#pulling a rabbit outta a hat

[casually-salad]

The pain from her injuries and the constant walking didnt hurt as bad as her heart did.

[bluesbonney]

billy bonney + pet names

Sweetheart is the classic and usually Billy’s go to most of the time, especially during the soft moments. The ones that are full of gentle intimacy. He says it so tenderly; the word sounds so comforting in his deep and soothing voice and it makes your heart soar that a dangerous man uses the name so sweetly. It’s safe to assume that this is his favorite.

“I’ve gotta get goin’, sweetheart.” He whispers against your skin at dawn, when the first rays of sun glow through the room. Watching him dress sends a dull ache through you because once he’s out that door, you can’t protect him.

“Thank you, sweetheart.” He accepts the mug of coffee that you hand to him and in return, presses a soft kiss to your temple.

As you carry the plates over to the table, he’s already two steps ahead of you so he can pull the chair out for you. The little smile he always flashes does something to your heart. “You don’t have to do that every time.” You say with a soft laugh. He shakes his head. “’Course I’m gonna do it, sweetheart. I know Ma’s watchin’ my manners, even from Heaven.”

When he comes home at the end of the day, his greeting is always the same: “There ya are, sweetheart. Missed ya today.”

Babydoll is slightly more flirty than sweetheart.

He finds you in the garden at the end of the day and while you're covered in dirt, he still picks you up and spins you around, just so you giggle and hold onto him. “Have a good day, babydoll? Those rabbits gettin’ in the flowers again?”

The room glows with soft lamplight as he sits at the desk, working on a letter to send to Tunstall. You've been doing something in the other room. When you come to his side, running a hand along his shoulders, he wraps his arm around your waist, giving you a little squeeze. “Almost done, babydoll. Then we can cuddle.”

Darling sounds so good rolling off his tongue. The sound of it makes you brighten and feel like you're floating, because he uses it the most when he’s happy, playful and flirty.

“Look so pretty, darlin’. Can’t wait to show you off in town.” His smile is bright as he takes in your new dress, the one you spent a little extra on to make pretty.

When you're walking around in town, he tends to get very protective. He’s always touching you in some way: a hand on your back, tucking your hand into the crook of his elbow, etc. “Stay close, darlin’.”

The saloon smells like cigarette smoke and whiskey. The people are rowdier than usual, but you're kept safe from the commotion where you're nestled in Billy’s lap. You have a front row seat to the poker game he is currently winning, even though the view is slightly obstructed by his hat perched low on your head. “Ready to get outta here, darlin’?” He asks, voice full of confidence despite the game still going. But he wins. He always does.

Angel is the most intimate. It’s the most reverent; the one that Billy says during the intense moments.

“Angel, I need you to stay safe.” Billy’s voice was tense. Firm. You resist the urge to push, to beg to be of use, to help in any way you could in this war. He must’ve seen it on your face, because he continued in that tone: “Please. You’re all I’ve got left.”

Rain pattered softly against the window as you lay there in the candlelight and talked of the future. Of what it would look like, to be safe and content. You had been quiet for a few moments, simply basking in the warmth of what might be. Of what could be. Of what provided you with hope. Billy ran his hand up and down your back, tracing your spine with his fingertips. “What are you thinkin’ about, angel?”

Soft morning sunlight warms the sheets. You've been peacefully dozing as Billy traces his fingertips over your cheeks, the touch so feather like it tickles. When you smile, he lets out a soft exhale. “My angel…so pretty.”

Honey and Baby are for, well….when he babies you. Which is very common because Billy loves to give you the princess treatment and make you feel spoiled.

The last jar of baking powder mocked you from the highest shelf. Before you can strain yourself anymore trying to reach it, warm hands settle against your waist and pull you back slightly. “I’ve got it, baby.” Billy says with a kiss to your cheek.

Standing on the porch on a hot summer evening, you're watching him fix part of the garden fence. He looks up, hair adorably mussed and sweaty. “Honey? Can ya come help me for a second?”

“Hi, baby. Come sit.” The space at the table next to him is open and his arm rested on the back of the chair invitingly. You fit perfectly there, nestled against him, happy at how casual it felt to join the group.

i'm sure I could've made this longer but then we'd be here all day

[itsdawnforyou]

GONNA WATCH SURVIVORS OF THE FLUX AND PROBABLY CRY A BIT BECAUSE WE ARE NEARLY DONE WITH 13'S ERA AND I LOVE HER SO SO SO MUCH

Okay angel!13 looks AWESOME. I love what they did with it even tho its a very small part of the episode so far

"Blinking. Blinking!... tough crowd" I LOVE HER.

"We are transport" I KNEW IT! Check the last episode reaction I said it there HAHA! Im so happy with myself.

Ohhhhh the Angels talking in a distorted 13 voice is SO GOOD!!!

"My friends are never lost" girlie they somehow got to mexico in 1904 when last time we saw them they couldnt leave the village id say they are pretty lost! Also poor dan, that looked like it hurt.

Right right okay they need the date from the offering pot. And the grand serpent is trying to kill them?

THE HOLOGRAM brb im gonna cry. She literally made it a second before the angel got into the TARDIS, and then put it into her pocket probably just after they exited the tardis. Thats- gonna cry :( "hang on I think youre calling me from the control room" AND WHAT IF I SOBBED?!?!?!

The doctor and that woman (who I know is tecteun bc spoilers) are just as sassy as the other and its hilarious watching them banter like this but also makes me want to kick tecteun into the sun. Multiple suns. Several glowing burning suns.

Right, between universes. Well, not that far fetched, we have seen it before! Just not... suspended like that.

That monolith looks like the main part of the gallifrey city bubble. Hmm.. also hey look at that lupari are back, and the ship is being taken to earth which means she will know where vinder is once yaz and dan get back to their right time.

GAH NO THEY WERE SO CLOSE AHHHHHH

"Not scared. Wary, perhaps" definetly scared. Shaking in your boots, perhaps.

Doctor's mother issues: +1000000

"We are not the same" and she looks like a predator. I love how Jodie expresses the doctor's anger. Restrained, bearly held back, like a predator waiting to be let loose but held back.

I dont care much for the grand serpent. Is that weird? He just seems so disjointed from everything else.

Right okay swarm made a mistake of underestimating vinder and diane, 1000% sure of that.

I never knew a doctor and ood combination would be so funny and interesting to watch but it is and I love it! "Im very good at pulling rabbits outta hats" "I have no rabbits" "its a metaphor" "or hats"

They found the guy, he's pretty cool, he wacked dan which was a bit funny and also rude.

Tecte-bleh is trying to get the doctor to her side, which is such a bad idea, dont you know she will probably ruin your plans several times over?

KATE! KATIE! KATE MY BELOVED!!!

"Death, sir! Endless death!" So... door 9 is to gallifrey? Maybe the time war? Before or after the temporal lock.

Alright, sontarans again, another invasion fleet, now against the lupari. The lupari have had operatives of division, so presumably they are capable of a lot of stuff?

Tecteun got dusted, which... shouldve had a worse death tbh.

"And now you, Doctor" yeah okay cowboy try again later, yeah? Dont think itll work for you this time.

[alterworldstudios]

Farmers follies: episode seven

Oswald was busy toiling away at the fields, removing a few of the decayed plants and diseased roots. He never thought he'd be trying to fix this old place up, but here he is, trying to. Who knew that farmer would be so.. Motivating. 'Hm.. Where is he even from anyway? Hadn't seen him around here, nor around town... Did he come from outta town? Surely not that, no one comes to this hellhole anyway-' "slow down, I can't keep up-" "sorry!!!"

Oswald's ears perked up, as he looked up at... What is that, farmer rushing back with someone? Who is that? They're A bit disheveled, look like they hadn't showered in weeks... "What the hell-" "rabbit!!!!" "Oswald. Its oswald." "Right- AHEM.... beep Bap be dai!" {I met this fellow down by the road!}

Oswald glared down at the fellow farmer had brought along. The fellow flinched a bit. 'that rabbit... Whys he so.. Tall?' "And you are?" "Uh- well- my.. My name is Kelly. Kelly Rodgers. Sorry for the trouble..." Kelly bows at him, Oswald giving a confused glare. "first time I actually heard someone say their name up front, and not some stage name." "Oh uh.. I have that too... I think.. What was it again?... Uh..." Kelly turned to the side, trying to remember what his stage name was, whilst farmer turned back to Oswald. "beep Bap be! Bep beep ba dai?" {They need a place to stay awhile! Is it ok if they stay here?} "This guy?.. Why?" "Beep Bap be! Beeeeep?" {You said I could ask around for help and I did! Can he stay pleaseeeee?} "Well...." 

The rabbit looked back at the man, who was mumbling to himself, then sighed. "Fine. But he's gonna have to pull his own weight around here. got it?" Farmer twirls from happiness, whilst Kelly, knocked out of his thoughts, nodded swiftly. "Oh- Got it, sure I can. I can.. Do things, I guess." "well that guess had better turn into a 'you will' if you plan to stay here" "...yes sir" "good. Now farmer, can ya get back to getting those items? we kinda need em if we're gonna make a dent in this place." Farmer laughed sheepishly, then rushed off, leaving Kelly and Oswald behind. How could he have forgotten? He must've gotten too distracted to remember. Oh well! With the list in hand and the money in his pocket, he made his way down the dirt road towards the gray streets of inkwell city. Oh the sights and sounds, toons rushing this way and that, random stalls lazily selling their wares, A soft call of someone selling papers... No. Focus lucky, can't get too distracted. Looking at the list, he notes how most of the things he needed were gardening products... Well actually, all of them were. Should be easy to get then! Just some seeds, A new shovel.. Yeah! This'll be easy! Farmer looks around at the many stalls around him, his eyes eventually resting on a oddly colorful stall in particular, the flowers had a faded pink and blue look to them, the first color farmers actually seen in this world!

The stall was empty.. But a note seemed to be left on the countertop. 'Out for lunch!! But feel free to take anything!!!' With a small smiley face drawn on it. Farmer seemed a bit confused, why leave things up for free?... He thinks a moment, then grabs the things he needed from the stall, leaving the money it would've costed behind under a pile of flowers. Smiling, he takes the bag and walks off.

He just got here, surely he doesn't have to leave so soon? Fixing his hat, he decides to take a look around, see what there is to see, after all, its his first time in such a big surface world city! So many sights and sounds, so many toons! Gosh, how exciting this is!

He looks up at the big buildings, seeing the tv screens littered throughout. A mouse was there, seemingly telling the news... Though it wasn't good news. 'Huh?... I highly doubt pigs can fly...' Perplexed, he drew closer... Accidentally bumping into somebody. "EEP-" "O-oh! Sorry!" "i-it's ok, I-i'm fine, p-please don't hurt me-" farmer took a step back, confused on why this person would be afraid of him already. He got a good look at him, A small fellow wearing a grey sweater and bowtie, grey hair, shaking figure...wait, is that a tail? "Are you an angel!?- COUGH cough- ow..." Farmer shudders, forgetting about the curse he had for A moment, the pain... Wait, did the fellow also get affected? They're coughing and hacking a ton, almost as though they were about to... Oh.. They threw up.

Alarmed, farmer rushes over to his aid, beeping too fast to translate. The fellow in grey fearfully looked up at him through the coughing, sputtering out "l-look I don't mean anything! I was just looking! P-please don't hurt me!!! Please!!!!" Before farmer could get a word in edgewise, the fellow dashed off.

Alarmed, and a bit dumbfounded, farmer gave chase, using everything in his power to keep up with this mouse fella.

Whilst he did so... Well...

Why don't we check on retro for A moment, Hm? Dear reader?... No objections? Or perhaps many.. Well, despite what you may say, I'm afraid it's important we check on him regardless... Don't you think?

[endercup]

An oldish drabble with Ashe under the cut :3 specifically for a dsmp au I had with some friends so this has my s/i Qimi instead of Elio! Cause it's part of an au there's some additional missing context but I am always happy to answer questions if anyone is curious <3

Ashe hasn't returned to anywhere close to that cursed fucking city in weeks now. It's a death wish to, really. As soon as anyone within those walls gets a whiff of him, the whole city will descend on him like wolves; he can't say he would blame them for it, either.

Still, when he ran, he didn't exactly plan shit. He was just trying to get away as fast as humanly possible, before Quackity's watery grave was dug up and he was forced to fully confront what he'd done. That meant he'd been wandering with nothing except the clothes on his back, a state that became less and less bearable each day that passed. It's frankly surprising he's lasted.... however long it's been; he hasn't exactly seen a need to keep track. So finally his willpower had met its end, and now here he is, ready to scramble to grab what he can from his shack as quickly as possible before getting the fuck outta here. Hopefully permanently.

He sucks in a deep breath as he heads to the little building, eyes darting around to ensure he hasn't been spotted. In and out, contact with nobody, please that's all he's asking for.

He gets to the entrance without a problem, at least. But he doesn't let out a sigh of relief until he's scrambled inside and the door is slammed shut behind him.

That was still too soon to assume he's safe, apparently. All the tension returns to his body tenfold as his vision lands on the corner of the shack, where a shivering figure lays curled up under a haphazard heap of blankets. Oh fuck, he's screwed.

"I'm sorry, is- is this your...?"

Mismatched eyes trail upwards to meet his. Wavy black hair, half-hidden under a red hat, frames a flushed face slick with sweat. A face with a jagged scar running up through one eye.

Then he blinks. There's rabbit ears, pinned downwards, the hat is a hood not a beanie, and the scar is on the wrong side. Of course. Why would Quackity be on the floor of his shed? Moron. Hopeful, delusional moron.

"I- I can go, I just, um..." The stranger trails off for a moment, and Ashe suddenly realizes how the figure's eyes are slightly hazy. "Uh, I'm sorry. I got sick. I was just...."

The stranger shrugs, shifting his gaze down to the ground instead of continuing to meet Ashe's eyes. "I'm sorry."

Ashe doesn't say anything. All he does is stare down at the sickly figure, the figure that looks eerily similar to the man he can never hope to meet with again. The figure that is weak and helpless and can barely manage to be coherent. The figure that doesn't seem to know who he is; why would he choose Ashe's shack of all places to take refuge in, if he knew?

The silence stretches, the stranger's discomfort becoming more and more apparent each moment it continues on. He shifts, gaze darting around the small building, eyes landing on everything except Ashe himself. The only thing he can apparently think to say, in a very quiet voice, as the moments tick on is, "I'm Qimi."

Qimi. The stranger has a name.

Finally, the silence breaks as Ashe takes one step towards Qimi. Then another.

That seems to make the rabbit particularly anxious, as he finally forces himself off the ground and to his feet, blankets slipping off of him as he has to literally hold onto the wall to pull himself upwards. He gives Ashe a nervous smile, the first time he's looked directly at the taller man since Ashe entered.

He likes Qimi's smile, he thinks.

It isn't long until Ashe is directly in front of the rabbit, blocking the other into the corner without really meaning to. Qimi starts mumbling something about how he'll get out of Ashe's hair, that he's really sorry for intruding, a bunch of nothing that goes in one ear and out the other. Qimi doesn't actually move to leave - he can't, but that's not important - which is all that matters to Ashe as he stares down at the other.

Qimi's blabbering eventually gets interrupted when he lets out a little squeak of surprise as Ashe suddenly knocks him off his feet to pull him into the taller man's arms. The rabbit stares at him with wide, confused, scared eyes.

It's a cute expression.

"Don't worry darling; you seem to think I'd be mad at you," he says, to which Qimi nods a little in response. "Why would I be mad at you? You're ill, sick, I would be a monster to get mad at someone for merely seeking refuge. Just as much of a monster as if I didn't take good care of you, now that I'm here by your side."

"Oh no, you don't have to-"

"No, no, I want to, do trust me on that, ok Qimi?" he says as he walks over to his bed, which looks more or less untouched. He shifts his hold on the rabbit in order to pull down his sheets - his ratty, dirty sheets - with one hand before laying them down. "Let Ashe Lovell take care of you, alright? Let me help you feel better."

He still looks nervous and unsure, but he gives Ashe a tiny nod as he shifts to make himself comfortable. Ashe sits down on the edge of the bed as Qimi shuts his eyes, then pushes the red hood back a little in order to run a hand through the rabbit's dark hair.

He's tense. Of course he's tense. But as Ashe scratches at his scalp, the tension seems to leave him little by little, until his breathing has evened out and he's drifted into a light sleep.

Ashe could leave now. He could do what he came here to do, gather up his supplies and then leave to never come back. He doesn't fucking know this person; even if he did, when has Ashe Lovell ever been the sort to take care of someone?

He doesn't leave. His gaze doesn't leave Qimi's sleeping form.

Maybe this is a second chance.

[weird-things-to-think]

Oh boy, cozen, dats a word dats like a sneaky sneaky fox in a henhouse, but not a fox, more like a human person who do the tricksy-tricksy. So, cozen is when you do the bamboozle, the hoodwink, the ol’ switcheroo on someone, but you do it with style, like a magician who forgot his rabbits but still pulls a carrot outta his hat.

Now, imagine you is in a big, fancy, shiny place with lotsa people who talk all fancy-like, and you wanna get somethin’ from them, like a big ol’ pie or maybe a shiny rock. You gotta use your brain parts to cozen them, which means you gotta make them think you is a nice, friendly person who ain’t gonna take their pie or shiny rock, but really, you is plannin’ to do just that!

But, here’s the kicker, you gotta do it with big words and lotsa confusin’ talk so they don’t know what hit ‘em. You say things like, “Oh, my dear compatriot, I do declare that your possession of said confectionary delight is most fortuitous for our mutual conviviality,” and they just nod and smile, and then BAM! You got the pie!

So, cozen is like bein’ a word wizard who uses their spellbook of confusin’ words to get what they want without nobody knowin’. Just remember, don’t cozen too much or you might end up with no friends and a tummy full of pie you can’t share!

[mattslolita]

I'm js kinda waiting for anything that actually matters... like... bitches say the same shit, and do the same thing every single fucking time. what'd Matt say?

"It's like pulling the rabbit outta the hat everytime."

also, based one EVERYTHING that's happened these past few months... I feel like it's the same fuckin person.

oh girl TRUST we ALLLL know its the same bitch. the matt quote made me giggle 😭😭😭😭😭

honestly i could do this every day they not hurting nobody but themself

[lumpyflakycum]

They call me the great Mrs Mary Toft,

That's cause I put rabbits and critters up aloft

I asked him to eat my pussy, the man with whom I had my wedding

Hey! A bit more literal than he was expecting

After my miscarriage he said I looked fat,

Fuck him! Gave birth to something resembling a liverless cat

I'm like a magician who pulls rabbits outta his hat

The only difference? I pull them outta my twat

My mother-in-law was shocked, she looked at me funny

She told my husband "Whydya marry that playboy bunny

Ye tried to be a playboy now my grandsons a bunny

Why the hells that witch your honey?"

Both King and Doctors were shocked at my miracle

Even more shocking is the way I spit, lyrical

They all called me a farce and that's (allegedly) true

But in 1726, what else can a lady do?

[gentagnebevaegelser]

You swept me off my feet

Now I’m barely able to walk through a day

You’re

Like a blessing in disguise

I wonder

Will I ever meet you

Before the end of the road

My second thoughts

Are preventing me from progressing

This whole story

Please someone pull that rabbit out of a hat

One in a million

So many things have to be right for my

Wishes to be true

The insanity of this premise

The older I get

The further you move from my gaze

To leave outta the side door seems so tempting

The last puzzle piece

Pull me to pieces

[us-ugay]

oi 4 a magicians assistant should i go w a jacket or no jacket

[snkts]

Logan was not a typical teacher; that much would be obvious from the get-go. He swore. He drank (not that it did anything). He smoked, but at least tried to do that away from the kids. He fought. He fought a lot, actually. (He really liked fighting.) 

But, for some reason, the kids still liked him. And they'd kinda sorta grown on him, too. Bite him.

There’d been another new arrival not too long ago - two of them, actually. A boy and his mother. They were nice enough. It was good to see a parent actually stand by their mutant kid for a change. Especially when the kid was having a hard time adjusting to life at the Institute. Advik was a good kid; he didn’t cause trouble, didn’t seem to have a mean bone in his body. He’d just been thrust into a completely new world out of nowhere. Couldn’t blame him for needing a moment or two. And sometimes, those moments were best taken somewhere quiet and peaceful. He always liked the forest. And hell, the kid talked to animals. Logan had some pull with them, too. Bring him out to meet a rabbit or a deer, let him explore his powers in a low-pressure setting, and talk to him, mutant to mutant, to figure out where the problems were. 

Easy.

That had been the plan, and that’s what Logan had done - and, in his opinion, it was mission success. The kid practically bounced all the way back to the school. (Logan had half a mind to ask if his feet had ever touched the ground at all.) He’d dropped the kid off with his Ma, and gone about his day. Good deed accomplished. If you asked him, that was gonna be the end of it. He’d have a follow-up talk with Charles, sure. Invite Aisling along so they could all talk about what had happened, make some plans for Advik going forward. 

But that was his job. He hadn’t really expected any further fuss to be made over it - least of all an edible fuss. But who was he to turn his nose up at free fresh cookies? 

He’s been seated at his desk, and no, he was most definitely not sleeping; he’s just resting his eyes. Shut up. He tilted his hat out of his face and raised his eyebrows then the knock came. Alright, boots off the desk, outta the chair, Logan, get up… He swung his legs down and stood with a grunt from him and a creak from the floorboards. A sniff or two of the air, and - oh. It’s Aisling. And she has… Cookies. 

Huh. 

Logan crosses the room to open the door with one brow raised in curiosity. He heard all of it, of course, but that still doesn’t stop him from inspecting the offered treats with a far too discerning eye for someone who was going to devour them.

“Just doing my job, ma’am,” he says even as he takes the plate. “Glad he enjoyed himself.” The comment about Pyro earns an amused snort, and Logan plucks up one of the cookies - a maple one - and snaps it in half with his teeth. Oh, wait, shit - it’s good.

It’s really good.

“You make this?”

lately, expectations have seemed too high. they always have been, but this last week? it's been damn near impossible to achieve the goals set by society. no. not society. rich people in expensive suits, throwing around new rules and laws and woe betide the poor fecker who can't keep up. mutants are a threat one minute, a group to be pitied the next. the attitudes of the school boards have been unanimously pathetic. and when advik, tiny, sweet, darling advik, realized that his abilities to communicate with animals went beyond the limits of a remarkable gift? she was expected to force him into compliance. as his mother, the world expected her to command him into obeying the norms. an eight-year-old boy asked a raccoon to fetch a lost engagement ring from the bottom of a dumpster, and the world saw something wrong with that.

but in westchester, in a school which she's been endlessly wary of the leadership, a man named logan didn't see anything wrong with advik. and now, eight days into their shared time here, aisling watches advik bouncing down the hallways with a big toothy grin on his face, the light returning to him after a difficult week of adjustment and an even more challenging few months of trying to pretend he had no gifts at all. and she can't imagine the relief of that. whatever logan had said, it had entirely restored his vibrance. now, as he hurries off to his next class, aisling pulls out a small jar filled with sugar cookies. some are plain, others have a cinnamon swirl, and the rest have a hint of maple. it's difficult to guess a person's favorite cookie first go; these are just safe bets. frankly, he could ask for cookies baked on jupiter and she'd find a way to make that happen. the least she can do to thank the man who made advik feel happy again.

it takes two hours to track him down. as it turns out, the office should've been the first guess, but she'd spent an hour and a half searching through the forest, solely based on advik's ecstatic recollection of finding a doe with logan. now, she knocks at the door, a pouch of blackberries in one hand, the cookies still present in the other. " @snkts? or, uh, mr. howlett? sorry to disturb you, i'm aisling, i'm advik's mam. he told me you'd been helping him, and i just wanted to drop by and say thanks. honestly, it's been a while since he was this happy, and... jesus, sorry, i'm just really grateful, that's what i came to say. anyway, i hope you like cookies. i also really hope you're inside the office, because if i leave them outside in the hallway for too long, i think john might swipe them. " / S.C. (STILL ACCEPTING!)

[dontcare77ghj]

Don’t Touch That Dial

Wanda x reader x Vision

Non-reader POV

It was the middle of the night. Vision, Y/N, and Wanda were all sound asleep in their single beds when Wanda bolted upright at a loud thudding sound.

"What was that?" Wanda wondered aloud. She looked to her right to see Y/N and Vision sleeping. For a second, she questioned if she should chance to wake them up, but when the thuds continued, she turned the light on with her magic.

Stop being silly, Wanda chided herself, turning the light off. But what if it is something? Wanda wondered, snapping the light back on. It's probably nothing, Wanda. She decided turning the light off again, this time for good.

While Wanda was debating waking her loves, she hadn't noticed they had already woken.

"Wanda?" Vision asked, pulling his eye mask off.

"Yes, dear?" 

"Are you using your powers to turn on the light?" Vision questioned, staring at the window.

"Yes, dear," Wanda admitted, feeling guilty.

"Allow me, dear." Vision said, getting out of bed as Y/N sat up.

"What even woke you up?" Y/N asked before there was another loud thud. "Never mind."

"What do you see?" Wanda questioned Vision, who was now standing at the window.

"Only your lovely rosebushes and carnations," Vision told her.

"That's all?" Y/N wondered.

"Are you using your night vision, Vision?" Wanda quizzed the man.

"I assure you, my love, I see nothing amiss." Vision promised, turning to face both women. "You have absolutely no reason to be frightened." The android said before there was another loud bang. Vision let out a loud yelp and jumped back into bed quickly.

"You were saying?" Y/N asked, raising a brow while Wanda shook her head. 

"Actually, I did overhear a couple of lads at work remarking on a few unsavory characters settling in the neighborhood. Now, who knows what those ne'er-do-wells might be up to? Robbing houses, vandalizing property." Vision suggested.

"Walking through walls. Moving objects without touching them. Causing lightning of sunny days." Wanda teased.

"I did that once, and it was because you scared me," Y/N grumbled. 

"Wanda, sweetheart, you can't possibly be suggesting my colleagues were referring to us," Vision asked before there was another bang.

The three jumped, and Wanda caused all three beds to join.

"One of us should really determine the source of that sound." Vision commented.

"That's something we could do," Y/N said, clutching her blankets.

"One of us should." Wanda agreed.

It was more a bang this time that caused them all to jump.

"Oh, this getting ridiculous." Y/N snapped, pushing her blankets down. "I am going to take a look." 

"Be careful, Y/N."

"Oh, God." 

Without moving from her spot, Y/N blew the curtains open to reveal the tree. Its branches, crashing against the window.

"Well, I think we handled that well," Wanda said, sinking down into the bed.

"Yes, I must say I'm rather proud of myself. And look how you seized the opportunity to redecorate." Vision said, noting that all their beds were pressed together.

"This is better, isn't it?" Wanda asked.

"Mmm." Vision nodded before Wanda pointed her finger, and instead of three separate beds, the three of you were now on one large joint bed.

"Why did it take us this long?" Y/N asked, smiling at how close she was to her husband and wife.

"Wanda, darling?"

"Yes, dear?"

"Hit the lights." 

The three pulled the blankets over their heads, and Wanda snapped the lights off.

"Ladies and gentlemen, for my final trick, I bring you The Cabinet of Mysteries." Vision practiced in front of an invisible audience. "Wanda, that's your cue." 

"You said "The Cabinet of Mysteries?" Wanda called from behind him. 

"I said "The Cabinet of Mysteries."

"Then that's my cue." Wanda agreed and began to wheel a large cabinet into their living room.

"Holy Toledo!" Vision exclaimed, rushing to help Wanda. "Darling, do all the other acts in the talent show have such elaborate props?"

"Are you kidding? Fred and Linda are building a moat and a fully functioning portcullis, and no-one knows why." Wanda shook her head. 

"I heard Fred was going to throw Linda into the moat," Y/N said from inside the cabinet. "Can we hurry this along? I'm getting claustrophobic." She added.

"Let's keep going." Wanda nodded, taking her place.

"Yes. Yes. Where was I? Ah, yes, watch closely as I, Illusion, Master of Enigma, make my captivating assistant, Glamour, disappear." Vision rehearsed as Wanda held her hand up and gasped. The two opened the doors, and Vision helped Wanda into the cabinet.

"You really are very dashing." Wanda complimented, breaking character.

"Thank you, darling." Vision smiled. "Fear not, Glamour, for I, Illusion vow, to bring you back." The android said, shutting the doors on Wanda. "Abracadabra." He announced, opening the doors to reveal Y/N standing in Wanda's place. "What's this? I seem to have changed my lovely assistant into another lovely being." 

"I saw your assistant in the dimension of the cabinet," Y/N said as Vision helped her out. "To bring her back, I think you'll have to try the spell again."

"So we shall." Vision nodded. He and Y/N closed the doors once more, and Vision held his wand at the ready. "Abracadabra." He said, tapping the cabinet twice, and when the doors opened, this time, there stood Wanda, who was clapping her hands and grinning widely.

"Darlings, you're not at all worried that the audience might just see through this little charade?"

"That's the whole point, sweetheart," Y/N assured her husband. "In a real magic act, everything is fake. Not everyone can do what Wanda does."

"The talent show fundraiser is the most important event of the season, and it's our neighborly duty to participate." Wanda fretted. "Plus, it's our chance to appear as normal as possible while doing so."

"Well, I don't think that should be a problem." Vision joked, gesturing to his undisguised face.

Y/N and Vision chuckled at Vision's joke, but Wanda just stared between the two.

"This is our home now. I just want us to fit in." Wanda admitted.

"Oh, Wand, of course, we fit in," Y/N promised, resting her hand on the woman's waist.

"And if not, then we shall. And we're going to knock the neighborhood's socks off. Especially if the two of you are dressed like this." Vision commented, picking up one of his wife's costumes.

"Oh, that's actually the rest of your costume." Wanda joked, cracking a smile. "Oh, Y/N, we better get going if we want to make the planning committee meeting." Wanda gasped, noting the time on her wristwatch.

"That's me off too, actually." Vision said, pulling on his sweater. "There's a gathering of the neighborhood watch at the public library. After last night's excitement, I want to make sure this town's security is up to snuff." He admitted.

"That's an outta sight idea, Vis." Y/N complimented.

"Real swell, sweetheart. You tell those tree branches whose boss." Wanda teased, leaning up to kiss the man.

"Would you look at us? Wanda, Y/N, and Vision, Westview fitter-inners." Vision smiled before kissing Y/N. "I'll see you both at curtain call." He said, moving to leave.

"Do you have your keys, Vis?" Y/N aked before he left the house. 

"Of course." Vision said, pulling on a hat and his glasses. "When have I ever forgot them?" He wondered, causing Y/N and Wanda to share a look.

"Just now, to name one time," Wanda said, floating Vision his set of keys.

"Oh. Perhaps my processors need a cleaning." Vision mused, changing his appearance and taking the floating keys. "Until curtain call!" He exclaimed.

"Until curtain call!" Both women called back.

Y/N and Wanda still had several minutes before they had to leave for the committee meeting. The two moved around the house, putting dishes away, straightening trinkets, and fluffing pillows when there was a loud noise outside.

"Do you think it's the tree?" Y/N wondered as Wanda began to move out the front door. 

But Wanda didn't respond as she continued to walk in a trance-like state.

"Sweetheart?" Y/N asked, following after her wife. Wanda moved outside and towards the rosebushes where a toy helicopter sat. "Do any of our neighbors have children?" Y/N asked, receiving no response once again.

Wanda pulled the toy out of the bush and stared at it in confusion. 

"Wanda? Sweetheart?" Y/N asked, resting a hand on her shoulder.

"Howdie stars!" Agnes exclaimed, suddenly appearing at the gate. 

Both Y/N and Wanda jumped as Agnes chuckled.

"Agnes! Y/N!" Wanda chuckled, holding one hand to her chest. "I'm sorry, what did you say, Agnes?" Wanda asked, taking Y/N's hand and clutching it tightly.

"I brought my pet rabbit," Agnes said, holding up a cage with a large rabbit. "For your magic act." She explained.

"Yes, of course! Thank you, Agnes." Wanda nodded. 

"We promise we will take good care of him," Y/N added, taking the cage into her arms. "I'll take him inside." She told Wanda.

"I'll come with. I'll lock the back door." Wanda said, following her wife.

"Senor Scratchy just loves the stage. He played baby Jesus in last year's Christmas pageant." Agnes bragged loudly as the two Vision women took her rabbit into their home. "Good morning, Dennis." That was the last thing Y/N and Wanda heard from Agnes as they disappeared into their home.

"You gonna tell me what all that was about?" Y/N asked, putting Senor Scratchy's cage beside the couch.

"What what was all about?" Wanda asked, locking the back door.

"The helicopter." Y/N reminded. "You blanked out on me." She said as they moved back towards the front door.

"I'm having a spacey day, sweetheart. That's all." Wanda assured, closing the front door and stopping Y/N on the porch. "I promise." She said, pressing a kiss to Y/N's lips, taking her hand, and walking back down to Agnes. "Shall we?"

"We shall." Agnes smiled, hooking her arm around Wanda's free one. "So, are you ready to meet Queen Cul de Sac and her merry homemakers?" Agnes questioned the two.

"Dottie, can't be as bad as you say, Agnes." Wanda laughed.

"Wanda, have you met most women? Not everyone's like Agnes or us." Y/N asked, causing Agnes to laugh.

"She's right, you know? You'll notice Dottie's roses bloom under the penalty of death." Agnes told the two, though Wanda scoffed a little. "Can I give you girls a bit of friendly advice?" Agnes asked, stopping in her tracks.

"Is it about how we're dressed?"

"Yes, but it's too late for that now," Agnes said, looking the two over. 

Wanda looked concerned, but Y/N couldn't bring herself to care.

Pants were slowly becoming more incorporated in women's daily wardrobe, and Y/N wouldn't be giving them up for anyone.

"Dottie is the key to everything in this town." Agnes continued. "Country club memberships, parties, school admissions." She teased the two. 

"Let's not get ahead of ourselves." Wanda shook her head, though there was a smile on her face.

"You get in with Dotties, and it'll be smooth sailing from here on out," Agnes told them. "Just mind your P's and Q's, and you're gonna do just fine." She said assuringly.

"Why can't we just be ourselves?" Y/N asked.

"More or less so," Wanda added.

Agnes stared at the two in confusion before letting out a laugh.

"That's good, girls. Very good." She said.

"Everyone, hurry up, please." A new voice called. 

The three women turned to the left and noticed a fair-haired woman leaving a house with a procession of women behind her.

"Hiya, Dottie!" Agnes called. "Your roses are divine!" She complimented, waving a hand.

Y/N and Wanda both followed suit and waved as well. Wanda little more enthusiastically than Y/N's awkward one.

"Well, thank you." Dottie smiled politely and waved daintily. 

Neither Y/N nor Wanda knew just what they were getting themselves into.

Y/N, Wanda, and Agnes all followed Dottie and her group to the country club. The three had sat to the side as Dottie's followers meticulously set everything up.

As one woman spoke about the fundraiser's progress, Wanda watched Dottie intently as the woman made her ice tea to her liking.

"The rotary club is finishing the stage set-up as we speak. They've given the gazebo a fresh coat of paint, and they'll be installing the final decorations all throughout the town square. And if you recognize the antique footlights, it's because they're from my store." The lady standing finished explaining with a fake smile.

"And the chairs?" Dottie asked, tilting her head to the side.

The woman seemingly froze at Dottie's question before she forced a smile back onto her face.

"I'm sorry, Dottie. I didn't ask about the chairs." She admitted.

"So you better not ask me if you can chair any committees in the future," Dottie said, grinning at the other women who laughed at her words. "The devil's in the details, Bev," Dottie said, standing as Bev rushed back to her seat in shame.

"That's not the only place he is," Agnes said to Wanda.

"As you all know, the talent show is the sole fundraiser for Westview Elementary," Dottie explained.

"This might help," Agnes said, raising a small flask.

"Do you have any spare?" Y/N asked, leaning over Wanda, but Agnes shook her head.

"In the eight years since I founded our little club, this event has gotten bigger and better every season." Dottie bragged as a woman passed around a tray of biscuits to Y/N, who handed them onto Wanda.

"Say, those pants are peachy keen. Both sets." The mystery woman complimented.

"Do you really think so?" Wanda asked with wide eyes. "The other ladies are in skirts. I was worried."

"Not me," Y/N mumbled, sipping her drink.

"We only have a few hours until showtime. So, a little less cross chatter and a little more focus would be greatly appreciated," Dottie interrupted, causing the three to freeze.

"Okay." Wanda nodded, passing along the tray. 

"Those little boys and girls are counting on us. All of this is for the children." Dottie said.

The other women, bar Y/N and Wanda, parroted back the phrase, 

"For the children."

Y/N looked very uncomfortable at the chanting women and muttered,

"This is a cult."

But Wanda had been eating her biscuit and parroted the phrase back after everyone else had finished. 

Everyone turned to stare at the Vision women, and Dottie looked more than displeased at the two.

"So I want you all to give yourselves a big hand," Dottie started but was interrupted by Wanda clapping loudly. "At the appropriate time, of course." Dottie scolded as you grabbed Wanda's hands and pulled them down. "But first, let's review event etiquette. The dress code is, of course, upscale garden party,"

"The only reason I didn't clap is that I'm afraid to move." The woman beside Y/N leaned over to whisper.

"I don't think I was paying enough attention to clap," Y/N told her. The woman smiled while Wanda lightly hit her wife's leg.

"I actually don't know what I'm doing here." The mystery woman admitted. 

"I'm starting to feel that way myself," Wanda admitted. "I'm Wanda." She said, holding her hand out.

"I'm, uh, Geraldine." The woman introduced herself after taking Wanda's hand.

"And I'm Y/N."

"And I'm irritated." Dottie interrupted, staring at the three of you, her features pinched together in anger. "Tickets for tonight are completely sold out. Now you can clap." Dottie commanded. The woman allowed everyone to clap for five seconds before she raised her hand. "And stop."

"How is anyone doing this sober?" Agnes muttered, shaking her head.

Across town, Vision had finally made his way to the library and was rushing inside. Afraid to have missed his chance at joining the committee.

Vision quickly found the group he was looking for, surrounding a table, speaking quietly amongst themselves.

"Pardon me, is this the neighborhood watch meeting?" Vision asked, standing to the left of the group, his hat in his hands.

Everyone turned to stare at the man, all clearly unsure what he was doing there.

"Oh, hiya Vision. Didn't expect to see you here." Norm said. "This is sort of a 'members only' type of deal." He informed his coworker.

"Oh certainly! Right, well." Vision stuttered, rocking back on his heels. "I'll just stay here and be quiet as a church mouse until you open up the floor for new business." Vision assured the assembled group.

"Well, in truth, we were just getting to new business." Herb, his next-door neighbor, admitted.

"Oh, splendid! Could you tell me how often you rotate security patrols?" Vision inquired, pulling up a chair between Herb and Norm. "Do you interface directly with local law enforcement? And what are your protocols for threats such as burglary, graffiti, and reckless driving?" He pushed.

"No Vision," Norm started, but Vision interrupted him.

"I know these are indeed grave matters." Vision nodded.

"New business actually means another round of Danish," Norm admitted.

"Raspberry or cheese-filled?" Jones asked, pulling a box onto the table and sitting it before Vision.

"Oh, neither for me, thank you. I don't eat food." Vision said without thinking. 

Vision didn't even register what he had said until he noticed the rest of the table staring at him in confusion.

"What I mean to say is that I don't eat food in between meals but at mealtimes. I'm a regular eating machine." Vision rambled.

There were a couple nods at Vision's reasoning, and Herb even huffed out a short laugh before he leaned in close to the table.

"Hey fellas. Vision here does have a point. Now listen up because I got some top-secret intelligence for you." Herb told everyone who leaned in closer to hear.

"Oh, excellent!"

"You know how Johnson's been braggin' about that treehouse he built for his kids?"

"Yeah?"

"It's a prefab job," Herb informed everyone. The table immediately scoffed at his words and nodded along.

"That blockhead can't even hold a hammer." One mocked.

"I can do you one better." Norm bragged. "You know those bowling trophies Arthur's always polishing? He bought 'em all at a yard sale in Hackensack."

"I knew it! I've never once seen him down at the lanes." Herb shook his head.

Is this how I'm to fit in? Vision pondered. By peddling gossip and stories? Well, if it is to fit in. He decided, nodding to himself.

"I, too have, some top-secret gossip to share." Vision announced. "Norm here's a communist." He declared.

Norm froze for a second as the rest of the table turned to face him. But he didn't have to worry as everyone burst out into boisterous laughter, Norm included.

"Vision, you're a real cut up." Jones complimented.

"You know, I always thought you were kinda square," Norm told him.

"Me? No! I'm as round as they come." Vision said, causing the rest of the men to laugh once more.

"Hey, Vis, card for a stick big Red?" Herb asked, offering a stick of gum to the android.

"Well, hold on a second. Didn't you hear the man? He doesn't eat food." Norm teased as Vision held the gum between two fingers.

"Is gum food?"

"Well, my understanding is that it's purely for mastication." Vision shrugged, turning his head to Herb for began to stutter.

"Oh no, I don't do that!" Herb denied, shaking his head firmly.

"Well, when in Westview." Vision shrugged, unwrapping the gum. "Cheers." He said, raising the stick before putting it in his mouth.

"Who knew you were such a funny guy?" Norm asked.

"And to think you came here all hot and bothered about protocols and nonsense." Herb chuckled. "We actually thought you were serious," Herb said, slapping Vision on the back.

At the rough and sudden movement, Vision accidentally swallowed the gum in his mouth.

Vision could feel the wad of gum sliding down his throat and getting stuck in his internal processors.

"He's funny. All right, so, back to the barbeque." Herb directed the meeting back on topic. 

But what none of the other men noticed was Vision's growing panic at the foreign object now stuck in his internal processors.

Back at the country club, it was now only Y/N, Wanda, and Dottie. 

Wanda and Y/N had been tasked with cleaning up after the meeting while Dottie sat prissily behind them.

"And this is why you never do a seating chart on an empty stomach," Dottie commented as Wanda heaved a heavy tray of plates onto the table.

"Golly, you're a whiz at all the committee stuff, Dottie." Wanda complimented as Y/N picked up two stacks of teacups. "Thank you for choosing us to help you clean up. I feel so lucky." Wanda commented, taking one stack off Y/N's hands.

"You are." Dottie shrugged as they lugged the china onto the cart.

"I don't like her," Y/N whispered into her wife's ear once their backs were to their host. "Let's just split now."

"Not yet." Wanda denied before turning back to Dottie. "I can't help but wonder if the three of us haven't gotten off on the wrong foot, Dottie. And I'd like to, we'd like to, correct that if we can."

"And how would you do that?" Dottie asked, her face void of emotion.

Wanda didn't have an answer for Dottie as she chuckled awkwardly and glanced at her wife for an answer. But Y/N didn't have one either.

"I've heard things about you," Dottie revealed, rising to a stand. "About you, about your husband, and about your wife," Dottie said, pointing at both women.

"Well, I don't know what you've been told, but I assure you we don't mean anyone any harm," Wanda said as Y/N moved to stand beside her.

"I don't believe you," Dottie said, staring the two women down with a mean glare.

For a minute, the three women merely stared at one another. Dottie glared in distrust, Wanda looked almost scared, and Y/N was glaring at Dottie for threatening her wife, husband, and their life here.

The staring contest was interrupted by the radio crackling loudly before a man's voice came through it.

"Wanda. Wanda, can you hear? Agent Barton, do you read me?"

"Who is that?" Dottie asked, looking at the radio in fear.

"Wanda? Y/N?"

"Who are you?" Dottie gasped, now turning her fearful gaze to Wanda and Y/N.

The voice continued to call for both Wanda and Y/N. It kept repeating their names until a glass shattered.

The glass in Dottie's hand shattered, and the radio silenced.

"Dottie!" Wanda gasped, gazing at Dottie's bleeding hand in shock.

Wanda quickly took the woman's hand into her own as Y/N pulled a handkerchief out of her pocket.

"Pop quiz, Wanda," Dottie said as Y/N wrapped her hand. "How does a housewife get a bloodstain out white linen?" She asked. When neither woman gave her an answer, she answered her own question. "By doing it herself."

And with that, Dottie walked away.

"Wanda, what is going on?" Y/N demanded as Wanda glanced down at the radio. "What was that? Was that you? That couldn't have been you. Why was it calling me Agent Barton?" Y/N questioned her.

Wanda had never seen her wife really lose her cool in all their time together.

Y/N was always the level-headed one of the trio.

"Sweetheart," Wanda said, taking Y/N's face in her hands. At Wanda's touch, Y/N physically slacked in her grip. "You're exhausted," Wanda explained, running her thumb under Y/N's eye. "It's been a long day, and we didn't sleep last night. You need rest." 

"I need rest." Y/N agreed, nodding her head gently.

"We have time before the show to go home and take a nap." Wanda determined. "Maybe we can find something for your head at home or some tea? Does that sound okay?" 

"That sounds okay." Y/N nodded, smiling at her wife. "You know it's really your fault we didn't get any sleep last night." Y/N teased as she stood upright.

"Of course it was." Wanda smiled, wrapping her arm around Y/N's waist. "Let's get you home."

As the two began to walk away, Wanda couldn't stop herself from looking back and at the radio.

Just what was that?

Wanda and Y/N had gone home and taken an hour for themselves before they had to get ready for the show and bring their props down to the town square.

All of their neighbors had prepared an act. Everyone was performing.

Wanda, Y/N, and Vision were the last act on the agenda. The only problem with their performance was that they were missing a key component.

They were missing Vision.

"I'd hate to go after this guy." Geraldine giggled, staring at what was happening through the curtains while Wanda paced.

"What?" Wanda panicked. 

"Oh no, not like that. You guys are gonna be great." Geraldine assured. 

"Oh, what time is it now?" Wanda asked, beginning to pace again.

"Wanda, it's been two minutes," Y/N told the woman.

"I just don't know where he could be."

"Wanda, Vision will be here," Y/N promised, stopping her wife in her pacing by taking her hands. "He promised, and he'd never break a promise to us."

"Is that him?" Geraldine interrupted, pointing to a man stumbling up the stairs. 

Y/N and Wanda both turned to see their husband stumbling up the steps of the gazebo.

"It looks like he's got a little hitch in his giddyup," Geraldine commented, shaking her head.

"Vis?" Wanda asked, moving towards the man.

"Wanda! Wanda, my little cabbage, you look smashing!" Vision complimented before letting out a groan.

"What have you been doing?" Y/N asked, stepping next to Wanda.

"Not to worry, my little squash, me and the boys were just playing a rather thrilling game of horses with shoes." Vision said before shaking his head. "No, that's not right. Shoe horses. Horse's shoes!"

"Listen, something strange happened with Dottie," Y/N said, grabbing Vision's arms. "And before that. Something strange has been going on all day. It's hard to explain." Y/N told him.

"I was just playing with his shoes!" Vision yelled, pointing his finger at a man walking by in a horse costume.

Both Y/N and Wanda stared at their husband in confusion. He'd never acted like this before.

"What is going on?" Wanda asked a tad hysterically.

"You are!" Geraldine interrupted.

Wanda rushed to the curtains where Geraldine was peeking her head out to see Dottie giving a speech.

"I want to thank you all for coming out to support Westview Elementary, "For the Children." Dottie gushed.

"For the children." The crowd parroted back.

"The whole town's in this cult." Y/N shook her head.

"And for our final act, I give you Wanda, Y/N, and Vision," Dottie announced, politely clapping as she left the stage to sit with her husbands.

Wanda grabbed Y/N's hand and pulled the woman through the curtains.

The two smiled at the audience as they moved to their spot and, at the same time, gestured for Vision to exit.

Except Vision didn't exit. He completely missed his cue. 

"Hey! Hey you! You're up, Cowboy!" Geraldine snapped backstage at Vision.

"What?" Vision asked, struggling with a deck of cards. "Oh, shoot! I've got to go!"

Vision rushed towards the stage, and instead of exiting calmly, as they had planned, Vision burst through the curtains.

"Hello, Westview!" Vision exclaimed as Y/N and Wanda exchanged looks. "It's so lovely to be. I'm so sorry!" Vision apologized to a handrail he had bumped into. "Excuse me. I am Allure, and these are my delightful assistant's Illusion and Glamour."

"I am Glamour," Wanda interjected, raising a hand in a flourish.

"And I am Allure," Y/N added, copying Wanda's movements. "And this is the incredible,

"Illusion." The two introduced.

"Whatever they said." Vision nodded along. "Today, we will lie to you, and yet you will believe our little deceptions because human beings are easily fooled. But that's not your fault!" Vision told the audience. "It's because of human's limited understanding of the inner workings of the universe." He shrugged while his wife's once again stared at him questioningly. "Flourish!"

"You don't have to say it out loud, honey," Wanda muttered.

"You just do it. Like we practiced." Y/N added.

"Bah!" Vision waved off the advice. "And now, my wive's and I will delight in your dumbstruck little faces. Flourish!" He called before he was suddenly floating above the stage.

Wanda and Y/N froze at their husband's actions. And they weren't the only ones. 

Everyone in the audience saw what Vision was doing, and they all gasped at the sight of him floating.

What was he thinking?

Wanda's head snapped to the audience, and she noticed Dottie watching intently. 

Thinking quickly, Wanda pointed at Vision and conjured a wire for him to float from.

Y/N, noticing Wanda's actions, rushed across the stage and moved a poster board revealing the lever connected to the rope and pully.

"Ha! Do you see? He's using a rope!" Norm called from the audience.

"Wanda, what's, oh God! No! Y/N, stop her!" Vision yelled as Wanda began to pull Vision higher, to the audience's delight. "Darlings, let me down! I'm feeling pukey!"

After that line, Wanda finally lowered Vision to the ground as the audience clapped loudly.

"Thank you!" Vision smiled. "What's next? Oh, yeah, this is, this is gonna be great!" He said, moving over to the piano. "A staggering feat of strength!" He bragged, raising the piano with one hand.

The audience gasped and stared at the man in confusion.

"What do you think of that?" Vision asked the crowd.

"Illusion." Wanda gasped, struggling to think of how to fix this. "Illusion, Master of Engima, allow me." She said, wiggling her fingers subtly before rushing across the stage.

Wanda grabbed the piano out of Vision's hand, and it was replaced by a cardboard replica.

"Whoops!" Wanda gasped as she showed the audience the fake back. "You weren't supposed to see how we did that trick!" She teased, causing the audience to clap and giggle.

"That was my grandmother's piano," Jones said in the audience, watching as Wanda threw the piano to Y/N.

As the piano was removed from the stage, Vision turned his sights to the audience before excitedly exclaiming,

"Sherbert! This is my old mate Sherbert!" Vision yelled, moving towards the crowd. "Stand up, Sherbert! Say hello to the crowd!" He demanded, rushing beside the other man.

"It's Herbert. Herb." Herb clarified.

"Pipe down, Sherbie, and pick a card." Vision said, pushing the deck in Herb's direction. "Any card, now put it back in the deck." He ordered, turning his back to his neighbor. "I'm not looking. All right, watch this."

Vision halved the deck and pulled out the King of Diamonds, holding it smugly in front of Herb.

"Is this your card?"

"No." Herb shook his head.

"I beg to differ." Vision scoffed, thrusting the card towards Herb.

"It's not."

"Really?" Vision asked, cocking his head to the side. "Is this your card?" He questioned, pulling out another card.

"Vision," Y/N said from the stage, a fake smile on her face.

But Vision ignored her as he continued to pull cards from the deck.

"Is this your card? Is this your card? Is your card?" Vision kept repeating, showing cards and then throwing them to the side as Herb denied him.

"Sweetheart?" Wanda asked as cards flew everywhere.

"Is this your card?" Vision demanded, pulling out the King of Spades.

"Oh, it is," Herb said, surprised at it finally being pulled out.

"It is what?" Vision asked, staring at him in confusion. 

"It's my card." Herb smiled.

"Well, pardon me, Herb. Have it back." Vision scoffed, thrusting the card into the man's hands.

"No, that's not what I meant. You did the trick right." Herb told him as Vision stormed away.

"Well, of course, I did the trick right. I'm Illusion!" Vision exclaimed, rolling his eyes. "Flourish!" He emitted, bowing deeply.

Wanda and Y/N quickly began to clap at Vision's trick', causing the audience to join.

"And now, for my next trick," Vision began to announce.

"He's still going?" Y/N whispered to her wife, who sighed.

"Where's my hat? Who stole my hat?" Vision asked, turning to see his hat on the stage floor, Senor Scratchy hopping out of it. "Oh! Stop that rabbit!" He called as Y/N, and Wanda chased after the rabbit. "I've got to pull a hat out of you!"

"Senor Scratchy's got real star quality, don't you think?" Agnes asked anyone who would listen as Wanda caught him.

"Maybe we leave the poor bunny out of this one, shall we?" Wanda questioned, stroking the rabbit's fur gently.

"That sounds swell," Y/N said, approaching Wanda with the cage.

"Well then, I will just have to pull this hat out of myself!" Vision determined, facing the audience with a grin.

"Vision no." Wanda gasped, staring at him pleadingly.

"I'm doing it."

"Don't you dare," Y/N said, putting her hands on her hips.

"Ah-ha!" Vision cheered. Having ignored his wives pleading, Vision had gone ahead and pushed his hat through his torso.

The crowd didn't clap, and they didn't gasp. Everyone merely stared in confusion, not understanding what they just saw.

"If only we could tell you our secret." Y/N awkwardly smiled as Wanda wiggled her fingers.

The curtains opened behind the three, revealing a set of mirrors to the audience.

The assembled crowd let out sounds of recognition and began to clap, now understanding the trick.

"Is that how mirrors work?" Bev wondered a costume horse head on her lap.

"Shut up, Bev." Dottie scolded the other woman without even turning to look at her.

"And now, ladies and gentlemen, for our grand finale." Vision announced as Wanda moved to get the cabinet while Y/N closed the curtains. "I bring you the Magnet of Crysteries!"

"The Cabinet of Mysteries," Wanda told the crowd, a slight snap in her tone.

Wanda was so fed up with how the day had gone that all she wanted was to get the show over with.

But she was so focused on her frustration that she never noticed, Y/N wasn't in the cabinet.

"I will now make my wife disappear!" Vision announced, opening the doors to show the crowd and shutting them before Wanda could enter.

"Are you sure you don't want an audience volunteer named "My husband Ralph?" Agnes called from the crowd.

The rest of the crowd, particularly the women, laughed at Agnes' joke.

"No. Abracadabra!" Vision cheered, tapping his wand on the cabinet door.

"Uh, Vision, sweetheart?" Wanda said from where she still stood.

"Yeah?"

"Hi." Wanda waved, causing Vision to freeze.

"Oh."

"Hiya, darlings," Y/N announced, now standing beside Vision.

"Oh." Both her partners said, now staring at her.

"What's in the box?" The crowd began to chant. "What's in the box? What's in the box?"

"What is in the box?" Vision asked, staring at his wives in confusion.

"What's in the box? What's in the box?"

Wanda pointed at the cabinet, and when she and Vision opened the doors, there stood Geraldine.

The audience all gasped at the woman's appearance before beginning to clap wildly.

"Let's bounce," Y/N said, grabbing Vision's hand and dragging him off stage with Wanda following behind.

Once away from the crowd, Vision immediately began to cry.

"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I'm so stupid." Vision cried.

"Vis, it is all right," Wanda assured, putting her hands on Vision's chest.

"Vision, it's okay, everything is fine. You're not stupid." Y/N added, taking his hand in one of hers.

"But what is going on with you?" Wanda demanded of him.

"I have no idea!" Vision cried. "I've been feeling weirdy all day!"

"It's okay. We can solve this," Y/N told him soothingly.

Wanda stepped back and raised her hand towards him. She began to scan through Vision's systems and stopped in the middle of his torso. 

Vision let out a groan at the sensation as Wanda's eyes widened.

Wanda worked her magic and forced the gum out of Vision's systems.

The gum forced itself up Vision's throat and out of his mouth.

"Disgusting," Y/N said, cringing at the scene.

"Well, would you look at that? That really gummed up the works, didn't it?" Vision joked, the gum that had caused so many problems between his fingers. "I'm not as funny without it, am I?" He asked when neither of his wives responded.

"Oh, honey, no," Y/N said, squeezing his hand. "You weren't funny with it either." She teased.

"Well, you're back to yourself." Wanda sighed, relieved.

"And that's all we really need," Y/N promised, leaning up to kiss his cheek.

"Now, let's get out of here before Dottie, and the planning committee, string us up for ruining the show," Wanda said to the two.

"Don't joke. The cult might actually do that." Y/N commented.

"I'm sorry, what cult?" Vision asked, looking quite concerned.

"I'll explain later," Y/N promised as the three reached the edge of the curtains.

The three tried to inconspicuously sneak away from the show but were stopped with a cry.

"You three, stop right there!"

"Oh, we're dead." Y/N cringed as the three began to turn around with grimaces adorning their faces. 

"Nothing, like what the three of you just did up there, has ever happened in the history of our talent show," Dottie told the three.

"Dottie, we are so,"

"Hilarious." Dottie cut Wanda off. "That was the most hilarious act we've ever seen. Wouldn't you agree?" Dottie asked the crowd, who applauded in agreeance.

Wanda let out a relieved chuckle while Y/N grinned victoriously.

"Oh, yes, of course!" Vision exclaimed, playing along as if everything that had just happened was intentional.

"You three, come on up. Come on." Dottie ordered. 

The married three all looked at one another before agreeing it was safe to move on stage.

"On behalf of the planning committee, I would like to award you with the inaugural Comedy Performance of the year," Dottie announced, handing Wanda the trophy.

The audience rose to their feet and began to cheer for the three.

Wanda, Y/N, and Vision all giddily grinned as Wanda raised the trophy, and they indulged in their moment.

Wanda heard clapping from the stage side and turned her head to see Geraldine clapping happily.

Y/N, noticing where Wanda was looking, also turned to Geraldine and began to gesture her over.

"Come on." Wanda mouthed as the other woman hesitated.

With a bit more encouraging, and Vision pulling her over, Geraldine finally moved to stand with the three, a smile on her face.

"I do have to ask," Geraldine whispered, turning her head to Vision. "One second I'm backstage, and the next, I'm in a dark cubby hole." She said as the four bowed. "How'd you do it?"

"Oh, a magician never reveals his secrets." Vision said sagely. "He leaves that to his assistants.

"And she's not talking," Y/N told the curious woman.

"Nope. Neither of them are." Wanda added with a sly smile.

"Why did I have a feeling you'd say that?" Geraldine asked with a giggle.

"For the children!" Norm called from the crowd.

"For the children!" The rest of the crowd repeated.

"It's still culty," Y/N whispered in her wife's ear.

The three were in a joyful mood as they walked home. Despite the show not going the way they had wanted it to, everything had turned out okay.

They had fit in with their neighbors, entertained their friends, and no-one was any the wiser about their secrets.

"When did you learn to salsa dance?" Wanda laughed, watching as Y/N and Vision danced down the street.

"I don't remember when I learned to, I just know it was at night, and I read many books on the subject." Vision said as he twirled Y/N out.

"Of course you." Y/N laughed before she took over the dominant role and began to lead. She then spun Vision towards Wanda.

The three continued to dance into their home, their costumes and other items balanced in skilled hands.

"You were tremendous, Glamour." Vision complimented, opening the door as Wanda dramatically fell into his arms.

"As were you, Illusion," Wanda said, grinning up at the man.

"Despite the circumstances." Y/N smiled, entering behind the two. Wanda had moved out of Vision's arms to put the trophy away, allowing Vision to wrap both arms around Y/N's waist.

"Why, thank you, Allure." Vision said, smiling down at his wife. Y/N returned the smile before leaning up to kiss the man.

"I don't know what I was so worried about." Wanda sighed, taking her seat on the couch. "It wasn't so hard to fit in at all." 

"And all we had to do was be ourselves." Vision agreed, sitting to her right.

"At least the public version," Y/N smirked, sitting on Wanda's other side.

"And it was all for the children."

"For the children."

"For the children."

"Well, I think the children might need some popcorn," Wanda commented.

"And some coffee," Y/N added as she and Wanda rose to their feet.

"Wanda. Y/N." Vision said, stopping the two of them in their tracks.

"Hmm, what?"

"Yes, sweetheart?" 

As Vision rose from the couch, his gaze remained focused on their stomachs, causing the two to finally look down.

"Oh shoot." Y/N gasped, noting hers and Wanda's matching bellies. 

"Is this really happening?" Wanda asked, a hand on her engorged stomach and her other on Y/N's.

"Yes, my love." Vision smiled, leaning down to kiss Wanda gently as if she would break if he applied too much pressure.

"We're gonna have a family." Y/N smiled, pressing her fingertips onto Wanda's stomach as her husband and wife pulled apart.

"We are, my dove." Vision nodded, grin still attached to his face, before leaning down and kissing Y/N with the same gentleness.

"We're pregnant." Wanda grinned, her eyes slightly glassy before she pulled Y/N into a kiss. Hers more firm than the one's Vision had done.

As Wanda kissed Y/N, there was a loud banging outside, causing the three to jump.

"If that's that damn tree again, I'm going to rip it out by the roots." Vision snapped, storming towards the door.

"Don't touch my tree, Vis!" Y/N exclaimed as she and Wanda followed after Vision.

"I don't see anything," Wanda said as the three searched the yard for the noise.

"What is that?" Vision asked, standing at the gate. Y/N and Wanda moved to see what he was looking at and saw a storm drain cover moving.

As something began to climb out, Vision moved forward and wrapped his arms around his wives protectively.

A man in a beekeeper's costume emerged, a swarm of bees surrounding him.

"No," Wanda whispered as the man's head snapped towards the three.

"We're pregnant." Wanda grinned, her eyes slightly glassy before she pulled Y/N into a kiss. Hers more firm than the one's Vision had done.

When the two pulled apart, it was as if their world was suddenly all the more vibrant. 

Their home was bright, and the three were glowing. 

"Everything's changing," Y/N said, looking at her partners with a grin.

"It is." Vision agreed, pulling the two women into his embrace.

"All for the better," Wanda told the two.

And it was. 

Taglist will be open throughout the series.  

@x-uglyprincess-x @imthedoctorlove @loveinnoya @unknownalien3388 @bindythedemon @summersimmerus @buckmesidewaysandcallmesteve @natasharomanoffismywife @mcsteamy4ever @monxpeet @amywinehouseisgod @milleniumloki @buckybarnesplumwhore @kennedywxlsh @drpepperobsessed @madamevirgo @superbsccissorsdeanexpert @itty-bitty-witch @essenceproxima @severusminerva @okkulta @mrscasnovak @niki-is-a-thing

[swoodthis]

Shit Max Says, Bayonetta 3 edition, pt 3

“Shut the fuck up, Zanza.”

“WATCH ME PULL A RABBIT OUTTA MY HAT!” (Abracadabra weapon)

“Kitty? Kitty? Here kitty kitty!”

“AND THEY ALL C R O A K E D—!!” (Song of Baal)

“An amphibious assault.” (Baal again)

“GET HIS ASS GOMORRAH”

“I have to save up for at least the opportunity to TRY to slap his bald head.” (The Platinum Ticket)

[masonxmahir]

Falling forward and into Culver was a blessing in more ways than one. For starters, their face was saved from eating the ground and that counted for at least ten benefits. Still, it took a while for senses and surrounding to return as they blinked slowly up at the man. "Thanks for the save dude, you did me a real solid." Shaking their whole body out off the jitters, Mason back on their own feet without support, "Well, I mean, timing sure, sure, but they came outta nowhere! I usually don't have quick reflexes anyway but they sure are lucky I just lost my head for a moment, it'd be a disaster if I hit them or something. Why did I think this was a good idea?" Shaking their head now, he turned to Culver, "Pull any coins out of ears yet or ya waiting for rabbits and hats?"

Option C

Culver had never been inside a country club before, and really, he was not exactly upset about that fact. After all, beneath all the decorations and flashing lights, he was getting the sense that country clubs, with their expensive furniture and gleaming floors, were maybe just, like, funeral homes, but for tennis. Still, he enjoyed a good haunted house. The carnival had owned an old-school dark ride, with mannequins stationed on metal arms that sent them screaming across rickety monster carts, made terrifying by flickering lights and fogs. Eyeing the prop head, wondering if maybe he could come up with some kind of illusion to make his own fall off, the witch looked placidly up at the jumping scare actor, unmoved, before sticking out his arms to catch Mason in his grasp. Culver looked down into their face, giving the other a small shake. "You gotta work on yer timing, friend. If I'm the one catchin' you, how am I gonna pick anyone's pockets while they fawn over your fallen body?" He looked back up to the costumed screamer. "Not permanently, of course. I'm a magician. I gotta find quarters to pull outta ears."

[acmeoop]

Watch Me Pull A Rabbit Outta Muh Hat

[nocylipcowa]

.

truth to be told i don't think void has eyes. they don't perceive the world in our physical sense, in our colour spectre at least. but also colours are wavelengths, and the astral is full of noise

also as i wrote somewhere before i don't think they have sense of time, they are mostly sleeping somewhere and reasemble the shape when woken up. this also might be the reason why the medium who were supposed to call nonexistent houdini's son did contact something - except it was made solely for the purpose of contact, as of it was a rabbit pulled outta the hat

oh, and seems that if you have in a partnership with them and try to cleanse yourself and banish all the spirits - it won't work and you may as well try to kill yourself afterwards since they are already part of your psyche. terrible nightmare with ld afterwards, but I might be getting closer to oobe (but vibrations are terrifying and tbh i don't know if i'm ready to do it)

on the other hand they showed me many beautiful images when I woke up. still annoying bastards, but I love them. no clue what's their deal tho, yk the usual