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deadcactuswalking · 3 years ago

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REVIEWING THE CHARTS: 05/03/2022 (Central Cee, Becky Hill/Galantis)

“We Don’t Talk About Bruno” is #1 for a seventh week. 2022 is looking pretty dull so far, huh? Welcome back to REVIEWING THE CHARTS!

Rundown

ACR is not a system I approve of but in this case, I’m certainly praying for it to strike soon. After all, regardless of what we say, our thoughts and opinions regarding something that effects charting music is always, really, “I like it when it benefits songs I like and don’t when it doesn’t”. Regardless, let’s start with what we always start with: the notable drop-outs. These are songs exiting the UK Top 75 – which is what I cover – after five weeks in the region or a peak in the top 40. This week, the list includes “Cold Shoulder” by Central Cee (due to the three-song rule – more on that later), “Sweet Talker” by Years & Years and Galantis, “My Heart Goes (La Di Da)” by Becky Hill featuring Topic and finally, “Better Days” by Dermot Kennedy. These older hits are leaving but not quickly enough.

What’s always infinitely more interesting are our notable gains, which are songs gaining at least five positions from last week or just making milestones I consider worthwhile. For whatever reason, “Save Your Tears” by The Weeknd rebounds at #64, but other than that, we have “All for Us” by Labrinth at #52, Central Cee’s album boost with “Retail Therapy” at #43 and “Khabib” at #36, “Brave” by Ella Henderson at #42, “Melody” by Sigala at #41, “Numb Little Bug” by Em Beihold at #31, “Go” by Cat Burns at #29, “Do it to It” by ACRAZE featuring Cherish at #28 after an ACR reset (Why?), “Anyone for You” by George Ezra at #16 and finally, “Where Did You Go” by Jax Jones featuring MNEK at #11. Oh, and Halsey starring as a CGI wolf is at #94. Just thought you should know.

This week, our top five from bottom to top excluding “Bruno” consists of “Surface Pressure”, “Make Me Feel Good”, “Where Are You Now” and “Peru”. And now, for my thoughts on music that released recently and I listened to last week that absolutely won’t chart.

Off the Charts

All the Truth that I Can Tell – Dashboard Confessional

This is a guy moping over acoustic guitars for 40 minutes and I should feel like some passion went into this but I’m really not entirely sure. My favourite track, “Sleep In”, has some mundane lyrical detail that does seep through on other tracks but elsewhere, this becomes a slump of a record.

GHETTO GODS – EARTHGANG

We get little of the energy that I come to EARTHGANG for and more of their conscious side, which wouldn’t be an issue if the production wasn’t clearly put on the backburner for some of their most awkward and generic beats yet, and really, if it was a more nuanced album. It’s fine, but I didn’t find myself picking many highlights, apart from, of course, “WATERBOYZ” with JID and J. Cole.

Bowser’s Castle – CHXPO

SpaceGhostPurrp collaborator CHXPO releases one of the funniest and most bizarre rap releases of this year, seemingly entirely by accident. There’s moments of blank silence on the project for no reason, emo-pop meandering, rapping about Kingdom Hearts characters who are credited as features and honestly, just a fun, confusing experience overall, even if it’s not that refined. My favourite track is “Bellas Secret Boyfriends” with Sig.Carlito.

Music for Menus – Blank Banshee

Ambient music made using a Nintendo 3DS sounds just about as you’d expect, with a lot of peaceful, MIDI-sounding ambiance even if it is a bit too stop-and-start for my liking in terms of composition. My favourite track is “Settings”.

m – bliss3three

More ambient, with a hazy, smoky vaporwave feel to it all this time. The closing track, “lightheart 3815 .”, which makes up a vast majority of this release, is an absolutely hypnotic loop and my favourite track here.

Love Sux – Avril Lavigne

This isn’t just Avril replicating what she did in the early 2000s, because that would be ridiculous and immature. Well, okay, it’s still immature, especially lyrically, but this feels like it’s been updated and Avril has more passion here than she probably ever has as she whines like a brat about heartache on Travis Barker instrumentals. If blink-182 wants to kick out Skiba anytime soon, Avril’s right there. Her dynamic with Mark Hoppus on my favourite track, “All I Wanted”, works perfectly.

The Tipping Point – Tears for Fears

This is pure dad-pop in how it recontextualises synthpop in a way that sounds simultaneously dejected and hopeful. I’m not particularly a Tears for Fears fan but the songwriting has always been masterful and nothing’s changed here, even if it isn’t constantly surprising me. My favourite track is “Master Plan”.

Sugar Rot – p.s.you’redead

Sugar rot, indeed! This is a manic screamo album that seamlessly combines its insufferable angst with glitchy electronic elements that seep in only to make it ever the more devastating and God, this band revels in that angst so well to the point of existentialism. It’s not entirely cohesive, especially towards the end, but it’s an insane short listen. My favourite track is “True Confessions of a Former Punisher”.

God Don’t Make Mistakes – Conway the Machine

This album could have been even better. Scrap some of the longer and tedious tracks towards the beginning, or at least take off some of their more uninteresting features, and you’ve got one of the best rap albums of the 21st century. The coldness of Conway’s delivery hits hard when it’s used to detail gang violence and paranoia, but hits even harder when he’s lamenting his own mental anguish and the paralysing consequences of a lifestyle he was forced to lead. He’s at a point in his life where it stops being anger at the system and rather just a dejected sigh. It’s the kind of rap that gives you goosebumps, and I’m glad Griselda have such a defining project in the form of this record. It feels wrong to pick a favourite track but “Stressed” with Wallo267 and “So Much More” in particular are up there. Back to your regularly scheduled programming...

NEW ARRIVALS

#75 – “Screwface Capital” – Dave

Produced by Tyrell 169, Dave and Fraser T. Smith

Okay, maybe it’s not that regular. This is a song from Dave’s Psychodrama that was released in 2018, not as a single and not with a video but for whatever reason is charting now. Six months or so ago to now, Taylor Swift used this song in a TikTok but I doubt that would give it lasting traction or longevity, so I have no real idea why it’s here. Maybe it’s because he starts the song by saying that he “made a link with the Russians”. What, is he out there in Kyiv running over children? If so, why in the hell are you streaming it? Ridiculous conspiracy theories about Dave’s involvement in Eastern European wars aside, this song is pretty good though far from my favourite on the album. I love the melancholy instrumental with the piano and vocal loop, though once the trap beat comes in, it does become a tad unmoving. Dave is mostly flexing here but his rhyme schemes are slick and his delivery is one of his most aggressive to this point, which is pretty impressive considering how monotone this guy can be, and I do like the lyrical details that he adds in once the strings come in and the content becomes more deeply personal. It really is an intense listen once it actually gets there, and once it rests on that calmer, synth-heavy and groovy instrumental, it serves as a great outro, with the bleeping keys feeling like they’re tapping in and out of existence. I hope to see Dave’s new single “Starlight” chart next week, but if we’re giving this one another go, I can respect it.

#74 – “I’m Tired” – Labrinth and Zendaya

Produced by Labrinth

As am I, but you don’t hear me complaining. It’s another song from Euphoria which seems to be Labrinth’s gateway into a second wind for his career, and this time, it’s a duet (though not originally) between him and the star of the HBO teen drama, Zendaya. I’ve never watched the show as I say every week and to be honest, I’ve liked very little of Labrinth’s output for the soundtrack, but maybe this could be better since it’s more of a ballad and... yeah, I’m still not feeling it. I’ve always liked Labrinth’s delivery, even if it’s somehow simultaneously heavy-handed and mumbled, but his vulnerable falsetto blending into Zendaya’s on the bridge sounds particularly moving over that rise of strings. It catches me off guard when the clipping, metal percussion comes in and suddenly, everything that makes me dislike the other songs from this show come in: there’s no structure to this. I only called the bridge a bridge because it’d be insincere to call anything in this apart from the refrain any more than just a scuffed connective between two refrains. There’s not much to speak of in terms of interplay, especially not with the generic content (even if some of the verses about isolation and being exhausted with the world do resonate). As a draft, it’s okay, but as a big pop duet, it just doesn’t make a splash at all. If we’re going to make anything from this show chart, again, can it at least be “sad4whattt”?

#71 – “bbycakes” – Mura Masa, Lil Uzi Vert, PinkPantheress and Shygirl

Produced by Mura Masa

Let me take you back to 2004. Three musicians – Liana Caruana, Nicholas Gallante and Marc Potelli – meet for the first time and on that fateful day, make one of the best #1s of the decade, that being “Baby Cakes”, the 12th biggest song in the UK of 2004. It didn’t make that big of a splash internationally, which isn’t a surprise considering that this is a UK garage track with egregious accents, but it’s a shame because this is one of my favourite songs of that genre. The hook is undeniably infectious and the sentiment layered onto this minimal dance-pop groove is actually really wholesome, given that the song details a gradually loving relationship and taking it step by step because whilst they appreciate other greatly, there is a mutual understanding that they are not possessions of each other, and rather just separate entities that happen to be in love. The vocal chop in the bridge is iconic and the bubblegum chorus predicted PC Music – seriously, it’s hard not to believe a Dux Content track like “Like You” isn’t directly a result of that. It only makes sense that Mura Masa, an EDM producer from Jersey, will flip the sample and turn it into something special, right? Well, unfortunately, it breaks my heart to say that this kind of sucks. The sped-up hook sounds robotic coming from Shygirl, who essentially just repeats the original chorus, which would be fine if she didn’t sound like a last-minute replacement for the sample. Oh, and the song is drill now, ridding it of the drive it used to have with no reasonable explanation in the content, or at least within Lil Uzi Vert’s cutesy verse which sounds wholesome until you realise that he’s guilt-tripping a woman into sticking with him despite his cheating because he has money. Okay, so it shits all over the original song – whilst being just as cutesy in its production and much more stagnant in its groove – but does PinkPantheress retort? Well, her verse ends up confusing because it ends up that she’s also cheating, but the dichotomy of how she will never find another one but also replaced him immediately isn’t that compelling because there isn’t much reason for her to feel that way in Uzi’s verse other than materialism, so the connection is flimsy at best. Worst of all, it’s just not fun. I like hearing Uzi harmonise with Shygirl in those lst few choruses, but that’s about all I can appreciate – without the original sample being that much of a tune, this wouldn’t have anything to stand on.

#68 – “Freaky Deaky” – Tyga and Doja Cat

Produced by Ryan OG, Dr. Luke and Mike Crook

Oh, hey, alleged rapist on the beat! Any of my self-proclaimed “indie cred” is about to vanish as I proclaim that the song by immensely talented UK bass producer Mura Masa featuring indie-pop songstress PinkPantheress is actually in fact worse than a dumb sex song by Doja Cat and Tyga. It’s not because there’s barely any Tyga on this either, as whilst Doja gets the choruses, he has two verses, which means that this indeed has three verses, which would seem normal back when pop-rap sex songs did well in the 2000s but seems kind of foreign nowadays. The production mixes the slick, smooth 90s R&B keys with a West Coast hyphy percussion that Tyga always slides on, even if the guy sounds like a literal child half the time. The messy post-chorus with Tyga and Doja going back-and-forth is probably my favourite part, though Doja kills it as usual with an immense amount of charisma that makes me question why Tyga didn’t even try to differentiate from his usual flow, since Doja fits at least two in her tiny verse. Lyrically, Tyga calls Doja “gnarly” and laughs at his own jokes, whilst Doja Cat commands that she only be called “Slut” instead of “Ma’am”, and claims that Tyga does not want ifs or ands but does want buts. Subtle. I’m almost ashamed to say as such but the song’s cute and whilst it may not be effectively sexy, I’m not outright sure it’s trying to be that and instead just trying to be goofy like “BedRock”. Regardless, please stop working with Dr. Luke. I know sex offenders have to stick together, Tyga, but I’m not sure Mr. Tyson Trax is into kids.

#54 – “King” – Florence + the Machine

Produced by Florence Welch and Jack Antonoff

Indie rock act Florence + the Machine, headed by a Welch of the same name, are back with a new lead single, which sees her working with, sigh, Jack Antonoff, for a song that lyrically, I really appreciate. I’ve never always been a fan of Florence’s work in the past, especially sonically, but I do appreciate the songwriting, especially in this new single “King”, wherein Florence denounces the need to be domesticated as a wife, detailing arguments she has had with her partner about the balance of home life and being a famous musician. She challenges his expectations – and really, the world’s expectations – and defies placing herself in a role as bride or mother, instead accepting the crown as “King”. It’s on-the-nose, sure, and ultimately, the analogy may not work entirely given that the idea of the song is freedom, but it’s more in-depth than any motivational, faux-feminist pop song has been in the last decade – and I do love the imagery on the second verse. How does it sound? God damn it, it’s not clicking with me once again. The minimal, bass-heavy groove combined with percussion that feels somewhat phoned-in even if wonderfully mixed, creates an unsure atmosphere that fits the content a lot, especially with those eerie backing vocals and Welch’s performances becoming increasingly dejected. What’s not clicking then? Well, it is rather meandering and the delayed arrival of the guitars feels all too perfect, like that drum fill was perfectly staged and composed after the bridge, and that just doesn’t sit right considering the content and how unstable as a song the rest of it is. It feels like a perfect, strings-and-all send-off to something that never found its footing in the first place, so it ends up unwarranted, even if it sounds gorgeous. I still like this a fair bit, even if just on principle, but I could have liked it more. That outro is wonderful, yet as a direct result of that existing, I don’t see it lasting in the charts, but that was to be expected.

#34 – “Run” – Becky Hill and Galantis

Produced by Bloodshy, Y3LLO KOALA, David Saint Fleur, VodKa and Mr Whistler

This is a collaborative single between English singer Becky Hill and EDM duo Galantis. Despite this, only one of the members is credited as a producer. Becky Hill sounds compressed and overly modified on a generic house beat that uses watered-down bass grooves in an otherwise string-heavy track that is just as compressed as the vocals. It sounds like pure radio filler. This review is attempting to be as robotic as the song feels, but it’s an impossible task. I could have Stephen Hawking and the cast of Robots co-author this and it’d still be more emotion than this song conveys. Let’s move on.

#25 – “Straight Back to It” – Central Cee

Produced by Roddy Beatz and Young Chencs

Central Cee released a mixtape last week named 23, and I didn’t listen to it, partially because of time but mostly because I don’t have much interest in a full tape from Cee, because I only like the odd single from him. This is the second track after “Khabib” and as a result got not only the streams but a music video and a guest narration from Young Adz of D-Block Europe, which didn’t prevent me from guessing to myself pretty accurately the exact flow that he uses on this song. This track feels particularly generic, mostly because Cench’s flexing has never been that interesting, although “I got a way with words, I got away with crimes” got a small chuckle out of me. I like the Middle Eastern flute sample but it sticks out like a sore thumb in the mix of this just okay drill beat with the – let’s read off the list – sliding 808s, manic percussion, et cetera, et cetera. It’s fine.

Conclusion

The best song here is “King” by Florence + the Machine and it does get Best of the Week on ambition alone, with the Honourable Mention to Dave for “Screwface Capital”. For Worst of the Week, it’s harder to choose since it’s rare that these songs are outright offensive, but I think I’ll give it to Mura Masa, Lil Uzi Vert, PinkPantheress and Shygirl for butchering a classic on “bbycakes”, with a Dishonourable Mention to “I’m Tired” by Labrinth and Zendaya.

Next week, I’m not sure what to expect, but I hope a switch-up in the charts soon before I die of boredom. Thanks for reading, pray for the Ukrainians and Russians seeking asylum, and I’ll see you next week!

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