect you to all to still work hard on exams even though the end of the school year is in sight!” Her teacher was lecturing them on the importance of tests or something but Cordelia had other things on her mind. 

Nine months ago, she saw the world's greatest hero and a scrawny boy her age on the beach. A day she wouldn’t forget as it was a major part of why she was trying her damndest to get into UA in a month.

She went to the beach mostly everyday on a run and also practiced in her room after her family went out or was asleep. She also tried to incorporate some strength training exercises she got off the internet as she was sure you needed more than cardio to make it in. 

One thing she found herself doing, albeit shamefully, was sort of spying on All Might and Izuku Midoriya train on the beach and park. She didn’t necessarily go out of her way but it was on her training grounds too. No matter how she reasoned it, she still kept her distance and would hide at first sign of being found. It also didn’t help that she felt she had stumbled on a major invasion of privacy as she witnessed the strong and well, mighty, All Might transform to a tall but skinny weaker man. The first time she saw it she thought her eyeballs were for sure going to pop out her skull and fall to the floor with her jaw. She would never tell out of respect for the hero but still...every time he did it was like a mini heart attack especially when he would cough up blood afterwards. Like Jesus man please go see a doctor!

“Miss Bell I hope that dazed look on your face means you are thinking of your study schedule this weekend?” 

Her head turned from the window and faced the teacher, “ Oh, yes of course!” 

“Hmm..so anyways class -” Cordelia went right back to gazing out the window. 

_______________________________________________________

“ FIND SOMEWHERE ELSE TO DO YOUR STUPID STRETCHES BRAT!” Angry boy yelled at her for the 400th time.

Delia rolled her eyes again but continued her stretches where she was. She was here first anyway. Not that it mattered as she always stretched here because after Angry boy decided it was his workout spot she decided it was hers too. 

“Oi, don’t ignore me! Move your fat ass out of here!” 

“No thanks I’m good. And who are you calling fat ass, big tits?” She laughed as he bristled immediately at her response. He reminded her of a cat, all puffy and angry,  when he got like that which only made her giggle more. She wished to know his name but last time she asked he flipped her off. 

Looking at her watch, she realized she was going to be late for dinner. “Oh crap. Gotta go! Bye Big tits!” 

His water bottle flew right past her head as she ran off while he screamed expletives at her. “Hey!” She scolded. She slowed down enough to pick it up and chucked it with maximum force back at him, “don’t fucking litter!” 

She ran a little quicker when she heard the little pops of his quirk which is when she realized a few months ago that he was getting more pissed. “Goddamn brat!”

________________________________________________________

“Cordelia, you are late! Go wash up.” Her mother scolded her from the kitchen as she walked in the house. 

“Lost track of time! Sorry I’ll be quick!” She hopped up the stairs and nearly ran into her father, wearing his uniform, on the way. “Oops sorry Daddy!”

 Yes, she still called her father ‘Daddy.’

 Her ‘Daddy’ was a 6’4 man with piercing blue eyes that could intimidate anybody which probably helped with his job. Her mother always liked to point out that of course all her children had to inherit his blue eyes and not her brown ones.  

“Hey,” His hand shot out to gently grab her wrist before she could keep going, “What is all this training you doing for?” 

“Nothing in particular. Can’t I have a hobby?” She lied through her teeth before continuing on upstairs. 

“Cordelia…” 

“Dad. Teenage girl who wants to be fit - not rocket science!” 

Hopping in the hot shower, Delia relaxed finally. She was soooo lying to her family but felt it necessary as they stood on opposite ground concerning her dream of becoming a hero. 

She had a dream. She wasn’t going to give up without a fight just because she was alone in it. Deep down she was hoping if she became a good enough hero she could change their minds about the matter. 

She even took many preemptive precautions such as designating herself as the mail person of the house. She got it every day without fail and they would get used to just depending on her to get it. She managed to get a third cordless phone for the house she’d hide in her room to check the number in case of any specific calls coming through. She even created a fake parent email and perfected their signatures if needed. She was good at lying but it never felt easier on her to lie regardless of her reasons. 

“CORDELIA!” 

With a sigh, she shut off the water and stepped out of the shower. At least I dry off quickly, she thought amused as she wicked the water off her body and out of her hair. 

__________________________________________________________

It was exam day. 

Delia’s nerves were all over the place as she sat in the auditorium filled with the other hopefuls. They grouped them by class it seemed though she didn’t recognize those sitting near her. Her fault, she was sure, as she didn’t reach out to others during this past year as she just assumed or more like hoped she’d be transferring after the year was up. 

She wondered where Midoriya was as he was the reason she got her butt here in the first place. 

The Pro, Present Mic, continued to shout out to the crowd of potential students but Delia figured everyone was too wound up to join in or even focus enough. He was in the process of explaining their physical test when a loud voice rang out. A boy with cut blue hair and glasses stood suddenly and practically demanded answers of a possible inconsistency regarding the robots before the Pro could probably get to it (impatient much?) and then turned behind him to yell at the very boy she was wondering about for muttering too loudly. 

She wanted to laugh but her nerves were already fraying. As they were announcing the order of tests and people were slowly being shuffled out of the auditorium, Delia took a long breath before marching outside with the others. 

____________________________________________________________

This was exhilarating and terrifying all at once. 

She went on auto pilot as soon as the doors opened. Everyone rushed forward only to be immediately greeted by a bunch of green robots with glowing red eyes. Without thinking, she looked for the nearest water source...yes, a fire hydrant!...and reached her hand outwards to pull the water. A burst of water came rushing out that she quickly sharpened into her normal water whip and sliced out at the first two robots she saw ahead of her, breaking their heads off. 

“Wow that was amazing!” A girl with short brown hair to her left shouted at her before running further down the street. Delia blinked. Holy shit, that was amazing! For a moment, Delia felt she could really do this...until about 10 minutes later.

The robots didn’t give her a minute to think anymore, which considering her extreme anxiety over today was probably a good thing, and she used her whip to maim any robot who came within range. As soon as she was finally racking up a few points, a giant shadow loomed over the street. 

It was the zero points robot. 

Holy shitballs it was huge, Delia thought, shielding her face, as it stomped its way over causing surrounding small buildings and the street itself to explode with force everywhere. 

She was about to run but she heard someone cry out. It was the really nice girl from earlier who was caught under the debris from the zero pointer. 

Everyone was running. 

Then she ran. 

Towards the girl. 

There was water running from a broken pipe so she willed it near her as she skidded to the girl and put her hand up and the water formed a water dome around her the girl as they braced themselves for the next step from the robot but it never came. 

“SMASH!” Midoriya yelled from above them. Through the water she saw him go flying at the face of the robot and hit it so hard the zero pointer was thrown back with a broken face. 

“Oh my god” she whispered. The water fell on them in a whoosh and she snapped back to the girl and pushed the rock up far enough to wiggle her leg out. Looking up, she saw Midoriya start to fall and her heart continued to race as she tried to figure out how to catch him but the girl who was stuck ran, now with a limp, touch a rock and float upwards towards him. She meets him halfway then taps him midair and slowly brings them back to earth. Then promptly throws up off the side of the rock. 

The buzzer goes off. 

Times up. 

Delia felt her shoulder drop in disappointment. She only had 20 points from the smaller robots and barely. That was it. She was stuck at a regular school and wouldn’t be a pro hero. 

The finality of things started to weigh on her and followed her as she shuffled her way home, trying not to cry.

____________________________________________________________

The wait was killing her. 

It’s been days and she’s checked the mail repeatedly. Damn near scared the mailman a few times when she ran up to him a few houses before hers.

By the time it came, she had all but figured she failed so badly that they weren’t gonna waste time with a letter. Yeah, she was being dramatic but still. 

Finally, a small package addressed to her arrived. Delia had to wait until her parents went out to the store with Henry before she could run to her room and play it. After triple checking they left, she set it up on her small desk and internally started to scream. 

“Young Bell, it is me All Might! I am here! To give you your results on your exam to UA!” 

There goes her ability to breathe. 

She started to bite her lip nervously. 

“It says here that you scored 24 points on your practical and did well enough in your written test. BUT” 

She was now on the verge of gnawing her lip off.

“While your scores were alright enough, what really wowed us was your last few minutes of the practical!”

He started a small screen next to him of the girl who was stuck under a rock talking to someone behind the camera. 

“Is it possible to share my points?!” The girl exclaimed to someone behind the camera. 

Delia’s hand went to her chest as the girl, who didn’t know her nor should’ve bothered to do this, wanted to make sure her and Midoryia earned enough points and if not, to give them some of hers. Her lip had to have been bruised by now.

“Did you really think a Hero academy judged solely on the ability to hit a robot? We look at everything! And you, Young Bell, embody just the right person we strive to teach! You went ahead without thinking or caring about anything but the girl and acted- acted heroically! We awarded you 30 more points bringing your total to a whopping 54! So, Young Bell, I want to congratulate you on your acceptance to UA! Welcome, future hero!” 

Delia’s lip was bleeding now but she didn’t care. Tears were rushing down her face before she could stop them.

She thought it was done.

But really- it was just beginning. 

She sent a silent thank you to the boy on the beach and the hero they both looked up to

[dragon-temeraire]

Stiles: "In twenty years, I will be Lydia's second husband." Lydia: "What will happen to the first?" (obviously Jackson) Stiles: "Nothing." (Poly AU)

I just realized I accidentally changed your prompt a tiny bit, oops! Hope you like this poly fluff! (On AO3)

He knows he probably shouldn’t say it. It’s late, and he’stired, and it’s been a nice evening with two people he really cares about. Heprobably shouldn’t mess that up.

He says it anyway.

“You know, in twenty years, I will be Lydia’s secondhusband,” he says grandly.

“What’s going to happen to her first husband?” Jackson askssuspiciously.

“Nothing,” Stiles says, smiling. “Maybe by then you’ll likeme as much as she does.”

He makes his escape from their apartment after that, managingto catch the perplexed look on Jackson’s face before he’s out the door.

The whole drive home, he wonders if Lydia will be mad thathe put his intentions out there. But he’s been pining for them for years, andhe just wanted both of them to be clear on exactlywhere he stood.

And if they tell him they’re not interested, he can starttrying to move on.

He hopes he doesn’t have to, though.

 *

 The fact that Lydia hasn’t called or texted him since thatnight is very telling. Clearly, he’s in some trouble, and Jackson’s probablyfreaked out. But he’s not sure what she’s going to do about it, either.

Still, he’s busy studying for mid-terms, so he tries to putit out of his mind and not stress too much. He can’t afford to fail a class,and what happens with Jackson and Lydia is out of his hands now, anyway. He hasto let it go.

Then, late Friday night, just when he’s just thinking aboutdragging himself to bed, there’s a noise at his apartment door. It’s less of aknock and more of a thump, and Stilesfeels a tingle of unease.  

Either it’s a terrible burglar, or—

Jackson nearly falls in on him when he yanks the door open.And even if he hadn’t slurred out, “Hi, Stiles,” the smell of alcohol alonewould have clued him in on Jackson’s drunkenness.

“Hey,” Stiles grits out, looking up and down the hallway forsigns of anyone else out there—like Lydia—before wedging his shoulder underJackson’s arm and dragging him inside. He manages to keep Jackson from endingup on the floor, and gets him seated on the couch despite Jackson’s lack ofcooperation.

When he’s sure Jackson is going to stay there, he goes to shut and lock the front door. “You’re not ateenager anymore, Jackson,” he says on his way back. “I thought you were donegetting drunk like this.”

“I’m twenty-three, I’m not that old,” Jackson protests. “Buttonight, I—I was just thinking about you.” He tips his head back against thecouch, sighs. “You and Lydia together, really.” His eyes flick briefly Stiles’direction. “She talks about you, you know. A lot.”

Stiles sits down tentatively next to Jackson. “I don’t thinkyou have anything to worry about,” he says lightly, patting Jackson’s thigh.“And I didn’t intend to drive you to drink with my little confession, either.”

But Jackson continues, undeterred. “She likes you. She likedbeing with you, even though it wasonly supposed to be,” he waves his hand dramatically, nearly hitting Stiles inthe face, “a little casual fling, or whatever. I know she’d take you back, andI—”

Stiles waits for the rest of that sentence, but it doesn’tcome. “Jackson, you know I’m not trying to break up your relationship, right?”he asks, trying to be reassuring, but he can’t help thinking I’m just trying to wedge my way into it.“And I gave you a twenty-year head start, man. Fair warning and everything.Besides, you guys aren’t even married yet. So you really don’t have to worry, especially because you don’t even likeme—”

“I do, though,” Jackson interrupts, sitting up straight andtrying to look stern, before promptly slumping down against Stiles. “That’s theproblem,” he mutters, lips brushing against Stiles’ neck. “I do like you, andso does Lydia, so there’s no real reason for us not to—but I don’t know what I’m doing, Stiles. I’ve never beenwith a guy before.”

“What, really?” Stiles blurts. “Not even Danny?”

“Turns out I’m really nothis type,” Jackson slurs, then nuzzles deeper against Stiles’ neck. “You’rereally comfy. I want to stay here.”

Stiles has to fight his grin. “I’ll take that as acompliment,” he says, then mutters to himself, “But are you really into me, oris that just the alcohol talking?” He doesn’t want to get his hopes up toomuch.

“’Course I meant it,” Jackson grumbles, and it makes Stilesstartle. He’d thought Jackson had fallen asleep. “So you should really cut backon that, uh, twenty year plan.” Then he snuggles back in and goes quiet andlimp, letting out a contented sigh.

Stiles indulges himself for a few moments, running hisfingers through Jackson’s hair and kissing his cheek before wiggling out fromunder him. He makes sure Jackson is in a comfortable position, and leaves abottle of water for him before grabbing his phone.

“Your drunk boyfriend is here,” he says, as soon as Lydiaanswers.

“I know,” she says, sounding a little smug. “We had drinksat Hop Scotch tonight.”

“But you hate that place,” Stiles objects.

“I do, but it’s right across the street from yourapartment,” she explains, and Stiles begins to understand her scheme. “Ifigured if you really were interested in being with us, you should at least geta taste of Jackson at his worst.”

“I went to high school with him, I’ve seen him at hisworst,” Stiles says wryly. “Besides, he wasn’t that bad tonight, just kind ofcuddly and honest.”

“Really?” Lydia says, sounding genuinely surprised. “He’smore comfortable with you than I thought he’d be. Maybe he does have a crush on you.”

“I have no doubt,” Stiles says, grinning. “He just cameright out and told me. And he seemed okay with the idea of all of usbecoming…something together.” Then he has to fight back a yawn. It’s way toolate to be having this conversation.

“Maybe we should all get together and talk about that,”Lydia says thoughtfully.

“Tomorrow. When we’re all sober and rested,” Stiles saysfirmly.

“Of course. Have a good night,” Lydia says. “And by the way,Jackson likes to be kissed in the morning, it helps him wake up.”

“I’ll keep that in mind,” Stiles says neutrally.

Lydia makes a little noise of confirmation, then hangs up.

Stiles stares at his phone for a long moment, his brainsleepily trying to process the idea that he might get everything he’s beenwanting, before he gives up and heads for bed.

 *

 He wakes up at some point in the night to the sensation ofhis bed moving, and blinks his eyes open to find a dark shape lifting up hiscovers.

“It’s just me,” Jackson says, sliding in next to him.“Thanks for the water, I feel a lot better. I was just getting kind of cold outthere.”

Stiles winces, realizing he could have left Jackson with ablanket. Jackson’s minty fresh breath wafts over him as he settles in close,meaning he found the spare toothbrush Stiles left out for him. He idly wondersif he should move to the couch, butthen Jackson makes a soft, content noise as he snuggles up against Stiles’side, and Stiles suddenly can’t bring himself to go anywhere.

He doesn’t expect to be able to sleep with Jackson’sunfamiliar weight pressed against him, but to his surprise he drifts right off.

 *

 Jackson is still asleep when Stiles wakes in the morning, sohe cautiously eases out from under him and heads for the kitchen. He’s halfwaythrough a cup of coffee when Jackson takes the chair next to him, scootingclose enough to drape himself across Stiles’ back, cheek nuzzling against hisshoulder.

“You really are comfy,” Jackson says in a half-asleep sortof way.

“Apparently,” Stiles says mildly, setting his mug down onthe table. He dips his head and turns just far enough to be able to catchJackson’s lips with his own.

Jackson makes a pleased sound, sitting up a littlestraighter. By the third kiss he’s looking far more awake, and Stiles is verymuch enjoying the soft contact of Jackson’s lips. He could do this all morning.

“I see you took my advice,” Lydia says smugly, and Stilesstartles hard.

He’d forgotten he’d given her a key to his apartment,because she’s never used it. She’s been waiting for the opportune moment,apparently.

“Um, yeah,” Stiles says, watching Lydia pull out a chair andsit across from them, looking as beautiful and composed as ever.

She clearly hadn’t had much to drink last night, unlikeJackson.

“You boys have a nice night?” she asks sweetly, and lookspointedly at Jackson.

When Stiles glances his way, he’s surprised to see a blushon Jackson’s cheeks. He’d never really imagined Jackson to be the blushingtype. Especially because they hadn’t done anythingexcept some cuddling and sleepy morning kissing.

“I did,” Jackson says, clearing his throat awkwardly. “It wasreally nice.”

“Good,” Lydia says, folding her hands together as she looksat them both seriously. “Jackson, would you like to date Stiles?”

Jackson’s eyes dart between him and Lydia, like it’s somesort of test. “Yeah,” he says firmly. “I would.”

Lydia nods. “And I’m very sure Stiles would like to date you. I already know he’d like to dateme,” she says, smirking.

Stiles can’t argue with any of that. And apparently, neithercan Jackson.

“So, that’s settled,” Lydia says with the ruthlessconfidence Stiles so admires. “Stiles, I think you should spend the rest of theweekend with us at our apartment. It can be a trial run. We can see how we allfit together.”

Stiles is definitely not going to turn down a weekend withher and Jackson, especially when he’s pretty sure things will go well. Andright now, the promise of a possibility is all he needs.

“I’ll pack a bag,” he says, and doesn’t miss the way Jacksonand Lydia both smile.

[vicccwrites]

9% as Common College Majors

(A/N: This has been sitting in my drafts since before I even created this blog so I figured I would play around with the idea a bit more and finally post it!! Let me know if you want to see more of these “9% as...” or if I should just stick to fics lol ^^ I hope you enjoy it~ <33)

Masterlist

- Photo(s) Source : Google -

Cai Xukun - Photography

I just have this vision in my head?? Of like xukun holding a camera and building this vast portfolio of aesthetic greatness

I mean he’s already so aesthetically pleasing and has an amazing insta feed so is it really that much of stretch??

Is like that one kid on campus who’s always around

Party at the frat house? He’s the center of the show

Charity event at campus square? weLL guess who decided to show up???

Definitely hella popular and totally has a fan club

Gets teased about it by all his friends

He secretly thinks it’s really cute though

Chen Linong- Animal Biology

Nongnong with animals

What a concept amiright

But anyway he’s such a sweet and caring ball of sunshine and I think that would really show through in the way he cares for and loves all of the animals he works with

Really interested in learning about different types of animals and how he can improve their quality of life!!!

I now have the picture of vet!nongnong in my head and it’s so adorable omg

Linong with that dog?? Ugh my heart can’t handle this cuteness

There was this gifset of him with a cat on my dash a while back and now I need to dig it out of the depths because ughhhh it was so cuteee

Fan Chengcheng - Journalism

Alskdosos this one was hard

I can just imagine him staying up, furiously trying to write and make his deadlines

Also I get that Agent J was a spy concept but it gave me investigative journalist vibes so here we are

Definitely procrastinates on all of his assignments

Highkey jealous of Justin because his major seems “easier” and he doesn’t have to write as many essays and stuff

bOI you are literally a journalism major ok that means WRITING

Justin - Theater

Ok I know that ruibin is the true theater kid of idol producer but

Can you imagine Justin prancing around on stage reciting like Hamilton or something (can you tell I don’t do theater at all)

(I have no idea what I’m talking about)

Anyway him trying to sing the songs would be hilariously great

And I think he’d actually turn out to be an amazing performer?? Even though he probably only chose to major in theater because he thought it’d be easy or something

He grows to really have a passion for the stage and looks forward to every performance

Aims for the lead role like every single time; usually ends up getting it, too

Totally steals the spotlight and is the star of every show ✨

Lin Yanjun - Marketing/Advertising

I was so tempted to say English since that was his actual major (I’m pretty sure)

But then I remembered than one scene in ip when they were like “selling” the ice pack or smth?? It was in one of those unreleased extra content footage compilations welp now I gotta find it again 

Actually I can’t find it so nvm but I remember seeing it for sure!!

(Literally this whole thing is me trying and failing to find gifsets someone please help)

Also,,,,

If Lin Yanjun was tryna get you to buy something, would you really say no??

All of his professors probably love him

Has like a 100% in practicals with his winks and flirting

Even though he’s hella confused and never has any idea what’s going on

Probably models for xukun on the side for extra cash too the boy can do it all

Zhu Zhengting - Dance

Literally the only one that I was 100% set on

I mean come on

He’s like the dancing king of 9%

Can do basically any genre of dance, from modern to hip-hop

Would be super dedicated

Lives in the college dance studio tbh he practically never leaves

BFFs with the other dance majors like zeren and chaoze

They always hang out together and are definitely the type to break into an impromptu dance sesh in like the middle of starbucks

Or some equally random location

Is part of the committee that organises weekly dance mobs on the campus square

He definitely drags Justin and Chengcheng to almost every one

Wang Ziyi - Nutrition

Very healthy bOI,,, a fit boy too

That bag scene where they were like going through what was in their bags?? Didn’t he have juice or smth he just seems vv health-obsessed

also sorry the gif is a weird size

Had like a literal DRAWER of supplements, vitamins, and medicine under his bed during ip,,, I’ll let that speak for itself

Also seems really chill and nutrition gives me a chill vibe for some reason

Probably has the best grades with the exception of yanjun’s charming practicals

Probably is also the only one who actually studies for finals

Xiao Gui - Film and Video

Nearly majored in nuclear engineering for the lols but then realised he didn’t have the grades to make it into the program

Also didn’t feel like doing science

So xingjie convinced him to go into film

Which at first he thought he would hate, but he actually turned out to quite like

Xingjie does musical production and sometimes makes little soundtracks to go along with gui’s mini-films

Lowkey the only thing that keeps linkai’s grade from bombing is the humor that’s always mixed into his scripts

Rlly funny

Also totally the type to waltz into class like half an hour late can anyone see this too or is it just me

You Zhangjing - Vocal Music

I sort of see zhangjing going into the sciences for some reason??

Erin - who’s the local yzj expert around here - sent me this photo a while ago?? (I just saved it from there so the size is weird again oops)

And I get that he’s supposed to be a “doctor” or something in the photo but it’s a lab coat ok

He looks really good akdjdksjsj

And he mentioned in that interview that he did accounting before going to China to train

So that could be an option too

Maybe he did that for a bit but then didn’t end up enjoying it so he switched majors? Idk

Anyway I chose vocal because obvs our nasi lemak can sing very very well

And he loves singing very very much

So he would major in it!!! Ok I lied about Zhengting I was also like 100% sure on this one

Plus I mean it’s common knowledge that he’s talented af so like,,, there you go

All his vocal teachers probably love him a lot

But can you really blame them?? Like he’s so hardworking and talented, so who wouldn’t love him + his awesome vocals? 💕

[thetactilepope]

Lessons in Thermodynamics: Chapter 7

{Previous Chapter} | [Chapter Index] | {Next Chapter}

A Matter of Pride

Thirty-one days until winter break

Friday

 Momo sat in the restaurant booth, surrounded by her friends, feeling relaxed and happy. She wasn’t totally at ease, but as she laughed along with Kyouka and Hagakure at Mina’s jokes, it was tempting to forget she had a deadline hanging over her head and that in almost exactly four weeks, her fate at Yuuei would be determined.

“I needed this, especially after everything that happened.” Frowning at the thought, she remembered her visit with Todoroki’s mother, and then his confession about his scar, the frankly disastrous study session afterwards, and his abrupt departure.

Most of her Saturday had been spent replaying that moment on the sidewalk over and over in her head, trying to figure out what to do with her newfound insight regarding Todoroki’s past.

In the end, she hadn’t been able to settle on any course of action, a dissatisfactory outcome, even if things had worked out in the end.

“Our meeting on Monday could have gone better,’ She mused, fiddling with the straw in her milkshake, ‘that’s for certain…”

---

“Yaoyorozu-san, you’ve got nothing to apologize for.” Todoroki had said, cutting her off before she could finish her apology.

Momo sighed, shifting the papers in front of her around, “Then stop treating me like I do.”

He seemed perplexed by her words, utterly unware of the tension between them.

“Just… Never mind, let’s just get started,” Fuming, she opened the novel, resigning herself to the silence.

---

They only managed to go through around half of the assigned chapter, thanks to her partner zoning out every few minutes. It had irritated her to no end, but thankfully, she hadn’t had to endure many sessions like that.

Kyouka, after listening to her problem, had been the one to suggest simply explaining her feelings to Todoroki clearly. It was a solution she’d overlooked, and one that allowed them to return to the easy camaraderie she enjoyed.

“What’cha smiling about, Yaomomo?” Mina asked, a mischievous grin stretching across her face, “Someone finally capture your debutante heart?”

“What?” Despite her efforts to retain her composure, her cheeks began to warm as she attempted to rebuff the question, “N-No, it’s nothing like that. I was just remembering…”

Mina leaned forward eagerly, grin growing wider, “Remembering… what?”

“Yeah, tell us!” Hagakure clapped, as she mimicked Mina’s motion.

Glancing at Kyouka, eyes pleading for an assist, Momo struggled to think of something innocuous to say, that wouldn’t pique their interest

“I saw… a-a… a cute cat the other day,’ She offered weakly, ‘While I was… walking to the store with Todoroki.”

“AHA! I knew it!” The gleeful exclamation was accompanied by a squeal of surprise from Hagakure, and stifled laughter from Kyouka. Shooting her best friend a look that demanded ‘how could you?’ Momo suddenly wished she hadn’t taken the seat by the window. It meant exiting early would be far from a graceful affair.

“You an’ Mr. Hot-and-Cold have been spending an awful lot of time together recently.” Mina began, her pointer finger tapping on the table to punctuate each point, “Not to mention how secretive you’ve been about that fact.”

“Furthermore, you’ve been actin’ awful jumpy in class. As if there’s something on your mind. Yeah, there’s no doubt about it, Yaoyorozu Momo, you…”

Momo stiffened, fearing the worst. She had tried so hard to hide her failure from the class, but she should have realized that she wouldn’t be able to forever. No doubt her friends would be hurt by her secrecy.

“You’re dating Todoroki-kun! Right, right?” Hagakure said brightly, interrupting Mina’s string of observations.

Indignantly, the pink-haired girl crossed her arms, “Hey, I was getting to that!”  

“They just think we’re dating…” The thought was accompanied by a wave of relief, which quickly turned to embarrassment as the accusation sunk in.

With her cheeks approaching the colour of her hero suit, Momo considered what to say. On one hand, it would be incredibly presumptuous of her to buy into the lie. But correcting her classmates would most likely involve fessing up about her failed test…

“I could just… not say anything.” She thought, her hand clenching under the table, bunching up a small section of her skirt, “Todoroki and I are so far from involved like that, denying it isn’t necessary.”

Even in her head, the words rang hollow, tinged with the familiar fear of failure. As she finally rolled her eyes at Toru’s remark, Momo plastered an easy-going smile to her face, pushing all the doubt to a far-off corner of her mind.

She’d just have to deal with this later.

…

Once she was back at the dorm, Momo was eager to return to her room.

“A break with my friends is nice’, she sighed, ‘but I can’t blow off homework. Not completely, at least.”

Climbing the steps, she paused near the top, her attention caught by the sounds of a not-quite-peaceful discussion.

“C’mon, man, just tell us!” Kaminari’s voice whined, carrying down the hall.

The next voice that spoke brought a frown to her face, “Yeah! What’s the deal with you and our babe of a vice-rep?”

“Mineta. Ugh.” God forbid she make it to her room without getting harassed once.

“Deal? What do you mean by that?” Todoroki’s calm tone responded, but she could tell his patience was wearing thin. She could practically picture the disinterest on his face.

Kaminari sighed, and then continued, “Dude, are you guys, like, together? You’ve been hanging around each other a lot, an’ I-’

There was a sound like an elbow connecting with a kneecap, and a grunt of pain from the blond, as well as a loudly muttered ‘Ow!’

“Sorry, we,’ He stressed the word, ‘don’t wanna step on your toes or nothing. Considering you could probably destroy us.”

The silence stretched for longer than was comfortable, and the temperature seemed to drop noticeably. Momo held her breath, hoping her study partner wasn’t about to tell them anything.

“Yaoyorozu-san is more than capable of doing that herself, you know. Destroying you, I mean.” Todoroki spoke with confidence, and she could clearly envision the set of his jaw, “And besides, my relationship with her shouldn’t matter more than her own feelings.”

A crackling sound filled the air – that chill hadn’t just been her imagination, then – accompanied by exclamations of surprise.

“Please, take Kaminari! This was all his idea!”

“Hey! It was not, you gremlin!”

A pause, and then the electricity user spoke again, “Uh, no need to start freezing things, Todoroki. We’ll just… be going, then. Sorry to have disturbed you.”

Suppressing a laugh, she turned the corner just in time to see the two other boys disappear up the stairs, bickering about whose fault the incident was, and observed Todoroki using his left hand to melt a patch of ice on his doorframe.

“Oh, Yaomomo,’ He turned to look at her, ‘how was everyone? Did you have fun?”

“When did he start calling me that?” She wondered, twirling a strand of hair around her finger. Not that she minded. It was nice, the way he had warmed up to her.

With a shrug, she made a so-so motion with her other hand, “Everyone’s a little stressed right now. But, yes, I did have fun. You… should come with us, one of these days.”

His answer was simply a non-committal huff, but one that meant he’d consider it. She knew Todoroki still felt awkward around many of his classmates, but was making strides to be more social.

Still, Momo couldn’t shake the lingering memory of the conversation she had listened in on.

“I heard what you told those two.” She confessed, “Thank you.”

He smiled softly, shaking his head, “Ah, it was nothing. Just the truth.”

“Well, I appreciate it nevertheless.”

Fumbling for other conversation topics, she asked if he was going to be ready for their session on Monday. After an assurance that he would, she bid him goodnight, finally returning to her room.

…

Homework nearly complete, Momo glanced over at her phone as it buzzed yet again, finally catching her attention. She stood up from her desk and grabbed it, before sprawling onto her bed with a huff. Her phone had practically blown up with notifications.

“I hope nothing happened.” Usually, it only got this busy the night before a test, as many of her classmates asked last minute questions.

The messages, and there were a lot of them, were from a group chat Mina had set up, one that was used to plan things like that afternoon’s outing. Momo was tuning in just in time to catch the middle of a conversation.

{Class 1-A Girl Power!!}

∞ girl [whaaaat? yaomomo and todoroki are really dating??!! FOR REAL??!]

pinky <3 [YEAH!! i asked her today lol!]

[she was p tight-lipped about it tho…]

hijacks [c’mon yaomomo never actualy *said* they were] [haga-chan, back me up!]

see-thru [i mean…]

[Jirou is kinda right?]

pinky <3 [*hmph* w/e she just doesn’t wanna admit they’re really together] [bc she didn’t know either] [ >8P ]

hijack [hey mina] [🖕🖕]

pinky <3 [ily 2, boo ;)]

∞ girl [deku says todoroki hasnt mentioned anything abt this?] [also that kaminari and the purple one were gonna check w/todoroki]

[he’s gonna ask around see if anyone else knows]

hijack [uraraka] [urararararaka]

[YOU TOLD MIDORIYA???]

∞ girl [oh]

[oops]

Several people are typing…

 The only reason Momo cursed out loud was because she let her phone drop out of shock, hitting herself square in the forehead. Not because it would take a miracle to prevent the rest of her classmates from latching onto the rumor about her and Todoroki.

Definitely not that.

With a groan, she rolled over, burying her face in her pillow, muttering muffled by the plush fabric, “Perfect, absolutely perfect.”

To join the group chat now would be like jumping into a shark tank with an open wound. Extremely awkward, to say the least.

She wracked her brains for a solution, but was too drained think of anything, “We’re definitely going to need to meet before Monday, and figure out what to do…”

“Yes, having yet another private chat with Todoroki would certainly go a long way to clearing up these suspicions,” Her doubtful side deadpanned, “Nothing flawed with that logic.”

With another groan, she pushed her face deeper into the pillow, “I just want to pass the test, is that so much to ask?”

There are twenty-four days until the Retest.

[conflictedrabbit]

2* the AvPD

Conversation w/ my friend I mentioned earlier. With their name / identifying characteristics edited out and some chopping here and there. 

___: 

I made a post abt avod once tho and it got like A few rbs and I thought "if this isn't irony idk what is" Trje

66ccff: ekjal;kdjd;

___: 

me: why do, so many avoidants want to pay for being alive avpd Tumblr: hm . I relate

66ccff: ekleja;ejdl;k

___: me: I'm glad to know people relate but are we fucking ok

66ccff: 

LOL i mean mood tbh

___: HINESTLT like I noticed i do it cuz of you NFBNSBDKSBDKSS

66ccff: though do you mean pay as in like. pay the medical system or pay as in guilt

___: Guilt

66ccff: 

kejk;ldj;L yes ok that is definitely me me: i breathed 5 gallons of air within 3 hours i am so sorry world

___:

me: [realizes it's not entirely religious trauma and also probably just Guilt over taking up space and needing to help ppl otherwise Why Live?} 

Oh god me

66ccff: (this is not even ironic i get like this multiple times a week)

___: 

hdjhdjsd I've been having a bad ep lately actually and like I think I failed to look 5-6 people in the eyes today CUZ IM JUST [WALKS AROHND] WOW . TERRIBLE

66ccff: 

omg it's ok i nearly cried in class today b/c i didn't have a good eng translation for this jp sentence

i was like.... no.... don't....

i stabilized cuz the teacher went on a tangent for a second but like forcing myself to look in his eyes and act normal was so hard i looked away so many times i wa slike. oog my god. end m i love it when walking around where there's other people makes me really nervous and irritable agoraphobia is great!

___: 

GOD yea It's so awkward for me I'm fine if I have a safe person or I'm walking to class but like

66ccff: i came back from class today and took a 6 hr nap cuz of my shame and agoraphobia

___: 

Rip Wish I could do that...

66ccff: well i haven't done my homework so

___: 

I just. Cry a lot NDKSJDJDNSKDNS rip me: I'm strong Me: spent the last 5 days like crying over nothing

66ccff: 

dkjle;ajd i mean... i used to cry but then i got mad at myself for crying so now i just Repress (tm) and sleep and then. the joke is that sometimes it doesn't work self harms... oops... that didn't work either better nap again

___: 

zz Pillows keep u safe Idk what I've been doing lately but I thought I was getting better til I realized I was like Abstaining from feeding myself BFBJSBFSJJFD

66ccff: o h my god

___: 

And I was like "oh fuck I'm a terrible person bc someone told me I should eat and j Didn't Do It I Failed Them"

66ccff: 

ahahahahaahahaha i thought i was getting better too but it was actually because i was just forcing myself to study to give myself an illusion of doing my part and then i went to school and my actual performance is like bad b/c i avoid so many activities that would make me better and i just

___: samd

66ccff: 

Wow i want to die!

___: 

hdjsjdjs

I think I only managed to eat cuz my brother was expecting me to

66ccff: tavpdfw you want to be punished constantly so you don't have to have anxiety about existing

___: 

Cuz he bought me dinner like 6 hours ago but I didn't touch it til now BFJDJD MEEEEE

66ccff: dkja;eljd;

___: 

GOD me: ah I feel good today Me like 3 hours later: oh my God I shouldn't feel good abt myself that's so Selfish ? I am trash

66ccff: oh Mood

___: Avpd solidarity

66ccff: 

honestly i love my environmental soicology class but liek it talks about how we're all consuming and putting things back into the environment

___: Idk how I manage to have avpd and __pd but that's how it is on ths bitch of an earth

66ccff: and i was literally contemplating if death was the only way to take myself out from the cycle

___: 

Me Bhhjsfjd

66ccff: 

i was like holy shit. it's not just consumption i forgot i also put bad gases into the air with everything i breathe i am Bad

___: 

All day today I was hearing abt what happened in Vegas and we were like. Talking in my apologetics class abt the Nature of Evil

66ccff: the true environmentalist take is death

___: And I was just thinking "why must I, exist if all I am is bad"

66ccff: 

oh my god same! i looked over my abt page and i was like this looks fake tumblerina

___: 

apologetics: so mankind is basically evil Me: great! I'll die so there's less evil in the world

66ccff: 

me ME

MEMEMMEMEMEMMEMEMEMEME

___: HHDHSBDJSHD

66ccff: 

sometimes i have fantasies of like going backwards and apologizing to everyone i've ever talked to and to everyone who ever had to work to produce what i've consumed

___: 

M. E

m

66ccff: 

and then hoping that they forget about me and then like disappearing forever i jsut can't see how some people can be like oh yeah factories in china and mexico earn less than 2 dollars an hour to make our stuff and not jus twant to kill themselves

___: 

I'm just pathetic and compulsive if I feel bad about stuff I apologize til like 2 weeks after God. Yea

66ccff: 

the joke is that people hate if you overapologize so you jsut damned if you do damned if you dont :upside_down:

___:

me: uh sorry for being sad People: don't apologize for that Me: Avpd:.  They are mad that I am apologizing also that I am sad Hhhfjjejd

Me: 

ME WKJD;LKD "can you stop saying sorry" "sorry"

___: 

me: oh God I'm so miserable Someone: oh im sorry Me: I wish I could accept this but Pity is too much for a lowly worm like me

66ccff: "what did i just say"

___: MMSNDNBHHHHHHGGGGG

66ccff: 

:smile: :gun:

MOOD

___: avpd feel when you don't deserve to be pitied ?

66ccff: pity is too much kindness ___: 

God yea

LIKE probably just a conflicted feel but I prefer ppl being active than pitying me but then I'm like

"that's selfish I don't deserve that ?"

66ccff: 

someone tells you to watch where you're going feel like you're unable to go outside for the rest of the day

___: 

m. mebdbdhdhdjs

66ccff: oh yeah the joke is that i want people to like. be kind to me but also i don't

___: hell brain

66ccff: so i can't say what i want

___: GGG YEAH

66ccff: 

be kind to me except don't because i'll feel invalid either way so maybe just don't talk to me >feels worse anyway

___: 

Hhhhhhhhhhh me Me: talk to me ? But I don't know what to talk abt ? But I am also not good enough for pity you could just sit there maybe But then the presence of another person will overwhlem me and I'll go cry again/s

66ccff: feel free to entertain yourself, and forget about me, ___: 

Mebdndmdkskdjsja god [looks at all cluster c disorders] you are all bitches and I hate tou

66ccff: 

tavpdfw u gotta depersonalize to make it through the day of talking to other people and acting like ur a normal human bean MOOD

___: GOD yea

66ccff: 

i have a question though if im depersonalizing why do i still feel terrible even if i feel ilke im fake smh

___: God me

66ccff: 

me: i'm not real so heres me acting like i am chill and cool person that is interesting maybe or maybe not me, inside: this sucks and i hate this but im not real so it shouldnt affect me but damn i hate this when u feel separate from your auto-pilot but you still experience all the shame you would without it :thinking: avpd is stupid and contradictory and evolutionarily useless

___: 

__pd isnkind of the same but like if you manage it well you can get stuff done but you still breakdown over the TINIEST DETAIL I hate it And I waste more time thinking abt what I'm gonna do and not actully DOING MT SHIT

66ccff: cripes

___: LIKE A NORMAL PERSON

66ccff:

me in high school UGH i'm ahving that problem right now dude in high school i used to just waste my days reading manga and thnking i should do my homeworka

___: 

me: I'll spend this hour scheduling [2hours later] Me: [stressed nbdjdjjsjdjsjdks

66ccff: and then i'd like. start at 10pm and fuck myself over ___: rip 66ccff: have a crying session at 4am every time an essay is due the next day ___: I actually didn't do one of my assignments tonight 66ccff: bad coping habits ___: Rip me I got discouraged over something lame JFJSNFKSNFD 66ccff: oh mood

___:

relationship issues: occur Me: well, I can't, do anything ever again

66ccff: 

i shouldn't even be discouraged abt my classes bc i'm here to learn and i'm just like. i know nothing i deserve to die kejd;kakejd friend, disagrees with you on something you feel unsure about: WELL I GUESS I AM BAD AND THEY HATE ME NOW time to ghost them

___: 

me: [perceives someone not caring for me] me: and Now...what is Mine Purpose...what do I live for...my Friends....have all abandoned m MEEEEEE avpd sounds super dramatic when you separate it from yourself but like In the moment I'm always just [jdut starts Fucking Crying

66ccff: 

i just want to manage to some kind of social work, give my wealth to some impoverished family, and then kms before 30

yeah my therapists in the past are like why... so soon

___: Jfjdjfjdf 66ccff: and i'm just like "why not i need to minimize all my ills on the world and also on the emotions of my family" ___: That reminds me of like. One of my mutuals talking abt how early he sleeps and he was just 66ccff: this is the optimal time look my life plan

___: 

"why be awake longer than necessary"

Hdhdhfjsjfdjdjdband. I was just . Me

66ccff:

because you hate yourself too much sleep :^)

___: 

God yea That's true. Me rn

I should've been asleep like an hour ago but [plays secret of Mana and then mopes]

66ccff:

dude i used to have bouts of insomnia b4 i got drugs that knock me out (and help me w/ anxiety) like.... i would lay awake and every second of being awake was just making the situation worse

___: I feel like I should get meds to balance out my bipolar eps but

66ccff: but then i couldn't sleep anyway so it was a damned situation ___: my parents r so anti meds 66ccff: rrghbh

___: 

also like Internalized ableism That I don't Needthem and So Many people don't need them

66ccff: oh yeah, why do my essay when i can read an hour of garbage romo manga and feel slightly less bad during that time and then hate myself more

___: 

So I Can do it cuz I'm like Everyone Else and not like Those "crazy" people Rifp

66ccff: 

man i don't wanna encourage meds if your side effects r bad but honestly how did i get the fuck through high school other than triggering intense anxiety about all assignments

like... i was so nonfunctional i shouldn't have even been in school

.....

66ccff: 

all accessibility problems are solvable humans are so bad

___: caring ? About others ? What a concept 66ccff: except sometimes they are good but that is definitely not me

___: 

Me

Ok I try to overcompensate w good to make up for inherent badness THANKS RELIGION

66ccff: 

the US is like: here's a pricetag for your life pay up

___: AAAA

66ccff: 

yeah i can see how christainity wouldn't help there w/ the "original sin" and stuff that doesn't quite exist in other abrahamic religions iirc judaism doesn't even have hell

___:  it's really weird

66ccff: 

i'm guessing its bc of jesus like.... y'all binches killed him so now this is life - christainity

___: 

Like. Christianity makes the most sense to me probably cuz I grew up w it but fuck Man

66ccff:  o yeah i grew up w/ some christianity too ___: It's FUCKED!!!!!! 66ccff:  i actually have agoraphobia issues w/ going inside of churches ___: Oh same 66ccff:  :^) ___: I'm actually fairly anti-church just because the current state of them is very bsd 66ccff:  oh yeah

....

66ccff: 

how can someone like me, who is literally not deserving of life, raise someone else

scrumbles

___:

Me Hdjehdsk

66ccff:  ___ we are so fucked ___: 

It's true Life is fucked We, are fucked

66ccff: existence is violence

[mentalvapors]

Kevin Doesn't Live Here Anymore

Back at it again. Geez, when I started my tumblr (back in 2014 I think) I had the intention to update it regularly, every week maybe. But I lost track of it, like already one week after I started it. I feel bad for not updating it. One of my biggest regrets in life is probably that I never had a diary, because my memory just keeps getting worse and worse at the moment, and when I talk to people they are able recall so many thing from their past and I don't even know how to do simple math I learned in 4th grade. I cannot remember a single event from 4th grade or elementary school in general.

Okay this is just me thinking things right now, but I also feel like the reason why I never had a diary or never bothered to write blog entries is because I'm not a creative writer. And I'm not smart and I have no skills whatsoever and it's even worse when I write English sentences. And some people actually have personality and talent to make the most trivial things sound interesting. And I just feel like a brain dead person slamming my phalanges furiously on a keyboard. But should I feel bad about it? Pretty much everyone shares their opinions on thoughts about everything on the internet nowadays. I should not care about how bland I sound to other people.

I really wanted to gather some thoughts why university didn't work out for me. I feel like I never … I tried to think about the reason why I failed, but most of the time I was in sad mode and blamed myself for everything, which always ended in a result that was not authentic to the truth and therefor not downright acceptable. And so I  never came to a real conclusion. I will try to think about it now, because I don't feel too depressed, so it should be fine, right? Right?

So first of all, going to university was mistake to begin with. It could have worked out, but the circumstances at that time were not optimal. In fact they were terrible. So it was kind of foolish to think I could pull that off, but there was also nobody who convinced me I couldn't.

A huge factor that made it hard for me to survive university was that every semester I felt some kind of anxiety because I didn’t know what was going to happen. Grades, classes, other students and just choosing things was very overwhelming. Very, very overwhelming. On some days I was just crying like the whole day, because I didn’t know what actually happens when I’m done with university. How to move on? I’ve always been a directionless wanderer, who didn’t know what he wanted to do in life. I just started university and it already felt pointless, like it would go nowhere and nevertheless I was moving on. One year passed, two years, three... and nothing changed. I collected a lot of credits (oh well... not enough for my creditors though) and still I couldn't figure out “why am I doing this?”.

My major was area studies and I wasn’t really enjoying it. I just felt lost and once again overwhelmed. This whole course of studies was missing a clear structure. Which was also the point of it: “Just go ahead and choose the things you have the most interest in”, like that kind of decree completely works against my own nature. I desperately need someone to tell me what to do. So helplessly I chose the most nonsense courses I could find. I signed up for Japanese class and it was so hard. The first semester examination I got only a fourteen, oops. I literally struggled so bad and nearly getting nothing accomplished the whole year and that’s why I ended up dropping that course and felt really bad. But I wanted to try it again, so I took the next semester very very light with only two classes, so of course that extended my university existence by some time. So many frustrating things happened during that time and to my minor, which was agricultural sciences. The readings ended up being not what I was looking for and the schedule really worked against my major.

Also some of the professors were really strict and set up their individual rules. For instance the Japanese teacher was incredibly strict. You could not miss her lessons and you could not be late. And at this time I really struggled with depression and I was crying and begging this woman I was like „I love this class, I’m trying so hard, please give me another chance next year“ and she said that it was OK and that I can be part of the class again, but a year later she was like „I changed my mind, get out“ and that was the point, where I started to give up and stopped trying, like, at all. But sometimes I would get a professor that I like and I would only have them for one semester, a lot of times I tried to take multiple classes with that person if the subject fulfilled credits for the same requirement, even though the class would not help to get a clear structure in my major. Like I took a lot of Mongolian classes. How would that help me with my Japanese Major? I don't know.

In addition I didn’t have an easy time making friends there. That’s another thing that can kinda be frustrating about university life to me. You see a lot of people who take one or two classes that you take as well and you kinda never see the same people. You develop relationships with people that are in the same class but after the semester; they’re gone. That was a big hurdle for me to jump through. I did not get used to it and I didn’t kinda like how everything felt so temporary.

None of the people I had contact with in my Japanese course did graduate by the way. All of them are still stuck somewhere. Some of them still have to pass Japanese class I (out of IV) and it has been four years since we signed up for it. Ideally you should be done with the whole thing in three years. So probably even if I managed to finish all of my major and minor courses, I would not be done with Japanese class yet, cause it's so damn hard and my creditor would get mad at me and I had cancel university either way.

So I was clueless and not doing very well and the worst part was probably that there is a lot of pressure in society (and creditors, student loan companies etc.) where they tell you „Okay you have to graduate from university in three years. Do it right. Know exactly what you want!“ and for a lot of people, including myself, this is not a realistic goal. It’s just not easy. I think it’s realistic if you fail something. I think perfection and expectation of perfection in society is really bizarre. The other thing I realized during this time was, unlike you’re going to be a doctor or a lawyer or in that sort of profession, you get a university degree and that’s awesome but how much practically do you use that degree? I wish I would have chosen something like business studies, because I think … just having more of an understanding of topics like that, would have been helpful throughout my life, especially more than the area studies.

So these are some aspects that turned university into my personal nightmare, but the truth or a big part of it is, that university just felt inconvenient. I'm a lazy piece of shit; I never felt the need to study for any exam, but spoiler: in university you won't survive without it. You need to know how to study. Studying is actually a skill, I didn't know that, now I learned the hard way.

So all I have for now is my shattered university past, a scary student loan debt mountain haunting me every night and also no job. Unemployed for over a year now. I don't know if this will ever change. The worst part of it is I feel like I'm not doing enough to get out of this misery. In fact I do nothing. I want to change but like 90% of my time I have no faith and feel hopeless and that nothing will ever work out for me.

I need to get a whole load of things off my chest first in order to move one. Also I need to find the English setting for my good friend OpenOffice because right now everything is red underlined and it's low key driving me crazy. (…) All right, I found it. Also I'm not gonna grammar correct or spellcheck anything. It's just lines I write down to remind myself of a few things and I have to get this all out before I forget it. So screw editing it!

The last few days I started to do shit I usually hate doing. It's not like I'm a messy person, but cleaning my room felt suddenly more important than ever before. I also stitched up my curtains, even though I was okay with them being way too long for years. And I built two shelves, because we had a few old planks in our yard and my walls were so empty, they felt like prison cell walls to me, so I thought “yes of course SHELVES”. They look fantastic and I'm proud of myself because I made something useful, but they remind my that I spend my time not the way I'm supposed to. They make me feel bad every time I look at them and I look at them a lot, cause they're hanging on my wall.

Yesterday I set up autumn decorations even though it is kinda too early. I also already did some of the Halloween decorations. I always get into a spooky mood, as soon as the weather gets colder, because it feels like authentically fall. I have to wear sweaters or long sleeves because I'm so cold all the time.

Also I found a keyboard in the room of the guy that lived with us, but who is dead now and I remembered how I have always wanted to learn to play piano. But I don't know if I would be very good at it. I feel like the older I get the less focus I have with things. And I also feel just like I don't ever really sit down and like do anything.

Anyway, the dead guy's name was Lutz and he died in April because of cancer. He and my mom shared the rent for the house we live in, so fifty percent of the rent fee is missing since he died. Our landlord is really mad, because he wants the money from us now and we do not have it and Lutz's family doesn't want to pay off his debts either. It's a pretty dire situation and my mom's lawyer sucks and gradually makes our dilemma worse and worse and she doesn't realize it. I don't know what comes next, my mom never talks about these things and a part of me also doesn't want to know. I'm dealing with a lot of things myself and I wish I could close my eyes and vanish from the surface of this planet forever. Just like the Avatar did. The cool one, not that James Cameron Pocahontas plagiarism. But I'm afraid this is not how it works. Suicide would be an option. But I'm just too much of a coward.

To give up or to not give up on life. Fighting the desire to just lie down and die gets harder each day. It already has been hard for a long time now. I know people get homeless. Maybe I am in that exact position right now. I never thought about it. But maybe there is a high chance that it'll happen to me next, unless I do something, even if it already might be too late. I know I can't change the mind of my mom, she will stay here, in this building, until she gets thrown out under legal authority. And I knew about this since a long time and I definitely already could have done something about it as well, like trying harder to find a new place and job, but … depression … and I chose not to. That's just the reality situation.

But I really need to get on with looking for a job now (the hardest thing though is to overcome my “little” procrastination thing whenever I'm about to do it). Two years of therapy gave me enough time to reflect and figure out what I possibly could do and maybe I really can do two or three things, besides lying in bed all day. The biggest issue right now is my low self-esteem. If you never had a real job in your whole life, you will obviously have a hard time to believe in your own abilities. This is what I got criticized for when I worked as Concierge last summer “Sorry, you're too insecure about your actions” and at job interviews I get told “You don't really convince me that you want this job”. And yeah how can I convince anyone I'm able to do something I never did before without straight up lying to their face? I guess if I want to apply for job, I need to put on a mask made of confidence and lies.

My psychiatrist once told me, that my only chance to get a job is social connections (his social connections). I already talked about how I became “friends” with my therapist some time ago. His intentions didn't feel honest to me and everyone else saw this, like, big red flag and yelled at me, to give up on this attachment, but I am weak and I don't have anyone else I can talk to. I gave him another chance and he invited me and said that we should travel to Thailand together. And I was against it, honestly, like from the beginning. But you know, he is a manipulative piece of shit and I really wanted to see Thailand, because I probably wouldn't get another chance like this, in my whole life. So I thought: how horrible can it be to fly to Thailand for two weeks, with your psychiatrist? Turns out it can be pretty horrible. He was watching me all the time, he was watching what I was eating, when I was messaging on Whatsapp. I never had two minutes for myself, he even came into the bathroom while I was changing, he was telling me what to do, when to cross the street, he dictated absolutely everything. So on day three I called him out and he said “Okay then let's fly back home” and of course I know he wanted me to beg him to stay here and that I would do better and follow his orders, cause he pays for everything. But I said “Fine, let's fly back home” and we walked to the travel agency in Thailand and the lady at the counter said a ticket back home today would be around 8,000$ each. He told the lady that we need to talk and would come back in an hour, if we still consider to book the tickets, but I didn't want to take anymore of his crap. So he had to book the tickets and I didn't talk to him the whole 24 hours we needed to get back to Germany, he tried to discuss this situation the whole time, even tried to convince me to travel with him again; this time to the Netherlands for the weekend because “It'll work out better than Thailand”. There is so much more stuff that happened, but I'm not going to elaborate more, at this point I'm so tired of all of this. I'm just glad I finally wrote it down and decided that this friendship was not good for me. Better late than never.

Oh and the worst part is, I also feel like I didn't make any progress in this two years of therapy. I didn't achieve anything, I just wasted time. I'm so annoyed and mad at myself.

All that stress I had the last few months or maybe years and the frustration and the anger I feel every day, caused my autoimmune disease to flare up again.

Short backstory: I noticed a bald patch in my beard area in 2015 and one year later it spread on my head and it was just awful. I had the worst time back then, my dog died, my relationship went to shit, I lost my job as Concierge, I felt like university was going nowhere and my hair started to fall out and it was not a cute look. I had a plum sized spot on the left side, the right side and on top of my head and two spots that molted into one big spot at the back. I went to a dermatologist, he said it's called Alopecia Areata and he told me to put some ointment on it and I did. But nothing changed. I was really desperate, I had a mental break down, including ugly crying in the shower, shaving my head, mental hospital, the whole program. I had a hard time to accept the “bald truth”.

On Youtube I found a channel, run by a girl named Stella, who made several videos about her struggle with Alopecia Areata (she wasn't the only one btw, but she was the first one who seemed genuine and did not try to sell some fake products. There are so many people on the internet, who use other people’s desperation to make themselves richer, it's crazy). In one of her videos she described how she overcame this disease with the help of the AIP diet and I was so amazed. She had all of her hair back and the solution is a diet? I was crying my eyes out for month and it's that simple? Sign me up I thought as I looked a few things up on the internet and basically AIP diet means just allowed to eat warm water. Doesn't actually matter if it's warm or not. No, but seriously almost every food is forbidden on AIP. No bread, rice, potatoes, eggs, diary, sugar, tomatoes, nuts, alcohol, fruits, nothing. All you can eat is meat and green stuff. I started in November and it was exhausting from the beginning. I felt hungry all the time and was craving for something sweet. It's funny how I can go without sugar right now for days, but when you're not allowed to have it, it's all you want. But I was missing coffee the most.

Anyway, after one month of AIP I recognized some white hair on my left patch, and a week later a few pigmented hairs. On Christmas all of my patches had small pigmented hairs growing in (except my beard, which is only thin white hairs until today) and I'm having the worst grammar right now. It's 1 a.m. Anyway during that time I felt amazing, the bald patches were still recognizable, but I felt relieved that my hair came back and I wouldn't go bald.

By march I had all my hair back and I gave a lot of credit to the diet, but also stopped the diet the same month, because although I got all my hair back, I realized that I could not live with all these restrictions forever. The AIP diet was not designed for people with AA. It was made to figure out what kind of food causes your inflammatory, but it's impossible to tell when you have AA. You can't take a bite of a tomato and be like “Oh yeah I feel it, this makes my hair fall out”. Even though a lot people in these self help groups write things like “Oh. My. Gosh. I was just drinking a cup of milk and suddenly my whole scalp was itchy”. Yeah girl, because you wanted it to be itchy. You are desperate and want to find the cause and you want it to stop. And all of this happens, even if your are not aware of it. And blaming certain kinds of food is easy, but dumb. It worked for me, but just because I thought it does. For 4 months I ate vegetables and meat on max, because Stella said it helped, she had proof and I saw it, so I thought it would help me too.

April was again a really hard time for me. My therapist was playing games, my family stressed me out, Lutz died, still no job, my personal financial crisis. And then one day I felt a smooth spot behind my right ear as I was sitting in a train and I was like “Oh god, please no, god no no no no no...”. . I recognized a tiny spot at the back of my head before, but I was hoping it was nothing, I didn't want it to be true, now with a second patch I realized Alopecia is back to haunt me.But this time I wanted it to be different. I would not let it take control of my actions again. So I made an appointment at a hairdresser and I was surprised he never heard of AA before as I told him what was going on on my head. As he was shaving the back of my head he pointed out that there actually a few more spots than expected. I accepted it. There's nothing I can do about anyway.

I revisited Stella's Youtube channel and she posted a video update. Her Alopecia came back as well, even though she was still following the AIP diet. So there was no doubt left, that the diet had little to do with the regrowth of my hair. Stella's video and her blog was again so inspirational.

The cure for Alopecia is: there is no cure. It's your emotions. It's sadness, it's anger and stress. This is easy and hard to accept at the same time. I'm still not a hundred percent sure if I can accept this as the one truth. At the moment all of the spots are on the backside of my head, which is good. I mean they are there; but at least I can't see them. The one behind my right ear is as big as my ear right now. And it worries me tbh. Last year I documented the progress of the spots and took pictures every week. Because I was so excited to see my hair grow and I wanted to see the proof that it really happens. I don't know if I should do this again. Stella said the best way to deal with this situation is simply “to not give a shit”.

And that might be true. But I know, currently it is impossible for me to reach this peace of mind. Everything's a mess right now and I feel like I can't do life and no matter how less I care about my hair, bald spots will spread nevertheless. I have to change my environment first, before I can move on mentally. And this will be frustrating. Searching for a job, having job interviews with bald spots all over my head, probably getting rejected because of it, getting more bald spots, it will be hell but I guess... it is what it is.

It's hard when you’re in a dark place and when your family sucks, and you're like in that mind set where everything is awful. Just taking that one little step up uphill is the hardest part. Maybe writing all of this down finally is a sign that I wildly succeeded and that I can keep going. Or maybe it was just another reason for me to procrastinate again. Who knows?

Well I wish I could end this post on a high note. It's 3am right now and  there was an episode of “Married... with children” on TV and it was about Kelly being the first female Bundy with a job and she worked at a diner. They made it look like being a waitress is the easiest thing in the world, but Kelly was totally overwhelmed by everything and it was just too real. Too relatable. On her first day as a waitress “Sisters Are Doing It For Themselves” was playing in the background and I will remember this on my first day of work and it'll empower me to try my best, like Kelly Bundy did. You know, be the best Kelly Bundy you can be.

[yourfriendlillykennedy]

From The Life of Lilly Kennedy

When I was 19 years old, I fell

In love with a girl, such an amazing woman.

I thought that things would

go right for one.

I thought for once I would somehow 

be happy

But the world isn’t like that 

Unfortunately

But you know. I’m fine.

Everything is good.  

When I first met this woman 

I thought that she was the worlds

most amazing girl. I tend to think this about every woman I meet.

Women are amazing humans.

Don’t argue with me on this, you can’t

Change my mind .

Anyways

This girl was in my mind 

perfect.

Biology Lab a row behind me 

Her smile could light up a room. No

The World

Her mind was fast. I thought

she could probably explain everything

if she felt like it 

I just wanted her.

The problem was I 

thought she didn’t bat for my team 

It wasn’t until she spoke

up one day that I realized that she

wasn’t 

Straight

How my heart soared!

but.....

but was she

but was she single

I’m shy 

I can’t just ask this beautiful princess

no

QUEEN

If she wants to have coffee

I can’t do that

I’ll keel over and

Die

This woman is so beautiful, 

out of my league.

I don’t want sex

I just wanted her. 

to hold her.

Things started going right 

sort of.

We started talking and

Yeah it took me a while to 

finally get things going But

I did.

Oh boy.

My heart was so happy 

man

Things were good 

Life was good.

Christmas break was

Interesting

I found out about the

drinking problem. She

wasn't exactly 

sober.

When she wasn’t drunk she was

hungover.

My heart hurt.

I cared so much

about a woman who didn’t giver a flying 

fuck about me.

Live by the rule 

Treat people the way you 

want to be treated 

But she, in my mind, could not do anything 

wrong.

I just wanted her.

oh God.

I have never been so 

worried about a person in 

my entire 

life.

Our conversations went from 

“How was your day”

to

“Are you safe”

I knew she was at home but

Who knew what she was

doing.

I should’ve just stopped.

Stopped there.

But my heart said 

NOPE

This girl made me happy 

and all I want in life is to be

Happy.

Thats all I want

When we got back to school 

I couldn’t wait to see her.

but I messed up 

I said something that I shouldn’t have

I wasn’t thinking 

I was stupid

She wouldn’t talk

 to me

Wouldn’t even look 

at me

I was sad and I

really didn’t know how to deal

with anything 

But then.

A miracle 

She said she was

sorry 

and that she tends to over react 

Oh my heart 

it soared

I was happy.

There were days when she

wouldn’t be in class 

and I would get sad

stupid, I know.

But she was my 

reason 

Yes, I was paying for the class

but my motivation to pay

attention was nothing 

but this woman.

There would be weeks were

I would say something 

and she would get mad and wouldn’t

talk to me 

for days

I was depressed 

Constantly

She drove me mad

There was a day where she

got drunk

in the library

on gummy bears

god damn vodka gummy bears 

I went there 

to make sure she was okay  

to make sure she

got home okay 

she was beautiful 

Even while completely trashed

she was a queen 

I brought her some apple

juice and a cookie 

because she loves cookies,

but milk hurts her 

“Tummy”

She ate the cookie

and drank the juice 

I had to take the stupid 

gummy bears because 

she wouldn’t

stop eating 

them.

It was cute.

The library closed 

but she still needed to finish 

her assignment 

we walked together to another

study place

She worked, and worked

until she was finally done.

She said she was

going to drive home.

I said no

I said take an uber or 

whatever

or I would walk her home

But she needed her 

car. 

She needed it 

I don’t have my license 

Just a permit 

Its expired 

But I didn’t want to 

call my father and explain 

to him and explain to him 

about how I needed a ride 

not for me 

but for this beautiful queen who

wouldn’t stop calling me

Niglet 

So I said okay 

Give me your 

keys and lets

go.

She has an SUV

fuck.

I’ve never driven a SUV

before.

Its fine. Everything 

is great 

I’m scared.

I haven’t driven  in moths 

but I’m not going to tell her 

that. Its for the best 

I guess.

She guides me to her apartment 

we drive past a cop 

and I nearly 

shit myself

but I feel alive 

more alive than I’ve felt 

in 19 years.

It’s fine. Everything is fine.

She wants me to 

Parallel park.

fuck.

I can’t even do that 

in a regular car.

I tell her that I

can’t and that she needs

to do it 

She laughs at me 

and says okay 

while flashing 

That amazing smile

the one that melts my 

heart every time without

fail.

She parks. Pretty damn well 

for being completely trashed 

I grab her bag 

as she runs ahead.

My short legs can’t 

really keep up.

Wait for me woman 

please

This stupid girl. 

Why am I here.

She opens her door and 

she greets her dog like she

hasn’t seen seen him

In weeks.

It cute as hell. I’ll admit

She lets her dog out to do his

business and we stand on the balcony

watching him run around. He comes back in

and she goes to get more

vodka bears 

“You want some fish sticks?”

“No, not really”

“Take them please, we have too many”

“I’m sorry I can’t”

I say I can’t but

I probably could.

Oops.

She sits on the floor 

“You should sleep”

“Okay”

She lays down 

and doesn’t move

I don’t really know

what to do. Minutes pass and

I’m still sitting there 

Suddenly

The girl jumps up and says something 

about doing

her makeup.

This should be fun.

I follow her and watch 

this beautiful woman drunkenly 

do her eyebrows.

“Are you drunk doing your eyebrows?”

“I AMMM”

“..... Hows it going?”

“NOTT WELLL”

She finishes and then asks

if she can do my makeup 

Oh God.

This is high school 

all over again 

But its okay. Whatever 

makes her happy.

She tells me to stop

making stupid faces. I don’t want

to tell her that its only 

because I’m just enjoying my time with her.

I’m enjoying her. Thats all.

Done. I look good. 

But you know who looks 

better?

Her. Without makeup 

I sit there and watch

her do her makeup

Doh God.

At this moment  I

realized something.

I loved this girl.

Just watching this woman 

live her life

fuck. 

She listens to music the

ways she moves 

its intoxicating.

Hours have passed and 

I remember I have practice early

tomorrow morning. I

have to go but not before she

hugged me and kissed me on the forehead

I thought my heart was going to 

explode.

We said our goodbyes

I walked home and I

get a text from her 

“Did you get home okay?”

such a sweet girl, but why 

does it seem that she only really

cares about me when shes

drunk.

Sigh

Its fine. not really. but its fine

for the moment.

A week later 

were talking. 

“I promise you I’m not here to fuck you over.” 

She says

Weeks later she’s mad at

me. Whats new.

She doesn’t talk to me for days. I 

know she driving home from home 

“Drive safe.”

Radio silence

Days later I find out that 

she got into an

accident.

My heart dropped.

She was fine just

a bad concussion

I asked her how she was

“How the fuck did you find out”

Oh okay

thats cool.

A couple days later I ask again and 

she says she's lonely and

her memory is shit.

Next day she says

shes moving back home

The woman who I loved will

not talk to me now.

Fuck

I miss her.

But deep down I know 

she never

really cared.

She did what she 

said she wouldn’t do.

she fucked me over.

[dead-gay-bitxh]

Unnamed Novel | Chapter 1

Yeah, I started another one. Oops. This one might seem a little weird at first, but trust me, it’ll make sense eventually.

New places, same faces, Gio thought as he slid the heavy textbooks into his locker. He'd had to move again, and while he hoped that maybe this place wouldn't be so bad since it was a private school, he knew better than to hope. As it was, he had to brace himself against the tide of uncaring students who shoved past him like he wasn't there. Suddenly, the wave stopped. Gio looked to his left, where students still stampeded by, and then to his right, and he nearly jumped out of his skin.

His wave breaker was a bit of a mountain. ...Okay that was exaggerating a bit much, but the guy wasn't small by any means. He looked to be about Gio's age, a little taller, dreadlocked (or maybe not) hair pulled back, and his features seemed to be a strange mix of God only knew what. His complexion was fairly dark, but not black, maybe Indian, his eyes seemed to be a little small, so one could say he looked Asian. But that was a very -ish looking Asian. Gio hated that kind of talk, but he had no other way to describe the guy. His clothes made him stand out most of all, though. While everyone else in the private school was wearing name-brand tees and jeans, this one had on a tattered black hoodie and faded, worn jeans with a few holes here and there. Probably put there intentionally, not that Gio cared, but they looked a little grungy, too.

“Quit starin', weirdo.” Of course. Just because he liked to people-watch didn't mean it was good to do it at point-blank range. “Sorry. New kid. Getting used to the new faces. I'm Giovanni, but just call me Gio, if you don't mind.” The boy glanced over and rolled his eyes – it was hard to tell whather it was out of annoyance or empathy.

“Right. I'm Nik. Full name's Nikolai, but who the hell remembers that much in this place?” Gio risked laughing a bit.

“Isn't that the truth? Everyone else's mommy and daddy want the best for their little angels,” Gio made a little fluttering motion with his free hand, “so they can grow up happy and rich. While people like me work for it.” He noticed Nik slouching a bit and immediately felt guilty. “I'm not saying you didn't, I'm just saying – most of these kids are gonna grow up to be whores and basement-babies. You don't look half as bad.” That at least seemed to brighten him up. “What's your first?” Gio finally took notice of Nik's thick Brooklyn accent and made a mental note to ask later. “I've got Biology. You?”

“Same. I'll head over with ya if you want.”

“Sure. Can't leave without my water-breaker, can I?” That finally got a little chuckle out of him. Gio smiled as he tugged his violet flannel back over his shoulders. He knew he was nothing to look at, but the first day was the most important. He'd put on a good white shirt with a raven on the front, thrown on his purple flannel on top, grabbed some jeans, and gone with that. His face, though, couldn't be helped.

He'd been told before he wasn't bad looking, and when he felt narcissistic, Gio admitted to himself that he could definitely look worse. His whole body was lean, maybe a bit gangly, but his face was oddly adult, and not in a good way. The perfect little Caucasian face he had made all kinds of girls fall over for him, even though he always said no, and the only thing he actually liked about himself consistently was his hair. He'd never had it very short. It was always a decent length, and recently, he'd wanted it to grow out more, so it now fell back and rested between his shoulders, ending right in the middle of his upper back.

So pretty. He hated pretty. Even while he waited for Nikolai, girls walking past giggled and waved at him. Gio did his best not to smack each and every one of them. How hard was it to see, from his flannel to his long hair, that he was gay? He got mad because he had to say it so much. Nik finally pulled out the Biology textbook and stuck it under his arm. Maybe it'd start getting the message across to the girls, so Gio looped his arm around Nik's, which was easy since he'd stuffed his hands into his hoodie pocket, and sort of leaned on him as they walked toward the classroom. It sort of worked. The girls gave him odd looks, like he was an alien species. That was perfect.

“You-”

“Gay? Yes. Why do you think I'm doing this, hot stuff?” Gio flashed him a big, cheesy grin while leaning a bit more onto Nik. He didn't seem bothered by it in the least. Once they were a bit further away from the crowd, Gio lowered his voice and whispered, “I hate that girls are always tittering on about me like a new toy. I get so mad having to reiterate every time I move, and then every other week. I won't come onto you if you'd rather me not, but I just...” Gio searched for the right words, prodding the inside of his cheek with his tongue.

“Needed an out?” Nik offered. Giovanni nodded. “Yeah. Thanks, by the way. Now I owe you double, damn me.” They both laughed a bit, but Nik went deadly quiet as they passed a group of boys standing by the open door of a classroom. Gio looked up to ask what was wrong, but he saw that Nik had pulled his hood over his head and began dragging him along. “Slow down, Speed Racer! Jeez, I know I'm light, but c'mon.” Nik grumbled an apology as he walked past, keeping his head down. Gio understood as soon as he saw the letterman jackets.

“Jocks?”

“Yeah.”

“Trouble?”

“...Yeah.”

“Hm. I'll get at least one for you.” Nik glanced over and gave Gio a strained look. “N-no, not like that, I-”

“That's not what I meant either, silly. I clean up pretty nice as a girl, y'know.” They had gone around the corner, so Nik pulled his hood off and looked incredulously at Gio. “You-”

“Don't you dare say it out loud. But yes. I CD. That's how you keep it under the table, by the way. And it's not drag or anything, but I wouldn't mind doing it to get at those a-holes. You don't seem like such a bad guy. They wanna be little pains in your ass, just call me and tell me who they're dating.” Gio winked at his new friend as they walked through the door to the Biology classroom. “Mister Kamala. You're almost late. Need I remind you what happens should you be tardy once again?” Nik pulled his head down between his shoulders and shook his head, mumbling a quiet no while he turned to go sit at a table with a guy that looked remarkably similar. Probably a sibling.

The teacher – who Gio already didn't like, considering he'd been a little nasty towards the first nice kid he'd met – looked at Giovanni and assumed a happy smile. “Ah, you must be Giovanni. Pleased to meet you, I'm Mr. Farhill.” He extended his hand and Gio awkwardly shook. “Class, this is a new student of ours, his name is Giovanni Duvan. He's joined us a little after the start of the school year, but no need to waste time going over what we've learned so far – from what I've heard Giovanni, you scored superbly on the entrance exam.”

“Yep. Uh, Mr. Farhill? I'd prefer if you called me Gio. It's easier than just extending it out like I'm an 1800s Victorian nobleman.” Something told Gio that the reference went over the teacher's sparsely covered head, but he tried to keep the snarky comments back. “Alright then, Gio. I don't think there's much room anywhere else, so, much as I don't like to, you'll be sitting with Nikolai and Danté. I expect you'll not run into any trouble,” he turned an eagle's eye onto Nik and the boy sitting next to him, “correct?” He apparently didn't expect an answer because he dismissed them immediately and went straight to the whiteboard.

Gio walked over and sat next to Nik, since he didn't know the other. He leaned over while the teacher scribbled and yammered away about the first lesson of the year, what taxonomy was, all things Gio had done years ago. “Sorry if I got you into any trouble, Nik. Thanks for walking me here, by the way.” Nik opened his mouth to say something, but his eyes shifted to the kid next to him and instantly shut his mouth. Or maybe it'd been towards Mr. Farhill. He was looking expectantly at us. “Well? Nikolai, Danté, do either of you have any idea what taxonomy is? Perhaps Giov- pardon, Gio, can give you a hint?”

It was all a test. Gio knew it. Teachers always did that. They wanted to make sure they didn't get a slow one. So, he answered it without a second look. “Taxonomy is the study of classification, going in order of kingdom, phylum, class, order, family, genus, and species. And, surprisingly, it is definitely not as heartbreaking as actual taxes.” There was a rumble of laughter from the class. “Very good, Gio, very good. Someone give me an organism to use...Laura.”

A brunette in the back of the room had her hand raised. “Orgasms happen during sex.” That got more of a rise out of the class. While Mr. Farhill was redfaced and distracted, Gio scooted his chair closer to Nik. “Raise your hand after the monkeys are done. Tell him to use...caterpillar fungus.” Nik looked over at him, then glanced up to the teacher. “Yeah?”

“Yeah. For some reason, bio teachers love when people use mushrooms, especially cordyceps. Never fails.” As soon as the class quieted, Mr. Farhill asked again, this time enunciating the whole word. Nik tentatively raised his hand up. The teacher ignored him, so Gio cleared his throat. “Um, Mr. Farhill? I think Nik has a suggestion.” He gave Gio a withering look, as if he'd been doing what he could to avoid exactly that. But, he called on Nik anyway. “Uh...caterpillar fungus?” Most of the class snorted, but Mr. Farhill looked genuinely surprised. “Very good choice, Nikolai. You see, caterpillar fungus is, of course, a mushroom, of a very special genus of fungi known as cordyceps. In fact, they are known to...” Gio sat back and watched as Farhill droned on and on.

“What'd I tell you? Cordyceps. Never fails to impress.”

֎

Biology was over and done with forty minutes later. Gio barely paid attention the whole time and still turned the homework assignment in before leaving. It was exceedingly simple. He'd watched Nik and his buddy as they did it. Nik had an okay time of it – it didn't seem to stump him, but he didn't breeze through it. Which was fine, in all honesty. Gio knew he was a super genius, so he never cared how slow others were when it came to school work. The other guy, though...Gio wasn't sure what to think.

He didn't think Nik would associate with the delinquent type, but that's what his friend looked like. But...way more buff than he should've been. His muscles were practically ripping out of his black shirt, decorated with a flaming skull and the words “Try Me” in red. His jeans seemed to be in the same state as Nik's, a little torn, a little ratty, but not awful. His hair was black and a little long, but not very much, just enough to tell when it'd been messed with or not. He wore black combat boots, probably thrift-store bought, but again, like Nik's pacing on his classwork, that didn't bother Gio. Most of his clothes came from thrift-stores anyway.

Something just seemed strange about him. Not like he was on drugs or anything, but just...the air he carried with him. Aloof, and yet a sense that he'd snap you in half if you so much as looked in his direction. Lovely...

Nik was nice enough to show Gio around after class, since they had the whole first half of the day in the same periods. After Biology was Geometry, then U.S. History,  then English, which preceded lunch, when they'd not see each other until the last period of the day. Throughout the morning, Gio began to dislike the faculty more and more. They all reacted to Nik coming in like he was guilty for murder, all claiming that he was coming in late even though at least half the class arrived after us. Which Giovanni made sure to point out, if only to make the teachers look stupid. As if that were hard.

And the worst part, to Gio, was that Nik just accepted it, like a beaten puppy who wanted to lick its wounds. He wasn't amazing, especially after seeing his handed-back work, but Gio actually found questions that had been purposely marked wrong, consistently, on Nik's papers. He finally did something about it in third. He had the papers of Nik's from the last week on the first settlers in America from Britain and set them on the teacher's desk. She was a crotchety old woman, but those were always the teachers who liked him best. Joy.

“Mrs. Gooley, I think you need to recheck your scoring sheet,” Gio started, and when Mrs. Gooley opened her mouth to correct him, he quickly added “For Nik.” Her expression went instantly hard. “He got the score he deserved. Leave it at that, dear.” No way in hell, swamp hag, Gio thought. “No, he didn't. These questions here? He answered all of them right. You gave him a sixty-five, when he actually scored a ninety-five.”

“No, he didn't, honey, trust me, I-”

“Sorry, but you marked questions wrong that were answered right. Here -” Gio pointed to one of the questions, “It asks, 'How many colonies did Great Britain originally instate in America, and what historical evidence supports this?' He answered,” Gio now pointed to the messily scrawled handwriting, “'Thirteen, supported by the original American flag because of the thirteen stars, each representing a single colony.' That's exactly correct. There's absolutely no reason it should be wrong, aside from maybe, maybe, messy handwriting. And honestly, that's easy enough to get around. I can read it pretty well.” Mrs. Gooley set her jaw and looked up at Gio, trying to maintain her House On The Prairie-happy face. Failing miserably.

“Thank you, Gio. I'll...fix it right away.” Without even looking at it, she wrote '100%' at the top with a red pen. Which told Gio all he needed to know about this faculty's policies. She went through the stack, writing scores that all started with 8, 9, or 10. Nik was being told he got C's, D's, and F's when he was getting A's and B's. Gio inhaled deeply as he set Nik's papers back in front of him. What was this called? Hating the easily hated? Yeah. That's how it felt.

“Wait... No. No way. I don't get these numbers. Whatd'ja do to make her change 'em?” Gio glanced over and saw the red around Nik's eyes fade away. He...he had totally been about to cry. Typical. This was just another school ready to listen to the people with money, and ready to ignore everyone who didn't. Gio wasn't sure if he was surprised or not. He'd been in tons of these types of schools. He hated them.

They were stupid. School was about teaching. Not fucking with a kid's head because he wasn't rich. Gio was going to make a call. As soon as lunch started. He didn't care if he got kicked out for whatever BS was called on him. There was no way he would, anyway. He'd aced the entrance exam. Nobody else got close to his score. The closest to his 110% was an 89% that he'd seen at the top of the stack. So then it all came down to the literally-million-dollar question – 'How much will you pay for your precious little baby?'

Gio wanted to go shoot someone. Preferably the principal. “Nothing. That's what you got. She was just too much of a bitch too say to your face that your no-money is worth more then these ass' money.” Nik was very unsure for a few minutes until the bell rang and everyone gathered up their stuff. Gio followed Nik to his locker, where he read and reread, and re-reread his scores again and again. Gio almost didn't want to do anything. Embarrass the staff and faculty until they got the hint.

But he had his own issues to focus on. His files would come in any day now. Then they'd all see...probably treat him like poor Nik. An outcast, no matter how good his grades were. That's all he needed. But he wouldn't let Nik go. Not for a single second.

Gio thought that as he walked to fourth period, with Nik silently parting the waves of students in front of them. But then he wondered if he should. People were not usually things he kept close. People weren't like phones or watches. They moved on their own. They stayed when they wanted. Which is why Gio never really made friends. He hadn't even counted on making this one.

Maybe he wanted to think he was lonely. But that was stupid, right?

'Lonely' was jerking off to a homeless guy on acid. This wasn't lonely. This was just...whatever it was.