Bridge 4 Discuss Terrible Pickup Lines
As (sort of) requested by @dewypeach and @imtheseventh
So back when @cam-ulu29 asked for a Kaladin flirting list, I ran a poll about whether it should be a sincere, sweet list or a list full of terrible, out-of-character pickup lines. The former won by a MILE, but some people were interested in the latter. Dewypeach & imtheseventh in particular suggested doing something with Bridge 4 either suggesting terrible pickup lines or having Kaladin try them out. So here's something like that!
Skar: Worst pickup lines you can come up with. Go.
Lopen: I suggested one for Kaladin, but it wasn't terrible--it was really good. He acted like it was terrible, though--does that count?
Kaladin: It WAS terrible.
Kaladin: And...weird.
Kaladin: I'm not going to flirt with Dalinar. He is my boss. And married. And old.
Lopen: So what I said, right, was that Kal should look Dalinar right in the eye, all serious-like, and say, "My relationship with my father is terrible. Will you be my new Daddy?"
Moash: [spits out drink]
Skar: No!
Lopen: Listen, it would work! I can read a man, and I KNOW that would work on Dalinar!
Kaladin: I DON'T WANT TO FLIRT WITH DALINAR, MY MARRIED ELDERLY BOSS
Lopen: Okay, okay! If you prefer to flirt with Navani, you just gotta roll up with something like, "So I heard you like long, thick towers. It just so happens that I..."
Kaladin: NO
Moash: See, the thing is, Kal, you're attractive enough that you could probably get away with a really bad pickup line.
Moash: I bet you could tell someone that you want to "Plunge straight into their their Honor Chasm" and I bet it would work.
Kaladin: That would absolutely not work.
Moash: You say that, and yet...
Rock: Moash has point, though! We are all well-known now, yes? All good-looking (except maybe for Lopen, who is unfortunately very short). I think men like us get away with some pretty bad lines, yeah?
Letyen: "You did a bridge run straight into my heart."
Moash: "I wanna explore YOUR chasms."
Kaladin: (What's you and the chasms, man?)
Lyn: "Let's...bridge this distance between us."
Teft: "I'm from Bridge 4. Do you want to get a drink?"
Skar: "Let me show you how good I am with my spear."
Sigzil: "You prefilled the forms in my heart."
[They all look at him]
Sigzil: What? In Azir, that's a very effective line.
Moash: Is that true, though, or are you making up Azir stories to trick us stupid Alethi?
Sigzil: [sips drink enigmatically]
Kaladin: Fine, fine, okay!
Kaladin: If I wanted to "pick someone up" with my Bridge 4 cred, I guess I'd try something like...
Kaladin: ...
Kaladin: Uh... How about: "My days in the bridge crews were horrible and dark. I barely survived. I lost a lot of friends. Good friends. It haunts me still. But now that I'm out, I've decided to live. And that means doing things that make me WANT to live."
Kaladin: "Like going out with you!"
Kaladin: [Looks at them expectantly]
Moash: Oh, Kal...
Lopen: Even your pretty face can't save that one, gon...
Skar: The thick tower line is looking better and better...
Kaladin: WELL YOU GUYS ARE THE ONES WHO BROUGHT IT UP
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