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fairyniceyeah · 1 year ago

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🌹🩵It’s better to be held than holding on

Title from She's In The Rain (The Rose)

Summary: Hajoon nearly throws up during the Q&A before a concert, is unable to keep anything down and still - despite his members worries - he insists on performing for Black Roses.

CW: emeto, kind of public emeto

Sickie: Hajoon/Dylan Caretaker(s): Woosung/Sammy + Dojoon/Leo + Jaehyeong/Jeff

In Hajoon’s humble opinion the Q&As were one of the best parts of their tours. Sure, the concerts themselves and the sightseeing were amazing, too, but interacting with Black Roses was definitely at the top of the list.

He knew the other members felt similarly and they always looked forward to it. Woosung and Dojoon - being the native English speakers and therefore more confident than Jaehyeong and in general more outgoing than Hajoon - often led the conversations but they were always good experiences for them.

Sadly, today it was not a good experience for Hajoon.

Tours were exhausting - constantly being in different cities and countries, meeting new people all the time and performing every few days. Hajoon had expected to feel a bit run down during their last leg of the tour.

So he hadn’t been surprised that he nearly had drifted off during the rather short drive to the venue that day if he hadn’t gotten so nauseous from the motion of the car. Woosung had done a good job of keeping him distracted until they had arrived.

Yet, ever since Hajoon had not been doing so hot. His head ached, his whole body did if he was honest. The nausea had faded down but never gone away and he was so tired and lethargic. Soundcheck had really been exhausting and he dreaded the coming show.

He felt bad about it but his energy was all but gone.

🌹

Standing around during the questions had proven exhausting so rather quickly Hajoon had sat down somewhere in the middle of the stage and stayed there. His members had thrown him a few glances but had ignored it for the sake of the fans. No need for them to suspect anything amiss.

Until about ten minutes ago everything had been fine and Hajoon had felt confident that he could hold out. But then a wave of hotness and general unwellness had washed over him and left him struggling. Sweat was pouring down his body and he was so hot under the stage lights. He had taken off his jacket but then had started shivering from the cold. Nausea was sitting at the back of his throat and he had to keep swallowing. This was not ideal. The drummer hated himself for it but he wished the Q&A was over quickly.

The members had noticed quickly that he was off his game and kindly tried to keep Black Roses entertained and off his case. If he was honest Hajoon couldn’t do it anymore. He heard the questions but his brain was too tired and fried to make sense of the fans’ English. Especially when most words were drowned out by the loud pounding of his heartbeat in his skull. Woosung had thankfully realized and translated the questions into Korean and his short answers back into English if he had to.

Hajoon couldn’t even really care that all his pre-tour English studies seemed to have been for naught. But he just wanted to get backstage. No, scratch that. He wanted to get back to bed.

Slowly Hajoon realized he might have to admit that maybe he was sick. Maybe. Definitely.

The nausea that was growing stronger with every second was like a dangerous monster creeping up on him, he wasn’t sure when he would be attacked by it but he would be. He just wanted to be off-stage for that.

Hajoon really didn’t fancy puking in front of Black Rose.

He was so focused on how awful he was feeling that he didn’t even notice Jaehyeong squatting down beside him. The maknae had taken out his earpiece and held his microphone as far away as he whispered: “Are you okay?”

Sure that at least some eyes were on him despite Woosung’s and Dojoon’s attempts to keep the crowd’s focus on them, Hajoon nodded.

Jaehyeong rolled his eyes at him. “What’s wrong? You’re awfully pale.”

“... I don’t feel good��, Hajoon reluctantly admitted, hating that it was the middle of a moment dedicated to the fans. His stomach rolled and he quietly groaned, only loud enough for Jaehyeong to hear. Oh, this was so not good. Saliva was gathering in his mouth and his stomach gave another lurch.

The nausea that had been a three out of ten just seconds before had suddenly turned into an eight out of ten. The drummer closed his eyes for a moment and tried to breathe deeply to get the feeling under control. It barely worked.

“Hajoon-ah?”, Jahyeong asked, resting a hand on his knee, hidden by his body from the curious glances. Never before had Hajoon felt this vulnerable.

“Can I lay down backstage?”, Hajoon asked uncertainly, swallowing loudly. "I'm so nauseous."

Jaehyeong's eyes widened. "I'll let Woosung-hyung know", he said and sprung to his feet, rushing over to where the leader was watching Dojoon answer a question.

Hajoon shakily watched the two converse quietly, Woosung looking over his shoulder to assess him. Hajoon gave him a tight smile. He really wasn't feeling good and now that only Dojoon was trying to divert Black Roses attention away from the poorly drummer, he felt like he was being watched from every angle. Surely the videos of him looking like death would end up on Tik-Tok or wherever sooner or later.

Woosung nodded at Jaehyeong and the younger walked back to Hajoon. "Let's get you backstage", he whispered, "Woosung-hyung has got it under control. Up you go."

Standing up proved to be a difficult task and Hajoon clutched at Jaehyeong for a moment as his vision whitened out. The nausea he had forced back was rapidly coming back and he barely managed to hide himself behind the maknae as he gagged.

"Okay, come on", Jaehyeong encouraged, pulling him to the stage exit, "you can make it, come on."

Hajoon stumbled behind him, hoping he would make it off the stage before he lost his stomach contents. Every step felt like it jostled his stomach, sending it up his throat.

🌹

The curtain closed behind them and Hajoon couldn't keep it in anymore. He just barely managed to lean forwards and spread his legs before everything he had eaten came back up violently. The microphone he had luckily muted earlier was taken from his hands and so he rested his shaking hands on his knees. Yet it was Jaehyeong holding onto his shoulder that kept him upright.

Over the ringing in his ears and the wretched sounds he made as he kept throwing up, Hajoon was able to hear Woosung's voice over the speakers.

"Sorry, guys, Hajoon-ah isn't feeling well today. He's going to rest backstage before the concert, please don't worry too much."

Embarrassment crept up on Hajoon, listening to his leader apologizing to the fans while a few meters away he was puking up his stomach. Tears rolled down his face as he kept gagging. He just hoped the disgusting sounds didn't carry.

Finally his stomach seemed to calm down and he spat out some disgusting bile. Jaehyeong patted his back and helped him walk a few steps away from the puddle to a random chair that Hajoon wasn't even sure had been there before.

Hajoon sank down in it gratefully, not sure how much longer his shaking legs would have been able to hold him up. Somebody handed him a towel and he managed to wipe his face.

🌹

When he opened his eyes again, not even having noticed he had closed them before, Hajoon was greeted by the manager's concerned face. Behind the older man the staff was rushing about, probably cleaning. Hajoon felt bad for them, he really hadn’t wanted to make their job even more stressful … and disgusting.

Jaehyeong was nowhere to be seen.

As if reading his thoughts the manager gave him a tiny, sad smile and explained: "I sent Jeff back onto the stage so that your absence is not even more obvious."

Hajoon nodded. It made sense, even if his exhausted body longed for one of his members. The manager was nice, yes, but he'd rather have his brothers while feeling so ill.

"Are you feeling better after getting that out? Do you think you have a migraine?", the manager continued.

"I … I don't feel good. Haven’t felt good all day and I'm still kinda nauseous. My head hurts but I don't think it's a migraine", Hajoon whispered. As if agreeing his stomach rolled and he groaned.

"Okay, let's get you into the waiting room so you can lie down, Joon-ah."

"What about Black Roses?", Hajoon asked fearfully. For many of them it would be a once in a lifetime chance and he was ruining it. Angry tears made his eyes burn but he refused to let them fall.

"Your health is more important", the manager said firmly, "also, you can’t tell me you really want to be on stage right now.”

Hajoon’s stomach rolled again at the thought. No, he did not want to be under hundreds of scrutinizing but worried eyes. He could still taste the puke after all. He shivered. Why was it so cold? He really just wanted a blanket and lay down. And sleep for like twelve hours straight.

“No”, he mumbled.

The manager smiled at him gently and said: “Let's get you up. Can you stand?"

Hajoon nodded and rose to his feet. Immediately everything started to swirl around him, nauseating and dizzying him. He would have fallen flat on his face if the manager hadn't grabbed him. Hajoon moaned unintentionally and rested his melting head against the taller’s shoulder. He didn’t want to faint on top of everything.

"Hey, what’s wrong?"

"Dizzy", Hajoon whispered, praying for the swirling to stop. When it finally did he was alone with the manager, the rest of the staff gone. He could hear his members' voices over the speakers still but he couldn’t make out a word of what they were saying.

"Come on, let's lay you down."

🌹

Never before had Woosung hated a Q&A more than he did right now. Okay, he never hated any fan interactions but today was just plain stressful.

They all had noticed that Hajoon had been off since that morning and his stunt of nearly puking in the car had not reassured Woosung of his dongsaeng's wellbeing. It had surprised none of them when Hajoon had sat down quietly and started to rely on them to do everything.

Was Woosung worried? Yes. Surprised? No.

Woosung just wanted the day to end and tuck his dongsaeng in bed so they all hopefully could get some more rest before the last two shows.

Through some unobtrusive eye contact they had decided to let Jaehyeong focus on Hajoon. It was the best option in this situation. The two maknaes were very close and Woosung knew that Hajoon felt safe with the younger, more open to admit if he needed help. Jaeyheong, in turn, would stay calm and cool-headed, no matter what. Besides, he and Dojoon were the ones that always led the talking. It would be weird if they didn’t. Though Woosung was sure that the fans had noticed something was off.

But when he was approached by the maknae while most Black Roses were focused on Dojoon, Woosung was instantly even more worried than before. This was not a good sign. He pulled out one of his in-ears and Jaehyeong leaned over to him.

"Hajoon wants to lie down, he's nauseous", Jaehyeong whispered. Woosung instinctively looked back at Hajoon who gave him a very much not reassuring smile. The drummer was looking very pale and even from a few meters away Woosung could see how he was drenched in sweat. He really didn’t look good. There was no doubt that Hajoon was sicker than they had anticipated.

"Yeah, get him off stage asap", Woosung agreed, "I'll handle everything else."

Woosung forced his attention back to the fans and with Dojoon's help tried to distract them. However, Black Roses weren't stupid and by the way Jaehyeong had hastily dragged a pale and quiet Hajoon away, they knew something was wrong.

Concerned shouts followed, asking what was going on, why two members were suddenly rushing off the stage. With a sigh, Woosung addressed the fans. He didn't even really know what to say, they had never been in such a situation before.

He settled on: "Sorry, guys, Hajoon-ah isn't feeling well today. He's going to rest backstage before the concert, please don't worry too much."

It barely helped satisfy their curiosity but a chorus of "get well soon, Hajoon" arose. It warmed Woosung's heart to hear that they cared about his dongsaeng's well-being more than about their own experience.

🌹

Continuing as two was hard, especially since both him and Dojoon both were too worried to completely hide it. It got better when they were joined by Jaehyeong again, who just slightly shook his head at Woosung's worried glance.

"Last question for today", Dojoon announced and pointed at a fan in the back rows for their question.

"Is Hajoon going to be okay? If not, what will happen with the concert?", they asked.

Whispers broke out under the fans. Some seemed to have the same question but others weren't happy at all with the rather intrusive question. Before anything could break out between the fans, Woosung simply said: "We will see how Hajoon is feeling later. But I know for a fact that he would hate to let you down and will perform if he is able to. Just be patient with us today, please. See you later!"

With a few waves they walked off the stage where Dojoon and Woosung immediately turned to look at their youngest.

Jaeyheong sighed. "He threw up the moment we got backstage. At least he made it but he really wasn't doing good. Manager-hyung made me come back quickly so I don't know more."

Woosung closed his eyes for a moment, taking a deep breath. Having one of the members sick already sucked. But somebody puking the day of a concert, hours before going on stage was a disaster. Everything in him screamed to just cancel everything and get Hajoon home. Of course they couldn’t do that.

🌹

As they rounded the corner to the waiting room, they were greeted by their manager who rushed to meet them.

"How is he?", Dojoon asked without a second to spare.

The manager grimaced. "Not good. Hajoon-ah threw up a few times and he's running a fever of 38.7°C. He couldn’t keep anything down so the medics gave him some antiemetics, fever reducers and pain medication via IV. He's finally asleep, we'll have to see how he is doing."

"What if he can't play?", Jaehyeong asked anxiously, "he was - is - so sick. I can't imagine him on the stage in a few hours."

"We'd have to cancel", Woosung said reluctantly. He knew it would be a catastrophe, so many fans were already there. But they couldn't perform as three. That was the problem of a small band. They needed every one of them. Without one of them they were not able to function. And none of them wanted to be on a stage without their beloved, shy drummer.

"We'll cross that bridge when we come to it", the manager decided, "but I promise you, if he can't perform, he won't. Let’s see how he feels when he’s awake. We should wake him in half-an-hour at the latest."

“Alright”, Woosung agreed, “let’s go sit with him.”

The manager nodded, knowing he wouldn’t be able to stop them from seeing Hajoon even if he had wanted to.

Woosung’s heart clenched as they entered the waiting room. Hajoon was curled up on his side on the couch, a blanket covering him from chin to toes. Despite it he was shivering in his sleep and sweat was rolling down his face. A bucket sat on the ground beside his head and there was an IV in the drummer’s elbow.

Dojoon and Jaeyheong made to move towards him but Woosung stopped them, gesturing at the other sofa. Call it selfishness or leader instinct or whatever but he needed to be close to his dongsaeng.

Reluctantly the other two did as asked and Woosung sat down on the floor by Hajoon’s head. Careful to not disturb him, Woosung gently ran a hand through the younger’s hair, feeling the skin burning despite the medication. Hajoon didn’t even stir under the soft touch.

The next thirty minutes passed agonizingly slowly. None of them spoke in fear of waking Hajoon, though it seemed like he could sleep through an earthquake at the moment. Dojoon and Jaehyeong tried to distract themselves with their phones but quickly enough the maknae rested his head against the older’s shoulder, who wrapped an arm around him. Silently they watched Hajoon breathe.

🌹

“It’s time”, the manager said as he entered. Woosung nodded and moved to a kneeling position, gently stroking Hajoon’s hair away from his face.

“Joon-ah, baby”, he whispered, “you gotta wake up, please.”

It took a few minutes of running his fingers through the dark, sweat-soaked hair and encouraging whispers until Hajoon slowly blinked open his eyes. They were glazed with fever, clouded and disoriented.

“Hyung?”, Hajoon rasped, his voice gone from the vomiting.

“Hey, baby”, Woosung said quietly, waiting a moment for Hajoon to wake up a bit more, “how are you feeling?”

“Terrible”, the immediate answer came, “what’s going on?”

“You’re really sick. Try to wake up a bit more, okay?”, Dojoon said, having come to kneel beside Woosung. Jaehyeong had draped himself onto the armrest of the sofa.

“I don’t wanna be awake”, Hajoon pouted. It would have been cute if it wasn’t so devastating.

“We know”, Woosung explained, “but we have a concert in a bit more than an hour. You need to decide if you are up to that.”

“Concert?”, Hajoon mumbled, obviously still not really awake.

“Hm”, Jaehyeong agreed, “if you can’t perform, please tell us.”

Hajoon didn’t reply, closing his eyes again. He pressed his forehead against Woosung’s hand, probably relishing the cold feeling. Dojoon took a deep breath.

“We need to cancel”, the keyboardist said, “this is ridiculous. Look at him. He won’t last the first song.”

Woosung sighed but he agreed. They couldn’t ask this of Hajoon.

But the drummer snapped open his eyes at the dreaded words and frantically shook his head. “I can perform, I promise! Don’t cancel, not because of me!” It was a heartbreaking sight - it was clear that Hajoon wasn’t even remotely awake but he still wanted to do his best for Black Roses.

“Baby, you’re so sick”, Woosung said.

He didn’t want to cancel. Of course, he didn’t. But if forcing Hajoon onto the stage like this was the alternative? There was no way.

“It’s not your fault.”

“No, hyung, please, I can perform”, Hajoon pleaded, eyes wide open. He fisted Woosung’s shirt at the collar in what other people would define as a strong grip, but was very weak for the drummer, and held on. “Please, hyung. I can do it.”

Helplessly, with tears swimming in his eyes, Woosung looked up at Dojoon and Jaehyeong. The maknae was biting his lips uncertainly and Dojoon was looking like he was in pain himself. Woosung wished one of them would speak up, take the responsibility off his shoulders but they stayed quiet.

“Please, hyung, for Black Roses”, Hajoon whispered.

“Think about it, Woosung-ah”, the manager said. None of them had noticed he had lingered in the doorway the whole time. “I also don’t want Hajoon-ah to perform in this condition. But you are musicians, idols and people have paid to see you. It will be a disaster to cancel so late and if Hajoon thinks he can do it, let’s trust him for now.”

Woosung nodded defeated, wiping at his teary eyes. He never had wanted this kind of responsibility. Dojoon gently squeezed his shoulder in support.

“I’ll let the medic back in, okay? Hajoon-ah, you will do everything she says and if she declares you unfit, we will cancel. Consequences be damned”, the manager added and disappeared.

“I want to sit up”, Hajoon mumbled and, with a sigh, Woosung helped Jaehyeong get him upright, letting Dojoon fix the blanket. The maknae slipped down the armrest to sit next to Hajoon and the drummer curled into his side, resting his head on the maknae’s shoulder.

🌹

They stayed in silence until the manager returned with the medic in tow. “Dojoon-ah, Woosung-ah, you should go to the stylists to get ready”, the manager said, “Jaehyeong-ah can stay with Hajoon-ah.”

Woosung was torn. He really didn’t want to leave his ailing dongsaeng alone. Sure, he would be with Jaehyeong and he trusted the maknae with his life but he felt the need to keep the sick young man who became like a younger brother to him in his sight.

“I want Sammy-hyung to stay”, Hajoon whispered as if reading Woosung’s thoughts. Likely he felt the need to stay with his older brother too or maybe he didn’t want to burden Jaehyeong.

Jaehyeong nodded and smiled sadly, removing himself from Hajoon’s clutches. Woosung had expected a bit more reluctance but Jaehyeong just said: “You heard the man.”

Together, with a small wave, Dojoon and Jaehyeong headed out.

“Hello, Hajoon-ssi”, the medic, who until then had stayed quiet, greeted, “do you feel better now?”

Hajoon nodded immediately. Woosung rolled his eyes and nudged him.

“Don’t lie to her just so you can perform”, he admonished.

“Well, I do feel better than earlier”, Hajoon argued back, sulking a bit, “she asked if I was better. Which I am.”

“Okay, let me rephrase the question: How are you feeling, Hajoon-ssi?”, the medic asked, smiling a bit at their antics.

“Uhm, a bit queasy still”, Hajoon admitted, “and tired. But I am sure I can perform.”

“Have you thrown up since I last was here?”

“No.”

“That’s good”, the medic concluded, “let’s check your temperature and see if the medication helped.” She held the forehead thermometer to his head and nodded. “38.3°C. It went down. Still a fever but not as high anymore.”

“So I can perform?”, the drummer begged.

Reluctantly the medic nodded. “If you really feel up to it, I guess I can allow it. After the concert you are going straight to bed though and will rest.”

“I can do that”, Hajoon agreed, smiling brightly. He still looked exhausted and sick but he seemed to have at least shaken the tiredness.

“Promise me you will give me a sign or just leave if you start to feel unwell during the concert?”, Woosung asked, brushing back Hajoon’s hair that was falling into his face.

“Yes, hyung. I promise.”

“Alright, I will let you get ready”, the medic said and disconnected the IV from Hajoon’s arm, “I’ll leave some oral nausea medication and fever reducer here for you. Take it shortly before you go on stage.”

“I will make sure he does”, Woosung agreed, moving his hand to wrap his arm around Hajoon’s back.

“Oh, actually, if you still feel a bit nauseous, try putting some rubbing alcohol on your wrist before you go on stage”, the medic said, fumbling with her backpack and taking out the pills and a small bottle of disinfectant, “if you start to feel nauseous smell it. Somehow it helps.”

Hajoon made a weirded out face and Woosung looked at her in confusion, then shrugged. She knew best after all.

The medic placed the pills on the table and left.

🌹

“You still have about an hour and a half before the concert starts”, the manager said, “try to rest a bit more, Hajoon-ah.”

Hajoon started to nod but aborted the motion halfway. “Hyung, I don’t suppose there is a shower here, is there? I feel disgusting.” He ran a hand through his hair and winced at the amount of sweat sticking to his hand.

Woosung grimaced in sympathy. The younger’s hair was plastered to his head and he wasn’t sure hairspray would be able to save it.

“No, there isn't. Sorry”, the manager agreed.

“How about this: We’ll take a chair with us and I’ll wash your hair in a sink, okay?”, Woosung suggested, “it won’t be comfy but you’ll be clean.”

“Thanks, hyung. That’s actually not a bad idea”, Hajoon agreed, eyes shining a bit in the light.

“Well, I always have good ideas”, Woosung bickered.

“Hyung, I really don’t want to do this but do you remember yesterday when you …”, Hajoon started and laughed when Woosung placed a hand over his mouth to stop him.

“Let’s just go”, Woosung said and helped Hajoon up, wrapping an arm around his waist to steady him. Together they walked to the bathroom where they were joined again by the manager carrying a chair, towels and even shampoo.

“Wow, where did you get this?”, Woosung asked, impressed. He helped Hajoon sit down on the chair they had placed down by one of the sinks.

“One of the stylists apparently got this sent as a giveaway by some firm. I didn’t question it”, the manager said, shrugging, “I’ll leave you to it.”

🌹

“Okay, here we go”, Woosung said, “take off your shirt, so it doesn’t get wet. We can clean up your upper body too while we’re at it.” Hajoon let him help, struggling a bit with any motion that put his arms over his shoulder height.

“You okay?”, the leader asked when he saw the younger wince.

“Yeah, just … sore”, Hajoon mumbled, “it’s okay.”

“If you say so”, Woosung agreed unhappily but put the shirt to the side so it would not get wet. “Alright, let’s hope the water is warm.”

Luckily it was and Woosung wet one of the towels under the stream, using it to wipe off Hajoon’s chest. Hajoon had definitely sweated out some of the fever. At first the younger protested, wanting to do it himself but Woosung shushed him. “Let hyung do this for you, okay. Rest, Hajoon-ah.”

So Hajoon closed his eyes and leaned back. It surely wasn’t the most comfortable position, the sink at an awkward height to his neck but he seemed content enough with a towel placed beneath his neck. Once he deemed Hajoon clean, helped him lean backwards so his head was laying mostly in the sink.

“Careful, water”, Woosung warned and started the tap again. Hajoon moaned in contentment, loving the feeling of Woosung’s hands in his hair. Careful not to get any water in Hajoon’s face, Woosung gently ladled water over his head with his hands where the tap didn’t reach it. Then, once Hajoon’s hair was fully wet, he started to put the shampoo in. Having seen how much Hajoon enjoyed the treatment, Woosung took a few minutes just to massage his head before washing the suds out. “Okay, done.”

Hajoon sighed a bit but leaned forward so that Woosung could dry his hair. During the washing it seemed his tiredness had returned and Woosung leaned the pliant younger against his stomach so he wouldn’t topple over to any side.

“Hajoon-ah”, Woosung mumbled a few minutes later, “I know you are comfy but we need to get to the make-up artists now if you want to perform.”

“Hm”, Hajoon hummed and sleepily let Woosung put on his shirt and guide him to the other room where the stylists were waiting. As did Jaehyeong and Dojoon, who fondly smiled at the half-asleep drummer at Woosung’s side.

“Go, get yourself all dolled up”, Dojoon said with a grin, “we’ve got Dylan.”

Woosung and Hajoon were ushered to the two chairs in front of the mirror and through the reflection Woosung watched the stylist fuss over Hajoon while Dojoon sat with him, holding his hand.

The stylist put on a few layers of make-up on Hajoon’s face but soon she sighed and said: “I need a lighter shade, Hajoon-ssi. You’re so pale, it will leave a weird line on your neck if I use your normal foundation color.”

She was right. Already there was a visible distinction between Hajoon’s made-up face and his neck.

“Try mine”, Woosung said, “I probably have the darkest skin tone after him.”

The stylist agreed and tried again. This time, with Woosung’s make-up - though it didn’t fit perfectly either - it looked better. Layers upon layers of foundation were piled on the drummer so he didn’t look as ghostly.

🌹

“Are you really sure you can do this?”, Woosung asked one last time.

“Yes, hyung”, Hajoon said, internally rolling his eyes at his leader, “I will be fine and if for some reason I won’t be, I will leave. Besides, I tried the rubbing alcohol trick and it seems to work.” He wouldn’t leave unless he would puke on stage otherwise but Woosung didn’t need to know.

“Alright. Fighting!”

They stepped onto the stage and loud cheers started up. Once their first song was over, Woosung greeted the fans and said the announcement they had agreed on earlier.

“Hey guys! How are you doing tonight? We’re so happy to be here! Before we start I have a small announcement to make. I know some of you are worried because Hajoon had to leave the Q&A early today but he is feeling much better now. He rested a bit and will take it easy tonight. Please give him a loud cheer!”

Hajoon had never heard Black Roses scream louder before and he gave an awkward wave into the camera focused on him. He was glad he had chosen to let Woosung say everything because, honestly, he was really getting emotional from all the support he received.

🌹

Yet, somehow it only took a few songs until Hajoon felt the illness hit again. Though he had taken the medication given by the medic he was starting to sweat again and everything ached. With each note it got harder to lift his arms in time. His muscles were burning and he knew he himself was burning up again.

It took only another two songs until Hajoon was starting to feel really nauseous again. He could hold out though - only one more song until the break and they could get backstage. If he didn’t sing, well, then he didn’t sing. They had Woosung and Dojoon for that anyway. In a small moment where he didn’t have to play he lifted his wrist to his nose, acting as if he was adjusting his in-ear. The alcoholic smell helped calm down the nausea a bit.

Still - one song turned out to be pretty long when your stomach hated you. Hajoon felt his mouth start to salivate half-way through and he had to keep swallowing. Also the movement from playing the drums was starting to really upset his stomach. He was just glad he was able to sit because he wasn’t sure he would be able to keep standing.

Then, finally, the break. Hajoon jumped to his feet and made his way off stage as soon as he could, the other members hot on his heels. He didn’t care if his exit seemed hasty or weird or whatever. He just didn’t want to throw up in front of all the fans and cameras.

🌹

He pushed the curtain to the side and practically stumbled into the manager who quickly held him steady. But it also kept Hajoon from running to the bathroom.

“Hajoon-ah?”, he asked worriedly, making the drummer sit down against the wall a bit further away from the stage. Hajoon frantically swallowed, not keen on vomiting in the corridor again. But he knew it was inevitable.

So, accepting his fate, he leaned to the side and retched harshly. Disgusting, chunky sick came up with the first cough and spilled onto the ground by his side… and on Woosung’s shoes. The leader had come closer to kneel by him but hadn’t expected Hajoon to throw up apparently. That was his own fault, really.

Woosung jumped back in shock but Hajoon couldn’t look up, too focused on the next wave of nausea which had him doubled over and gagging up more sick. He felt horrible. His stomach was cramping again and he felt so damn nauseous still.

Once he thought he was done he spat out some sour saliva and took deep breaths to calm down. For the first time he was able to feel somebody rubbing his back. Haoon turned around to see Dojoon, who gave him a tight smile.

“Feel better?”, the vocalist asked worriedly. Hajoon nodded and let the older help him scoot to the side, away from the disgusting puddle.

At the sound of laughter he looked up to find Jaehyeong sticking his tongue out at Woosung who held his soiled shoes away from himself at arm’s length with a dejected look.

“Thank you for sharing. This is exactly the improvement my shoes needed”, Woosung said dryly, apparently not caring that much.

“Sorry”, Hajon mumbled. He hoped the fans wouldn’t notice that Woosung changed his shoes because they would figure out why and that would be embarrassing.

“Don’t worry about it”, Woosung said, placing them into a plastic bag a staff member handed him, gratefully accepting some hand disinfectant. A stylist ran up to him with a new pair of shoes he quickly put on.

“Let’s get you lying down in the waiting room”, the manager said, “you’re done. They will have to continue with the backtrack.”

Hajoon shook his head. “No, I feel better now. I can go on, I promise!”

“Joon-ah, be sensible! You just threw up in the middle of the concert. You’re running a fever again, worse than earlier I’d say. You’re done”, Dojoon agreed, his hand deliciously cool against Hajoon’s forehead.

“No, I will go on!”

Woosung sighed and came to kneel at Hajoon’s knees. “Baby, look at you. You’re really sick. Your stomach contents are literally a few meters away from us and you’re dehydrated and running a fever. You’d still have to stay on stage for nearly an hour, think about it.”

“Hyung, please. For Black Roses”, Hajoon whispered and pouted.

He said the magic word. None of them wanted to let Black Roses down.

“Fine”, Woosung agreed, “but if you can’t do it anymore, you can’t. Just leave if you need to.”

Hajoon nodded and they made their way onto the stage as the VCR clip ended.

🌹

Maybe Hajoon should have taken the out. Now, during the last songs he barely managed to raise his arms enough to hit his cymbals due to everything aching from the fever. His vision was blurry and he felt himself shaking. Honestly it was a surprise he hadn’t dropped his drumsticks yet.

But they only needed to throw the roses to the fans, last the group picture and do the ending ment. He’d be fine.

His hand shook badly as he threw the roses which barely managed to reach the fans in the second row, his arms so weak he couldn’t muster the strength to throw them further. Jaehyeong stayed close by his side, obviously worried and Hajoon couldn’t muster the energy to care about how it looked to the fans. He was actually kind of glad for the steadying hand when he nearly fell after his vision turned black for a second.

Suddenly it was time for the picture. Woosung curled an arm around him, helping him down. Hajoon shivered as he removed his arm, the only source of heat he had known for some time now. How high was his fever? He absently watched Dojoon and Jaehyeong fuss with the flag. Hajoon’s mind was too fuzzy to even remember which country they were in or try to puzzle it out according to the flag.

The pictures were taken and Hajoon tried to get to his feet.

He couldn’t. Everything was swimming and tilting around him and his legs were too weak and trembling to support him. Woosung must have noticed his struggle because quickly he was helped to his feet and this time Woosung didn’t let go of his waist. Hajoon was glad.

“I did it, hyung”, he whispered as they waved one final time.

“You did”, Woosung agreed.

They stepped off the stage and everything went black.

🌹

“Let’s agree to never do something as stupid as performing with acute gastroenteritis and a fever of over 39.7°C again, yes?”, Woosung said as he tucked Hajoon into the hotel bed.

Hajoon sleepily nodded.

When he had woken up at the hospital he had been faced by a pacing Woosung who was running his hand through his hair in full stage costume. Jaehyeong and Dojoon had sat down on the chairs at the far side of the hospital room with the manager, not looking any less stressed than the leader. Maybe ignoring his body’s signs that he wasn’t okay had been stupid, in retrospect. Hajoon hadn’t meant to frighten his members.

Luckily, the doctors had concluded that he was free to go after they had given him medication and fluids via IV (again). He was sent home with strict rules of resting for a few days and no performances unless his fever went away completely.

At the moment, however, Hajoon had no energy to care about their next tour stops.

“Stay with me, hyung?”, he asked, scooting to the side to make space for Woosung. Normally they all had their own rooms at hotels but Woosung had nearly thrown a fit and none of them had been too happy about the idea of leaving Hajoon alone. So the two were now sharing a double-room, though they definitely had the luxury of two beds.

“Always, baby”, Woosung said and kissed his forehead. Then he slipped under the covers beside Hajoon, letting the younger manipulate him into a comfortable position.

“Sleep well”, he added as he was turning off the lights.

Masterlist links: Fairy's Masterlist 2024 Fairy's Masterlist 2025 Fairy's Masterlist - The Rose

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