#so goes to show u that life happens no matter what. but i think it’s easier to deal with if u take care of yourself :)

[haysaprocky]

life so peaceful when ur dad not judging u every second of the day ✋🏼😎

[mangostarjam]

you've been touching him a lot since he got back.

itoshi sae doesn't do anything about it — doesn't dissuade you from tugging at his sleeve or sliding his jacket zipper back and forth while you talk. doesn't comment or bring your attention to it.

but he watches.

you've been around him a lot since his plane landed, making up for all the time he's spent abroad, as if your daily chat threads haven't been enough. most of the time it's just the two of you, the way it used to be. sometimes his brother is around, though thankfully it doesn't seem like you've gotten any closer to rin since sae left.

other times there's a group, mostly your friends, a mix of guys and girls who don't seem to know what to do with themselves around him. sae is used to this — fame brings strange things to light — but you treat him as you always have, except for the touching.

you don't touch anyone else.

it makes him think.

sae has his reasons. he's never let your relationship get past that line, drawn in the sand. he's a professional football player on the other side of the world, and you have a life here. you have friends (even though you still call him your best friend), you have a job (that you complain about all the time), you have family (that can't be bothered to ever congratulate you on anything).

it wouldn't be right — to make you leave. to take you away. not when he needs to focus on being the best in the world.

(he is the best in the world. all those years ago he showed the U-20 team in japan the difference between them, the way the most they could hope for was dating a gravure model. sae never cared about that aspect. he already had you.)

he lets you touch him, but he doesn't touch you back. he keeps you at arm's length — where you're safe.

and then you ask him to be your wingman.

someone else — touching you? kissing you? having you? unthinkable. sae steps out of the shower and barely dries off before pulling on his briefs and pants. steps into his room and there you are, sitting on his bed, looking good, if a little sad.

he considers telling you to get your passport updated and catches the way your eyes trail down his form. maybe this conversation would be easier if he's wearing a shirt — your gaze is too heated, too distracting. you probably think you're being sneaky, hiding your feelings as best as you can, but sae knows you.

and your casual touches are ocean waves washing that line in the sand away.

sae walks towards his closet when it happens again. your finger in his belt loop, stopping him in his tracks. "what?"

"you were ignoring me," you say. "i asked if my outfit is okay."

your outfit is more than okay. "i would have told you to change if it wasn't."

"if you're going to be my wingman, shouldn't you hype me up?" you huff.

sae feels his jaw clench at the reminder. "no," he says, and his tone comes out cold. you don't seem to notice, falling back on his bed and testing every bit of self control in his grasp. "this is a waste of time."

he goes to pull on a shirt before he does something drastic. you're saying something, but it hardly matters when his flight leaves if you'll be on the plane with him. you've covered your eyes with your forearm, so you miss the way he pauses at the foot of the bed, teal eyes drinking in your form splayed out so defenselessly.

sae climbs over you silently, knees nudging yours apart, hands planted on either side of your body. "this is a waste of time," he repeats, watching with amusement as you take in his position. a blush sweeps across your face, but you don't push him off. that's a good sign, at least.

"what, you think i'm not worth being a wingman for?" you ask. silly. you have no idea.

and then you reach for his belt loops again, as if that's a totally normal thing to do and not something that drives him a little nuts every time. sae prides himself on his control, though, so he doesn't lean down to kiss you just yet.

"tell me," sae says, "have you become this touchy with all your friends since i've been gone?"

"n-no?"

it's cute, how wide your eyes get. sae leans down a little closer. feels your breaths on his lips. still doesn't kiss you — yet. "then i won't be your wingman. you don't need one."

"why not?"

do you know how breathless you sound? sae considers his apartment in spain, how he'll need to make sure the bedroom doesn't share any walls with the neighbors. the way you sound is all for him and him alone.

"because you have a boyfriend, now."

(companion piece to this)

[456-is-the-way]

hiii so ive had this idea for a while now but i just dont have the skills to write it myself, its not really a reader x character but more of a maybe actor!reader x the actor of the character if u get me??😭😭

so the idea is actor!reader plays a character that is also played as the love interest/partner of hwang inho (lee byung hun's character) and during their scenes together (like an intimate scene between their characters) reader just keeps messing up her lines or having trouble staying in character because she keeps getting flustered/shy by lee byung hun causing them to redo the scene over and over again so him and the whole cast just keeps laughing and teasing her about it😣😣🙏🙏🙏

A/n: So I will be going in order of the requests I get in my ask box then I will start on some suggestions I have in the comments. Once again, I do Actor x reader actor! So here is one of those ideas and I love it. I was going to do a tag list but I don’t know why it won't let me tag people!

Trigger warnings: Talks of smut, Partial Smut (lol?)

Squid Game Masterlist

Lee Byung-hun x reader

Quiet On Set

(Y/n) knew this scene would be the hardest to film. Sure as a professional actor, she filmed multiple movies that had intimate scenes. However, (Y/n) never had a romantic interest in the other actors. There was an instant spark when she met Lee Byung-hun. His character happens to have a complex background and in this season goes undercover to destroy Gi-hun, Lee Jung-jae, in an attempt to show him no matter what, people are greedy. Thats when (Y/n) character is introduced. (C/n) is written to be the complete opposite of The Frontman, In-ho. She is kind, patient, understanding, caring, and meant to show the good in humanity even though she has been dealt only hardships in life. Throughout the season their love builds up, soft touches, knowing glances, and quick kisses in secret. All the while (Y/n) had been falling helplessly in love with Lee Byung-hun. Of course, the fans did not let this go unnoticed during their recent interviews. Social media had blown up with edits and multiple bloggers posting about the chemistry they shared. (Y/n) would not admit her guilty pleasure is watching those edits and making comments herself which and fans foaming at the mouths. Lee Byung-hun even found it humorous that people not only shipped their character but them as well. When any with him and (Y/n) not on set but together was posted the fans always blew the comment section up within minutes. 

“Alright places everyone!” Hwang Dong-hyuk called as the crew rushed to make sure everything was set up in the correct frames. “(Y/n), Byung-hun are you all ready?” He asked kindly always wanting to double-check checking the actors were comfortable in scenes where they would be partially on display. (Y/n) nods even though slightly hesitant she walked onto the set and stood by the bathroom wall where the scene was going to be shot.

Byung-hun walked behind her with a smile, “Don’t be nervous (Y/n) this scene will be over before you know it.” It earned a shy smile from the actress leaning against the wall. 

“I am not that nervous… It’s a while since I have done scenes like this. Alright, I think we are ready.” She told the director and Byung-hun nodded in agreement. 

“Quiet on set, Take one, action!” He yelled and silence filled the room. (Y/n) could swear her heartbeat could probably be heard by how badly it was beating against her chest. 

Byung-hun fell into character without hesitation moving to press (Y/n) the cold tile. She breathes heavily cheeks flushed looking into his eyes. “In-ho we can’t” She whispered as he began aggressively kissing up her neck pressing their bodies together. (Y/n) let out a whimper from the pleasure she felt. 

“But you (C/n)” His voice went low showing his absolute dominance. (Y/n) wasn’t used to this side of the sweet Byung-hun. As scripted their jumpsuits were quickly discarded. The heavy breathing filled the room as the two actors stood almost nude in front of each other. His leg slipped between (Y/n). 

She arched up and moaned softly feeling him rub his knee against her covered core. “Byung-hun!” (Y/n) gasped causing him to instantly freeze. “Fuck I’m sorry.” She said as the director yelled cut. 

“Let's roll again.” As the scene had to be started over (Y/n) continued to be a flustered mess messing up the lines or using Byung-hun’s name instead of Young-Il.

“You are a mess.” He chuckled as the team thought it was hilarious she could not for the life of her finish the scene. Byung-hun smirked and leaned down whispering in a low sexual voice. “Do it in one shot this time and I’ll let you cry my name tonight.”

(Y/n)’s eyes widen looking into her costars eyes with a grin. Let's just say she didn’t mess up again.

[bytemee]

OPERA HOUSE 2 (continued) — yu jimin.

♫ playing… opera house by cigarettes after sex

synopsis. you moved to seoul for school, with barely enough money to cover your rent, a language you were still learning clumsy and slow, and your little sister back home constantly asking you to look out for her favorite idols, as if they’d just show up next to you at a crosswalk.

you weren’t here to chase anything. not fame, not love, not even a dream, really but just something to make it through.

but she found you anyway, and in her mind, without meaning to, she started building something quiet and vast just for you — like an opera house tucked deep in a place no one else could reach, a place no one else would ever know how to find, and she still doesn’t understand why or how or what it was supposed to mean, only that she was meant to love you, and even now, even after everything, she still does.

pairing. idol!karina x collegestudent!fem!reader

genre. romance, slow burn, angst / hurt-comfort, emotional drama.

disclaimer(s). unresolved trauma, ANGST bruh, fluffy too heh, kissing, L translated korean (not a lot dont fear), lot of timeskips, karina wants that cookie so bad dude...and let me know if there's more!

final part guys sorry for the three split 💔

word count. 8.3k

main masterlist. part one. part two.

you start seeing her name in your notifications a little more often, even more often than before, if that was possible. and as the weeks passed, it became normal, somehow. like you were meant to be right here, side by side, making her laugh through the phone, whispering jokes to her under the sheets.

so much so that it feels weird not seeing her number pop up.

a photo of her lunch captioned: "bet u eat like a child"

a voice memo where she tries to sing a song she got stuck in her head and then begins giggling halfwaythrough because she thinks it's embarrassing.

a random fact:

did you know that sea turtles have no teeth?

you didn't. but it was still nice to know.

it's cute how excited she is to share the most trivial details, the things no one else would think twice about. even cuter was how you knew her, all the different parts. you learned a lot, after those months, and they were all quiet discoveries:

her favorite color is blue. she hates coffee. she likes chocolate ice cream. she sings when she brushes her teeth. she always wears the bracelet you fixed the first time you met, no matter where she goes or what the outfit is. she never checks the news but loves listening to old rock bands.

but maybe the most interesting thing you learn about her is

the reason her laugh was always so bright and beautiful wasn't because she had practiced it. it was just who she was. you only wish she saw herself the way you do.

you still have other things going on. group projects, late shifts, laundry, and cramming formulas into your brain for the upcoming midterm. you meet jae for coffee one morning because he complained you've been neglecting him for too long. vivian makes you facetime her because she misses your face. your mother calls again. but still nothing from your dad.

you're there (over the phone) when livi unboxes her new computer. you send her a picture of you smiling, then a shocked face, to which she replies, "ew."

you buy her a coffee. she sends back a sticker of a cat vomiting. you tell her to be grateful.

vivian begs you to help her thrift a look for a '90s-themed party she got dragged into. sora picks up a few night shifts at the bookstore and keeps coming home with niche self-help books that she insists you all read together.

life feels full. almost overflowing, in a way, and it's hard to believe you started this year not sure if you could afford the rent, the gas, the food. but, somehow, it's happening. you're making it happen.

vivan, jae, sora

vivian:

uh oh

it's tuesday

you failed another math quiz didn't you y/n

you:

i didn't fail...

i just didn't pass

jae:

rip

you:

stfu

sora:

hey.

you:

sorry

vivian:

do you guys wanna go get bbq

sora:

omgggg yesss

jae:

yess.

you:

im studying.

vivian:

boring ://

sora:

im sure u can study later

vivian:

can you spare an hour or so???

jae:

she literally failed.

sora:

studying isn't going anywhere.

vivian:

its better late then never tho

you:

im locked in guys. im sorry.

jae:

top 10 worst anime betrayals

you groan and turn your phone face down. you weren't paying all this money to fail.

your phone buzzes.

karina:

i thought you said you'd call me after 8

karina:

but it's already 9

:(

your lips twitch.

you:

well technically 9 is after 8

karina:

(¬_¬")

she's cute.

you feel yourself soften, a familiar warmth spreading inside your chest, and without thinking, you dial her number. you don't even get through the first ring before she picks up.

"hi." her voice is soft, like she was waiting.

you smile, just a little. "hi."

there's a rustling sound on the other end; it sounds like wind. you picture her outside, hair probably tied back, phone pressed to her ear, with one hand shoved into her jacket pocket. "i didn't forget," you say, leaning back in your chair. "i've just been trying to get through this math set."

"mhm." she sounds unconvinced. "did you actually study, or did you just glare at the worksheet for two hours and pretend to absorb it through osmosis?"

"...maybe both."

"thought so."

you run a hand over your face and sigh. "i don't get it. it's like the more i try to cram in, the less i remember. i keep doing this thing where i look at the answer key and then try to reverse-engineer the problem, but that only works for, like... half a second. i'm gonna flunk the final."

she pauses. you hear the wind again, a car door slamming. "...are you outside?" you ask, blinking.

"maybe."

you sit up. "wait. like outside-outside?"

a beat. then, so casually, it makes you freeze: "can you let me in?"

you blink. "what?"

"what?" she echoes, voice light. "i was in the neighborhood."

you push away from your desk, startled, almost knocking over your water bottle. "are you serious—wait, seriously?"

"why would i lie about being outside your house? c'mon, i brought food. let me in before it gets cold."

you scramble up and head toward the door, heart picking up a little, palms suddenly a bit clammy. you can't help it. it's been two and a half weeks since the party. and ever since, all you've done is talk and text and learn everything except how it feels to have her skin under your fingertips and her voice close enough to make your toes curl.

you open the door to the sight of her standing there with a paper bag cradled in her arms and a book tucked under one elbow.

you stare.

she raises a brow. "are you gonna make me stand here in the cold, or—?"

you step back without a word, and she brushes past you. she's in jeans and a simple sweater, hair pulled back. it looks like she came straight from practice, or an interview, or something.

it smells like spring.

you realize, belatedly, that you should probably shut the door. you reach back and lock it. turn around.

"what are you doing here?" you blurt.

she smiles, lifting the bag. "feeding you," she says matter-of-factly, her expression turning mischievous. "unless you already ate? in which case, i'm a fool—"

"no, no." you take a few steps forward. "um, it's fine. i'm—not. eaten."

"okay, good.' cause i didn't, either. so we can eat together."

she kicks off her shoes before walking the familiar path toward your bedroom, setting the food on your desk before eyeing your notes.

you glare. "don't start."

"i'm just saying," she says, dropping her book onto your bed. "it's good that you're trying, but this is actual nonsense. you circled the same number twice and wrote 'why' under it."

you shove the notes aside. "okay, maybe i'm floundering a little."

she smiles—a small, private one—and reaches into the bag. "eat first. you look like you need the fuel, and it'll give you some energy."

"i'm energized."

"you are not. sit."

you do, because when she uses that tone—light but certain—you kind of always do.

she hands you a pair of chopsticks and sits across from you, tucking one leg under the other. for a few minutes, you just eat. the noodles are decent. nothing fancy, just a hole-in-the-wall place down the street, and definitely not the type of food you'd usually share. but the taste is comforting somehow, a familiar mix of garlic and pork.

karina doesn't say anything while you eat, and for a while, the silence is peaceful, almost comforting. it's hard to remember a time when the quiet between the two of you felt heavy, or forced, or unsure.

"thanks," you say eventually. "for coming."

she shrugs. "felt like seeing you."

you nod, swallowing another bite. "i wasn't sure when that would happen."

she pauses.

"you think about things too much, y/n."

she lifts a piece of chicken and blows on it lightly, waiting.

you're not sure what to say. it's not as if the thought hadn't crossed your mind. how you both danced around it for the past few weeks. her being busy, her group getting new schedules, you dealing with work.

there were days when you wondered if she was having second thoughts or if something happened, or even if you made things awkward or weird.

"sometimes," she adds quietly, like she can sense the way you're spiraling. "i forget we live in the same city."

your laugh comes out shaky. "we're both pretty busy people."

she takes a bite. chews. swallows. "mm," she hums. then: "that doesn't mean i don't want to see you." she looks up, and her eyes are dark and sincere.

you exhale slowly, trying to ignore the rush of warmth, and nod. "okay."

karina chews. swallows. brings her bowl closer. "how have you been?"

you lift a shoulder. "okay. school is kicking my ass. sora keeps finding me books, so."

"any more life-changing ones?"

"nope, just self-help. they all sound like they were written by the same person."

"but useful?"

you make a face. "if you consider self-help useful."

"which i do, for the most part. some of those things aren't always obvious. sometimes they're not easy, either."

her voice trails off, her gaze falling down again.

"hm," is all you say before you lean in slightly, tilting your head. "what's that book?"

she looks confused and then looks at where you point.

"oh. this?" she sets her bowl down. picks up the thick book beside her; it looks fresh, brand new almost. "i've been practicing it too," she says, tapping the cover with her finger.

"it's a math book," she adds, "i wanted to help you study."

you blink. "you study... math. in your spare time... because of me? why?"

"because you said you were bad at it."

"i didn't—" you pause. "well, yeah, i did, but..."

"so here's the plan. we can practice the chapters, and you'll get better. and then you'll ace your final and not have to retake the class. win-win, right?"

you hesitate. "karina, that's not—this is the rest of your day, not to mention your week—"

she rolls her eyes. "y/n," she murmurs, running a fingertip over the spine of the book, looking amused.

"what?"

"i want to."

your mouth snaps shut. "okay," you manage to say.

"okay," she echoes.

for a moment, the two of you stare at each other.

then she cracks a smile. small, a little smug. "you're kind of cute when you short-circuit."

you groan, covering your face with one hand. "don't say that."

"i'm serious," she teases, nudging your leg with hers under the table. "all flustered and grateful."

"i'm not flustered."

"you're definitely grateful, though."

that makes you glance up. she's grinning now, chopsticks dangling loosely in her hand, hair a little messy. you set your bowl aside and leave your spot on the bed to sit at your desk. "so what, you're my tutor now?"

"sure," she says. "honorary tutor-slash-moral support-slash-food delivery. add that to my resume."

you stifle a smile. "you're going to regret this."

"no, i won't." she gives you a look.

you get through two questions, both wrong, and you swear under your breath, about to scribble them out, but karina's already standing.

she comes over quietly, reaching past you to point something out on the paper, her necklace swinging forward, her hair brushing your shoulder like a whisper. "okay, wait," she says, kneeling beside your chair, eyes narrowing at the problem.

"try walking me through it. just say what you're thinking." you hesitate mostly because you're not sure if you're thinking anything at all—but she waits patiently, tilting her head a little, close enough that her knee bumps yours. and so, slowly, you try again. she doesn't interrupt.

she's always been a good listener, anyway, which makes this whole thing feel a lot easier.

and when you finally get one right—one stupid, simple problem that's been tripping you up all week—karina turns to you with a grin like you just solved world hunger and leans in to press a kiss into the corner of your mouth without warning.

"that was real tutor behavior," she says. "ten points to you."

"you didn't say there'd be kisses involved," you mutter, flustered, but not pulling away.

she shrugs like it's nothing. "it's how i motivate my students."

another half-hour passes like that, the math problems growing more complicated, her instructions more thorough, and your professors lectures being the missing puzzle piece to make them click.

at some point she huffs, clearly bored of hovering over your shoulder, and without much warning, she plops herself down into your lap.

you go still, pencil frozen in midair, and karina just smirks, arms looping lazily around your neck as she leans into you, peering down at the next problem. "relax," she murmurs, adjusting her weight slightly, your heartbeat now obnoxiously loud in your ears.

there was no way in hell you were gonna be able to relax.

"you're ridiculous," you say, voice too thin to carry any real bite, and she hums innocently, fingers tracing aimless circles on your back while you try—and fail—to solve the equation in front of you.

when the numbers start blurring together, you groan and push the worksheet aside, and karina makes a noise of protest.

"i can't." you lean back. "it's over. the universe has decided."

she sighs, exaggerated and dramatic, like she's disappointed in you—but there's a smile tugging at her lips, betraying the fact that she's not really upset at all. "you barely lasted thirty minutes," she teases, poking you.

"i lasted longer than i thought i would," you mutter, your hands settling instinctively on her hips, keeping her close.

"what's that supposed to mean?"

"you're distracting. in a good way," you add, smiling faintly. "but still... a distraction."

"how can someone studying math be distracting?"

"you're literally sitting in my lap right now, and yet, here we are."

her nose crinkles. "touché," she whispers, glancing at the textbook and then back at you. her thumb brushes along your jaw, featherlight, her touch lingering, and the air shifts, softens.

she smells like lavender, or something warm and sweet, and your brain feels sluggish, too focused on the way she looks.

she seems to notice your stare.

"what's wrong?"

"nothing."

you lift a hand, brushing the pad of your thumb lightly over her cheek, watching the color rise under your touch, her eyelashes dipping low, a question in her expression.

"can i?" you murmur.

a quiet beat. then she nods.

you brush her bangs back, a gentle, sweeping touch that makes her exhale, eyes fluttering shut. when they open, her gaze is heavy.

"hi," you say softly.

the smile she gives you is the softest thing.

"hi."

you lean in and catch her mouth. she lets out a little breath, her hands finding your shoulders, and her grip tightens when you slide your tongue past her teeth, slow, achingly careful.

her hair spills forward, framing her face. her hands are trembling, sliding from your collarbones down, then up, until they frame the sides of your neck. you part, breathe, and then find each other again, the kiss deeper and hotter this time, almost dizzying.

your head spins, and you feel her melt, a rush of warmth that sends a jolt straight to your spine. you let your hand travel, slow and tentative, drifting over the curve of her waist before dipping beneath the hem of her sweater.

"y/n," she murmurs after the fifth or sixth kiss, and you hum a reply, sliding a hand down her spine and making her shudder.

"yeah?"

you hear her swallow, feel the tremble of her ribcage, and the frantic pace of her heartbeat.

"i like being in your presence," she says, words ghosting over the edge of your lips.

your throat goes dry. "mm. is that all?"

"i think about you all the time," she adds quietly, like she can hardly bring herself to say it. "i miss you when we're apart. even when i'm not aware."

the heat that crawls up the back of your neck has nothing to do with embarrassment.

you look down.

she takes a slow inhale.

"so yeah," she continues, a hint of humor in her voice. "it's kind of annoying, actually. i like all of you—even the you that's horrible at math."

you let out a dry laugh, switching to english with your accent thick in your next words, more noticeable when you're caught off guard. "that's real cute comin' from someone who hasn't touched a calculator since high school."

"oh my god," she breathes, and then she's laughing for real, head falling against your shoulder. "you're lucky i like your accent."

you switch back to korean, a childlike grin on your face. "that's crazy. no one likes my accent."

"well, i do."

she smiles, and her dimple appears. you don't resist the urge to trace it with the tip of your index finger.

"good," you say.

⭑𓂃

karina, somewhere far away in the haze of a comeback prep she's too tired to process, thinks about the opera house.

not a literal one. it's this image that keeps coming to her when her eyes close during the five-minute breaks between dance practices or when the vocal booth grows quiet and nobody realizes she's still standing in there, headphones limp around her neck.

a tall, aching structure. white stone. aged wood. wrapped in vines, dripping in green. built deep in the jungle. far, far away from lights and lenses. somewhere no one else would go unless she led them there.

in her head, she imagines the performance meant for only one person. an entire orchestra hidden in the trees. every note, every high note, every breath—it would be for you.

because that's what you do to her. make her want to build beautiful, impossible things in the middle of nowhere.

just to prove she means it.

just to show she loves you.

but lately, she hasn't seen you. or maybe she has, but not in the same way or for the right amount of time. she's never really seen you spiral before. you always seem to have everything together, and the rare moment you don't, you push through it to the point it looks as though it was just a blip on the radar.

she knew the first semester would be hard; the workload was not a walk in the park, and the expectations were different than anything either of you had dealt with before. but she also knows you well enough by now that she recognizes the way your mouth thins when something doesn't come easy and the tension you get in your shoulders when you're not satisfied.

and in your head it starts off small. a call from home, livi asking for money because apparently the monthly stipend mom gives isn't enough. and even though it stings, even though the bank app gives you a long pause, you say yes.

you don't tell anyone, not even livi, that the cost ate through most of what you'd put aside for tuition. that it was supposed to cover january's payments.

you tell yourself you'll figure it out later. but you stop eating out with your roommates. you cut a few corners where you can. the coffee cart becomes a staple. your favorite foods slowly disappear. you're quieter in the group chat. you leave your room less.

vivian notices first. she offers you part of her sandwich after class. you shake your head.

jae stops calling you annoying. that's how you know it's bad.

sora finds you in the library. says she got extra free tickets for the aquarium. wants to know if you'll come with.

you shake your head. tell her the usual: work, midterm, stress.

she leaves a book. "what's this?"

"meditation for dummies. don't give me that look. just read the introduction."

"are you implying i'm a dummy?"

she smiles, soft, knowing. "of course not. just... consider it, okay? i promise you'll like it."

you nod, swallowing.

she's a good friend.

karina hasn't texted in two days, and you don't blame her. you've been dry. too distant for a girlfriend. you didn't mean to be; it just happened.

the last thing you sent her was a thumbs-up. you hate yourself for it.

but she's been busy. so have you. so has everyone. it just feels like there aren't enough hours in a day anymore and the ones you do have are spent thinking about the debt building up or the assignments you should probably start or the rent bill or—

karina's sitting on the floor of the practice room with her hair tied up and shoes kicked off when livi calls her.

it wasn't unusual. the two actually spoke.

sometimes about you, sometimes not.

the call starts off casual. karina asks her about school, about the dance team, about her new favorite drama and what the characters are like, and what sort of books she's reading these days. livi responds easily, talking about the boy she likes and the dumb stuff they pull to catch each other's attention.

but then her voice drops, quieter, hesitant, almost, and it's such a sharp change in tone, such a drastic contrast, that karina knows something's wrong.

"jimin."

"hm."

"you've talked to her recently, yeah? is everything okay? she sounds..."

her voice trails off, her next words carefully picked.

"...busy."

there's a beat. a sigh, then: "i'm not sure."

"did she mention anything? y'know, like, a rough day, or—"

karina swallows, and the silence is too long. "not... really. i'm sure it's fine," she murmurs, not sounding sure at all.

"hm," is all livi says, and the conversation changes topic.

karina spends the next hour wondering why her stomach is twisted, why her hands are a little clammy, and why her chest is a bit heavy.

then, it hits her:

fear.

it was fear, and it was irrational and stupid and unhelpful, but the truth is, karina hadn't spoken to you since yesterday.

well, technically. you both had. she called. you picked up. then, you were quick. rushed. almost tense.

and she hated how fast the whole conversation was, the distance, and the strange coldness to it, and so, after you hung up, she sat down in the studio and started staring at the wall and wishing she could rewind time, somehow, back to a moment when things were easy and she hadn't ruined everything yet.

the next morning, karina's summoned into a company meeting, walking out wishing she hadn't shown up at all.

the conversation was so rehearsed to the point her manager didn't even meet her eyes.

karina doesn't react. she simply nods, letting her ears ring, feeling the words wash over her and sink into her skin.

they explain, clearly, with the least amount of emotion that they can muster.

she wants to ask, how long? or is it forever? should she even get her hopes up?

but she knows the answers and doesn't ask.

they end the meeting and leave without a word.

a minute passes. then two.

when the door clicks shut, karina's lips twitch. she feels a laugh bubbling up, hysterical and disbelieving, and she bites the inside of her cheek until it hurts, her face going blank and her body turning numb.

she doesn't text you. she doesn't trust herself not to say something too raw.

you don't text her. don't even tell her you're going home for christmas. in some ways, maybe you were trying to spare her from your... drought or whatever, and in other ways, maybe you just didn't face whatever's happening between the two of you.

the air feels colder inside your childhood house than it does outside. your parents speak like strangers, and your sister doesn't make a single noise, which is worse than any argument, any slammed door, any raised voices.

livi's curled up in the armchair with a blanket pulled to her chin, her eyes on the tv but not really watching. an old christmas movie plays in the background. mom sits by the fireplace, flipping through an issue of her latest obsession—an art magazine—and dad is making a cup of coffee, his movements mechanical.

the clock ticks. no one looks at each other.

"when are we going to open presents?"

livi finally speaks up. her eyes flicker toward yours, and you realize this is the first thing she's said directly to you all morning.

dad sets his mug on the counter. "i'm not sure."

mom frowns. "we're supposed to wait."

livi shoots her a look. "wait for who, the queen?"

"livia," your mom sighs, the same way she always does. "please."

livi's silent again.

"maybe we can do it later," your dad says, after a long, tense pause.

mom doesn't seem happy about it, but she doesn't fight, and livi seems to be satisfied enough, so the silence resumes, and you feel like you could die.

later, as you walk upstairs, someone's hand wraps around your wrist. you turn. livi.

"can we talk?"

"is this an intervention, or—?"

she gives you a flat stare. "very funny," she mutters, before walking into her room and expecting you to follow.

you hesitate, before shutting the door behind you, a bit nervously.

she's still for a few moments. the wind howls. and then she's spinning on her heel, looking right at you, her jaw clenched.

"what's wrong?" she demands.

"i could ask you the same thing."

"something's bothering you. tell me."

"it's not a big deal."

"don't."

your expression tightens. "livi," you mutter.

"this is exactly what you did last time," she continues, her voice hard. "last year. i saw how sad you were, how distant you were. like something was eating away at you, and no matter how much i asked, or tried to get close to you, or call you it wasn't enough. i saw it. i didn't understand. but now you're doing the same thing."

you swallow, not responding.

"you've been quiet and... distant. ever since you got here, you've barely looked at anyone, not even me, and it's the same. i can tell."

you stare down at the floor, jaw working. "i'm okay," you say, softly, weakly.

"tell me why. now. is it the money? mom and dad's marriage?"

"no."

"then what."

you take a slow, deep inhale.

"if you're not ready or scared, i'll wait until you are," livi adds, voice a bit quieter. "just..."

she trails off, a frown pulling at her lips.

"whatever it is, i want to help. i know you want to be the strong one. always. and you are. for me. for your friends. but not for yourself."

you breathe, closing your eyes, and after a beat, you murmur, "when did you get so smart?"

livi doesn't smile. just crosses the space between you, arms wrapping around your middle, a gentle, warm touch. you exhale and hold her.

"i've always been smart, jerk. you're the one that was distracted."

you rest your cheek against the top of her head and whisper, "i'm sorry."

later, in the kitchen, your mom wipes the counter with too much effort. she's been moving things around that don't need to be moved, cleaning already clean surfaces.

"i'm making the roast tomorrow," she says, almost to herself. "the one your dad likes."

you lean against the doorway, arms crossed. "he won't eat it anyway."

she glances at you, sharp. "don't start."

you shrug. "just saying."

she sighs through her nose. "you could help, you know. do something while you're here instead of sulking."

"i've been home twelve hours."

"and already with the attitude."

you grit your teeth. "i'm not trying to fight."

"could've fooled me."

the silence after that is cold. she opens the fridge just to stare inside, not grabbing anything.

she speaks again, quieter. "you know, you used to be different when you came home."

you furrow your brow. "when?"

"before." her voice thins. "you used to smile more. you were easier."

you blink, caught off guard. "easier?"

she shrugs. "to talk to. to understand."

your stomach turns. "i haven't changed, mom. i grew up. people do that, y'know. grow up. get older. that's normal."

her mouth presses into a line.

"is that what you're calling it?" she asks, voice careful. "growing up?"

you don't answer. you don't need to.

she scoffs, just once. then she reaches for a wine glass and pours herself half a cup like it's a reflex.

your voice sounds smaller. more vulnerable.

"mom, can you not? today."

"hm?"

"you know, can't we not talk about me growing up, or whatever, or—"

"it's not easy for us either."

she cuts in. sharp.

"we don't have any answers. we're not perfect parents. it's hard and scary, and you have no idea how frustrating it can be."

"that's not fair," you manage to say. "i'm not a parent, but i'm not a kid anymore either. you can't expect me to pretend everything is fine. because it's not, okay, and maybe the holidays are hard, but that's not my fault. i never said it wasn't. it doesn't mean we have to drink through it every year."

her gaze flashes. "what a stupid thing to say."

you don't argue.

"we're trying, y/n. you should know better than anyone."

you look down at the table. your words sound thick and shaky.

"i do know."

"do you?"

she waits, and when you don't speak, she goes still.

"oh," she murmurs. "i see."

"it's not the same."

"because you've found better people."

"they're not—no, mom, i didn't—"

"it's not an accusation, sweetheart."

you stare at each other, and the air is strange, thick, almost, and neither of you knows what to say. there's a long pause. the fridge hums behind her, the dishwasher ticks in the background, and for once, the house feels loud in the wrong places.

your mother clears her throat. "well," she says. "dinner's at five."

you nod. it's automatic.

she leaves the glass of wine on the counter and disappears down the hallway. a door clicks shut.

and that's that.

you don't cry. you don't yell. you don't slam anything.

you just sit there for a while, hunched at the kitchen table with your hands clasped tight and your jaw locked. you listen to the faint sound of livi's movie still playing, the muffled voices of people pretending to fall in love under fake snow.

eventually, you go upstairs. you pack quietly. fold your things carefully. the morning is quiet when you leave, and no one says goodbye.

⭑𓂃

the flight was long, and by the time you make it back to the apartment, you can hardly stand upright because you're so tired, your vision fuzzy.

jae looks shocked when he finds you standing in the doorway. he blinks twice, then three times, as if not believing you.

"y/n? are you a hallucination?"

"what are you talking about? i was gone for two days."

he narrows his eyes. "didn't think you were coming back," he says, but his expression is lighter now. he glances at your suitcase, then back at your face. "what happened? family emergency?"

you shrug. "something like that."

"was the roast that good?"

you give him a look. he just smirks.

"seriously," jae says, shifting. "are you alright? you were... weird before you left."

you pause. look down. then, very slowly, you nod.

"yeah," you whisper, and he must believe you, or maybe he doesn't, but either way, he's smiling. you give him a closed-mouth smile and duck into your room, and when the door closes behind you, you sag against it, exhaling.

you open her contact. you don't let yourself overthink it this time. you press the call button, and it rings. once. twice.

she answers on the third.

"y/n?"

her voice is quiet, a little hoarse. you wonder if she was asleep. or avoiding you.

you clear your throat. "are you busy?"

a pause.

"no."

you swallow. "can you come over?"

another pause. longer this time.

"i'll be there in twenty."

she doesn't even change out of her sweatpants. doesn't brush her hair. she just grabs a coat—one that still smells faintly like the perfume you always wear.

in her head, the whole drive over, she rehearses, and then dismisses, and then repeats the things she wants to say. she wonders if it would be easier if you weren't here, if she had a week or two, or hell, even a few more hours, to really think it over. but the fact is, she doesn't, and she can't afford to wait or plan or calculate a million different outcomes. not right now, or ever, because life is messy and short, and there aren't enough hours to be careful or self-aware, not in the right ways, anyway.

so when the elevator reaches your floor, she doesn't know what she's walking into. she doesn't even know if you want her there because you miss her or because everything fell apart and you needed someone you could ruin gently.

but she continues to walk towards that door.

because she would go even if you hadn't asked.

you don't open the door right away.

karina lifts her hand to knock a second time, but the lock clicks, and there you are—hoodie sleeves past your hands, eyes rimmed pink.

you're tired. exhausted, really. the type where a part of you thinks you won't get any real sleep, even if you try.

"hi," she whispers.

you hold the door wider.

"come in."

when the door is shut behind her, you move to your room, not speaking.

she doesn't ask any questions.

the door opens, and you disappear inside.

she follows, closing the door and dropping her bag near the doorway, and you're already sitting on your bed, staring at her, waiting.

"you look tired," she says.

you nod. "didn't sleep much."

she fidgets with the drawstring on her hoodie. "me neither."

she takes a breath, trying to decide how she wants to do this—if she should ask first, or dive right in, or even speak at all.

her mouth opens. closes.

you speak first.

"i didn't know who else to call."

karina's eyes soften, her posture relaxing slightly. her words come out slower, less calculated. "i'm glad you did."

you exhale slowly, rubbing your palm over your thigh.

"feels like i've been holding my breath for two weeks straight."

karina swallows.

you glance at her, then away. "i thought maybe i imagined everything. us."

she flinches.

and for a second, you wish you could take it back. but she lifts her chin and looks at you.

"you didn't."

you don't move. just stare at each other, a strange, tense silence falling between the two of you.

it goes on for a while. too long.

until karina moves. slowly, like she's scared, like you might run, or snap, or worse—but she still moves.

she stands in front of you and hesitates only once before taking a seat on the bed.

"it feels like my life is running away from me."

karina frowns, brow furrowing, a bit lost.

you're not going to have enough money for rent this month and your tuition because fuck, because you went home only to be reminded that family doesn't always mean home.

your voice drops lower, and a strange emotion passes over your face, raw, almost.

"i also... i keep... feeling like you are too. and i never got the chance to stop it. because we were so busy, and then there wasn't a good moment, or a time, or anything and—"

"hey," karina interrupts, "what? hey, slow down."

your gaze lifts to hers, and the second you do, she knows exactly what's happening, and it hurts in the best and worst ways possible.

"talk to me," she whispers, taking your hand and squeezing it lightly. "tell me."

you swallow.

"you're a fucking star, y'know. like, literally, not figuratively. and i can't get to you."

she frowns.

"you're so far out of my orbit, and it's selfish and dumb, and i'm sorry, and—"

"hey, hey," she murmurs, scooting closer, cupping the side of your neck. you inhale shakily, and she shakes her head.

"don't."

"don't what?"

"don't say things you're not going to let me reply to."

you fall silent.

"it's okay," she says, "just listen."

she holds your hand in hers, smoothing her thumb across your knuckles.

"there's not a place, not a galaxy, not an entire universe out there that you aren't allowed in." she says it with a kind of steady, desperate conviction, her voice growing a little thicker. you try to swallow around the tightness in your throat, but she keeps talking, and her words come slowly, the way they always do when she's nervous or worried.

"i wanted to come earlier. i—i almost got in trouble just trying to leave the dorm tonight. it's been... weird lately."

you blink. "weird how?"

karina hesitates. she lets out a breath, then looks down at your intertwined hands before murmuring, "there's a new dating ban. it's... official. a rule, now since our comeback is happening, and we had meetings about it and the company's being... strict."

your stomach flips.

you're quiet for a long time. too long.

karina rushes to fill the space, her voice rising.

"i didn't want to tell you because i knew—i know—how it sounds. like an excuse, or like i'm choosing something over you, and i'm not. i swear i'm not—"

"rina."

she stops.

you're still calm. still.

not because you don't care. you do—god, you do—but you're too tired to panic. too tired to do the whole dramatic, spiraling thing. you've done it enough the past two weeks.

"you love your job," you say softly. "and you're amazing at it."

she nods, shakily.

"i always knew this might happen," you continue, looking at her. "and i knew it wouldn't be easy."

karina makes a noise, pained.

her eyes brim. you know that look. you know what's coming.

"but i love you," she whispers, her voice cracking on the word. "i love you, and i'm scared. i've never—this is the only time i've ever been scared of love. i didn't even know that was a thing."

you close your eyes.

"rina..."

"no, wait." she leans forward now, pressing her forehead to yours. her hands tremble on your shoulders. "i've never loved anyone like i love you. never. i don't think i can. i think that's it for me. you're it."

you exhale sharply, eyes still shut, like maybe if you don't look at her, you won't fall apart.

"and if i lose you because of some stupid contract, i don't know what i'll do. i don't know how to be okay with that."

your voice is barely above a whisper. "if you leave me today, i'll still be here. i'm not going anywhere."

she nods. swallows. neither of you move, foreheads still touching.

she speaks first.

"y/n."

your hands move to frame her face, tilting her chin up, and her eyelashes flutter.

"can you kiss me, please?"

so you do.

you tilt her chin up and brush a kiss across her lips, and you feel her breathe into it, a sigh that settles over both of you and melts the remaining distance away.

when the kiss breaks, she doesn't move away, staying pressed as close as she can.

"i don't wanna make you wait long. not forever, not even a year or two."

you run a knuckle over her cheekbone. "i'd wait," you say.

she looks down.

"no one's made me feel the way you have," you whisper.

her eyes snap back to yours. "really?"

you smile faintly. "that's pretty cheesy," you point out, but the words sound fragile, almost.

she ignores it.

"is it true?"

you nod.

"yeah."

she reaches for you, arms sliding over your shoulders and wrapping loosely around your neck, her mouth a hairsbreadth from yours. she kisses the corner of your mouth, once, and again, lingering, warm.

you exhale, turning your head slightly so her mouth catches yours, and you're kissing her again.

and karina goes pliant, melting into you.

⭑𓂃

you're sitting on the curb outside the café where you work, half a sandwich in hand, picking the crust off even though you're hungry. it's just past 3 p.m., and it's quite hot outside for springtime.

"that you?" jae's voice calls out.

you don't even turn your head. "who else would it be? my evil twin sister? i thought she was supposed to visit next week, but maybe i was mistaken—"

"god, i get it." he sighs dramatically. you finally glance over and watch him cross the street without looking because he's an idiot with his backpack hanging off one shoulder. he looks sweaty, a bit flushed from the heat, hair sticking to his forehead.

you try not to cringe.

he joins you on the curb, pulling his water bottle out, taking a huge swig. when he lowers it, a bit of droplets stick to the corner of his mouth. gross.

jae swallows and then glances at your hand.

he grimaces. "that's not the healthiest choice for lunch."

"don't start. the fridge is empty."

he rolls his eyes. "why's that any surprise."

"bitch, can i eat in peace?" he laughs, and you fight a smile.

the sun beats down a bit, the two of you quiet, before his gaze moves toward the parking lot and he speaks.

it's been a long week. month. year. you're not even sure anymore. but it's been quieter lately. still hard sometimes, still weird, but manageable. like you're finally catching your breath after forgetting how to breathe.

he nudges your side gently, bringing you back.

"how was the morning shift?"

you shrug. "long, mostly. not busy enough."

he snorts.

"you used to complain that it was too busy... so now i'm just a little confused."

"mmm... well. now, it's annoying, because i'm bored."

"you're a weird one."

"i know," you sigh.

you look down at your knees, jeans faded and soft from overuse.

"my parents finalized the divorce," you say. "like, last week."

jae looks at you, but doesn't interrupt.

"i didn't even feel anything when they told me," you continue, voice low. "it was just like—okay. cool. we're done pretending."

"i'm sorry."

you nod once. "i think i used to believe that people would stay together for the sake of the family. their kids. their kid. it was easier to pretend than to tell the truth. and that sucks. the lies were kinder than the real thing."

you lean back, palms against the sidewalk. "we can't control other people."

you feel the weight of his stare.

"i'm just glad that's over."

he doesn't say anything after that. just bumps his shoulder against yours.

"you still thinking about acting?" he asks after a moment.

you blink. "sometimes."

"i think you should."

you scoff. "you think i should audition for those weird web dramas with twelve views and a fake sponsor?"

"nah," he says. "i think you should actually do something with it. you've got that thing."

you arch a brow. "what thing?"

"the sad, haunted vibe. directors love that."

you laugh—like, really laugh—for the first time that day. "you're an asshole."

"but i'm right," he smirks. "you've always wanted this. don't act like you haven't been quietly posting monologue tests on your finsta again."

you squint. "how do you know about that?"

"i have spies."

you roll your eyes, smiling, before muttering, "it feels a bit dumb. chasing something like this. there are more stable, reasonable things to chase, and most people wouldn't just jump ship and follow a stupid dream."

"and that's exactly why you should do it," he replies, shrugging. "do what scares you."

your stomach does an odd little flip. you look down at your feet. "when did you get all wise and shit."

"im not actually a bimbo, you know," he mutters.

"oh, trust me, i'm aware. it's just... nice. the way you're good at putting things. makes you a great guy."

"you're sweet," he drawls sarcastically. you grin, leaning back. the sun feels good on your face, warm and light and soothing, and the air isn't heavy, doesn't feel tight.

he stands up after a bit and stretches. "you walking home?"

"yeah."

"i'll come with," he says. "i need to get some chips anyway."

you both end up walking in silence for a bit, until you stop outside the gs25.

"i'll just be a second," you say, slipping inside and heading straight for the atm in the corner. another semester another payment.

it's second nature when you insert your card, type your id, curse at the tuition balance, and pay what you can. but today's different. you punch in your info. the screen loads. and then—

₩0 krw

you stare. you check the number again. blink a few times. hit refresh. same thing. ₩0 krw. "what the..."

you back out of the page. re-enter your info. nothing changes.

you look around like someone's gonna explain it. the cashier's talking on the phone about some anime. no help there. you hit the button to print a receipt. hold it in your hand. ₩0 krw

you walk outside, clutching the slip like it's about to start burning in your hand. "yo," jae says, tossing his empty water bottle in the air. "you good?"

you blink at him. "i think—" you hold up the receipt. "the machine's broken."

"why?"

"it says my tuition's zero."

"isn't that a good thing?"

"no—it's not right. i didn't pay it yet."

he frowns. "like, not even a partial thing?"

"nothing. it's cleared."

jae tilts his head. "maybe check on your laptop when you get home?"

you nod slowly. "yeah. yeah."

the rest of the walk is weird. your fingers are still gripping the paper like it might start making sense if you fold it enough times.

when you get inside, sora's on the floor doing her nails. she glances up at the door closing, then back to you. "helloooooooo."

"hi," you croak, not even registering her tone, not looking her in the eye as you kick off your shoes. she raises a brow, noticing the strange shift, and continues to paint her nails.

"uh-oh."

"huh?"

"are you still mad i finished death note without you?"

"not today, sora, not today."

she puts her brush down and leans back, stretching her legs out. "oh my god, are you dying or something? or, oh! you found out the bakery stopped making the blueberry muffins you love. is that it? is the world coming to an end?"

you take a slow, deep breath.

"my tuition's paid."

her lips curl into a confused smile. "that's a good thing, no?"

you think out your lips. "no. yes. i don't know. i'll be right back." you mumble, heading straight for your room.

"weirdo!"

you open the student portal, enter your password, and wait, chewing the inside of your cheek.

same result.

tuition paid. balance: ₩0 krw. you stare at the screen for a long, long time. then you call the finance office. miraculously, someone picks up. "hi—i just... i'm seeing something strange on my account? i was going to pay my tuition today, but it says my balance is zero. i haven't made any recent payments, so i'm wondering if it's a system error—"

"can i get your student id?" the woman asks.

you give it.

there's typing on the other end.

"it says here your account was settled earlier this week. monday."

"settled... like paid?"

"yes. full amount."

you press the phone tighter against your ear. "by who?"

"the payment was made via direct transfer."

"so—was there a name?"

more typing.

"no name listed. it was submitted anonymously."

anonymous.

funny how unanimous that action is.

"is everything okay?" jae asks from the doorway.

you glance back at the screen, where the total's still the same. ₩0 krw.

you haven't touched it since, just left it open because maybe if you didn't believe it, it'd change. but it hasn't, and now you're sitting with the receipt you printed, trying to wrap your brain around it.

"i don't know what i'm gonna do," you manage, eyes burning.

jae sits on the bed next to you and offers you his palm. you place the slip in it.

he studies it. then the screen. then looks over at you.

"have you thanked your mom for this, yet?"

your expression shutters. "it wasn't her."

"how are you so sure?"

you meet his eyes, steady, even though your hands are trembling a bit. "i would've known if it was."

he pauses, seeming to recognize that, then looks back to the screen.

"okay, so, we don't know who it was, then. but... does it matter, y/n? isn't it good, or something? that you don't owe anything?"

your stomach knots, but you swallow and nod.

"i guess."

jae nudges your knee.

"you know who it is?"

"it was karina."

it's the only option that makes sense. you'd mentioned to her the struggle once or twice, in passing. nothing detailed. but it had always been the most likely choice.

she knew.

knew what your family was like, where your headspace was. and somehow, through it all, through her own life falling apart, through a dating ban that would leave both of you raw, bleeding, she had remembered and done the one thing that was easy and hard and messy and clean all at the same time.

the two of you haven't spoken in five months. not since christmas, when you were the one that was the coward, who told yourself it was easier, that the distance would heal whatever wounds you didn't want to touch, or see, or even acknowledge.

and the truth is, it hasn't. the truth is, the cuts and bruises are still there, still fresh, and they still hurt.

they've gotten easier, sure. better. the pain lessened.

but there's still a hole in you. not a huge one. just a spot where she used to be. a spot no one else can reach or fill.

and a part of you hates her for that. and another part is still a little in love with her.

"well," he murmurs.

"well," you echo, eyes drifting back toward the laptop, the numbers.

"are you gonna text her?"

"why would i."

"to say thanks? or sorry. or whatever else."

"i...can't."

"why?"

your jaw works. you look down. "because," you sigh. "i just can't."

"you're acting like a baby."

he says it like he's tired for you. like he's been watching you circle the same block of grief for months, slowing only to pretend you're fine before picking up speed again. like he's held the door open all winter, and you're the one refusing to walk through.

you press your knuckles to your eyes. "i'm not ready."

he shifts beside you.

"her comeback's not over," you admit after a beat, voice quiet. "the dating ban's still in place. and i—"

you exhale, shaky. "i don't think i could handle it, jae. seeing her, but not having her. talking, but only through windows. being careful all the time. like—like i'd be setting myself on fire just to sit next to her again."

his expression softens.

he knows you mean that, in every sense.

"you're the strongest person i've ever met, y/n."

you breathe out a laugh.

"i'm serious," jae says. "what you're doing is really brave."

"running away?"

"facing reality."

you take a moment. think, for once. "sometimes, i wonder," you say, the words coming slowly, hesitantly. "if... i'm really making the right choice. is this fair, y'know, for either of us?"

"you're not hurting anyone."

you look down at the sheets. "but am i hurting her."

"she chose her job. and you chose to move on. no one's fault. no one's mistake."

you bite your lip. a long silence. the fan spins overhead, quiet.

your voice is the first to return, hoarse."y ou think i'll ever stop loving her?"

jae doesn't answer right away. you don't look at him.

but eventually, he says, just above a whisper,

"i think you were meant to."

you let out a soft laugh, then a sniff follows behind, and for the first time in months, you let yourself cry.

main masterlist. part one. part two.

[quimichi]

₊❏❜ ⋮ MEETING THEIR FAMILIES -HEARTSLABYUL VER.

warnings: bad treatment towards reader (Riddles part), bad writing :3

summary: You meet their families

characters: Heartslabyul x F!Reader

word count:

a/n: I originally planned to do all in one part but I decided not to since it's so so much and I'm currently having a writers block but I wanna make you guys happy so-its in parts :(

Riddle

Riddle's mother is a strict woman, and she does not hide her dislike for you. She frowns the moment she sees you and crosses her arms. The situation is tense as she watches you, her gaze sharp and unblinking. She seems to be considering your motives with her son, but it is clear that she has a low opinion of you for some reason.

Riddle is nothing compared to her; he has no power, he's weak standing beside you. Yet, he stands proud, he loves you and no matter what his mother will say, his mind won't change. "Mother," he begins. She shoots a hard look at him. With that stare, she seems to say 'do. not. talk."

Riddle goes silent. He knows that if he does talk, it might ruin her approval...if that will ever happen. But you decided to speak up, nervously, "It's a pleasure to finally meet you! Riddle has told me so many lovely things of you!" you bow down, showcasing your respect. His mother's expression does not change. She seems to consider you for a while before speaking:

"Do you think yourself worthy of my son? Do you think you are a good match for him?"

It's clear that she is sizing you up, and her gaze is piercing.

"Yes." Riddle grabs your hand and gives it a tight squeeze. Showing you his support, no matter what he won't back out either, cause he knows whats coming. Your words only draw a frown from his mother. Her expression turns sour.

"I do not think you can give my son the life he deserves. You are too low class for a nobleman. It is clear why you would date him, but what do you have to offer us? It would disgrace his name and our family to wed a commoner. A magicless commoner!" She continues to size you up. She is relentless. Her frown only hardens with every passing moment.

"My son is a nobleman. He deserves a woman of nobility. Riddle dear, I know the perfect girl for you she-" "No!" His voice rings through the halls with booming thunder.

"How dare you," he shouts, his eyes like daggers. He looks as though every muscle is about to tense up so hard it'll burst. "She is good enough. She is worthy of my love. There is no one in this world who I will ever love and admire more! If you don't agree with this relationship then-!...Then I might just leave.

Riddle is standing protectively in front of you now. His heart is thrumming so hard he can feel each pulse. His last words were spoken unsure, timidly, but it's the truth.

"...Then do."

Trey

Trey's parents are thrilled to meet you. The moment they saw you at their doorstep, they took you into their family. They are gracious hosts, offering you food and drinks as soon as you step into the house. Everything is warm and welcoming. Not to mention the cake they baked for you!

The afternoon tea goes smoothly, with conversation flowing as easily as a river. "Again, thank you so much for the tea and cake! It was absolutely delicious!" "It was nothing," Trey's mother says as she refills your mug. She smiles warmly, keeping herself composed with effort. She has heard a lot about you, after all, and the impression she has received so far has been wonderful. Its hard for her to contain her pure excitement, she might explode. All her husband can do is calm her down with a hand on her shoulder, smiling both at you and his wife.

Trey doesn't dare say anything, his lips pressed shut in a smile as he watches from his place. He doesn't want to draw attention to himself, content to watch you and his parents interact.

"BROTHER!" You hear two voices yell from the hallway...seems his siblings arrived from school. Trey's young siblings finally make their grand entrance, their voices filling the room with an unexpected cacophony of excitement and joy. The scene is a chaotic one, but in a good way.

His younger brother runs up to you immediately, "Oh-Oh-! You're the pretty girl-!" Before you can question anything his sister also tunes in, "Ohhh-! She really does look as sweet as gum drops-!" "You two, shush immediately-! I'm so sorry-!" Trey's mother apologizes for the behavior of her youngest children, but you shake it off. How could you ever be upset about the honesty of those sweethearts. You definitely will have a word with Trey once you get back...

Cater

Cater never kept it a secret, how much he despises his sisters and mother sometimes. More than once he told you stories. But he has also told you that slowly, the relationship gets better...slowly.

Cater's mother is especially overbearing. She tries her best, but she seems almost incapable of not adding only their favorite sweets to the tablem. She is a bundle of nerves, and she often dotes on Cater. It's as if she finds comfort in treating him like a child, because he is so quiet and calm. Yeah, quite and calm, if only they knew who he truly was.

"Thank you so much for having me." a genuine smile sets on your lips as she pours tea into your cup. "We are so glad to have you," Cater's mother says with genuine warmth.

His sisters continue to prod you in both questions and comments, being too forceful and tactless at times. They think they're being endearing and curious, but don't quite realize that they're over stepping. Cater sits beside you, his eyes darting back and forth as the questions keep flowing. Hes annoyed, of course they will ask inappropriate questions and take the attention.

"Where was the first kiss?" "Ohhh my god did he use his tounge?" "Cater, your hair today looks frizzy." "You look cute but...that top with those jeans...i don't know. Cater you should really watch what your girlfriend wears!" "Yeah! Spend some money on her, damn." "Bad boyfriend."

The constant barrage of questions and comments from his sisters would make even the most stoic people wither. You are not one of those people - you are more patient than you ever realized. You smile through the barrage of words, answering most that you can, ignoring the rest. It hurts, some hurt. You get Cater now to 100%. Your calm demeanor and soft eyes would calm anyone's heart, but his sisters are a bit too persistent, their endless questioning seeming to have no end.

This goes on for some time, until Cater is visibly agitated. "Stop," he says under his breath. He is usually calm and collected, so it draws everyone's attention, even his mother's. "What?" One of his sisters finally asks, feigning innocence.

"Enough," he says simply, but his tone is enough to get them to back off.

He takes a few breaths before giving his mother and sisters a smile. The situation diffuses, but you can sense that he is annoyed. "I just wanted to introduce you to my girlfriend, we didnt came here for an interview. Her outfit is perfect, and I'm NOT a bad boyfriend! I know I'm not..."

Ace

Ace's older brother is charming, witty, and well-liked by everyone. He teases his little brother without any cruelty, making lighthearted jokes at his expense. He is very protective of Ace, he just wants his little brother to be happy. And obviously he wants him to behave in this relationship too.

"He has spoken of you a lot," the older brother comments, his tone teasing. His brother wiggles his eyebrows towards him,  "A bit too much, it seems," Ace says, keeping his voice low, but you hear the annoyance.

"I can't help but hear all about you whenever he's calling me... how much he cares for you, how he's so lucky to have you..." his brother's tone is good-natured. He's just having fun, and hes so glad his brother found true happiness. "Ohh, what else did you say?" Ace can hear the teasing in your voice, no way you're going into this too. "Shut up-!" "Oh, you know," the older brother laughs. "He says you are the sweetest, most beautiful being in the whole wide world. You're an angle with the patience you have for him. He would do anything for you without a second thought. He swears he has never loved another as he has you."

"What a mushy little guy my brother can be," his older brother says, sounding amused.

Ace is turning red. His voice comes out slightly strained, cracking. "I-! I NEVER-! Shut up I never said anything like that, that's way to sappy!" "Mhmmmm, sure bro, sure" His older brother smiles, genuinely.

"I've never seen him so happy," he says, "He's truly a good guy, he just has some rough edges. I'm glad someone like you took their time to get to know him...Take care of him for me."

Deuce

His mother beams. "Oh! This is the one you've been telling me about? You've done well. She is a beauty!"

Deuce's face is tomato red. He is the picture of nervousness, his eyes darting about the room with his mouth clamped shut for fear that he will say too much or too little. His mother's enthusiastic and effusive approach is overwhelming him. He wants to sink into the floor, damning himself for telling his mother and grandmother about you so much. "We are so delighted to have you here. Please," his mother continues, offering you her seat. "Sit, sit! No need to stand around!"

She smiles widely at you as she gestures to a plush chair across from them. A low table separates you, and the three of you are arranged across from one another. Deuce's grandmother walks slowly behind his mother, bearing a tray of tea and pastries in her hands. Without a word, she sits down and quietly offers one of the small cakes to you.

She doesn't take her eyes away from you, smiling wide. You can't help but smile back at her, but before you can thank her she leans closer to Deuce mother. "Perfect aren't they? I knew someone wil eventually see that our Deuce is a catch." She wasn't as discreet as she thought she was, but you can only agree with her, Deuce is a catch.

"Thank you so much-!" "It's nothing, dear," she says, her voice soft as velvet. His mother breaks the silence, leaning forward in her seat. "Now then, tell us all about yourselves. We have heard plenty from our son, but we want to hear from you."

Deuce is paralyzed. He has nothing ready to say. His mouth is dry and his heart is pounding in his chest. Although he is more than happy both his most loved family members love you, he is still nervous. It's embarrassing! "Wait-!" His grandmother immediately stands up from her seat. She disappears and reappears with a thick photo album. She settles back down and opens it.

"Now, let me show you my handsome boy when he was young. I think this is a much better idea!"

Deuce's head falls back, someone kill him. His heart stops at the pictures of himself....fuck...he's naked....

[neerons]

Some of Yves Kloss’ best quotes

"He caaaaaaaaame! " (—Yves screaming about Clavis)

"You're the most common commoner I've ever seen. You have no redeeming features to speak of. Why should I accept someone like that?"

"Choosing me shows how sophisticated you are. You won't regret it." (—Yves' changing route quote)

"Y-You call that a CAKE...?" (—Yves reacting to Clavis' gift)

"If this shameless behavior goes on any longer, you’ll find out what happens if you test my patience. I suggest that you don’t." (—Yves defending Emma in front of a noblewoman that bullied her)

"ExCUSE me? What on earth are you doing hiding in my closet?!"

"Excuse me? And why not?! I’m going to tell everyone, so we can figure out how best to punish her for what she did to you! (…) Huh?! Hey, no, you’ve got it all wrong! This isn’t kindness! I just know I’d end up with the worst stomachache if something happened to you because of me!" (—Yves defending Emma)

"Why should you have to be the one to carry such a heavy burden? This is a problem between two nations. It’s not the sort of thing a simple, kind-hearted woman like yourself needs to get involved in."

"…Emma really is amazing. I could never do anything like that. I always wanted to be a bridge that could bring Obsidian and Rhodolite together… But I was despised just for being half-Obsidianite, and I accepted it all, like it was completely normal. I never did a single thing to actually improve the relationship between our countries. I didn’t even think I could. It takes courage and resolve to approach someone when you’re completely at odds with them. It’s not easy, not in the slightest. I bet it’s left Emma in tears countless times. But even so, she’s still here now, holding her head high and taking that first step towards peace. She really is… amazing. (…) She’s so beautiful it’s dazzling. (…) I’ve spent my whole life with my head down, seeing nothing but the ground at my feet. I really need to change—I need to learn from her example." (—Yves talking about Emma to Leon)

"Fhwhwh...?! Oh my god. How is my little brother this adorable?!" (—Yves talking about Licht)

"Know this: Yves Kloss loves you, and he's always thinking about you. There's not a day you're not in his thoughts."

"You do realize you're pretty, no matter what?"

"For the record? Each time you make me happy, I swear I'll make you even happier."

"H-Hey... Have you really not noticed that I, Yves Kloss, am waiting for the right moment to talk with you?"

"U-Um, Emma... Don't tell me you're... with both of them...?" (—Yves talking about Emma holding Gilbert's and Clavis' hands)

"Just the thought of being tossed into a den full of women sends a shiver up my spine..."

"Did you just say... LOVE?!" (—Yves to Licht and Leon)

"I guess you captivated me. You were always striving to be perfect, and... that's the Emma I fell in love with."

"Y-You think you can just be all cute and get away with it, huh?"

"Please don't cry, Emma. When you cry... my heart aches so badly I don't know what to do."

"I'm not a prince to be pitied. It doesn't matter if no one accepts me. The only one I need acceptance from is me. (...) It doesn't matter what other people say. What's the point, if you can't trust yourself, and believe in your own worth? Even if they trample you under their filthy, worn boots—so long as you hold your head high and believe in yourself, it'll only make you stronger."

"Okay, which of you gave Licht wine?! How many times have I told you not to?!"

"There are so many people in the world who hate me. But... I hate me more than any of them."

"Aww, Licht, don't be so down. Failure is an unavoidable part of cooking!" (—Yves reassuring a sulking Licht)

"I'm never making dessert for any of you ever again!! You're all horrible and you can eat dirt for all I care!"

"I am NOT a cat!!!"

"...I know that kindness of yours is probably a virtue, but I can't help worrying that you're going to kindness yourself to death one day."

"What? No! I didn't meow. Why on earth would I meow?!"

"You're my goddess of happiness. I... thank you for coming, Emma."

"He's such a brazen fool! Not a principled bone in his body, and he's incorrigible to boot!" (—Yves talking about Nokto)

"Listen, you didn't hear this from me, but... Licht made almost five hundred attempts before he baked an edible batch of cookies. (...) That boy really loves you a lot. So much that it gives me heartburn just thinking about it."

"I often get told that I don't have luck. But when I talk to you, I feel like my life isn't all that bad."

"I hope she comes soo... WAHH! W-Warn me when you come!"

[kevin-the-bruyne]

why u like fadelstyle so much? the show ended and i still don't feel like theres love between them, same with all jd couples they don't seem like a couple at all

oh man how to answer this in a way that will do fadelstyle justice? I think @secriden and @bentnotbroken1fanfiction have much better, very in depth analysis of them as a pair and their wonderful dynamic.

but for me personally? simply, it's a type of love that I'm looking for. my personality is very similar to fadel's, the way style always goes out of his way to understand him and push back against all of fadels attempts to push him away - it really warms my heart.

they see each other, do you understand? style guesses that fadel could be a hitman, even if it was just a joke - style always saw him for who fadel is and fadel has been in wanting for that devotion, fadel has been aching to just be held and be able to fall apart - when fadel goes to prison style keeps his dream alive. fadel finally found someone who can understand how much he's had to give, how much he's always had to put himself second, someone who appreciates fully when fadel does it for him - I think style is the only person who's ever even attempted to feel the extent of fadel's sacrifice let alone tell him that he's deserving of the same and then go out and do it.

joongdunk have so subliminally portrayed that growing trust between them, that lived through all of fadel's anger at being betrayed, all of style's fear of fadel's dangerous life. they've just done so well to show what it means to slowly make space for each other, to fall in love through a gradual understanding of each other, I really felt that no matter what happened between them no matter how angry they were or how much distance there was between them every episode fadel and style loved each other more than the last.

fadel and style's romance is one of my favorite couple dynamics period I'm sorry you didn't feel it and even though we are allowed to interpret shows differently and like different things its a pity that I have no way to make you experience the beauty with which they touched my heart.

[astracora]

Drunken Confession - Xavier

Characters: Xavier x gn!mc

Warnings: Very Drunk MC, Xavier's Myth Spoilers, Hurt/Comfort

Word Count: 2428

Written: 25th February 2025

Notes: Pre-relationship, with Xavier and the main MC I write for. Me giving MC bad coping mechanisms and bad grieving habits? So likely. Incredibly likely. Help. It was accidental I swear. They're so messy... I love them. (they get better)

Masterlist AO3

<- Caleb <-Zayne Rafayel -> Sylus-> Poly!LADs ->

Xavier is pleasantly asleep at his desk, when he's shaken awake by a worried Tara. He blinks himself awake, rubbing at his eyes as she peers down at him frantically. He pulls back, stunned at the way she leans into him for a moment. A grumble escapes him, but she does not seem to notice or care.

"Xavier, have you seen them? They handed in the mission report and now I can't find them anywhere?"

The drowsiness and soft embrace of slumber disappears in an instant, and he digs around for his phone. When he finds it, on the floor where he must have knocked it off earlier, he finds it quiet. You've not sent him a message, and you always let him know when you're about to head home if you're at work together.

It's become a routine to walk back to your shared apartment building, after buying some snacks from the corner shop. You wouldn't just forget. Whenever you show him what you've bought, normally some limited edition snack that looks like it will be an adventure for you both, with a mischievous smile and a dare in your eyes.

He enjoys it, even when you shared those vile pocky with him. His luck to always draw the worst one, seemed to carry on to roulette jellybeans, and mystery chocolate. Though your laugh… it almost makes the horrible taste of fish sweets worth it.

So he sends you messages.

Where are U?

Are U ready to leave?

Are U ok?

Tara is next to him, chewing on her pen lid, staring down at his phone like it'll offer answers. When it stays silent, he turns to her, "What happened?"

She shakes her head, hair falling over downcast eyes and fidgets, "We had a support mission, some kids got caught up in it, one got hurt. They had to be transported to Akso. I just got the call that they're alright, they just need some time to recover, but I can't find them."

He thinks about times he's failed to protect people, the guilt holding him down. Chains around his legs, slowing each step. He's had to forcibly break them time and time again, just to keep moving. Just to keep walking towards you. Xavier's life is you and fighting wanderers. He knows yours is just as focused on putting your life into your role as a hunter.

It wears down the soul, it always has.

"I'll go find them." He stands, he doesn't know where to start truthfully, you may have gone home, so he'll start there.

"Tell them-" Tara pauses, fidgeting, and then gives Xavier a smile he knows is meant for you, not for him, so he makes a note to inform you of it when he finds you, "they did everything right, we did everything we could."

Xavier thinks it goes without saying, of all the things he admires about you, the drive to keep being better is one of those things. When it counts, when it matters most, you do not stop, and you do not give up.

It is one thing of many, but he knows what Tara is thinking.

You're blaming yourself.

He knows how that feels. Meteor showers, and wounded heart in the catastrophe he could not hope to stop.

Guilt settles strong and heavy, and he needs your hand to help raise his own. You need his, he hopes, to raise yours.

He leaves the Association quickly, teleporting as soon as he's outside onto your balcony. Normally he'd be more conscious of your personal space, but his worry and his anxieties bite on his heels. He can't lose you, not again.

He can't lose you.

The balcony door is locked, but there are no lights on. He knocks, and hears nothing. There's a moment, where Xavier is staring at the door, debating breaking the lock, when he hears his phone go off.

Starlight.

"Wh-" He barely manages to open his mouth, when you giggle down the phone.

"Xavi, what's up?"

"Where are you?"

You're quiet for a moment, and he tries to imagine the possible answers. Spiralling into distress the longer it takes for you to respond.

"Are you ok?" He tries again, but you're still quiet.

He thinks about the times you've been uncomfortable in front of him, wavering on the edge of speaking. Mouth opening, closing, thinking and stirring. Running over and over in your head. He swallows down his words, and forces himself to still.

"Do you remember Fluffy?"

He remembers every little thing he's shared with you, everything about you, every thought and word. He will never forget a single thing, especially because you didn't remember. Instead he says, "Of course."

"I'm where we met them. If you want to join me?" It's a question, unsure and hesitant. You don't sound sad, but then it can be hard to read your feelings based on your physical and verbal interactions.

Xavier never has to think too long on time spent with you, sad, or happy, he'll fly to you at a moment's notice. "I'm coming. Wait there for me."

His ability to teleport, truly is a relief, when he appears in the garden, to see you lay down. You're staring up at the sky, a flower in your hand, pulling the petals off absently. Fluffy is chirping nearby, but mostly minding their own business.

You reach out a careful hand to pat Fluffy's head, humming to yourself, phone still resting in the other.

There's silence as he approaches you, sits down next to you, and holds himself back from reaching out, to take your hand. Instead, he watches as you turn your face to him, and smile. He feels the anxiety settle, but as he lies down to join you, he can smell it. Alcohol on your breath, faint but there.

He doesn't speak, isn't sure what to say, not for a second. There's a lot he wants to ask, or affirm. He wants to comfort you, he just can't work out where to start, so he starts with Tara. "The kid is ok." He offers.

Watches as your eyes widen, blinking and then you smile. Really smile at him. Relief colouring you. "Good. I'm glad." You turn on your side, releasing your phone, so you can pillow your head against your arm. Hair falls over your eyes, so he reaches out to push it behind your ear. Twisting a wave for a moment around his fingers, and then pulling back before he aches for the heat of your skin. "They shouldn't have to suffer for my mess up."

"You didn't mess up." He knows that, he knows it for sure. He knows it in the pride of Captain Jenna when she talks about you, he knows it from Tara's assurance, he knows it from what he sees everyday. He knows it as easily as he knows you're his beacon.

You sigh, "I should have been faster. They should never have gotten hit."

When will you learn you're just one person?

"Just a kid…" There's a flash of agony, and he thinks about the catastrophe, when he'd stepped in to protect you. The fear and pain of a child facing a creature that was too dangerous, too powerful, and too hard to understand. "No kid should have to see something like that, let alone be hurt by one." Your voice is breaking at the edges, guilt tying you down. You close your eyes to escape from him.

He moves closer, so that his arm gently touches yours, you're so close. The brush of contact makes you open your eyes, and this time he catches your gaze with his own. He hopes you hear him, "Sometimes-" He swallows, and your free hand brushes his where it rests between the two of you, "we can't do everything we want to do. Sometimes, we fail where we think we should have succeeded."

A monster in a forest, and a protocore thrown back at a man he'd learned to hate.

A body under a meteorite shower, and a protocore too late to be worth anything.

The bodies of those he was supposed to lead, driven to bestial rage and betrayal.

"You did everything you could, even if you had failed, which you didn't, you did everything you could." He takes your hand in his, squeezing it once, before going to release. You don't let him, holding onto his hand, entwining your fingers, moving closer so your breath warms his cheeks. "It's ok."

"I just want to help Xavi. It feels like everytime I can't do it right, perfectly, I'm… I'm not doing enough." Tears fill your eyes, trembling on lashes. Waiting to be given permission to fall, and you fight it, like you always do.

"I don't think it ever feels like enough." Is his honest answer. It certainly feels like no matter how many Wanderers he fights, he'll never make a dent in what leaves a scar on this world. On your home. "We just have to keep trying." Even if he's tired. Even if he aches.

Even if he feels himself struggling to stand up.

He has to keep going.

Your eyes search his face, and he hopes he's not showing his weakness to you now. So you will come to him with the fears you refuse to share, that alcohol has carried on the breeze to him now.

Whatever you find, you move closer, and on reflex he extends his arm out for your head to rest on. Arm carefully settling over your waist. You close your eyes to get comfortable in his arms. His fingers twitching with the urge to hold you even closer. Against his chest, against his heart. "Thank you, Xavi."

He doesn't respond, just hums as he rests his head next to yours.

"Maybe I should take some tips from Lumiere." You mumble against his arm, and he flinches, brows furrowing as he looks down at you. Your one eye cracks open to see him, and you laugh. Once, loudly, and then breakdown into giggles.

His mild irritation, and not so mild jealousy, eases up as he watches you relax. As the guilt sheds away, in favour of a feeling he's all too familiar with. The need to keep moving forwards.

You'll be ok, and he will too. You have each other to help move forwards, and one day you'll come to him first with your stress and strain, and not seek out relief anywhere else.

Though he certainly doesn't dislike how close you are, even though he fights back his urges like they are barely chained. "I'll come with you on missions instead." He grumbles, leaning forwards to rub your nose with his, gently.

You open your eyes properly to look at him, bright twinkling mismatched gaze that reminds him every moment what he's fighting for. Your smile is small, but your laugh is music to his ears. A comfort and a joy. "The best partner one could ever ask for." You say on an exhale, he's close enough to feel the heat off your cheeks as you say it.

He lies with you there for quite some time, resting and listening to Fluffy's song. While your eyes close, and you relax, he watches. It's rare he gets the chance, but sleep seems to evade him.

"I like it here." You speak, cracking open an eye, and he almost flushes from being caught staring at you, but you don't comment on it, simply add, "It's the first place I got to know you a little better."

His heart thumps, skips, skitters. His throat tightening. You speak about wanting to know more about him sometimes, often in frustration. When he disappears, when he doesn't share something with you. It's the times you get closest to arguing, he thinks. He wants you to know everything about him, but there's so much, and it's so heavy to carry. He's not sure he's ready to find the words.

Xavier hopes he'll be ready one day. He hopes you'll accept him regardless when that happens.

He is not one for faith. Not anymore. Not since the foundations of his belief were crumbled at the hands of his own family's cruelty.

He thinks he can believe in you though.

Your eyes close again, and he extends his hand. Wanting to touch you again, place his hand on your cheek, stroke over skin, run fingers through your hair. He wants so much, all the time, the yearning a deep pit in his stomach of so many years without you. Not lost. Never lost, when he seeks you and finds you again. He has so much to catch up on though, but he's scared to push his luck. To test your limits, and lose you.

"I want to know you better, Xavier. You're important to me." Your lips brush his arm when you turn your head, getting comfortable when the exhaustion from the day catches up with you.

He's shown you so much already, all the way in the past, and now the you in front of him, but he will show you everything. Whatever you ask, he would offer you. If you wanted him to be your knight, he would.

Important could not begin to describe how precious you are to him. Could not touch on the undeniable adoration he holds for you.

He will give you everything, he will. If you can be patient, if you can give him time. He will. He swears it. You're already asleep when he finally finds his voice again, when he feels the ache of hundreds of years subside. When he stops feeling every guilt and shade and shadow on his shoulders.

When your breathing evens, and he strokes over your cheek like he wants to. Just for a moment. The smallest fragment of time, the briefest heat of your skin. You'll move forwards tomorrow, and you'll be ready to keep fighting again. He'll watch you be strong, and he'll fight alongside you as long as he is capable of doing so.

"You're everything to me, Starlight. One day." He promises, holding you closer, so that the chill of the evening breeze will not wake you from sleep you do not find easy.

Whether you forget him tomorrow, or forget this evening. None of that matters. Your future is what he cares to protect, and he'll keep doing so, as long as he can, until he cannot fight for it anymore.

And if he gets his way, forever. At your side.

[slavdollz4mangione]

I was thinking about ur post about lu and jack schlossbeeg. Imagine u and break up because he is stupid and runs away from his issues and then u start rebounding with Jack and you both are all over sm and people are obsessed and he has to see it all and everyone he knows is like did u see this??

ANONNNN the way i gasped reading this… lemme do a hc real quick 😽

ex boyfriend lu finding out you’re dating jack schlossberg:

- ex boyfriend lu who went mia on everyone including you, who didn’t leave you with any message about his whereabouts, only a hand written note telling you he needed time for himself and that you shouldn’t wait for him which obviously left you heartbroken beyond repair

- ex boyfriend lu who finally shows up back home months later, brushing off everyone’s questions regarding his disappearance

- ex boyfriend lu who asks his friends and family about you one day and everyone goes dead silent which freaks him out because now he thinks something bad happened to you

- ex boyfriend lu who learns you moved to new york city a few months after he left through his sister

- ex boyfriend lu who finds your instagram profile again and sees you looking as beautiful as ever, living your best life in new york but as he starts scrolling… who the hell is that man all over your newest pictures?

-ex boyfriend lu who starts feeling a pit forming in his stomach the more he scrolls through your feed

- ex boyfriend lu who finds out you’re publicly dating john f kennedy’s grandson and feels like his world is collapsing on itself

- ex boyfriend lu who’s itching to reach out to you and do everything in his power to get you back while his family has to pry that phone out of his hands because he’s not thinking straight and would probably make you hate him for putting you through so much pain only to come back into your life like nothing has changed

- ex boyfriend lu who can’t stand watching you with jack, even more so seeing how the entire country seems to be obsessed with you two, calling you the next jfk junior and carolyne bessette and cheer about how you managed to break the kennedy curse

- ex boyfriend lu who can’t be mad at anyone else but himself because he’s the one who basically sent you into the arms of another man and has to continue on with his life knowing he lost the woman he loves most because of a stupid mistake he made

(he might not believe or be into manifestation and law of attraction/assumption but best believe luigi nicholas mangione is gonna make the universe bring you back to him no matter what it takes)

AJSHSHSHS I’M SORRY LULU I LOVE YOU THE MOST

[h1biscusgal]

ASKS IN A BUNDLE BC I'M TIRED : PART 2

OH MY GOD I MISS EACH ONE OF YOU I SWEARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR, MWAH TO YOU ALL I ADORE U SO MUCH.

AND THANK YOU MY DARL, i'm fine so far ml and im so sorry i could not post, had my phone away and i'm on my laptop rn, but thanks sm for asking you're so sweet omg, i feel like i literally won in life having ppl care for me IM GIGGLING TEE HEE.

ok so, let me explain this metaphor, once you CLAIM they aren't sick, there is not one part of your mind that will see it as SICK, which in short, means none of this sickness existed once you banish it.

it's so hard to explain bear with me- BUT, your mind sees something, you'll persist, and it shows up, that's the thing, there's no "oh what if in my other reality-" that's shifting for a reason baby, once you set your foot on the reality you want it stays that way, and everything follows through.

ALRIGHT SO, hypnagogia is not forced, nor is it "trying to reach there", you simply always are in that state before you sleep without even knowing, hypnagogia is usually something that happens unaware when you DRIFT off to sleep, simply state and understand that no matter whatever you do, you STILL enter it, you just gotta stay aware of it and that's simply easy, i listed a HUGE range of methods ppl do to keep awake when they are trying for the hypnagogia, it's in my masterlist post ab the hypnagogia. but either way! if you WAIT on GOING IN THE HYPNAGOGIA, you're actually drifting further away from it, because you're keeping yourself awake further more or boring yourself which leads to sleeping, ACCEPT IT YOU'LL ENTER AND JUST LAY BACK AND WATCH, try the forearm method too, it's when you raise your forearm and if you sleep it'll wake you up when it falls.

OFC YOU CAN BE MY ANON, now, for racing thoughts, you can meditate beforehand if you like, OR! let the thoughts come and just observe them until it quietens down and goes blank, or i like to actually focus on somewhere on the ceiling first before trying and just looking at it until i feel everything drift off.

GIRLY THAT WAS A SHIFT LMFAO.

OR! it could be a false dream that happens a lot, it's when your mind plays the scenario so well, when something like this happens and you're not sure, ground yourself to your surroundings, affirm in your DR tense "my name's ---" "i'm --- years old." and so on and on, use five senses, so that even if it is a false dream, you trick your mind into shifting you there, but seriously this sounds A LOT like a shift.

a place where your awareness is not bound to any body, nor is it bound to any material, a part of you that is the simplest form, you usually enter it when sleeping that's why you don't feel your body when you sleep, nor are you aware of it.

FUCK HWUEGUAQIWJWHE Y'ALL WHEN I TELL U TEE HEE THIS SHIT IS REALLLLL, AND BTW THE WHITE LIGHT IS SO REAL??? I HAD IT THE FIRST TIME TOO LIKE I WAS "hol the fuck up if it's my brother again with the flashlight ill whoop his ass", only when i woke up and saw no one, i looked in my brother's room and mf was fast asleep, i was SO confused then remembered, y'all i promise it's so fucking easy.

YES DARL.

MWAH ASK ME ANYTHING LOVES.

don't wait on the "movement", BE the movement, don't see it? "fuck it if i don't see it? i'll show you the movement."

EMBODY, it's not about confidence, it's actually about NOT GIVING A SINGLE FUCK bc you KNOW you can do it, if you keep waiting for someone to get you water, no one will know when will they come back, but if you get the water yoursef? you know exactly how much time you need.

JDEWFGRHEWJQKLERENJ CONGRATS BBY MWAH.

OFCCCC U CAN, I KNOW YOU WILL ENTER BTW

OFCCCC, i think i shared it somewhere but here u go darl:

I always wake up in the void.

My subconscious randomly wakes me up in the void in the middle of the night.

The void is mine.

I am already the void.

No matter what i do, i still wake up in the void.

My subconscious knows how to enter the void.

My subconscious already wakes me up in the void anytime i want.

I don’t need to believe the void, i always wake up in it and that’s a fact.

My breathing is regular when entering the void.

All resistance dissolves now — I am open and receptive.

My subconscious mind is a powerful magnet for miracles.

Old beliefs fade away. My new reality is already here.

I am free from fear, doubt, and delay. I transcend them effortlessly.

I choose the new version of me, and it instantly becomes real.

I was born to enter the Void. It's who I am.

The Void is my natural state — familiar, safe, and instant.

I have unshakable confidence in the Void. It’s always mine.

I am the Void. I become it instantly.

The more I trust, the faster it happens. I trust fully now.

Entering the Void is easy, normal, and guaranteed for me.

I already know how to enter. My subconscious does it perfectly.

I don’t need effort. I just choose — and I’m there.

Every version of me already knows how to enter — and I shift to that version now.

If I fall asleep, I instantly wake up in the Void.

My subconscious never forgets — I always wake in the Void.

Sleep is not a block — it’s a gateway for my void.

The Void meets me the moment I drift off.

I trust my subconscious to shift me perfectly, every single time.

My body sleeps, but my awareness enters the Void.

Even if I forget — my subconscious always remembers.

I automatically wake up in the Void, even if I don’t try.

The Void calls me back in my sleep — and I answer every time.

I enter the Void whenever I want — instantly and easily.

I don’t need to try. I just decide, and it happens.

Entering the Void is as easy as breathing.

I command the Void — it obeys me.

The doorway is always open. I just walk through.

I don’t chase the Void. It flows to me.

Every second is a new chance — I can enter now, and now, and now.

The Void is one breath away — and I’m there.

I shift realities just by intending. I am that powerful.

Doubt has no power over me. It fades into nothing. I release all resistance. I am open, relaxed, and ready.

Fear is just noise. I rise above it effortlessly.

I am worthy of the Void. I deserve it fully and completely.

All my old beliefs dissolve — the truth is, I can always enter.

Nothing stops me. No method, no block, no delay.

There is no “how.” There is only now.

I transcend fear, effort, and logic — I just shift. I’m beyond waiting. I decide, and I arrive.

I know the Void is real — because I’ve already been there.

I don’t need proof. My knowing is unbreakable.

I’ve already entered, and I can do it again, now.

I trust myself. I trust the Void. I trust the process.

My knowing creates my reality.

The more I trust, the faster I shift.

I don’t need to believe — I know.

My inner world shapes everything. I choose truth over doubt.

In the Void, everything is instant. I manifest effortlessly while in the Void.

I heal, shift, and transform through the Void.

The Void listens to my every thought and gives instantly. My dream life is always just one Void moment away. In the Void, I become my highest self. The Void is my blank canvas — I create without limit. All outcomes bend to my will in the Void. I remain perfectly still — my body relaxes deeply and naturally.

My heartbeat only grounds me deeper into the Void.

Fast breathing is just energy moving — I allow it and let it pass.

Every sensation is proof I’m close — I welcome it fully. I am calm, still, and in total control.

My body knows how to relax — and it does so easily now.

Every twitch or movement melts into stillness.

My body becomes weightless — I float into the Void. I don’t resist sensations — I observe and allow them to pass.

My nervous system adapts — stillness becomes easy.

Distractions no longer reach me — I stay deeply focused. My mind clears instantly when I choose to enter the Void. I don’t chase thoughts — I simply return to stillness. Thoughts float by like clouds — I remain the sky. Focus comes easily. I’m fully tuned into the Void. I ignore all noise — internal or external. Silence finds me, no matter what’s happening. I have full control over my attention. Every moment I refocus makes the Void stronger. I remain centered, no matter what tries to pull me away.

Boredom is just ego leaving the body — I welcome the silence. I am patient, powerful, and fully present. Waiting is no longer necessary — the Void is always now. Every second brings me closer — I trust the process fully. There’s nothing to chase — the Void finds me when I relax. I let go of time — I exist only in the now. Frustration fades the moment I surrender. Boredom is just the doorway — I walk through it calmly. I trust the stillness — it leads me to everything I desire. I’m always closer than I think — I keep going with ease.

I never give up — my success is guaranteed.

I always follow through — the Void rewards my persistence.

I’ve already committed — nothing stops me now.

Even when I feel stuck, I’m still making progress.

I don’t need to feel it — I know it’s happening.

My subconscious never quits — it keeps going until I arrive.

I trust even when it’s quiet — the shift is happening now.

I was built for this — I always reach the Void.

Giving up is no longer part of me. I’ve already won.

I stick with it because the Void is already mine.

I am the Void.

I embody complete stillness and limitless power.

I was born to enter the Void. It’s second nature to me.

My subconscious and the Void are one.

I am the version of me who enters the Void instantly and easily.

There is nothing to fear. I am safe to surrender.

I let go of control — and the Void welcomes me.

I don’t have to try. I just allow.

Every block dissolves before it reaches me.

Even resistance is proof I’m getting closer.

One thought, and I’m in.

Void now.

I command my awareness to drop — and it does.

When I close my eyes, I drop into the Void.

When I let go, I shift.

Sleep = Void.

Breath = Void.

Blink = Void.

My heartbeat only deepens my entry.

I remain still without effort — like the Void itself.

My thoughts slow down and disappear.

Every movement stops naturally.

Distractions bounce off me.

Boredom is a doorway — I walk through with power.

I flow past discomfort into full silence.

If I fall asleep, I wake in the Void.

If I forget, my subconscious remembers.

Even when I’m not trying — I enter the Void perfectly.

The Void reaches me, even when I think I missed it.

My intention is enough. My subconscious delivers it instantly.

I am the creator of the Void. It answers only to me.

In the Void, I become anything — I manifest everything.

I am already in the Void.

I am beyond time, space, and effort.

All versions of me collapse into this one — the one who always enters.

I quantum jump the moment I decide.

I shift without delay.

Time bends for me.

I reality shift without effort or steps.

The version of me who always shifts — I become them now.

My desired reality flows to me through the Void.

It’s safe to let go. It’s safe to be powerful. It’s safe to disappear into the Void. It’s safe to receive everything I want.

Every time I try to enter the Void, I succeed instantly. My subconscious has been fully trained — it takes over when I try. The moment I intend, my subconscious activates the Void. One decision = full access. Trying is now the trigger. I don’t have to do anything extra — it’s already done.

This subliminal reprogrammed me permanently.

One listen was enough — my Void access is unlocked forever.

I only needed to hear it once — and the effect never fades.

My subconscious remembers this subliminal forever.

Background listening rewrote my reality completely.

This subliminal stays active in my mind — even when I’m not listening.

When I try, I shift.

When I relax, I enter.

When I breathe, I drop in.

The moment I decide, it happens.

My intention alone activates the Void.

Void entry is my default now.

I’m the kind of person who enters the Void instantly.

I was born with this ability.

My subconscious does all the work.

I am the one who doesn’t need to try — I just do.

I no longer chase the Void — I am the Void.

Even after the subliminal ends, it stays active in my mind.

Its effects grow stronger every day.

The command is fully installed.

I no longer need help — I’ve already been reprogrammed.

I access the Void naturally now, as if I always could.

Whenever I say “Void” I enter instantly.

“Void” = full access, no delay.

That command is permanently active in my subconscious.

My subconscious absorbs this instantly and completely.

Every affirmation goes straight to my subconscious now.

My subconscious is wide open and receiving perfectly. I absorb this subliminal effortlessly, automatically, and fully.

My mind is tuned to receive and obey every word.

These affirmations are already working.

My results appear faster than ever before.

My mind accepts and applies everything right now.

I shift instantly with every listen.

Each second I listen multiplies the effect by 100.

Every repetition rewires me deeper.

The more I hear it, the stronger it gets.

Each play of this subliminal makes it permanent.

This subliminal grows more powerful every time I listen.

It compounds — it builds momentum fast.

This is working.

It’s done.

Shift locked.

Activated.

Full access granted.

Already mine.

No delay. No doubt.

(gah dayum that was long).

TEE HEE MY FAV GIRLY. YOU'LL GET UR MANIFESTATIONS I KNOW IT, I JUST KNOW IT.

OH MY FUCKING GOD SOMEONE GETS ME, PLEASE THAT WAS ME. i used to be obsessed with being skinny (i am so ashamed to say i used to be a koreaboo when i found kpop and you get how ppl wanna look there, pale skin and thin body and shi) so i managed to manifest losing a lot of weight and actually looking stick thin but I realized a year ago i kinda hate the look fr, i loved my old curvy self so i managed to manifest it back, ACTUALLY IT'S SO MUCH EASIER TO MANIFES SMTH BACK BC U ALREADY HAD IT BEFORE.

subconscious always listens- it's your conscious mind that is blocking it because there's no belief or persistence backed up.

WHY WON'T IT WORK- sit somewhere, calm yourself, speak to yourself your desires, go about your day doing that until you get ur desires, it's not "oh i did once or twice it may not work."

in Joseph Murphy's book, one of his clients was an elderly woman wanting to look for a man, many may say "oh u can't marry at this age it's too old." SHEEEE, EVEN IF SHE WAS OLDER, TOOK ONLY A MONTH BY SITTING SOMEWHERE AND REPEATING SHE HAS A LOVING MAN AND SHE FOUND ONE LITERALLY LIKE THAT.

I LOVE SIGNS LIKE THIS TEE HEE.

HI DARL AND SORRY FOR THE LATE REPLY, so, what you mean is, that your HYPNOPOMPIA STATE IS ACTUALLY VERY SHORT, mind you, that is not HYPNAGOGIA, which is a state that happens BEFORE SLEEP, hypnopompic state is when you JUST wake up, and it varies from someone to another, actually i get you, personally i find my state to be longer when i sleep limitedly, BUT THAT'S OK, you can try BEFORE sleep.

YALL HAVE NO IDEA HOW THIS MADE ME SMILE, I LOVE PEOPLE WHO UNDERSTAND ME AND MY HUMOR, I ADORE U ALL.

I DARL! ok so, there's a very fine line between dreaming and shifting, there's ALSO false dreams which looks like your reality but it's just a dream! there's a very big difference, best way? is to look down your fingers, if there are ten, you're in a real solid reality, if you have less or more, you're in a dream!

HI DARL! so yes, this is your body making way for the shift/void! body being stiff is a sign that it's going rigid to be entering soon!

THE AMOUNT OF PPLS ASKING THIS I SWEAR I'LL MAKE ONE THESE DAYS, AND IMMA MAKE IT EVEN MORE POWERFUL JUST U WAIT.

EJUFEIWJQI I SWEAR BY THE HMM METHOD I SWEAR, IT'S SO RELAXING AND YET SO FUN, I KNOW U WILL SHIFT SOON DARL.

YES DARL THAT'S A VOID THING, the main property is to know if it's not just your eyes waking up from a sudden sleep OR if it was actually a shift! check the surrounding, did u see anything? felt anything? BUT YOURE SO CLOSE MWAH.

[erwinsmithsmissingleftarm]

the nsfw alphabet for reiner pls !!! i love how u write <3333

CW: Post-war!Reiner

A = Aftercare (what they’re like after sex)

Reiner is very gentle after sex. Undestand him, he just let you see the most vulnerable side of himself and can't believe how good you made him feel. This guy just wants to thank you for everything! He is the type to immediately bring you a glass of water and hug you, asking if you are okay or if he hurt you by any accident. Probably needs you to tell him at least twice that you are really fine and that you are more than satisfied to finally stop worrying and asking questions.

B = Body part (their favorite body part of theirs and also their partner’s)

If you ask Reiner which body part he likes from his body, he will probably mention his eyes. Nothing really fascinating, they looks boring to him but after you kept complimenting them, he really started to think they are pretty. I mean, how can't someone fall for those honey eyes, looking so fucking gorgeous in the setting sun?

As for you, he will never say it out loud but he loves your boobs. They are just... so soft and firm at the same time, it does not make sense to him! The perfect pillow to sleep on and cute anti-stress balls. He is not too touchy either, just slightly groping on them in private when you are okay with it. Small, medium or big, he loves the feeling of them in his big hands and the blush on your face whenever he tells you how cute and pretty they are.

C = Cum (anything to do with cum, basically)

Reiner is the biggest cum eater in the world. Man can lick your dripping pussy for hours without being tired. Every time he flips his tongue in your slit, he makes you even wetter until you literally beg him to stop. He then lifts his head and looks at you with glazed eyes and his puffy lips covered in cum until he runs his tongue over them to not waste any drops. He does not know why but your sweet nectar has a such addictive taste that he can't get enough of it.

D = Dirty secret (pretty self-explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs)

It might not be surprising but Reiner fantasizes about you dominating him. Who knew that this big man could actually think about being the submissive one, letting you take control over him. He is so... tired to be the one always taking decisions. Reiner just wants to be at your mercy because he knows you will take good care of him.

He needs you to push his hands away as he tries to touch you, gosh he can't stop thinking about it but everytime he is about to ask you about it, the words stay stuck in his throat. He can't say it, no matter how much he wants, he is just a tiny scared that you might judge him.

E = Experience (how experienced are they? do they know what they’re doing?)

Before you, Reiner did not have anybody and honestly did not have a lot of time to think and care about sex. Yes, his sex life before you was non-existential. Your first time was actually a bit embarrassing as both of you were virgins and did not really know what to do. It was a bit messy at the beginning but after a few minutes, Reiner caught the pace.

But now I think it's a bit useless to tell that he became pretty skilled with all the times you two did the deed. He is still unsure of himself sometimes but it is very rare now as he feels like he can be himself with you without being judged. If anything embarrassing happens, you two just laugh about it and continue this intimate and passionnate moment, not focusing on that.

F = Favorite position (this goes without saying)

As a person who is constantly searching for approval from his partner, Reiner finds it very important to maintain eye contact while having sex. He needs to be sure that he is doing everything okay and seeing your face can be very helpful. He needs to see any little change in your facial expression that could potentially show some discomfort/pain or at the opposite, pleasure. Positions like the missionnary or the lotus are his favorite for that.

It's very rare for him to try new positions that are not the two mentionned the line before but the doggy can be also great when he feels a little more dominant, giving him the access to reach that sweet spot inside you. Another nice position would be the spooning one. Reiner just loves how his whole body is pressed against your back while he is gently thrusting into your tight pussy.

G = Goofy (are they more serious in the moment? are they humorous? etc.)

Reiner is not goofy during sex at all. For him making love is the pinnacle of seriousness and not something that should be joked about. This moment should be used to share and show your intimacy, your love and affection and he does not want to ruin it by making jokes that will only cringe both of you.

H = Hair (how well groomed are they? does the carpet match the drapes? etc.)

Normal level of hair. Reiner is not the type of guy who take time everyday to make sure he is freshly groomed so he shaves it about once a week? Not too shaved but not messy either, just the perfect mix. The puebes are darked than his blond hair, a somewhat brown/caramel color.

I = Intimacy (how are they during the moment? the romantic aspect)

He is probably one of the most romatic guys ever during sex. I mean, my boy is putting all his efforts in to make you feel good and loved. He's taking his time to pamper your body with hundreds of kisses and whisper how much he loves you into your ear. Let's also remember that he is extra-sensitive, literally baby boy, so he really takes his time to please you.

J = Jack off (masturbation headcanon)

Whenever he has a boner but you are not there, he will ask you to send him a pic of you. Not necessarily a spicy one where you are in a lewd position or showing your tits to him. Nope, just a pic of you today, his imagination can do the rest to imagine himself undressing you, removing that cute crop top or unbuttoning that shirt.

He will usually imagine that his hand is your hand and that you are the one giving him that handjob. His strong thighs twitches as he feels his climax approaching, hearing your soft voice whispering praises at his ear. He finally let out a loud gasp as his hips thrust forward, his cum covering his hand, a bead of sweat trickling down his temple.

K = Kink (one or more of their kinks)

Praise kink. Listen, the worst thing you could ever do to Reiner is degrade him. That sweet boy's life was filled with remorse and self-doubt and only God knows how he is still alive today. He cannot stop thinking about all the bad things he did and it drives him sick. Reiner needs to be comforted, to be called good and to be praised. He loves it when you whisper sweet things to his ear or when you, on the contrary, yell them as he makes you feel so good.

Size kink. This man is HUGE and it always turns him on how you are so small and cute compared to him. He love when your hand is gripping his while he's literally stretching your tight hole out. Bonus points if you wear one of his shirt, it's a huge turn-on and he will just fuck you in it without any doubts.

L = Location (favorite places to do the do)

I feel like Reiner is quite the traditionnal guy who thinks that there is no better place to have sex than in the bed. It's a private place where you two can't be seen or interrupted by anybody, it's comfy and easy to clean up after (just throw the dirty bed sheets in the laundry and ta-da).

Honestly, I think Reiner can fuck you everywhere as long as it's in a private place with nobody else. If the sexual tension is too much and you can't even reach the bed without fucking each other, the couch, the kitchen counter, any table, the shower... any place at home is a good place to fuck you.

M = Motivation (what turns them on, gets them going)

One of his biggest turn on is probably when you wear his clothes. It comes with his size kink. Not gonna lie, Reiner finds it fucking sexy when you wear his clothes, like his shirt that is way too big for you. It is just adorable how the piece of clothing is hanging on your body, making you look even smaller than you are. Be prepared to be fucked until you pass out if you dare to wear his clothes (of course, he will fuck you while you have his shirt on).

Another turn on for Reiner would be dirty messaging. You don't have to spend any pics, just dirty textos can make him feel tight in his trousers. This man is pretty easy to turn on, you just have to tell him everything you want him to do with you and he is already hard. If you text him while he is not at home, he will come home earlier than planned. He is already expecting you to be half-naked on the bed and might teach you a lesson about turning him on in public.

N = No (something they wouldn’t do, turn offs)

I don't see Reiner has someone who would feel pleasure with pain honestly. He thinks that all this BDSM stuff is a bit disgusting and weird. What the point of hurting someone you care so deeply about even if it is just for sex? This does not make sense to him. He is pretty vanilla sex as you can see and will refuse anything that could be painful (either for you and himself).

Another turn off would be anything that implies another person than you two (threesome, public sex, ect). Due to his protective personality, he wants to keep you all to himself, no sharing allowed.

O = Oral (preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc.)

If it was not clear with the letter C, let me say it again. Reiner loves eating you out. Of course, nobody is born pro at giving oral but Reiner is kinda good at it even at his first time? Not that he is so skilled but even with that first messy cunni he was able to make you cum after a short amount of time. Those skills only improve with time and soon he becomes a real professional.

He also does not care if you think you are too heavy, just sit on his fucking face and let him lick your pussy dammit! You are a thick girl? Squish his face with your thighs please. Skinny girl? Squish his face too. No matter your body type, your height and your weight, this man handle you like nobody else and loves you more than anything else in the world.

Reiner also likes being the receiver but do not push you to do it. You are too scared? That's okay, there is so much more to do in bed! You are messy and unexperienced? Wonderful, there is no better way to gain experience than with practice! You are fucking skilled and can take all his dick one-shot? Keep it like this, he won't complain!

P = Pace (are they fast and rough? slow and sensual? etc.)

He is both. Often, Reiner will start thrusting into you slowly and sensually, just to make sure you have time to adapt yourself to his cock. Then, his thrusts will slightly increase in pace and roughness to finally transform into intense pounding that will make you scream and rearrange your guts.

Also, Reiner is not the type to change pace depending of his mood. That means that even if he had a bad day, he is angry or tired, he will still fuck you as usual and not more agressively. He does not want his emotions to take control over him and take the risk to hurt you by accident.

Q = Quickie (their opinions on quickies, how often, etc.)

It might be surprising but Reiner does not like quickies. The reason behind this is pretty simple, he is easily stressed and dislikes to be quick on a such thing as making love. He likes to take his time, feeling his climax approaching slowly, no stress about being late for something...

He wants to take it "relax" if we can say it like that. Quickies with him are very rare, mostly done when you two have unexpected changes in your plannings right before making love.

R = Risk (are they game to experiment? do they take risks? etc.)

Reiner is not really the risky type, he likes to stay in his comfort zone and may be grumpy at the idea of trying something new. So if you want to try out new things, you will have to push this man to take some risks but he will say thank you after.

Okay something silly like cockwarming. When you first proposed it to him, he made the sour face that always make you laugh. He did not understood the point of having his cock buried inside your guts without the right to move. How could he resists from pounding inside that warm pussy of yours? Okay it took you a few days to convince him to try it just one time but the result was worth it. Just hearing the soft sigh that escape his lips as he feel that warmth around his shaft, you pussy squeezing him slightly, making it even tighter than usual. He fell in love with it, now always asking you to cockwarm him while he's working from home or watching a movie with you.

S = Stamina (how many rounds can they go for? how long do they last?)

Thanks to his high sex drive (which will be more explained in the letter Y...) and his good physical form, Reiner has a lot and a lot of stamina. This stamina the the one that allow him to last for at least 15 minutes per rounds.

This guy can be pretty whiny if his partner only wants to go for one round as he prefers to go for minimum 2 rounds and more. After complaining a bit, he accepts his fate if his lover did not change their opinion but be ready to an extremely long sex session to compensate for the only one round thingy.

T = Toys (do they own toys? do they use them? on a partner or themselves?)

As said in the letter N, Reiner is turned off by almost everything that is not vanilla sex. That means that the possibility of him owning toys is very very small. If it was just for him, the answer would be a total no.

But, he actually also cares about his partner's needs and requests so if you want to try out some toys one night, he will accept. Reiner is only doing it for you and by consequence, only uses the toys on you. However, he still does not get it how some plastic can bring as much pleasure as a real meaty cock.

U = Unfair (how much they like to tease)

One thing, Reiner is not a tease at all. This man is already way too needy for sex to lose time on teasing. Forget about things any other guys would do like hands avoiding your dripping wet cunt or his tip teasing your entrance. No, Reiner is giving you everything you want as soon as you give him the green light. You just have to ask him and he will do it.

But what if YOU decide to tease him? Oh my god, this big guy will turn into a whiny mess, begs literally flowing out of his mouth like a waterfall. Why are you so mean to him? Why do you tease that poor baby? At some point, he will almost grab your hand and bring it to his twitching and neglected dick. "Don't you feel how I need you? Stop teasing me please, I can't take it anymore..."

Let's just say that you are still wondering how you keep losing against those soft honey eyes...

V = Volume (how loud they are, what sounds they make, etc.)

A loud boy here! Well, let me re-phrase it. At first, he is very shy and tries to mute any sounds that could come out from his mouth. However, he quickly gains in confidence and after a few minutes he does not hesitate to let you know how much he loves it by being very vocal. Mostly growling and soft whimpering, he is not into very girlish sounds and stays more manly. Sometimes, he can let out whines and sobs if you decide to tease him.

Reiner also like to have a noisy partner. Actually... who does not want to have a noisy partner in bed? The sounds you make is the easiest way for him to know if you like that he is doing or if you are close to your climax. Don't hold back or he will slip his fingers into your warm mouth and force you to keep it open while thrusting into you.

W = Wild card (a random headcanon for the character)

This man is a true cuddle bug. He can stay for hours in your arms, feeling your fingers scratching his scalp. He is craving for affection, even more physical. Pamper his face with kisses, hug his bigger frame by behind, hold his hands while you are taking a walk... he just needs it. He likes the feeling of your head on his chest when you are peacefully sleeping, nuzzling against his body. Yes, he is needy just like a little kid but it's adorable and we love him like that.

X = X-ray (let’s see what’s going on under those clothes)

Would you be really surprised if I told you Reiner has a big dick? The answer is probably no because we all know that under those pants is hidden a whole monster. Reiner is quite shy about it because he finds it gross but honestly it is a whole feast.

You want more description? Here you go: it's above average, about 7 inches long and 2 and half inches thick, no piercings with a slight curve that allows him to hit the deepest parts of your body, no cut with a nice dark pink color.

Y = Yearning (how high is their sex drive?)

To be honest, it surprising at first how high is Reiner sex drive. Who could know that this quiet warrior would be a sex addicted? Not that he can't spend one day without it. No, he can restrain himself of course like any normal man. He will never assume it and even more say it out loud but yes, he likes the feeling of his dick inside you a little bit too much.

Z = Zzz (how quickly they fall asleep afterwards)

Usually, due to his trauma, Reiner has insomnia and barely sleep 3 hours per night plus nightmares often happen to him so our baby doesn't get a lot of rest. But after sex, he's surprisingly falling asleep only a few minutes later. The rush of emotions you two just lived and the feeling of your skin pressed against his seems to calm him down. It won't take long for you to hear his soft snores as he's already sleeping tight.

[signanothername]

What do u think of the trope where Blue/Swap joins the bad guy???

I have complicated feelings about it?

I love the trope in of itself, I think it would be a really interesting trope to explore

The problem tho? I never once saw it executed in a way that grabbed my attention or made me actually love the story it was used in

It immediately goes to the “asshole” Dream and Ink and “kind found family” Nightmare gang trope

Which again, if you don’t know, I hate the trope of Dream being somehow an asshole or somehow treating Swap as tho he’s less than him

Ink is a whole different story where the fandom simply villainize him just cause he’s soulless

And the kind found family Nightmare gang is a trope I love, but just like the trope of Blue joining the Nightmare gang, it’s poorly executed most of the time (and I mean, how can you call it a “Blue joins the bad guys” when the “bad guys” are shown to be good guys????)

Like, I opened so many different fics only to be hit with the same execution of this trope over and over, eventually just losing interest bxhxhdhdh

The idea of Swap not being able to “keep up” with Ink and Dream or is somehow neglecting himself to take care of Dream just doesn’t really intrigue me (or even make sense to me)

Like don’t get me me wrong, I’m an absolute sucker for the “Swap is literally the only anchor Dream has left in his life otherwise he’d fucking break down” but I dare say Swap is more than capable of handling it without it weighing him down to a significant degree

This is Swap for god’s sake, he’s literally Papyrus’ personality but in a Sans body, if anything, he’s the one who has his shit together the most and is able to go on with a genuine happy and determined smile on his face, no matter the shit that happens to him, it would make a lot more sense for Dream to be the one to try and catch up with Swap than the other way around

I get that the trope tries to show the limitations of Swap as a mortal compared to Dream and Ink who are both pretty much immortal, but what people tend to do is that they completely twist Swap to be absolutely pathetic just for this trope to work

Which *shakes the fandom* I promise you don’t have to completely change a character up to make a trope work

Like I saw stories that made Blue to be somehow a weak depressed anxious guy trying so hard and is failing and whatnot and I question myself whether that’s even Swap anymore hchcchcjvj

I think the problem I usually see when people try and write different tropes for different characters, is that they try to make the trope make sense, and so they twist the character around to fit around the trope

Which, imho, is ineffective, you should understand the character, and then think of how the character would deal with a certain situation and how that leads to the trope you’re trying to write, one step at a time without having to ignore/erase important personality traits of the character

Of course, that doesn’t mean the trope you’re trying to write can’t fundamentally change the perception, personality, or behavior of a character, but you have to show how it affects the character to such a fundamental degree, show how can the character be heavily influenced and affected in a way that makes sense for said character

For example, I’ve seen people write Swap neglecting to eat cause he’s trying to “keep up” or sometimes Dream and Ink don’t give him the chance to cause they pressure him to go on another mission or push him too hard

Here are some problems I see with this:

- why is the Nightmare gang even somehow attacking every single day? Have they got nothing better to do? Especially with the fact they’re a found family now?

- why is Dream and Ink going out for “missions” every day if the Nightmares aren’t attacking, like damn what are they even doing?? What are these “important missions”?? Since when was Ink so obsessed with “missions”?

- Swap would absolutely not let that shit stand, if anything, he’d be very vocal about it and tell Dream and Ink to sit down and eat his great delicious tacos (Swap’s voice always has power behind it, and his actions are a direct reflection of his beliefs not what others push him to do)

- Ink has a home in the doodlesphere, he wouldn’t even be around enough to push Blue, while Swap has an AU and a brother, there is pretty much no way he’d be with Dream and Ink 24/7, and if he was somehow, you think Swap Paps would let it slide? And even if we go with the idea of Swap not being part of an AU anymore, you think Swap himself would neglect himself just to please others even when it doesn’t align with his own beliefs?

And those are only few of the top of my head, I’m pretty sure if I sat down and thought about this for a few hours, I’d be able to write you a whole other set of problems

Not saying you can never write Swap neglecting to eat, you absolutely can, it’s just needs to make sense for Swap as a character, what would it take for Swap to start neglecting his health? It’s not others pressuring him or pushing him I can tell you that much

So yeah, good trope, not so good execution (for me at least)

I guess I’m way too focused on the logic of it to truly enjoy it for what it is, but then again I always love to complicate things way more than I need to

Not every trope or story has to make sense completely, but I guess seeing Swap be completely made into a pathetic mess with no actual grounds to support it beyond “he’s mortal and his friends aren’t“ just ruins it for me dhdhhdhd

[sunshades]

i always wished the animation in heathcliff's ego changed after c6.. i feel like bodysack has always been about his own self hatred and how he views himself as less than human, so when he's able to move past and grow from his trauma, this view of himself as less than human changes. i know that changing the art + animations would have been a hassle so i'm not that mad about it but it would have been neat

YEAHHHH. i mentioned it in a post before, but i do love the ambiguity of the bodysack and the feelings it connects to, that it's both about his warped sense of self and about the guilt over having consciously or subconsciously hurt the people he loves. in the end it all goes back to a feeling of displacement, of never being Right or Good Enough. it goes back to:

the base E.G.Os are a bit varied in what they represent because of well the sinners' stories being different, but since heathcliff's story has him facing his own self-hatred, it gives off a very different feeling from the others... snagharpoon for example is about ishmael's fight against ahab which goes back and forth between being righteous and being misguided, la sangre shows don quixote's dreamer side which becomes a positive after c7, land of illusion represents the flowing water that contrasts stagnation and even after the canto the negative implications feel so minimal you gotta squint to see them (boring. but i digress)- all very easy to translate to an uplifting interpretation with only a voiceline change!

on the other hand with bodysack... the voicelines are of course extremely expressive: the wrath and aggression at first, desperation and horror during the canto, then determination and resilience afterwards. but bodysack is different in that the "weapon" appears physically And as a metaphor in his canto, and therefore always carries a stronger meaning than many of the others. we're shown very thoroughly how the concept connects to heathcliff's life in various ways, all the anguish and shame tied to it... so that stays as relevant as the feelings of the voicelines, even when his focus should've shifted, so it leaves you a bit conflicted seeing it again. But. in a way. even if it ended up in a weird spot in the practical point of the long term visuals i am happy the narrative itself went that far, in text and implications and gameplay content.

i do think that as we go on with the cantos it won't be heathcliff alone- there's no way in hell looking at suddenly one day will ever remind u of anything but how horrible what happened to gregor was, no matter what voiceline update he ends up having, and forest for the flames is... well, just look at it. if they're supposed to reflect the sinner's emotions and subconscious i think by the end it'd be nice to have at least these three get an update reflecting the growth they'll have experienced in the story.

until then, it is still nice if we're taking those powers/manifestations as more of like. the things each sinner has taken in consideration about themselves, kind of. so for heathcliff rather than just Hes Moved On itd be, he remembers the way people treated him and how he thought of himself, and that it's something he doesn't want to stand for any longer... bodysack as acknowledging both the fucked up things that were done to him (the time at the heights) and that he did to others (the aimless violence in the syndicate years), and drawing power from it, with the awareness he's grown from it and now fights for a purpose.

particularly i feel like remembering that it relates to the time with the rabbits helps soften the imagery, as he starts it off with the Yeah killing remorselessly, but then it also signals a lot of positive things for him- the first time being in a place where he felt accepted, the first time he truly took control of his own life and like. thinking about how it was a syndicate with a culture centered on friendship and loyalty and that didn't really take advantage of people, and about how during that time he made friends and kept writing home out of consideration for catherine, then you can see it as an important moment for his personal growth and in his ability to express himself. so the same E.G.O can be a bit of a mixed bodybag [THE CROWD BOOS ME OUT OF THE POST]

[alacants]

may u share some winner’s room thoughts 👀 never rlly thought abt this in the context of tennis but very interesting (and also goes to show how lonely of a sport it is) !!!!!

SINCE hrpf black mold is in the walls today. winner's room for those not familiar. actually for that matter i'm only moderately familiar with it, my engagement mostly comes from like. listening to my friends talk about their fic. so i'm sure there are aspects i'm not fully addressing here, sorry hrpf scholars.

the point of this trope is that it strips the post-match dynamic to the bare essentials. there is a winner, there is a loser, what does that mean sexually. (u might say it makes the sexual subtext of competition text.) you don't need the trope to explore these ideas, you can obviously write plain post-match fic and set up, like, the reasons and the context they're fucking. but in some cases—maybe not sincaraz, but like… idk… jannik/sasha bublik—you are fighting an uphill battle against suspension of disbelief. winner's room is a very neat and clean method of establishing all the right conditions, like a self-compiling code package. hit one key and cut straight to the chase of poking guys with sticks Exploring Ideas.

tennis is an even purer vessel for this bc in team sports it's… a team effort. (no shit.) that is to say ""you"" may or may not have lost the match. as i write this out i guess maybe that's one reason it's less necessary in tennis. you CAN just be like well then they hooked up after the match, walk with me here, and here's what it meant. (hello the post-rg final sincaraz tag.) whereas in team sports it's the trope that makes you assume that role—like, by definition, you are the guy in the winner's room so you are The guy that lost.

and the point of winner's room is that they have to confront the dynamic sexually. that's where the utility is in tennis rpf i think. for some ships, e.g. sinnettini, the winner/loser dynamic seems to be incidental to how the relationship is generally read/written/understood by fandom, so maybe there is actually quite a lot to be gained from forcing this into the conversation. for others, e.g. djokoraz… i mean you can't really have a take on that ship that isn't about the 2024 olympics, somehow. which should make it beside the point but actually just makes me want to read it more, aha, it's the beauty of simplicity. 

op just reread your ask and you are absolutely right that the isolated and peripatetic nature of tennis makes this even more fucked up aka DELICIOUS. sure life is fine if you travel with a close-knit team but what if you don't and your loser's moment in the winner's room is the closest approximation to human connection you've gotten for the last several months.

(from a worldbuilding perspective this can't be happening for every single player every single match, that's just not healthy. tourney finals, maybe?? designated top 10 matches??? would need to ponder this more.)

[sonkitty]

Acting Supreme Archangel Crowley

Alright, yes, I do think Crowley is the Acting Supreme Archangel during S2. I've generally hinted as such in past posts and with this small GIF set: There is always a Supreme Archangel....

I have long speculated Crowley's longer sideburns mark rank in the bookshop and that character behavior implies he is at least in charge up until he delegates responsibility over to Aziraphale when Crowley leaves to escort Maggie and Nina out in episode 6.

Even though I generally say and believe his red streak is a result of a possible Big Miracle involving the matchbox and the Book of Life, it can also be another mark of this rank in the present day storyline.

Many times, I have referenced the particular shot to Crowley when Gabriel proclaims himself the only First-Order Archangel in the Universe (with a capital "U" in the subtitles).

I have finally convinced myself through more dialogue factors that yes, Crowley is in that position. He was a First-Order Archangel at some point, and circumstances being what they are in S2, he becomes the Acting Supreme Archangel.

Here is how it theoretically goes...

After Crowley has encountered Gabriel for the first time in the story, he and Aziraphale go to a private room. Crowley himself states to Aziraphale, "Angel, this is the Supreme Archangel of all Heaven, your former boss, who tried very hard to cast you into hellfire and destroy you. He is not our friend."

So, at this point in the story, Gabriel still holds that title or Crowley at least thinks he does. The trial we see later will show that Michael intended to have Gabriel removed from office with the Metatron deciding on a memory wipe. Gabriel himself had other ideas and managed to escape.

We are told Heaven does not have a Supreme Archangel by Uriel later in S2E1. But then, no, wait, Michael declares with confidence that there is always a Supreme Archangel.

While these two disagree on matters, the Good Omens story in general is mindful of word usage and gives words power. As such, the power in the story itself decides that the Acting Supreme Archangel is Crowley on Earth. Michael and Uriel might have forced it to happen just with their own words between each other without realizing that's what they were doing. And if it takes more than their words, we do have an extensive touching sequence involving a matchbox after Crowley has touched the heavens with his own red lightning. The matchbox itself is declared as an earthly object, giving the name of the story's hidden Earthly Objects game.

How can we tell Crowley is the Acting Supreme Archangel now?

Beelzebub tells Crowley the Archangel Gabriel has vanished. Notably, Beelzebub does not say the Supreme Archangel Gabriel has vanished.

Hence forth, Gabriel might be referred to as Jim, James, Gabriel, an assistant, an assistant bookseller, an angel, or an archangel but references to him as the Supreme Archangel are in the past or, in the case of Aziraphale relaying his conversation with the Metatron in S2E6, a rank that Gabriel himself no longer holds because it hadn't worked out.

Crowley himself addresses Gabriel as Archangel Gabriel and not Supreme Archangel Gabriel in S2E5.

...

A metaphorical torch is passed from Gabriel to Crowley during the miracle to hide Gabriel, symbolized by the Overhead Light shaped like a flame held by an angel. I've remarked on this Overhead Light a few times.

Here it is by Gabriel:

Then here it is ensured to be at least partly shown during the miracle itself:

It is shown more fully when Crowley himself goes up to touch the fabric of reality, or whatever that is up there. Crowley's Overhead Lights tend to go above and to the left of his left ear (or involve some reflection manipulation). His ear ends up going over this special torch instead.

During this scene, Crowley's sideburns are at their longest length for the episode. His red hair is charged up with more red from recalling the lightning power. As red as his hair is, his more saturated red streak is visible.

...

Shax and Crowley drop us a few hints about Crowley being a former archangel but not necessarily being the current Acting Supreme Archangel.

Shax says a miracle happened "last night" in S2E2, referencing SE2E1. She says it was a miracle that only the mightiest of archangels could have performed. When Crowley asks, "How'd you know I didn't do it?" she doesn't deny his ability or show any suspicion that he did.

In S2E3, Crowley teases her as he says, "Maybe you'll spot on archangel." The camera work shifts focus to Gabriel, but given how many other clues are given about Crowley, this one ends up looking like another possible clue.

She later calls Crowley an "arch traitor" instead of just a traitor, as Beelzebub does.

...

Another clue that Crowley is the Acting Supreme Archangel is his general visit to Heaven.

Crowley disguises himself as an angel, but his disguise includes sunglasses that actually make his snake eyes more obvious. He chooses a gray that matches what other archangels use. That's him "acting" out the role as the Acting Supreme Archangel. His red streak is maintained and visible with his disguise as well.

Michael and Uriel leave him unchallenged when he passes by them, whether they recognize him or not. He shows Muriel he can access clearance beyond what Muriel can do with the reasoning he hasn't always been a demon, and they (presumably Heaven in general) never change their passwords. When Saraqael eventually confronts both Crowley and Muriel, Muriel is not punished, and Saraqael even goes so far as to say, "Show him the trial."

When the alarms go off, Saraqael answers Crowley's question about what just happened and follows his orders on the three of them getting back to Earth.

Then Michael and Uriel even go with the group in the elevator.

We don't see how that transpired, just that it did. I think it's plausible they couldn't actually leave or take the elevator without Crowley. Admittedly, that could be related to Crowley tricking the threshold on his way in, instead of the rank matter.

Now, aside from perhaps Saraqael, the angels aren't shown to consciously know that Crowley's rank is Acting Supreme Archangel. They mainly just act like it by letting him do what he wants, lead them to the bookshop, and generally take charge of the situation after they and other demons have arrived in the bookshop.

I do think it's significant that the story does guide the clue based on the words "First-Order Archangel" instead of "Supreme Archangel", for that one particular shot over to Crowley during Gabriel's dialogue.

I've long remarked that I think it's important that Crowley wanted to be first when using the Heaven elevator. I finally have an answer for why I think that is though I'm not really satisfied with the answer I've come up with. I might go over said answer in another post at another time. Edit 03/18/2025, I did make such a post, and it can now be found here: First, Last, and Nothing.

There is another metaphorical torch passed from Crowley to Aziraphale at the end of episode 6 due to the flames with the coffee on the coffee shop where Crowley has positioned himself with his car. The flames are to Crowley's visual right. The lady with the black hat assists with this pass given that she is the "dash of nutmeg" in this scene.

The right side is often associated with angels, and Aziraphale receives a special right-side Overhead Light for his Ground Zero cut.

...

That's it for this particular post.

There is a little something more I hope to post soon and wanted to make this post as a reference point.

Edit 03/18/2025, here is the little more: Crowley Wing Vision.

[prapaiwife]

I love how they make it clear that this isn't just phu being important to cir for nothing when he literally is in every world no matter what the circumstance! they will meet cause phu is cirrus light. Admist all that cir goes through in any timeline tragedy, death, young love, enemies to lovers. Phu has and will always be there. Phu is literally his anchor, his reasoning for wanting to live. Even if cir doesn't know it, it's meant to happen. I think this was amazingly done to show that the whole concept of parallel worlds is more than just u finding your lover in every universe. But that instead, for every time cir meets another different version of himself, they have to lead them to find their phu as well! cause phu is again the purpose for them all in the darkness of their life. This was amazing. Boss did so well in each timeline to play various different characters!🥺🤧