#reflection paper 3

[quiannesblog]

REFLECTION 003 (PART TWO)

Atheism and Agnosticism: Exploring the Intersection of Faith and Doubt

I decided to abandon the idea of God and religion. I blamed it for years that it was the reason why I was naive and ignorant of everything because I believed in God, because I had religion. That it was the reason I saw everything with rose-tinted glasses, that I romanticized suffering and misery of humanity because I believed in God’s will. But once I was able to take it off, the horrors of reality dawned upon me and I was speechless. I was seeing everything on a whole lot different perspective and it was so much different from the one I grew up to.

At church, my mother made me enter alone and she sat in the car.

Father was already waiting for me at the confession booth and at that moment, it suddenly all felt jarring. I wonder if this was more about of my faith, rather than my religion. We sat in silence, at first, then I asked him the very question I asked my mother. For a fleeting moment, I had hope in my heart that maybe I’ll get the answer I want but instead he told me to just… Pray. My world came crashing down and I just stood up. Left. I didn’t even bother to join my mother back at the car. I just wanted to be alone.

       After that, and a lot of events that encompassed over the next several weeks and months, I decided to abandon the idea of God and religion. I blamed it for years that it was the reason why I was naive and ignorant of everything because I believed in God, because I had religion. That it was the reason I saw everything with rose-tinted glasses, that I romanticized suffering and misery of humanity because I believed in God’s will. But once I was able to take it off, the horrors of reality dawned upon me and I was speechless. I was seeing everything on a whole lot different perspective and it was so much different from the one I grew up to. I wanted to do something about it but I was just a kid, so I just voiced out my hatred for the church and religion to anyone who would listen. It did not feel liberating, truth to be told, it felt more painful but I had too much hubris to admit that. I liked to believed that I was on the right because I had a different viewpoint. I claim that I wasn’t blinded from the words of the church and the what so’s of religion, but in the end, it wasn’t also the answer from the existential crisis I was experiencing. I just felt lost in this world.

        I did not seek God again, but instead, I sought out the compassion of different people in my life. From theists, to agnostics, to atheists— of everybody. I start to realize that what I needed to erase the anger and hate on my heart was not the words of religious figures, but of people I could empathize with. Of putting myself in their shoes, to let the hateful judgment and thinking of mine to die down, and be replaced with emotions and experiences of everyone I met.

Reading this article, felt like coming home, trudging a once-forgotten path because I can truly, truly relate. I still am an atheist. I still don’t believe in God, but I’m no longer someone who seeks vengeance like a feral dog, instead I became someone who respected and saw everyone equally, regardless if they have religion or not. Faith has always been the answer, in the end, even if you don’t believe in God, all of us have it. Like it said, it was never about theological issues, but psychologically. My heart was not the one that was curious but it was my mind. It was the one who started to question, the one who started to place such thoughts at the crevices of my brain, and the one who started to see everything negatively. But my heart? It just knew and didn’t let go of my faith, even if I abandoned it. See this as an open letter of an atheist. See this as a reflection of who I am now without religion and God. See this as a way to still have faith. Faith is what makes us human. Do not forget about it.

[bevirspnsblmnt]

trad sketches I drew today and then cleaned up and enhanced in ps later

[i-may-be-an-emu]

Boss makes a dollar, I make a dime

I make sfth fanart on company time

[gomzdrawfr]

having a keyboard going clicliclicliclicalcalcalcalcalclclalcalcl does boost my productivity

[dalandduh]

Goober...

[averlym]

ghost story premiere day! check @melliotwrites for more info

[icewindandboringhorror]

Would most people realistically use 'carry' and 'convey' as synonyms in typical speech?? Seems a slightly reaching comparison to me lol

[thoughtfulchaos773]

Loved this ending because there was a meta somewhere arpund here that shows the shirt represents Mikey and its completely true, carmy puts away the shot that's notably represents Mikey and The Bear. We don't see the note- let it rip this season because he's accepted that he's never grieved Mikey.

But he finds what he is looking for and has to open the box that he keeps avoiding. Donna. He's going to face her, and as the season notes- Carmy can't outrun it.

[susandsnell]

every stop-making-fun-of-booktok post is essentially like if you don't stop making fun of gender essentialist heteronormative books you're basically a 70s radfem and if you hint these books are boring or patriarchal then straight women will literally never discover sexuality and then die. you want them to die? they'll die and it'll be all your fault. my god. you murderer. you sicko.

[sweet-loverboy]

my single dorm, my senior year, 2024-2025

[quiannesblog]

REFLECTION PAPER 003

Atheism and Agnosticism: Exploring the Intersection of Faith and Doubt

Her first words were to me, “Did God lack of showing His love to you that you started to question him?” and I immediately said, “No, but can’t I just wonder if he is truly real?” and I swear, she wanted to splash the alcohol on my face but she chose not to, only because she’s trying to drown out my said ridiculousness in an attempt to get herself drunk.

The article was something I could relate heavily to— from the very start up until the end. Reading it made me reminisce of the time that I was still a Lion.

I remember vividly when I started questioning if God was real; I was 13, starting high school. I wouldn’t say I was a wide-eyed innocent girl, I was the type of kid who has always been labelled for “knowing too much,” but I was still naive, no matter how much I claim to know. Anyways, it was the summer, my family and I were in another mass when I asked my mother if God is real. She was livid. I remember the scandalous gasp that left her mouth— loud enough for the other churchgoers to hear— despite the loud voice of the priest from the podium. She grabbed my arm and leaned close, whispering, no hissing, asking me, “How dare you question about God?” I was not scared, even if she was glaring holes on me at that moment and her grip tightening on my arm, long nails sinking on my skin, but I was more or less confused. ‘Was that reaction necessary?’ A voice at the back of my head asked, wondering why instead of answering my question in a way I’ll understand, my mother chose to be hostile. She let go of me reluctantly when people started to take notice of us but not before whispering a, “We’ll talk.”

        When we got home, my mother ordered that I go to the dining table and take a seat there. Usually, when we have our talk there, I’ll be anxious but this time around, I was angry. My arms were crossed above my chest, my figure hunched over at my seat and my feet were kicked up the table. My mother came shortly, dressed in her usual besdita and a bottle of beer in her hold. She placed down the beer at the table and gave me a loathful look as she downs the bitter drink. Her first words were to me, “Did God lack of showing His love to you that you started to question him?” and I immediately said, “No, but can’t I just wonder if he is truly real?” and I swear, she wanted to splash the alcohol on my face but she chose not to, only because she’s trying to drown out my said ridiculousness in an attempt to get herself drunk. My mother wiped her lips with the back of her hand and told me, “I can’t answer that because I find it stupid that you’d wonder about Him,” and she just… Walked away. My question was still not answered.

        Days passed after what happened between my mother and I. I thought I was in the clear. Next Sunday rolled in and there was a persistent knock on my door at 6 AM and I wondered, “Who is waking me up this early?” and lo and behold, when I opened the door, my mother was there with a deathly glare on her eyes and a displeased expression on her face. She threw a dress in my direction and said, “Get dressed,” before strutting away. It took a minute or so for me to realize that we were going to church but not to join the mass, but to make me sit in front of the father to make me listen about God and the church and Christianity. As I get dressed, I find the whole thing ridiculous. This would have never happened if my mother just entertained my curiosity and instead, we’re driving down to the nearest church in our city to talk to a priest. Once we were in a car, my mother was running her mouth and I barely paid attention; I just wanted things to get done, if you get what I mean. That maybe if I just pretended to show interest or “excitement” to our visit to the church, she’d leave me alone. But my mother was as smart as ever, she knew I wasn’t keen on the idea or of our trip, because who would be? You were just a girl who started to question about God and you were just angry, you just desperately want answers for your questions and instead got nothing.

Continue Reading...?

[notevenghosts]

you either die a hero or live long enough to become an aspiring small business owner

[snowthornes]

➸ Avriel | @uroboros-if

✦ Moment of Creation 🍂

In the all-encompassing cradle of the universe, Avriel came into existence within the embrace of light. They first felt pain. The universe wracked every thread of their existence with the agony of every being, all at once — then soothed the fractures left behind with the love of all that ever was and ever will be. Upon his first time laying eyes on another being, he attempted to replicate her smile. The first... emotion he ever felt in the waking world was curiosity.

✦ Pieces of a Soul 🍂

➸ Avriel stands at 5'9. He sits with his knees curled against his chest whenever he can get away with it, making him appear to be smaller than he actually is. 🍂

➸ He can be quite contradictory in the sense that while he approaches the world with an unrelenting — sometimes reckless — optimism, he’s always very surprised whenever someone seems to enjoy or even want his company. Years of subtle, minor, rejections have trailed him since his creation, as if the waking world was determined to wear him down little by little. As a result, he has a severely low view of himself when it comes to his worth as a friend or as company.

Despite that, he persists with dogged optimism and continues to seek out the company of other beings. He keeps trying, keeps hoping, but he never really… expects to actually get anything back. 🍂

➸ Rarely holds grudges. He could be called forgiving at best, and overly passive at worst. 🍂

➸ Not one to hide his emotions, he often speaks without thinking. Fortunately, for what he lacks in tact, he makes up for in intuition. He’s quick to sense the emotions of others, including discomfort or distress, and will immediately back off and apologize if he feels he was the cause. He’ll attempt to make amends, but whether he's successful or not is a different matter. 🍂

➸ Avriel loves to dance! He started learning when he was young and picked up different styles by observing other mortals and deities, though Rafaele was also a very willing (and delighted) teacher. Would be all for dipping his dance partner in a dance! In fact, it's at the top of his bucket list! 🍂

➸ Has a sword he often uses in his dances. Avriel picked up sword dancing when he was young. Years of diligently honing his skills in the art have made him skilled in the dance of the sword, able to move his body and blade with the lightness of a swallow. 🍂

➸ Like most beings, Avriel has his personal preferences. He particularly likes eating meat. His favorite flower is the Krio firosafa. Delicate and enduring, they are often overlooked because they are always there, as if there would never come a day when the streets would truly lay bare of them — Avriel thinks there is much worth treasuring in that. 🍂

➸ Extremely affectionate. He makes it incredibly obvious when he's happy to see someone, whether platonic or romantic, and will perk up with sparkling eyes upon seeing them approach. Loves pestering friends once they've gotten close enough — a befriended (or romanced!) Ciocana may find that a happy and secure Avriel can be even more of a menace than they are. Although he would settle down somewhat when with a more reticient friend, content to accompany them in quieter activities. As long as he's given a sense of security and acceptance, Avriel is happy to follow their lead.

It's uncertain what the ettiquette is in Galaio in regards to skinship, but if Avriel were a being in the modern world he would be the type to affectionately link arms with his friends or drape himself over their shoulders. 🍂

➸ Becomes quiet and subdued when upset. It is rare that something affects him to this extent, but when it does, he shuts down like a flower withered in winter. There is an off-putting silence in his expression, in his downcast eyes. It is best not to leave him alone when in this state. 🍂

➸ Is very active, and prefers to take the longer, more creative route rather than simply using the streets. He often climbs, leaps, and bounds his way around Lucidio in an effort to add some fun to his hectic yet rather repetitive schedule. It works, most times! He appears to be drawn to high places, and can often be seen crouching on a pillar or making himself at home on a roof. 🍂

➸ Is actually quite content with his current life. While he’d probably definitely fall over from shock and joy if he got even a single offering from a mortal, his lack of power or recognition isn't something that weighs on his mind, not anymore. He’s long come to terms with his status and makes the best of it — though the mockery occasionally thrown at him still affects him.

Although it would be nice if the world wouldn’t look upon him so harshly, Avriel’s dearest wish is to have meaningful relationships with other beings — bonds where he can safely go to them and know that they want him there. If he were able to have such relationships one day… well. Who could ask for anything more? 🍂

➸ His fathers are his anchors. Avriel is a being who thrives off love and attention; his fathers have always given him the steadfast, unwavering love and acceptance that the world so often withheld from him. Even now, he actively seeks out them out when the endless streams of errands in Lucidio start to make him feel a bit too lonely, a bit too isolated. He adores their frequent visits very much, and is always noticeably livelier than usual for a few days afterwards. Avriel loves them dearly. 🍂

✦ Height Chart

✦ Afterword from Distant Lands

You’ve reached the end of this monstrously long post. Congratulations! You survived 😌✨ I really appreciate the time you’ve taken to see this little person that I made, so. Thank you. Thank you very much. Ahead is an afterword elaborating a little more on the background of Avriel’s relationship with the others. I tried to make it short, but… it appears I’m not very good at this short and sweet thing. 🫡

When I started forming Avriel, I wanted to make it clear that he had imperfections of his own. He has qualities that will make him clash with the other characters of Uroboros — at the beginning, anyway. 

(In case you missed the link at the top of the post, Avriel is my MC for Uroboros by @uroboros-if !)

Due to his passive tendencies and his subconscious wish to preserve the “peace” that he has carved out for himself, Avriel will initially be extremely wary of Alessi and everything they stand for. The fall of the reign of the gods? He really doesn’t like the sound of that. But passive he may be, Avriel carries a heart that stubbornly longs to love the world and all its beings. The things Alessi will show him may just break Avriel out of the passive shell he's unknowingly created 🫡 I’m looking forward to seeing how they will clash and develop together in the future.

Avriel will have to look past the lens of his hero worship for Luciel in order to truly understand the person they are — imperfections and all. Though come what may, you can rest assured that Avriel will always be Luciel’s number one supporter! But to close that distance between them, Avriel will have to do his part and understand that putting the other person on a pedestal will only do more harm than good to a relationship.

His relationship with Luciel is inspired by the ‘looking’ scene with them. I imagine Avriel halting in place and staring Very Starry-eyed at Luciel during the times he meets them as the text from the Looking scene skitters through his head at the speed of light, a scenario I find extremely funny and will hold onto till the day I die. The MC talks about Luciel’s eyes and kindness a lot, and I took that fact and ran with it.

Salvatore… Avriel's relationship with him is quite complex. I’ll wait to see how future chapters develop before I write more about their relationship. However, I will say that I pounced on these paragraphs from the game to use as a foundation:

He opens and closes his mouth, tasting the words on his tongue before deciding. "Please, let's speak another time! I wish to hear more from you." You see a glimpse of his younger self—Salvatore from a bygone era, when things seemed less complicated, less troubling. You think time has robbed him a part of his spirit. He has become busy. So very busy.

I suppose I felt a faint sense of regret from that last paragraph. The regret of standing before a person once so very close to you, and now so changed. For the better, most people would say, but Avriel secretly wishes that Salvatore could have stayed as happy and carefree as in the past. Though Avriel doesn’t really know that. He’s not one for introspection. He just feels very complicated whenever he meets Salvatore, though he still does his best to regale the deity with comedic retellings of his errands in Lucidio. Just to make Salvatore laugh.

As for Ciocana, I’ll also wait to see how future chapters develop before further shaping his relationship with Avriel. I feel that Ciocana has a lot of hidden depth that we have yet to see. But going off of initial impressions alone, I can say that Avriel definitely had a very good first impression of the other deity. It was an instant squish, if you will. Avriel’s boundless energy syncs quite well with Ciocana’s mischief, and if given enough time to develop, I feel their dynamic has the potential to become the “ride or die (enthusiastic)” kind. 🫡✨

Aaand, that’s all. Thank you for reading this far (again). If you've somehow managed to read this far, then 💐🥺💍hand in marriage pls. Avriel was a joy to create, and I’m really looking forward to seeing how he develops in the future. The world within Uroboros is so wonderfully crafted, its characters so vividly alive; Avriel would not have existed without it. I’m very grateful to the author for sharing their world with us. Thank you. Have a very good day, and may you all have as much fun writing and creating your characters as I did!

➸ Picrew:

[i-like-old-things]

Nothing makes me feel more scholarly than writing a crazy title on the most insignificant essay/paper I’ve ever written

[sysig]

My printer hates me :) (with many thanks and credit to @niennanir as before)

Gosh aren’t they gorgeous tho ♥ Especially the latest and largest, though I have to give all the credit to the paper on that one haha, it’s stunning IRL, I could almost stare at the gold lattice forever rather than read, but I’m so happy with how it turned out between the pages as well!

Quick showcase of the new additions! :D

My Drinking Game as another test run, I got the spacing how I wanted it! Yay! It’s so much handsomer and less cramped! Also I gotta say, if it wasn’t such a large usage of paper, this would be my ideal way of checking for typos - I found a couple after setting it down to ink lol, they’ve been fixed now at least ♪ Paired here with the emerge, transformed three-parter, one of my all-time-favourites <3 I reread it the night I finished it and cried again, a little bit of tender mercy always wrecks me hhhh ♥ There are so many beautiful evocative lines! I’m so happy to hold it ♪ And as you can see above, that was the one that got the cute little ghost dust jacket :D

Another test run of what I’m calling volume 1 of my Vargas Drabbles lol, so not including Have you lost your mind? since that one’s currently unfinished. I do fully intend to print it once it’s done tho :3c Hopefully that one will cause me fewer problems! I hate measuring, so I may have flubbed two covers before finally getting this one into good enough shape XP And my red yarn is still in storage so >.> Did I go purchase another ball of red yarn? I’ll never tell. You can’t tell me it doesn’t look great as a bookmark tho <3

And my current happiest! Ah!! It turned out fantastic on all counts! The cover paper obviously, as I couldn’t Not lead with that, but also the size of the spine and the way the pages settled against each other while glueing - I used a different type of paper for this one and I think I’m completely converted over, it feels amazing to work with. Whatever I was using before had to have been like 15lbs lol, I’m literally just using normal 20lb printer paper but it feels and looks and behaves so much nicer <3 The size of Helix also allowed for a slightly larger bookmark, which was perfect because we had this soft gold ribbon that was all of a couple millimeters wider than the other ribbons/yarn I’d been using, and it looks so so so pretty with the gold detailing!! I’ve put it between Ch. 1 and 2 and getting to see the actual physical size differences of the chapters is so fun ♥

[gu6chan]

perhaps as a ploy to become the world's most dedicated drakengard 3 hater, perhaps to strengthen my spite-based narrative design, perhaps even out of sheer desperation for drakengard content..... ive finally decided to do the unthinkable and holy shit i didn't even know it was possible but how is this even worse than i thought