#studyhardrunhardsleephard

[studyhardrunhardsleephard]

I . Miss . T .

Ugh I just want to text or call or even email her.

[studyhardrunhardsleephard]

New T

Okay so I got news two days ago that my therapist is taking a break from practicing for medical reasons. After a whole lot of crying, shaking and nausea, I just feel numb. But I need to find a new therapist during this break and I’m really not looking forward to that. My T is the only T I’ve had and I’m afraid of finding someone else.

[studyhardrunhardsleephard]

New T

This morning I had the intake session with my new T. It was good, she was nice, I didn’t die. But it was really weird. Everything about her and her office is completely different from my T and that really was strange. But overall it was good and I have a session scheduled for after my vacation

[studyhardrunhardsleephard]

Someone please help me to not be a bitch to my bf when I’m depressed. Like plz help

[booksandbujos]

Thanks for the tag!!

1. Good comfort food

2. Helping/ talking to others

3. A really good book

4. My fiancé and his family (super cliche, sorry)

5. Creating content/ drawing

So the 10 people: @jechu22 @venus-and-sriracha @no-confetti-only-shame @dane-yell @anasten-studies @adriannakbl @thepsychologyscholar @studyhardrunhardsleephard @artjournalmv @raisingg-the-bar

Pass the happy! 💛 When you get this, reply with 5 things that make you happy and send this to the last 10 people in your notifications! 😊

Thank you!! So 5 things that make me happy…1.Reading 2Listening to music3.Going out with Family4.Talking/chatting with (online)/ rl friends5.(ridiculous but does make me happy) watching YOI or reading about it (Victuuri) very sweet can’t help itOk so for tagging here it is: @bujo-ie @lightbeanvibes @i-actually-study-a-lot @studyblr @interiorsthetic @elkstudies @nehrdist @notesworthtea @way-to-study @studydiaryofamedstudent

[studyhardrunhardsleephard]

Not letting her back in

I'm starting to think that whenever T comes back from medical leave that I won't go back into therapy with her. I'm not sure if this is me trying to punish both her and myself, but this is how I am feeling

[studyhardrunhardsleephard]

Possible T sighting in public

So I’ve actually been doing really great with the whole not seeing T thing. Like eerily okay...I’m a little skeptical that this is some kind of hypomanic state, but oh well. I’ve gotten very used to the idea of not seeing her though. Like for a while I would just randomly have these fits where my brain was just repeating over and over “I want to talk to T”, but that has stopped and I am living life. BUT tonight I was at a restaurant with my parents and grandparents and there was a women who I could only see her back and occasionally could see that she had glasses on. At a first glance, I was like omg is that T?!!!!! But than I got a better look at her and it was definitely not T. Yet of course for the rest of the dinner I couldn’t stop staring at her and thinking about T. I was completely gone all dinner , just ruminating on T. I miss her. I don’t really feel like I’ve felt that since the internal demands to talk to her have stopped.

[studyhardrunhardsleephard]

This morning I woke up to an email from my manager giving me my schedule for the next three days. Of course I am scheduled until 3 and my therapy appointment is supposed to be at 3. So I immediately texted T and asked if she could push back my appointment, but I haven’t heard from her. I just sent the text again just Incase it didn’t go through. Now I’m stressed because I REALLY need a session tomorrow. But if T isn’t answering its probably because something is wrong

[studyhardrunhardsleephard]

Essay

I'm trying to write this essay which is due at midnight and I just have no motivation. Once I finish this I won't have any work to do for the rest of the week. I just don't know what to write and I don't want to bullshit this becuase I want to get a decent grade... Oh well... I dug my own grave

[studyhardrunhardsleephard]

So alone

I feel so completely alone. The only person I want to talk to is T and that is not even an option. I’m don’t want to keep going.

[studyhardrunhardsleephard]

New job

Being the new person at work is literally the worst. Like you don’t know how to do anything and always end up messing so many things up because you don’t know.

[studyhardrunhardsleephard]

Therapy 2/13/18

Today's session we as good, but time went by way too quickly! I will probably debrief more later, but today we talked about my inability to let people care for me, my need for decorating my space (which is currently very bland and empty) and a little bit about my situation with r.

[studyhardrunhardsleephard]

Without therapy once again

T is sick again. I've only had therapy 3 times in the past 2 months. I have been doing relatively well , so not having therapy hasn't been so much of a problem as it has been in the past, but this week I really really needed it. I'm heading deeper into the depths of a depression and have some things going on that I need to talk to T about how to handle them.

Last night was the first time my boyfriend has seen me depressed and he was really great about it. I don't deserve him ... Okay JK I totally do deserve him ( thanks CBT) but I'm just so lucky to have met him.

[studyhardrunhardsleephard]

Update on T is sick

T responded that I will have a session tomorrow! I'm happy about that, but also a bit stressed because that complicates my day a little more! I have an exam and then a lab and than I have 10 min to get from my lab to my apartment for therapy (it's like a 15 min walk 😂) and then after therapy I have to go directly to another class. but c'est la vie!

[studyhardrunhardsleephard]

T is sick

So t texted to cancel todays session becuase she is sick. She didn't respond to my text about rescheduling for tomorrow (after she offered) so I don't think I'm going to have therapy this week, which is a shame becuase we really need to talk about what happened last session.

[studyhardrunhardsleephard]

Update on telling T

I just emailed T about my conflicted feelings and my confusion about what was going on. Hopefully we can break things down during my session on Wednesday!