#so i submitted a document that said

[punxsutawneyfilth]

I cannot tell you how many times someone is like "Why is this thing the way it is?" and I say "Because that's how it is" and they're like "Can you show us a document to prove that" and I submit a document that says "Hello. This is the way it is because that's how it is." and they say "Perfect thanks"

[gingersnapwolves]

So today I want to talk about puberty blockers for transgender kids, because despite being cisgender, this is a subject I’m actually well-versed in. Specifically, I want to talk about how far backwards things have gone.

This story starts almost 20 years ago, and it’s kind of long, but I think it’s important to give you the full history. At the time, I was working as an administrative assistant for a pediatric endocrinologist in a red state. Not a deep deep red state like Alabama, we had a little bit of a purple trend, but still very much red. (I don’t want to say the state at the risk of doxxing myself.) And I took a phone call from a woman who said, “My son is transgender. Does your doctor do hormone therapy?”

I said, “Good question! Let me find out.”

I went into the back and found the doctor playing Solitaire on his computer and said, “Do you do hormone therapy for transgender kids?” It had literally never come up before. He had opened his practice there in the early 2000s. This was roughly 2006, and the first time someone asked. Without looking up from his game of Solitaire, the doctor said, “I’ve never done it before, but I know how it works, so sure.”

I got back on the phone and told the mom, who was overjoyed, and scheduled an appointment for her son. He was the first transgender child we treated with puberty blockers. But not, by far, the first child we treated with puberty blockers, period. Because puberty blockers are used very commonly for children with precocious puberty (early-onset puberty). I would say about twenty percent of the kids our doctor treated were for precocious puberty and were on puberty blockers. They have been well studied and are widely used, safe, and effective.

Well. It turned out, the doctor I worked for was the only doctor in the state who was willing to do this. And word spread pretty fast in the tight-knit community of ‘parents of transgender children in a red state’. We started seeing more kids. A better drug came out. We saw some kids who were at the age where they were past puberty, and prescribed them estrogen or testosterone. Our doctor became, I’m fairly sure, a small folk hero to this community. 

Insurance coverage was a struggle. I remember copying articles and pages out of the Endocrine Society Manual to submit with prior authorization requests for the medications. Insurance coverage was a struggle for a lot of what we did, though. Growth hormone for kids with severe idiopathic short stature. Insulin pumps, which weren’t as common at the time, and then continuous glucose monitoring, when that came out. Insurance struggles were just part and parcel of the job.

I remember vividly when CVS Caremark, a pharmaceutical management company, changed their criteria and included gender dysphoria as a covered diagnosis for puberty blockers. I thought they had put the option on the questionnaire to trigger an automatic denial. But no - it triggered an approval. Medicaid started to cover it. I got so good at getting approvals with my by then tidy packet of articles and documentation that I actually had people in other states calling me to see what I was submitting (the pharmaceutical rep gave them my number because they wanted more people on their drug, which, shady, but sure. He did ask me if it was okay first).

And here’s the key point of this story:

At no point, during any of this, did it ever even occur to any of us that we might have to worry about whether or not what we were doing was legal.

It just never even came up. It was the medically recommended treatment so we did it. And seeing what’s happening in the UK and certain states in America is both terrifying and genuinely shocking to me, as someone who did this for almost fifteen years, without ever even wondering about the legality of it.

The doctor retired some years ago, at which point there were two other doctors in the state who were willing to prescribe the medications for transgender kids. I truly think that he would still be working if nobody else had been willing to take those kids on as patients. He was, by the way, a white cisgender heterosexual Boomer. I remember when he was introduced to the concept of ‘genderfluid’ because one of our patients on HRT wanted to go off. He said ‘that’s so interesting!’ and immediately went to Google to learn more about it. 

I watched these kids transform. I saw them come into the office the first time, sometimes anxious and uncertain, sometimes sullen and angry. I saw them come in the subsequent times, once they were on hormone therapy, how they gradually became happy and confident in themselves. I saw the smiles on their faces when I gave them a gender marker letter for the DMV. I heard them cheer when I called to tell them I’d gotten HRT approved by insurance and we were calling in a prescription. It was honestly amazing and I will always consider the work I did in that red state with those kids to be something I am incredibly proud of. I was honored to be a part of it.

When I see all this transgender backlash, it’s horrifying, because it was well on the way to become standard and accepted treatment. Insurances started to cover it. Other doctors were learning to prescribe it. And now … it’s fucking illegal? Like what the actual fuck. We have gone so far backwards that it makes me want to cry. I don’t know how to stop this slide. But I wrote this so people would understand exactly how steep the slide is.

[gloomwitchwrites]

Oh god, this is kinda embarrassing- but hear me out, that painful pleasure of cockwarming where you can't move an inch, betwen reader and 141

Embarrassing? Please. This is hot AF. There is no hear me out. I read this prompt and opened up a Word document immediately. Kudos to you, anon. You knew exactly what I needed.

For the masterlist and how to submit your own request, click HERE

Task Force 141 x Female Reader

Content & Warnings: cockwarming, piv penetration, clit play, overstimulation, edging, established relationship, secret relationship (Ghost), sharing body heat, dirty talk, creampie

Word Count: 1.1k

ao3 // main masterlist // imagines & what if masterlist

John Price

“Don’t move, love. Might fuck you for real.”

John’s words are honeyed poison, dripping into your ear, turning the folds in your brain to mush. Malleable and soft, you’re always submissive when it comes to him, easing into whatever john wants, because it’s him, and you’ll give him anything.

His name is a whimper on your lips. A name that he shushes. A name that he smothers with a gentle touch to your cheek, mouth coming down on your own to swallow it whole. How monstrous of him.

How fucking perfect.

It’s good to feel full, to have so much of him you might burst. John must know this, because his large, calloused hand slides over waist and hip to press against your pelvis.

“Stop your squirming,” he soothes.

Your hips shift slightly, and John reaches lower, pinching your clit.

“John!” you yelp, but you’re unable to move. Each wiggle sends his cock deeper, stretching you further, riding the line between pain and pleasure.

“You’re keeping me warm, love.” John’s lips tease your throat. “For later. When I’m good and ready to fuck you.”

Your pussy clenches, and his lips turn to teeth.

“Stay. Still,” he growls.

Your fingers dig into his forearms, nails biting in but not drawing blood. Yet you refrain from moving, pushing your back against his front, snuggling into his arms.

“That’s it,” he praises.

Kyle "Gaz" Garrick

Kyle is always down for a good tease. You love it, but in the moment, it always makes you rage.

“Isn’t this what you wanted?” he croons.

You’re in his lap, turned outward toward the room, feet planted on either side of his spread thighs. Between your legs, you’re speared on Kyle’s dick, stretched deliciously, arousal so sticky and immense that it coats his balls.

And he hasn’t moved at all.

Not his cock. Not his hips.

The only thing in motion are his fingers as they repeatedly play with your clit, bringing you to the brink, teasing your orgasm, dragging it out until you’re a shaking, whimpering mess.

“You’re horrible,” you groan.

“The very worst,” he smiles against your cheek, making a v with his fingers, sliding it over your pussy to stroke the space where he penetrates you. The palm of his hand rubs your clit with each stroke. Your head falls back against his shoulder, the sounds you make unfiltered and raw, toes curling as Kyle edges you yet again.

Words are incapable concepts. Foreign. There is nothing but Kyle’s touch, of his gentle stroking with his fingers, of the overstimulation of it all nearly bordering on pain. It’s unfair, but you’re loving each second yet loathing it in equal measure.

“I—I can’t,” you stutter, muscles clenching and unclenching.

Withering. Wasting away.

You’re falling apart.

“Please,” you breathe.

“Please, what?” prompts Kyle.

You lick your lips. Find them slightly dry.

“Please. Fuck me.”

John "Soap" MacTavish

“You said you’d keep me warm, lassie.”

The shiver isn’t from the cold. It’s from Johnny’s cock, how it stretches you deliciously, nearly to the point of pain. That sensation hangs on a knife’s edge—along with your control. Every nerve in your body sings with triumphant glee, urging you to move your hips, to fuck yourself on him.

“This isn’t what I meant,” you whimper, gripping his muscled thigh.

“It’s the best way to share heat,” he hums against your throat, lips brushing over the pulse point there. “Naked. Close.”

You shift slightly, and the delicious stretch sparks a slight flare of pain that hurts far too good. “You’re taking advantage,” you moan softly.

Soap chuckles, grasps your hips, draws them back. He completely bottoms out, but he doesn’t move—doesn’t fuck you like you’re wanting him to. It’s a sinful thing to desire, to want this with him, to hide it from everyone else. The rest of the team is on the other side of the door, sitting around a makeshift fire.

They’ll come in eventually, wanting to sleep. Time is not on your side, and Soap is playing a dangerous game by sliding his cock inside you while the team is just a few feet away.

“Am I?” he croons. “You told me you wanted this.”

“They’ll catch us,” you breathe.

Johnny kisses your neck, nips your earlobe. “Then you best be quiet, lass. And let me enjoy this.”

Simon "Ghost" Riley

“Stop your moaning.” Simon’s lips are pressed to your ear, somehow louder than the pulsing music in the club. “You’ll draw attention.” He nips, and you whimper. “Don’t want my boss finding us.”

Simon’s boss. The man you’re supposed to marry to secure an alliance between warring families. The man you hate. And his bodyguard, Simon, the man who is currently balls deep, unmoving, keeping his cock warm and cozy in your pussy.

The two of you hide behind a thick, black curtain, sandwiched against the wall. Your husband-to-be is on the other side. Laughing. Drinking. No idea that his bride is being used as a toy just a few feet away.

The tip of Simon’s tongue traces the curve of your ear, slides down to your jaw, teases your neck. Tongue becomes teeth becomes lips. You melt into him, hands pressed firmly to the wall, the plaster warming where your cheek touches it.

“Don’t move,” he growls. “Or I’ll come inside you.”

Your pussy immediately flutters, squeezing him. Simon grunts, his hips bucking up into you.

“Fucking hell,” he groans into your throat.

Simon is the man you want, the one you think about late at night in your bed. Whenever your fiancé touches you, you think of Simon, pretending it’s him. You’re being torn in two, ripped in opposing directions.

Duty to family. Or following your heart.

And right now, your heart is holding onto a thread, his cock throbbing inside you, wanting to move—to fuck you senseless against the wall. And you’d do it, too. Allow him your body. Allow him to fill you with his seed. Have it drip down your thighs as you sit in your fiancé’s lap.

“You want me to. Don’t you?” he purrs, and you rock back into him. Simon hands dig into your hips, holding you tight. “Play with your clit,” he orders, voice husky. “Let me feel you.”

You do as he instructs. Circling your clit with your finger is easy. There is nothing but slickness there. Prominent. Loud.

“That’s it,” he coos, as your orgasm crests.

It’s brief. Sharp.

Simon grunts, and then warmth floods your pussy.

[tyunningism]

Fuck me like you mean it !!

── .✦ pairing: h.k x reader

Browsing an adult dating app is the last thing you should be doing when you’re failing your college classes, but who’s to blame you when you’ve got your eye caught on an anonymous user with a hot bod, apart from the nerdy guy in your chem class who’s tutoring you? xx

╰┈➤MDNI - NSFW content ahead... …or in simple words… ɴᴇʀᴅ!ᴋᴀɪ x ᴘᴏᴘᴜʟᴀʀ!ʀᴇᴀᴅᴇʀ

ᝰ.ᐟ wc - 12.2k words

warnings!! and mentions!! switch!reader, blowjob, sex in public but enclosed space, vulgar language, reader’s a bit mean, stomach bulge, riding, cunnilingus, masturbation, sexting, slight nipple play, fleshlight use, big dick!kai agenda, lots of sex mention but overall quite mild i think !! Might’ve missed some things

tyunningism’s note: I seriously wasn’t planning on getting this done until like early July but every time I have time on my hands I end up coming back to finish off parts of this fic !?? Need to go on a whole course on how to write smut better bc I genuinely feel deenergised + decided to make reader filthy rich as well to add a bit more to her character !!??

“9 assignments Miss L/N.”

Fuck. Literally who decided to make the deadlines for chemistry so short?!! 4 months is barely anything- like- you have a life outside of college too you know?

“Thermodynamics study. Due 4 months ago. Submitted, nothing.

Kinetics research. Due 6 months ago. Submitted, nothing.”

The sound of pages flicking like your professor’s reading a whole criminal case log irritates you, it’s not like you didn’t complete anything?!

“Reactions thesis. Due 7 months ago. Submitted a video of yourself opening up a pair of Louboutins.”

“In my defense professor you didn’t tell me I submitted that video on accident until two days after it was due!”

“And I haven’t received a single updated document from you over the last seven months for that assignment.”

“Touché.” You dust off your pencil skirt too bored out of your mind to spare your babbling professor an ear, admiring the new manicure you got done when you were out in LA during finals last week.

“Ahem. Are you listening Miss L/N? I said at this rate you’re headed towards failing and needing to retake.”

Failing??

Ohmygosh failing!!!

“No you can’t do that Peter! My father’s going to kill me if you fail me this year!! And I need that credit card- so please? Can’t you just let me sneak in to second year?” Seems like batting your eyelashes is too old school now even for your ageing professor.

“It’s Jenkins, Professor Jenkins- remain professional will you? If I permit you to go ahead in to your second year what will I say to the board when they question why you’re lacking behind the rest of the class?”

God, this is unbelievable.

You roll your eyes and slide your manicured hands along his desk to flick to the gradebook with your nail, scanning your eyes along masses of F, F, F, F and oh- a D!!

Grinning like you’ve beat the stupid system you point at the D right next to your name,

“See? A D! That’s enough to get me a spot for next year right?”

“If you’re looking to apply for mopping the hallways of the Chemistry lecture halls then sure, but your grade has consistently failed to meet a pass in both semesters. I can’t figure why you qualified for this course when you show no skills nor interest in studying Chemistry.” He raises his eyebrows for your answer but all you can focus on is the huge zit between the wrinkles lining up on his forehead..gross.

Well, you don’t really know why you picked Chemistry because your brain can’t even handle the easiest topics apart from getting the mclaren you wanted for you birthday if you went ahead with it. Your father can’t blame you if you’re ass at the course can he?

You chew on the fat of your bottom lip, eyes squinting to observe your professor’s physiognomy: wrinkles carved in to his dehydrated skin, the coriander loosely hanging in between his teeth as he speaks and a balding head with hedgerows of graying hair sticking out measly. No way in hell are you sleeping with him for some stupid grade- at least save it for Professor Duncan who’ll fabricate a top grade in your Politics class if you send him some pictures (Haven’t tested the theory yet, but Momo’s sister said it worked and she graduated just fine).

By the looks of it you can’t fake your grades with a bit of daddy’s money like you did in Highschool to get you where you’re at right now, the Cartier watch that released this summer is glistening around his wrist and of course you can’t help but admire !! If the rumours are true he probably got it from his sugar mommy half his age, yeah..better to keep those emergency funds for the new collection miu miu’s dropping.

“This is serious Miss, staring at my face isn’t going to cut it.”

Fuck, now your old bum of a professor thinks you were checking him out. Even if he was the last man on earth you wouldn’t spare him a look..

“So, I’ve set you up with the top student for some tutoring sessions over the next couple of weeks, and an exam at the end of summer which will decide whether I can give you a pass in to next year. Take this as a warning, make use of Taehyun as best as you-“

Burning sensations sting in your palms which now laid slammed on to the mahogany of the wooden lectern. Taehyun? As in Kang Taehyun who you gave a wedgie to in 5th grade? What makes this old fart think that nerd won’t try to sabotage you instead of tutoring you?

“No! I’m not being tutored by that freak!” Steam is blowing from your nose as you utter the insulting words with defiance.

“I don’t see the issue with a well qualified student like Tae-“

“I’m sure the headmaster won’t see an issue when I show her the Venezuelan model you’ve been seeing on campus grounds either.”

It’s so rewarding to see him swallow his next words and close the gradebook in defeat.

Guess the rumours are true after all,

“Fine. I’ll ask Kai if he’s up for some extra credit.”

Except this time the name doesn’t ring a bell, hell- was there ever a Kai in your lecture hall? Sounds like he’s been celibate his whole life!

Shit, he’s been celibate his whole life.

The endless tapping of your pen starts to become monotonous in the silence of the library. If only your father didn’t threaten to freeze your card if you didn’t attempt to try and learn for once then you wouldn’t even think of showing up in a place like this. Megan was supposed to be bringing her hot brother to lunch today too..

The timid male doesn’t seem to speak much either, he keeps to himself and talks strictly in whispers as he goes over what he’ll be tutoring with you over the next week, dumb chemical reactions and what not..can’t you just graduate, get a degree and leave the actual work to people like Kai instead?

Kai’s some silent guy who sits at the very front of the lecture hall. Always clad in something loose like a hoodie even when it’s sweltering in Summer and religiously reserved to himself although he usually sits next to, gag, Taehyun.

Anyone else would say they see the back of his head more than they see his face and it applies to you too, always sat at the very back in your designated seats with your friends and scrolling Instagram, or better even, gossiping about the new hidden gem you guys found out about a couple weeks ago.

“Let’s arrange a meeting every..hm.. Tuesday?” His voice is hushed and gentle, barely above a whisper.

You lean across the small desk space offered to you with your hands intertwined and nestled below your chin.

“Say Kai, do you have Winkchat?”

Pretty amusing to watch him gulp and look down at his feet at the mention, a nerd like him probably has an insta feed filled with philosophical quotes or some shit, let alone an account on an 18+ dating app.

A hand leaves its spot from under your chin to brush the hair covering his eyes away; what’s the point of having those thickly framed glasses if he’s going to have his hair covering his eyes anyway?

But seems like your hospitality hasn’t grown on him at all because he flinches back so cartoonishly even if your finger is miles away from his face.

“S-Sorry!!! I was just startled, uhm..no I don’t have it.”

“Pfft, you don’t have to be tense with me Kai, promise I don’t bite.”

“Yeah..I know.”

If only you could see how he’s beating himself up over being so awkward right now. Of course he knows you, besides Taehyun’s never ending rants about the time you lied about having a crush on him in middle school upon piles and piles of other stories, Kai has known you for longer than you think.

The college’s princess, you and your friends are always walking around the campus with everyone spun and weaved around your finger like marionettes. There’s always a trail of the college’s varsity team trailing behind with their tongues panting at the sway of your hips and the stretch of your signature pink miniskirt your father shipped from Italy saddled on it. Heaps of shopping bags worth five times his tuition clung to their biceps; following you mindlessly like brain-dead zombies to load them in to the back of your sports car among countless others he can’t name.

You live a glamorous life in your tiny 6 inch heels and perfectly styled curls, dainty sunglasses buried pristinely on top of the crown of your head like embedded jewels that could feed a whole country if you ever bothered to auction them.

But he’s known of your prima donna life since he first started volunteering at a nearby animal shelter in high school, watching discreetly behind the shelves of donated food as you squat down to coo at a siamese the shelter’s been homing for years. Every Sunday he would wait for you patiently to enter through the double doors with your black Hermès handbag, all to drop it off in the volunteer room to change in to a poorly weaved ‘volunteer’ apron so you could help clean the cubicles and cages.

Kai doubts anyone else on campus has seen you more authentically than he has. After he stopped volunteering there he would take the longer route on his walk back to his apartment, walking past the shelter just to peep if your flashy sports car was still parked there as usual on Sunday. He doesn’t know when he pushed the whole ‘puppy love’ agenda by having a fat crush on you, he doubts you even notice him among the list of all the other guys head over heels for you.

”My friend Momo told me you’re a genius isn’t that like so crazy? Can’t believe people like you really exist and aren’t some super duper realistic robots made to only study maths and science. Oh my God- do you watch shows? Do you like..know who Rihanna is?”

His mouth drops absurdly in confusion; did he really seem that out of touch and abnormal to you?

“I do..maybe it doesn’t seem that way.”

What comes next is not what he was expecting because you’re clutching on to your stomach howling in laughter which only makes him frantic and wave his hands about to quiet you down before you both get kicked out of the library.

“Ahah- awhh, you’re so adorable Kai. I was only joking~ don’t get your panties in a twist over it.” Something please swallow him whole right now so you can’t see the beet red starting to grow on his face.

“Psst! Come on Y/N!! Sunghoon’s gonna take us carpooling downtown, don’t cancel on us now.”

An ecstatic Sullyoon rocks against the metal frame of the balcony above the library, beckoning you to join her and your other friends in to skipping classes again.

“Wait! I’m coming give me a second!” Packing the blank-paged note book and pens in to your bag you lock eyes with the strands of hair still blocking his,

“Sorry Kai! I know this isn’t ideal but I need to go like really really desperately so I’ll text you the details for the next session yeah?” A phone slides right in front of him on complete brightness which makes him wince, an empty contact page. The second he types in his phone number you hurry off in to the distance, the six inch heels strutting away still rings in his head minutes after you leave the library, still giddy he finally got to talk to you.

Out on the college parking lot is Sunghoon’s parked Cadillac convertible with a couple of girls including Sullyoon and Momo leaning against it while they conversed with him.

“Hey princess.” The taller male whistles at you with an all-too recognisable girl sweetly attached to his arm.

“Why call me over if you’ve got company? I don’t carpool if I’m not in the passenger seat.” Your hand digs in to your handbag for a pack of tissues which you offer to Rue, who’s still clinging on to Sunghoon’s arm.

“You’re starting to sweat on your nose beautiful, we don’t want that in your car do we Hoon?” A voice so alluring could make Sunghoon sign off to enlist his whole life serving in your name, triggering Sullyoon and Momo in to boisterous laughter when he shakes Rue off him slightly too aggressively to save her any face.

“Quick, hop in losers!” Sullyoon beckons.

“Ugh fuck!” The discarded girl watches as you buckle yourself in to the front seat of the leather-back rest as a slender hand tussles through your hair to frame your face in harmony with the sun.

“Oh, and tell your brother thanks for the manicure by the way~ Ask him if my cunt tasted good.” With that, Sunghoon presses down on the accelerator which carries you out of campus grounds and on to the high way with dangerous ease.

“Wooo!! You’re such a bitch Y/N don’t get me wet now.” Momo leans forward and swings her arms around you with a beer can loosely held in her hand, a smile forms on your face watching Sullyoon drag her back in to the back seat before they got fined for not having seatbelts on at this speed.

“What else can you expect of our college princess? That bitch really has some nerve trying to climb in to our circle through Hoon, and you horny fucker let her!” An aggravated Sullyoon kicks the back of Sunghoon’s seat playfully all the while recording the blocks of apartments and houses flash by in laughter.

“I think she’s quite cute is she not? Still pales in comparison next to you though.” Additional warmth from Sunghoon’s hand resting on your thigh triggers you to open your mouth again,

“Gross, you’re like a brother to me Hoon.”

“Oh really? Sunghoon told us he fucked you stupid at the birthday party he threw for you.”

And this is why you should’ve kept your loud mouth shut.

A questioning eye burns through Sunghoon’s conscience,

“Hoon!! Why would you tell them that?! And for clarification I fucked him stupid, not the other way round and it sucked.”

Sunghoon chuckles but with an underlying tone; like he’s pissed off by your bold accusation (the truth) because it hurt his fragile masculinity by a mile.

“Sounds like someone needs to get laid.”

“Yeah, I’m aware, thanks Hoon.”

“Didn’t I tell you to try out Winkchat?” Just hearing the words come out of Sullyoon’s mouth makes you groan in frustration.

“I have standards baby, I’m not going to fuck the first guy I see on my recommended because his limp dick flashed me when I opened up the goddamn app.”

“But the moment you hit gold like Sullyoon did with her man you’ll be addicted literally.”

Fine. You’ll give the stupid sexting app another chance.

Unlocking your phone you swipe among hundreds of other apps to tap on to the pink icon, thousands of message requests and notifications flooding your account with just a photo of your face and an a-line shirt is enough to drive any man crazy in this day and age.

As you expected to see on the explore page, another tiny weiner pic. No chance.

Some gym bro in Manhattan who spent all his effort in his arms and no where else and now looks top heavy, laughable.

And a man who dresses like we’re stuck in the 1800s.. what great luck do you have.

Just as you’re about to swipe off the app and delete the tab your thumb accidentally swipes to the next profile.

A subtle picture of a hand discreetly lifting up a band tee, teasing, revealing only a fraction of dimly shaded but defined abs under neath from a low angle, a long etched dragon tattoo running between the ridges of muscle and painted with a slight beauty mark.

There’s no face in any of the profile’s slides at all but it’s enough to captivate your eye, ranging only from pictures of his abs to a video of him playing guitar, a freshly made account by the looks it with nothing else in the bio except his age and the city you were also in. Jack pot, a straight friend request to user ‘kkh.txt’.

An arm reaches to snatch your phone away out of your hands. “You’ve been silent this whole time because you’re back on Winkchat tut-tut, knew you’d be hooked. And hey who is this!! He’s got a hot bod, shame you can’t see what he looks like.” Momo snatches the phone off Sullyoon to inspect the same montage of abs, tattoos and guitar playing videos.

“I can tell he’s hot just by looking at the posts, he’s not pushy with it or flashing his shit, he knows he’s sexy as hell geez.”

“Not that I care about what he looks like, that tattoo on his stomach fuckk come my way!” You snatch your phone back and take a couple of screenshots of his profile to save for..later. But Sunghoon has other plans,

“Let’s head to the tattoo shop actually I’ve been wanting to-“

“Don’t even think about it Hoon. I’d actually retch on the spot if you came out with one of those tacky poorly coloured rose tattoos.” Momo jokes, which sparks more anger in Sunghoon’s already fuming head.

“Ah! I forgot I was going to ask, how’s that nerd who’s tutoring you? Is he not super sweaty in that hoodie?”

How were you supposed to know Sullyoon?!!

“Hmm, he’s a bit awkward and all over the place. But he’s quite cute actually, in the sense that he’s entertaining to watch because he flinches at everything.” The events of trying to brush away his hair replays in your mind again, yeah he’s probably never felt a woman’s touch before.

“So would you fuck him?” Sunghoon mutters through gritted teeth like he’ll explode if you said something he didn’t like.

But honestly? Yeah you’d fuck a nerd. It’s the ego boost that really gets you going and the way they practically yearn for a bit of action on their virgin dicks, exactly your type really as much as you’d hate to admit.

“Why not, he’s got pretty lips and he’s tall.”

“Eww!! The bar is in hell girl.” Momo sticks two fingers in her mouth and retches a fake gag.

“Watch it be the next new trend to fuck nerds the moment word gets out that she does, that’s so fucking hilarious!”

All the talk about it being gross doesn’t put you off though, in fact it only intrigues you further, what if Kai could eat pussy like a champ? It’s not like it’s a crime to try is it?

“I can’t believe her.” Taehyun scowls through his bared canines. He jabs his cutlet with a plastic fork from the campus’ canteen and lifts it on to Kai’s plate.

“Hearing her name is enough to ruin my appetite.”

Kai, who gladly accepts the cutlet, pays no mind to the start of what’s going to be another of those ‘Taehyun’ rants about you that never end. Instead his eyes are glued to his faint reflection in the glass behind his best friend.

“I think she’s quite nice. Better than what you’d expect from how devilish you describe her.”

“Because she is the devil Kai! Have you not been listening to all those traumatic sufferings I’ve had to deal with since 5th grade because of her?” Taehyun pushes up the round thick glasses back up his nose, the outdated kind you’d expect to see in a retirement home and not someone in their early 20s.

“I think you’re being dramatic Tyun.”

“You think I’m being dramatic? That spawn from heck freaking ditched you thirty minutes early today! She treats people like they’re insects.”

Not that Kai would mind if you treated him like an insect, he’s already over the moon that you acknowledged he exists today.

“Do you think I should get a haircut?”

The suddenness of the question knocks the air out Taehyun’s lungs, causing him to cough and spit all over his (and Kai’s) food, a hand quickly grasping for water which only makes it worse.

“W-what?! Since when did you care so much about how you looked Kai..I thought you liked it long!”

He does like it long, but he also wants to prevents another woeful incident where he flinches away simply because you wanted to move the hair out of his face.

“I do it’s just more..convenient? I might ask Beomgyu if he can take me to his uncle’s barber shop later once he finishes Chess Society after lunch.”

The answer is straight from the heart and sincere so of course Taehyun can’t say no! Not to an angel like Kai who people pleases everyone at the chance.

That’s when he sees it, a small ping!- that lights up his phone to reveal a lock screen of some anime character you for sure wouldn’t be able to name.

‘y/n.553 sent you a chat request, chat back to her now ❤️🔥’

His eyes nearly jump out of his head. It can’t be, right? Just someone with the same name, just a mere coincidence.

“I’ll catch you later Taehyun I need to go submit in something.”

Regardless of the other man’s bewildered cries, he leaves in a hurry with his phone clutched tight in his clammy hands and right in to the men’s bathrooms. Not the greatest place he could hide his screen right now but it’s all that came to mind.

Defintely you. He can’t mistake that face for anyone else. Your profile isn’t even completed, only filling two out of three slides with a selfie and a beach photo that you also posted to your instagram, but the flame next to your name suggests you’re receiving loads of requests and a hot topic anywhere, even on dating apps.

Originally, he created an account to boost his confidence about the abs he worked on all through last summer after being stuck on gym propaganda while Beomgyu was crashing at his apartment; except Beomgyu’s motivation to become the bulky ‘jock’ and not a neek he aspired to be died within the first week of training.

It’s what pitched Kai to get a tattoo in the first place when he realised how big of a turn on it was for women who started to flood his profile with messages. Nothing more nothing less than a side practice to keep his confidence up a bit when he was basically invisible to the rest of his peers in real life.

Though this, this is different. Something more electrifying, experimental and dangerous if he had the guts to reply back; a shaky index lightly hovers over the ‘message’ button next to your icon, shit he’s doing it.

y/n.553: Youre hot. Where did u get the tattoo frm

Truth be told Kai doesn’t know how to make an impression on you, all he knows is that as long as you’re unaware it’s him, he can make as bold of a persona as he likes.

You: Downtown at Ink-lution. Heard of it before pretty?

y/n.553: No but it sounds niche thats so hot

y/n.553: thats the equivalent of buying me a necklace and choosing Chopard

All the names you’re throwing at him are cryptic in his mind, still thinking of what to respond without letting his awkwardness seep through as he leans an arm against the stall door.

you: yeah I wasnt gonna get it at first but im glad I did.

y/n.553: Asking for a friend do you have more ab pics x

Ab pics? Now? He infers you must’ve liked the profile he’d meticulously picked out if you were asking not so secretly for more pictures of his abdomen. Kai’s not going to say no to you though, he’s more enthusiastic than he ever has been to lift up the entirety of his hoodie just below his nipples and test a couple of angles and lighting. Must’ve kept you waiting with how long it took for him to decide on which to send out of the billions he took, but he settles on a simple photo, leaned back against the stall door and a full shot of his abs only on surface level, but if your eyes wandered you’d spot the purposely unzipped fly of his jeans to reveal a pair of black Calvin Klein boxer briefs.

When he hit send he expected a quick thank you or something commenting on the photo, but after 5 minutes there was nothing on your end making him doubt in all the decisions he made in taking the photo or even the way he texted you since the start.

Yet through the screen he can’t see the sweat beading down your forehead nor the hand snug between your thighs. Your back arches like a sculpture from the comfort of your mattress as your fingers naïvely dance around your core, flicking and rubbing mindlessly at a sore clit you just can’t seem to get the pleasure out of to orgasm!!

There’s no way in telling whether the unzipped fly was intentional or not but the subtle naughtiness of it makes your mouth drool at the thought. Whoever this was you needed to fuck, now, like real bad.

Stained fingers are wiped along the bare of your chest as you swipe off the photo to send a voice message, needy and dripping with want.

“Can you..please say something crazy, fuck I’m gonna lose my mind.”

Kai jumps from how breathy you sound, instinctively turning down the volume just so he could hear your voice. He thinks he’s going to go insane from how desperate you sound through breathless panting; you’re touching yourself to his photos and that’s enough to make his knees buckle in and tighten his boxer briefs.

He checks to make sure no one else is within earshot of him before he says the most humiliating line in his decades of living; something completely stolen from a crappy porn site he found himself on a couple days ago. He nervously presses down on the record button and hushes his voice an octave lower than usual,

“Be a good girl and cum for me.”

Looks as if you couldn’t decipher that the voice belonged to him because you only respond with a photo of your dripping cunt, leaking your juices on to your bed sheets where two manicured fingers spread open your gaping hole.

y/n.553: want you to fill it up, pls?

Slight confession though- Kai’s never touched let alone sexted a woman before, he’s still vaguely new to the whole sending nudes thing; but the ache in his pants and the lewd material enveloping his brain only increases his blood pressure by gallons directly headed towards his dick.

He remembers watching a guy do a whole step to step tutorial on how to jerk off extra good, having to lubricate his hand with a glob of his own spit and giving himself a couple of beginner strokes. Whenever his hand lightly rubs along one of the sensitive veins that grows thicker towards the base of his cock he hisses, having to pause or else he’ll cum on the spot just from imagining you.

[kkh.txt sent you an attachment]

Your jaw fucking drops is an understatement.

Withdrawing from your attempts at a second orgasm and sitting up straight on your bed to analyse the dick pic the anonymous user had sent was a new experience for sure.

He’s huge. God he’s monstrous even. Coke can girth you’d only expect to see on those heavily edited porn thumbnails and curved with a bulbous tip which sits prettily above the bulging veins leading to it. A pearl-like bead of pre-cum emerging from his pink dusted tip!! <3

There’s pretty much hearts in your eyes as you rush towards your wardrobe of your secret stash of sex toys hidden in a glittery pink box below your handbag collection; a couple of handcuffs and vibrators are strewn against the carpet in the process but you eventually find what you were looking for.

A 7.2 inch silicone dildo you stupidly assumed you could handle when you bought it six months ago, but the stretch of it was so insane you couldn’t think properly as you tried to sink down on it, and now when you compare it to the picture the anonymous tattoo guy had sent you can immediately tell the flimsy piece of silicone was no match for him.

y/n.553: ❤️

y/n.553: how big r u? looks huge

Kai gulps because he genuinely doesn’t know, he’s never thought of himself as huge even if he knew he definitely wasn’t small down there either. If he was attempting to measure with his hand which isn’t too far off the size of his dick then he guesses it would be around 8 inches.

kkh.txt: Uhm, never rlly measured but im guessing 8 inches.

8 inches?!! You’d have to make a trip to the ER if you ever let that thing inside of you!

You crawl to the full length mirror and spread your knees apart to sit back down on your legs, the dildo placed in the gap between as you watched where it reached in the mirror to quickly snap a photo.

y/n.553: This is only 7 inches..imagine how full youd make me feel with 8..

Kai’s face burns as he observes the way your hand points at where you’d feel him in your stomach, there’s something so sexy in the way you talk that makes Kai feel light headed and drunk on your sex energy. All he can think of is how he’d absolutely break you if he ever got too harsh with you and if that’s the case he’s fine with paying any medical fees !!

Over the past week you’ve dedicated all your time you usually would spend on shopping or getting your hair styled has been directly spent on messaging the hot tattoo guy on WinkChat. Momo’s right- the moment you’re hooked it’s impossible to stop.

Except one thing that’s frustrating you out of your mind and the sole reason for the graying hairs ready to pop out of your scalp any moment now; you seriously know nothing about the guy and it doesn’t sound like he’ll ever share anything about him or his whereabouts before you could even get a taste of the big dick heaven that should be awaiting you.

Which is why you’re complaining to Momo over the phone right now with a bowl of acai in your hands,

“I’m telling you girl he’s got the biggest dick I’ve ever seen in my life. Oh my god I sounded like a virgin there didn’t I?!”

“Whatt? Even bigger than San in business?” Momo queries, you can hear the soft buzz of tv in the background of her audio; what a bitch! Is your dilemma not entertaining enough for her or something?

“Ehh, San’s big but he’s got no flair to it you know? Feels more like a stone pillar fucking me rather than a monster cock.”

A line of laughter erupts from the other end of the phone at your joke but Momo doubts a faceless guy blessed in the below will be any different to San.

“Ugh it completely skipped over my head that I have tutoring today! The moment my dad sets foot on the soil of this country again I’m going to complain.”

“Tell the nerd guy you’re seeing to tutor you at your house instead of the library, the college princess caught in that stink chamber? No thanks.”

Groaning, you end the call in annoyance, walking up to the pink double doors that led to the marble tile of your walk in closet. Not feeling the miniskirt today you nimbly waiver your hands over the racks of unnecessary clothing starting to build up as clutter.

A light pink baby tee? You wore something similar last week- can’t do that.

Pair of Ed Hardy jeans? It’s way too warm to be wearing those.

Milkmaid tops you’ve never worn in your life? Possibly could work but you’re sure there’s something better, something that would make Kai convulse and foam at the mouth if he saw you.

Got it.

Where were you? Kai’s been sat patiently at the study table he’s reserved for the tutoring session for at least 20 minutes and you still haven’t appeared strutting through the doors. Perhaps you were sick and just forgot to tell him? Or you overslept on accident all the way to 12:45 in the afternoon? It’s okay, he’ll just finish off his thermodynamics extended project in the mean time.

“So sorry Kai! I know I’m late I just had to go to the drugstore it’s super urgent- my favourite La Mer lipgloss ran out and I can’t live without it!”

But Kai can barely register a word you’re saying when you walk in through the doors dressed like this; a blue cropped button-up top which is tied just below your chest to reveal a smidge of your white-laced bra and a pair of light denim shorts branded with diamonds that spelled ‘hot’ across the globe of your ass. Your stomach is on full display which only makes Kai oggle harder retracing to the conversation a couple nights before.

He indirectly measures with his eye how far he would really go if he entered you and believe it or not he doesn’t think it’s humanely possible.

“Still have time to stare through those bangs of yours?” You chuckle loudly at him watching as the timid male be in denial so quickly about you catching him staring, not that you minded or anything if he really was.

“I-I didn’t mean to stare it’s just..don’t you get d-dresscoded for wearing that?”

Shoving his laptop and a couple of loose sheets in to his backpack for him you lean down over the table to try and meet his gaze despite the hair being a barrier,

“Honey, have you seen the art majors? I doubt the college board cares and plus I wanna sit at that table over there, not here.”

Kai can’t even retort back to you even if he’s worried that someone’s reserved the desk for later, distressingly following behind you as you guided him to the very back of the library even he didn’t know about!!

Turns out if you wandered far enough behind the foreign language books that not many people ever think to visit you’d find a small table with cushioned benches to study on.

“Woah..how do you know about this place?”

“My dad donated the chairs and tables for the library so this is the spot my friends and I used to use when we wanted to skip classes, isn’t it sweet?” A sleekly glazed wooden table becomes racked with Kai’s study materials and your once again empty note book and pen within seconds.

The pen in your hand taps lightly against your lip in a rhythmic motion, suddenly deep in thought about something as you made yourself comfortable on the benches.

“I don’t know the answer Kai.”

A confused male looks up from his laptop screen to gaze at you, tilting his head befuddledlby at your strange statement.

“Wha..what? I haven’t asked any questions yet..”

A new set of fresh acrylics tap gently at the pop quiz sheet Kai had constructed to see where you were at in your basically non-existent knowledge of chemistry.

“I don’t know anything on that sheet Kai, we’re going to have to go basics.” You jut your lip out in to a pout and play with the loose thread emerging from Kai’s sage cotton sweater at the wrists,

“Can we start off slow?~ I don’t think I can handle all of it.”

It’s like a massive lump has just blocked his ability to speak since your effect on him is so strong, he’s unsure of whether you know how teasing your words can sound in a different context or if you’re just really empty-headed and all-over-the place.

“Uhm..y-yeah. Should we start off with atomic structure then?” His stutters become more prominent the more he feels under pressure from your sly gaze; brewing something scandalous in your irises as you take the image of a nervous Kai as your key ingredient.

“Okay so..uhm there’s quite a lot of note taking in this part so if I go uh..too fast just let me know.”

The bubbling curiosity within you is distracting yourself from the familiarity of his voice you can’t quite put your finger on, all too focused on wanting to see the eyes of the bashful nerd you’ve got on your hands for the next hour.

“So the basics are that the atom consists of protons and neutrons in the nucleus and- nghh.”

One hand flies straight up to slap against his mouth, completely in utter shock at the explicit moan that sounded through his lips, another hand holding strictly against the flat of your heel which was pressed directly over his crotch to restrict it from moving any further.

His mouth is open wide in shock and quivering like he’ll bust if you moved your foot a single inch,

“I didn’t get the rest of that Kai, can you repeat it?”

Kai looks over with near tears in his eyes, there’s no way this is happening right- did you finally figure out kkh.txt was him? His whole world is flipping upside down as the growing erection in his sweats becomes more unbearable by the second; he can already see the headlines of college gossip coming after him- ‘pervert nerd gets hard in the library over a heel’. Fuck he’s doomed.

“U-uhm. So..” His voice can’t seem to pick back up on the information dump he was spouting seconds before, quivering lips and a shaky voice like he’s about to start crying.

“The electrons..are fuck, they’re in fixed energy s-shells we learnt that in middle s-school.” The grip on your heel is tight, but all that you need is to slip your foot out of the restraints, dragging down the flexing muscles in his thigh from how stiff he’s becoming, it’s cute really.

“Are we..are we really going to do this here?” His voice cracks as he shivers from your touch,

“Well, do you want me to continue Kai? No one will spot us back here~”

No words come out of him with the exception of a hum and a weak nod.

“Kai, I need words, will you let me make you feel good?”

There’s tears awaiting to spill from his eyes because he’s so embarrassed that this is how his first time is headed, but he would sell his soul for you to touch him just once, so hard in his sweats he might come undone from your gaze alone.

“Please..want it” In a voice so meek and timid all you can do is coo at him, turning around the table to stand up in front of him with a finger glamourised with rings that felt cold and bared against the clammy warmth of his cheek and it’s like he doesn’t even try to breathe when you’re in front of him.

In one swift motion you lift up the soft trenches of hair covering his eyes to reveal a set of soft brown irises; endearing and fucking gorgeous?!! Kai’s inherited the kind of eyes that make men go to war with how soft and pleading they are; beautifully adorned with glistening tears from how desperate he is for release adjourned with the rosy speckles dusting his cheeks and the bridge of his nose. The whole sight is everything you want in a man- weak, pining and tearful just for you !! ><

The absolute control you have over his lust only dampens your victoria’s secret panties you’re sure to gift Kai later for how good he’s being for you right now, leaning down to give him a quick peck he’s scrambling all the depths of his mind to figure out how to respond to.

“God you’re so adorable I fucking crave for cute nerds like you Kai, wanna see what you’ve got under the-“

“C-can I keep the sweater on?” Kai questions in a soft tone, but seriously? Fucking in a library with a sweater on? Whatever, he’s probably just over complicating things or doubting his frame but you could care less about any of it right now; especially when you’ve become engrossed with the natural-born pleading face this man just comes with!!

You give him a quick nod before removing the headband from your head and brushing back his bangs with it gently,

“Wanna see your face when I make you feel good okay pretty boy?” Shit. Kai could cum untouched right now with how you’re making his mind spin with the compliments, his thought process is lagging behind ten times its normal rate when you lean down to pull down his sweats with a hooked finger.

But in that tiny head of yours you couldn’t imagine Kai to be any bigger than around 4 inches assuming that he’s never been able to reach a girl with it. Likewise, you even prepared to ruin him with your throat alone; he looks as if he’d be so easy to excruciate pleasure out a tiny dick, he’d probably cum within seconds <3

But for Kai to be about 8- no, more than that with how it’s still growing in your hand, probably 8.2 inches and thick enough to tear your mouth if he really wanted to..

All colour drains from your face as you admire in both shock and fear..honestly you don’t even know if you can even handle a monster like this, the thought of it entering you sending shivers down your spine. You don’t even realise you’re drooling on to the floor from staring at the way your hand can barely wrap around the circumference of it. Who knew a nerd packing all of this would’ve slipped right under your nose?

Kai’s not keeping up well either, clenching down on his teeth and gripping the edge of the bench as best as he can to prevent himself from leaking anymore trails of precum from his painfully red tip. He just can’t help himself when he sees you on your knees all laid out prettily for him as your eyes sparkle every single time he twitches when your finger runs along his vein. His breathing fastens when he locks his eyes on the slight curve of your chest as you admire him so openly- boosting his ego to the moon.

“Kai..you’re- you’re fucking huge. I don’t know if I can take it.” You whine and point a dainty finger at your throat with a pout, brows in panic from imagining the stretch like you’re telling him he’s too big for you to handle, too big for you to fit all of him in and Kai has to hold back from releasing all over your face if he deeps your words again too much.

Nonetheless you’re still begging to get a taste of him now that you know his true potential. Giving sweet little kitten licks around his flushed tip, using two fingers to lightly squeeze around it for another glob of precum to leak out of his slit.

“Taste so good pretty, just be good for me okay?”

Your unoccupied hand reaches to fondle Kai’s balls as your pop his tip fully in to your mouth, lapping your tongue around in a swirling motion which makes him shut close his eyes and dig his fingernails in to the cushion of the bench even further.

Pulling off of him with a pop!- A glob of spit lands in your hand, the strings of saliva still connected to your lip as you lube his cock with your fluids, preparing yourself before hand so you have a better attempt of taking him all in !! <3

The heaviness of his cock twitches uncontrollably as you twist your wrist along his shaft, the receptors in his veins pulsing and sending waves of pleasure in to his blood stream every time you squeezed a bit too hard around one of them.

“P-please ah! Don’t tease..” Poor boy has tear stains around his eyes from how hard he’s constraining himself, his thighs are flexed so hard they’re seconds away from cramping and his lips are on the verge of drawing blood if he bites down any harder.

“Mmhm.” You hum around him as you start to take him in deeper, not even half way when you have to stop to let your throat adjust, suctioning around him so tightly he’d rather die than let you go. The moment you feel your throat retract you push further down past half way until it physically felt impossible for you to reach or deepthroat, using your hand to jerk whatever length you couldn’t reach.

The usual neatness of your hair comes apart in seconds the moment you start to pick up the pace, head bobbing up and down as you tie your hair with your other hand in to a makeshift ponytail. Occasionally, you’d gag whenever you felt his hips start to buck in to your throat with need, the extra unexpected length pushing you to tears.

The obscenity of the lewd noises of fluids and spit, whenever you lips detached from it to lick long stripes along the curve of his cock, mascara starting to collect at your undereye from tears caused by the stretch of him in your throat.

Kai believes he’s on a completely different universe by now. There’s no thoughts in his head apart from how pretty you looked and how close he was to cumming down your throat, the scene so erotic it’s more addicting than any other variation of porn or hentai he’s ever watched in the sanctity of his apartment- fuck it’s more than that, he wants to burn this image of you in to his mind forever so that he can use it for later.

“Shit Y/N nghh! I’m going to cum you need to augh!- wait..” The blissed male attempts to pry you off of him with screwed shut eyes fearful he was going to cum down your throat, but you do anything but that. Instead you nuzzle your chin all the way down to the furthest point you can reach and jerk him off; waiting for the warmth of his cum to shoot far down your throat for you to swallow.

“W-wait!! I really am going to cum, fuck mmh!~ I-is it really okay?” Whatever he’s pleading doesn’t matter because the next thing you know he’s splurging the thickest load you’ve ever had to swallow, dragging down your throat with high viscosity. Some of it drips down the corner of your lips as he smears his sensitive tip along your beaming smile.

“You did so well for me baby, you’ll have to let me do this more often- wanna see how far I can really go.” Opening up a pack of makeup wipes you clean up the mascara stains and pack your things up, leaving Kai speechless, hot and bothered and also another tutoring session gone to waste.

“I need to see results. Going to tutoring and coming back with no notes is never going to stick in your brain.” The bellow of your father’s voice echoes through the halls of your empty house- he’s come back from his annual business trip and what do you have to show you’ve been working? Absolutely nil, zero nothing.

Groaning, you call over a nanny to set up the plates, you’re not going to sit down for dinner with a father who’s going to moan at you all day for making you choose a course you can’t do!

“I am working !! We went over like electrons and proteins and stuff of that sort.”

“By working you mean pressuring someone in to telling you all the information while you post all sorts of stupid photos!”

“It’s instagram you old fart! The version of like facebook or something for your millennia! Anyways I need to go because Megan’s calling me to go shopping with her at the night plaza asap.” Earrings and hoops among other clattering items like studded belts and heels ring behind you as you start to walk off in the same clacky-heels you always wear.

“I’ve suspended all of your bank accounts.”

“Nice try father, stores still use cash nowadays.”

“The maids found your cash stack in the small compartment below your vanity.”

That’s your breaking point.

“Father!! You can’t just let them go snooping in my room like that!” Oh you’re fuming- what’s going to happen next? They find your secret sex toy collection and then your father’s going to have to take away your closet?

“Tell the boy who tutors you to come around next Friday for dinner, I want to see that you’re at least trying to learn.”

“Fine! But only if you hand me back everything after.” Boiling with rage you shove past the maids by the door and up the cold marble stairs, if you weren’t aiming for more hair growth this summer you would’ve definitely ripped out more than a couple strands by now.

Reaching your bedroom you finally slump on top of a pile of eiderdown pillows, whipping out your phone to message Kai about the arrangement.

Speaking of Kai, you think you’ve gone insane.

Ever since you left the library that day you couldn’t forget the imprint of his dick in your throat and the needy look in his eye. His moans were literal heaven to your ears, so sensitive and breathy you seriously couldn’t get enough of it!! However the downside now is that you can’t even get off your fingers anymore because now all that you desire is Kai, like he’s drugged you with some sort of addictive attraction towards him that only pushes you to want for more.

A quick dial to your ex fuck buddy Soobin should get him off your mind right? He’s got that same yearning face in him although less intense than Kai and you can bet your whole LV collection on him that he’ll show up to your door in less than 5 minutes if you really needed him to.

“Hello?”

“Hey Binnie, can you come over? I got in to an argument with father.” You mewl a little to make yourself seem as pitiable as you can.

“So, let me get this right. You’re asking to fuck?”

“Bingo! You got it Binnie so can you like please come over in five?”

The long and weighted sigh on the other end of the line does not sound like good news.

“Can’t, sorry princess I’m out of the country right now. Goodbye.”

Soobin ends the phone call without another word which only makes you dead pan at the white contact screen again.

“Ugh fuck you Choi Soobin! Couldn’t he be a little bit more considerate?” You turn to lay on your back and open up WinkChat, not even needing to scroll down to find his username at the top of the chats.

you: send me a vid of u masturbating now.

kkh.txt: now??? im at a friend’s apartment.

you: please??

Quickly snapping a photo of your exposed boob barely covered by the padding of your finger is all the anonymous user needs to take his sweet time in recording what you wanted.

“Hey..Taehyun I’m gonna use the shower okay?”

Taehyun scribbles away a couple of notes while watching a league of legends game play at the same time, only having the brain power to send Kai a quick thumbs up before he disappears behind the doors of his apartment bathroom.

Kai’s fucking hard. Every single photo of you tortures him internally when all he can think about is the feeling of your tongue wrapped so prettily around him. He zooms in to the photo eagerly to peek at the swell of your tit, instinctively looking around to see if anyone was around despite being isolated in a bathroom out of shame for being so dirty.

A nosebleed is going to come flowing down his nose any second now was he turns on the shower, letting the pitter-patter of water hopefully drown out the sounds of his moans as he sets up his camera directly facing his naked self sat on the toilet lid but cut off from revealing his face.

The camera starts recording and he’s already lost on what to do, spotting what he thinks is Taehyun’s body lotion that he uses like his life depends on it for his eczema; Kai prays it isn’t expensive as he loads a sample of it on to his palm before lazily stroking down his aching cock.

He wasn’t supposed to bring this with him today, but he was planning on asking you to go on video call later when Taehyun went for his night shift leaving him alone, a fleshlight being pulled straight out of his bag he was intending to use that he bought on a whim.

He starts off guiding the sex toy down his lubed dick, groaning in pleasure at how tight the mound of silicone flesh is around him; he imagines it’s your walls wrapped around him, thought he hopes it would be warmer in side of you than the chill of the bathroom.

“Shit.” Kai picks up the pace and squeezes the fleshlight harder around the tip, his hands moving in a vertical movement as he slides the silicone down the ridges of his cock, squelching Taehyun’s lotion in an explicitly sexual sound which formed a ring of white around the base.

Doesn’t even think to slow down to catch his breath, he completely is just aiming towards chasing the same high you gave him, wrist starting to become lazy as he whimpers whenever the stimulation around his leaking tip gets too much!! Fundamentally he’s fucking up in to the fleshlight now, hips jerking upward whenever the toy would squeeze too hard around his vein with a plethora of whimpers flooding out of his mouth with no restriction. The flitter of the shower starts to steam up around him which only fogs up Kai’s head even more, still thinking about how deliciously your pussy would nestle around him, how you’d leave a pool of slick below him from just how wet you are!! <3

Kai’s knuckles are starting to show the white of his bone from how hard he’s squeezing the moment he feels the same anticipation of release, unable to keep his moans quiet as he spurts ropes of white all over his lap, his chest heaves rapidly while he snaps out of his trance, making sure to leave a taunting message at the end of the video,

“I’d fuck you so good if you let me.” Sent! Straight to your shared chat together,

Sure enough you send him floods of praise, particularly around the flex of his abs around his tattoo when he came.

Just when Kai’s about to properly head in to his unusually ‘longer’ shower a notification rings on his phone.

Y/N^u^: Can you come to my house for tutoring on Friday? Shellsby Manor, XXX-XXX, arrive before 6 k?

Sounds like Professor Jenkins idea considering you two haven’t done any proper tutoring over the last two weeks, but Kai’s more than happy to accept.

”I’m telling you that new VS pushup bra is all the craze right now!! I heard it made Carly’s B cup look like double D’s like what the fuck!?” Sullyoon’s browsing on her phone on her go-to shopping website again. Momo on the other hand has Jake Sim’s head resting between her thighs as she plays with his nest of hair, yikes..

“Stop being a bore I can’t believe I’m actually seeing you study for once.”

“Shut up Jake I need it if I want my card back ugh!!” All the words and key terminology for the up coming assessment is just mumble and letters, at this rate you’re never going to pass without Kai’s help!!!

“Just sleep with him, that’s what all girls do.” Jake replies nonchalantly but the statement rubs you the wrong way- even if you did consider it...is he calling all girls whores?!!

Before you can even do it Momo slaps him away from her,

“Ugh Jake you’re so vile get away!” Sullyoon shrieks and giggles, playfully kicking at the baseball captain which ends up landing at his nuts.

“All of you shut up for a moment I need to focus!” You complain before putting all of your weight on to the arm behind you on the field of grass, you’ve only just finished consolidating chemical reactions but you doubt you’ll remember or properly understand it like this.

“What? Is she going to see that small-dick geek again?” Fuckass Jake didn’t get his balls kicked hard enough because he still has the energy to retort.

“I’m not joking he’s like twice the size of yours.” You snicker before pinching your fingers together to mock an irritated Jake already feeling your work ethic coming to a halt.

“Well maybe if you’d actually let me bang you then you’d know. Because by the looks of it you let every other guy in between those legs.” Jake spits.

Way to ruin your mood Sim Jaeyun.

You pack up your laptop and belongings and spin on your heel to strut all the way down towards the canteen where you know you’d find Taehyun, and therefore him too.

Right in the corner behind the pillar where they can’t be seen spot the same head of blonde hair and an agitating brunette who’s immediately sending warning signals to Kai the moment you head towards their way.

“Hi Tyunnie! Miss me?” You blow Taehyun a kiss before rustling his oddly styled hair gently- eco gel..and jesus christ a whole lot of it.

“Freak off, we don’t want you here.” Taehyun speaks as monotonously as ever, refusing to show any sort of amusement as he swats your hand away from cooing him any further.

That’s when you realise you haven’t greeted Kai yet, turning your head around to see..eyes?

The blonde is rocking a completely different hair cut now, bangs messily trimmed to give him style but also a cleaner look and with more volume than he ever has- it suits him really well you must admit, like the hotties you’d see in the skate parks, except his innocently charming eyes really are the cherry on top.

“Wow Kai new haircut?! Awhh stop you look so adorable!!! You finally got rid of those overgrown bangs.” He attempts to hold back a bashful grin in front of a discerned Taehyun, waving it off as something he’s wanted to try forever when really he knows it’s because of you.

“Well Tyunnie-boo let me borrow Kai for the rest of today okay? Thanks a million!!”

You drag Kai and his belongings with you and straight in to the parking lot where your porsche you haven’t used in ages was parked.

“No lectures later right? I know it’s a bit earlier than scheduled but I might as well take you home with me now right?”

The still timid male looks away from you when he speaks in case his mind wanders off to a bunch of other naughty thoughts again.

“That’s fine..just means we get more tutoring time in.”

Yeah, tutoring time.

Accelerating down the road and in to the hills of where the richest sector of people in your city resided in was a complete shock for Kai, watching people live in these castles they’d call ‘home’ as you speed down in to your own pearly-gated manor.

Kai regrets wearing something so baggy now at a place like this, but there’s not much in his closet if he’s still keen on covering that tattoo he stupidly got with his cousin Yeonjun on his 18th birthday.

“My father may look intimidating but trust me it’s just a habit he’s picked up on from trying to be professional everywhere he goes.” Even the keys to your house is made of some sort of alloy of gold, inside revealing a couple of servants who welcome the two of you towards your father’s office.

Knocking gently you pry, “Father, I’ve got my little tutor friend you wanted to see so bad.”

There’s no response that you can hear from the room nor any sign to come in. A working servant comes over to inform you that he’s at a business meeting that won’t end until late. Great, so he’s not even here.

“I-It’s okay, let’s just get started first!” Kai suggests, which you’re not going to object to because you were planning on it anyways, leading him to your bedroom upstairs down hallways of art and antiques.

This is it, the bedroom you’re always sending photos to him, well, kkh.txt in. The same mirror where it all started lays in the same spot as before as he follows your foot steps towards your couch and social table.

“Real talk Kai, I’m actually going to listen this time because it’s my last shot over the next few weeks to get this down in time if I wanna pass and get my credit card back okay?”

“Should I recap what you’ve done in your own time to see if it’s consolidated yet?” And fuck his voice sounds so hot when he’s concentrated..right, focus!!

By the time both of you are confident you’ve covered most of the heavy content you’re exhausted and so is Kai. Hours of back and forth questions for concepts you couldn’t understand finally stuck in your brain a bit better to the point you could answer most of the simple and intermediate questions. Looking at the time it’s already 7 meaning that you’ve been tutored for 5 hours straight with Kai non-stop, and you feel proud of the hard work too! And a bit smarter, still not his level though.

“I’m going to take a quick bathroom break, when I’m back we’ll move on to more complicated topics and we’ll wrap it up for today!” A tired Kai limps towards your bathroom but in a more comfortable mood than earlier- even his stuttering has calmed down!

And if you were being true to yourself, Kai is exactly your type, the standard really. He’s gentle with you even when you’re frustrated, always offering to make time for you and help, and plus he’s got that begging look and monster cock combination which messes with your head so good!!

Good enough to compel you to swipe on to WinkChat to message your favourite user kkh.txt, thinking of what to type.

‘Sorry, don’t wanna use this app anymore?’

‘Think it’s best we stop this?’

None of it flows off your tongue smoothly but you settle with a short and simple ‘sorry.’ message to him, preparing to delete the app when you hear a ping!- coming from Kai’s phone.

And of course you’re curious! Who else could be messaging the nerd except Taehyun?-

Your eyes bat hardly at the notification,

‘y/n.553 sent a message! Click to chat with her now! ❤️🔥’

Your heart sinks down to your stomach, Kai..the nerd you gave a blow job to in the middle of the library is kkh.txt ?!!!

“Hope I didn’t take too long-“

Seems like it’s a universal thing for everyone’s heart to drop now because Kai’s throat runs dry as he watches the bewildered expression on your face with his phone in your hand. It couldn’t be-

“Kai. You’re…kkh.txt?!!!” No point in lying now is there?

“Uhm wait.. I-I can explain I didn’t mean to hide it from-“

“The tattoo. Show me it.” You walk towards the stiffened Kai who can’t move an inch from where he’s at by the door right now without the interception of you pushing him on to mattress of your bed.

“Go on, that dragon tattoo you have, take off the hoodie and let me see.” He’s never heard your voice drip with so much authority; hell he can’t even understand if you’re angry at him or not for hiding it from you!! The hoodie is discarded of somewhere in the corner of your room, and there it is- the damn dragon tattoo you’ve been craving for ever since you saw it.

Now that you can see his full frame you can understand that everything about Kai is big; he’s towering in height, his shoulders are so broad it’s impossible to not notice now that you’ve seen it even with his hoodie on, the defined muscles that runs down his abdomen and the absolute beast he doesn’t know how to use, but you’re craving it real bad.

“What are you waiting for? Fuck me like you mean it.” Nimble hands hurry to unclasp your bra and remove your tank top, revealing your chest in front of a nervous Kai who now can’t find the strength in him to answer you without moaning.

“W-what?”

“That video you sent. Fuck me like you mean it.”

Memories rack through Kai’s head which makes him mentally face palm at the recollection of his bold statement when he in fact does not know how to fuck nor make you feel good apart from a couple of porn videos he’s seen. He swallows the lump in his throat before looking up to you again with pleading eyes,

“Can I try eat you out?”

Remember when you said a nerd like Kai could probably eat pussy like a champ two weeks ago? Bullseye because the man is fixated between your thighs, lapping at everything you have to offer.

Swear he had no experience at all with cunnilingus yet he’s having no problems in sucking and flicking at your swollen clit with the flat of his tongue, moaning in to your folds repeatedly, every now and then having to put in some sort of comment about how good you taste with tears in his eyes; such a pussy drunk loser it’s adorable.

At some points you’re afraid he’s going to die of suffocation from how hard he’s pressing down on your thighs to keep you in place as you sit directly on top of his face, the weight of you completely over his saliva covered mouth but even when you meekly ask if he can breathe just fine all he does is press his tongue in to your further; swirling his tongue around your entrance and even finding the confidence to enter it.

“Mmh!! Kai fuck!! You can-hah-touch me up here too.”

A wandering hand reaches to clasp on to Kai’s to direct him to your chest, begging him to stimulate your perked and neglected nipples.

“Fuck fuck fuck! Such a good boy, making me cum so good!”

Juices are spilling from your cunt all over a dazed Kai’s face, still shocked from the effect of tasting you on his tongue for the first time, and if he wasn’t eating you out like a starved man this time you shouldn’t even start to imagine how insanely he’d try to eat you out after he’s become addicted to your taste.

A symphony of your heavy breathing and the pulsing of your folds as you catch your breath from being given the best head you’ve ever received from a complete amateur is laughable, looking up to Kai with exhausted but fluttering eyes.

“I haven’t made you cum yet Kai, hah, come on, rest against the pillows over there.”

Stunned and beyond words all he can do is follow your every command like a lost puppy, his hard-on longing for your touch as it twitches hungrily in his briefs.

“N-no condom?”

“Sit back and relax for me okay pretty? No more questions, I’ll do all the work.” Even if you’ve been eaten out by Kai you doubt you can adjust to the stretch of his cock in one go, slightly hesitating and knowing you were going to fuck yourself dumb the moment you started struggling to even fit in just the tip!!

“You’re so big Kai, scared it might rip me.” Pain starts to overwhelm you as you sink down inch by inch on to his cock, whimpers falling out of your mouth in a mantra as you hold on to his shoulders for stability. Kai’s completely silent with his mouth wide open; brows knitted together as he watches the way his cock disappears between your glistening folds, you’re going to fucking destroy him and he knows it, god.

Finally taking in the last couple of inches you rest for a bit, sighing as the initial pain converts in to pleasure from how full you felt, his tip poking right in to your cervix.

“Look Kai, this is how full you make me feel.” His hand reaches to brush against the imprint of the curve of his dick in your stomach, inflicting you to moan when he presses his finger against it,

“Ngh, don’t do that baby, I might cum too quick if you do.” The pet name only makes him twitch inside of you which erupts another moan from the sudden jerk, finally finding the energy in you to lift yourself off of him only to slam yourself right back down.

The sensation of your walls clenching around his as you lifted your hips felt like bliss- better than anything he’s seen in those x-rated movies, watching as you bounced on top of him in swift motions, the base of his cock disappearing and reappearing with every cycle of thrusts as you rode him.

A string of slick connected between your cunt and his pelvis made him moan at how lewd it was, eyes rolling back as he aids your movement with his hands- biceps flexing from hard he’s gripping on to your waist.

“Am I agh!- Better than your fleshlight hm?”

Ten times, no. A thousand times better than whatever he has rotting in his drawers right now, the warmth of your pussy sucking him in is probably the hottest thing he’s ever seen accompanied by the way your tongue starts to loll out automatically whenever his tip slams way too hard past your cervix, completely filled to the brim yet your greedy cunt still yearns for more.

Kai’s expressions are just as you’d imagine, strands of hair messily stuck to his forehead from sweat, his mouth cutely open and unable to form any other sound except mewls and whimpers and the same usual fat tears that roll down to his reddened cheeks whenever the pleasure feels too good! <3 His eyes struggle to keep open as he furrows his brows whenever he feels the heat of your walls clench around him, you really don’t know how badly he wants to just stay buried inside of you forever! ><

Your tits bounce in sync with your pace right above his eyes, watching as they’d swing back up before you slammed down on his aching cock. Kai bites his lip as he slides a hand down to your waist, so lost in the illusion of your pussy he can’t even verbalise how good he feels, instead only being able to claw at the swell of your ass as you continue to fuck yourself dumb on his cock.

Usually you’d never think of yourself as someone who loses dominance with any of your sex partners but the way Kai’s dick turns your brain in to mush needs to be studied because you’re drooling as you continue to ride him sloppier than before.

“Kaii! Shit I feel so full I’m gonna come!”

The continuous slamming of his cockhead against the bundle of nerves the curve of his cock keeps pressing against sends shockwaves through your core, unable to keep your posture up right as you limp on to Kai’s shoulder, biting on the penetrable skin to keep your moans in while you let him buck his hips in to you at a new angle where you can feel everything deeper, more stimulating and more raw.

“Ohh fuck, w-where do I cum? shit-“ Kai continues to ram in to the same sensitive bundle of nerves relentlessly to chase his own orgasm, frantically desperate to get that burning sensation of needing to release again.

“I- I’m on the pill Kai just cum inside please!! Wanna feel full!” Within seconds Kai’s unleashing his seed right in to your cunt, still thrusting to keep it from leaking out despite overstimulating himself in the process- you follow not too long after, unwinding and gushing over him, hot breath fanning on to his neck as you attempted to regain your energy after coming down your high.

“Did I make you feel good?” Kai asks with lustful eyes. His skin is completely flushed pink and sweating, struggling to focus his eyes on anything after the initial haze of such a strong orgasm.

Oh there’s no doubt about that.

Professor Jenkins should be pleased to see that you’re going to ace your summer qualifying exam, because you’ll be visiting this nerd all summer <3

A/N: I had to concise it down A LOT more because I genuinely think would’ve dragged on forever if I let it, but hopefully everything lives up to the hype surrounding it esp with the teaser!!

taglist: @whoisgami , @bingsoob , @1eatlasagna , @pengningie , @angelgraphica , @sanscupid , @cutehoons02 , @cheekycountesschoi , @soupersaldz , @bamtor1sss , @strawberryshoujosundae , @gyutaepie , @bambiihee

[serenity-loves-red]

Robin looked at her brother and giggled silently. Her brother, Sunday who is known to be somewhat strict and composed Student Council President is still a mess before you.

It was cute, looking at her brother’s flustered face– wings fluttering, whenever he sees you go to the office to submit report quotas from the organization plans and other meeting agendas; but seeing the same thing could become tiresome.

And this time? It looks irritating.

Honestly, Robin thought flabbergasted, when talking to you, Sunday may looked all formal but deep down? He feels conscious on how he delivers himself to you, embarrassed even!

Should he smile more? Act a bit carefree? Does he look unapproachable–?

So what could Robin do as a good and dutiful little sister? She’ll play the matchmaker of course!

If Sunday is too of a blubbering mess to start his move, she’ll do it in his place. A thank you is enough, dear brother!

You knew Robin is up to something. Honestly, it wasn’t that hard to figure it out.

First time is when she tried to invite you to eat lunch with them but then called out the last minute saying that she won’t be able to make it because one of her professors needed her for something.

She did not. You saw her wearing some weird ass detective hat, sitting few tables away from you and peeking behind what’s supposed to be a menu.

She looks ridiculous. Her get up gave her away but still, you didn’t called her out. Sunday seems to see her too and gave you a smile, somewhat forced.

Is it because you saw how ridiculous his sister acted or because he disliked you? Who knows, you didn’t bother and just ate peacefully– offering small talks of pleasantry related to Student Council duties.

You’re not that close, after all. You don’t know each other well enough to talk like some kind of old friends. Unlike Robin who you’ve befriended during a mixed class course between your departments.

The second time– or times, started with little push. Literally.

You usually walks with Robin during breaks, following her lead and just go whenever she wants. Because why not? You don’t have anywhere to go or do so you just chose to spend time with her.

Robin never felt this happy. A perfect opportunity for Plan B!

With this setup, you just let Robin drag you, here and there unknowingly following her lead to find her brother to execute her plan.

So when she saw Sunday on a busy hallway, Robin pretended to trip and pushed you to him– hard, that made you tumble with wide eyes.

Fortunately, Sunday managed to catch you, albeit shocked himself. His arm encircled you in a welcoming embrace.

“Are you hurt?” Sunday asked in a soft, shaky voice.

“Yes, I- I’m fine. Thanks for catching me.” You managed to stutter out before pushing yourself away with red face.

You immediately confronted Robin after she bid goodbye to her brother. With a straight face and elegant demeanor, she answered, “You are mistaken, I just happened to stumble on an accident.”

And the accident she meant happened 3 more times later that day. She saw her brother, she tripped, pushed you to her brother’s arm, said brother managed to catch you, and then repeat.

The third time of Robin’s shenanigans is when she locked you in the Council’s room, alone with her brother– Sunday.

You knew it was her because she was the only one staying outside the door at that hour.

“I don’t want to disturb you so I’ll just wait for you outside.” She reasoned, giving you her signature soft smile.

It was supposed to be a quick visit to his office so you agreed leaving her outside. Just updating plans and submitting documents from various departments when suddenly the door just clicked shut.

Concerned, you immediately run towards the door to check and found out that it was locked. You don’t know how she did it but the door just won’t budge, leaving you alone with Sunday in an awkward atmosphere.

“It was Robin.” You said flatly.

“Mn.” He responded, try to sound as normal as possible.

It was so awkward. Just what are you doing Robin! Sunday couldn’t help but cry out internally.

He knew Robin had been doing this mischievous streak to help him out. Help him out with what? He’s totally fine and can handle it so please trust him.

No he’s not, that’s why we have Robin to help him out a little. So don’t waste her efforts brother! He can’t help but picture Robin saying that.

“Do you know why she’s doing this?” You asked, breaking the awkward silence.

Oh no. Sunday gulped. He can’t just say that Robin is doing all of this because she thinks he’s chickening out when he’s with you so she’s helping him by doing these ridiculous opportunities.

How humiliating would it be if he said that!

“But you just did.” You pointed out, smiling at him. Guess being ridiculous is a streak that runs in the family, after all.

He froze. “W-what!?… said what? I didn’t say anything!” He panicked.

“Really? They what do you mean by chickening ou–“ before you finished your sentence, he rushed to you and clamped your mouth shut with his hand. His face was red and his wings trembled, fluttering up and down as if not knowing whether or not to cover his red cheeks or better yet– his entire face.

But before he could respond, the door opened and Robin came walking in.

“Are you both together now? I hope my efforts are not in vain brother–“

[mostlysignssomeportents]

MAGA crackup

Support me this summer in the Clarion Write-A-Thon and help raise money for the Clarion Science Fiction and Fantasy Writers' Workshop! This summer, I'm writing The Reverse-Centaur's Guide to AI, a short book for Farrar, Straus and Giroux that explains how to be an effective AI critic.

It's been a year since Project 2025 became national news. At the time, I cited the great Rick Perlstein, an expert on the history of the conservative movement, who said that the most important thing about the P2025 document wasn't its extreme plans, but rather, it's total incoherence:

https://pluralistic.net/2024/07/14/fracture-lines/#disassembly-manual

You see, Project 2025 isn't just one roadmap for turning America into a doomed, corporate/christofascist hellscape: it is several such roadmaps, with many policy prescriptions that directly and violently contradict each other.

For Perlstein, this was both revealing and important. Like all successful political campaigns, Trumpism is a coalition. Coalitions form when groups of people set aside their disagreements and join together. Virtually every important political change is downstream of a coalition.

The easiest kind of coalition to form is an oppositional one, where groups agree on what they don't want, without agreeing on what they do want. Think, for example, of the Andrea Dworkin wing of the feminist movement making common cause with Jerry Falwell to oppose pornography. Obviously, these people have a completely irreconcilable goals for what they want, but when it comes to porn, it's easy for them to agree on what they don't want.

That's fine when you're waging the campaign against something, but if you happen to win that campaign, you're in trouble. That's when the fight starts over who will get their way. That's the moment when winning coalitions become bitterly divided:

https://pluralistic.net/2025/01/06/how-the-sausage-gets-made/#governing-is-harder

Now, some of these conflicts matter more than others. The least politically connected, least sophisticated (and most numerous) members of the conservative coalition have long been mollified by performative acts of cruel racism and gender discrimination. These could be enacted without any real impact on the power-players in the coalition, since they were insulated from discriminatory lending and hiring, immune to police violence, and could skip to another state or country to get abortion care, hire sex workers, etc. No one is ever going to deny Peter Thiel a mortgage, no matter how many twinks he bangs. Ted Cruz's daughter will always be able to get an abortion, no matter what Texas or federal law states. Clarence Thomas doesn't have to worry about getting pulled over because he "fits the description." As Wilhoit's Law says:

Conservatism consists of exactly one proposition …There must be in-groups whom the law protects but does not bind, alongside out-groups whom the law binds but does not protect.

Project 2025 is an anthology, edited by the Heritage Foundation, collecting the post-victory aspirations of the most important members of the Trump coalition. As anthologists, Heritage's job was to choose which submissions to include and which ones to reject. Perlstein's key insight is that wherever Heritage included two or more directly contradictory plans in Project 2025, we can infer the groups that submitted those plans are each too powerful and important to sideline – they are equally matched combatants, and it's impossible to predict which one will get their way and which ones will eat shit in the aftermath of a victory.

There were so many contradictions in Project 2025: immigration policy, military policy, trade policy, monetary policy, tax policy, and more. As Perlstein pointed out, Project 2025 was a 900-page roadmap to the future fracture lines in the Trump coalition. These were the places where the opposition could break off parts of Trump's base, in the same way that Steve Bannon has been doing to the progressive movement (also an easily fractured coalition).

Since Trump won the presidency, House and Senate, he has done a remarkable job of keeping this brittle coalition together through a mix of flattery and bullying. But the fact remains that Trump's most important factions hate each other and are gunning for one another, and whenever Trump chooses one faction to win and another to lose, the losers are prone to turning on him:

https://pluralistic.net/2025/05/21/et-tu-sloppy-steve/#fractured-fairytales

Trump's lifelong strategy has been to race across a succession of rivers on the backs of alligators without losing a leg. He is the undisputed all-time historical champion of this bizarre sport, but no one can win that race forever, and your first loss is a career-ender.

I think a lot of people – including Trump allies – understand this, at least at a gut level. That's why the Epstein stuff is so huge now. It's impossible to overstate the extent to which the Trump base is organized around conspiratorial beliefs about elite pedophile rings:

https://soundcloud.com/qanonanonymous/the-great-epstein-backstab-e332

These beliefs are a stand-in for an overall rage against elite impunity, the two-tiered system of justice that lets the powerful get away with anything. The sexual abuse of children is such a viscerally offensive crime, so the idea that rich and powerful people are getting away with it carries a lethal charge.

Conspiracy fantasies have their roots in traumatic reality. Without a long list of US military cover-ups, there'd be no room for UFO conspiracies. The credibility of antivax ("pharma companies want to kill you and regulators want to help them") is rooted FDA's failure to prevent the opioid crisis, and the million Americans who died as a result:

https://memex.craphound.com/2019/09/21/republic-of-lies-the-rise-of-conspiratorial-thinking-and-the-actual-conspiracies-that-fuel-it/

Conspiratorialism is a cognitive failure that occurs when you blame systemic problems on individuals. That's why they call antisemitism "the socialism of fools" – it's what you get when you blame Jewish bankers, rather than the finance sector's class warfare, for your problems:

https://pluralistic.net/2024/03/25/black-boxes/#when-you-know-you-know

Conspiratorialists have the right feeling, but the wrong facts. If you hate elite impunity, you should be furious about the Supreme Court ruling that presidents have "absolute immunity" from prosecution for the crimes they commit in office. But bad actors can exploit the failures of the conspiratorial mindset to make people who are legitimately enraged by elite impunity to direct that rage at imaginary "cultural Marxists" at universities.

As Naomi Klein writes in Doppelganger, the right lives in a "mirror world" where child abuse is confined to largely imaginary children in nonexistent pizza parlor basements, while actual kids in Florida concentration camps, or border detention cages, or meat-packing plant night shifts, or living in hunger and without a home, are ignored:

https://pluralistic.net/2023/09/05/not-that-naomi/#if-the-naomi-be-klein-youre-doing-just-fine

It's not hard to understand why Trump wants to suppress the Epstein files. He had a long friendship with Epstein, and spoke glowingly of Epstein's taste in "beautiful women…on the younger side." Trump sent Epstein lewd drawings and imaginary dialogues about Epstein's "wonderful secret":

https://archive.is/20250718003039/https://www.wsj.com/politics/trump-jeffrey-epstein-birthday-letter-we-have-certain-things-in-common-f918d796#selection-2084.1-2084.2

Not only that, it's likely that many of Trump's most important supporters were directly complicit in Epstein's crimes (participating in the rape of young women and girls) and indirectly complicit (covering up these crimes and helping to launder Epstein's money).

Can Trump convince the conspiratorial wing of his coalition that Epstein is a "nothingburger" and a fabrication of Biden, Obama, the Clintons, Emmanuel Goldstein and Snowball?

It's not impossible. As The American Prospect's Ryan Cooper points out, conspiratorialists possess an incredible ability to "believe just about anything, even if it literally kills them—witness, for instance, the unvaccinated Texas GOP official who was posting anti-vaccine memes on Facebook right up until he died of COVID":

https://prospect.org/politics/2025-07-18-epstein-end-of-donald-trumps-crisis-management-style/

As ever, The Onion captures the spirit of the moment with a single, brilliant headline, "Elderly Woman Keeps Mind Active Justifying Trump’s Actions":

https://theonion.com/elderly-woman-keeps-mind-active-justifying-trumps-actions/

But so far, the signs are not looking good for Trump. Writing for Wired, Jake Lahut speaks to many high-ranking Trump advisors, past and present, anonymous and named, who are concerned about the mounting fury from Trump's conspiratorial base:

https://www.wired.com/story/trump-epstein-maga-revolt/

As Lahut writes, Trump is flubbing this badly, but there may be no way for him to resolve the Epstein affair to the satisfaction of his base. They were already primed to be suspicious of whatever story they were presented with, and this latest incident all but guarantees that they will not accept whatever material Trump is eventually arm-twisted into releasing.

And that's not even the biggest disappointment Trump's conspiratorialists will confront. Trump has no intention of changing the system to make life better for this Christmas-voting turkeys. Arresting 11 million immigrants and any number of US citizens who fit the description will not help these people with their very real, material problem. Nor will banning abortion, giving tax breaks to the ultra-rich, or defunding the police at the CFPB who were in charge of shutting down rip-off artists at payday lenders, big banks, cryptocurrency exchanges, etc. So these people can only ever get angrier.

But the conspiratorial base isn't the only Trumpland faction that is being forced to eat shit after Trump's victory. In another Wired story, David Gilbert presents a snapshot of the pieces of the Trump coalition that have broken off, or are hanging by a thread:

https://www.wired.com/story/jeffrey-epstein-list-maga-angry-trump/

There's Tucker Carlson, who thinks (correctly) that Trump is a warmongering lunatic for bombing Iran:

https://www.theguardian.com/us-news/2025/jun/18/ted-cruz-tucker-carlson-iran

There's Laura Loomer, who thinks (correctly) that it's unforgivably corrupt for Trump to accept a luxury plane from Qatar:

https://www.politico.com/news/2025/05/12/trump-maga-loomer-plane-qatar-00341653

There's Ben Shapiro, who thinks (correctly) that Trump's tariffs are economic suicide:

https://www.mediamatters.org/tariffs-trade/ben-shapiro-general-area-policy-we-should-not-be-dropping-gigantic-tariffs

There's Joe Rogan, who thinks (correctly) that Trump's immigration raids are unforgivably cruel:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WfmrEa0L08E

And there's Elon Musk, who is (correctly) furious that Trump wiped his ass with his promise of a balanced budget so he could hand trillions to the richest people in the history of the human race:

https://www.wired.com/story/elon-musk-third-party/

Each of these people is an avatar for a bloc in the Trump coalition, and they reflect the fury of the people who stand behind them. This is as Rick Perlstein prophesied a year ago: these groups hate each other and the only way for some of them to get what they want is for others to be totally betrayed.

Trump has been racing over those alligator-backs for so long now, it can sometimes feel like he'll never miss a step. But he's one snap away from losing a leg, and after that, it'll be a bloodbath.

If you'd like an essay-formatted version of this post to read or share, here's a link to it on pluralistic.net, my surveillance-free, ad-free, tracker-free blog:

https://pluralistic.net/2025/07/18/winning-is-easy/#governing-is-harder

[sugary-strawberry-shortcake]

Unfit for Containment

(Yandere Satosugu x Reader)

summary:

A young intern is sent to a remote mental health facility, where the walls hum with secrets and the patients are anything but ordinary. Bright-eyed and gentle, she quickly draws attention from the very individuals others fear to speak to. Her kindness becomes her greatest strength—and her most dangerous vulnerability. As she navigates carefully controlled sessions and unsettling smiles behind glass, it becomes clear: some attachments form quietly… and hold on far too tightly.

The sky was grey when she arrived. Not the kind of grey that promised a storm—just the kind that felt… blank. The kind that dulled everything it touched.

But she didn’t mind.

Her suitcase bumped against her ankle as she stepped onto the narrow road leading up to the institution gates, her shoes light and floral against the concrete. A soft pink cardigan clung to her shoulders, a little bow clipped in her hair just above her ear. She looked like she belonged in a university classroom, maybe a garden café. Not here. Not in front of the looming gates of Kuroioka Institute—tall, stark, and silent.

Still, she smiled to herself. This was it. Her first real placement.

She reached for the intercom.

“Hi! Um, this is (Y/N). I’m the new psychology intern? I think I’m a little early, sorry—”

“You’re on time.”

The voice was calm. Male.

The gate creaked.

And then a man in a beige coat stepped into view, his blonde hair neat, his expression unreadable. He held a clipboard in one hand and looked at her like he already regretted everything.

“Nanami Kento,” he said. “You’ll be reporting to me during your internship.”

“Oh! Okay—thank you!” She stuck out her hand politely. “It’s really nice to meet you, Nanami-san. I’ve heard so much about—”

He shook it, but barely. “Let’s not waste time.”

Inside, the halls were even colder than she expected. White walls, white floor, white ceiling. It didn’t feel like a hospital. It didn’t feel like anything.

“Your room is in the south wing,” Nanami explained. “Third floor. Shared kitchenette, communal laundry. You’ll be evaluated weekly, and you’ll submit your reports directly to me unless stated otherwise.”

She nodded enthusiastically, hugging her folder to her chest.

“Most of the patients here are transferred from state psychiatric containment,” he continued. “Classified cases. Experimental protocols. You’ll observe. Document. Never engage unless authorized.”

Her eyes widened slightly, but she kept smiling. “That sounds intense…”

He looked at her out of the corner of his eye.

“You’ll meet the head of the institute today. Brief introduction. Then Dr. Ieiri in diagnostics. She’ll explain the med distribution process.”

She nodded again, bouncing slightly on her toes. “Okay! I’ll do my best!”

He said nothing.

⸻

She didn’t understand why everyone looked so serious. The people in the meeting room barely acknowledged her, except for one man—an older, suited figure with dead eyes and a too-thin smile—who called her “a fresh perspective” and “delightful.” He didn’t look at her face when he said it.

Nanami stood to the side, stiff, unmoving.

When they dismissed her, he escorted her down the hall silently.

“You’re meeting with Dr. Ieiri next,” he said without looking at her. “East diagnostics.”

“Yes, sir!” she chirped, still smiling.

He frowned. “Don’t call me sir.”

She giggled softly. “Okay, Nanami-san.”

He stopped in front of the diagnostics door.

“Wait here. She’s just finishing up. I’ll come get you when she’s ready.”

She nodded and perched herself on the bench, legs crossed at the ankle, smoothing her skirt and humming under her breath. Everything was going well so far. The place was a little… clinical. And the people were intense. But she could handle that.

She was here to help. That’s what mattered.

⸻

Thirty minutes passed.

The hallway remained silent.

Then the door creaked open.

Nanami stepped out.

And his face was different.

His jaw was clenched. His grip on the clipboard white-knuckled. He wasn’t just annoyed—he looked angry.

She stood up quickly. “Is everything okay—?”

He didn’t answer right away. He looked down at her like she was a puzzle someone had forced him to solve.

“They’ve finalized your patient assignments,” he said flatly.

“Oh, great! Who will I be working with?”

A pause.

He looked away.

“Gojou Satoru and Getou Suguru.”

She blinked.

There was silence.

Then she smiled again. “Those are the ones from the level five wing, right?”

“Correct.”

Her head tilted. “That’s strange. Weren’t they… uh, sealed for behavioral instability? I thought only the senior psychiatrists handled—”

“They do,” Nanami cut in. “But the board made a decision.”

His voice was colder now. His eyes unreadable.

“No one else has managed to keep consistent observation time with them. Your assignment begins tomorrow.”

She hesitated. Her smile faltered—just slightly.

“Oh… I see.”

A hand landed on her shoulder. A different one.

“Don’t let him scare you,” said a smooth, amused voice.

She turned and found herself face to face with a woman in a half-wrinkled lab coat, dark circles under her eyes and a cigarette between two fingers. “Shoko Ieiri,” she said. “Diagnostics and sedation protocols. You’ll be seeing a lot of me if you’re going near them.”

She shook her hand firmly, studying her expression. “You’re either brave, stupid, or just incredibly soft. Let’s find out which.”

“W-We’re not even sure what their diagnoses are exactly,” the girl said, laughing awkwardly. “Just rumors, right?”

Neither of them answered.

Nanami crossed his arms. “I argued against it. They didn’t care. You were chosen for a reason.”

Shoko exhaled a long stream of smoke, her gaze sharpening.

“They think maybe if it’s someone pretty. Someone gentle. Someone that doesn’t look like they belong here.”

She smiled grimly.

“They’ll talk to you.”

The girl looked between them. Their expressions made her stomach twist.

“…I can handle it,” she said softly. “I mean… I came here to help people. That’s what I’m going to do.”

No one spoke.

But Nanami sighed, quietly. Almost inaudible.

Shoko glanced at him.

“Poor thing’s got no clue what she’s walking into,” she murmured.

And she didn’t.

Not yet.

But she would.

Tomorrow, the door would open.

And the voices in the white rooms would finally find her.

_________

The next morning, she woke up early.

The sky hadn’t changed—it was still that unremarkable grey, neither dark nor bright, just blank. But she didn’t mind. She took her time getting ready. A cream-colored cardigan, soft knit. A pleated skirt with little flowers. Pink clips on either side of her head to keep her hair in place. A tiny gold cross around her neck, mostly hidden beneath her collar. Just a small comfort.

Today was her first real assignment. Her first session. Her first patient.

She packed her notepad, folder, and pens in her small tote bag and clipped her name tag to her chest. She even added a strawberry sticker to her clipboard.

Because… why not?

Even scary places could be a little softer.

⸻

Nanami met her just outside the dorm wing. He was exactly the same as always: beige coat, tie straight, jaw tense. But something about the way his eyes landed on her—on her bow, her pastel cardigan, her matching pen—made her think he was trying not to say something.

“Good morning!” she beamed.

He gave a slow nod. “Come with me. I’ll brief you on the way.”

She followed beside him, her steps quick to match his.

“Today you’ll begin your patient observations,” he said, voice clipped. “You’re starting with Gojou Satoru.”

She blinked. “Oh—alright. He’s the one in level five, right? I read the preliminary files last night, but—”

“Good. Then you understand the level of risk.”

She hesitated. “They said… he’s highly unstable. Aggressive. Psychosis, possibly schizophrenia with delusional episodes…”

“Those are just words for what no one fully understands,” Nanami said. “You read about the Shinjuku Incident?”

Her stomach fluttered. “…Yes.”

“Then you understand why he’s the only patient housed in full suppression protocol. Physical restraints. Isolation. Anti-reinforcement architecture. Guards stationed at all times. No physical contact.”

She nodded. “Understood.”

He stopped outside a heavy steel door at the end of a long, windowless corridor. Two guards in matte black armor flanked either side.

Nanami turned toward her. And for the first time… his voice softened.

“You stay calm. If anything feels wrong, anything at all, you leave. Don’t try to understand him. Don’t try to reason with him. Just do your job, and come back out. I’ll be waiting.”

She blinked up at him, surprised.

“I will,” she said, and smiled. “Thank you, Nanami-san.”

He didn’t smile back. But he looked at her for a moment longer than usual. Then nodded to the guards.

The door opened.

⸻

She stepped inside the chamber and immediately felt it—something wrong in the air. Like walking into a room that had been filled with smoke hours ago. Nothing visible, nothing tangible, just a presence in the walls. A hum under the skin.

He was seated in the center of the room.

His wrists, ankles, and neck were bound by a web of blackened steel. The cuffs looked more like cursed tools than restraints—etched in runes, fused into the floor. His blindfold was still in place, but his head tilted the moment she stepped in, like he could see her anyway.

He smiled.

The kind of smile that didn’t belong in a place like this. Wide. Bright. Full of light that didn’t reach his bindings.

“You came,” he said.

She froze mid-step.

He tilted his head the other way, a slight giggle in his throat. “I knew you would. I could feel you right outside my door. You smelled like vanilla shampoo and cheap strawberry ink.”

She looked down, instinctively clutching her clipboard. Her Hello Kitty pen glinted pink in her hand.

“Aww,” he said. “That’s cute. You brought that just for me, didn’t you?”

“I…” She cleared her throat and tried to steady herself. “My name is (Y/N). I’ll be your assigned intern for the next few weeks. I’m here to observe your behavioral patterns and—”

“I know who you are.”

Her heart fluttered. He hadn’t raised his voice. He didn’t look dangerous. He just… knew too much.

“(Y/N) (L/N), age twenty-three. Graduated two months ago. Internship transferred from Kyoto on emergency recommendation. You like lemon cake. You cried at the end of that movie, the one where the dog dies—what was it? Hachiko?”

Her fingers tightened around her clipboard.

“You should’ve been assigned to someone boring,” he said casually. “Someone who doesn’t even look at you. But instead…”

He smiled wider.

“You got me.”

She tried to keep her tone professional. “Your file says you’ve shown signs of hyperfixation. I’d like to begin our first session by asking a few baseline questions.”

“Sure.” He tilted his head again, grin still in place. “You can ask anything you want. I like your voice.”

She scribbled something down—his tone was playful but unsteady. The way he leaned forward in his restraints made the guards tense slightly, but she didn’t flinch.

“Why are you here, really?” he asked suddenly.

She blinked. “What do you mean?”

“You’re too soft for this place,” he murmured. “All sweetness and pastels. It’s adorable. Like sending a kitten into a tiger cage.”

She smiled gently, the way she had practiced. “I want to help people. I know some of the cases here are severe, but… that’s why I came. To make a difference.”

For a moment, something in his expression shifted.

“You really mean that.”

It wasn’t a question.

She nodded, pink pen tapping lightly against the edge of her clipboard.

“Would you say you experience emotional instability or violent impulses?” she asked, reading from the list.

He laughed. “Depends on who’s watching.”

She looked up, a little confused.

“I don’t want them in here,” he whispered. “The guards. They’re ruining the moment.”

She smiled again, softer this time. “I don’t think I can change that.”

His voice dropped. Darker. “You could, if you wanted to.”

There was a pause. The silence stretched. Something cold prickled against the back of her neck.

Then his head tilted again. His grin was back.

“You’re prettier up close,” he said warmly. “Your photos didn’t do you justice.”

Her pen slipped slightly. “Photos?”

“Oh, don’t worry.” He leaned forward just enough to pull the chains taut. They groaned. “They’re hidden. For me only.”

She took a careful breath, writing something down just to fill the space.

“Are you scared of me?” he asked.

She blinked. “No.”

“Liar.” He smiled like it was a compliment. “But that’s okay. You will be.”

The door hissed behind her.

Nanami stepped in, voice sharp. “Session’s over.”

Satoru didn’t flinch. He just turned his face slightly toward the sound, then looked back at her.

“You’ll be back,” he said with certainty. “You don’t belong to them. You’ll see that soon.”

She hesitated for just a second, then gave him a soft smile.

“Goodbye for now, Gojou-san.”

And then she waved—just a tiny wave of her fingers, like she would to a classmate at school.

His smile split wide, like sunlight through broken glass.

As the guards ushered her out, his voice followed—quiet, but clear.

“Next time, wear that blue skirt again. You looked so pretty in it.”

She stepped into the hall.

The door shut behind her with a deep, echoing clang.

Nanami’s jaw was tight. The guards looked unsettled.

But she just smiled, a little flustered, and glanced at her clipboard.

“I think it went okay,” she said brightly. “He was very… energetic.”

Nanami didn’t say a word as he walked her back.

But behind the steel door, Satoru sat very still. His chains groaned as he leaned his head back.

And smiled.

________

She thought she would feel more prepared this time.

The hall outside the East Containment wing looked the same—white, spotless, silent. Nanami’s posture was just as rigid beside her, clipboard in hand. But as she glanced up at him, she noticed the subtle difference.

He looked… tense. Not just alert, but concerned.

“Now you’ll meet Getou Suguru,” he said without preamble. “You’ve read the file.”

She nodded, holding her clipboard a little tighter. “Former cult leader. High intelligence. Mass casualty event. Manipulation through ideological influence and emotional targeting.”

Nanami gave a short nod.

“His ability to read others is unparalleled. Do not let him draw you in. Do not over-engage. Stick to your baseline questions and leave when I give the signal.”

She smiled a little, trying to keep the nerves down. “I understand. I’ll be careful.”

“I mean it,” Nanami said, looking at her fully now. “You’re not trained to resist his kind of persuasion. Don’t confuse politeness with safety.”

Her smile faltered. Just a little.

Still, she nodded again.

“I’ll be fine.”

The guards opened the door.

⸻

His room was similar to Satoru’s in structure—plain concrete walls, low lighting, not a trace of softness anywhere. But there were no chains.

Instead, a clear barrier of reinforced cursed glass split the room in half, and he sat behind it like a prince in a quiet chapel—long black hair tied neatly back, robes folded in precise layers, his expression unreadable.

He didn’t look up immediately. He was seated cross-legged on the floor, brush in hand, painting slow, deliberate strokes onto a fresh canvas.

She stepped in softly, the door closing behind her with a sealed click.

“Good morning,” she said gently, her tone still warm despite the chill. “My name is (Y/N). I’m the assigned intern working with you for the next few weeks.”

She smiled. A small, practiced thing that came naturally to her.

He didn’t look at her.

“I’ve been asked to monitor your behavior patterns and emotional responses during structured conversation sessions,” she continued, clipboard in hand. “My role is non-invasive. I’m only here to talk and observe.”

There was a pause.

Then his eyes lifted.

Dark. Sharp. Still.

He looked at her as if she were an old photograph brought to life. No surprise in his gaze. No curiosity. Just calm recognition.

“(Y/N),” he said, without inflection. “From Kyoto.”

Her breath caught. But she recovered quickly—she’d gotten used to strange familiarity after yesterday. Maybe the files were more widely circulated than she realized.

“You… have a strong memory,” she said, voice still sweet. “I guess everyone’s been reading about me, huh?”

“No,” he replied. “I just knew you would come.”

The words were soft. Smooth. Said like they were inevitable.

She blinked and moved to the small desk provided for interns on her side of the glass.

He watched her the whole time.

“You don’t belong in a place like this,” he said after a moment. “You’re too soft.”

Her cheeks warmed faintly, but she gave him a polite laugh.

“You’re not the first person to say that.”

“But I’ll be the last.”

She looked up, startled.

He didn’t explain.

Instead, he set the brush down, wiped his fingers with a white cloth, and finally leaned forward. Their eyes met through the glass. He didn’t smile—but something in his gaze curled around her, quiet and unrelenting.

“You smell like spring,” he said quietly.

She tilted her head. “Excuse me?”

“Like cherry blossom soap. I used to know someone who wore the same.” His gaze lingered on her hair clips. “You dress gently. Deliberately.”

She hesitated, then smiled again, as if to brush it off.

“I think it’s important to keep some color around here. It’s very… white.”

That made something in him twitch—a breath, a near-smile. Not mocking. Not kind. Just… something alive.

“I was told you paint,” she said, eyes flicking toward the small stack of canvases in the corner.

A change came over him. Subtle. But it was there.

He didn’t look. He didn’t move. But there was a stillness that wrapped around him now. A tension.

“It helps me remember,” he said.

“Remember what?”

“Things that belong to me.”

She blinked again, unsure how to respond.

“May I ask what you’re painting today?”

He turned the canvas slightly, so only a corner was visible—a pale blur of skin tone. A curve of a cheek. A delicate line of a smile.

“I’m still working on the eyes,” he murmured. “Yours are… complicated.”

She blinked. “I—I don’t think I understand.”

He didn’t clarify. But his gaze was locked on her now. Calm. Patient.

Like he could wait forever.

She wrote something down, her Hello Kitty pen tapping lightly at the edge of her clipboard. His eyes followed the pen.

“You really are exactly what I imagined,” he said.

“Imagination can be misleading,” she replied sweetly.

“Not mine.”

The door opened behind her. She turned instinctively—and saw Nanami’s silhouette in the doorway, watching.

Time was up.

She stood slowly, collecting her things. As she reached the door, she glanced over her shoulder.

“Thank you for your time, Getou-san,” she said politely, giving another small wave. “I’ll see you again soon.”

He didn’t move.

“You already do.”

⸻

Nanami said nothing as he walked her back to the dorm wing. But she noticed the way his jaw was tight, hands in his pockets.

“That one was… different,” she said after a moment.

Still no answer.

“I felt like he was trying to… see through me.”

“He was,” Nanami said flatly.

She looked at him. “Do you think I handled it okay?”

He slowed his pace just slightly. His eyes flicked toward her. Then forward again.

“You didn’t smile as much on your way out,” he muttered.

She gave a tiny laugh. “I guess I was concentrating.”

“Don’t let him in,” Nanami said. “Don’t try to understand him. You’re not ready.”

She didn’t argue. But she didn’t fully agree either.

She still believed she could help them.

Even if something in Suguru’s voice lingered like smoke in her lungs.

______

She didn’t expect him to be waiting for her.

But Satoru was already sitting up straight when she entered his room again—legs crossed, head tilted, chains tight against the floor. The blindfold was gone this time.

His eyes were ice-blue and glowing. Not metaphorically. Actually glowing. Pale and wrong. Like the light didn’t come from the room—but from inside him.

“You wore the cardigan again,” he grinned. “The white one with the little heart buttons. Are you trying to kill me?”

She blinked, quickly looking down at her notepad. “It’s just a cardigan.”

“Not to me.”

The guards barely moved in their corners, but she knew they were watching. Nanami stood just outside the window, arms crossed, expression unreadable.

She sat at the small metal desk, her clipboard already open. “Let’s begin today’s session. I’ll be asking a few questions for your file maintenance.”

“Ohh. So cold already? No hello for your favorite patient?”

She smiled gently, in that same practiced way. “Hello, Gojou-san. Are you ready to answer some questions?”

“Anything for you, sweetheart.”

“Please describe how you’ve been feeling this week. Any changes in mood or perception?”

“Well, I felt something… beautiful in the hallway earlier,” he said. “She had little hair clips and walked like a ballerina. You should’ve seen her.”

She gave him a look—caught between amusement and light disapproval.

“It was you, by the way,” he added, tapping a finger to his temple. “Didn’t want you to miss the metaphor.”

She jotted a few notes, trying not to smile too much.

“Have you experienced any auditory or visual hallucinations in the past seventy-two hours?”

“Only you. But you’re not a hallucination… yet.”

He leaned forward slightly, grin widening. “Although if you were in my head, I wouldn’t mind. You’d be the best thing in there.”

“I need a serious answer, please.”

He sighed dramatically. “No hallucinations. No visions. Just dreams.”

She paused. “Dreams of what?”

“Of you,” he said plainly. “Tied in a bow, standing in my doorway. Every time I wake up, I’m disappointed.”

There was a moment of silence.

She tried not to react.

Instead, she scribbled something—pen clicking softly against the clipboard.

“What’s your favorite color?” he asked suddenly.

She looked up. “That’s not a relevant question—”

“Come on. I answer your questions. It’s only fair. Let me guess…” He narrowed his eyes. “Peach? Lavender? Baby blue?”

She hesitated. Just a second too long.

“…Pink,” she mumbled, before remembering herself. “But I’m not allowed to share personal details. It’s part of the—”

“You just did.” He beamed. “You trust me already. That’s adorable.”

“I didn’t mean to—”

“Shhh. Don’t ruin it.”

⸻

Suguru never smiled.

Not in the way Satoru did.

When she entered his room, his eyes were already waiting. Still. Patient. Watching the way her fingers curled around her clipboard. The way her shoes tapped lightly across the floor. The way she smoothed her skirt before sitting.

He was like a man sitting at the edge of a pond, waiting for a koi fish to surface. Silent. Unmoving. Focused.

She cleared her throat.

“Good afternoon, Getou-san. I’ll be continuing the behavioral assessment questionnaire today.”

“Your voice is calmer than usual,” he said softly.

She blinked. “I… I didn’t notice.”

“Rough morning?”

She shook her head. “It’s not relevant. Let’s begin the session.”

“Do you sleep well in your dorm room?”

Her pen hovered over the paper.

“…I’m not supposed to answer personal—”

“Just asking. You seem tired. I heard the walls make noise at night.”

Her heart gave a soft thump. She had heard something. But no one else mentioned it. Not even Shoko, when she’d asked casually over lunch.

“Don’t worry,” Suguru added. “They stop when you’re being watched.”

She tried to redirect. “How have you been feeling this week?”

“Content.”

A beat.

“I saw you yesterday. Walking past the medical ward. I thought you looked very graceful. Like someone not meant to be here.”

She wrote that down—eyes flicking toward him only briefly.

“Do you remember what I painted last week?”

She looked over at the stack of canvases in the far corner. They were always turned inward, away from the glass.

“No. You didn’t show me.”

“Would you like to?”

“I… that’s not part of the procedure.”

“But you want to. Don’t you?”

She paused. Just for a moment. Then looked back down.

“Please answer the next question. Have you experienced any emotional spikes or dissociation in the last seventy-two hours?”

He was quiet. Then:

“You said your favorite color is pink.”

Her eyes snapped up.

“…I never told you that.”

“You did,” he said gently. “To him.”

The silence pressed in. Thicker now.

“…You’re not supposed to know what happens in other sessions.”

“And yet here we are.”

She stood up just a little too quickly. “That concludes today’s session.”

⸻

Nanami didn’t speak as they walked down the hall again. But she felt it.

The tension was different this time. Not like the first day, when it was nerves. Not like the second, when it was curiosity.

This time it felt like being watched. Even after the door was closed. Even after the guards nodded her through.

Something had changed.

Not outside the glass. Not in the room.

In her.

She waved at Shoko in diagnostics, still wearing her little smile, still holding her clipboard close.

But as she walked back to her dorm, the silence in the hallway felt heavier.

And she couldn’t help but feel like somewhere—two pairs of eyes were memorizing her every step.

___

She woke up with her breath caught in her throat.

The sheets were damp. Her cotton nightshirt clung to her skin. Her little plush bear was nearly crushed in her arms. She didn’t remember grabbing it—just that it was there, between her arms like a fragile shield.

The nightmare still clung to her like static.

It hadn’t been the first. But it was the most vivid.

She was in the facility—but the halls had no lights. All the doors were gone. She was barefoot, walking on tile that felt wet, though there was no sound. No echo. The walls pulsed like flesh. The air buzzed like insects behind her ears.

She kept hearing her name. Not screamed. Not whispered.

Just said. Over and over.

“(Y/N).”

“(Y/N)… you’re late.”

“(Y/N), we’re waiting…”

And then she had turned a corner and seen it.

A sketchbook—hundreds of pages, spilling open. All of them were her face. But wrong. Distorted. Smiling too wide. Eyes too big. Or crying. Or covered in something dark and red. And on every page, the words written beneath:

Mine.

Mine.

Mine.

Then hands—not touching her, but reaching.

A soft voice behind her ear, tender and delighted:

“I said you’d come to me.”

And then she’d woken up.

⸻

It took her nearly half an hour to calm down.

She curled up on the side of her narrow dorm bed, hugging the bear Shoko had gifted her during her first week: pink with a little bow. Her fingers curled into its fur like a child trying to ground herself. Her breathing was shallow. Slow. But eventually, the tremors faded.

She didn’t cry.

She didn’t scream.

She just… held on.

⸻

By lunchtime, she had composed herself.

The cafeteria was as sterile as the rest of the facility—white walls, metal chairs, employees spread in quiet clusters. Some nurses talked over trays of curry and rice, a few junior staff members scrolling through their phones.

Shoko was already seated at the corner table, picking at a sandwich and nursing a lukewarm coffee. Nanami sat beside her, as stiff as ever, rice untouched in front of him.

“Sorry I’m late,” she chirped, sliding into the empty seat between them. “Diagnostics took longer than expected.”

Shoko raised an eyebrow. “You didn’t sleep again, did you?”

“I’m fine,” she said quickly, giving a tiny smile. “Just a little tired. I’m used to it.”

Nanami stared at her plate. “You haven’t touched your food in three days.”

“I have!” she protested, opening her bento and poking at a few rice grains. “I’m just… not super hungry lately. That’s all.”

Shoko sighed through her nose and passed her a fruit cup. “Sugar. For your brain. You’re doing too much.”

“I’m okay,” she said again, more quietly. But she accepted the fruit cup anyway.

Nanami didn’t speak. But his jaw shifted slightly.

She glanced between the two of them and tried to steer the mood elsewhere.

“So…” she said, brightening her voice, “can I ask you something not work-related for once?”

Shoko leaned back, curious. “Since when do you break protocol?”

“Since I’m tired of hearing about my own sleep habits,” she grinned. “I was just wondering… what brought you two here? Like, to this facility? It’s not exactly close to anything.”

Shoko smiled slightly. “Got transferred. Long story. They needed someone who could handle higher-risk diagnostics. Plus, the pay’s decent and the cigarettes are tax-deductible.”

(Y/N) laughed gently. “And you, Nanami-san?”

He looked at her for a moment, then turned his gaze down.

“I trained under someone who was connected to the institute,” he said eventually. “Didn’t want the job. But someone had to take it.”

There was a pause.

Shoko gave him a sidelong glance.

“Still doesn’t like it,” she added dryly.

“I don’t like most things,” he muttered.

(Y/N) smiled again, softer this time. “Well, I’m glad you’re both here. You make this place feel a lot safer.”

They didn’t answer. But Nanami’s hand relaxed against the table slightly. And Shoko looked… amused.

After a few more bites, she tilted her head and looked toward the far window.

“I was just wondering something,” she said after a moment, voice light. “About containment, I mean.”

Shoko raised an eyebrow.

“Do any of the patients… interact? Like, between sessions? Or are they all completely isolated?”

There was a beat of silence.

Nanami’s eyes lifted from his tray, sharp.

“Why do you ask?”

She blinked innocently. “Oh—I just thought about it the other day. Some of them… say things that feel very informed. Like they’ve heard things they shouldn’t have.”

Shoko set her coffee down. “Level five inmates are isolated by default. Reinforced containment protocols, monitored 24/7. No shared interaction. Especially not between them.”

“Right. Of course.” She gave a tiny laugh. “Just curiosity. Probably just coincidences.”

But Nanami was still watching her.

Not questioning her. Not accusing.

Just watching.

As if he had wondered the same.

_____

had been nearly four weeks since her first day.

And she was starting to feel it.

The exhaustion had curled into her bones—quietly, like smoke—but it didn’t stop her. She still arrived early. Still smiled as she walked the sterile halls. Still wore her soft cardigans and skirt sets, her delicate perfume, her pink pen with the faded Hello Kitty cap.

But her steps were slower now. The shadows under her eyes a little deeper. Her wrists a little slimmer.

She didn’t notice it herself. Not really.

But Suguru did.

He was already seated when she entered.

Always in the same position—legs folded beneath him, dark robes like still water. His hair tied loosely at his neck today. The light from above cast long shadows across his collarbones. The canvas sat beside him, untouched.

He looked up the moment she stepped in. His gaze moved over her—calm, as always. But his fingers tapped once against his knee.

A tiny, silent reaction.

“You’re late,” he said gently.

“I’m two minutes early,” she said, glancing at her clipboard with a soft smile.

“You kept me waiting anyway.”

She sat down, smoothing her skirt under her legs, trying to ignore the slight tremor in her arms. She was always cold now. Even in layers.

He didn’t comment on it.

Instead, he just watched.

“I’ll begin with the baseline questions, if that’s alright,” she said, flipping the page. “This is for weekly emotional tracking.”

“Go on.”

“Have you experienced any intrusive thoughts, auditory hallucinations, or disassociative episodes in the past seventy-two hours?”

“Only when you leave.”

She blinked, smiled slightly, and wrote something down.

“Any emotional instability? Irritability, impulse behaviors?”

“Not when you’re here.”

She wrote slower this time.

“…Have you had recurring dreams or episodes of déjà vu?”

He paused for a beat.

“I keep dreaming of a hallway. White walls. No doors.”

His eyes didn’t leave her.

“Someone’s always walking down it. But I only ever see the back of her.”

She felt something twitch behind her ribs.

Still, she nodded. “Thank you.”

He tilted his head. “You’re shivering.”

“It’s a little cold in here,” she said lightly. “Nothing new.”

“You’re not sleeping well.”

She hesitated.

“And you’re not eating.”

Her stomach growled before she could deny it.

The sound was humiliating in the silence of the glass chamber.

She flushed and laughed softly, pressing her hand to her stomach.

“Oops. Guess you heard that, huh?”

His brows furrowed. The expression was subtle—but not like his usual calm. No serenity. Just… tension.

“Why?”

“I’m just not that hungry lately,” she said quickly. “Plus, the food here’s not exactly great—”

“That’s not a reason.”

She blinked at the firmness in his voice.

“I’m fine, really—”

“You’re not.”

She paused.

“…I said I’m fine.”

“You’re lying.”

Her throat tightened a little. She tried to hold her smile, but her hands fidgeted with her pen.

“I’ve just been busy, that’s all. I’m probably burning more calories than I—”

“Are you dieting?”

The question hit like a stone.

She blinked. “What?”

“You said that yesterday. When you skipped lunch.”

“Oh, that was just a joke,” she said, laughing. “I was teasing Shoko.”

His eyes darkened—just slightly. Not in rage. But in something.

“You don’t need to diet.”

She looked down.

He stood slowly, the soft rustle of his robes the only sound between them. He walked toward the glass, standing just close enough that his breath fogged the surface slightly.

“Your body is not something that needs to be changed,” he said quietly. “Not trimmed. Not shrunk. Not punished.”

Her breath caught.

The tone wasn’t flirtatious. It wasn’t even warm.

It was sacred.

Like a man talking to a statue he prayed to. A devotion threaded through every syllable.

She shifted uncomfortably, shrinking in on herself.

He saw it.

And just like that—his expression softened. The coldness vanished. His voice smoothed back into silk.

“Forgive me,” he said gently. “I didn’t mean to raise my voice.”

She nodded quickly, still not looking at him.

There was a pause.

Then:

“Will you eat dinner tonight?”

She glanced up. “I… I think so.”

“Will you sleep before midnight?”

“I’ll try…”

“No. Not try. I want your word.”

She blinked.

“Why?”

“Because I need you to,” he said simply. “And I will ask again tomorrow. And the day after. Until you learn to care for yourself properly.”

She couldn’t say anything to that.

The door hissed open behind her.

She stood slowly, still gripping her clipboard. Her hands shook slightly.

“Thank you for your time, Getou-san.”

“Rest, (Y/N),” he said.

His voice was so soft, so intimate—it nearly broke her.

As she stepped out, the door sealing behind her, she didn’t see him reach toward the wall behind the glass.

Didn’t see him trace her name—her full name—with the tip of his brush.

______

She tried to compose herself before stepping into the room.

Tried to smooth her skirt, fix her cardigan, reclip the hairpin that had slipped slightly out of place. She even smiled at one of the guards. He didn’t smile back.

Nanami was already in position near the reinforced observation wall, his expression hard. He glanced at her clipboard.

“You sure you’re steady enough for this?”

She nodded quickly.

“Just tired. I’m okay.”

He didn’t respond. But she could feel him watching her as the door unlocked with a low hiss.

Satoru was humming when she entered.

He was reclined in the center of the room, legs stretched out, chains slack but locked into the floor. His white hair looked messier than usual, and the blindfold was absent again, revealing his pale eyes—brilliant and unblinking.

“Strawberry Shortcake,” he sang. “Vanilla Cream. There she is, my sugar cube dream.”

She blinked. “…What?”

“You look like a walking pastry today,” he grinned. “All soft and pink and nervous. I’m obsessed with it.”

She laughed softly. “That’s a new one.”

“New day, new nickname,” he said proudly. “I’ve got a hundred of them for you. Let’s see… Peach Muffin. Cotton Candy. My little bunny on her way to a breakdown.”

He tilted his head. “That last one’s not so funny, huh?”

Her smile faltered a little, but she sat at her usual post, clipboard in hand.

“You’re in a mood today.”

“You’re not,” he said immediately.

She froze.

“You’re off, sweetheart.”

His tone was light, but his eyes didn’t move.

“Not in your usual fluffy way. Something’s pulling on you.”

“I’m just tired.”

“Nope.” He leaned forward. The chains tightened slightly. “Wrong answer.”

She exhaled slowly, keeping her pen still. “I’m here to check on you, not the other way around.”

“Yeah, but that’s stupid,” he said. “You’ve never been good at taking care of yourself. Not even when you were mine.”

She blinked. The words hit like cold water.

“…I don’t—what do you mean?”

“I mean,” he said, stretching like a cat, “you’ve always been like this. Little cracks showing, smile still glued on. It’s adorable, and pathetic, and I love it. But it still worries me.”

He smiled wide.

“You really don’t remember yet?”

“…Yet?”

“Anyway!” he chirped suddenly. “Let’s talk about something else.”

She stared at him, brows drawing tight—but he was already off, bouncing from topic to topic in his own rhythm.

“Did you eat today?”

“I—”

“Be honest.”

She paused.

“Not really. I’ve been busy, and I didn’t feel—”

“Wrong answer again.”

She looked up. His tone had changed.

He wasn’t smiling anymore.

“You have one job, and it’s to stay healthy. I hate when you lie to me, bunny.”

Her throat tightened. She shifted in her seat.

“I’m not lying. I just…”

“I can see your ribs under that stupid little sweater.”

She flinched slightly. He didn’t say it cruelly—he said it like a fact. Like he should be the one noticing.

“You’re not sleeping. You’re not eating. You’re a mess. And I don’t like seeing what I love falling apart like this.”

The silence rang loud between them.

“…You… you love me?”

He grinned again. “Don’t change the subject.”

She stared down at her clipboard, overwhelmed. Her fingers trembled faintly against her pen.

“Tell you what,” he said, tone suddenly sweet again. “If you promise to eat dinner tonight—and sleep, like a good girl—I’ll only ask you cute questions next session. No more scary stuff.”

She blinked, uncertain.

“Cross your heart,” he sang. “Swear it. One little pinkie promise, and I’ll behave.”

“…Okay,” she said, smiling nervously. “I promise.”

He clapped his hands, giddy. “Yay~! You’re so good when you listen.”

She felt a little lightheaded. Like the air was thinner in this room.

He tilted his head again.

“Still sushi, right?”

Her heart skipped.

“…What?”

“Your favorite,” he said simply. “Sushi. Tuna. And that stupid egg omelet one you always get, even though you say it tastes weird.”

She stared at him, stunned. “…How do you—?”

“Mmm.” He gave a dramatic shrug. “Maybe you told me. Maybe I just know. Maybe we used to share it, and you just forgot.”

Before she could answer, the door hissed open.

Nanami stood there with a scowl like stone.

“Bye, Bun-Bun,” Satoru called cheerfully. “Don’t starve yourself, okay? I’ll cry.”

She left quickly, the clipboard clutched to her chest.

She didn’t look back.

⸻

That night, she returned to her dorm.

The lights were dim. The air cold. She was still shaking slightly from something she couldn’t name. Her hands went to her cardigan buttons, needing to change, needing to breathe—

And then she saw it.

On her bed.

A pristine, white box.

Wrapped with pale pink ribbon.

A soft chill raced down her spine.

She stepped closer, carefully.

Her name was written on the little card in perfectly neat handwriting. No return address. No signature.

She opened the lid with trembling fingers.

Inside: sushi.

Neatly arranged.

Tuna. Salmon. Tamago.

A little cup of dipping sauce in the corner. Pickled ginger. Even a side of strawberry mochi. Her favorite.

And beneath it all, tucked gently under the wrapping paper:

A small pink napkin.

Folded into a heart.

With a single word written in the center.

Mine.

[b3ach-bunn7]

NONSENSE (1/3) ~ SHINSOU HITOSHI

You're horrible at technology, and find yourself fliriting with you university's IT customer service.

You’re sure your stupid shitty laptop could break world records with how useless and slow it is.

You don’t think you’re much better. You study veterinary medicine so you can name every bone in a cat's ass but it would take you ten years to figure out how to send a Word document to somebody. The only up to being so horrible at technology, is your university has an IT customer service. 

It’s weird and you don’t really understand how it works, but according to the front page, you can call anytime from 10am to 3am. With the clock ticking minutes before your submission date, and with an essay due tomorrow, you decide it will be less embarrassing to confess you have no idea how to work the university’s submission system, than not submit at all. You dial the number quickly, biting your thumbnail as it rings a couple times before it picks up. The person on the other line barely said their hellos before you started rambling.

“Okay, I know this is really stupid, but I cannot figure out how to attach my submission to this stupid fucking- I mean, this stupid system. And I have like, twenty minutes before my submission date, so I’d really appreciate any help you can give me.”

“Why would you leave your submission so last minute?” 

You frown. You’re unaware that customer support could be so sassy. And also attractive. At least his voice is. It’s smooth and soft, and you press your phone closer to your ear to hear him better. 

“Uhm. I don’t need the sass, thank you, I need the help.” You drawl, clicking at your laptop aggressively.

There’s a little chuckle of amusement on the other end of the line. “Apologies, ma’am.”

“Ma’am?”

“Would you prefer sir?”

Your face twists in annoyance. “I’d prefer you to help me.”

“Alright, alright. Okay, so enter the module the work is for, scroll to the bottom.” He pauses slightly so you can follow his instructions.

“Okay.”

“Then click the three dots on the top left. Where it says enter, click that and select your file, then submit.”

“Oh. Why doesn’t the button say submit. Instead of fucking enter.” You grumble, quickly attaching your work and handing it in.

“Not sure. I’ll let the university know.” He says, faux sympathy coating his voice.

“That’d be nice.” You glanced at your phone. You’re not sure what exactly happens now.

“So. Is that it?”

“Is what it?”

“Do I just. Hang up? Now that you’ve helped me?”

You can hear the smirk in his voice when he speaks again. “Unless you wanna keep me company for the rest of my shift?”

“Yeah, I’m good.”

You hang up, trying to ignore the small smile on your own face as you do it. You don't have to miss him for long though, because you find yourself calling them back only a few days later after the wifi in your room refuses to work. 

You turn it off, then on. You carry your laptop all around your flat and hold it up to the ceiling knowing it won’t make a single difference. You ask your roommate and she is having no issue. It’s only when you’re about two seconds from snapping your laptop in half before you realise you’re not even connected. And after you find out your roommate is fine once more, you find yourself scrolling through your call history to find the IT number.

“UA University IT Services, how can I help?”

 You gape. “It’s you again!”

“Hey, it’s submission girl.” He grins. “You forget it’s called enter again?”

You roll your eyes. “Ha ha. I’m not calling for your horrible comedy, I'm calling because my WiFi isn’t working. You can help me with that, right?”

He groans into the phone. “Do I have to?”

“Yes you have to. It’s your job, IT guy.”

“I suppose. Since you asked me so nicely.”

You sit up in your bed. “Okay. What should I do?”

“Are you sure it’s not just the WiFi being shitty?” He asks.

You hum questionably. “No, I don’t think so. I asked my roommate and she said that hers is fine. And it’s also saying disconnected.”

You pause for a minute. “Wait, how do you know the WiFi is shitty?”

He snorts a laugh. “I’m a student too, idiot. I have to deal with shitty wifi as well.”

“Oh.”

You’re not shocked per say. He certainly doesn’t sound like a middle aged man you’d imagine working in IT. It’s nice to confirm though. And the fact that he is probably around your age means you can keep finding his voice hot.

“What, do I sound that old?”

Definitely not. “Yeah.”

“Shut up. You sound worse.” He mumbles and you tut. 

“Horrible customer service. I’m filing a complaint.”

A small laugh is heard from the other line. “I’d rather you didn’t. Rent is not cheap here.”

You lay back on your bed, dragging your laptop up on your knees. “You live in the student dorms?”

“Well, duh. I am a student, after all.” 

You roll your eyes. “What year are you?” “Second.”

“Hey, me too! How old are you?” “Should I be concerned by these questions?”

“Not if you answer.”

He replies that he’s nineteen, just like you. You wonder if you’ve seen him around before. Maybe he’s even in the same course as you. You could ask for his name, but you think that might be a little weird. That, and you sort of love the mystery around the man. Who knew being so useless at technology would lead to such great things?

Your laptop flickers off, and it’s only then you remember that you called him for a reason. You tap the keyboard and it lights back up, and your anger flares up once more. You huff, and IT guy seems to remember why you called too.

“Right, your wifi. You said it’s working for your roommate?” He asks.

“Yeah. And it’s working on my phone, it’s just my laptop.”

He hums, and you can hear the faint sound of clicking on the other line. “What building are you in?” You raise an eyebrow. “Should I be concerned by these questions?”

“Not if you answer.”

You smile. “I’m in 4A.”

He takes another few seconds, and you lean your head back on your bed as you wait for him to say something.  “Alright. Your password should be, ‘uab4a’. You wanna try type that in?”

You groan, sitting up again. “I have, like six hundred times. But okay.” You huff, doing it once more.

Nothing. You sigh, defeated. All you want to do is watch some Netflix. 

It takes about five tries before IT guy finally starts to get stressed out with you. He tells you to click different things, turn your laptop on and off, restart it. You follow all his instructions to no avail, and you shake your head.

“You know what, maybe I’ll just watch Netflix on my phone.” You sigh, said phone now on speaker and thrown on your bedsheets.

IT guy tuts. “None of that talk. I just don’t understand. We’ve tried literally everything. The only way I-”

Suddenly the other line goes quiet. You grab your phone to check he didn’t hang up and you see that it’s now been 18 minutes of you two on the phone together. 

“Why have you gone all quiet?”

“Is your caps lock on?”

You bark a laugh. “Right. Like I’m that stupid to-”

You look down. The little light next to your capslock button is flashing, and your face heats red and IT guy starts cackling down the other line. You write the password once more, in lower case this time, and you let your face fall in your hands at the sign of four wifi bars flashing back at you.

“Oh my god.” You mumble, and IT guy just keeps laughing.

“Oh- Oh my god, you idiot.”

“Shut up! I dont- How did I not realise?” You cry, slamming your laptop shut.

IT guy takes a deep breath. “I really don’t know.”

You shake your head, putting the phone back up to your ear. “I’m sorry for wasting your time.” You mumble.

“Aw, don’t worry about it, sweetheart. I think you’re the only person that calls this line, anyway.”

You decide to ignore the nickname, and the tingle it leaves in your gut, and nod. “Good, then. I’m keeping your job for you.”

“So kind. Alright, go watch your show.”

“Night, IT guy.”

“Goodnight.”

Over the next two weeks, you end up calling a handful of times. Your password needs resetting, you accidentally deleted a file. Each inane task ends up with the two of you sitting on the phone for ages afterwards. You learn that he’s an insomniac, and that’s why he always works the night shift. He also lives in building 5B, which is about a ten minute walk from your place. The fact he’s so close, that you could go see him right now, taunts you in the back of your mind everyday. The fact that he was in your university, that he could be your classmate or someone walking around campus. 

But, like all things, your horrible internet habits mellow out. After a few days of no problems, you find yourself missing him. You’ve only spoken a handful of times, but he’s funny. He’s sarcastic and a little mean, but in a good way, a way that makes you a little giddy. And of course, now that you want issues, it’s so much harder for you to find some.

Over wine poured in mugs and reruns of you confess to your roommate your situation. She’s a little skeptical of the lack of identity, but she thinks you should just call him again. It couldn’t hurt, right? Worse case scenario, you hang up and the two of you never have to speak again. But best case scenario, you can have a conversation that’s actually about something meaningful. And you can get called sweetheart again.

It takes another two days for you to build up the courage, despite your friend’s support. You wait until it’s late, remembering that he told you he works the night shift, and anxiously dial the number.

“UA University IT Services, how can I help?” His voice sounds bored, automated, but you recognise it immediately.

“Hey, IT guy.” 

You hear a shuffle on the other end. “Hey, it’s my favourite customer.”

“It’s me.” You say nervously.

“So, what is it today? WiFi on the fritz again?” He teases. 

It takes a second for the words to get out. “Uh, no, I. I actually don’t need help with anything today.”

“Okay. So what’s the call for?”

“I just wanted to talk to you.”

Silence. Oh god. You immediately cringe, and you are never listening to your roommate again, because she’s always wrong and stupid.

“Really?” He says quietly.

You swallow. “Really really. Don’t sound too excited.” You joke and he laughs.

“Trust me, I am. I wanted to talk to you again too, but I had no way to. The numbers on our end don’t get saved after every call, so. I was waiting for you.”

You perk up at his words. “Really?” “Really really. I also couldn't ask around. I doubt you go by submission girl in your everyday.”

You walk into your room, hopping into bed. You lay down on your stomach, and place your phone in front of you, resting your face on your arms.

“No, not particularly. Wouldn’t it be weird, though? If we actually knew each other in person this whole time and we never knew?” “Nah, I doubt it. Think I’d remember a pretty voice like yours.”

Your face flushes. “Shut up. ” You say, pressing your palms to your cheeks to cool you down.

He snorts a laugh. “What do you study?”

“Veterinary medicine.”

“Wait, that’s sick. Do you get to see cats?”

You grin. “Yes! I volunteered at a shelter last summer, they were so cute.” 

He hums. “I love cats. I have one, you know.”

You eyebrows furrow in confusion. “Here? On campus? Isn’t that against the rules?”

“Nobody knows about her. We won’t get caught. She's a good girl, she isn't loud or anything. And my roommate in under sworn secrecy.” He says.

Good girl. There's no way he isn’t talking like that on purpose. You nod your head even though he can’t see you.

“Okay, and what if she came to live with me?” You ponder, and he scoffs.

“I’m not co-parenting my cat with you.”

You’re lucky enough that your room faces the setting sun and now, a soft orange glow covers your room. It’s just cold enough that you’re wearing a hoodie and your fluffiest socks, but your window is still open to freshen the air. There’s a vanilla scented candle on its last life on your bedside table, and you prop your phone up against it and lean back in your bed.

“I could report you, you know. They’ll kick you out the uni.”

IT guy pouts. “You don’t want that to happen. Then you’ll never see how beautiful I am in real life.”

You snort a laugh. “Well, what do you look like? So I know what to avoid on campus.”

He hums thoughtfully for a moment. You yourself have spent countless minutes wondering. Is he tall? Short? Blonde, or brunette, or maybe he’s bald. You have no idea. 

“Well. I’m like, 6’1.”

“Yum.”

“Shut up.” He chides, but you can hear the smile in his voice. “And I have like. Kind of long hair. And I always look sleep-deprived, 24/7.”

“Night shifts will do that to you. What colours your hair?”

“Hm. No.”

You protest. “What do you mean no?”

“It’s a dead giveaway! I want to keep some of my mystery.”

He asks you what you look like. You give him the same cryptic descriptions he gave you. 

“Wow. I can find you easily now.” He drawls and you grin.

“No matter. We’ll meet one day.” You say.

The two of you end up staying on the phone for hours. It’s unfair how easily you find things to talk about. He tells you about his course, Psychology, and you listen as he rambles in your ear about studies and experiments. As it gets later his voice gets deeper, lacing deliciously with sleep as his voice rumbles in your ears. The time wears on and your eyes start to blink heavily. You look at the time and it’s been three hours.  Unfortunately, you are not like IT guy, and not only do you have classes tomorrow, but you need sleep to function. 

You yawn heavily. “Look, I hate to be a buzzkill but I gotta sleep. I’ve got a ten am tomorrow.” 

“Boring. But fine. I’ll, uh. Talk to you later.”

You nod sleepily. “Night.”

You reach your phone over to hang up but IT guy’s voice rings out, scratchy through the speaker.

“Wait! I- Can I give you my number?”

That’s enough to wake you up.

You sit up on one elbow, rubbing at your eyes. “Your what?”

“Phone number? It’s those numbers you dial in when you wanna call me.”

“It’s too late for sarcasm.” You scowl.

“Sorry, sweetheart. It’s just I’d like to have a way to communicate with you. And call you. And text, or whatever.”

You smile slightly. “Okay. Yeah, of course you can.”

He reads out his number and you jot it down. He hangs up soon after and you send him a quick text.

September 17th 

01:20 am

You: goodnight IT guy 😁

IT guy: goodnight  💜

Life gets much easier with his phone number. Now you can text him during your lectures, during the walk to and from your work. He calls you during his shifts and you keep him company for as long as you can before you fall asleep. Which you have embarrassingly done a few times.

He sends you pictures of his cat. A cute black one called Pesto. You ask for the meaning behind that and he said he was eating pesto pasta when he got her. There’s one picture where you can see his hands in the corner, fingers long and slender and you have to stop looking before your thoughts take a dangerous turn.

Theres a time, maybe a week in, that things between you shift. The playful flirting is upped, and the conversations between you become more meaningful. You start anxiously awaiting a text back, face flushing at the stuff he says sometimes. Maybe it isn’t the smartest idea to fall for a guy who you don’t really know, but you don't care.

He knows Denki, for one. You’d mentioned the name and he’d perked up. Denki was an energetic guy you met at a house party once. And if IT guy is friends with him then that's more than enough confirmation for you that he isn’t a freak.

You tell him more about what you look like. You haven’t sent a picture, but you think he might know enough to catch you on campus. He still hasn’t told you much else, and he confesses to you one night that he’s nervous about it.

IT guy: I don’t wanna be a buzz kill but I’m scared ur gonna be disappointed

You: literlaly shut up

You: idc if u look like a troll

IT guy: right

You: or an ogre

IT guy: is this supposed to make me feel better

You: YES

You: look what im trying to say that i genuinely don’t care because i like u regardless of all that

You: ur smart and ur funny and ur mean but ina good way

You: and u hace a cute cat called pesto

IT guy: so ur using me for my cat?

You: duh..

It’s been two days since that conversation, and IT guy has been much more active ever since. You’d like to think you’ve given him a little boost of confidence, but you don’t care why it’s happening. You’re just happy that it is. 

You wish you could reply to whatever he’s sent you right now, but your boss might fire you if he catches you on your phone again.

You like the coffee shop you work at. It’s a quaint little hippy spot that’s a ten minute walk from your place. The pay is good enough, and you like your coworkers. Specifically Tokoyami. He’s quiet and keeps to himself, but he lets you chatter away to him every time you’re on shift together, and he always has good music recommendations for you.

Today, it’s the both of you on shift. You’re wiping down the coffee machines in the back and you can see him talking to someone at the counter. You can’t hear what they’re saying, but it’s rare you see him talking so animatedly. So you try to get a closer look. And wow.

You don’t know who he’s talking to but you’d like to. His hair is purple. That’s the first thing you notice. It’s a lavender and it looks so soft and fluffy you want to reach out and touch it. His eyes are a deep brown, and there’s heavy bags under them, but they somehow make him look even more beautiful. He’s got a lazy smirk on his face as he says something to Tokoyami and you’re itching to reach forward and eavesdrop. But you can’t. You’re on cleaning duty. Of course you are when a cute guy comes in.

You feel a pang of guilt suddenly, when you remember IT guy. You don’t think you should be thinking about any other guys. Even really cute ones. You get your head down and keep wiping. It’s only a moment later when you hear a crash and your head shoots up. Something happened out in the shop, and a moment later Tokoyami pops his head in the kitchen.

“Someone spilled some shit on the floor. Can you take Shinsou?” 

Shinsou. Tokoyamis told you about him before. A friend from university, or something like that.

“The purple haired guy?”

“Yep.”

“Gosh, the famous friend I’ve heard so much about. You never mentioned he’s so cute.” You wiggle your eyebrows and he rolls his eyes at you.

“Yeah, sorry but. He’s got a little girlfriend texting thing going on.”

You tell him you were only joking and he just pushes you out to the front. You peek a look at Shinsou and he’s looking off into the distance. Deliciously so.

You check his order and it’s just a black coffee. Simple enough. You make quick work of the drink, humming something under your breath as the machine whirls to life. You write his name on the cup in sharpie, and fill it up, pressing the lid and slipping on a cover so he doesn’t burn his hands.

You walk up to the counter. “Hiya. You’re Shinsou? Tokoyami’s friend? He’s mentioned you before. All good things.” You smile as you slide the drink over.

And Shinsou looks back at you like you’ve got two heads. Or like you’re the most shocking thing he’s ever seen in your life. You step back a bit, slightly nervous at the shocked expression on his face.

“Is everything okay?” You ask, your smile falling a little.

“No. I mean yes! It’s-“ 

And it’s as he’s stuttering through his words you hear it. That voice. That same deep, smooth voice you’ve been flirting with over the phone. And you’re sure your face now looks like Shinsou is the most shocking thing you’ve ever seen in your life. Your face heats up and he doesn’t look shocked for much longer because that same unfairly attractive smirk graces his face.

He leans forward slightly. “Is this submission girl in the flesh?”

“Oh my god. IT guy?” 

His smirk widens into a grin. “I go by Shinsou, but. You can call me that too.” 

You roll your eyes to the side but you can’t help but keep them on him, an incredulous look on your face. “You were worried for us to meet? You’re fucking hot.” You say.

And he looks even better when the tops of his cheeks dust the slightest red. You smile, leaning forward on the counter. 

“Thank you. And you’re beautiful.”

You raise an eyebrow. “Even in my gross work apron?”

“Especially in your gross apron, sweetheart.” 

You feel like giggling like you’re fourteen with a crush again. You brush a lock of hair behind your ear. 

“You’re not working tonight, right?” You ask.

He shakes his head and purple locks of hair dance around his face. Slender fingers grab the cup and take a sip. 

“Perfect. We’re going out.”

Shinsou tilts his head to the side. “Shouldn’t I be asking you out? Seems much more traditional that way.”

“We met on our uni's customer service number. I don’t think anything about this is traditional.”

guys i LAAAAUUUVVVVV shinsou and like he does not get enough attention or love or fics....... it makes me wanna scream

also this nearly took a steamy turn... with that cellular device.... but i did not because i cba

also i noticed that jason todd fics do so wel compared to my other stuff?? maybe cause hes not as popular but i will keep that in mind my people.

i hope u all enjoyed this! <3

[boag]

Literally the only way a human being could possibly figure all this shit out and do it correctly and on time is if they were 100% mentally healthy and had the patience of a saint

All the bureaucracy around getting medical/mental health help and government benefits and everything is so insane I literally cannot get any help whatsoever bc every step of the way there are 30,000 forms I need to fill out and mail I need to send and documents I need printed and stupid deadlines and any misstep can make the rest of it not even matter it’s so fucking HARDDDD I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW THE MAIL WORKS I WAS BORN IN 2003 😭😭😭😭😭

[webcomiclibrary]

Welcome to The Webcomic Library!

Hiya peeps! My name is Luma (Xe/Xem) and I run the Webcomic Library, a database and general comics project. I've been running the Library for 7 years and overtime have been able to read many comics, meet creators from all around the world, and learn so much in the process. I'm passionate about webcomics as a storytelling medium and I wanna share that with you all!

The biggest part of the Webcomic Library is the Database. Over the years I have been able to document over 2000 series. I tag by a range of categories including more basic info like where a comic is published and its genre to more in depth information like LGBT+ representation and content warnings. I have over 300 tags so far to help you find a series that you'll love!

Of course, I do more outside of the database. I'm active on Tumblr, Twitter, and Bluesky boosting comics, sharing resources, and general comic ideas and news. I also currently have a discord for people in the community to meet (PM for an invite), I've run a virtual convention in the past, and collaborated with many platforms and collectives including Hiveworks, Webtoon, and Screentones. Thanks to the work I do here, my dayjob currently is at Tapas as a Content Moderator . The Webcomic Library is currently actively archived by the Library of Congress, including my Tumblr, as part of their efforts to document the broader comic community. To put simply: I get around!

Being a one person project I do a lot of legwork to maintain and expand my efforts. That being said, I could always use help and support to bring the Webcomic Library to heights I couldn't achieve on my own. You can help this project by:

Following on social media and Tagpacker

Submitting new series to the database and helping updating current entries by following this submission sheet

Buying books in the Webcomic Library's Bookshop and Amazon Storefronts

Donate directly via Ko-Fi

Sharing this project with others!

I'm really proud of everything I've done with the Webcomic Library over the years. I love working to bring stories to others and support the creators that make them. The plans I have to continue bringing that passion to yall is exiting and I'm elated to share what I have in store. If you're interested, I'd love to have you join me in this journey!

[heliosunny]

Yandere!Gojo x Reader

“But it’s gotta be youuuuuu… please help me practice Reverse Cursed Technique!!!” Gojo practically wailed, clasping his hands together in exaggerated desperation.

You rolled your eyes, not even bothering to look up from the stack of papers your beloved teacher had dumped on you. “Don’t be so dramatic. Just ask Shoko.”

But of course, Gojo wasn’t one to take no for an answer. Ever since the previous mission together, he’d been clinging to you like some sort of overgrown, overpowered barnacle. At first, you thought it was just a phase, something he’d grow bored of once his fleeting interest inevitably wandered elsewhere. But days had turned into weeks, and his persistence was beginning to wear you thin.

Even Geto, his so-called partner in crime, refused to help. “If it’s Gojo, the only way he’ll stop is if he wants to.” Geto had said with a shrug, completely unbothered.

You sighed as you walked to school, clutching the folder of important documents you needed to submit to the principal. The last thing you needed was Gojo making a scene today of all days.

“Morning!” a voice chirped behind you, entirely too loud for the early hour.

You startled, nearly dropping your papers. Of course, it was none other than Satoru Gojo, the bane of your existence. “The heck? Why are you on this train? This route isn’t even near your place!”

He grinned, the epitome of shamelessness. “I was following you~.”

He’s joking. Right?

“Huh?” You narrowed your eyes, trying to read his expression, but those crystalline blue eyes of his were as impossible to decipher as ever. There was something about the way they sparkled, equal parts playfulness and something darker that made you want to run the other way.

“If you’ve got something to say, just spit it out.” you muttered, not wanting to give him the satisfaction of knowing how unnerved you were.

He paused, as if savoring the moment, then leaned in closer. “Teach me how to use Reverse—”

Your hand flew up, clamping over his mouth before he could finish. People were starting to stare, and you could already feel the heat of embarrassment creeping up your neck. “Fine, fine...” you whispered harshly. “Just… let me finish my job first.”

“Yay~!” He suddenly wrapped his arms around you, pulling you into a hug so tight it nearly knocked the wind out of you.

You recoiled instantly, shoving him away. “Cut it out! You know I hate that.”

Gojo just laughed, unfazed. “You’re so mean to me. I don’t get why you don’t like me more, y’know? I’m pretty lovable.”

You groaned “That’s debatable.”

But as much as you tried to brush him off, the day didn’t end there. Gojo was relentless, following you around like a shadow. No matter where you went, he was there, laughing, teasing, and always keeping just a little too close for comfort.

By the time you were finished with your work, the sun was already beginning to set. You were exhausted and more than ready to go home when Gojo appeared again, this time leaning against the school gate as if he’d been waiting for you all day.

“Ready to go?” he asked, flashing that infuriatingly perfect smile.

“Go where?” you snapped, glaring at him.

“To practice, of course!” he said, his tone light, but his eyes… his eyes were far too intense. “I mean, you did promise, didn’t you?”

You hesitated. There was something about the way he said it, so casual yet so firm, that sent a shiver down your spine. He wasn’t asking. He was telling.

“Fine” you said reluctantly, hoping that humoring him would make him leave you alone sooner.

But as you followed him to the secluded training grounds, unease began to settle in your chest. The playful Gojo you thought you knew seemed… different now. His smiles lingered a little too long, his laughter echoed a little too loudly, and when he turned to look at you, it felt like he was staring straight through your soul.

“Alright,” you said, trying to keep your voice steady. “Let’s get this over with.”

But Gojo didn’t move. He just stood there, watching you with an expression you couldn’t quite place.

“Gojo?” you asked, your unease growing.

And then, he smiled, a smile so sweet it felt almost sinister. “You know...” he began, his voice soft but laced with something unsettling, “I’ve always been good at keeping things I like close.”

Before you could process what he meant, he stepped closer, his presence overwhelming. “And you? You’ve been running around all day, so busy with everyone else. It’s almost like you’re trying to avoid me.”

“Don’t be ridiculous.” you said, taking a step back.

But he followed, closing the distance again. “I don’t like being ignored.” he murmured, his hand reaching out to brush a stray strand of hair from your face. “So why don’t we make a deal? You stay by my side, and I’ll protect you from anything. Sound fair?”

Your heart raced, not from his words but from the realization that you were no longer sure if you had a choice.

And judging by the way Gojo’s grin widened, he knew it too.

The air between you grew thick, an invisible tension wrapping around your chest like a vice. You swallowed hard, unable to look away from Gojo’s gaze, those eyes that seemed to gleam with something far more dangerous than mischief.

“Gojo…” you began, voice shaky but firm. “You’re being weird.”

His grin didn’t falter. If anything, it widened, his head tilting slightly as if you’d just said something amusing. “Weird? Nah, I’m just being honest. I’m a simple guy, you know? When I want something, I don’t stop until I get it.”

The way he said it sent a chill down your spine. You took another step back, but he moved with you, closing the space again. His sheer presence felt suffocating now, as though the very air around you had bent to his will.

“Gojo, this isn’t funny. Just... just stop messing around.”

“I’m not messing around.” His tone was light, but there was an edge to it now, a sharpness that made your pulse race. “I mean, don’t you get it yet? I like you. A lot. Maybe too much.”

Your breath caught in your throat. “What are you talking about?”

“You’re the only one who gets it. The only one who doesn’t look at me like I’m untouchable. Like I’m something… other.” His hand reached out again, this time brushing lightly against your arm. “You make me feel human. And I can’t let that go. I won’t.”

The sincerity in his voice should’ve been comforting, but it wasn’t. It was suffocating. Overwhelming. His words dripped with a possessiveness that made your skin crawl.

“Gojo, I’m not-”

He cut you off, his expression shifting in an instant. His smile softened, but his eyes… his eyes burned. “You don’t have to say anything.” he murmured, leaning in closer, so close you could feel the warmth of his breath. “Just stay. Stay with me. That’s all I need.”

Your heart was hammering in your chest now, panic rising as you realized you were backed into a corner, both figuratively and literally.

“Gojo, you’re scaring me...” The words spilled out before you could stop them, and for a moment, he froze.

But then he laughed, a soft, almost bitter sound. “Scaring you? That’s the last thing I want.” His hand reached for your cheek, cradling it with a gentleness that belied the storm in his eyes. “I just want you safe. With me. Always.”

You flinched, trying to pull away, but his grip was firm, unyielding. His smile returned, bright and disarming, as if nothing had happened.

“Don’t worry” he said, voice impossibly sweet. “I’ll take care of everything. You’ll understand soon enough.”

And as the sun dipped below the horizon, casting long shadows over the training grounds, you realized something terrifying: Gojo Satoru didn’t just want you. He needed you. And there was no escape from the man who could bend the very world to his will.

---------------

I just did a photoshoot with my friend as Gojo so I guess I'll use some of the photos for my fics in the future :)))) Bear with me~

[mailuvsjayke]

Listening and watching the no doubt mv, that hyung line might be into semi public sex LIKE THEY BE UP DOING THE NASTY AT WORK 😭😩

18+ mdni

note: mmm nonnie just think about it!!!!

imagine being hyung line's higher up, often looked with admiration and respect by others in the office because of your position, but what the employees don't know is the fact that each of them like to fuck you real good in your office !!!!!!!

Heeseung is like a partner to you, your right hand man, the person you'd go to when you need to deal with heaps of documents and tasks to at least keep you at bay.

And in return you'd let him fuck your throat real good and make sure his cock memorizes how it feels being wrapped around by your warm cavern, dripping with saliva and drool, somehow finding a way to force your throat deeper down his dick so good you dont even know if it's possible. He'd make sure to fuck it real hard you'd be hoarse during your next group meeting just to poke teases and fun at you afterwards.

Jay, more firm, and definitely sharp, rather wanting to express his appreciation silently through acts of good workmanship, such as bringing you coffee and offering to take over charge for other employees to keep you on your feet during busy weeks.

And in return you'd let him fuck you onto your work table, legs mounted on his shoulders without bothering to put important documents to the side, making sure he'll cum over and over inside you until your belly bulges against your high waisted pencil skirt. Your company had soon complained to you in the future about how much paper has been wasted, probably from you having to secretly reprint several documents due to both of your juices ruining them.

Jake's like a typical golden retriever, open to obeying you, not hesitating to do tasks when told, and his attendance is nearly perfect, as well as helping others around him no matter the status. And he never forgets to greet you or give you a short relay of everything you need to do for the week.

In return you'd let him eat you out, stuffed up in some random room in the building, the more you cum the deeper he burrows his nose into your poor and abused cunt without pause. His whimpers and pants turning you on and sending your already overstimulated cunt a new bolt of pleasure and wetness. Even when you're crying and thrashing against his face, he just won't let up, only looking at you with that grin, only to plunge back in to fuck you with his tongue a little harder. Janitors have been complaining about odd sticky stains around random rooms, though you don't dare address it.

Sunghoon, one of your younger employees, despite not being so engaging and rather silent, he's sharp and gets his work done without struggle, submitting his tasks to you earlier than intended and seeing his gaze linger a little too long on you before he quietly offers to take over other people's unfinished tasks to get closer to you.

In return you'd let him in, letting him fuck your holes for every task he'd finish, making sure to get the chance to cum anywhere in or on you to grab what he can when he knows the others are doing the exact same. He's watched you fucked them, memorizing what pleasures you the most, and whispering how he'd do so much better than them, how you only need him and he could fulfill every part of you. Employees have started to question why tasks are suddenly being dismissed from them, not knowing you secretly allow sunghoon to accomplish them all just to get a chance to fuck you in that lust filled office room of yours.

After giving them back what you owe all the time, coming into work so sore and so open, your mind riddled with thoughts of all four of them, you wonder if they'd be willing to fuck you all at once.

Yet you know how taboo these work dynamics are, are you really willing to put your career on the line for some quick fucks?

-------

i was just gonna post this by itself until nonnie said this and decided to just answer their ask with the little drabble i made for no doubt

bro jake and heeseung were so insane i literally busted a nut

sorry i went mia for a bit luvs</3

[ldolbybts]

Forbidden - Part 3

Pairing ➜ Dealer!yoongi x Female Reader Warnings ➜ 18+,some angst, sex, female receiving oral, light choking Summary ➜ You never meant to lock eyes with the beautiful stranger at Namjoon’s house party, you also didn’t mean to completely fall for him. Word Count ➜ 6.4K

Part 1 | Part 2

The next fews day passed without you hearing a word from Yoongi, you had refrained from texting him always being too stubborn for your own good, plus he definitely didn’t deserve a text from you, however from the way he had been ghosting you, you had assumed he probably didn’t even care or notice that you were mad at him.

You had gotten past the the sad stage and had now reached anger, what had you been thinking jumping into bed with someone you barely knew?

It hadn’t felt like that at the time though, you had thought you and Yoongi had a connection like no other you had ever felt.

Why did it feel so right when he was with you, why did you two click so well?

And why the hell couldn’t you stop thinking about him?

He was making your life hard, consuming every thought you had. You barely got your essay submitted in time and when you did you were pretty sure it didn’t even make any sense, just a spew of words on a document that you wanted out of your sight so you go back to wallowing in self pity about some boy.

You admittedly had not left your dorm since Jungkook had spoke to you, that was 2 days ago and you really needed to get Yoongi out off your mind instead of lying in your bed and just thinking.

You were driving yourself crazy admittedly, and you knew you were being dramatic, it wasn’t like Yoongi even owed you anything, the two of you were only at the beginning of something that didn’t even have a label yet.

However you just wanted something even if it was a ‘I never wanna see you again’, at least it would be some sort of closure.

The sound of your phone ringing instantly made you jump, the silence being so harshly interrupted it scared you half to death.

You closed you eyes for a moment before flipping your phone over only to feel major disappointment when you saw it wasn’t Yoongi’s name on your screen.

You answered anyway with a heavy heart.

“Hey Tae, what’s up?” You asked.

“What’s up?! You haven’t responded to me in 3 days, what’s up with you?” He asked, his tone sounded concerned and you could only smile sadly at the compassion your friend seemed to have for you.

“Nothing Tae I’ve just been distracted with work you know?”

You could hear him sighing softly before he spoke again. “I’m calling to let you know we’re all going over to Joon’s, if you would read the damn group chat I wouldn’t be calling you.”

You scoffed at his curt tone with you but you knew he didn’t mean it in a mean way.

“Joon’s? I’m not really in the mood for a party Tae-“

“It’s not a party,” Taehyung said, cutting you off. “It’s just the 7 of us babe. Please come, I miss you.”

“How many time have I told you to stop calling me that?” You asked rolling you eyes at the wall.

“Just say you’ll come? I can even come get you.” Taehyung offered.

You supposed it was better than wallowing in your bed another day.

“Yeah fine okay, I’ll come.” You said.

“Good I’m glad, I’ll come get you in about an hour, get dressed I’ll ring you when I’m outside.”

With a goodbye Taehyung hung up and you decided to get up and make yourself look human. You opted for no makeup and just some simple sweats, you knew you and the guys would probably just be watching a movie so you didn’t see the point in dressing up anymore than that, although you couldn’t count how many times a simple hangout had been a ruse to get you to a party.

Taehyung called you again to inform you he was waiting outside, so you quickly grabbed your phone and coat and left your dorm as quick as you could.

When you finally reached outside you saw Taehyung’s car and made a beeline, opening the door and jumping in you plastered a smile on your face hoping it would take away from the prying questions you assumed Taehyung had lined up.

“Hey Tae, thanks for coming to get me, a cab to Joon’s is so fucking expensive and I know I’m super out of the way, so I appreciate it.”

Taehyung scoffed. “Please, you know I would come get you even if you were 500 miles out of the way, what are friends for?” He stated as he started up the engine.

The drive was silent for the most part, you were surprised as you had expected Taehyung to go into full blown interrogation mode on why you’d been ignoring everyone, but he didn’t, maybe he was waiting on you coming to him, if that was the case he’d be waiting a long ass time.

As he pulled up and you both went inside your heart warmed at the sight of your friends all talking and laughing with each other, you hadn’t seen them like this in a while and it almost made you well up.

“Hey guys.” You said as you kicked off your shoes and took a spot on the sofa in between Jungkook and Taehyung as he decided to follow you and sit wherever you were going.

“Hey ______, we all thought you were dead.” Hoseok said as stuffed a handful of chips into his mouth.

Everyone else murmured in agreement with a few sly comments about ignored messages and calls.

You closed your eyes and decided the best thing to do was to state you’d had a lot of work to catch up on and that becoming a recluse was the only way you would get it all finished.

You didn’t miss the way Jungkook side eyed you but simply chose to not look his way for sake of saving yourself the judgemental looks about your obvious lying to your best friends.

“Come onnnnnnn. Will someone put on a good horror movie already, and Joon please throw me a beer.” Hoseok said.

Everyone got settled as a movie was picked and the lights were switched off. That was when your phone decided to vibrate in your pocket.

You slipped it halfway out of your pocket just trying to glance at the notification and your heart jumped when you saw the name on the screen.

Notification: Yoongi: iMessage(s) 1

You muttered some excuse about needing to pee, and jumped off the sofa to run upstairs, needing to compose yourself before you unlocked your phone.

8:37PM

Yoongi: hey i cant even begin to explain how sorry I am…i understand 100% if you don’t want to speak to me again

You watched as you saw the typing dots disappear and reappear as you stared at your phone. Then another message came through.

Yoongi: i really wanted to call you but i was afraid you’d be too mad and wouldn’t pick up so please if theres even a chance you’ll speak to me again - call me. If u don’t i undertsand and i wont bother you anymore.. i feel so stupid ______ you don’t deserve this

Your heart was beating at about a million miles per hour as you reread his messages over and over. You had absolutely no idea how to approach this.

You decided now was not the best time to call him, you were just going to have to wait it out and call him when you got back to your dorm.

You decided you’d leave him on read for now, he’d left you waiting for nearly 3 days, he could wait 3 hours for your reply.

As you walked back into the room with your friends you sat beside Taehyung and he let you cuddle up next to him, he began gently playing with your hair as you tried your best to lie down, Jungkook patted his lap as an indication you could spread your legs out and rest them on his own and you smiled as he put an arm over them.

You felt incredibly loved by your friends in that moment, tears threatening to spill as the simple comforts they were providing so naturally to you meant so much in that moment.

You felt a little guilty at your unwillingness to tell them how upset you were, you trusted them with so much and they trusted you just as equally. But things were confusing for you at the moment and you wouldn’t even know where to start.

You looked up to see Jungkook looking at you with concern, he obviously knew a lot more than the rest of them but he didn’t know just how much Yoongi was affecting you at that particular moment.

You smiled reassuringly at him and he gave your thigh a small squeeze before you both turned back to the movie.

You hadn’t realised just how tired you were until Taehyung was gently shaking you awake, alerting you that the movie was over and even though no one was leaving or anything he offered to bring you home.

You shook your head at his offer telling him you would just get a taxi home and that he should stay and enjoy the rest of the night, he had smiled at you softly asking about 5 times if you were sure and you had laughed again excusing yourself to the bathroom before he could argue with you anymore.

You found yourself in the same postion, just leaning against the door staring at the messages Yoongi had sent a few hours ago, you felt groggy from the sleep and in your haze you decided that calling him and getting this over with would be the best thing to do, you weren’t thinking clearly, but then again, you never were when it came to him.

As you listened to the ringing tone you began to feel your anxiety building, you weren’t even sure what you were going to say to him or even sure how you felt towards him, yeah sure you were upset but did you even have any right to be mad at him?

It wasn’t like Yoongi was your boyfriend or anything, he didn’t owe you anything. Well at least maybe some sort of explanation as to why he'd disappeared on you.

He picked up on the third ring an anxious and quick “Hello?” Sounded from his end, like he was afraid he was going to miss the call.

“Hey…” You said, unsure of where to go with it.

“Jesus ______ I am sorry, you must think I’m such an asshole. I wa-”

“Do you like me Yoongi?” You cut him off.

“Wh-what?” Yoongi asked, he sounded unsure, like he was afraid he would say the wrong thing.

“Do you like me?” You asked again, slower.

“Yes of course _____, I like you a lot.”

“Okay, do you see me as someone you can just fuck and I’ll come running when you call? Because believe me Yoongi you really are talking to the wrong girl if that’s what you think this is.”

You weren’t sure where your bold attitude was coming from, you suppose you’d been holding in a lot of feelings the past few days regarding the situation, but for some reason it was coming out as anger with a hint of sass.

“Jesus – no, no _____ that is so not what I’m thinking this is, you know that right? Fuck I didn’t mean to leave it so long to talk to you, but there was an emergency and I had to leave town to do something and I only got back tonight and I’m sorry, please know I’m sorry.” You could hear the pleading in his voice, the genuine asking for forgiveness.

Your knees felt weak and you weren’t sure why but all you wanted was to see him, to tell him it was all okay and you forgive him.

But a part of you wanted to stand your ground, you didn’t want to seem like a pushover who was going to roll over because he sounded like he was sorry, this was only a phone call, you couldn’t even look him in the eyes or anything.

“Can you pick me up and we can talk?” You asked, you wanted to see him, ask him what exactly was going on.

“Yes of course, you’re not at your dorm?” He asked the question harmlessly but you felt he was a little nervous.

“No actually I’m with the guys at Namjoon’s house, I can send you the address if you can’t remember..”

“I remember ______. I’ll be there in 10 minutes.”

And with that he hung up, eager to see him, but still feeling cautious you left the bathroom to tell the guys you were going to wait outside for your taxi.

They all hugged you goodbye and you definitely noticed how Jungkook lingered for that extra few seconds.

He could sense something was wrong with you but he knew to wait until you came to him with your problems.

As you stood at Namjoon’s garden gate a pair of headlights began approaching slowly and you knew it was him. He stopped outside and you ran to his car door trying to avoid any of the guys from seeing that it wasn’t just an ordinary taxi you were going home in.

It smelt like a new car inside and you turned to face the driver, he looked over a you with an awkward smile and that’s when you saw the extremely dark black eye that covered his right eye. You covered your hand with your mouth trying not to audibly gasp.

“Yoongi! Oh my god are you okay?” You reached out, wanting to touch his face but realised that wasn’t the best idea before dropping your hand again.

Your anger at him now replaced with worry, you scanned his face further to see his slightly busted lip as well.

“______, I promise you it’s not as bad as it looks. Can we talk about this when we get to my place?” He asked, placing a hand on your thigh he gave it a reassuring squeeze.

“Your place?” You asked, confused.

“Yeah…only if you want, it’s just that it’s closer to here and I thought you wanted to talk.”

You were nodding, your stomach trying to surpress it’s nerves at the idea of going to his place this first time as you tried to process everything that was already happening.

“Okay, yeah let’s do that.” You said.

Neither of you spoke again the entire ride.

When Yoongi finally pulled up into the carpark of a luxury apartment complex you stared in disbelief, this was where he lived?

He makes a lot of money doing what he does you quickly reminded yourself, suddenly embarrassed at the size and quality of your dorm room.

You followed him inside and stopped at the entrance completely in shock at the sheer size and beauty of his apartment.

You shook yourself, you were here for one thing.

“Take a seat please _____.” He said motioning at the large plush sofa.

You took a seat, but watched as Yoongi stood examing you.

“Aren’t you gonna sit?” You asked, the atmopshere was tense, awkward, you couldn’t even sense Yoongi’s mood, he was just looking at you, expressionless.

You looked back at him, you were starting to feel frustrated.

“So what? We’re just going to sit here in silence, scratch that, you’ll stand, I’ll sit?” You asked, crossing your arms over your chest.

“I’m sorry.” Yoongi replied.

“What?” You asked, your eyes shooting up to look at him, you knew he had to be in pain with his eye and you felt a twinge of guilt for being annoyed with him.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t call or text, I know I left you in your room like that – after we had just…I’m sorry ______.” He sighed heavily, finally taking a seat beside you.

“Just tell me what happened, I’m an undertanding person Yoongi, but I don’t think I can do this if you’re just going to keep disappearing on me…”

You couldn’t bring yourself to look at him now he was closer, you decided the floor was the best place to look at in that moment.

“It was an emergency…it’s stupid, rivarly is a very real thing in this business. I got into a fight with some guy when I went down there. One of my guys was seriously threatened by some people and we had to go down there and deal with it.” He explained, you didn’t want the specifics really and you were glad he wasn’t giving it to you.

“Yoongi… do you really think you’re the best guy for that sort of thing?” You were half teasing him, but also very worried, this wasn’t something that happened a lot was it?

Yoongi scoffed out a small laugh.

“I’m not usually the guy that handles situations ______, I just had to go down there to talk it out with some people.”

You shuddered, you hated this, hated that this was his life.

Yoongi gently placed a hand on your thigh and you allowed him to keep it there, finally looking back up at him.

“Jesus _____, I’m sorry for leaving you like that, I would never do anything like that to you on purpose…please forgive me?”

You knew he was sorry, you could feel that he was sorry.

You whispered out a soft ‘I forgive you’, you knew it was weak of you but you seemed to be at your weakest when Yoongi was looking at you like you meant the world to him.

Yoongi let out a sigh of relief, a small smile on his face, but he winced in pain as the smile opened up his wound on his lip.

“Let me get you something for that.” You said, standing.

You could use the distraction more than anything as you asked him where the bathroom was and grabbed a damp cloth and some tissue.

You sat down turning your body to face him you lightly dabbed at the wound and cringed in sympathy when he hissed in pain.

“Hold the tissue to it so it doesn’t bleed again.” you said as you folded it up and handed it to him.

“Do you have any ice? It’ll help your eye..” You asked as you went to get up again.

He simply nodded, and pointed to the fridge, allowing you to worry and take care of him.

You sat back down again with a small makeshift ice pack, and told him to lay down so you could place it over his eye, he protested a little but it didn’t take much to coerce him.

“I’m seriousy not even in that bad of shape _____, you should see the other guy.” He said, laughing a little but then immediately stopping as it the pain in his lip stung.

You rolled your eyes at him, knowing he was joking but it did make your stomach twist with nerves at the same time, what if this had been a lot more serious?

When you didn’t speak he reached over for the remote to turn the T.V on, you supposed he couldn’t handle the tense silence you were giving in return for his bad joke.

As he searched about Netflix he spoke again “I have to say, I do think you’d make a pretty sexy nurse.” He joked again and this time you cracked a smile, unable to stop yourself from scoffing out a laugh.

“Are you seriously flirting with me right now?” You asked, sitting back down on his couch you lifted his legs to allow them to rest on your lap, a simple gesture to show him you didn’t completely hate him.

He laughed a little, a genuine laugh and you found yourself laughing too.

“Put a movie on, keep the ice on your eye and shut up!” You said through laughter.

You did end up watching a movie, the night got more and more comfortable as Yoongi decided to order food and bring out blankets to the couch as you both cuddled up to each other your hand absent-mindedly playing with his as you watched the movie, it was an incredibly intimate thing to do but it felt so natural you could barely keep the smile off your face.

As the movie was coming to an end you began yawning announcing it was getting late and you should get back to your dorm but as you made a move Yoongi’s brought his arm around your waist tightly a small ‘don’t go’ escaping from his lips.

You sighed, you wanted to stay over if you were being honest but was it really the best idea?

“I don’t know Yoongi….I don’t even have a change of clothes or anything.”

Yoongi pulled you him closer to him and you let yourself relax into his touch.

“I’ll lend you something to sleep in. Please _____. I’ve missed you.”

And with those 3 words he didn’t even need to say anymore.

You let out a sigh of content. “Yes Yoongi I’ll stay.”

He got up, asking you to follow him to his room. You obliged, following after him to the nearest door. He opened it up and motioned for you to wait on his bed while he found you something comfortable.

You looked around at the unfamiliar room, the first thing you noticed was how clean it was, that was unusual for a guy his age it was simple, his sheets white and his room plain you looked around in awe.

You weren’t sure what you had been expecting if you were being honest, but as you were about to comment he was suddenly standing in front of you, a black tee and a pair of basketball shorts in hand.

You smiled up at him “Thank you Yoongi.”

“That door there is the bathroom.” he said pointing to an ensuite inside his own room.

You nodded going in and when you shut the door behind you you let out a long sigh.

You were really going to stay here tonight.

As you got changed you realised the t-shirt he had given you was long enough to ignore the shorts he had given you.

Folding your own clothes and leaving them on top of his wash basket you grabbed your phone for a quick glance before you returned to him.

A notification from Jungkook.

11:12PM

JK: I hope you’re okay you seemed a little off tonight, please remember you can talk to me about anything.

You smiled, feeling your heart swell at the loving message you typed a quick reply with a thank you and lots of heart emojis.

As you left the bathroom you saw Yoongi awkwardly standing like he wasn’t quite sure what to do with himself.

He looked up at you and you saw him eyeing your body, his eyes travelling up your bare legs, you felt the heat of his gaze taking you all in and you couldn’t help but revel in the feeling that you had that effect on him.

“I’ll – um – take the couch, you sleep here.” You could tell he was distracted over your lack of clothes but he cleared his throat and began to leave.

“Yoongi.” You called and stopped him in his tracks.

“Thank you for being such a gentleman.” You giggled.

You heard him scoff a laugh before walking out of the room, some sort of pyjamas in hand.

So here you were, left alone in Min Yoongi’s bedroom.

You werent exactly sure what you should be doing, should you just go to sleep? As if it were that easy…

You felt giddy as you got under the covers, his bed was huge compared to your single in your dorm.

You tried to relax and calm a little, remembering you were technically meant to be trying to sleep, you reached over to turn off the bedside lamp, shrouding yourself in darkness.

You decided to scroll through your phone for a while trying to think about other things and definitely not how badly you wanted to go out there and ask Yoongi to come back.

Your intentions weren’t even of a sexual nature, you simply just  wanted him to lay with you, you wanted to fall asleep in his arms – something you hadn’t got the chance to do yet.

After about 20 minutes of tossing and turning and checking every social media platform you decided to take a deep breath and just go ask him, you were nervous that he wouldn’t even want to but then again he was letting you stay in his room after all.

You slowly tip toed across the floor afraid incase he was already sleeping you quietly opened the door. You realised you couldn’t even tell as you could only see the back of the couch and not his form, you decided to half shout half whisper, praying he was awake anyway.

“Yoongi!”

He head came into view as he sat up from the couch, looking wide awake and a little confused.

“Is everything okay?” He asked, a look of concern crossing his features.

“Yeah…” You realised just how shy and nervous you actually felt as you continued speaking.

“Will you come sleep beside me Yoongi please?”

You saw a small smile appear on his face, “Of course, I’m super glad you asked, I wanted to ask but I thought you would see it as creepy or something.”

You rolled your eyes smacking him on the shoulder as he got closer.

“Your whole dick has been inside me but you think cuddling is a creepy thing to offer?” You asked, eyes widening in shock a little, a coy smile on your face.

Yoongi held his hands up in defense as he followed you to the bed climbing in on either sides.

“I don’t know…” He trailed off looking at you as you now lay beside one another.

“I guess I thought you were still mad at me.”

You sighed a little and looked at him scanning his face and frowned a little at the black eye that adorned his beautiful features.

“I hate that someone hurt you Yoongi.” You said, you hadn’t really meant to say it aloud.

Both your faces were close looking at each other in comfortable silence a small pout forming on his lips, he leaned in and gave you the smallest of pecks, it was so sweet and tender you felt like you heart was going to beat out of your chest as heat formed across your cheeks.

“Let’s go to sleep ______.”

You nodded, leaning in a little closer to him and shutting your eyes after whispering a soft ‘goodnight’.

*

You woke up feeling too hot, far too hot. As you took in your surroundings and remembered where you were you smiled at the reason for your warmth, realising Yoongi had pulled you in and draped his arm over your waist in the middle of the night. You felt comfortable in his arms, having one of the best sleeps you’ve had in a long time, your worries felt at ease for once and you just simply felt in the moment with him.

You slowly shifted until you were turned to face him, he pouted a little in his sleep and the disruption and you couldn’t help but smile harder, placing a soft kiss on his pout you watched at his eyes fluttered open slowly, confusion on his face as he tried to take in what sensation had just woken him up.

He smiled when he saw you looking at him, stretching his limbs and letting out a long yawn.

“Did you sleep well?” You asked.

“Mmmm yes I did, I really like waking up next to you…” He said, his handing tracing absent minded patterns on your arm.

“Me too…” You trailed off feeling a little sad that this wasn’t going to be a permanent thing.

“Your eye looks a little better, I think it’s starting to heal.” You said reaching out to touch his face gently.

“Hm you don’t think it’s sexy? Like in wow he's a big sexy bad boy.”

You couldn’t roll your eyes hard enough turning away from him only to have him whine and pull you back to face him.

“Yeah that whine sounds so bad boy.” You said giggling as he pulled you closer and began kissing your neck.

“Hmmmm, you smell amazing.” He said nuzzling further into your neck with a groan.

You felt yourself begin to grow a little hot at the noise his lips leaving a hot trail down to your collarbone.

You let out a pleased noise.

“Hm you like that baby?” He asked beginning to move his body so he was hovering over you his mouth kissing lower.

You let out a noise of approval feeling too hot and worked up to speak.

His hands found your hips and he slowly pushed up the t-shirt you were wearing his hands gliding along your warm skin.

As he pushed it up further you helped him pulling it off you completely leaving you completely naked.

Yoongi let out a groan at the picture of your naked body in front of him resting his forehead on your stomach trying to compose himself for a moment as the mere sight of you was making him go a little crazy.

You let out a whine “Yoongi do something. Please.”

He looked back up at you a smirk on his face, “Now who’s whining babe?”

You let out a scoff quickly followed by a sharp gasp as his mouth latched onto your nipple.

His tongue teasing and sucking you could feel the wetness pooling at your core.

You wanted to squeal a little, the frustration of his teasingly slow he was going was making you feel crazy.

As he took his time, making sure to kiss every inch of your body by the time he got close to where you needed him most you were a writhing mess.

“Yoongi please.” You gasped out when he kissed the inside of your thigh, merely a few centimetres away from your soaked core.

“Tell me what you want baby. I’ll give it to you.” He said planting another soft kiss even closer this time.

You suddenly felt a little embarrassed, you didn’t think you’d ever begged to get your pussy ate before.

“I want…your tongue on me, fuck please.” You breathed out, hardly able to think straight. You let out a yelp when Yoongi pushed your thighs further apart so he had a full view of your most intimate part.

You let out a low whine of embarrassment trying to close your thighs a little but Yoongi had a strong grip.

“Sorry I’m staring, your pussy is beautiful though…”

You immediately brought your hand up to your face not believing the words coming out of his mouth.

“Yoongi shut up!” You said from behind your hands. He laughed a little, bringing his head down you nearly moaned at the feeling of his breath on your core.

“Please.” Was all you whispered out, so beyond desperate for some sort of relief you were clenching around nothing.

Yoongi’s tongue slowly licked up your core until he stopped at your clit,  giving it all his attention.

You moaned, absolutely in bliss at the feeling, but you needed something more.

“Yoongi your fingers please…”

His cock twitched at that, hardening further at your words, did you know what you were doing to him?

He happily obligded, slowly slipping a finger inside you, pumping in and out before adding a second, stretching you out further.

As he kept up his assault on your clit, you didn’t think you’d ever felt an orgasm approach you this fast before, the familiar pressure buliding in record time.

“Yoongi oh my god – I think – I think I’m gonna come, please don’t stop, please.”

As he listened, knowing you were close he picked up the pace, pumping his fingers faster and sucking on your clit a little bit harsher.

“Fuck!” You half yelled along with a moan, turning you head to the side and closing your eyes as you let your orgasm wash over you, your whole body felt heavy as you came down the whole time Yoongi’s tongue never left you slowly working you through it.

“Yoongi.” You said, breathing heavily. “Get back up here.”

You turned back as he slowly moved himself back up so his face was facing yours again a smile on his face.

You placed your hands on either side of his face, feeling like your heart could burst at the sight of the man in front of you, pulling his face to yours so you could kiss him rather than say something stupid.

Yoongi groaned a little as his hard on brushed against you, he must’ve been in need of some serious relief.

You felt an immediate pulse of fresh pleasure at the thought of him getting hard at the action of eating you out.

“Yoongi…want…you to fuck me.” You said between short kisses.

Yoongi smirked at you.

“Really?” He asked feigning innocence and you honestly could’ve rolled your eyes at his teasing if you weren’t so turned on.

“Yes baby please, want you to fuck me so hard Yoongi and I know your big dick will fill me right up.” You said trying to sound as seductive as possible, you could play this game if he wanted too.

Yoongi just stared for a second as his brain buffered not believing the filth coming from you.

“Fuck.” Was all he said as he began kissing your neck again and this time you felt him fishing his cock out of his underwear.

Lining up at your entrance, he stopped just short of pushing in.

“Tell me how bad you want it baby and I’ll give it to you.”

Fuck he was going to be the death of you.

“Yoongi please, I need you so bad, need you to fill me up…”

And with that he sunk right into you. You gasped at the pressure, your head falling back and your eyes almost rolling into the back of your head.

“Jesus fuck!” You yelled as he continued thrusting at such a relentless pace he had to grab you by the hips to stop your body from moving too much.

“Tell me what you want baby… harder, faster?” He asked, his breathing laboured as he tried to keep his pace up.

“Fuck yes oh my god I’ll come so fast like this.” You said your voice pratically vibrating with how hard he was fucking you.

“Yeah?” He said his hand moving further up your body he stopped just short of your throat, eyeing you up.

You had a feeling he was little to nervous to ask what you wanted but you knew what was on his mind.

“Yoongi choke me.” You gasped out. “Please choke me a little, please? It’ll feel so good.”

Yoongi’s hip stuttered a little at your words his eyes widening in shock, he nearly came right there breathing deep trying to compose himself.

“Yeah are you sure?” He asked.

You nodded like a crazy woman. “Yes.” You breathed out, not finding anymore energy to speak, you could feel your orgasm coming.

His hand slowly snaked up your body until it was resting at your neck he slowly wrapped his fingers around it, applying light pressure.

“Baby you need to tell me if it’s too much okay?” You nodded at him again.

His fingers squeezed a little harder as he began fucking you again at an agonising speed.

You closed your eyes letting him choke and fuck you however he wanted, you were in a state of bliss as the familiar knot in your stomach was so close to snapping. He didn’t choke you too hard, always alternating between some pressured squeezes and releasing again.

“Feels so good.” You said when he eased up his pressure for a while.

"If you could see yourself right now baby, taking my dick so well, you are doing so fucking good." he said as he groaned out the last few words clearly too wrapped up in his approaching orgasm.

He continued to fuck you at an achingly perfect pace and all you could do was moan.

“Jesus - Yoongi I'm close I'm - fuck!” You said as one of the best orgasms you’ve ever had tore its way through you.

Your core spasmed uncontrollably as you moaned, bringing Yoongi over the edge with you.

“Jesus christ.” He breathed out as he gathered up some strength to pull out of you and roll over to your side.

You laughed out loud as you turned to face him, unable to think straight you said the first thing that came to mind.

“That black eye still makes you look like a dumbass.”

It was Yoongi’s turn to laugh as you both tried to get your breathing under control.

“Come on, let’s get in the shower.”

*

You and Yoongi spent the rest of the day lazing around in his bed kissing and laughing, you'd even given him a blowjob when you’d both gotten a little too handsy once again.

You didn’t think you could feel this way with someone but the absolute ease and comfort you felt being with him was indescribable. As you both lay in his bed watching netflix – although there wasn’t much watching – you heard the front door knock.

“Babe it must be the pizza, go open the door while I grab cash so he doesn’t leave.” He said, bouncing up. You had no idea how the two of you had become so comfortably domesticated within the space of a day, but it had came with such natural ease.

“Im indecent!” You whined only wearing one Yoongi’s shirts.

“Go give him a show!” He said winking at you as he went in search of his wallet.

You rolled you eyes, getting up anyway not risking the delivery person getting fed up and actually leaving. As you got to the door you made sure the t-shirt was pulled as far down as it would go.

You opened the door and swung it open “Hi can you wait –“

You froze.

“______?”

You eyes widened in shock. You were suddenly standing face to face with Jin.

[manikas-whims]

how Zayne from Love and Deepspace will react when he finds out you're on your period..

You get a call from the Akso Hospital and are suddenly requested to pay a visit.

You don't understand what's happening but leave your work desk all the same.

The moment you arrive and speak to the receptionist, she informs that you have a check-up scheduled with Dr. Zayne for today.

You're slightly surprised and confused because despite being a little messy, you do keep up with your own schedule, and you clearly don't remember having any such check-ups.

Regardless, you head towards Zayne’s office.

[moments later]

You give a knock on the door to announce your arrival before walking in.

Zayne is already putting down the documents in his hands and by the time you reach his desk, he's scrutinizing you, as if searching for any signs of something off with you.

“What is it?” You ask in frustration. There's a load of mission reports waiting at your work desk that you need to finish and submit this week, and frankly you don't have much time right now.

Zayne merely raises a brow as if offended by your curt tone.

“Sit.” He commands.

You deliberately sigh loudly before taking a seat. “I don't have any check-ups today, Zayne. Why did you call me?”

“Correct me if I am wrong but it must be the second day of your menstrual cycle?” He states so calmly as if making an absurd remark about the weather.

You're quite mortified for a moment. But then mortification is replaced by annoyance. Doctor or not, your periods are your problem and Zayne isn't supposed to comment on how you deal with them.

You narrow your eyes at him. “That’s..none of your business.”

“It is since your captain called up.” Zayne supplies calmly.

“Jenna?” You're confused. Why would she?

“She informed me about your not so peaceful conversation with a guy from the Data Analysis Department.” He speaks, his lips slowly curving up into a smirk.

“Nero was the one who wouldn't shut up!” You tell him.

“And she also informed me how you choked the life out of your coffee mug using your evol. That's a misconduct if I've ever heard of it.”

Okay misusing your evol wasn't exactly right. But crumbling your mug with it did help with the stomach cramps. Even if just a teensy bit.

By this point you’re gripping the armrests of the chair a little too tightly. His knowing smirk isn't helping either. Combining all that with your mood swings enrages you even more.

But before you can lash out at him. Give him the same treatment you gave Nero and your coffee mug. Say something that you'll definitely regret later on, he leaves his chair and comes to stand right in front of you.

“Take the rest of the day off.” He says. Neither a friendly suggestion nor a doctor's advice. Just an outright order. And you don't like that.

“I can’t. I have reports to finish.”

He sighs before fishing something out from one of his desk drawers. Then, he pours a glass of water and comes back to you, offering the said glass along with a pill in his other hand.

You immediately recognize the painkiller and shake your head. “I don't take those.”

“You should.” He says emphatically, nudging the items towards you.

“Absolutely not!” You feel your voice crack a little. You have a lot of work left to do. You really need to get going.

But Zayne isn't deterred by your words. He steps even closer, and speaks in a softer tone. The same one that he uses only on rare occasions. When he's being earnest to you.

“Not taking the painkillers doesn't make you stronger than the rest of the women in the world.” He puts the glass in your hand, and offers the pill again. “You must acknowledge your pain, and work to overcome it in the most efficient ways.”

You bite your lip because he's only being reasonable. You must look like an absolute brat to him.

“Fine.” Your voice comes out a little shaky from holding back your tears as you accept the pill and swallow it.

“Good girl.” He pats your head. “Now let’s get you home.”

You agree to take the remaining day off but he doesn’t need to waste anymore time on you. He must realize that he has his own share of work to do. And you are a responsible adult. You can’t always rely on him. You can do things on your own despite the hardships.

“I can go by myself.” You mumble.

“I know. But let me help. I have the right to help you.”

“You have the right to?” Once more, annoyance begins flaring up in your head. “On what account? Being my personal physician!?”

He smiles softly. Genuinely. “On account of being your friend.”

His admission stuns you into silence and you avert your gaze.

How can he be so kind? He's being so unfair! Now you look even worse of a brat.

You feel ashamed for behaving the way you did.

“Come on.” He beckons, offering a hand.

You hesitate for a moment before putting your own palm into his bigger one.

His fingers curl around your wrist instead and he tugs you forward, helping you stand, his arm now coming to wrap around your shoulder.

“Let’s go.”

He's already directing you out of the room and locking its door when you murmur. “Zayne?”

“What is it?” He asks as he tucks away his glasses into the pocket of his coat.

“Sorry for getting mad at you.”

He scoffs. “It’s understandable in your current predicament.”

You watch him fish out his car keys and speak again. “No seriously. Thank you for everything you do. You're more than just a friend.”

He cocks his head to the side but you still catch him smiling wide this time. “The feeling is mutual.”

Here it is! Hope y'all like it. I'm still new to writing for Love and Deepspace so bear with me 🥹

Rafayel version coming soon!

AND THANK YOU FOR READING ♡

» MASTERLIST «

[so-i-did-this-thing]

They said not to smile.

Reminder for my fellow trans folks to get your passports! It took me 15 minutes to submit my packet at the post office and the most annoying part was that I had to write a check (they'll also let you buy a money order).

Get it done, if you can (it's up to $300 for most the expedited stuff if you don't already have a passport, so cis folks, throw money at trans people in need)!

Even if you don't plan to leave the country, it's a 10-year document where you can still self-ID your gender, no doctor's note required. You can pick up a form at the post office.

[samkerrworshipper]

las 15.

mapi leon x reader, alexia putellas x reader (platonic)

warnings: the spanish federation ick

erm look at me posting something 😮 anyways enjoy haha i kinda hate it but need to feed yall somehow

“You need to be aware of the consequences of what could happen if you sign this document.”

You stared down at the mahogany surface of your lawyers desk, it was dark, sanded, smooth and shiny. Contemporary, but it also looked old, like a heirloom. It distracted your from the non stop drawl.

“I don’t care, I’m signing it.”

Your eyes travelled along the surface, lookinbg at the different waves of wood and the way that the dark colours marbled together.

“The RFEF could come for you, they could try and take your license. You might not compete at the world cup, the press will come for you, Vilda will come for you, Barca could reduce your playing time, it could be the end of your career. There are other negatives.”

You’ve thought about all of them of course, how could you not?

“I’ve already said it, I don’t care. Let them come for me, let them do whatever they want. I am done with it all. Fourteen other players have signed it, no? I will be the fifteenth and that is final.”

You weren’t a big fan of your lawyer, he was old and money oriented. He also didn’t have your best interest in mind, his sole focus was earning you as much money as possible, which had been fine up until today.

“So what? You plan to be the best in the world and never play international football again? This will ruin your career, it will put an end to the Ballon D’or campaign, it will change things for you, you can’t just do this because your girlfriend does it as well, this will be detrimental for you.”

The wood grooved at the edges, flattening out and curving so the edges weren’t too sharp.

“I refuse to stand by and submit myself to abuse. That’s what happens every time I go to that place, every time I go to camp I submit myself to abuse, torture, horrific conditions. The fact that you would even dare imply that I would do this for anybody but myself is preposterous. I am better than the condition I am being subkmitted to, I deserve better than to be objectified and treated as if I am dirt on that man’s shoe and I refuse to be treated as such. I have standards for myself and the people around me and I refuse to live by these for much longer. I’ll draft up the letter, I’ll send it to you for editing purposes and once your done you will send it to the RFEF, consequences be damned. You should be glad that I lasted two more windows then everyone else, honestly I’m ashamed that I didn’t do this earlier, but I’m ready to take a stand with everybody else now. I don’t want to play in a World Cup if it means this is how I will live my life.”

You looked up at your lawyer, hoping the fire burning in your soul was reflective in your eyes.

“This is a bad decision, you are thinking with your heart and not your head, this is unlike you.”

You pulled your eyes from the mahogany, standing up from your seat slowly.

“No, I’m thinking with my own interests, not yours, not my managers, not my bank accounts. I’m thinking with my mental health, my emotional health and my physical health. For the first time in my life I am taking time to focus on myself, so tyeah maybe it’s unlike me, but I’d like to think this might be the a better version of me, I’ll email you my letter, all you havr to do is forward it, if it’s such a struggle don’t even bother reading it, I don’t care what you have to say, I’m legally obligated to make you aware of any contractual issues so here I am. Give a fuck, don’t give a fuck, it doesn’t change anything for me, I’ve made my decision and nothing or nobody will make me change my mind.”

You didn’t wait around to hear what he planned to say in rebuttal, exiting the stuffy office as quickly as your legs would allow.

You made it to your car before you felt the tears flooding down your face. Even now, even after you’d tried to speak out you still felt like you were being silenced, like nothing had changed. That’s why you were doing what you were doing, why you knew this was what you needed to do. It didn’t make it any easier though, knowing that no matter what choices you made, even if they were for the good of you there were still going to be people around you who condemned them.

You were supposed to be at training, but you’d taken the day of to finalise all this bullshit. It was frustrating, knowing that the choices you were making for the good of yourself could end up being harmful to your career in a multitude of ways, it was all so fucking hard.

Everybody was at training, and yet here you were balling your eyes out in the carpark of your stupid fucking lawyers office.

If you hadn’t hit rock bottom at the last camp, the this was it, this was your final straw.

It was all too much, you’d been holding out for too long, but the mixture of the other 14 girls refusing to come back and Alexia’s injury had been enough of a motivation for Vilda to try and ruin your life. It had started with extra training after your sessions, then sessions in the mornings, then separating you from the rest of the team, limiting your diet, gym sessions, changing your schedules to everybody elses, punishing you for nothing, treating you like you were a slave to the Spanish Women’s team.

You were the best midfielder they had, excluding Alexia, and she was hurt, you were the scapegoat for the team, you were responsible for the wins and the reason for the losses.

You knew that with your leave, somebody else would end up taking your role, probably Aitana who was far to young to deal with that kind of pain, and you felt bad, you felt more guilty than you thought possible, but you couldnt do it for any longer, you couldn’t act like it wasn’t killing you on the inside for every second that you spent away with those people.

You hated it, you hated feeling like nothing, you hated feeling worthless, you hated living your life like it was pointless, you couldn’t do it for any longer, not when you were giving up every single part of yourself to keep yourself together.

You couldn’t stay how you were, crying in the drivers seat of your car milling over the memories of your last camp, you needed to leave, needed to go somewhere, needed to talk somebody.

Before you really knew what you were doing you’d started driving, letting the tears drip onto your lap and the steering wheel as you frantically drove your way through the city.

You couldn’t be alone, but you also couldn’t handle all the eyes of your teammates, so you drove to the one other place that you could think of where you hoped somebody would be.

You tried your hardest to wipe the tears from your face, but they kept falling, the sleeve of your shirt getting damper by the second as you tried to wipe up the evidence of your breakdown. It was useless, and eventually you gave up, stepping out of your car and ducking your head as you walked towards the lift and navigated your way through the apartment building.

The person you were looking for didn’t answer the door, instead you were put face to face with Olga.

“Hola chica, Ale didn’t tell me she was expecting visitors.”

You bit down on your lip, tapping your foot against the floor as you peeked around Olga, searching for the person you were seeking out.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t tell her, I can go home, I know she’s been busy with her rehab, I don’t even know how I ended up here.”

Olga tugged at your arm before you could spit anything else out, tugging you through the door and closing it from behind you.

“Nonsense chica, you’re very welcome here, Alexia is sitting out on the balcony doing her exercises, she’ll be more than happy to have your company, just head on through, your always welcome here.”

You nodded at Olga, smiling at her as much as you could with your lip still stuck between your teeth.

“Thank you, thank you so much, I really appreciate.”

You tried to ignore the tears that were still dripping down your face, it didn’t feel like you were crying, even though you were, it more felt like you were shedding a layer of yourself, the layer that was holding all of the trauma that you’d been holding in, like it was your way of getting rid of it all.

Alexia’s apartment was meticulously clean as ever, but you spotted her out in the sun easily.

She was standing outside, in a pose similar to ones you did in your yoga sessions.

She looked at peace, like she was calm, like she was serene, the complete polar opposite to how you felt and you really didn’t want to burden her with your problems, but you were here now anyways.

You tiptoed over to the glass sliding door, pushing it open, causing Alexia’s head to peak up at you. She looks at you with curiosity, but doesn;t move, instead her head nods you towards one of the outdoor lounges beside her, which you beeline for.

She stays in her position as she addresses you.

“The appointment with your lawyer didn’t go well then?”

You did a double take as you stared at Alexia, shocked at the information she’d somehow managed to obtain.

“You don’t take me for a idiota do you? Mapi told me you had a appointment you were keeping quiet about this morning, it doesn’t take a genius to figure it out who it must have been with, considering recent events. Although your girlfriend wasn’t smart enough to work it out herself.”

Alexia stayed in her stretch, looking at you as if to prompt you to tell her more.

“Yes, I had a appointment with my lawyer, Alexia.”

Alexia smirked to herself, she was one of the most obersvanet people you knew, nothing got by her, you weren’t all that surprised to find out that this hadn’t.

“You’ll be joining the group then?”

You hadn’t really comes to terms with it, let alone saying it out loud.

“That’s the plan, should be official by tomorrow.”

Tears were still dripping down your face, you couldn’t find yourself caring though.

“Good for you. You deserve better, we all deserve better, may we all hopefully make a change.”

Alexia wasn’t officially a part of the movement, but she was everyway besides a signature as equally involved as everybody else.

“It just feels like i’m letting the team down, that I’m letting everyone down.”

Alexia nodded at you, finally coming out of her stretch and walking over to sit down next to you.

“You’re doing what’s good for you chica, your doing something that is going to make you happier, that is going to make your life better. Nobody else matters beyond that, trust me.”

Alexia looked at you, like she was genuinely struggling to help you out in the moment. She had been your mentor at Barca for forever, you seeked out her advice more than anybody elses, especially in this moment.

“I don’t know how to do it anymore, it’s like he was trying to ruin my fucking life, like his whole purpose for everyday was to make my life a living hell, and I just couldn’t do it anymore. I couldn’t walk around camp acting like it was fine, I couldn’t smile at cameras and talk to the press and tell them about how great I was feeling when it was all lies, all I wanted to do was leave, or sleep, or die, all because of his and his staff. They were hardly feeding me, hardly letting me sleep, hardly giving me a break and expecting me to perform at the same level as everybody else, if not better. I just couldn’t do it anymore Ale, it was too much.”

Alexia’s arm placed itself on your knee, squeezing your covered skin.

“You shouldn’t have to, you needed to leave and you did, you made the right decision chica, you made a impossible decision that will make your life 100 times easier, it doesn’t make you weak, it makes you so incredibly brave for being able to identify that you were being treated wrongly and that you needed to remove yourself from that space.”

The tears kept falling, your pants were slowly becoming soaked with the raw emotion.

“Mapi did it because of the abuse, because she had a legitimate reason, I’m leaving because they worked me a little bit harder than everybody else, it feels like I’m overreacting.”

You could feel Alexia rolling her eyes from beside you.

“Really? Has Mapi told you that?”

Mapi had told you that you deserved the world, you deserved everything you wanted, you deserved to be treated like a queen, not how the RFEF was treating you. She’d told you the decision was yours, that she would support you no matter what you did, but she’d also told you that after every camp you came back with a little bit less of yourself, that Vilda was stripping parts of you away to use at his mercy.

“It’s not the same thing, Patri, Pina, Mapi, they all have good reasons, they’ve all been hurt, Vilda is just trying to make me better, trying to make me worthy.”

Alexia’s hand squeezed tighter.

“You’re lying to yourself and you know it. As long as he is in charge, you aren’t going to get treated how you deserve, none of us are. We’ve all paid our dues, yet they don’t give a shit, they break us all down until we’ve got nothing left to give. They broke me down until I did my acl, if you hadn’t of left they would have done the same to you. It’s nonstop, even if it isn’t the same kind of abuse as Mapi, it’s still abuse, they still rip out every part of you in the process. Each time you come back you have less of yourself to offer, but they keep taking, and taking, they make us feel nothing. It’s a waste, it’s a waste of the wonderful life we’ve all been gifted. We deserve to be happy, we deserve to be free of the pain.”

You nodded your head, you’d been avoiding telling Mapi about all of this. You were conscious that she was still working through a lot of her own trauma, and you didn’t want to reopen scars that were only just beginning to heal.

“I don’t know what to do Ale, I sign the papers, I write the letters and I’m taking a stand, I’m trying to make a change. I stay, I wreck it all, but I keep my career. It feels like I’m at a crossroads with myself, and I can’t talk about it weith Maps because god forbid shes already been through enough with her own struggle through it all, she doesn’t need me on top of that.”

Alexia stood back up, getting back onto her mat and pushing herself into another stretch, all whilst she maintained eye contact with you.

“Mapi’s talked to you about her struggles, si? She’s burdening you with her own problems, yet it doesn’t feel that way, because you love her and you’d do anything to make her pain less. I guarantee she’d feel the exact same way. You’ve been through a lot, none of us will ever be able to completely comprehend what you’ve been through, but if you started talking to your loved ones about it we’d be able to support you better. Or a therapist, I know Barca has been giving you sessions, but I mean a real psychologist, not just a person who tells you that you need a day off. You need somebody to help you, to actually make you feel like you deserve better than how they treated you, because I know that you know that but I don’t think you really believe it.”

The tears were slowly coming to a standstill, slipping less frequently down your face as Alexia talked to you.

“I don’t want to make her hurt any more than she already has.”

Alexia just looked at you, with that double eyebrow raise and little crinkle in her forehead.

“If you think that Maria wouldn’t do anything for you, even if it meant sucking every single inch of pain from your body and putting it into hers, she would do it and she would do it with a smile on her face. Her whole world, her whole solar system revolves around you and she’d want you to talk to her about this. She knows better than anybody else what you’re experiencing, she’s literally been where you are, so why not talk to her about it?”

It was true, for as long as Mapi and you had been together she’d tried to fix every single thing, she would do anything to make you feel better, this didn’t feel the same though.

“She deserves to live in a world where Vilda, where the RFEF, don’t affect her anymore. She signed the petition, she’s cleaned her hands of it all, and I should have done it with her, but I didn’t. I chose to keep playing for the benefit of my career, because I was greedy and decided that a Ballon D’or and any kind of accolade I was a shot at was more important then taking a stand and I hate it. I hate that now that I’ve won things that suddenly it’s all hit me that I don’t like what’s been happening, and I don’t want to support it. Mapi doesn’t deserve to go through it a second time, all because I was greedy.”

Alexia switched sides on her stretch, the sun was radiating off of her olive skin and her blonde hair, she looked ethereal.

“Have you told her anything about it?”

Alexia was frowning, like she was shocked by your actions.

“She knows that I was struggling at camp, she told me I was welcome to talk to her. After the last one she knew something had changed, she told me she was worried and I shook her off, because I thought she was being overprotective, but she was right, she had reason to be worried, I wasn’t okay. I’m not okay, i don’t know how to process it all.”

Alexia nodded.

“Go home, tell her what’s happening, see what she says, I think it’ll be a lot better than whatever you’ve thought up. Mapi has been my bestfriend for years, she’s dated my sister, she’s dated my friends and I can confidently tell you that she loves you more than any of them, you’re her do or die, all she’ll want to do is support you, please just go and talk to her.”

Alexia looked at you with such conviction and honesty that you couldn’t find it in you to try and fight her on the topic.

“Thank you Ale, I needed this, I needed to talk to somebody, needed to feel less crazy.”

Alexia did one last stretch before standing up, pulling you into a tight hug before you could pull away.

“You’re not crazy chica, you’re going through a very real, very hard time, and you deserve to have the people around you show you how much they love you.”

Alexia let go of you, shoving you back towards the door.

“Go talk to your girl, and sign those papers, and be happy, enjoy life, enjoy peace. You deserve it, chica.”

You nodded into Alexia’s shoulder, letting go of her and slipping back into her apartment, leaving her to get back to her stretching.

You shivered when you spotted Mapi’s car already parked in her spot. You knew you’d be cutting it close with getting home earlier then her, but you’d held a silent hope that you would be the first home. You hesitated to exit your car, scared of what the inside of your apartment held. You weren’t scared so much, more a little bit tentative of the conversation that you were about to have, knowing that it could majorly impact your relationship. In your heart, you knew that Mapi would love you no matter what, but it didn’t calm the nerves inside of you as you pulled your keys from the ignition, pulled out the papers that your lawyer had given you and exited your car.

The whole walk from your car, to the elevator and then down the hallway to your apartment had your heart thrumming inside of your chest. Your hands were quite literally shaking as you pushed your key into the door.

You toed your shoes off at the door, slotting them down beside the door before slowly walking your way through the entrance. It wasn’t hard to find Mapi, she was right in front of you, sitting down at the island bench, patting Bagheera and eating a post training salad. You knew that there was one meant for you still sitting on the shelf of your fridge, from when the two of you had meal planned yesterday. She looked so undisturbed, with the afternoon light coming in through the gaps in the blinds and the general silence that you were about to break.

You announce yourself by slinging your bag down against the wall, a loud enough noise that seems to wake Mapi from her happy daze.

She smiles as soon as her eyes set on you and it only makes the weight in your gut feel ten times heavier and the pain in your heart ten times worse.

You wanted to turn around and walk right back out the door you’d just walked through, but you couldn’t, not with the way that Mapi looked at you, like her whole day had been made by your appearance.

“Hola bebita, how was your meeting?”

Mapi’s smiling ear to ear, quite literally, you swear you can see every single one of her teeth. It had hurt you to lie to Mapi about where you were going today, telling her that you’d had a crucial appointment with your manager about some media things, it wasn’t a direct lie. You had met with your manager, instead of it being positive though, it had been quite the opposite.

You didn’t have any words to reiterate to Mapi, so instead you just picked up the papers that were tucked away in your hands and placed them down on the island infront of her.

Mapi looked at you with confusion for a few seconds.

“Just read them, you’ll understand it more once you have.”

Mapi didn’t hesitate, picking up the first piece of paper and scanning over it, before moving onto the second, then the third and so on, till she’d made it through the entire stack.

You stood anxiously on your toes the whole time, balancing from one foot to the other as you contemplated how Mapi was going to reply to this sudden change.

When she did finish, she looked up at you, a lot of questions hidden behind her curious eyes.

“I’m resigning, or requesting they don’t call me up. I don’t want to play for a federation that doesn’t care about me. I’m sorry I didn’t do it earlier, but I wasn’t ready and I’m sorry I’m bother you with it now but I’m also sorry I didn’t tell you about it earlier, I met with my lawyer for the first time today to sign the documents and write my statement. If it all goes to plan then they should be out in the next week. I don’t want to do it anymore, I can’t do it anymore, I’m sorry.”

Mapi blinked a few times, like you’d just blindsided her completely, and you figured you had.

“I didn’t even really know it was happening until after last camp, and I just realised that I was so exhausted and so tired and so sick of it all that I couldn’t do it again. I should have done it earlier, I should have been a part of it all from the start but I was scared and I still am scared Maps. This is supposed to be my job, I’m supposed to be grateful for the opportunities I’m given and yet I feel like I’m a fraud and I’m lying when I say that because I’m not grateful and I’m not happy and I can’t do it anymore, I just can’t. I’ve been praying every night that I get injured, so that I get a break like Ale, and I don’t want to feel like that anymore.”

Mapi just stood up and pulled you into her arms, silencing the rambling and making you realise that you were now crying again.

She slowly led you towards the couch, bringing you into her arms as you tried to take control of yourself.

It felt like every piece of anguish, every piece of fear, every piece of internal hatred was slowly being pulled from your body and it felt so good, like you were somehow being healed.

Mapi wiated until you were coherent enough, until you felt more resurfaced, and less like the bloodn was rushing through your ears and every though of self-doubt was spirally through the different ridges of your brain.

“Princesa, you’ve made this decision for you, si? Not because of me, not because of anybody else, because you believe this is best for you?”

You nodded into her chest, enjoying the feeling of your own skin pressed directly to hers.

“I’m sick of them making me feel this way Maps, I don’t like it, I don’t think it’s right.”

Mapi’s body was surrounding you, her scent, her feel, her everything, and it was all you’d needed today, everything that Alexia had assured you would make you feel better.

Mapi’s salad was forgotten on the counter.

Bagheera was somewhere else.

It was just the two of you, just the two of you to face everything.

“We’re put into boxes, as women, men try to make us be everything and yet nothing. It’s not right, we’re expected to be as good as the men, but we have to behave eloquently, say our pleases and thank yous and never be ungrateful for the piss poor conditions we put up with. We’re supposed to be passionate, but we’re not allowed to over react in any way. We can only underperform, not overperform. There are no expectations for us, because we’re women and we’re supposed to be worse than the men, but they’re are also so many expectations for us to meet. It’s okay for you to be done with that, there is nothing wrong with you saying no to constantly being abused. You’re not a fraud bebita and I’m here for you no matter what. You’re my girlfriend first, a person second and a soccer player last. It doesn’t matter, none of it matters, you matter, you’re feelings and how you feel is what matters.”

Mapi’s hand pulled your head from her neck, her lips connecting with your forehead with ease.

“I’m not doing it anymore Maps. I want to be strong, I want to say no. I want to be a part of the right side of history. I don’t want to sit around pretending everything’s fine when it’s not fine. It’s nowhere near fine and until there is a change it won’t be.”

Mapi nodded, pressing a series of kisses to your forehead.

“Then we’ll work it out, you’ll keep me in the loop and we’ll figure it out together, no more hiding these big feelings from me. We’ll go and see our therapists and take soe time off and do whatever you need to feel safe and happy, because what matters is you, nobody else, si?”

You nodded your head once again, enjoying the same smile that her face was covered in. her lips migrated down to your cheeks, pressing kisses to the rosiest parts, pushing the tears away.

“I’ve got you bebita, we’ve got each other, we’re going to be fine, we all are.”