#something DEEPLY upsetting happens to him and he's weirdly on top of things and seems to be coping super well. but he's also kind of spacey

[popcorndispenser]

Hershel is actually the only character I've ever projected my dpdr onto. Idk, it fits him really well imo. Des' PTSD gives him uncontrollable fits of anger, Layton's makes him dissociate.

For those uninitiated:

[readyplayerhobi]

Flower | 11

; Hoseok x Reader

; Genre: Fluff

; Word Count: 4.3k

; Synopsis: You finally decide to take a dip into the world of online dating and find the Flower dating app. One of the top matches for you proves to be a guy who looks to be your complete opposite; tattooed, pierced, a metalhead and oh…incredibly handsome. What happens when you throw caution to the wind and reach out to him?

; A/N: I’m glad you all enjoyed reading the smut :D thanks for all your comments! They mean a lot, I’ve still got a few asks to answer but feel free to send more regarding this chapter!

; Flower Masterpost

-

It’s a good thing that Jung Hoseok is such a mellow person with a pleasant attitude because he takes your shy awkwardness the next morning in his stride. Part of you wants him to acknowledge it, because it was a big thing for you. 

You’d finally let a guy give you oral sex! 

You’d actually orgasmed with someone else! 

That had never happened for you. Even you, through all your anxieties and worries, could tell that you felt comfortable with Hoseok in a way you’d never felt with anyone else before. It was slightly eye widening to realise that while Chungha and Soyeon knew more about you; knew what stresses and upsets you, what you shied from and what you loved, Hoseok had reached a whole different level of comfort.

You struggled even talking about sexual things with your best friends, despite how much you loved them and how long you’d all been strong friends. Most of the time, you stayed quiet and simply giggled when they would talk about the things they did with their partners or what they wanted to do. They were very open about that, but you cringed away from discussing that.

Particularly given you hadn’t understood why they liked sex so much. But Hoseok had definitely made you think new things in regards to that.

Now, you weren’t exactly raring to talk sex with Hoseok. In fact, you still squirmed away from the thought but something about his constantly sweet attitude towards you and your...issues meant that you felt more open and receptive to the idea of it. Almost like you knew he wouldn’t laugh at you if you asked him something simply that someone should probably know already.

And that pleases you, beyond words. You weren’t sure you’d be able to let him know exactly how much his acceptance of your quirks and intricacies meant to you, but you wanted to try at least. While you weren’t ready to do anything else sexually, at least for the moment, you wanted to try and integrate yourself into his world a little more.

You figured that the reason he probably wasn’t mentioning it was because he’d figured that you would be embarrassed if he did. Which you would be, so you were thankful. But it frustrates you that you couldn’t just...talk to him about it openly. 

Sighing deeply, you instead resolve to try and make him a little happy today. Nothing sexual, but you always loved it when people showed active interests in you what you liked and loved. So you would do the same for him, because apart from television shows and films, you hadn’t really discovered a huge amount about what Hoseok liked.

You knew that he wasn’t a huge reader and that he liked to play games on occasion. He liked documentaries, particularly on crime and other real life stories, and crime shows. He didn’t like comedy shows, nor did he like comedy films. Hoseok was an avid lover of horror films and was determined to make you watch every classic horror film in existence, which you were certainly not looking forward to.

He didn’t care for comic books but loved superhero movies. Fantasy shows were his shit but he was less bothered about science fiction shows, a fact you were definitely going to change as soon as possible. He loved chocolate, pizza, protein shakes weirdly and vegetables of all kinds.

But he’d almost vomit if you tried to give him a cucumber slice, even the smell made him queasy. And he refused point blank to eat mushrooms, calling them the ‘devil’s food’. Which had amused you intensely when you’d first suggested a mushroom and ham pizza. 

Even more amusingly, he was particularly childish with his food. If something he hated was in something else, he’d refuse to eat it. So the time you’d gone to an Italian restaurant and he’d realised there was mushroom in his sauce, he’d refused to eat the rest of it. Apparently it had been ‘infected’ or something.

He was funny.

But despite all that you’d learnt of him so far, you knew almost nothing in reality. The visits with his friends, or simply being present when his friends visited him at his place, let you see into the expansive world that was Jung Hoseok. Currently, you’d only explored a tiny bit of it and you were eager to find out more about him.

What else didn’t he like in terms of food? What did he truly love? What were his little quirks and ticks?

You’d figured some of them out, he hated wearing socks to bed and if he wore anything more than a shirt and pyjama bottoms then he’d overheat. Literally be covered in sweat as he tried to pull clothes off. He slept in the strangest positions sometimes; once you’d woken up up to him diagonal on the bed, both of you laid on your stomach but he was stretched over your back somehow. That had been a slight learning curve with him.

When he was unhappy, his mouth turned into a little triangle until he was happy again. Despite how rare it was, you’d discovered that you didn’t like it when he was angry. It had only happened once, when he’d gotten into an actual argument with Jimin and you’d withdrawn into yourself so quickly.

It hadn’t taken long for him to realise though, and you’d noticed that he seemed to bite his tongue more now when his friends were truly annoying him so that he didn’t frighten you. But there was so much more to discover about him.

You still found out things about Chungha and Soyeon, even now. Hell, you found out things about yourself, never mind anyone else. So you wanted to know more.

And one thing you didn’t know about with Hoseok yet, which you considered a travesty honestly, was music. He obviously loved music. The bar he went to had a weekly band night and he would go every other week with his friends, enjoying some local music from a new or beloved band that was hoping to make it big or simply having a good time.

The number of band shirts he appeared to have was ridiculous and half the bands you’d never even heard of. You were gaining a whole library in your wardrobe of obscure names. Plus he had a whole bunch of concert tickets pinned to the noticeboard in his kitchen. A lot were for upcoming concerts in the year but there was a whole stack of used tickets that he proudly kept.

Despite this, you’d never really talked too much about it. You had no knowledge of metal music or rock. The most intense you got was Fall Out Boy and Imagine Dragons. But Hoseok seemed to listen to that kind of music that just sounded like shrieking or had dead bushes as their logos. You were saying this in the nicest possible way, because obviously he loved it.

Still, you wanted to at least try with him. That was what relationships were about right? Learning each other and learning to enjoy new things. Or at least trying them anyway. He’d tried plenty of stuff for you already and he was so giving.

Right now though, he was dozing on the couch. It was past 4pm on a Saturday and you’d both gone out to the mall earlier in the morning. You’d needed to buy presents for Chungha’s birthday and he’d just wanted to tag along. For the first time ever, you’d truly discovered what it was like to go shopping with a guy who did not like shopping.

Hoseok’s whiny voice was incredibly adorable and he apparently became more touchy when he was bored. It had made you feel like a normal couple for the first time ever, laughing when he pulled a face as you dragged him into LUSH. Despite his complaining though, he’d bought a bath bomb gift set for Yoongi. 

Apparently he was going to keep it for Christmas and give it to him then. Why he’d felt the need to buy it now, you had no idea. But you’d just smiled and hesitantly wrapped your arms around him once outside, hugging him quickly in public. 

After that, he’d gorged himself on sushi at a local restaurant in the mall while you’d carefully chewed on a roll or two. You’d felt a little like a lovesick teenager, carefully watching him with complete adoration and admiration in your eyes. It felt a little ridiculous. All he’d done was given you an orgasm, but it felt like a lot more to you for some reason.

So when you’d finally gotten back home, you’d cuddled Kasumi for a bit on the couch before noting that he’d fallen asleep next to you. His head was at an odd angle on the couch while his mouth was open slightly, breath just audible in the slightest snore every time he inhaled while black hair fell on his forehead almost artfully. 

Shifting slightly, you turn and simply admire him for a few minutes. As silly as it sounds, this was the first time you’d truly been able to just...look at him without him being aware. He was a morning person, which was a disgusting thing, which meant he was always awake before you. And he fell asleep after you.

Smiling, you rest your head on the back of the couch and just...watch him. Soft black eyelashes rest on the roundness of his cheeks, creating the slightest shadow and you see the way his eyes flicker beneath his eyelids. You wonder what he’s dreaming about; a concert, going to the bar, maybe even just a day with you?

His lips are so soft and pink, surprisingly plump and the silver lip ring embedded helps to give him a rough edge despite having no trace of facial hair. Hoseok didn’t like himself with a beard or moustache apparently, and he appeared to grow hair on his face incredibly slow. Which was ironic because he’d already had two haircuts in the time you’d known him.

And then there’s his beautiful tattoos, the vibrant designs and colours standing out from everything else. You’ve spent many nights now admiring them, tracing the outlines with your fingertips and memorising each and every tiny detail in them. But for now, they’re still as his arms rest in his sleep.

Despite the odd angle of his head, which makes you wince as you realise he’s going to have a cramp in his neck later, he looks peaceful and relaxed. Something warm bubbles in your stomach at that, causing you to hug Kasumi to your chest tighter as you realise that you’re happy he’s so comfortable and relaxed in your presence.

For a long time, you’d worried that you were too immature in your likes and dislikes for a true relationship to occur. You had more plushies in your small apartment than most families did in their entire house and the abundance of pop culture related items outweighed any aesthetic you could go for. An acceptance of that had occurred a while ago, acknowledging that this stuff made you happy and anyone who wanted to be a part of your life had to accept that too.

And Hoseok did. In fact, it seemed to comfort and relax him too. His own apartment wasn’t exactly decorated amazingly, and you got the distinct sense that he didn’t particularly care about decorations. Yet he seemed to genuinely love your apartment, despite it being smaller.

The fact he could fall asleep in your presence, in your small and cluttered apartment, made you pleased beyond belief. 

“Urgh,” He groans suddenly, causing you to jump ever so slightly in surprise. Hoseok doesn’t notice though, blinking blearily and licking at his mouth in distaste while a hand rubbed at his neck. “Ah...owww. My neck.”

Smiling, you gently push Kasumi off your lap and reach forward, fingers grasping his arm and attracting his attention. You can’t help the snort of amusement that leaves you as he looks over at you, eyes slightly hazy and puffy. He’d only slept for two hours yet he looked like he’d slept for six years.

“Oh baby,” The endearment falls from your lips without you even realising, and you’re so busy focusing on how he’s messed up his hair too that you don’t see the way his eyes light up. “Come here...you can...I mean I can massage it for you? Your neck...if you want?”

You’d started out so bold and confident but it had petered out so quickly, causing you to sigh quietly. Hoseok doesn’t care though and instead grins tiredly, running his hands through his hair once more and ruining it even more. Though it’s endearing honestly. But still, he understands what you ask, particularly when you gesture towards yourself.

Slowly, as if he’s testing whether or not you’re being serious, he shifts on the couch. You rest your back against the mound of cushions and plushies behind you, shyly letting him slide between your legs once more. This time though, there’s no sexual anticipation there.

He rests his back against your front carefully, checking that you’re okay with it the whole time before he relaxes finally. His weight is heavy against you but you don’t find it suffocating or overwhelming. Instead, it’s just...comforting. Nice. You feel..protected almost.

“This is...nice.” Hoseok says quietly, turning his head to look up at you. Dipping your head down, you bury your face into his shoulder for a moment and simply take him in, eyes closed. It’s fascinating how one smell can become so deeply imprinted on you.

Shuffling back, you wriggle to get comfortable before bringing your hands up and gently beginning to massage the muscles of his neck. He lets out a quiet noise before humming in delight, letting his head relax even more as you work.

“Hey, I was thinking earlier. Err...can you play me some of your favourite bands? I don’t really know anything about metal but...I’d be interested to see if there’s something I like? So we can both listen together?” That gets him looking back at you with raised brows, a smile playing on his lips.

He’s already pulling his phone out of his pocket, unlocking it with his face as he turns back around. “Really? Okay. This sounds fun. Hmm...what to play...what to play…”

You just focus on his neck as he clicks through Spotify, humming to himself lightly as he tries to figure out what to go with. Finally, a song starts to play and you cringe as you listen to the intense beats that come out of the tiny speaker.

“This is...I mean I guess-” Then the screaming starts. “Nope. Never gonna happen. Next band.”

That gets Hoseok snorting, his shoulders shaking against you as he laughs and continues to play with his phone. “I thought not, though they are good and I personally like them. They’re called Amon Amarth. Swedish death metal.”

“Can we just...try normal metal? Is that a thing? Maybe no death?” You ask, voice a tiny bit pleading and he just presses back into you more. Massage forgotten, you lay your head on his shoulder and watch as he flits around the music app.

“Okay...less death...kinda hard in the metal world but it’s fine. There’s something for everything. You want templar metal? Jaldaboath. Pirate met-” He’s interrupted by you as you poke at his cheek lightly, causing him to look at you in astonishment for interrupting him.

“Templar...metal? What does that mean? Like...Assassin’s Creed templars? The Knights Templar? That kinda thing?” Hoseok nods seriously and grins, typing into his phone before a song started playing. It all sounds very jolly and happy for metal music, yet you bizarrely find it fun and actually pretty good.

“I’m gonna regret this...but it’s actually kinda good.”

“Right? It’s fun. I love it. Okay, okay. Pirate metal, as I was saying. Equally fun. This is by Alestorm...Scottish pirate metal.” You admire Hoseok as he continues to play you on increasingly ridiculous subgenres of metal, his face lighting up in pure joy and amusement. It’s obvious he doesn’t listen to these most of the time but somehow it doesn’t surprise you that he actually knows of them.

After a good fifteen minutes of him lambasting your ears with stupid genres, though you’ll admit to actually enjoying a few of them, you finally get him to start giving you serious music that he actually listens to regularly. And you thoroughly enjoy running your fingers through his hair as he does so, everything feeling incredibly domestic with him.

You’re not sure what three months of a relationship is supposed to look like, and you think that it’s probably supposed to be closer and more intimate, but you’re happy with it at least. And he’s shown no signs of complaining about it.

Pressing your nose to his hair, you simply inhale and take him in, listening to him effervescently talking about his favourite music. It’s nice to see him excited about something, hear him talking animatedly about something he was truly passionate about. 

It made you feel a little bad when he whined softly before pouting when you admitted to not liking his older metal and rock music. Some of his classic bands such as Iron Maiden, Metallica, Motorhead and Black Sabbath had gotten a grimace from you, leading to him making the most pitiful noises in combination with a pout and puppy dog eyes.

He wriggles in your arms, voice ever so slightly churlish as he thumbs through playlist’s he’s created over the years. “Can’t believe you don’t like Maiden or Metallica. This is an outrage.”

You chuckle quietly, thoroughly amused before kissing his temple.

“Okay...so you don’t like classic, you don’t like death, you don’t mind the weird genres...I think you’ll probably like vocalists who sing more. Hmm...hold on, lemme just...what about this?” A song starts playing and you make a soft noise of approval, smiling and reaching for his phone as you look at the screen.

“The Diary of Jane...by Breaking Benjamin?” Looking at him, he nods as he watches intently. “I like it, it’s good. I like his voice.”

“They’re more rock than metal, but their music is really good. So...we have one band I’m pretty sure you’ll like. Now...Disturbed is also great. They did a great cover of Sound of Silence, here lemme show you.” The next twenty minutes are spent with you finding new bands and music to listen to, being pleasantly surprised by how much you actually do like the songs he’s showing you.

And he’s obviously inordinately pleased to have you showing active interest in the genres he loves the most. Hoseok has the most entertaining stories to go alongside some of the bands he’s playing; from seeing Disturbed in New York to when he travelled to the UK to go to something called Download Festival when he was 23 and saw some of the all-time-favourites including Metallica, Rammstein, Slipknot and other bands you didn’t remember the name of.

You were in a little in awe at that, as you’d never actually travelled outside the country. And here Hoseok was, travelling to some field in England just to see some bands when he only just out of college. It would have been nice if you’d gained the courage to do that when younger, but you resolved it to be something to be worked on.

After a while though, Hoseok evidently tires of showing you music and shifts until he’s looking directly at you. Laying your head on his shoulder, you give him a small smile before making an inquisitive noise, letting him know you’re receptive to whatever he’s thinking.

“What do you like to listen to? I mean, I know you just play the radio in the car most of the time but like...what do you really love?” Humming lightly, you rest your chin on him as you think before gesturing to his phone.

He hands it over with out a word, eyebrows rising as he watches you type into the search bar. And his expression turns into a pained grimace as he reads what you type.

“Oh god...please no...please.” He whispers desperately, the first notes of a Justin Bieber song playing from his phone. “You’ve infected my phone. Oh god, why?”

You can’t stop the giggle that leaves you at his reaction, stopping the song and typing in the search bar once more. “I’m kidding. I like some of his songs but only the ones that always get played on the radio. Hmm...I like most things you know? Ed Sheeran, Imagine Dragons, David Guetta, Billie Eilish and stuff. I quite like finding new artists, like indie ones you know? Found some good people through just looking through random spotify playlists. But I think my genre is just...soundtracks?”

“Soundtracks? Like...film soundtracks?” Nodding, you search for your own profile on Spotify and open up one of your many soundtrack playlists.

“Yeah. I really like them. And game soundtracks. I have favourites that just...make me feel happy or relaxed. They have such good memories associated with them. Like...the Skyrim soundtrack reminds me of when I was in college and was writing papers. I actually liked doing that, and learning. I also used to listen to the We Were Soldiers soundtrack in college. They’re great for anything that you need to focus on or just in the background. Especially game soundtracks, that’s why they’re made you know?” You press play on the Assassin’s Creed Odyssey playlist, smiling as your favourite song plays.

“They make them specifically so that you’ve always got the right moment to go with what you’re doing. The songs will transition into more upbeat and intense songs if you’re about to go into a fight or anything like that, but for moments when you’re just like...travelling from one place to another then it’s more relaxing. It’s not supposed to be intrusive, unless the soundtrack is part of the game like Cadence of Hyrule or Tetris Effect, but just fill the background with noise. You notice when a game has no music because it means something is about to happen or like...you’ve defeated all the enemies. It’s quite fascinating really, I read this whole article on The Flight, who composed this game’s soundtrack and the way they…” You continue on, explaining enthusiastically about the in’s and out’s of game soundtracks and why they’re important and can even become part of the game's mechanics.

Hoseok listens quietly, watching you intently as you chatter on, blissfully unaware that in reality, he doesn’t particularly care about the intricacies of game soundtracks. But he listens with interest because it interests you, and he wants to encourage that interest and never make you feel like you shouldn’t get excited about something.

Over the next half an hour, you go through all your favourite soundtracks and explain why you love each one and the memories you remember the most. Of course, it results in you excitedly discussing the games that went along with them and what you hated or liked about each one.

“So I’m guessing you have like...favourite composers too then or something?” Nodding enthusiastically, you begin to name them on your free fingers with a smile.

“My favourite film composer is Hans Zimmer. It probably sounds a bit basic but like...he’s a genius and he’s composed some of the best film scores ever. The Dark Knight series is a true classic and he’s influenced so many too. John Williams obviously, the OG film composer. Everyone knows his scores, whether you like Star Wars or not. In the television world though, no one beats Ramin Djawadi. The man is just...oh god he makes the best soundtracks. I maintain Game of Thrones wouldn’t be anywhere near as good without his soundtracks and it was the best thing about the last season. He also did Westworld and he’s done some great film soundtracks too.” 

“You know...I had no idea of the names of any of those except John Williams to be honest. Well...now I do. Thanks for teaching me,” Hoseok grins, taking his phone back and shutting Spotify off finally. “So what I’ve learned from this is that I shouldn’t play my death metal around you…”

“And I shouldn’t play Justin Bieber around you.” You tease him, running your fingers along his sides and giggling when he writhes with a soft whine. Him being ticklish was a recent discovery but you couldn’t help yourself when he sounded so cute giggling like he did. 

Sure enough though, he takes your hands like he always does, trapping them between his own before pulling until you’re hugging him tightly. Smiling, you bury your face into his neck as he lets out a deep sigh, body relaxing once more against you.

“I know this is a little left field...but wanna go take a nap?” He asks suddenly, causing you to laugh against him.

“Have we reached that age already?” You tease lightly, enjoying the way he makes you feel so comfortable around him lately. How you feel a little braver every minute you’re with him and how much he supports you and all your strange intricacies.

Standing up, he looks at you with a serious expression before nodding gravely. 

“I’m afraid so. I’m a growing boy. I need my nap times. Will you come nap with me?” His lower lip pushes out in a pout, amusing considering he also has a prominent lip ring but you can’t help but grin and take his proffered hand.  

[comingtothetree23]

Protecting The Heart (Peter Parker x reader)

Three things 1: This is a really dumb idea but I wanted to do it, so I'm doing it. 2: This is a new story. It's not apart of Homecoming and a Film By Peter Parker. 3: This is my first time writing Peter on my own without help from Homecoming! I really don’t like this but I’m trying. I got the idea from Monster high.

Rewritten

You sat next to Peter as you and the Avengers waited for the meeting to start. You let out some giggles after Peter told you his story about being trapped in the vultures lair. 

"Oh! I'm gonna be meeting up with an old friend." You smiled as you told Peter. You were supposed to meet up with him later today, "I haven't seen him since I was like ten!"

"You seem excited," Peter noted as he looked at you bouncing a little in your seat. 

"Of course I am! He was my best friend before I became an avenger!" You smiled as you wave your arms around you two. 

"Oh 'Best Friend' Sorry Pete you've been replaced," Tony stated as he entered the room, also entering the conversation. everyone turned to look at you and Peter.

"Those two are inseparable! literally." Nat rolled her eyes as she looked at you two of you, Peter gave her a confused look while you just nodded your head in agreement.

"If anything Peter replaced him." You nudged Peter's shoulder while he just rolled his eyes, "Are you made? if so, don't be me and you are way closer than me and Arther ever been." Once you said that you noticed Peter looked over at you with his small adorable smile.

"Hopefully the guys not mad might get revenge on Parker." You scoffed at that. Arther was the nicest guy ever...Even if he never tried to reach out to you until you became an official Avenger.

"Arther not like that,"

"You don't know, You haven't seen since you were ten? Six years can change someone." Sam said making you roll your eyes and pout a little.

"Isn't the meeting supposed to start?" you mumbled out while pouting making Peter chuckle and ruffle your hair, making you pout even more.

"Oh yes! Yes yes of course! F.R.I.D.A.Y, tell them about what's going on." 

"Yes, Boss."

You listened to the A.L with a bored expression, it's the same thing. You started paying more attention when something new came up. 

"14 Teenage girls were found dead in their homes." Everyone stared at the screen where they showed some of the crime scenes, "The bodies are only missing one thing, their hearts." your eyes widen even more at that, "All the bodies were found in their own houses, no sign of struggle or breaking and entering." The next thing F.R.I.D.A.Y says makes your heart race, "All the girls are in the age range 15-18." You didn't fail to notice everyone's eyes move over to you.

"...Do they have any leads?" You spoke up quietly, you wanted nothing more than send that bastard into prison. those poor bastards.

"There are no leads." 

"No leads, no evidence?" You mumbled before looking over at Peter, who was looking down in thought.

"That's impossible. There's no way you can't leave evidence at a crime scene." Peter spoke up before leaning his head on his hand, "This makes no sense,"

 "I'm pretty sure people have left crime scenes without making evidence." You leaned back in your seats while in deep thought. 

"Technically, no. You can't have a crime scene without evidence. Practically, yes. You can have a crime scene without evidence." Tony explained to you all

"That's important to know for later but for now, what do we do?" Steve spoke up, looking around at everyone. Everyone was in deep thought of what to do.

" Me, Steve, and Tony will go to some of the crime scenes." Nat started, looking around at everyone, "Sam and Bucky you go talk to the girl's parents..." You stopped listening to her as you thought of the girls, having their hearts ripped out sounded extremely painful. You hated that you couldn't have helped them in time.

"...(Y/n) and Peter, you two will contiue to do your patrols but keep an eye out for anything suspicious."  You and Peter both nodded at her. 

"Alright team, let's go." You all nodded and stood up to leave

"Who made her in charge?"

~~

"C'mon Pete, I'll be fine. I can handle myself." You let out a small laugh as you took your hand out of Peter's grip. 

"(Y/n) it's dangerous out there! You could be hurt." Peter argued as you ducked under him to get out of the door, "You can't use your portals out in public!"

"Why!? People already know my identity, That's how Arther knew how to reach out to me. If anyone tries to kidnap me or something I'll just teleport away." you saw Peter open up his mouth, you hold a finger up, "And if they follow me I'll defend myself. I know how to." you look behind you to see Peter just standing there, looking really upset.

"Aw Pete, please don't be upset." You started to move closer to him without thinking. You regretted it when Peter webbed your hand and pulled you toward him, "Peter!" You struggled as Peter held you tight.

Your face was smushed against his chest while Peter held your arms down in the hug. He had his chin on the top of your head. If you weren't supposed to leave you would have melted into the hug Peter's hugs are just the best and you love them so much! Their so soft and makes you feel safe, which you kinda needed right now, but you also needed to leave.

"I just want you to be safe, (Y/n)," he mumbled into your hair. You suddenly felt guilty, Peter was really worried about you he has been since that report about the girls. It worried you two but you knew you could handle it.

"Aw, Pete. You're too cute," you mumbled into his chest as you hugged him tight cuddling into his chest. Peter looked down at you and smiled as his cheeks turned pink, "...Are you really that worried." you look up at Peter with a small frown.

"Of course I am! I don't want anything bad to happen to you." He held you tighter as he mumbled out, "...I don't know what I'd do if I lost you." That made your eyes widen as you blushed at his words.

"If it makes you feel better...You can come with me." 

"What?"

"You can come with me to meet Arther. I'm sure he won't mind." You shrugged as you looked back up at Peter, who was thinking about it.

"...Are you okay with it?" Peter asked in a small voice.

"Of course! I love hanging out with you." You got out of the hug and took his hands, "I don't want you to worry all day...For no reason."

"there is a reason!"

"So, yea! You can come with!" You ended with a small smile and a jump, "Then my two best friends can become friends!" you looked at peter with a sheepish smile, "If you guys get along."

"That sounds alright." Peter gave you a small smile. 

"What are we waiting for!? Let's go!" You took his hand and left the tower. Sam and Bucky watched as you two left the tower.

"There's gonna be a fight."

~~

"(Y/n)!" You looked over at a teenage boy waving over at you, you looked at the boy confused. The boy has short dyed black hair, green pricing eyes and he is wearing a fancy shirt for being in a small town cafe. 

"Do you know him?" Peter asks as he takes your hand and told it tight.

"I dunno, he doesn't look familiar." You answered as you tighten your grip on Peter's hand. 

"(Y/n), it's me Arther!" Your eyes met his and you immdently recognized him. You smile and wave at him, You drag Peter over at the table as you both sat down

"Hey, Arther! How you doing man?" You smile as you held out a fistbump he stared at your fist for a moment before fist-bumping it.

"I'm good. Who's your friend?" He motions toward Peter. 

"This is Peter Parker, he's my really good friend. He's one of Tony Starks interns. That's how we met." That's kinda how you met.

"Tony Stark, That's mighty impressive." he looks over at Peter with a smile as he asks, "What do you do there, Peter?" Peter frowns and tries to reach for your hand as his Peter tingle screeched 'Danger' at him

"Oh, you know..." He laughs nervously, "Bring him his coffee, helps him with his inventions sometimes...The normal intern stuff." He finishes looking over at you with panicked eyes.

"Ain't that interesting," Arther smirked at Peter before looking over at you. 

'Danger! Danger! Danger! Danger! Danger!'      

"So Arther, How are you? Are you doing anything?" You asked him, you did notice how panicked Peter looked and decided not to talk about his 'internship'. 

"I'm doing just fine, darling." He smiled and planted a small kiss on your knuckle, "I've been moving School to School recently."

"Really? Why?"

"None of the places really captivated me." You and Peter share a confused glance before looking back at Arther, "But this place is just lovely."

"It's New York,"  Peter spoke up looking around the small cafe you three were in.

"And I've always wanted to live in New York." Arther says quickly, glaring at Peter before looking over at you, "and then I discovered that you lived here, darling." Arther took a hold of your hand, making Peter's tingle scream louder, "And I was over the moon!" 

"Oh, I'm not that great." You laugh gently and took your hand away from Arther's, "I bore people really easily." 

"That's not true, (Y/n)." Peter spoke up, making both you and Arther look at him, "You are amazing to be around! Your fun, smart and weirdly obsessed about TikTok." 

"Their funny and you know it!"

"Don't forget that you are beautiful, darling. Oh, I have something for you." He handed you a bunch of flowers.

"Oh, Thank you, Arther." You give him a fake smile as you place it gently behind you, "They beautiful." 

"Like you." You give him another fake smile. You didn't really think about when Arther puts on sunglasses and frown deeply at you. 

You jumped when both yours and Peter's phone goes off at the same time. You both look at it seeing it's from the Avengers. You groan as you look over at Arther

"Hey, Sorry Arther." You pointed behind you, "We both got to go, See you later?" 

"Of course, Darling. I'll see you soon." He smirked that made you shiver as he gently took your hand and put a kiss on it. 

"Bye Arther." You stood up, took Peter's hand, and left the cafe.

~~

"You don't like him, Do you?" You ask as you and Peter sat on a roof, looking for any crime. You wore your super-suit while Peter was in his Spider-suit. You kick your feet out as you waited for his answer

"...Did he seem weird to you?" He avoided the question, you noticed he didn't want to answer your question, which answered your question.

"Well, He's always been... a little weird." You sighed as you kick your foot a little more, "but..." You quickly shook your head and layed down to look at the stars.

"But?" 

"But... He kinda made me uncomfortable," you confessed as you avoided Peter's eyes to look at the stars. What made you uncomfortable was it seemed like he wanted one thing from you.

"Do you wanna talk about it?" Peter asks in a soft voice, making you look over at him. You let out a sigh as he layed down next to you and you both stared at the sky.

"It's just... he never reached out to me before I became an Avenger and I didn't really mind. It's just when he started giving me flowers acting all romantic toward me. I just don't like him like that and we literally just got back in touch." You knew Peter was looking at you through his mask but you contiued, "Like I said earlier, We were never really that close."

"Why don't you tell him to stop?" Peter asks you making you let out a long sigh

"I will don't worry. I'm just in a mood. I'm just worried about teenage girls." Peter gave you a nod as you continues, "Having their hearts ripped out, must be so painful I can't even imagine." You felt tears sting your eyes. You held a hand touch your shoulder and you look over at Peter.

"Hey, Don't worry. We'll find the person who did this." Peter gently pulled off his mask to show you his face, he knows how much just seeing his face calms you down, "You'll be fine."

"I'm not worried about me! I'm worried for other girls out there." you looked over at Peter and gave him a look, "I just want people to be safe. Like how I was." You avoided Peters's gaze as you turned your head away from him. You suddenly felt a gloved hand on your chin and Peter moved your head to face him as he gave you an adorable smile

"Don't worry you will, (Y/n)." He gave you another smile hat made you smile. You look away for a moment before leaning in and giving him a peck on the lips before quickly pulling away.

Peter cupped your cheeks before giving you a soft gentle kiss on the lips. You smile into the kiss as you kiss him back, the kiss was gentle and full of love. Love that made you so happy you met Peter Parker. You two pulled away but kept your foreheads touching.

"How was that?" Peter shyly asks, trying to catch his breath. You let out a soft laugh as you gently pinch one of his rosy cheeks

"Perfect." 

"Peter, there's a bank robbery far east from here," Karen explains to him, not realized shes kinda ruining a moment.

"Duty calls." You giggle before placing a kiss on his nose. You stand up and jumps off the building to make a portal to the crime scene.

Leaving Peter watching you with a daze smiley look before shaking his head and putting his mask off and chases after you.

~~

"You learn anything new from the case?" You ask as you enter the kitchen with Peter, his arm is around your waist. Ever since last night, you weren't willing to let out of each other.

"No, there's nothing at the crime scene. No fingerprints, no bloostains-" Steve started, looking over at Nat as he explains

"Surprising." 

"- No nothing! We found nothing!"

"How... How are the bodies?" Peter spoke up quietly, not wanting anyone to be upset but also it's important to know.

"The only thing found was a hole in their chest, where the heart was." Nat explains with a sigh not looking at any of you, "Sam and Bucky are starting to interview the parents. Hopefully, they'll find something."

"They will don't worry." You detached yourself from Peter and walked over to Nat, putting a hand on her shoulder, "We'll find them. We always do." You finished with a smile making Nat gave you a small smile. 

"So, You and Parker?" She asks with a smirk. You blush as you smile giddily at her with a quick nod of your head, "Guess that old friend of yours wasn't that fun, huh?"

"He was... Eh." 

"Eh, That bad huh?" Nat took a sip of her drink with a raised brow. 

"He wasn't bad it's just he was being all romantic like he were in a novel." You then say dramatically, "Two lovers torn apart but they find a way to each other and live happily ever after blah blah blah." 

"You know what he wants right?" Nat asks you as you look up at her

"Yeah, Yeah, I do." you look down sadly, "I really wanted to be his friend again but I guess that's not what he wants from me." 

"Who cares? You're a badass Avenger who can handle herself. You should be proud and happy, Your finally with Peter. Everyone knows you two wanted that for a while now." You let out a laugh at that

"Yea, I really did." You look over at Peter as he was suddenly on the ceiling because of a candy can, "I'm really lucky." You gave him a soft smile which Peter noticed and gave one back.

~~

"Hey Arther, Can we talk?" You ask as you walk up to Arther at a park. It was a nice small place, not many kids are here right now.

"Of course, Darling. I got you something," he smirked as he pulled out a necklace that looked pretty but it wasn't a thing you would wear. He tried putting it on you but you held up a hand to stop him.

"That's what I wanted to talk to you about, Arther." You started, you close your eyes with a sigh before looking at him explaining, "Look this is great and all, All the gifts, you being strangely romantic toward me but I kinda like someone else." You fiddled with your hands, not wanting to see his reaction, "We can still hang out! I just want you to know." You wave your hands in the air, not trying to be mean.

"Is it Parker?" he growled out, making you look at him shocked

"What?"

"Is. It. Parker?" He asks, walking closer to you. You take steps back until you back meet a tree, "Is the guy you like Parker? Petro Parker or whatever his name is?" Arther rolled his eyes.

"It's not really your business to know, to be honest." You put a hand on his chest and push him away gently, "And I don't need to tell you if I don't want to tell you."  

"But it is my business." He states as he roughly grabbed your chin to make you look at him, "Your love-life is my business. Which is why I know it's Parker." You glare at him and take his hand off your chin

"What are you talking about!" You look at him with a glare before rolling your eyes, "Let me guess you want one thing from me. I wonder if I can guess what it is." you made a motion with your hands before crossing your arms.

"I do want something from you but it's not what your thinking." He pins you to the tree again as he takes his sunglasses off showing his piercing green eyes, "I want your heart." Your blood ran cold as he chuckles, "But I kinda like your suggestion. I think I just might do that too." 

"I-It's you! You're the heart-stealing Killer! Get off of me!" You growl as you were able to kick him off of you. He stumbled back a little before standing up stright.

"Killer? Now I'm offended, I don't kill them." He starts to walk over to you but you hold up your fist ready to fight, "No need for a fight. I'm not going to heart you."

"Yeah right!" You rolled your eyes before you lunge at him, he was able to move away. You quickly turn around ran toward him.

You slip under him and kick his legs under him. You grab his arms and pins them onto his back, "Oh, you got me, darling. what are you going to do with me?" He gave you a look which made you scoff.

"I'm bringing you to Avengers tower to bring you in. SO, you won't hurt any other poor girl, You heartless-fuck!" You yelled at him before raising your hand and making a portal to your room. 

"Wait!" He yelled making you lower your hand slightly, "Can you do one last thing for me, darling?" 

"What is it?" You rolled your eyes not bearing to look at the bastard. you look back to see him looking at you but something's..... different. 

His eyes are glowing pink? You slowly move side to side as you couldn't look away from his eyes. Your heart starts to beat faster as you contiue to stare. You were looking at him in a daze. 

"I will have your heart, darling. It's too special not to." That was the last thing you heard before everything turned black and you feel yourself falling.

~~ "(Y/n), (Y/n), Where are you!? (Y/N)!" Peter yelled as he walked the streets of New York, people gave him weird looks but he didn't care. ever since you left that morning his Peter Tingle has been going crazy. He knew it had something to do with you. 

'Danger! Danger! Danger! Danger! Danger!' 

He sighed before he saw a glance of your (H/c) entering an ice cream shop. He ran inside the shop and looks around for you. It was until he saw you and Arther sitting down on a booth. Something was wrong, You were sitting on Arthurs's lap your hands were on his chest as your head was on his shoulder.

'Danger! Danger! Danger! Danger! Danger!' 

"(Y/n), where have you been!? I've been looking all over for you?" Peter walks over to you, ignoring the anger he felt toward Arther and felt oddly protective toward you. He looks over at you confused as you didn't turn around to look at him, "(Y/n)?"

You finally look up at Peter, confused as why he was talking to you. Peter looked into your eyes to see that they were blank. you were also wearing a necklace he never seen before.

"Can I Help you, sir?" Arther asks as he looks at Peter. Peter notices that Arther was wearing sunglasses, inside a building. 

"I'm not talking to you, I'm talking to (Y/n)!" Peter snapped before taking a hold of your shoulder and shakes you a little, "(Y/n) I've been looking everywhere for you. You have to text me and the avengers where you are." You tilt your head in confusion at him.

"I'm sorry, I've just been having the time of my life with Arther." your voice sounded a little dull as You layed your head back on Arthur's shoulder as your hands ran over his chest, "I just lost track of time." You giggled at Arther as he Smirked at Peter

"(Y/n)'s what's up with you?" Peter asks, hurt clear on his face. He had a crush on you for ages and when you two kissed last night he was sure that you two were finally together, "This isn't like you."

"I don't know what you mean," You giggled as you didn't even look at Peter. 

"You just don't kiss people for fun! You don't kiss someone just to throw them away the next day and run away with someone you didn't talk to in 6 years." Peter snapped as he stared at you.

"I was just not thinking at the time, Peter." Was all that you said. Peter's heart broke even more, you only called Peter 'Pete' never Peter.

"Your not making any sense!" 

"Run along, Can't you see she made her choice." Arther waved him off with a smirk as he puts his hand on your waist. You giggled as you cuddled closer to him.

Peter frowned as he walks away, he stared one last glance at You. He looked into your strangely blank eyes and he swore he saw that they were pink instead of (E/c).  

~~

"One of the parents said that Harley kept running away late at night. They said they think she was meeting up with a boy because they didn't want her to date." Sam explains to the group as Peter entered the tower, pouting the whole way, "They said they saw a guy in her room but all they saw was his hair and eyes."

"But she was found in her room?" Steve asks not noticing Peter walking in. They only glanced at him when he sat on the couching pouting and trying not to break.

"Yea, It was strange. Maybe she let the guy in and then it happened. Hear this, The last girl Sophie didn't want to date anyone but then she got a boyfriend." Bucky explains looking at their notes.

"That's not that weird." Peter spoke up, "Maybe she just wanted to try it. Maybe she actually liked him. who knows." He says darkly as he shrugs.

"Yea, but He was apparently visiting when she was home alone. He left 'early' and that's when the girl died." Sam did air quotes around early.

"Did they interview the boyfriend?" Nat asks as she looked over at peter wondering where you are and why he's so pouty.

"Yes, His name is Arther Valentine." Peter sat up once he heard the name, They ruled him out because he lived far away at the time or something like that."

"what does that have to do with it?" Peter asks as he looked at Sam and Bucky. 

"Don't know, they never really explained." 

"Can I see the papers?" Peter asks quickly as he was handed the papers. As he read he got more panicked, all the girls lived in different areas and there was always one guy in the story. The guy seems to have the same description. One that matched Arther.

"What happens if this guy was in every case," Peter asks as he looks up them.

"What do you mean, Queens?" Steves asks as they all stared at Peter, interested in what he meant.

"I mean, In all the cases there's one guy whether it's the best friend, neighbor, lover, secret lover whatever. All of these say the guy looks about the same." Peter explains looking up at the four before looking back down at the papers.

"The guy has dyed-black hair, bright green eyes, tall. That seems too weird." Peter finished looking at them. They all looked at him before each grabbing for a paper. 

"And we've only got one name." 

"Arther." Peter growled before his eyes widen, "Oh my god, (Y/n)!" Peter sat up in a panic and went running before Steve grabbed his arm to stop him.

"Маленький паук, what do you mean? Wheres (Y/n)?" Nat asks as she walks closer to Peter not trying to freak him out.

"H-her old friend! His name was Arther! He matches the description! (Y/n)'s with him right now!" Peter says in a panic as everyone's eyes widen.

"Does that mean?" Sam starts not wanting to finish the sentence.

"She's next." Steve finishes, not making eye contact with anyone.

"Let's go get that fucker." Nat growls darkly as she stood up and went toward the elevator, ready to beat Arther's ass.

"Wait, Nat!" Peter yelled out, raising his hand, making her stop, "(Y/n)'s under some kind of spell or something." 

"Spell?" 

"Yea, She was acting weird" Sam went to open his mouth, "Weirder than normal!" He closed his mouth, "She wouldn't talk to me until I had to literally make her look at me and her voice was dull and-and her eyes were pink and bland! and now she can't keep her hands off of him." 

"Sounds like a power to me." A new voice spoke up, everyone looked over to see Tony Stark enter the room. He grabbed another cup of coffee as he leaned against the counter, "Let me guess, The sick fuck is after (Y/n)?" 

"Yep." tony cursed to himself under his breath.

"Is there a way to stop him?" Peter asks his mentor. Tony thinks for a moment as he takes a sip of his coffee before placing it down.

"I don't know, Wanda might." 

"Wanda?"

"Yea, she can read minds. She can probably figure out a way to stop him by going into his freaky mind." Tony explained to the group.

"That actually....might work." 

"but Mr. Stark how are we supposed to invite him here without being suspicious?" Peter looks at tony before sheepishly saying, "I think he's always suspicious of me."

"Why because you freaked out on him?"

"How do you know that!?" Peter asks quickly, earning a look from everyone in the room.

"Cause we all know you two got together and now she's with Arther." Nat explained with an eyebrow.

"Shes not with she's under a spell." Peter pointed a finger at the spy, earning another round of looks.

"We're going to have a Gala." Tony stood up before clapping his hands together, "Everyone gets your dresses and suits on." 

~~

"Arther, You look amazing!" You yell as you run over to Arther and you wrap your arm around him and tackle home into a hug, "So handsome." You smile into his chest. His hugs were cold and tense but you still loved them.

"You look beautiful, Darling." He smirked as he hugged you back. He gave you a small kiss in your hair, your cheeks turned bright red as you felt it. He had his sunglasses on and smirked at you.

You thought you felt eyes on the back on your head, You looked behind you to see Peter. You haven't really been talking to him lately, he was by Tony Stark. You two made eye contact but you felt Arther roughly grab your chin and turn your face toward his.

"Don't mind him, Darling. He's just jealous because you are the most amazing woman here." He smirked as your heart starts to race as you blush.

"Arther, stop it." You smile as try to push his hands away but he wouldn't let it. 

"No, You are too beautiful for this world. I'm gonna keep you safe and sound nothing is ever going to hurt you." He hugged you again and you couldn't help but melt into the hug.

"Promise?"

"I promise, darling," he smirked as your heart was almost his. Just a couple more minutes, it'll it worth it. 

~~

Peter grip tightened as he watched You and Arther hug, He wanted to move you away from the guy and protect you. You'll be safe soon, he'll make sure of it.

"I'm here. What do you need me to do again?" Wanda asks as she walks over to the group.

"We need you to look I not Arthers mind to find out how to break whatever he did to (Y/n) and get her away from him." tony explained to her.

"We need to do it fast," Peter spoke up quickly but quietly making sure you or Arther heard you, "Please, we don't know how long she has."

"I'll do what I can," Wanda says before raising her arm and it glowed red along with her eyes. Peter stood there freaking out, he wouldn't know what he would do if Arther won. If he won your heart and did whatever he did with them, "His power is strong and it is greatly affecting her." Wanda turns to face the group.

"She doesn't remember being creeped out by him. She doesn't really remember him attacking her."

"He attacked her!?" "Yes, that's how he got her under his spell. If we don't do anything now then he'll have her heart and he'll break it and make it a trophy." Wanda explains looking around.

"He breaks girls' hearts and makes then trophy?" Peter nearly shouts as his eyes widen as he looked over at you. You and Arther were by some food and Arther gave you some candy.

"That's not possible."

"He finds a way." Wanda suddenly looks over at Peter as she explains, "The only way to get the spell off of her is something she loves more than Arther." 

"We all know who that is," Nat spoke up smirking as she looks over at Peter. Peter looks around as he realized everyone was looking at him.

"Me?"

"Of course. Did you see how excited she was when you two got together?" Nat asks, crossing her arms and rolling her eyes.

"Or how she was always cuddly toward you literally anywhere and everywhere?"

"Peter, your the one who can save her." Wanda pressure, putting a hand on Peter's shoulder. 

"B-but how do I-" Peter started, not really trusting himself to save you.

"I think you know how." Peter smiles as he nods and walks toward you and Arther.

~~ "I have an idea. How about we go to your room?" Arther smirks and he looks at you. Your eyes widen as you didn't think he said that. He held out his hand for you, You smile at his hand before grabbing it. Arther smirks, "Let's go, darling."

"Okay." You squeaked out, blushy and flustered as you almost left the ballroom. 

"(Y/n)!" You turn around to look at Peter who was walking toward you.

"Oh, Hello Peter. How are you?" You ask as Peter continues to walk toward you. You tilt your head as he took your hands and move you away from Arther, "What are you doing?" You reach toward Arther who was glaring at Peter.

"(Y/n), He's dangerous. He's the one killing girls and stealing hearts." Peter says making your eyes widen. You shook your head as you reach for Arther.

"What!? Why would you say that? PEter, Arther would never do anything like that." When Peter didn't let out of you, you summoned a portal under you and next to Arther. You held onto Arthurs's arm and cuddled his side.  

"Darling are you alright?" Arther asks, putting a soft hand on your arm. You didn't answer you just cuddled closer to him, "Did he do anything to you?" You shook your head.

"(Y/n), We gotta go." Peter went to grab you but Arther and you backed up and you huddled closer to him, "(Y/n) you gotta believe me, Your in danger."

"Because of you maybe?" Arther spoke up, making Peter glared at him. You suddenly felt something on your arm and you were dragged toward Peter. 

You were met with Peter's chest when you realized you started to struggle against Peter, "L-Let me go!" you tried to beat at his chest but Peter grabbed both of your hands. 

"What are you doing!?" Arther asks as he walks closer to you two. 

"I'm sorry," Peter mumbled before he cups one of your cheeks and he gives you a soft kiss on your lips. Your eyes widen before you felt your cheeks heat up and your heart race. 

The pink leaves your eyes and they became (E/c) again as memories appeared. Peter pulled away from you before you grab both of his cheeks and pulled him into a more needy kiss. You forgot how much you loved Peter. When you both pulled away you put your forehead on his.

"I love you." You mumbled breathlessly. Peter gave you his adorable smile that you loved so much. 

"I love you so much." 

"What just happened?" a voice spoke up, you and Peter both turn to look at Arther. You looked at Arther with a growl

"Something you wouldn't know 'true love'." You detached yourself from Peter and walked toward Arther, looking like he was ready to kill, "Don't think I forgot about what you did. Not just to me but to those innocent girls!" 

"Oh, Whatever! I needed them for my collection." he raised a hand to your cheek saying, "Too bad I couldn't have yours. You truly have a special heart. Oh well, I gotta go, Darling." Arther smirks as he goes to leave

"What makes you think your going Scott-free?"  You ask while putting your hand on your hips. Peter walks over and puts a hand on your waist. 

"We all know who you are, you got nowhere to run, Arther." Peter glares at him. 

"Have fun at prison!" You fake a smile as you make a portal to the prison cell, "would you have the honor?" 

"It would be my honor." Peter bows before webbing him to the prison. You smirk and close the portal.

"You saved me." You look over at Peter with a teary-eyed smile. 

"Of course I did, (Y/n)." Peter pulled you into a hug while you melted into, "Don't worry I'll always protect you." 

[silverbastardgoldenfool]

Realm of the Quarantine Reread End-of-Book Questionnaire: Assassin’s Apprentice

Any differences between your first/previous reading experience and this one?

Uhhhhh yep!! I can’t even believe how different it was. Every scene has taken on an entirely different colour and flavour in my memory. I skimmed far too much the first time, yes, but also I just went into it with the wrong framework. I think I’ve mentioned this before but my mum recommended me these books on the basis of my love of A Song of Ice and Fire. She directly compared them and said how similar they were. Because of RotE’s length I had been putting it off for years, and only finally picked up Assassin’s Apprentice because I was itching to do an ASOIAF reread but was (and am) trying to wait until Winds of Winter to do it. 

So you can imagine the difficulty settling into a book like Assassin’s Apprentice when you’re expecting Game of Thrones. I remember my overall impression on my first read being that it was a pretty standard fantasy novel with the only really exceptional thing about it being the characters and their relationships. Characters are always my top priority so it was enough to keep me invested and progressing onto the next book and the rest of the series, but I did so not having absorbed nearly as much as I should have from the first book in the series.

Now, just from revisiting that first book, my understanding of Fitz and the world he operates in has exponentially increased and I know that will transform my experience of every book going forward. I really made sure to make myself slow down and read every word; absorb descriptions and just be in each moment without racing to the next one. Overall this book (and all the Fitz books) are much more concerned with the human condition and the effects of abuse and trauma and deep loneliness than being an epic fantasy. In fact it barely reads like fantasy at all; it’s incredibly grounded and focused. Of course the elements are there, but while Assassin’s Apprentice may not be as subversive as the rest of the series, it is certainly not generic fantasy. This book just feels alive to me now in a way it didn’t before against the rest of the series. I can regard it as a beautiful piece of the puzzle in its own right instead of just the setup. I wanna reiterate I always really liked Assassin’s Apprentice but it just paled in comparison to my unholy obsession with the rest of it. Idk this reread just really shifted a lot of things into perspective for me and I’m excited!!

Something you can’t believe you forgot

So so much but most ridiculous GALEN IS QUEEN DESIRE’S BASTARD am I dumb??? I didn’t even remember until it was explicitly stated lol

Favourite character introduction moments/scenes

It’s gotta be a tie between the Fool, Kettricken and Patience (realising there is a common theme here of Fitz making an idiot of himself). I genuinely was laughing so hard when Fitz is like, actively making himself smaller and so pleased with himself trying to help the Fool, and of course the Fool’s iconic “listen you idiot” ugh it’s just chef’s kiss baby, that’s what we in the biz call a meet-cute! (I know they have seen each other before, but this is the first time the Fool talks to Fitz). Then of course we have Kettricken who poisons Fitz at their first meeting, and Patience who Fitz continuously embarrasses himself in front of before even realising who she is. The fact that all three of these people end up being some of Fitz’s only genuinely loving relationships makes it even better.

Favourite character arcs

I think I’ve gotta go with Verity and Burrich. Verity goes from kind of a bloke’s bloke (he was so different in the beginning than I remembered!) to being a proper King-in-Waiting. He is self-sacrificial but not for pride; he genuinely cares deeply for his people, as a whole and as individuals, and will do anything it takes to protect them. He is far from perfect, and he could have done a lot more for Fitz when he was younger, but once Fitz is in his eyeline and he is confronted with the life the boy has led he seems suitably shamed and tries to do his best for him. He’s a good boy and I love him!

Burrich of course is just. unlucky. His health deteriorates due to injuries. He gets saddled with some kid and is burdened to bring him up to an impossible standard he has set himself (to not shame a man he has an impossibly high opinion of). He’s deprived of a job he loved and was good at, and most importantly he’s deprived of his boyfriend I mean lover I mean “master”.

His arc is not a happy one at all but it is compelling, and I can’t help but love him and feel for him despite also disagreeing with him on almost everything :)

Favourite quote/s

Unfortunately I don’t have any tabs atm so I couldn’t really keep track, but my heart exploded when Fitz said to the Fool after going into his room, “I wish I had a place that were as much me as that place is you.”

Favourite relationships

Fitz/Fool obviously. Even though they don’t have that many interactions in this book I loved every single one of them. The Fool volunteering to care for Smithy after Fitz has endured a long day of horrendous abuse is just!!!!! Kindness! What a concept! I could really see why they develop such a deep bond so quickly.

Fitz/Burrich is just so real and so compelling and it hurts me but I love it. Fitz/Chade breaks my heart bc Chade is manipulating his way into Fitz’s heart - I think without realising it a lot of the time bc he is lonely too, but the power imbalance is not okay when he is the centre of Fitz’s world for a long time and the closest thing he has to a friend. Knowing how Chade behaves not too much later just makes it even worse when he is so nice in this book because it just shows why Fitz has such a hard time being his own person and saying no to Chade ever.

Fitz/Verity for obvious reasons. Fitz/Hands!! They’re cute but it makes me sad that Hands betrays him in AQ. Weirdly I liked Fitz/Molly way more this time but more their friendship than anything. And next is Royal Assassin and their deeply toxic romance soooooo.

And Fitz and his puppies BUT WE DON’T TALK ABOUT THAT.

Favourite setting

Do yourself a favour and read the description of the Mountain Kingdom and specifically the palace. It is STUNNING and something I completely skimmed over the first time cos I’m a dumb idiot bitch I could have been picturing a city of huge colourful tulips all this time but fuck me I guess!!

Favourite chapter

As a rereader I think I’ve gotta say chapter one. There’s just so much to pick apart all crammed into one chapter. It still holds a lot of mystery even when you’ve read the entire series.

Most loved character

At this point I’ve gotta say Fitz. That’s who my heart is with during this book and he NEEDS IT

Most hated character

Okay I found Regal a much better villain on this read and hated him A LOT but whomst I despised even more w the very fibre of my being was Galen bitch disgusting!!!!!! Verity was so like, smug?? when he killed him and it was so satisfying. It’s what she deserves!!

Raise your hand if you’ve been personally victimised by Robin Hobb (most heartbreaking and/or visceral moments)

Literally this whole book was so harsh and I was perpetually emo throughout but off the top of my head, Fitz’s depressive episode after Shrewd and Chade test his loyalty fricking broke me, as did the entirety of Galen’s abuse/training; since I was paying so much more attention this time it hit a lot harder that he is an absolute textbook abuser and the psychological torment he inflicts on Fitz is just. deeply upsetting to say the least. It really got under my skin.

Details, observations, spoilery notes made with the benefit of the full picture

Okay this is where I just dump all the notes I took while reading that don’t fit anywhere else. It’ll be long lol so strap in.

- It’s never not funny to me that Narrator Fitz comes across as like a hundred years old when in actuality he is like twenty. Also that he looks back on himself with such a sense of wisdom and superiority, yet we know there is dumbarsery aplenty to come. Amazing.

- I’ve never really registered that for the first six years of his life Fitz had a mother who loved him and I don’t know how to feel about that

- REVELATION THAT SEEMS REALLY OBVIOUS IN HINDSIGHT: Fitz most likely only spoke Chyurdan when he was abandoned, which would have played a huge role in why he was not only quiet but unresponsive to what was happening around him. He probably didn’t even understand that he wasn’t going to see his mother again until much later, and he didn’t know how to ask questions. When he goes to the Mountain Kingdom and Kettricken comments that he speaks Chyurdan like someone remembering the language he doesn’t comment on it, so it’s likely that future Fitz doesn’t register that he didn’t always speak Six Duchies(?). He mentions in the narration that the memory of being abandoned is incredibly stark but not necessarily reliable, and possibly shaped by the Skill, which to me opens up the possibility that his memory is essentially auto-translating for him things he didn’t understand at the time. We also know that at the time of writing this he’s given up his memories of his mother etc. up to the stone dragon, so obviously his recollections of these traumatic events are going to be warped by that. Anyway thanks to my sister for pointing this out and being much smarter than me.

- According to Fitz’s grandfather, Chivalry always knew about Fitz. Don’t know how trustworthy a man desperate to yeet his grandson out of his care is but there ya go.

- Weird and hilarious that Shrewd tries to see Fitz on the day he arrives but then just like. What? Forgets about him? For years? lol

- Chade literally tells Fitz that he is a king’s man now and that’s the most important thing about him YIKES

- Chade becomes the closest thing Fitz has to a friend for quite a long time and that is fucking depressing

- It’s interesting that Chade had to be convinced to teach Fitz. It’s hinted at that there was an ~incident~ the last time they tried to train someone, followed by a long period of Chade being left to rot in the walls.

- Not to be out here diagnosing fictional characters but like.Fitz. Literally has depression.

- Fitz having to turn down Fedwren’s offer of apprenticing for him is so sad. It’s the life Fitz should have had.

- The Fool’s non-binary gender is mentioned as early as Chapter Nine! (Published in 1995! We have no choice but to stan!)

- “So quickly we were all made accomplices in our own degradation.” OOF.

- I really realised this time that the reason Fitz seems so shit at things he trained his whole life for later is because all that training was interrupted by many months of isolation, deprivation and abuse. All at the age of like 13-14. He got out of the habit of subconsciously acting in a way that Burrich or Chade would approve of. For a long time the only person he needed approval from was Galen, and he became completely single-minded about it because that was his means of survival. And you don’t just recover from that - especially since neither Chade or Burrich would give him the time of day for an extended period *after* his training was done. When Chade did finally talk to him again it wasn’t to recommence training really; he just gave him a bunch of tasks to do. By the time Fitz got to the Mountain Kingdom he was completely out of practice, and still managed pretty bloody well in spite of it.

- Kind of related to the last point: I love that while Fitz isn’t a savant at anything he’s a pretty realistic jack of all trades. He not only has an aptitude for learning almost any skill or subject but a genuine broad curiosity too. It’s one of the few things that is just him, ya know? It’s just his personality and something he can find joy in, even if it does also factor into his being used by others.

- Imagine being Burrich and finding out that your son thought you were a dog murderer for like ten years lol ouch

- Fitz thinks about the Fool soooo often in the Mountain Kingdom, pointing out things that remind him of him, or things he would like. It’s v soft tbh I love them so much!!

- Another dumb thing I forgot is that Regal is convinced that Shrewd had Fitz poison his mother to death, which adds a rather important layer onto his motivations lol

Anyone doing a reread feel free to fill this out! You don’t have to use the tag :)

[mesdea]

Chapters: 1/1 Fandom: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Prequel Trilogy Rating: General Audiences Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings Relationships: Qui-Gon Jinn/Obi-Wan Kenobi Characters: Qui-Gon Jinn, Obi-Wan Kenobi Additional Tags: Laundromat AU, Meet-Cute, Quinn is Qui-Gon, Ben is Obi-Wan, Fluff, Party Like It's 1999 Summary:

Quinn hoped to grade a few papers while waiting for his laundry to finish, but then a stranger entered the laundromat and shattered that expectation.

New Orleans was known for its Creole cuisine, distinct music, unique dialect and of course, Mardi Gras was something of an enigma for Quinn who had been in the city for a little over ten years. He migrated to The Big Easy after his mother passed away, leaving his birthplace of Ireland. Having been born to an Irish mother and an American father, he had dual citizenship and had often longed to see his father's home in Louisiana.

Normally, when travelers or first-time residents went to New Orleans, they had a tough time understanding the strange city. It appeared like no other place in the United States. Quinn was one of these travelers, first as a tourist and then quickly becoming a resident after finding old relatives on his father’s side. The first puzzling impression of the city usually came from the appearance of the French Quarter near many of the city's hotels. The size of the district surprised even those who have journeyed through the remaining United States. Few visitors are used to such a mess of people shuffling at all hours of the day and night in the center of the city. They promptly learned that bars have no closing hour, that the food is spicy, and that the music happened almost everywhere. They may have also taken note that the locals talk weirdly, but few have southern accents. Quinn’s lilting accent seemed to fit right in, even if it wasn't quite the same, as residents welcomed him with open arms.

When Quinn first found his roots, so to speak, he had left behind a lucrative position as a biology professor in Belfast. After just a few months of traveling the southern portion of Louisiana, also known as Acadiana, he found a tenured job at the private college of Tulane, held within the bustling city of New Orleans. He lived just off campus, which was ideal for him, as he could use public transportation and his feet, with no need for a car. However, the flat didn’t come equipped with a washer and dryer, so he often strolled late at night to the laundromat when the insomnia was too much to overcome.

This is where he found himself on this warm night, term papers spread upon the folding table as he waited for the washers to finish, so he could transfer his clothes to the dryer and perhaps go next door for some crawfish etouffee. Quinn knew he should skip the food and finish grading his student’s papers before Windu had his head on a pike. He was late last semester and never heard the end. Although he adored his job, speaking and guiding young students, he hated the politics that seemed to follow. He could always forgo sleep instead of grading the papers.

Just as he circled Tommy Boudreaux’s “D-” the chime on the door went off and the quiet clinking of the washers was interrupted by several mumbles, groans, and Scottish cuss words. Quinn looked up into the gorgeous pair of Gray-blue eyes as he witnessed the young ginger strip out of his white button-down shirt and head for an open washer.

“I don’t even know how to get this out!” The youthful man cussed even more than before as he tossed the shirt into the open lid and unzipped his trousers, suddenly realizing he was in public. He regarded Quinn and turned a lovely shade of cherry-red. “I’m sorry, I…” Benjamin stopped as quickly as he began, staring at the older gentleman, his graying hair pulled back into a thick full ponytail.

Quinn noticed the fellow had blood stains on his face, shirt, and pants, and he promptly jumped from his table and walked toward him. “Are you OK?” He went to reach for the lad, before realizing that he might not want a stranger in his personal space and pulled back.

“I’m fine. My clothes, however, are not." By the sound of the Scottish accent, not a local either, he held his head back, realizing that his nose was still bleeding. "I'm sorry, I was on my way to my hotel and was robbed." He let out a breath, wondering how he would make it to his morning appointment and look presentable. He could purchase clothes, but that wouldn't help until the stores opened in the morning.

"That is horrible and doesn’t set a good impression for a new arrival in our city." Quinn slipped into his pocket and pulled out a small handkerchief and handed it to the man. "Please, take this and tilt your head back. It will help. It doesn't look broken at least." Quinn tapped his own nose that had been broken a few times and never set.

"Thank you, Mr...."

"Quinton Jinn, but please call me Quinn."

"Benjamin Kenobi, but everyone calls me Ben." The lad once again turned a lovely shade of pink, and Quinn wondered how often he could bring that color out of him. Was he trying to flirt with a stranger, half his age, inside a laundromat?.

"I would say that it is a pleasure to meet you, but this doesn't seem like the happiest of situations." Quinn waved at the man's clothes. "I'm assuming they took your suitcase, along with any change of clothes?"

Ben nodded and peered down at the shirt in the washer. "I don't even know how to get the blood out and I have a very important interview tomorrow." Ben wondered why he was unloading all this onto a perfect stranger, but the man had a commanding presence that calmed him.

Quinn brightened and held up a finger, quickly dashing out of the establishment and next door to the 24-hour dinner. He asked the night manager and owner, Dexter, for two bowls of etouffee, some sweet tea with lemon, a few packs of salt and a small bowl of baking soda. Walking back into the laundromat, Quinn looked at the miserable lad, head in his hands, his face alight with worry. "Never fear, we'll get that blood out. Off with those pants."

Ben let out a tiny squeak at those words, his ears and neck joining his cheeks in a deep blush, why couldn't he control himself? "I have nothing," he trailed off as he watched Quinn laugh deeply. Oh, how that rumble did things to him, things that wouldn't be appropriate when half-naked in the laundromat. Ben watched as Quinn went to the dryers and pulled out a large gray t-shirt and handed it to him.

"It's still damp, but it will be big on you allowing some modesty." Ben smiled and shed his pants, throwing on the shirt. Quinn was right, it was more of a nightgown on him, but at least he wasn't sitting in anything but his pants.

"Thank you, but I still don't know how to get the blood out."

Quinn let out a cheerful rumble and handed him a container of food. Ben opened the container and the smell of spice and seafood was heavenly. He hadn't eaten since arriving and his mouth watered. "This smells glorious, thank you, but how is this going to help my pants?"

"The food is for you to enjoy, I will take care of your pants." Quinn got the lemons, tea, salt, and baking soda from his bag and headed for the nearby sink. "First you always use cold water. Mix the baking soda into a paste and rub on the stain." He began, just like he was lecturing his students. He then set the pants over the sink and grabbed his own container or food. "We leave it to sit for a few minutes and enjoy Dexter's best meal, Crawfish Etouffee. I hope you aren't allergic to seafood?"

"Not at all, this smells wonderful. Thank you, Quinn." Ben beamed. Quinn felt his heart tug, wanting to see that smile more.

"You are welcome. After we eat, we will rinse the stains in cold water and rub the lemon and salt in, after that we can put them in the washer." They both dug into their meal, neither saying much, just enjoying the company and great food.

Ben swallowed his last bite and let out a soft moan. "That.was heaven."

"No, that was Nawlins." Quinn gulped, wondering what else could make this beautiful creature moan.

"Haha, funny," Ben mumbled.

After their meal, Quinn finished rubbing out the stains and started the washer for his new acquaintance. Ben glanced over at the folding table and motioned to the papers. "I'm sorry that I interrupted your work."

"Honestly, it was a blessed break from Tommy Boudreaux's "D-" paper on how football can save the environment. Any break from that is welcome. It's the one thing I don't understand in this state, everything can be explained or tied to football, well their American football."

"You're a professor?" Ben straightened out.

"Yes, I'm a biology professor at Tulane. My department head, Windu, who incidentally is a pain in my ass will have my head if I don't have these papers graded and posted soon, but I find I don't care at the moment." Ben swore he saw Quinn wink at him.

"Wait, who?" Ben stood up, stock still and felt the need to cover up.

"Mace Windu, head of the science department at Tulane. Are you okay, Ben? You are turning absolutely white." Quinn moved closer to Ben, offering him a hand if the lad was feeling faint.

"This can't be happening," Ben mumbled and pulled further away. "I'm sorry Mr. Jinn." Quinn frowned at the formality, wondering what he had done.

"Please, it's Quinn. Did I offend you, somehow?" Ben looked up into the confused, sad eyes and cursed his awkwardness.

"You didn't, I'm sorry. What a mess! The reason I was so upset about my clothes is that I have a job interview tomorrow at Tulane with Professor Mace Windu. I was hoping to be the new Environmental Science professor and here I am half naked, flirting with one of the top professors in his department!"

"Flirting?" Quinn looked hopeful. "Your interview is not with me, Ben. Mace Windu has never listened to anything I've had to say on any subject, much less, department hiring. Besides, it takes two to tango."

Ben let his hands fall to his side, exhaling a breath as his anxiety dropped. "I'm sorry, this is just...this is not how I pictured this trip going. I wanted this job, want this job."

"Be yourself, Ben. Mace is a fair, if stubborn, man. He will look at your resume, ask his questions and determine if you are a good fit for our team. If he cared only about outward appearances, do you think he'd have hired me? At best the kids describe me as a spaced-out hippy with my long gray hair. I often skip the sports coat for a comfortable polo or t-shirt, I couldn't care less about outward appearances."

"You think I have a shot, even if the stains don't come out?" Ben leaned in closer, his eyes smiling with mirth.

"If there are stains to be seen, be honest with him. Mace will understand and probably take it personally that his city was responsible for such a travesty." Quinn really wanted to reach out and touch this lovely creature to calm his fears. When did he ever get so protective over strangers?

"Thank you for everything. If I held the city accountable for the mugging, I would also hold it in high regard for the kindness you’ve shown me." The two men sat with each other and bantered back and forth, waiting for their clothes to dry, shoulders touching as they got to know each other.

The dryer buzzed, and they both jumped up to check their results. Quinn got their first, using his long legs to his advantage. He pulled out Ben’s pants and shirt and held them up to the light. “Tada! Maybe I have a job as a dry cleaner if Biology doesn’t work out?”

Ben grabbed the shirt and carefully looked it over. “I can’t believe it, it’s as good as new!” Without a second thought, he reached out to Quinn and gave him a tight embrace. His long arms wrapped around him in return. Quinn couldn’t help but enjoy the smell of vanilla and Ben invading his senses. He could get used to this.

Ben withdrew, a shy smile plastered to his lips as he started to get dressed once again as Quinn folded his own clothes and placed them into a worn duffle, the papers once again stacked neatly and placed in a briefcase. “I guess this is goodbye.” Ben held out his hand.

Quinn always thought New Orleans was a melting pot of all sorts of characters. It was that life essence of each individual that made New Orleans like no other city, it was the ability to make strangers come together and help each other when needed. Quinn took a hand in his own and pulled Ben into a short embrace, kissing his cheek. They both hoped to meet again in the morning with something to celebrate. In the Big Easy, there was always a celebration to be had, no matter the time of day!

[oneshots-heaven]

“Would you forget?“

To got your heart broken at a party is one of the worst kinds of heartbreak, and Steve Harrington just got to know that feeling.

Warning: swearing & underage drinking Steve Harrington x Reader Gif credit: (x) 

The music was blasting through the filled living room of Tina’s house. People were dancing close to each other, holding their red plastic cups filled with alcohol in their hands. Ever since the eighth grade, Tina held the most amazing Halloween parties as everyone got too old to still go trick or treating. It was a shame if you missed her parties in general.

The others started slow dancing to the music of ‘The Police‘ as you excused yourself and walked over to the little buffet and bar that Tina had built in her kitchen. 

You swung your hips to the beat of the music. Halloween was special in Hawkins as it was the only time where everyone truly had fun but after all what happened to that poor Byers boy, it felt wrong at first to even celebrate Halloween. You didn’t know why, it was just a weird feeling in your guts like something was still not right in your hometown. However, instead of worrying yourself the whole night, you still decided to come and enjoy the night, to be oblivious and just live your teenage life to its fullest.

Tina suddenly joined you, looking over the crowd of people in her house. Your parents would never allow that but her parents were kind of known to be… quite relaxed in such things. “Oh god, Y/N,“ she laughed while being obviously drunk, “have you seen that new boy? What’s his name again? B.. Bobby?“

You shook your head yet smiling you replied, “His name is Billy. I’m in the same history class as him.“

She laid her arm around your shoulders, pointing outside the big window where a smaller crowd of boys were standing around Billy, shouting his name with pride followed by cheers. “Isn’t he hot?“ Tina slurred in your ears.

“Doesn’t he have a shirt?“ you asked instead.

“Oh buh, Y/N, don’t you realize that that’s exactly what makes him so hot?“

Tina let go of you, trying her best to push herself up on the kitchen counter. You watched her ultimately fail doing it but she was giggling to herself. Good god, sometimes you forgot that drunk people were the funniest and most annoying at the same time. 

She glanced over to you, frowning. “What’s up with Nancy Wheeler and your Steve?“

Your eyes widened slightly but you tried to cover it up, although you believed that she wouldn’t even get it. She was too drunk for that. “Tina, you know he’s not my Steve. He’s just Steve, without anything.“

“Yeah, but you liked him before Nancy even knew him. You’ve literally liked him all your life!“

“Steve and I are just friends, and we never were and will be anything other than that.“ you assured her.

The next second, things started to get confusing. Nancy and Steve appeared in the wrong moment while you were still talking with Tina but Steve was too invested to keep Nancy from drinking more. She was slurring her words, trying to dip her cup in the punch while Steve was trying to take it from her and then the punch landed straight onto her white shirt. Everyone stopped dancing and starred instead at the young couple.

“The hell,“ Nancy murmured, looking from her shirt over to her boyfriend before she turned around walking to the bathroom.

“Nanc,“ Steve tried to stop her to calm her down, yet she was already running away from him and like Steve was, he instantly followed her. 

Your heart sank. 

“See,“ Tina said as both went away, “if you were being honest, you would admit that there is trouble in the air. And I don’t believe it’s coming from Steve’s side.“

She left you alone in the opened kitchen with her words that confused you and on top of that, Eddie Money’s ‘Think I’m in Love‘ had to be blasted. Tina knew Steve and you ever since junior school. Somehow the three of you always had been befriended but it was different between Steve and you. Ever since year seven, he and you had been friends and got the other’s back. Perhaps it was the most pure platonic friendship you ever had in your life, right until high school came around and Steve decided to grow out his hair. He looked like one of those boys from the movies your mother liked to watch and it was weirdly fascinating for you to see how many girls suddenly paid attention to him. In some ways, you had always liked him but back then it felt different than what it felt like now.

It was inevitable that you would end up falling for him.

You frowned as you noticed Steve grabbing Jonathan Byers rather harshly by his shirt, almost yanking him to the side. He told Byers something quickly before he turned away from him, walking outside. In the same moment, your empty cup felt down on the kitchen counter as you followed him outside, pushing yourself through the crowd and past Jonathan. You had no idea what was going on but it had been a long time since you saw Steve like that.

The coldness from the ending fall season hit you as soon as you were out of the house, looking around for a second to find him again. He walked past Billy and all the other guys from your year, ignoring everyone who called after him and before you knew it, you were already following him again. You had to run in order to catch him.

“Harrington,“ you called after him but he didn’t listen. He just kept on walking straight toward his car.

“God dammit,“ you murmured under your breath before calling out again for him, “Steve!“

You slowed down as he stopped and turned around with his hands in the pockets of his black jacket and his sunglass hanging around the neckline of his shirt. At first, he seemed surprised that it was you who was calling after him but then his mood took over him again. “What do you want, Y/N?“ he questioned.

“What the hell happened?“

“I don’t want to talk about it.“ he answered, turned around and started walking again.

You sighed and started to run after him once again. There was no way in hell you would let him drive home like that. Even if you didn’t want to admit it because facing the truth hurt only more, you knew him still well enough. You knew what he was like when he was truly hurt and no matter what just happened between Nancy and him, it had hurt him. It had hurt him badly. 

Steve’s hand was already on the handle of his car door, ready to open it up as you slammed it close, causing him to look up. “What the fuck do you want?“ he asked you again, this time more aggressive but his tone didn’t scare you. You knew his reactions all too well.

“Do you really believe I’m just going to let you drive now when obviously something fucked up happened between Nancy and you?“ you asked back with the same tone. He wouldn’t listen to you any other way.

Steve shook frowning his head. “Just leave me alone, Y/N. I’m not in the mood for talking.“

“I don’t care if you are in the mood to talk or not. You’re upset and you do stupid things when you’re upset and I don’t want to hear tomorrow that you crashed your goddamn car into the next crash barrier!“ your voice raised at him, until you realized how harsh you were being.

You pressed your lips together, looking around for a moment before you mumbled, “Just talk to me, Steve, to calm down. You know me. You can trust me.“

Steve let go of the handle to step back away from you. You couldn’t deny that that little move hurt you in the chest. “This isn’t about if I trust you or if I don’t. Yes, some fucked up shit just happened and I really don’t want to talk about it, can’t you get that?“

“No, in this moment I really can’t—“

Suddenly Steve groaned deeply, interrupted you within seconds, “Nancy doesn’t love me. She just thought that it might was the right time to break it to me. Are you happy now?“

Your hands clutched onto his car as your body stiffened, glancing speechless at your childhood friend. For the first time after years you saw him truly hurt. Steve Harrington wasn’t someone who got easily his heart broken and his head messed up but it only took minutes for Nancy Wheeler to destroy the boy you loved. And there it was again, the weird, empty feeling in your chest and the begging feeling in your lungs that screamed after air.

Tina was the one who broke it to you that Steve started dating Nancy. The whole day you had no idea what to feel or how to feel, what was right and what was wrong. You were so confused. Somehow, you were happy for him because he deserved it to be loved by someone and at the same time you hated Steve for running after that junior girl, instead of going for you. You were quick to realize that it always had been platonic between him and you. How on earth should he knew that his childhood friend might had feelings for him?

You felt a mixture of anger and frustration, and now… now you maybe should be happy to hear that Nancy didn’t love him but that was lie. Maybe it broke your heart just as much as his did. He didn’t deserve that, not after all what he had done for her and how hard he tried to be a good boyfriend for her. You weren’t angry, instead you felt sorry for him.

“She is drunk, Steve. She probably didn’t mean it.“ you managed to say but you knew that that wasn’t helping at all.

You gasped after air as Steve suddenly stepped closer to you. He couldn’t focus on what was happening. His body was trembling, while his hands shook so heavily that you instinctively grabbed them. 

He shook his head, over and over again, pressing his lips together and blink the tears to stop himself from sobbing. “You don’t forget that you love someone when you’re drunk. Tell me, Y/N, you wouldn’t forget that you love me if you were drunk, would you?“

His words hit you harder than Tina’s. This felt more real than your conversation with her. It was easy to deny your feelings in front of her, it was easy to lie straight into her face to keep your feelings hidden and safe. But in front of Steve, you were vulnerable like never before. He knew you better than anyone else yet he never figured it out and still you believed that there was always a chance that someday he will.

You couldn’t lie to him.

You could never lie to him.

“No… no, I wouldn’t.“

Possible a second part if you want? — Here you go: Part Two!

[asleepinawell]

Stop Trying To Make Fetch Happen

(First of all, let me offer my deepest apologies for the title. It was just too good to pass up on. Second, if you haven’t seen the video of Boston Dynamics robot, SpotMini, you should, especially since the robot in this is a direct ripoff of it. Third, set very loosely in the au of my fic sliding towards chaos, but absolutely no context is needed…it’s really just because of the bits with the Machine). Last, did I say sorry about the title yet?)

Reese turned around from getting a beer out of the fridge in the subway to find himself face to face with pure nightmare fuel in the form of 65lbs of robotics. The robot…dog (for lack of a better term) might only have come up to just below his waist, but it’s extendable neck allowed it to raise its mechanical head and “stare” him right in the eyes.

“Root,” he called softly but urgently. “Root, it’s staring at me again.”

While the mechanical monstrosity didn’t technically have eyes, Root had drawn some on with a sharpie. It did, however, very much have a mouth, or rather a jaw, with which it could pick things up or possibly rip someone’s arm off.

“Don’t be silly, John.” Root watched him from the table across the room, a slightly sadistic smile on her lips. “It’s just being playful.”

The robot tilted its head back and forth as if examining him and all he could think of were the creepy, death dinosaurs from Jurassic Park. What were the called again? Oh right, raptors. Root had built a giant robot dog-raptor probably with the sole purpose of terrorizing him.

He could easily imagine a pack of the things hunting him down and ripping him to pieces in the most painful way possible.

Reese wasn’t sure what exactly set off Root’s obsession with building the damn thing. Shaw kept claiming it was her latest attempt to get out of doing chores since the first thing Root had done was teach it to do the dishes.

(Taking out the trash was still off limits since even New Yorkers might get a bit worried if a giant robot burst out of a basement carrying a trash bag).

“Good robot,” he said and cautiously ducked past it. It turned to watch him go, but didn’t follow.

Shaw watched it with narrowed eyes from where she sat on the floor next to Bear’s bed. Bear had spent the first few days of the robot’s existence barking at it and howling in distress from a safe distance. Shaw had been furious and Root had attempted to make peace by programming the thing to exhibit playful dog behavior.

Or what she thought was playful dog behavior. The robot was now capable of swaying back and forth an bouncing up and down while its head remained in the exact same location in space. It looked completely unnatural to Reese and sent a shiver down his spine every time.

Bear must have agreed because he now wouldn’t approach it at all and sometimes hid when it was bouncing around on its alarmingly mobile legs.

Shaw had retaliated by leaving things in the middle of the floor for it to trip on which had only prompted Root to improve its sensors and give it the capability to right itself after a fall.

Shaw had not been amused.

Reese came over to sit next to Shaw on the floor.

“She hasn’t given it any offensive capabilities, has she? Like attack protocols?” he asked.

Shaw didn’t look up from scratching Bear’s head. “Not that I know of, but this is Root we’re talking about. Only a matter of time.”

A sudden horrifying thought occurred to him. “Can the Machine control it?”

Shaw shrugged. “Probably. Seems like something Root would do, though I think it’s supposed to be autonomous.”

“This is how the robot apocalypse starts, Shaw.”

Shaw snorted. “I actually trust the Machine more than Root’s programming on this one. Only one of them hates most people and it’s not the AI.”

A fair point, Reese conceded.

He joined Root at the table a few minutes later. It was weirdly uncomfortable here with both of them lately. The weren’t fighting, per se, but the robot was a point of contention and Shaw pointedly avoided Root when she was working on its programming.

“What are you doing this time?” he asked as he sat down.

Root was busy at her laptop as always, no doubt upgrading the thing with new, creepy powers.

“Hmmm, I’m trying to find the best way to teach it the general concept of a refrigerator.”

“How about ‘human food box’?”

Root’s smile was deeply patronizing. “It’s cute that you’re trying to help, John, but that’s the worst suggestion you’ve ever given me. You’re thinking like a human.”

Not the first time she’d accused him of that, but the intended insult was one he was proud to claim.

He refocused on the important matters.

“You haven’t taught it to…attack or anything right?”

Root’s wide, toothy smile made his blood run cold.

“We’re working on “fetch” at the moment,” Root said. “Things like “attack” and “kill” can come later.”

Reese laughed weakly. She was joking right? Right?

“Root.”

They both turned at Shaw’s tense voice. The robot had gone over to Bear’s bed and had its front legs bent, the back of it shaking back and forth. It bounced playfully on its front legs as if asking to play.

Shaw had her gun pointed at it and Bear was hiding behind her.

“It’s just being friendly,” Root protested.

“It’s about to get real friendly with a bullet.”

Root sighed and called the robot back over to her. Not an improvement in Reese’s opinion since that put it right near him again.

“It’s okay,” Root told the robot, patting it on the head in a reassuring manner. “She’ll come around eventually.”

But eventually didn’t seem like it was going to come any time soon.

The entire mess came to a head while Reese was out on a mission one day. The subway was empty when he returned, but the robot dog was lying, inactive, in the middle of the floor. Several pieces of it had been ripped off, and one of its legs was broken.

Reese examined it for a few minutes and then headed to consult the only one besides Root or Shaw who was likely to know what had gone down.

“Hello?” he said as he entered the subway car.

One of the monitors was already on and words appeared in the screen almost at once.

Hello, John Reese.

He was proud of the fact she finally called him by his name.

“What, uh, what happened out there? With the robot.”

You are aware that Root has been teaching her creation to fetch?

“Yeah, she said she thought she finally had it down.”

She attempted to have it fetch Shaw. Shaw did not wish to be fetched. A brief struggle ensued and it would be accurate to say that Shaw emerged the victor.

“Oh god.” He could imagine that almost too well. “Why fetch Shaw?”

Root was in bed and wished Shaw to join her. She sent the robot to gently encourage her to hurry up. Unfortunately the fetch protocol is still a little buggy and the robot got overenthusiastic.

“Bad idea.”

It was perhaps not Root’s best plan.

Reese looked out at the pitiful remains of Root’s pet project. “I can’t imagine Root was pleased.”

She was very distraught, though slightly distracted by Shaw’s display of upper body strength during the struggle.

Neither of these things surprised him in the slightest.

Shaw was unapologetic, but did take Root home after. Presumably to cheer her up.

Reese had a good idea what that entailed and no desire for details. He decided to change the subject slightly to head that off.

“Do you know why Root never named it?” He’d been shocked she hadn’t.

She wished me to select a name for it. I did not.

“Why you? And why not?”

Her original intent in building it was a misguided notion that I might like a pet. I did not name it because it’s not truly self-aware. It is a fancy toy.

Reese wondered if the Machine could get jealous. Probably best not to think about that for too long.

“Sort of a shame, though,” he said. “I hate the thing, but I’d kind of gotten used to seeing it around here. And Root seemed to really enjoy working on it.”

Perhaps you are correct. Would you like to help me remedy the situation?

“Uh, I don’t know the first thing about robotics.”

Unnecessary for this task. Several pieces were badly damaged by Shaw’s impressive attacks against it. You can help me acquire replacement parts.

He decided not to notice the fact that the Machine seemed kinda…into Shaw beating up the robot.

“Does it require breaking and entering?”

Not necessarily, but I’m sure I could arrange it to.

Reese nodded in satisfaction. Now they were talking.

It took Root two weeks to fully rebuild the robot, partly because she kept getting very upset about its broken state and Shaw kept having to ‘cheer her up’. Reese started spending more time hanging out with Fusco until the repairs were complete.

“I think he’s starting to like it,” Root said, watching Bear cautiously sniff Spot.

The Machine had finally agreed to name the robot, though he suspected that was mostly to humour Root.

And Bear was doing a little better with it now that Root had taught it another way to play fetch: throwing Bear’s chew toy for him.

“Hmph.” Shaw kept an eye on Bear and Spot as she cleaned her weapon at the table. She was sitting next to Root now and Reese was working hard not to notice the way Shaw twitched every so often and Root looked smug. But it was nice to see they’d made up.

Shaw hadn’t warmed up to Spot much, but since its resurrection the robot seemed very nervous around her and went out of its way to avoid her. Reese wasn’t sure if this was something Root had added to its programming or if one of the fancy learning algorithms it ran on had concluded that she was a threat. Shaw seemed quite pleased with the situation.

“I think it’s almost ready to try out in our apartment,” Root said.

“Oh, hell no.” Shaw looked indignant. “No evil robot dogs in the house. That’s Bear’s territory.”

“But Sameen, think of all the dishes it could do.”

“Think of all the dishes you could do it you put in one tenth of the effort you spent on that thing.”

He tuned out their friendly squabbling to watch Spot attempt to chase the robot tail Root had given it. It was almost endearing.

Especially with the little top hat on that he’d bought for it. Root had been absolutely delighted about that.

Later, after Root and Shaw had left for the night, he found Spot in rest mode, folded up in the dog bed Root had insisted on buying and placing next to the Machine’s servers.

“How’s pet ownership treating you?” he asked the monitors.

It is not really a pet.

“True, but pretending it is isn’t the worst thing ever.”

That is possible, I suppose.

“If you really dislike it that much I’m sure Root will deactivate it for you.” Probably, anyway. There’d be a lot of sulking.

I am not deactivating Spot.

Reese’s lips twitched as he held back a smile. “You like it, don’t you? Something in your code thinks it’s cute.” Probably the wagging tail. Even an AI couldn’t resist that.

I believe you have plans tonight, Primary Asset Reese. You will be late if you do not leave soon.

A dismissal and he was back to being ‘Primary Asset’. He must have struck a nerve. Or circuit.

In the dark of the subway later that night, Spot switched back on and unfolded itself. It trotted over to the monitor display and cocked its head to one side, focused on one of the little computer speakers on the desk.

“Good Dog.”

Spot wagged its tail.

[jeontaeh]

〚THIRTY EIGHT〛

Taehyung looked at the black haired boy standing by the door, his eyes wide, angry, and wow Taehyung had never seen Jungkook so fucking angry. Jungkook walked into the locker room, fingers twitching. Jimin walked in silently, wanting to know what was up.

"We were wrestling." Sehun blurted out, and Jungkook's eyes went dark, head low.

"What the actual fuck is wrong with you??" Jungkook shouted, and Sehun gulped.

"Jungkook I-I-" Sehun began, and Taehyung looked at Jungkook and realized Jungkook was looking at him. Jungkook was talking to him. Sehun looked as well, confused.

"Why the fuck were the two of you kissing?" Jungkook snapped at Taehyyung- who widened his eyes.

"Jungkook, wait- I didn't kiss him! He-" Taehyung began, and Jungkook reached forward and shoved him against the wall.

"You always fucking do this, Taehyung. I trust you one second, and then-"

"Taehyung?" Sehun let out, voice low now. Jimin put his hand over his mouth. "Wait- he's the one dude whose name you moaned while we were having sex??" Sehun snapped.

Taehyung froze. Jungkook turned around, and Taehyung smiled to himself a little. "I-I was?" Taehyung whispered, a little happy by this sudden happening.

"Oh, shut up!" Jungkook snapped. "Why the fuck were you kissing him?"

"I-" Sehun began, and then groaned, covering his face with his hands. "I don't know! I just... I was mad because you-you were totally ignoring me for this guy. And then you moaned some guy's name during sex, Jungkook. I was really fucking pissed but I didn't wanna show it. So- so-"

"So you decided to cheat on me?" Jungkook asked, voice dripping with anger. Sehun gulped, looking down.

"No! I-it just happened! V was here- and then- I don't know. It seemed like he was into it." Sehun mumbled.

"What the fuck? No, the fuck I wasn't. I'm straight, dipshit-" Taehyung began, and Jungkook turned around and Taehyung closed his mouth.

"You shut the fuck up," Jungkook growled, and Taehyung nodded, feeling weirdly intimidated. Jungkook looked at Sehun. "Fuck you."

"Jungkook- listen. I-" Sehun began, wearily. "I didn't mean to. I swear. I just- I was really upset today! You called me a turtle fart, dude. It hurt. You were so touchy with V, but then get scared when I do anything. So- so-"

"Why me, though?" Taehyung mumbled, scratching the back of his neck. "Couldn't you have hit it on Jimin or something? I mean... seems more your type." Taehyung continued, and Jimin had his eyes widened still, a look of disbelief and complete flabbergast on his face. Like bitch he could not believe what the fuck was going on.

Sehun blushed at that. "I-I don't know. Shut up." Sehun said in a small voice, and Jungkook rose his eyebrow.

"You wanted me to top that day, didn't you?" Jungkook said. Taehyung turned around, eyes widening. Upon hearing what Jungkook said, Taehyung had to bite onto his knuckles- to not burst out laughing.

"Shut up," Sehun said quickly, looking away.

"You wanted V to FUCK you!" Jungkook accused, and Sehun blushed harder. "Shut up!!"

"Fuck." Taehyung blurted out, letting out a snicker. Jungkook and Sehun and Jimin looked at him, and Taehyung couldn't control- he doubled over in laughing, clutching his stomach and wheezing onto the floor.

"Sehun we'll talk about this later. Or never. I don't know. Just- get out. Go to practice. I came here because I got you those fucking cookies from the cafeteria. But fuck you." Jungkook grumbled, emotionless. Sehun nodded and rushed out of the locker room, looking embarrassed.

Jimin looked at Taehyung who was clutching the bench and laughing his ass off, practically on the floor now. Jungkook was looking at him with red in his eyes. "I'll go," Jimin said softly, and then walked out.

Jimin felt the two alone, and then instantly took his phone out.

Jimin bitch i have so much shit i need to tell you

Eka fuck football practice. behind the girls locker room. 5 mins. i need tea.

Jimin i have a fucking gallon.

Jungkook looked at Taehyung, who was laughing really hard, clutching onto his jersey. Taehyung looked at Jungkook standing there, a blank expression on his face, and bit his lip, trying to stop giggling.

"I'm sorry. I'm s-sorry- it's just. Fuck. Just. Fucking Sehun. He-" Taehyung started, and then put his hand over his mouth, trying to not laugh.

Jungkook didn't say anything. Taehyung shook his head. "Fuck. It's not funny. Sorry." Taehyung gulped, and then looked at Jungkook.

Jungkook burst out laughing, putting his hand over his mouth.

Taehyung looked at him and widened his eyes, smiling a little and then giggling to. He walked up to Jungkook. "Fuck, Kook- I'm sorry but that's so funny. Your boyfriend literally- he-" Taehyung started, but then moved closer to Jungkook.

He wasn't laughing. He was crying.

"Kook?" Taehyung asked, voice softening. Taehyung pulled his hands off his face, and then lifted his chin up and saw the red in the boy's eyes, tears streaming down his face. "Hey- hey, don't cry over this-"

"Don't-" Jungkook began softly, and Taehyung shook his head. "No no- you shouldn't cry over this! It's stupid! Look, you're so much better than him-"

"Tae, d-don't-" Jungkook hiccuped lightly, trying to pull his wrists out of Taehyung's restraint. Taehyung left them but then gripped his waist, pulling him a bit closer in.

"Kookie," Taehyung said, confused when the boy kept crying. "Let me take you to your room. You need some water- some- some of those cookies you got-"

"T-Taehyung stop-" Jungkook said weakly, and Taehyung looked at him closely, frowning. "What? What happened? I-"

"Stop fucking touching m-me!" Jungkook shouted, pushing Taehyung back roughly and making him stumble back.

Taehyung's eyes widened, looking at Jungkook in confusion, discomposed. Jungkook brought his shaking hands up to his face to wipe his tears away, and Taehyung fish mouthed for a few seconds. He gulped. "S-sorry. I didn't mean to-"

"Don't. Just. Please. Don't touch me." Jungkook squeaked out, and Taehyung frowned at him.

"I won't. I-" Taehyung reached forward. "Tell me what's wrong, Kookie. You can't be this upset over something like this, right?" Taehyung said, and then saw the way Jungkook moved back from him.

Taehyung let out a weak chuckle. "Hey- I-I'm not going to hurt you-"

Jungkook flinched when Taehyung moved forward a bit fast, stumbling back and hitting a wall behind him. Jungkook looked scared. Really scared. Taehyung gulped back the lump in his throat and moved away from Jungkook, eyes big.

Taehyung looked at Jungkook for a few seconds. Jungkook stayed silent, eyes wide and gleaming with tears. "W-why is it always you?" Jungkook let out in a pitiful voice, and Taehyung looked.

"Me?" Taehyung asked.

Jungkook shook his head to himself. "You were an asshole to me. You treated me like crap. You were an insensitive piece of shit and never r-realised I had feelings too." Jungkook said, voice drawling, soft, hasty, looking away.

Taehyung tensed. Jungkook bit his lip. "You cuddled me every fucking night for weeks, Taehyung," Jungkook said suddenly, closing his eyes, tears rising beneath closed eyelids. "You c-called me your baby and- and asked m-me to never leave your side," Jungkook said weakly.

Taehyung kept silent. "Only to call me a fucking mistake and tell me I'm the worst thing that happened to you because Jimin found out."

Taehyung looked away, regret and guilt filling his insides. "I-I k-know. I was diff-"

"You got m-mad wen I started flirting with Yugyeom. You got r-riled up- and fuck, fuck it was my fucking fault because I tried to make you jealous. Used Yugyeom to- to make you pay attention to me because I was so fucking into you-" Jungkook breathed deeply, and then bit his lip, voice shaky. "And then you kissed me. You kissed me that night at the barbeque-"

"Jungkook I'm sorry, I-" Taehyung tried.

"I'm not done talking!" Jungkook shouted, and Taehyung moved back, head kept low. Jungkook looked back ahead, eyes going blurry.

"The next d-day. I thought maybe. Maybe I'd get that asshole who fucked with my feelings and only cared about my ass- maybe I'd get him back." Jungkook said, and then began laughing, realizing his own words. "But you asked E-Eka out. Told everyone you really liked her, right V?"

"Don't call me t-that, Jungkook-"

"And then you texted me all winter break and sent me those godforsaken goodnight messages every fucking day, didn't you?" Jungkook said, trembling. "And then school restarted and you went back to treating me like a fucking piece of shit and then you couldn't keep your fucking dick in your pants, could you?!" Jungkook said, louder, anger taking over him.

"And- of course. Of course, after finding that out I realized I wanted you to be fucked over. I wanted to hurt you s-so- so fucking bad, Tae. But then w-what? What happened? Everything became f-fine, didn't it? We came back from t-the championship and you told me you liked me, didn't you Tae?" Jungkook said, walking closer to him.

Taehyung looked down, fists clenched. "You told me you liked me. Do you know how h-happy I was?" Jungkook asked, eyes glistening, tilting his head. Taehyung looked at him, not wanting to look into his brown eyes.

"All my fucking life I've not been given a-any attention by anyone? That for- for once I thought. Damn. Maybe someone cares and w-wants me. Maybe that piece of fucking shit who only cares about fucking people actually wants me-"

"Jungkook-" Taehyung tried, voice meek.

"I t-thought maybe. Maybe after he hurts me a thousand times, maybe after he calls me a mistake a thousand times, maybe after he punches me in the stomach a thousand times-"

"J-Jungkook you know I-I didn't mean to do that-" Taehyung breathed out, feeling his insides growing anxious again.

"Taehyung don't you realize how wrong you are for me?" Jungkook asked, voice parched. "Please. Please just l-let me move on from you. Please." Jungkook said weakly, voice small.

Taehyung gulped. He saw Jungkook close his eyes, looking helpless. "Please. Stop b-being my friend. I'm sorry. I can't have y-you around me. It can n-never work. You're too-" Jungkook began, and then Taehyung saw a tear fall down his eye. "You're t-too much."

"B-but Kookie I want us to be friends-"

"I don't," Jungkook said, shaking. "Please."

Taehyung looked away, gripping his hand tightly. He felt so fucking selfish, so fucking arrogant, so fucking terrible. Jungkook didn't want him to be close, but Taehyung didn't want to let him go.

That whole day earlier. Jungkook looked so happy whenever Taehyung touched him or called him cute or something. Taehyung didn't want to be away from Jungkook. He didn't.

"I like Sehun." Jungkook let out, and Taehyung looked at him. "I like him. I w-want to like him more. You j-just. You fuck me up, V. You're not good for me."

"O-okay." Taehyung nodded. "Okay. I-I'll leave you. I'm sorry." Taehyung said, and Jungkook looked down, sitting down on one of the benches, knees tucked, tears falling down his cheeks. Taehyung looked at him for a few seconds and then walked up to him.

"T-Tae-" Jungkook said, but then Taehyung kneeled down to the floor to face him. Taehyung lifted his chin up, looking up at the boy with gleaming eyes.

"Don't," Jungkook said, and Taehyung sniffled.

"I'm sorry," Taehyung whispered, and Jungkook put his hand on Taehyung's. "I r-ruin everything. I'm so fucking sorry."

Jungkook shook his head, looking away, trying not to look at Taehyung's eyes. "I know," Jungkook whispered feebly.

Taehyung couldn't help it. He cupped his jaw with one hand, leaning forward and pressing a kiss to his cheek. Jungkook pushed him away- or at least tried to- but only felt himself tightening his grasp around Taehyung's shirt.

"N-no. No Tae- this-this is what I mean. We a-always do this-" Jungkook breathed out, and Taehyung looked at him closely, their noses touching.

"I know," Taehyung said, voice small. "I just can't h-help my self with you."

"I can't either. That's why we need to stay a-away. We can't j-just go back to being friends. It's too late for that."

Taehyung closed his eyes, taking in Jungkook's scent. Taehyung felt that comfort. That comfort he only found in the deepest of his heart when he was with Jungkook. That comfort of his soft, flowery scent, his warm small hands, his hushed, pliant words. Everything about him.

Taehyung felt a physical ache in his body with Jungkook's words. To stay away. Taehyung knew he had to. Jungkook was right. When they were close like this, even if further away, they couldn't help themselves.

There had to be touching, whispering, soft murmurs and blushing. Traces of fingers on thighs and gentle giggles tinging down spines. Words full of youthful, mirthful adoration had to be exchanged, it couldn't be helped. It just couldn't.

Staying away was the only possible way for both of them to somehow move on from this mess.

But when Jungkook shook his head and moved away from Taehyung, Taehyung realized. When Jungkook got up from the bench and mumbled something about having to go, Taehyung realized. When Taehyung called out and told the boy he'd broken over and over again that he was sorry, the boy looked at him and nodded.

"I know you are." Jungkook had whispered softly.

That's when Taehyung had realized. When Jungkook walked out the door of the locker room, the place where it all began for the two of them, where they were just lustful and hateful, wanting each other like hyperactive puppies- that's when Taehyung realized.

He was so in love with Jeon Jungkook.

Taehyung closed his eyes, getting up from the locker room that seemed too stiff and walked out. He saw Eka and Jimin, both looking a bit troubled.

"V," Jimin said, voice hushed. Taehyung opened his mouth to say something, but Jimin shook his head. "Let him go this time. It's for your own good." Jimin said, gentle, eyes worried.

Taehyung nodded. He went back to his dorm later, the sky thundering outside, rain splattering on his window. His clothes were wet from walking in while it was drizzling. Taehyung opened the closet, and then saw how neat it was.

Taehyung took a deep breath, pulling a shirt out of his closet along with sweatpants and closing the door sharply. He looked at his bed which was facing a small tv he had in his room and felt his mind wander.

"Killed that dude. Hm- yes! Killed that dude too. Oh fuck- fucking OBLITERATED that dude. HAHAHA. Little bitch. Fucking 5 kills in one, woot!" Taehyung snarked, smirking while moving his thumbs quite quickly on his controller.

"You're being loud.." A voice came, and Taehyung looked up and saw Jungkook who was sitting on his lap, his head resting against Taehyung's shoulder. Jungkook's eyes were drowsy, cheeks puffy, blinking slowly.

Taehyung looked at him for a few seconds and then smiled. "Sorry, baby. I didn't mean to wake you up. I'll be softer."

Jungkook hummed, nodding, and then tucked his head on Taehyung's broad shoulder again, letting his eyes drift close. "You didn't get good sleep last night, baby?"

"No.." Jungkook squeaked, gripping Taehyung's shirt. "So much work in art. M'tired..." Jungkook whined, closing his eyes again, pouting.

"You sleep, Kookie. I'll be quiet." Taehyung said softly. Taehyung kissed his puffy cheek, and Jungkook hummed, stirring back into sleep.

Taehyung began playing again and then saw that some dude came out of nowhere on the small screen and shot up. "Fuck!" Taehyung shouted without realizing, and Jungkook got startled and snapped his head up.

"Ah!" Jungkook squealed, and Taehyung started giggling fondly at his response. Jungkook started hitting Taehyung with his fists, and Taehyung giggled, chucking his controller to the side and hugging him tightly, wrapping his arms around his waist.

"I hate you," Jungkook mumbled.

"Hmmm," Taehyung said, hugging him tightly, feeling comfortable with the boy in his arms.

Jungkook caressed Taehyung's shirt in his hands and went sleepy in his hold again, closing his eyes and falling asleep with his head atop Taehyung's. Taehyung felt a weird fuzzy feeling in his chest and leaned up and kissed Jungkook's cheek.

"Cutie," Taehyung whispered, and Jungkook fell asleep. Taehyung held him for a few more minutes and then lay him down on his bed, putting the blanket over him and tucking him in.

"Taehyungie... cuddle?" Jungkook asked, biting his lip, clearly very sleepy. Taehyung ruffled his hair.

"Makin' it gay, Jeon," Taehyung said, turning around to walk into the washroom.

Jungkook rolled over, scrunching up into a small ball. Taehyung returned after a few minutes, putting his hand over Jungkook's waist and chin on his shoulder. Taehyung didn't overthink the fact that the two of them were cuddling. It just... felt right.

Jungkook smiled to himself, turning around and pressing his head to Taehyung's chest. Taehyung kissed his forehead.

He didn't know what that feeling was back then. That fuzzy feeling he got every time Jungkook did anything. He thought it was just his insides being weird, his brain wanting to be with Jungkook. He didn't realize there was a reason why.

Everything would go to shit now, however. Taehyung doesn't think there's any coming back from what happened.

Some stories just don't have happy endings, it seems.

///

Weeks passed.

Taehyung was sitting with Yoongi and Namjoon, laughing at them bickering over some dumb shit. Taehyung caught a glimpse of Jungkook walking away, his brain hair looking soft as usual, oversized white school shirt on, along with the tight school trousers.

Taehyung watched with a lessening smile as Sehun walked up to Jungkook, wrapped his arm around Jungkook's waist and kissed his temple. Jungkook smiled up at him and both walked towards the table where Jimin and Eka were seated.

Jungkook and Sehun got back together after a few days of that fight. Taehyung didn't know why. He asked Jimin, who said they sorted stuff out. Taehyung wanted to know more but didn't push it.

Distance. Taehyung didn't know how he felt about it. He was putting his time and effort into studying and football, to do anything to keep his mind off whatever was going on. A new girl was messaging him constantly, very clearly hitting on him. Taehyung just... didn't want to do anything. It felt wrong, for some reason.

After lunch, the class was English. Taehyung walked to class and sat down in the back as usual. He saw Jungkook and Sehun walk in after a bit, and Taehyung ignored them, as usual.

"Okay, Sehun. I get it." Jungkook mumbled, sitting down on his seat.

"Jungkook, I'm just saying. If you want a good grade on your artwork then you should ask to pick another idea. You can't do much with this one-" Sehun began, but Jungkook looked up.

"Shut up," Jungkook mumbled, and Sehun bit the inside of his cheek.

"I-"

"Will you stop pestering me? For fuck's sake!" Jungkook snapped, and some people looked to see what was going on. Sehun looked a little confused.

"Um. Okay. Sorry." Sehun mumbled off-handedly, turning around to walk out of the classroom and go to his.

Taehyung watched as Jungkook took a pencil out, grumbling to himself. Taehyung's breath hitched, and then he saw Jimin walk into the classroom. "Kookie! Hey, Eka and I were looking for you. Where did you-"

"Can I not be alone for 5 seconds?" Jungkook asked, voice snappy. Jimin frowned.

"Oh. Sorry. We just wanted to hang out." Jimin said, and then sat down. "You good?"

"Fine," Jungkook said, continuing to doodle on his notebook.

Class started and finished quite quickly. They learned about whatever book they were studying. Taehyung saw Jungkook silent- when usually he speaks up quite a lot in class, giving all his ideas and finding the discussions quite interesting. In the middle of class, some girl sitting in front of Jungkook asked him for a pencil, and he told her to eat his ass.

After class finished, Jungkook got up and left, angry. Jimin sighed. Taehyung walked up to him. "Is he... okay?"

"I don't know. He's been really snappy and rude for the past few weeks. He keeps disappearing after classes and at lunch. I don't know what the hell's going on." Jimin said.

"Is it something about Sehun? Maybe- maybe he's being rude to Jungkook? I'll go beat him up." Taehyung said, and Jimin giggled.

"Don't beat Sehun up. I feel kind of bad for him. He keeps trying to make Jungkook smile, but Jungkook gets mad at him and brings up him cheating every time he tries anything. Sehun doesn't want to fight, so he just stays quiet." Jimin mumbled. Taehyung frowned to himself.

"That doesn't sound like Jungkook," Taehyung said. Jimin hummed.

"I'm sure it's just his upcoming art exam that's coming up. He's been freaking out over it." Jimin explained. Taehyung nodded to himself.

"I'll see you. Bye!" Jimin said, walking out. Taehyung waved at him and then wondered to himself. Jungkook keeps disappearing.

Now, it's been weeks, and Jungkook did tell Taehyung to stay away. Was very adamant about it. They hadn't spoken or made eye contact for weeks. Nothing.

Taehyung walked out of class and walked to the fourth floor. He paced down the hallways and reached outside their room. The hidden art room.

Taehyung shouldn't. He really shouldn't. It's none of his business. But when he heard noises from the other side of the room, he opened the door and saw Jungkook sitting by the window sill on the counter.

Jungkook wasn't even looking at the door. He already knew who was the other person that could come here. "I told you not to come to me."

"I saw what happened in English."

"It's none of your business," Jungkook said, picking on his fingers. "Seriously, just leave-"

"Why were you being mean to Sehun? He was being nice to you." Taehyung said, and Jungkook looked at him, tense. "Jimin too. And that girl."

"Tae. The two of us aren't friends anymore." Jungkook said, and Taehyung walked up to him and then hummed.

"You're never mean," Taehyung said, and Jungkook paused. "You're the nicest person I know. What's wrong?"

"Nothing." Jungkook looked away. Taehyung put his hands on either side of Jungkook's thighs. Jungkook sighed, closing his eyes. "Tae. You can't-"

"Kookie," Taehyung said, leaning in. Jungkook leaned back. "Something's troubling you. You never snap at anyone. It's not right to be mean to people, is it?" Taehyung said gently, and Jungkook scoffed.

"Fucking ironic coming from you-"

Taehyung chuckled, which made Jungkook pause. "You're all pent up, Kookie. Talk to me. Let it out." Taehyung said, tracing his finger on his thigh. Jungkook's fingers twitched.

Jungkook looked away, looking upset, gulping. Taehyung frowned. "You always told me everything."

"That was before," Jungkook said. "I know, But you said I was a good listener. Go on." Taehyung said, nudging him along.

When Jungkook didn't say anything, Taehyung climbed atop the counter. Jungkook let out a squeak of surprise and then saw Taehyung sit down beside him, looking out at the window, onto the field where people were playing football for fun.

Jungkook closed his eyes, looked like he was trying really hard to fight an urge, and then leaned to the side and leaned on Taehyung's shoulder. When he did that, he breathed out, looking more comfortable.

"My parents," Jungkook mumbled, eyes closed. Taehyung put an arm around his waist, and Jungkook only leaned into the touch. "My dad called me. Asked me if this gay stuff was over and I was done being a nuisance."

"Dads suck," Taehyung said, Jungkook giggled out.

"I told him I'm still gay, because, I am. And I don't know. He and mom got into a fight while talking to me. Mom kept saying it's fine, that me being gay won't change anything. That I could still run the business. I said I didn't want to run the business. I wanted to do art. And then my mom started yelling at me too, and-"

"Listen, no one can plan shit out," Taehyung said, and Jungkook looked at him. "Your parents can say all they want, but they won't have control over you once you're in college. Or out of it. Your life isn't theirs. Of course, they'll push their shit onto you- but they'll realize too." Taehyung said, and Jungkook bit his lip.

"You think so? I don't wanna do business, Tae. I wanna- wanna do art psychology." Jungkook hummed, and Taehyung looked at him, saw his eyes all big and doey. "Isn't that nice? It sounds so fun! I can use art in daily life!" Jungkook said with a smile.

Taehyung smiled, and then reached forward and touched his chin with his thumb. "See. You're fine. Got all angered over nothing," Taehyung snickered, and Jungkook blushed lightly.

"Funny coming from you. Mr. Meanie." Jungkook said, and Taehyung smirked.

"That's your only name for me, huh? Sehun looked like he was about to cry, Jungkookie." Taehyung said, and Jungkook hit his chest lightly, leaning in closer to him.

"He's fine. He's being kind of annoying, to be honest." Jungkook said. "He thinks he knows my art stuff better than I do because- because he's got 9 awards for it or something." Jungkook rolled his eyes.

"He's too perfect." Taehyung pointed out. "Also he cheated on you."

Jungkook giggled. "Eh, we talked through it. He said it was an accident. Didn't mean to ask you to fuck him." Jungkook said, and Taehyung laughed.

"Good. I got de ja vu to our first time-" Taehyung began, and Jungkook started laughing.

"Please! You were the one begging to fuck me," Jungkook said, looking at Taehyung. Taehyung turned to look at him, gasping out.

"Oh please. I remember exactly what happened. You said I had a small dick, I said I had a big one, and then you said prove it. So I did." Taehyung tsked, and Jungkook started giggling.

Taehyung heard Jungkook's giggles and felt that tense discomfort he'd been feeling for the past few weeks going away. It also felt nice, because, in a weird way, it made him realize Taehyung needed Jungkook for comfort. But Jungkook needed Taehyung too.

"Did you top Sehun?" Taehyung asked.

Jungkook shuddered. "No. He said he was being weird. I said I didn't want to top him. That's kind of mean, now that I think about it..." Jungkook trailed, and Taehyung started laughing.

"Poor guy. Tough luck, he's dating the biggest pillow princess in the school-"

Jungkook whacked Taehyung's chest with a gasp, and Taehyung wrapped his arms around his waist, pulling him between his legs. Jungkook got dragged onto his lap and let out a squeal of protect, but Taehyung squeezed him in his grasp and then saw Jungkook look at him.

Jungkook's smile wore off slowly when he realized what they were doing. "Tae-"

Taehyung leaned forward, kissing Jungkook's cheek. Jungkook tsked, gripping his shirt and shaking his head. Taehyung kissed the corner of his cheek, keeping his lips on his face. Jungkook didn't pull away.

"I told you to stay away. This is exactly why." Jungkook muttered.

"Why?" Taehyung asked, breathless. "We're so fucking good together." Lips tingled on Jungkook's cheek.

"We're terrible together. All you do is hurt me."

"I won't anymore," Taehyung said, kissing Jungkook's cheek. Jungkook pushed him off, getting off the counter.

"That's what you always say," Jungkook said, and Taehyung hopped off the counter and rushed forward to wrap his arms around Jungkook's waist, back hugging him.

"Don't you- don't you wish we never fucked sometimes?" Taehyung whispered. "We wouldn't be so messed up."

"All the time," Jungkook said, voice small.

Taehyung turned Jungkook around. "I know you told me to stay away. But- but look- you were feeling bad. But I made you feel better, didn't I?"

"That doesn't mean anything," Jungkook said, shaking his head. "Tae seriously, I told you not to do this-"

Taehyung kissed his jaw. Jungkook gripped his shoulders, feeling Taehyung pull his lips away and then leaning up and kissing Taehyung's chin. Taehyung gripped Jungkook's waist.

"No," Jungkook said, pulling away, but Taehyung pulled him back towards him.

"We should stop." Taehyung breathed out, kissing up Jungkook's neck.

"This is exactly fucking why I said you need t-to stay away from me-" Jungkook growled, and then jumped up and let Taehyung pick him up and place him onto the table, sandwiching himself between his legs.

"Is my dick bigger than his?" Taehyung asked, kissing his collarbone.

"Much," Jungkook whispered, and Taehyung unbuttoned Jungkook's school shirt, kissing his chest. Taehyung felt himself losing control, wanting to be inside Jungkook, craved it.

"Fuck-" Jungkook said, and then pushed Taehyung away. "We can't do this! Oh my god- why-why do we always end up doing this? See what I mean, Tae? You're nothing but sexually attracted to me! There's no feelings-"

"That's- um- not true," Taehyung said, and Jungkook scoffed. He jumped off the table. "It's true, Taehyung. Just- stay- stay away from me."

"Kook-"

"No, Tae- it's bigger than what you think it is," Jungkook snapped. "It's not just about me being mad at you. It's- I'm- I'm scared." Jungkook let out.

"Scared?" Taehyung asked.

"Scared you'll hurt me again. You'll pick me up and break me again. You'll kiss me and throw me away again. You'll fuck me and call me a faggot again." Jungkook said, quickly, out of breath. "And- I'm more scared of-of the future."

"W-what?" Taehyung asked, frowning a little. Jungkook gulped, taking a step back.

"What if-if in the future? We're together a-and... I-I don't know. You get mad at me or something." Jungkook said in a small voice. "You see your dad again. You see someone again. Something happens-"

"What are you saying?"

"What if you get mad at me and hit me again?" Jungkook let out, and Taehyung tensed.

Taehyung ducked his head. He wondered if Jungkook thought that. Now knowing Jungkook did, it made everything so so much fucking worse.

"I wouldn't-"

"I d-don't know that," Jungkook said timidly. "I just. I don't trust you, Tae. I'm sorry."

Jungkook then reached for the art room door. "Look at us, for fuck's sake! We can't be in the same room for more than five seconds without being all over each other!"

"I-It's because we're- we're supposed to be together, baby-"

"Tae please!" Jungkook cried loudly, and then stilled, gulping. Jungkook gripped the door handle. "I-I-I'm sorry. I'm just... I'm really f-fucking scared of you." Jungkook said. "For m-my mental and physical health. Please. Stay away. For the last fucking time." Jungkook squeaked out weakly, and then turned around and rushed out.

Taehyung was frozen. I'm really f-fucking scared of you.

It made him want to hurt himself. He didn't want Jungkook to be scared of him. He didn't want Jungkook to have that rational fear of being hurt by Taehyung.

Why the fuck couldn't things just... get better?

https://jeontaeh.tumblr.com/post/647264932180754432/thirty-nine

[ohjohnno]

Outrageous Fortune Reviewcap: S1E04 (”The Cause Of This Defect”)

This isn’t quite a bottle episode - it does feature a couple of new characters, and there are a couple of moments on new sets - but in a lot of ways it does feel like one. It’s weirdly plotless, for one thing; aside from the cold open, the entire thing takes place over a period of about, at most, five hours, and as a result it’s very slow paced. That allows for a deeper exploration of more characters than usual, and the result is one of the most complex, affecting, and engaging episodes the show ever did.

The “plot”, or rather plot substitute, is a funeral and its immediate aftermath. In the cold open, we meet this guy: 

That’s Billy Grady West, and we don’t know him long. He dies a sad death by misadventure while fleeing a cop, making the mistake of hiding in a dustbin on the day the binmen come round. Over the course of the episode, we learn that he was Eric’s son, but also that he was really a West, to the point where he’d changed his name to reflect his feelings. Now, one could argue that we maybe should have been introduced to him in an earlier episode - it’s a bit weird that we’ve passed without mention of this guy so far, after all - but I don’t mind; he’s really more a plot device than a character, and that’s as it should be. The most important thing about him is that his death gives the writers an excuse to take Wolf out of prison for a day, thus setting off a chain of events that teaches us a bit more about just about every character.

It’s gonna be difficult to split this up into individual character-plot analysis like I usually do, so this is gonna be a little bit more like a traditional recap. So much of import is happening in just about every second of this episode that I’d feel worried about missing something if I didn’t. So, once we’re past the cold open and the opening credits, we jump right into the action with the Wests.

Right away, we learn several things. First, that Van - judging by the wall he punches - was very fond of Billy; secondly, that Loretta is, judging by her facial expression, a little bothered by still being what Pascalle calls “the oldest virgin in West Auckland”; and thirdly, that neither Cheryl nor Jethro are particularly looking forward to Wolf’s impending appearance at Billy’s service, even though he’ll be under guard. Eric appears, and it’s unclear whether his reticence to attend his son’s service is inability to face up to grief or just a lack of it. Then we’re at the service.

Jethro’s giving a speech over Billy’s grave, and you can tell instantly that he didn’t like him; he’s awkwardly stumbling over euphemisms about his skills and talents, treating him like an embarrassing fuckup whose funeral he is attending only out of obligation. But Wolf shows up in the middle of it, and their brief interaction is fraught with significance. 

He embraces Pascalle and Eric (as Cheryl looks on in disgust), but steps up to Jethro as if he barely knows him, standing there with an abrasive “thanks, mate” and staring him down with the full force of fatherly authority until he moves, clearly seething with long-brewed resentment that surely grows a little more potent right in that moment, as he’s forced once more to put a lid on it and bottle it up, making way for the indomitable force of his father’s self-assured machismo. Wolf, for his part, then delivers a wonderfully engaging, emotionally resonant speech (mostly about a digger Billy once commandeered) that captures the audience’s hearts, driving Jethro even more round the bend. “Only he could turn a bloody tragedy into the big day out,” he seethes to Cheryl, who isn’t any happier with the situation. Her mood isn’t improved by their lawyer, Corky, demanding money up-front for the appeal. They leave him in the dust.

Back at the house now, and Jethro’s rage has subsumed into a piercingly smug contempt. He mocks Billy to Van’s face while preparing meat on the “barbie”, and he doesn’t mince words: “A p-head screwup. If he hadn’t gone now, he would have gone next week, next year...” Van doesn’t like that at all, and that seems to give Jethro all the motivation he needs to keep pushing, seemingly itching to start a fight. Their brewing confrontation is interrupted by Cheryl, but it’s clear there’s something going on here that goes far deeper than Jethro’s dislike for Billy. Indeed, it’s pretty clear that this isn’t about Van, either, who did nothing whatsoever to provoke Jethro’s barrage of needles. This is a resentment that goes all the way to the top.

Wolf’s prison guard allows him a visit to the house, too, and Cheryl still isn’t pleased to see him. Loretta is, though, and he’s not the only one she’s pleased to see.

Wolf politely introduces her to Paul, his young, attractive prison guard. Loretta, well... look at that face. The “oldest virgin in West Auckland”, indeed, but far from an unfeeling robot. 

Cheryl burns her hand on a tray of sausage rolls, and runs to the bathroom for cold water; Wolf follows her, and they have brief, very confused, and very passionate sex. Loretta, meanwhile, does her best to hit on Paul, and it’s absolutely hilarious in the way that only awkward, antisocial nerd attempts at hitting on people can be. Her attempt is a nervous, motormouthed pile of obscure film references and weirdly sexual insults, the sort of thing that’s usually presented the other way around, gender-wise; it’s really quite rare to see the traditional gender roles get swapped like this, and it’s all the funnier for it. Poor Paul has no idea what to do, and it’s clear his torment isn’t gonna end anytime soon; Loretta asks him if he likes movies, and what’s anyone supposed to say to that?

Jethro, unable to piss in the toilet Van’s moping in, accidentally interrupts his parents; this unceremoniously ends their tryst, and things are immediately back to normal. Wolf, once more, demonstrates himself unable to understand what, exactly, it is that is making Cheryl so angry about the Allen situation; Cheryl, by now, has little to no interest in enlightening him. So she leaves, telling him to “fuck off back to prison”, leaving Wolf fuming in the bathroom. He sees Paul and Loretta going back to the latter’s room (for a “movie”), and it’s instantly apparent that he knows exactly what’s happening. Still, he lets it pass without comment, or at least without explicit comment; something tells me Paul might’ve been able to read between the lines when he said “I’m not going anywhere.”

Loretta continues to be her awkward self; “I’m gonna be a film director,” she proclaims while showing Paul her collection, and she keeps insulting him. He’s not bothered, but he thinks it’s funny, and he tells her so; “You don’t hold back, do you?” Loretta is suddenly very awkward indeed; “Do you think that’s... not attractive?”

In prior episodes, we’ve caught sight of the vindictive and manipulative sides of Loretta; here, we get an extremely important, timely reminder that she’s a fifteen year old girl, and that it’s absolutely essential to take that fact into account when evaluating her actions. She asks him, hesitantly and nervously, if he wants to have sex with her; he (rather shockingly) agrees, and that terrifies her. But after a moment’s frozen, deer-in-headlights terror, she gets up and closes the door anyway.

Down in the garden, Wolf has, once again, stolen Jethro’s thunder; he’s manning the barbie now, and asks Jethro if he wants a sausage. “No thanks,” says Jethro bitterly, skulking back into the house as Wolf tries to call in enough favors to convince Corky to represent him pro bono. It’s unclear whether it’s working, and Van overhears enough of it to get a little nervous. As Paul kisses Loretta - giving her what looks like a huge overload of very strong, conflicting emotions - Jethro and Cheryl commiserate in the kitchen, only for Jethro to seem to get a little mad at her for not being mad enough at Wolf. Ted wanders in, confused as usual, mentioning his late wife Rita as Pascalle consoles Eric, who seems unusually interested in the details of his late son’s sex life.

It’s not clear whether Pascalle “rooted” him before or after he changed his last name to West, not that I suppose that matters; it wasn’t like he was a blood relative, after all. Eric suggests that it was “one of the highlights, I think, of his whole life”, displaying a truly remarkable ability to perv on women in literally any conceivable circumstance; cut, hilariously, to to Loretta and Paul, lounging in bed, their facial expressions telling the whole story.

Paul, to his credit, seems upset that Loretta didn’t enjoy it, and immediately tries to make amends by, as the Jamaicans say, going bowcat. Meanwhile, Wolf and Van have a heart-to-heart in the garden; Van, it transpires, blames himself for what happened to Billy, mentioning that he didn’t join him on his criminal scheme this time because he knew Cheryl wouldn’t approve. Wolf isn’t having that. “You are a good man, with a lot on his plate,” he insists, and then something equal parts fascinating and horrible escapes his mouth: “Trying to listen to your mother and do the right thing by the family!”

It’s one short sentence that says volumes about his mentality. On the one hand, he truly does deeply, profoundly love and care about Van, and is genuinely speaking from deep within his heart as he does his best to try and comfort him. But it reveals a lot about what, exactly, is in that heart. He does, it seems, believe that a son should pay attention to the words of his mother, but the way he phrases it suggests that he really only believes this out of a sense of traditional moral obligation; he doesn’t really believe, or even countenance for a second, the notion that Cheryl could maybe have a point, the idea that her opinion is of equal value to his. Instead, he frames her decisions as a tragedy, the rock opposite the hard place that is “do[ing] the right thing by the family”, an obstacle that Van will have to overcome if he is to live up to the duties Wolf wants of him with the family. It’s advice delivered with pure intention from a deeply impure heart, and it may, alas, be just about the worst advice Van could get right now.

Elsewhere, Pascalle and Eric have been joined by Draska Doslic, a girl from a nearby Croatian family who initially appeared in episode two, but who was inconsequential enough there that I forgot to mention her. She’s Pascalle’s on-again, off-again friend, and it turns out both she and another mutual friend also, in fact, “rooted” the late Billy, much to Eric’s shock. They admit it was a “pity root”, motivated by Billy’s sad life and broken home; Eric immediately starts droning on about his sadness and guilt, about as transparent as a man can humanly get. It’s hilarious, but it’s also kinda sad in itself, y’know? Billy was raised - in theory, anyway - by a perverted, drunken criminal in an environment almost entirely filled with drunks and criminals; of course he was gonna turn out a fuckup. That cycle isn’t gonna be broken anytime soon, not if these surroundings are anything to go by.

Draska immediately perks up when Van walks in; Van barely notices, fresh off his conversation with Wolf, and accordingly starts a fight with Cheryl, drunkenly accusing her of betraying him while throwing some highly smashable stuff around. See what I meant about bad advice? Wolf has yet to learn that Van takes everything in the most simplistic, literal possible terms, and doesn’t have any sort of capacity for subtlety. If you tell him that what Cheryl’s doing is the opposite of “the right thing by the family”, how d’you expect him to react? The boy just about worships his father; the fact that he’s making him choose between him and Cheryl is cruel for both of them. 

Loretta, as it turned out, did not like Paul going bowcat, and is particularly grossed out when she learns of the blood that accompanied the loss of her virginity. The whole thing seems to have made her very uncomfortable, and Paul isn’t really reading the signs very well. He’s clearly enjoying himself a lot more than she is, so he has much more motivation to keep going than she does. She’s so not enjoying it, in fact, that she’s genuinely astonished to learn that he’s willing to go again. Still, she doesn’t kick him out.

Elsewhere, Cheryl’s friend Rochelle shows up. She’ll be pretty important eventually, although that’ll take a while. She showers enthusiastic affection upon both Wolf and Eric, the latter of whom is particularly pleased. Pascalle comes out, and Wolf gives her genuine and heartfelt encouragement to pursue her modelling career; it’s a lovely thing to do, especially given Cheryl’s constant haranguing of her for it, no matter how understandable. Wolf is in such a good mood, in fact, that he starts dancing with Cheryl, who can’t keep a big grin off her face. That’s Wolf’s thing, see: he’s very charismatic indeed, and his love for his family is so genuine as to be difficult to deny. One can almost see the twenty years of beautiful memories replaying in Cheryl’s head as they dance, erasing these horrible last few months and taking her back to paradise. It’s a rare portrait of the deep love that once existed between them that we mostly missed out on in this show. It’s heartwarming and heartbreaking at once, a snapshot of a rosier past and an alternate present where everything is much happier. But, alas, it’s - how did Lorde say it? - just a supercut.

Loretta and Paul are just talking now. For a moment, it seems that Loretta has regained her confidence; she messes with him, briefly making up and retracting a story about parental abuse just to see the look on his face, and complains about how much she disliked Billy even when he was a small child. But Paul sees through it, and gently pokes her; “so you do have feelings”, he says, and her reaction is really quite fascinating. Immediately, her confidence goes away; she bundles herself up, wrapping her legs up in her arms, frowns and tremulously denies it. “Nah,” she says, “not many, if any.” 

That is an important moment; it may, in character terms, be the most important moment in the episode. Loretta is a child who doesn’t fit in; she’s not like her sexy, popular sister, or her jocky, popular brother, and she feels alienated from just about everyone else in her age group. And she is, we know, a person with great capacity for doing terrible things, whose reputation on that front precedes her. And she takes refuge in that latter trait, throwing it up as her shield against a world that rejects and cruelly mocks her, throwing that cruelty back in its face in the form of searing witticisms and cruel schemes. But it’s not that she can’t feel; if anything, her feelings are very strong indeed, and at her core is a tender, fragile girl whose soul is all fractured from the neverending ache of loneliness. Maybe her actions in episode two really were jealousy; maybe that kinda abusive, controlling friendship she has with Kurt really is all she has, thus motivating her to do anything to protect the totality of her hold over him. Without him, she’d be alone with the feelings she wishes she didn’t have, having to confront her own normality.

Van, down in the garden, is not enjoying the sight of his parents dancing nearly as much as everyone else. “Your parents are so cool,” says Draska, but Van’s mind is clearly on the fragility of it all, and so off he goes, grabbing his balaclava.

He encounters Jethro on the way out, doing a very bad job of lying to him about what he’s gonna do. Jethro follows him, encountering and mostly ignoring Allen (from the last episode) on the way out. Allen walks with great purpose through the house, finds Eric, and punches him, thinking he was the one who snitched on him last episode. Wolf gently takes him aside and calmly explains to him that he was the one who snitched on him, and what follows is a fascinating demonstration of the dynamics of macho honor.

They don’t fight, that’s for sure; they converse like equals who respect one another, even though the topic of their conversation is Allen’s admitted attempts to pull Wolf’s wife. “Jesus Christ, Allen, you didn’t give me a choice!” says Wolf, and it’s fascinating that he doesn’t once suggest to Allen that maybe he might have been in the wrong to try and sleep with a married woman. Rather, he seems to view this as natural and expected, and frames his own actions as a necessary evil to protect the one he loves. He doesn’t give Cheryl any agency in this, either; she’s just the object being fought over, and Wolf seems to believe that Allen “spending every day with [her], giving her money” would have been enough to break her loyalty. But he doesn’t even think of breaking off his friendship with Allen; instead, he apologizes for what he had to do and promises to make it up to him. This episode is the last we ever see of Allen - I presume he went to prison shortly after this - but I’ve no doubt Wolf would have kept his promise if able. It’s a fascinating thing, that macho honor system, and a resilient one - but it’s not a good one. 

We get a timeskip; it’s nighttime now, and Van is trying to rob a closed gas station in order to get money for Wolf’s appeal. Jethro has followed him, and gently reminds him that lawyers generally charge a little more than gas stations tend to keep within their premises. Van goes off to rob somewhere else, leaving Jethro sighing. Meanwhile, Eric is making the most of the sympathy he’s getting from Rochelle while Wolf and Cheryl talk. 

Wolf lays out an ultimatum. If Cheryl still loves him, he’ll go back to prison and faithfully serve the remainder of his time, for the sake of the children; if she doesn’t, he’ll make his escape right now. Cheryl says “when you’re here, it’s like you never left”; Wolf smiles and takes that as an expression of love, but Cheryl’s face afterwards indicates that it was far more complicated a statement than that. 

Maybe Cheryl does love him, but she’s also very much aware of what impact Wolf escaping would have on her kids and their lives. With that to look up to, what would become of her experiment? What would happen to her kids’ lives? And on the other hand, does she really want things to go back to how they were before Wolf left? Sure, it feels good, but where does it all lead?

Pascalle and Draska share a confession. “I didn’t really wanna root Billy”, says Draska; “Me neither,” affirms Pascalle. Draska did it to make Van jealous, and while we never find out why Pascalle did it, one presumes she had her reasons. Considered in context with Loretta’s escapades this episode, and this episode presents a fascinating critique of the way society pressures women into having sex for all sorts of reasons except them actually wanting to have sex, thus ultimately satisfying only the men at their expense. Pascalle and Draska finish up by, as The Onion once said, validating the living shit out of each other while Wolf shoos Cheryl away so he can talk about “plans” with Allen. Cheryl steps away and looks over the party, clearly having something of a moment of clarity as a psychedelic guitar solo plays from the stereo in the background. Wolf loves her enough to tell her that he does; he doesn’t love her enough to trust her with any real knowledge about the things he does. 

Elsewhere, Van is breaking into a drugstore, on the same idea as before. Jethro follows him, again pointing out that this makes little sense. They’re interrupted by a kid who seems to be sleeping there, who chases them out with threats to call the cops.

                                            White trash bastards!

Van twists some stuff round to blame Jethro for Wolf’s predicament, still following the lines Wolf himself laid out for him in their conversation earlier: that this is all because of Cheryl and her crackpot scheme to go straight, and that Jethro is aiding and abetting her by being a “mummy’s boy”. Jethro objects a little too strenuously to this characterization, and essentially flips it back on him, accusing him of wanting to be Wolf. He’s probably more right; Cheryl doesn’t realise how different Jethro is from her, but neither Van nor Wolf realise Van isn’t cut out to be Wolf 2.0. Only Jethro realises that. He cautions Van against following this path, lest he end up a “dead loser like Billy”; they fight (kinda) and Jethro, being the less drunk of the two, wins. Jethro leaves; Van turns round and sees a digger.

Jethro returns home, and he and Wolf have their first real conversation of the entire show. It might be the most hostile interaction between any two characters so far, too, and that includes that one scene in episode two where a woman was beating her nephew. There’s mutually flowing resentment here, both tied to things bigger than the men themselves. Wolf has some sort of class resentment tied up in the way his son has decided to live his life; “Mister I work in town, I wear a suit”, he mocks, bemoaning all the potential wasted when they decided to send him to the “uni-var-sity” instead of drawing him into the family business. Jethro isn’t as explicit about the reasons for his resentment, but he doesn’t need to be; it’s clear as day, and has been from the moment Wolf stepped up to him at the service. Jethro has a complex about his father, feeling at once intimidated and abandoned by him, clearly craving the love and affection he shows the other kids while idolizing his macho self-assuredness and self-control, and channeling his resentment at his lack of that into a general hatred of Wolf, the things Wolf does, and people who remind him of Wolf. He certainly didn’t have Van’s best interests in mind when he told him to be his own man and stop imitating his father; no, he was just bitter, aiming squarely where it would hurt, fighting a substitute for Wolf because he knew that was the closest he could get to beating him. “Oh, thank god Mum doesn’t buy your shit,” he snarls, but it’s clear from his actions in the previous episode that Cheryl is just an ally of convenience to him, herself not realising that she and Jethro are united only in their shared distaste for Wolf and not in any of the reasons.

Loretta and Paul are at it again; Loretta seems to be enjoying it, but quickly reveals (much to Paul’s chagrin) that it was just an act. She’s gotten bored enough now that she’s back to her usual ways, getting most of her pleasure from messing with him; when she finally tells him she’s fifteen, his shock gives her the first real smile of the night. Not that this excuses him, natch - he really should have known, and I think on some level probably did, but that didn’t stop him. He’s entirely in the wrong here, both legally and otherwise - but there’s no denying the joy she takes in making him panic. Which is the story of her life, really, so far as we’re able to tell from these four episodes - she doesn’t have a lot of joy in her life, but she takes what she can get in making other people suffer.

Wolf and Cheryl have their final conversation of the night. They share jokes and laugh at their friends, like any happily married couple. But their differences are still there, and irreconcilable. “There are no prizes for suffering, love,” says Wolf. “Nobody thanks you for it.” It’s a great, great quote, applicable to many situations and, in itself, entirely correct - but hot on its heels comes a quote arguably even more important: “I’m not gonna change, love.”

Cheryl knows he’s right, of course. But Wolf has to go before the conversation can finish. He says his goodbyes, and after he’s gone Loretta allows herself a moment of gloating to Pascalle; “You’re still a slut, but I’m no longer a virgin,” she says, before proclaiming that she’s never gonna do it again. And who can blame her? As far as I can tell, that was awful. Bad sex isn’t depicted too often on television, or if it is it’s usually the butt of very immature comedies. Here, it’s treated maturely and seriously, as an important character moment and a rare possibly-realistic depiction of the embarrassing awkwardness of teenage girldom. Hats off to the writers for this one.

Paul lets the ever-well-behaved Wolf sit in the front seat of the prison van on the way back, secure in his knowledge that he’s not gonna try and escape. Or at least that’s what he thinks before a giant digger, piloted by an ecstatically drunk Van, blocks the road ahead. Van gets out, caterwauling about an escape attempt; Paul reaches for his radio to call for backup, but Wolf assures him that he’ll handle it.

He tells Van much the same thing he’s been telling him already: “Go home and look after your mother for me, okay?” For once, it might be good advice. He gets back in the prison van; it drives off, leaving Van confused and dejected in the middle of the road. 

Our final scene is Cheryl mostly-monologuing to Jethro, vocalising most of the things we’ve been able to figure she was thinking towards the end of the episode: she truly does love Wolf, and probably always will, but needs him to stay in prison if they’re to continue making a good life for themselves. “It’s like when you turn the lights on in a room full of mess,” she says; “you’ve seen it, and it’s too late.” It hurts her, but it’s good to see her making the right decision. She’s not gonna go forward with the appeal; despite everything, she’s gonna let him rot in prison. Jethro, naturally, seems perfectly happy with this decision. Alas, for all her clarity on Wolf, Cheryl is still blinkered on him; she doesn’t realise just what he is, or the reasons he feels what he feels. But for now, he’s being a good mummy’s boy, listening to her talk about feelings and getting her drinks. And so the family’s life goes on, same as before; the difference is, as Cheryl said, that the lights have been turned on now and we’ve seen a whole lot about many of these characters that can’t be unseen. There’s a depth and complexity of character here that’s rare to find in any fiction, and I cherish it very much. This is an episode without a wasted moment, where every scene is just as important as the last. It’s as good as TV writing gets, if you ask me, and it’s one of my favorite episodes of anything ever. But it’s still early days yet, and the show will cover a lot of ground, both good and bad, beyond this. To the next!

[jiminelli]

Attention Seeker | Part Three

Genre: Angst

Pairing: Jimin x Reader

Word Count: 2.241

♛ Part One | Part Two

Water kept running into your bathtub as you stood in front of it, just staring at the gently splashing water. You had closed the bathroom door, in order to deaden the sound of Jimin calling out for you and the echo of his fists hitting your front door over and over again. 

Tears were running down your cheeks as you turned the water off after it hit the edge of the tub and made the first step into the bathtub, soaking your pants completely. You didn’t care though. Right now, nothing but the pain your body was experiencing, was important to you. All you could feel was the pain in your heart, consuming all energy and all thoughts. So you continued to slowly slide into the tub until your whole body was under water, except for your head.

“Of course it’s a joke (Y/N). ARMY would never say those things and mean it.”

You shook your head in frustration.

“You’re only jealous because I spend so much time away with them and can’t give you enough attention.”

Another knife being slammed into your heart.

“You know you’re being really dramatic right now, right? Quit the games and face reality.”

A tear rolled down your face, leaving a salty taste on your lips.

“I risked everything for you!”

Sure he did.

“I always loved you more than you loved me and I’m basically giving you a second chance but you’re being like this.“

His words wouldn’t stop running through your mind so you ducked your head under water, taking a deep breath before doing so and closing your eyes, reminiscing in the dullness of being underwater. The quietness should have made it worse to ignore your thoughts but somehow it soothed you, making goosebumps rise all over your body as you just laid there on your back. The water was cold as ice but none of your senses registered the feeling of tiny needles ramming their way into your skin, leaving a numb yet painful feeling. In the distance you could make out the noise of a door crashing and yells becoming louder but nothing bothered you in that situation. 

Your lungs started burning, aching for air and your brain slowly seemed to throb inside of your skull but your lips formed into a soft smile. Weirdly enough, you were at peace in the middle of this chaos and your mind was relaxed while your body began to fight against the lack of vital resources.

All of a sudden, the dull sound of a door being slammed open, making your makeup fall of the sink and scatter all over the floor, your name being called hysterically, was audible. Two firm hands closed around your wrist, dragging you out of the water in one swift move and wiping your gentle smile off your face, replacing it by a shocked expression while gasping for air hysterically. Chokes erupted through your body while your lungs felt like someone was squishing them together, not letting go before you breathed properly.

“(Y/N)!”, Jimin’s cries were accompanied by his heartbreaking sobs, strong arms engulfing you in a painful hug, his tears molding together with the icy water on your skin.

You just stayed there in his arms, like in a trance, not realizing what had happened. Leaning into his touch, you breathed in his scent, closing your eyes in a loving yet heartbroken state. 

“Jimin...”, you whispered against his body. In response he let out sobs while gently placing his hands on each sides of your face, eyes staring at you widely. Tears streamed down his face as his thumbs softly rubbed over your cheeks wiping away your tears, shaking his head in shock and disbelief.

“I’m so sorry (Y/N), so so sorry. I.-”, he choked on his words and you wrapped your arms around his shaking figure, forgetting your own pain as you saw him breaking in front of you.

“I’m such a fucking idiot. I- I should have listened to you -I”, he cried out, not letting go of your small frame in between his arms as if to make sure, you wouldn’t step back into that bathtub. 

“Shh, Jimin”, you said calmly, surprising yourself by the calmness your voice carried while your mind wouldn’t stop running wild. What the hell did I just do?

“I don’t deserve someone as wonderful as you (Y/N), you were always there for me b-but when y-you needed me I-I was a complete d-dickhead!”, his eyes were puffy and swollen as he hid his face in the crook of your neck, taking in your scent. The scent that he thought he might never smell again. From the person he thought he had lost forever.

“Please don’t leave me”, his body was shaking under your touch, goosebumps visible on his arms.

“I won’t, I promise”, you answered and kissed the top of his head gently. 

You were sitting on your couch, wrapped up in a fluffy blanket, a cup of tea in your hand and Jimin sitting right next to you. There was space between the two of you, no part of your bodies was touching the other one. You were quietly sipping on your tea while Jimin was just staring at his fingers on his lap, small tears still streaming down his face. Your face was blank but Jimin’s looked full of hurt and regret, self hatred clearly displaced on its features.

After a while of just sitting next to each other in silence, he turned his face over to you.

“Why?”

His voice was shaking and his eyes had millions of different emotions in them, making it impossible for you to tell what he was thinking. All you could make out was the pain being supported by his tears and fragile state.

“Why what?”, you asked in confusion and slightly furrowed your eyebrows at him before taking another sip of your tea he had made for you. It had the right amount of sugar in it, just the way you liked it. He knew how you hated bitter drinks.

“Why were you in that bathtub? Why-”, he sighed deeply and looked away for a split second before focusing on your face again. “Why did you promise me that you wouldn’t leave me when I hurt you so bad?”

Again, his eyes filled with tears as he bit down on his lips, kneading his fingers together in anxiousness. 

“You thought, I was trying to take my own life right?”, you whispered, letting your index finger glide under his chin, lifting it up so he would look at you. He nodded in response, erupting in new sobs and you quickly grabbed his hand, trying to sooth him a little bit.

“I didn’t. I was just trying to get the pain away from my heart onto somewhere else on my body”, you sighed as you looked down. “I thought I would die from the pain I was feeling in my chest. Getting your heart ripped out by hand while someone else stabbed you in the chest seemed to be less painful than the heartache I was experiencing. That’s why I went in there. I wanted to feel pain somewhere else to be able to ignore or forget the pain that was making me go crazy. As soon as I sunk into the water, the iciness took over my body and everything went numb. I could relax.”

Jimin sniffled next to you and you looked up to meet his gaze. “Even though I wasn’t planning to kill myself, it felt so soothing to be in there. I don’t know if I would have just forgotten myself after a while and let the numbness take over me”, you squeezed his hand as your thumb slid over the back of his hand. 

“Thank you for getting me out of there before I could have done something stupid without noticing”, you breathed out just loud enough for him to hear and he let his head fall back in pain, biting down on his lips in frustration, holding onto your hand in desperation. 

“I promised you to not leave you because that’s what I’m going to do Jimin”, your voice was stern, making his eyes turn to you again. “I’m not going to leave the way you thought I would. I’m not going to commit suicide, I will not hurt myself or do anything stupid. But we’re still over Jimin. I’m sorry.”

Desperation broke out of Jimin as he jumped up but fell down in the next second, landing in front of your knees, hands placing themselves around your legs, face looking up at you pleadingly. “No please (Y/N), please don’t let us be over! I beg you please, I can’t live without you. I-”, he took a deep breath, trying to calm himself down before his emotions could take over him completely. He was already losing control over them but he realized, he needed to prove to you why you shouldn’t leave instead of just pleading and begging. He had hurt you deeply, deeper than anyone ever had. 

“I saw it. I saw everything. I was about to leave your front door when a group of fans came up the stairs and I hid behind the plants your neighbor has in front of her apartment. I heard what they said about you. Cruel things, things only mad people would say, as they left notes in front of your apartment. When they left, I opened the letters and I’m so sorry for not believing you (Y/N). I’m such an idiot. After I read their threats, I went downstairs and saw the same girls being chased away by the caretaker of your apartment building. I was furious from the letters still but confused as to why he was so upset and angry at them but as he got closer, he recognized me and stopped. You know what your caretaker said to me? ‘This is the third time this week that they vandalize our walls. If your people don’t do something real fast, I’m suing all of you and kicking (Y/N) out. I can’t afford all this painting and repairing anymore. I don’t shit money like you!’”, his voice broke and he closed his eyes in order to keep new tears from streaming down his face. By now, you were the one crying.

“I believe you, I believe everything you said. I know that saying this now won’t make my behavior from earlier disappear. Honestly, I don’t know what to do to make you realize that I love you more than I love myself and that I regret it so much that I didn’t believe you from the beginning. I regret being so ignorant and thinking that the love of my life would invent something like this, something so serious that she has been dealing with since we started dating. I can’t believe you were able to hide all of this from me for this long. You went through this every single day and never told me because you wanted to keep me safe. And what did I do? Treat you like complete shit. I’m such an asshole (Y/N) and I understand that you want to erase me out of your life, because I would do the same if I were you. But please, please give me another chance and let me show you that I can treat you better than that. I can treat you the way you deserve to be treated. I will shower you with flowers every day, I will write you love letters that I usually keep to myself, I will make you breakfast every morning before I have to leave. I will make sure everyone who even slightly sends hate towards you, gets sued and charged for their behavior. I will do everything so that you know that you’re my princess, you’re my everything. I’m nothing without you (Y/N).”

You had your hands pressed over your mouth, stopping yourself from sobbing out loud as your face was covered by salty water. Jimin had made a mistake. A huge mistake that he regretted deeply. He had hurt you worse than anyone could have ever hurt you. Worse than anyone could ever imagine. The pain had been unbearable and sitting across from him, having him say all those words, made your chest hurt yet your tummy fill with thousands of butterflies. It was mixture of emotions, a feeling you couldn’t describe. A feeling you didn’t know existed until then.

“Do you mean this?”, you asked in confusion, not knowing what else to be saying in that situation. Jimin frantically nodded his head, holding your hands now in his own, softly kissing every centimeter of them.

“I wouldn’t say these things if I wasn’t being honest, you know me.”

Erupting into heartbreaking sobs you knelt down next to him, flinging your arms around his neck and pulling him close. Jimin instinctively wrapped his arms around your frame, holding the both of you up as you sobbed into his shoulder, while clinging onto him in exasperation. 

“I love you Jimin”, you sobbed and he sighed audibly. “I love you (Y/N). So much.”

You slowly leaned back to look into his eyes seriously. “If you ever do something like this, you’re dead.”

A small smile spread across his lips before he nodded. “Got it, babe. I will make sure that I will never be this stupid again, I promise.”

©jiminelli

[thenicedolphin]

Oscars Analysis With Biting Commentary: 2019 Edition!

We are BACK, with the 7th annual Oscars post from The Nice Dolphin (see links here for 2018, 2017, 2016, 2015, 2014, 2013), where Matt provides insightful, quality analysis while Alex texts some thoughts from his iPhone about how Lego Movie 2 was robbed of a nomination even though it’s not even eligible this year. As always, Matt is in regular font, and Alex comes in with the BOLD.

 You know what? Lego Movie 2 WAS robbed this year! Just like how Lego Movie should’ve been nominated for Best Picture in 2015 and didn’t even get nominated to be in the ghetto of Best Animated Feature. Horseshit. We haven’t even gotten to the first category and I’m already PISSED.

 Best Picture: “Black Panther” “BlacKkKlansman” “Bohemian Rhapsody” “The Favourite” “Green Book” “Roma” “A Star Is Born” “Vice”

 I’ll start by noting this wasn’t my favorite years for Oscar nominees. The top picks aren’t as good as Get Out or Lady Bird (or Phantom Thread) from last year. Or Moonlight and La La Land the year before. But there are a few great films in here, along with some mediocre picks.

 Nice try sneaking La La Land in there -- should’ve at least gone with Argo. I do agree that it’s a weak year. Lady Bird would’ve jobbed out almost all the other movies this year, and it was like the third best movie from last year (behind Get Out and Phantom Thread). Honestly, just go back and read last year’s post.

I’d go to bat for Roma for sure. It’s a great film. It certainly is a masterpiece of visuals and a writer/director getting to tell his personal story. It certainly felt like a movie event to watch it in theaters.

 Certainly.

 The sound was really creative (surround sound to make the neighborhood and events feel alive). The visuals were beautiful and poignant, as one would expect with Cuaron. He really put all his effort in telling this story, paying homage to his childhood and to the live-in maid who so strongly influenced his upbringing.

 Roma starts slow, but it builds, and I became enraptured with it during the second half. Some of the sequences are intense and well worth the previous groundwork. There’s a 10-15 minute sequence (just an estimate) that left me shook and in awe at the filmmaking (the scene starting at the furniture store). Another scene gave such emotional catharsis and helped close the movie really well. Roma also has some fun tangents and moments (I think of everything around New Year’s Eve) that some may find meandering. I dug them.

 While Roma was a technical masterpiece, I’m still not sold on it as a story. Literally nothing happens for the first 100 minutes then we get some things that are completely unnerving, including one image that does not feel entirely earned, to put it mildly.

 TASTELESS SPOILER ALERT

 Cuaron is like “yeah, let’s focus on some dog shit for two hours. Enjoying that? Well, here look at this dead baby for like 15 minutes straight.” Dude was on screen for EONS. Thought he was gunning for a best supporting nom.

 SPOILERS OVER

 Roma is definitely a loving portrait of Cleo, a personal ode to the women who raised Cuaron, and an astute look into the intersection of economic class and gender in 1970s Mexico, but I can’t tell if those well-made pieces combine to make a truly great movie.

 Otherwise, I’m not sure how much I’d want to rewatch this film or revisit it in entirety, but I really admired it and thought it was great. It is the frontrunner, and it would deserve Best Picture.

 I’m a little worried that because of its Netflix standing and that weirdness. For example, AMC and Regal didn’t include Roma in their best picture marathons/showcases because it didn’t meet the distribution requirement for those theaters. Does that affect voters too? It seemed to with a few previous prestige Netflix films, but things do seem different now. So let’s talk about the next upset contender right now: Green Book.

 Green Book is an interesting movie to me. It’s fairly polarizing because of the way it treats racial issues and the friendship between Viggo Mortensen’s white Italian character (Tony Lip) and Mahershala Ali’s black character (Don Shirley). You may have seen some of the controversies, such as how Shirley’s family wasn’t consulted on the film and disputes some of the representations of Shirley’s relationship with his family (deserving of criticism in my opinion). There has been criticism of director Peter Farrelly’s past on-set antics, or co-writer (son of Tony Lip) Nick Vallelonga’s tweet history (less of an issue to me to criticize the film, but still, not great, Bob).

 First and foremost, FOCK this movie. Tony Lip is racist as hell! Like REALLY racist. You can tell it was written by his son, because the movie treats Tony like he’s the perfect man who was just a touch unexposed to other cultures. He never really learned or grew, especially with the whole “You’re not even black!” rant at the end. He just goes from being super racist to not(?) racist because he’s getting paid to hang out with Dr. Shirley for a few weeks.

 Green Book has two great leading performances and some wonderful friendship moments. It has some funny Italian moments (is this racist?), and it has some great moments of strength by Don Shirley in rougher times racially. But man… I just can’t get over some of the key aspects of the film.

 The film really leans into the dynamic of hey, you’re black, I’m white, we’re different, but hey, we’re not so different! It feels antiquated, and this year, other films handled race relations better while being better stories overall (examples include Sorry to Bother You, Blindspotting, and If Beale Street Could Talk). Green Book’s lack of nuance reminds me of Crash and Driving Miss Daisy. Hell, the movie is called Green Book, and they barely mention it! They should have just called it something else.

 I get that little Nicky V. wanted to make a film about what a big man his daddy was, but it really only should’ve been loosely based on the Lip-Shirley friendship, and it could’ve avoided all the embarrassing fallout about Shirley not actually being estranged from the family/culture.

 The flipside of this is whether or not Green Book is an entertaining, good movie. And in some ways it is. The friendship is fun. The banter is entertaining. I really liked Wesley Morris’ analysis of this on a podcast with Bill Simmons, who discussed how, when you take aside race and the message, the friendship is well-portrayed and some of the editing and scenes work well.

 The first 30 minutes of this movie is some of the worst stuff ever recorded. Not even in terms of movies, but like, anything. It’s just Tony and his family being super racist, him entering into a hot dog eating contest (lmao what) and hacky banter between Tony and Dr. Shirley. Tony having to explain the concept of fried chicken to Dr. Shirley was a low point in a year that featured the existence of 15:17 to Paris. LOOK AT THE BABY CHICKEN LEG SPENCER

 But Green Book is trying to talk about race. It’s what the film emphasizes and it’s what the creators of the film emphasized during their awards run. And if you handle that clumsily, it’s hard for me to separate that from my enjoyment of the film. I don’t need to see more stories about white guys thinking black people are deplorable, and then well, you meet a black guy, and he isn’t so bad! That’s not a great story! Ultimately, Green Book is a solid film with some troublesome messaging that weighs it down. And the film isn’t so amazing story/acting wise to overcome those issues. It’s just kinda… vanilla.

 I’ll speak more on the leads in later sections, but if it wasn’t for Mahershala Ali’s deeply nuanced portrayal of Don Shirley, this movie would be completely irredeemable. Fortunately, he’s actually given a character with some agency, but everything about him is all done in service of the white man’s story about his “growth” as a person, which is really just him learning to be less of an asshole -- not exactly a hero turn!

 Also, how many fucking times did they need to cut back to Tony shrugging in the Orange Bird? Geez, we get it already.

 One more point to rant on: the fact that Tony’s son co-wrote the screenplay, and then Don Shirley’s family came out strongly against some of the story points REALLY rubs me the wrong way. Let’s put it this way: if a friend of mine did a story about his friendship with me, emphasizing inaccurately that I didn’t know how to eat Korean BBQ and had initially thought the idea of it was gross, and that I was estranged from my family but considered him and his family to be my family instead??? Dawg… I would haunt you from my grave for that shit.

 /quietly deletes “The Nice Dolphin” screenplay

 A Star is Born seemed like a heavy contender when it came out. It crushed the box office, critics and audience members seemed to love it, but it seems to have cooled off bigtime v. Roma and Green Book (really??? Green Book???). Well, I loved it, so let me sing its praises.

 A Star is Born was good, but not that good. A hugely entertaining first hour followed by some terribly-paced sequences and a weirdly undefined Jack Maine (I didn’t realize how he spelled his name until that concert poster at the end) combine for an enjoyable, but uneven film.

 Star is Born coulda gone poorly. Cooper trying to direct/sing/play music, Gaga trying to act, original soundtrack, and remaking an old story. Well, it works. The music is on point, the two lead acting performances are strong. There are some magical moments in this film… the scenes where they meet and flirt, where they write music together, when they perform Shallow… it’s so good! The film is good throughout, and the ending packs a wallop. I really like Star is Born, and I hope it can get more love than its likely Best Song win.

 I will admit, I knew the ending before I saw it, so some of the impact was lessened and it also basically ruined that scene with Jack and his counselor. Also it was really late at night and I was pretty cranky, so by the third or fourth scene of her lumbering around the dance studio, I was ready to call it.

 Still, Gaga and Cooper have great chemistry, which made the early scenes pop. However, the movie seemed like it didn’t really know what to make of Jack. Was he truly a troubled poet, or just a raging asshole using his art as an excuse for being an awful person? Was he a big country star selling out amphitheaters or a washed up, piss-soaked loser? What the movie was trying to claim as nuance really just came off as equivocation.

 I am pleasantly surprised that The Favourite got as much Oscar buzz as it did. Alex can elaborate, but Yorgos is definitely a more out there director, and The Favourite seems to work really well as a pivot for him. It’s a little more mainstream, but not completely. It’s not a sell-out. This movie is still probably too weird and rated R for some people.

 As a true Yorgite, I am THRILLED that my man is getting more mainstream love. The Favourite and Black Panther are my two favorite Best Picture nominees this year, despite them basically having no shot at winning.

 Even going a bit “mainstream” here (this is the most natural-sounding dialogue in the Yorgos filmography), Yorgos sacrifices nothing about his unique, vicious style. This movie is as nasty, biting, and hilarious as anything else he’s done, and the entire cast (especially the three leads) delivers.

 I really liked it. The performances were great, the story was really fun (Mean Girls but in a royal setting, or All About Eve, which I haven’t seen), the camerawork was interesting. I like how unconventional it was in some ways, like the ending just sorta sneaking up on me.

 I saw this in a packed theater and I could definitely tell it was a lot of older couples who thought they were in for something along the lines of “The Crown” or “Downton Abbey,” and not heavy lesbian erotica. Also, despite what he says, I don’t consider Matt a true Yorgite, so it’s no surprise he wasn’t ready for that ending. My first thought when them bunnies hit the screen? “Yorgos, you’ve done it again!” A true masterpiece.

 People are worked up about Black Panther getting a nomination, and I’m like… have you seen Bohemian Rhapsody or Vice? And you’re mad about Black Panther?

 People being mad about the Black Panther getting nominated and Green Book getting legit Best Picture love? If only there was some common thread here...

 First, I’ve definitely had friends surprised because for them, Infinity War was better… but I mean, they’re big Marvel fans so IW was a bigger deal to them storywise. Meanwhile, a lot of friends also told me how amazing Black Panther was, how it was their favorite Marvel movie, how it was so much more than a superhero movie, etc. Critics gave it strong reviews deservingly in my opinion, and it crushed the box office because it resonated with a lot of people. Just because it’s not as critically good as Roma and it’s a superhero movie doesn’t mean that it’s only in because it’s about race or that it doesn’t deserve it.

 Black Panther absolutely deserved the nomination. Despite Avengers: Infinity War being a more crucial story to the MCU, Black Panther was a better, more cohesive film. IW was basically one long chase/fight scene, which I loved, but it can’t really stand on its own.

 Black Panther built an entire world, populated it with fascinating characters with complex motivations, and had some badass action scenes all within the span of like two hours.

 Also, come on guys. This is the same show that’s given nominations to… Bohemian Rhapsody. And Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close (did anyone actually see that?). The Post, American Sniper, Philomena (does anyone remember that?)... I mean, does a movie only deserve to be nominated because it was about an Oscar-type of topic? I say nominate more of these blockbuster movies (IF they are good). Why did Mission Impossible and Crazy Rich Asians and Game Night not get nominated when Bohemian Rhapsody did? They were better reviewed.

 First of all, I take umbrage to you including American Sniper with that trash. Also, Game Night didn’t get nominated because it wasn’t that good (it’s still better than Green Book and Bohemian Rhapsody, but you get it). Crazy Rich Asians and Mission Impossible were both fantastic. Actually, here is an incomplete list of movies that are better than Bohemian Rhapsody and Green Book that came out this year, but didn’t get much, if any, Oscar love:

Annihilation Bad Times at the El Royale Crazy Rich Asians Deadpool 2 The Equalizer 2 (didn’t actually see this, but it’s got Denzel) First Reformed Halloween Lego Movie (still) Mission Impossible: Fallout A Quiet Place Searching Sorry to Bother You Spider-man: Into the Spider-verse (got some love, deserved more) Widows

 Honestly Teen Titans Go! To The Movies and Venom were better than that trash too.

 Anyway, Black Panther rules. It’s got an awesome cast of characters, it represents culture well, Coogler crushes the direction, the story is fun, and the villain is super compelling. People loved the ending scenes of Black Panther. This movie is worthy. Also shoutout to that last scene between Boseman and Jordan. Seriously, so good. Honestly, Black Panther had at least 4 scenes that were just as dramatic AND better-done than BR.

 That sounds impressive until you realize that BR had zero well-done scenes. Seriously, every time I think about that movie I hate it more. It’s the opposite of Phantom Thread. It’s the Terrestrial Thread.

 Bohemian Rhapsody is probably one of the worst movies to be nominated for Best Picture in recent years. Look, if you like the movie and find it entertaining, that’s totally fine! Just don’t tell me Black Panther didn’t deserve it when it’s better in every technical aspect.

 The editing is bad. The story of the movie is a censored version crafted by the living band members of Queen to paint them in the best light. Freddie Mercury is portrayed like more of an immature punk than he deserves, and the other band members seem like the grown-ups. The dramatic scenes are not very good. It’s just fine. The acting is solid. The movie is fun when the band is playing music or making music. But it really drags at parts. A solid B- crowdpleaser. NOT an Oscar movie.

 The only time this movie is entertaining is when Queen is playing/making music. Just save yourself the trouble and watch some old concert DVD or whatever. Every “based on a true story” movie is going to take some liberties with the facts, but this is the first movie I can recall that makes the true story MORE boring. This is literally the exact same movie as Straight Outta Compton, except that one was better -- and didn’t even get nominated! Straight Outta Compton is the Lego Movie of musical biopics.

 BlacKkKlansman was a powerful movie, though I’ll say it isn’t peak Spike Lee for me. It is really good in moments, and it’s also weaker in stretches. Basically, whenever the main character is infiltrating the KKK or working with his partner, the movie works. The scenes about the civil rights movements are really good, especially a scene where Kwame Ture gives a speech. The movie is slower when it tries to delve into Ron Stallworth’s personal life and romance. The movie is probably 15-20 minutes too long, which would be my main critique. And the ending is a bit polarizing (it worked for me, but I can see the argument against it).

 15-20 minutes too long? Sounds like peak Spike to me. Hey-ooooooooooooo!

 I really dug BlacKkKlansman, but man the capitalization of the title is infuriating. I agree that it’s a bit scattered (and not in a way that actually serves the story), but overall, I think Spike put together a film that is entertaining, exciting, and sadly all-too-relevant in today’s world. The scenes from recent news at the end might’ve come off a bit clunky to some, but it really brought the message home that in some ways the movie might’ve had a “happy” ending, but in no way is the big picture a positive one.

 Vice. Man. I was really looking forward to this one and I was disappointed. It felt like Adam McKay took all his tools from The Big Short and used them to excess. The Big Short was crisp and covered one specific story. Vice tries to cover a lot of years of Cheney’s life without much cohesion. I wish the movie had focused more on the VP years, which were the best parts of the movie and far too short. The Big Short’s narrator was a main character who explained a lot of complicated concepts that related to his character. Vice tried to have a random character with tons of narration, and it was all over the place without really having a reason for being in the movie. McKay also tries a few other ambitious things that don’t work as well when your movie isn’t strong. Basically, the riskier decisions stuck out more poorly. I wanted to dig this movie, but it just wasn’t very well-made, and I’m underwhelmed by its nominations.

 I didn’t get around to Vice, but there’s something comforting about knowing that I’ll never see all of the Best Picture nominees. Not that I’ve ever let that stop me from providing commentary before. Besides, after Matt’s SCATHING review, I probably made the right call.

 An interesting theme that pervades several of the Best Pic noms this year is the movies being directly at odds with their “true stories” in ways that actively hurt the movies. Green Book, Bohemian Rhapsody, and BlacKkKlansman all suffer from this. Maybe Vice too? Who knows.

 Generally, I try to separate the movie from the real events it’s based on. Real life is rarely as entertaining as a Hollywood flick, so I totally get why Die Hard didn’t have a third act of Carl Winslow filling out paperwork. HAVING SAID THAT when the true tale gets twisted into something totally unrecognizable, is it fair to criticize the movie for that? Green Book completely mutated the character of Dr. Don Shirley to fit a narrative of friendship triumphing over racism; Bohemian Rhapsody mischaracterized the relationship between Freddie Mercury and his bandmates to create a non-existent redemption/comeback arc; BlacKkKlansman ignored all the ways Ron Stallworth sabotaged the pro-Black movement in Colorado in service of painting police as the true heroes of equality.

 I don’t have all the answers here, but these three examples feel like particularly egregious warpings of reality. However, I want to use this opportunity to praise YORGOS, who took enough from history to give The Favourite some context, but was up front about his editorialization enough to where the historical inaccuracies didn’t matter, and it didn’t feel like watching some ol boolshit.

 I wish First Man and If Beale Street Could Talk had gotten in over Vice and Bohemian, or in addition to (since the nominations can go up to 10).  Hell, if you had just added these two to make it 10, this crop would look stronger. The follow-ups for the directors of La La Land and Moonlight, neither film was as strong as the previous outings, but both were quality art. First Man sometimes had less impressive action with its use of shaky cam in the cockpit (which made the theater experience dizzying at times), and it mostly lost the mainstream audience because it was less adventurous than movies like The Martian or Interstellar. It also chose to try to portray Armstrong as an ordinary, less romantic type of hero, which may have been to its detriment for entertainment purposes. But I really liked the story of Neil Armstrong and NASA, warts and all. It felt more authentic and well-acted compared to, oh, I dunno, BR. And the moon landing scenes were breathtaking.

 Beale Street struggled for me with its back-and-forth narrative, and some characters who I wish had more to do but some of the scenes were so good, and the art of it was beautiful. I also wish foreign films like Cold War and Shoplifters could get some Best Picture love too, but I’ll talk more about them below.

 Cinematography: “Cold War,” Lukasz Zal “The Favourite,” Robbie Ryan “Never Look Away,” Caleb Deschanel “Roma,” Alfonso Cuarón “A Star Is Born,” Matthew Libatique

 (edit: We put these categories here as a little TND protest for when the Oscars weren’t gonna air them on the regular telecast. But we’ll leave them here still, because these categories rule.)

 The presumed favorite appears to be Roma, with Cold War as a potential dark horse. After Cuarón’s go-to cinematographer Emmanuel Lubezki (three-time consecutive Oscar winner at one point, including for Cuarón’s Gravity) left, he pulled a Thanos and decided to do it himself. Roma’s photography has all the marks of a Lubezki/Cuarón joint. He did well. Some of the shots may be a bit much (as one friend asked, why so many dog poop shots?). But the tracking shots are glorious and usually worked well for art. Following the lizard around on a random day, Cleo running along the street, the shot of the men training, the forest on New Year’s Eve… and of course, the aforementioned furniture store and beach sequences.

 I didn’t see Cold War, but it’s fine because Roma will win. Roma does look great, but damn can Cuaron get another trick besides panning ten feet in either direction after the natural conclusion of a scene? Seriously, he does it like every twenty minutes. I guess this is world building? “You see, here’s what’s happening to our characters. And there’s also more stuff happening...slightly to the left.”

 I was very curious about Cold War after it got a best director nomination as well. The cinematography was beautiful too. And it also deals in black-and-white like Roma, and with different camera framing (I’m not technical enough to explain that). It had some great shots too, in particular a shot with a mirror that really impressed me. Of note, Cold War beat Roma in the American Society of Cinematographer Awards.

 A Star is Born had some good camerawork and cool concert shots.

 Great camera framing when the guy pisses himself. You really *feel* the piss.

 The Favourite was worthy of a nomination too, using some unique camera angles and fisheye lens shots that could have been distracting but ended up working really well for the movie. I have not seen Never Look Away, but the trailer looked good.

 Those long hallway shots in The Favourite were superb. Robbie Ryan is a true Yorgite.

 Film Editing: “BlacKkKlansman,” Barry Alexander Brown “Bohemian Rhapsody,” John Ottman “Green Book,” Patrick J. Don Vito “The Favourite,” Yorgos Mavropsaridis “Vice,” Hank Corwin

 LOL Bohemian Rhapsody. See the aforementioned link about the bad editing in it. I mean, I guess the montage while they recorded the title track was really fun, but cmon! I also had a lot of fun during some scenes of Venom, and I didn’t see that get a bunch of noms!

 Well maybe it should have! Matt made me watch that clip of the first record exec convo from Bohemian Rhapsody, and it’s so bad it wasn’t until like my third viewing when I realized Matt was trying to point out how poorly edited it was. Seriously, I couldn’t even get past the dialogue: “Queen...is for losers” “Well I’m sold!”

 Vice seems to be a favorite on Gold Derby. The movie was too all over the place for me, and I guess it would win for the most editing, because there are all sorts of jumping around and montages and random things the film does. Bohemian is the next favorite, so I don’t really care for this year’s winner. Maybe this year it SHOULD be on commercial break. Jk.

 I didn’t see Vice, but I agree with Matt that more editing definitely doesn’t equal better editing. I think Billy Walsh would agree that sometimes it’s about the cuts you DON’T make.

 I would vote for The Favourite. It’s crisp and efficient. Green Book’s editing is probably a strong suit too, admittedly. BlacKkKlansman could have been shortened some, but the editing during some of the back-and-forths (I think of the KKK meeting versus the black students’ meeting at the end) was really good.

 I agree* that all three of these films were well-edited. It’s a shame that apparently they have no chance at actually winning this award.

 *I think I’ve already set a record for most times agreeing with Matt in an Oscars post. We’re like one of those old married couples that gradually turn into the same person over the years. Sure it might make for a boring post, but at least we’re RIGHT.

 Director: Spike Lee, “BlacKkKlansman” Pawel Pawlikowski, “Cold War” Yorgos Lanthimos, “The Favourite” Alfonso Cuarón, “Roma” Adam McKay, “Vice”

 Cuarón is the presumptive favorite, and he would be very worthy. He shepherded this project to fruition, he told the story he wanted to tell, and he kicked ass. I’ve heard Spike Lee is a possible surprise here, but I’d rather see him get the Screenplay win. As mentioned, BK is not his strongest work for me, and doesn’t quite compare to Do the Right Thing.

 Finally Matt says something stupid! Okay because BlacKkKlansman wasn’t as good as one of the greatest films of all time, Spike doesn’t deserve a win here? I’m not even saying he should win, but if he doesn’t, it’s not because he made a better movie in 1989.

 Cuaron will probably take home the gold, and it’s well-deserved, as he really put his signature style on every aspect of Roma. It’s obviously an extremely personal project for him, but he never lets it dip too far into “diary” territory, and ultimately allows the audience inside of his perspective instead of forcing us to observe from a distance.

 It’s dope that Pawlikowski got nominated sorta out of left field. He really crafted an interesting, powerful story, and it was creative and unique. Yorgos deserves props for his nomination, managing to combine his style with someone else’s script (first time using a script that wasn’t his!). I’m glad Peter Farrelly didn’t get the nod here, but I wish Cooper had gotten it in over McKay. Vice is not that impressive, but I really dug some of the decisions made in Star.

 This might come as a surprise, but I’m quite happy Yorgos got nominated and would love for him to get the upset victory over dog dookie Cuaron. Shoutout to both guys for being able to direct the hell out of some nudity though.

 Lead Actor: Christian Bale, “Vice” Bradley Cooper, “A Star Is Born” Willem Dafoe, “At Eternity’s Gate” Rami Malek, “Bohemian Rhapsody” Viggo Mortensen, “Green Book”

 My Cooper support continues! I hope he wins, and it sounds like some people want him to be a surprise upset here. I thought he really built this role up and nailed it. This could have gone poorly. He could have sounded like Russell Crowe in Les Mis, his voice could have been weird, and he might not have been so likable on screen. But he was! He really became Jackson Maine and crafted this interesting, romantic, tragic character. I thought he was terrific.

 *big sigh*

 I agree with Matt again. Cooper was fantastic in playing a could-have-been-thankless role of a guy who does terrible thing after terrible thing, but still needs the audience on his side at the end. His singing was more than serviceable in the movie, as it was mostly done in live concert scenes where him being a little ragged fit the character/moment. Just uhh, don’t pull that shit up on Spotify.

 Rami Malek is the frontrunner here, which surprises me. Again, I don’t like the movie, but I also like Malek. But Malek has impressed me much more in projects like Mr. Robot and The Pacific. Here, I feel like he is doing a solid impersonation, but he’s not blowing me away like DDL in Lincoln. I feel like he was also limited by the weak script/story. I wish he had had more powerhouse scenes and dialogue, but he just didn’t.

 Oh he didn’t blow you like DDL in Lincoln? That might’ve been the greatest biopic performance of all time. “Malek was good, but his acting wasn’t as good as Spike Lee’s directing in the 80s.”

 Not to defend Malek, dude is just up there doin a little bucky beaver impression -- and I like Malek! Shit was limp and lame. IAWM (I agree with Matt) in that the rest of the movie was so bad, Malek was never afforded the opportunity to rise above being a Halloween costume. Still, he did next to nothing, even with scant material.

 Bale obviously made an impressive transformation in weight/look for Vice, and I always am a fan. He was pretty good here, and I’d be fine with a win, but it wasn’t his best work.

 Viggo was good, but part of the problem of the movie is the fact that Viggo was the lead instead of Mahershala, as the film would have benefited more from being through the lens of Shirley’s view, and not Tony Lip’s.

 Yeah, it pisses me off that Viggo (lol never realized how funny of a name that is until I just typed it) is even in this category. Sure he did a fine job playing a racist guy...maybe a little too fine of a job? I’m surprised Liam Neeson wasn’t clamoring for the role of Tony Lip, so he could do a little method acting.

 As for Dafoe… I don’t know anyone who saw this film, and I wasn’t hyped enough to go see it. Hell, the idea of a 60+ year old playing a guy who died at 37 was enough to not get me hyped, even if the makers tried to say he would have looked like Van Gogh because of the circumstances of the times.

 I obviously didn’t see this movie, but wow that is a hell of a paragraph. Are most people hyped by an old man playing a younger man? Actually, I heard that the producers were worried that Dafoe didn’t look old ENOUGH and were going to CGI in Christopher Plummer. Still though, “circumstances of the times?” I know 2019 seems awful, but this is a helpful reminder that the world use to be a literal hellscape.

 I would have liked to see Ethan Hawke here for First Reformed. He carried the movie, he was awesome in it, and it was definitely unlike the normal Hawke performance I’ve seen before.

 Matt, put a backhanded compliment warning there, sheesh. Hawke was fantastic in First Reformed and absolutely deserved a nomination ahead of Viggo, Malek, Fat Bale, and Benjamin Button-ass Dafoe.

 Gosling here would have been good too. Also would have been cool to see an indie lead, whether Lakeith Stanfield in Sorry to Bother You or John Cho in Searching.

 Stanfield and Cho crushed it in their respective roles. Funny story, Cho initially passed on Searching, but the filmmakers basically stole his phone number and hounded him until he agreed to do on the condition that they leave his ass alone afterwards.

 Lead Actress: Yalitza Aparicio, “Roma” Glenn Close, “The Wife” Olivia Colman, “The Favourite” Lady Gaga, “A Star Is Born” Melissa McCarthy, “Can You Ever Forgive Me?”

 Glenn Close is supposed to win. It’s apparently a lock. This definitely feels like another career honor, since this is her 7th nomination and she hasn’t won. Close is pretty good. The movie is OK and she has a delicate, graceful, but powerful performance here. I mainly just feel like it was the least memorable role here.

 I didn’t see The Wife, but for some reason I’ve got love for Glenn, so I’m happy she’s getting a win.

 Colman wasn’t necessarily the lead of the film, and it was really a three-headed monster (apparently Stone’s character has the most screentime), but she was awesome. She nailed this crazy, sad, bigtime character. I’d pull for her, and I think she has a small chance.

 Colman might’ve had less screen time than Stone, but as the raunchy queen, she commands the audience’s attention much like she commands love from Stone and Weisz. Everything is in service of the queen and Colman puts every ounce of emotion and feeling into a role tightly balanced between needing fealty and needing love.

 Gaga was a contender for a while, and I really liked her and was impressed with her rising to the occasion and taking on this lead role, weaving in her real life story with this fictional character. I think she didn’t always quite hit the acting level of Cooper, but she was close.

 Gaga was good for a rookie, but cmon. She basically had like two expressions the entire movie (dumbstruck and covering half her face/sad and covering half her face).

 I was really into McCarthy’s performance and thought this was a legit good indie film. Small story, really focusing on her character, and she carries it well! The Wife and this are smaller indie stories, but I was more wowed by McCarthy. She handles a sad sack of a character, self-loathing, mischievous, witty. I think she’s a great actress who sometimes ends up in unfortunate movies. This was a good one.

 Shockingly I didn’t see Can You Ever Forgive Me?, but I’m glad McCarthy is getting love. She’s a great actress, but always finds herself in shitty movies.

 I’m so glad Yalitza Aparicio got a nomination! She wasn’t quite as strong to me as Colman or McCarthy, but she has to be good for the film to be good, of course, and she is. I think the technical aspects of the movie outshine her performance in some ways, but she deserves merit.

 Yalitza’s gotta be straight up laughing at all the love for Lady Gaga. Another first time actress, she actually does a great job in the film instead of just getting points because she has hit single songs. The range of emotions on her face when confronted by the nude ninja alone made her worthy of a nomination.

 Who else would I have wanted? Maybe Joanna Kulig for Cold War. She’s a star, and she dances/sings/acts in terrific fashion. Also shoutout to Natalie Portman for Annihilation and Elsie Fisher in Eighth Grade. No one’s gonna remember The Wife in 5 years, but Eighth Grade will stand the test of time.

 Supporting Actor: Mahershala Ali, “Green Book” Adam Driver, “BlacKkKlansman” Sam Elliott, “A Star Is Born” Richard E. Grant, “Can You Ever Forgive Me?” Sam Rockwell, “Vice”

 Mahershala is expected to win, and he’s really good as Don Shirley, so I’m cool with it. He is such a magnetic actor, and he carries Shirley well. It’s a pretty different type of character from Juan in Moonlight. Juan’s performance leaned in on charisma, masculinity, and tenderness. Shirley is a character reliant on dignity, sophistication, and inner rage. He nails both. He’s really good. For all the faults I have with the making of Green Book, I do really like Mahershala here. It’s pretty wild that he’s about to get his second Oscar, but hey, good for him!

 You mean an actor played two different roles? Wauw.

 Mahershala completely carried Green Book and filled Don Shirley with so much nuance, complexity, and integrity that he himself should’ve gotten nominated for Best Picture. He IS the movie. It’s such a shame his character was relegated to the supporting role because there’s so much awesome internal logic to Dr. Shirley that he’s fascinating to watch and Ali does a great job of bringing all of that to the forefront without having to resort to speechifying his thoughts or emotions.

 I really like Driver and always like his work. He’s a unique, compelling actor in whatever role he’s in. He has more to do in BK than John David Washington’s main character, and he’s not weighed down by the romance story. There’s something really convincing in any role Driver portrays, whether it’s Kylo Ren, Adam in Girls, or his performance in Silence. I thought his performance was pretty key to the BK story.

 Driver definitely brings a fun presence to BlacKkKlansman helping to achieve the delicate tonal balance Spike was looking for. I mean, not as good as the tonal balance JGL brought to Lincoln, but I digress.

 Grant was really wonderful and charming, and he really carries the movie along with McCarthy. Elliott doesn’t have a ton of scenes in A Star is Born, but each scene of his was a highlight for me. His relationship with Cooper is key to the film, and I really dug it. I don’t really see why Rockwell had to get a nom here. He’s not too essential to the film, and he does a good W impersonation, but this just pales in comparison to his role last year in Three Billboards.

 Ha I only skimmed that last paragraph and just furiously googled “Sam Elliott Three Billboards” because I was confused as fock. Yeah that last conversation between Cooper and Elliott was fantastic, and Elliott is great throughout as the older brother who never got quite as much ass as Jackson Maine.

 We couldn’t have thrown a nod here to Michael B. Jordan instead, for his compelling (albeit polarizing) acting job in Black Panther? I also loved Brian Tyree Henry’s character in If Beale Street Could Talk. Similar short screentime to Rockwell, but way more impactful and memorable. Henry’s scenes in Beale Street are some of the best work you’ll see from last year.

 Was that acting job really polarizing? We have a term for people who have negative things to say about Black Panther. They’re called...Vallelongas. Brian Tyree Henry is one of my favorite actors, so I have no doubt that he was great in Beale Street. I do want to shout him and Daniel Kaluuya out for their performances in Widows. For a story about four strong women coming together to wreck some shit, Henry and Kaluuya stole the show. And my heart.

 Also want to shout out my man Beast! Not saying he should win, but his scene to hilarity ratio in The Favourite was easily 1:1. Everything in The Favourite popped, but his presence made it even poppier.

 Supporting Actress: Amy Adams, “Vice” Marina de Tavira, “Roma” Regina King, “If Beale Street Could Talk” Emma Stone, “The Favourite” Rachel Weisz, “The Favourite”

 I really like Regina King, and she’s pretty good in Beale Street, but I’m sorta surprised that she became the consensus pick. She doesn’t quite have as memorable a performance for me as Mahershala’s or say, Brian Tyree Henry in the same film. She’s a great actress, but there’s not a ton for her to do, and I didn’t leave that film being like WOW, that character!

 Stone and Weisz seem to negate each other, unfortunately. They are both terrific. I didn’t love Stone in La La Land but she’s really fun and vicious here. Weisz is great too and has a lot of fun. I would probably give the edge to Weisz, but I’d strongly praise either performance.

 Weisz was amazing as Sarah Churchill. She is definitely the centerpiece of the film, and does a wonderful job providing an axis for all the wild shit that goes down. What really elevates her performance is that she doesn’t fall into the trap of merely being the straight woman (no pun intended, seriously), and still imbues her character with loads of cunning, fire, and personality.

 Stone was great as well, and I’ll say I didn’t enjoy her in La La Land either, but that’s mostly because I was watching La La Land at the time.

 Amy Adams is awesome in general and good in Vice. Marina de Tavira is really good in Roma, and her nomination was a nice surprise too. Her character as the mother is really pivotal to the story, and I thought she was good at being overall likable even while sometimes being harsh.

 De Tavira gives a great performance in a role that would’ve been easy to gloss over if played by another actress. She never allowed herself to become a background character or only appear as Cleo’s boss. Her story is just as dynamic and heart-rending as Cleo’s, and with less attention given to it, only a great performance would give it the weight it needed and de Tavira absolutely delivered.

 Original Screenplay: “The Favourite,” Deborah Davis, Tony McNamara “First Reformed,” Paul Schrader “Green Book,” Nick Vallelonga, Brian Currie, Peter Farrelly “Roma,” Alfonso Cuarón “Vice,” Adam McKay

 The Favourite seems to be… the favourite for this category.

 Nice.

 It’s a fun, witty script based on historical events (and it seemed to do a decent enough job being similar enough to real life!). Updating a story for the modern times in film format is no easy feat, and I really enjoyed this story.

 Like I mentioned earlier, The Favourite does a great job of drawing just enough historical context while still keeping things fresh and honest, without making the story feel bastardized.

 This is Paul Schrader’s first nomination, which is pretty crazy when he’s had films like Taxi Driver and Raging Bull. First Reformed has a unique, fascinating, compelling premise and story arc. It does remind me a good bit of Taxi Driver in some ways but is its own story too.

 Really happy First Reformed got a little love. In a time when we’re getting nothing but remakes and sequels, a truly original story is always welcome.

 I don’t want Green Book to win. As mentioned, this shit wasn’t vetted by Shirley’s family, which seems kind of important! And it’s a bit cheesy throughout. Technically speaking, it seems like the directing/editing would be better than the writing here. Vice… that story was so all over the place. McKay’s script for Big Short was way crisper and stronger. Roma is a great film, but I don’t put its screenplay up as strongly as its other technical achievements. Eighth Grade should have been nominated here and been a contender. It won at the Writers Guilds Awards (Bo’s speech is really funny too), and Bo Burnham made a brutally vulnerable, honest story about adolescence and technology.

 I usually make a joke here about how movies based on actual events should be in the Adapted Screenplay category (since they’re adapted from real life!), but I guess Nick Vallelonga really took that to heart because he basically removed any shred of reality from Green Book. May as well give Bohemian Rhapsody a nod here too lol

 Adapted Screenplay: “The Ballad of Buster Scruggs,” Joel Coen , Ethan Coen “BlacKkKlansman,” Charlie Wachtel, David Rabinowitz, Kevin Willmott, Spike Lee “Can You Ever Forgive Me?,” Nicole Holofcener and Jeff Whitty “If Beale Street Could Talk,” Barry Jenkins “A Star Is Born,” Eric Roth, Bradley Cooper, Will Fetters

 The rules for adapted are always funny. A Star is Born is based on three previous versions, and Buster Scruggs apparently has some adapted short stories but other completely original short stories. Weird. I wouldn’t feel too strongly about Star’s screenplay since I feel like the quality in its update is more in the acting and music, versus the writing. Buster Scruggs was a mixed bag for me, with some awesome and some meh stories.

 Bro, which stories were meh? Name names! There wasn’t a bad one in the damn bunch.

 BK seems to be in the lead, which would be a cool win for Spike Lee (he previously received an honorary Oscar). Apparently the movie changed a lot, which I imagine was positive for movie action/plot intrigue. I feel like whatever the screenplay did with the romance didn’t really play, but I’m not really sure what else I would push alternatively.

 Matt is really hating on the romance angle in BlacKkKlansman. I’ll be honest, I barely remember that aspect of the movie, so the hate is probably warranted.

 Beale Street was a worthy effort, but I felt like the narrative was all over the place and wonder if Jenkins could have done a better job conveying the story in movie form. I don’t think it was an easy book to adapt, as I’ve heard with Baldwin fiction, but the product in the end doesn’t measure up to BK. As for Can You Ever Forgive Me?, I thought it was a stellar story, and also apparently people don’t think the original memoir itself was very good, so I guess it gets points for that!

 Go ahead and give Jenkins the win to make up for that L* L* L*nd/Moonlight mix up back in 2017.

 Best Documentary Feature: “Free Solo,” Jimmy Chin, Elizabeth Chai Vasarhelyi “Hale County This Morning, This Evening,” RaMell Ross “Minding the Gap,” Bing Liu “Of Fathers and Sons,” Talal Derki “RBG,” Betsy West, Julie Cohen

 I’m not a big documentary guy, but they have gotten more popular (Won’t You Be Me Neighbor, Three Identical Strangers, Free Solo, and RBG all were box office documentary hits this year), and I’ve ended up checking a few more out. Won’t You Be My Neighbor was one of the most noted snubs when nominations came out, and it’s a shame it didn’t get nominated. It was beloved and had a notable cultural effect last summer, and I thought it was terrific and charming. I didn’t see Three Identical Strangers yet, but I’ve heard it considered to be a snub too, which Alex can elaborate on.

 Shit I had this whole paragraph written up about Mr. Rogers, but Matt just reminded me that it didn’t get nominated. Basically the punchline was that I watched it with my parents and they just clowned Fred the whole time, which I think explains a lot.

 Three Identical Strangers was great, but apparently I’m the only person who either didn’t know about the second twist or didn’t think it was that shocking/big of a deal. I gotta say, capitalizing on your 15 minutes of fame by opening a celebrity restaurant in New York City is probably the most 1988 thing ever.

 Also, no love for the Pope Francis doc? Guess I’ll see the Academy in hell...as I look down from Heaven!

 The betting odds seem split between Free Solo and RBG, with Solo slightly ahead. I am all about Free Solo, and I hope it wins. It’s an incredible, fascinating story. Is this guy insane for making this climb? How do we feel about him with his girlfriend? How do we feel about his girlfriend with him? How do we feel about the documentary crew filming him? Are they enabling him? Deterring him? These are really interesting dynamics throughout the story. It’s helpful that everyone involved in the story is inherently likable, and they are wondering about these same dynamics. Also, although I think most people know the fate of Alex Honnold’s climb before watching, the feat is so extraordinary and ridiculous that you will still be stressed out, nervous, and fascinated watching it.

 The climbing footage is awe-inspiring. The filmmakers do a great job explaining the audacity and absurdity of the climb so that the average viewer can understand what’s going on. This is such a good documentary.

 RBG the person is awesome, and I’m a big fan. But RBG the documentary is just… good? I feel like voters must have been split between this at Won’t You Be My Neighbor, and it’s hard not to compare the two, since they came out around the same time and are both about revered figures. WYBMN has really good editing and panache, and an inherent charm in talking about Mr. Rodgers’ legacy and his past. RBG feels more by-the-numbers and with less impressive editing and focus. It felt a bit short and all-over-the-place. I could have used more time on her advocacy versus her time exercising or becoming a cultural meme.

 WYBMN also benefited from having tons of footage from the TV shows. RBG by comparison doesn’t have as much old footage, and with RBG alive, they do a lot more interviewing her or following her around. It’s an interesting glimpse, but doesn’t work quite as well for me. It’s a good film, and I enjoyed getting more of a look into RBG’s life. But I don’t want it to win.

 Minding the Gap is the other film I saw out of this batch, and it had caught my eye after being on a few critics’ best movies lists at the end of 2018. It’s on Hulu, and it definitely wouldn’t become a box office hit. It has an indie vibe for sure, as Bing Liu, a young filmmaker, follows two friends as they grow from teenagers to young adults, along with examining his own life. The film delves deeply into masculinity, physical abuse from childhood, and identity in the Midwest. It really builds and gets stronger and stronger towards the end. There are some deep emotions that this film can evoke in the viewer, and I really felt for the story by the end. Also, a bonus is that the footage of them skateboarding is really beautiful and whimsical.

 Best Foreign Language Film: “Capernaum” (Lebanon) “Cold War” (Poland) “Never Look Away” (Germany) “Roma” (Mexico) “Shoplifters” (Japan)

 Roma is the clear favorite here. I almost wish that if Roma was definitely getting best picture, they could just retract its nomination here so someone else could win!

 Ha that’s actually not a bad idea. These other flicks don’t stand a chance when Roma is going toe-to-toe with the entire field of movies.

 I really liked Cold War and Shoplifters. I didn’t get a chance to see Capernaum or Never Look Away. Never Look Away seemed to have mixed reviews, which makes me wish that Burning (South Korea! Steven Yeun!) got the nom instead. While in the lobby post-Cold War, my friend and I saw a bunch of people left Capernaum in tears, so… that seems like it must have been good and sad?

 Bro, people were crying because it SUCKED. Jk, I’m sure it’s wonderful. Also, has a foreign language film ever been nominated that wasn’t a totally depressing tearjerker? Do countries besides the U.S. and France make comedies? I know there isn’t much to laugh about in Turkmenistan or wherever, but I’m just asking.

 Cold War is by the previous winner of Ida, another excellent black-and-white film. While Ida was smaller scale in time, Cold War spans a romance of two musicians over some years. It similarly tackles the repercussions of WWII and the titled Cold War on Poland. The two main characters are really captivating and dynamic to watch. The music portrayed is super fun. The challenges of the times are fascinating. My one gripe is that the film felt a bit weirdly paced at times, partly because it was covering a multitude of years, and the characters’ decisions were sometimes a bit too dubious for me.

 I really dug Shoplifters too. It’s a lovely, beautiful film that ponders what a family is. The characters aren’t conventional good guys, mistakes are made, and these characters try to keep their version of a family together. Sometimes the movie is beautiful and optimistic, sometimes it’s sad and heartbreaking. I also liked how the movie was intentionally confusing about some details, to add to the storytelling aspect.

 Animated Feature: “Incredibles 2,” Brad Bird “Isle of Dogs,” Wes Anderson “Mirai,” Mamoru Hosoda “Ralph Breaks the Internet,” Rich Moore, Phil Johnston “Spider-Man: Into the Spider-Verse,” Bob Persichetti, Peter Ramsey, Rodney Rothman

 SPIDER-VERSE. All the way. That movie could have gone poorly. There is definitely a lot of Spider-man content out in the world in recent years, and the movie worked by both leaning into that and truly creating its own story to stand on. Miles Morales was an awesome main character. Peter Parker was a great side character (that was definitely a risk in storytelling). Miles’ family characters were well-portrayed (shoutout Brian Tyree Henry and Mahershala Ali, AGAIN. Those dudes kill it).

 Spider-Verse might be my favorite movie of the YEAR. #2 this decade behind Moonlight and all of the X-Men films. Everything about this movie is fantastic. The characters are well-drawn (emotionally and literally), the stories are engaging, and the humor, while appropriate for all ages, doesn’t include any lame juvenile shit (unlike this blog post). Folks (myself) were legit getting emotional in the theater. Looked like a screening of Capernaum in there.

 The animation was awesome. It was new and unique, making the movie feel like a comic book come to life. I think the movie had a poor box office opening because of market saturation, but it ended up grossing a respectable amount based on word of mouth and audience reception. Good! Can’t wait to see what’s next.

 I’d literally never seen anything like Spider-Verse. The animation was crazy dynamic, constantly shifting between more realistic and more cartoony depending on what the situation called for. Everything about this movie from the animation, to the music, to the voices is completely fresh and inspired.

 The Incredibles 2 seemed to take the box office by storm, and by the time I saw it a month or so later, I was a bit let down. The movie is a bit unsatisfying in originality after so many years. It’s still good! I had a lot of fun, and some of the action sequences were pretty exciting. It’s just not as good as Pixar’s best or the first Incredibles.

 No desire to see Incredibles 2. Incredibles 1 is massively overrated and all anyone wanted to talk about from part 2 is how hot the mom was. I’m good, homie.

 Isle of Dogs was really fun and charming. It was a solid Wes Anderson joint. I do wish it had more agency for some of the Asian characters, and it’s still sorta funny to me that Wes just kinda dropped in with his crew + one Asian writer for the script. But yeah, it was a really fun movie. I haven’t seen Ralph since I hadn’t gotten to the first one yet. Mirai looks like my kind of jam, but I haven’t gotten to it yet. Spiderverse all the way.

 Isle of Dogs is racist as hell! Why will no one talk about it??? I feel like I’m going INSANE

 Original Song: “All The Stars” from “Black Panther” by Kendrick Lamar, SZA “I’ll Fight” from “RBG” by Diane Warren, Jennifer Hudson “The Place Where Lost Things Go” from “Mary Poppins Returns” by Marc Shaiman, Scott Wittman “Shallow” from “A Star Is Born” by Lady Gaga, Mark Ronson, Anthony Rossomando, Andrew Wyatt and Benjamin Rice “When A Cowboy Trades His Spurs For Wings” from “The Ballad of Buster Scruggs” by David Rawlings and Gillian Welch

 Shallow is such a heavyweight here. That song is the classic from a soundtrack of lots of good songs. It’s perfect for their relationship in the story, and it’s the best scene in the film when she comes onstage to sing it. I hope they crush it live on stage. Get it, Bradley!

 Would’ve loved for “Why Did You Do That?” to get an ironic nomination here. Man that song was ass. “Shallow” is a good song and plays an important role in the movie, so I’m not upset at all if it wins, but yo that part where they’re just like “Sha-la-la-la-la-low” is weak as hell. Should’ve ponied up for Jason Isbell to get the late checkout time, maybe he could’ve done something there.

 Hot take: “When a Cowboy Trades His Spurs for Wings” is a MUCH better song.

 Man, the Mary Poppins’ new songs were pretty disappointing. Maybe they should have gotten Lin involved in the writing. The Buster Scruggs song is pretty goofy and funny, and All the Stars is a fun anthem.

 All the Stars is a fresh track, I wouldn’t be mad at it pulling an upset.

 Original Score: “BlacKkKlansman,” Terence Blanchard “Black Panther,” Ludwig Goransson “If Beale Street Could Talk,” Nicholas Britell “Isle of Dogs,” Alexandre Desplat “Mary Poppins Returns,” Marc Shaiman, Scott Wittman

 Feels like First Man got snubbed here bigtime. That score was really good, and it seemed like a favorite before nominations came out. I’d root for Brittell’s score. His work was beautiful in this (and in Moonlight), so a win would be cool. I generally like Desplat’s whimsy, but I don’t remember much about the score here. Black Panther’s was cool, though I feel like it was more about the songs on the soundtrack versus Ludwig’s score. Ludwig is the man though. I wouldn’t hate him getting it.

 Good point about Black Panther’s strength lying in its songs instead of the soundtrack. Really disappointed in Sicario 2 overall, but especially in its score. Sicario 1 had the hottest score of the year when it dropped, but much like everything else about Sicario 2, it didn’t deliver.

 Sound Editing: “Black Panther,” Benjamin A. Burtt, Steve Boeddeker “Bohemian Rhapsody,” John Warhurst “First Man,” Ai-Ling Lee, Mildred Iatrou Morgan “A Quiet Place,” Ethan Van der Ryn, Erik Aadahl “Roma,” Sergio Diaz, Skip Lievsay

 Sound Mixing: “Black Panther” “Bohemian Rhapsody” “First Man” “Roma” “A Star Is Born”

 This confuses me every year. Here’s a good article for the differences. Basically, sound editing awards effects (think, creating gunfire/explosion noise for a war/action movie). while  sound mixing awards the soundscape/all the sounds mixed together.

 So with that in mind… these categories seem to have less predictable winners, and I see that the sound editing leaders are currently First Man and A Quiet Place. I’d give props to First Man here, for doing work with the space exploration. A Quiet Place is interesting since it had to use its sound so effectively and specifically.

 How you gonna award A Quiet Place for its SOUND? Smh

 As for sound mixing, I really dug watching Roma in theaters. You could hear sounds, birds chirping, and it felt like you were on the street in the neighborhood of Roma.

 It’s almost like you can really *hear* the dogshit squishing between the kids’ toes on the pavement.

 Now, it appears that Gold Derby leans towards three options: A Star is Born, First Man, or Bohemian Rhapsody. I feel like BR relied a lot on pre-done recordings unrelated to filming, so I’m not sure about that one (though I suppose that’s the point of sound mixing, I dunno… look, I just don’t want it to win -- lmao same bro). A Star is Born had to deal with live music! It’s way more worthy.

 Visual Effects: “Avengers: Infinity War” “Christopher Robin” “First Man” “Ready Player One” “Solo: A Star Wars Story”

 This is easily Infinity War. Relying on Thanos as a main character meant a ton of work, and if you remember his cameos in Guardians or the Avengers post-credits, you know that he looked better here and much more fully realized. He was a mammoth, a threat, and the visual portrayal was well done. His fight against Hulk, his fight against Doctor Strange, some awesome FX. Having to weave in tons of comic characters was no easy feat too, with Falcon and War Machine fighting in the sky while Groot, Rocket, and Cap are on the ground against those bad guys.

 Avengers all the way. Having a lame-looking Thanos would’ve nuked the whole movie (people are STILL talking about Superman’s CGI shave), but they knocked it out of the park. Infinity War had to be a huge undertaking, as it’s a million superheroes pulling out all the stops for like 6 hours. Kinda surprised Black Panther didn’t get any love here for similar reasons.

 Ready Player One had a lot of fun effects too. It had to rely a lot on video game storytelling, and the adventure of it was pretty fun and well-done. Solo was fine.

 I honestly had to ruminate for like five minutes to remember if I saw Solo or not. I think “fine” is the most accurate possible description of any aspect of Solo.

 First Man was quality. I dug their comments on how there is no way they could have faked the moon landing considering how hard it is now to even try to demonstrate that in a fictional film.

 That’s what they want you to think, sheeple!!!

 Christopher Robin? Wasn’t that bear real?? What are you trying to say???

 Realest bear since the one that took Leo’s ass in The Revenant.

 Production Design: “Black Panther,” Hannah Beachler “First Man,” Nathan Crowley, Kathy Lucas “The Favourite,” Fiona Crombie, Alice Felton “Mary Poppins Returns,” John Myhre, Gordon Sim “Roma,” Eugenio Caballero, Bárbara Enrı́quez

 Costume Design: “The Ballad of Buster Scruggs,” Mary Zophres “Black Panther,” Ruth E. Carter “The Favourite,” Sandy Powell “Mary Poppins Returns,” Sandy Powell “Mary Queen of Scots,” Alexandra Byrne

 Black Panther was sick. Weaving in futuristic elements with African culture. The sets were wild. The costumes were fantastic. The Favourite did a good job doing the royal vibe too. The NASA production that they had to recreate in First Man made it feel really authentic. Same for Roma. Lots of good stuff here.

 Agreed on Black Panther for all the reasons Matt mentions, but I think you gotta go with The Favourite here. Those people looked like they STUNK. Just fucking gross all the way around -- and it was PERFECT.

 The Ballad of Buster Scruggs and Roma had great design as well. As an anthology, Buster Scruggs had the added degree of difficulty of making sure every story appeared distinct enough while maintaining the overall look and feel of the movie.

 Makeup and Hair: “Border” “Mary Queen of Scots” “Vice”

 I mean, you saw Christian Bale as Dick Cheney. Lock this up.

 Clink-clink!

 Animated Short: “Animal Behaviour,” Alison Snowden, David Fine “Bao,” Domee Shi “Late Afternoon,” Louise Bagnall “One Small Step,” Andrew Chesworth, Bobby Pontillas “Weekends,” Trevor Jimenez

 “Weekends” by Trevor Jimenez sounds like a banger of an R&B album.

 Best Documentary Short Subject: “Black Sheep,” Ed Perkins “End Game,” Rob Epstein, Jeffrey Friedman “Lifeboat,” Skye Fitzgerald “A Night at the Garden,” Marshall Curry “Period. End of Sentence.,” Rayka Zehtabchi

 Best Live Action Short Film: “Detainment,” Vincent Lambe “Fauve,” Jeremy Comte “Marguerite,” Marianne Farley “Mother,” Rodrigo Sorogoyen “Skin,” Guy Nattiv

 Bao was a fun, sweet short that had some nice Asian representation… that’s all I got.

 I’ll be watching the documentary shorts the night before the Oscars, but wanted to get this post up before then, so if you want my thoughts on those nominees, holla at ya boy.

 As for everything else? I probably agree with Matt.