#so i left that stage for now. i am too eepy for this

[bakafurai]

cookie run is a fun game

[rain-fluff]

Journal Twelve: Changing Seasons and Changing Vibes

I don’t want this blog to be left forgotten so I’m going to try my best to update and journal every now and again. June has come and I was invited to be apart of a surprise birthday gathering on the 15th. I honestly didn’t expect it to turn out so pleasant. I kind of forgot what it was like to just surround yourself with loved ones like that; the way that everyone was all smiles and reminiscing about past memories our just discussing about how people fared with work or classes. I wasn’t relatively close with the circle so the invite itself was a surprise to me. I was pretty anxious and had my walls up but a good chunk of them we’re really friendly, making sure that I didn’t feel too left out in conversations and trying to get to know me. Albeit the questions did sound like interview questions but it overall felt pleasant.

In a way, I also felt envious. It really made me miss my friends. Obviously as life goes on, our priorities of adulthood get in the way of maintaining contact. But I still miss the comfort that past circles have given me. It’s not really as comfortable as the current ones I’m getting into contact these days. Like I try to convince myself that these people are in fact good people but there’s just something in my lizard brain that subconsciously tells me that I should keep my armor up, I guess. People telling you that they’re hopeful that you could stick around more; a sweet sentiment but I know I have unresolved abandonment issues that’s making me waver with my choices. Man I sound edgy but that’s just how I feel. What’s the point on journaling if I don’t sound the slightest bit cringey, to be honest.

I am also four weeks into my internship as I’m writing this. In all honesty, I thought it would be super scary and strict but most have been pretty welcoming. Maybe a teeny bit too welcoming (I’m too paranoid bare with me it’s my blog). Also duh I forgot to bring up my birthday. I’m officially 25 and I’m still dead inside lol. I wonder if I officially entered that stage of adulthood where I just don’t care about my birthday like I used to. Or maybe I’m subconsciously deflecting because I do in fact care about my birthday a lot. I think I’ve been using the word subconsciously too many times for this journal entry. Anyways, I finally got my hands on Princess Peach Showtime and there’s something about the game that heals my inner child. I highly recommend it if you’re someone who grew up playing girly dress up games for the PS2. I’m only two stages in but I appreciate how “girly” it feels? Like I’m so used to “non-girly” games and I haven’t really played one in so long. I think the last time I played a game like that was Winx Club on a PS2 emulator a few years back. I also would really love to get Fashion Dreamer too but have said that it’s not really worth buying it at full-price. I’m hoping to snag a really cheap secondhand copy one of these days.

I’ve also started listening to Chappell Roan. I’ve never been so infatuated with a woman’s rawness and I adore how she expresses herself both musically and visually. Pink Pony Club struck a really personal chord with me, the urge to expand on your escapism where you can just be free from societal expectations. I think I’ve been putting it on repeat a bit too much lately. A friend recommended to me Naked in Manhattan and I’m equally as obsessed. There’s something about the way she styles herself that inspires me to play around with makeup again. I haven’t really experimented with makeup looks in a while but I should really get into it again when I feel a bit better. Speaking of musicians, Atarashi Gakko is also performed at Zepp last weekend. I’d love to go but alas what remained in my bank account was abysmal. I need to start putting more money into my savings. Toodles.

Extra update: I forgot to mention that the team I'm in surprised me with some food and teeny eepy figure of Anya. She's so cute I'm gonna cherish her forever!! It was only my third week in and they surprised me with such a thoughtful gift. I might miss this place when I have to leave even though I'm not super close with anyone in particular. Okay, toodles for real now.

-rain

[tonguetyd]

FANTASTIC QUESTION because it basically becomes “if Something Happens, how does ST continue” walk with me for a second

So disclaimer obviously I am not wishing any of this on any of them, but the industry is rough and can turn even the closest of friends on each other. So let’s look at what happens when band members fight and leave.

First option is the Blink-182 route. Where you have a member replaced in a high visibility way. Tom left, Matt replaced him. (Until Tom came back but that’s not the relevant part rn.) It is highly public and you continue on with This Other Guy and keep touring and kinda hope your fan base vibes with him. This is technically what’s happened with the other iv’s (of course we don’t know if there was any kind of fall out or just The Schedules Didn’t Work [drift please stop capitalizing for emphasis jfc] and it’s not up for us to speculate since we don’t even know the other iv’s. Also reasons are irrelevant for this particular conversation.) and how we got our current screamy guy. So the gut answer you’re gonna get from a lot of people is “well they did it before so they could do it again.” I don’t personally see that. Because all of the guys right now are SO integrated into the fan base at this point that I don’t think they could do a switch out very easily. It’s possible. But I have my doubts. I’d say the least likely option.

Second option is the Paramore route. Members leave, they are not directly replaced but instead have their instruments played by touring members who stand not in the spotlight, aren’t in promo pics, not in interviews, etc etc. Jeremy left so there is no bassist in Paramore and it’s played by the incredible backing band. This is more likely because again, kinda sorta already happened when iii left tour last year. They didn’t directly replace him, they just had his parts played on the back track and didn’t have a bassist on stage. Do I think this would happen in a permanent case? …not so much. I think they knew iii’s absence was temporary and that’s why they just left that side of the stage empty. If it was a long term thing where someone was to leave forever? …it COULD go that way but again, have my doubts.

Lastly is the Fall Out Boy route. Pete and Patrick start fighting and the machine is ripping them to shreds and it just is Not Working anymore. So they break up. (And then thank GOD come back together stronger than ever, truly I think the hiatus is what saved FOB and made their bonds what they are and I will NOT go on a sappy rant about the Chicago boys inside a rant about the eepy boys……). I think this is the most likely option, I hate to say it. Especially because the above options only work if it’s iii or iv. If ii or ves leave? ST ceases to exist. Full stop. There’s no other option in that case bc it’s the same thing as fall out boy. You can’t do it if Pete or Patrick leave. And I think it’s the same thing in this case. So it’s really just if iii or iv left, and genuinely I think as things stand now with them? They would probably also call it. They are both so adored and integral to the live shows, I don’t think you do it without them long term. It’s too different, it doesn’t feel right.

It also depends on how much more they have to say. If there’s a blow up and they have like. A month’s worth of shows still? I’m thinking they go a paramore route until the gigs are done. If there’s nothing left in the tank? End on a high. Nothing lasts forever, right? But if you have way more to say and want to keep ST alive forever? Idk. They would have to be the ones to make that call.

Cuz I sure as fuck wouldn’t want to.

Apart from Vessel, do you think other people could take their place?

Being a collective, do you see this possibility?

Just to be clear that I definitely do not wish for such a thing. But I keep thinking, because the music industry is really stupid.