#sassback

[rules-subject-to-change]

hiiiii. /disdain

i am the satire, and i like, only speak in sarcasmmm.... you don't haaave to speak back in sarcasm. just putting it out there so you dont get confusedddd

we're unclaimed sooooo. baseline rules apply, i guess.

Tags:

#taunting- starting a rp chain

#sassback- rp

#scornful answers- asks

[rules-subject-to-change]

*The Satire crouches to be eye level with the goose*

and who might you be? a handsoooome litlle goose?

heelllo there. you are just. deeeelightful.

@rules-subject-to-change

*They tilt their head confused, honking nervously. New friend..?*

[gatheringbones]

re: doing things that would've gotten you killed as a kid

Could you give some (joyful) examples of things you can do with impunity, or even encouragement, now?

echolalia, biting, backtalk, getting overwhelmed by stuff, saying no to stuff, changing plans, canceling plans, requesting an explanation of the plan, expressing trepidation and/or doubt re: the plan, sassback, and truculence.

[the-fiction-witch]

Favourite Nurse

Media The Artful Dodger

Character Jack Dawkins

Couple Jack X Reader

Rating Sweet AF

I stood in the surgical theatre sweeping, scrubbing and cleaning the place down in the early morning light, my cheap scratchy nurse dress around me as I tried to remove blood stains from the table. I heard the door creak open and a voice spoke up.

"Humm... There's my favourite nurse." He slyly smiled,

I looked up seeing Doctor Jack Dawkins leant on the wooden door frame that led into the prep room, in his usual brown trousers, white faded shirt with blood-stained sleeves, blue waistcoat and tattered green tie, his blonde hair dusty and dirty as usual. His arms crossed smugly over his chest and that stupid sly smile on his lips. 

I turned on my heels to face him moving a strand of hair out my eyes and setting both hands on my hips, "Ah Doctor Dawkins,"

"The Very same my darling," 

"Just the man I've been looking for, I have a bone to pick with you,"

"ohh really?" he smirked as he moved his hands behind him and swaggered over with an air of teasing playfulness, "Umm... Go on then my darling, But I think we both know what bone I want you to be picking at," 

"You left the surgical theatre in an utter abhorrence!" I complain, "Tools used and all over the place, floor blanketed in blood, if you are going to do surgery in the middle of the night you could at least tidy up after yourself!" 

His tone soured, "I don't have time my darling," He rolled his eyes, "If I hadn't acted quickly the man would be dead by now. So I had to perform an emergency operation late last night or early this morning... not confident which it was."

"That's not an excuse not to clean up after yourself."

"But I was tired," he pouted, 

"I am not your maid Jack, as much as you like to think I am," I told him as I took my bucket out with me to the courtyard, but he followed me. 

"I know you're not. I just needed your help. We are the only ones working round the clock here. It's not my fault my body won't let me stay up past 10 anymore."

"That doesn't mean I'm your maid," I told him as I tipped my bucket over the stairwell and set it down with the others, but before I could scamper back inside he wrapped his arms around my waist.

"But you're a brilliant cleaner you get all the spots I'm too blind for."

"Or too ignorant for." 

"Both," he chuckled, "I like you being my cute little maid girl,"

"I am not your maid." I told him poking his chest with my finger, "As much as you may like it."

"And how did you know I had a maid fetish?" he whispered,

"Because you have an everything fetish," I glared as I moved away and cleaned off my hands, "You're a very horny boy Jack."

"Well yeah? You spent ten years in the navy where you're lucky to see one woman per six months, You can't help getting excited for every girl you see." he smirked sitting himself on the edge of the stairs, "And how can I help it with you running around my darling? "

"Some days I really do wonder how you are such a smart doctor, your brain rarely gets any blood it's always down your trousers." I sighed as I began to hang the washed sheets on the lines in the courtyard, 

"I can't help it, you're too captivating," 

"Umm... You're lucky you don't get a damn slap. Escpaily after I caught you peeking down my dress the other day."

"And up your dress," he muttered,

"What was that?" I glared,

"Nothing my darling," He cooed, "You're such a little smart ass, aren't you? The girls at the cat and bagpipes don't give me such sassback."

"That's because you're paying them jack they have to pretend to like you,"

"They do like me."

"do they? do they ever actually want to talk or be near you before you hand them a pound?" 

"Sometimes," He lied, "They like my stethoscope, and hearing stories about work."

"AHH yes your stethoscope I'm sure all rottys girls at the cat and bagpipes just love your... Stethoscope"

"Well and because I'm so handsome,"

"You good looking I think you're very handsome just... Too confident for your own good sometimes" I rolled my eyes as I finished hanging the newly washed sheets and gathered in the dry ones from earlier, 

"Oh? you think I'm handsome My darling?" he teased, 

I finished gathering all the dry sheets and headed back towards the door, "You can be when you have a bath and some clean clothes Jack" I said tugging on his stained sleeves and giving his hair a tussle as I walked up the steps seeing visible dust fall out of it, 

"So you're saying I'm attractive? Like you are actually attracted to me and you think I'm handsome" he gave chase of course following behind me like an excited puppy, 

"If it makes you feel better. Yes," I rolled my eyes kissing his cheek before I headed into the storage cupboard to start folding the dry sheets and putting them away, 

"Wait. You're actually serious, no joke and you're not just saying that to make me stop bugging you?"

"I'm very serious you can be very handsome sometimes," 

"Ohh? Well, what makes me so handsome then my darling?" he cooed leaning his elbow on the shelf, 

"you're a very handsome man Jack. You have a toned slender body, you're tall, you have very handsome soft blonde hair, deep chocolate brown eyes, a striking jaw and a very cute smile and you're are adorable when you get mad or jealous and you frown all pouty, so yes I do find you attractive and the times when you clean up have a hot bath and some clean clothes I admit your very lovely" I explain as I fold sheets, 

He smiled and slightly blushed at my compliments "So... if I had a bath and some fresh clothes I wouldn't just be cute I'd be... sexy?"

"Perhaps,"

He smirked and grabbed my hand spinning me around before pulling me into his chest, "So? how would I rate all clean and lovely?"

"Out of ten?"

"Yep," he smirked not letting me move in any way,

I smiled and set my hands on his waistcoat moving on my tip toes to be inches from his lips as I spoke, At the moment eight. When you have a bath eleven."

"A-an 11? So you're saying once I've had a bath and worn nice clothes, I'll be stunningly handsome and an 11 out of 10?" he blushed, "You... really mean that Y/n?"

"I do, You're a slender little smart-ass jack. And I think you're the most attractive man in the hospital... I mean, that's kind of a hollow complaint though given my options for doctors are you, Dr sneed and Prof. And prof is in his 60s and Sneed looks like a snail" 

"Well, it's lucky for you that I'm so good-looking and have such a captivating personality," 

"It is," I giggled,

"I always knew I was your favourite nurse darling," He smiled stroking my cheek and pulling my lips to his own.  

[pokemon-ash-aus]

I've been so curious on championpikachu!ash and feral!ash

Was CP!ash made before the end of journeys? Whats the context for feral ash?? Was he raised by pokemon 🤔

Care to share anything regarding these 2 AUs?

*Slams hands down*

Okay so- ChampionPikachu!Ash was created before the end of Journeys. In fact, this Ash was supposed to be a Champion in Kanto. And was well known for his Pikachu championship team.

100% was meant to be silly and goofy and a kid winning with only a team of overpowered Pikachu's. His starter- being the Final OP Pikachu.

He still travels with a different team and tries to win the championship that way, and usually leans onto his Pikachu team when people challenge him seriously.

Feral!Ash on the other hand was supposed to dwelve into lonely kid lonely life. Feral kids in the pokemon context are children that were raised by pokemon, when found they NEED to take them in to rehabilitate them to society.

For context, N was a Feral child that was then forcefully rehabilitated to the N we know in canon.

Ash on the other hand was a normal child turned feral. Aka, because of how Lonely he was the Pokemon helped him adapt to their waysm delia being a single mother in this sin e father went missing. In turn, she couldnt focus on Ash as much because she was busy working to try and give em both stability in Pallet, and to make sure he was well cared for.

When she realizes the feral tendencies that Ash is portraying, she has 2 options. Completely hand over her child to the local hospitals to fix him, or let him be.

She chooses neither.

Instead, Delia nurtures that feral part of him and helps him balance being human and feral. Letting him mask in soceity easily without loosing such an integral part of him.

So that whole Pikachu thing at the start? Oh that ends as soon as Ash and Pikachu are in the forest. Cause Ash *does* roughhouse with Pikachu to prove he's a worthy leader. And that ends the sassback.

Hell the Spearow incident never happens because Ash and Pikachu tag team the group of Spearow attacking them and outright prove they can and will be better. Ash even snags a spearow for his team!

Hope this helps :D

[rules-subject-to-change]

ddo you...mmh. it's awfully nice to meet you...could i get your name?

hhhelloo.

@rules-subject-to-change

uhm....hi??

[gotmehookedonthekpop]

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Illy Pickles likes to interrupt. #dogsofinstagram #dogs #husky #siberianhusky #illypicklepants #sass #sassback #interruptingdog

[grifalinas]

-pets Naegi’s hair- I missed you ;A;

[reno2ndgun]

Would you rather fight 100 tonberry-sized Weapons, or one Weapon-sized Tonberry?

Reno stops and stares, midway through drinking his beer. “This is one of those questions with no good answer. It’s like asking would I rather suck Hojo’s dick, or bend over ‘for science’. 

[lumikatdraws]

Writing Aymeric be like:

Ser Aymeric de Borel, 

Lord Commander of our Knights Most Heavenly,

Sassmaster of Ishgard,

Speaker of the House of “oh my Lord”

[wardenbooty]

sassback

[rules-subject-to-change]

a frieeend? is it the goose? i might go say hello... you see, im new 'round these parts and i soooo do not want someone to show me aroundd.

*theres rustling in the bushes outside of the spludge's house cabin and out emerges a strange figure. with legs of some deer/goat/horse creature and a torso of what seems to be a normal human, The Satire looks dazed with confusion clear on their face. which is halfway made of leaves. they also have a strange effect to them, which it seems like their ears and hair cut are constantly changing- each time you look at them, its different*

*The Spludge is inside the Spludge Hudge, fidgeting with some trinkets. But the instant the rustling starts, The Spludge is outside.*

*Their face is plastered with a stern look. Other Folk on their property is often not a good thing, in their experience.*

Stranger! This is The Spludge's property!

[affablyevilshowdown]

Why you should vote for Roman: He was smart enough to yeet himself out of his narrative before the writing got worse. He's a snappy dresser. He's a walking sassback relay. He has great hair. His best friend is ice cream colored. He's gay. He's transgender. Those last two aren't canon because RT are cowards but he told me so himself so I'm right. He was so charming they kept him around two volumes longer than intended. His eyeliner is on point. And that's all just the tip of the iceberg. Take it all from me, a completely unbiased (don't look at my icon) source- vote for Roman Torchwick because he is THE most affable and evil.

You are not immune to perfectly unbiased propaganda

Vote HERE

[yubsie]

Thrawn: /reviewing a folder of Wraith Squadron memes

Thrawn: Well this confirms my assertion that a group's tactics will be reflected in their art.

Officer: You've had an insight?

Thrawn: Absolutely not, I already knew they were completely deranged. One of them flew into combat performing a puppet show!

Officer: Isn't puppetry an art?

Thrawn: May I remind you of Imperial policies about sassback?

[alloverthegaf]

latest addition to happy work stories

yesterday a woman bought two $1 scratchies and insisted that I have one, and that we scratch them together. neither of us won but she seemed really happy about the whole thing.

today I caught a Teen™ stealing lollies right as one of our regulars came through the door. said Teen™ went right back to the lolly corner once I had to go back behind the counter so the regular, while waiting for her food, went over and stood there blatantly staring at him

there’s this dude who had been coming in every single night, sometimes multiple times a day, for probably nearly a month, who I then didn’t see for a bit over a week. a few days ago he came back, saying he’d been away helping a friend back home move. I told him I’d been wondering what had happened, and he talked about how this area was starting to feel like home, and he’d really missed it.

there’s a guy that’s friends with my dad and the owner, and all three of them demonstrate this friendship by sassing and insulting each other. naturally this means he’s very nice to me (it’s a pretty common thing with regular customers - they’re extra nice to me while having sassbacks with my dad because it gives them bonus points). I don’t remember how it started but he always calls me by the nickname he gave me, “slave princess”. Don’t get me wrong, if literally anyone else in the fucking world called me that, I would absolutely tell them to fuck off, but however it started with this guy, I’m cool with it and it makes me smile. Anyways today he called out “thanks slave princess!” as he walked out the door and the customer I was presently serving choked.

one of our regular families, the wife finished chemo a couple of years ago. I remember being at work the day I found out she had cancer, and the day she came in with her head shaved. She recently came in with hair down to her shoulders after a blow out, whatever that means. It looked gorgeous (I of course told her as much).

Last night a family’s cat somehow escaped and followed them to our little shopping village. They then struggle catching the cat because there was a dog there freaking it out. Apparently the cat is especially precious to the young daughter, and vice versa, and the girl was crying because she was worried about never getting her cat back. Our friend from the bottleshop came and told us the story, looking for some chicken, and the daughter managed to get her cat back with the chicken meat. I learned the cat’s name was Smudge (she was beautiful).

[flightofaqrow]

mothering (on mother’s day)

qrow + Sun Wukong ( @ultravioletvoleur​ )

fighting clearly hadn’t been what was on the kid’s mind. maybe he just wasn’t thinkin’ at all; he definitely isn’t right now as words tumble from his mouth, barely coherent. qrow still doesn’t need to hear these things about his niece, but he’ll let this one slide.

Sun leans his back against the wall, tail swaying to and fro. His face spoke to the internal conflict he was struggling with when it came to this, “I was hoping I could actually… Ask for your advice?”

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

"Quick update, may wanna say Happy Mother's Day to your niece. ...Kaybye!"

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

qrow whips open Harbinger faster than a nevermore diving upon its prey, and fires a warning shot off as Sun makes a break for it, near missing the base of his tail.

he knows the kid well enough by now, and trusts Yang even more, than to truly buy into the implications of his statement. oh, but if playing this cat and mouse game makes the cheeky monkey so happy, qrow will absolutely go a round.

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

“YIPE!”

That was a much faster reaction than he’d anticipated, barely making it ten feet before the crack of exploding gunpowder rang out. There was a hole smoking in the wall in front of him- dangerously close to banana height, and Sun began sweating. He turned very jerkily, with the closest approximation of a cocksure grin he could manage through his abject terror.

“Oh, uh. D-did you… Need something?”

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

well, at least qrow got to make a point, should he ever actually need to act on teaching the kid a thing or two. alternatively, about picking fights one may not be able to win. a similar tough past he may have, thieves at least tended to work from codes of honor. not every struggle is the same.

he prods, sarcastic, feigned anger lining the sharp curve of narrowed eyes, sword still deployed at his side, “what in all of remnant makes you think you can just say things to me?”

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

There is a very audible gulp as the Hunstman advances on him. Every other time they’d traded barbs, he’d gotten the sense that Qrow was something of an old glory days kind of person, who had lost their touch a bit. However, that split second action, and the pointed glare burning through his confidence like a hot knife through butter, told him a whole new story.

Qrow Branwen was what his nightmares were made of.

“Well you see I thought we were buddies and I thought you would know it was a joke I swear I haven’t laid a hand on your niece like that I would never well not never possibly in the future but definitely not right now not that I don’t think she’s attractive she’s very attractive oh but that’s not the only reason-”

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

tch. forever a curse, even at his best. maybe he laid on the drama a bit too thick. honestly, he thought a bit of zeal is something Sun could appreciate. he’s far too much talk still, isn’t he? all bright light and translucent beaming rays which still questioned their own substance. he might be further ahead than he seemed at first, but still has a ways to go. …kids these days.

“of course I knew it was a joke, golden boy.” qrow folds away his weapon, drops his stance, while raising a brow. he lessens his posturing, but not his attention, hand still remaining on Harbinger’s hilt in the case of some trick.

“but I also took it as a taunt, tellin’ me you’re finally ready for a real man’s brawl. heh, guess i was wrong.”

fighting clearly hadn’t been what was on the kid’s mind. maybe he just wasn’t thinkin’ at all; he definitely isn’t right now as words tumble from his mouth, barely coherent. qrow still doesn’t need to hear these things about his niece, but he’ll let this one slide.

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

“What?!”

He’d almost lost his stones by way of his ass for a sassback?! Their Uncle was even more intimidating now, and he was going to die on that hill. Still, though, knowing that he wasn’t actually angry was a huge relief. The tension left his body and he slumped down with a sigh-

And then he noticed Qrow’s weapon was still out and ready.

“He-hey, uh. N-no need for that. I didn’t come here looking for a fight. I actually wanted to get you riled up so we could then use that energy into doing something for her. I- I know her situation with her mom isn’t great. I dunno the specifics, that’s for her to tell me when she’s ready, but…” He trailed off, trying to find the words.

“Well, I guess… I just want to make today lively for her, instead of having people walking on eggshells around her. Make her excited and happy that today happened, rather than add it to a growing pile of disappointing holidays.”

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

“you moron,” finally, he fully releases, instead staring dumbfounded at the other. he really did think he could just come around and say whatever, and still get his way without consequences. what single-minded, reckless, stupid drivel. yeah, qrow had been an idiot brained teen at one point, but seriously never that bad. he didn’t have that kinda energy. different plans took different tactics, did they not teach anything at Haven or Shade anymore?

“i don’t need to be ‘riled up’ to do something for my family, kid. couldn’t you just ask like a normal person? i promise you, me bein’ jazzed up ain’t the kinda lively she needs.”

eyes now round with sadness; his chest deflates; pointed corners of his mouth turn down. it’s too close to the belligerence he used to have - unprovoked, but drunk. he’s trying so hard to be better than that. for a lotta reasons, but Yang too.

he breathes in, and out, fingers running in and out over his forehead. once satisfied in processing all these thoughts, in having switched gears, he turns to Sun once more, hopefully coming off with the same rational attitude he wants in return, “so, then, turn your brain and your sense of respect on, and just tell me what you had in mind, huh?

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

“Well… That’s kinda the thing. I was hoping I could actually… Ask for your advice?”

He leans his back against the wall, tail swaying to and fro. His face spoke to the internal conflict he was struggling with when it came to this. In truth, he’d wanted to go about this like a normal person, more than anything. Something in him, however, be it a defense mechanism or just a general need for attention he’d never really received drove him to do everything to an excess.

Truth be told, nobody hated Sun’s antics more than he, himself.

“I… I’m going to try to be serious here, for a minute. It’s- It’s not something that comes easy.” He sighed and pinched at the bridge of his nose. “I’m… scared. I’m really, truly scared, Qrow, of how she makes me feel. How much it would hurt to lose her, or even see her hurting. I just get so caught up in my own head that I can’t think straight, and… I’ve never…”

Another sigh. “I’ve never had a family before. So I don’t know what to do to help someone who’s mourning theirs. But I see her hurting, and I want to help, and when I came to you, I swear, I wanted to just ask, but. …That would mean… Admitting I love her.”

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

oh, here we go. this roller coaster again. what about his look or his life or any of his choices made him seem like someone to go to for advice? qrow barely scraped his own life together, and still dropped the pieces too many times. but somewhere along the line, somewhere in just trying to do good - for his team, for Oz, for his family, for Ruby, something must have slipped in to his very psyche, huh.

Ruby somehow always knows the right thing to do. Yang had told her.

I had good role models. Ruby had told him.

he’s cursed. and he wrestles with it every damn day. and while he’d never call it a good thing, maybe some people see themselves in that same fight. maybe he sees himself in theirs and their struggle to understand and express themselves, and that’s why even in the times he wants nothing to do with other people and their decisions, and he’s sure he’ll just mess everything up, he can’t help but listen. he can’t turn them away. doing so would do nothing to mend the wounds of a broken world. and in the end, continuing to try is the only way to stick it to Salem.

he takes a spot next to the young man against the wall, knee bending and sole kicking up as he leans, crosses his arms, turns his head to Sun and fixes his gaze on him.  

“yeah. loving people is scary. probably means you’re doin’ it right.”

qrow doesn’t know a damn thing about romance. not like that, anyway. he’s never been brave enough to face that very fear, to let someone that intimately close. almost, sometimes, maybe. somehow his chances always disappear before he’s quite there, only confirming those very fears. a great and terrible feedback loop, that. although, he can’t say such words are entirely unfamiliar; admittedly, the whole conversation is nostalgic. thrice over. he laughs, a bittersweet little huff, “…you sound just like her parents.”

that kinda love he knows, found, eventually. family. and if you ask him, they’re equally as scary to think of losing. “our family has never been the typical picket fence dream either, so don’t think you’re missin’ pieces of some non-existent normal. there’s no big secret about bein’ one, kid. you just gotta be there for each other.”

a palm-down hand raises to sweep across his body in a dismissive motion, “an’ not everything has to be some grand production to top the one before. trust me, i’ve screwed that up enough times to know.” qrow looks towards the ground, slides the toe of his shoe back and forth. “Yang, she… she’s used to people comin’ and goin’ in her life. if they come back at all. so, seriously… just go to her. be with her. she’s a tough egg, and too smart. she’ll tell you what she needs if you can just shut your giant trap enough to let her.”