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crying-gay-tears · 5 years ago

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Brighter Than the Sun - Ch. 4

It's Halloween! And the only thing scarier than that is the concept of intimacy! For Killua, at least.

Full Work

It was his last class of the day, and Gon was trying desperately to pay attention. He was staring out the window when his phone buzzed in his pocket. He pulled it out discreetly and checked the screen under the cover of his notebook, he had a text from Knuckle.

Halloween party at my place tonight! Costumes encouraged!

Halloween? He couldn’t believe he forgot it was today! He’d spent the last few years just helping Mito pass out candy to trick or treaters, so it must’ve slipped his mind when she wasn’t there to remind him. He quickly typed out a response.

I’ll be there! Can I bring a plus one?

His phone buzzed just as his professor dismissed the class.

The more the merrier!

He packed his backpack and hurried home. When he opened the door he was greeted with a “Yo” from Killua who was sprawled across the couch, chocolate robot in hand, and a movie playing on the tv.

“Hey! Knuckle invited me to a party tonight, wanna come?”

“I don’t think so Gon.”

“But Killua, it’s Halloween! Don’t you wanna celebrate??”

“I am celebrating. I’m watching scary movies and eating candy.”

“We do that all the time!”

“Exactly. It’s a time honored tradition. Plus, candy is what Halloween is all about.”

“Killuaaaaaa! Please, it’ll be so fun!”

“Parties aren’t really my thing, Gon.”

“It’s not gonna be like those boring parties your parents throw. We’ll get to wear costumes!!”

“That’s just another reason for me to stay home. I don’t have a costume.”

“Neither do I! I was just gonna make one with stuff that I already have. It’s what I used to do growing up.”

“I don’t know Gon…”

“Come with me, just for a little while! If you hate it, you can always leave early! I don’t think I’ll stay the whole time anyway.”

He flashed his best puppy eyes. “Please?”

“Ugh. Fine! I’ll go for a little while. But if it’s lame I’m leaving!”

Gon let out a cheer and grabbed Killua’s hand. “Come on! We’ve gotta figure out our costumes!”

An hour and several rolls of toilet paper later, and Gon stepped out of the bathroom and into Killua’s room. “Look Kill, I’m a mummy!”

Killua turned around and Gon’s jaw dropped. Black liner rimmed his ocean eyes and a silver hoop glinted on his lower lip, matching the studs lined along the cartilage of his ear. The leather tank top he wore clung to his figure showing off muscular arms, and his knees peeked through rips in skin tight black jeans. A spiked choker wrapped snugly around his neck, and a chain hung at his hip.

“Killua, you-you look…” he trailed off, eyes roving his friend’s slender form. He looked good.

“I know it’s not a real costume like what you did, but I didn’t really know what else to do, so I just put on what I wear to concerts. Figured I could say I’m dressed as a band member or something.” Killua’s gaze dropped to the ground, a faint blush spread across his cheeks.

“No, Killua, you look amazing! Seriously, it’s a great costume!” He couldn't take his eyes off him. “You look so good, I almost feel silly. I’m covered in toilet paper.” He gestured to himself and giggled, hoping it would put Killua at ease.

“I think your costume looks great, Gon.” He said with a smile.

“Well now that we’re both all dressed up, are you ready to head out?”

He slipped a jean jacket on. “Ready as I’ll ever be.”

With that, they headed out the door to Knuckle’s place.

~~~~~~~~

The party was well underway when they arrived. Gon immediately ran up to Knuckle and began chatting. Killua stayed by his side for a bit, following him as he bounced from person to person chatting and laughing. He was getting tired of the introductions and small talk, so he decided to give Gon some space to enjoy himself.

The room was dim, orange and purple string lights lined the walls with fake cobwebs stretched out along with them. Large plastic bats and spiders hung from the ceiling, and a bowl of glowsticks sat by the front door for partygoers to take as they pleased. Speakers hung in each corner of the room, the low thump of the music wafted through the air, Killua found it soothing.

As he ambled around the room, he recognized people from some of his classes. A few of them smiled and waved, some just nodded their heads in acknowledgement as he passed. The music was pretty nice, if a little loud, and there was plenty of candy, so that was good. He wasn’t having a terrible time like he originally predicted, but he did feel a little out of place, and was starting to feel restless.

He made his way to the back wall, finding an empty spot to stand by the snack table. He was deciding between distracting himself with his phone and heading outside for some air when he heard a voice behind him.

“Parties aren’t really my thing either.”

He snapped his head over his shoulder to find a tall, lanky man making himself a drink. His long burgundy hair was tied up in a side ponytail, revealing high cheekbones and smooth porcelain skin.

“I’ve seen you around before. Killua, right? You’re Gon’s friend?”

He nodded slowly in response, heat suddenly rising up the back of his neck.

“It’s a pretty small campus. Good to officially meet you, the name’s Shoot.” He extended a hand which Killua tentatively shook.

“Y’know, you look kinda nervous, want a drink?”

“Uh,yeah, sure.” Maybe drinking would help ease his nerves and make the party more fun. He watched quietly as Shoot poured some soda and liquor into a red cup before handing it to him.

“Thanks, I’m not great at meeting new people I guess. And definitely not in settings like this.”

He offered a knowing smile. “Well, you just met me, so I’d say you’re doing pretty good so far.”.

Shoot’s calm energy was making Killua feel more at ease. “Thanks,” he smiled earnestly before sipping the drink in his hand. He winced a little as the alcohol burned his mouth and throat.

“So Killua, tell me about yourself, what’s your major? What brought you here tonight?” he motioned to the small crowd of costume clad people dancing around them.

“I’m still undecided, Gon’s my roommate, he invited me. He’s pretty social, I think he knows just about everyone here. What about you?”

“I’m majoring in studio art and political science. I’m here tonight because Knuckle invited me, and he’s my boyfriend and we share this apartment, so I kinda had no choice.” He glanced across the room where Knuckle was laughing and singing loudly with a small group of his friends. He kept his eyes on him as he spoke.

“It can be kind of tough sometimes, being with someone who’s naturally so social and lively. I usually prefer to just chill, and keep to myself.” His lips pulled into a small smile. “But I do love seeing him in his prime. Laughing obnoxiously and dancing like an idiot.”

Killua instinctually scanned the room for Gon, catching a glimpse of him in the middle of the room dancing with his head back and his eyes closed. He looked so happy.

“Yeah, I know what you mean.” He sighed and sipped his drink. He must have made a face because Shoot chuckled.

“Don’t drink much, do you?”

“Not really. I guess I just never saw the appeal in it.”

“Yeah, I don’t drink often either. It does help me loosen up enough to get through these things though. I hope it helps you out too.”

“Thanks,” He smiled and looked down into his cup. Small talk was never really his forte, and where his mind was swirling with questions, most pertaining to Shoot’s mention of his boyfriend, he wasn’t sure if it was okay to just ask about things like that. He finished off his drink in a few burning gulps and tossed the cup into the trash. Gathering his courage, he continued the conversation.

“So, uh, you mentioned you’re with Knuckle? How did that happen?” Welp. That wasn’t as eloquent as he’d been hoping for, but at least he tried, and Shoot didn’t seem bothered by the question.

“We met our freshman year and were good friends for a while. I guess our relationship just sort of developed naturally. He’s a lovable goofball, it was pretty impossible to not fall for him.” His gaze shifted over to Killua. “What about you? Anyone special?”

Killua switched uncomfortably from foot to foot, wishing desperately that he hadn’t asked anything after all. “Uh, no, not really.”

“No one has caught your eye yet? Well, there’s plenty of people here to choose from. I’m sure you’ll meet someone you like eventually.” He raised an eyebrow. “Unless you’re aro? I’m sorry for assuming.”

“Aro?” he thought back to the GSA meeting and tried to remember what Aro was. “Oh! No, I’m not aromantic or anything. I just, well, it’s kind of complicated, and I’m really not sure about...uh, anything…” he trailed off, eyes focusing hard on the floor.

“Heh,” Shoot took a step closer and put his hand on Kilua’s shoulder. “Yeah, we’ve all been there. Don’t worry, you’ve got your whole life to figure stuff out, there’s no need to pick and stick with a label right now. Everything is fluid, and it’s okay to be where you are. Luckily, college is a pretty great place to get to know yourself, and what you want.” His smile was calm and comforting.

“Yeah, thanks,” he felt heat rising up the back of his neck once again. “Uh, so, when--” he hesitated. He didn’t want to pry too much, or come off as a weird loser. But hey, he was already pretty mortified already, might as well keep going… and maybe the alcohol was giving him a little courage. He cleared his throat and started again. “H-how did you...know?” He gulped. “When did you realize…”

“That I was queer?”

Killua offered a shy smile in response.

“Well, I guess it was more of a gradual thing than an overnight realization. I learned more about the queer community and I found out what fit me based on what didn’t. Once I learned what gay was, I knew I wasn’t straight, and so on. It gave things in my life a little more context, made sense of some past experiences.”

Killua nodded his head, hanging onto Shoot’s every word. He was right. Killua didn’t know what he wanted to do, but he knew he didn’t want to be a lawyer. He didn’t know what he was yet, but he knew he wasn’t straight. Still, the process of elimination was hard. What else would he have to figure out the hard way?

“When I felt comfortable enough acknowledging myself as queer, I felt a little more ‘me’. If I’ve learned anything from the journey so far, it’s that when you follow what feels right, you’ll figure yourself out along the way.” He sipped his drink. “So yeah, I’m queer, specifically panromantic and demisexual. But I like queer as an umbrella term.” He finished off his drink and tossed the cup in the trash.

“Thanks for telling me all that. Sorry for the heavy questions, I know parties are supposed to be light and fun or whatever, I didn’t mean to make it weird...” His eyes were fixed on the floor and the back of his neck was burning.

“No problem, I like weird. You seem cool, Killua.” He slipped his hand into the pocket of his purple shorts and fished out his phone, then handed it to Killua with a smile. “Put your number in, we can meet up sometime. It’s a lot easier to hang out when there’s not so much chaos going on.” He motioned around the room.

Killua quickly entered his name and number and handed the phone back to Shoot. His own phone buzzed in his pocket a minute later.

“I texted you so you’ve got my info too.”

They chatted for a while longer, bouncing stories and jokes off of each other while they ate some of the halloween themed snacks that lined the table. Shoot was down to earth and funny, and Killua was really glad to have found such a chill new friend. Eventually, he left to help a giggling and red faced Knuckle with a costume malfunction, and Killua was on his own.

He nibbled on a chocolate pumpkin as highlights of their conversation played back in his head. He was still embarrassed about how open he’d been with his own dumb sexuality, and how awkward his questions were. Shoot had been understanding and kind, and Killua was grateful, but that was a lot to process and talk about with a stranger at a party.

“Ne, Killuaaaaa!” Seemingly out of nowhere, a rosy cheeked Gon sauntered over. “Are you having fuuuun, Killua?” He asked, a tipsy lilt to his voice. His mouth was set in a relaxed half smile, and his pupils were blown. He threw his arms around Killua and squeezed him, swaying a bit in the process. This was turning out to be a hell of a night. Killua hadn’t been prepared for that deep talk with Shoot, and he certainly wasn’t prepared for an encounter with a drunken Gon.

“Eh,” he shrugged, feigning nonchalance, “it’s not the worst party I’ve ever been to.”

“It’s the best party ever! So many friends are here, and the punch is delicious!” A goofy smile stretched across his face and then slid into a devious grin. “You know what will make it even better? Dance with me Killua!”

“I don’t think so Gon.”

Gon stepped in closer, grabbed Killua’s hand and tugged it gently. “Please??”

“Gon, I don’t really dance.” He was trying to remain calm, despite how Gon looked wriggling in excitement with a pleading pout on his face.

“But Killua, it’s a party, I wanna dance with you!” He started swaying his hips, then grabbed Killua’s hands and pulled him closer. “Just one dance, pleaseeeee!”

Maybe it was the alcohol, or maybe it was Gon’s proximity and eagerness, either way, throwing caution to the wind, Killua gave in. “Fine. Let’s dance.”

Gon cheered and tugged on his hand again, and this time he allowed himself to be led to the center of the room.

As they pushed their way through groups of people to find an open spot to dance, Gon stole a few glances back at him, like he was making sure Killua was still following behind him, even though they were holding hands. He wanted to point this out, but the adorable grin that appeared on his face when their eyes met each time he looked over his shoulder was enough to keep him quiet.

When they found a decent spot, the song playing was just coming to an end. Killua stood awkwardly, waiting for the next song to start up, Gon’s hand still warm around his own. The opening notes of a guitar curled through the air and Gon threw his head back in excitement.

“I love this song!!!” Smiling from ear to ear, he squeezed Killua’s hand and then let go to wave his arms in the air as his hips moved to the beat. Killua gulped and tried his best to relax his body enough to dance like a normal person, and not an awkward robot. Gon’s movements were so loose and fluid, it was mesmerizing watching him move, and Killua had to close his eyes to keep from staring. He actually felt a bit more comfortable with his eyes closed, it took some of the pressure of his surroundings away, enough for him to calm down and just enjoy the music.

Before he knew it he was fully enveloped in the song, his body moving naturally with the rhythm. He and Gon were close, occasionally brushing arms and bumping shoulders and hips. Killua’s eyes flew open when he felt a pair of arms loop around his shoulders. Gon was staring at him, eyes half lidded, the glow from the string lights reflected in deep golden pools.

The song was drawing to a close and he pulled Killua in closer, swaying them back and forth as the drums faded out and gave way to the next song. The peel of an electric guitar picked up the pace of the dancing going on around them, Gon didn’t seem to notice.

“You’re so pretty Killuaaaaa!” he chimed, a dopey smile spreading on his face. “I love dancing with you!”

Killua’s cheeks burned instantly, he had no idea what to say and before he could think of anything, Gon was grabbing his hand and twirling him. He spun him out once, then twice before pulling him back in again. Then he spun himself a few times and fell back into Killua’s arms with just a little too much force. Killua was able to ground his footing just in time to avoid bumping into someone. Gon was giggling now, rocking his body to the music and still holding Killua’s hand. Killua’s mind was reeling. Drunk Gon seemed to have even less regard for personal space and social etiquette than sober Gon, which was something Killua supposed he shouldn’t be surprised by.

Gon turned his back to Killua and started shaking his hips, moving backward slowly as he danced, closing the distance between them. What was he doing? Oh god-- was he about to grind on him? In a tizzy, Killua just swayed awkwardly from foot to foot, trying to figure out what to do with his hands when--

“Gon?”

He heard a voice call out from somewhere in the room. Gon, however, was too busy dancing to notice.

“Gon!” The voice yelled again, a little louder this time. Killua’s eyes scanned the room, trying to see where it was coming from. Gon was still dancing, oblivious.

“Hey, Gon!” This time, he heard.

“Eh?” He stood blinking, head quirked to the side in confusion, then suddenly, he took a few steps forward and his hand shot into the air and waved excitedly in front of him. Killua followed his line of sight.

A familiar looking guy with short brown hair and thick eyebrows was making his way towards them, waving as he pushed through a group of particularly excited dancers. Stumbling a bit, he approached them with a huge smile on his face.

“Gon! I thought that was you! Hi!” He was holding a drink in his hand and was dressed like a werewolf, his shirt ripped and fake mutton chops glued to both of his round cheeks.

“Zushi!” Gon’s face lit up and he threw his arms around him in a clumsy hug. They both stumbled a bit, laughing.

Killua stood awkwardly to the side as they complimented each other’s costumes and briefly caught up. He and Gon were about the same height, and Zushi stood a full head shorter than them. He was a little wobbly on his feet and the drink he was holding sloshed as he talked with his hands.

“Yeah, Zepile invited me, he’s friends with Knuckle.”

“Knuckle invited me, and of course I had to bring Killua!”

Finally, Gon turned to him. “Zushi, this is my roommate Killua! Killu, this is Zushi! We met in Mr. Wing’s philosophy class, he’s the one who told me about the GSA!”

Oh! So that’s why he looked familiar, he was a part of the GSA. Wasn’t he one of the guys who told their coming out story? Killua, thankful for his years of training at parties, slid his best ‘act natural and be polite’ smile on and shook his hand. “Nice to meet you, Zushi.”

“You too Killua!” His smile was wide and lopsided. “Can I join you guys?” He asked, starting to bob his head to the music.

“Of course! The more the merrier!” Giggling, Gon plucked the cup from his hand and sipped it. Zushi just laughed, sipping it himself when Gon passed it back.

They started dancing, both giggly and clumsy from the alcohol. They were smiling and moving together, close and carefree, and Killua stood off to the side, feeling very out of place and hyper aware. The music was suddenly too loud, and the ocean of bodies dancing around them seemed to be closing in on him. He needed space.

“I’m gonna get some air.” Without waiting for a response, he turned on his heel and headed for the door.

The October night air was thin and chilly, and Killua was desperately hoping it would help to clear his head. He sat on the cold stone steps in front of Knuckle’s front door, trying to calm his breathing as he looked out across the street. The streetlight cast a dull yellow glow onto the black asphalt, and the moon overhead was full and bright. He could still hear the dull thump of the music from inside, along with the scrape of crisp autumn leaves as the wind blew them across the sidewalk.

After a while, he slowly started to calm down. He wasn’t entirely sure what caused him to feel so anxious and out of place to begin with. The party had been going well. He’d actually managed to let loose and dance, and he was having fun. But after Zushi approached them, he just started spiraling. What happened?

He and Gon looked super chummy, their hug lingered and they touched while they danced. But what about that made Killua so upset? He and Gon were just friends, so him being with Zushi shouldn’t bother him. So why did it? Was he jealous? And what did it mean if he was?

When he thought about it, Gon was like that with pretty much everyone. He was a naturally open and affectionate person. But where accepting that affection felt so foreign and difficult for Killua, it seemed to be very easy for Zushi. Gon deserved someone confident and self assured. Someone like Zushi. Someone very unlike himself.

He sighed and his breath hung visibly in the air. He had goosebumps despite his jacket, and his fingers were starting to feel numb. Deciding it was time to call it a night, he stood and climbed the steps towards the house to let Gon know he was leaving.

As he reached for the handle, the door swung open revealing a bushed looking Shoot. Zushi was standing behind him on his left side and Gon was standing on his right, his arm slung over his shoulder.

Killua raised an eyebrow and Shoot chuckled. “They’ve both had a lot to drink. There’s room for one person to crash on the couch, so I’ve got this one” he motioned to Zushi, “ if you’ve got yours.” Mine, huh? He sighed and stepped forward, Shoot ducked out from under Gon’s arm and nudged him towards Killua. He immediately threw his arm over Killua’s shoulders and leaned against him.

“Thank you for helping me, Killuaaaa,” he whined, taking a wobbly step forward and tripping over his feet as he did. “Ah, Gon!” He stumbled back a bit, but steadied his feet quickly. Feeling brave, he looped an arm around Gon’s waist to help support him. He glanced up at Shoot who tilted his head and bid him a parting wave, a sly smile on his lips as he shuffled Zushi further into the apartment.

The walk home was slow and chilly, and Killua thanked the universe when they finally stumbled in through the front door of their dorm.

Most of Gon’s costume ripped and fell off while he was dancing and on the trudge home, so Killua only had a few pieces of toilet paper to unravel before dumping Gon into his bed. His boots fell to the floor with a thump as Killua pried them off and tucked him in under his blanket. He grabbed a bottle of water from the mini fridge in the common room and put it on the windowsill next to Gon’s bed along with the bottle aspirin from their bathroom.

Gon let out a loud yawn, his bed squeaked as he stretched his legs and wriggled into a comfy position. Killua took that at his cue to leave. Gon was safe and settled, and after a long night, his own bed was calling him. He was halfway through the door when he heard his name called out in the darkness behind him.

“Killua?”

He turned around. “Yes Gon?”

“Thanks for takin’ care of me.” His words were slow and a little slurred.

“Don’t mention it, Gon.” He grumbled, heat rising in his cheeks.

“Sweet dreams, Killuaaaa.” He murmured.

“Sweet dreams, Gon.”

The soft click of the door falling shut between them echoed in the quiet dark of his own room.

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