#sekek zigvolt
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Could I request a self aware twst au with like the first years :D?
I want to thank all the people who interacted with that post earlier today. It gave me enough motivation to go out and finish this piece.
While trying to think up concepts for this work, it occured to me that all the first years (except Ortho) were in sports clubs. That means there is one event perfect for you to bond with your first year friends.
Ace kicks a pile of canvas laying in a heap at his feet, “This is ridiculous! What if something happens while we’re gone!” His mouth twists into an unpleasant grimace. He looks to his basketball club members for backup, but no one will meet his eye. So, he turns to where he knows he’ll find support. “Oi, Sebek!” The green haired fae is distractedly pounding away at a tent stake nearby but it is easy to see from his expression that his heart isn’t in it. “What happens if someone tries to kidnap the Player when we aren’t there to protect them? You know how famous they are!” Sebek stops hammering and slowly looks up, tears forming in his eyes.
“SILVER! SILVER!” he shouts to his clubmate, “What if I’m not there to protect the Player! Forget this event, we must return to the school with ALL HASTE!” He looks to his fellows for support but again, none of the senior students stop what they are doing. Ace, however, is fast to abandon his own camping site and join Sebek. “Right, right?” he eagerly urges Sebek on, “What does this even matter if our Player isn’t here to see it?”
“Stop it,” the sturdy voice of Jack growls, “It doesn’t pay to get worked up over it. This is in the story, so we have to do it. That’s just how it is.” Sebek stares at the wolf beastman silently, tears falling from his eyes. “Maybe we can tell them about it later!” Deuce tries to cheer his fellow freshman up, “I’m sure they’d like to hear about it. They always listened to my card stories before…well before it happened. I think they’d like to hear about this too!” At that Sebek seemed mightily cheered and returned to setting up his tent with gusto, muttering about what he’d tell the Player about later. Ace scoffs, sensing his defeat and returns bitterly to his own site.
Epel wanders over and observes Ace silently. “You finished?” Ace asks in surprise. “Yeah, Leona is a great leader and took charge of getting us set up right away!” Epel informs him, “I had time to put up my tent and help Ruggie set up one for Leona too!” Then he looks down and kicks Ace’s sad abandoned tent as well, “I just wish the Player was here to see it. I bet they’d have been really impressed with how fast I finished.” Ace frowns and complains, “But they aren’t here. They are back at school with the Arts Clubs.” This causes Epel to scowl deeply, “Dagnabit! I didn’t need a reminder of that! I can just picture those frou-frou artsy types trying to suck up to the Player. Trying to get them to talk different, eat different, just…” He doesn’t finish the thought but the way he grinds his teeth shows how he feels about the idea.
The sound of pounding tent stakes and shifting canvas is diminished when the booming voice of Coach Vargas booms out, “Listen up, young campers! Now, I know you don’t need any additional motivation to showcase your strength and fortitude here after I’ve done an AMAZING job setting up this EXCITING AND ENTERTAINING EVENT!” Here he pauses and casts a quick look over his shoulder before straightening up again. “But if you do!” Then he smiles a beaming smile and sets his hands on his hips. That’s when you pop out from behind him, “Hey guys! Guess who’s here to do their memory keeper duties!”
Ace jumps over his canvas pile in a rush to get to your side and stumbles over it. “Woah, calm down,” you admonish him cheerily, “I’ll be here all weekend.” Epel asks in an innocent sounding voice, “You will? You really will?” You pat the two boys on the shoulder and search out your other first year friends in the crowd. Sebek is sobbing quietly in front of his tent and Deuce is waving excitedly from the distant track club area. Jack gives you a small nod before turning back to his area as though he is unaffected by your appearance, but the cloud of dust kicked up by his wagging tail says otherwise.
You turn toward Vargas and look expectantly. He looks blankly back at you until you awkwardly say, “Go on.” He looks at you a moment before clearing his throat, “Ah yes, yes. Harumph! Anyway, tents are up! Get over here and listen up for your next task!” Then he looks at you as though seeking your approval to hand out the task. You shrug and then nod as though to say, ‘Sure, go for it.’ Vargas gives you a toothy smile and then proceeds to hand out a familiar sounding explanation about the tasks to be assigned to the clubs. You wave lightly before heading back to the cabin to get your own things sorted out. The eagerness of the students fades as fast as your departure.
“So…,” Deuce begins carefully, “We are going to try now? Right?” He looks at Ace for confirmation. Jack snorts behind him, “I was always going to try.” Then he makes a fist and puts on an eager smile, “I’m going to knock this challenge out so fast that the Player can’t help but notice me!” Deuce turns away from Ace to join Jack instead. The two Track Club members fire each other up over their plans to dominate the camp tasks and stand out to the Player. Deuce quickly becomes so distracted by this that he forgets Ace entirely. This is just the chance Ace has been waiting for to quietly slip away.
“So, Prefect,” Ace begins as he appears at your side. You yelp and drop your backpack, catching it before it hits the ground and damages your precious ghost camera. “Ace!” you shout, “What are you doing here? This isn’t in the event!” He looks at you quietly and you quickly backtrack, “I…I mean, shouldn’t you be with the Basketball Club doing…something?” Ace smiles, happy to have avoided an awkward situation. “Nah, I’m not going to mess around in the woods. It’s a team effort, so as long as those other guys do the grunt work, I’ll be fine.” You roll your eyes at his attitude. “Plus, why would I want to be anywhere but with my best buddy, eh Prefect?”
You consider this carefully before slyly narrowing your eyes and gesturing to your unbuilt tent. “Sure, thing, Pal. Why don’t you hang out and help me build my tent.” Ace grimaces, not wanting to do the work but mostly afraid you’ll pick up on his lack of tent-building expertise. The odd standoff is concluded when you hear Coach Vargus bellow, “Nonsense! That won’t do for either of you! I can hardly deprive the Prefect of the chance to enjoy this stimulating muscle-building activity and as for you Ace, well, you are just slacking off.” Ace starts to stammer as you just stand there cringing. Coach Vargus calmly approaches Ace and lifts him up by his collar. It reminds you of how you lift a misbehaving Grim by the scruff of his neck. You wave awkwardly at the departing Ace as he looks imploringly at you from the Coach’s grasp. ‘Oh well, you reap what you sow,’ you think.
A tiring amount of time later, you brush your hands off on your thighs and declare, “There, done!” Then you slowly head over to grab your pack holding the Ghost Camera, among other supplies. The sun is barely at its peak, but you are already sweating with exertion from putting up the tent. You wonder how your more athletic friends among the first-year students are handling it. You know they are more used to the effort, but you hope they are taking necessary precautions. Perhaps you’d just remind them and see if they need to borrow some sunscreen.
You know realize that sunscreen was the least of your safety concerns. You watch in disbelief as Sebek continues to scale a sheer cliff in search of a lantern blossom flower. The reaction of the nearby students was mixed. Silver seemed remarkably unconcerned as he spoke to Riddle nearby. Meanwhile, you and several NPC characters were more nervous. “He is going to fall, isn’t he?” you ask the nearby Scarabia A. He looks at you for a long moment and then shrugs his shoulders. You are not reassured at all.
You turn instead to Ignihyde C and gesture, “This game doesn’t have a mature rating, so he can’t die. Right? Right?” The surprised student looks at you with his mouth falling open before he stammers, “R.right.” Then he looks up at the precarious position of the green haired fae and mumbles, “But maybe you should cheer him on anyway.” You look more intently at the NPC and demand, “Do you think that would help?” He answers you in a fluster, “W..well, if my oshi…I mean friend…if my friend cheered me on, I think it would really help me do my best!”
Right. That is just the sort of thing friends do. “HEY SEBEK!” you shout. The fae somehow hears you shout and looks arrogantly over his shoulder at the spectators but when his eye catches your form, he shakes, and you fear he will tumble from the cliff. “HOLD ON SEBEK, YOU CAN DO IT! I BELIEVE IN YOU!” From even the great distance between you, the image of determination that crosses his expression can be seen. He sets off with a renewed vigor, making daring transitions and finding ways to make speedy progress. With several movements that make you gasp and hold your breath; he reaches the lantern blossom and plucks it from the ground.
Much faster than the ascent, Sebek’s return to the ground was accomplished quite shortly. He was still a considerable distance up when he leaps from the cliff edge to race to your side and show off his prize. He eagerly holds out the glowing lantern blossom for you to view. “Its so pretty,” you comment politely, “I wish I had one.” He gasps and grabs hold of your hand, forcing the poor battered flower into it. “THEN YOU MUST HAVE THIS ONE!” You give him a shocked look, “No really, that is unnecessary. I’ll get one some other day.” He smiles at you smugly, “No need Prefect. Any time you need a lantern blossom, I will fetch one for you.” You guiltily hold out the flower to one student after another, but no member of the Horseback Riding Club will take it from you. “Prefect,” Riddle finally says in a commanding voice, “Its rude to return a gift. We are more than capable of retrieving another lantern blossom.” Sebek and Silver nod in agreement, backing up the Dorm Leader. You think it’s time to go before you cause this club any more trouble. You make your excuses and dash off to the lake.
As you part a pair of branches and emerge from the forest at the lake’s edge, you catch sight of some members of the Spelldrive Club nearby. Ruggie seems to be fishing up a storm while your first-year friend Epel watches from nearby with his own pole. “See,” Ruggie tells his underclassman, “That’s how its done. Now in return for that free lesson, how about you show me what you learned by catching enough fish for the rest of the club! Shishishi!” You roll your eyes at the obvious attempt to foist the work off onto Epel but are surprised with your friend shouts “YES SIR!” with enthusiasm. You catch Ruggie’s eye and give him a quiet tsk tsk which only earns you a mischievous wink before the hyena beastman set’s off toward camp.
You slowly saunter over to Epel, who is fully engaged in his fishing. “So, got a plan?” you asked over his shoulder. “Eh!?” he gasps and drops his pole, “Player! I..I mean Prefect! It’s you! Ya’ had me surprised outta my skin there!” You give him an apologetic smile. Epel stoops down to retrieve his pole and shyly replies, “My plan is just to catch the fish. I’m not going to give up until I’ve caught at least a dozen!” Then he holds up his arm and bends it at the elbow, giving you a little flex to show off his determination. You hold in a laugh, “Well, if you are that fired up, why stop at only one dozen?”
Epel’s eyes go wide for a moment and then he gets a maniacal grin. “Yeah! You’re right! I’m going to catch you at least two dozen fish! Or maybe three or four!” You know Epel is not the type to break his word, so you quickly interrupt to calm down his ambitions, “One dozen is enough! I was just joking.” You wave your hands toward the ground as though to say, let’s lower our expectations. Epel frowns and mutters under his breath, “That isn’t going to impress anyone.” Then he looks at you determined, “Just wait and see! I’ll catch plenty of fish so don’t go eat’n with any other club! When tha fish are in tha bag, I’ll make ya Gram’s special fish stew!”
As Epel gets to work, casting his line and reeling in the lure, you sit beside him on a rock. When the time seems right, you snap a picture of him eagerly lifting a small fish from the lake on his line. “There you go! One down!” you say as you transfer the ghost camera to your elbow and give him a small clap of encouragement. He preens a short second before frowning down at the small fish. “Tha’ next ‘un will be twice as big!” he shouts in determination before casting his line again.
True to his prediction, soon Epel gets a tremendous tug on his pole. You both shout and leap to your feet at the strength of the fish that appears to be on the line. “WOAH!” Epel shouts. You lean over the edge of the lake, trying to see the monster fish Epel has snagged. Epel too seems interested in his opponent and plans one foot firmly while leaning forward to stare intently where his line entered the lake. With a sudden flash, a scaled hand emerges from the lake to grab the tip of Epel’s rod and tugs Epel, pole and all, into the lake. You quickly slide back as far more of Floyd emerges from the lake. He gives you a toothy smile before his trademark laugh emerges and he returns to the lake. Epel does not immediately surface, and you are concerned for a moment before you spot him further down the shore. Though he has concealed himself behind a log, you can tell his ears are flushed with embarrassment. You kindly decide to give him his space.
Halfway to camp, your stomach begins to growl. You thought sadly about Gran’s special fish stew, now beyond your reach. You hoped that you’d manage to sweet talk some fish off someone. They were your friends, so someone is bound to share, right?
The size of Deuce’s eyes when you asked him sweetly if he’d share his food with you rivaled that of the empty plate you held out to him. “Please?” you finish your plea for lunch. Deuce flushes and quickly removes his pack from his shoulder, pulling out a fairly large fish. “No problem, Prefect, I’ve got enough for two here!” You make a little gesture to celebrate your victory and compliment him, “Yeah! Great job catching such a big fish. It looks so huge, I bet its even enough for three people!” Immediately Deuce denies this, “NO! NO, IT’S NOT!” When you pull back in surprise, Deuce continues in a softer voice, “I…I mean this one is just perfect for two. It…its just meant for us. To share. Together.”
You hold up your hands and agree, “Sure, sure. Just you and me. I get you.” Deuce seems so very pleased by your response that you decide to just let his strange response slide. Plus, you need him to cook that fish. “So…what are you making? You know, just for us to share?” you ask as you saddle up to his side? Deuce looks back and forth between you and the fish, “I sure know how to cook this. Yup, I really do.” Your mouth falls into a little O and then you glare at him suspiciously, “Deuce, do you know how to cook fish?” He doesn’t meet your eye but assures you that Trey taught him some recipes. You still have your suspicious but figure if it was a Trey recipe, it would be alright.
“So, what do we do?” you ask Deuce. He looks at you with a dreamy expression, “We? You’re going to cook with me?” You shrug your shoulders, “I mean yeah, that’s how Trey’s recipes are, right?” Then you lean in close and whisper, “Like…Like in the game when we made that chestnut tart together. Right?” Deuce quickly agrees, “Right! Together! You and me! Just…you and me… Ahem!” He finishes with a cough and then, to your relief, sends you to the forest to collect some herbs.
You had a handful of samples and a general area to search for more. Apparently, Jack had scented some out while setting up camp and taken cuttings so his clubmates could retrieve more later. You smiled at the foresight of the first-year student. You weren’t sure exactly what Deuce needed, so you gathered a few handfuls of each type. You walk back to the camp and set your bounty on the table next to the fish Deuce has prepared. It looks like he’s used the time you were away to fillet the fish and make a simple dough. Seeing the dough gives you confidence that this really is a Trey recipe.
“So, what now?” you ask him. “Chop up the herbs and mix them into a paste with water,” Deuce directs. “Sure,” you say while gesturing to the pile, “but which ones?” Deuce pauses and looks at the large pile of greens you have sitting there. “Oh…um…All of them!” Now your doubts are back. “Are you sure about that?” you ask him carefully. “Yeah!” Deuce replies confidently, “Just like Trey says, the more the merrier!” You carefully take two sprigs of herbs and chop them up and then, while Deuce is preoccupied with the dough, give them a taste. Honestly, the combination of the two isn’t bad. ‘Well,’ you think, ‘what to I know about cooking in a magical world anyway?’ So, you chop the entire pile of greens and mix it all into a thick paste. Deuce combines your herb paste with the fish and puts it into a small pie shell he has formed with the dough. Then, you pack the ‘pie’ into the hot rocks of the fire to roast.
While the pie bakes, you sit side by side on a log and chat about normal things. Or maybe it was more like you chatted and Deuce listened. You didn’t mind, he was good company even if he seemed preoccupied. You were telling him about Grim’s latest antics when you felt something on your hand. You give a small yelp and tug your hand into your lap. “Ah!” you examine your hand as you brush it off, “Was that a bug?” Deuce, who you suddenly realize had gotten far closer to you than you’d noticed, nervously remarked, “Oh yeah, that…was probably it. Ha ha.” Finally, you ask, “Are you cold? I bet we could find you a seat closer to the fire if you are. You can be as cozy as our pie.” Deuce seems embarrassed for a moment before suddenly becoming alarmed, “THE PIE!” He jumps up and fishes the pie from the fire.
He brings it to you nervously, “I think it is fine…” The pie has a small amount of char around the edge that was directly in the fire. If it hadn’t been made by your good friend, you’d probably have refused it but, since it was made by Deuce, you don’t have the heart to refuse. “Oh yeah, looks fine. I guess…lets try it?” you say trying to convince both yourself and Deuce of the pie’s editability. Deuce lets out a happy sigh and breaks the pie in half, handing you the slice with fewer burnt edges. He makes no move to eat the pie himself but seems to hold his breath, waiting for you to try it. “Well, here it goes?” you say in a worried tone. You take a bite; it’s terrible. You force your mouth into a wide smile, “mmm…” you mutter for him in pity. You decide to use the same method for the pie as you used the last time you were forced to eat Lilia’s cooking. You cram the pie down in three huge bites, trying to finish it off while tasting it as little as possible.
For a moment, Deuce seems greatly pleased with the gusto in which you eat before the look of alarm sets on his face and he tilts his head to the side. Or maybe he is tilting his whole body? Oh, no. It’s you that is falling. Then the blackness takes you as Deuce’s frightened shouts fade out, “HELP, I think…I’ve poisoned…the player…”
You wake up groggy. If that was all, you’d have considered yourself lucky, but it also appears you’ve been tied to a tree. You are confused for a moment until you recall the storyline of the Camp Vargus event. Right, Coach is probably out tormenting students right now while anyone captured is tied up. Great, just great. You look up when you hear a long howl echoing through the forest. ‘Is that Jack?’ you think to yourself. If Jack is already in his wolf form, then this camp is nearly over. You sigh and lean back into the tree, waiting for someone to come along and release you.
It isn’t longer than an hour before a very tired but eager Jack arrives to untie you. “Guess you are the hero of the day, huh?” you jibe at him. He flushes as he rubs the back of his head, “Oh, you heard about that.” He tries to pretend indifference but moments later he is asking for more details, “So what did you hear?” Well, this is a challenge to answer since you hadn’t actually heard anything about it. You just remembered it from when it was a game plot. “Well…didn’t Floyd change into his mer form? That was probably cool to see.”
A look of incredulousness passes over his face, “Yeah well, other guys probably looked cool too.” You nod knowingly, “Yeah, I heard you got to Sebek use his training to lure the monster into the bog. Who knew there would be a chance for him to show off his skills out here.” Jack huffs, “Yeah but he wasn’t the only one using his skills out there.” Now you smile, feeling a bit mischievous yourself, “Oh, for sure. I mean what would we have done without our MVP from Savanahclaw.” Jack lets out a relieved sigh and smiles. “Yes, Ruggie sure did pull though. I don’t normally approve of his sneaky habits, but you have to admit he really came through today.”
Jack’s eyes widen and he stands there in a silent shock. “Well, let’s get going. Are you hungry? I could sure go for something right about now.” Then you dust off your knees and start heading toward camp. After a moment, you decide you’ve tortured him enough and pause, waiving your hand to signal him to join you. When he reaches your side, you give his uniform sleeve a tug. He bends down and you use this opportunity to give him a pat on the head and then rub his soft ears. “You did good, Jack,” you praise him softly. Then you thread your arm through his own and tug him along to camp. “Now, let’s go get some grub. Just don’t take anything Deuce gives you, ok?” Jack smiles and follows you along, tail wagging all the way.
#twst#twisted wonderland#twst wonderland#self aware au#ace trappola#yandere ace trappola#yandere deuce spade#deuce spade#yandere epel felmier#epel felmier#sekek zigvolt#yandere sebek zigvolt#twst first years#yandere first years#tw: yandere
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Dressed for Success with the Horesback Riding Club
You started your afternoon with a casual walk. Your first-year friends were all busy with their own clubs today, so you'd gone out hoping to stumble upon something to do with your time. You hadn't really expected to literally stumble upon someone, and yet...
Silver apologized again. You'd fallen over Silver's long legs where they'd stretched over the path. He'd been on his way to Club when he'd stopped to listen to his bird friends; their musical voices became reminiscent of a lullaby and then...
"I thank you again for waking me, Prefect." Silver says kindly, "I'd hate to disappoint Riddle by being late to Club." You pat your senior in the back, and he continues, "Riddle does like it when people are prompt. Among other things." You could well imagine that.
Soon, you arrived at the stables. "Ah, looks like we've arrived, Silver, sir." The sleepy senior looks around, shaking a coming wave of drowsiness away. "It appears we have. Thanks for walking with me to make sure I made it. I wish there was some way to repay your kindness." You smile gently at him, "Oh, it's no trouble." Then Silver opened his eyes slightly, "Ah! I've got an idea, why don't I teach you to ride?" You chuckle at your stoic senior, marveling at how he hardly changes expression in his surprise. "Sure, why not. I've got no plans."
You follow Silver to the stable yard and gaze in awe at the beautiful horses that call NRC home while Silver disapears inside to retrieve saddles. "ABSOLUTELY NOT!" Came a yell from inside the stable, startling both you and the nearby horse. The door flings open and out strode Sebek followed much mode calmly by Silver. Sebek stops in front of you and the shouting continues, "HUMAN! How dare you think you can just waltz in here and take up my valuable training time with your nonsense!"
Silver patiently interrupts his tirade, "I invited the Perfect to join us. They helped me make it to club on time." Sebek looks even more frustrated (you hadn't known that was possible) when he chides his cohort, "Silver! Don't go bringing me into your problems! You are an aspiring knight of the great Malleus! You need to solve your own problems!"
Although Silver seems entirely used to this sort of behavior, you are offended on his behalf. "Hey! That's not nice! Silver just invited me here as thanks. There's no need to be so mean about it!" Sebek let's out a huff of annoyance, his brow creasing deeply, "What would you possibly understand about it? You don't know what it means to train under the great Lilia and Malleus. " In that moment, you are struck by inspiration, "I know, and that's exactly why I'm here. How dare I attend the same school as the great and wonderful Malleus and not know how to properly ride a horse? Shameful! That's why I was so pleased when I had the opportunity to train under the disciples of the famous Lilia. You'll help me too, won't you, Sebek? For the sake of preserving the dignity of Malleus?"
For a knight, Sebek has a remarkably open expression; allowing his thoughts to be easily read across his face. You can see his struggle over wanting to be rid of you and yet also desiring the pride of aiding his liege in this manner. You think Sebek is secretly fonder of you than he pretends because a short time later, he sighs and accepts your explanation, "If that is your goal, then I have no choice but to guide you. We can't have the reputation of Malleus tarnished by shoddy horsemanship!"
You smile at Sebek indulently, "Gee, that will be a big help. So let's get started!" Sebek looks at your horrified. He gestures to you and states in a scandalized voice, "You can't ride horses in THAT!" You look down at what you are wearing, spreading the shirt like you meant to do a curtsy, and gazing at it in contemplation. It was just a common dorm shirt, not really suited for strenuous work, but at the same time, what else had you?
"Am sure I'll be fine." You smile at Sebek, hopeful that he'd let it pass. His face scrunched up as though thinking the matter over gravely. Finally, he sighs, "There is nothing to be done about it then. Come along, Prefect. I'll just have to make sure you are fit for a ride."
You looked at Silver, hoping he'd bail you out, but instead, Silver gives you an encouraging smile and sends you on your way. So, you smile awkwardly and follow Sebek deeper into the stable. "We keep some spare things here for new members or in case of accidents. To start with..." His gaze travels down your form and you again spread your shirt out with a sad smile. "A helmet." He finishes firmly.
He then marches over to a shelf that holds various riding helmets and hands you one. A cute pumpkin pattern runs along the edge. It's a surprise to you, but the whimsical choice makes you smile. "I like it," you tell him, surprised to be enjoying this odd makeover with Sebek. You ask him eagerly, "What's next?" You spread your shirt again, in a sort of wordless question. "Don't be so hasty, Prefect. Even miracles take a little time."
The following minutes are spent swapping your wardrobe from a drab Ramshackle set-up to proper riding gear. Sebek chose a light blue jacket for you, set over a gold colored shirt. You gave a twirl, showing off the way the skirts of the jacket flared from the movement.
Riddle enters the stable to retrieve a saddle and comments, "You look very proper, Prefect." Both you and Sebek preen at the praise. Then he nods his head and continues on his way. "Well, even a pass from Riddle. I must be all set now." Sebek clears his throat, "There is one last thing."
Then he gestures for you to sit on a hay bale. You comply, and he removes your shoes before walking away while muttering to himself about the size. You swing your feet in a joyful rhythm as you wait for Sebek to return. He does, carrying a pair of shiny riding boots. "Everyone knows that shoes finish the look," he says with a prideful smirk. You hold out one foot, and then the other, as Sebek helps you slide on the boots.
You look at yourself, mesmerized by your transformation. "Oh, thank you," you shyly say to the stern fae. He smiles in pride. "Now go and enjoy your ride. He's waiting for you." You follow his gaze and see Silver has returned to the stable yard, riding one horse and leading another for you.
You beam up at him and start jogging to join him. At the door, you pause and turn back to Sebek, "Don't worry, I'll be back by midnight." You laugh merrily at Sebek's confusion and set off to where the princely Silver waits. It was shaping up to be an afternoon like a dream, courtesy of your surprising fairy godfather.
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