#random thoughts that i think because im trying not to do my uni assignments...

[nieisan]

I was thinking if there were guns in the twst universe and suddenly remembered that there are kinda guns in Beanfest. But... is that really a gun? I read the event so long ago so i can't really remember it honestly.

I imagine that if something like that exist that must implicitly say that there is an equivalent of guns in twisted wonderland

[elysianslove]

hey sal im back!! ive been wanting to talk to u but uni assignments kept on taking the time i usually spend on this app >:( but anw!! how is ur ramadan going so far? i hope ur doing amazing bc in my case my brain barely works without food so with the amount of assignments + my brain’s lack of productivity + nsfw content restriction (bye bye my go to stress reliever) my life has been pretty challenging ,, but overall ramadan has been beautiful as always <3

i also have this random thoughts lately that id really want to share with u so pls do tell me ur opinion 😙 so i was thinking abt how haikyuu boys would join u fasting for a day — i imagine the msby 4 would ask u to wake them too so they could accompany u while ur preparing ur suhoor meal but they ended up eating along and asking if they could join u fasting since they dont have any practice for that day. bokuto hinata & omi would do it out of curiosity but tsumu, being cocky a gentleman he is, says that he’s doing it so u wouldnt starve alone. i think bokuto would be super whiny the whole day like he would keep asking what time is it and being super dramatic saying his patience has never been tested this much ; hinata would keep on forgetting that he’s not allowed to consume anything — u literally caught him unconsciously open the fridge multiple times and he would went from 😮 to ☹️ ; omi bb wouldnt complain even a bit he would say ‘dont worry’ while furrowing his eyebrows followed by the loud scream coming from his dying tummy ; and tsumu — sigh — this man would (not so) secretly eat which ofc u caught him and he would most likely say something like ‘babe i needed a time out 🥺’ he b rlly making his own rules.

honestly just thinking abt these scenarios makes me rlly happy and i’d be delighted to hear ur thoughts abt them!!

ig thats all ,, sorry for the long rambles 😣 dont forget to always take a proper care of ur beautiful well-being during ramadan && since being happy is p hard sometimes so im hoping ur doing okay and that u would find joy by taking pleasure in the little things u do everyday <33 *give a long warm hug and a kith*

- 🐬

hi lovely!!! i’ve missed you so much omg!! ramadan is going pretty well! i haven’t been able to properly enjoy it because of the amount of work i always have, but i’m trying my best to yk!! 

also oh my god,,, i was actually just thinking about what is the seijoh boys joined you in with fasting for a day, and then i see this in my inbox. on god i manifest some of the asks i get. 

but the msby fasting with you is sososo cute omg <3 like they’d probably see you wake up a while before fajr to go have suhoor and they’re so confused like ??? you woke up just so you can eat? and while you’re preparing some food for yourself you explain it to them and each of them like take a minute before they nod so determinedly and go, “we’ll do it,” like you’d just assigned some life threatening mission to them. you warn them and tell them to eat a lot but not too much, and not to eat anything too salty — bokuto chooses chips because :( he was craving them :(. you urge them to drink so much water and atsumu gets so bloated. ends up saying something like, “i’d look so good with a dad bod,” smh. kiyoomi is the only one that follows everything you’re saying but after fajr you catch him reaching for the bottle and he just winces like, “sorry, forgot,” like already!!! hinata lays in bed that night still so hungry even though he’d just eaten because now he’s stuck w the knowledge that he can’t eat, and goes and pokes you awake like, “can i have a small snack? that’s okay right?” 

and oh my god you know what’s even sweeter? if atsumu texts his brother about what they’re doing and osamu joins in too. at iftar when you go to break your fast, atsumu suggests his brother’s restaurant and then osamu has dates and soup made, as well as so much food ready for the six of you. he says a broken, practiced, “ramadan kareem,” when he’s giving a date to break your fast i :(

they eat. so much. and as soon as they’re done they’re like, “so what are we having for dessert?” and omg!!! getting them to try traditional ramadan desserts like kunafa with different things like kunafa with chocolate and kunafa with mangoes and basboosa and atayef and they eat it all. they better not have practice the next day because god they are all so bloated after. 

i love this so much :( i was thinking about the seijoh boys doing it w you too, but i’ve rambled on too long about the msby so maybe another time hehe

[gotatext]

PREFERRED NAME — nora. i think i started going by it in like, 2009?? my full name is eleanor but i hated it n thought it was way too pretentious n i never felt like it fitted me so when i started writing on forums i decided i’d be a nora rather than eleanor and then my school friends called me it and it just kinda stuck, the only person who calls me eleanor is my mum

PRONOUNS — she / her / ethereal being beyond comprehension

AGE — 23 but i tell everyone im 21 because even tho time is literally fake im desperately clinging to that fleeting thing we call youth trying to catch it like smoke in my hands

PINTEREST — i actually have two. this one is my main one where i just cram all my shit n i’ve had it for years and some of its super unorganised. then i also have this one which is one i made for exclusively female characters. it started as mythological figures but now its like, women in literature and the occasional oc as well. variety is the spice of life!

DISCORD — lindsay lohan’s meth#8664

TUMBLR (PERSONAL/MUSE/RPH) — i used to be froseths but now im pvrscphones cos ya gal is a fucking whore for mythology 

OTHER SOCIAL MEDIA YOU’D LIKE TO SHARE — oi oi guvna ere’s me twitta. also here’s my letterboxd n my goodreads if anyone still uses tht

MYER-BRIGGS — enfp / infp border .... the classic profile of a lit student

HP HOUSE — hufflepuff, am fuckin mad. 

ZODIAC — libra which is a joke because i am in no way balanced but i guess i AM indecisive and a peacekeeper so?

DO YOU BELIEVE IN ASTROLOGY? — i believe it when it says good shits gonna happen in my life and blame it if bad shit happens but i don’t strongly follow it i just find it interesting

HOW OLD WERE YOU WHEN YOU STARTED RPING ON TUMBLR — maybe like 14?? my first rp blog here is literally so embarassing i wrote as clove from the hunger games n my best friend irl wrote cato :/ it was wild

WHAT YEAR WAS IT? — like 9 years ago?? 2010 maybs

NAME A RANDOM ROLEPLAY THAT STICKS OUT IN YOUR MEMORY — me n my friend ellie made this really cool group the summer before we left for uni which was loosely based on a concept mentioned mayb once in the divergent series, but it gave us loads of freedom to make it our own thing. it was called the fringe n it was like..... this dystopian society where people with different genes were cut off from the rest of society n lived in overrun slum cities where different groups had like, a monopoly over weapons, produce, etc.... my character jack was the leader of this lost-boy-esque tribe called the wolf pack who were hunters n used to run across the rooftops wearing the skins of animals they’d killed and engage in tribal rituals with sacrifices to the gods n shit. sounds lame but everyone there was so invested in their character arcs that it was a shame to see it go. but ! it kind of reached its end point so we blew it up w nukes n they all died. tragic.

WHAT WEIRD ANIMAL WOULD YOU HAVE AS A PET IF IT WAS REALISTIC — a fox?? do ppl keep foxes? idk i’ve always just felt a sense of connection w them like when a fox stares at me im like this shit is life i am living and breathing in this bitch.... visceral

NAME THE FIRST SONG ON YOUR DISCOVER WEEKLY ON SPOTIFY OR THE FIRST SONG THAT COMES ON APPLE MUSIC / ITUNES SHUFFLE — everbody party tonight by cobra man n summer girl by haim..... not my usual stuff but big summer chillin vibes,.....

NAME A BOOK THAT YOU READ IN SCHOOL THAT YOU SURPRISINGLY LIKED — lord of the flies and also the handmaid’s tale. one of assignments was to write a chapter from another character’s perspective n i chose moira

NAME A BOOK YOU HATED THAT MOST PEOPLE LIKED — skellig. fuck off with ur asprin ugly bat man i don’t care. also of mice and men. don’t care about the rabbits or curley’s goddamn wife.

WHAT TV SHOW DID YOU RECENTLY BINGE? — im not a big binger bc i find it jst makes me depressed if i watch tv all day but im nearly finished stranger things season 3 n i recently finished euphoria (big rec but proceed w caution as quite triggering content)

FAVOURITE QUOTE — cool girl speech from gone girl. but also “there’s something dangerous about the boredom of teenage girls” i know its like.... such an overused quote but it really encapsulates this kind of feral girlhood that a few of my characters like bridget n greta have tapped into. i also loved the line “i feel like i could eat the world raw” from song of achilles, that really captures this kind of.... pure n childlike enthusiasm tht i wanna achieve w rory 

LINK TO A VINE THAT EXUDES YOUR ‘ENERGY’ — this is my energy completely am always covered in glitter n staring broodily out of the windows of ubers at 4am like im in the sad bit of an indie film 

DO YOU WRITE OUTSIDE OF RP? WHAT DO YOU WRITE? — uhh.... not as much as i shd.... i want to be a writer so i shd be makin some effort to get my stuff Out Into The World but im just not.... lol. ive done a lot of poetry collections . i wnt to finish a novel @ some point too.

THREE YOUTUBERS YOU STILL TRUST — bold of you to assume i trust any youtubers

A CELEBRITY CRUSH THAT JUST WON’T QUIT — id literally die for saoirse ronan n timothee chalamet :/ chance perdomo also owns my ass. 

EVER MEET A CELEBRITY? SHARE YOUR STORY — i once high-fived dani harmer, the actress who played tracy beaker. today my sister text me tryin to make me guess what celebrity she just saw on holiday in wales and for ages she let me think it was timmothee but it was actually bradley walsh from the chase :/

WHAT’S YOUR PICTURE-PERFECT NIGHT? — i am in a bomb ass crop top and mini skirt, several scrunchies in my hair, glitter all over my face, wearing cowboy boots. we eat dinner in a trendy but affordable pub that doubles up as a cocktail bar n then we drink zombies or sex on the beaches n go to a rave where everyone is on the same wavelength n i share drugs with girls in the toilets and we swap numbers knowing we will never text each other but its ok bc in that moment we feel like we are soulmates and everyone is super drunk n touching everyone else n its all very visceral and we walk through the woods when the rave ends and lie in the grass because we wish to suck out all the marrow of life 

A CONSPIRACY THEORY YOU KINDA BELIEVE IN — princess diana was murdered 

ARE ALIENS REAL? — maybe the real aliens are the friends we made along the way

PLAY ANY PHONE GAMES? WHICH ONES? — love island game im addicted and way too invested in my fictional relationship with bobby, a cartoon

WHAT’S A FILM YOU LOVED WHEN YOU WERE YOUNG AND RECENTLY WATCHED, ONLY TO FIND OUT YOU DON’T ANYMORE — bold of u to assume i remember my childhood. but if we’re talking last 10 years angust, thongs n perfect snogging is so so cringe 

DO YOU COLLECT ANYTHING? — pairs of glasses belonging to other ppl when they break / get new ones even though i can see perfectly well. 

WHAT’S SOMETHING YOU WANT TO LEARN MORE ABOUT BUT YOU’RE TOO LAZY? — mythology...... always a craving and a wish i’d read like ancient texts but my school wasn’t good enough to do greek or latin or any of that shit n even tho i could read english translations i cant be bothered. also criminal psychology

THREE LANGUAGES YOU DON’T SPEAK, BUT WISH YOU COULD — italian, french and latin

MOVIE YOU’VE WATCHED MORE THAN 5 TIMES — ladybird, about time, angus thongs, shrek 2, what we do in the shadows, the history boys, atonement, coraline, the breakfast club, ferris bueller’s day off

NAME A FICTIONAL CHARACTER FROM TV/FILM/MOVIE/GAME/BOOK THAT YOU FIND YOURSELF PROJECTING ON / YOU RELATE TO — cecilia lisbon. rue in euphoria. alison brie in glow. adam parrish in the raven cycle. richard papen. olivia cooke’s character in thoroughbreds. allen ginsberg in kill your darlings. lily in sex education. holliday grainger’s character in the film animals --- i too am an aspiring writer who never writes and just gets drunk instead .

DO YOU FOLLOW ANY SPORTS? WHO DO YOU ROOT FOR? — no. cba

HOBBIES BESIDES WASTING AWAY HERE? — i go to the movies basically every day bcos i work in a cinema. im also a voracious reader n i occasionally do theatre or costume making

PLUG A TV SHOW / MOVIE / BOOK / VIDEO GAME / ETC… YOU WISH MORE PEOPLE WOULD CHECK OUT — where the wild things are (film by spike jonze).  animals. beats. the book fen by daisy johnson and a girl is a half formed thing by eimar mcbride. andy warhol’s biography from a to b and back again

WHOSE BRAIN WOULD YOU LIKE TO PICK, ALIVE OR DEAD? — phoebe waller-bridge on how i get her life. carey mulligan on how she got to be such a good actress n how i can become her. maybs wes anderson. maybs gillian flynn. i tend to listen to podcasts w the ppl i really wanna pick the brains of.

TEAM EDWARD OR JACOB? — edward :/

LAST MOVIE SEEN IN THEATRE — blinded by the light n i lovd it

DO YOU STILL READ? — when i finished uni i kinda got out of the habit but this week i finished two books so ive set myself the challenge of a book a week.

IF SO, WHAT ARE YOU CURRENTLY READING? — i finished song of achilles yesterday n i also finished call me by your name yesterday. started circe by madeline miller today, im also partway through milkman by anna burns and the plays of annie barker

ON A SCALE OF 1-10, HOW MUCH DID YOU HATE FILLING THIS OUT? – 3 i didnt hate it bcos at heart i am self-indulgent and love fashioning some sense of self when i feel lost in a world that is scary and constantly changing 

[tigren]

im going to do the 30 day neopet challenge but im going to do it in one post under a readmore bc i will almost certainly forget it within the first week if i do it the proper way, i don’t think anyone is going to care about my responses in particular and i don’t want to spam people daily, and most importantly: im super bored right now

Day 01: When did you start playing Neopets and how old is your current account?

my first account got purged but i saved the date that i created it. i had my 14 year neopets anniversary last month WOW!!! my current account will turn 11 in may.

Day 02: How did you find out about Neopets?

i think my brother made a neopets account when he was like 10ish, he didn’t get super into it but my dad also made an account and got really involved with the site!! i was like 6 or 7 and i just really liked poogle solitaire (rip). i don’t think i actually knew how to play but it amused me and my dad let me continue playing because he got stuff for it. but eventually i guess he got sick of me being on my account and made one for me. my first username was bleubaby_72, which is named after a doll i had as a much younger child (Blue Baby, misspelled) and i don’t think the 72 means anything. my first pet was a yellow aisha whose name i don’t remember... my dream pet was a desert aisha (would still die for a UC desert aisha, i wouldn’t say theyre my fave but THE SENTIMENTAL VALUE.......)

Day 03: Favourite Neopets species?

i love boris! and yurbles recently shot up my list of fave pets, but i don’t like a lot of their colors. i generally prefer neopets that are mammalian (but not as a rule necessarily) and have features of real animals but can’t necessarily be pinpointed as a certain real species. like, aishas and wockies are cats, gelerts and lupes are dogs, grarrls are tyrannosaurus rex, elephantes are duh. and thats fine and good i still like a lot of those species! but yurbles for example have that hedgehog/bear thing going on but they also have their weird spiral ears and neck ruff. and thats my favorite thing. 

i also really like unis because i’ve been a horse girl since childhood n never grew out of it, and they have great colors. and aishas were my first fave and will always be one of my favorites. so i can appreciate pets that can more easily be represented by 1 animal. 

Day 04: How many pets do you own and which is your favourite?

ummmmmm 14 i think? there might be a few other pets rotting on sides that i kinda forgot about, i’m too lazy to check. Abbur is my favorite, he’s my pink bori baby boy and i just care about him with all my heart. i really like his customization and none of my pets have any real “stories” or anything but most of them have vague personalities and histories and his is more developed than any of my other pets. Alabryss is another fave, i’ve had him for FOREVER and he’s always been a uni but he’s gone thru a billion color changes. he’s royal now and will almost definitely be royal for the rest of his life. his name is a misspelling of the petpet Alabriss (i think i made him 1 day after they were released) which i didn’t totally do on purpose.. like obviously i got the name from the petpet but i didn’t realize until a while later that i had subconsciously used it. anyway i’m not complaining, i still love him and he has an alabriss petpet named yuni

Day 05: Favourite Paint Brush colour?

OHH HBOY that’s hard!!! off the top of my head w/o looking through colors or anything i like royal and desert bc they’re generally more Elaborate w/ the clothes options and stuff. but i also have a big appreciation for cheap colors like cloud and ghost.. they look good on almost every pet imo. i like starry a lot too, big obnoxious iconic neopets stars. i especially like when starry pets have orange accents.

Day 06: Favourite Labray only colour?

is robot labray only? robot is cool. i guess there’s the robot zapper thing from the dr sloth plot forever ago but does that count?? i think chocolate would be my next choice. i can’t even remember all the labray only colors

Day 07: Favourite Petpet species?

this is so hard!!! i’ve always loved petpets SOO much. i’ve recently started to have a big appreciation for the super like.. generic, classic petpets.. like the kinds youd find in the neopia central petpet shop. they have a certain charm to them and i love them. i’ve always liked crokabeks a lot, theyre sooooo square shaped!! square crows! gruslen & doglefox were my faves as a kid. 

Day 08: Favourite Petpet colour?

birthday is rly cute

Day 09: Favourite Petpetpet species?

uhhhhh i don’t know all the petpetpets and never had THAT much of an interest in them. what’s the one that looks like a praying mantis??? i’ve always liked those

ok wait i just looked up a list and petpetpets can be p cute actually. i still like the praying mantis dude, moach, but i also love: cooty, fleaf, lightmite, and zytch. i don’t tend to like art of petpetpets in games and stuff but they’re cute in their regular images.. theyre so small......

Day 10: Favorite Neopian world?

UHHHHHHH since i was a kid i’ve always liked: faerieland, lost desert, and mystery island.

Day 11: Which team do you pick for the Altador Cup and why?

always darigan citadel. i don’t really know why i picked it my first year... i was never like an Edgy Goth Kid or anything. they got 2nd place the first year and i thought that was awesome, and i had also gotten involved with a really fun DC chat group so i joined them again the next year. then they won and that was awesome!! other people in the chat group started joining other teams and there was no reason it needed to be a DC only group (it was called the 30 trillionaires... our “goal” every year was to collectively make it to 30 trillion goals during the season. which is impossible but idk that was what made it kind of fun i guess.. it was just casual yooyuball grinding and chatting with friends lol) so i wasn’t “stuck” with the team but even after they stopped doing so well i stuck with them out of loyalty. i used to be SUPER into the altador cup but i lost touch w/ the chat group and never got into it again

Day 12: Favourite Avatar?

ANOTHER HARD QUESTION!! i’ve always LOVED the bon appetite kelp one.. which i still don’t have. generally i prefer the “older” style of avatars where they were simpler, mostly animated but in a simple way and a lot of the time w/ pixel art elements. i feel like a lot of newer avatars have a way heavier focus on animation, like theyre just lil gifs, they lost a lot of that simplicity. i also tend to be biased toward avatars that have odd shapes rather than just being squares. like gloomy and jazzmosis and taelia. even the circle ones that still have regular borders are pleasing to me

Day 13: Which chat boards do you usually chat in?

i don’t use the boards much... i lurk newbie chat a lot and sometimes try to get involved and talk w/ people but i never keep it up. i was an avatar chat girl as a kid and that’s still the place i feel the most comfortable i guess.

Day 14: Are you in a guild?

nope! i LOOOOOVED guilds and 10 year old me would be so upset to find out that i’m not involved in the Guild Life anyway. imo it’d be really cool if guilds got a rehaul.

Day 15: Favourite Faerie?

mira is my girl.. i like the battle faerie a lot too but i can’t remember her name. 

Day 16: Do you have a gallery and does it have a theme?

i have one created but i don’t even know what’s in there, i don’t pay much attention to it. i think i just have a few plushies and petpets and random items i thought were cute or charming. i like the idea of one day having a guild with a cool theme.

Day 17: Do you use the Battledome?

not really. i have my dad’s old account now with a super super powerful battle pet (he was Famous in the BD and i think for a while his pet was one of the most powerful pets on the whole site) so i guess i should take advantage of that but i don’t

Day 18: Do you use the NC Mall?

nah... i use the free NC when i get it, usually. i think i have some accrued on a few different accounts that i just don’t use. it’s kind of a pain in the ass to worry about NC items in customizations on diff side accounts. 

Day 19: Favourite shop to shop at?

i rarely even look at neopets shops lol. when i was younger i really liked the faerieland petpet shop. that’s all i got for u

Day 20: Favourite game?

i feel obligated to say spinacles bc it’s my blog title but i don’t even like spinacles, i’m just good at it and there were a good few months when i got a good number of people who aren’t normally super into neopets obsessed w/ beating my score and it Amused me. i’m not even like a spinacles Master but i do know how to get gold Very easily. anyway uhhh i think let it slide is fun and i’m fairly good at it but i hate playing it for np because it feels like it takes forever and it gets boring. i feel the same way about assignment 51 which i also like the Aesthetic of a lot. i have a love/hate relationship with ultimate bullseye II

Day 21: How many items are currently in your Safety Deposit Box?

Items: 1,900 | Qty: 2,828

Day 22: Whats the most amount of Neopoints you’ve ever had at one time?

i hit 8mil recently and then spent some of it on a royal pb. i had planned on going for 10mil before spending any (so i can get that sweet bank account upgrade) but i got impatient. 

Day 23: Do you use the Stock Market?

occasionally. i don’t check it every day but i have a decent portfolio

Day 24: Favourite Daily (ex. Coltzan’s Shrine, Tombola, etc.)?

i kinda like the discarded blue grundo plushie or w/e in faerieland. i don’t know his whole stupid name but i remember when he was just a tiny pixel in faerieland that didn’t do anything, so it’s cute that he’s a daily now and gets visited by people more often. 

Day 25: Do you decorate your Neohome(s)?

not at all

Day 26: What is a Paint Brush colour TNT should release next?

honestly why dont they just make pet pb colors out of colors that are currently petpet exclusive? birthday and valentine? fuckin.. picnic might be harder to execute but it’s out there and it’s a fun one. 

Day 27: Favourite hero? Favourite Villian?

i’m not as educated about neopets lore as i’d like to be i think..... i like nabile, shes a hero right?? and i’ve always like balthazar. he’s a piece of shit. 

Day 28: Favourite plot or site event?

my biggest regret is not being more involved in plots as a kid :( i read the comics but didnt participate. i really liked the LDP comic and wish i’d been part of the actual puzzles and stuff. 

Day 29: Are there certain items you collect?

i kind of collect cute petpets, i love them and don’t usually get rid of them once i acquire them. same with cute plushies. also i like the poorly drawn items from the “artists day off” days, smelly jelly is one of my faves i think

Day 30: Why do you like Neopets?

there’s... so much to do!!!! like yeah the site is dying and jumpstart is digging its own grave and sooo many parts of the site are dead or broken or whatever but there’s still just, always a new goal to strive toward and a new thing to get into and i think that’s cool.

[frenchpuppiess]

算不到...?

Dear Jesus! Hello :)

I just finished company law today, & it wasn't great.

I can't believe I brought myself to this place so familiar again.

Gosh, it's really saddening & discouraging... When will I ever stop?

(As I breathe & remind myself *not just good intentions, but also continuous decisions* in my head)

Are good intentions, really not helpful at all?

I was feeling quite OK with Revenue.

Then I thought I had company law covered quite ok, at least I touched it.

Yet.... I'm back here again...

& I honestly... hate it.

I hate feeling like a failure.

I hate the guilt & shame that comes onto me,

The cloud of "You should have done better", "You're last minute again" over my head.

"You're not good enough.."

"You never will be."

"Even if you did, no matter how early you start, you're still not on time/not good enough.."

Although, I really, really, really had not planned for this at all.

I mean, you might think surely, who ever plans to fail right?

*sighs*

I really love You Lord.

& I think only You will fully understand my frustration, & perhaps not judge me?

"You deserve this."

Then, I'd be tempted to go back to thinking that Law school wasn't my choice in the first place...

I wish I was doing Maths.

(oh silly wishful thinking - I know.)

I really hate, detest being in that place...

& this You shall know best.

Help me, Lord? I don't know how anymore...

Not trying to be so drama. But I really did come to Uni with a FRESH perspective, wanting to start things anew, and work hard... During the first few weeks/months, I was so proud! I was excited to finally start living - upon accepting/making peace with the place that I am.

I remember how challenging it was then... Whenever I go or do tutorials, I get scared and I can't start or write. I had no confidence in myself at all...

But look at where I am now..... :) (where I've learned to just do it, & be confident, where a wrong answer is better than none)

(& :( )

I love You. Help me, oh Father...

-

Annabelle sent me this link (http://thoughtcatalog.com/angelo-caerlang/2017/04/god-im-surrendering-to-you-all-the-things-that-i-cant-control/) today.

So random. Yet when I saw the first few lines, I set is aside so that I could properly read it when I settle down... Because, haven't I come across a post that jots down my clearest thoughts as well, if they even do address it at all..

"I am always worried. I overthink situations in my head, even those that have not happened yet. I look so far ahead of me.

Sometimes, I wish I can fast-forward my life to the day when my story is better, and when my world is bigger. Somehow I am more focused in looking at the things that I don’t have instead of appreciating the things that I have.

I compare my journey to someone else’s journey, while neglecting the truth that I have a different route in life to take. I keep thinking that I’m behind. I keep choosing to be blind to notice the blessings You’ve been showering me with. I keep forgetting to let go."

-

"Because the truth is, I allow myself to believe that I have so much control in my life. I can arrive to my destination by myself. I have the power to make a difference using my own decision, my own voice, my own ability."

Teach me Oh Father.

-

Almost forgot! Though, for all the improvement I’ve made (that You only will know.. if it’s worth celebrating) especially in my Commercial & Equity assignment, I thank You. & I thank You for removing my resistance & fear to study, that Law no longer scares the living daylight out of me, literally. For that, I praise You, I thank You. For those that I don’t understand, I trust.

- 

I don’t want to be defeated no more. I pray that I will grow out of this. Amen.