#sherlock holmes and the american problem

[madrabbitsociety]

Friends that solve crimes together also sometimes commit them.

Sherlock Holmes/Lord Leonard Aster: Cor Estoll

Dr. John Watson/Captain Bill Slank: Avery Morstan

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Sherlock and the American Problem Photo: Kentland Community Players/Markham Luke

Peter and the Starcatcher photo courtesy of Stache, played by Ron Ward.

[crazycatmilo]

I’ve been reading all of the original Holmes stories and I got to the final problem today. Had some feelings about it so here’s a little thing I wrote in one sitting from Watson’s POV.

(Tried to emulate the writing style but I’m also a stupid modern American so if I make any mistakes sorry about that 😭)

It is ironic how the human mind rebels against itself. For as a medical man, logically, I knew that in the aftermath of Holmes’s death, I was in a state of shock and grief. That would explain my internal denial of the events that likely took place in my absence.

However, I could not bring myself to entirely accept that my dear friend, Sherlock Holmes, who I had witnessed beat countless foes with his intellect, was at the bottom of the Reichenbach Falls, never to take on another case. After all, he had a habit in the past of not telling me of his plans until after the culprit was caught and the day won, which had the tendency of causing misunderstandings between us at times. But I learned to trust his methods, and have, perhaps, throughout our years of companionship, trusted him more than any other soul.

So upon my return from Switzerland, with Mary concerned by my lack of activity, I simply waited for a sign. For a letter, a message, a strange encounter. Anything that would say the game was up, that my dear friend was alive, that he was sorry for deceiving me in such a way. But nothing ever came. Mycroft was as cold as ever, which I began to despise him for. I thought that perhaps he knew something at first, but maybe he really is just an uncaring, insensitive brother.

Upon Mary’s worried insistence, I have opened my notebook once again to write these thoughts, which she believes may help me process my grief. But, as Holmes loved to joke at, my pen cannot accurately recreate the man whom I so deeply miss.

[kaliforniared]

The Three Students Pt. 2 (SPOILERS)

Pt. 2 notes, let’s go!!

Starting off with John being the disaster drunk that he is…I’m not surprised John would be the ‘I lOvE yOu GuYs So MuCh” drunk

I forget John is a snorer (worth noting that Sherlock HATES people making noises in their sleep INCLUDING snorers, but somehow doesn’t have any problem with John’s snoring)

Mariana and Kayleigh bonding over Taylor Swift was sweet (not a Swiftie myself, but still sweet)

At least John isn’t the only one that ‘overdid it’ while at Oxford. Sherlock honey you were up until 5am, GO TO SLEEP!

‘Sleeping Beauty’ - hehe John’s our Sleeping Beauty (as he looks like shit, I imagine)

Poor John is gonna be SUFFERING through that hangover

Oh?? John’s drunken adventures gave them a clue? Good for him, I suppose?

Oh God, I just KNOW the speech is gonna SUCK

John, stop losing your shoes!! 

‘A very particular shoe’…hmm 

Prometheus mention? Must be to make up for them changing from the original Greek exam in the og story! Really good connection between the myth and the current case

Ew shut up Miles, that isn’t ‘speaking your mind’, that’s just being an arrogant prick. Humble this piece of shit, Sherlock!

Sherlock: “Oopsy, there’s a lie”, YES SHERLOCK get his ass!

It’s the moment we’ve all been expected: the big speech! Poor Sherlock, he’s so nervous

Good on him for switching over to something he’s more confident in: the current case!

Yes Sherlock, get in your element! It’s so sweet hearing him get so into the case and explaining his deductions, and I LOVE all Sherlock Holmes deduction scenes where he explains his thinking!

Personally I think Sherlock would also make for a GREAT professor (ironic considering a certain professor becomes a problem later on…)

Sherlock: “Oh deary deary”, stop being so cute, Sherlock!

Hehe yes Sherlock, make that SMALL MAN admit his real height! (He’s not even that short, but he deserves to be bullied)

Nice callback to Sherlock looking for ‘a very particular shoe’ while getting shoes for John! Knew that was gonna come back up later

Kayleigh, You did all this in order to go to a TAYLOR SWIFT CONCERT?! I will say, Swifties are committed

“Only through a Doctor from Swindon and an Accountant from Sociedad have my studies in the human condition had become all the more enlightening” d’awwww Sherlock you love them!!

Oh God oh no Sherlock no don’t read that IT’S THE BAD SPEECH AHHHH THE SECONDHAND EMBARRASSMENT

HA Sherlock still being the snack thief he is!

Aaaaand that’s it for the Three Students case! This was a fun one. Not in my top three for the podcast’s cases, but definitely a fun one. 

I don’t know if alcoholism is thought of differently in the UK (especially when it comes to UK university norms) but even as an American I can tell that alcohol is becoming far more relevant to John than him just ‘partying like a student’. Reminder that he was drinking a beer in the middle of the day during pt. 1, and this was BEFORE they stepped foot at Oxford! Personally…I hope the podcast recognizes this as a real problem; same goes for Sherlock’s drug addiction. I really don’t want these things to just be running jokes. I’m not asking for full episodes of rehab or whatever, I just want them to ACKNOWLEDGE that these are problems. 

Anyway, great case and now it’s just waiting for the next one. Fingers crossed we start getting to the meatier cases soon!

[hot-on-my-watch]

"The Cipher was the Song": The Musgrave Ritual and Nemo Holmes

In reading the script for The Final Problem I inevitably returned to the puzzle of the fake gravestones and whether the code works.

Clearly, if this was going to be worked out, it would've been done long ago by someone much cleverer than me, a new fan with a dodgy brain, but hey ho...

So here we have the numbers:

And the song:

BUT, it doesn't quite work from the numbers we're given. After the numbers on the third gravestone, we're missing:

28, 1, 2, 3, and 8 = 281238

Corresponding with the words:

LOST WITHOUT YOUR LOVE SAVE

This post by @ explains the theory that most makes sense and immediately became my head canon: the cipher does work, if there is a fifth fake gravestone. And we know that there is. Sherlock's. If we take his date of death as 2/8/12 and his age as 38, it works.

The shooting script somewhat supports this- notice how "NEMO HOLMES" is given its own line as though it's a separate piece of code.

However, where would this "date of death" come from? Did Sherlock fake his death on the 2nd of August, 2012?

John's first blog entry following Sherlocks's death is 6th June and I don't know what year it was actually posted, and The Reichenbach Fall first aired on the 5th of January 2012. Even if we go all American with the date, and why would we, we still have the Fall occuring after the episode was broadcast in reality and not even slightly lining up with John's blog.

But... it's television. The writers very much seem to have forgotten that the "real" online blogs existed in season four and they have given us contradictory information prior to this too; in The Empty Hearse Mary says "finally, the famous blog" as if she's never seen it before, but in "blogland" she's bloody commented on it! And as for the episode release date, we know that A Scandal in Belgravia too place over several months, release dates mean nothing. But to my mind it IS weird that it would ever have happened in world after in real life.

But again... it's not real. Slip-ups happen.

It's entirely possible that the entire thing with the unworkable cipher was just a mistake, and I know that.

But, are there any other possibilities? Does NEMO HOLMES somehow equate to 281238 or LOST WITHOUT YOUR LOVE SAVE in some other undiscovered way?

Again, if it did, someone cleverer would've already cracked it. But...

After some brief googling I can tell you that the Odyssey, which we get 'Nemo' from, was written in the 7th or 8th century BC and the surname Holmes was first recorded in about 1300 AD. I can also tell you that you can buy a chair called Nemo 28 Stone and that an artist called Nemo had a song called 'The Code' in the 2024 Eurovision Song Contest. That's where I'll leave it!

And, I'm really not sure that any of it would work 'in-world'. Eurus' god-like powers of deduction allow her to predict terrorist attacks from Twitter, sure, but do they enable her to predict a faked suicide over three decades in advance? Would this even be what was meant, or would it be intended as a nice little easter egg from the writers? Is nothing meant to be real? Or was it just a standard slip-up?

I solemnly swear that show I ever become trapped in a lift with Steven Moffat or Mark Gatiss, I will absolutely ask.

For now, the headcanon continues!

[theconstitutionisgayculture]

I think one of the big issues with comics is that they have become far too serialized, with each run wanting to tell an ongoing story. I get the impulse, and some of those runs have been excellent for it, but I feel that's not how superhero comics are supposed to work.

Unlike manga, comic books seem more geared to merely showing the various adventures of these heroes, with a lot more done-in-one stories. They're less like Harry Potter, which was one big story in multiple installments, and more like Doyle's Sherlock Holmes books, where each story was self contained.

Yeah, they did evolve and change their characters throughout the sixties onward and many were great for it, but I'm starting to think they leaned too far in making things ongoing. Especially because they're reaching the point where they won't let the characters evolve anymore, yet won't just go back to self-contained adventures. They need to pick a lane.

Comics were always serialized. To the point where they used to just be called serials. And it worked fine for 50 years.

The main thing I think that ruined comics before the wokeness was the overuse of massive events. Comics used to mostly follow a very easy formula. Short arcs that last 1-3 issues, sprinkled with larger arcs that last for a few more issues. Then, massive event comics like Crisis and Secret War made bank, and Marvel and DC wanted to that money coming in. So they did sequels to their successful events. When those stopped selling, they created new events. The problem with the events is that they took over the normal weekly/monthly stories. Nothing mattered but the events, and if you had a status quo you liked, chances were the event was going to mess with that for shock value. Eventually, there ended up being at least one major event that covered the whole comic universe per year, usually with smaller events that covered a single book too. It got to the point where the events and the individual issues stopped selling, so they did more events with even more radical shock changes of beloved characters and stories. And when that didn't work, they decided to reboot their continuity to fix what they spent 10+ years breaking. (then in the case of DC, rebooted it three more times when everyone hated the other reboots). In the middle of this, they also went woke, and now we're where we're at with mainstream American comics. Most of them suck, and the ones that don't are only good until the writers or editors switch books, then the new person (usually Bendis or King) usually ruins them to put "their mark" on an iconic character.

I honestly don't know how you fix comics. Even removing the woke, left wing crap at this point isn't enough (though it's a good start) because there are underlying problems with how the medium is run and presented. Books are constantly late, with last minute revisions and sometimes multiple artists working on a single book before it hit shelves. The compensation for writers and artists is shit unless you're a top name with multiple books, and even then sales are often so bad they go months without getting what they're owed, so the talent pool is shrinking for all but the most iconic characters. Everyone wants to write Batman, but no one wants to write Booster Gold. And every time they have a "hit" (with sales numbers that would have been abject failures 20 years ago) everyone tries to copy the book that got big and further messes things up in other books.

[mothonweb]

I have inexplicable beef with the second half of the Moriarty the patriot manga. Actually no, it’s totally explicable. In this essay I will…

Anyways, my issues with it start at the Jack the Ripper case. I haven’t read the original Sherlock Holmes stories so keep that in mind. But, why did they make the fake ‘Jack the Ripper’ communists? It doesn’t make sense to me—unless, of course, it is to show that the LoC aren’t marxists. But is THAT’s true then it contradicts with things that William says in the first half of the story—where he wants to get rid of class discrimination in the fastest way possible.

AND THEN WE GET TO MILVERTON. Why. Why. Why is he THERE. This arc is written poorly compared to the others and I feel like if milverton were such a big threat then William would have seen that and gotten rid of him already. Especially someone who is *widely* known as the ‘king of blackmail’ and has harmed many people before finding out Williams identity. If he was causing so much harm, he would’ve been taken care of already and the whole identity reveal to London wouldn’t have happened—which would leave the LoC in a much better situation to carry out their plan.

Speaking of that plan, it seems a little lackluster doesn’t it? Like the townspeople and nobles will stop the fire together and then go back to their discrimination like immediately after everything is fixed. Like what? It isn’t very well thought out. This can work narratively if you make it so William is more focused on killing himself than finishing his plan—but that’s his life goal that plan so it doesn’t make sense that way unless you want to make William have selfish motivations, which he doesn’t in the first half of the manga.

Also speaking of his self hatred, I love a complicated character. But, there weren’t many signs of his self loathing (that I can remember) before the Final Problem. It’s like he forgot the whole reason he was killing, and forgot how many people he helped in doing so. If he had met, for example, the Burton’s, again and he had been shown the good that he had done then maybe he would feel better about himself.

Also, he ends up working for the AMERICAN GOVERNMENT???? ARE YOU KIDDING ME. I feel like I don’t even have to elaborate on this one, but I will. It’s like the writer is pretending that 1880s USA was all peachy and a great place to live. NO. NO IT WASNT. There’s a reason the big business men were called ‘robber-barons’ at this time. Also the rest of the LoC joining the British Government, makes them follow the government’s morals instead of their own, which is a) less interesting, b) more morally questionable writing decisions.

The British empire was horrendous. Which is MENTIONED IN CHAPTER ONE AND WILLIAM LITERALLY SAYS THAT HES GONNA FIGHT THE WHOLE COUNTRY AND THEN HE DOESNT DO THAT.

Anyways. This is what fanfic is for I suppose.

[swissmissficrecs]

Johnlock fics I read in 2023

This is everything I read in the Sherlock Holmes fandom last year that made it into my bookmarks. So while I may not have read enough to make a selected "best of" list, consider these the ones that made it past all my internal selection criteria and are deserving of a spotlight. A few of these were completed prior to 2023.

A Case of You by Silvergirl (17K, M, Johnlock, Sherlock/OMC) Sherlock is marrying an American, and at the rehearsal dinner, best man John makes a drunken love confession he doesn’t remember the next day. Badly hungover, John can't find anyone to tell him what the hell happened to the wedding, where the grooms are, or how he can put it right so that Sherlock can be happy. But what if he's dead wrong about what will make Sherlock happy?

A Midnight Clear by khorazir (16K, T, Johnlock) It’s Christmas Eve, and Sherlock is working. Because that’s what he does. He doesn’t need Christmas, or holiday cheer, or even company. He’s fine on his own, thank you very much – until a series of strange encounters on his way back to Baker Street makes him reconsider.

A Story That Is Almost, But Not Quite, Entirely Unlike Blue Carbuncle by Iwantthatcoat (16K, M, Johnlock) It’s the most wonderful time of the year, and the Holmes Family is all set to have one of those unimaginable Christmas dinners— but the game is afoot, as Mummy’s friend is caught up in a Christmas mystery.

An Elegant Solution by ArwaMachine (19K, E, Johnlock) Sherlock finds himself unspeakably aroused by the idea of John with another man. Problem is, the only man Sherlock will permit be with John is Sherlock himself. Seems like an unsolvable problem. ... or is it?

An Ocean Away by westernredcedar (14K, T, Johnlock) Sherlock Holmes has been gone for twenty long years, time enough for John Watson's daughter to make it all the way to Harvard University.

Avast Ye Merry Gentlemen by StellaCartography (10K, E, Johnlock) Sherlock is not a Christmas person. John decides it's Christmas that needs changing.

Bright Blue Ink by 13_33 (13K, G, Johnlock, Warstan) When one of my patients asks me about my relationship with Sherlock Holmes, the great detective, I answer this: I am his chronicler, his assistant in solving crimes, his confidant and friend. Of course, all these terms hold true, now as then, at the beginning of our shared history. But just as in a family portrait you can only see the put-on smiles and never the real faces of the people, they were only part of what made up my true relationship with Holmes. I know him, I then add; I know him well. [ACD]

Deductive Reasoning by cormorant (8K, T, Johnlock) John finds out that Sherlock has assumed for a while that their relationship was romantic, and feels like maybe he should have been notified about that.

Doting Husbands by Calais_Reno (16K, M, Johnlock) Sherlock takes on a new hobby: writing a story. If only something would happen! Takes place a year after the ending of Wooing Sherlock Holmes. He and John have been married for a year, still retired, living in Sussex.

Full Mount by ArwaMachine (54K, E, Johnlock) After Sherlock unceremoniously returns from the dead, John finds himself inexplicably angry all the time. So he does what any emotionally-constipated British man does: he joins a Mixed Martial Arts gym. As John throws himself into the sport and joins in on underground no-holds-barred brawls, situations arise that just might force John to face what is really going on underneath all the rage.

Indefinite Lines by ArwaMachine (298K, E, Johnlock) When two lines, inclined towards each other, are extended indefinitely, it is inevitable that they meet. Upon meeting, the lines become something new. Together. Perhaps it’s been like that from the beginning for Sherlock and John—their lives weaving together, inclined towards one another, moving closer and closer to something greater than themselves.

Live from the Morgue by disfictional (8K, E, Johnlock) Molly interviews Sherlock on her podcast, Live from the Morgue. John listens.

Lost In A Good Book by khorazir (68K, M, Johnlock) After chasing a criminal into a poky second-hand bookshop, John and Sherlock find themselves not only stuck in the building, but in L-space itself. With things still raw and unsettled between them after the events surrounding the Culverton Smith case, this adds another dimension to their predicament, which not only consists of finding a way out of the shop (while avoiding getting murdered by the criminal), but also to finally address the issues between them.

Nightjet by khorazir (22K, M, Johnlock) Officially deceased for eighteen months and still looking for the last remainders of Moriarty’s criminal empire, an exhausted Sherlock boards a night train in Germany to bring him to his next hunting ground. Due to a mishap with the sleeper cars, he is forced to share a compartment with a stranger – who turns out to be not quite as strange as Sherlock thought. The universe isn’t lazy, after all …

Nothing to Celebrate by DiscordantWords (30K, M, Johnlock, Warstan) Sherlock Holmes is back from the dead. Things only get worse from there.

Our Ghosts And This by LipstickDaddy (12K, T, Johnlock) An epilogue in three acts.

Primavera by Berty (9K, T, Johnlock) Italy in the springtime is as romantic as it gets but is it enough to free unspoken words and feelings after years of silence?

Salut d'Amour by ecoutes (11K, G, Johnlock) Despite Holmes claiming that my narrations of our cases were tainted with sentimentality, his preferences in music, I learned, were awfully romantic. [ACD]

Spare Parts by Raina_at (63K, E, Johnlock) Two years ago, Sherlock Holmes jumped off the roof of New London Hospital. Two months ago, he walked into John's clinic as if no time had passed at all. John hasn't seen him since. But then Sherlock knocks on John's door with a case he can't say no to, and while figuring out why the biggest manufacturer or synthetic limbs in the System is going after veterans, they also need to find out whether there's a way to fix what's broken between them.

stirringofbirds between my arms by NotusLethe (18K, E, Johnlock, Enola/Tewksbury) Over the years, John Watson gets to know his new flatmate, Sherlock Holmes, and the man's clever ward. [Enola Holmes]

Stretch by illwick (13K, E, Johnlock) Sometimes the lines get blurry. [Part 35 of a BDSM established relationship series]

The Adventure of The Reluctant Docent by mydogwatson (23K, T, Johnlock) Someone is killing the docents of London. Sherlock is on the case when he meets a very interesting docent.

The Case of the Freudian Dick Pic Slip by expoduck (11K, E, Johnlock) John accidentally sends Sherlock a dick pic he'd intended for another man.

The Mystery of the Missing Metallurgist by rudbeckia (14K, M, Johnlock) A young wife engages Holmes to find her missing husband. Lestrade thinks the man has absconded to America, but Holmes rises to the challenge of Proving Lestrade Wrong. The case turns out to be far more complex and dangerous than they first thought, and Holmes sends Watson to secure Lestrade’s help in bringing a criminal gang to justice. When Holmes gets injured, Watson realises where his heart lies and a little lighthearted banter leads to a tentative confession. [ACD]

The Silence Between the Notes by J_Baillier (44K, M, Johnlock, Viclock) Lieutenant John Watson's days in London are painted in shades of grey after losing both his military career and his family. Could an unexpected request to travel to Vienna to track down the errant son of a wealthy family break the monotony?

The Wizard of Baker Street by Calais_Reno (23K, T, Johnlock) In which Sherlock is a wizard under a curse and John spends a lot of time as a cat.

‘tis the damn season by chrysanthemumsies (22K, E, Johnlock) Sherlock and John travel to Edinburgh to catch a homophobic serial killer in time for Christmas. They figure out how to use their words, more or less.

Trapezoid by SilentAuror (27K, E, Johnlock, OMC/ OMC) Corey Graham invites John and Sherlock to visit L.A. to consult on a project… at least, officially.

Yorkshire by lurikko (8K, E, Johnlock) They're in Yorkshire, in a house in the moors, for a case, only Sherlock keeps touching John. [Omegaverse]

[madrabbitsociety]

Rehearsal Stills - Sherlock Holmes & The American Problem Photo Credit: Markham Luke Kentlands Community Players in Partnership with The Gaithersburg Arts Barn 9/16/2023 - 10/1/2023

Dr. John Watson - Avery Morstan "Mayhem" Maggie Malloy - Jenn Robinson

[stephensmithuk]

The Valley of Fear: The Warning

Originally serialised in The Strand from September 1914 to May 1915 and in US from September to November 1914 in supplements for various Sunday newspapers, the fourth Sherlock Holmes novel was first published in book form by the George H. Doran Company (now part of the Doubleday subsidiary of Penguin Random House) in February 1915 in the United States when that serialisation was done. The UK edition by Smith, Elder & Co. came out in June 1915.

The US version is the one on Wikimedia Commons.

The Greek version of E or "Epsilon" looks like this:

British libel law requires the defendant to prove the contested statement is true on the balance of probabilities, the reverse of the American requirement where the plaintiff must prove the statement is false and the defendant knew that.

The first asteroid had only been identified in 1801; that being Ceres, now officially a dwarf planet in the same category as Pluto, Eris, Sedna and some others. Most asteroids cannot be seen with the naked eye.

The problems of informing someone of the cipher being used and the message being sent without risking compromise has long been a challenge for cryptography.

More on book ciphers here, with spoilers for various other works including BBC's Sherlock:

The Bible not only has a vast range of editions, but it also a vast range of translations available. The standard version used in Church of England churches would be the King James Version and even that has different editions.

Bradshaw's would have a wider range of vocabulary in the city/town guides, but probably not enough for most messages.

Whitaker’s Almanac was an annual reference book published by various publishers, most recently Rebellion Publishing, between 1867 and 2021, it has been on indefinite hiatus since then.

It contained a lot of esoteric material. The 1887 guide includes things like:

The rising and setting times of the five planets visible with the naked eye every seven days.

A calendar of appointed Bible readings in churches for every Sunday.

The date of Easter for every year from 1500 to 2000.

The monthly wages of seamen out of the port of London from 1848 to 1885

A guide to the War Fleets of the World.

Income tax from 1842 to 1887 - it was 8d per £ over £100 in 1887, but nothing under that amount.

Railway stock prices.

The fastest and longest non-stop trains; the 4.17 (I assume pm) from Grantham to King's Cross took 1 hour and 58 minutes to cover 105 1/4 miles, at an average speed of 53 1/2 mph. Today, Hull Trains will get you there in 1 hour and 3 minutes, an average speed of 100mph!

Good and bad harvests... with the marriage rate in the same table.

Mahratta is an old spelling of Maharashtra, the Indian state that is home to Mumbai.

Scotchman was a contemporary term for Scotsman; today using "Scotch" to describe people is considered offensive by many Scottish people. It's fine for certain objects, like the drink.

[weedle-testaburger]

i think it says something very funny about the british psyche vs the american psyche that our idea of 'the world's greatest detective' is sherlock holmes and theirs is batman. like, the british idea of a great detective is an insensitive, stuck-up victorian with a drug problem and the american idea of a great detective is an emotionally scarred super rich bodybuilder who wears a halloween costume whenever he can

[blindhades]

alright it's time to make an introduction post

you can call me ari, she/her pronouns, italian, 19, aroace. probably autistic.

things i like (in no particular order)

musicals and shows:

⭒ epic the musical ⭒ hamilton ⭒ heathers ⭒ nana ⭒ moulin rouge ⭒ merlin ⭒ once upon a time ⭒ the big bang theory ⭒ the flash (2014) ⭒ good omens ⭒ star vs the forces of evil ⭒ the owl house ⭒ miraculous ladybug ⭒ barbie movies ⭒ disney movies ⭒ monster high ⭒ ever after high ⭒ ghibli movies (ponyo and kiki's delivery service in particular) ⭒

artists:

⭒ MARINA ⭒ Conan Gray ⭒ Grace Vanderwaal ⭒ Paris Paloma ⭒ ABBA ⭒ Jann ⭒ Laufey ⭒

other things i love:

⭒ genshin impact ⭒ stars and flowers ⭒ anything that's pink ⭒ sherlock holmes ⭒ morgana and oz ⭒ nevermore ⭒ taking random quizzes online ⭒shitty american high school movies ⭒ math and logic problems ⭒ my lovely lovely mutuals ⭒

i probably forgot a lot of things but i'll keep it updated

also!! i love being tagged in tag games or anything really even if we're not mutuals !!

and love getting asks and messages!! i'd really like to get closer with my mutuals (yes even you) but i'm always scared to start conversations bc. you know. communication. anxiety. whatever. it doesn't really matter what you write, but if you want to talk to me you can just write something really stupid and random like. the temperature outside or a fun fact about ducks. idk.

queen of pointing out the obvious

bothering some mutuals with really random questions - if you want to be part of my chaos lmk (you can see my asks in #silly questions for my mutuals )

[user-needs-new-hyperfixation]

Rare(ish)-pair Yuumori ideas that I may or may not ever write (but they're like, bottom of my ideas list, so if anyone is inspired by these have at it, I can always do my own versions later lol. Tag me tho, I wanna read stuff!)

(These are for the most part absurdly off-canon and varying degrees of cracky. Roll with it.)

Bond/Albert in which Albert is a virgin and Bond has never had sex post-transition. Bond tops. It's like a very affectionate friends-with-benefits deal where they're learning new things together.

Billy and Louis friendship fic where Louis expects to find Billy annoying because he's kind of boisterous and overly familiar and whatnot, but instead finds himself surprisingly charmed and then they're buddies.

Billy and Bond fic where they bond over being Americans who faked their deaths and changed their identities. They may or may not kiss, idk.

Jack Renfield/Queen Victoria 😂😂😂😂

Mycroft and Miss Hudson have an incredibly tame, mature, and vanilla romance that is absolutely fascinating to everyone around them because they're all crazy people (affectionate). They do gentle missionary for the first time on their wedding night and have a baby precisely forty weeks later and everyone claps.

Mycroft/Moran. Has anyone done this? I literally have no reason for it other than that I was playing around with the character profiles trying to see which people might actually have anything in common based on age etc, and huh. I could find a way to make this work. They never have sex beyond handies because they can't agree on who would top. 🤣

John and Moran fic. Probably just a friend fic. Frankly this should be considered more in general in Holmes adaptations: these two are foils of each other, each the loyal soldier at Holmes' and Moriarty's respective sides. They should be drinking buddies in the Yuumori-verse, but in everything else they should be enemies with belligerent sexual tension.

Mycroft/William set in between A Scandal in the British Empire and The Final Problem, in which they have a lot of technically very good but very miserable sex while pining over each other's brothers and picking apart each other's brains brutally.

William/Billy thing where William after the coma is still working things through and is kind of emotionally distancing himself from Sherlock because he's still not Okay, and Billy is there for him. (Vermissa gets pushed later in this.) They get quite emotionally entangled in bonding over their similarities, but nothing actually comes of it, and Billy is the one to ultimately give William the push he needs to open up to Sherlock. It ends on a bittersweet note with the implication that Billy is more than a little in love with Liam, but knows Sherlock is who he should be with. Sad gays.

Bond/everyone where he's at the center of the most successful polycule in recorded history. 😂

[fictionkinfessions]

I miss my John Watson. I don't even know which iteration of the broader source I'm from is my specific source, process of elimination has ruled out all slightly more modern adaptations I'm aware of, but I don't feel like my source would be the original novels either.

Perhaps I have to write my own iteration of my source, which would be far easier if I had real exomemories to rely on. Sure, I have my intuition, but I think anyone with any sense of who I was would understand why I prefer something at least mildly more reliable than that. But if I can only rely on myself for source information (because I have yet to even find another person with a similar experience, let alone with compatible senses of what the world was like), I'll have to work with what I have.

I must admit, I hate that I know the response if I ever publish my experiences. Yes, I was in love with my John, and he with me, I'm sure plenty iterations of us were and plenty weren't (and both paths are entirely understandable). But "god" forbid someone write a serious novel about it because... Well, because apparently, the long and storied tradition of fanfiction, something heavily linked with the original Sherlock Holmes novels in the days before the internet, is not "respectable" and clearly, according to some people who wouldn't know realism or respect if it bit them, it's just unimaginable that two social outcasts who have excellent rapport would end up in a forbidden romance at a time when same-sex relations were outright illegal.

After all, the law is always followed, isn't that right? And it's often Americans who make such an unreasonable fuss about it, as if that whole country wasn't founded on people defying authority. Oh, but that's not it, the "problem" is that teenage girls enjoy it so it must be terrible, right? I've found teenage girls can have more sense than grown men sometimes. Though romanticizing "our love could literally get us killed" can go a bit over the top, honestly, it's exhausting trying to evade detection by the law. At least they weren't as suspicious as everyone is today.

-Sherlock Holmes

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[twistedtummies2]

Top 5 WORST Dracula Portrayals

Anyone who knows me well by now should also know that one of my favorite stories of all time is Bram Stoker’s Dracula. I love the book, and I love seeing how the story and its titular character are reimagined throughout the breadth of pop culture. And there are PLENTY of reimaginings and adaptations to go around: Count Dracula, alongside Sherlock Holmes, is one of the most frequently reinterpreted characters in the history of fiction. Of course, with so many interpretations, there are plenty of great Draculas out there: Christopher Lee, Bela Lugosi, Max Schreck, Gary Oldman, and more. But with the good must also come the bad: there are a LOT of really terrible Dracula movies and portrayals out there, just as there are a lot of really fun ones… ��And I actually haven’t seen many of them. Well…actually, I suppose I have, but it depends on what you’re really looking at. For example, I love John Carradine’s PORTRAYAL of Dracula, but the movies he was actually in were often sub-par. Grandpa from “The Munsters” and the version from “Hotel Transylvania” are comical, incompetent buffoons, but they’re meant to be parody characters and I like them for the humor and campy silliness they provide. There are even a couple of Draculas that a lot of people seem to dislike that I actually think are okay. I have no big problem with Rudolf Martin from “Buffy the Vampire Slayer” (admittedly, this may partially be because I have only watched all of two episodes of that show), nor with Richard Roxburgh from “Van Helsing,” yet in researching this list, I found out that a LOT of people REALLY dislike those interpretations, as an example. Finally, it’s worth pointing out that I have, in fact, DELIBERATELY AVOIDED watching several bad Draculas because…well…they’re bad. And I KNOW they’re bad. Why in the world would I want to watch something that is notoriously terrible, aside from just…ascertaining that it IS, in fact, terrible. So, for instance, I haven’t seen “Dracula in Istanbul,” “Blacula,” “Dracula’s Dog,” and/or many, many other horrendously dreadful renditions that have gained some notoriety.

With all that said, this doesn’t mean that I’ve liked every single version of Dracula - as a character or as a story - that I’ve seen. Even I know a few Draculas that I frankly just don’t like. And it’s worth knowing the mistakes that have been made when handling this character, as much as it is worth praising the achievements. So, today, in honor of World Dracula Day, we’re gonna take a look at some of the worst of the worst from Transylvania. These are, in my personal, humble, and EXTREMELY biased opinion, the Top 5 Worst Portrayals of Count Dracula.

5. Carlos Villarias, from “Spanish Dracula.”

What is “Spanish Dracula,” some of you may be wondering? Well, here’s the basics: in 1931, Universal wanted to release their screen adaptation of Dracula in both English AND in Spanish. This was still in the early days of sound, and as a result, dubbing was a concept that really hadn’t been fully figured out. Typically, the way American studios handled making foreign-language movies, as a result, was just doing a second version of the film with different actors, all speaking the language intended. Very, very few of these alternate language films exist, and I think many would agree that the Spanish version of Dracula is one of the most famous to survive. In English, of course, Dracula was played by the immortal Bela Lugosi…and for the Spanish cast? They got this guy: Carlos Villarias. Many critics feel the Spanish Dracula is actually better, on a technical level, than the Lugosi outing. Having seen both films, I can’t say I agree: SOME things ARE better in it, but other things…ehhhh, the English version has them beat by a mile. It’s biggest problem is the cast, and ESPECIALLY Villarias as Dracula. I know nothing about this actor beyond this movie; maybe he’s great in other things, maybe he was just miscast…I don’t know. All I DO know is that, even if you take Lugosi’s iconic interpretation out of the equation, this is an AWFUL Dracula. How bad is he? Imagine if “Dracula: Dead & Loving It” was actually trying to take itself seriously. THAT is the best way I can describe this performance. Villarias comes off as more comical than creepy, his exaggerated and often bizarre expressions seeming like a parody of something that hasn’t even gained the legacy it needs to BE parodied yet. We all love to mock Lugosi occasionally, but Villarias feels like self-mockery already in the works, and - through both his performance and some differences in the writing/direction - comes across as a clownish idiot rather than a superior monster or an elegant aristocrat. The Spanish Dracula has its ups and downs, but Villarias certainly proves that one bad element can bring down an otherwise decent product.

4. Peter Karrie, from Nosferatu the Vampire: The Musical.

I am aware of at least four musical theatre interpretations of Dracula. The most famous one is a stage show by Frank Wildhorn, which isn’t great, but does have some good songs and has been done quite a few times with great actors. Another was a concept album by the musical trio of Evans, Orton, and Lynn; that one featured Michael McCarthy as the Count, and was never actually staged. Like the Wildhorn show, it’s not really that great, but it has a few good songs and performers. There’s also a musical comedy version, which I haven’t actually looked at, but I’ve heard is pretty good…and then there’s this show. Ostensibly, “Nosferatu the Vampire: The Musical” is a musical adaptation of the classic silent film “Nosferatu,” which is widely considered the first true Dracula movie ever made, and is certainly the oldest surviving adaptation. HOWEVER, that’s not really the case: the show is really sort of a blend of Nosferatu, the Bram Stoker novel, and some original material, all rolled into one…and it is ABYSMAL. I was SHOCKED to learn that this show has been staged more than once, and that the original cast recording actually featured some pretty big names in musical theatre. The most notable is poor Peter Karrie, one of the greatest performers of another Gothic legend, the Phantom of the Opera. I’ll give Karrie credit, his voice is beautiful (he’s played the Angel of Music, it kind of has to be), but not even his golden pipes can save this train wreck. The plot is terrible, the characters are bland, the morals are confusing, and there’s WAY too much focus on the sexual angles of the story in this for my comfort. (The sensuality of the vampire IS a topic that is present in the book, mind you, and far from something new...but you have to be VERY careful how you touch it. Trust me.) Worst of all, the music - very frankly - just isn’t that good. The lyrics are vapid and rambling, the orchestration and rhythms feel very “samey” throughout…it’s just DULL. With the other musicals, I can at least give them credit for a few catchy numbers, but this one? I can’t really remember much of anything these characters say or sing, I just remember the boredom and nonsense of the whole clumsy heap. As a result, Karrie’s shot at playing the Count is essentially the opposite of our previous pick: sometimes not even having a great performer can save terrible material, and this is a good example of that.

3. The Version from “Dracula: Sovereign of the Damned.”

I’ll confess that I hesitated to include this Dracula on the list - as well as another one later on - because he’s actually based on Marvel’s Dracula, specifically. Marvel’s Dracula - in other things - has been good. However, after some minor debate, I felt that both of the aforementioned versions simply HAD to be addressed, since - ties to Marvel or not - they are abominable interpretations. Released in some countries under the title “The Tomb of Dracula” (taken from the comic series it is purportedly based on), “Sovereign of the Damned” was an anime movie made by Toei, released in the early 80s. In the original Japanese version, the Count is voiced by Kenji Utsumi; in English, he’s dubbed - VERY badly - by Tom Wyner. If you’re wondering if the dubbing is in any way a contributing factor to this film’s terribleness…don’t worry: this movie is ATROCIOUS no matter what language the characters speak. (Believe me, I know.) The film unwisely attempts to adapt an entire many-issue comic series into a single hour-and-a-half-long story, which works about as well as you’d expect. The plot is like the Grinch’s soul: “an appalling dump heap, overflowing with the most disgraceful assortment of deplorable rubbish imaginable, mangled up in tangled up knots.” Character development goes entirely out the window, and Dracula himself arguably suffers the worst for this. The Count comes across as a total klutz in the film: the movie attempts to make him a sympathetic anti-hero, but the story is such a shambles you never really get to know him well enough to root for him, and he spends most of the movie either running away from danger or being foiled at every turn, with little indication of how truly powerful he really is. He comes across as an idiot much of the time, and isn’t even present for a big chunk of the film to begin with! With a title like “Sovereign of the Damned,” I can safely say I expected more.

2. All of the Actors from Legend of the Seven Golden Vampires.

This is probably one of the weirdest Dracula movies I’ve ever seen, as well as one of the worst. “Legend of the Seven Golden Vampires” was an out-of-continuity entry in the popular Hammer Dracula series, which famously starred Christopher Lee as the Count. At the time “Seven Golden Vampires” came out, however, Lee had left the role, feeling deeply disappointed by the previous and “official” final film in the series, “The Satanic Rites of Dracula.” Hammer studios, meanwhile, was teetering on the brink of collapse, and was really struggling for creative ideas. The result of these combined problems led to this colossal, mad junkyard of a movie: a bizarre blend of Kung Fu action adventure and Gothic chiller. Now, this combination, on its own terms, I actually don’t think is a totally bad idea: if you look far enough, you’ll find good examples of how you can blend the styles of martial-arts-focused action and Gothic horror together. This, however, is not one of them, and part of the problem stems from how poorly Dracula, himself, is managed. Without Lee to handle the reins, Hammer called instead upon contract player John Forbes-Robertson to play the Count. However, Forbes-Robertson doesn’t even GET to play Dracula for most of the film: he only appears at the beginning and in the climactic final battle between himself and Van Helsing. For most of the movie, Dracula’s spirit has possessed the body of a Chinese criminal known as Kah, played by Chan Shen. Instead of getting Forbes-Robertson to do the voice, Kah’s “Dracula Voice” is provided instead by dubbing actor David de Keyser. All three of these actors…are terrible. Forbes-Robertson is a stiff and somewhat silly Dracula when he is onscreen, and is defeated in a highly anticlimactic way in the end. Chan Shen as Kah comes across as a caricature more than a true "character," and his bodily performance feels like a strange blend of kabuki and English pantomime. Meanwhile, Keyser’s very badly-dubbed performance is wooden and stilted. When it takes three men to replace just one, and NONE of them do the job even remotely well? It feels like a true disgrace not only to the character, but also to the one who played him before. I’ll give all three of them this, they at least help to show what made Lee’s Dracula so singlehandedly spectacular.

1. Dominic Purcell, from Blade: Trinity.

This is the other Marvel Dracula on the list I mentioned a while ago. All of my entries up till now have been very long-winded, I know…but my reasons for naming poor Dominic Purcell from the abominable shambles that is “Blade: Trinity” as my pick for the absolute worst Dracula I’ve ever seen is much easier to explain. That reason can be summed up in the following phrase: this is not Dracula. This simply isn’t. I get what the movie was attempting to do - trying to focus on Dracula as this ancient, demonic warrior figure rather than “the Count,” so to speak. However, as various other versions have shown, there are ways you can focus on the “aggressive” aspects of Dracula AND STILL MAKE HIM FEEL LIKE DRACULA. Purcell is simply miscast and misdirected: he doesn’t look like a duck, he doesn’t quack like a duck, he doesn’t waddle like a duck, and therefore it’s fair to say he ain’t Duckula. I’m sure he’s trying his best, but - and it's a shame to say these words - his best just isn’t good enough. For that reason, above all else, he takes the number one spot on this list. There is literally no worse sin I can think of than looking at someone playing such a character and having nothing else to say but, “you, sir, are no Dracula.” 

(DIS)HONORABLE MENTIONS INCLUDE…

Leslie Nielsen, from Dracula: Dead and Loving It.

I know lots of people actually like this movie, but I personally do not. I just don’t think it’s very funny, for the most part, and even as far as spoofs go, I feel Leslie Nielsen is a weird choice for the character. It isn’t completely terrible, however - there’s a few jokes that make me laugh strewn throughout, and I like Peter MacNicol as Renfield - so it gets a pass from the top five.

Lon Chaney, Jr. from Son of Dracula.

It’s left somewhat ambiguous if the character in this film, “Count Alucard,” is indeed the Son of Dracula, or Dracula himself. This, for the record, is why things like “Hellsing” and “Castlevania” have used the name Alucard for both purposes: this is the movie that came up with that alias. While the invention of the name is noteworthy, the film itself is flawed. Chaney - God bless him - is woefully miscast. Whether he’s Dracula OR his Son, I think he did much better in his other Universal Monster roles.

Udo Kier, from Andy Warhol’s Dracula AND Langley Kirkwood, from Dracula 3000.

In both of these cases, I haven't even FINISHED these movies because they're just so freaking terrible. I've only seen parts of them, never the full thing through. I didn't feel it was fair to give them actual placement on the ranks as a result, but they're definitely worth noting for their own dreadfulness levels. In Udo Kier's case, I'd much rather watch him riding on the back of a T. Rex...bravo, if you got that reference.

[speakyn]

Lucky Luke and Jolly Jumper

Lucky Luke

His name is Lucky Luke, but luck seems to be rare in his adventures. His classic task gets (mostly) made easier by a combination of circumstances. He has an uniform, a 'function'(lonesome cowboy) and a favorite animal(Jolly Jumper). Like all heros, he has a supernatural gift. Sherlock Holmes possesses a great deduction, Lucky Luke shoots faster than his shadow. He seeks no problems, but they tend to find him the moment he goes into a town or inside a saloon. Then he uses his talents to get rid of the problems and bring the peaceful rest back. He's just doing his job.

Lucky Luke has had a great change throughout the run of the comics. In the beginning, he smoked till the 80s(when the American Hanna-Barbera studio decide to make a Lucky Luke film) and he didn't hesitate to kill people. Out of fear of French censorship, that gets quite strict from 1949, and Goscinny's humor makes him more calm. He becomes an ideal hero who wins without kiling anyone.

Lucky Luke is thus the same as other mythic heros. Not because he can shoot so fast and is a good boxer, but because he doesn't have huge weaknesses: only in certain situations he loses his cool, he knows no jealousy, greed, gluttony or hate. But most importantly: he is saved from the universal idiocy - perhaps the most important one in the comics.

Jolly Jumper

After Lucky Luke(with LL as initials), we get Jolly Jumper(with JJ as initials), his horse. It's a simple way to show they are an inseparable duo. Jolly Jumper is more than just a normal horse. Even from the first story on, he saves his rider by nibbling through the handcuffs. Later, he will show more skills: cooking, climbing in trees, playing chess...

Jolly Jumper can talk as well, however that is not natured. He only starts to say something in The Bluefeets are Coming! and even that was not in a speech bubble. On the Daltons' trail is the first comic Jolly actually talks in, when he reacts upon the arrival of Rin Tin Can, the dumbest dog of the Wild West. Jolly Jumper's commentaries are very valuable. They let the readers see a new point of view and softens the drama.

Jolly Jumper is Lucky Luke's closest friend and favorite animal. He accompanies him everywhere, helps him more than once and shares successes and setbacks with him. Just as Haddock from Tintin, Jolly shows more temper than the hero. Luke is mostly undisturbed, but Jolly can get angry, gives criticism and commentaries on what happens. You can feel he prefers to want a more calm lifestyle, but his unbreakable friendship with Lucky Luke makes him follow him under any circumstances.

According to experts of the comics, Jolly Jumper is more than just a side character. Has Morris not said many times that he decided to make a western because of his love for drawing horses? It is because of this love that Morris decided to create Lucky Luke, and not otherwise. The cowboy originates from the horse.

[L'art de Morris: page 270-273]

[Billy the Kid – 1962]

Previous post: Censorship

[cantsayidont]

Video Killed the Radio Star

If you don't already feel sufficiently alienated from the culture of your generation, consider getting into old time radio. It's pretty easy to do: Radio was mainstream media from the 1930s well into the 1950s, and it hung on for quite a while after it started losing ground to television. There's a huge amount of programming in various genres, and a surprising amount of it survives; there was a cottage industry in OTR cassettes and CDs for many years, a lot of shows can be found in MP3 format without much effort, and some of it pops up regularly on streaming platforms.

The easiest way to get into it is if you're already got a fondness for some older Hollywood star: If they were a movie star between 1930 and 1960, there's a good chance they guest-starred in various radio shows, and they might even have had their own show for a while. For instance, do you like Humphrey Bogart and Lauren Bacall? Around 1950, they had their own syndicated radio adventure series, BOLD VENTURE, which was essentially an extended riff on their characters in the 1944 film version of TO HAVE AND HAVE NOT. Orson Welles, of course, was a big radio star, playing the lead on THE SHADOW in 1937–38 and then bringing his Mercury Theatre company to a number of different one-hour and half-hour radio series. Vincent Price starred for several seasons as Leslie Charteris's Simon Templar on THE SAINT. And almost everyone who was anyone showed up now and again on SUSPENSE or LUX RADIO THEATRE (which produced all-star one-hour adaptations of popular movies). If you're a Superman or Sherlock Holmes fan, the radio versions of those characters are a must — Holmes was a perennial presence on English-language radio for decades.

If you want something more modern, the British kept producing generally high-quality radio dramas in surprising volume until relatively recently, including a range of both adaptations and originals. Unlike American radio, the survival rate for older British programs from the '40s and '50s is poor, but the BBC has continued periodically airing its better material from the '70s through the '00s, a lot of which has been offered on cassette and CD. For instance, there were excellent BBC radio series dramatizing the Wodehouse Jeeves and Wooster stories (with Michael Hordern and Richard Briers); Dorothy L. Sayers' Lord Peter Wimsey series (with Ian Carmichael); and Agatha Christie's Hercule Poirot mysteries (with John Moffat), along with standalone plays on programs like SATURDAY-NIGHT THEATRE. The big limitation with British radio dramas is that the number of British radio actors who can do convincing American accents is not high (and is definitely lower than the number who mistakenly think they can), and the availability of American actors who know how to act for radio is clearly even more limited, which can become a grating problem when dramatizing American material.

One of the reasons that listening to older (and/or British) radio shows will contribute to your cultural alienation is that it will make a lot of modern dramatic podcast series and audio dramatizations excruciating, because it will reveal to you how bad a lot of modern audio dramatists and performers are at this once commonplace art. (If you are or are contemplating doing a dramatic podcast or audio drama, please, for the love of dog, make a close study of radio shows created before you were born, and diversify enough to recognize the mediocrity of hacks like Dirk Maggs, who's been stinking up audio drama on two continents for four decades now.)