#so i can't get my hands on them without committing to some extreme work on my end to make one

[zannolin]

thoughts on reepicheep

huge fan. i love to refer to him as the world's most quotable mouse. when i was seven and had just seen prince caspian in theaters my siblings and i waltzed around our house Relentlessly quoting every single reepicheep line including the lesser-known but no less iconically bitchy "we can collect nuts?" "yes! and throw them at the telmarines! SHUT UP." perhaps it's the redwall fan in me (could not tell you if i encountered narnia or redwall first) but i've always loved a mouse with a sword it's really Such a trope and i think we need one million more immediately.

that being said sometimes in dawn treader (at least the book) i did want to punt him a bit. stop trying to— reepi— REEPICHEEP sit down and STOP trying to challenge the dragon to a duel. he very much embodies lewis' ideal about how it's dishonorable Not to accept every challenge and adventure or whatever which incidentally also happens to pop up at the end of lww when susan doesn't want to keep going forward but all her siblings overrule her saying "it would be cowardly not to take the adventure that falls to us!" and then. you know. leave narnia. and clive i'm sorry i'm a little bit with susan here. i think perhaps we should not sail onwards towards the dark island. really nobody needs that. thanks.

it's a fascinating aspect of his character at any rate and i'm always a bit sad he just fucked off to aslan's country like nooo...come back reepicheep we need you serving cunt it saved the movie version along with will poulter as eustace....reepicheep NOOO....

also did you know his sword has a tiny mouse on the pommel and they forged a REAL SCALED VERSION OF IT and i don't know where it is or who has it but i would kill to get my hands on the sword of reepicheep the chief mouse....

thoughts on ???

[yzzart]

⋆˙⟡ BOYFRIEND!DANTE ── HEADCANONS! ── PART TWO

── content warnings: F!reader, reference to the anime, jokes and puns with demons, mention of Eve and Vergil, a little bit of angst, content with some mature but light words and part one is here!

── word count: 744!

⭑.ᐟ Dante tells the worst, stupidest jokes you could ever hear in your entire life; and which, as time goes by, become the best. — He couldn't live without them, and he made sure you couldn't either. — His creativity and ability even in the face of extremely and frighteningly dangerous situations was admirable.

⤷ Since the first day of your relationship, you think that Dante has, keeps — or thinks about creating — a notebook full of puns, jokes and, sometimes, laughs alone and exults with them. — Nothing bizarre, it's just Dante. — Just like he sends messages during his “work” to tell you about them.

what’s a demon hunter’s favorite kind of tea? i don't know, sweetie ;P — what is it? EXORCISTI! ya know? it sounds like exorcist tea ;)

⭑.ᐟ Seeing you wearing some of his t-shirts, since there are very few of them, is something he will never get used to and will never be able to focus on, pay attention to anything other than you. — However, seeing his red coat with scarlet details on your body is enough for Dante to recognize his wild, animalistic side.

⤷ By heavens, that man worships, contemplates you by nature; as if he was born to adore your presence. — And every time you ask to use it, or just take it boldly and shamelessly, he melts, completely. — His eyes conveyed pleasure and so much desire.

“I’m starting to think it looks better on me.” — Of course, you couldn’t let the teasing go; running your hand along the sleeve, adjusting the reddish fabric, and deeply smelling your boyfriend’s scent on the coat. — “Don’t you think so, big boy?” — You bit your lower lip, hiding, and failing, a shy and so bold smile.

“I agree with everything that comes out of your mouth, my love.” — Dante was transfixed, acting as if he were hypnotized, he confirmed with greater pleasure that he was, in you. — “I really agree.” — That man was obsessed with you.

⭑.ᐟ This damn demon hunter — with a high chance of being the son of a demon, and without knowing anything about it — flirts with you every day, hour, minute and second. — Dante lives for comments, compliments and flirting with his beautiful girlfriend. — You don't have to admit it, he knows very well that you love him and can't resist all of them.

⤷ Oh, even while he's killing demonic creatures and beating up some idiots who try to ruin his work. — Dante doesn't waste time, he needs to let it be known that he's a committed and faithful guy.

“Excuse me, ma’am.” — He pointed one of his pistols at a demon, transformed, disguised as a lady who asked for his help; wow, a typical trap that never changed. — “I’m committed to my girlfriend, then.” — About to be attacked, he pulls the trigger. — “It’s so bad to be requested and desired by everyone.” — He let out a breath, picking up the phone and dialing a few digits, waiting patiently. — “Hey, my girl.”

⭑.ᐟ In that old, filthy and almost finished building — which, with your countless visits and almost becoming a resident, has gained a better appearance — you and Dante listen to music, chosen by the boy, until the last volume; it bothers the person who lives on the street in front, but who could care?

⤷ Your pool games, card games and days of just eating pizza are always accompanied by the jukebox. — Dante pretends to be at a concert, imitating playing the guitar next to you, soon, the two of you burst out laughing.

⭑.ᐟ Dante manages to hide the anguish, an unbearable tightness he feels when he remembers the loss of his mother and brother; the memory of his mother putting him in the closet, Vergil disappearing and the fire spreading disturbed him daily. — The heavens knew, they witnessed how much you wanted to help him with all this suffering; but Dante contradicted himself, saying that just by having you by his side, this pain disappeared.

⤷ It wasn’t a lie. — Dante would never dare do that to you. — He felt so good and grateful, thankful, just for your presence. — So, always after a long, boring, and extremely tiring night, Dante would cuddle up to you; specifically, he would bury his face in your neck and wish, even pray, to stay there forever.

what’s a demon’s favorite exercise? >:) baby, it's 3 AM… :/ but i'm curious, what is it? ;) possession presses—really strengthens the grip!

[yesimwriting]

there's something about bestfriend!felix who has never had to restrain himself when it comes to feelings, who can't stand letting that much feeling just sit inside of him with nowhere to go.

he learns to hold it all in because feeling that deeply attached to one person isn't something he's used to, so it's a little confusing and hard to label, and maybe he's a little prone to commitment issues. but the main thing that keeps him from saying anything is the importance of the bond the two of you have created.

it's a kind of connection he's never had before, a trust and understanding that he's extremely protective of. so he doesn't say anything.

so he compromises with himself, allowing his affection to bleed into your friendship as much as the confines of a platonic relationship will allow. part of it is to satiate the need to be closer to you, and the rest of it is because he doesn't want anyone to think you're not his.

he's never been one to share, so he makes it as clear as he can that you're off limits.

when the two of you go out, he's even touchier than usual. some of it's the drinking and atmosphere, but most of it is because he can. you're close enough to leave giggly kisses against each other other's cheeks, hands, shoulders, necks. whatever's easiest to reach. he'll pull an arm around you to guide you through a crowded bar because you'll let him without hesitation.

and if felix catton constantly being all over you isn't enough to ward off every guy at oxford, he has nothing against appearing at your side and placing a hand around your waist. it doesn't matter if the guy is in the middle of a sentence or if you're saying something, you'll stop everything to immediately greet felix.

it's a subtle possessiveness that extends beyond just nights out. if you two are studying in the library with a group of friends, you're sitting next to him. if you're out to dinner with a group, he's mentioning inside jokes and topics of conversation that he knows you're interest in to make sure that he's your favorite.

if felix can't be your boyfriend, he's going to be your favorite person. he's not your friend, he's your best friend. a title that he makes sure to emphasize constantly. if you introduce him to someone as your friend, he's quick to teasingly correct you. thought i was your best friend.

he also uses the term to justify any hints of jealousy, and to get his way. if you're spending more time with a different friend (girl, boy, it doesn't matter), he's pouting a little when you finally do see him. if you notice and start expressing concern, he'll admit to it. "surprised you had time to notice anything about me." and when you're, rightfully, confused, he continues, "you're spending all your time with them, and i'm supposed to be your best friend."

sometimes, if its gone on for a significant amount of time, he'll start to think that maybe he's actually mad at you. it isn't fair, but felix can't help it. he'll do anything for you, and you're replacing him with someone that can't care about you the way he does.

but then you'll look at him, all wide eyed and exuding genuine shock at the thought of felix ever not being your best friend. you'll coddle him as much as he'll let you. he'll try to put up a hard exterior, but he's melting and letting it go almost immediately.

----

a short blurb to tide you all over and help me think through a request bc i wanted to finish writing it today but had to do a ton of homework instead <3

almost didn't post this bc the purpose of it was for me to work on characterization in a low stakes way after using up all of my mental but then decided why not!

a fuller, better developed version of this is coming soon 😭

taglist; @vader-is-hot @spiritofbuddha @getosangie @freyafriggafrey @ilovehyperfixating @aryiannarae @willowpains

[solasfenheral]

some bemused vg bitching below the cut

i am. very bemused by the way this game seems to pull its punches at certain moments. like its afraid to really step on your toes and get in your face thematically. which is a deeply strange experience considering i've never ever felt this way about a dragon age game before???

to be honest. I half wonder if it is a product of this game being a sequel that came out so long after it's previous title and right off the heels of two games that received cold to lukewarm reception critically and within the community. I know there would've been extreme pressure internally for this game to be a critical and commercial success and you see that in how polished it is, how there have been huge technological improvements in things like hair which bioware has always gotten some flack for. and I can't help but feel that history contributed to how. cautious of me this game feels at times.

but its just. strange. it feels so strange to get something like the push up scene at the end of taash's personal quest chain. like what are you doing, with this lukewarm defense of trans identity. have some BITE about it man, I know you care about this! it's like the game doesn't want to commit to locking you out of companion content because they wouldn't tolerate transphobia but also doesn't want to accept it, so you end up with this bizarre kind of. half ass defense of transness without really standing its ground about it.

and one hand I get it because I don't want taash's storyline to be about defending themselves from player transphobia when they're already struggling with coming to terms w their identity throughout the game, but this scene man. its so damn strange.

and like. the way this game handles religion is so damn bizarre to me! which is a critique I've again, never felt for a da game! it feels SO strange for bellara to be like. lol yeah the gods being evil actually makes it EASIER for me to let them go like ffdsjkfhjks what....? epler I am in your HOUSE, this is not how faith worksssss

in trying, it feels like, to avoid steeping on toes about what the revelation of the gods would MEAN to the elves, vg just. really fails to grapple with the importance of faith in people's lives and the pain of what losing that or it being challenged means.

i wouldn't even be as annoyed if like. at least ONE of our dalish companions had complicated feelings about their faith and it was something they could discuss between them! it would be really interesting to contrast davrin's pragmatism, his preoccupation MORE with the lived reality elves might suffer with this knowledge come to light under the current systems of oppression, his understanding of the dalish mythology as important to his culture and his sense of SELF w/o ever having really believed in them personally, with someone like bellara who DID believe and is working through an arc about grief and trying to find a new understanding of what dalish culture looks like now with such a key tenant being challenged!

how do you understand death and what comes beyond death when such a central pillar of your life has been challenged! oh my GOD the depth the funeral scene gains when u have this subtext.

there's not a single banter on how harding reconciles her understanding of the Titans to her belief in the maker!

its just. CRAZY to me that this game seems to be trying to dodge the religious and political bite of its own story fsdhfjkds aaaaaaaa

man this isn't even touching how bizarrely fast rook's regret prison does its switcheroo and goes from neve/bellara's blaming rook for losing them to rook going don't worry your death wasn't my fault to davrin/lace like my GOD lemme stew in the survivor's guilt man ur not even giving me an understanding of why rook can process this!! lace or davrin literally died like! 10 minutes ago to their understanding!!!

[niningtori]

let me into your world | chapter three: our world

pairing(s): choi beomgyu x you, choi soobin x you

summary: you're single again and choi beomgyu is restless.

genre(s): romance, angst, angst with a happy ending (?), soulmate au

word count: 3.3k

notes: hi........ yeah i'm super fucking impatient and literally could not wait to post part 3 NENJWKWKDOE i'm sorry! anyway idk how i feel about this but i'm tired of looking at it so i hope it's likable! also, this chapter is extremely suggestive so be warned. there's nothing explicit, but i'm still freaked out. see ending for more notes!

you do nothing but think of him. you thought your heart was done breaking after beomgyu, but you realize even without the matching seal, your heart was still with soobin. 4 years of love and commitment over and done because of a fucking tattoo. you're tempted to continue wearing your ring to work because you dread the questions that will almost certainly follow. you haven't told a soul - not even sumin - about what happened. what were you supposed to say? the love of my life didn't want me... again?

you entertain the idea of keeping it on to maintain appearances, but the mere sight of it is enough to put a pit in your stomach, so you keep it in the drawer in your nightstand. it's close enough to your bed to take out at night just to do nothing but stare and fiddle with it between your fingers. you remember the night he put it on you. you remember him promising you forever and the sweet loving that followed. you remember every word, every touch, every feeling.

you wonder if he's happy with her, but you know he must be. you two were happy enough as it was - you can't even imagine how happy he must be with the person who was fated for him. you feel envious of a woman you don't even know. what you wouldn't give to have that green seal printed on your wrist. you feel sick just thinking about it.

"you alright?" a voice snaps you back into reality. your coworker, minjun. he's cute, very cute, but you've always been committed to soobin so you've never really noticed before now. you had eyes, of course, but you've kept them trained on soobin for years now. you suppose that dedication was futile.

"uh, yeah. i'm good," you reply while hastily shoving your ringless hand under your desk. he eyes you suspiciously before dropping the subject.

"are you planning on going to the company retreat?"

"what? oh, yeah. i guess," you say, still somewhat distracted. your company is planning a retreat to celebrate the success of combining branches. you don't really want to go, but you can't stand the thought of sitting at home and waiting around for someone who will never come back. "are you going?" you ask, trying to actually engage in the conversation for fear of coming across as rude, but you don't quite catch his next words.

"i'm going if you're going," he says.

"what? sorry, i'm a little out of it," you smile.

"i said i —"

"can someone help me?" beomgyu cuts in from out of nowhere. "the copy machine isn't working for some reason."

"can it wait? we're having a conversation," minjun replies irritatedly.

"it can't. i really need to make some copies," beomgyu says urgently.

"fine, i'll help you," minjun grumbles. you're relieved that he's stepping up because you certainly don't want to.

"actually, i just remembered that sooyoung wants to see you in her office."

"what?"

"yeah, so i guess you can't help me after all," beomgyu says with a smirk you don't understand.

"i'll help you," you sigh, resigning yourself to your fate. beomgyu smiles triumphantly, but you don't see it because you're already heading towards the copy room.

"what's the issue here? everything looks fine to me," you say confusedly.

"where's your ring?" he asks, seemingly harmlessly, but it stings just to hear. you immediately forget about your question to him as you shut the machine and defensively cross your arms, feeling incredibly vulnerable.

"i'm getting it resized," you cough.

"ah, okay," he says, and it's like he sees right through you. "you have lost weight recently. are you eating enough?" your eyebrows furrow at this. yeah, you've lost weight only because you're so fucking depressed eating genuinely seems like a chore. more importantly, why does he know that? and more importantly than that, why does he care?

"why do you —"

"turns out sooyoung didn't need me," minjun cuts in, nearly bursting from the door.

"mmm, i must've been mistaken," beomgyu shrugs nonchalantly. you sense tension, but you can't fathom why.

"did you get the copier fixed?" minjun asks, completely ignoring beomgyu.

"we fixed it, yes," beomgyu says before you can even open your mouth.

"oh. good."

"yeah, she really helped me out," beomgyu says, not without snark. why is he lying? never mind, actually. you don't have the energy to care.

-

beomgyu can't feel your joy for once, which should make him feel relieved, in theory, but instead there's an incessant gnawing at his heart. all he wants to ask is why, why, why. and what can he do to help? he doesn't have to wonder why for much longer when he sees you walk into work without your ring on. he doesn't mean to notice it, but his eyes always gravitate to the rock on your ring finger, almost like it's taunting him with what he can't have.

he'd be an even bigger liar than he already is if he said he didn't feel some sick sense of satisfaction knowing it didn't work out with you and soobin. this is what happens when you go against fate, he thinks. the thought alone used to scare him, but he's felt what it's like to try to be with people other than you and he knows going against fate just isn't in the cards for him anymore. he tried pretty much everything after you, from casual flings to would-be serious relationships, but nothing panned out the way he wished it would.

he continues to try to worm his way into your life in the little ways. he gives you updates on bands you used to bond over and he mentions jokes you two used to share. he brings you coffee when you're tired and tries to make you laugh. he slowly but surely chips away at your indifference until you unconsciously become dependent on him. he wants his presence to be felt by you, just for him to become a little bit meaningful to you, is that really too much to ask?

the first time you actually smile for him, really smile, for the first time since he hurt you, he almost cries. as cheesy as it may seem, he honestly was unsure you'd ever show it to him again. the smile is over almost as soon as it begins, but he'll take it. he thought he'd take anything you'd give him at this point, but the hunger he has is insatiable. he starts from wanting a smile to wanting every smile. he wants to monopolize your joy, your time, you. maybe he's moving too fast, but he decides he'll tell you just how lonely he's been without you during your company retreat. it hasn't been very long since your breakup with soobin, but he won't sit idly by waiting for you to get snatched up again. no way in hell is he gonna let that happen in front of his nose again. not this time.

-

the company retreat is full of icebreakers, which is to be expected, but the cool thing is that the bar is open, though it's not an "open bar". either way, you're going to try your best to get plastered as soon as humanly possible. you want to, but beomgyu is constantly on your ass, monitoring every move you make, so it's hard to even get to the point of almost tipsy. you give up after two drinks and you're not even buzzed.

you want to hang around danbi, but she's currently zeroed in on beomgyu, which is a good thing because it means he can't hang around you as much. minjun makes for really good company, though, and before long, you two are off in your own world. you didn't realize how funny he is before tonight. he hints at maybe taking you out some time, but you can't say yes without knowing about his soulmate first. he tugs on the collar of his shirt and reveals an ornate golden seal on his collarbone. it's a beautiful contrast on his gorgeous skin, and your breath catches for a second when he shows it to you.

"pretty, right? i thought so too. my soulmate doesn't want me, though," he laughs softly.

"i understand how you feel," you say.

"so soobin...?"

"is not my soulmate, but he doesn't want me anymore, either." you don't know why you're telling him this, but he's being vulnerable with you and you feel a sense of camaraderie you haven't felt in a long while.

"i'm sorry. i know it's hard, but i can't imagine anyone not wanting you."

"really?"

"i'm serious, if i were your soulmate i'd never let go."

"that's sweet of you," you blush.

"even if you weren't my soulmate, i still wouldn't let go." you still at that. you honestly didn't think you'd ever hear those words again, much less believe them, but he seems to be incredibly sincere. so when his lips come closer and closer, you're prepared to let it happen. you don't know minjun that well, but who's to say you can't? here's a beautiful man who says he wouldn't let you go. it feels nice to be wanted for once, and by someone who's already tried and failed with their soulmate. who knows what could happen? you close your eyes and wait for his plush lips to meet yours, but they never do.

"minjun! sooyoung wants you!" beomgyu shouts while hustling over to you.

"shit. some other time, maybe?" minjun says, face flushed.

"definitely," you giggle. minjun gets up as if it's the last thing he wants to do, and you smile as he stretches his hand out and helps you up. none of these actions escape beomgyu. you watch as his silhouette gradually gets smaller and smaller as he heads over to sooyoung.

"what did sooyoung want with minjun?" you ask beomgyu, trying to break the silence. you still feel a little high off of your almost kiss with minjun and you're not thinking 100% clearly.

"nothing, i just pulled that out of my ass," he shrugs.

"... so that was total bullshit? what the hell is wrong with you, beomgyu?"

"what's wrong with me? what's wrong with you?"

"what do you mean?"

"i mean, if i see you two flirting again, i'm reporting you both."

"you wouldn't."

"try me," he challenges, eyebrows raised with that godforsaken shit-eating grin you've come to loathe.

"beomgyu," you struggle to muster up a shred of composure, "can you stop trying to lord over my life?"

"is that what you think this is?" he scoffs. "you think I'm trying to control you?"

"what i think," you sigh while pinching the bridge of your nose, "is that you're being a dick and i can't deal with you right now."

"alright, if i'm not a dick, how else will i get you to talk to me?"

"i do," you begin incredulously, "i talk to you every day!"

"not in any way that matters."

"has it ever occurred to you that i don't want to talk about anything else?" you inhale and exhale shakily. "please stop before i get angry."

"i wish you would!"

"what?" you question and you can physically feel the frustration rising like steam in your chest, begging to be released. as if he's in a position to be making demands. as if you should listen to a single word that comes out of his fucking mouth.

"i wish you would get angry! swear at me, yell at me, hit me — i don't care! just give me something!" you stare. you're tempted to relent and release all of your anger. your face scrunches in irritation at the implication that you owe him a goddamn thing, but just as you're about to let go and let him have it, you remember who and where you are and think better of it.

"that's enough, beomgyu," you turn to make your way back to your room. you don't have time for this. "i really don't want to—" he grabs your hand and spins your retreating figure back towards him.

"just say something!" his eyebrows are knitted in concern and his words are riddled with desperation. your patience snaps.

"you want me to say something?! fine! i hate you! i hate you, i hate you, i hate you!" you stamp your feet. your eyes begin to feel sour and the corners of your lips tense into a frown. his eyes widen and his mouth hangs open as he searches your eyes for the something he's wishing so ardently for. it feels like he's looking straight through you, just like he always does, so you break away from his gaze and your eyes focus on some fixed point behind him.

"i hate you! you... i wish you'd leave me alone!"

your words are teeming with emotion, just not the ones you're trying so hard to convince him (and maybe yourself?) they are. you look so vulnerable, so small, and so very afraid. he doesn't flinch at your biting words. his hand, so big and warm, still holds yours. his eyebrows are no longer furrowed and his dark eyes seem to lose the urgency within them. instead, they're filled with something that feels like patience, understanding, and tenderness all at once. you don't dare to put a name to the feeling, but you know it when you see it. love. 

"don't you fucking look at me like that! you don't deserve to look at me like that! i hate you," you choke out with a sob. hot and angry tears begin to trickle down your cheeks and his eyes widen. gently, purposefully, he pulls you into his chest with one hand and cradles your head with the other.

"shh... don't cry. please don't cry. it's all my fault," he coos as you half-heartedly hit his chest in frustration.

"you're an asshole. you treated me like shit and now you're forcing me to talk about it. why are you making me do this?"

each point is punctuated with a "smack" against his chest.

"because i love you," he whispers into the top of your head as his fingers begin to soothingly stroke your hair. "even if i don't deserve to... even if you wish i didn't, i do. so much. and i think i always have, i just didn't know it."

"that's not fair," you strain between sobs. "y-you broke my heart."

tentatively, like he's handling glass so fragile it could break with the slightest hint of force, he unwraps his arms from your shivering frame and cups your reddened face in his hands, gently wiping away your tears. his head cranes down as he touches his forehead against yours. you look up with your misty eyes and see his gaze trained on you.

"i know, i know... i'm an asshole... it's all my fault. please don't cry. hit me harder, if you want. smack me. punch me. kill me if it makes you feel better. just don't cry anymore, okay? i can't stand to see you cry."

he sounds like he's bargaining with a child throwing a tantrum with the way his words are hushed and hurried, but pacifying all the same. in any other circumstance, you'd roll your eyes at his theatrics, but he seems so desperate to get you to calm down that you can't bring yourself to point it out. he pulls you back into his arms and you burrow your head into his chest as he rubs circles into your back. with every sob he shushes you softly and drowns you with affirmations.

i know, i'm sorry, i love you.

it's my fault, don't cry, i love you.

you stay like that for an indeterminable amount of time.

"i know i was wrong for treating you the way i did; i was young and stupid and i had no idea what i'd be missing. i know i'm being unfair, but i promise i'll make it up to you every day. i'm not going to hurt you and i won't leave unless you want me to. you're my soulmate, and i wouldn't have it any other way. i can't have it any other way. if it's not you, i don't want anyone else." 

you're softening now and you hate it; you want to run away and continue to be angry. the betrayal you felt was indelible. you can still see him with a girl on his arm and you feel nauseous. you remember him telling you just how indifferent he was to you, to your feelings, to your pain. but none of that seems to matter anymore as he gently cups your face and runs the pads of his thumbs under your eyes to stop your tears. "okay," you say softly, and you don't have to explain, because he already knows.

-

when he takes you back to his hotel room, he promises he won't touch you unless you want him to. you want him to. you stand on your tip toes and pull him down towards your lips and his breath catches behind his teeth. he raises his hands up to your face, reminiscent of the way he held it as you cried a mere hour ago, and you giggle at the parallel. he seizes the opportunity to gently glide his tongue on your lips before entering your mouth. he groans into your lips as your tongues tease each other. you're even sweeter than he imagined you'd be, and he can feel his effect on you as he breaks the kiss and trails hot, opened-mouth kisses on your neck. this is what he's been missing, he thinks, as you wrap your arms around his neck to pull him even closer.

that night, beomgyu takes you again and again. it's more than sex - it's as if the stars aligned for the sole purpose of bringing you two together for this exact moment. you feel connected to him in a way so profound, you previously thought it was impossible. it feels like the universe put him on this planet just for you, and you for him. you suppose, in a way, it did. especially when you two are finally finished as you lay your head on his chest and feel every breath enter and exit his warm body. he cradles you in his arms and you look up at him, locking eyes. you both smile while he reaches up and tucks your hair behind your ears, revealing your seal.

"so beautiful," he whispers.

"who? me or the seal?"

"the seal, of course," he says nonchalantly, "but looking at you now, you're not too bad." you playfully smack his chest and he reacts with a comically childish yell. you hurriedly cover his mouth and shush him, but he takes the opportunity to grab your hand and kiss your fingers with an overdramatic "mwah!"

"you're so fucking loud, you know?" you tease, poking his side.

"says the one who was screaming out my name the entire night."

"i hate you," you say embarrassedly, blush overwhelming your already flushed cheeks as you hide your face in his chest.

"maybe, but you're still stuck with me," he replies.

"mhmm," you mumble into his skin - already falling asleep.

"stuck with me forever, right?" he asks, and if you weren't so intent on burying yourself into his chest, you'd see the look of insecurity on his face - his long eyelashes trembling ever so slightly.

"forever," you say as you drift off to sleep, and you're so happy, so content, he finally feels safe enough to sleep without fear of waking up in the morning to an empty bed. he grasps you even tighter and mumbles "i love you" into your hair until he eventually drifts off himself.

notes pt. 2: not the best thing i've ever written i fear... anyway do y'all wanna read the extremely corny fluff that i originally wrote for this or no? it's sooo corny but sweet i think. as always, feedback is always appreciated :)

[taglist]

@my313 @woncheecks @superbbananananana @zzhyuu @lonelybutterflytae @cherrycolaberry @defnotleee @everythingvirgoes

[zo1nkss]

Analyzing my own feelings re: Willy v Way

I've been asking myself recently why I hate Way so much but can develop a kind of love-hate mentality toward Willy. And I think it boils down to motive.

Realistically speaking, I do wholeheartedly hate Willy. It's part of why I want him to suffer so badly. But I never found myself deeply obsessed with Way like I do with Willy. And I've realized it's because Way's motives are fundamentally mis-aligned with his actions.

He's a villain who believes all negative action is excusable for the sake of a positive outcome. If it gets Tony off his and Babe's backs, nothing is off-limits. We're supposed to sympathize with him over that, and I can't deny that a small part of me does. But there are some things I simply can't overlook for the sake of intention. Sexual assault is one of those things. And admittedly, the scene with Way was deeply reminiscent of something I myself have experienced in my real life, so it threw me for a bit of a loop and was extremely difficult to look passed in relation to the totality of his character.

But beyond that little hint of compassion, we can also recognize that no amount of harm to Babe is worth the end result of getting Tony to leave them alone. Way sees himself as one of the Good Guys because he's willing to go to extreme lengths to escape their current burden. But his actions do not beget those of a man who's morals and ethics are in the right place. Therefore, his motivation does not allign with his actions.

Willy, on the other hand, is very straight-forward. He knows without a shadow of a doubt he is commiting "Bad Guy" actions to achieve a "Bad Guy" goal. He is actively working with and for Tony's interests with a clear goal of knowingly causing harm to another person.

He is under no delusion that his actions are justified or morally sound. This is not a "the ends justify the means" situation, this is a "if I don't do this guy's bidding, I die. And what I want more than to remain morally pure is survival. So I will do what it takes — justifiable or not — to survive." His actions align with his motives. Sure he came at Babe trying to butter him up, and but his actions clearly told a different story. Lying about his intentions =/= misaligned motives, at least in this instance.

I hate Way for convincing himself that hurting Babe was an act of mercy. I hate him for believing his actions would always be viewed as Wholely Good as long as the result got Babe what he wanted. I hate him for thinking that his love for Babe outweighed any and every other possible thing in Babe's life. I hate him because he claimed to care about Babe and still put him in situations that caused him iminent danger, while believing that he was in the right.

Willy knows his actions are wrong and wholely rainted by Tony's evil intentions. And at this point in the story, he's no longer trying to convince Babe or anyone else otherwise. He's just crazy and fucked up and he cares more about his own life than anyone else's.

Thats real. Thats honest. I like an honest villain. I hate a villain who thinks their reasons justify their actions and outweigh the harm they're causing, because they're always so cowardly about their villainy. Way is case-in-point here. He's so afraid of his owm choices he stalls and stalls and convinces himself he deserves Babe and has earned the rught to his feelings and is entitled to Babe's body, to decide what will be done to Babe's body because it will — in Way's eyes — save him from a worse fate.

Willy was never here because he wanted anything to do with Babe. He doesn't care what happens to him. He doesn't care what happens to Charlie. All he wants is to secure his own survival, and if that means hurting other people he'll do it. He's not a coward.

And I think thats why I can hate Way and never want to look at or have anything to do with him again. Because this wasn't just an Evil Villain Doing Evil Villain Things. This was an Evil Villain who believes his villany is justified so long as he has Good Guy Motives.

But I can hate Willy and want to pick him apart and understand him and find out why he's Like That and where he actually came from. Because he is evil with intention. He knows where he stands and chooses to remain there.

[pondering-my-rat]

Hey there, are you into games? Or being alone? Or maybe you're just bored? If you just let out an enthusiastic "Yes!!" and maybe clapped your hands a little, consider giving this post a quick read!

Right, this will be somewhat of an Introductory post, but I'll cut right to the chase- my name's Maple, and I make games. Not terribly great ones, although that might just be my perfectionism talking, as I often focus on the "wrong" things.

For me, a good game has always been more of a tool than a toy. Sure, I enjoy playing all kinds of games, but I strongly prefer it when this enjoyment comes from something ever so slightly deeper.

1. What will this Blog be about?

In short, I wish to present my game- it's mechanics and setting, as well as peeks into the process of making it, playing it, and perhaps even talking about other games like it. I'll do my best to post a few different posts in the next few days, just to show what I want this all to be about!

2. Right so, how is this game special?

Well, I have to confess- I made this game for me, and me alone. Despite having designed games for many different player counts, I always end up being practically the only one to play them. Perhaps besides my boyfriend, V.

So, the entire reason this project came to life was to quite simply be my one-stop dream game, one that I could tweak to have the exact elements I felt like enjoying in that moment. Since then, I decided there is no harm in sharing it with other people, and maaaaaaybe even taking their feedback, if it's very very good.

So, I will talk more about each of these and more in future posts, but for now, here's a few bullet points of "special stuff":

- Modularity, with a number of boardgame-like expansions to choose from in order to tailor it to your current wishes.

- Simplicity, as the only things you really need to play this are 6-sided dice and playing cards. Well, and paper. And a pencil... You get the gist. The base rules are extremely simple to grasp, yet still offering a lot of room for growth with subsequent expansions.

- No Commitment, as the system works just as well in a 15-minute session as a several-month-long campaign (or longer, probably! But I have yet to play it for longer than ~30h with the same character)

- Soft Dungeons, which is my term for a style of play where mapping isn't necessary. I do it some of the time, but if I don't have the energy to draw much, the game's still perfectly playable!

- Narrative Play, which might sound somewhat incompatible with other things I mentioned. I do assure you though, one of the (already finished) Expansions turns it into a full-on journaling game with no other mechanics necessary, and still compatible with every bit of rules I've written so far.

- Being Cool, since once I start posting some of my sessions here, you'll be able to keep up without a problem!

3. Final Words

Well, thanks for reading my first post! As mentioned before, I will be posting a lot more in the next week(s), as well as invading other blogs of similar topics.

EDIT: All posts can be seen under #skulltrove, see you there!

With that said, I hope you stick around, and I wish you a reaaaaally, really okay day. Like a really "fine" day. Nothing wrong, but probably nothing thrilling either? Just good enough so that you can't say 'Meh'.

- Maple <3

[underdark-dreams]

Hello! I would first like to thank you for getting me into the Rolan boat, this arrogant emotionally-constipated (affectionate) wizard has taken over my mind and he is all I think about now.

That being said, I was wondering if you would be able to do a rolan x tav like a few years or even a decade into their relationship? Does settling into Sorcerous Sundries and becoming a better mage make Rolan softer? How is he connecting with the rest of the magic community (I am personallya Rolan and Gale rare books reading club supporter) What would be some of the major long term disagreements in their relationship and how do you think they would work through it? What would this man's ideal 'happily ever after' look like?

Thank you so much!

This was great food for thought! 🖤 Thank you so much!

I kind of want to work on future Rolan x Tav as its own little standalone fic, because that idea is so sweet—but here are some headcanons on that & all these other what-ifs. Apologies that they're a bit jumbled, I can't concentrate when Rolan

Rolan loves his tower! He definitely feels the weight and responsibility of being the new steward for all this collected research and knowledge. But he also loves that he can go through his books and satisfy his curiosity whenever he wants, after so long yearning for someone to teach him and nurture his magic. He learns to do that for himself

I think the big thing that will soften and kind of humble him over the years will be once he accepts that personal growth will never stop. There is not a mystical point X where he could stand and say, did it, I have reached the pinnacle of archwizardry. He learns how to stop rushing forward and enjoy other things in life, most of all his relationship with Tav.

Once all the Absolute business is finally settled, Rolan will definitely want to lock that down. It doesn't need to be a legal marriage per se, but he is extremely committed to the relationship & wants the same from them. If he had his way Tav would have moved in yesterday. He's ready to wake up next to them for the rest of his life. Buys a house in the city right beside his old place where Lia and Cal still live & can't wait to merge his found family with his new family. His happily ever after is being surrounded by the people he loves and watching them thrive, especially when it's because of him. Having the capacity to care for Tav and Cal and Lia makes him incredibly fulfilled.

Some big potential sources of conflict in his and Tav's relationship:

Jealousy and insecurity. Rolan has some deep abandonment issues from his past, so if he ever felt like Tav was straying emotionally or making him jealous on purpose, that would really hurt his trust. Deep down he needs to know they love him, and hear it once a day preferably

Control issues/willfulness. Older brother mode activated. Rolan likes to do things his way and is very stubborn and proud about conceding to others. He does see Tav more as his equal, unlike his little siblings, but it's hard for him to translate that into actions. There will be a lot of fights over any big decisions where he & Tav disagree. Part of working through it would probably mean Rolan confronting why he needs to control things so badly (growing up without much control over anything in his life maybe? Hmm). He would genuinely benefit from therapy & from learning how to translate all his feelings into constructive words. Being with someone who would stand up to him would really benefit Rolan in the long run, though.

In the magical community: He's got a reputation as a rebel amongst the wizarding community, because 1) he's very much self-taught which is pretty unusual, and 2) not everyone approves of how freely he hands out information about the Weave, casting, etc to the curious younglings who visit his tower. Of course he'd never let anyone get into anything too powerful unsupervised, but after his experience with Lorroakan and realizing that this famed so-called archmage was actually just an idiot who stole everything from more powerful mages, he's like. The strict apprentice system can kinda get fucked honestly. He just doesn't agree that the basics of magic should be kept behind lock and key. Becomes a sort of magical literacy advocate. Let the children read

You might be surprised at how patient this man can be with children by the way! Lots of little magical prodigies hanging around Master Rolan's tower whenever he lets them. He'll kind of scowl to intimidate them into behaving themselves, but inside he loves to see curious minds reading and learning. As a primarily self-taught wizard, he also has an excellent grasp of pedagogy and how to describe concepts in a way a beginner would understand. He puts together his own beginner's magical textbook over the years. Holding the first printed copy in his hands is probably one of the proudest moments of career

To Rolan, Gale's reputation definitely precedes him at first—even before the events at the Grove he knew the name Gale of Waterdeep. Rolan is younger and admires Gale's skill a lot, so in the beginning of their professional relationship he's a bit intimidated. But you know Gale, he is friendly and endearing from the get go. Rolan often thinks if he'd had a teacher like Gale in his youth, he could have nurtured his magical skills much earlier.

Definitely, definitely also subscribe to the Rolan/Gale book club! They become kindred spirits in that regard over the years. Gale makes a visit to Rolan's tower to inform him of this fascinating manuscript that has just surfaced in Evereska, and Rolan is like "Really? I thought the Fae destroyed that centuries ago…" and the two of them just sort of wander off in conversation. Not to reappear for hours. Probably plotting like naughty children over a bottle of wine about how they are going to get their hands on the Ancient Forbidden Book without Tav finding out

[magicalgirlsandcerulean]

A somewhat overdue update

Under the cut because this story might get long...

I started to boycott Twitter (now X) in mid-September 2023 because of the potential paywall I heard about around then. To this end, I deleted my original Twitter account some time around then (either end of September or November, I can't recall). This boycott obviously impacted my ability to be "Boueibu reporter", as I used to call it.

Somehow, the Japanese-language anime fandom has held on after that and I had to create a burner account after a certain point, since I'm still in the Hypnosis Mic fandom (and still regularly following/translating tweets for the mobile game in particular - see here for those).

I went back to the Boueibu Twitter account to see if I needed to turn notifications on for said burner account...Surprisingly, I did need to. The account had carried on without me, albeit with far less activity than it used to have - it's mostly merch and cake tweets now.

It's been almost 10 years since Boueibu's heyday (the first Boueibu update I can recall dates to late November 2014). I've changed, Twitter's changed, Tumblr's changed and most of the Boueibu fandom has scattered to other fandoms.

In early 2024, I'm making it as a professional translator, but feedback I've gotten is proving, once again, I'm extremely imperfect as one. You could argue it's time for me to move on.

On the other hand, I failed the JLPT in 2022 and attempted it again in 2023, but results for this latest attempt aren't out for at least a week. I also don't have enough confidence to throw a bunch of money - several times the JLPT amount - to attempt a national translation qualification test.

Basically, I've come to a crossroads: continue translating Boueibu tweets, or not? Out of nostalgia and a continual need to improve, I say "I'll continue". However, out of a commitment to translation ethics (which I learnt about in the almost-decade since starting mg&c) and a final optimal product, I'll be more thorough this time. (e.g. I intend to provide links to original texts out of transparency.)

(I'm not going to tell you my burner account's handle in case it goes down.)

Also, the Fairy Ranmaru blog posts. I still intend to work on those (I'm still on Balletta's first post...it's been years since episode 3 first aired, so I might have to edit it thoroughly before I post it to make it match my current level of translation skill), but they're a very low priority and, as previously announced, are on a different blog. TL;DR:

There are tweets missing from mg&c from Sep. 2023 - Jan. 2024 due to changes on Twitter. I intend to translate these missing tweets in a slightly revamped way to what I used to do previously, so expect them soon. After that, I'll keep looking out for Boueibu tweets, but they will become a lower priority.

Fairy Ranmaru blog posts are still going ahead on the Animanga Spellbook.

[cynicalrecoverysociety]

I work a high stress desk job and finding breaking from stress eating extremely difficult, if not impossible. Any tips or things that helped you in the start? I need to lose about 100lbs but I can't seem to fight off the munchies

This is a bit of a difficult question because it's mainly a mental shift that came with healing. I realized one day that overeating was self harm just like cutting and pulling out your hair and I became kinda sick at the thought of turning to it. But that's only helpful when it's really obvious imo I think that it can be a lot more insidious.

So my main strategy is fasting I guess? I'm not a super strict faster like if I get really hungry I'll just eat something but I usually don't get hungry until 3ish and by then it's not long until dinner so I just wait it out. If I plan on eating something pretty decadent that night I try to fast all day, if I'm having a relatively light dinner I might eat something earlier but usually once I start eating for the day I'm inclined to keep eating whether I'm hungry or not. So I usually fast from like 9ish the night before until dinner at 5-6 and then I snack like all night lol. I have a creami and have a 150 cal sorbet of 1 cup fruit, 1 cup almond milk and 1 tbsp sugar every night. Plus low fat cheese sticks (Aldi brand is the best), fruit, turkey sticks (again Aldi is the best), veggies and ranch which I make from low fat sour cream and a packet of ranch powder.

I am going to be so fucking for real with you right now: I would never have been able to lose the weight without therapy. But I can also tell you the tools therapy gave me that you need to succeed are theoretically attainable outside of it and they are

An absolutely radical commitment to reality

The ability to acknowledge the part you play in your own suffering

Taking EXTREME accountability for your own choices and actions

There were more things of course but these are the core tenants of my life that keep me grounded and whole.

But that was probably not very practical advice. Some books I've liked are The Complete Guide to Fasting by Jason Fung, Life is Hard, Food is Easy by Linda Spangle and its guided journal companion 100 Days of Weight Loss and the How to Not Die Cookbook.

This is turning into a novel lol but it really is mostly a mental shift. You must decide what your priorities are and act in accordance with them in the small moments. I have reframed every decision I make towards health as a beautiful, loving gift to myself. I am taking myself by the hand and gently teaching little me "baby . . . . this won't make it better". Choosing health and weight loss is the best gift I could ever give myself. I decided losing weight was one of the most important things to me and I have to put it over other priorities. Imust continue to choose it every day, multiple times a day literally forever. I live my life giving myself tiny gifts. The gift of another workout that makes me stronger. The gift of another glass of water. The gift of clean laundry and a washed face. I take care of myself because I love myself and I deserve the life I always wanted.

No one is coming to save you. You can't pick the lock. This will never be easy. You simply must decide you are worth the effort.

[booksandchainmail]

10, 20, 24?

10. What was your favorite new release of the year?

I mention Exordia below, so let's go with Alien Clay (by Adrian Tchaikovsky) here.

20. What was your most anticipated release? Did it meet your expectations?

Exordia (by Seth Dickinson), and absolutely. Not very much like, or as affecting, as Baru Cormorant, but a brilliant book.

I'd also like to mention Red Side Story (by Jasper Fforde), since I've been waiting for it since middle school. Sometimes authors, after having seemed to stop/slow publishing and peter out for years, really do return a continue a series they left off 15 years before! Which did result in a bit of a weird tonal gap: book 1 ends with a sort of grim "we must do horrible things to keep our covers intact so we can continue the slow work of resistors in this dystopia", and book 2 jumps pretty quickly into secrets being spilled left and right, which does make book 1's sacrifices feel a little cheap, but overall very happy with it.

24. Did you DNF anything? Why?

one of my general life goals is to get more comfortable DNFing books I'm not enjoying, instead of grimly sticking with them, so yes! Can't remember much but there was at least one YA novel with a good premise I just wasn't feeling so I gave it up a couple chapters in (I think this will be my strategy going forwards: I've read some quite good YA in the past couple years but most of it no longer works for me, so sampling without commitment is the way to go). Most notable DNF would be an older fantasy book I picked up second hand because it had a goofy cover and looked like it could have 80s-flavor girlboss feminism, which I am sometimes in the mood for, and then got hit with the 80s-feminism-typical extreme transphobia, at which point I gave up and just chucked the whole thing in the recycling

[halemerry]

Hey! 🤗 Really enjoyed your Protection and The Greater Good meta and tbh, I think it works even without the lie theory. 'Cause, like, even if Aziraphale's representation of his convo with the Metatron is accurate and not omitting any important bits there's still that thing about plans for the Earth (no f*cking clue what the exact sentence was, sorry) which presumably set off alarm bells in Aziraphale's head -- especially if he remembers what Crowley said about the big one at the end of season 1 (and then saving the world for the world's sake gains an extra layer of saving it for Crowley's sake; you came up with the solution last time, now it's my turn, look! I've found a way to fix it... but I digress...) -- and that whole past exploits thing, which is definitely an implicit threat at the very least. And since Aziraphale doesn't find out that Gabriel opposed restarting Armageddon, as far as he's concerned, everything that's happened to Gabriel -- showing up amnesiac and helpless, on the run from Heaven from something terrible, hunted by the Archangels, Hell launching a literal full-blown attack to get their hands on him -- is for falling in love with a demon. He's literally, just before the conversation with the Metatron, witnessed Heaven and Hell have a shouting match to secure the privilege of punishing Gabriel and Beelzebub, who only escape said punishment by going into permanent exile. And this is the Supreme Archangel of Heaven and the Grand Duke of Hell... not two disgraced, isolated traitors in an extremely vulnerable position who were meant to be executed four years ago for disrupting six millenia's worth of planning and are basically only wandering around on a sort of extended death row because no one's quite figured out to kill them, and who not only committed a more extensive version of Gabriel and Beelzebub's offence over a longer period of time but a bunch of other acts of treason as well. It's extremely unlikely that they'll get a similarly 'lenient' treatment and even if they did, abandoning the Earth isn't really an option for them, is it? And that's not even to mention that the Book of Life is still very much hanging over their heads: the Metatron stopped Michael this time, but if Aziraphale refuses his offer now there's no reason he'd do it again the next. The Metatron doesn't need any explicit threats because the situation Aziraphle's in is already in and of itself, all by its own, the threat; he's already in a position that's sufficiently precarious/dangerous that he's desperate to secure his and Crowley's safety -- and with it the world's... not sure where I'm going with this, but it's been bouncing around in my head since I read your meta so I figured I'd try to exorcise it. Hope you don't mind! (Sending an ask that ends up containing not a single question still feels a little weird, somehow, but oh well...)

Hey there! Thanks so much <3 And always feel free to send stuff like this - I love reading about what people think and the things they take out of a piece of media, especially if it's sparked by something I've written. Yelling into the void and having the void yell back is a genuine delight. I can't promise I'll publish everything like this that I get but I did think this had some interesting points, especially the stuff around what Aziraphale does or doesn't know about the Gabriel situation.

I definitely think trying to minimize the threat to them is a part of this choice. I definitely think like you said Aziraphale has reason to think that they will not get the easy out Gabriel and Beelzebub did for a bunch of reasons - from the privilege Gabriel and Beelzebub's ranks afforded them to the fact that Heaven in particular seems very keen to discourage the idea that those things happening are institutional problems.

Now, I also don't think that this being a factor means there's not other stuff going on too. I think it's very clear that Aziraphale knows you can't just run from this. I think even if he and Crowley were guaranteed safety by doing so he would have a hard time turning his back on earth (and, frankly, I also think Crowley would have a harder time with this than him continuing to push for it implies). Between these two things I absolutely think you end up with an interesting choice that is also, in my opinion, an extremely in character choice.

[morggn]

LONG fuckin post i am just rambling on my life thoughts right now.

man. in some respects life sucks and is awful rn. like my mom dying and still not being able to find work (and how grieving my mom complicates the latter bc it's effected my physical health by making me Way more prone to minor illnesses and also being tired all the time more than before which. Yknow. Makes it pretty hard to apply and go through the interview process and Commit bc i could be feeling like i'm physically at death's door the week after i sign on with no warning) (and also the education system (that i plan on working in) being an eternal capsizing ship that is also on fire). having to settle into a new life rhythm without her while also being surrounded by constant little reminders even when i'm not at home is. well it's fucking tiring and it does still occasionally hit me pretty hard out of nowhere. i see a dish i remember wanting to get a match for for the two of us, but my balance was low and i ended up not getting the second one and now i wonder if i made the right decision or not. i remember some one-off comment she made years and years ago about what she'd want at whatever memorial we'd do when she passed but the context is so fuzzy in my memory i can't remember it clearly and she isn't there for me to ask for clarification on it. i find the chococat hand creme i got her for christmas or candy she never got to eat or a new baseball jersey she never got to wear or that she never got to see ohtani play as a dodger and my heart aches even if just for a bit. like my relationship to her was extremely complicated and strained and tenuous but she was my mom. her issues w substance dependency and trauma bled into my life and shaped me for better and (mostly) for worse but regardless of how much she hurt me I still loved her.

but also. love is real and i am capable of being loved and of loving actually. and this is the first time in my life ive ever actually felt that and it's felt?? real?? secure??? genuine??? and that i'm not at risk of my partner hurting me intentionally or otherwise??? and that i'm less likely to accidentally hurt them somehow bc we've spent years not as romantic partners working on our ability to effectively communicate with each other? like??? oh shit i am worthy and capable of healthy love??? That Exists??? WHACK even with all the recovery i did i was always a little doubtful that love would find me or that i would find it but here we are!!

idk. equivalent exhange. lost my mom but i love my partner very much and would not be the same person in the same spot in life without their love and support.

[murfpersonalblog]

I'm dumping my Omegaverse AU headcanons about The Vampire Armand here, as they don't really fit in my storyboard itself.

Cuz here's the thing about Armand.

Every frikkin adaptation's done him radically different. (We don't talk about QotD's Armand in this house! 😤)

Book Armand? Esp. from TVA? That whiny spoiled bratty out-of-control know-it-all easily impressionable jailbait with 1000 boy(man)friends in 1000 different taverns, wet-behind-the-ears I think I'm big & bad enough to hack down Marius' door with an effing battle axe and swordfight my ex boytoy cuz I'm a maneater just tryna make my undead lover/father-figure jealous enough to BITE me, balls-haven't-even-dropped-yet but I'm humping Beta Bianca one second cuz I'm Grown(TM) and hiding under her bed from Alpha Marius' scolding the next? Chile, that's an Omega.

If LDPDL thought he was hot stuff posing as a Beta, well Amadeo had already patented the Conflicted Dynamics Syndrome formula centuries ago, thinking he could act like an Alpha and get away with it, meanwhile living under the roof & rule of THE ALPHAMUS MAXIMUS, Marius de Romanus. 😂 .

Overcompensation is a thing, which is why he went buck wild as the coven leader of the Children of Darkness/Satan, ruling with a titanium fist because he's short and baby-faced and pretty and his voice will permanently crack since he's stuck as a frikkin 16/17 yr old for the rest of forever and he doesn't have an Alpha Voice he can use on anyone, just a mean streak a mile wide and a effton of uber-powerful vampire blood 1-degree of separation from Akasha herself backing him up (not that he knew that, ofc).

(If you can't tell, Armand's my favorite character in the VC books. 😅)

Like, of course he lost his mind panting after Marius in TVA, and then panting after Lestat in TVL, and then panting after Louis in IWTV, and then panting after Daniel in QotD, and then panting after Marius again in BC. Messy boots! In the end, I think the healthiest relationship he ever had was with his kids (by Marius), Benji & Sybelle. Some people just need to stay single till they're truly ready to mingle. (I've already said I don't like Devil's Minion--Daniel was the literal antithesis of "healthy"--Sybelle had more sense in her head than Daniel at some points.)

Movie Armand? That sexy BAMF slow-walking up that stage like a KING, whose face launched at least 5 seasons of the funniest vampire show I've ever seen on TV? That's an Alpha, baby. 😎 Yeah, he just sat there and let Santiago run roughshod all over Louis, acting like everything was out of his hands and big bad Santiago was in charge, I didn't know~!  🥺👉👈 But he also just sat there and let Louis run roughshod all over the entire frikkin theatre, flambé style, so he could start a new coven with his new boo-thang Louis. GOAT. 

AMC!Armand? Who the eff knows. 😅

Back when all we had was S1, I was pretty firm in my belief that Armand was a Beta. Even without the "Rashid" ruse, he's just so chill & zen & unbothered, never flying into extreme bouts of emotion like Alpha Daniel & Omega Louis. He balances them out and knows how to neutralize situations whereas the other two just snipe at each other, out for blood. That's certified Beta behavior, to be the only one in the room with working braincells.

But JFC, these S2 crumbs have had me feeling a type of waaaay~! 👀

And this is why I get so reticent about talking about Loumand, and Devil's Minion, and Lesmand, cuz half the time I think AMC's cooking up to have Armand be Satan incarnate, just manipulating EVERYONE; and other times I'm like watch they give this dude the most tragic backstory and paint him as the ultimate cinnamon roll.

So yeah, at the end of the day, Armand can run the entire GAMUT--he's the most complex character in TVC, IMO.

Which is probably why I love him so much, but am also SO SCARED to see what AMC does with him, cuz they really have the space & opportunity to really commit to how AR initially portrayed him, as THE big bad boogeyman of the vampires (until Akasha & Rhosh, ofc).

[chiropterancolossus]

This rubs me the wrong way for a few reasons

1. The conflation of fear with hatred and the idea that it's irrational.

Maybe in some circles it's genuinely hatred, but I think even in those circles that's an expression of fear and feeling mistreated. Trans Women are seen as acceptable targets by a lot of people for countless actions (from abuse to online harassment campaigns). Being vulnerable (trusting people) makes us (as in trans women) more able to have actions taken against us. This feels unfair because it is, and the simplest way to defend against it is just not talking to people who *might* use anything we say or do against us. It is a fear of being mistreated not a hatred of masculinity. It just happens that the most common perpetrators of mistreating trans women are men, because misogyny is really damn ingrained in the world a lot of us live in and we are, again, seen as acceptable targets. It's reasonable to be afraid, I don't think any trans woman is causing any actual harm by being afraid.

2. The conflation of Masculinity with Men and the idea of genuine evil.

While I can't speak for everyone I know that I still have stubble from time to time, doesn't make me or anyone else any less of a woman, the idea that showing a traditionally masculine trait makes you a man in any sense is one steeped in transphobic rhetoric, but that aside, it's a lot of work to shave enough especially without hormones and I get that, I love all my sisters with stubble.

This is all missing the bigger issue of the second reblog though, masculinity isn't inherently evil. men are statistically more likely to perpetrate an action against a trans woman (and do so without consequence) but this says nothing about masculinity, I love my sisters with stubble, I love my butch brothers and sisters, I love girls that can't afford to transition, and I love girls that choose not to medically transition. My trans sisters aren't hiding their transness for safety from other trans people, we are forced to pass because otherwise we face discrimination on account of our identification being too obviously different from our coercively assigned genders at birth that certain people (largely men) will commit aggressions against us for (micro and macro).

This second one feels especially dirty because it's blaming other trans women for, what, establishing passing as something almost required? Something we did not do and often resent because it requires we put in more work than should be required to have the respect of others?

3. No, you're right, I don't want to miss out on dude friends of any kind.

But it's hard to call them my friends if they commit micro or macro aggressions against me. I have people who are dudes who at one point or another I've called close friends, only being called that after I was sure I was safe in their presence though, because as already said here, trans women are extremely frequently bigoted against by way of misogyny (and also transphobia, theres a handy word for that combo that is a friendlier version of "we get treated as failures, predators, and faggots") and we'd generally rather make sure someone is safe to be around first before they slander us or much, much worse.

I want to make sure that dudes will actually have my back before I hand it over, because giving someone your back leaves you very open to being stabbed in it.

Ending note: I understand wanting to be quick to accept and support people into your life, I personally want to do that too, I wish I lived in a world where I could do that without fear. But there is material power held over us, and that is (very rationally) scary. There are many, many people less lucky than I that have it much much worse. I have not been killed, I have not been sexually assaulted, I am not subject to racism, I do not know the full scope of the power held over some others, but I know what is held over me and others like me. I wanted to put it into words. I love all my trans sisters, the idea that people like me don't just because we criticize the institutions of misogyny and transphobia that exist still even in queer spaces, to put it short; fucking sucks.

[burntoutatelier]

I've been struggling a lot today with who I am outside of trauma, abuse, depression, and all the hurt that's made me who I am. For so long these things have been *so* much of who I am, it's genuinely terrifying to imagine getting better and having to be someone "else."

My absolute clusterfuck of disorders and psychiatric issues have been a huge part of who I am for so long. My trauma responses and brainworms allow you to connect the dots of my silhouette. What am I when I've moved forward from these, when I've had sufficient time to heal and dress these wounds that have made up so much of my life? For most of the past few years, I've felt more like a loose collection of psychiatric issues than an actual person.

My therapist preempted this by trying to ask me some questions and give me some homework about finding my identity and the things that I can come up with just feel really superficial. My partner says I'm kind, extremely dedicated to my friends and family, and that I'm funny. It feels like what you'd say at a toast for a coworker, platitudes for an acquaintance, not a personality.

When I was younger I had a lot more hobbies, chess, speedcubing, conlangs, and nowadays I've long since dropped all of those. Recently when I've tried to get back into some of them, I find them devoid of joy. Pure anhedonia. This really doesn't help the identity thing, nowadays just about the only thing I *do* is mathematics, and that's been on the back burner while my partner is in the hospital and I'm dealing with my own trauma.

I'm realizing a lot more just how much healing and moving forward from these things will require some self-determination and choosing who I will be, and that's honestly a little terrifying. There's a comfort in being despondent, wallowing in my pain, knowing that all of my high school and undergrad friends are out doing X and Y and I'm at home trying to obliterate my consciousness with benzos and alcohol and ketamine.

In the past I've definitely self-sabotaged because of this sort of comfort and familiarity with depression, and now I can't do this because I have someone I want to spend my life with, someone who is relying on me during her recovery from anorexia. She's stepping down from inpatient to partial hospitalisation, and I can't be wallowing in my pain while she puts in so much work to get better. Healing isn't really optional, but it's terrifying to leave these things behind that have defined me for so long.

I wish I had more to say about how to get past this, but I think it'll require a lot more of moving forward and discovering / self-determining who I want to be. I've barely gotten into trauma work with my therapist, so it's really early and I've got time to figure out who I want to be. If you've felt like you don't know who you are without the pain, you're not alone, this is apparently an oft-repeated line of questioning when recovering from severe depression, trauma, EDs, and probably more that I'm not aware of.

I like film photography now, I've been getting into lockpicking which is lovely because it uses my hands and has the thrill of being illicit, and I think when it comes down to it, I'm satisfied if my personality is reduced to only some platitudes like "kind, funny, committed," if I'm genuinely happy and I live my days out with my partner, do some good mathematics, and have fun along the way.