#sadflex

[gtrxam]

Dec. 5th Thursday, 2019

Purchase Tickets for “AM:PM”

[jerek]

realizing jon bellion's fashion is just the sadflex reprise of go the distance from hercules.... hm.

[flexquius-blog]

Sadflex again I've lost almost all control of things in my life and it makes me sad IRL Friends don't care about me anymore and maybe never did in the first place My cat is still missing and I'm getting worried and I'm slowly realizing that the one I love doesn't feel the same back and I just feel stupid for believing a lie And for believing my delusions I'm seeing a therapist but the appointments are a month away and I feel really alone I don't have anyone to turn to when the few people I have, mostly just one person who can handle my bullshit, isn't online. And it hurts to try to talk to a IRL friend and they don't care anymore about you Its a really cold place At least my hair is great.

[flexquius-blog]

Sadflex I'm running out of things that make me happy they either leave me or get taken away from me and the only thing I really have is my ponies but even that isn't the best because the fandom has become a not so nice place anymore and people get selfish (not all OK don't bite my ass on it) and I don't even like drawing my little pony anymore because of the art theft and the constant issues in the fandom. My friends don't like my pony collection but its all I've got... I'm sick of people on here who don't tag their nsfw so it can't even be taken away by blocking that tag Jesus Christ its not that fucking hard to tag just one tag not everyone likes dicks shoved in their faces all the time fuck sake. ugh whatever I bet someone will tell me off for this. I honestly don't know what to do anymore no where is nice. Not here, not the mlp fandom, nowhere. Where the fuck am I to go now or just hide in my room with my pony toys making Equius jokes?

[flexquius-blog]

I just want to cry

[flexquius-blog]

What did I do wrong this time...

[flexquius-blog]

Personal stuff please ignore. Why do I keep dreaming and thinking of you when after all this time I know that my dreams will only ever be dreams and never reality? Why do I continue to try to do things to impress you when I learnt long ago that you do not want me or care? Why do I keep feeling so intensely in love with you? Why. Why do I keep my mouth shut to keep you happy when I am sad? why do I stay silent when I am hurt so that you will be happy? I dream of you every night. I think of you so much. Why do I let you do so much that causes me grief? Sometimes loving you is too much to handle.

[flexquius-blog]

Too angry to sleep Someone come play with my hair and hug me it'll be like a "turn off the angry switch" please

[flexquius-blog]

Sadflex or maybe angryflex Sorry I can't do read mores on mobile I don't even get a chance to do anything or go anywhere and before it even happens its a shitfight of how much I'm a psycho bitch that'll ruin everything. Maybe if I'm told the truth and people don't shit stir me and I'm not being lied to I'll be nice huh? Give me a fucking chance or what, am I meant to just go no where and curl up into a ball? Cry that I have no friends for any longer than I do? Maybe I can make a friend without it being ruined somehow. Maybe if my issues were kept for ME to tell then maybe I'd be nicer. Its not nice making a friend at a convention and they never speak to you online like they said they would because your only IRL friend told them that you got a problem without even asking if I were OK with that. Now, I'm not much better than I was before. if it were something like telling them im a lesbian without asking me if I was OK with that info being thrown around I wouldn't give a shit, hell if they no longer wish to be my friend knowing I'm lesbian then I don't want them to be my friend at all. But this, is a issue that is different and I don't like it thrown around like a dog with a rag doll. Mental illness isn't a fun quirky thing that people want to be around. I don't even like having it. Its a living hell and makes me wish I was never alive to go through things and get this fucking disorder. Its a living fucking reminder of my pathetic existence and I don't even feel I am here and am alive. I'm a fucking miserable shell trying to be OK with 350+ happy my little ponies. I have no self esteem left and no self worth. And don't give me "people have it worse than you" crap we all have our pains and upsets and no matter what it is it is valid and just, as it is the worst thing to you. I feel sick. I feel angry. Give me a chance and if people don't like me then fine and IF I ruin things THEN punish me. Not before I even try.

[flexquius-blog]

Sadflex yet again, i know im irritating I just want to cry why am I here no one cares anymore I just want to curl up and cry and sleep everything away... I don't want to be like this Why after all the shit I've put up with my so called friends and forgiven them time and time again do they not give a fuck, but yet I still want to make them happy? They don't care why should I make them happy they couldn't care less if I fucking died. So why am I so stupid? Why. What the fuck. I'm not allowed to be upset am I? Nope. I have to shut up for everyone else's peace of mind. Well fuck you I'm sick of being reminded of something that tortures me inside and to then not be able to talk about how I feel without it being a shit fight. I'm sick of being reminded of how miserably alone I am. I'm sick of being reminded of how "impure" I am. I'm fucking more pure and innocent than any of them. I fucking am. And now, for having no friend to turn to I have to fucking vent on the internet unheard until I see my fucking therapist. Sorry for all this crap but I need to let it out.

[flexquius-blog]

Sadflex time Can I just have one thing in my life that I don't screw up or ruin without meaning to please I want something happy... can something go nicely for once I'm so tired of it and lonely... Can I go at least one night or day without being reminded of everything that gives me anxiety and grief... I just want peace Please...