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keferon · 7 months ago

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Blurr doesn't believe in ghosts.

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Blurr's been in accidents before, so he's not entirely unfamiliar with the routine of waking up in hospital. What's new this time is the flood of relief that he wakes up – because he was certain he was dead, there was no way he wasn't dying when his eyes had closed.

Still, Blurr knows this routine. The first few days are filled with an overwhelming amount of cards and flower bouquets – well-wishes and sympathies expressed by everyone ranging from fans to sponsors to business partners and company executives. Few actually visit, fewer still stay with him very long.

Swindle is one of the only ones who returns more than once. He's done more than Blurr ever thought he would to uphold his word from their early meetings – that anything Blurr needed, anything at all he could call on Swindle and Swindle would provide. Because as Blurr understands it, Swindle is the reason that Blurr's here at all. Swindle's the one covering Blurr's medical treatments and handling most of the publicity for Blurr's condition.

That in and of itself doesn't entirely surprise Blurr. Afterall, their business relationship is valuable to Swindle. Blurr's recovery is valuable to Swindle. What does surprise him is that Swindle stays and talks with Blurr. Comes back to keep talking. Answers Blurr's calls when he's too bored or needs a distraction from the pain and the numbness of it all. And he doesn't have to. It's enough to almost have Blurr believing that Swindle values him not just for his face or his fame, but for what he can do as a person.

But Blurr can also see with each passing visit the strain that events have put on Swindle. He can see how the dark circles grow under the other man's eyes. Notices how visits are growing further apart, happening later in the day. Phone calls and conversations are shorter.

Blurr can see there are things Swindle isn't telling him. Some days, he even gets Swindle to outright admit to that fact. But Swindle always avoids the issue. Ensures Blurr that all he needs to focus on is his own recovery – that Swindle will handle everything else.

And then, the day comes when Swindle finally lets Blurr in on the truth. Blurr gets the sense that Swindle would rather have never told him what the game is that they're playing – that he only did so because he felt he had no other choice. Blurr isn't sure how he feels. Some days -- a lot of days, if he's being completely honest -- he finds himself wishing he never knew, wishing things could go back to the way they'd been. The one thing he knows for certain is that Swindle's visits are no longer just those of a friend stopping by (if they ever truly were). They are back to business.

Other things Blurr knows for certain is that recovery is long and agonizingly slow and terribly lonely at times. There are the visits from doctors and nurses. Lab technicians and physical therapists. But it's not the same as having visitors – as having friends or family to look in on him. And while Blurr sees crowds of people when he's outside the hospital with Swindle, everything Blurr does – every interaction -- is an act. An act that only serves to exhaust him further.

There are days where Blurr struggles to tell whether any real progress is being made – with his recovery or with Swindle's efforts in mecha. There are days where he's certain there is no progress, will never be any progress, and it's hard to remember why he keeps trying, keeps fighting.

And then, the ghost visits him in the middle of the night.

The next morning when he wakes he doesn't believe it was real. He's on strong drugs to keep the pain at bay – more so on the days when the strain of recovery and public appearances take too heavy of a toll.

Blurr doesn't believe in ghosts. Drug-induced hallucinations, yes. Figments of a dying mind, yes. Figures that appear haunting his dreams, yes. Because Swindle had told Blur finally, in one of his rare unguarded moments, that not everyone made it out of mecha. That one of the mechanics – the one who according to Swindle had been enlisted by Blurr to navigate the collapsing building – was missing. Missing so long at this point he was presumed dead. And Blurr has hazy recollections of seeing a ghost in his dying moments.

Even though the mechanics official status is uncertain, Blurr knows not everyone made it out of that building. And Blurr knows the ghost is not real. Knows that if it is anything, it is his own guilt come back to haunt him. Guilt that he wasn't fast enough. Guilt that he had needed to pull anyone else into risking their life alongside his own. Guilt that he survived.

Only, the little Blurr can recall of the ghost's visit feels different than the dreams where Blurr's dying. It feels more – real. Blurr doesn't know how that can make sense when it comes to ghosts. But he supposes if aliens are real, then maybe it's not such a stretch. And come to think of it, the ghost had claimed to be an alien.

It takes a little while from when Blurr first confronts the ghost to pick up on the signs. It's little things. The light flickering away over only part of a lightbulb. A shadow on the ceiling with nothing to cast it. The curtains that continue to move on their own so as to shield his eyes from too much glare from the sun. The way that Blurr can see sometimes see Swindle's collar move when they are out and he leans close for extra support or to whisper into Swindle's ear – even when there's no breeze or they are indoors.

But it's the night that the call alarm next to Blurr's bed goes off on its own, while he's still trapped in the throes of a nightmare, thrashing, in pain, that convinces Blurr. Maybe whatever he's noticing isn't entirely made up by his mind.

He starts to take comfort whenever he sees the lights flicker or a shadow where it doesn't belong or an unexplainable twitch of Swindle's collar. The room feels just a little bit brighter, the burden that he's carrying just a little bit lighter for believing that maybe he isn't so alone.

Ghost. Alien. Guardian. Whatever the presence may be, it strengthens Blurr knowing it's there, watching over him.

And when Blurr can tell he's being cornered into a medical conversation he isn't certain he wants to have, the mecha employee appearing from seemingly nowhere to give him a way out seems too good to be true. Blurr wouldn't be believing it if he wasn't watching the scene unfold before his eyes, wasn't playing a role in it himself – nodding along with the frantic employee even as the technical details of what emergency he's agreeing with slip way over his head.

It's only when the doctor is gone that Blurr lets down his guard, dares to reach out. Because the voice talking to him feels familiar.

Blurr pulls back the brim of the cap.

He feels his heart skip a beat in his chest and for a rare moment, Blurr finds himself completely at a loss for what to say, what to do. Because he knows the face looking back at him. It's the face of a ghost. The face of his ghost.

Neither of us is real.

The words drift across Blurr's mind. Words that he knows with sudden clarity were the last he had ever expected to hear. Only, here they both are.

The ghost smiles cautiously up at him, shifting slightly from foot to foot as Blurr stares. And in the warmth of that smile Blurr feels blinded.

The small part of Blurr's mind that isn't reeling trying to process what all he's just uncovered wonders if this isn't the closest he'll get to feeling what other people seem to experience when Blurr himself walks into a room. Because Blurr is frozen, even as his thoughts race in a hundred different directions at once and his heart pounds in his chest. Because the ghost is real. And just that knowledge makes Blurr feel slightly less alone in all this.

Because... the ghost is real. And just that knowledge ...makes Blurr feel slightly less alone uh??????

#HELP #I LOVE IT #YOU GAVE SOME SWEET SWEET SPOTLIGHT TO SWINDLE IM SO HAPPY JFJGJKDKDNDHF #THIS IS AMAZING #tf mecha universe #mecha writing #mecha bs writing #no okay but yes. Blurr does have a lot of fans but does he have anyone to sit by the bedside waiting for him to wake up after almost dying?#..............not yet:)

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