#quid pro queue

[banhbotloc]

[ID: photos of rice balls (onigiri) shaped and decorated like small birds, including parakeets and budgies. The first photo shows many rice balls on a plate, all colored and shaped differently. They have tiny eyes and beaks made of nori and pine nuts. The second photo shows one rice bird sitting at the edge of a plate of Japanese curry. End ID]

[intimidaid]

hi guys i wanted to come on here and rant about my boyfriend because he's literally my boyfriend (mha dr)

making katsuki my bf is def controversial within the mha shifter community because he's lowkey insufferable but let me explain why he's literally my man

we've been childhood friends since kindergarten. how am i friends with him? he yells at me (or others) = i yell at him. this repeats infinitely like a positive feedback loop. he has anger issues, i like triggering them because it's funny when he's angry. this eventually translates into constant play fighting

when we get our Quirks, we get more touchy, but not because of affection. his Quirk (which makes him smell like spicy burnt caramel, by the way,) makes him constantly be slightly hyperthermic. not enough to be dangerous, but enough to bother him (which is partially why he's always so irritable and angry — the boy is literally boiling alive from the inside). my Quirk is a weird mix and match of my parents' quirk, and it usually doesn't really resemble theirs, but there's one major part of my mom's quirk that i inherited; i'm always slightly hypothermic. not enough to be dangerous, but enough to bother me. the two of us quickly discover that we can balance each other out, working like an ice cube heating up from the warm tea it's in (and the tea cooling down from the ice). being at a normal temperature is very relieving when you're always on the edge of overheating/overcooling. queue almost constant casual touches; shoves, arms over shoulders, hair ruffling, and, once my self preservation is doomed enough (or when i trust him enough), even occasional hugs. just for body temperature regulation — quid pro quo, not necessarily affection. and it does calm us both down significantly.

as preteens we are literally THE delinquents. like we'll cuss anyone out, we dgaf. and if they cuss one of us out? they gotta deal with either his explosive tantrums or my own catty, bitchy one liners. or both. we don't take shit, and we'll gladly throw it right back at anyone who tries to give us any

my Quirk is overpowered but he's physically stronger and we both make it each other's problems. "shitty bimbo!" "i could literally turn you into a pancake rn" "shut up or i'll punch your lights out!" "oh noo, my pretty facee.. not like i'd just heal any marks you leave". neither of us can outdo the other because we beat each other in different areas. but we're both competitive so we keep trying over and over again — and of course, the result is different every time, so there's never a conclusive "i'm better than you"

"but his personality is so insufferable!!" but it's so much fun to challenge him.

and we actually DO care a lot about each other, mind you. not only can we both relate to everyone in our childhood swearing "you'll be the number one hero for sure!!" and then having to live up to that (which brings pressure even if we believe it), but we're just... friends??? of course we care.

so of course he pulls me into the same portal as him when the villains scatter our class at USJ, because "i know you can handle yourself alone, but i'd rather blast the shitty extras myself." and of course i follow him through the portal at the training camp when he's being kidnapped (before kurogiri warps me out of the base again and back to the training camp), because dude that's my best friend, only i get to beat the shit out of him. did i mention how his first words after getting rescued are "where's the shitty doll"? did i mention how i come running when i get the phone call?

katsuki doesn't publicly show that he cares. he won't pick me up when i fall down or comfort me when i'm hurt. what he will do, though? he'll silently hover near me when i'm vulnerable, letting me process things at my own pace while he glares at anyone who tries to approach. or he'll swing open the doors he walks through because "he's a delinquent with no manners", but only when i'm behind him, so i won't have to open the door myself.

so, is he a total asshole with anger issues to last generations? absolutely. but not to the people closest to him.

oh, and how do we start dating? denki and mina make us kiss under a mistletoe in our third year, lol.

shouto doesn't really get what i see in him, but he's happy as long as i'm happy. he does know katsuki's anger issues, though, so he makes me promise to tell him if katsuki ever shows any red flags, because he obviously doesn't want his sister to marry someone like his dad. valid!

and izuku? he TRIES to be worried... but after the first few times witnessing the way katsuki will flat-out refuse to handle me roughly and without care (outside of sparring), he just can't imagine katsuki hurting me.

touya (who survives the war and is placed under Enji's supervision in a kind of house arrest situation) claims he reserves the right to kill katsuki if the boy lays a single finger on me. excessive, but love you anyway touya-nii <3 even if the blueflame user could have my back slightly less violently...

[ahoystevee]

Dazzling Starlet, Bardot Reincarnate

It’s 1990. Eddie Munson did Steve Harrington the favour of being his first male sexual encounter and is filled with deep regret when Steve Harrington shows up at his apartment needing his help months later.

OR: Steve’s parents find magazines under his bed and Eddie begrudgingly lets him stay at his apartment and hates every second even though hes secretly a sweetie with a soft spot

"I cannot fucking believe it." Eddie grumbled, arm leaning against the surface of the bar as he glared over the rim of his glass.

"What?" Robin asked, immediately averting her gaze to Eddie's line of sight.

"Oh, you're talking about Steve again. Shocking." Robin sang, tone tainted in sarcasm.

It had been three months since Eddie had kicked Steve out of his apartment the morning after their surprising, yet oddly exhilarating sexual excursion.

He'd done Steve a favour, Eddie got laid. Quid pro quo. All's fair in sex and war.

Eddie was of the assumption that he was free of him, that life would go back to normal after Steve Harrington. Like plucking a blood sucking leech from your skin knee deep in a shallow river or finally digging out that splinter in your finger with a pair of tweezers.

But no.

Because Steve Harrington was everywhere.

All of the time.

Dancing, flirting, kissing.

He'd become a regular at Eddie's most sacred place. His Nirvana, his church. Valhalla, Abraham's bosom, whatever you wanted to call it.

Thursday to Saturday, as soon as those club doors opened at 9pm, there he was. He'd even made friends with the bouncers so he could skip the queue each time. The guy had a fucking membership card and every single person in there knew who he was.

Eddie shrugged it off at first. He's young, he's finding himself. He deserves to blow off some steam and have a little fun. The sex was pretty much the only joy of being gay so he couldn't blame him too much.

Eddie would watch him saunter up to past, present - and what he was hoping were future - flings without a care in the world. He cut his T-shirts up into crop tops to show off his abs, he started wearing eyeliner, he would tease and flirt with anyone who so much as looked in his direction.

He had a posse of men around him at all times with their hands all over him.

And Eddie was forced to bear witness to all of it.

Eddie whips around to face Robin behind the bar, slamming his glass down on the surface.

"I used to be the best fucking ride in here. Then he comes along acting like he owns the place and everyone flocks to him like Jesus' disciples after he waltzed out of his cave." Eddie seethed through gritted teeth.

"They're just a bunch of cock starved hedonists. Y'know I thought we had a little humility about us. Evidently fucking not."

Robin rolled her eyes, drying a glass with a dish towel.

"He's just the hot new thing, you know how this place goes. Some other poor unsuspecting twink will come along in a week and everyone will forget about him."

"I literally taught him everything he knows."

"Well - at least you don't have to deal with him anymore. You did him a solid and now he's - giving everyone else a solid." Robin snickered.

Eddie downed his drink, sliding the empty glass across the bar.

"Makes me sick." He spat.

"You're not jealous are you?" Robin smiled slyly as she poured a single measurement full of Eddie's favourite whiskey.

Jim Beam. Old reliable, Jim. That was the one man who couldn't piss Eddie off even if he tried.

"No, no - I'm not fucking jealous."

"Sounds like you're jealous." Robin thinned her lips and widened her eyes cautiously as she handed Eddie his drink.

"Screw you, man. I just think it's a bit rich coming from the guy who didn't even know how to finger himself three months ago." Robin grimaced as Eddie took a hefty sip.

"Like, how good can he be really? He's a bottom, all he does is lay there. I was the one doing all the work! Me!" He exclaimed as Robin continued to stare at him.

"What?"

"It just sounds like you're a bit upset that after your steamy night of passion, he seems to have forgotten all about you."

"That doesn't upset me." Eddie sneered.

"Its preferable he forgets all about me. I like it that way."

"Sure." Robin said, lowering her gaze to bite back a smile she was desperately trying hard to hide from Eddie.

"Are you forgetting that I could have had him again? I'm the one who sent him packing the next morning. I didn't get down on my knees and beg him to stay. I wanted him gone."

"Well, there you go then. I don't know what you're so uptight about!" Robin declared, slapping her hands against her thighs in defeat.

Eddie turned around, realising he wasn't going to be getting the validation from Robin anytime soon. Ever the pacifist.

Eddie watched as Steve raked a hand through his hair - his already cropped shirt lifting even higher as Eddie's eyes unwillingly glazed over the scope of his body.

God.

Steve gleamed at Eddie, making his way over to the bar.

"Oh my fucking God there's no escape is there." Eddie muttered.

"Hey." Steve called out breathlessly, smiling at Eddie.

"Hi." Eddie grumbled, leaning back against the bar and crossing his arms tightly against his chest.

"You look like you're having fun."

"I would say the same for you, but - looks a bit dry over here." He retaliated, directing his attention to Robin and offering her a sickeningly sweet smile.

"Could I get a vodka lime and soda please, Robin?"

"Sure thing!" Robin responded.

A little too politely for Eddie's liking.

"Vodka lime and soda? What are you a forty year old woman watching her figure?" Eddie mocked, peering at Steve in his peripheral.

"Well - I was gonna offer to buy you a drink"-

"No thanks. I don't take handouts." He interjected, hurriedly.

"So testy." Steve acknowledged - folding his arms against the bar, elbow knocking against Eddie's as he situated himself mere inches against his face.

"And for your information - It's the opposite of dry, thank you very much. We're having a blast."

"Yeah, it's a real hoot and a half over here." Robin deadpanned, topping Steve's drink off with soda water.

"Coulda fooled me." Steve shrugged.

"Not going out there?" He asked, cocking his head over to the main floor filled with bustling bodies.

"Nah, just observing tonight. I'm not interested in chasing around a bunch of fucked out crystal queens with blown out pupils right now."

"Y'know - I've seen you a couple times - you haven't left with anybody in a while." Steve acknowledged.

"So?"

"So - could the great Eddie Munson be past his prime?"

Oh, this kid had a death wish.

Continue reading on ao3

[banhbotloc]

[ID: two dango (rice flour balls) on skewers, decorated with black dough to look like pandas. End ID]

名古屋グルメ みほの食べ歩き

[cordycepsfcrged]

MODERN AU; generic supernatural based. The world has vampires, werewolves, ghosts, restless undead, and all manner of things that go bump in the night that most of the world thinks only exists in fairy tales and scary bedtime stories. This story takes the canon plot lines for Joel, Ellie and Abby and adapts them for a modern setting to allow a wider range of plots for those that do not have apocalypse / tlou / twd / re / zombie et al based verses. The default for my characters here is still the TLOU / general apocalypse vibes verse. This modern supernatural verse is available by request only.

For all intents and purposes, I will be assuming that the Joel, Ellie and or Abby referenced in this plot is my own - if you write one of those characters and want to use this verse setting to write with mine that's totally okay but I am not going to assume / godmod this verse with other writers of those muses.

The story starts with a vampire (I will have to come up with a name and general description for plot purposes but I haven't done that yet - also feel free to opt to be that vampire if you've got one and wanna write with any of my peeps in this verse) who has a certain predilection for feasting on innocence. 20/30 odd years ago, Sarah Miller, a 12 year old soccer play from Texas, had the misfortune of catching his eye. Her father, Joel Miller, attempted to fight off the creature he found feeding on his little girl in the middle of the night, but ultimately lost that fight and had to hold his daughter while she bled out in his arms awaiting emergency assistance. With the rude awakening to the fact that humanity is not alone on this world, he left the life he knew behind and disappeared into the shadows where such creatures live, vowing to do whatever it takes to find the monster responsible for killing Sarah. Enter Ellie. Daughter of Anna; hunted by the same vampire that had killed Sarah years before. With her last human breaths, she gives birth to Ellie, an orphan with only a letter, a switchblade and a birthright she didn't ask for and never wanted. (Listen, we're working with what we've got, supernatural stuff works weird, there are no rules - just work with me okay; we're going with Anna being turned while she was pregnant, passing on just enough of the supernatural blood to create a latent / dormant dhampir like power in Ellie's blood.) Her dhampir powers are triggered in her early adolescence when Ellie and her (almost) girlfriend Riley are attacked by a vampire. Riley is killed, Ellie is bitten, but manages to escape. Over the next couple years, her body begins to change; senses begin to heighten, emotions become unruly, unnatural cravings for raw meat et al begin. Nightmares ensue (the psychic link to her mother's sire). After a final violent altercation at the orphanage where she lives where she bites another girl and realizes that what she's craving is human blood, she flees. Following her nightmares, trying to understand them and what is happening to her, she eventually ends up crossing paths with an old and curmudgeony hunter (Joel) who (after almost killing her) realizes that she's the missing piece he needs to find the vampire he's searching for and agrees to help her. At first the situation is very awkward and quid pro quo but as time goes on eventually he softens towards her and she begins to trust him to help her figure everything out and keep her alive. Queue Abby. Abby's father, consider him a Van Helsing type; a doctor specializing in cures to the uncurable - be it possession or vampirism or werewolfism -- all those things that the scientific world says are impossible, making him a laughing stock in the modern sciences but a bit of a mad genius in the world of things that go bump in the night. Whether or not he has ever genuinely been successful at reversing vampirism (if caught early enough) or curing the curse of the moon (or at least, taming the symptoms enough to allow a werewolf to live a mostly normal life) et al. is up for debate but his name is revered by hunters and loathed by monsters. It was only natural that Joel would hear of him and bring Ellie to him, to find out what she is, and how to help her, with the doctor's assurances that he could fix what ailed her. What he came to learn was that Ellie could be the missing piece to reverting almost any vampire or werewolf to their human state, but it would cost Ellie's life to extract what he needed. Joel only barely managed to get Ellie away from him in time, and was forced to kill him to stop him. He fled with Ellie, unknowingly leaving Anderson's daughter, Abby, now an orphan with a vendetta of her own. (Also thinking maybe Abbys' mother had been bitten at one point, was being held somewhere 'for her safety' by the dad, Ellie's sacrifice would have cured her mother and all the other afflicted, making it especially personal?)

[immunityfcrged]

MODERN AU; generic supernatural based. The world has vampires, werewolves, ghosts, restless undead, and all manner of things that go bump in the night that most of the world thinks only exists in fairy tales and scary bedtime stories. This story takes the canon plot lines for Joel, Ellie and Abby and adapts them for a modern setting to allow a wider range of plots for those that do not have apocalypse / tlou / twd / re / zombie et al based verses. The default for my characters here is still the TLOU / general apocalypse vibes verse. This modern supernatural verse is available by request only.

For all intents and purposes, I will be assuming that the Joel, Ellie and or Abby referenced in this plot is my own - if you write one of those characters and want to use this verse setting to write with mine that's totally okay but I am not going to assume / godmod this verse with other writers of those muses.

The story starts with a vampire (I will have to come up with a name and general description for plot purposes but I haven't done that yet - also feel free to opt to be that vampire if you've got one and wanna write with any of my peeps in this verse) who has a certain predilection for feasting on innocence. 20/30 odd years ago, Sarah Miller, a 12 year old soccer play from Texas, had the misfortune of catching his eye. Her father, Joel Miller, attempted to fight off the creature he found feeding on his little girl in the middle of the night, but ultimately lost that fight and had to hold his daughter while she bled out in his arms awaiting emergency assistance. With the rude awakening to the fact that humanity is not alone on this world, he left the life he knew behind and disappeared into the shadows where such creatures live, vowing to do whatever it takes to find the monster responsible for killing Sarah. Enter Ellie. Daughter of Anna; hunted by the same vampire that had killed Sarah years before. With her last human breaths, she gives birth to Ellie, an orphan with only a letter, a switchblade and a birthright she didn't ask for and never wanted. (Listen, we're working with what we've got, supernatural stuff works weird, there are no rules - just work with me okay; we're going with Anna being turned while she was pregnant, passing on just enough of the supernatural blood to create a latent / dormant dhampir like power in Ellie's blood.) Her dhampir powers are triggered in her early adolescence when Ellie and her (almost) girlfriend Riley are attacked by a vampire. Riley is killed, Ellie is bitten, but manages to escape. Over the next couple years, her body begins to change; senses begin to heighten, emotions become unruly, unnatural cravings for raw meat et al begin. Nightmares ensue (the psychic link to her mother's sire). After a final violent altercation at the orphanage where she lives where she bites another girl and realizes that what she's craving is human blood, she flees. Following her nightmares, trying to understand them and what is happening to her, she eventually ends up crossing paths with an old and curmudgeony hunter (Joel) who (after almost killing her) realizes that she's the missing piece he needs to find the vampire he's searching for and agrees to help her. At first the situation is very awkward and quid pro quo but as time goes on eventually he softens towards her and she begins to trust him to help her figure everything out and keep her alive. Queue Abby. Abby's father, consider him a Van Helsing type; a doctor specializing in cures to the uncurable - be it possession or vampirism or werewolfism -- all those things that the scientific world says are impossible, making him a laughing stock in the modern sciences but a bit of a mad genius in the world of things that go bump in the night. Whether or not he has ever genuinely been successful at reversing vampirism (if caught early enough) or curing the curse of the moon (or at least, taming the symptoms enough to allow a werewolf to live a mostly normal life) et al. is up for debate but his name is revered by hunters and loathed by monsters. It was only natural that Joel would hear of him and bring Ellie to him, to find out what she is, and how to help her, with the doctor's assurances that he could fix what ailed her. What he came to learn was that Ellie could be the missing piece to reverting almost any vampire or werewolf to their human state, but it would cost Ellie's life to extract what he needed. Joel only barely managed to get Ellie away from him in time, and was forced to kill him to stop him. He fled with Ellie, unknowingly leaving Anderson's daughter, Abby, now an orphan with a vendetta of her own. (Also thinking maybe Abbys' mother had been bitten at one point, was being held somewhere 'for her safety' by the dad, Ellie's sacrifice would have cured her mother and all the other afflicted, making it especially personal?)

[fightfcrged]

MODERN (or historical) AU; generic supernatural based. The world has vampires, werewolves, ghosts, restless undead, and all manner of things that go bump in the night that most of the world thinks only exists in fairy tales and scary bedtime stories. This story takes the canon plot lines for Joel, Ellie and Abby and adapts them for a modern setting to allow a wider range of plots for those that do not have apocalypse / tlou / twd / re / zombie et al based verses. The default for my characters here is still the TLOU / general apocalypse vibes verse. This modern supernatural verse is available by request only.

For all intents and purposes, I will be assuming that the Joel, Ellie and or Abby referenced in this plot is my own - if you write one of those characters and want to use this verse setting to write with mine that's totally okay but I am not going to assume / godmod this verse with other writers of those muses.

The story starts with a vampire (I will have to come up with a name and general description for plot purposes but I haven't done that yet - also feel free to opt to be that vampire if you've got one and wanna write with any of my peeps in this verse) who has a certain predilection for feasting on innocence. 20/30 odd years ago, Sarah Miller, a 12 year old soccer play from Texas, had the misfortune of catching his eye. Her father, Joel Miller, attempted to fight off the creature he found feeding on his little girl in the middle of the night, but ultimately lost that fight and had to hold his daughter while she bled out in his arms awaiting emergency assistance. With the rude awakening to the fact that humanity is not alone on this world, he left the life he knew behind and disappeared into the shadows where such creatures live, vowing to do whatever it takes to find the monster responsible for killing Sarah. Enter Ellie. Daughter of Anna; hunted by the same vampire that had killed Sarah years before. With her last human breaths, she gives birth to Ellie, an orphan with only a letter, a switchblade and a birthright she didn't ask for and never wanted. (Listen, we're working with what we've got, supernatural stuff works weird, there are no rules - just work with me okay; we're going with Anna being turned while she was pregnant, passing on just enough of the supernatural blood to create a latent / dormant dhampir like power in Ellie's blood.) Her dhampir powers are triggered in her early adolescence when Ellie and her (almost) girlfriend Riley are attacked by a vampire. Riley is killed, Ellie is bitten, but manages to escape. Over the next couple years, her body begins to change; senses begin to heighten, emotions become unruly, unnatural cravings for raw meat et al begin. Nightmares ensue (the psychic link to her mother's sire). After a final violent altercation at the orphanage where she lives where she bites another girl and realizes that what she's craving is human blood, she flees. Following her nightmares, trying to understand them and what is happening to her, she eventually ends up crossing paths with an old and curmudgeony hunter (Joel) who (after almost killing her) realizes that she's the missing piece he needs to find the vampire he's searching for and agrees to help her. At first the situation is very awkward and quid pro quo but as time goes on eventually he softens towards her and she begins to trust him to help her figure everything out and keep her alive. Queue Abby. Abby's father, consider him a Van Helsing type; a doctor specializing in cures to the uncurable - be it possession or vampirism or werewolfism -- all those things that the scientific world says are impossible, making him a laughing stock in the modern sciences but a bit of a mad genius in the world of things that go bump in the night. Whether or not he has ever genuinely been successful at reversing vampirism (if caught early enough) or curing the curse of the moon (or at least, taming the symptoms enough to allow a werewolf to live a mostly normal life) et al. is up for debate but his name is revered by hunters and loathed by monsters. It was only natural that Joel would hear of him and bring Ellie to him, to find out what she is, and how to help her, with the doctor's assurances that he could fix what ailed her. What he came to learn was that Ellie could be the missing piece to reverting almost any vampire or werewolf to their human state, but it would cost Ellie's life to extract what he needed. Joel only barely managed to get Ellie away from him in time, and was forced to kill him to stop him. He fled with Ellie, unknowingly leaving Anderson's daughter, Abby, now an orphan with a vendetta of her own. (Also thinking maybe Abbys' mother had been bitten at one point, was being held somewhere 'for her safety' by the dad, Ellie's sacrifice would have cured her mother and all the other afflicted, making it especially personal?)

[tempestclerics]

[ID: a fish-shaped knitted hat laid on a table. It is shaped so that the fish's mouth is the head hole, and two little tail fins become like a tassel on the floppy pointed end, like a nightcap. It is grey and variegated blue yarn, with a grey head, fins, tail, and a X-ed out eye. End ID]

everyone will look at my fish hat in an expeditious style

(pattern from here, slightly modified to be longer so that there's lots of room in the tail for hiding packets of fruit snacks)

[pinevox]

How to Choose a Business Phone System That Doesn’t Drive You Mad

Let’s be honest. Choosing a business phone system shouldn’t feel like reading the tax code in Latin.

But with jargon flying around — VoIP this, hosted that, virtual something — it’s no wonder most business owners start off with a simple goal (“I just want my phone to ring”) and end up knee-deep in acronyms, confused, and dangerously close to throwing their laptop out the window.

Breathe. This guide will walk you through it — calmly, clearly and without trying to upsell you halfway through.

Step 1: Know Your Business, Not Just Your Tech Are you a one-person show working from a laptop? A busy estate agency? A school office juggling 30 incoming calls before 9am?

Your setup should reflect:

How many people need phones Where they’re working (office, hybrid, remote?) How important call handling is to your customer experience Rule of thumb: The fancier the setup, the more moving parts — but also the more control you gain.

Step 2: Understand the Jargon (but Only the Bits That Matter) Here’s your no-nonsense cheat sheet:

VoIP (Voice over IP): Calls via the internet. No physical landline needed. PBX: Your own private phone exchange (cloud-based or on-site). Auto Attendant: A virtual receptionist (“Press 1 for sales…”). Call Queues & Hunt Groups: Handle multiple calls like a pro.

If you just nodded politely but still didn’t get it — don’t worry. Most smart VoIP providers (like PineVox) will handle the tech part and explain things without the fluff.

Step 3: Match Features to Needs, Not Buzzwords Avoid shiny-object syndrome.

Got remote staff? Look for softphone support (use your mobile/laptop like a desk phone). Need to sound bigger than you are? Auto-attendant and voicemail-to-email are your friends. High call volumes? Go for call routing and analytics tools.

It’s less about what’s “best” — and more about what’s right for you.

Step 4: Be Wary of the Cheapest Option In telecoms (like in life), you often get what you pay for. A cut-price VoIP system may save a few quid upfront — but it might buckle just when a customer rings to give you their biggest order yet.

Look for:

UK-based support (not 3 days away on email) SLAs or uptime guarantees Free trials or a “peace of mind” period (like PineVox’s 1-month guarantee) Simplicity Is the Real Luxury You don’t need the fanciest system. You just need one that works — every time, for every customer, no matter where your team is.

That’s what we believe at PineVox. Whether you’re a startup or scaling fast, we’ll help you find the system that does what it says on the tin — and nothing more complicated than that.

==========================

This Article is Originally published On PineVox Website.

[azharseotech]

How to Choose a Business Phone System That Doesn’t Drive You Mad

Let’s be honest. Choosing a business phone system shouldn’t feel like reading the tax code in Latin.

But with jargon flying around — VoIP this, hosted that, virtual something — it’s no wonder most business owners start off with a simple goal (“I just want my phone to ring”) and end up knee-deep in acronyms, confused, and dangerously close to throwing their laptop out the window.

Breathe. This guide will walk you through it — calmly, clearly and without trying to upsell you halfway through.

Step 1: Know Your Business, Not Just Your Tech Are you a one-person show working from a laptop? A busy estate agency? A school office juggling 30 incoming calls before 9am?

Your setup should reflect:

How many people need phones Where they’re working (office, hybrid, remote?) How important call handling is to your customer experience Rule of thumb: The fancier the setup, the more moving parts — but also the more control you gain.

Step 2: Understand the Jargon (but Only the Bits That Matter) Here’s your no-nonsense cheat sheet:

VoIP (Voice over IP): Calls via the internet. No physical landline needed. PBX: Your own private phone exchange (cloud-based or on-site). Auto Attendant: A virtual receptionist (“Press 1 for sales…”). Call Queues & Hunt Groups: Handle multiple calls like a pro.

If you just nodded politely but still didn’t get it — don’t worry. Most smart VoIP providers (like PineVox) will handle the tech part and explain things without the fluff.

Step 3: Match Features to Needs, Not Buzzwords Avoid shiny-object syndrome.

Got remote staff? Look for softphone support (use your mobile/laptop like a desk phone). Need to sound bigger than you are? Auto-attendant and voicemail-to-email are your friends. High call volumes? Go for call routing and analytics tools.

It’s less about what’s “best” — and more about what’s right for you.

Step 4: Be Wary of the Cheapest Option In telecoms (like in life), you often get what you pay for. A cut-price VoIP system may save a few quid upfront — but it might buckle just when a customer rings to give you their biggest order yet.

Look for:

UK-based support (not 3 days away on email) SLAs or uptime guarantees Free trials or a “peace of mind” period (like PineVox’s 1-month guarantee) Simplicity Is the Real Luxury You don’t need the fanciest system. You just need one that works — every time, for every customer, no matter where your team is.

That’s what we believe at PineVox. Whether you’re a startup or scaling fast, we’ll help you find the system that does what it says on the tin — and nothing more complicated than that.

========================

This Article is originally published on PineVox Website.

[triquizzies]

A-Z Writing Challenge:

ZERO ALPHA BREAKPOINT Cargo drones engulf filthy graffitioed Humvees. Infantry jostle, kibbitzing. Lunchtime!

Marauding Noncoms - Officers! Pro quid-pro-quoers retching, stinking, trampling underfoot. Vanquished Warrior - Xanthous youth, zombielike, ailing behind curtains. Dilapidated Earthen Fortifications - Geological, hexagonal, impoverished. Juts knife-like, multipartite, precipitous.

XI: YERRULF'S ZOMBOPORIUM Ancient bones, crypts, dead everything. Flowers, gallstones, hemlock, initiations.

Jewelled Kiosk (Lionheaded mechanical necromancer) - Obscene pilgrims queue. Respirators scream. Talismans up! Verdigrised Walkway (Xenogamites) - Yapping zealots, after bone catalysts. Decay, exaltation. Five Ghouls - Hauling intracranial jelly kegs. Like meat'n'offal pies.

[banhbotloc]

[ID: square paintings of pierogies, a slice of orange cake, a chocolate sprinkle donut, sliced watermelon, a strawberry ice cream cone, and oreo cake, all done on pink backgrounds. End ID]

I'm still incredibly proud of those pierogies. Dumpling-shaped cultural food items my beloved

[banhbotloc-moved]

[ID: photo shows a bowl with bok choy and noodles; a can of royal milk tea; and a small bowl of fried tofu. End ID]

[tofusilken]

remade to @tempestclerics!

[swarmkeepers]

can someone please break into my room and take away my dnd privileges there are tasks and responsibilities that need to get done

[banhbotloc-moved]

[ID: flatlay photo of a colander full of chopped rau muong, water spinach with pointy leaves and green stalks. The photo by is by Chuttersnap on Unsplash. /End ID]