#she is genuinely a cool character to play around with too

[steppingonyourshadow]

Lee watches Legend of Zang Hai: Episodes 31-40

Plot, language, culture, history, Chinese TV and novel tropes, and general commentary.

Episodes 1-10 here, 11-20 here and 21-30 here.

Episode 31

Zang Hai refuses your nonsense binary and also your useless Confucian values

Also: a good man knows when he needs to grovel.

The Queen is such a fantastic character, a great combination of sentiment and absolute authority.

I love that Antu knows what she wants and goes after it. But I also get what the Queen is saying - Zang Hai's priority is always going to be his revenge.

I love this line from Zang Hai about Zhuang Zhixing being a monster he hand-crafted and nurtured with his own hatred.

Zang Hai is right that Zhuang Zhixing hates him but Zhuang Zhixing doesn't just hate him. As Zhou Qi said, Zhuang Zhixing loves and hates Zang Hai.

Antu understands Zang Hai well in part because she also spends a lot of time playing a role.

Ba-gongzi: you're a well matched pair because you're both terrible and would have terrifying offspring.

And then Antu looks like she's considering the idea, lol.

Aw, Zang Hai is doing so much better now he's not trapped in that death spiral.

Don't worry, Gao Ming, Zang Hai's face is fine as it is.

Zang Hai is still calling Antu "dianxia" (title for a princess).

Aw, the puppet theater bit is so cute. I love the way they talk around their feelings.

The shot of the two of them with the screen between them is so good. What a gorgeously shot scene in general.

This is a good sincere grovel from Zang Hai. He could make it prettier but it wouldn't be as sincere.

I really like this song too - 风月局中 by Curley Gao.

Hahaha Zang Hai being like have mercy on my weak body is extremely good.

He genuinely does think he doesn't deserve to be happy though. Thankfully she'll bully him into it.

You can tell he's back in flirt mode when he starts talking like this - the "please invite me here often" stuff. The key being that he's giving her the initiative and inviting her to make moves.

Loooooove this kiss scene, his face when she bites him!

And then because he's a bitch, he brings up her whipping him as a child.

Antu: our parents did what???

It's just so nice that he has someone he can totally trust to talk to now, what with my increasingly dark feelings about Gao Ming/the masked man.

This animated fresco bit explaining the history of Dong Xia and the guixi is so cool. As I understand it, it also fits pretty well into DMBJ canon.

Unlike his father, Zang Hai doesn't give a fuck about Great Yong having the guixi, so he's perfectly happy to take the deal that means Dong Xia will get it.

Died laughing at Zang Hai's response to the Queen making him choose, he really is the worst/best.

Nobody's forcing Zang Hai into some nonsense binary where he can't have genuine feelings while also having other priorities (like the Queen herself with Kuai Duo). He's respectful to the Queen but he's not giving an inch.

Vice Minister of Works creeping around inside the palace complex. As you do.

I love his little satchel with its spring-loaded little compartments.

So the Emperor was after the guixi from the beginning and Kuai Duo went to Dong Xia to look for it. But Kuai Duo - loyal, upright Kuai Duo - didn't give him the key. So it's just a cool paperweight.

I love the scenes of the Queen and Zang Hai bonding over Kuai Duo.

Aw, that's why Zang Hai prefers to work there, his dad used to.

(Fun AU idea though!)

The Queen: if only he had come to Dong Xia, your family would be alive.

ZH: eh, no point in dwelling on what ifs.

Again, unlike Kuai Duo, Zang Hai is not at all bothered about selling out his emperor.

Interestingly, when the Queen faults Kuai Duo's blind loyalty to his Emperor, Zang Hai points out that Kuai Duo's sense of justice also kept him from giving the Emperor the key.

Zang Hai explains the paramount place of the Emperor in Confucian morality and then immediately also shows his total disregard for those values. Of course he doesn't have the values his dad had - his moral education and socialization ended when he was 10.

Zang Hai's answer to every problem: I'll do it and just die.

Episode 32

Zang Hai finds out even more gossip about his father's personal life, and for once he's on the other end of a con

How to break into the Emperor's own quarters as a Vice Minister by Zang Hai.

"Why don't you try it for me" is such a nice way to say he doesn't want the food. Zang Hai should give lessons in tact and human interaction.

15 January on the Lunar calendar is the Lantern Festival, the final day of Lunar New Year celebrations.

Not the most inconspicuous outfit for a break in but how do you make Zang Hai look inconspicuous? He's wearing the same clothes as the other officials down to the cloak, he's just wearing them better.

Bet you Zang Hai was pretty surprised to discover the Emperor's hobbyist space.

But not as surprised as he's going to be when he uncovers evidence of the secret 20 year woodworking-based friendship between his father and the Emperor.

There's something really lovely about Kuai Duo's lengthy friendship with the Emperor (who would've been a prince when they met) being revealed via their works and the signatures on them.

The Emperor as the deer (鹿) and Kuai Duo as the waterfowl (雁).

The oldest work here is from the 15th year of the Wuhe era and the carver would've been young (the characters are wonky). The next is from Wuhe 18, with much prettier characters, and then the third one from Wuhe 20. All bearing the deer and waterfowl signatures.

Wuhe was the era name of the previous emperor so Kuai Duo was friends with the current Emperor from the 15th year of his father's reign. We know from the Queen of Dong Xia & Yongrong that Wuhe's reign lasted 35 years. So this was a 20 year friendship before the Emperor ascended

Then we have the final carving, with just the deer signature, from the 9th year of the current era. 9 years after the Emperor ascended, Kuai Duo came back from Dong Xia with the guixi and was killed. So no more waterfowl.

If you had any doubt the waterfowl is meant to be Kuai Duo, seeing the character for waterfowl underneath the guixi should resolve that.

The painting Zang Hai sees hiding the entrance to the secret passage is from Song dynasty great Zhao Boju.

You can see the missing mortise and tenon detail that caught Zang Hai's attention if you look closely.

Presumably the secret passage was so Kuai Duo could come and see the Emperor without anyone noticing. Which means they must have been very close.

In order to make sure the Bureau would be empty Zang Hai put up a notice saying the Ministry of Works was carrying out pest extermination in the Bureau and everyone had to clear out. Of course, he's the Vice Minister of Works. Also see the smoke wafting around.

Very funny that Zang Hai's scheme was to make counterfeit copies of the guixi.

Horror movie jumpscare by Shi Quan there.

Honestly though, this one stings. Dude, Zang Hai was genuine toward you! Do you know how rare that is???

(Xiao Zhan is looking particularly good under this lighting and in his red robe tbh.)

Shi Quan: your complexion doesn't look too good (meaning he's gone pale with shock etc)

The audience: what are you talking about

Zang Hai goes from shocked to outwardly calm so fast.

I really like this scene with "Shi Quan". Such great tension.

The Lu family all together, aw, how heart-warming. This would be a great gangster AU.

The first thing Zang Hai says to Cao Jingxian is basically - bitch, how are you still alive.

Cao Jingxian says like his father, Zang Hai uses humility to hide aloofness/a sense of moral superiority. Except Zang Hai is using false humility to hide his true self, not any kind of moral judgment.

Now Cao Jingxian is laughing at the Marquis for being duped by his enemy.

Zang Hai: you're the one who killed the Marquis, not me. Also you're gonna end up just as dead, just wait.

Honestly, I would not laugh at Zang Hai when he's got that smirk on.

Ah, see Shi Quan did feel something real. Look at him promising to keep the Bureau running well once Zang Hai is gone.

Love the Queen's style.

Zang Hai is so useless in a fight, haha. Antu has to protect him and he spends most of it running away.

This is such a cool fight scene for Antu.

Aw, the Queen wants to avenge Kuai Duo too. Don't listen to Cao Jingxian! Just kill him!

Ah, fuck. What great last words though ("有憾无悔"). She lived a life of duty for her country, with unfulfilled desires but zero regrets.

This scene with Antu and Zang Hai under the fireworks is so gorgeously shot.

What an absolute disaster - lost the guixi, the Queen is dead, Cao Jingxian is still out there and he knows everything, and someone needs to explain what happened.

The Emperor is pretty terrifying in this final scene.

Episode 33

Zang Hai's greatest poor little meow meow performance yet, for the greatest audience

Poor Antu, her mom's dead and she has to deal with being a suspect to guixi theft. She knows she's in big trouble too.

These scenes of Zang Hai in his courtyard are so pretty.

Thankfully Cao Jingxian is badly injured again (although somehow still not dead).

Cannot believe Cao Jingxian is just gonna give the guixi to the third man. Goddamn.

Loved Antu's girlfriend and Antu's boyfriend fretting together over her safety. On the other hand, Antu's sister was pretty eager to get rid of a rival for the throne, huh.

You just know Zang Hai is about to do something crazy.

Enjoyed Zang Hai looking at Gao Ming with his sad puppy eyes until he agreed to make the fake warrant.

Now, why do I get the feeling that Zang Hai is lying to Gao Ming and co?

She's worried for her people, aw. It's a shame, she'd make a good queen.

Antu, immediately: don't do anything stupid for me

Zang Hai: too late, I already did.

Zang Hai didn't tell the crew what he was gonna do because he didn't want them to be implicated but also I wonder if he trusts them all completely anymore.

Zang Hai's confrontation with the Emperor takes up the entire rest of the episode and it's such an incredible scene - writing, acting, the way it moves the story forward, what it reveals about the past.

Zang Hai begins by referring to himself as 罪臣 - your vassal who has sinned/offended. This form of address is itself an admission of wrongdoing and immediately gets the Emperor's attention.

Zhang Guoqiang who plays the Emperor is so good. Initially some folks said he was miscast because he lacked authority. But thinking that the Emperor must be this impressive domineering figure is itself a trap that those used to seeing authority glorified fall into.

Zheng Xiaolong's emperors are all too human, petty and unjust and even pathetic. Zhang Guoqiang is perfect as a reluctant sovereign, unsuited to the job but unwilling to let go of power, paranoid and fearful and selfish. A petty tyrant.

The way he goes nuts as soon as Zang Hai mentions the thing he lost, phew.

…what's the point of tying him up, my dude. (It's so he could tell everyone to leave without fear of attack, but still.)

You can tell by what Zang Hai goes on to say that he knows the depth of the Emperor's sentiments for Kuai Duo is limited by a sovereign's selfishness (just like the Marquis' feelings toward Zang Hai) but he's gambling on there being enough guilt and nostalgia left to save him.

I did have to laugh at "raise your head", such a palace intrigue cliche but here deployed for such a wild reason (the Emperor trying to see any resemblance to his friend).

The way the Emperor's face changes when Zang Hai starts talking about the deer, damn.

Well, he can't murder his bff's son, especially since he's partially responsible for his bff's family dying.

Bwhaha the Emperor realising that Zang Hai is the reason the Marquis and Cao Jingxian ended up like this is very funny.

Bloody hell, I can't believe Zang Hai basically accused the Emperor of creating this mess. (He's right, but most people wouldn't say it.) He goes from saying this sinner begs forgiveness while trembling and sweating to pushing his luck so quickly, I love him.

Once again, we could all learn a lesson from Zang Hai on how to optimally phrase a request. Love the way he asked the Emperor to help resolve the mystery (when he's actually asking for the truth of what happened to his father).

The Emperor grinning at the bird cage while asking Zang Hai if he knows how to make them is probably the first genuine positive expression we've seen on his face.

And yes, this flashback with him and Kuai Duo as kids is very cute. But it's abundantly obvious that he's not a great candidate for Crown Prince. He's not the oldest or born to the Empress and his foremost interest is woodworking. But he was clearly his father's favourite, and clever enough to win the battle.

Do you remember how during the saga of the Dowager Empress' burial, Zang Hai managed to come up with an excuse to keep a prince/lord from coming to the capital? That prince is the Emperor's older brother, and was born to the Empress. He would've been the prime candidate.

Banishing a rival like that to the provinces is a time-honoured practice for Emperors who can't kill them outright. But this way he remains a threat, especially with the Emperor childless.

The Emperor obviously suffered a lot from the schemes of previous Empress/his brothers.

Kuai Duo saved his life. And what did he do for Kuai Duo in return?

You can tell Zang Hai's really not that impressed by his woe is me, it's so hard to be born royalty story, haha.

Jumpscared by CGI deaged Cao Jingxian.

All joking aside, veeeeery interesting that Cao Jingxian is the one who suggested using Zhuang Luyin. There have been a lot of hints throughout the show that Cao Jingxian and Zhuang Luyin used to be close, particularly from Zhuang Zhifu (who seemed very familiar with Cao Jingxian).

I'm impressed that Kuai Duo wouldn't give up the key to his friend and Emperor because he knew it was wrong to use the guixi.

The Emperor is so scary and awful in this flashback scene. The way he just turns on a dime, phew.

Oh god, now he's saying Kuai Duo knows too many of his weaknesses. Then it makes sense that he let Kuai Duo die.

The word he used is 软肋, literally rib cartilage, but meaning one's fatal weakness/Achilles' heel.

Remember what Gao Ming said - when you've done too much for someone selfish, it breeds entitlement and resentment, not gratitude.

Notice how Zang Hai hasn't mentioned the existence of the key either.

Episode 34

The crowning poor little meow meowing, Zang Hai's second and third and fourth fathers, and one brief moment of respite.

Look at the way the Emperor turned on Kuai Duo as soon as he got the guixi.

Using the "reward" of a cabinet post to tie him down for the Emperor's use and keep him under control - and he says it's a gift but what kind of gift gets imposed on you and can't be refused?

Outright refusing would be a death sentence. Saying he's leaving for health reasons is the safest move but the Emperor is still gonna hate it and suspect him. You can't just leave the Emperor's side when he wants you there.

The Emperor just about lets him go once he assures him that no one else knows anything and he's not hiding anything. But he's not gonna protect Kuai Duo either and isn't that upset that someone else silenced him forever. Doesn't even investigate.

Zang Hai didn't actually need to get on his knees here to answer the Emperor about what happened that night but as soon as he did I think the entire audience knew it was all going to be all right. This is his S-class killing move after all.

This is possibly his finest performance yet, using the brutal truth to scare some guilt out of a man who barely feels anything other than fear and a desire to cling to power.

Zang Hai can recount that night with a smile on his face but it's more effective here to cry like a child. The Emperor must feel that Kuai Duo gave his life for him.

Zang Hai is angling for the exact line the Emperor ends up saying - that he wronged Kuai Duo and owes him. And by transitive properties of family connection, he now owes Zang Hai.

Ah, Cao Jingxian is finally dead. A great villain and very interesting character. Hope we find out more about him.

The third man is terrifying. But see how Zang Hai immediately figured out his moves?

Look how happy the Emperor is that Zang Hai is showing him his weakness (Antu), unlike Kuai Duo who seemed too eager to escape and not leave anything for the Emperor to coerce him with.

Of course Zang Hai is doing this on purpose (and it dovetails with his real objective).

Let's check in with how Zang Hai's reputation is looking: A young man with no scholarly credentials somehow became the Marquis' only aide. The Marquis then got him a 5th level post and gifted him a fancy estate. He then betrays the Marquis and lands his son's 3rd level job.

In between he's seen buttering up Lord Yongrong, and now after seeking a night-time audience with the Emperor to confess crimes, rather than being punished, he's given more authority the next day.

Cannot even imagine what gossip is saying at this stage.

Gao Ming slapping Zang Hai because he's so mad and then immediately feeling awkward and guilty and not knowing what to say is such a Chinese parent-child coded interaction.

(There is a great behind the scenes video about what director Cao wanted from this scene.)

Loooooove this carriage scene with Zang Hai looking at Antu so tenderly.

Who else cracked up when Antu's reaction to Zang Hai saying Cao Jingxian was dead was to assert that Zang Hai must have done it? She knows him too well.

Also loved Zang Hai cheering Antu up from her spiral about losing all her status and titles by reminding her that he's just a poor nobody, so they're now equal!

And him quietly leaving Ba-gongzi and Antu to catch up once she turns up.

I don't trust Gao Ming but Zang Hai clearly sees him as a parent, and this feels like a positive turning point for them.

Gao Ming's passive aggressive anger is so funny with Zang Hai grovelling so easily.

Aw, this definition of shifu is so lovely - someone who walks alongside you and holds up the sky for you.

Zang Hai even says outright that he sees Gao Ming as a parent. This is so moving, especially with XIao Zhan's lovely voice/delivery.

And then Zang Hai says he'd do the same thing again - that's him in a nutshell, of course he would.

I was genuinely very moved also by Gao Ming saying as a parent he'd rather die for his children than live on without them. He's really come around on what he wants from Zang Hai.

Gao Ming rightly crowning Zang Hai the greatest con artist of them all, hee.

But all that aside, he asks Zang Hai three times what happened with the Emperor and Zang Hai finds a way not to tell him each time. He loves Gao Ming but doesn't entirely trust him.

Dying laughing at Gao Ming making these specific dishes just so he can use them to passive-aggressively scold Zang Hai for being heartless and not talking to him and acting on his own.

Also very cute that Antu immediately tries to drink for Zang Hai.

This is such a beautiful, heart-warming scene (look at this beautiful patchwork family!) and I'm scared it's gonna be the last brief happy moment before everything goes to hell.

Zang Hai is in full melon eating mode watching Liu Chu and Gao Ming and it's so funny.

When Liu Chu first appeared I think a lot of Western viewers misunderstood her message or only heard the first half. She never wanted Zang Hai to be emotionless.

Oh man, look at Zang Hai's face. He looks like a kid who can't believe he gets to have this and doesn't feel like he deserve it. What a great bit of acting from Xiao Zhan.

(Honestly I'm scared considering there are 6 eps to go.)

I love this speech from Antu about how they all chose to accompany Zang Hai along this path.

And she's right, he needs her to be his bodyguard.

Also enjoyed her saying after you're done we'll leave and go wherever you want (our girl with all the domineering ML dialogue).

Me hoping desperately to see Zang Hai be suspicious of the masked man, but of course I'm not gonna see it on his face.

The Shi-daren they're discussing is the current 首辅 (senior grand secretary), effectively the Prime Minister, the foremost civil official.

Episode 35

Shit gets so real so fast and Gao Ming and Zang Hai keep breaking my heart

This is the most shocked we've ever seen Zang Hai.

He's very grateful but I don't know that he trusts Zhao Bingwen (same as how he feels about Gao Ming).

Have you noticed how Zang Hai acts most child-like around Gao Ming? He sajiaos and pouts and lets himself look vulnerable, hopeful, despondent. And he says here that he trusts Gao Ming with his life (but he doesn't trust him with all the info).

Notice Gao Ming saying that it's okay to lie sometimes so long as your feelings are genuine. He would say that.

Zhao Bingwen goes around doing people big favours so they incur debts to him. Like a dodgy lender but for 恩 (the debt you owe someone who has done something for you).

Hey, we finally have an actual name for Ba-gongzi ("eighth young master" is her art name/alias).

Say what you will about Zhao Bingwen, he also seems like a decent dad.

Zang Hai immediately notices Shi Yiping's collection of great works of art, including a segment of A Thousand Li of Rivers and Mountains, one of the most famous Chinese paintings ever (top painting in the first pic), as well as many other famous Song dynasty works.

The one non-famous, non-Song painting in the middle there sticks out like a sore thumb. More on that later.

Bwhaha, Shi Yiping saying he didn't expect someone like Zang Hai to be able to befriend a clean official like Zhao Bingwen. Once again reminding us that Zang Hai has the worst possible reputation among the court due to the way he came by his promotions (and his behaviour re Zhuang Luyin).

Shi Yiping calls Zhao Bingwen a great 伯乐 (Bo Le), a term derived from a man from the Warring States period who was great at picking horses, meaning someone who is good at discovering and promoting talent. Which is very accurate.

Shi Yiping pointedly bringing up Zhuang Luyin, who Zang Hai used and discarded, and Cao Jingxian who tried to fuck with Zang Hai and ended up dead. You can see why anyone might be wary of Zang Hai, lol.

Wanting to use Zang Hai as a knife is dangerous shit. And even more dangerous is when he wants to get close to you.

Hey, it's obsequious climber Zang Hai. We haven't seen this version of him for a while.

Finally someone just says it to his face - you rose through the ranks too quickly and it's sus as hell.

(Look at how old the other 3rd ranked and above guys are.)

I enjoyed Zang Hai sparring with Shi Yiping and was genuinely worried he'd be blamed for Shi Yiping's murder but of course the plot is much more clever than that.

Very cool fight between Lu Yan, Shilei and Antu (now Zang Hai's bodyguard).

That one extremely out of place modern painting depicting Dong Xia among the collection of masters is what clued Zang Hai in on the guixi's hiding place. Hold that thought.

(Zang Hai immediately hiding the two fishes, lol)

Zang Hai asking the Emperor for that Dong Xia painting is really smart and works on a number of levels. Not only is it a clue, he also gets to remind the Emperor that the Emperor knows his weakness (the Dong Xia princess) and he's safe to use.

Look at the way Zang Hai's face changes when he's leaving the palace. He knows this isn't over.

Zhao Bingwen basically outright telling Gao Ming that if Zang Hai doesn't give up the guixi key he's going to be eliminated. God he's scary.

Zang Hai being like oh yes I'll just threaten to leave, that will flush out whoever is behind all this. Nice.

This scene with Gao Ming broke my heart. They have such a lovely relationship and the sense of dread hanging over it is so strong.

Please note Zhao Bingwen doing the classic Chinese polite fight posturing of first refusing the gift/promotion and then "reluctantly" agreeing to it.

A small detail you might have missed is that Zhinu is about 20 at the beginning of the story but "Zang Hai" is 18. Hence folks joking about anti rumours of Zang Hai having cosmetic surgery and faking his age (both true in his case, and common accusations hurled at modern idols).

Episode 36

The truth hurts more than any lie.

(I'm obsessed with this set of cream robes on Zang Hai, he looks like Zhou Gongjin from RotK and that thought haunts me.)

Antu giving away Zang Hai's money to their servants and Zang Hai basically saying 'that's totally fine because I'm planning to spend the rest of my days as your sugar baby, if that's okay with you'.

Zang Hai mostly calls Zhao Bingwen "benefactor" in private now.

I don't think it's news to Zang Hai that Great Yong is not in good shape. But it's so sick that a few good men aren't going to be able to reverse the tide - the system itself is the disease.

The term in Chinese for what Zhao Bingwen is trying to do to Zang Hai is 道德绑架 (moral blackmail). How could you do this when people are suffering, etc. The term refers to when others (often family) try to trap you into doing things that are very bad for you using appeals to morality. They're trying to impose a moral debt that you don't owe onto you.

But Zang Hai has never been vulnerable to this stuff.

Instead of being fooled by this talk, he's realised Zhao Bingwen is suspicious because he wants to make Zang Hai stay and is only staying to investigate him further.

Also Zhao Bingwen's whole thing makes no sense - Zang Hai doesn't have any special talent in statecraft, his skills are geomancy, construction and manipulating people.

Bwhaha, no one else wants Zang Hai to stay. How bad is his reputation?

You can see that it's breaking Zang Hai's heart that he can't talk to Gao Ming.

Oh god, "is that your idea or Zang Hai's?"

Zhao Bingwen now outright threatening Gao Ming with killing Zang Hai with that reference to what happened in the past.

Everyone else in the Cabinet is clearly wondering how on earth this 19 year old (Zang Hai's fake age) with the terrible reputation managed to win Zhao Bingwen and the Emperor's favour to such an extent that he's managed to enter the Cabinet so quickly.

Ba-gongzi (tsundere): oh so you can't see Zang Hai and that's why you remembered I exist.

They're so cute.

Oh man, of course the painting belongs to Zhao Bingwen.

Thankfully Antu thought of the same line Zang Hai fed the Emperor (that he wanted the painting for her).

Zhao Bingwen keeps going on about the people but he won't let money be spent on the most urgent needs (disaster relief and prevention). Then proposing to raise the salaries of the highest officials…lol.

What a guy. What a "clean official".

Aw at Antu feeling bad about lying to Ba-gongzi for the first time. It's for her own good!

Fortunately for her (and because Zhao Bingwen is a pretty good dad), she hasn't had to be involved in any of these awful dealings and shouldn't be implicated.

Nooooo, Ba-gongzi, don't tell your dad!!! At least it's just Antu's cover story.

I saw so many posts about this scene of folks being thankful Zhao Bingwen didn't say "it's time to get married". So many of us just expect that kind of nonsense from a character like Zhao Bingwen.

Poor Zang Hai, doing three jobs at once (Cabinet, Vice Minister of Works, Chief Astronomer), working overtime, and still getting shit about how he came up through being the Marquis' favourite and creating problems for other people.

Poor Shi Yiping was fighting both Cao Jingxian and Zhuang Luyin? Man, poor guy.

Really enjoying how Zang Hai gets this guy to talk by deliberately goading him with accusations and rumours about Shi Yiping.

By the way, does he look familiar to you? He should. He's one of Yongrong's people. He spoke about having read Zang Hai's memorials at Yongrong's terrifying party in episode 20. So that should tell you something about why he's helping Zang Hai.

So we have a vital new piece of information - Cao Jingxian's name before he became an eunuch and had to give it up.

I feel bad for him now. He clearly had grand ambitions and talent but back then you weren't allowed to take exams to be an official if you had any physical "imperfections".

(Yes, this is super bad and ableist. It's from the same school of thought that resulted in the idea that good looks equal virtue equals fitness for some grand role, which still persists today.)

So Zhuang Luyin, Cao Jingxian and Zhao Bingwen studied together. That's the connection.

We've had so many hints that Cao Jingxian and Zhuang Luyin were close to lead us to this point. But Zhao Bingwen hid himself well.

Zang Hai crying to himself about the entire past 10 years of his life being a lie, god.

Both actors are so good in this scene with Gao Ming, really subtle and beautiful performances that convey a lot with and without words.

Zang Hai's quiet "I don't think so" in response to Gao Ming saying he'd get found out at court because Gao Ming has lied successfully to him for so long, oof.

Think back on the times when Gao Ming must have worked with Zhao Bingwen to deceive and hinder him, too (throwing out Yongrong as a smokescreen for example).

But the feelings were real. If you doubt that, think about this - when did Gao Ming start cooking all the food? When he became worried Zhao Bingwen might poison Zang Hai.

Episode 37

Shit gets so real in the worst way and…talk about sympathy for the devil

God, the sense of dread is just palpable throughout these episodes.

And finally we've come to the end of the road - Gao Ming can no longer put Zhao Bingwen off. Zhao Bingwen's right though, if Zang Hai didn't want the key found, no one was gonna find it.

This motherfucker saying he's doing it for Zang Hai's own good. Bullshit.

Can't believe I got fooled by Shi Quan again! What a guy.

I love this detail that Kuai Duo spent so much on the kids he adopted as his students that his own family's standard of living was closer to that of commoners than a 5th ranked official.

Zang Hai obviously chose the dishes to send a message (just like Gao Ming a few eps ago). The two he highlighted are common home cooked comfort food.

Wow, Zang Hai really just came out and said it with "should I call you my benefactor or my enemy".

That little glance at Gao Ming and reference to how well the shifus taught him…ouch.

And we have the triumphant return of Zang Hai looking at an enemy like they're dead already.

You know what's fucked up, I honestly felt a warm glow seeing Cao Jingxian and Zhuang Luyin in the flashback. At least with them, you always knew exactly where you stood.

Zang Hai kindly offering Zhao Bingwen a quick death in return for saving his life (as opposed to having his entire life destroyed first), aw.

Zhao Bingwen is the kind of psychopath who doesn't feel any kind of gratitude or emotional burden or debt or guilt. So he's perfectly happy to kill Kuai Duo after Kuai Duo spoke up for him and saved his job, and to kill Zang Hai after using him for half his life.

The Emperor whining yet again about how sad and hard his life is as the most powerful man around and how it was a betrayal for Kuai Duo not to tell him everything.

The Emperor: tells Zang Hai to get up.

The audience: no, no, he's more comfortable down there actually, that's where he can unleash his powers with maximum effect.

What possible good could a man who is already all-powerful do, handed a weapon like the guixi?

To the Emperor's credit (limited), he knows that what Zang Hai is saying makes sense and is dealing with him accordingly.

Hahaha, the key being hidden under Zhao Bingwen's chair is so funny.

Zang Hai just out here saying shit about the possibility of future emperors using the guixi to do wrong. (He's right, of course. No one who is already all powerful should have even more tools of conquest.)

Fucking Shi Quan, god. But if you think back you can see where he must've been working for Zhao Bingwen in the past too - for example he's the reason Zang Hai started investigating the coin that led him to Yongrong.

All Zang Hai cares about now is making sure Zhao Bingwen dies (and the guixi doesn't get stolen again).

Oh good, the Emperor does suspect Zhao Bingwen at least a little.

The Emperor is turning into Gollum with his precious over here.

He really doesn't seem to have much fun - not much company in the palace, no concubines, no kids, just his projects and his guixi.

Dude, Zang Hai is gonna say "I told you so" if it fucks you up.

At this point prison is basically a natural habitat for Zang Hai, almost as comfortable as a tomb.

Man, Zhao Bingwen got off so easily with the Emperor poisoning himself with the guixi (or did Zhao Bingwen lend a helping hand? He does love poisoning people.)

Bullshit he was going to leave Zang Hai alone. No way.

Zhao Bingwen has a fatal misunderstanding of Zang Hai if he thinks he's like his father.

This is such a great scene with just the two of them matching wits.

Man, Gao Ming having played a part in the Kuai family being killed really blows. (He covered for Zhao Bingwen so Zhao Bingwen could go back to the capital, meet up with the other two, and get Zhinu.)

Poor kid getting bullied at private school vibes in this flashback.

See, they reference the rule about how anyone with any physical "imperfections" can't become an official.

Zhuang Luyin's father had died in battle so while high born to begin with, his family had fallen on hard times.

Man, kid Cao Jingxian was so cute. These poor kids. And neither Cao Jingxian nor Zhuang Luyin were bad kids either. Zhuang Luyin wanted to save that child before Zhao Bingwen stopped him.

As Zang Hai says, Zhao Bingwen really had a hand in making them into the awful people they became.

Cao Jingxian's actor answered a question on social media about why he didn't resent Zhao Bingwen with "resenting a fellow victim rather than the actual aggressor responsible is the mentality of a loser".

So they really were good mates! Even more impressive that Zang Hai wrecked the relationship between Cao Jingxian and Zhuang Luyin.

Thankfully for Antu and co, Zang Hai is the kind of person who would have five separate hiding places prepared in every town.

Yongrong was most likely to benefit from the Emperor dying (being the likely heir to the throne) but let's put a pin in the real reason he's being detained at home.

Oh no, Ba-gongzi…well, at least now she knows her dad is involved.

Zhao Bingwen had to dangle the mystery of the third person in front of Zang Hai so that he didn't just kill Zhuang Luyin and Cao Jingxian immediately and be done with the whole thing (as he almost did twice).

Lots of comments from netizens about how colonial/imperialist Zhao Bingwen's whole fantasy of conquest is, with folks calling him a fascist and his agenda Make Da-Yong Great Again, etc.

Given what we know now, it seems as though Zhao Bingwen had the shifus teach Zang Hai specifically with dealing with Zhuang Luyin (and Cao Jingxian) in mind. Given his knowledge of Zhuang Luyin it would've been easy to nudge Zang Hai's education in a direction that would help him to gain Zhuang Luyin's favour.

Do you remember the story I told about Diaochan earlier in this thread? How during the Three Kingdoms period she was gifted by her benefactor Wang Yun to the warlord Dong Zhuo and also to his adopted son Lu Bu to make them turn on each other?

Zhao Bingwen is Wang Yun in this analogy.

I also told the story of Xi Shi, which was directly evoked in the show via Kun Opera. In the story of Xi Shi, the strategist Fan Li presents her to King Goujian of Yue so that Goujian can give her to King Fuchai of Wu as a gift. Zhao Bingwen is Fan Li and Goujian in this analogy.

He's the person who trains the spy/operative for their mission of wrecking someone's life (and/or their country).

But Zang Hai was too smart a pawn, too brilliantly opportunistic, and kept doing stuff he couldn't anticipate.

Episode 38

So many tears. What an episode.

Poor Gao Ming is in a state. Zhao Bingwen is right though, this day was always going to come. What he owes Zhao Bingwen was always going to come into conflict with his developing paternal feelings for Zang Hai.

How gracious of Zhao Bingwen to leave Zang Hai a nice looking corpse.

Liang Chao is so good in this scene.

Zang Hai immediately realises that Gao Ming made those dishes. I know a lot of folks were confused by this, but think back to a few eps ago when they had a meal to celebrate getting Antu out of jail and Gao Ming cooked a table full of dishes he could use to shade Zang Hai.

These are the exact dishes Gao Ming made for that meal. That's why Zang Hai knows something is up.

You gotta pay attention to the details in this show.

Look at Zang Hai's face once he realises what's up, aw.

Zang Hai can't even be bothered to say anything else to Zhao Bingwen, lol.

Gao Ming - who said he'd rather die than have Zang Hai die before him - having to watch Zang Hai be executed is just absolutely horrific.

This torture method was reportedly invented in the Ming dynasty. Because it doesn't leave any physical trace, it was often used on officials.

This is a really tough scene to watch.

Thank God for Yongrong's timely interruption. By this point we have had a whole bunch of hints that he's on Zang Hai's side and wants to help him, and not just because of the hidden succession struggle (in which Zhao Bingwen has picked a side).

Even without the rest of the episode, you know as soon as Gao Ming is offered tea that he's toast, right? Zhao Bingwen all but makes it obvious. He doesn't want to leave this loose end.

This entire underworld scene is so beautiful and XZ is so good.

Hard not to tear up when his mother still managed to recognise him. And then him putting his arms around her like a child as if he could prevent her from leaving him that way.

Of course Zang Hai doesn't want to go back. He never wanted to keep living as the only one left. To him, going to the underworld is going home.

In a funny way this "death" is therapeutic for Zang Hai - to hear his family tell him that he should live and he deserves to live.

(The joke people make about Wang Zanghai's immortality is that he can't go to the underworld because he's put too many enemies in there and they'd all want to settle scores.)

Zang Hai: urgh, I guess I'm back.

Ba-gongzi does something remarkable here too, putting Antu above her father and helping them get word out.

Oh wow, I did notice Zang Hai stumbling when he left his cell. So Gao Ming drugged the food.

The fact that the Emperor died saying Zang Hai's name is really gonna make his bad reputation even worse and amplify the chatter about how he got to where he ended up.

Yongrong turned out to be such a reliable ally. Zhao Bingwen imprisoning him provides a pretty good clue that Zhao Bingwen is tangled up with the prince who had been forced to stay in the provinces (the now-ailing Emperor's brother, the late Dowager Empress' son).

Xing Dou and Gao Ming were like two dads arguing over how best to raise their kid, each of them wanting the best for him. Xing Dou's wish was never going to come true, though - Zhao Bingwen would never allow it.

Using a cart labelled as transporting diseased bodies to get Zang Hai and Antu out is genius. One last brilliant con from Gao Ming.

Him having saved all the money Zang Hai gave him for Zang Hai is so Chinese parent it guts me.

This is Gao Ming's penance for the part he played in lying to and manipulating Zang Hai all this time. Xing Dou must have felt the same when he chose to die. Those feelings were real after all.

"You big liar." :(((

Zang Hai is right, from Antu's sister's point of view, she's going to think Antu's there to make trouble for her, if not make a play for the throne.

Well, at least the Queen doesn't want Antu to marry the old man, just the younger one.

The practice of marrying princesses off for diplomacy was very common and normal and a princess would be expected to do her duty. But Dong Xia is matriarchal, hence Antu's outrage.

The new Queen comes across quite badly in these scenes, but nothing she's doing is that unusual. All of this is normal statecraft and succession struggle stuff. Perhaps we're less used to it coming from a female ruler?

Episode 39

Zang Hai back in his native habitat (not prison, manipulating a member of the Zhuang family).

Zang Hai: prison again?

Not sure why they need to have him chained by the ankle, considering, but it's a change of pace I guess.

The moment Antu showed up I knew they were gonna put on some kind of act.

Ah, see, Antu's sister was probably more like a sister to her before absolute power got in between them.

Antu switches to calling the Queen jiejie instead of bixia here when she's asking to have Zang Hai come with her, and the play on familial sentiment actually works because there's a human under there after all.

At least now the Queen knows about the threat posed by Zhao Bingwen. Problem is she has no idea how to counter it.

She's alone too - just like the Dongxia Emperor. Because that's what absolute power does.

They even put Zang Hai in Dongxia fancy servant clothes, hee.

Remember what Ba-gongzi said about Antu and Zang Hai - they're both schemers. Together their powers are amplified.

Zhuang Zhixing to the rescue! I love that Zang Hai knew Zhuang Zhixing would help him, even though he also knows Zhuang Zhixing has very mixed up feelings about him.

He's a general now! And Zang Hai addresses him as one, with deference. Bet that's exciting for Zhuang Zhixing.

Zhuang Zhixing says the general died of illness and he got appointed to replace him. "Sickness", huh?

(Zhuang Zhixing is fated to have almost all his big achievements come from some kind of dodgy deal or nepotism.)

Somewhere in the underworld, Zhuang Luyin just became enraged by Zhuang Zhixing blaming him for the lie about Zang Hai's 3rd enemy.

Zhuang Zhixing: Are you proud of me now??? Are you?

Meanwhile Zang Hai is already suspicious and testing him about Zhao Bingwen.

Zang Hai is so unimpressed by this transparent lie, too.

Here's the thing about Zhuang Zhixing. He's lying to Zang Hai (again) but at the same time he's inviting him to hang out and drink, because he both loves and hates Zang Hai and above all just wants his attention. What would they even talk about?

"No hurry. We have plenty of time."

Oh, he fully thinks he has Zang Hai in his power, that's hilarious.

There it is. Zhuang Zhixing has been working with Zhao Bingwen for ages. Which would be bad, except Zang Hai knows how to deal with Zhuang Zhixing. It's the kind of thing he's best at.

Zhuang Zhixing keeps flipping between calling Zang Hai "xianshang" (teacher) and using his name, which tells you something about his mental state.

XZ said Antu and Zang Hai were Mr and Mrs Smith and they really are. Except Antu has to do alllllllllll the fighting and heavy lifting, lol.

(A lot of the time she's the one carrying their stuff, haha.)

Zhuang Zhixing's attempts at menace just aren't on his father's level, and you can see just how unimpressed Zang Hai is. The worst part is he can't even be bothered pretending to be menaced.

See, I said Zang Hai would know how to turn Zhuang Zhixing. It took him barely any time to come up with the right angle - firstly, making Zhao Bingwen responsible for all that befell Zhuang Zhixing's family.

The way Zang Hai phrased it here - "the first thing he did was send me to your father's side" - really evokes those stories of Diaochan and Xi Shi we've been talking about.

Zhao Bingwen consciously created Zang Hai to deal with Zhuang Luyin.

Secondly, Zang Hai evokes the idiom 狡兔死, 走狗烹 (the hunting dog is boiled when the sly rabbit dies) to impress upon Zhuang Zhixing that Zhao Bingwen kills his former allies, to appeal to his self-interest/strong sense of self-preservation. Which is why he's with Zhao Bingwen to begin with.

Meanwhile, Zhuang Zhixing is not thinking about any of this important stuff:

"Is that all you have to say to me?"

Oh my god, dude. This is what we call 恋爱脑 (lovesick brain). This impression is only reinforced by what he says next.

"Will you serve me like you served my father" - excuse me???

Okay, we're gonna pause and talk about this in detail because it's such a wild thing to say.

He of all people knows why Zang Hai served his father with such deference and care. Obviously he's not saying he wants Zang Hai to secretly plot his death.

…so what kind of relationship does he think Zang Hai had with his father that he also wants to have?

At this point netizens said Zhuang Zhixing had finally stopped reading novels on Fanqie only to switch to Jingjiang.

(Fanqie is for more general audience works, Jingjiang has a lot of tropey danmei, including the "stepmom" trope Zhuang Zhixing comes so close to evoking here. As the famous line from Huai Shang's The Deepest Color of the Night goes, "I'm not here to inherit the estate, I'm here to inherit you".)

Meanwhile, Zang Hai: focus for the love of the nonexistent gods

Zhuang Zhixing punching the tree in frustration/rejected proposal 🤝 Zhuang Luyin having a go at Zang Hai's lantern in lieu of actually touching a hair on Zang Hai's head.

The next moment is incredible - Zang Hai knows he's won and all he has to do is wait for Zhuang Zhixing to come crawling back and act right. The tapping killed me.

And now for the DMBJ portion of this program.

Zang Hai is such a materialist, wow. Typical engineer.

We're back we're we started, with the cold open.

Zhang Mie 张灭 from the story of the Dongxia queen is actually the DMBJ character/title Zhang Qiling 张起灵. (Qi/起 means to lift. If you lift the top half off the character ling/灵 you get mie/灭).

I say title because every generation's leader from the Zhang clan is named Zhang Qiling.

In DMBJ, the Zhang family use the guixi to control the flow of history and they're opposed by the Wang family (as in the antagonist Wang Zanghai we keep talking about). And they did the same here.

This also explains Dongxia's royal line being matriarchal - each Queen can ensure that they pass on the blood that can stop the guixi.

Poor Antu having to protect her weakass boyfriend again, haha.

Remember Xing Dou taking to Zang Hai about observing the movement of the wind? And if you think back to the guy with Kuai Duo in ep 1, he killed himself too. It all lines up.

The benefit of Zhuang Zhixing's past is that no matter how many times he flips it's believable. (I personally think he's working with Zang Hai - otherwise what he said makes no sense).

Episode 40

Some things end and others begin.

The absolute height of black humour for Zhao Bingwen to call Zhuang Zhixing loyal.

(I've said before that aspects of his story remind me of Lu Bu and Lu Bu is known for, among other things, turning his back on 3 different father figures consecutively.)

The now late Emperor was childless. Typically, he would've picked a son from among the royal family to adopt as his successor. Prince Linzi who we've heard about a lot was born of the previous Empress, so any sons of his would be very royal and a good pick. The other choice would be the late Emperor's brother, Yongrong.

But Zhao Bingwen was the all-powerful Grand Secretary doing the picking, and he's not going to pick someone in a different faction to him, who wouldn't let him do whatever he wanted. Even if he was already consorting with Prince Linzi (likely), he wants someone much easier to control than that.

So he picked Prince Linzi's son, who has a good claim anyway, and who's guaranteed to not have as strong a base already, and who'll be grateful to him.

This is also positive for Zhuang Zhixing because he's in the same faction as Zhao Bingwen by association. Hence the promotion - the new emperor will be keen to secure the loyalty of someone with a military command.

Zhao Bingwen knows what to say to Zhuang Zhixing with "you've already overtaken your father".

Poor Zang Hai has to bend down so far when he's being escorted around. Tall people problems.

See, I knew Zhuang Zhixing and Zang Hai were putting on an act here immediately because 1) Zhuang Zhixing simply does not yell at Zang Hai like that and 2) Zang Hai is doing his "I'm a morally outraged Great Yong loving clean official" persona he always does for Zhao Bingwen.

(But Zhao Bingwen doesn't know that and tells them off for arguing like a tired parent.)

See, that glance is exactly like when they used to look at each other behind Zhuang Luyin's back.

When has creating a zombie army ever been a good idea???

Zang Hai just looking at Zhao Bingwen all amused and superior - I know something you don't know.

Oh lol, Zang Hai removed the pages about the problems with the zombie soldiers to lure Zhao Bingwen into going to the cavern. Amazing.

Praying for the Queen to use her brain instead of purely acting out of fear as she has been. Antu does very well here appealing to whatever good instincts she has, her fear of the guixi (not knowing anything about it), as well as any sentiment she has left.

Zhuang Zhixing: you're gonna backstab me? I've already backstabbed you.

His deal with Zhao Bingwen was never built on full trust. In this way he's smarter than his father, who seemed to have trusted Zhao Bingwen entirely and listened to him for his whole life, including leaving his son in his care.

Zang Hai rolling his eyes at Zhao Bingwen really cracked me up.

And then we have the final appearance of vengeance demon Zang Hai - pretending to be a necromancer edition. Just incredibly satisfying and fun.

He manages to kill with his will and words just like Xing Dou said he could in episode 2.

Netizens said that in one way the show was like one of those transmigration novels where the protag/player has a system controlling their actions, except the protagonist ends up overthrowing the system and finding their own way.

He goes from being a game piece to the person playing.

Fuck yeah, Antu to the rescue of her weak and helpless boyfriend.

I laughed at Zang Hai falling over - he really had to get all the typical FL tropes in there before the end. (Can't hold his own in a fight, physically weak and clumsy, can occasionally self-rescue a little.)

That shot with Zang Hai hugging Antu and then looking at Zhuang Zhixing and Zhuang Zhixing looking back is extremely Zang Hai has a wife and a husband.

(Or maybe two husbands. Antu clearly thinks Zang Hai is her wife.)

Antu's face when Zang Hai said he wanted to study the guixi before destroying it was at least a little concerned, haha.

(But of course it can't be destroyed at this stage, it has to keep appearing in future DMBJ canon.)

Zang Hai calls Zhuang Zhixing "General Zhuang" again.

The nice thing about Zhao Bingwen's nonsense is that he did it without the Emperor's permission, so all the Emperor has to do to maintain peace is to repudiate him (even though they were allies).

Especially with the guixi "destroyed".

Zhuang Zhixing is all happy because he thinks they're both back in court and he has time to work on his relationship with Zang Hai again, this time as relative equals.

Zang Hai cannot believe that Zhuang Zhixing, a literal general, wants to race against someone as physically incapable as him, haha.

Zang Hai's encounter with the new Emperor is worth breaking down in some detail.

First, we have the return of careful, deferential Zang Hai (waiting for the Emperor to finish playing before announcing his presence). Which we know is not how he'd behave given a choice. And then responding to the Emperor's praise with extreme humility, pointing to his own lack of family status and qualifications.

Zang Hai wisely shows no interest in the items, because to do so would be to hint that he's still attached to the old Emperor.

The Emperor: I hear you were a favourite of the old Emperor.

The Emperor: So what should I do with these things that the old Emperor treasured?

The Emperor: We should burn these things the old Emperor liked, so he can enjoy them in the afterlife. Like you, for example.

Here I must remind you for almost the last time that Zang Hai's reputation is that of someone who climbed rapidly via favouritism and backstabbing and murder. With many rumours about how he came by that favouritism (given his total lack of family background). So of course the new Emperor is wary of this treacherous snake and doesn't want him around.

Zang Hai: please let me retire. Yes, I'm 19. But you want me to retire.

(Please don't think the Emperor actually wants him to stay. This is just how fancy Chinese people talk.)

You can also see this from the Emperor's extremely aggressive opening to the weiqi game, btw, because this show spared no detail.

Aw man, what a lovely scene with Liu Chu visiting Gao Ming with his favourite wine. Lucky she never got too involved with Zhao Bingwen.

Normally someone like Ba-gongzi would be punished heavily for what her father did. But she's ended up with a really prestigious role - because, again, her father supported the new Emperor's claim to the throne, and if he hadn't done something mad he would be in a good position.

The theory about Shi Lei and Guan Feng is that they've been asked to keep running Pillow Pavilion and they're the beginning of the DMBJ Wang faction.

Zhuang Zhixing is back where he started but now being called Marquis. He got what he wanted (and what he promised his father).

The cycle begins again with two ambitious rulers and an ambitious Marquis. All alone.

This city - no, this country, the crumbling edifice of feudalism - is gonna eat you alive. The only victory is to remove oneself from the system, like Zang Hai and Antu.

Once directors Zheng Xiaolong and Cao Yiwen decided they wanted to do this project with Xiao Zhan, they spent a long time revising the original script (by the author of DMBJ and a frequent collaborator), a process which included 10 months of meetings with the author/IP holder.

The result is a show which managed to convince skeptics among DMBJ fans and had them thanking the directors for filling in many gaps in their canon/setting.

(Fans used to say that Wang Zanghai was an all-powerful antagonist the author came up with to fill plot holes.)

Wang Zanghai will go on to find the secret to eternal life, build grand tombs, and create a faction in opposition to the Zhang family.

As for Great Yong, there's gonna be a big rebellion and the capital will be sacked within these characters' lifetimes, ending the dynasty.

So there are lots and lots of potential sequel hooks especially considering the rest of Wang Zanghai's life and said crumbling edifice of a dynasty. But I'm happy with the open ending we have.

[charliefqirie]

What made you so drawn to Ozzy

you know, i’ve also wondered that myself for a while, but i think i figured it out.

ozzy, at first, did not stand out to me when i first got into the game. ozzy was just, there. my favorite was ted when i started.

ozzy’s a side character that doesn’t have much going for him. literally his only purpose in the game is to be killed. he’s just there to die. and he does not show any likeable traits to the average player, he’s a whiny, annoying, self-centered brat who’s constantly complaining every time you speak to him. he even told madison to take a bath first thing after she escaped (which i really don’t believe makes him a jerk, i mean being covered in unidentifiable slime is kinda gross don’t u think) who would like a character like that? ozzy’s really the most forgettable character in the game. these are thoughts i’ve noticed people always have abt ozzy. i didn’t really share these sentiments and didn’t think of ozzy as annoying but i certainly wasn’t that interested in him before, he was just neutral to me.

buggs and cindy are less liked than the rest of the characters but they’re still more liked than ozzy because they are fun and hilarious characters, with interesting dynamics to explore. i feel like the SLIME GANG, the characters who have like 3 lines of dialog at most get more love than ozzy. gives people a lot of room to explore the potential of what their characters could be. and ozzy? ozzy’s just there.

but maybe, that’s the reason why i started to like him?

i’m not much for genuinely hating characters without reason, the very idea makes me sad and pitiful. i never hated ozzy, he’s just five, of course he’s going to act like that. but i wasn’t that drawn to him back then either. (i also dont like it when people hate on cindy to a concerning extent. like yeah she’s a little brat i can understand why people would dislike her, i don’t like it when that happens but i still understand why people would, but to the point of genuine burning hatred is when it’s concerning and disturbing. she’s still just five. ah, but that topic is for another day. i’ll continue abt ozzy.)

back then in the old fandom, i had a friend who loved loved ozzy a lot, ozzy was their favorite and they cherished him. they shared their thoughts on why they loved ozzy and the potential his character has. it was their love that made me start to appreciate ozzy a bit more. but ozzy was still not my favorite still. i appreciated him a bit more but he was still kind of put to the side with me.

then kg3 got announced.

with the new game coming out, i found myself returning back to my old roots, with new people to share the interest. i didn’t even realize there was still a fandom after all this time. a small one, sure, but it’s still just as lively. it was around this time when ozzy started to shine to me.

i looked back at previous memories, looked back at old kg convo’s with friends, and one person stood out to me. this person, very obviously, hated ozzy. it was upsetting to me to see, especially since i had a friend who loved ozzy. they cut ozzy out of his own canon friend group a lot, made jokes of “who cares abt ozzy” and made his character quite unlikeable in their au’s. made madison break up with ozzy even, and made ozzy into this pathetic mess of an unlikeable character. essentially made him even more unlikeable than canon. all of this, genuinely upsetted me. i hate seeing characters treated like this. maybe they had a valid reason for disliking ozzy, maybe ozzy reminded them of a toxic friend they used to know or smthn, but looking back at old convos and seeing all that ozzy hate really perturbed me. i couldn’t stand seeing characters treated like this. and it was all that hate that made me realized really just how underappreciated and exaggerated ozzy was in the fandom.

seriously, ozzy really wasn’t as bad people thought. and he’s NOTHING like tweek from south park?? he’s not spazzy and nervous at all? he’s really more angry and uptight! (AND BY THE WAY MADISON DID NOT ASK FOR A HUG AND I DONT KNOW WHERE PEOPLE CAME TO BELIEVE THAT SHE ASKED FOR ONE WHEN SHE DIIDDNNNNTTTTTTTTT ITS A COMMON MISCONCEPTION IN THE FANDOM AND IT MAKES ME ANGRYYYYY. LITERALLY LOOK UP A CREATURE FEATURE PLAYTHROUGH, SKIP TO THE END AND YOU CAN SEE SHE DID. NOT. ASK. FOR A HUG. Anyways,) and, he was even willing to make friends with kidd after an act of kindness (which, tragically, ended in ozzy’s demise.) he was just sad. he was just sad and miserable that his friends were gone suddenly, and he lashed out. but people focused on his tantrums, they didn’t focus on why. all they say was a whiny brat who constantly complained and it was all of that that made the fandom turn their backs on him. people didn’t even remember ozzy CANONICALLY HAS FRIENDS. HAS A GIRLFRIEND. madison and ron. barely did i ever see them all in one post. BARELY. i was an avid member of the fandom and saw lots of fanarts and i saw almost NOTHING of ozzy and his friends. ozzy was always by himself. madison and ron were always paired with alice. ozzy was literally REPLACED with alice to make the slime gang. ozzy’s friends were paired with alice instead. ozzy was fucking replaced and it made me genuinely upset to see. did no one fucking pay attention to that? did everyone really fucking forget when ozzy literally complained about missing his friends all the time? why was ozzy replaced?

it was all this mistreatment that made me pity ozzy. perhaps this was why i started liking him. perhaps it was out of pity and anger at how much his character was mistreated. and with all this pity, all this anger, it made me pay attention to him more, it made me see his potential as a character.

it opened my eyes.

i started to think abt him more, thought about his good sides and moments, thought abt how fun his character could be and the potential dynamics he could have. and with his little quirks and traits, i even started to headcanon reasons for it. why’s he so germaphobic? haha, perhaps it was dr danner’s fault and he traumatized him. why does he like destructotron so much? perhaps his friends introduced him to it, and now that toy is his favorite, as it is the only memory he has of them now. and, i think ozzy’s more kinder than people think, he opened up to kidd after a single gift, ozzy’s really just mad at the new kids that they took his beloved friends away, but with that single act of kindness made him realize, ah, maybe they aren’t so bad. really, he’s just lonely, you know? my pity for him opened my eyes to how much potential his character has, especially since he wasn’t as developed as the other characters, so i did it myself. i developed him myself, gave him lots of headcanons, as i am passionate about him and i believed in him, all this pity was the stepping stone in me starting to enjoy him a lot, lot more. he has a lot of potential and i want to use it. i believe he’s an underappreciated lovely, lonely child who’s angry at the world. and i like to believe he’s genuinely kinder than people think, and that he cares. (i believe he felt a heart dropping amount of guilt when he told madison to take a bath. how could he say that after seeing her again? his germaphobia is somethign he cannot control and he hates it, it inconveniences him and now it’s inconveniencing his loved ones and he hates it. i believe the next day, he gave madison (knowing that she already took a bath ofc) a hug and a gift because he truly missed her and felt guilty he couldn’t hug her before.) he loves and cares and he laughs and cries. he loves his friends and he loves his toy and he loves his games. and i cherish him, and i want to give him something to be happy about. i want to be part of the tiny tiny club that truly enjoys ozzy as a character because he deserves it. he deserves some people who genuinely like him in this cruel fandom who only saw him and ignored him because of his whiny tantrums.

I believe he’s a good character and I like him.

perhaps it is pathetic to be so passionate about a fictional character, but does it really matter? i am still passionate. i am passionate and it gives me a drive.

[gifti3]

kinda thinking about griffin,,,

[riddlesrizzler]

Wrong Bunny

summary: Mattheo is confident he knows which bunny is girlfriend... right? characters: bunny! reader. slytherin boys warnings: the kidnapping of a poor, random, bunny word count: 1.1k

The Forbidden Forest had always been cloaked in mystery-even to those who’d spent their childhoods wandering the grounds of Hogwarts. Thick with ancient magic and shadows that moved when they shouldn’t, the trees whispered secrets that only the brave-or perhaps the foolish-dared to chase. Tonight, the moon hung high and heavy, casting silver light across the forest floor, transforming the darkness into something almost beautiful. Almost.

Deep within its winding paths were Mattheo, Theo, Enzo, Draco, and Blaise, their silhouettes weaving between the trees as their voices echoed with the kind of familiar bickering that only came from years of friendship. And then, of course, there was you-just not in the way they were expecting.

You’d taken off ahead of them in your animagus form, your tiny bunny paws nearly silent against the forest floor. The cool night air kissed your fur as you darted through fallen leaves and low-hanging branches, every movement light and free. This form-small, nimble, and unnoticed-was your escape. A sweet, quiet rebellion from the noise of everyday life.

The boys had long grown used to it. In fact, they adored it. They often joked that you were only invited on these nighttime escapades so they could watch you hop around like the world’s most enchanting pet. You never minded; their teasing was affectionate, and this freedom was a welcome reprieve from the chaos of school and stress.

But tonight was different.

They weren’t trailing you for entertainment. No, they were wrapped up in a surprisingly intense debate-about wizard’s chess, of all things. You could still hear their argument drifting through the trees behind you.

“That’s not how you play, Blaise!” Draco’s voice was sharp, filled with that ever-present arrogance that clung to him like a second skin.

Blaise huffed in return. “Please, Draco. You’re the last person who should be lecturing anyone about chess strategy. You lose every time.”

Theo snorted. “Honestly, just let Mattheo play both of you. At least he knows what he’s doing.”

Mattheo chuckled beside you-well, beside where you had been moments ago. “Not this again. I’m not getting dragged into this.”

“Too late,” Draco shot back. “You have to. I need someone competent to beat.”

Their voices faded into the distance as you continued forward, weaving through the trees like a shadow. The moonlight filtered through the canopy, casting dappled light on your fur, and for a moment, it felt like you were part of the forest itself.

Still, you glanced back, ears twitching. The argument hadn’t slowed. If anything, it had picked up in volume and dramatic flair.

“I’m telling you, you’re going to lose again,” Draco said, exasperated.

“You keep saying that, and yet, here we are,” Blaise snapped.

“You two are insufferable,” Theo muttered, clearly done with the entire conversation.

You continued your trek, hopping and twirling between mossy roots and fallen branches. The forest was alive tonight, every sound amplified-every crunch, every rustle, every breath. It made your heart race with a kind of thrill only the Forbidden Forest could offer.

But eventually, the distance between you and the group became noticeable.

“Wait-where’d she go?” Enzo asked, suddenly alert.

Mattheo paused, scanning the space ahead. “She’s fast,” he said, a grin tugging at his lips. “Told you she could outrun all of us.”

“She’s not just fast, she’s practically invisible in this form,” Theo muttered, eyes sweeping the underbrush. “But we’re still in the Forbidden Forest, yeah? We probably shouldn’t let her go too far.”

The concern in their voices was faint but genuine. You could hear them-faint echoes now-still tangled in arguments and worry, even as you slipped deeper into the trees.

Then came the rustle. Another bunny darted across their path, and chaos unfolded.

“There!” Theo shouted. “Was that her?”

Enzo squinted. “I think so?”

Without hesitation, Mattheo surged forward and scooped up the creature. It wriggled slightly in his arms, clearly not thrilled with the sudden attention. He studied it carefully, inspecting its fur and ears with intense focus. “It’s her,” he declared, despite the uncertain flicker in his eyes.

“Are you sure?” Draco asked, peering suspiciously at the bunny now curled up in Mattheo’s arms.

“Positive,” Mattheo replied, full of that same stubborn certainty he always carried when it came to you.

But you were already gone-deeper into the woods, your tiny form flitting between shadows.

“She always hops in this pattern,” Mattheo insisted. “I know it’s her.”

Draco scoffed. “You’ve officially lost it. You seriously think you can recognize a rabbit’s hopping pattern?”

“I’m right,” Mattheo replied firmly, not even looking up. “You don’t know her like I do.”

The others exchanged skeptical glances, unsure whether to believe him or stage an intervention.

Eventually, they made their way back toward the edge of the forest, the small bunny still nestled in Mattheo’s arms. But as the minutes ticked by, the truth became increasingly clear.

The bunny didn’t change back.

“She should’ve transformed by now,” Mattheo muttered, eyes narrowing.

Enzo raised a brow. “Are we sure that’s her?”

“I mean…” Mattheo looked down again. “…maybe?”

And then Draco lost it, laughing as realization dawned. “You’ve been carrying the wrong bunny this whole time?”

Mattheo blinked. “What-?”

“You kidnapped a random rabbit,” Blaise said, half in disbelief, half in hysterics.

And that’s when you chose to reappear-human again, standing right in front of them, arms crossed, eyes narrowed.

“I was literally right there,” you snapped, glaring at the group. “You forgot about me and abducted an innocent woodland creature?”

The boys froze, guilt washing over them like cold water.

Mattheo held the bunny out to you like an offering. “I-okay, I thought it was you!”

You sighed, dramatic and exasperated. “Seriously? Of all the bunnies in the forest, you chose the one that wasn’t me? The one that wasn't your girlfriend?”

The real bunny in his hands blinked slowly, as if thoroughly unimpressed by all of them.

Draco raised an eyebrow. “He’s never living this down.”

“Not a chance,” you agreed, though a reluctant smile tugged at the corner of your lips.

Mattheo smiled sheepishly, the corners of his eyes crinkling with relief. “Alright, alright. I'm sorry. Would it help if I said you’re still the best bunny?”

You rolled your eyes. “I better be. I’m the only one who won’t sue you for bunny-napping.”

Grinning, Mattheo stepped forward, wrapping his arms around your waist and pulling you close. “Next time, I’ll be more careful.”

“You better be,” you replied, but your voice had softened, warmth creeping into your tone. “I’m the only bunny you’ll ever need.”

Mattheo kissed your forehead, laughter in his voice. “And don’t you forget it.”

After all, to Mattheo, you’d never just be a bunny-you were his.

[pitlanepeach]

From Eden | Chapter Four (4/8)

Oscar Piastri x Francesca Gold (OFC)

Summary — Francesca Gold is an introvert with a quiet life and a Youtube channel where she talks about books, drinks too much tea, and rarely ever shows her face. She prefers it that way - tucked into her London flat with her cat, Henry, and safely hidden behind a screen.

Oscar Piastri is a Formula 1 driver. Fast-paced, high-stakes, always on the move. He hasn't read a book in years, but he's watched every single one of Francesca's videos. Just for the sound of her voice.

Following her on Instagram was a moment of weakness. He didn't think she'd notice.

She did.

Chapter Warnings — Mentions of agoraphobia + severe social anxiety. A glimpse into a therapy session. Mentions of racing accidents. A tiny bit of angst, and then lots of fluffiness.

Notes — Yes. It happens. It finally happens. Our babies MEET. Also: I’m spoiling you all with these updates, but I’m writing like a mad woman atm. I wrote 3/4 of this chapter after work today.

Oscar’s face filled her screen, his hair mussed, white t-shirt hanging loose around his neck. The hotel lamp behind him cast a soft golden glow, and his voice was low and tired when he said, “Hey.”

Francesca smiled without meaning to, her laptop perched on her thighs and a mug balanced precariously on the arm of the sofa. “Hey. You sound half-asleep.”

He shrugged one shoulder, a lazy smile tugging at his mouth. “I’m not. Just tired. Long day.”

She hummed, shifting her laptop slightly. “You didn’t have to call me tonight. I know you’ve got another early start tomorrow.”

“I wanted to,” he said simply, like it wasn’t even a question. 

They fell into a lull, not uncomfortable. Oscar reached for something offscreen — probably a bottle of water — while Francesca scrolled back through the rough notes she’d been making for her book. Her screen glowed faintly, a scattered mess of plot threads, character traits, and one lonely bullet point that just said: Let them kiss, eventually.

“What are you working on?” Oscar asked, his voice soft, easy. His thumb rested against his cheek as he watched her like she was the most interesting thing on screen—not whatever was playing on Netflix in the background.

Francesca laughed quietly, the sound half-nervous, half-flattered. Her neck flushed warm. “The outline. For the book.”

“Ah, yes. The very-big-deal-but-trying-to-play-it-cool publisher thing.” His grin was lopsided and teasing, but his eyes were full of something else — something that made her stomach flutter. She’d told him about it the second Katie had left, unable to keep it to herself. That had been two weeks ago.

“Have you figured out the, uh, plot yet?” he asked, genuine curiosity softening the teasing.

“Sort of,” she said, chewing the inside of her cheek. “It’s messy right now. But I keep thinking about how to write two people who don’t make sense on paper. Like — different lives, different worlds. But they find this… perfect little space where things make sense. With each other.”

Oscar’s eyes held hers for a moment, steady. “That sounds good. Familiar.” 

She blushed, immediately looked back at her screen. “It’s just a first draft. I probably won’t like it by next week.”

He grinned. “Can I be the first to read it?”

“You don’t even read.” She shot back.

“I’d read anything if you were the one to write it.”

Francesca tried to hide the way her breath caught, but it was pointless — the screen was too intimate. Too real.

Oscar must have noticed. Instead of pushing, he leaned back against the headboard, stretching out those long limbs. “You’ve got your book. I’ve got my races. We’re both booked and busy for the next few months, huh?”

“Yeah,” she said quietly. “But… it feels a little less overwhelming when I’m talking to you.”

His brows lifted — like he hadn’t expected her to say that out loud.

She bit her lip. “Too much?” She was always second-guessing what she should and shouldn’t say to him. This whole getting to know each other while also maybe-flirting thing was still very new to her.

“No,” he said, his voice low, warm, and firmer than usual. “Not even a little.”

The screen flickered slightly as he shifted beneath the covers, yawning into his shoulder. “You keep working. I’m just gonna close my eyes and listen to you type. Don’t mind me.”

Utterly ridiculous.

She watched him through the screen, his face half-shadowed in the low hotel light, eyes still closed. For a minute, she just listened to the sound of his breathing, even and slow.

Then, before she could second-guess herself, she asked — quietly, like the question was delicate in her mouth, “If we’re both this busy… how are we going to make it work? The — uh — us meeting thing…”

Oscar’s eyes opened, slow and steady. He looked right at her — really looked. All the sleepiness disappeared in an instant.

“When you’re ready,” he said, voice steady and certain. “When you say the word — I’ll make it happen, Francesca.”

Francesca swallowed. “Even if it’s… months from now?”

“Yeah,” he said without hesitation. “Next week, six months. Next year.” He stressed the words. “When you’re ready, I’ll find the time. I’ll show up. I’ll be there.”

She blinked, unsure what to say, a warmth blooming somewhere deep in her chest. No one had ever spoken to her like that — like effort was the bare minimum, like she was worth rearranging a life for.

He smiled then, softer now. “You’re not something I’m just squeezing in whenever I have a spare five minutes, Francesca.”

She lowered her gaze to her laptop screen, biting back a ridiculous smile. “You really know how to mess with a girl’s focus, Piastri.”

His laugh was quiet, happy. “Good.”

—

Francesca sat cross-legged on her bed, laptop propped up on a stack of pillows. Sunlight filtered through the half-open curtains, painting soft, warm streaks across her duvet. Dr. Kapoor’s face filled the screen, serene and steady as always.

“You mentioned last time that you were ready to try something new,” she said gently, “something uncomfortable.”

Francesca nodded, fingers toying with the edge of the pillow she was hugging to her stomach. “Yeah,” she said. “I went for this, uh, stupid little walk. Literally just to the postbox at the end of my street and then straight back.”

Dr. Kapoor smiled. “A walk isn’t stupid.”

“No,” Francesca agreed with a small huff, “but it was hard. That’s what’s stupid.” She paused, then added, “I was out of the flat for ten minutes, maybe. No headphones. I looked at people.” Her voice dropped slightly, like saying it too loudly might unravel the fragile progress she’d made. “I didn’t turn around early. I wasn’t sick in my neighbours bush.”

Dr. Kapoor’s expression softened. “That’s a big deal, Francesca. How did you feel afterwards, once you got home?”

“Proud,” she admitted, wringing her hands together. “Also like I might never do it again.”

She laughed lightly. “You’ll do it again. Pride is a very strong motivator.”

Francesca hummed. “I journaled after. Like we talked about.”

“And what did you write?”

“That I was scared,” she said, looking down. “And I didn’t die. And I didn’t need anyone to come get me. I did it alone. It felt… weird. Good weird. Kind of.”

There was a long pause as Dr. Kapoor took that in. “That’s a great self-reflection. Honest.”

Francesca stared at a little chip in her nail polish. “I have spent years waiting for things to just magically get easier,” she said eventually. “Like one day, I’d wake up and it just wouldn’t be hard anymore. But that’s not going to happen, is it? Not even when I’m taking medication.”

“No,” Dr. Kapoor said, not unkindly. “It won’t. Not like that.”

The lump in Francesca’s throat tightened, but she nodded. She didn’t cry. That was something.

“Do you want to try something bigger this week?” Dr. Kapoor asked.

Francesca’s eyes flicked to the corner of the screen, to her own pale reflection. “Define bigger.”

“How would you feel about a short café visit? Ten minutes. Order something. Sit alone.”

Francesca blanched. “Oh god.”

“Trying is the goal,” Dr. Kapoor said warmly. “Not perfection. Not comfort. Just the attempt. You can always walk to the cafe and then go straight home. You could get a to-go drink. Or you could sit inside and just let yourself take up the space that you’re entitled to.”

Francesca gave a little shrug. “Would it be cheating if I wore my headphones and took a book with me?”

“Not cheating,” her therapist assured her. “That’s a very common coping mechanism. Just don’t let yourself  disappear into it. Try to take notice of the world around you, too.”

She managed a smile. It was small, but real. “Okay. Ten minutes. Book optional.”

Dr. Kapoor’s voice gentled again. “Is there anything else that you’d like to talk about?”

Francesca hesitated. Her thumb ran over the stitching on the pillow in slow, nervous circles. “I said yes to doing something,” she said finally. “To… meet someone new. Not soon, but eventually. I want to be braver by then.”

There was a quiet moment between them.

“Why?” Dr. Kapoor asked gently. “What is making you think that you need to be braver than you already are?”

Francesca blinked, her breath leaving her in a soft exhale. “I don’t know.”

“We’ve already talked about the book deal.” Dr. Kapoor recalled. “Taking on a project like that has taken a lot of bravery. Going for your walk? That took a lot of bravery too.” She pointed out. “I think, perhaps, you’re underestimating how much better you’re doing recently, Francesca. Six months ago, you couldn’t walk out of your front-door.”

Francesca stared at a small smudge on the screen. “I don’t notice it, when I’m doing well.” 

“Well,” Dr. Kapoor said, with an encouraging nod. “I’ve noticed it. I’m telling you. You are doing well.” 

Francesca smiled. 

— 

Francesca was curled up on her sofa, half-watching the podium interviews and half-scrolling through messages when Oscar’s name lit up her phone screen.

She found that she was smiling before she even answered.

He looked exhausted, glowing with sweat — post-race adrenaline still clinging to him. His cap was backwards, damp curls sticking out at the edges. “Hey,” he said, eyes bright. “Did you see that overtake?”

Francesca laughed. “Crofty lost his mind, Osc.” She stared at him, feeling ridiculously fond. “Yeah. I saw.”

Oscar beamed. “Felt pretty good. Not gonna lie.”

“You looked like you were flying out there,” she told him, her voice light. “Literally, at some points. I don’t understand how you can go around corners so fast and not just, like… tip over or something.”

Oscar huffed a quiet laugh. “Nah, only amateurs tip their cars on the apex.”

Francesca flushed. “Oh, shut up.”

There was a beat of silence, then his expression softened, dimples barely visible beneath the shadow of his cap. “Thanks for watching.”

She looked down, fingers tightening around her phone. “You don’t have to thank me. I like watching you.” She hesitated, then added with a small smile, “I might need to send a scathing email to Sky Sports, though. They don’t show you nearly enough on the main broadcast. I can’t deal with the onboard — makes me nauseous.”

He chuckled, low and warm, the sound curling around her ribs. “Yeah, I’d rather you didn’t ride onboard with me, honestly. If something happened—” He broke off suddenly, jaw tightening. His eyes flicked away like he’d said too much.

The air between them shifted.

Her stomach dropped. It was too easy to forget what he did. To pretend, for her own comfort, that it was safe. Controlled. Not dangerous.

She sucked in a slow breath, already feeling the panic creeping in at the edges. “I’ll call you later,” she said quickly, before he could say anything else. Before she could spiral.

Then she ended the call—like a coward.

— 

The paddock buzzed with celebration after Ferrari’s victory, but Oscar barely noticed. He moved quickly, head down, nodding absently at a few crew members as he passed. Lando’s driver’s room door was half-shut, muffled music playing from inside.

Oscar knocked once, then let himself in.

Lando looked up from where he was sprawled on the small couch, a half-finished protein shake in hand. “Alright, mate,” he said. “Don’t you have some post-race debrief to be at?”

Oscar shut the door behind him. “I need to talk to you.”

Lando sat up, brows lifting. “Francesca?”

Oscar nodded once. He didn’t sit — just crossed the room and leaned back against the wall, arms crossed. “She hung up on me. We were talking after the race. I said something—about my onboard camera, how I didn’t want her watching it, just in case something ever happened. She went quiet. Said goodbye. Ended the call.”

Lando frowned. “You think you freaked her out?”

“I know I did.” Oscar dragged a hand through his hair. “It’s so easy to forget how not-normal this sport is to normal people.”

Lando set his drink down. “Right. I get that. She’ll probably get used to it though, yeah? I’ve had girlfriends freak out about it too, but once they realise how rare the big crashes are—”

“This isn’t like that,” Oscar cut in, quieter now. “She’s not just someone I met last weekend.” He hesitated, then added, “She’s got her stuff. Anxiety — a lot of it. She doesn’t really leave her flat much. But she’s trying. She’s been pushing herself and… I think I went too far with it.”

Lando was quiet, thoughtful for once. “Okay. Give her space. Let her process. But don’t vanish on her. Send her a message. Let her know you’re still here. Let her decide when to come back in.”

Oscar let his head fall back against the wall with a dull thunk. “It’d be so much easier if she liked F1.”

“She doesn’t need to like F1,” Lando said with a small, knowing smirk. “She likes you.”

Oscar exhaled through his nose, some of the tension leaving his shoulders. He turned toward the door, hand on the handle, then paused. “You ever think this job makes it impossible to have a normal relationship?”

“All the time,” Lando said, not even pretending otherwise. “But look at Max. Lewis. Charles. They’ve all figured it out. Doesn’t mean it’s easy. Just means it’s possible.”

Oscar nodded once, not quite smiling, but something close. “Yeah. Alright.”

Then he left — already reaching for his phone.

—

iMessage — Oscar & Francesca 

Oscar: 

I’m sorry if I scared you. I didn’t even mean to say it. I’m so used to the people I care about being used to this stuff. I didn’t think. I’m sorry. 

Francesca:

pls don’t say sorry. im the one who should be sorry. i shouldn’t have hung up. i just felt myself getting worked up and that’s embarrassing, lol. i felt silly for it 

Oscar: 

You’re not silly. I promise. 

Francesca: 

um. quick question. when is your next bit of time off? 

Oscar: 

?

Francesca: 

i want you to come to london, osc

i need this to be real. 

Oscar: 

Wednesday?

Francesca: 

which wednesday? 

Oscar:

As in three days from now 

That Wednesday 

Francesca: 

Oscar.

Oscar: 

You said the words. No taking them back now. 

Send me your address. Don’t overthink this. 

I’ll call you in an hour, yeah? Just got a few more things to do before going back to the hotel

Francesca: 

okay <3

— 

iMessage — Francesca & Katie

Francesca: SOS actual sos mayday mayday girl down

Katie: …what happened did henry throw up on your laptop again

Francesca: OSCAR IS COMING TO LONDON TO MY FLAT ON WEDNESDAY AS IN. WEDNESDAY. IN THREE (3) DAYS. TO MY HOME. WHERE I LIVE.

Katie: OH MY GOD OH MY GOD I AM CALMLY SCREAMING

Francesca: i said the words like an idiot “i want you to come to london, osc” WHO EVEN AM I

Katie: i’m so proud of you

Francesca: i just stood there staring at my mirror for 11 minutes trying to decide if i should buy new sheets WHAT IF HE THINKS MY PILLOWS ARE WEIRD or what if henry bites him or what if i bite him

Katie: … fran.

Francesca: not in like a weird way i just i’m spiraling

Katie: you’re going to be FINE you like him he likes you he’s coming because he wants to not because your pillowcases are perfectly crisp

Francesca: but they’re not though they’re old and faded and they have little stars on them

Katie: which is exactly the kind of thing a soft boy in love would find charming now breathe make your outline order yourself some new teabags clean the bathroom and maybe light a candle

Francesca: i am lighting twelve candles. 

Katie: do not set your flat on fire before wednesday. he’s gonna fall in love with you, fran. just wait.

— 

iMessage — Oscar & Hattie

Oscar: Can I ask you something without you being annoying about it

Hattie: no promises x

Oscar: How do you know when something is real Like Not a fling Not a distraction But like. A real thing

Hattie: oh boy do i need to sit down for this

Oscar: I’m being serious There’s this girl Francesca I think I’ve mentioned her?

Hattie: only every time we talk lol go on

Oscar: She asked me to come to London To see her Like, properly Not just texting or FaceTiming anymore And I said yes. I am going. Wednesday

Hattie: wait THIS Wednesday?? as in three days??

Oscar: That’s the one We’ve both been busy. And now suddenly it’s happening. And I’m… I don’t know Excited. Nervous. Like I want to be good for her I want to make it easy

Hattie: Oof You’ve got it bad huh

Oscar: I think so She doesn’t have an easy time with people Or places She struggles with stuff But she’s let me in. Slowly And I just keep thinking If she’s brave enough to try I don’t want her to ever regret it 

Hattie: Wow Mum’s gonna lose her mind

Oscar: If you tell Mum before I do, I swear

Hattie: cross my heart but seriously you’re doing good and it is real because you care enough to ask all this just be gentle with her be yourself and don’t forget she has a cat

Oscar: I bought cat treats earlier Just in case

Hattie: I love that for you Let me know how it goes And if you panic and need someone to scream-text at, I’ll be on standby

Oscar: You’re a legend Thanks Hatt x

— 

iMessage — Oscar & Lando

Oscar: So I’m going to London on Wednesday

Lando: ok? for what? media? sim?

Oscar: To see Francesca

Lando: ??? WAIT LIKE SEE HER IN PERSON??

Oscar: Yes Lando In person With my eyes

Lando: bro it’s SUNDAY how did we go from “she hung up on me” to “I’m flying to a whole other country” in less than 2 hours

Oscar: She asked me to Said she wants this to feel real I told her to send her address and I’d be there

Lando: who are you and what have you done with my emotionally constipated teammate

Oscar: Growth x

Lando: ngl i’m kind of proud but also slightly terrified like you know you’re in deep, right?

Oscar: I’m aware Does it show

Lando: mate you just casually dropped that you’re making international travel plans because a girl said “I need this to be real” yes. it shows.

Oscar: I don’t want to mess it up

Lando: just be yourself and try not to talk about tyres during dinner or whatever

Oscar: Copy that

Lando: also tell her i can’t wait to meet her bring her to a race. eventually. when she’s ready

Oscar: One step at a time But yeah We’d have to work something out for her. To make it possible 

Lando: zac would sort something if u asked. i can always help out. she seems nice. worth it

Oscar: Thanks mate. She is 

—

Francesca stood in the middle of her living room, clutching a half-damp cloth and staring blankly at the coffee table she’d already wiped down three times. Henry was perched on the windowsill, tail flicking lazily, unimpressed by the chemical smell in the air. She’d cracked one of the windows open for him.

“Okay,” she whispered, mostly to herself. “Cool. This is better.”

The apartment smelled like fresh linen and lavender. She’d lit one of her aromatherapy candles — not a cheap supermarket one, but the fancy soy one she usually saved for special occasions or very bad days. The couch cushions had been fluffed. She’d washed her bedsheets, then panicked and washed them again. Just in case.

But now… now she didn’t know.

How was this supposed to go? 

Was he going to… stay in her apartment? Or was he just coming for the afternoon? She hadn’t asked, and he hadn’t said, and now it felt too late to bring it up without it being weird.

Would he eve want to stay with her?

Would that be too much? Too soon?

Francesca looked around her flat, and all she saw was a space that had, for a long time, been her sanctuary. Her bubble. Her little island of calm in a world that was too loud and too fast.

Letting someone into it — him, of all people — felt both right and utterly terrifying.

She moved into the kitchen, opened the fridge, and immediately closed it again. She didn’t even know what he liked. Was he a tea or coffee person? Did F1 drivers eat carbs? She only ate carbs.

“Get a grip,” she muttered, pressing her palms against her face. “It’s just Oscar.”

Still, her heart rattled against her ribs like it wanted to make a run for it.

She tried to shake it off — the nerves, the overthinking — but it clung to her like static. Taking a breath, she reminded herself of Katie’s advice from their last FaceTime: “Be more open. Talk to him when you start freaking out. He’ll appreciate it, and you’ll feel so much better for it.”

So, she reached for her phone. Hovered. Then typed — quickly, before she could spiral.

Francesca: hey, quick question. are you getting a hotel or do you want to stay with me? i totally don’t mind either way! just figuring out things out 

Her phone buzzed twenty minutes later — just as she was elbow-deep in laundry, holding a long-sleeved shirt like it had personally wronged her.

She wiped her hands on her joggers and grabbed the phone, pulse jumping.

Oscar: Hey, just boarding now — sorry for the delay. I’ve got a hotel booked, don’t worry. You don't need to worry about anything, actually. I never want you to feel pressured. We can do whatever feels right, okay? I’m just happy I get to see you.

Francesca stared at the screen, a strange pressure building behind her eyes. Relief, affection, nerves — all of it bundled up into one messy emotion that made her want to both laugh and cry.

She sat down on the couch, Henry immediately hopping up beside her and kneading at her thigh with his murder mittens.

Francesca: okay. thank you for being so normal about this (normal in a good way, not like, boring) also i am definitely spiralling a bit but trying to be chill about it. so you might be on your way to meet a full-blown anxious ghost x

Oscar: Lol You could be an actual ghost and I’d still like you I’ll text when I land x

She set her phone down again — more gently this time — and pushed down a girlish squeal. 

— 

Her phone rang again not long after Oscar’s message. She almost didn’t check it before answering — assuming it was Katie, maybe — but when she glanced at the screen and saw “Izzy (ugh)", her stomach sank.

She hesitated, thumb hovering. Then, stupidly, she answered.

“Francesca,” came the clipped voice, already laced with tension. “Mum wants to know if you’re going to bother coming in August, or if we should just stop asking.”

“I— I already told you that I probably won’t be able to make it,” Francesca said, already shrinking into herself.

Izzy sighed like she was exhausted. “It’s just rude, you know? You can’t keep isolating yourself and expecting everyone else to keep reaching out. I feel like we’re making all of the effort.”

Francesca said nothing.

“And honestly,” her sister continued, “you've turned yourself into some kind of influencer, and you post videos of yourself and pictures to thousands of people, but you can’t even make the effort to get over yourself and come to see us. Mum thinks you hate her.”

She felt the old heat behind her eyes, the way it always came — fast and uninvited. “What? No. Of course I don’t hate her. I’m just… I’m doing my best here, Izzy.”

“That’s not good enough forever, you know.”

The call ended five minutes later. It might as well have been one long exhale of shame.

Francesca sat for a while on the floor by the laundry basket, arms curled around her knees, trying not to cry. But Henry came to her again, head-butting her shin softly. And then she remembered: Oscar. On a plane, coming to see her. Choosing her. Wanting this.

She got up.

She wiped her face.

She washed her hands and re-tied her hair and changed into clean joggers. Then she took a deep breath and said to the empty flat, “he doesn’t get to meet that version of me today.”

Because maybe she couldn’t make her family understand her. But maybe she didn’t need to, not when someone else already seemed to — and liked her despite it all.

—

iMessage — Katie & Francesca

Katie: Hey, just checking in. How’s the heart rate? Has he landed yet??

Francesca: no idea. i think so? maybe? i’ve stress-cleaned everything. henry thinks i’m possessed or smth. also my sister called. so that was fun! but i’m… okay. i think. maybe.

Katie: Oh, babe. I’m so sorry. Do you want to talk about it? Or do you want me to say mean things about Izzy until you smile?

Francesca: i think i just needed to say it out loud to someone who gets it. i don’t want him to walk in and think i’m this emotional swamp of a person.

Katie: First of all, he won’t. Second of all, you’re allowed to be a little bit of a swamp. He likes you anyway. Third… you’re doing great. I’m so proud of you. Really.

Francesca: thank you okay. i’m gonna go stare at the door like a weirdo now

Katie: You got this ❤️ Call me later and tell me everything, okay? Even the awkward stuff.

Francesca: of course

— 

She heard the lift *ding* before she heard the knock.

The soft sound that made her stomach lurch.

Henry, traitorous and uninterested, didn’t even lift his head from the sunspot on the carpet.

Francesca stood in the middle of the living room, palms damp, jumper slightly too warm, and heart beating hard enough to echo.

Three gentle knocks. Measured. Like he wasn’t sure how loud to be.

She walked to the door before she could psych herself out.

And there he was.

Oscar, in a hoodie and a pair of loose sweatpants, hair slightly flattened and one hand gripping the handle of a duffle bag. He looked a little tired, a little travel-worn, and entirely too good.

He smiled, soft and a little unsure. “Hi, beautiful girl.”

She opened the door wider. “Hi.”

They stared at each other for a beat longer than necessary, until Oscar let out a breath and stepped inside. He didn’t touch her right away — just looked at her with that same warm focus she’d seen through every FaceTime screen.

“I didn’t know if I should hug you or—”

She stepped into him before he could finish, arms winding around his middle. He didn’t hesitate then — his duffle bag hit the floor and his strong arms encircled around her, sturdy and steady and real. She could feel his heart through his hoodie, fast like hers.

“Thanks for coming,” she mumbled, her voice catching.

He smiled into her hair, his hold on her tightening, and for a brief moment, she wondered how inappropriate it would be to ask him to never, ever let her go. “Thanks for letting me in.” He mumbled. 

They stayed there, tangled in the doorway, until Henry finally meowed in protest — as if to say shut the door, it’s cold — and Francesca laughed softly against his shoulder.

CHAPTER FIVE

[iasmelaion]

I have been afflicted with a terrible curse: tearing through a book series, and upon finishing, seeking out the fandom only to find that most of that fandom appears to be reading an entirely different series than I am, lol. I brought this on myself, to be clear. I think a big part of the mismatch is that it's a genre I'm not that familiar with and that I don't care about/for in and of itself, so I'm coming at it from a different perspective. Also, maybe I'm reading into things too much! But what can I say, a girl needs enrichment in her enclosure, and there's enough meat on this bone that I will be occupied for a while.

All of which is to say, I read through all seven books of the Dungeon Crawler Carl series that are out to date (thanks, free Kindle Unlimited subscription!), and now I have a lot of thoughts and no one who cares about them ;____; I played myself ;_______;

This series is such a hard sell in general, because on the surface it looks like male power fantasy garbage, it's litRPG, and there's a decent amount of mildly obnoxious dude humor at first. But a) it's only slightly male power fantasy garbage, b) it's not tedious litRPG and in fact the genre evolves and shifts into more straightforward SFF the further in you get, which is clever on a meta level and also a relief, c) to the extent it is litRPG, it mostly isn't boring and annoying about it (no stat nonsense for the sake of stat nonsense), d) the mildly obnoxious dude humor is often genuinely funny and to the extent it is obnoxious, there's some in-universe reasoning for that.

Anyway, the premise is as follows: Earth is suddenly and devastatingly mined for its natural resources by aliens. This results in the death of billions: everyone who was indoors is instantly killed. Anyone who was outside gets a chance to enter the "dungeon", which offers a chance for the remaining humans to compete for an alleged chance at freedom and sovereignty if they reach the bottom floor, but it's basically The Hunger Games: a propaganda exercise that's meant to earn money for the aliens running it as a game show, only this is a dungeon crawling RPG rather than a Hunger Games/Battle Royale situation. No one has ever reached the bottom floor. The best result most achieve is to reach the tenth floor, where they can take a deal for some variety of indentured servitude.

Enter Carl, our hero, a former (late 20s? early 30s? don't recall his age, but somewhere around there) Coast Guard technician who is outside when it all happens because he chased after his ex-girlfriend's cat, Princess Donut, a best in show tortie Persian cat. Carl and Donut enter the dungeon, Donut eats a magic treat and becomes a sapient talking cat, and the books follow their struggle to survive and fight back against the cruel and inhuman system they've found themselves in.

Tonally, the series is interesting in that it manages to balance a very bleak, dystopian premise with genuine hilarity and moments of legitimately heart-wrenching emotion. Also, this is not a "lone heroic super cool guy saves and fixes everything" kind of story. This series is interested in teamwork and community in dire circumstances, and the found family of it all is genuinely moving. As a whole, it's just bonkers entertaining. I love when I can tell the author is having a blast, and you can absolutely tell that Matt Dinniman is having an absolute blast.

Anyway, a list of things I enjoy about this series and/or a list of general thoughts, some of which include mild spoilers:

PRINCESS DONUT. i love her. this cat is amazing and hilarious. She's exactly like you'd imagine a prize-winning Persian cat named Princess Donut to be. also, to my delight, she gets to be a fully rounded character. like yes, she's hilarious and often comic relief, but she's also taken seriously, and Carl is absolutely Insane about this cat. He fuckin' loves this cat, and the cat loves him. Also, hilariously, she has higher stats than Carl at the beginning. (In fact, she mostly has higher stats than him throughout, so she's technically the party leader. Which is why their party is called the Royal Court of Princess Donut.)

Donut has A+++++ insulting skills. On multiple occasions, I have lol'd in horror and delight at her savagery. A favorite:

Rezan: Why does that cat always type in all caps?

Donut: WHY DIDN’T YOUR MOTHER DRIBBLE YOU BACK OUT ONTO THE TRUCK STOP BATHROOM FLOOR, REZAN?

lest this give you the wrong impression, Donut is a classy lady. She is a princess, after all. but also she is savage.

Carl! The books are mostly in first person POV, so we're in Carl's head for most of them, and he is a great example of an unreliable narrator. He'll seem fairly generic at first, but stick it out through, like, the first third of the first book and onward for the slow and steady reveal of his Tragic Backstory and also such exciting psychological and emotional issues as: Insane about Donut; claims he "doesn't like drama" while in actuality he is clearly Repressing Everything; secretly an idealist who wants to believe the best of people; deeply committed to protecting people; full of revolutionary, anti-capitalist, anti-authoritarian rage; holy abandonment issues batman; simply Does Not See It when various ladies basically throw themselves at him; generally Barely Holding It Together at all times.

people on reddit, mostly: Carl's stats!! blah blah blah power stuff. me: okay, but why is Carl Like This. let's deep discuss that. Also let Carl have a little breakdown. As a treat.

these books are so wildly, delightfully anti-capitalist, lol. I poked around Reddit and tumblr a bit, but didn't see anyone discussing this series' politics, but that aspect is super interesting to me. The series is very, very concerned with revolution and resistance and the form those things take when very few options are available to the oppressed, plus the ethics of revolutionary violence.

The dungeon AI! This thing is Way Too Online in a gross dudebro way, but frankly, it's still funny with it, and the evolution of the AI's character is fascinating. Also, I regret to inform you that I do find it extremely fucking funny that the AI has a thing for Carl and his feet. This is wholly hypocritical of me: if Carl was Carla, and the AI made the same comments, I'd have bounced. But what can I say, comedy is about subversion, I guess.

PREPOTENTE. MY PRECIOUS WEIRDO GOATMAN CHILD. Prepotente was a goat; upon entry into the dungeon and eating a magic pet treat, he becomes a goat man type thing, and he spends much of the series as one of the most dangerous and skilled dungeon crawlers, along with his "mother", the shepherdess Miriam Dom. he's a total fuckin weirdo who screams a lot for no reason and i love him. he better fucking survive the series, i swear to god.

one running theme of the series that I love so much is that Carl does not give up on people, and he does not write them off. He often runs into fellow crawlers who, if he was being bloodlessly practical about things, he should have bailed on. They're people who aren't prepared, who haven't leveled up enough, who aren't likely to survive much longer. But he doesn't abandon them, and he doesn't assume they can't get better. He sticks with them and helps them, and they help him. It's about found family ;____; they all love each other so much ;______;

MORDECAI!!! he's a changeling skyfowl and the team's game guide and later manager, and is a former crawler who took a deal. This is supposed to be his last season in the crawl, before he's free of his indentured servitude. he is Dad Shaped. automatic dad. there is in fact something quietly devastating about his Dad Shapedness.

There's a whole super interesting thing going on with the dungeon NPCs, and how we start out assuming most of them aren't "real". unsurprising spoiler alert: they may have been created by/for the dungeon, but many of them are very much real, and once they realize the position they've been put into, they're pissed.

i truly have no real idea where the series is going with its running theme about parents and children, and the protection or lack thereof of children. Our most heroic characters are consistently shown protecting and caring for the NPC children, even when it's at great cost to themselves.

everything to do with the Dungeon Anarchist's Cookbook, the secret book with writing from prior crawlers that Carl is given, makes me Emotional. I'm honestly shocked the whole Cookbook was never planned, and that it was a result of Patreon votes. It's hugely important in the seventh book, not so much on a plot level--I can see how Dinniman could have gotten to some of these same plot beats without it--but on an emotional and thematic one. There's something so affecting here about the continuity of resistance, of finding hope and strength in the people who came before you, of planting seeds you water with blood and that you may never get to harvest, and the sheer, furious love of the whole thing.

so apparently Dinniman is a pantser when it comes to writing. Clearly, he's having fun, and it's more or less working out so far, but it does make me concerned about his ability to stick the dismount. I saw in an AMA that he likened it to building a spaceship with legos versus building it with a plan, and that he has fun writing himself out of corners. That's all well and good, but some of the things I'm most interested in this series are the overarching themes, and it makes me wary of those themes not getting a proper payoff. I guess I should just enjoy the ride, and accept that there will almost certainly be many loose ends.

On a meta level, I find it very funny and ironic that when I took a look at the reviews for the seventh book, I saw some people complaining about the absence of the more "entertainment" and "game" aspects of the series: no interviews with the outside, no "character sheets" for Carl, fewer big fights for Carl himself to take on, the AI taking on a more active 'deus-ex AI' role. Because in-universe, the dungeon crawl is no longer entertainment. At this point, the crawl has become an actual war, and the game genre it takes on--4x strategy--reflects that. Carl and the crawlers' choices have increasing ramifications outside the crawl, where actual war is breaking out at least in part as a result of their actions. The AI intervening more and more often to put its finger on the scale is part of the conflict; it's fighting this war as much as the other characters are, if with still inscrutable motivations.

This is in fact one of the central conflicts of the series: to what extent is this still a game? Has it ever only been a game? The crawlers and NPCs are in fact fighting for it to not be a game: they're saying "my life is real, my suffering is real, and if you won't acknowledge that, then you're coming in here with us to fight and die too. Not just a game anymore, is it?" And on another side of the conflict, you have the AI insisting that this stay a game, something with rules and a narrative and at least an attempt at fairness, however much the AI manipulates those things.

It seems like there's something of a genre shift going on with this series. As a reader who's not particularly interested in or invested in litRPG in and of itself, I'm fine with it shifting to being more straightforwardly SFF, and in fact, I think that's an interesting and fun choice on a meta level: the more the crawlers and the AI break and change the game, the more the genre of the series itself shifts.

[queerteapie]

Please, I Beg (18+)

Pairing: Agatha Harkness/Rio Vidal/Reader

Rating: Mature

Fic Playlist: Spotify

Summary: You recieve a late night text asking for an emergency babysitter, and with the cost of LA, you take the job. The job, however, ends up being far more than the money.

Tags: 18+, angst, smut, NSFW, femme reader

Masterlist | Ao3 | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9

Chapter 1

The sun’s warmth begins to fade outside, giving way to a quiet breeze that whispers through the open window. It dances across your bare skin with a cool touch, raising goosebumps in its wake. Soft music plays in the background, and you hum along without thinking. Sitting on the edge of your bed, hair still damp and clinging to your neck from the shower, you hear the familiar buzz of a text. You reach for your phone, water still trailing down your arm, and glance at the screen - a message from the babysitting agency: an emergency request for a sitter tonight. Double Pay. 

Since moving to California, money is tight. Not the best financial decision you've ever made, but the right one nonetheless. The timing of this job is perfect. You type back quickly, confirming you can take it. A few seconds later, the agency responds with the address and a brief note about the family. You sit up a little straighter, already shifting into work mode. Time to get ready. You stand, towel slipping from your shoulders, and head to the closet to find something clean but comfortable. Your mind races through a mental checklist: ID, keys, snacks for the road. In the background, the music plays on, soft and steady.

You quickly change into a pair of workout leggings and a loose tee, comfortable but practical. After a quick blow-dry, you gather your hair into a messy bun, not bothering for perfection. You throw your overnight bag over your shoulder, taking a moment to glance around the room before heading out the door to your car. The drive to the family isn’t far, but with LA traffic, it’s going to be a close call.

With seconds to spare, you pull into the driveway of a house, grand in size. What could these people possibly do for a living?

Grabbing your bag from the back seat, you make your way to the front door and press the doorbell. Silence. You give the wooden frame a couple of quick taps, just as the sound of approaching footsteps breaks the stillness.

A woman’s silhouette appears behind the frosted glass, visibly fumbling with an earring as she moves closer.

“Coming, coming, sorry!” the woman calls out as she opens the door, stepping aside to usher you in.

“Evening! You must be Y/N. Lovely to meet you, I’m Agatha.”

You're drawn to her the moment she opens the door. There’s something commanding in the way she carries herself; confident, grounded, and unapologetically sure of who she is. Her hair falls over her shoulders with casual ease, and her dress fits in a way that shows she knows how to own a room without trying too hard. She has a presence that feels both warm and in control, like someone used to being listened to. As you inhale, a hint of floral perfume lingers in the air, subtle, but impossible to ignore, much like her.

"Y-yes, yes, I’m Y/N. Nice to meet you too," you manage to say, stumbling over your words. "I... wow, you look lovely."

It feels like an understatement. She looks phenomenal.

"Oh, why thank you, dear. How kind of you," she replies with a warm smile, and for a moment, the air around you feels heavier, charged. "Let me introduce you to Nicky. He’s pretty great, though as his mom, I suppose I have to say that."

She laughs, easy and genuine, and you find yourself smiling back as a quiet chuckle escapes you. You follow her down the hallway toward the lounge, still trying to gather yourself.

The décor along the walls catches your eye, unusual and unlike anything you’ve seen before. The furniture carries the weight of history, each piece rich with character, while the wallpaper speaks of quiet luxury.

Your gaze shifts to a collection of family photos, carefully arranged and lovingly displayed.

One image holds your attention. Another woman. There’s something about her, a quiet intensity that draws you in. She’s beautiful in a way that feels timeless, with a shadow in her eyes that hints at stories untold.

You linger, perhaps longer than you should, unable to look away. A soft smile finds its way to your lips, unbidden.

"That's Rio. She’ll be down in a minute. She only just got out of the shower," Agatha says with a sigh, her voice tinged with mild irritation at her partner’s lateness.

"You have a beautiful family," you reply, stepping toward the young boy sitting cross-legged on the floor with a colouring pencil in hand. He looks to be about seven, maybe eight. His tongue pokes out slightly in concentration as he fills in a bright red cape on what appears to be a superhero.

"Hey there," you say gently, crouching down beside him. "That’s a cool drawing. Is he flying or getting ready to save someone?"

The boy glances up at you with wide, curious eyes. "He’s flying. He’s got fire powers," he replies, holding up the picture with a touch of pride.

"Fire powers? That’s awesome. I’m Y/N, by the way."

"I’m Nicky," he says, then returns to shading in flames with an orange pencil.

You smile and watch for a moment, the quiet energy between you settling comfortably. Just then, another set of footsteps approaches, joining you in the lounge.

"Do you know where my suspenders are? I can't seem to find them anywh-oh, we have a guest," she says, appearing suddenly in the doorway, her movements hurried and distracted. Her eyes land on you, and she straightens slightly, surprise flickering across her face.

You rise to your feet and offer your hand. "Hi, I’m Y/N. I’m the babysitter for the evening.”

She takes your hand with a firm grip, her touch lingering just a moment longer than expected. A slow smirk tugs at the corner of her lips as her eyes sweep over you, deliberate and unhurried. "Well, aren’t you a pretty little thing," she says, her voice low and playful. There’s a glint of amusement in her gaze, and something else too, something that lingers like heat in the air between you, before she finally releases your hand.

Agatha raises an eyebrow as she watches the exchange, arms crossing loosely over her chest. “Rio, really?” she says, her tone light but laced with a hint of mock disapproval. “You’re meant to be getting dressed, not eyeing up the babysitter.”

Rio chuckles, clearly unbothered. “Can’t I do both?” she tosses over her shoulder as she heads for the stairs.

“Your suspenders are in the top drawer of the chest, try not to tear the place apart looking for them this time,” Agatha calls after her with a knowing smile.

Once Rio disappears upstairs, Agatha turns back to you with a warm but more focused expression.

“Okay, so Nicky’s already had dinner, he just needs a snack before bed. He’ll ask for chocolate, but try to keep it light or he’ll be bouncing off the walls. Bedtime is at eight, though he’ll try to push for eight-thirty if you let him talk you into one more story.” She pauses, then adds with a smile, “He’s good, honestly. Just a bit of a negotiator.”

You nod, taking it all in as Agatha reaches for her coat and bag. “We shouldn’t be too late, but feel free to help yourself to anything in the kitchen. If there’s any trouble, my number’s on the fridge.”

Just as she’s adjusting her coat, you hear Rio’s footsteps returning from upstairs. 

Just as Agatha slips her coat on, Rio reappears, now fully dressed and tugging her suspenders into place with a little flair. She gives you a wink in passing before turning her attention to Nicky.

“There’s my little man,” she says, kneeling beside him. “You going to be good tonight?”

Nicky nods solemnly, but there’s a cheeky sparkle in his eyes. “I’ll be good if I can have two stories.”

Agatha laughs softly and bends down to kiss the top of his head. “One story, and no bargaining. Don’t make Y/N call us, okay?”

He sighs dramatically but nods. “Okay. One story.”

Rio leans in, ruffles his hair gently, then glances at you with a smirk. “If he gives you trouble, bribe him with marshmallows. Works every time.”

“Rio,” Agatha says in warning, but there’s no real weight behind it. The two women share a look - half amused, half fond - before Agatha straightens up.

“Alright, we’re off. Thanks again,” she says to you, reaching for her keys.

“Don’t have too much fun without us,” Rio adds with a grin, and then the front door clicks shut behind them, leaving the house quiet for the first time that evening.

***********

Between entertaining, feeding, and eventually settling Nicky into bed, your mind never strays far from the two women who left you in a haze of perfume and flirtation. Images of Agatha’s dress clinging perfectly to her waist flicker behind your eyes, each detail burned into memory. And then there’s Rio - her smirk, her eyes, the deliberate way she looked at you just before stepping out the door. That one glance has been echoing in your chest all night.

The hands on the clock read 1am when you hear the soft hum of a cab pulling up outside, followed by the unmistakable sound of giggling and whispered shushes as they make their way along the path. You draw in a deep breath, hoping the extra air will steady you, maybe stop your thoughts from tripping over themselves.

It doesn’t.

The front door creaks open moments later, the soft shuffle of heels and the occasional laugh filling the hallway. Agatha and Rio are home.

“Oh, look who’s still awake,” Rio teases, her voice a little slurred, but no less alluring. She leans against the doorframe, eyes glinting with mischief as she scans you, her gaze lingering just a second too long on your lips. “I thought for sure you’d be in bed by now, all tired out from the little one.”

Agatha steps in behind her, her movements smooth and easy, but there’s a playful tilt to her lips as she sees you. “Don’t mind Rio. She’s had a little too much fun tonight,” she says with a knowing smile, brushing past her partner to pour herself a glass of water from the kitchen.

Rio pushes off the doorframe and moves toward you, her steps slower than usual, but just as confident. She stops a few inches away, leaning in close enough that you can feel the warmth of her breath against your skin. “But I think you should stay awake a little longer,” she murmurs, her voice low and teasing. “I bet we could make it worth your while.”

Agatha chuckles softly from the kitchen, evident that she’s listening, the tension building between the three of you. Rio’s hand brushes against your arm as she straightens, clearly waiting for your reaction.

“I-um, well…” you fumble, eyes making a quick glance toward the kitchen.

Rio’s smirk deepens as she watches you, her gaze steady and filled with mischief. The air between you crackles with tension, her nearness setting your skin alight. She leans in just a little closer, close enough that you can feel the warmth of her body and the sweet, spiced scent of her perfume.

“You know,” she murmurs, voice honey-smooth and heavy with suggestion, “Agatha and I don’t mind sharing... if you’re interested.”

Your breath catches before you can respond. Her words hit you low in the stomach, igniting something raw and wanting. Your mouth opens slightly, but nothing comes out right away. You can only stare back, heartbeat thudding, heat creeping up your neck. You weren’t prepared for this, how direct she’d be, how good it would feel to have her attention so focused, so intimate. A part of you aches to lean into it, to say yes, to let her take you apart slowly right there in the soft glow of the hallway light.

But before you can say anything, Agatha, who has been quietly observing from the kitchen, steps in. She folds her arms, the curve of a smile playing on her lips as she regards the two of you. “Rio,” she says gently, “you’ve had a bit to drink, love. Maybe... maybe it’s not the best time for this.”

There’s no judgment in her voice, just a calm certainty that grounds the moment. You glance at her, feeling a strange mixture of relief and disappointment. It’s clear she’s looking out for everyone - Rio, herself, and you.

Rio pouts, clearly not ready to let the moment slip away. “Oh, come on, Agatha. What’s the harm?” she says with a little laugh, then turns her attention back to you. Her eyes sweep over you again, slow and deliberate. “I’m sure she’s just as curious as we are.”

You swallow hard. She’s not wrong. Your body hums with tension, with want. But there’s also a part of you that appreciates the restraint, the respect humming beneath the flirtation.

Rio moves closer, and your breath hitches again. Her hand grazes your arm, light but electric. “Maybe just a little taste?” she whispers, her lips dangerously close to your ear. Her voice curls around you like silk, sending shivers down your spine. “We can save the rest for another night.”

Your body responds before your mind can form a full thought. Every nerve feels on edge, aching. But before anything more can happen, Agatha steps forward and gently rests a hand on Rio’s shoulder.

“You know I’m all for fun,” Agatha says, her voice softer now, almost intimate. “But I think tonight’s…not the right moment.”

She looks at you then, and you feel seen, not just desired, but considered. It catches you off guard, that subtle care beneath the suggestion.

Agatha smiles, her touch still on Rio’s arm. “We can wait. There’s no rush.”

Rio sighs, exaggerated and theatrical, but there’s a hint of affection in her eyes when she glances at Agatha. “Fine, fine,” she mutters, then shoots you one last look, hungry, promising. “But this isn’t over.”

Agatha chuckles, linking her fingers through Rio’s. “We’ll see you again soon,” she says to you, and her voice wraps around you like a secret. “And next time, maybe we’ll all be in a better state of mind.”

As they head upstairs, Rio casts one final glance over her shoulder, mischief still dancing in her expression, before they vanish from view.

You’re left alone in the quiet, the air still buzzing from their presence. Your body thrums with leftover heat, your thoughts tangled with everything that could have happened... and everything that still might.

[aventurineswife]

do you remember during the 3.1 quest anaxa was talking at full volume but particularly softens his voice when he adresses cerces: "Honestly, i didnt expect the renowned reason titan to behave like this." LIKE WOW MY HEART MELTEDDD

onto the ask:

how would sagau and sahsrau react when creator softens their voice up when reprimanding/adressing someone suddenly, to not startle them and not hurt their feelings too much. I think characters used to creator being firm would love ittt

Oh my GOD that kind of delivery?? Instant heart-melter. Like, I haven’t gotten to that part of the quest myself (yet!!), so I’m just going off what you said—but the vocal softness shift in Anaxa’s line?? That barely-there tenderness when addressing Cerces?? Yeah that’s absolutely the kind of thing that lodges itself into your soul like a lovingly placed dagger. I’m so with you on this.

Now—YES to your ask. The idea of a typically firm, authoritative Creator suddenly softening their voice—not out of weakness, but out of care—devastates both SAGAU and SAHSRAU characters in the best way possible.

SAGAU

Characters in this universe are so used to the Creator being someone of reverence, power, and that commanding presence of divinity. They expect firmness, maybe even judgment—so when your voice softens...?

Sensitive ones (Xingqiu, Kazuha, Barbara)

They freeze. Utterly floored. You’re not yelling. You’re not angry. You’re speaking like they’re precious. Like they’re worth gentleness. Cue the internal waterworks. They’re trying so hard not to tear up. You just gave them an ounce of mercy, and they’d literally burn the world to make you proud again.

Tough ones (Diluc, Eula, Cyno)

They go rigid. That softness makes it hit worse than any stern tone ever could. Your voice being that warm, that quiet—it hurts in the best way. It lingers in their head for days. They're haunted by the way you chose kindness over discipline, and now they feel 100x more driven to make it right.

The Archons

Venti tries to laugh it off and utterly fails. Zhongli stands there with wide eyes like a startled deer. Ei doesn’t know where to look. Nahida immediately mirrors your softness because she’s been craving that level of emotional understanding for ages. They feel the weight of your empathy and it changes them.

SAHSRAU

Characters here—especially ones like the Stellaron Hunters or Aeons—live in extremes. So when you, the divine player, lean in gently instead of throwing the weight of your cosmic power around? Ruins them. In the best way.

Caelus

Absolutely stops mid-step like “wait… are you being soft with me?” It messes him up. He tries to play it cool but he’s so starved for real connection that your tone rewires his brain. Expect shy eye contact and awkward fidgeting.

Kafka/Silver Wolf

Kafka: stunned into silence. She can manipulate minds but suddenly you’re the one getting in her head with just a softened tone? Help.

Silver Wolf: glitching. Emotion.exe has stopped responding. She reboots by nervously typing random code in the air.

Jing Yuan

He’s used to being patient, not receiving it. When your voice softens for him, he tilts his head and gives you the most genuine smile he’s ever worn. That rare, unguarded moment stays with him for lifetimes.

Dan Heng

He stops breathing. That’s it. His whole worldview just gets quietly rewritten. He's replaying your exact words at night like they're a lullaby. If you said it during a reprimand, he will work twice as hard not to disappoint you again—not because he’s scared, but because he wants to earn that softness again.

Phainon

If he’s used to the Creator being firm, then the sudden warmth in your voice just shreds him emotionally. There’s a tremble in his response—one he tries to hide. Deep down? He wants to be seen that way. Like someone worth being gentle for.

It’s honestly one of the most powerful emotional tools a player could have in these kinds of AUs. Not the divine rage. Not the cosmic power. But quiet, intentional kindness.

That’s what gets them. Every time.

[starrgazed22]

LET THE GAME RUN OUR DESTINY

Jim Halpert x fem!reader Word count: 900 words Warnings: Nothing, just fluff, I guess. Summary: You decide to play this game you bought, The Sims 2, to cure your boredom in the office.

Another boring day at Dunder Mifflin’s, but not really.

The camera zooms in on your computer monitor from a distance, revealing you’re playing The Sims 2. You hear a door thud, Michael coming out of the office, and you quickly hide The Sims with your mail.

──────

(your interview with the camera crew)

“Jim helped me install this game I bought yesterday, called The Sims. It’s so addicting.” Cut. “No, just random characters, that I chose at the start of the game,” you clear your throat. “No one specific.”

──────

(Jim's separate interview with the crew)

“Yeah, I helped her install it, but if she gets into trouble because of it,” he throws his hand into the air, “I have nothing to do with it.”

──────

The cameraman pans over to your face, catching you being extremely focused on the game.

Time today goes really slowly, but the game is saving it. Not for Jim though. Jim is so bored, he hasn’t talked to you the whole afternoon because of the game. The game literally sucked you in. He decides to walk over to see what you’re playing. You quickly hide it, acting like nothing just happened. Jim raises his eyebrows.

“What? Nothing,” you try to play it cool.

“Come on, let me see! I am curious what it looks like.” He tries.

You blush a little, pretending you’re going through your mail. “No.”

He looks at you hurt. “Alright then, I’ll go back to boring myself, also known as, doing work.” He playfully grunts.

You chuckle at his joke, minimizing the mail window to play the game again.

After some time, the lunch break comes. You decide not to worry about the game being opened, because no one will go around your desk anyway.

Jim, still on a call with a client, signals you to go ahead, and you walk to the break room first. Jim finishes the call, hanging up the phone. He wants to throw away his Jell-O cup, still from the morning. He goes to the nearest trash can, which is next to your desk. He throws it away, suddenly amazed by something on your desk. He leans to get a closer look at your screen. He smiles to himself.

“She did us in that game. Me and her.” He smiles downwards. “Oh, she said those are random characters?” He chuckles. “What a coincidence.” He stretches all the a’s in the last sentence.

Jim finally comes into the break room, sitting down at the table.

“Hey.” He says.

“Hey, Jim.” You smile at him as you slurp in your noodles.

“So, how are we doing?” He asks casually.

You respond, not getting the secret message behind it. “I’m doing pretty good, did all the calls Michael told me to do.”

“No...” He chuckles. “I meant, how are we doing?” He asks, pointing his head back to the main room.

You look at him, genuinely confused. Suddenly you realize it. You put your head into your palm, covering your eyes in embarrassment.

Jim chuckles, his eyes glinting with amusement. “It’s okay, really,” he reassures you, sensing your embarrassment. “It’s funny. By the way, thanks for making me look like Prince Charming.”

You peek through your fingers, a hint of a smile on your lips. “I might have spent a little too much time on your character,” you admit.

Jim grins, taking a bite of his sandwich. He leans back in the chair, the chair making a small squeak. “Alright, so, what’s our story in The Sims? Are we a family? Colleagues? Maybe lovers?” A small smirk plays on his lips.

You feel your cheeks heating up again. “Well, I didn’t get too far with the storyline yet, but we’re housemates. We live together.”

“Oh, really?” Jim raises an eyebrow, clearly enjoying this. “Housemates, huh?”

You shrug, trying to act nonchalant. “It just seemed easier than having to switch between two houses all the time, you know. Plus it saves money.”

“Yeah, right,” Jim says with a big amused smile on his lips. He leans forward, his eyes locking with yours.

You stare at him, heart pounding. “What?”

Jim shrugs, still smiling. “What if we let that game decide what we do in real life.”

Your eyes widen. “What?”

He chuckles softly. “Whatever happens in the game we have to do. Up for the challenge?”

You feel a smile spreading across your face. “Alright, then.”

Jim’s grin widens. “Great.” He stands up, finishing his sandwich. “Shall the computer decide our destiny.”

You shake your head with a smile, feeling a rush of excitement as you watch Jim leave the room.

You decide to make yourself a cup of coffee before heading back to your desk. You walk up to your desk, stopping in disbelief. You see the screen, the characters stopped in time while they’re kissing. You look over at Jim, who is trying to hold in his laugh, avoiding eye contact. You deduce he did that. But you still feel a bit of blush run over your cheeks.

“Very funny, Jim.” You roll your eyes, but you can’t help but smile.

“What! You agreed to let it run our destiny.” He shrugs his shoulders at you.

You resume the gameplay, seeing what the characters will do next.

“Wow, they’re heading to bed now,” you announce with sarcastically no emotion.

He bursts out laughing, trying to keep quiet.

Such a dork.

[ducksido]

Hi! I hope you're doing well. I'd like to see the reactions of the Twisted Wonderland boys to a male Yuu who is their partner BUT we’re from the Malfoy family and our brother is Draco. We have the same personality as him, and if possible, we’re his twin brother. We are Draco’s (adult) twin brothers, oh yeah.🔥

(I only did housewardens + some random characters. (i spun a wheel) and male!yuu)

Housewarden's

Riddle Rosehearts At first, Riddle is constantly flustered. You’re confident, aristocratic, and walk around like you own Night Raven College. He tries to lecture you about rules, but you always manage to twist things around with silver-tongued logic that makes him look like the one out of line. Still, he admires your poise and elegance—something he resonates with deeply. The Malfoy name and your mannerisms impress his mother (a bit too much), and Riddle panics when she starts suggesting matching cloaks for you both.

“I do wish you’d follow the rules more, but… you do look remarkably dignified in that uniform.”

Leona Kingscholar Oh, he loves it. That snarky attitude? The disdainful smirks? The way you carry yourself like a prince even in the dust and grime? You’re like an aristocratic flame he can’t stop poking. There’s constant banter—your refined Malfoy shade vs. his lazy princely sarcasm. When you rest in his lap with a “You should feel honored,” he just smirks and says, “Keep dreaming, blondie.” Deep down, he’s obsessed with your sass and calls you “My snob.”

“Tch. You’re arrogant, dramatic, and clearly spoiled… Don’t stop. It’s entertaining.”

Azul Ashengrotto He sees you and goes: power couple potential. You walk into the Lounge like you own it? Azul is immediately imagining your names on a business plaque. You charm clients with that rich pureblood charisma while he handles the deals—it’s perfect. Your “I'm a Malfoy, darling” line has floored Floyd more than once, and Jade genuinely enjoys your wit. Azul acts cool, but internally he’s giddy every time you lean over and whisper venomous observations about other students in that smooth drawl.

“I must say, Mr. Malfoy… having you by my side is a terrifying advantage.”

Kalim Al-Asim You’re like...a whole new species to Kalim. He’s fascinated. You always act like everything around you is quaint, and he adores how proper you are—like a storybook noble. He doesn’t even notice your judgmental little remarks half the time; he just laughs and offers you more baklava. When you actually soften for him (in private), it makes his heart melt. “You’re the only one here worthy of my time,” you whisper—and he’s swooning.

“You’re so different from everyone I know… but I love that about you!”

Vil Schoenheit Power. Couple. You both radiate beauty, pride, and unshakable self-worth. Others can’t stand to be near you for too long because the combined judgment is crushing. You two correct people’s posture with synchronized sneers. But there’s a surprising softness between you and Vil—brushing his hair, matching cologne, whispered words of affirmation masked in aristocratic elegance. Epel thinks you two might actually be the same person split into two bodies.

“We are not ‘too much’—we are simply correct. And if the world can’t keep up, that’s its failure.”

Idia Shroud At first, he’s intimidated. You’re elegant, confident, and you talk like you’ve never seen a video game in your life. But then—you call him darling. With a smirk. You tease him gently, but always with this aura of protectiveness. Idia’s heart explodes. He starts calling you “my evil noble overlord bf” and writes fanfic about you two where he’s your mysterious magical bodyguard. You play along with the drama perfectly, like a Malfoy who found a socially anxious gremlin and just decided, “This one is mine.”

“W-wait… you actually… like me? You’re not just roleplaying some… aristocrat kink!?”

Malleus Draconia Oh, a fellow noble with centuries of tradition behind the family name? He is intrigued. You and he bond over legacy, etiquette, and terrifyingly intimidating stares. But you’re dramatically sassy in a way that Malleus finds deeply amusing—like an elegant cat batting at things it hates. You openly critique NRC architecture, call Lilia’s tea “peasant brew,” and pet Sebek on the head like a dog. Malleus, utterly charmed, just chuckles and says, “How delightful you are, my little Malfoy.”

“You are bold, arrogant, and strangely enchanting… You must meet my grandmother.”

Bonus: Others

Ruggie Bucchi “Rich, cocky, and talks like he’s above everyone?” He should hate you. But you feed him imported wizarding pastries and fix his tie with a delicate touch. You always act like he’s your pet hyena, and Ruggie just rolls with it. He teases you about being “too soft” for the Slums™, but deep down, he likes your snooty attitude—it makes him laugh when you get flustered.

Silver You treat him like a knight sworn to protect your delicate nobility. He doesn’t really get your dramatic nature, but he respects your pride. You’ll ruffle his hair and say, “You’re the only one here with manners,” and he’ll nod solemnly. You fall asleep on him, and he carries you to bed like a perfect Malfoy prince deserves.

Sebek Zigvolt He doesn’t know how to process you. You insult his tone, correct his posture, and call him a “shrieking goblin” when you’re mad—but he can’t deny how regal and commanding you are. You remind him of Malleus in a weird way. There’s lots of yelling, but you two somehow make it work. When you defend him to others? He blushes to his ears.

Floyd Leech He thinks you’re hilarious. You act like you’re made of porcelain, and he’s always poking at you to see when you’ll snap. You call him a “brutish merman” and he just laughs and picks you up like a cat. You may act above it all, but you secretly love the chaos. Floyd calls you “Fancy-pants” and smothers you with affection in public just to mess with your image.

[bexalert]

Jjk characters and physical affection

CUZ IM A WHORE AND I NEED THEM BADLY !!!

(Itadori, Fushiguro, Inumaki, Choso, Maki)

Itadori Yuji:

AHHHH

Ok this man is so into you first of all

Like he is not ashamed

PDA!!!

He’s always got an arm around your shoulders, or around your waist, or holding your hand

He’s a huge teddy bear

When you cuddle it just becomes a tangle of limbs

Like he’s all over you

Borderline suffocating you, and he’s so hot (temperature wise)

He falls asleep so easily too

You’ll be dying, crushed under his weight and he’s just slumped

He loves to just squeeze you!!!

Pecks all over your face

Anywhere he can reach he will be smooching!!!

He likes to sneak up behind you and pick you up

Tickle attacks 😔

HE JUST LOVES SEEING YOU SMILE AHHH

Just always has this big stupid goofy grin on his face when he’s with you

He’s cool with any cuddling position, but he likes when you lay on his chest

He’s just the biggest sweetheart at all times!!!

Fushiguro Megumi:

SHY

He might hold your hand in public, but don’t you dare make a big deal

Or else he’ll huff and pull his hands away

I feel like he does get a little jealous though

Like if people hit on you he’ll all the sudden wrap an arm around your shoulders and glare at them

“They’re taken.”

And then you’re walking away

He’ll deny it to anyone, though, if it’s brought up

LITTLE SPOON!!!

He won’t admit it, but he likes being little spoon

He also just like holding your hands

Like facing eachother in bed, and just holding hands

He likes to admire you while you sleep

Not in a weird way, he’s just too embarrassed to do it while you’re awake

He’ll hold your face and just memorize all your features

He’s so gentle ☹️☹️☹️

Treats you like porcelain

He loves to kiss your forehead

He’s just such a cutie

Inumaki Toge:

He loves to hold your hand

Like your hands are always intertwined, no matter WHAT

He doesn’t care if anyone teases him

If people hit on you he’ll be like 🤨 huh

Cuz do they not see you’re holding HIS hand

He’ll stand in front of you, blocking the persons view of you

“Bonito flakes.”

And the person is just left in awe

He’s a little basic

He just likes hugging

Just you two holding eachother ☹️

Obviously he’s very quiet, but he loves to hear you talk

He’ll listen to you talk about your day and just be like mhm mhm

He kisss you on the tip of your nose 😭😭😭

He’d spell things onto your skin and have you guess what he’s trying to say

He’d tickle you, but he WILL NOT let you tickle him

Like bro genuinely starts tweaking

He runs away

Like a kid playing tag then going “I DONT WANNA PLAY ANYMORE” that’s him

He’s ticklish ok leave him alone

He kisses your knuckles sorry I don’t make the rules

HEHEHE I LOVE HIM OK

Choso:

He’s a little shy 🤭

But he’s got the spirit!

Like he’ll hold your hand, and then hide his red face in his other hand

He loves giving back hugs

JAW KISSES 💔💔💔

He’s very vocal about how he feels

“You’re so pretty.”

And he’s kind of matter of fact about it

Like if you’re insecure about how you look he’ll be like “🧐 What?”

And then proceed to point out how and why everything about you is GORGEOUS

He likes giving piggy back rides

He’ll hold your hands, and stare at every little detail.

Your cuticles, your nails, your joints, the wrinkles on the skin

He kisses your neck

He’s a thigh man.

Big spoon

But also little spoon

He likes them both !!!

Zen’in Maki:

She keeps her arm FIRMLY around your waist or shoulder

Everyones gonna know that you’re with her

She thinks it’s so funny when people try to hit on you

She’ll laugh at them

“No, go on.” while she’s making fun of them

Cuz she knows they’re not competition

She teases you

A little mean, but she can’t help it

She just loves seeing your face when you’re flustered

She likes holding you, like being big spoon, or your head in her chest

As long as she can hold you tightly, she’s happy.

Shoulder kisses no doubt

She’ll hold you from behind and leave little pecks across your shoulders

She likes forehead kisses

Move her bangs and give a little smooch and she is gone

Absolutely whipped but she won’t ever admit it

sorry guys I’m freaktastic

[chalantzah]

FRIENDLY FIRE

oneshot requested by : @caramia-mara

´when every chronically online persons two worlds collide - collab stream´

the stream starts like most slushynoobz chaos: martin in the middle of an unhinged monologue and hamzah pretending he doesn’t know either of you.

“hello stream,” martin says, already waving the camera around like it’s a documentary film, “today is a milestone. maybe even a moment in history. she’s here. not a discord bubble. not a voice on a headset. god is a woman and she is real.”

you’re already seated, sipping something cold, perfectly unbothered. you offer the camera an enthusiastic grin to match martins energy back to him.

“you’re doing a lot, too much” you say.

“it’s deserved,” martin replies, shaking his head and taking a bow to you and all your apparent glory.

“you have no idea how long chat’s been waiting for this.”

“i’m literally just here to play mario party.”

“sure,” he says. “sure you are.”

"what does that even mean?" you laugh off to the side,

hamzah mutters, “okay, stream peaked. turn it off.”

you glance over with an eyebrow raise. “well hello to you too.”

“i said hi earlier.”

“saying ‘yo’ while staring at your phone doesn’t count.” you fight back, slightly joking but also not, confused by hamzahs genuine attitude,

“so you wanna argue, or play the game?” he snaps instantly.

he hasn’t looked at you once since you sat down, which would maybe mean something if he didn’t rearrange the entire living room setup this morning to make sure you had the “comfiest spot.” (his words. muttered. while looking at the floor.)

martin’s already mugging for the camera. twitch chat is a wall of chaos.

chat: “LMAO HAMZAH CANNOTTTTT MAKE EYE CONTACT”“he’s so weird rn i love it”“the way she’s just chill about it tho?? queen”"girl is he bothering you?"

the game boots up. martin claims he’s choosing teams at random, but somehow you end up seated between them. naturally. you don’t mind. the energy’s easy, and you’ve streamed with them enough to know the rhythm by heart.:

martin’s ongoing commentary, hamzah’s casual insults, the chat’s perpetual meltdown. it’s a specific dynamic. it works.

but in person, it’s a little different. realer. better.

especially when hamzah keeps doing things like passing you the exact brand of drink you mentioned offhand, mid conversation once, months ago.

you take it without making a big deal out of it. “you remembered this?”

he shrugs. “you talk a lot.”

“so do you. and i don’t remember your favorite drink.” you tilt your head with a chuckle.

“mine’s easier.” he replies in monotone.

“is it?”

he doesn’t reply, which is fine. martin is already throwing a look at the camera, as if he’s saying "did you see that too?"

chat:“the way he puts on this whole non chalant persona just to ruin it by specifically buying her favorite brand of mf WATER.”“this is literally a romcom but he thinks he’s the cool one lmao”“chat never forgets”

you’re winning. casually. just enough to keep the banter alive. hamzah’s competitive, but quietly. not trash-talking you loud like martin, just relentless.

but today, he keeps getting distracte, missing easy jumps, second guessing timing, adjusting his headset even though it’s completely fine and basically glued onto his head.

at one point of the stream, you flinch at an unexpected pop up in the game, more from the sound than anything on the actual screen. but before you can even register it, there’s a hand on your shoulder.

his.

just briefly. like muscle memory. like he forgot the context and thought he was alone. it’s gone in a second.

you turn your head toward him, then regretting it, thinking maybe you should've pretended to ignore it.

he doesn’t look back, just feels you turn.. “you jumped.”

“you put your hand me.” you recall.

“reflex.” he snaps

“it’s mario party.”

“you flinched.”

you lean back slightly, amused with a chuckle. “you good?”

“great,” he says, shrugging his shoulder as if he didn't just act obnoxious and slightly out of character.

martin actually pauses the game. “nah. pause. run that back. did anyone else see that?”

chat definitely saw it.

chat: “I have some innapropriate things to say about protective hamzah.” “hamzah’s version of ‘reflex’ is concerningly soft” “blink twice if you’re repressing and ignoring feelings bro”

the game resumes. martin is doing everything short of narrating your interactions like a national geographic special. chat’s theories have just multiplied after this stream, and martins livestream call-out.

you just keep playing. you’re used to hamzah being.. a little strange. not like this, but the general branding of it.

later, somewhere between rounds, martin throws a look between the two of you and goes, “so… is this how it’s gonna be the whole stream, or are we atleast try to acknowledging what’s happening?”

“what’s happening,” you echo, straight-faced, as you roll your lips into your mouth.

hamzah just shakes his head, doesn’t even pretend to be subtle.

“so nothing’s happening?” martin reverts.

“exactly,” both you and hamzah say in sync, bluntly.

it’s almost impressive, the perfect harmony, with the energy of two people who have absolutely talked for seven hours straight at 2 a.m playing video games. and will absolutely decide to never to talk about those seven hours again.

martin leans forward, hands clasped like a therapist about to ask a life-ruining question. “you guys practiced that or…”

you and hamzah say “no” at the exact same time.

chat: “THEY’RE LIKE THE SAME PERSON IT’S CREEPY” “hamzah’s whole persona with her is ‘i don’t care’ while deeply caring” “she’s just chilling and he’s melting down quietly”

the rest of the stream runs like that- tense in a way no one will admit to, but it makes the air feel thicker by the second,

hamzah’s less dismissive now, but not less present. he keeps glancing your way and catching himself. every time you laugh, chat lights up. every time he says something under his breath and you catch it, chat goes even more nuclear.

the cameras eventually go off. the room is quieter without the lights.

you stretch, unplug your mic, and glance down at hamzah, who’s still fiddling with his controller like it didn’t glitch out an hour ago.

“fun stream,” you say, casually.

he nods. “yeah.”

his foot taps yours as you walk past. not hard. not even on purpose, probably.

but you feel it.

you don’t say anything.

he doesn’t either.

but you’re both thinking the same thing:

this is definitely not going to blow over quietly.

and chat? chat’s already writing the sequel in the comments, you both are sure going to have a joyful time explaining yourselves to twitter later.

view request here

idk how to feel about this, will probs be edited tomorrow!! it honestly may be tooooo angsty and not enough fluff so it kinda gets me mad..

taglist : @shegiaa @cherrieluvrr @caramia-mara @marixoa @valluvsu @78kate-blog @pictureperfectblue @aalanahh0 @noturbabe22 @martiniibluee07 @mopslusher @ladylincoln @officialthrad @urfavblonde27 @infinitefireflies @notmeee3 @slicdfo0t @beybeys-world

[essycogany]

Sonic And Amy Are A Unique Couple

This is a quick Sonamy rant /ramble session. With a few added clarifications too. Enjoy!

This couple is more unique than you’d think. It’s cool if anyone disagrees. I'm all for a polite debate and respect your opinion. But if you're willing to hear me out, I'll be willing to explain myself as clearly as possible. Great? Awesome! Let’s get started!

Amy doesn't want to change Sonic. I will scream this until I'm not able to speak any more that Amy loves Sonic for who he is. She always has but it wasn't until IDW that she expressed it out loud. Still one of my favorite moments between them.

Does that make their relationship unique? Not really. What makes their relationship unique is what Amy loves about Sonic is kind of the reason they're not a couple yet. Sonic is an ongoing force that can’t be stopped or changed. Of course, he’ll allow someone to join him on a race, but he still keeps going. Not to say Sonic won’t stop to smell the roses (pun not intended) but he’ll do it on his own time. Amy always likes to take advantage of those moments and best of all, Sonic doesn’t mind. Even during their old chases, he’d slow down for her. Says a lot about the connection they have but there’s more

Their chemistry is…something for lack of a better term. Their back and forth is so interesting to me. Sonic does like Amy back. Notable examples here but to put it shortly, Sonic doesn’t know what he’s doing when it comes to romance. Sometimes he’s not into it and other times he’s chill. Sometimes Amy is ecstatic and other times she's bashful. I'm looking at you Sonic X.

Every time Amy’s occupied, is when Sonic wants her the most. Amy on the other hand wants Sonic to enjoy his freedom. Neither of them stops to think about how maybe they can have it both ways.

I'll also mention romance isn’t about “being tied down.” That paints romance as if it’s some kind of chain being rapt around your neck or being forced to be with the person. That is not romance. It’s keeping someone hostage. Something Amy would not do. Every time she’d joke around about marrying him Sonic didn’t take it seriously. Heroes included.

Sonic’s line in Heros: “Amy, knock it off. There's no time to play!” Dude knows Amy was messing with him. She was written to be girly, childish, adventurous, and cartoony. No, it wasn’t always executed well. Hello, Sonic Freeriders Amy! But I think this scene summons it up the best.

Important thing to mention as well is Sonic is an outspoken and honest character who rarely lies. It’s either you get the truth or you get nothing. He’s not the type to spare people’s feelings either, so if he had a problem with Amy in the past, he’d tell her directly. I do think she'd also stop if he genuinely told her to. The last thing Amy would want is to tarnish their friendship because of her actions. This loyal girl is so sweet.

Not to mention this is a popular trope in Japan too. The trope was what their relationship was based on.

Back to my original point Sonic and Amy aren’t a traditional couple. That’s a good thing. If they became canon their relationship wouldn’t change if they got together, but also they don’t need labels either. Romance isn’t or shouldn’t be a burden on you. That’s not how love works and that’s not what Sonic believes Amy to be. If that’s the case he wouldn’t be friends with her. Whether you ship Sonic with Amy, someone else, or no one, there should be no doubt Sonic values her friendship.

I’ll also add that Amy is just as up for an adventure as Sonic is. It’s why she loves him so much. They’re a power couple and love going out to travel, so there’s no staying in one place for these two.

In Sonic Adventure 2 you can tell Amy’s intuition when it comes to Sonic. Close to the end, she saw him looking a bit down and noticed his mood shifting a bit. “What’s the matter, Sonic?” “Oh, it’s nothing.” She knows him so well. I don't know what connection they run on but it’s inspiring.

These two don’t have a typical girl/boy relationship. I know some people say, “Well, why can't Sonic and Amy stay friends? Not every male and female relationship needs to be romantic.” You're 100% correct. Here are some examples.

The difference between other relationships is that Amy was created to be a Minnie to Sonic’s Mickey. Which is why these two are treated differently compared to others. Including in merch. There are more examples but I digress. The point is this specific pair is always going to have nuance even if they’re only friends. It doesn’t stop until Amy doesn’t love Sonic and even if it shouldn’t define her, it should still be a part of her. She might work without romance, but we already have other amazing female characters for that.

No one’s obligated to ship them because of this of course. Again, your opinion is still valid, and I will always stick to that point.

Last but not least is their friendship (or situationship) as a whole.

The funny thing is their friendship is what makes their romance the most compelling. The appeal to Sonic and Amy’s dynamic is how much platonic energy they have. Romance doesn’t always mean you need to be lovey-dovey. With Sonamy it’s their powerful friendship that makes the (somewhat not platonic) interactions memorable. You don’t have to choose romantic or platonic. It can be both. I wouldn't be a Sonamy fan if I thought their relationship was plain. I'm here because of how different they are.

And I love them to bits. Look at this panel and tell me it isn't running with situationship fuel.

Another fun detail is in recent years despite knowing Amy still loves him, Sonic hugs her back. Even the moments in Sonic X he carries her are moments he offers to. Even when it wasn't necessary.

Can’t forget about the recent asking Amy out to a dinner panel in IDW. He's never done that before. There's a familiarity between the two of them however you look at it. I LOVE them for it.

His moments of genuinely being excited to see her are not due to some development but because Sonic’s passion for Amy has noticeably increased. Why am I bringing these up? It’s because one thing that hasn’t been talked about when it comes to romance is actions. Sure, Sonic doesn't fully confess his feelings to her outwardly. But why do you have to be obvious and in people’s face when it comes to loving someone? In Japan, love is mostly shown through what you do more than what you say. That stuff can happen there but it doesn't always have to. The “Sharing an Umbrella, Amy,” line in Frontiers carries a lot more weight when you think about the implications.

Please read this post by @egalitarian-tomboy if you're interested in the implications of Sonamy in Frontiers.

The up-to-interpretation view of whatever they have together is the main reason I and so many people ship them. It’s not the fact that they are close, but the progression of their closeness. To make a long story short, the appeal of Sonamy is the fact that they don’t have to be traditionally romantic to be an interesting couple. Amy represents expressive love and Sonic represents emotional love.

Stay creative! 💜

[inexplicifics]

Hiii! So your newest story got me binging your A/B/O fics (again) and got me wondering…

If AWAU was set in A/B/O, what dynamics would the main characters be? And would it have changed anything?

Ooooh what an interesting question. Alright, let's see how I'd make the AWAU omegaverse. I'm not going to do everyone, but I'll try to hit the main characters and relationships.

Jaskier: The obvious play is to go omega, but I think that's wrong. I think he's a beta, and therefore assumed he wouldn't be vulnerable to the "send off a less-valued child as tribute" ploy. This also explains why he was allowed to go to Oxenfurt and be a bit wild while there, as an omega might not - and why he's not higher in the line of succession for the county, as an alpha son might be.

Geralt: Again, the obvious choice is alpha, due to the whole Warlord of the North thing. But he didn't do that on purpose, after all, and part of the evolution of his relationship with Jaskier is Jaskier seeing past the Warlord-of-the-North mystique to the person beneath. Also, I'm going to assume that Witchers in the omegaverse AWAU have a method of concealing their scents, so as to mitigate issues with outsiders. So I think the feared and fearsome Warlord, who everyone assumes must be alpha among alphas, dominant and terrible, is an omega.

Eskel: Alpha. Of the "care for my pack" variety, specifically - he'll work himself to the bone looking out for the people who are his. And, occasionally, go avenge them on their enemies in dramatic and extremely violent fashion. And having a demisexual alpha pleases me.

Lambert: Again, very tempting to go alpha, with that temper. But I'm going to go beta, actually. He's just bad-tempered by nature and nurture - and getting less so as his life gets better. And the fact that he wasn't an alpha is part of why his father was so willing to sell him off.

Milena: Oooh, I'm not sure where to go here. Let's go with omega, because her parents do expect her to be a nice obedient pawn for them to move around and marry off as they please. And also it gives Lambert something else to be insecure about, the poor lad. (No, she does not want an alpha. She's very happy with him. Yes, even in her heats.)

Marika: Beta. Cool-headed and calm and rational, by stereotype and nature both. She's going to be a very good queen.

Griffin: Also a beta. Has never particularly wanted to be an alpha. Is genuinely glad that he doesn't have to deal with heat or rut; they seem deeply inconvenient.

Marta: She's an alpha, which explains why their parents were so willing to cut her so much slack and indulge her in so many things. I'm not sure how inheritance rules work in this variant of omegaverse, but she may even be heir to the duchy, right up until she kidnaps Jaskier and Eskel and Milena and experiences Consequences for possibly the first time ever.

Aiden: Alpha, because it makes his preference for bottoming even more scandalous to anyone outside the Witcher society. He's a cocky, charming, dangerous man and he knows it. He does have a bit of a temper but he's good at controlling it, and it blows over quickly.

Aleksander: Also alpha, because it makes him even more like his despised grandfather and he hates it. He doesn't want to be that sort of swaggering monster. Aiden's cheerful arrogance confuses him at first, the flirtation really baffles him, and eventually he's going to settle on Eskel as his role model, because that style of looking after His People makes sense to Sasha.

Livi: Omega - Duke Velen had strong preferences. Which probably means all the Mantikittens are omegas, too. Zia is going to surprise some people.

Dragonfly: Alpha, and has recently discovered her doting instincts.

Yennefer: Null, because she's a mage; their dynamics are removed during the ascension process. That said, I think she was an omega prior to that.

Triss: Also null, because she's a mage. Probably a beta before that.

and finally, Ciri: Oooh, this is the hardest one. But I think she's an alpha. And if she takes after her Papa in ferocity and her Uncle Eskel in protectiveness, she's going to be magnificent.

That's the best I've got - anyone else got thoughts?

[illubean]

Hii!! No idea if you take reqs rn but if you dont thats fine just ignore this!!

But if you doo... can you pretty please do the stardust cruseders x fem reader who has a identical twin?!?!

I wanna know how they would react and what they would think!! (Since i have a identical twin lolz)

Thank you and have a nice day!!>_<

Stardust Crusaders W/ an IdenticalTwin!Reader

Characters: Joseph Joestar (p3), Jotaro Kujo, Muhammad Avdol, Kakyoin Noriyaki, Jean Pierre Polnareff Type: Fem!Reader, Headcanons

had really great ideas for Polnareff and everyone else's is kind of short soz >.<

Warnings: none

Joseph Joestar

cannot tell you guys apart for the life of him

he just calls both of you by your name and see's who responds

pls do not sister swap and prank him he WILL fall for it 😭

he probably made a dirty joke about you being a twin at some point in his life (pls hit him for it)

honestly he probably has been hit more times than he can count for accidentally grabbing your twin instead of you 😭

whether its you or your twin doing the hitting you decide

Jotaro Kujo

even if you guys seem to not have any differences at all Jotaro can still tell you two apart without thought

even if you guys swap clothes or something he will just be like "??? why are you dressed like your sister"

and when you ask him how he knew he just shrugs

or he'll point out something so small, like maybe your left eyebrow is a little higher idk

but yeah finding out you had a twin wasn't that big of a deal to him

like ok cool whatever moving on

he probably doesn't interact with your twin like at all..

every time she's around he's kind of just like 🧍‍♂️ because he doesn't have much interest in getting to know her I guess

very much acquaintances and nothing more

Muhammad Avdol

another one who's really good at telling you apart, though not as instant as Jotaro

I think Avdol is a #certified lover so he spends a lot of time just admiring you

hence why he can recognize a difference

he knows you like the back of his hand too, so even if he couldn't tell you guys apart physically he could based off of your little mannerisms <3

he thinks it's cool you have a twin

he probably knows some nerdy spiritual shit about being twins idk

sometimes he might get you guys mixed up (or just genuinely say the wrong name) but he's quick to fix it and apologize

another one you shouldn't play pranks on because he just gets so genuinely confused and maybe even a little stressed...

Kakyoin Noriyaki

he can tell the difference but he has to stare at you really hard in order to get it 😭😭😭

relies on personality to tell you guys apart

or alternatively, he will get you some sort of wearable gift like a bracelet or something so he can tell much quicker

he doesn't tell you this though, he say's the gift is "just because"

then if you ever ask how he tells you and your twin apart he just says "I can just tell" (liar, its the jewelry)

Jean Pierre Polnareff

this guy...

the first time he met your twin happened to be when you weren't around

if you guys have different hair color/length/cuts bro probably just assumes you felt like switching styles and planned to surprise him or something...

"Oh la la, mon amour! I like what you've done with your hair!"

and your twin is just like ??? who is this guy

he probably tries grabbing/kissing your twin just to get punched or kicked in the nuts

and here you come, rounding the corner looking the same you did yesterday and he's like !?!?!?!?

he's not necessarily the smartest guy and considering the shit he's been through it's reasonable for him to assume your twin was the result of a stand...

and you're like bae no thats my sister

and he's like oh

he apologizes for harassing your twin...

if you guys are exactly identical like same style same hair everything this guy swears he can tell you guys apart when he really can't

he just goes by whoever responds to his nicknames

[acexsmhking]

hello!! Can you write a headcanons/oneshot post of (separate) ticci toby, eyeless jack, and/or jane the killer dating a piercing obsessed! Reader? Ppl always say lots of piercings r unattractive :(( but omgg i love ppl with lots of piercings, theyre so lovely! Thank youu:D

𝐒𝐭𝐢𝐠𝐦𝐚𝐭𝐨𝐩𝐡𝐢𝐥𝐞

(𝗻.) 𝗔 𝗽𝗲𝗿𝘀𝗼𝗻 𝘄𝗶𝘁𝗵 𝗹𝗼𝘃𝗲 𝗳𝗼𝗿 𝘁𝗮𝘁𝘁𝗼𝗼𝘀 𝗼𝗿 𝗯𝗿𝗮𝗻𝗱𝗶𝗻𝗴𝘀

: ̗̀➛ Piercing!Reader x Shared Headcanons

(Toby, Jack, Jane)

Summary: GN!Reader with love for piercings/having multiple being in a relationship with Toby, Jack and Jane. How would they react?

Warning(s): None! Mostly just fluff, FEM & TRANSF in mind for Jane

・❥・ Toby

First of all, Toby himself is covered in a lot of facial piercings so he is not one to judge! He loves piercings, especially on himself (egotistical asshole knows how sexy he is), so if you love them just as much him, he immediately just yaps with you

Do not trust him to give you one.

Now if you really like piercings but hate needles? He definitely bullies you about it some but understands. Since he can’t feel pain he can feel a lot of the pressures/intrusions that the pain usually covers up and it can weird him out

He plays with your piercings like a lot. Mostly nervous fidgeting type things

OMG DO YOU HAVE TO STAY ONTOP OF HIM IF HE GETS A NEW ONE, he is so bad at taking care of them himself but he’s so good about taking care of yours. Little weirdo

Now, Toby can be mean during fights so sometimes if he’s close enough he’ll twist one. Petty little shit. But he is quick to apologize, he just likes winning arguments

・❥・Jack

Jack like.. literally cannot see. So he genuinely just thinks your piercings are apart of you. Like he really doesn’t remember things of humans and so he completely forgot about minuscule things like piercings

He does like licking them tho, that nice metal taste

Weirdo.

Once you actually explain it he’s a little perplexed. Since he’s an apex predator usually they associate things like anything piercing you as hindrance to hunts

But whatever makes you happy!

Since Jack does live in a lot of holes/caves you probably are gonna wanna let your piercings heal a lot or just clean them a lot more so the dust and dirt doesn’t infect/irritate them

If you wanna give Jack piercings well.. it’s gonna have to be like a really protected spot. He’s running around and climbing lots of trees not to mention how many people actually do try fighting a 6’10 demon..creature…thingy. So you don’t want him getting hurt

That and his healing factor literally is just too good at its job. Damn powers. But hey you can get those little fake ones! He’ll try to keep them on but…

・❥・Jane

Again! She doesn’t judge. She thinks they’re pretty cool, now she can’t have any cause.. well.. she’s a little crispy but! She will wear matching fake ones with you

Definitely best person to get a nice piercing with as she helps you clean and stay on top of them

She bought you a little machine thingy to clean them for you<3

She does actually have her ears pierced but she can’t wear them for long any more :(

She is also stupidly good at finding missing earrings, piercings and jewelry like omg. Like I mean fucking assassin’s creed eagle vision type shit

She’s good in general at findings things really

Omg does she love kissing your piercings <3 she especially likes nose piercings, JANE IS A NOSE KISSER IDC WHAT ANYONE SAYS

my romantical wife<3

She will buy rings and necklaces to match your piercings too! She’s pierced with you in spirit ya know

: ̗̀➛ hehe i loved this. I gotta write Jane and the others their own general headcanons soon, I’m just lazy. Also tell me why Chapter 3 is not plotting how I want it too like come on brain work, anyways I loved this little ask! I have got to start writing more of other characters too I have like… 18 drafts of all sorts of shit. Impulsive writing — Ace