#s.t..txt

[the-indigo-symphony]

(while talking about gender ratios in the front)

R.T.: are you a girl?

Evoli: I'm an Eevee

[books-and-strawberry-tea]

An Education in Malice: Review

★★⋆☆☆☆ 2.5/5

This book was like a road with speedbumps. It stayed steady for a while, then an event would happen, and finally! The story was taking off!…only to find that no…it was back to the steady road. I just finished this book, 20 minutes ago as of writing this. And I feel like I'm left wanting more, and not in a good way. I felt like this book missed the mark in so many ways. Spoilers and explanation under the cut off:

Warning: this book is 18+, has graphic sex scenes and horror/gore.

The book follows Laura and Carmilla in a dual POV. They both have travelled to attend Saint Perpetua's Academy to study poetry under Ms (Evelyn) De Lafontaine, a professor well known for her skills in poetry. The book goes on to explore the rather fround upon relationship between Carmilla and Ms De Lafontaine. De Lafontain takes Carmilla under her wing after Carmilla tracks her down and demands to be her pupil, and not daring to take no for an answer. By the time Laura comes along, Carmilla is in her senior year and has a well established and secretive relationship with De Lafontaine. Laura stumbles upon this one day after spying on Carmilla and De Lafontaine after being reprimanded for being late to class. THrough a crack in the door, she watches as De Lafontaine and Carmilla argue, before gently De Lafontaine hold Carmilla and drinks from her neck. Yup, De Lafontaine is a Vampire. With time, Laura comes to accept that Vampires are real, Carmilla and Laura have a blossoming romance, and De Lafontaine's jealousy grows to new hights.

A trio of possessive woman, a Vampire with dark secrets, and a sapphic romance. What could possibly go wrong?

Unfortunatly, the way the big events in the book just miss the mark. They arn't as impactful as they should be. Chapter 15 got really exciting. From Chapter 15 to Chapter 17, is where the first major events take place. De Lafontaine takes the girls into the bowls of the school, underground and into a crypt. Turns out, De Lafontaine has been searching for her lover and sire for 40 plus years, and she has finally found her. She is sleeping in a tomb, and to wake her, Isis must drink of human blood. De Lafontaine asked of Carmilla to help her revive Isis. And because of Carmilla's devotion and admiration, she obeys. Letting De Lafontaine slice her palm and poor her blood into Isis' mouth. The whole situation goes south when Isis awakes and attacks Carmilla. Ripping out her jugular and leaving her to bleed out on the floor. De Lafontaine is frantic and in a moment of desparation, feeds Carmilla her blood…starting her transition to the dark life of a vampire. She awakes and as most vampires when they turn, she ravenous. With much reluctance, Laura is convinced to let Carmilla feed from her. And this is where I have the first problem with this book. Before hand, although Carmilla and Laura have a budding romance, they are still rivals. Fighting for their teachers affection. Being snippy and rude to eachother. Well…mainly it's Carmilla to be honest. Nevertheless, they still are not what you'd call sweethearts. But once Carmilla turns, she is suddenly sweet on Laura, being possesive, and wanting to be next to her 24/7. And yes I understand it's probably because Laura is now her source of food. But this is not explained, it's not acknowledged. It just sort of…is. It feels rather jarring to be the reader.

Further in the book, now that Isis is awake, students in the school are winding up dead. The bodies brutalised and left around to be found. This of course puts the school into a frenzy. Laura and Carmilla are obviously concerned and start to piece together why. Isis is around and shes hungry. De Lafontaine tries to ease the girls minds by telling them she'll fix the situation. Except who knows what she does. If De Lafontaine does anything at all, you wouldnt know it. As this part of the story is not only kept from the characters, but also from the reader. You have no clue what is happening behind the scenes. This does not fill the story with mystery, it just leaves you without a reason to care about later events in the book. There is nothing written to get the reader emotinally invested in the story of De Lafontaine and her lover. So when suddenly, De Lafontaine tricks and kills Isis in the last few chapters, you don't 100% care about the sacrifice and loss De Lafontaine is going through. Yes, you find out Isis want to have Carmilla, and De Lafontaine is protecting her. But at this point in the book, it's already at the end of the story. The reader does not have a chance to connect with De Lafontaine on an emotional level. To the reader, she still remains a strict and standoffish professor that has an obsession with Carmilla. You don't see Isis with De Lafontaine in a way that makes you see the struggle that De Lafontaine is experiencing. You don't see her heart breaking for the lost love that she had with Isis. It's all hidden away. How is the reader meant to care about Isis dying, and De LaFontaine's sacrifice?

After Carmilla turns and Laura is established as her lover, there is a rather graphic sex scene. That normally I wouldn't care about. But honestly I don't even feel like the sex scene deserves an explanation. It's just straight up bad. Not because I don't like sex scenes. But because of how forced it felt. Carmilla, previously stating that she wants to have a proper chance at being with Laura, just ups herself over to a vampire at a party and starts low key having a 3some with a male vampire and another human woman. Laura, of course, is not happy about the situation. And marches over there, but is suddenly okay with it if she is telling Carmilla to kiss this guy? She's suddenly okay with public sex even though earlier in the book it explains shes a virgin and has kept her secret passions (old lesbian porn) away from most people? She suddenly okay with her lover proceeding like this as long as she's telling her what to do? Before too long the male vamp and the woman leave to another room, leaving Carmilla and Laura to have sex…IN FRONT OF DE LAFONTAINE! You know, the Vampire that is not only their teacher, but the one who is also extremely possessive over Carmilla? And she just walks off the play cards? Rarely ever mentioning that she didn't like what she saw? The whole scene just felt off, forced, and out of character.

I feel dissatisfied with this book. I was intrigued and unfortunately became victim of poor story telling. I was also disappointed by Carmilla's Bi representation. I don't normally care about representation personally. When I read a book, I want to read about other people rather then seeing myself in something. But as someone who is bisexual, Carmilla's sex scene really annoyed me. Saying she wants to be with Laura, and then jumping off to the male vampire without even a second thought? It just felt very typical of the whole 'bisexuals aren't faithful to their partners' garbage. It was just another example that left me feeling uncomfortable.

It's unfortunate, becasue some of the quotes I really liked. Here is some of the quotes:

'Nature, with all her airs and graces, attends on her favourites, painting cheeks with a rosy bloom, filling lungs with the sweet breath of life. Youth, in all her splendour, gleams on the skin of girls who process, heedless of death, towards beauty's consummation.' Poem Carmilla Recited

Love turns some people into birds or beggers, but you make me into an architecture. Into a sancturary of soft holy spaces shaped to catch the sound of your voice. These eyes: rose windows bathing you in light. These arms: alcoves open in shadow embrace. This heart: a confessinal dark enough for your sins. This mouth: a bell driving away demons and calling you home. Poem Laura Recited

'Love and pain grew in a thorny grove inside me, impossible to disentangle from one another.'

'But this girl, this Carmilla...she undid all my domestication. One smile from her and I wanted to loose my hair and chase her barefoot through the woods, I wanted to knock her to the ground and pin her like a butterfly, I wanted to dig my teeth into her plush lower lip, I wanted, I wanted.'

"Please, will you slow down?" I asked. "I'm not trying to make fun of you. I'm just..." Dangerously preoccupied with you. Bereft of any sense of pride that might keep me away from you. "Concerned."

"We were happy for a time. But love rots and spoils, it disintegrates with time like a rose in a vase, and soon there was nothing between us but animosity and arguments and the resentfulness of having to rely on each other."

"Well, what a miserable little band we all are. Bound by blood and secrecy, with no recourse to anyone but each other. It would almost be romantic, under more advantageous circumstances."

A sensible girl would leave. A good girl most certainly would. But I was tired of being sensible, and I was tired of being good. I couldn't walk away from what I was being offered: the chance to live an exceptional life.

She kissed me with a martyr's agonized desperation, like I was the only sword she ever wanted to fall on. I kissed her right back like the cutting edge of a blade, trying to inflict as much damage as possible. I wanted her to be able to think of nothing but this kiss when she was alone in her bed at night. I wanted her to feel just how much I reviled and desired her, to what maddening brink she drove me. I wanted her to want me so badly it hurt.

"You'll understand, in time. The way we suffer. The way the undying life tears everything good and beautiful from us, Sequestering us to a solitary existence of a thousand sleepless nights."

I felt certain that I could perish like this, suffocated by her thighs, and die perfectly happy.

[the-indigo-symphony]

Fixed the bug I had! Here's our full, color-adjusted system flag:

[ID: a five stripe flag. From top to bottom, these stripes are: white, yellow, reddish pink, purple-ish pink, and black. /End ID]

For reference, here's the new version next to the old version:

[ID: a half-and-half image of two versions of the same flag. The new version (described above) is on the left side, and the old version is on the right side. The colors on the old version are the same, but the yellow are duller, the white and reddish pink stripes are colder, the purple-ish pink is less pink, and the dark is more saturated. The stripes also don't line up perfectly to the new version, being somewhat off in size. / End ID]

loving the new pfp! (the old one was great too tho :D) the colours are making our head go brrr

Thanks! We decided to adjust the colors of our system flag to make the stripes feel more connected when put together, and once we had that done, we thought, well, why not swap out the fruit for its flower? I rather like the results, myself!

I'd show you what our system flag looks like on its own with the adjustments, but Tumblr doesn't really like me uploading images on mobile lately... I'll be seeing what I can do about the bug later.