#so they don't care/think about their boundaries and needs and feel disappointed and upset when the Motherlike Being doesn't fulfill

[headcanon-everything]

If ur still taking requests, could we get some hc about Tony trying to take care of the reader? Like how does he comfort them (im dying for some soft and fluffy Tony content 😭)

I HAVE TO REWRITE THIS UGH I originally had sick and emotional comfort headcanons because I wasn't sure which you wanted at first, but I don't want to type them both out again so we're going with the emotional comfort for now. my stupid Internet and lack of it deleted the original rip

Tony Romantic Headcanons

- S/O needs comfort -

this man is. so fucking sweet. it makes my tooth ache

he picks up ok the change in attitude pretty quickly

his first instinct if he sees you bummed over something is to crack jokes

he'll be silly, trying to get out to smile or cheer up

then he starts busting out the ridiculous floor plans, them getting more crazy as he goes to try and get a laugh out of you

but if that doesn't work? he'll lower his loud voice, speaking uncharacteristically softly, and ask if you want to talk about it

if you do? Great! he's a surprisingly fantastic listener. will stand there and listen attentively, all focus on you with his arms crossed. nodding to let you know he's listening and jumping in at all the right times

you dont wanna talk? that works too, he'll sit by you or hold you in silence until you feel better

if you ever start crying, whether during an argument, telling him something, or him just finding you that way, he's IMMEDIATELY wrapping you into his arms

guiding your head to be just over his heart or in his neck, one hand in your hair and the other wrapped around your waist or shoulder

holds you to have you feel safe and secure

will place a kiss to the top of your head and start murmuring sweet nothings, not letting you go the whole time

he HATES seeing you cry, it makes his heart crack in two when he does

when you start to calm down or pull away, he'll let you pull back and will use the hand that was in your hair to cradle your face

again he'll softly ask if you want to talk about it and if it's something he can fix

if it's something he can, he's rushing off to do it as fast as possible the second you're in a good mood and he feels comfortable leaving you for a minute

if it's something he can't, he pulls you back in for a moment

(it's so you can't see the disappointment in his eyes or his jaw shift as he bites back his tongue. he's a fixer, it's his job - he wants to be able to fix all your problems

(but he knows it's not possible or logical to do that. he doesn't want you to ever think he's disappointed in you about it. he's irritated at the universe. he's dissatisfied with the fact he can't make it go away for you and wants to make sure you don't blame yourself over his own emotions over it)

if you're the type to pull away or isolate yourself, he clocks it immediately

will try to give you space at first, trying to crack a joke as he asks if it was something he did

then he starts "dropping by" to check in and see if you're doing any better

will bring you a snack, conveniently find something to work on near you, etc

will sit in the same room "reading" something

he gets progressively worse about it the more you double down on it

Tony says no self-isolation on his watch <3

he'll even go through the trouble to lean on your door if you shut him out, casually talking about his day loud enough for you to hear him as if you're in the same room

he knows there's a high probability you'll snap at him and doesn't care

it may not be the best solution, but he'd rather be there than let you sulk in silence

if you do snap at him, he doesn't ever hold it against you or bring it up. he knows damn well that he's pushing at boundaries and it's got a high rate of making someone upset, but he'd rather have that than have you feel like you need to hide yourself from him

is surprisingly calm if he does push you to snap at him. he's not really an angry guy in the first place - more loud than anything - but again he's going into it knowing that he's pushing buttons

he's here for the good, the bad, and the ugly. he doesn't care as long as you actually let him be there

he just adores you to pieces and while he may not be the best with words, he wants to help

he wants to make all your problems go away - or at least be there with you while you piece yourself together

[leatherbookmark]

read a couple of posts by people forced into parentified dynamics by other (queer!) people and 1. this is a FASCINATINGLY unfamiliar phenomenon to me, which might be unsurprising since i barely have /any/ relationships in general, but still, huh???, and 2. it probably has nothing to do with it (lest?) but it made me think of fandoms forcibly & by the throat dragging idols/characters into """"found family"""" dynamics, and, huh

[arasinchahonghong]

Seventeen Reaction : When you 7 y/o kid misbehaves with you how would they react.

S.Coups (Choi Seungcheol)

Seungcheol would be the firm but understanding dad. If your 7-year-old, Jiwoo, throws a tantrum and says something hurtful to you, he'd immediately step in.

"Jiwoo," his voice would be calm but serious, "Come here, sweetie." He'd kneel down to her level, making direct eye contact. "We don't talk to Mommy like that. Mommy works so hard for us, and she loves you very much. Did you mean to hurt her feelings?" He'd then gently explain the impact of her words, emphasizing that even when she's upset, respect is important. Later, he'd encourage Jiwoo to apologize sincerely and then, away from her, he'd reassure you, "It's a phase, jagi. She's learning. You're doing an amazing job."

Jeonghan (Yoon Jeonghan)

Jeonghan would use a blend of gentle reasoning and a touch of playful manipulation. If your son, Minjun, refuses to clean up his toys and talks back, Jeonghan would sigh dramatically.

"Oh no, Minjun. Is that how my best boy talks to his amazing mommy?" He'd probably pout slightly, making Minjun feel a little guilty. "Mommy is sad now. And when Mommy is sad, maybe she won't feel like making your favorite pancakes tomorrow." He'd then sit with Minjun, quietly explaining how his actions make you feel and the importance of helping out. He'd make sure Minjun understands that being kind is cool, and then guide him to apologize and clean up, likely making it a fun game afterwards.

Joshua (Hong Jisoo)

Joshua, with his calm and patient demeanor, would approach the situation with quiet wisdom. If your daughter, Yina, stomps her foot and whines rudely when you ask her to do something, he'd take her hand gently.

"Yina, that wasn't very kind," he'd say softly, his voice full of genuine disappointment, not anger. "Mommy is trying to help you, and you need to listen to her. How would you feel if someone talked to you like that?" He'd encourage her to think about her actions from your perspective. He'd then calmly guide her to apologize and explain that even when she's frustrated, there are better ways to express herself. He'd remind you later, "Kids test boundaries, honey. We just need to guide them with love."

Jun (Wen Junhui)

Jun would be initially surprised, then slightly dramatic, before turning serious. If your son, Haowen, pushes your hand away and yells, "Leave me alone!" Jun would widen his eyes.

"Haowen! What was that?" he'd exclaim, a hint of playful disbelief in his voice, quickly followed by a serious tone. "You don't push Mommy. Mommy is your friend and she takes care of you. Is that how you treat your friends?" He'd then sit him down, explaining the importance of respecting your personal space and words. He'd probably demonstrate how to say "no" or "I need a moment" in a polite way, then insist on a proper apology and a hug for you.

Hoshi (Kwon Soonyoung)

Hoshi would react with a mix of surprise and a firm, "No." If your daughter, Sarang, throws a small toy in your direction out of frustration, he'd catch her gaze immediately.

"Sarang! Stop!" His voice would be sharp, cutting through the tantrum. He'd then pick up the toy and approach her. "We do not throw things, and we definitely don't throw things at Mommy. That's not safe, and it's not kind." He'd explain the immediate consequences of her actions and the potential for harm. He'd then patiently talk about how to express anger without being destructive, demanding a sincere apology and a promise to be more careful.

Wonwoo (Jeon Wonwoo)

Wonwoo would be quiet at first, observing, and then deliver a calm, direct reprimand. If your son, Hyeonjun, ignores your instructions and then makes a sarcastic comment, Wonwoo would slowly turn to him.

"Hyeonjun," his voice would be low but clear, making Hyeonjun snap to attention. "That was disrespectful. Mommy asked you to do something, and you need to listen. Your words have power, and you should use them kindly, not to hurt others." He'd explain the weight of words and the importance of respecting authority. He'd then ask Hyeonjun to explain why he felt the need to behave that way, and then guide him to apologize and correct his behavior, emphasizing accountability.

Woozi (Lee Jihoon)

Jihoon would be the no-nonsense but loving dad. If your daughter, Hayun, whines loudly and says, "You're so annoying!" when you're trying to help her with homework, he'd raise an eyebrow.

"Hayun," his voice would be firm and unwavering, "That's enough. Mommy is helping you. She is not annoying. That's a very rude thing to say." He wouldn't tolerate disrespect. He'd then explain that being frustrated is okay, but taking it out on others is not. He'd make her apologize immediately and then calmly, but firmly, redirect her attention back to the homework, reiterating that polite communication is always the expectation.

DK (Lee Seokmin)

Seokmin would be heartbroken but determined to teach. If your son, Jinyoung, yells "I hate you!" in a fit of anger, Seokmin's bright demeanor would visibly dim.

"Jinyoung," his voice would be soft, almost a whisper, reflecting his hurt. He'd kneel down, looking into Jinyoung's eyes. "Did you really mean that? Do you know how much Mommy loves you? When you say things like that, it makes her very, very sad." He'd explain the profound impact of those words, focusing on the emotional pain they cause. He'd then emphasize that love means treating each other with kindness, even when angry, and gently guide Jinyoung to apologize and understand the power of his words.

Mingyu (Kim Mingyu)

Mingyu would be the hands-on, immediate problem-solver. If your daughter, Eunji, refuses to share a toy with you and physically pulls it away, he'd gently but firmly intervene.

"Eunji, hey," he'd say, taking the toy. "We share. And we definitely don't pull things from Mommy. That's not being a good friend." He'd demonstrate sharing, explaining that everyone deserves a turn. He'd then talk to her about respecting personal space and belongings, making sure she understands that even when she doesn't want to share, there's a kind way to express it, before asking for an apology.

The8 (Xu Minghao)

Minghao would approach it with a calm, philosophical explanation. If your son, Ren, is deliberately making a mess after you've asked him to stop, Minghao would quietly observe for a moment, then step in.

"Ren," he'd say, his voice measured. "Why are you doing this? Mommy is trying to keep our home nice for us. When you make a bigger mess, it creates more work, and it shows you don't respect her efforts." He'd then talk about the concept of respect and responsibility, emphasizing that actions have consequences and that contributing positively to the family is important. He'd then calmly guide Ren to clean up the mess himself, making it a lesson in accountability.

Seungkwan (Boo Seungkwan)

Seungkwan would be visibly disappointed but would try to use humor to soften the lesson. If your daughter, Yejin, makes a sarcastic comment about your cooking, Seungkwan would dramatically gasp.

"Yejin! My heart! Are you insulting Mommy's delicious food?" He'd then turn serious, "Mommy worked hard to make this for us. It's not nice to talk like that. Even if you don't like something, we say 'thank you' first, and then we can talk about it kindly." He'd explain the effort involved in your actions and the importance of showing appreciation, then make her apologize and perhaps even help you in the kitchen next time to understand the process.

Vernon (Hansol Vernon Chwe)

Vernon would be direct and logical, focusing on the impact of the child's actions. If your son, Dylan, whines persistently and tries to manipulate you with tears, Vernon would calmly address it.

"Dylan, that's not how we communicate," he'd state, his voice even. "Whining and crying to get your way is not effective, and it's not fair to Mommy. When you talk calmly, Mommy can understand what you need." He'd explain that respectful communication is key to solving problems. He'd then make Dylan express his needs in a clear, polite manner, emphasizing that emotions are valid but how you express them matters, and then ensure he apologizes for his behavior.

Dino (Lee Chan)

Chan would be firm but nurturing, seeing it as a teaching moment. If your daughter, Nari, stamps her foot and yells "No!" when you ask her to do something, Chan would immediately address the tone.

"Nari, that's not how we respond," his voice would be steady. "We don't yell at Mommy. When you yell, it makes Mommy sad and makes it harder for her to understand you." He'd then explain the importance of listening and respecting your requests. He'd make her apologize and then patiently explain why your request was important, turning it into an opportunity to teach about cooperation and good manners.

[eatmangoesnekkid]

UNCONDITIONAL LOVE AND NATURAL BEAUTY: A Channeling for the Open-Minded Human Soul When I was younger, I remember people would say to me things like "you ain't upset or pissed that such and such did that?" It didn't matter if it was a family member, friend, or lover, I naturally held unconditional love, not always judging things as "bad" or "wrong," needing people to be different, nor needing to prove I was "right" about a thing (or feel bad when I was wrong). That emotional intelligence doesn't mean that I didn't get upset, because hell yeah I did and do. But the great lesson I am realizing is that I didn't (and still don't) hold grudges or tension around most people. It is very easy for me to feel love for someone. To fall in love. I didn't realize that I had accessed aspects of my divine energy, my heart, the real feminine, therefore I didn't need anything more than what the person was capable of giving nor did I hold onto all the stories. I do have grown-woman-boundaries and my boundaries do not permit me to stay in relationships or connections that aren't mutually nourishing, but it does mean I tend to hold unconditional love *in my body* for the person, and not anger, rage, hate, disappointment, and the like. And it's that same unconditional love I hold for myself, the same unconditional love in which I touch my skin and body with. What I'm realizing through my study of quantum physics is that our self-image is the gatekeeper to our subconscious. Every thought, feeling, and belief, including ancestral, is stored as an energetic imprint that influences the quality of our health, the quality of our mobility, especially as we age, how we touch ourselves, what we see when we look in the mirror, and the quality of our light, natural beauty and worthiness, which are less about aesthetics and more about our energy field. If we look at "hate" for example, hating another is really self-hatred. Because if there is no unprocessed internal hate in the body, there can be no manifestation of hate in one's experiences, you see. So when people hate another, they really hate themselves and another person simply showed up in their experience for them to hate as part of their manifestation. It is a divinely perfect world, even in all the chaos, evil, and delusion. And while hate, pain, and suffering are heartbreaking to witness on a human level, most of it is ancestrally-linked and socially taught. They are karmic cycles carried over from other lifetimes, living in the root chakras of human bodies and informing our habits like how we care for our bodies, how we make love, how we raise our children, and what cycles continue to repeat from there. So the moral of the story: be kind, be loving, but don't take no shit. And let go of all the stories, all the history and past ruminations. And when you are ready or have capacity, fall in love with everything. Or most things. Those who desire to live beyond the trappings of the ego will be willing to let go of ugly habits and become more devoted to the heart which means they naturally begin to live a life of more beauty overtime. -India Ame'ye, Author

Part 2 -Solution and next-step direction:

Submerging your body into an ice bath or cold shower is a type of somatic shadow work that helps to release the trapped, pent up ancestral rage and anger out of your tissues–creating less inflammation, a higher level of thinking and perceiving, better mobility, and a more open heart. Ask me how I know?! –India Ame'ye, Author

[lullabyalikpoptarot]

Ateez Dynamics (San's Perspective)

Time to look into what San's perspective is for the group members. Let's take a look at his thoughts.

Hongjoong (The Protector/5 of Swords) Now normally the 5 of Swords means conflict and arguments between the two. I mean it can happen between the two, but the keyword is controversy, so maybe Hongjoong protects him from that, because we also go the protector card, they may both do this for one another. There is a need to respect each other's boundaries. Okay, I am now being drawn back to their reading, this may help me a bit, because I am getting there could be arguments between the two that may have to do with boundaries. So, the keyword on the deck seems to be important, I respect people's boundaries and expect the same for them. I lowkey think Hongjoong may not do that at times, because he can be so protective, oh, okay, I am starting to get this. So, Hongjoong may not get why he is upset, if you go back to Hongjoong's perspective you'll see what I am talking about, the reason San is showing me why he is upset is because he crosses the line from time to time. Ah, this makes sense, this is why perspective is important ya'll lol This is where the arguments stem from, well allegedly, don't know them, but wow, fascinating stuff here.

Seonghwa (The Partners/10 of Wands) Hmm, there could be a sense of responsibility they put on themselves, they may relate in that sense. There could be a sense of responsibility he feels he has for Seonghwa, or he sees Seonghwa as someone who puts others first and carries the weight of others. I mean they both seems to be that way. Carry the weight of the team, because you have the partners here, so they are the same, a tandem, working together here. It is like they both put their friendship and members first, which carry a lot of burdens for them. So, he relates to him in that sense.

Yunho (The Benefactor/5 of Cups/The Hanged Man) He seems to see Yunho as a man who finds a way to rise to the occasion, or find a way out of a deep whole, or a dark period. He finds a way to reflect at what he lost or what he is disappointed about, work through that, and moves forward. He always takes steps forward, not backwards. He knows his value and worth and uses it for his gain. It is like he takes a step back, pauses for a bit, looks through the situation, he may take some time away to himself to gather himself, and then moves forward. I am not sure he meditates, but the one card gives me that. Anyway, he values what he brings to the team, and probably respects how he handles things. This is more how he feels about him, than the dynamic, but love seeing this. Yunho seems like such a cool dude.

Yeosang (The Angel/Queen of Swords) Okay, he is giving me that he shows more confidence and composure than I thought he had lol Why does he not give me that though? He sees him as very intellectual and very observant. He helps those in need, is a generally sweet person. He guides and protects those he cares about. He keeps his composure through all the struggles and difficulties. There is a strong confidence and belief in himself that he has. Yo, why is Yeosang so hard for me to get? This seems new to me. He did not give me this energy lol Okay, San, thanks for the new information here. He stands for his beliefs. Okay, I remember him being this way, head strong and kind of stubborn, this is ringing a bell now from other readings I did about him. He likes that he is cool, calm and collected. Not overly emotional or dramatic. He knows what he wants and sticks to it. He doesn't say much, but when he speaks it speaks volumes. Interesting

Mingi (The Dreamer/Strength) Not at all surprised by what I see. Well, the strength card is represented by Leo energy. He is a Leo. Powerful, strong, very confident, I heard loyal, okay. Very strong willed, has lots of strength to endure difficult times. He knows his power but knows not to go overboard with it. He is optimistic, hopeful, has lots of dreams, also a strong imagination. He could be very intuitive as well, and also may have vivid dreams and share that with him. He is a force to be reckon with I hear. Once again, more about his love for Mingi, but not much of the dynamic. I guess he wants to share how he feels about him lol

Wooyoung (The Initiator/Queen of Wands/7 of Swords) So, I was going to put back the 7 of swords, because it was behind the QOW's, but I kept it because I want the tea, and both cards flew out hard, they basically fell on the floor, so I am going to keep it. He definitely sees him as very passionate. He sees him as someone who goes after what he wants. He sees him as someone who takes the initiative to get what needs to be done. I felt like someone gave him the opposite energy in a dynamic reading, don't remember who though. Now with that QOW'S energy, girl, how do I say this, I mean he may see him as attractive with this energy, not going to lie. It doesn't have to be romantic thought people, not going there. I mean I see some girls as attractive, doesn't mean I date them. But he also sees him as a shining star, very charming, alluring, has a nice presentation, what that means, who knows, just channeling, but with this 7 of swords, I am getting looks can be deceiving here. So, what I am getting is he isn't what he showcases or appears to be in public, that is what this is giving me. Because the keyword in this deck for 7 of swords is deception, so yeah. I do think he likes him, he gave me more positive energy toward him than others, but he may not be as confident as he appears is what this is giving me, because the keyword for the QOW's is confidence. Interesting once again. Man, San spills the tea, love his energy and how he explains things, he takes me on a journey.

Jongho (The Lustful/6 of Wands) Once again this boy gets the lustful card, I believe he got this for Hongjoong's reading, and also doing his ideal partner reading. Boy is a playboy lol Because the keyword on the card is I embrace my sexuality as a sacred gift, boy stop, anyway. Ya'll he a Freak, okay, let me stop. Umm, yeah, I think he sees him as someone who goes after what he wants and is successful at whatever he wants to achieve. It is like he enjoys winning at all costs. Like whatever he wants he achieves. I mean this could do with potential partner, because man, the lustful card speaks volumes, like why he had to throw that one out lol

Okay, this was a fun ride. I love chatty energies like this. I can't wait to get to his perspective reading, because I know boy wants to talk, his energy is one of the stronger ones for me for that reading. I knew I would enjoy this one and he did not disappoint.

[seraphicescape]

bringing pucca into modern times

pucca is probably one of the most irrational, chaotic cartoons I've ever seen, but it's pretty charming and entertaining compared 2 it's last season. i wz soo devastated when they took it off Netflix but i guess something about pucca may normalize se×ual harassment... i actually didnt want 2 believe this at first but it seems a majority of fans seem to think it :-(. i did read about this post on reddit thinking of bringing pucca into modern times by changing it's concept, but me, personally, it might be a problem...

in the e-cards/flash animations, pucca and garu appeared to be adults (I sure hope so considering pucca was basically nakey in this series.) source:

so the flash cards made them actually seem like a clingy girlfriend x shy boyfriend kind of dynamic. but when they produced the Jetix series, they decided to change that dynamic to obsessed girl x guy whose low-key scared of her for a comedic twist. (thus came the concept funny love) but their relationship was GOD AWFUL in this series. I would always get so disappointed when pucca would go too far with her "love" and feel so upset whenever I saw garu with an angry face filled with hatred everytime he saw pucca. But I think something that probably drove viewers in, having this concept, was having them think about garu and puccas complicated relationship. e.g "Does he like her back or not?" "Are they together or not?" and because of garus vow of silence (although not necessarily a problem) we'll struggle to determine his intentions. (does his red face mean he's blushing, angry, or embarrassed/in need of breath??)

because of this new concept/dynamic its most likely what made pucca popular in the first place. Which is why it may be a problem if we change the concept now (?) the reddit post proposed that pucca could be darker if the concept were to be kept, which could be fine, but it had such charm as a kids cartoon. however the dynamic shouldnt be on a kids cartoon either because it may change childrens mindsets into normalizing this problematic behavior. The third season was a good improvement on this topic, pucca seemed to be more aware of garus boundaries and garu is not as repulsed by pucca compared to the Jetix series. but the show had less charm than the Jetix one, only being accompanied by toilet humour and cute moments of pucca and garus relationship, while the Jetix one was a bit more expressive and fluid. Pucca (the show) has pretty unreliable writers.

but I think there are a number of concepts for pucca and garu to have a healthy(?) relationship while still having the comedic schtick. I've heard some people say garu and pucca are a couple in the series, and garu simply distances himself from her so his enemies don't target her. this concept would be cute if garu just simply.... returned his kisses 😭 like a cute >_< peck on the lips and then hes like "bye I'm off to kill ppl (for justice)!!!" this would confirm they're in a relationship and the concept could go on smoothly. That, or pucca and garu having a competitive romantic relationship. the chase would happen as usual, but it could be like a kind of who kisses who first dynamic. that would be adorbs... but besides that, everyone could come up with much more creative dynamics for pucca to be brought into modern times. would anyone care to tell me about their ideas?

[wandasdove]

For somebody who claimed to be so insanely crazy and territorial over Mal/Nova, you definitely weren't afraid to jump into bed with someone else that quickly were you? Jesus, I can only imagine how she must feel reading some of the stuff you post if you still talk to her daily like you claim you do. I don't think Tumblr needs an explanation about your relationship with her but I do think it's pretty clear what the problem must've been aye? I mean you said yourself 2 breakups in 1 week ...

-🫧

wow. the emotional investment you’re showing in someone else’s life is… honestly a little concerning.

breaking up with @sapphic-supernova6 was mutual. yes, i’m heartbroken. you have no idea how much it hurt. but unlike you, i don’t feel the need to perform my grief for strangers on the internet to prove it’s real. i process privately, with the people who matter, not through anonymous tumblr tantrums.

and calling off my engagement? in hindsight, that was the best thing that could’ve happened. you have no fucking idea what happens behind closed doors offline and i’m not going to apologise for reclaiming my life afterward.

g-d forbid i go outside for once and find a woman attractive. g-d forbid i have a one night stand. g-d forbid i flirt online, exactly like mal does, openly, regularly, and without shame. are you going to message her next, or is the outrage only reserved for me?

mal and i do still talk. we understand each other. she knows everything. she doesn’t need you playing martyr on her behalf, especially when you’re clearly projecting more than protecting. if she had an issue with me or something i post, trust me when i say, she would let me know.

you’re not upset because i’m ‘disrespecting’ anyone. you’re upset because i’m not crumbling in public for your entertainment. we weren’t couple of the year, okay? sorry to disappoint. we were only together for 6 months.

i am not your entertainment monkey. i’m not here to bleed for you. i’m not here to perform heartbreak for an audience of strangers who only care when there’s drama to dissect. you don’t get to demand vulnerability from me just so you can chew it up and spit it out as gossip.

i am going through an actual fuck show of a life right now, breakups, grief, loss, detachment, new job, identity crises, all of it, and i’m handling it like a grown adult. with therapy, with boundaries, and with people i love and trust. just because i’m not melting down on your dashboard doesn’t mean i’m unaffected. it means i have enough dignity and self-respect to keep something for myself.

and no, i’m not going to just sit here and take bullying from faceless anons who think they’ve got the moral high ground because they read one post and decided they know my entire life. you don’t know shit. you see what i choose to post, nothing more.

so if you were expecting some kind of breakdown, some public performance of pain to validate your assumptions? keep waiting. i’m not here for your closure. i’m here trying to survive, trying to rebuild, and trying to find some peace in the middle of chaos.

you are not entitled to my suffering. you are not entitled to me. so back the fuck off.

[ryuichirou]

Jade gaslighting anon here, sorry if I sounded offended. Gaslighting is a very specific type of abuse that I went through for a very long time and while Jade is very toxic and problematic, he is not a gaslighter so it bothers me when people slap that on as a catch-all for all manipulative characters. Again, sorry if I sounded angry or offended.

Anon, I heard you. And I am sincerely sorry that you went through some very bad stuff in your life.

However. I want to say something and I am not going to mince my words this time because I need to make one thing clear.

Here is TLDR if you don’t want to read the whole post: No offence, but I can’t keep in mind everyone’s trauma, I don’t think Rook is a gaslighter, we will continue to post content about Jade being one.

I disagree with you on Jade not being a gaslighter and Rook being one. I don't think that this is the case, in fact, I think the opposite is true. But we are not going to have a character discussion right now because this clearly isn't the point of the situation that’s happening here. Based on what you’re saying, your opinion is influenced by your past experiences. Which isn’t a bad thing, we all have our own biases, but it makes a proper discussion quite difficult, especially when there is trauma involved.

Here is the thing. I know what gaslighting is. I myself was also a victim of gaslighting, believe it or not. I was in a very bad place for a lot of years, and some of the events from that time affect me to this day. There are a lot of things that trigger me, ruin my mood, make me panic, in fact, all of us have those things to some degree. And all of us have content that is deeply upsetting, even if it’s not related to one’s past trauma. But that doesn’t justify asking people on the internet to stop talking about characters a certain way or reading them a certain way. How is it different than people asking us not to post Shroudcest or not to talk about them in as a romantic ship? There might be people who don’t just use it as an excuse, but are actually getting triggered by me drawing these two, so what should I do about it? Obey every single one of those people? Then it’s just easier not to post anything about any character.

Unfortunate as it is, I cannot take care of all of you: it's impossible. You have to take care of yourself. Mute the word, avoid our posts about Jade, whatever feels more suitable. Because we are not going to rewrite the way we view certain characters because of someone else’s bad associations or even just different reading of the said character, it just isn't fair to ask that of someone. You didn’t say “you know, I personally don’t think that Jade is this way, because of this, this and this”. This isn’t how you approached this; you were upset about the fact that I made Jade into a gaslighter instead of making Rook one, and this is clearly your bias. Which is, once again, not a bad thing in itself, it’s just that I still have no idea what exactly you wanted me to do. Even if Rook reminds you of someone from your past, even if Jade is your comfort character, I can’t take those things into account about every single one of our followers, so why should I do it for you? This wouldn’t be fair to the rest of the people here, right?

We are all entitled to our own opinions and feelings, and I wouldn’t dare to argue with you about it anywhere else: this topic is clearly hurting you; so arguing about it would just be mean and uncalled for. But this is our blog, our space and our territory; and we are going to talk about the characters in the way that we want. Especially when this is a hc post, for fuck’s sake.

You didn’t sound offended or mad, you sounded upset. And I might also sound upset, but I actually am a little mad because if you are the person I think you are, I am a bit disappointed by you saying this to me via Anon.

Please understand. I am being this strict because I feel like I need to remind you about certain boundaries that I don’t want to get violated.

Having bad associations and getting triggered by a character is a horrible thing, and as someone who had to rewatch a bunch of stuff to get new fond memories of quite a lot of characters, I understand that,  believe it or not. I actually had to rewatch a lot of shit to get to love some characters again. And it was my fight to fight that Katsu was kind enough to help me with because Katsu is my partner who wanted me to get better: I am a part of Katsu’s life, that’s why Katsu listened patiently when I was mad at a character that had nothing to do with the thing I was actually mad about.

My point is that we have our own circumstances, and you have no idea how bad of a timing this whole shit is. You don’t know what kind of life we live and what we go through right now, and, to put it mildly, it’s not the best, so we’re really not in the mood.

So please. Take care of yourself and just ignore shit that you don’t like because while it might be traumatic for you, to us it might be one of the few things that bring us happiness.

[franticfledermaus]

A message to detested and beloved — A parting of ways with old friends

(very vagueposty; it's something I need to get off my chest)

Dear [x] and [y],

I know of my responsibilities today, but my mind cannot be unaltered from the path it is going. I must let it wander, at least to get it into writing.

One of you. X, I am proud of you. I can only watch you from a distance now, which is for the better. You were such a good friend and more to me, but we were not compatible to one another. I regret the way I've handled it deeply. You were always nothing but supportive, and I took it for granted. You hide your sorrow with humor, and I believe I recognize that for what it is now. I never hated you, but I know now that you likely believe I do. For that, I am sorry.

You're an amazing, brilliant person with dazzling potential. Your artwork is a blessing to this world and should be recognized as such — It should be allowed to stand on its own rather than being paraded around as fanart for a popular series. I'm so glad you're still alive. You made it. Please, keep going. No matter what.

And the other you. Y.

You, I'm very disappointed in.

I'm bitter, and I have every right to be. While, yes, I am at fault, and I recognize that fact — You are no innocent, either. I don't even need to try to visit you to know that you think you are. I refuse to visit you, and it's not respecting your boundaries to do so, so I won't.

I should have been there for you, but you lorded over me as though I had always owed you something. Told me I had a superiority complex while demanding that I not talk about my romances just so you could feel better. You had a relationship, and that was fine when you had one. But suddenly when I'm in one, it's not okay?

Being with someone who unconditionally loves me has given me better perspective on some of the ways you treated me. I valued our communication, but you hurt my feelings often. You told me that you didn't want to play games with me because I got too upset. Which I guess is fair, but overstimulation is something I hadn't learned to gauge and control. It wasn't fair to be mean to me about it and tell me you didn't want to play at all.

You poked fun at me about things that I was sensitive about. Things I had told you in confidence and was hoping for support about. You teased me about them and made fun of me. That's not what friends do. Not friends that I want to have, anyway. It hurt.

You told me many times that you were too blunt, and I comforted you and reassured you. But it wasn't really that you were blunt — You were irritable, and when you were irritated, it made you mean.

Everything seemed fine until it wasn't. We had discussions mostly right after I got with my partner and you were willing to talk things through. I apologized for my half and promised to be better. And I made an effort to be better. I even tried to include you in things when it couldn't be just us. But you played that off like I was "giving you pity" and "adding you as an afterthought". I just don't understand your logic. I included you because I missed my friend and wanted them to be a part of plans. But when I got a partner, you changed.

I think about the way you acted very often. But the thing is, I don't think you do. I don't think you care. I always hope that you'll realize that you were in the wrong too, and maybe grow a little wiser so that maybe you don't hurt the other people in your life. I don't want an apology, as nice as that would be — I want you to be different to whoever you befriend from now on. I want you to be kind like you were when it started.

I just replay that conversation again and again and it frustrates me. I'm tired of pretending like it doesn't bother me and keeping it internal. I need to express my thoughts in hopes I can get rid of them once and for all.

[f4ll3nf34th3r5y5t]

Cw vent ish. Not really venting but perhaps angry rambling?? Plus some??? I'm not sure if anyone reads these but I'd be lying if I said I didn't care. A PSA‼️‼️ if reading these hurts you? Please don't. It won't help you feel better in the long run unless these help shed clarity on why you feel some things. I care about those who will see these❣️ and I don't wish for anyone to further wallow in their feelings instead of doing something about them. Wallowing isn't exactly something you shouldn't do, but there's a thin line between feeling out your emotions and despairing in them. Make sure to drink water, eat something with iron in it, get your vitamins, and breathe fresh air. Feel the earth and allow yourself to be happy. I really don't care what you did, that doesn't stop you from at least redemption. Don't make your first shot at life a boring or belittling one‼️🫶

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I want to scream at people from my past who tell the story wrong. I'll do that here, and I'll be truthful instead of downright condescending. To start, Finn! I never cheated on you. I was afraid of you. I realize that now. I wouldn't let you log into my discord because I was afraid of your reaction to me confiding in my best friend at the time about asking you if I could roleplay again. It wasn't right of me to be afraid, but it wasn't my fault either. You had unhealthy habits like doing shrooms when I told you not to, getting upset at me for being awake late into the night when I had unmedicated insomnia(I still do but I try to aid it now), being jealous of my underage best friend(I was 15 and Finn was 17, my friend was like 13 and also not into men I think), you held onto toxic friends and pushed me for sex to the point I made many excuses(partially my fault maybe. I never set the boundary, as you had mentioned before that you were afraid I was asexual and wouldn't want intimacy). Sometimes I miss us due to teenage fancy I guess. I liked how I would fall asleep so quickly in your arms or with you in mine, how we kissed, how I got gifts from you maybe. Maybe the unhealed part of me misses how possessive and obsessive you were at times? I think now I just liked being the priority. To have attention I never had before. To get gifts for no real reason, to be wanted so physically. I wish you had the story straight and that your mother didn't think of me so low that she assumed too id cheat. To console, the nasty breakup was my fault. I was immature and in denial. I begged you to stay only to spit insults for the day after. We were both wrong. And immature.

For others, in no way in order, I'm upset weirdly you never informed me of your second thumb?? I get why you wouldn't but it would've been something to know about. I'm hurt I was right in my breakup message and that it was only a week or two before I was proven so. I'm being vague on purpose, so I'm sorry for that. I didn't expect you to get with someone racist soon after our breakup- someone who insulted our mutual friend no less?? And that you didn't offer help during her time of need as a guy threatened her and her home was close to being lost. Of course it wasn't an obligation to be a pillar but to stand by your bf who growled at people and wore a tail(I don't really care about this part, it's self expression) over a wonderful girl who is an amazing artist and storyteller and also like a black belt or higher in multiple martial arts is fuckin WILD. I miss our group sometimes. Multiple of them. To name, Liam, you were probably a cannon event. You hurt me deeply and so did the group, pretending to be dead only to laugh like it was funny. But for the other I miss our enthusiasm and story's. The late nights to days, the plans made, the words shared. You were all my most treasured friends even if I'm disappointed in how some of you have grown. But it's natural.

To higher hopes though, I'm glad I've got who I do now. Even if I'm constantly terrified about being homeless this year I trust you will be there for me. I'm trying to stop feeling like a burden. It's.. very hard I admit. I panic at night many times. I despair over leaving my cats and precious items, over my future and if I'll ever be a doctor, and if you hate me or fear me, but I try to trust in your assertion. I try to trust that you will tell me if I ever get on your bad side. I try to tell myself it's your fault not mine if you never tell me but I'm not sure how to feel about that..😅.

School starts soon and as it draws closer it's harder to hold onto an identity but no one knows what I mean truly when I say that. Which stresses but it's not my job to be understood. also my pay card isn't working. Idk I'm just mad about that, but maybe I'll have enough money by the time I get it working to take my cat to the vet- his breath is very stinky and his tooth fell out months ago but I've been irresponsible and broke. Also I'm considering suggesting to my uhh. Mother? She birthed me but I don't like her. But I want to suggest combining the vacant room of my younger sibling as both my room (I've never had my own room so it would be exciting for the month or 3 id have it!!!) and a cat room.

My ambition knows no bounds much to my detriment. I wish to share and write poetry in vast amounts, to draw so many things, to create cloth creations, to write a million things again and again, to sing or something. I want to explore places and find bones to honor and use or feathers or plants nontoxic. I want to frolic with my darling(unrequited and honestly, I'm so fine with that. I don't desire a relationship right now since it's too emotionally exhausting but I'd like a cuddle buddy) and to live happily. That's really all, I'm tired of writing, I'm going to do other things now. Like write down DND stuff. And schedule that. Bye bye. Sleep well. Wake up nicely. Good morning good night.

(taken at work, I apologize if my image id sucks😭)

Image ID, late sundown with the sun covered heavily by clouds. Beams escape the clouds to shower the pale blue sky with faint yellow rays. It looks almost heavenly.

[littleletterstoelijah]

I'll try to not dwell too much on these feelings but I just want to let them out.

I feel guilty that I'm moving on into the direction that God has laid out for me but I know that it's the best for the both of us.

I know it's hard for you to be with me knowing this is not the lifestyle that you wanted for yourself. In your distress, I feel like I hated myself underneath for being the way I am. I questioned every way that I did things, marking them wrong because you couldn't understand. Therapy has been showing me that it's just me being me. It’s been so hard to consolidate everything because in choosing to push through with the breakup, I'm choosing myself.

If it were only me, I'd want you to be here. But you don't want to be here. I feel mad that you don't care about how your words affect other people around you, how you don't care about your own salvation, and would much rather just be in the world. I hate it. I honestly do. I endured anxiety every week just to think the best of you. I endured the emotional manipulations because of what I saw in the beginning. I'm not even sure what to think of you now - was it all false just to get in or were you stressed? I'd like to think it was stress. Maybe thinking there's a good person in there will bring me peace.

I felt neglected in the relationship, worrying that you won't be there for me in my emotional need, and I was disappointed to know I was right. You wanted me to be open but was never patient enough to wait for me to warm up. There was always a standard to meet and I couldn't get there. I don't blame you. You just have needs, too. That said, I knew my emotional needs, which is one of my greatest needs, were not gonna get met. Maybe if I lash out they will, but I don't want things to get to that point.

I don't like that you're so argumentative. You always expect some fight, some drama, for me to be mean. I hate that. I wanted to go the other way. This is not someone who I want to share the rest of my life with - always provoking me to be the worst part of me.

And you asking me to overthink about you??? It made me feel that you have absolutely no care about my well-being at all. You'd want me to be anxious if it means I'd be ruminating about you all the time. I really did end up ruminating about you, but not in a good way. Then you'd complain that I only think about you in a negative light.

I never know what you want. I didn’t want to stress you out with boundaries ahead of time because that's what you told me so I held it until I needed to. I ended up being too physically intimate than I intended. I couldn't even back out anymore even when I realised it's not working how I wanted it too. You were still upset. Either way, you're upset. Bahala ka na nga sa buhay mo, ang gulo mong tao. You can't be satisfied. I compromised so much already, and at that point, I knew that I would continue to compromise and you still would have something to complain about. I had my mistakes but so did you. I guess a part of me feels angry that God seems to take your side in the breakup by pointing out my flaws but God is a good God. He is a loving one too. He loves you more than I do.

So even if the prospect of meeting you again makes me feel fearful that I'd be treated the same way, pushed to compromise my values and needs, carrying the emotional and spiritual weight of the relationship, I forgive you. For all your shortcomings as God forgives me for mine. I pray for a clean slate where you no longer make me feel anxious. I just want peace.

[jojoturnip]

It's the last day of Ace Week! Happy ace week to all a-spec folks!

Asexuals, I need your opinion and help with something.

I think it's a good time in my life to reflect on what being ace has meant in my life--because it's beautiful to be aro ace, but it's also so so hard because of the way the modern world views sex and love.

I never liked the word love. It was used against me in my childhood. I tell people I love them so that they feel valued and cared for. But, people long for this unconditional form of love, and I refuse to give that. It's dangerous. It hurts people. It hurt me.

Being trapped with someone isn't love. I had to learn that lesson very young. I think some people never learn it.

My ability to love has come into question recently. My partner broke up with me and said it was because (1) she didn't like how I was still in contact with my parents and cared about them after being abused, (2) she herself had treated me shitty when we were long distance and she was upset that I let her do so (victim-blaming much?), and (3) she felt like I saw her as my sister (very untrue and also hilarious). I think most of these were excuses to leave me that she didn't have to feel guilty about, which she should but lol let's leave that for another time.

She also told me in plain, clear terms that she couldn't be a supportive friend to me anymore (because my trauma was too much) and that she couldn't have honesty or healthy boundaries with me anymore (because it made her feel too much like a therapist). The healthy boundaries (which keep me safe from overexerting myself to help others and keep me safe from triggering situations) are something she had been encouraging me to build for the year we had been together.

Throughout our relationship, she was constantly disappointed by my asexuality/aromanticism. She is alloromantic and allosexual (so fucking allosexual dear god), but she knew I would never be involved romantically or sexually with her. She knew that when she asked to be in a relationship with me.

I was so excited to be in a QPR. We'd lived together before, too, and all I had ever hoped for in life was a good life-long roommate.

But, she was constantly disappointed in my inability to discuss crushes with her. She was upset when I didn't understand her weird, unsettling relationship with her ex boyfriend that she used as a boy toy (thinking back, she might have been abusing him ... unsure, he ghosted her soon after I did).

I knew I wasn't what she wanted. But, what else could I be? I'm aroace. I don't understand wanting sex or romance. I don't want a possessive, touchy relationship barred away from all other people. I love people, I'm a social butterfly. I want to befriend everyone and just have a couple of really close friends to live with. That's all I've ever wanted.

I think she really left me because of that. Because our wants in a relationship didn't match up, which is fine, except a little acephobic of her maybe. But, the reasons she gave for breaking up with me? Not okay at all. So I ghosted her and told my friend group what she said to me.

Now correct me if I'm wrong here (I've not had many break-ups), but I think that's a perfectly normal thing to do after a break-up, right?

I had a close friend who disagreed. They were also friends with my ex and desperately wanted me to see the whole thing as a misunderstanding. My ex wanted me back and wanted to live with me again and quickly sent a text after she realized I was ghosting her pretending that she could take back what she said, after all. This friend said that me ghosting her was cruel, and they were particularly upset that I had told the friend group what had happened. They said I couldn't keep personal problems personal and that I was tarnishing my ex's reputation.

Well, I brought my ex into that friend group. They were my friends. She never hung out with them without me, never made efforts to get to know them beyond me. They were my friends. And I had only said what she had said to me (and called her a bitch twice, which I think is well deserved). One of the people in the group asked who she was again, because that's how little they knew her.

My one mutual friend has been ghosted before multiple times (which I guess should've been a red flag to me before but I'm stupid because I was raised by abusive people). They said ghosting was the worst evil. They told me they could not be my friend anymore unless I promised not to ghost them. They asked me to promise that I would stay loyal to them even if they hurt me like my ex did. They wanted to know that they could be an asshole and I'd always forgive, always stay. They wanted control.

I, especially since they knew well about my childhood trauma, thought this was fucked up. I ghost to protect myself, to get out of unsafe situations. I do not owe anyone an explanation of my absence once they're being abusive, right? I've accidentally befriended rapists and people who threaten to hurt (and sometimes actually commit harm to others) many times in the past, and ghosting is how I'm safely able to get away.

I refused to pledge myself to them.

They told me I never knew how to love anyone. They said they felt like I never loved them.

And that stings a bit, even now. I work so hard to show how much I care for the people in my life. Hell, I've cleaned up after and fed that friend for months over the summer because they weren't taking care of themselves. I brought them into several of my friend groups, and comforted them through many break downs and panic attacks. I actively tell people how much I care about them and why I like their company, even surface-level friends--I know how much it means to be on the receiving end of that reassurance.

Does it all come back to the fact that I don't like the idea of unconditional love? I want the people I care about to know they can leave me at any time. I never want to trap anyone. If I become an asshole, I want them to get away. I care about them, of course I want them near me, but I'd rather have them never see me again if that was what was safe and healthy for them.

Am I too traumatized? Does everyone else feel like my friend's request was normal and within their rights of our 2-year friendship?

Does it all come back to the fact that I can't feel the romantic and sexual love that allos do? Did my friend and my ex want more than I could ever give them, and they just found other excuses to leave me behind? Some of my remaining friends have thought this was a possibility.

Does this kind of stuff happen to other aces/aros? Please tell me your stories because I feel so alone right now.

[yuna-writes]

Networking and viewing relationships

Okay, so recently I concluded that my worldview toward my co-workers is that I don't see them as friends or "family." Mind you, I would wary for any company that advertise themselves by claiming they are your family haha. Although just odd to me we spend a good majority of our life with co-workers. Maybe some have spent more time with their co-workers more than their friends and family, and yet they aren't exactly your friends. It's very interesting that we spend most of our time with our co-workers, but the relationship isn't as emotional or meaningful compared to friends and family outside of work.

I would say co-workers are just situational friends. We become their friends because we are put in a situation where we need to be in the same physical presence as them, but if we weren't reporting to work, then we probably won't ever see them again. Maybe once in a blue moon, there are a few people who made genuine friendships with their co-workers, and they became close friends even after they parted ways from their employment. I think it's more uncommon. I don't see many people sharing much positive experience with co-workers where they became best friends beyond the workplace.

I suppose one would wonder how did I develop my worldview about my co-workers and concluded they are not my friends? Well, it goes back to my negative experience dealing with difficult co-workers. Co-workers who would verbally bully me at the workplace. Co-workers who would gossip behind your back. Co-workers who were rude and mean because I was quiet. At the end, each one of my past employment ended up being laid off because of a conflict with co-worker. There were some positive parts to interacting with some of my co-workers, but in the end, generally the experience has been disappointing. This isn't just my experience either. I have a few relatives who experienced something similar. They once opened up and shared very personal experiences with co-workers. Let's just say those co-worker decided to gossip and used it against them to paint them as a villain.

Gossiping is such high school thing that only occurs in cliques or groups, but it also exist in the workplace. The only difference is that when you get gossiped in school, you might feel upset or disappointed. At work, it's much more serious because if someone gossiped negatively about you, it might impact your mobility to get promoted and might really damage your career. That's why I'm keenly aware of this, and therefore I don't "open" up about my private life and my personal business with co-workers. It might seem like I'm distrusting toward co-workers, but I'm really just being careful.

I never understood why gossiping exist either. To be fair, I guess I would say I occasionally gossip too, but nothing too terrible. Gossiping is usually the act of talking negatively behind someone's back without them noticing. It could be in the shape of mockery to put the other person down. Usually, when I talk about someone, my tone is rather neutral and talk in a more observational tone. But the gossiping I've experienced are people either calling you ugly, stupid or a freak. It's immature, but gossiping is a way for the person to make them appear confident by putting other people down. You would imagine after graduating from school, people would grow up and not do childish things like gossiping. But lo and behold, adults may never grow up, and still gossip with ill intentions.

This is why I'm not overly friendly with everyone or open to sharing all the details about myself to co-workers. I guess in a way, I was somewhat similar in school - quiet, reserved, keep personal matters to myself and don't get involved into other people's business because it just goes into gossip and drama. Because I know those people end up betraying you. It might sound bad because there are genuinely good people I'm not opening up too. But it's important to establish boundaries and be careful in who you associate with. I can see why overly trusting and positive people would find me really negative, distrustful and pessimistic. I sometimes feel like those "positive" people don't really understand there's more immature people. I also think most co-working relationship isn't anything positive either. About a good 90% of the time, when people stop working for the same employer, they never see or contact each other again.

[pouncequick]

Something I sincerely mourn on a daily basis is the disappearance of fan spaces from the internet. I'm going to use "athlete" here, but this really applies to any kind of content creator.

It's genuinely really amazing how fans and athletes can interact so much now, and I think it has lead to athletes being much more aware of how much people love them (which might not always be a good thing, because of the extra pressure it adds, but we'll call it a good thing for the moment). But both fans and athletes need private spaces.

Athletes need space to have personal lives, play around with things in the gym, and have successes and failures that aren’t hyperscrutinized by fans the moment they happen. They deserve privacy.

Fans also need space to react, be excited, disappointed, and have frank conversations about things they love/hate/hope will change without the expectation that everything they say is going to be seen by the people in question.

Having lots of thoughts, feelings, and opinion is what fandoms are really all about, and fans are incredibly engaged in the things they love, but they’re engaged in a different way than the athletes (or authors, actors, etc). Just like a athlete should get to choose if and when they release a video of a thing they’re playing around with, fans should be able discussions about how much they hate thing Y in an athlete’s routine without worrying about the athlete reading it and being upset because they love thing Y, or they’ve been working on it forever and they just can’t get it and now people are piling on them about it.

When athletes and fans don't have their own spaces to exist in, and the only places for them is the same site, two things happen on both sides. On the fan side, one is this--parasocial relationships develop hard, fast, and intense, with fans losing sight of the natural boundaries. The other option is that fan conversation is completely stifled, with fans only saying shallow, positive things because whatever they say will get back to the athletes almost immediately.

On the athlete side, you have people either removing themselves from social media in general--it's the only way they can escape the commentary, the critiques, and the unwanted deluge of interactions. Or they see and react and comment on absolutely everything, something that rarely ends well.

None of those things are healthy for the people involved, and none of them help the sport. It makes things worse for everyone.

One of the absolute worst things that has happened to the internet is the shrinking of it down to just a few sites, meaning that people can't have their own spaces to exist in. Everyone has to be together, and then an algorithm sees that two groups are both interested in the same thing and shoves them together, even when for both of them to grow and develop and be happy, and for the thing they love to go and develop, they need their own spaces.

It's like all the plants in the garden a right next to each other, so the roots are tangled and no one cared what conditions the individual species need to flourish. The lack of separation in fan and creator spaces is killing fandom and creativity.

The idea that you would even think to slide into an elite gymnasts DMs a few days before nationals and suggest major routine changes is just wild to me. Honestly just the idea of sliding into any gymnasts DMs really.

Please can we go back to an age when fans didn't want the blorbos to notice them?

[blueaetherr]

nepenthe

pairing: trent alexander-arnold x fem!oc (yasmine) [she/her]

warning(s): none

summary: the one where she comforts him after a loss

Night falling and cold air moving into the house told Yasmine to close the patio door for the day. But then she didn't, leaning on the door as she let out a sigh. She couldn't upon noticing that Trent was still out there.

There he was. Laying in the outdoor hammock with no remark for anything around him. Having lost a match a few hours earlier, he hadn't been in the mood to speak to anyone. The player never really was in the mood for a discussion after a loss. He wanted to be alone with his grief, to clear his mind and let his thoughts wander—anything to forget about the loss.

And Yasmine respected that, his boundaries. You could give someone space while still being there for them. She knew she wouldn't better the situation by trying to cross them with good intentions. So she waited and waited. And then, now, she didn't.

She cleared her throat, causing Trent to turn away from the sky. Yasmine let her face perk out with a smile, folding her arms to cover herself more with her cardigan. It was that late breeze that always got to her. "Is there still space for me to join?"

Trent thought for a moment, his gaze never leaving Yasmine. Then, of course, he gave in. He opened up his arms. "Always." He let out a small laugh when she got excited about getting in. It took some time, but eventually, Yasmine and Trent got settled. They always did.

Together, cuddled up in the hammock—close in company—the two watched the day fade out before their eyes, the night slowly but surely washing over them. The sound of stray animals soon retired for the day, a moment of silence embracing the young couple for their own comfort.

The hammock, over time, became a safe space. For Trent, for Yasmine; for Trent and Yasmine. It was a space that was silent and hollow and patient for all. When a problem arose in the relationship, when something wasn't going right for Trent in training, whenever Yasmine faced hardship at school, it was the place to go; really, the place you wanted to enter and never leave. Who knew you could find so much comfort in a boundless chair?

And today, it was Trent who needed that comfort.

Trent strung in a breath, burying his nose into her neck. "I really wanted to win that match you know." Yasmine could feel the disappointment in him. There was so much of it, so much for one single person to carry by themself; so much that she felt it for herself. From his tone to his voice, his body caving into her own. The match happened more than a few hours ago yet it still hurt him like it was a few moments ago.

"I know you did," Yasmine ran her fingers through his locs. "It showed. With the way you played, like you always do." Trent knew that he was a good— no, an outstanding player yet a reminder was always nearby. In times of doubt and loss, very much like now, Yasmine found that he was always in need of it.

Trent let out a huff. "But I should I've played better."

"You think so?" She raised a brow. "I mean there's only so much you can do, right?"

"Yeah, I do." Slowly, Trent fell out of his frown. "When we lost, what were you thinking?"

"What was I thinking?" Yasmine let her gaze wander, her eyes soon following the stars. "I thought damn. I was upset. For you, for your teammates, the fans—anyone else who cares. I knew how much it meant to all of you so I was upset." Then she found her sight back on her partner once again. She let out a small chuckle. "But it was all short-lived for me because I had to get back to writing my essays."

"Don't do that." Her neck vibrated as he laughed, exhaling. How could he ever trust his girlfriend to be serious about one thing? It seemed to be a bit too much for her to handle. He lifted his face from her neck, and the two met eyes, sharing soft and kind glances. "I'm still upset you know." He told himself earlier that he wanted to remain in his grief, despite its long process. To sit with it, reflect and move on. Now laying with his girlfriend, who brought so much light and fun to him in the most primal way possible, he simply wanted to move on.

She pressed a kiss to his forehead, moving a stray loc from his face. "I know, and that's completely fine. I'll be upset with you too if that makes you feel better." Yasmine pulled Trent closer into her embrace and he accepted it with ease, a bit of a rock to the hammock. "If you think that one mishap cost you guys from winning then imagine the potential to win another time. Besides, it's not like that was your last dance. I mean there's next year," she opened up her palm, counting with her fingers, "the year after next year, the year after that year, the year after those years—"

"Okay! I think I get it." Eyes widened, Trent laughed as he hung his head back. A laugh—a moment of euphoria—that was neither struggling nor caving in, one that wasn't slowly faltering or on display for the sake of others. But rather flourishing and memorising to Yasmine's ears. The happiness of your partner was something to never get tired of witnessing. "Thank you, Yasmine." He took her hand in his own, interlocking their fingers. "I really needed that."

It wasn't that Yasmine wasn't serious; instead, she was collected and involved. In emotions, in thoughts. For herself, for those around her, especially for Trent. Whether what he felt seemed big or small, she freely let him have them. And if he couldn't stretch himself enough that far, then he didn't have to experience them alone. She didn't deny him or make him feel bad for experiencing what he felt over a loss. She didn't try to make the loss seem any bigger or less than it was (to Trent). It was never I understand but; it was always I understand and,which opened the door for reassurance.

Never did she force him to feel another way, nor make him get out of his upset. Yasmine let Trent feel and experience the grief of losing this important match. And maybe it was a bit dramatic and not realistic enough, but she let him nonetheless. Joining him in the hammock—this safe space of comfort—laying with him under the stars, saying I'll be upset with you, Yasmine let him know that they were united in grief. That they, together, would always be united in grief in everything felt in their shared home.

The two were united in euphoria, united in stress, united in joy. But on this day, and in this very moment, Yasmine and Trent were united in grief.

"It's all good. I just wanted you to know."

[rainytypology]

ATEEZ Seonghwa MBTI Analysis

- ISFJ -

An in-depth analysis of an idol's MBTI type. Based on my opinion and observations, may change later. Not an expert.

MBTI: ISFJ (Si - Fe - Ti - Ne)

Dom: Si - Introverted Sensing

A perceiving function that relies past experiences and familiarity to process info

Si likes to structure their inner and outer world, hence why Seonghwa likes everything to be clean and organized. Everything has its correct and original place; no need to change it. There was a weekly idol episode where Hwa had to watch ATEEZ clean up their mess and he had the most distraught expression.

In a way, he can be "traditional" and conformative; e.g making sure Wooyoung wouldn't cross the senior/ junior boundary when he was joking with Stray Kids' Changbin. Hwa couldn't even make casual talk with Jessi even though he was allowed to. With Si's sense of traditionalism, it's likely what made him take on a very motherly and caring role for the group. He may be the youngest in his family, but now being the oldest for ATEEZ, he probably felt it made sense to be an older brother for them. After all, older people usually watch and care for younger people.

Also his letter "The Thing called Time" is overwhelmed with Si. The way he mentions his past thoughts and feelings, his experiences and comparing them to the present is very Si. "In the past, I only felt disappointed and upset about the time that has passed, but now I think I'm at an age where I can be grateful to that time and let it go...I don't think we can stop everything from changing. Just like we can't stop the sun from setting. I think the me who used to be afraid of everything changing, is growing into a bright and cool adult thanks to TEEZ and TINY. (Seems like development of inferior Ne. Dominant Si wants things to stay familiar - even mentions his fear of change - but improvement of Ne makes him realize life is constant change and he needs to learn to adapt to it.)

Getting older is heartbreaking, but want to spend my future time more meaningfully while reminiscing about my happy times and I think should do my best in the present. (Balance of Si and Ne here)

Because time doesn't wait for us. If time waits for us, stops for us, they won't be memories, right? So think understand the words that you have to spend your time well. These days, think hope to be more mature, so that someome can lean on my heart and rest.

Have TINYS ever had these kind of concerns too? want to tell you that I'm rooting for you no matter what your concerns are. I'll always be by TINY's side. love you as always. (Last two sections are quite Fe; wanting to be relied on is so Fe)

Aux: Fe - Extroverted Feeling

A judging function that values social harmony in order to achieve a goal

Almost all his choices revolve around others. Learning to cook for the members, cleaning and organizing for them (as well as himself since Si likes routine).

His Si + Fe made him a caretaker of the group. Si + Fe makes him remember even the little things that most people wouldn't think much about, especially since Si tends to be detail oriented (I've also noticed high Si can be a bit sentimental...). E.g being extremely touched by Yunho and Yeosang when they held up him on stage when Hwa injured his rib and even cried about it. Yet it wasn't that big of a deal to Yunho.

He also acted like a counselor when Wooyoung was having his friendship issues with Yeosang and San a couple of years ago. I think the members have said Hwa is the best listener...He genuinely does seem very understanding and considerate, sometimes even asking about members how they're feeling.

 Tert: Ti - Introverted Thinking

A judging function that uses subjective thinking and logic to make the most rational decisions

In all honesty, I don't see him use it much. Although it is tertiary, a neutral spot, so it's likely why I don't really see it.

Inf: Ne Extroverted Intuition

A perceiving function that creates new ideas through connections and patterns in the environment

Seonghwa is a pretty curious person, always excited by new things. He also seems more comfortable showing more of his goofy, silly side lately. He's not as shy as he used to be.

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Other analysis:

Enneagram | Birth chart

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Kpop typology list