#she's not alone... all our mains at turns gave up their identity... but amara failed to recover :(

[shallowseeker]

For your consideration, because I've been thinking about this...

According to Chuck, Dean doesn't mind feeding Amara "into the meat-grinder with a wink and a smile."

And certainly there are layers to how he feels about doing that... Dean has always walked the line between doing what’s right and what’s necessary, but in this moment, his morality is being pushed to the breaking point.

It’s an existential crisis because it challenges everything he stands for, every instinct to protect and not betray. In this situation, his sense of duty and survival are at odds with his humanity—making him question what he’s willing to sacrifice to win. But ALSO.

Perhaps, deep down, he’s still reeling from the fallout of his and Amara's initial connection.

In Gimme Shelter, Dean is chafing over her decision to meddle:

DEAN: You're damn right. Look at you. Just another cosmic dick rigging the game. You're just like your brother. AMARA: It was a gift, Dean, not a trial. DEAN: I'm not angry, Amara. I'm furious. To know that all my life, I've been nothing but a hamster in a wheel, stuck in a story. And you know whose fault that is? Chuck's. And it ain't just me. We're all trapped. Sam and Cas and Jack and even you. And you want to talk about the people that he's killing right now— AMARA: Stop. ...

AMARA: Can I... trust you? DEAN: I would never hurt you.

Amara and Dean's initial relationship wasn’t just symbiotic; it was predatory.

And with Chuck’s voyeurism looming over the season, it’s all a trigger for Dean. Dean longs to be free—not just from Chuck’s voyeurism, but from Amara’s fascination with him. It’s not just about the manipulation; it’s the lack of consent, the way Chuck and Amara have both used him for their own agendas, to make Dean tap-dance, or to "see what could put out his anger/fire."

///

That said, Amara empathized with Dean

She wanted to return a lost loved one to Dean. She’s not alone. In fact, both Amara and Cas did that—Amara bringing Mary back to life in season 12, and Cas trying his best to bring Sam back to life in season 6.

But how they perceive and engage with Dean could not be more different. Amara: Her actions toward Dean come from a place of curiosity that borders on predation. At first, she seeks to feel what it is to be human through him.

When she revives Mary, it's at its core a way of experimenting with his emotions, not engaging with them. It's a desire to feel what Dean feels for her own sake, not truly honoring him as a person. (It's a bit of a throughline from how Crowley initially sees Demon Dean, "See what I see, feel what I feel.")

It’s tricky because empathy tends to be, at least in part, self-focused. That’s normal. But the difference here is that Amara wants to see what Dean does in response to a cosmic trigger. It’s a grand experiment.

In season 15, she's taking tentative steps toward her own experiences, but when it comes to Dean, there's still a niggling sense of predation or compulsion: "You have a distinctive musk. We will always help each other." Cas: On the other hand... Cas’s fascination comes from a place of genuine empathy and a burgeoning recognition of Dean’s humanity. Cas tries to witness Dean’s emotions as a detached observer but can't help resonating with them.

He finds that Dean helps him stand up for his own values—values he's been forced to bury over and over again. Quickly, Cas's engagement with Dean becomes based on a shared history, a shared fight, and shared values. They don't always agree, or even always help each other. But despite their sometimes very explosive differences of opinion, they usually come to a mutual understanding of one another.

When Cas revives Sam, it comes from a deep sense of guilt and frustration with his own kind. Cas wanted to protect Sam from a fate he felt was tied to his angelic brethren's actions—their failings and their manipulation of the human world.

Cas’s shame about his brothers' actions simmered beneath the surface, eventually boiling over into the white-hot rage of an authoritarian, but unlike Amara, Cas’s initial move was to simply to protect those he loved from the celestial forces he once served.

In short, Cas sees Dean’s pain, his flaws, and his humanity, not as something to be experimented and tinkered with, but as something to cherish and understand. To protect.

Overall, despite some occasional teasing and sniping, Cas witnesses and honors Dean’s humanity, recognizing it as something valuable and worthy of respect, even when, and maybe especially when, it's ugly. //// Anyway, it just seems to me that Dean's panic response in late season 15 regarding Amara could have been inflamed by his and Amara's underlying history.

Amara assumes she and Dean are bound by fate to always help each other—an inevitability, not a choice—and so, choosing to betray her becomes an act of rebellion in itself.

[autumn-maple13]

Lost to Time - Chapter 16

Chapter 16: Son of a

Amara struggled against the (warm?!) weight on top of her, scurrying to her feet when it shifted. Whipping around on it revealed an Arachne, making her lip curl at the sight of the part woman, part spider daemon.

“Honey, you nasty looking.”

The creature only responded by summoning some lightning magic that left the Glaive dodging warily. The area was much darker than she would have preferred, but she tossed a blade behind the daemon anyway and warped after it – only to find herself quickly redirecting when it decided to shit out a web that sent her kukri across the room.

“Oh, you fucker!” Amara shouted, holstering her other blade so she could summon a sword from Noct’s armiger. It was his sword she realized - but couldn’t focus on it too much with the Arachne turning on her once more. The redhead shot under the creature, spearing the sword into its belly and ripping it out as she ran out the other side. The Arachne was weak enough that the mortal wound dispatched it quickly, though not before it was able to send out another wave of lightning, this time barely missing the hurriedly side-stepping woman.

Too fast, as she tripped over an unseen bottle on the ground and landed on her ass to watch the daemon fade as they did – in purple flames and black smoke.

“Well, that wasn’t what I expected to find down here,” she muttered to herself as she stood again, but found herself screeching and tripping over her own two feet once more when a hand landed on her shoulder.

Ignis stood there now, looking shocked to say the least, as the Glaive clutched her chest.

“You bastard! You nearly gave me a heart attack!” she wheezed, though as soon as she was on her feet again, she launched at him - wrapping her arms around his neck. “I’m so glad it’s you and not another fucking spider!”

“A spider? Really?”

“Wait, no, I don’t mean a spider-spider! A daemon spider! An Arachne!”

“A daemon spider? Perhaps I should go warn Prompto,” Ignis chuckled, leaving the now less than happy woman to go retrieve her lost kukri.

“How did you even get here so fast?”

“Through the gate back there.” He looked shocked once more when she whipped around on him. “What?”

“The gate? You came through the gate?!”

“Yes?”

“Mother fucker! That thing was locked I know it was!”

“Uhm, no, no it wasn’t.”

“It was! I had to go the long way to get here!” she pouted, trying to get all the spiderweb off her blade. “Not cool.”

Ignis chose to brush off her remarks, instead following her further into the room where another cave in blocked the path, with just enough room to crawl beneath. Knowing Amara would probably want to go that way, he was already crouching down to examine it before her.

“The guys are going to love this.”

“Of course, who doesn’t love a good adventure that could kill you at any moment.” She was being sarcastic, he could tell from the look on her face alone, so he opted to not reply and just go on ahead. On the other side, they walked together through the tunnel, until they came to another split with an odd, low down arch ahead of them. Ignis opted to examine it a bit closer, though he was unable to see much before Amara shoved his shoulder.

“There’s the tomb.” She motioned off to their left, where a door was just visible in the light of the flashlights. “I’ll go get it open, you go get the guys. And Ignis? Look out for spiders.”

“Yes, of course.” He patted her shoulder before leaving her alone once more. True to her word, she walked right over and unlocked the tomb door, finding inside an almost identical tomb to the first, though it was noticeably a large axe held by this stone figure.

The little lady arrives at last. A man’s voice, deep and rough echoed through her head, but didn’t even try to say more as she approached the ‘table’. Doing as she had done at the Wise’s tomb, she reached out to the axe and felt herself connect to it, watching it float in the air with a noticeably purple aura before it joined the Sword of the Wise, floating around her momentarily before dispersing.

“The Conqueror,” she muttered, dipping her head to the stone man before walking over to one of the walls by the door, sliding down it to sit on the floor and wait for the guys.

They came along soon enough, noticeably dirtier than she had left them. As Noctis stepped in to do what he had to, Prompto regaled her with a description of some kind of pink, sludge type daemon they had encountered (a Bavarois, she guessed).

“No spider lady?”

“Spider lady?!”

“Damn, you got lucky then.”

“What do you mean spider lady?!”

Amara chuckled at Prompto’s panic and turned around when she heard Noctis’s boots scuff the tile floor. The other three gave her a nod, and as soon as she had relocked the tomb, they set off to get the hell out of the Trench. With her in the lead and Gladio taking up the rear they were able to quickly make their way back to the main tunnel, then through that room to the traitorous gate (it was unlocked!) and finally out of the tunnel system altogether only for Noct’s phone to begin ringing as the neared the entrance.

He was quick to answer, and they were left standing there, watching as it grew steadily dusk outside. When he finally hung up, it was Prompto who voiced everyone’s favorite question.

“What’s up?”

Noct shrugged, turning to leave the cavern. “People to see, bases to burn. We need to go meet Monica at the outpost.”

“Did you say base?” Amara felt the familiar adrenaline begin to pulse, thinking about her prior missions. A quick glance at the skyline made her realize it wouldn’t be the same though, so she tried to ebb her excitement as they tried to make their way quickly back to the outpost. “Where at?”

“Not really sure. Close though.” Noct seemed to sense the redhead’s sudden unease about it and fell back to walk beside her. “It’s not even set up yet Amara. Pretty sure Cor wouldn’t want me near the thing if it was going to be too dangerous.”

“Yeah, I’m sure you’re right. But the Niffs have more than a few tricks up their sleeves at this point.”

“You would know best, Sergeant Solis.” Monica called as they neared her, standing off away from the hunters by an old brick building. Only when they stood before her did she lock eyes with Noctis, turning serious. “Your Highness. The marshal has apprised me of the plan. We’ve found a back door into the imperial base. I’ll mark the route on your map.”

The King handed over the group’s map as Amara watched where Monica was marking it. “Is it guarded?”

“No, and it has been secured by the marshal. You should be able to gain entry relatively easily. But be warned, Commander Loqi has been sighted at the base.”

“We should probably rest before going then.” The younger woman looked at her friends. “Loqi pilots MT armor, typically a MA-X Cuirass. He isn’t much bother in a fight, but that armor isn’t something you guys want to take lightly.”

“But you’ve dealt with it before?”

“No, I’ve just seen it in action once, at a base we infiltrated as part of a Glaive mission. It’s got a couple weaker looking spots we can take advantage of, especially with Prompto and Gladio with us.” she took on a thoughtful look. “If I had a picture of it, we could work out a better plan, but we’ll just have to go off what I can remember.”

“Then I suggest we take our leave for now. The caravan looks to be fairly sized, perhaps we sleep there tonight and meet with the Marshall come dawn?” Ignis spoke up now, looking towards the stars that were starting to dot the sky. “As it is, we may find a few daemons blocking our path if we try to go now.”

“Yeah. Monica, can you let Cor know?” Gladio waited until the Guard gave him a nod before he motioned for the others to go ahead and start for the caravan. Amara eyed it warily as she followed Prompto inside to check it out, able to find some solace in the amount of room it seemed to have. Pulling aside the curtain that closed off the main part of the camper to its front room she found a small bedroom, the perfect size for her to lay claim to without complaint. The guys seemed ready to leave her to it, with Ignis getting to work making their dinner over the caravan stove while the others dipped back out to sit around one of the plastic tables out front.

Amara sat on the edge of ‘her’ bed, pulling off her vest and accessories before getting to work on her boots (setting the Tomb key safely aside of course) – all the while watching Ignis cook. He was preparing the Daggerquil she and Noctis had slain earlier that day, sending her a smirk as he worked away.

“Don’t look at me like that.”

“What are you even going to make?”

“Maybe a sandwich, maybe a sauté. Why, do you have something in mind?”

“Only curiosity and mild disgust, but I’m going to trust you on this.”

“And in exchange for your trust, I won’t warn the others if you decide to go ahead and use all the hot water this caravan has.” He motioned towards the back of the place, where the other – larger- room was. “Over there on the left, you might want to hurry before Noct catches wind of this.”

Realizing his point, she made a small effort to sneak across the camper to its small bathroom, securely locking the door before starting the water. She was left jumping in while it was still warming up when she heard footsteps flying towards the tiny room, followed by harsh knocking.

“Amara Solis, I swear to the Six if there’s no hot water left when you’re done, I’ll have Prompto shoot you for treason!”

“Ha! If being the only one to take a hot shower is treasonous, at least I’ll die clean and happy!”

“Ignis is there any ice in the freezer?”

“If you break in here and try that shit on me, you’re gonna wake up to a lot worse than ice tonight your majesty!” she hissed, knowing he would believe her. After his and Prompto’s failed attempt at a similar prank years prior, there’s no way he’d take the threat of retaliation at anything less than a threat on his life.

Thankfully she was able to finish her shower in peace and left the fickle noble (maybe) enough hot water for himself. Or Ignis, who she found leaning against the wall across from the door, towel in one hand and some clothes in the other – which she was surprised to have held out to her.

“We’re going to get you some more clothing when we get to Lestallum, but for now Prompto has volunteered his own sleep shorts for you.”

“And who’s shirt?” she carefully took the clothes, watching him smile before he motioned her back into the bathroom to dress. Amara did as she was instructed and let Ignis slip in beside her when she opened the door again. Handing her the carefully balled up clothes she had been wearing previously, he instructed her on where to find her dinner before locking himself in the bathroom, leaving her to put her clothes away and join the guys outside to eat.

Gladio gave her a whistle when she settled in a chair beside Prompto, eyeing her food warily. “Hey, wait, Ignis made yours different.”

“Oh, he did!” Prompto was leaning over now, examining her plate. “Hey, how come you got a cookie?”

“Where did he even get a cookie?” Noct piped up. “More importantly though, why is she wearing his shirt and your shorts?”

“Ignis gave them to me to wear for the night.” Amara poked at her food for a moment before she began to eat, initially to spare herself the wrath of a man who could no doubt dispose of her body without a trace, and then a bit happier when she realized just how damn good it was. “Okay I never doubted him, but this is so good I think I might go track down a few more Daggerquil at some point.”

“Of course.” Ignis chuckled from the doorway, finally rejoining them. Noct darted off then, with Amara and her empty plate following soon after. Ignis stood by, sipping a can of Ebony as she washed her dishes, only walking over to her once the tap was safely off.

“Amara, we need to have a little talk about our sleeping arrangements for the night.”

“Put Gladio on the roof, should settle things.”

“I heard that!”

The advisor shook his head, letting her have a moment to stick her tongue out at the Shield through the window over the sink. “I suggested the caravan because earlier I overheard some hunters say there may be a sandstorm blowing in tonight.”

“Damn, no roof sleeping then.”

“Noctis and Prompto have already agreed to share the rear bed, and Gladio has laid claim to the fold out couch, as little as it is.”

“Which leaves you.”

“And you, Amara.” Ignis watched the Glaive’s face go pale, then slowly turn pink. “If you’re uncomfortable with it, I don’t mind sleeping on the floor. I just wanted to ask since I’m not fond of being stepped on.”

“It’s fine,” she stuttered, finally looking at him again. “It just caught me off guard.”

The man gave her a slight smile before she excused herself to go ahead and turn in, barely missing the less than happy King who took her spot with Ignis a few moments later.

“Treason.”

“Your teeth are chattering, Noct. I suggest you follow Amara’s lead and turn in. Maybe you’ll warm up a bit faster?” the older man turned his attention to making sure he had cleaned up the kitchen area, only half-listening to Noct’s dramatic complaining before he interrupted himself with a yawn big enough to make him head for his bed immediately.  Prompto followed a few moments later, still looking through the photos he had taken that day, with Gladio stepping in a soon after, securing the caravan door behind him.

“How’d Amara take it?”

“She took it fine, of course.” Ignis busied himself with making sure everything was ready for him to start breakfast the next morning, only stopping when the taller man grabbed his shoulder.

“Iggy, you’re doing it again.”

“What do you mean?”

“You got everything ready as soon as you finished eating. Stop stalling yourself and go get some rest.”

“Just double checking.”

“If you’re going to double check anything, it should be the plan we made while Amara is in the shower – with her.”

“I will come morning.”

“Then go to bed.”

The blond sighed but nodded, taking off his glasses as he slipped over to the smaller room, shutting the curtain behind him when he noticed Amara already curled up under the blankets. The glow from her phone as she thumbed away at some odd game was all the light he had to put his glasses somewhere safe before he climbed under the blanket himself. The man cringed when he realized just how small the bed actually was, turning over on his side to face away from his companion.

“Hey Iggy?”

“Yes Amara?” he was aware of the glow disappearing, then flinched when he felt small, calloused hands slip around his waist – pulling them together. “Amara?”

“It’s just… Kinda cold.” She was shivering, he realized, so he carefully twisted around so he could wrap his arms around her, pulling the blanket tighter around them in the process.

“Get some sleep.”

“Yeah.”

[thesagechronicles]

On Bonnie Bennett and the Mistreatment of Beloved Characters of Color

I remember when the official trailer came out for The Vampire Diaries back in 2009. I was in the eighth grade, possibly sitting on my living room floor in front of the tv, distracted by my homework. When suddenly a Black girl crossed the screen. I did not have the vocabulary I did as a 12/13 yr old that I now have, but I knew desperately needed representation when I saw it. I was already interested in TVD because as I child, I was really into fantasy/sci fi genre. But seeing Bonnie Bennett, and then finding out she was a witch put the icing on the cake.

Miraculously, I watched TVD for eight straight years. Always telling myself that I would stop, but I kept hanging on. I don’t know exactly why, but I believe it had a lot to do with seeing the end to Bonnie’s story. And now that I have, I got A LOT of things to say. 

Bonnie Bennett was originally Bonnie McCullough in the TVD book series written by L.J. Smith. She was white with bright red hair and hazel eyes. With the series being adapted into television, the writers and producers decided to bring diversity to the main cast and casted Kat Graham, a biracial Black woman. And you can guess how mad the book fandom was about that. 

First, lets discuss black characters in TVD, because for the most part, besides Bonnie and her family members (all light skinned) who all die, with the exception of her mother who gets turned into a vampire and disappears, black characters are absent. There was Luca and Jonas. Two male warlocks who befriended Bonnie, only to use her. She got comfortable with them, finally being able to talk to someone about her abilities, and they turned out to be bad people, or at least that was how they were framed. Luca was killed by Damon. Jonas was killed by Katherine. When Jonas is murdered, Bonnie tells Katherine that she didn’t have to kill him. Katherine disagrees. They are disposable.

Remember Lucy Bennett? Another one of Katherine’s pawns who is killed off after serving her purpose? Or what about Qetsiyah? The baddest witch of them all who created an immortality elixir for her true love (Stefan’s doppleganger) and was later betrayed by that true love who gave her dosage to Amara (Elena’s doppleganger)? Or what about that time they made the literal devil a dark skinned Black man?!

As you can see there was no variety in the representation of Black characters. There were bad Black characters who were eventually killed off and then there was Bonnie. Nothing less and nothing more.

So what did they do with their only Black main character? They treated her like absolute shit and never gave her a story line of her own. Bonnie was a tool to help other characters through their plights while simultaneously enduring emotional turmoil. 

There are so many times when Bonnie literally saved everyone in Mystic Falls, including people who scorned her like Damon and Stefan Salvatore. I can’t count on my two hands alone how many times Bonnie was superwoman. She was always willing to literally sacrifice herself for other characters. She was always too ready to submit to death if it meant saving those around her. Bonnie was never concerned with saving herself. She was overtly strong, even up to her very last epic scene, taking on hellfire on her own. She embodied the strong Black woman trope far too many times and was never allowed a day off. Someone somewhere always needed her to use her. 

Who could forget the season when Bonnie was made into the anchor. We watched her go through physical pain, time and time again. We watched her die, multiple times. We even watched her lose her magic, an extremely crucial part of her identity. Bonnie often felt like a character who was floating from place to place in the background, only brought to the forefront when someone needed something fixed, or when someone needed to dump their pain and suffering onto her.

Now, let’s talk about Bonnie’s non existent love life. She fell in love with Jeremy Gilbert, Elena’s little brother, who never got over his exes, Vicky and Annabelle (another character of color killed off after a short life). I mean the dude quite literally cheated on her with their ghosts. Bonnie’s next “epic love” was Enzo, another generic male character (white passing) with a troubled past. But for some reason, people shipped Bamon for the LONGEST even though he used Bonnie and treated her like shit as well. Remember when Damon hesitated with the decision of killing Bonnie after Kai linked her with Elena? Remember how Damon decided not to kill Bonnie because of Elena and not because, well I don’t know, Bonnie is a person who deserves life? Remember when Bonnie was left behind in the prison world, fighting Kai while Damon, of all people, got to escape? And remember when people lost their shit at the idea of Bonnie choosing Enzo (and herself) over Damon? 

Nonetheless, things were starting to look up for Bonnie with Enzo. He was going to take the cure, they were going to live a long happy life together. But then Stefan violently kills him and in the midst of her intense anguish and pain, Bonnie takes the cure she was going to use for Enzo and uses it on Stefan, saving him and Elena (who he was going to kill) once again. Even after what Stefan did, Caroline expected Bonnie to come to their wedding, celebrating Caroline’s fairytale with a person who destroyed hers. 

I watched the series finale. I saw the end to every character I had grown to like and hate over the past eight years. Everyone got their happy ending, except Bonnie. Bonnie’s arch ends with her vowing to follow Enzo’s advice and travel the world and be happy. She doesn’t get the epic romance that is awarded to everyone else. And before you mention Stefan’s death, Caroline is not alone. Klaus, as he promised, will be her last love. Elena and Damon are together. Bonnie, however…again…is alone. However cliche it may be, we don’t get to see her walking towards the sunset with the love of her life. We don’t even get to see her following her dreams. We don’t know what Bonnie’s dreams are. We only know that she is still living for someone else.

I wanted so much for Bonnie Bennett. I wanted the world for her, as she often gave the world to so many others. But that wasn’t her case. The writers of TVD really failed her. She was treated as a good, loyal, pet, but was never allowed to shine in her own right.

But I’ve learned to stop putting so much expectations into characters of color written by white people. Eleven times out of ten, they never do our stories justice. But in a genre where Black girls rarely every see themselves, I can admit, I did expect so much more. I can also admit that the treatment of Bonnie’s character and other characters of color still hurts.

I expected more for Glenn, and Poussey, and Lincoln, and countless others. I am currently and nervously biting my nails for Raven Reyes from the 100 who seems to be becoming a martyr. I feel the same for Sasha from TWD after last Sundays episode.

With all that being said writers should know that we don’t want to see these characters persecuted. We don’t want them to become martyrs. We don’t want them to orbit other characters. We want them to be treated like the Sun.

[twofrontteethstillcrooked]

#like cas... amara too wanted to give up#but amara gave up wholly... not giving into self-inflicted penance of purgatoray as cas did but losing her identity all together#her individuation abandoned for a baggage-less existence#she's not alone... all our mains at turns gave up their identity... but amara failed to recover :( via @shallowseeker

For your consideration, because I've been thinking about this...

According to Chuck, Dean doesn't mind feeding Amara "into the meat-grinder with a wink and a smile."

And certainly there are layers to how he feels about doing that... Dean has always walked the line between doing what’s right and what’s necessary, but in this moment, his morality is being pushed to the breaking point.

It’s an existential crisis because it challenges everything he stands for, every instinct to protect and not betray. In this situation, his sense of duty and survival are at odds with his humanity—making him question what he’s willing to sacrifice to win. But ALSO.

Perhaps, deep down, he’s still reeling from the fallout of his and Amara's initial connection.

In Gimme Shelter, Dean is chafing over her decision to meddle:

DEAN: You're damn right. Look at you. Just another cosmic dick rigging the game. You're just like your brother. AMARA: It was a gift, Dean, not a trial. DEAN: I'm not angry, Amara. I'm furious. To know that all my life, I've been nothing but a hamster in a wheel, stuck in a story. And you know whose fault that is? Chuck's. And it ain't just me. We're all trapped. Sam and Cas and Jack and even you. And you want to talk about the people that he's killing right now— AMARA: Stop. ...

AMARA: Can I... trust you? DEAN: I would never hurt you.

Amara and Dean's initial relationship wasn’t just symbiotic; it was predatory.

And with Chuck’s voyeurism looming over the season, it’s all a trigger for Dean. Dean longs to be free—not just from Chuck’s voyeurism, but from Amara’s fascination with him. It’s not just about the manipulation; it’s the lack of consent, the way Chuck and Amara have both used him for their own agendas, to make Dean tap-dance, or to "see what could put out his anger/fire."

///

That said, Amara empathized with Dean

She wanted to return a lost loved one to Dean. She’s not alone. In fact, both Amara and Cas did that—Amara bringing Mary back to life in season 12, and Cas trying his best to bring Sam back to life in season 6.

But how they perceive and engage with Dean could not be more different. Amara: Her actions toward Dean come from a place of curiosity that borders on predation. At first, she seeks to feel what it is to be human through him.

When she revives Mary, it's at its core a way of experimenting with his emotions, not engaging with them. It's a desire to feel what Dean feels for her own sake, not truly honoring him as a person. (It's a bit of a throughline from how Crowley initially sees Demon Dean, "See what I see, feel what I feel.")

It’s tricky because empathy tends to be, at least in part, self-focused. That’s normal. But the difference here is that Amara wants to see what Dean does in response to a cosmic trigger. It’s a grand experiment.

In season 15, she's taking tentative steps toward her own experiences, but when it comes to Dean, there's still a niggling sense of predation or compulsion: "You have a distinctive musk. We will always help each other." Cas: On the other hand... Cas’s fascination comes from a place of genuine empathy and a burgeoning recognition of Dean’s humanity. Cas tries to witness Dean’s emotions as a detached observer but can't help resonating with them.

He finds that Dean helps him stand up for his own values—values he's been forced to bury over and over again. Quickly, Cas's engagement with Dean becomes based on a shared history, a shared fight, and shared values. They don't always agree, or even always help each other. But despite their sometimes very explosive differences of opinion, they usually come to a mutual understanding of one another.

When Cas revives Sam, it comes from a deep sense of guilt and frustration with his own kind. Cas wanted to protect Sam from a fate he felt was tied to his angelic brethren's actions—their failings and their manipulation of the human world.

Cas’s shame about his brothers' actions simmered beneath the surface, eventually boiling over into the white-hot rage of an authoritarian, but unlike Amara, Cas’s initial move was to simply to protect those he loved from the celestial forces he once served.

In short, Cas sees Dean’s pain, his flaws, and his humanity, not as something to be experimented and tinkered with, but as something to cherish and understand. To protect.

Overall, despite some occasional teasing and sniping, Cas witnesses and honors Dean’s humanity, recognizing it as something valuable and worthy of respect, even when, and maybe especially when, it's ugly. //// Anyway, it just seems to me that Dean's panic response in late season 15 regarding Amara could have been inflamed by his and Amara's underlying history.

Amara assumes she and Dean are bound by fate to always help each other—an inevitability, not a choice—and so, choosing to betray her becomes an act of rebellion in itself.