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koalala700 · 6 years ago

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Chronicles of Nick: Infinity Analysis

When I first started doing an analysis, I tried doing a post for the entire series. I realized that it would have been a huge information dump. To better organize my scatterbrained ramblings, I decided it would be best to do this one book at a time.

Some background: I started out reading the Dark Hunter books and had already finished Styxx by the time that I even got started reading the CON books. There have been so many spoilers scattered in these books and as I try - and fail - to wait patiently for the new SOF series, I’ve been re-reading the CON books and trying to analyze the clues I find. I started coming up with theories about the things I was reading and trying to fit the scenes from the future into an organized timeline of sorts.

I would like to point out that this is not a review as a first time reader but rather an analysis as someone who has re-read the books multiple times, although I do make nods at my own thoughts when I initially read the book. I am highlighting certain points in each book that I found relevant. Again, please note that this isn’t an analysis or review of the entire series so much as it is me picking apart each book for key points.

With that being said, these posts will contain a lot of SPOILERS. If you haven’t read the books, I would advise doing so before reading this post if you don’t like or want spoilers.

The biggest focus for me, while reading this series again, was to focus on the future characters and their involvement in the CON timeline. With that being said, the primary purpose of this particular analysis is exactly that. Making sense of the scenes I see scattered throughout the books. I also note certain parallels that are happening in the series. I do my best to kind of stay in order but I'm a little scatter brained so some of what I mention is all over the place and for that I apologize in advance.

So the first book I want to start with is Infinity. This is the first book in the Chronicles of Nick series. It starts off as an introduction to the characters and sets us in motion for what the series will be about. When we’re introduced to Infinity, we get to see Nick’s past that is briefly mentioned in the DH world.

While getting an introduction to fourteen year old Nick, we also get a glimpse of the Ambrose Malachai centuries after we know him in the Dark-Hunter world. For me, the book was entertaining but really the overall take away from the first book was an introduction to all of the characters: Nick, Ambrose, Adarian, Kody, Caleb, and all of the familiar faces we know and love from DH as I mention above. Having originally started out with the DH series, there were a few things I already knew quite a few things about Nick, before even starting this series. This includes: Nick being the Malachai, that he would become a Dark-Hunter, his mother would die, who and what Caleb was and that he knew both Styxx/Bethany.

The series starts out as with Nick, at fourteen, living in poverty and very much an outcast at his school, St Richards. Something I didn’t realize was that this was a school for the supernatural to attend. We get to see characters again from the Were-Hunter series as well as some of the Squires from the Dark-Hunter series. This book introduces who Nick is and is the first time we have a really deep insight into his POV. I liked him enough in DH but after the events of Seize the Night going forward, I was frustrated with his character. I think that is part of what delayed me reading this series as much as I did. I’m glad I rethought that idea because his series really blew me away. Nick is a lot more than what we see in the DH series and much like other characters we love and/or hate, he is a lot more layered than I initially realized.

This is also the first time we encounter Ambrose in series who poses as Nick’s uncle from his father, Adarian’s side. We find out that Ambrose is there to change Nick’s future so he doesn’t make terrible mistakes that result in the end of the world. While this is the first book we introduce Ambrose, this is also the first book where Nick begins getting introduced to who he truly is. This is one of the first parallels I noted. Most initial novels of a series are an introduction so I'm just stating the obvious but both Nick and Ambrose are introduced as characters and to each other in this novel.

Why me? I don’t understand why this is happening and why they’d give two spits about controlling me. I can’t even walk across the floor without getting grounded.

“Nick, you are key to some of the rawest, most potent powers ever created. The battles for your possession will scar you in ways you won’t know until it’s too late. If you listen to me, I can save you.”

I’m key? Dude, you seriously have me mistaken for someone else.

“No, I don’t. I, better than anyone else, know exactly how powerful you are and what you can do. And deep inside, you feel those powers too. You’ve spent your whole life denying them. Saying it was Menyara or some sixth sense. It’s not a buried sense. It’s your birthright and you have got to embrace it or you will lose everything that matters to you.”

And if I don’t believe this crap?

Images of a dark, frightening hole flashed in his mind. He saw himself in the future looking a lot like Ambrose. Alone. Bereft.

Tortured.

Most of all, he was inhumane and cruel.

“If they can turn you evil, they will be rewarded and you will be ruined. And everyone you love will pay the price.

“Everyone.”

Nick shook his head in an effort to dispel the horrific images. Terror choked him as he feared becoming the monster his father was. Of becoming the creature he’d just seen.

I don’t want to be evil.

"You can’t just say it and make it so. It’s not that easy.”

Of course it is. My mom tells me all the time that we decide between good and evil. What we are is completely up to us.

“And things drive us to make decisions that are beyond our control. Just like your mother. You know how much she hates dancing and yet there she is every night, right on time, often working double shifts to bring in more money. For you. And you haven’t been betrayed yet, Nick. You don’t know what that’s like. What it does to you. The scars it leaves that never fade.”

Not true. Alan, Mike, and Tyree had all betrayed me.

“And you want their blood for it.”

I want to bathe in it.

“That’s exactly what I’m talking about. That’s the evil seducing you. The malevolent power that is crawling through your blood tempting you onto a treacherous path that will cost you everything you love and hold dear. You have to let that anger go before it’s too late. Vengeance always turns inward and it will consume you until nothing’s left but an empty hole that nothing can fill.”

Nick bristled as he saw that night again—the glee in Alan’s eyes as he pulled the trigger. They shot me!

“And they will pay, but not by your hand. Trust me. Karma has her own plans for them and what she has in store is more painful than you could ever dream.”

I don’t know about that. I have one great imagination. And letting it go is much easier said than done.

Ambrose laughed in his ear. “Believe me, I know.” Infinity

This conversation mentions a few things I already knew and points out what will happen if Nick doesn't accept his destiny and his powers. However, the point I want to take away is the “karma” that Alan and Tyree end up experiencing. The more I read and re-read, the more I wonder if Ambrose knows everything that is going to happen. It’s not himself that he’s trying to stop. He knows his son is the one who will end everything and that comment seems like a sly little way of adding foreshadowing. We see what ends up happening to them in Invision.

The conversation continues and Ambrose explained what Nick really was. There is also some sympathy towards his father, Adarian. By the end of CON, Nick also understands his father and puts away his hatred of him. I spend time going back and forth wondering how much Ambrose knows and remembers about CON. Is it from his own experience as a father that he understands? Is it just from growing as the Malachai and being consumed by hate that he understands? Or does he remember from CON what his father did for him in the end and the choices he was forced to make?

“We”—he indicated the two of them—“are the last of a cursed race. Which isn’t necessarily a bad thing as it’s our prime nature to hurt others. When they’re weak and hurting, we swoop in for the kill. But I’m hoping you have enough of your mother in you that you’ll learn to curb those impulses and learn to let things go that I never could.”

Nick hoped so too. I don’t want to be anything like Adarian.

That eerie red tint returned to Ambrose’s eyes—not that Nick needed a reminder that the creature net to him wasn’t human. “Neither did he and he’s not quite the jerk you think he is. In time, you’ll understand him better than you’ll want to. And together, if we’re lucky, we’ll keep you from following in his footsteps. In the meantime, I have to reach you everything I know as quickly as I can.”

Why the rush?

Orange flickered in his red eyes, like dancing flames. “My time’s running out and soon I won’t…” His voice trailed off.

You won’t what?

“I won’t care anymore. About anyone or anything… not even you.” Infinity

When I began reading this book, I was thinking it made sense that Ambrose went back (assuming he didn’t know about who would truly rise to take power after him). If you’ve read about Nick in the current timeline, he’s not in the best of places. Nick lost so much in the current timeline that it stands to reason that he would want to change things, if he could. It should be noted though, from the glimpse to the future, that it isn’t going very well.

“Why can’t I stop it”? he snarled. Why, with all of the powers he’d mastered, all of the elements he controlled, couldn’t he prevent a mere fourteen-year-old boy from being an idiot? No matter what he did, certain events kept unfolding.” Infinity, 329.

This was pretty fascinating to me as someone who had only read DH. Given what I understood about Nick in DH, he didn’t even know about the supernatural until he was out of high school but in CON, he knew about it sooner. This was first brought up in Night Pleasures. It seemed noteworthy that nothing was changing, despite Ambrose having gone back in time and that certain events happen differently or sooner.

This gets explained later in the books why nothing is changing but it was always one of those tidbits when I first started reading that really made me think - that gets the wheels in my mind turning. While re-reading this scene in particular, it seems like maybe things are changing. Maybe he did make an impact but the end of the series just brings us back to square one but Ambrose doesn’t realize this yet. Time-travel is different in every universe but I imagined initially that any changes Nick made would automatically affect Ambrose.

Another conversation that I think is kind of important but can’t really explain is the one between Ambrose and Caleb.

“Caleb leaned forward, between Nick and Ambrose, then said in a low tone, “By the way, boss… you’re not as covert as you think, and I’ve heard everything you told the kid in the car.” He looked straight at Ambrose. “Nice coat, but I prefer the black suit you had on the last time we met.”

Ambrose made a Vader move that made it looks like something had grabbed Caleb in an invisible choke hold. “Don’t push your luck, Malphas.”

Caleb relaxed as Ambrose moved away. “You know, Nick, I like you so much better than that prick.”

For some reason, Nick wasn’t sure that was a compliment.

400, Infinity.”

What does Caleb mean by “the last time we met”? That is something I still haven’t been able to figure out. Is this a hint towards everyone going to the future at the end of the series? Or is this simply Caleb’s coy way of saying that he’s seen him before with Nick. I may be reading too much into this (like some of the other scenes) but some of the conversations and events are hard to make heads or tails of.

The more you read this book though, the more bits of foreshadowing you encounter. One scene that was definitely foreshadowing - that has already played out in DH - is Nick’s death by Ash’s hands. This is one of the more obvious ones, assuming you read DH first.

“At least let me get laid before you kill me... So you have to wait a good ten years before you snuff me. Deal?”

..... “Ten years, huh?”

“Yeah, you can kill me when I’m twenty-four, provided I’m not still a virgin, but not a day before that.”

“All right. It’s a deal... provided you keep your trap shut.”

“Trap nailed shurt, sir.”

“But at twenty-four...” Ash let his voice trail off.

“I’m all yours, babe.”

204-205, Infinity.

Neither character at this time realizes the implications of this conversation. I know Ash doesn’t implicitly swear this, but it seemed like both him and Nick had just set both of their futures in motion by speaking this aloud. As the final fate, Ash pretty much just said what Nick’s fate would be. Ironically, Nick doesn’t realize that he, too, has called on his own death. It seems like this is one of the events that I think completes the circle when it comes to time-travel. Ambrose wants to prevent Ash from being the cause of his death, but what if this scene is proof that it was always meant to happen that way? Like a pith point.

This is also not the first time that one of the two of them have said something that sets Nick’s future into motion. I’m pretty sure in Dance With the Devil or The Dream Hunter (I can’t remember which), Ash actually makes a comment about Nick living and dying for his mother. Madoc then makes a cryptic comment about it being a shame that Ash can’t see his own future (or more appropriately, those close to him). This scene in CON reaffirmed for me that this was always going to play out this way.

The further you get into the series, the less things started making sense (in regards to what we are made to believe so far). That’s a big part of why I made a point to start writing out notes for myself. The thing that was hard for me to understand were some of the times that we get scenes from the future compared to the knowledge that the characters in CON have. It isn’t until the end of CON that some of that confusion is cleared up.

The first thing that confused me was about when the time-travel began and this scene was probably a little over mid-way through Infinity. We see that Ambrose has started time-traveling centuries after the timeline in CON,

“Ambrose grabbed the bookcase and slammed it to the ground, spilling the ancient books he’d carefully collected for centuries across the floor of his stygian office.” Infinity, 329.

Here’s what kind of perplexed me when I first read this. As previously stated, Nick wasn’t always my favorite character in DH. I did understand why he was so angry at the world, after the events of StN, but if centuries had past since his mother’s death and his conversion as a DH, why go back now to change his future? What changed?

While I also knew he definitely had some moments where he is infuriating in the series, it seemed odd that he would actually end the world centuries after his mother’s death if that is the supposed catalyst is the reason for his downfall. Especially when it seems like, later in CON, he’s starting - I say starting, not that he has completely - to come to terms with his mother’s death (in Time Untime, for example). Why not end the world once he found out what he was in DH and unlocked his powers? I always imagined that if it was a future Nick changing the events in CON, it would stand to reason that the future Nick would be closer to the timeline in DH than one that was centuries in the future.

There is another thing I found worth noting. We find out that Ambrose has no idea who Kody is and doesn’t remember her. This scene was initially weird to me because if she becomes a part of his past, why wouldn’t he remember her? Any changes he had made would affect his current memories. Until you get to the end of the series, this is a little confusing. Even going on the assumption she was added to a timeline and had not been there before, Ambrose would still know her from Nick’s memories.

Nick flinched as he forced that memory away and turned his thoughts to something he’d said to himself earlier. “Who is Nekoda?”

Artemis gave him a blank stare. “Never heard of him.”

“Her, Artie. It’s a girl.”

One of her perfect brows shot up as a jealousy darkened her green eyes. “What kind of girl?”

“I don’t know. Nick knows her.”

“You are Nick.” Her tone was testy.

“Exactly. How can I not know who she is?” How could he not have seen her as he looked back? For some reason, she was a complete ghost to him. No matter what power he used, he couldn’t find this piece of his past. Even with certain aspects altered, he should still be able to hone in on her.

Yet he couldn’t.

Why?

Artemis shrugged her thin shoulder, “You forgot her. It happens. You were human… once.” 333-335, Infinity.

While confusing when first reading this (assuming I knew how I time-travel worked), I didn’t think much of this scene at first. It later made me wonder if this meant that she was hidden from him, similar to how Tiyana was (in Inferno, Nick learns the store she works at was cloaked from him). What’s I think is important to note about that parallel to me is that Tiyana in DH was Nick’s possible future. She could have been his wife and mother of his children.

We get the impression from the start of the books that Kody will be important and they both have feelings for each other. How does that impact Ambrose, though? How did Ambrose not know about her? It tells me that she’s important to his future later on. It also leads me believe that when Ambrose started time-traveling, she either hasn’t been born yet or he just hasn’t met her yet. For a while, my theory was that she was already born but Ambrose didn’t know her. I also thought that this scene was interesting because at the end of the series, like Artemis says, Nick does end up forgetting about her. A little bit of foreshadowing perhaps?

As far as the first novel goes, all in all, it was really good. It pulled me and definitely had me wanting to read more. I had several questions after my initial read. Nick is the Malachai. We know this from the DH series but it goes into a lot more depth in CON. In Infinity, my biggest question was why Ambrose was losing his humanity so long after his mother’s death. I was initially curious about Nekoda and who she truly was and her impact in the series. The first glimpse we got into who she truly is was mentioned briefly in Infinity.

But as he reached it, an unbidden image went through his head. It was Nekoda…

Only she wasn’t the girl he knew who made him laugh and who kissed him on the cheek. She was something else entirely. Dressed in armor, she looked like an ancient warrior, complete with a helmet and shield.

And a sword she was driving straight through his heart.

368. Infinity

I would also like to put a pin in the scene where she drives a sword through his heart, as the person she would actually be fighting isn’t Nick. It’s Cyprian, as he is the one who ends the world. Wouldn't this mean she came close to defeating or defeated Cyprian? Or is it just a metaphor for her mission in the past?

The other scene with Nekoda that I thought was a nod to where she truly comes from is this comment by Simi. Nekoda is from the future where the Malachai has destroyed the world so it stands to reason that nothing could be scarier than that. As a first time reader, both of these scenes didn’t mean much to me at the time other than a reference to why she was sent back in time.

Simi came up to lean against Kody’s shoulder. “Oh, the Simi thinks you’ve seen things much, much scarier than that.”

Nekoda paled a bit, but didn’t elaborate.

456, Infinity.

If you’ve read the entire series and re-read it, we get what is, in my opinion, the first bit of foreshadowing about Cyprian (Nick’s son).

Ambrose had learned long ago to fear anyone he let near him whose past and future he couldn’t see. Any time he’d make that particular mistake, the person had done their best to destroy him. 459, Infinity.

Don’t get me wrong, I do understand that Ambrose is specifically referencing Kody here and that comment about trying to destroy him does come to a head in Inferno. To me though, it seems like the implied implication here is pointing to just more than that (having read of all of CON).

Later on in the series, Cyprian is revealed to be his son. Someone would would be “near” Nick but whose future and past he cannot clearly see. It is also interesting because once we are introduced to Ambrose’s son, what does he spend most of our interactions with Nick doing? Trying to destroy him.

SK is one of those authors that doesn’t write things in her books for no reason. What she writes has some deeper meaning or intention, foreshadowing. I feel like the books leading up to us finding out about Cyprian are scattered with foreshadowing of his arrival into the series. I could just be reading too deeply into things but who knows.

The next post I make will be in regards to the next novel in the book Invincible. The first few books have a couple of points that I would like to mention but it really doesn't get in depth until we get to the last few books. Putting some of these scenes together is helping me make sense of some of my theories I have while reading. Like I mentioned before, I initially tried to make one large post about the entire series but it became a convoluted mess so I decided it was probably better to split it up, book by book. Thanks for reading and please feel free to share your own thoughts, comments, theories as I would love to find more readers who analyze this series as much as I do.

#con #sherrilyn kenyon #sherrilynkenyon #sherrilyn mcqueen #chronicles of nick #dark hunters #dark hunter series #malachai #nick gautier #shadows of fire #nekoda kennedy #caleb malphas #ambrose malachai #cyprian malachai

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extraordinarilyextreme · 6 years ago

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but imagine if MoDaoZuShi/The Untamed literally follows how the story is told:

when weiying dies, he literally wakes up 16 (or 13) years earlier. he has all the knowledge of the older him, but everything is yet to come.

he keeps trying to fix things. but history keeps course-correcting. he meets lanzhan, they find the yin iron, the find the sword in xuanwu, he gives his core to his brother, he’s forced down a different cultivation path.

he dies as the hated yiling patriarch.

but he keeps going back in time. chance, after chance, after chance, and he doesn’t understand why the universe keeps favoring him.

(and throughout all of this, lanzhan is the only one who believes him.

i die, weiying tells him, and lanzhan listens.

weiying can’t make sense of that. it’s as if lanzhan remembers too and has vowed to never again choose any side other than beside weiying.)

weiying doesn’t know what to do until he thinks: if lanzhan really is my soulmate, then maybe meeting him is the catalyst to their destined fates.

so he tries this route:

he doesn’t mess around when the jiang sect is invited to gusulan for lectures. he never bonds with lanzhan, even though it destroys him that the other boy never even looks his way. weiying distances himself from the very beginning; he never lets them see the damage.

(maybe now he won’t hurt anyone.)

but down this path, lanzhan discovers the stygian iron on his own. he’s targeted by the wen sect by himself. he's cast into the burial mounds.

weiying immediately goes after him because of all things, he never intended for this to happen.

(i keep dreaming about you, lanzhan admits, though it’s hard to hear over the screaming resentful spirits. he pauses, trying to catch his breath. i remember you.

and now weiying really doesn’t understand. if you know what happens, why did you interfere? why would take my place?

lanzhan just looks at him, at this stupid idiot he’s still in love with time after time after time, unwaveringly. he doesn’t mention crossing the single-log bridge alone in the dark. he doesn’t mention pointing his sword at the yiling patriarch’s throat. he doesn’t mention a-yuan, doesn’t mention his headband, doesn’t mention the song he wrote for them. he doesn’t mention watching weiying fall.

instead, he remembers the image of weiying praying to the gods, paper lanterns burning up in the hazy sky like stars close enough to embrace. he remembers their promise.

we wish we can always stand with justice and live with no regrets.

lanzhan’s mouth curls upward. what do you think? he inquires finally.)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

weiying wakes up in lanzhan’s room. they are 16, 17, maybe barely 18. they are children, and weiying fell asleep copying all of gusulan’s rules.

he snaps to attention, catching lanzhan’s gaze. it’s still harsh, criticizing, but knowing. knowing. my soulmate in this life.

weiying understands.

(he does get lanzhan drunk again. and they both are punished for it again. but he doesn’t tease lanzhan this time, just tucks him into bed, hand soft against a familiar jawline.

thank you, weiying whispers.)

when they fall into the cave, lanzhan still wraps his headband around their wrists. lanzhan also takes his hand. lanzhan chooses him.

this time, weiying trusts the people who love him. it doesn’t matter if wen ruohan finds out. weiying now has all four sects backing him.

wenchao doesn’t stand a chance against the twin jades of gusulan or the twin heroes of yunmengjiang. jiangyanli, wenqing, wenning are safe. the heavenly lady statue remains sealed away. the head disciples of all five sects save the yueyangchang sect.

you can change, weiying tells xueyang. the assassin almost laughs, his cheek bleeding, but there’s something dark and terrible in the other man’s eyes. the yiling patriarch speaks, live without regrets. live meaningfully.

xueyang quiets. he lets songlan and xiaoxingchen lead him away.

(there is no battle at the unclean realm. mengyao is stopped by niemingjue before he can murder the chief general. weiying, with all the blood of thousands of cultivators on his hands of a different timeline, stops the execution.

mengyao is brought to gusulan, to be watched over by lanxichen.)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

the disciples make their way to nightless city. the wen siblings promise to stay safe as they plan to save as many of their sect as they can from the inevitable battle.

weiying leads the other four boys to muxi mountain.

(but this is a fixed point.)

in the end, weiying and lanzhan remain trapped by the xuanwu of slaughter. as the pair ready their weapons, weiying suddenly thinks of mianmian. he undoes his robes, much to lanzhan’s immediate panic, and finds that the scar is still branded on his chest, just over his heart.

but it never happened, he whispers, frowning, looking at lanzhan through the glowing flames of their camp.

lanzhan stares steadily back at him, a hand coming up to his own chest. it does not matter. his matching mark is there too, even though such events have yet to transpire.

when they are ready, lanzhan takes weiying’s hand again. you must be safe.

weiying smiles.

(when he finds the sword, the resentful energy nearly overwhelms him again. he lets it, just for a few minutes, just so they can kill the wretched beast. he remembers lanzhan’s bleeding hands from the strings. please, don’t let him come to harm.

lanzhan saves him, brings him back to their fire, and heals him with his spiritual energy.

is this a dream?

no.

weiying laughs weakly again.

i never thought in my lifetime that i would see lan’er gongzi act so concerned. it’s cruel of him to say, after everything they know might happen—has happened, has never happened. lanzhan. just now, i thought i wouldn’t survive.

lanzhan presses the back of his palm to weiying’s forehead. weiying, he whispers, as if the man before him is the most precious creature across universes.

lanzhan hums. once again, weiying never stays awake long enough to hear the name of their song.)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

the other three disciples save them. as jiangcheng and niehuaisang fret over weiying, the latter storms up to jinzixuan.

just tell her, you stupid peacock!

jinzixuan bows his head, ears very red, and jiangcheng decides it’s high time he brought his older brother back home.

(where’s lanzhan?

he left, jiangcheng retorts, frustrated but all-too-aware. he will be fine.)

jiangyanli welcomes her brothers home, close to tears, and weiying secretly wonders if he will ever life a life in which he doesn’t cause his sister grief.

when yuziyuan lashes out at him, weiying smiles through the beating. i am sorry, he manages, though his back is bleeding from the zidian. this proud woman, this terrified mother, this loving wife glares down at the child her husband adopted.

(the important part is when the wen sect still comes for his family. the important part is that they are ready this time. the important part is that they fight on the same side.)

wenzhuliu recognizes something as he stands opposed to weiying. he does not touch the boy. jiangcheng never loses his golden core. the wen sect retreats.

the important part is that they all live. jiangyanli tends to his wounds, and weiying knows the medicine came from her mother.

the wen siblings arrive soon after, and wenqing’s healing prowess works its wonders.

(jiangcheng works up the courage to give wenqing the comb he bought. weiying laughs when wenning dutifully reports back to him, laughs and laughs until his aching body aches no more.

deep down, he thinks of lanzhan and fixed points in time.)

jinzixuan shows up to help yunmengjiang recover. emboldened by weiying’s jab, he does in fact properly court jiangyanli.

(weiying borrows a messenger butterfly from him.

lanzhan, lan’er gongzi, lan’er gege. the burial mounds.

he pauses, thinking carefully.

oh, light-bearing lord. i’m sorry. thank you.)

when he arrives at the Burial Mounds, lanzhan is already there amidst the skeletal forest, blue robes so light that they’re almost white. dressed for a funeral.

weiying.

don’t ask me to go back with you. you don’t have to follow.

lanzhan looks pained. once, he begged weiying not to go. once, he wanted to hide weiying away, safe from the world, imprisoned at his side. he doesn’t say don’t go where i can’t follow. he means, i will follow you to the ends of the earth without regrets.

a-xian, lanzhan murmurs, and weiying’s heart almost gives out right there and then. be safe. for the time that never came where he did not stand by weiwuxian, lanwangji apologizes. i’m sorry. thank you.

make sure we are ready when i return. protect shi’jie, jiangcheng. make sure wenning and wenqing are safe.

lanzhan smiles, a small thing, a rare thing, but always and only for weiying. you can trust me. i will wait.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

(two months. three months. the yiling patriarch emerges, chenqing glistening from where it’s strapped strapped to his belt.)

the sects celebrate his return at the unclean realm. his siblings move to embrace him, but weiying holds up a hand, his eyes red. he’s trembling.

not yet. where is lanzhan?

(lanzhan finds him helpless in his room, dark smoke curling off his body. you promised you would be safe. his guqin materializes as he settles to play, fingers precise over familiar strings. focus. weiying, focus!

he plays ‘cleansing’.

when the resentful energy calms, lanzhan plays their piece.

weiying sighs, his breaths calming. tell me. what’s the name of that song?

the guqin disappears with a swipe of lanzhan’s white robes. he crosses over to where weiying is sitting on the bed.

lanzhan. weiying pouts.

subian appears in lanzhan’s hands. weiying pulls his old sword into his lap, clutching it tightly.

thank you.

when he sees that lanzhan won’t answer his question, weiying explains the new kind of cultivation he experimented with in the burial mounds.

let me help you, lanzhan interrupts.

weiying tilts his head, smiling. of course. i need the light-bearing lord to protect me.)

under wenqing’s care, it is but a few days before weiwuxian of the yunmengjiang sect stands before the assembled sects and explains. he tells them of the stygian iron seal he is trying to develop. he swears he will destroy it when wenruohan is stopped, three fingers raised to his head.

you all as my witness. no one should bear this kind of burden alone.

lanxichen negotiates their final battle formation, smiling knowingly when he sees weiying and his little brother standing side-by-side.

(later that night, the yunmeng siblings huddle together.

the three of us must never be separated, jiangyanli tells them, kissing the foreheads of her little brothers.

you’re getting married, jiangcheng points out, crossing his arms. aren’t you the one leaving us?

yanli laughs, as delicate as the droplets on the lotuses back home. never. we are family. we will always stand by each other. xianxian, do you understand?

weiying nods, his throat tight, before burying his face into his sister’s shoulder.)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

the united sects invade the nightless city. the puppets grow stronger; fallen cultivators all succumb to the stygian iron under wenruohan’s hand.

the yiling patriarch catches the light-bearing lord’s eyes from across the battlefield. he raises chenqing to lips and plays, haunting, discordant, tragic. his stygian iron seal overpowers the puppets.

once again, he’s pulled to wenruohan, suspended from the top of the cliff as he’s choked.

weiying! he hears lanzhan scream, flying up to him.

the wen leader stumbles. the grip on weiying’s throat relaxes and he falls into lanzhan’s steady grip. wenruohan looks down, disbelievingly, at the sword through his chest.

wenqing pulls her blade back, her eyes swirling with unbridled fury. how dare you threaten my brother. how dare you call yourself a wen? go to hell.

wenruohan dies. the sun in this dark era finally sets.

as weiying’s vision goes blurry, he sees lanzhan saying something. he thinks the other man may be crying.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

when weiwuxian finally wakes up, he is in gusulan. he is wearing the white undergarments of their sect. when he wakes, it is to the sound of guqin. when he looks over, lanzhan is playing their piece.

he’s beautiful, weiying thinks, knowing his eyes are brimming with tears. no guan in the other man’s hair, no heavy crown to wear. this is lanzhan, young, soft, intimate.

it feels like a dream.

lanzhan’s fingers still over the strings. you’re awake. there’s a warm smile in the realization.

he goes to sit at weiying’s side. he lets weiying take his hand.

thank you, though what weiying really means is, of course i love you too, thank you for loving me, after all this time, thank you for taking care of me.

lanzhan inhales sharply. he has never been a man of many words, but the light-bearing lord is renowned for his honesty for a reason. this is nothing to thank me for. this does not warrant your thanks when i do this without effort. thank you for letting me stand by you.

thank you for being my anchor, weiying continues, for letting me return to you. let me take care of you now. thank you.

lanzhan’s mouth twitches upward, amused but with a muted kind of sorrow. let me take care of you too. you have always put others before yourself. you are allowed to rest. i will always catch you.

lanzhan—

the other man squeezes weiying’s hand. weiwuxian of the yunmengjian sect, son of cangsesanren and weichangze, brother to jiangyanli and jiangwanyin, the yiling patriarch, my soulmate of this life, weiying—

lanwangji, what are you—

—may i court you properly?

weiying’s eyes widen. his mouth probably drops open in no flattering matter. his mind is going a million, billion thoughts a moment, and he thinks belatedly his heartbeat is probably doing the same. again, not healthy.

why is lanzhan looking at him like that? as if— as if—

i thought you were going to propose to me.

lanzhan promptly blushes.

weiying laughs, surging upward to hug the other man. i accept, if you’ll propose too. the disciplined model cultivator, lanwangji, one of the twin jades of gusulan—surely you must know your own sect’s rules. you’ve let me touch your headband.

yes. he hugs weiying back.

how fortunate i am! cultivation partners with the light-bearing lord, the to-be chief cultivator himself.

how fortunate.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

weiying earns his sister’s approval to choose the courtesy name for her son. he and jiangcheng plan the most splendid of weddings for red, crimson red and gold and prosperous. indeed, a wedding to be envied and talked about for centuries to come.

he becomes sworn brothers with niehuaisang and wenning.

the wen sect rebuilds itself with support from the yunmengjiang and gusulan sects. wenqing assumes the role of the leader of the clan with hopes of bringing pride to the wen name.

(weiying and lanzhan help out the most. they meet the wen siblings’ nephew, a-yuan, who latches onto lanzhan’s leg and refuses to let go.

it’s weiying who coaxes the little boy into his arms, scooping him up as a-yuan squeals delightedly.

lanzhan, weiying says, pressing a little closer to him. now we have a child.

lanzhan smiles. yes. a family.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

they say the newest chief cultivator is never far from chaos.

(where weiying goes, his husband follows.)

but for now, there are lotuses blooming in the gusulan sect where the loving duet between a flute and a guqin can always be heard.

#wangxian #the untamed #mao dao zu shi #chen qing ling #self-indulgent happy-ending fix-it fic because the show made me sad #me? writing?#fanfic #of all things

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icosmohunters · 5 years ago

Text

chapter eleven : easter sunday

chapter eleven of cosmo hunters!

word count : 8.3k words

synopsis : easter is perhaps the best holiday to go back home to. after having come back to new orleans, hope has begun to familiarize herself with the town she neglected returning to for so long. a breakaway from exploration, and a time for bonding.

for a while, she was accustomed to waking up to a low hum of her ship. at times she would hear the miniature drips from the tap in the bathroom, or the radiators turning on upon sensing her stir or awake in the middle of the night. artificial sounds for a person who lived on a spaceship.

in the time where she had been far from home, she had lost her connection from the ambient sounds that was ensued from a fresh morning. the birds singing, the rattling of pans in the kitchen, the chatter from the road outside her window, the faint jazz that could be heard from next door.

hope left new orleans nearly a year ago and hasn’t come back, so it was strange to awake to something that wasn’t her alarm clock. it was more like a weight pressing against her sides, not one to bother but one to be aware of. this bit of weight also had some soft hair brushing against the side of her face.

it took her some blinks to adjust. being bathed in sunlight at the sight of your old bedroom growing up was a sensation that not many can describe. not a thing had been touched, relics of a young hope who had unfortunately grown up from her band phases and her obsession with plushies, and who had now developed into a particularly cold woman.

this cold woman, though, was able to stir on her side and bring her brother’s sleeping figure closer, seeing that some of the bedsheets had slipped from his body. upon adjusting it over him, she saw his sleeping face soften and his breathing deepen, he was fast asleep.

from what she had heard, he had the same problem with sleeping that she did. the inability to relax and let go of the events you went through that day, the fight to let the night became your ally and something to rely on when your body needed the rest it craved. instead, the night became more of a sour friend, one which you would greet through your waking moments and continue to bathe in until the sun entered.

it was surprising, to say the least. she never thought insomnia could affect people on such a large scale, especially for a kid his age. but the absence of fun and lively activities that tired him supposedly made him more active and it was harder to put him to bed. he was going to turn eleven in may and yet he had a sleep disorder that should’ve affected him in the later years of his teenagehood.

he’s been through a lot, she thought to herself, brushing her fingers against every delicate detail on his face. connor had been robbed of his childhood because of this sudden illness that took hold of him, and there wasn’t a fiber in his sister’s body that didn’t want to get rid of it. but it required time and a lot of money. money might not be an issue, it was just time. time which hope may not have. because time was the catalyst for the paralyzation.

fighting through an early frown, hope allowed this embrace to linger for just a little longer, to provide the kid the warmth she had failed to give him during the time he needed her the most. hope felt awful for having left him, and she wanted to do anything to make up for it.

but to think that she’s going to be gone even after all of this is over . . . again.

sighing, hope looked down to her bed and saw something soft peeking through the sheets. she knew it was soft the moment she saw the dent and felt her feet brush against something composed of fluff. reaching from within the bedsheets, she grasped and fished out something that had her smiling from ear to ear.

it was harold, the duckie. he had been quite a big part of hope’s childhood. after winning him at a funfair, he was the equivalent of a best friend when the girl found herself unpopular in the early stages of elementary school. when people wouldn’t be her friend, harold was there to give her a cuddle when she felt loneliest.

he had quite a big head and two pink spots on his cheeks, suggesting a timid and embarrassing set of blushes. the outfit hope had picked for him was a t-shirt housing the name of her favorite football team, the new orleans saints. very patriotic but she loved being from this tropical town in the south.

aside from the aging smell of fabric, nothing on this yellow friend had changed. he remained still as adorably angry and fluffy as usual, and she knew mostly it was because of connor’s soft touch when it came to toys, he treated them with care. especially harold.

the young woman could almost imagine how he ended up here when he was supposed to be on the shelves with all the other plushies. connor had most likely reached to them and brought it with him when he determined to tuck in beside his sister.

setting her yellow friend to the side, hope turned back to connor whose lashes were batting and eyes flickered between the border of being awake and remaining in his blissful dreams. but as heartbreaking as it was to wake him up when he needed sleep the most, she found that she had to.

“ wake up, tyke. ”

he stirred slightly, and then the stygian pair of eyes soon looked back towards her, eyes which resembled hers in almost every way. they housed a brightness that can only be seen in that of children. the innocence remained in his soul, perhaps justifying his purity and goodness and inability to do bad things even though he might be tempted.

there was a cluster of stars in the eyes of this child and hope never wished them to burn out, as all stars do. she knew this constellation would be eternal.

connor soon smiled and rubbed his pure eyes with his hands that had balled into fists and then loosened to pat around in search of something. she then placed harold back into his grasp and offered the boy a meek smile. “ i wanted to make sure he wasn’t lonely ”, he uttered in perhaps the softest voice she had heard yet.

hope rose on her elbow and allowed her cheek to lean against the open palm of her hand. “ does he get lonely when i’m not around? ”, she asked delicately and connor nodded. “ i can’t blame him, we were really good friends growing up. ”

suddenly, the mellowness in connor’s face was contorted with an expression hope never wanted to see again, and it was that of some sort of puzzlement intertwined with deep sadness, something a kid should never feel at this early stage. sadness was a universal feeling, and no one deserved it no matter how natural it was.

“ i think he’s going to be my only friend ”, connor croaked and then held harold to his chest, squeezing him so tightly it felt like he was throwing all of his strength onto a plushie, the type of embrace you’d see a kid giving a reliable adult. yet he remained so innocent. “ s-some kids at school don’t like to sit with me. they don’t play with me because my wheelchair gets in the way. ”

hope had to lower her head for a while. this was exactly what she feared. the prejudice that people show can easily be mistaken by something else in the naive mind of a child, they’re too young to learn about the problems of the world, they shouldn’t have to be exposed to any sort of maltreatment at this age.

especially if it was a personal experience. she couldn’t even begin to imagine the face of her younger brother drop as he watches the kids outside being able to swing from monkey bars and squeal down a slide or dance through hopscotch. he was different. and he was labeled as different because no one was willing to make him feel like he could be like everyone else.

and that’s what she hated, what made her blood boil, what made her want to grab a fucker by the throat and slam them against the wall before asking, ‘he’s a kid, why do you make him feel as if he deserves this?!’. because he didn’t. he didn’t deserve any of it. he didn’t ask for the illness and he most certainly didn’t ask to be treated like an alien when the sickness already took half of his childhood away.

instead of making him feel like he’s worthy of some sort of happiness, regardless of what it takes the form of, they choose to humiliate him and make him feel separate from everyone else. a kid should never feel like they have to separate themselves from people, that people don’t want to be near them. kids like connor had to feel like they were capable of imprinting the world with color instead of staining it with hatred.

hope might have not been there for him during these times, she knew of her absence and how it might have hurt her darling brother. it was why she pulled him into her arms and allowed his body to relax once more against hers. it was why she tried to give time for him now, to utter some words that might hopefully stick with him.

“ ever heard of universal kindness? ”, she inquired and felt the gentle head shake against her neck. “ it’s being able to be good and kind to everyone no matter what they say or do. some people aren’t universally kind, connor. but you are. you’re the kindest kid i’ve ever met and i’m so . . .”. she had to pause as to avoid getting emotional.

“ i-i’m beyond proud, i’m more than proud of you for that. so even when people aren’t kind to you, never let it be a reason for you to give up on people. always try to be people’s friends because one day, there is going to be that one person who will play with you and like you even if you’re in a wheelchair. ”

her fingers now brushed through his jet black locks and tickled behind his ear, he seemed to have relaxed once more. and upon taking a glance down, she noticed that beam return to his face and that’s what gave her the strength to return it, giving him a light squeeze in her arms.

i may be the most flawed individual in this world but there is nothing i wouldn’t do for my baby brother or my family, she thought.

it was difficult to get out of bed, especially with the cuddle he was giving her but the moment she heard the rattling of pans grow louder and the smell of pancakes with apples and cinnamon, her stomach roared and she was soon making her bed and getting ready for the day.

connor had managed to get back on his wheelchair and went to immediately see his mother whilst hope chose her outfit for the day and then opted to shower first before anything else. except, of course, someone was already in the shower and she had to wait.

once the door opened, she leaned off from the wall and spotted dom. his hair seemed to have been washed as it appeared wet and he looked refreshed, some tinted pinkness in his cheeks from the shower but it wasn’t natural enough to disguise the bruise.

she glanced at him for a moment when he took notice of her and gave out a grumbled good morning. her lips quivered but she chose to speak, “ what are you using to make it heal quicker? ”.

he stopped slightly and turned to look at her, fixing a cold gaze onto her figure. she gulped and continued. “ the bruise. it might heal quicker if you use something on it rather than covering it up with make-up. i-i can ask my mom to make somet— ”.

“ —is the guilt starting to settle in, captain? ”.

her cheeks now burned.

perhaps she did feel a slap of guilt across the face every time she saw it, it wasn’t a nice sight and it wasn’t nice at all to know that she was behind it. having received a similar injury before, she could tell it hurt. but what angered her the most was why she had done it in the first place.

thinking back on it now, it was rather childish. but then again, he had struck a nerve he shouldn’t have. it was difficult to tell exactly who was at fault, but hope knew she had done it regardless and she didn’t want to be reminded of it every time she saw the purple mark just below his eye.

“ y-yes, it is ”, she managed to say. but then didn’t linger long enough to see his reaction. she found that she was growing vulnerable around these people, allowing her weaknesses to be seen. she’s never been bashful near anyone, yet here she was.

hope entered the bathroom and closed the door firmly behind her, before letting out a sigh of relief.

it was a good ten minutes inside that bathroom, taking care of herself and allowing just a few moments to relax, she can’t easily lay back and enjoy a tender moment with her family like some people. hence why when she came home, it was always counted as a special occasion.

rarely getting in touch with her feminine side, hope decided that a summer dress would do underneath a denim jacket. this was mostly how she dressed at home, her mother would often wear clothes that made her look ten years younger. it was a trend in the everhart house to never get old.

“ there she is! ”.

hope smiled sweetly at her mother upon entering the kitchen. the pancakes she made every easter had remained a tradition since before hope was even born, so it was no wonder her dad was up early and so was connor, eating and chatting away at the table.

peering into the living room, she spotted vivienne braiding dawn’s hair for the day, though she didn’t see enzo nor quinn. it was weird, enzo had completely disappeared last night and supposedly he came back when most were still asleep.

vivienne, looking up, saw the puzzled expression on the captain’s face. “ he’s still in bed, i suppose he got some severe jet-lag and crashed after a trip to the bar last night ”, she voiced.

“ he went to the bar? ”, hope repeated.

“ yes, with dominic. ”

sighing, hope wandered to where he was staying. he had crashed in connor’s room, and she could tell this because she saw his bag as soon as she pushed the door open. and there enzo was, still tucked away in bed, bare arms exposed to the fresh exhales of the wind entering through the open windows.

so he had gone out for a drink. she didn’t know much about the guy’s background nor if he was accustomed to earth, but most people tended to go to bars for a breakaway from the hectic lives they lead. a pirate must lead a hectic lifestyle, even if it consists mainly of stealing and running from authorities.

just how exhausted was he? hope walked over and let a passing gaze over his sleeping face before leaning down slightly and shaking him by the arm, he grunted and soon his eyes flew open. “ morning, cap. breakfast is served ”, she mumbled and allowed him to slowly sit up.

“ uh . . . w-what time is it? ”, enzo asked through a yawn.

“ nine o’clock. we mostly sleep in during easter but mom has some nice things planned for all of us ”, she replied. his eyes lingered around the simple bedroom belonging to her brother before resting on her. “ you should really get ready and dressed, it’ll be fun. and i’ll ask dad to whip you up a shake for the hangover. ”

“ what will it consist of? ”.

“ well, bananas, blueberries, watermelon . . . maybe some eggs if you decide you’re going to take an eternity— ”.

“ —i’m up. ”

back in the kitchen, hope was able to sit down with a plate of those magical pancakes along with a glass of apple juice. and for the first time in a while, she took her tea having her meal rather than rushing it and not savoring the flavor, a flavor she’s missed for so long.

whilst eating, she listened in on the plans for the day. there was an easter egg hunting competition a couple of roads down and connor was looking forward to going. after that, it was a lovely evening at a jazz restaurant and when the sun had set, a boat ride in the bayou at night. three things that were going to occupy her day and she was looking forward to it.

every time she went home, it was like a moment of healing. being among her family members and catching up with the things she missed and providing the affection she kept to herself, it was all a healing experience. it was like being among nature, being where you feel safe.

before they could leave, though, hope decided she needed to do something to thank her mother for the day she had planned ahead for everyone. she was always a woman who gave to others and then never took anything back, never asked for anything back. truly humbled, truly kind. it was no wonder connor was the kind boy he was.

so in order to recompensate for the things had been given to her, provided to her by the mother she had, she decided that some flowers would suffice as a semblance of gratitude. she took her purse and was out the door in a few minutes, her converse tapping against the sidewalk.

immediately, she was greeted by the sun beaming down on her, and it was refreshing, to say the least, after having not felt it properly in a while. it was like a welcoming but ghostly embrace from an old friend.

there was a flower shop stationed not too far from where they had eaten yesterday, a five-minute walk from her house if she hurried. and she did, she didn’t want to miss the easter egg hunt.

soon, she saw it, the flower shop named honeycomb. it was a family business that has been in the town for nearly fifty years, it was there even before her parents were born. and within, she saw a figure walking among the flowers. hope entered through the veranda and past the first few gardenias and poppies and towards this figure.

it was rare to see her in these instances, she would often be away at university and hardly came back to celebrate holidays that weren’t christmas or thanksgiving. but it was good to see her, regardless.

many people thought hope and this girl were perhaps siblings as they shared similar appearances, but their personalities were almost total opposites. hope was cold, and she was warm. hope was sour, and she was sweet. it was in her name.

honey lee.

the girl was hope’s age, if not a year younger. and she could easily be classified as a girl anyone dreams of having at your side, whether it be as a friend or as a lover. not only did she harness that docile aura that you can get lost in, but she also held the personality that made her remarkable. a personality hope sometimes envied, but honey was an advocate for self-love so that doesn’t last very long.

hair curled and rich in brown, honey turned upon sensing the presence beside her and widened her bright, green eyes. “ hope!”, she gasped and welcomed her into a tender hug, hope smiled and squeezed the girl gently in her arms. “ oh my god, it’s so good to see you! i didn’t know you were coming back. ”

“ yeah, well neither did i ”, hope mumbled and pulled back for a moment but didn’t part from the hug, it was too much of a good hug to part from. “ you got a perm, i’m loving the hair. are you working today? ”.

honey nodded softly, “ but only for the morning. dad’s hoping to have a barbeque after the sunday service but we might not go. it all depends on how he’s feeling. god, you look so pretty. ” hope grinned. “ so, what are you looking for? ”.

keeping an arm around the girl’s waist, hope hummed. “ mom’s been doing quite a lot for me lately. she’s got the entire day planned and i wanted to get her some flowers as a form of gratitude ”, she explained. “ care to lend me some flower power? ”.

“ flower power? i’ll give you some. ”

honey was a magician when it came to flowers, knowledgable in almost every sense of the word and she knew how to bring a bouquet together to summon a message, whatever the message was, whether it was of gratitude or a love confession or an apology.

what she had wrapped for hope was a mixture of pink roses with sweat peas and the fragrance that erupted from it caused her nose to tickle slightly and her eyes to water but it was a beautiful mixture of colors nonetheless. it was hard to convince honey to be paid for the service, she often led the assumption that she had to do things for the sake of charity on special days.

but just today, hope wanted to be a normal customer. and one that pays. so whilst leaving the shop and saying goodbye to the girl, she shifted to shove the money into her pockets and bolted when she yelled and asked her to come back.

“ hope! ”.

“ happy easter, honey! ”.

the venue for the egg hunting game was not too far from her, though she had to hurry as to avoid being late, passing by hortense’s house and grinning from ear to ear whilst racing through the market. it was held at an open field nearby the playground by connor’s school, he hadn’t stopped talking about it the night before.

by the time she got there, some families were already present and hope struggled to spot her or any of the pirates until she saw dawn hopping on her feet eagerly, she seemed quite lively today like she had cracked out of her shell. and new orleans does that to a person, it served as a catalyst for breaking out of any bounds holding you back from having a good time.

“ there she is ”, she heard her mother’s gentle voice calling and then heard it gasp when the flowers came into view. “ oh my god, who are you proposing to? ”.

hope laughed and pretended to offer it to vivienne, who caught onto the act and put on an exaggerated gasp whilst preparing to accept it before hope swiveled towards her mother and placed the bouquet into her arms. “ it’s for you. you helped plan this entire day out, it’s only nice that i offer something in return ”, the girl exclaimed.

“ oh, honey! ”.

“ she helped me pick it, actually. ”

it was difficult to be complemented with the tender pet name when you knew someone who’s legal name was just that. but she accepted the pleasant hug her mother gave her and looked about to see connor who was already taking part in the hunt. it was obvious he was being a little slow, and hope decided she could help him to pick up the pace.

there was an area for the parents with some beverages and snacks, but hope neglected it and chose to help her brother out. she picked her own basket and smiled fondly when connor spotted her, “ i only managed to pick three. ”

“ three? well, i’ll help you find some more. we can work as a team ”, she proposed. and it was indeed enjoyable. it wasn’t like hunting for convicted criminals who were wanted for bloody massacres and stealing millions but it was most definitely pleasant, distracting her from any thoughts that may have previously dared to bother her.

it was time to swift her mind into something domestic, she realized. it was good to focus on your work but it was even better to focus on the things that might matter slightly more, like your family.

there were eggs scattered all around and hope was able to search through bushes and look behind tables and under chairs and between tree branches in search of some, and gradually her basket began to grow heavier. she would put some eggs into connor’s basket so he wasn’t completely hopeless but he was managing it quite well himself.

she recalled climbing up a tree trunk and latching her fingers onto a branch to get the small nest of colored eggs and then hearing giggles from below, only to realize that some cheeky little children had tried to run off with her basket but thank goodness, her dad came to the rescue, tempting them with a little game of tag that easily distracted them, and hope then recovered her basket.

it was a ten-minute hunt for chocolate eggs but it felt like something more special, something that would be imprinted in the back of her mind as a pleasant memory that isn’t to be forgotten. especially after seeing connor’s face when she dumped the eggs into his basket, he gasped and just threw his arms around her waist.

his happiness was all that mattered to hope.

after ten minutes, a whistle was blown and the kids were told to stop chasing and to come to take a break. the eggs they got would be taken home and eaten, but many of the adults told them to share rather than hog all the chocolates for themselves.

connor hovered over with his basket on his lap, hope accompanied him not too far behind. “ i don’t think i’m going to be able to eat this all myself so you guys can have it as well! ”, he said and held the basket over to his parents and then to the pirates.

enzo cooed, “ this kid’s got some manners. i never shared when i was younger. ”

“ it explains a lot of things now ”, dom uttered, chuckling at the small rude he heard in response.

but even if they huddled around and tried to open their chocolate eggs, hope’s mother swept in quickly and told them to save it for later. because now it was time for lunch, and their table had already been reserved at another restaurant that was just as good as the one from yesterday.

of course, knowing her father’s tastes, it was a jazz bar. there wasn’t anything like in the places she’s visited outside of her hometown, not even some places in the colonies that basically carried entire chunks of culture to outer space. but perhaps that was the charm of it. sometimes things were just better off where they originated from.

on the walk there, hope had opened up some chocolate eggs, and offered it to the person walking not too far away from her, dom. he glanced at it and then took the piece, snapping it in half and savoring it. “ how are you finding it here? ”, she asked. having never had a proper conversation with dom, this was like a breath of fresh air. perhaps a fresh start. unless if he wasn’t willing to let what happened to go.

“ good. artistic and colorful, not what i’m used to but it’s better than the same old bottom end of the top bunk and enzo snoring the night away ”, he replied, a hand tucked into his pocket. hope chuckled and shook her head gently. “ you look happier, though. smiling more, talking more. i suppose being at home restores your energy. ”

for a moment, it felt like he understood her. she paid him a small, meek smile and then nodded. “ it gets lonely on the ship. having no one to talk to, no one to drink with or have dinner with. it’s quiet, sometimes too quiet. and i only realize that after i leave new orleans. it’s a hub of sound and people, i miss it a lot when i leave ”, she said. “ plus, my family is like . . . my safe haven. ”

“ i see ”, dom uttered and grew quiet for a moment, but it wasn’t awkward. often it feels better to talk to someone rather than allowing the same tense air to drift between you that just damages the chance of getting along. “ hope, t-that guy from the restaurant yesterda— ”.

“ —malakai. ”

“ is that his name? ”.

“ want to introduce yourself now? ”.

it seemed to take dom a moment to realize that the said male was just across the street the moment they arrived at the restaurant. there was a small queue to be seated and hope realized she would be in plain view of the tan and gorgeous male. and for some reason, she didn’t want to be.

because it took her a while yesterday to figure it out, that being with malakai whilst the pirates were around was exceptionally dangerous. he had a keen eye, he was one to question and expect answers, he wasn’t passive like hiro who just let things be. he challenged and became suspicious, it was why he was in the communications branch.

and exposing the pirates to his dangerous pair of eyes could be . . . damaging. for hope and for the pirates, especially when he figures out that they most certainly didn’t work for voyage.

he met eyes with the bounty hunter and beamed from across the street before taking off to meet her. her gaze went to dom who turned slightly to face the male, whilst also taking a small step to stand just barely in front of hope. she blinked and then saw malakai approach. “ happy easter, hope! ”, he cheered and looked towards dom. “ and who’s this? ”.

“ t-this is, uh— ”.

“ a friend. nice to meet you. ”

dom even went in for the assertive handshake, but hope never saw malakai’s smile falter, he grinned and accepted it. “ hi, friend. i suppose you’re both out to enjoy the celebration ”, he said and hope nodded softly. “ well, that’s great, so am i. uh, hope, do you want to meet up later? ”.

“ w-well— ”.

dom stepped in, “ she’s kinda busy the whole day, can’t you drop in a text message or an email, to be more professional? ”. she really felt like her jaw was on the floor, he was so cold! “ i mean, you’re workmates, aren’t you? you’d think that if it’s business talk, it should be classified and formal. ”

malakai’s expression froze slightly. but hope could almost see the gears in his mind struggling, grinding against each other. he wasn’t accustomed to people like dom who so easily assert, well, dominance. this was the first time hope has witnessed it herself, and she was rather impressed.

perhaps he understood the danger as well, dom never missed a single detail. he seemed like the type to always be careful, always take precautions. that’s why maybe he’s hesitant in diving into things head first like the mission with the puppeteer. hope looked over at quinn slightly and frowned.

“ i suppose you’ve made yourself some pretty formal friends, hope ”, malakai uttered and the girl, once again, replied with a very meek smile. it’s what she often turns to when finding herself speechless in front of this particular boy. “ but you’re right. i will send you an email instead. or, perhaps see you later tonight? ”.

she saw dom was going to butt in almost immediately through the way his lips opened but she quickly pressed a hand to his arm and leaned towards malakai, “ we can talk tomorrow. i’ll still be here before we leave. we have an important task to complete. ”

“ oh. ”

malakai, with his hands tucked behind his back, then took a step behind him. “ well, i suppose i should get going, i don’t want to get in the way of your evening. so . . . hope, friend . . . ”. dom nodded coldly. “ i’ll see you soon. ”

it was weird, seeing him walking away with an expression that wasn’t a smile. she always saw him as an easy-going person, someone you could easily talk to but aspects of his persona often disturbed hope in ways that can’t simply be explained. there was something that kept him from being totally trustworthy, and perhaps it was the fact that he was a colleague, someone who shouldn’t know of her interactions with people she’s supposed to be putting in jail.

looking at dom, his gaze never wavered from malakai until he was completely out of sight, she even shook him gently. “ you can look away now ”, she uttered.

“ hope ”, he started. “ i know we got off on the wrong foot and that you may want to hear this from anyone else but me. but if this guy tries anything, tries to say or do something, don’t be surprised. because something’s wrong with him. ” he looked down at her. “ keep your eye on him. ”

“ i-i will! ”.

it was tense but the moment was gone just as quickly as it had started, and soon they were within the walls of the restaurant. safe, hope thought. at least there was a sense of privacy and safety now that she had sat into a large group.

now, the lunch lasted way longer than a normal meal. and it was mostly because of the dozen conversations going on around the table, with her dad striking a debate with vivienne on the morals that had been established on venus and hope’s mother asking dawn what she likes to cook. on the side, quinn and dom seemed to be discussing the food and enzo and connor spoke about comic books.

they had all ordered butternut squash soup with some fresh bread and all shared some wine with connor having the occasional sips of apple juice. it took a while for hope to be involved in a conversation, she often listened in but never spoke to anyone until her dad started asking her about work.

“ they sent you to get him alone?! ”.

needless to say, he was on the verge of being furious when he found out about what happened with the puppeteer. he already knew the injury quinn had was caused by a mission but his face contorted with rage upon knowing it was caused because of the master of puppets.

hope smiled bitterly, swirling the white wine in her glass. “ i transferred the mission to someone else, asking voyage to recommend going in large teams to avoid any accidents ”, she uttered and her dad grunted, rolling his eyes. “ but we’re okay, dad. quinn’s healing better after mom’s food. ”

“ yeah, well, that’s bianca’s magic. she heals with food. as her mother did and her mother’s mother. it’s tradition, it’s a magical tradition but it’s just foods cooked with a lot of love ”, he exclaimed and smiled softly. “ when i, uh, lost my arm . . . your mother never stopped a single day when it came to making meals. she thought that the reason i wasn’t healing was because i wasn’t letting my mind to be healed. ”

hope pursed her lips, “ is that true? ”.

he seemed to struggle to find the right words for a moment, but his attempts weren’t clouded behind the smooth keys of the piano from the stage. “ i-i think i became convinced that my life wasn’t going to be the same. but i forgot that people were going to be there for me regardless, to help me settle with a new rhythm ”, her dad spoke and nodded. “ but i’m better now, much better. better than before. ”

hope smiled. he had the same problem as her. when he was working, he hardly ever came into contact and hardly visited his family and you could almost tell he was a different person when he returned during the holidays. but upon spending an evening with his family, he would mellow out.

the sourness turned to sweetness the moment he stepped him, and that was what hope experienced every single time she came home, it was what she was experiencing now. would she go back to the grump she was before after leaving? she didn’t want to, she really didn’t want to.

because looking at it now, she liked this version of herself a lot more. especially whilst looking at the pirates and seeing that they were happy, or at least in a better place where perhaps they were free to be themselves. a break from reality, from running away.

looking at them, hope found herself smiling. they were good people, she realized, people who made her life a little bit more bearable when she was on the ship. she knew how complicated she could be, but she found that she wanted to better herself for them. because even if she would be taking them home soon, she didn’t want to be remembered as someone who could be easily forgotten due to the bad memories she brought them.

she just needed to let her mind heal, and maybe then she could improve on herself, and never have to worry about the pain of saying goodbye to them. but would it be hard? perhaps. yet it was only a matter of doing the right thing and hoping they would accept her.

they were their own little family and that feeling of familiarity and warmth was always among them and she wanted to be a part of it, but then . . . would she be intruding? this was their family, not hers. even if they made her happy and earned a spot in her life, would it ever be vice-versa? was hope everhart just a symbol of hatred and sourness in the lives of these people?

hope held her breath at the thought and immediately forced her gaze down. even if she did try to change herself now, it wouldn’t change the things she said and did in the past and no apology would be able to suffice for the damage it did. so, perhaps this feeling she felt was only . . . one-sided.

an unrequited feeling of fondness towards a group of people who made her feel worthy of some sort of happiness. only to then realize they most likely didn’t feel the same way towards her.

after lunch, it was quiet, mostly because the people were starting to withdraw at sunset, to watch the news or prepare for afternoon tea, or maybe even a soccer game that was on. but this group was walking towards the bayou.

hope found that she was quieter this time around, not particularly reaching out to anyone. she walked alongside connor who was happily eating away at the easter eggs, occasionally asking him questions about school and whether he was reading the books she’d lent him.

the boat at the bayou had been rented just for them. it was a nice tour, and they made it just in time as the little critters of light came out from behind the trees, peeking shyly before commencing their flights.

“ what are they? ”.

“ fireflies. ”

upon climbing onto the boat, hope immediately sat down on the seat by the edge, wrapping her damp fingers against the cold railings and peeking over the edge. it was lovely, seeing some of the stars in the sky meeting their reflections on the water, and the fireflies dancing on the surface, illuminating all the lily pads and the lotus flowers in their path.

the engine of the boat roared to life and soon it was moving at a steady speed, not enough to be racing but not slow enough to be tedious. she took note of the radio playing some lighthearted nat king cole and immediately saw her mother and father meet halfway for a slow dance.

it was impossible not to watch. ever since she can remember, her parents have been passionately in love with one another and the flame has never once tempted to be burnt out. it burned and burned and only one glance at them could give away the years of mutual love and affection that they gave one another, from the way they held each other to the way they looked at each other.

hope smiled softly, tilting her head at the adoring scene and then looking out into the bayou, at the long hanging branches she could easily reach up to touch, at the bugs that circled around the fairy lights and the lamps scattered around the moving vehicle.

at moments like these, it seems like nature joins together in a state of harmony. one quick look at her parents and she saw they had finished dancing, and even received a little round of applause from the pirates, and from their two children.

hope felt a presence shift beside her and noticed it was enzo, who offered her a smile but didn’t say much whilst looking out into the illuminated bayou. it was quiet for a tender moment until his voice rose, not loud enough to cut through the silence but audible enough for her to hear.

“ you looked slightly sad at the end of the dinner ”, he noted and she rolled her eyes before shaking her head. “ and don’t dismiss people when they think something is wrong, hope. i’m not saying this because i’m trying to be annoying. i’m doing it because i care. ”

was he really scolding her? she couldn’t help but chuckle and hold her hand to her forehead, before letting her gaze fall to her lap.

she didn’t know where to start, “ when . . . i was a kid, i didn’t have many friends. people just didn’t like me for who i was, and i was the exact same person i am now, my personality was intact by the age of nine or so. ” she gestured slowly, not knowing where to continue. “ a-and that left an imprint in my life that just told me i was unwanted. that i was better off alone and away from people, because even if i tried to show my real person, they wouldn’t accept it. ”

enzo didn’t interrupt her once. “ a-and i think part of the reason why i didn’t allow myself to open up to you guys so easily was that i assumed you were going to be like every other person who entered my life that wasn’t my family. that you were going to dislike me immediately and not get to know me . . . ”, she hoped she wouldn’t start crying.

“ but now you guys are giving me a moment to show the real me, the real hope everhart who doesn’t hate people as much as she makes herself to hate. and in the midst of this vulnerability, i realize where i went wrong and how i want to make it up to you and be a better person, even if we’re not friends and . . . i don’t want to be remembered as the one who was angry and bitter all the time, the one who punched dominic and the one who exploded with rage at almost anything, i want to be remembered as who helped. or tried to help. ”

“ b-because, i don’t care if you’re pirates. it stopped being a concern a long time ago after i realize that you were good people. good people i would never think of comparing myself to and the reason why you’re so good is that you bring out the best in each other. a-and you ended up bringing the best in me. ”

hope felt her bottom lip quivering but she inhaled deeply and fought through it, “ and yet i feel like a total outsider, maybe because i haven’t known you for long but even though you treat me so well, i feel like i’m better off the person i was before because i can’t join the family. i-i can’t . . . quit voyage to become a pirate, i can’t do that. s-so even if i’m taking you guys home, everything is telling to keep you around for a little longer. because even if it’s artificial, i can feel like i changed because i was a part of something. even if i wasn’t. ”

sniffling, she blinked and looked at enzo before smiling, once again, meekly. “ so, to make a long story short, i suppose the reason i’m upset is that i know i’ll never be a part of what you have. b-but i guess the lessons i learned from being around all of you might be what i belong to instead ”, she explained briefly. “ s-so, uh . . . t-thank you, for listening. i’m sorry. ” she shook her head. “ j-just in general, i’m sorry. ”

everyone has a fear, and it ends up being spoken at some point. and the fear hope held to this day was the fear of being insignificant, being forgotten. she was used to being the one who left a bad imprint on people or leaving no semblance or memory at all, a ghostly figure passing through people’s lives who is easily over-looked.

and there hasn’t been a moment in her life where she felt like she has been special to people outside of her family at all. it was like she didn’t exist for other people, and perhaps it was because she was just a bad person in general. hope had convinced herself she was meaningless, and maybe it justified the creature of hatred and bitterness that she had become.

they had left a huge imprint on her life. but what did she leave? some insults and a smack on dom’s face.

the boat ride was quiet, and when they returned to the docks, hope was the first to hop off. often when discounting her feelings, she feels like isolating herself for just a while to gather her thoughts. she played with her bracelet and once again, walked alongside connor’s wheelchair.

he wasn’t talking, he seemed far too tired to do any of that. but he looked over and gave her a sugar-sweet smile, one which made her lean over and caress his hair gently.

when they got home, she entered her room and immediately changed after a quick shower. she didn’t really want dinner, even though it was her father’s special barbeque. tonight might be the last night she’s in new orleans for a while, but she wanted to isolate herself for just a moment. her mother came in briefly and left her a plate of hamburgers and a can of diet coke on her desk, but didn’t call out for hope. she knew her daughter was upset, but she gave her space.

hope laid in that bed, her door wide open and windows were drawn up to hear the laughter and the shrieks of happiness from the roof, the story-telling from her father and the poetic singing of louis armstrong.

she looked to the side and spotted her fluffy friend looking back at her, harold the duckie. she reached out and grasped him into her bare arms and clung to him, similar to how connor did earlier that morning. “ today was a busy day ”, she told him. “ we went easter egg hunting and had lunch and mama louisiana’s and then went on a boat ride . . . but i always felt like i was the sheep following blindly behind them. an outsider, y’know? yeah, you know. you’ve heard this all too many times. ”

she paused and then turned to lay on her back, her gaze going towards the ceiling. and it was littered with glow in the dark star stickers, something she had put up many years ago and they remained there. “ remember when i came crying to you one day after school? when it was my birthday and no one knew? when i told my teacher and she promised to sing happy birthday but she never did? and when she told everyone, they all just stared at me, asking why i didn’t bring cupcakes? a-and there was another girl in there who had the same birthday as me and she got everything? ”, she questioned, only gaining silence as a response.

“ i felt like i was invisible back then, harold. a-and i still feel like that sometimes. ”

silence.

“ i-is this friendship thing just . . . n-not meant for me? ”.

more silence.

“ d-do i not deserve just a slight bit of it? a tiny bit of it? a-am i that much of a bad person? ”.

silence.

hope chuckled bitterly, squeezing her eyes shut.

“ you know, if i asked anyone else the same thing, they would be as quiet as you are . . . k-kind of just makes me want to . . . g-give up. ”

#chapter 11 #space adventure #space pirates au #original writing #writing

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