#supposed to be working on college stuff rn but the voices are getting to me... (0507) | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

jiminrings · 4 years ago

Note

can we get a fratboy Jimin and good girl oc with pinning from both sides 👀 ahhhh thank u in advance love ur writing!!

cherry king

drabble week: day four

drabble week masterlist

pairing: fratboy!jimin x goody two-shoes!reader

wordcount: 3k

glimpse: "y-you uhm, you-? y'know, you like... doing that? is that why it's your nickname?"

feedback + support mean the world to me!!

“next!”

great!! the line’s moving :D

that’s only like the 87th time jimin has heard the word next and it makes him wonder how much more would it take him to bring him to the front

(it’s actually only been 14 times and jimin might just be a self-admitted impatient bitch!!!)

he understands that yes, it’s ten in the evening!!! and reasonably-large stores/pharmacies like these can have less staff at the time compared to ten in the morning

sure, checkout machines and cashier lanes could be broken down!! or they could just not be open at all

jimin gets that alright, maybe the self-checkout machines are close at this time of the night because it is ten in the evening

what’s not clicking in his mind, however is that at the exact time that he comes here

as in the EXACT time that he’s here (!!!) — there happens to be dozens of people in a store at ten in the evening, and there happens to be a grand total of one (1) cashier lane

atleast random store music would be entertaining :((( all he hears are the beeps of a scanner and the chatter of groups of people who came here

jimin was eavesdropping on some guys in front of him and he wAS invested but lmao turns they were just discussing the plot of die hard or any testosterone-jacked movie like it

he’s also tried looking at the smaller middle-aged woman’s phone in front of him who’s scrolling through her facebook feed, but quickly decides against continuing it

because what if u could see his face and when she turns it off, she’d see a college guy deeply-invested in the baloney article she was reading about how subway sandwiches are the work of the devil

so uh yeah he’s just looking everywhere besides the front, back, and the sides of him and in all angles basically

he’s,,,,, aimlessly scrolling through his instagram feed he’s already scrolled through tHREE times and his explore’s page a little too dry

it’s a good thing that jimin’s entirely sure he’s the nosiest person out of this line and no one else is trying to figure him out

might be wrong though

“cherry king?”

hold the fuck on

jimin’s eyes widen, head snapping up and clueless to the fact that he doesn’t look discreet at all, and his head-cocking’s the most movement he’s done the whole time in this store

WHO’S SAYING HIS NICKNAME?????

it can’t be a coincidence either because as far as he’s concerned, there isn’t anything named cherry king that’s being sold here

there is literally NO other plausible scenario happening here besides the fact that someone who knows him is in the store!!!!

his gaze falls to the person behind him, brows knitted in confusion until it clicks

that was you?

“jimin? huh, it really is you. i thought i was losing my mind for a second.”

“y/n?”

okay maybe hE’S the one who’s losing his mind here

he knows you!! you’re the smart girl in his year who’s known for being pristine and stuff!! you’re like the good-est girl he’s ever known and heard of

.... quick question lads is that weird to know someone by

“you could’ve just called me by my name, y’know,” jimin chuckles heartily, still a little dumbfounded to see you here but he’s grateful for the interaction nonetheless

you look casual today?? like you still look like yourself but everyone else would think it’s an out-of-body experience to see you out of your pretty dresses and monochromatic get-ups

it’s you..,.. in a hoodie three sizes larger than your size with your pristine shoes traded in for socked-feet wearing slides

jimin thinks that you look like grace under pressure

“i wasn’t sure,” you smile right back and it’s the first time he realizes that there’s glasses atop your nosebridge, softening your image more from the usual composed look you carried

“how were you sure enough to say my nickname out-loud though?”

jimin questions you, bringing light to how he’s wearing a plain white shirt and is looking as relaxed as ever with how he’s dressed — his hair long enough to be put into a messy sprout of a bun

you clear your throat, the amusement bubbling in your scratchy throat

“you have yourself as your lockscreen, jimin.”

oh my gOD

he winces when you say it, eyes screwing shut in embarrassment that he whines in pain with how direct you put it

“n-no way — fuck you respectfully, y/n. i-i’m not- i’m changing it right now!!”

does he look the vainest person alive rn

the way he has a mini freakout entertains you to your core, giggles unable to be suppressed as he finds the latest-taken picture he has of dogs that he comes across with

that’s 10/10 an experience he doesn’t want to repeat again

“it’s okay. i won’t tell anyone.”

he hears you reassure and he believes you, a flustered blush on his cheek still as he coughs to make up for a diversion topic he couldn’t think of

frankly, you’re getting bored too and jimin’s the only form of entertainment you have because using your phone atm would be too disorienting

“what are you doing here, by the way?”

your head tilts in query and he’s relieved that you address something else, not being relieved seconds later when he realizes his answer

“just a little supply run for our frat. we weren’t supposed to run out of things for three more days, so this is just a lil emergency haul for awhile.”

you nod in understanding, glancing down at his basket and uh

uhm 1/4 of the space is literally occupied by boxes of condoms

....

......

jimin’s confused to why you turn silent, thinking that he must’ve gotten boring to continue talking to until he follows your gaze to his basket

NO WAY?!]>|>]%%[%]%]

“i-it’s not l-like that!!!” he crouches and immediately gets the food and the bottles of shampoo and conditioner to bury the condoms in the bottom of the pile, attractively getting more attention from you who’s ready to let it go

“i-it’s not — it’s ours — n-no!! t-they just gave me a list and i just put it because it’s on the list b-but like it wasn’t my-...”

how many more times will the universe fuck jimin up in front of the person he has a lil happy crush on

you only smile meekly, tilting your head and he thinks this is the part where you tell him how much of a douche he is

"y-you uhm, you-? y'know, you like... doing that? is that why it's your nickname?"

“t-that?” jimin clarified albeit confused, thinking back to his nickname as he tries to rapidly connect the dots to not look like a fool

cherry king? that?? what do you-

WAIT WHAT

“nO!! o-of course not!!”

he almost shrieks and his voice sounds ultimately defensive, shaking his head no

why does he look so frantic

“hey, hey, i believe you! — calm down, jimin. you don’t have to explain anything to me.”

whew

fuck

but he argues that it iS the truth though!!!

but why won’t you just ask him why he’s called cherry king though >:(

you’re already content with the silence after the conversation but he isn’t, still wanting more

is it so bad that he wants redemption D:

“how about you? what are you doing here?”

you don’t answer instantly and it’s because you’re nudging jimin to continually walk, the cashier looking much more visible now as he’s nearer in line

he takes a look at the handful of things that’s in your basket —

electrolytes, hot pockets, soup, cup noodles and fever patches...?

“oh. i think i’m running a fever.”

what???

what are you doing here aLONE if you think you’re running a fever???

he’s not gonna lie about the fact that you don’t look too good

what if you pass out and no one’s there for you and all the graveyard shift employees do is put a wet floor sign around your figure???

“y/n?? what are you doing here alone then?? are you oUT of your mind??”

the panic in jimin’s voice is clear as day and you’re a little startled, instead responding to tapping him on the shoulder to point that he’s already the one on the cashier

what he does is grab your basket before he is, putting it in front of the conveyor belt because he couldn’t even wait for it to roll out

“i said i think i’m running a fever.”

jimin stops from simultaneously rummaging for his rewards card and putting his items on the counter to unceremoniously drop the box of condoms down jUST to put his hand on your forehead

“you are.”

you surely don’t think low of jimin but you can’t help be surprised either at his concern for you when this is the only time you’ve had a conversation with him!!!

“you drove here?” he asks in seriousness, sending you a look while waiting for the total amount

“walked. the airconditioning makes me even more sick,” you answer with no fuss because even thinking about car fresheners while you’re sporting a fever makes you want to gag. “let me-...”

jimin already pays for both your items in cash, getting them bagged separately as he’s not gonna take no for an answer for what he’s gonna propose next

“then i’ll keep the windows down. i’ll drive you back to your dorm.”

he grabs both your bags in one hand and uses the other to beckon you over, holding you still because it’s dark out and a fever vision wouldn’t exactly help

it’s only when he straps you in and (true to his word) puts the windows down and starts his car that you start asking

“why are you doing this for me?”

why IS he doing this for you??

jimin thinks about his answer in a second

“would you do the same for me?”

well

if you were in front of him at a godforsaken line, had yourself as your lockscreen, realize that jimin’s behind you with a fever and is by himself in a store at 10 in the evening

“of course i would.”

jimin smiles, steering away from his parking spot

“then i would too.”

( ♡ )

maybe you’re thinking of jimin

no wait you’re dEFINITELY thinking of jimin

you’re much better now and your fever’s already subsided enough for you to go back to class!!!

the whole interaction with him was three days ago and maybe your head is just full of him at this point

“are you sure you’re okay to handle this by yourself??”

jimin worries when he drops your bag to your hands, briefly coming inside your dorm to set it down

“mhmm. i’ll just sleep it out.”

“i think if you’re missing a couple of steps.”

you snort as his paranoid features, waving him off. “i’ll eat. then go to the bathroom. and then sleep.”

okay good enough

“what if this just-“ jimin trails off, his expansive mind suddenly running as he points to your chest, “stops????”

cute

“i have a smart watch.”

“would you put me as one of the emergency contacts? please?”

he’s making you take down his number without malice because jeez he’s gENUINELY worried!!!!

it may not always be great sharing a house with his frat brothers, but he knows that if he has a fever, atleast half of them would dote over him and you have atleast one who would go into hysterics!!! it’e a full package!!

“i’ll be okay, jimin. i’ll call you when i need someone to hand me my puke bucket.”

“please do. i’m not even kidding. get better now because i miss your dresses.”

o_O

uhm

“n-no i meant your usual style!! wait, not that there’s anything wrong w-with your style right now. i-i was-...”

“yeah. i miss them too. now go home, jimin.”

“you sure?”

u never really had the impulse to invite a guy to go inside your place but maybe now you do

“mhmm. drive safe.”

okay

:-)

“good night, y/n. call me whenever.”

classes were a bit rough today because you’re still easing yourself on getting back to the groove of things, but it was tolerable!!!

you’re getting your key out of your backpack when a lock clicks open a couple doors away from you, the hinge noisily squeaking

it’s jimin who leaves it, with seri who’s the actual occupant of the dorm leaning on the doorframe

“y/n—!”

he squeaks the moment his eyes land on you

your hand automatically waves, the same meek smile for him to see

“jimin.”

( ♡ )

the last interaction you had with him is still on jimin’s mind, a whole week later

it’s been bothering him recently that you know what it looks like the last time around!!!! but he could swear up and down that it wasn’t

he just feels this great urge to explain even if you haven’t asked

“oh. so we have to move out for the time-being?”

jimin clarifies with namjoon, the head of the frat, and he’s met with a solemn nod

it makes sense!!!

the house got checked today and there were mULTIPLE fire hazards!!! and it needs to be fumigated anyway under new campus protocol so it indeed makes sense

practically everyone's going home because it’s a long weekend anyway because of a holiday

and he’s not sure if he wants to take the same route.

“hi.”

jimin squeaks the moment you open your door, surprise evident on your face but not shock to the point you’d close the door on him

“jimin?”

okay maybe he’s gonna go straight to explaining

“frat house needed to be closed because of some complications, and it wouldn’t be open to us for another three days. most of the guys are coming home,” jimin clears his throat, his head down while he shyly scratches the back of his ear, “i have one, but i’m not sure if i wanna.”

it’s that problem

it takes one, two seconds before it all registers in your head, nodding surely

“you can take my bed. i’ll take the couch, it’s a pull-out anyways.”

you open the door for him widely and the only thing you ask if he’s had dinner and if he’d like some

god you’re really throwing him in a loop here

it’s after a batch of your cooking that jimin’s only ache is why you were the way that you were, half-dazed the whole time he’s met you properly

“why do you never ask me?”

“hmm?” you hum as you dry the dishes that you’ve used, wanting to get it done as soon as possible so your full attention would be on him

no, actually. jimin WANTS you to pry!!

he wants you to worm your way into his privacy and into the confines of his mind

but it seems like you’ve already did without even asking.

“ask me why i’m called the cherry king.”

you tilt your head in confusion, that time playing in your head of why jimin looked confused when you didn’t continue to ask further

maybe you’ll indulge him

“why are you called the cherry king?”

jimin smiles, leaning to your couch with his arms relaxed

“we did secret santa for christmas at our frat house. taehyung thought it would be nice if he pranked me by gifting me a jar full of cherries, but i thought that was his actual gift, and i liked it to the point that i finished it in one sitting.”

tHAT’S ACTUALLY PRETTY ENDEARING

cute, even

“ask me why i came out of seri’s apartment last week.”

oh that’s.,.,. that’s a bit higher in level compared to nicknames

“why did you come out of seri’s apartment last week?”

“because seri’s the ex-girlfriend of hoseok, my frat brother, and he wanted me to return all her stuff because he doesn’t want to be reminded of his cheating ex.”

well that was definitely weighted

jimin plays with the hem of his shirt, the words tumbling out of his mouth

“ask me why i love you.”

why do you wHAT

your mouth drops open, the new position you took on the other end of the couch taking an impact on him

“w-why do you love me?”

jimin’s a lot of things but he’s not drunk tonight

he doesn’t know why he’s letting his feelings slip either, but it’s the bottomless need that he feels when he’s around you

“i feel wanted. i feel needed.”

he smiles cheerfully even if he feels shy dropping this on you all of a sudden

“not sure if you want me nor need me, but i feel welcome with you if that makes sense.”

“you just make me feel loved, i guess.”

jimin looks at you for the first time since he’s opened his mouth, an equally fond look on your face

you said no words but what jimin receives is a gentle tug, your hand on the side of his face until he’s leaning on your shoulder

“i wanna know what's up there.”

he points a finger to your temple, an amused lilt to his tone, “surprise me.”

it’s an unfolding of things that was weeks in the making but months in developing, the distant glances leading you to recognize jimin in the shop in the first place

“i feel the exact same with you,” you answer honestly and it makes his laugh from his chest, his cheeks warm and his heart content

and you just wanna suspend yourselves in this moment forever

“oh! and if i were to lose my virginity to anyone at the moment, it'd be you!!”

...

....

jimin swats at your shoulder to which you only giggle at, a toothy smile on display as this is the warmest he’s ever felt

“i wasn’t kidding!!!”

you yawn when you defend yourself, predicting that you’d fall asleep sooner or later on the couch, but for the time-being, you just stroke jimin’s hair to soothe the both of you

jimin is now the furthest thing from sleepy

"what? you told me to surprise you!!"

428 notes · View notes

grapesodatozier · 4 years ago

Text

so close to the real thing (closer than you think)

rating: explicit

word count: 6.8k

summary: Eddie's been pining over Richie for as long as he can remember. He loves everything about Richie; especially how much Richie loves touching him. It's a little inconvenient, though. Eddie copes with his pent up sexual tension by constantly checking a porn blog he's obsessed with on tumblr. This guy has the same type of body as Richie, he talks like Richie, his name is even Richie! It makes it all too easy for Eddie to pretend it really is Richie while getting himself off to all of the blog's content.

You'll never guess what he finds out when he starts sexting this stranger named Richie from his anonymous porn blog.

tags: friends to lovers, porn with feelings, love confessions, dom/sub dynamics, bi dom top richie, gay sub bottom eddie, the most oblivious pining idiots in the world lol we love them

notes: this is one of my more ridiculous ideas but I had so much fun with it lol. also as a note you probably should not approach people on the internet the way they do in this fic, but they're just v enthusiastic and everything here is v consensual!! still tho definitely don't take this indulgent fic as a guide on how to approach real people online lmao. okay have fun!!

read on ao3 or below!!

notsfw under the cut

Eddie Kaspbrak’s friends were his entire world; time spent with them meant everything to him. But he also really valued his alone time. He’d always been the sort who needed time to just sit on a grassy hill and watch the trains go by, to catch up on comics in his room, to get lost in Netflix shows or even just his thoughts as he moseyed around his apartment—one he live in by himself, for when these moods hit. He needed time to himself to unwind. And sometimes he unwound by scrolling through some porn blogs on tumblr with his hand in his pants.

There was one blog that he was particularly fond of. There were other blogs more catered to his personal interests, namely blogs that didn’t feature women like this one did. But there was a good balance of genders represented, so Eddie figured he could just scroll past those posts. This guy was worth it. His pictures were ridiculously hot, and his dirty talk was even hotter.

Also, his name was Richie. Which Eddie refused to acknowledge as part of the draw.

It was harder to ignore tonight. He’d been out with the losers, and Richie had just been so touchy. And there was something about the way he'd been talking; his voice was lower than normal, slower in a way that made Eddie’s stomach flip. And his touches had lingered, his hand squeezing Eddie’s hip slow, then lazily brushing against his ass as he dropped it. Eddie could hardly take it. He brushed it off as Richie just being tired from work, but god, Eddie wanted it to mean more. The hardest part was hiding how much he wanted Richie to keep doing it.

There were so many things Eddie wanted Richie to do to him. He wanted Richie to touch him harder, to grab him by his hips with both hands. Richie’s hands were so big; Eddie just knew Richie could manhandle him so easily, so roughly. He wanted to know what it would feel like to have Richie’s hands all over him, grabbing at his ass and his thighs, holding his wrists down, making him feel so small. While Eddie would never admit it, huffing at every short joke Richie made, but he loved being shorter than Richie. He loved how safe he felt when Richie held him. And he was dying to know how small he would feel with Richie looming above him, or sitting in Richie’s lap, bouncing on his cock. He wanted to hear Richie talking to him in that low, slow voice, with that condescension Eddie did his best to pretend not to be affected by. He wanted Richie to whisper in his ear and call him all those pretty names he always dropped so casually, all those sweet ones and also ones that were a lot meaner. He wanted Richie to want him.

But it was easier to think about it than to ask for it. He knew Richie had way more experience than him. Well, okay, maybe not way more necessarily, but they were starting their third year of college, and he hadn’t wasted any time. Eddie, on the other hand, hadn’t done anything more than hand stuff with someone else. The guys he’d hooked up with were nice enough, and hot enough, but they just… weren’t Richie.

He supposed this guy on tumblr wasn’t Richie either, but at least he was everything else Eddie wanted. None of his hookups had been so, well, dominant, and that was this guy’s whole thing. He was dominant and a top and into guys that looked like Eddie. He even kind of talked like Richie, and he was apparently pining over his best friend, just like Eddie was. It had him completely smitten. Plus, internet-Richie’s crush had brown eyes like Eddie, and he ran track, just like Eddie did. Internet-Richie had posted once about his dick getting hard watching his friend at his track meet, and Eddie had come so hard that night, his track shorts around his ankles, imagining his Richie thinking those things about him.

Eddie was in bed now, in nothing but his boxers and one of Richie’s old shirts that had been Eddie’s for a while now. Still reeling from the way Richie had been acting that night, he logged into his porn account on his phone and scrolled through his dash for a grand total of thirty seconds before going immediately to internet-Richie’s blog. A thrill went through Eddie’s body when he saw that he had just posted. He’d written, “god my friends gonna fuckn kill me with that ass, i wanna plow him so bad” then reblogged it and added, “reminder that my asks and dms are always open if any pretty needy little subs need help getting off. please come be sluts in my messages.” Eddie’s breath caught in his throat when he saw that there was a picture, too, one of him gripping his hard cock, his boxers pulled down just enough for Eddie to see the dark hair around the base of his cock. Eddie moaned at the sight. His cock was so nice, so long and thick and pink. And fuck, his fingers. They were so long and slim, almost as nice as his-Richie’s.

Eddie scrolled a little farther down, his heart racing. There were a lot of reblogs, but some original posts here and there, things like, “what i wouldn’t do to have a pretty guy drooling all over my cock rn,” and, “in the mood to get someone dick drunk. wanna fuck a someone so hard they forget their own name.” One that made Eddie nearly choke said, “want someone i can pump my come into whenever i want, over and over again. want a sub i can keep full of my come all the fuckn time.” That post had Eddie getting out his lube.

It also had him thinking about internet-Richie’s most recent post, his post about his DMs being open.

Eddie bit his lip and thought about it. He’d sent internet-Richie some asks before from his porn blog (his blog didn’t have his name on it, just the teddy bear emoji, since he privately thought the teddy/Eddie rhyme was fun and clever, and also it was cute), and he’d seemed plenty happy enough to respond then. Still, it felt like a much bigger step to DM him, to talk to him just one on one. But the more he read his posts, the more he thought about his-Richie and how he’d touched Eddie that night, the easier it was to convince himself to shoot his shot with this stranger.

Eddie just messaged him a simple, “hi,” with a heart emoji. It was innocent enough, but his heart was still racing.

Internet-Richie responded a lot faster than Eddie was expecting. Honestly he hadn’t been expecting a response at all. But he said:

hiya cutie (; ive been hoping youd message me

Eddie flushed. He couldn’t help but hear cutie in his-Richie’s voice—especially given how often Richie used the nickname. really? he typed back.

fuck yes, ur cute little messages make me so hard. i can tell ur a pretty little thing just from the way you type

Eddie was blushing deep. Pretty little thing. That was hotter than it should’ve been. He wanted his Richie to talk to him like that, in that deep, sleepy voice.

there’s no way you can tell that from some messages :P, Eddie sent.

His heart stopped at the next messages internet-Richie sent.

oh, u dont think so?

why dont u send me some pics to prove me wrong (;

Oh my god, Eddie thought, his breath coming short. His head swam at the thought of sending this guy nudes, of showing himself off to someone who clearly wanted to see him, who would know how to take care of him and fuck him the way he liked, a guy with his crush’s fucking name and body type and hands. It had Eddie’s cock hard and leaking, and he slowly slid a finger inside of himself.

But just because the thought turned him on didn’t mean he was gonna send this stranger what he wanted so easily, even if he desperately wanted to.

you’d like that, wouldn’t you?

He fingered himself open as he waited for a response, working his way up to two fingers. It was nearly impossible to ignore his cock, but he didn’t want to come before the conversation even had a chance to start.

fuck ya i would, internet-Richie responded. Then, in a second message, whats wrong baby? you shy? ill show u mine ;)

Eddie's breath caught. God, this guy even made stupid shit sound hot, just like Eddie’s Richie. This was unreal.

i’ve seen yours, Eddie pointed out.

ya and you musta liked it if ur messaging me rn

Eddie bit his lip. ...maybe

aw thats cute sweetheart. u know i can see all the needy little tags you add when u reblog my stuff right?

Eddie blushed. He’d kind of always hoped he’d read them, but he never thought he actually did. i didn’t know you read those

oh ya, read them, jerk off to them. bit of a size queen, aren’t you? ;) it’s cute. makes me so fuckn hard when u talk abt how u want me to fill you up

Eddie whimpered out loud, sliding a third finger into himself. Fuck, he wanted that cock inside of him so bad. But right now one of his toys would have to do, once he was stretched out enough. He sped up his fingers, getting impatient. Gathering up all of his horny courage, he sent, show me.

what, no please? only good boys who use their manners get dick pics babydoll

Eddie pouted and whined to himself, making quick work of sliding his hot pink vibrator inside of himself—well, as quickly as he could without hurting himself. He moaned as it filled him up, making pleasure spread deep through his body. Slowly pumping it in and out, he reached for his phone. please, he typed, please let me see? wanna know what to picture while i fuck myself with my vibrator. He even added the wide eyed pouting emoji to really milk the whole begging thing. He knew he’d been playing a little coy, but now with the way internet-Richie was talking to him he was getting desperate.

well fuck baby since ur begging ;)

Eddie held his breath as he waited for the picture, slowly rocking his toy in and out, savoring the feeling. He wished it was Richie doing it, wished it was his cock. The lines between which Richie blurred; he wanted to get fucked by either of them, both of them.

What Eddie received when his phone lit up was not a picture, but a video. It was short, just a few seconds of Richie’s hand dragging wetly, smoothly over his cock, but it had Eddie drooling. The room was dark, so he’d used a flash, and it made the mix of what Eddie assumed was precome and spit glisten as the swollen head of Richie’s cock disappeared and reappeared from behind his fingers. Eddie must’ve played it at least five times, fucking himself a little faster, before remembering to say something back. And to take a video of his own. fuck, I want you so bad, want you to fucking ruin me, he wrote back. A part of him couldn’t believe how openly desperate he was being, but he found that he liked it; he liked the way it made him blush, he liked the way it felt to beg, to ask for what he wanted.

Richie’s response came fast: show me kitten. show me how you want me to fuck your pretty little ass.

Eddie moaned at the pet name; casual little nicknames were such a weakness for him. He was already so far gone, just picturing Richie’s cock inside of him, picturing him stroking his cock to thoughts of Eddie. The attention had his cock hard and leaking as he thrust his vibrator even deeper inside of himself, pumping it in and out a few more times before rolling over and getting on his hands and knees. It was hard to take a video from this angle, but he wanted to show off his ass and hide his face. Plus, there was something so hot about having his ass in the air and his face shoved in his pillow, looking like the perfect image of someone desperate to be fucked. He loved the way it made him feel, loved the thought of being so open for someone. For Richie.

He ended up shooting a short video as well, about ten seconds of him sliding his vibrator slowly in and out of himself, letting out soft little moans. He was pretty pleased with the way it turned out, his hole pink and smooth and wet as it stretched around his toy. The angle was a little weird, showing a lot of his room once or twice when his hand slipped a little, but overall he thought his ass looked amazing, if he did say so himself. He sent it and said, feels so good. do you want me to go faster?

As he sent it, he got settled on his back, forcing himself to go slow as he fucked himself while he waited for internet-Richie’s response. It was taking longer than before, and Eddie was getting antsy; it was so hard to drag it out, to not get ahead of himself. But whatever Richie was doing, Eddie knew it would be worth the wait. Still, he pouted as his cock ached, begging for attention.

He almost jumped out of his skin when he heard a knock at the door.

He groaned to himself and stayed put, fucking himself even slower as he waited for whoever it was to leave. But then the knocking continued, loud and incessant and obnoxious, and Eddie knew exactly who it was. He also knew he wasn’t going to go away any time soon, which honestly made him smile and blush. Richie had terrible timing, but Eddie would never be upset to see him.

Reluctantly, he slowly slid the toy out and pulled on his shorts, leaving his shirt off. He still had a pretty obvious boner, but his horny brain did not mind the idea of Richie seeing it. So he strode lazily down the hall, shouting a performatively annoyed, “I’m coming!” Finally, he opened the door, cocking his hip to the side and giving Richie an expectant look. “Can I help you?” he asked, a small smile dancing around the corner of his lips. He had to fight off a smirk at the wide eyed look Richie gave him as he ran his eyes over Eddie’s body.

“Fuck,” he muttered lowly, his eyes trained on Eddie’s cock, which was getting even harder the more Richie stared. Eddie bit his lip and grinned a little, making doe eyes at Richie. But Richie didn’t meet his gaze—instead he brushed past Eddie, his mouth still hanging open as he made his way urgently toward Eddie’s bedroom.

“Richie?” Eddie asked, a little let down that Richie’s hands weren’t all over him right now. But hey, if he was heading to Eddie’s bedroom he figured that was at least the right direction. He closed his front door and followed Richie into his room, where he found him staring at the bright pink vibrator on the bed. As confident and horny as Eddie was feeling, that still made him blush. He was only human. Crossing his arms, he said, bashful now, “I was kind of in the middle of something.”

Richie looked over at him, his cheeks bright red under his freckles. Then he got a glimmer of that trademark shit-eating grin on his face. “Eds, you fucking slut,” he said, sounding both delighted and breathless. “You are so fucking hot.”

Eddie flushed and tried not to squirm, but he couldn’t help but press his legs together, his eyes brightening. Fuck, was this actually happening? Shit, he needed to think of something witty to say. “You gonna do anything about it?” Okay, that kinda sounded like a corny porn, but he had to give himself credit for even being able to form words just after his lifelong crush and personal wet dream had just admitted his attraction to him.

“I think I already have been,” Richie said, still grinning.

Eddie cocked an eyebrow at him. He couldn’t help but smile back. “Oh yeah? How do you figure that?”

Eddie was expecting a confession. He was expecting something along the lines of you think I don’t notice how you look at me? or did you really think those were casual touches earlier? What he was not expecting was for Richie to unlock his phone and hold it up, showing Eddie the video he had just taken, the video he’d sent to internet-Richie.

Oh. Oh. Oh fuck.

“Oh my god, that’s you?” Eddie cried in disbelief.

“You’re telling me you didn’t recognize this dick?” Richie asked, swaggering over to Eddie, clearly enjoying himself.

“How did you recognize it was me?”

Richie nodded toward the Thundercats poster on Eddie’s wall, then to the model train that sat on his dresser. “What other guy has decor like that and the ass to match?”

Eddie grinned and shook his head. “That doesn’t even make sense.”

“Well pardon me for not being especially eloquent when I’ve just learned that the guy I’ve been masturbating to since I learned how to and been in love with for even longer has been masturbating to me too.”

Eddie’s eyes went wide, all thoughts of getting fucked leaving for a moment. “You’re in love with me?” he asked, his voice as soft as his smile.

Richie was not a bashful person, but the little laugh he let out just then was close to it. “Have been my whole life, but thanks for finally noticing.”

Eddie shook his head and stepped closer, until he had to crane his head up to meet Richie’s gaze. “I love you too.”

Richie’s eyes widened behind his thick frames. Eddie had only seen that look in Richie’s eyes a few times before, but he never wanted to lose sight of it again. He always wanted Richie to look at him like that. But then Richie was closing his eyes and leaning down. It only took Eddie a second to get with the program, drinking in the moment just a little longer before letting his own eyes fall shut as he pressed his lips against Richie’s.

It started gentle enough, if deep and passionate and intentional. But then Richie’s hands were on Eddie’s bare waist, skin against skin, and Eddie was gasping into Richie’s mouth, his hands coming up and resting against Richie’s chest. He curled his fingers into Richie’s shirt as Richie ran his tongue over Eddie’s lips, just before pulling away. He laughed at Eddie’s indignant little whine.

“Oh, you mean you don’t want me to take off my shirt right now?” he smirked as Eddie tried to pull him closer by the offending fabric. Huffing, Eddie conceded and let go long enough to let Richie pull the shirt off over his head.

“Oh,” he said softly, his voice a little, awed moan as he drank in Richie’s chest. It wasn’t like Richie had never been shirtless in front of Eddie before, but Eddie had never felt like he was allowed to really look at Richie all those times. But now he could; now he could touch. And he did, running his fingers over Richie’s smooth, warm skin, over his acne scars and blackheads and freckles. “Fuck, Richie,” he sighed before pressing his lips to Richie’s collarbones, trailing them all over Richie’s beautiful chest.

Richie gave a breathless, almost shy laugh as he stroked Eddie’s hair. “Damn, Eds, never pegged you as a tits guy.”

“Oh, fuck off,” Eddie giggled, bringing his lips back to Richie’s. They both smiled into it, getting lost for a moment as Richie’s hands slid slowly down Eddie’s sides. His hands lingered on Eddie’s hips for a moment before he slid them further down and grabbed at Eddie’s ass, making him gasp.

“Is that any way to talk to the guy who’s about to rail you ‘til you can’t walk?”

“What’re you gonna do about it?” Eddie asked with a mischievous glint in his eyes. “Spank me?”

“You’d like that, wouldn’t you?” Richie smirked. He gave Eddie’s ass a playful smack, making Eddie gasp again and fall into him, needing more. Richie’s voice was dripping with adoration as he purred, “Little brat,” and pulled Eddie against him, kissing him again. Eddie went with it easily and happily parted his lips to let Richie lick into his mouth. Richie had one hand gripping Eddie’s jaw and the other on his ass, touching him in a way that exuded a command Eddie was desperate to follow. God, Eddie knew Richie had big hands, but they felt huge on him like this. It was dizzyingly hot. And the way Richie’s tongue was teasing his had Eddie’s knees going weak. His dick was throbbing in his shorts, aching to finish what he’d started, what had been interrupted. When he thought about it all—about playing with himself for Richie, about the video Richie had sent him, about all those things Richie had said about filling Eddie up—he felt himself clench down on nothing, desperate to get fucked. Desperate to feel Richie’s cock so deep inside of him.

“Richie,” he whined into the kiss, pulling on Richie’s belt loops, “please.” He pressed himself urgently against Richie and rutted shamelessly against his thigh.

“Fuck, you’re a needy little thing, aren’t you?” His voice was cocky and teasing, but there was an apparent undercurrent of wonder there as well.

Eddie shoved his face into Richie’s neck and whined, grabbing onto Richie’s wrists without even knowing what his goal was. “Richie,” he whimpered, sounding pitiful and ruined already.

“What do you want, baby?” Richie’s voice made it clear that he was enjoying seeing Eddie this wrecked, and that just made Eddie even harder. “Come on, tell me, use your words.”

Eddie squirmed as Richie held him close, but still not touching him in any relieving way. “I need you inside,” Eddie said, his voice high and soft as he squirmed in Richie’s grip. “God, please, Richie, need you to fuck me. Fuck me so hard I can’t even think. Fuck me like I’m your little toy.”

Eddie could hardly believe the words coming out of his mouth, and judging by the gasp he heard Richie let out, he’d caught Richie off guard too. But if the hard bulge in his jeans that brushed up against Eddie was any indication, he was apparently just as turned on as Eddie was. Besides, Eddie knew from his blog that Richie was really into that sort of thing too—and, apparently, really into the idea of doing those things with Eddie. The realization that Richie had been saying all those filthy things about him had him grinding against him with even more fervor, kissing his neck with a heated confidence. Richie moaned, and Eddie could feel the warmth of it spreading through him. “Yeah, sweetheart? You want to feel me inside you? You think you’re ready for me?”

“Yes,” Eddie sighed, looking up at Richie with wide, desperate eyes. He shivered at the new look in Richie’s eyes, the blue nearly entirely eclipsed by how wide his pupils were. He looked hungry for Eddie; Eddie wanted to feel it. “‘M ready, Richie, please, so open for you.” He looked to the toy on his bed pointedly, but Richie only gave a deep laugh.

“Oh honey, that’s cute that you think that little thing is gonna have you ready for my cock.” Eddie’s breath caught; that toy wasn’t small. Before he could gather his scattered brain enough to react, Richie was scooping him up and tossing him on the bed, the toy falling forgotten to the floor. Richie moved Eddie onto his back, and Eddie went happily, pliantly. Richie’s fingers were cool against Eddie’s burning skin as he hooked his fingers into the waistband of Eddie’s shorts, slowly dragging them over his hips and down his legs, tossing them to the floor. Eddie’s cock was dripping with precome, his chest flushed a bright red as he squirmed under Richie’s gaze. Eddie been dreaming of Richie manhandling him like this for he didn’t even know how long; he couldn’t help the way he reacted. And he especially couldn’t help the pleased little sound he made when Richie murmured, “God, you’re gorgeous, Eds.” Then Richie was grabbing him by the ankles, gently but firmly spreading Eddie’s legs, and Eddie let out the most pathetic, genuine moan he’d ever heard. “Fuck, baby, you sound pretty. You like when I spread you open?” Richie asked. He was smirking down at Eddie, but Eddie could see how flushed he was, could see the thrilled awe in his dark, hungry eyes as Eddie nodded.

“Richie, please,” Eddie whimpered. “I need you so bad.” He sat up, reaching for Richie’s belt, but Richie easily pressed him back against the mattress with a large hand on the center of his chest. The confidence in Richie’s dominance took Eddie’s breath away, and he stayed right where he was, nice and obedient, as he watched Richie get off the bed and slowly undo his belt, then his button and zipper. He took his time dragging his jeans and boxers off, enough time to let Eddie’s eyes linger on the reveal of the dark hair under Richie’s waistband. Then Richie’s cock was bouncing up against his stomach, hard and flushed and fucking long. Eddie moaned at the sight and fisted the sheets underneath him. He wanted so badly to get his mouth on Richie, to breathe him in and be nice and good for Richie on his knees. But he was also desperate to get fucked; his hole clenched down on nothing at the thought, and then it was all he could think about again. “Richie,” he repeated, whining now as he reached for him. “Stop being such a tease.”

Richie laughed as he moved easily out of Eddie’s grip and climbed on top of him. Eddie gasped softly at the sight of Richie above him, his dark curls surrounding his face, his full, pink lips pulled into the most beautiful smile Eddie had ever seen in his life. He ran his hands over Richie’s chest and sides, marveling at the fact that this was really happening. Then, his eyes flickering down, he tentatively brought his hand to Richie’s cock.

“Oh, fuck,” they said, both at the same time, making them giggle together.

“Fuck, Eds, your pretty little hand looks so cute wrapped around my cock,” Richie teased in a low, rough voice. Eddie shivered; he couldn’t tell if Richie was praising him or degrading him, but either way it made his head fuzzy.

“‘M not that little,” Eddie grumbled out of habit. But he was clearly breathless. He’d never been good at pretending not to like Richie’s compliments, however teasing.

“Aw, but you are, baby,” Richie cooed, nuzzling his nose against Eddie’s and pressing a lingering kiss to his lips. “You’re so cute and tiny for me. I don’t even know if we’ll be able to fit my cock inside you.”

“I can,” Eddie whined, both indignant and impatient. He bucked his hips up, but Richie held him down. He gasped when he felt the warm, soft skin of Richie’s cock press against his stomach. Looking down, he saw that Richie had his cock lying on Eddie’s stomach, showing just how deep he would be once he was inside Eddie.

“You sure about that, babydoll?” While the teasing note was still there, Richie’s voice got noticeably softer as he said, “I don’t wanna hurt you.”

Eddie’s chest swelled at that. Cupping Richie’s face in his hands, he insisted, “I can take it.” Then he reached down and took Richie in his hand, glowing with pride when Richie let out a low moan. “Richie, please, I want you so bad.”

“Okay, baby,” Richie agreed, turning his head to kiss Eddie’s palm. “Fuck, I want you, too.” But he stalled. “Have you ever… like, been fucked before?”

Eddie flushed. “Well, not by someone else, but I have some toys. I’m not gonna break, Richie.” He huffed, but the way Richie was looking at him soothed any ruffled feathers.

“I’m your first?” His smile was soft, and while his eyes glittered, there was nothing teasing about his tone.

“I didn’t wanna do it with anyone else,” Eddie mumbled. He tried to look away, but Richie pulled him into a kiss.

“Fuck, I never thought you’d want me,” he chuckled. “Sorry, that was depressing, I just mean I can’t believe we didn’t do this sooner, you know?”

Eddie beamed, a small, giddy giggle dancing on his lips. “Well it’ll happen sooner if you stop talking so much.” But his smile, and all of the little kisses he planted on Richie’s freckled shoulders told Richie that Eddie never wanted him to stop talking.

“Alright, alright, sheesh, I know I’m hot but you don’t gotta rush me.” Eddie was still giggling when Richie kissed him, and he could feel that Richie was smiling too. “Where’s your lube?”

Eddie stretched his hand out and patted the bed for a moment, searching. After what was probably only four seconds but felt like an eternity, he finally found the bottle and handed it eagerly to Richie. “Oh, right,” Richie smirked, “you’re already wet for me, aren’t you?” Eddie moaned as Richie swiped his fingers over Eddie’s slick hole, pressing in just a bit. His fingers went in easily, and he pumped them slowly, drawing little, breathy moans out of Eddie. Richie’s fingers were a lot longer and thicker than his own, and they felt amazing, but they weren’t what he wanted in that moment.

“Richie, fuck me,” he whined.

“Aw, no please? Again?” Richie tsked and shook his head, curling his fingers against Eddie’s prostate, making him cry out. “I told you, sweetheart, only good boys who use their manners get fucked.”

“Please,” Eddie cried. He rocked his hips and grabbed at Richie’s shoulders, at his arms, not even sure what his goal was there other than to get Richie closer, to get his attention, to show him how desperate he was. “Please fuck me, please.” He sounded pathetic begging like this, but that just made him harder. And it made Richie’s pupils even wider as he slid his fingers out of Eddie and pressed a kiss to his lips.

“Good boy,” he purred. Eddie moaned and arched into Richie’s touch, but he only gave Eddie one more kiss on his cheek before pulling back and covering his cock in lube. Eddie watched, entranced, as Richie’s hand moved smoothly over his cock, glistening and slick. Then Richie was gently spreading Eddie’s legs even further and pressing the head of his cock against Eddie’s hole.

“Yes,” Eddie whimpered brokenly, grasping at the sheets beneath him. “Richie, please.” Meeting his gaze, he said softly, “I need you.”

“I’ve got you,” Richie assured him in a voice that made Eddie feel like he was glowing. Richie took Eddie’s hand in his and entwined their fingers, using his other hand to guide his cock inside of Eddie, who gasped at the feeling. God, he couldn’t believe this was happening. He couldn’t believe his first time was going to be with his favorite person. He couldn’t believe he was finally getting exactly what he wanted. Love flooded through him, warm and perfect, somehow both soothing and electrifying as he watched Richie’s face. Eddie’s mouth dropped as Richie pressed into him, deeper and deeper and still fucking deeper, until finally Richie let out a low moan and Eddie felt absolutely breathless. The stretch was intense, and he held onto Richie tightly as he caught his breath. “Are you alright?” Richie asked. His voice was strained, but the care and concern in it was clear. “You don’t have to take all of it if it’s too much.”

Eddie wanted to laugh at the remark or roll his eyes, but with how breathless and dizzied by pleasure he already was, he had to admit Richie had a point. “Just need a minute,” he gasped. Richie ran a soothing hand over Eddie’s skin, helping him even out his breathing and relax. The feeling of Richie’s cock twitching in anticipation inside of him had him letting out little moans as he adjusted, getting more and more used to the feeling until he felt comfortable enough to tell Richie he could move. Richie kissed him before he did, his lips soft against Eddie’s, a reassuring weight. Eddie breathed in sharply as Richie pulled back, grabbing at Richie’s shoulders.

Richie immediately stopped. “You okay, baby?” he asked, caressing Eddie’s face.

Eddie wanted to melt. Richie was always touching him, always jokingly flirting with him, but this unabashed concern and, well, love had previously been reserved for dire situations, like panic attacks or injuries. Eddie couldn’t help the dopey smile that bloomed on his face as he tilted his chin up and kissed Richie. “I’m okay,” he said breathlessly. “It’s just a little different from my vibrator.” They both gave a shaky laugh as Richie nuzzled his nose against Eddie’s.

“Better, I hope?” he grinned.

“Can’t tell yet,” Eddie retorted. Another snarky comment was on the tip of his tongue when Richie pulled his hips further back, effectively sucking all the air—and attitude—from Eddie’s chest. And then Richie was pushing back in, and Eddie let out a moan he couldn’t have faked if he tried, relaxing back into the mattress as his eyes fell shut. It was the best thing he’d ever felt, pleasure and relief flooding through his body. They’d been building up this tension for years; Eddie had figured it would feel good to break it, but it really felt magical, like something had just clicked into place. Feeling Richie inside of him, rocking his hips carefully, feeling Richie twitch as he tried not to lose control had Eddie’s head reeling. Eddie’s eyes fluttered open, focusing on Richie above him, on how flushed his face was. When Richie met his eye, pressing in deep, Eddie let out a small, “Fuck.”

“Yeah? Does that feel good, sweetheart?”

Richie was smirking as he said it, but there was something else sparkling in his eyes. Something giddy and awed. Something that made Eddie sigh dreamily, “I love you.”

Richie’s eyes widened for a moment before he pressed his lips firmly against Eddie’s, his hands roaming over Eddie’s body like he couldn’t choose where to put them, where to touch him. “I love you so much,” he beamed, pressing a few more kisses to Eddie’s cheeks. Eddie giggled at the feeling, but then Richie’s hips moved just a little faster, pressing him in just a little deeper, and he was back to melting under Richie’s touch, clinging to him as he rocked his hips with Richie’s. “Fuck, you’re so amazing, baby, so fucking beautiful. You look so good like this, holy shit.”

Eddie smiled almost drunkenly at Richie’s ability to ramble even when blowing Eddie’s mind. “Feels so good,” he moaned, his voice breathy and just a little bit higher than normal. He wrapped his legs around Richie’s waist. “Please, Richie, please.”

“Fuck, baby, wanna make you feel like this all the fucking time,” Richie groaned as he picked up the pace. Eddie whined in pleasure at the change, and that just spurred Richie to go faster, harder, until he was well and truly fucking Eddie, both of them moaning with every thrust.

“Oh my god,” Eddie cried, “ohmygodohmygodhmygod, oh fuck, Richie, please.” It felt so amazing, Richie fucking into him like this, but he needed that little bit more. His cock was throbbing desperately, achingly hard; he needed to feel Richie’s hand on him. “Richie, please,” he whimpered, “please, please touch me. I need you, I need you so bad, please, Richie.” Eddie was pouting now, grabbing aimlessly at Richie, his legs still wrapped tight around him.

“Fuck, you’re so hard for me,” Richie marveled, his voice sweet and condescending as he wrapped his hand around Eddie’s cock. Eddie nearly screamed at the contact, his back arching off the bed. Richie laughed a little, which just made Eddie even harder. The way Richie spread his precome over his cock, twisting his wrist just so as he stroked him had that familiar tension coiling in his lower stomach. “Aw, does that feel good? You gonna come on my cock, kitten?”

“Fuck, yes!” Eddie screamed. He gripped at the sheets as Richie stroked him, his voice washing over Eddie, mixing with the pleasure of Richie’s touch, of his thrusts. “Yes, yes, yes, please let me come, please, please, please.”

“That’s a good boy,” Richie purred, and Eddie could feel himself tipping over the edge at the words, at how low and affected Richie’s voice was. He groaned out, “Come on my cock like a good boy, princess,” and pure pleasure crashed over Eddie like a wave. He arched his back and cried out as he came, his moans filling the room as he squirmed under Richie, grabbed at him, at the sheets. It was fucking ethereal. He felt somehow so in tune with his body and yet so detached, like he was floating. He was barely cognizant of what Richie was saying, but when he put the sounds together and realized Richie had just said, panting, “Fuck, baby, gonna come,” Eddie felt like a live wire again.

“In me,” he said urgently. His mind was still a little too scattered for full sentences, but he knew what he wanted. God, he felt like he needed it. Like he needed to feel that connected to Richie. “Richie, come inside me, please.”

Richie apparently didn’t need to be told twice; he let out a moaned, “Oh, fuck,” before burying his face in Eddie’s neck, his breathy moans like music in Eddie’s ear. And then, as Eddie was coming down from his own high, he felt the holiest thing in the world: Richie’s cock, twitching inside of him, then his warm come filling Eddie up. It was unreal, being this close to him. Richie clutching at him as he came. It was even better than the little fantasies Eddie occasionally allowed himself. Richie was here, in his arms, pressing kisses to his neck as he caught his breath. Eddie was stroking his hair and rubbing his back as Richie nuzzled into him. Richie’s skin pressed against his skin, his legs wrapped around Richie’s waist, then falling to his sides, but still pressed to him. Still keeping him close. There wasn’t a single thought in his head that wasn’t about Richie.

Richie pulled him from his dreamy haze with light kisses pressed up his jaw, then over his cheeks. Eddie giggled at the onslaught of affection, still reeling from how fucking hot and euphoric what they had just done together had been. But he happily accepted Richie’s kisses, his heart bursting, then racing as Richie pulled back to look in his eyes. “Holy, fuck,” Richie beamed, his face flushed and blue eyes hooded from the weight of his orgasm, even as they sparkled.

“I know,” Eddie said, returning Richie’s grin as he basked in the surreality of having Richie on top of him, his dorky yet charming smile framed by lips that were red and swollen because of Eddie. His glasses were knocked askew, and Eddie instinctively reached up to fix them. With a sense of wonder, he realized that his touch was allowed to linger this time. He ran his fingers down Richie’s cheekbones, over his jaw, cupped his cheeks. “I love you,” he said. The words spilled out over his lips like he couldn’t stand not to say them. And while it made his heart race a little to say it out loud now that the adrenaline and tension was all worked through, it felt even better this time when Richie’s face softened and he nuzzled his nose against Eddie’s.

“I love you so fucking much.” Richie’s voice rarely got that soft, that sincere; it felt like a blanket wrapping around Eddie. It felt safe, secure. It felt like a promise. And if there was anyone in the world Eddie knew he could trust, it was Richie. That feeling of everything coming together came back to Eddie as he lay there under Richie, their lips moving together, feeling light as a feather now that everything was finally out in the open.

#reddie #notsfw #reddie smut #reddie fic

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robust-cicada · 4 years ago

Text

Fade Out Again (Thom Yorke X Reader)

For @shehangsbrightly

prompt: honestly i would be allll over the bends era thom, and i think something angsty is what i’m feeling rn. do your magic 😌

Gender Neutral and SFW

CW: angst, burnout, arguments, swearing, guilt, break up, bad mental health.

“I really don’t know what you want from me! I thought you’d be happy to see me after, I don’t know? Nearly a year? But no, I’m the bad guy as always!”

“You think that you’re the only one this tour has taken a toll on? I haven’t been in the comfort of my own home in a year. I haven’t seen my friends or family in a YEAR! You can’t always expect to be my top priority!”

“Obviously. You know, every tour you do the more of a self-centered asshole you become. Just because your band is ‘making it big’ doesn’t mean you have to treat the people in your life like shit, Thom! It isn’t just me. Ed literally has told me numerous stories from when you got too drunk to even perform! You promised.”

“Oh enough of that promise bullshit Y/N! I’m sick of it!”

“Well, that shows how much you fucking cared about it, huh? Shows what a promise means to you? You’re pathetic. The amount of love and support I have poured into you since fucking college and one hit song throws every promise and hope for our future away.”

“Oh fuck off.”

I let out a dry laugh and walked to our bedroom. I grabbed a suitcase and packed as much as I could shove into it.

“What are you doing now?”

“Fucking off. I’m done, Thom. Absolutely done.”

“Yeah sure. You won’t last more than two days Y/N, and you know it. We’ve been through this before.”

I stormed towards him, his back colliding with the wall. I looked into his eyes, trying to look for any sign of remorse in his cold, blue orbs.

“Not this time Thom. I’m tired of crawling back to you with hopes that things will be how they used to again. I am tired of endlessly longing for you to return the love I give to you. You’ve changed and if this is you now? I want no part of it.”

He scoffed and looked away from me.

“Anything to say? Or are you too good for that, Mr. Big Rockstar?”

“Don’t let the door hit you on the way out.”

I scoffed and grabbed my stuff. I stormed out onto the snowy streets. It was freezing but I didn’t dare look back. It felt like I had been walking for hours before I found a phone booth. I put the change in the slot and dialed the only number I could remember through my rage.

“Hey, Eddie? It’s Y/N..”

“What happened this time?”

“Well, what usually happens when he gets home I suppose. Are you busy?”

“Need somewhere to stay?”

“Ye-ah.” My voice cracked as tears swelled my eyes.

“Where are you, I’ll be there as soon as I can?”

---

It had been nearly two months since we broke up and not a word was spoken between us. Ed had generously let me rent out the spare room in his house until I got my shit together, which did not seem to be happening. All I could seem to do was cry, work, and sleep. Eddie was wonderful and tried to help when he could, but he tended to keep his distance. At some point, I knew Thom would end up stumbling into the house, however, I did not expect to hear his voice breaking downstairs as he talked to Ed.

Thom’s POV

“Ed, it’s driving me mad! Do you know where they are, have you heard from them, anything?”

“If they wanted you to know where they were, they would’ve contacted you. I can’t really help you, man.”

“I just. I can’t do this anymore. I need them, so badly. You don’t fucking understand.” I crumbled to the ground in tears. “It’s my fault. Every time they leave it’s my fault and- and I just expect them to come back. What happened to me, Eddie? What... happened?”

“Thom. You’re the only person who’s gonna be able to fix this and you know it. I’m not helping you anymore. We’ve been through this too many times. I’m not a fucking couples counselor!” He grabbed his hair in frustration.

“You… You too? You’re supposed to be my best friend, and you’re giving up on me too?”

“You know what, Thom? That’s your problem. You can’t take any fucking responsibility for anything, can you? It’s always somebody else’s fault with you!”

I couldn’t even form a response. My thoughts spiraled rapidly as I tried to figure out where everything went to shit.

“I-I’m so-rry. I don’t know what to do, a-and I don’t mean to throw it all on you, Eddie, you… You’re just always so good with this stuff and you know them so well and- and- and..”

“Thom,” He held his head in his hand, “take a breath. There’s no need for all the blubbering.”

“But-”

“Just shut up for a minute okay? I’ll be right back.”

He marched up the stairs and disappeared. A few minutes later he came back down. Followed by Y/N.

Y/N’s POV

His face was tear-stained and puffy. He was in a pile on the floor looking as hopeless as an abandoned puppy.

“Y/N..”

I felt my jaw clench as I looked at him. I wanted to slap him and yell at him for everything he put me through, but my body betrayed me. Instead, I found myself kneeling in front of him, arm reaching out to cup his face in my hand. Tears streamed down his cheeks once again as he rested in my palm. He turned to kiss my fingertips.

“I’m sorry Y/N… I took you for granted. I thought you would always come back, and this time you didn’t, and my ego left with you. I need you, I need you so badly love. I can’t do this without you. Please I will do anything to have you back… Please.” He was barely speaking and as he whispered he looked me in the eyes for the first time in years.

“I... I can’t, Thom.”

His posture snapped to attention and I watched his heart shatter again.

“Why not..?”

“You hurt me.”

Tears of my own now mimicked his.

“Please.”

“Thom, stop.”

“I can’t. I can’t because I love you, and if you ever loved me then you would come back.”

“Don’t you fucking dare with that bullshit Thomas.”

I stood and walked away, but he followed.

“Love doesn’t go away Y/N, you told me that yourself. If you loved me you wouldn’t walk away like this. You’re really willing to throw everything away like that?”

“Stop. Thom, I- I can’t do this, just go.”

“I’m not leaving without you.”

“And I’m not leaving with you.”

He approached me and gently grabbed my hands, giving me the same damn look he did every time he wanted to get his way.

“No, Thom. Stop. Please.”

“One more chance, that’s all I ask. If I fuck it up again I promise you will never hear from me again. I’ll take you on the next tour, I’ll let you get a puppy like you’ve always wanted. Literally, anything you want is yours. You don’t ever have to work again. Just, please?”

“You still don’t get it. I don’t want material things or money. I don’t, well I do want a puppy,” We chuckled, “But that’s not why I left. All I want is your love, some of your time and attention. I want to feel safe with you. I want to feel at home. I don’t feel like that with you anymore. The only feelings that run through me when I look at you are sadness and insecurity. You make me feel like a child being scolded by their mother. I just can’t live like that again.”

“I promise that I will fix what needs to be fixed and will do anything I can to make you feel safe again, just trust me.”

“We both know promises aren’t your thing.”

“I’ll keep this one.”

“I can’t believe that, Thom.”

“I’ll let Ed take over the band if I break this promise and I will never perform with Radiohead again.”

“Oh, shove off you lunatic! I’m not worth that. Your fans would have my head.”

“I’m serious.”

“You make everything so hard on me.”

“Jesus, Y/N would you please just say yes? All you have done the past two months aside from work is cry and sleep. I can barely get you to eat. Just get it over with. If he fucks you over again I will personally skin him alive, just, get it over with you two!”

Thom looked at me hopefully. I sighed.

“Fine.”

“THANK YOU! THANK YOU! THANK YOU!”

He planted kisses all over my face and pulled me into a tight hug.

“Jesus, Thom, you smell! When was your last shower?”

“I... I have no clue,” He scratched his neck and looked at the ground.

“I mean, you are rank! You smell like a secondary boys locker room after P.E.”

“Okay, in my defense, I didn’t think you were going to be here.”

“Yeah, so it’s okay that I suffer in your stench then?”

“Well, we’ve shared a tour bus, I figure that you’re used to it by now.”

“Well, by that logic, if Y/N is coming on tour with us, they better get used to it too, because you’ve smelled worse after a show.”

“Lovely.”

He laughed and engulfed me in a hug again. I gave in and dug my face into his neck, letting him rock us side to side.

“Let’s get you home then, yeah?”

“If anyone needs to get home it’s you so you can shower!”

“We can shower together if you’d like.”

“Okay, yeah, if you could leave the dirty talk for the car ride home it would be appreciated.”

We laughed once again.

“I’ll go pack,” I placed a soft kiss on his cheek before walking up the stairs.

“I love you, Y/N!”

“I love you too Thom.”

#radiohead #thom yorke #thom yorke x reader #the bends

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give-grian-rights · 4 years ago

Text

HERMITCRAFT 8 LIVEBLOGGING

fifteen hermits worth of liveblogging. i am losing my mind. LONG POST AHEAD.

JOE HILLS (First HC8 Video)

Mumbo did the speech. he forgot everything he was supposed to say <3

Pearl and Gemini were just .in a pit . having stuff thrown onto them

Every Hermit is staying on the same continent !!

FIRST DEATHS VERY QUICKLY, Iron Golems took out Tango and Etho (maybe more?)

Joe seems to be the only one looting the chests

Evil Jevin !!

Evil Xisuma appearance on Jevin’s 60 second video!

Pearl has something planned for an “archeticual wonder” for a resupply area upon death?

Stress, Xisuma and Joe are capturing villagers and starting up a resupply debut.

Bdubs is killed by Cleo and is now OUT FOR BLOOD

First death counts- Etho, Tango, Bdubs, Cleo?

Cleo was killed by Keralis

Joe has now supplied Cleo with weapons and food . She left but not before saying “Time to kill BDubs again!”

Gemini was killed by Bdubs! They both died and are now at spawn.

Pearl was killed by Cleo

Pearl is planning a respawn inn !!

Cleo was killed by Iskall

Cleo was killed by Pearl

False, Stress, and Gemini team up??? AA!!! they brought a delivery of supplies to Joe <3

i wish i knew what was happening on that end .

APPARENTLY XISUMA IS ONTO MAKING THE SECOND VILLAGER BREEDER ALREADY ??

Iskall is the first with Diamonds??

Breathe in that ash !

WAIT IS TANGOS EYES LIKE THAT RN BECAUSE HES TEAMED WITH KERALIS AND BDUBS ???

KERALIS, BDUBS, AND TANGO TRIED TO DO A SHAKEDOWN ON JOE. HE TRIED TO DROP LAVA, GOT HIMSELF ONTO TWO HEARTS BECAUSE HE PLACED IT ON HIMSELF, AND IS NOW SWIMMING OUT INTO THE SWAMP

the big eyed trio are now off to shake down Gemini

Joe fell in Lava in the Nether

Joe Death To Lava Two: Electric Boogaloo

Joe drowned trying to kill a glowsquid

WATCH JOE’S VIDEO OH MY GOD SEAN HILLS RECAP RAP??? MY BELOVED????? i am gonna be streaming this unironically later LIKE OH MY GOD THIS SLAPS. ALSO THE CREDITS AT TEH END IS HILARIOUS

Zedaph Episode Recap

Zed gave us a recap of the continent every Hermit will be living on !!

Wouldn’t recommend Zedaph as the first video for the season, he skips the intro/speech but it’s Zedaph and hes making it fun!! Lots of nice editing :)

~SCIENCE TIME !~

Zedaph.. why is your starter base made out of concrete ?

There are no sheeps whatsoever on his mountain

Hes calling his lab an icecream sandwich..yeah i see it

Zed tried to make a portal underater...f

Scar died to a creeper </3

Zedaphs base is gonna be tracking how long hes there/someones loading the chunk!

XISUMA LIVE BLOGGING

A cool cinema scene of him becoming an axolotl!! <3

NOW I CAN SEE IT, GRIAN WAS THE FIRST DEATH!! Death by Iron Golem!!

XIsuma’s baseplans need over 45 THOUSAND BLOCKS TO BE PLACED

He’s also planning on making a shulkershell farm!!

i’m not gonna lie ! talking axolotl X is horrifying ! thanks !

Day one Villager Breeder... chaos.

Xisuma Derp! looked straight at a buncha wool and said how badly he needed beds and then walked away

THE GIRLS CAME OVER AND CONVINCED HIM HE NEEDS TO MOVE THE DESIGN OVER MY FIVE BLOCKS FOR SWAMP VILLAGERS..

THE GIRLS ARE JUST LAUGHING AT HIM AND HIS VILLAGER TROUBLES

day one and Xisuma has got his axolotl!!

Very pretty starterbase!!

XB’s

..I’m not gonna lie theres not much to say!! He’s very calm :) he says hes going into it without a plan, and htat last season was the only time he had any thought of what he was gonna do.

He made a real nice starter house and thats about it!

Cleo’s

Bdubs: “She ain’t gonna hurt me!! i’m invincible, babey!”

Cleo learnt that BDubs will never hurt her even if she deserves it . I am starting to realize why she kills him

SHE DECIDED SHES GONNA BE A PROPER CHAOS GREMLIN THIS SEASON...

AISDJASID CLEO GOT PAID TO KILL BDUBS?? HDUIAIHSI SCAR WHY

“Alright I found my mission for the season! Murder.”

Cleo, Mumbo, Grian, and Scar are all holed up in a cave together!

..Scar died from a skeleton !

Cleo has now split from Grian and Mumbo! Scar is missing in action

CLEO FOUND A GOAT

SHES KILLING THE GOAT???

she got a HORSE <3 and Joe gave her a saddle! I think her name is..Widget?

She LOVES the candles for shamboo n waterbottles and bits n bobs for her armorstands!!

Got her Armorstand stickgod book <3

Geminitay POV

NEW HERMIT NEW HERMIT NEW HERMIT!!

She has a LOVELY voice!!

The pov of her in a hole . being surrrounded . is kinda hilarious

It might’ve been Etho who was first death?? I GENUIENLY CANNOT TELL BECAUSE OF EDITING

All the murder was just for heads!

Seriously her voice is. wow

WE LOVE A QUEEN WHO KNOWS HOW TO CRAFT A SHIELD WITHOUT USING THE GUIDE <3

False, Gemini, and Stress are on the great journey for MOSS !

Gem just blew their minds with the moss.

TANGO KERALIS AND BDUBS ARE BACK Keralis: “Show the diamonds show the diamonds show the diamonds!” Gem: “Keralis. This is not how you make friends.”

The boys suecessfully recieved a diamond each

Etho n Iskall are travelling together!! You dont see those two together often

Etho got a glowsquid head!!

Gem: “Etho doesn’t share, is what i’m learning..?”

Etho hooked her with a fishing rod and said she has to do what he said .

In order to get the diamonds, Tango, Keralis, and BDubs placed down a sign saying “Gem is Great!” and Gem used a glow inksack on it.

Etho: “So..What is this? Do you have an ego, or this a motivational thing, or..?” He said, while laughing

Iskall: “I think its really funny that you have set your base up in the middle of a birch forest.” Gem: “I love birch forests! Do you not like my birch forest? Iskall: “I love it, yeah.” Gem: “This is the best biome in the game, Iskall.” Iskall: “Mmmm..” Etho: “I’m pretty sure I heard Iskall talking earlier that like, of all the biomes in the game, there was one he hated more than anything. Gem: “Oh really? And what was that one?” Iskall: “..Taiga.” Gem: “Taiga.. That’s true, thats a good one, thats a good one.” Iskall: “Don’t like Taiga.” Gem: “Mhm.” Etho: “Which one do you hate more than anyone?” Iskall: “..Diorite fields. Thats a bad one.” Etho: “Yeah thats a bad one.” Gem: “Didn’t know about that one. Well make sure to avoid’em. Birch forests are really good.” Iskall: “I’m a big fan of birch forests.” Gem: “Yeah, me too, me too. I’m glad we’re on the same page :) This is so beautiful! All the white and- and the like zebra stripes! is fantastic.” Iskall: “I..Um.. Yes.”

OH SHE’S CANADIAN,, ETHO HAS A FRIEND /j

She’s still in college :O SHE’S A SCIENTIST?? SHES WORKING AT A HOSPITAL?? POG!!

She accidentally found an enchanted golden apple in a mineshaft!! she thinks its the first she ever found in survival!!

She has a cow, sheep, and a few crop farms set up!! Her starter house has INTERRIOR!

SHE CHANGED HER SKIN AND ITS SO PRETTY AND HAS OVERALL AND I LOVE IT!!

shes doing a cottage core inspired base!

WOAHH!!! SHE MADE HTE MOST GOREGOUS CUSTOM TREE I’VE EVER SEEN ??

BDUBS IS HERE and he is so so so impressed by the tree ?!

also hes carrying a clock.. :(

He’s here with a present!

HE BROUGHT BAMBOO!

she thinks its so funny that he stops conversations to sleep AOIDHFEAUI\

SCARS

WE GOT A TRANSITION SCENE!! the canonical reason for the bed in his old village always being occupied is because underneath it, was his wizard portal!

Bdubs: “It’s a new season! You’re the little guy now!”

They are all very amused by that ^

they’re rubbing the fleece of bdubs jacket .

Bdubs: “Have a nice rub :)” PLEASEAHSIOJDIUASLDHIASDA

His starter base is gonna be a wagon and he wants the end game to be a bioshock esque skyscraper!

he confused a horse for a player . flashback to iskall thinking mumbo was a mob

PEOPLE THINK MUMBO DOESNT HAVE PANTS ON.... </3

Scar, Mumbo, and Grian.. have NO braincells. at all. THey just placed a crafting table with a boat on top with a bed on top with a boat on top .

this is what BROS FOR LIFE looks like.

BOATEM POLE !

SCAR IS STUCK UNDERGROUND IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT IRL AND HAS NO PICKAXE..

AND HE DIED TO A CREEPER .

it seems like Grian, Mumbo, and Scar are working together !!!! HOLY SHIT !!

THERES SO SO SO MANY FARMS???????

he died several times trying to catch a skeleton with a sword

FIRST CHEST MONSTER OF THE SEASON <3

SCAR JSUT TOLD BDUBS HE LOOKS LIKE OSCAR THE CROUCH... BDUBS CANNOT EVEN ARGUE

OH NO.... GRIAN WENT AFK IN A HOLE . WITHOUT A HELMET .

THEY PUT A GLOWSQUID HEAD ON HIM

OH MY GOD MUMBO MADE A NOTEBLOCK SONG?? AJUDA

SCARS BUILTING IS SO SO SOOS GOREGOUS SERIOUSLY GO WATCH THE VIDEO OH MY GOD ITS HUGE

its a giant ass house boat wagon . its pulled by a llama . that killed him . so now its trapped, pulling hte agon, forever

Grian: “..Thats a very big house, for a very little hat.”

GRIANS SUPER SPECIAL EGG??

SCAR PUNCHED IT..

they really came out here . and killed the egg already.

Scar: “..I touched the thing”

TANGO POV

We see the three big eyed boys forming <3 they interrupted Tangos intro

THEY’RE BULLYING HIM ABOUT HAVING SMALL EYES AHIDUIASUHDWIS

HE TRIED TO CALL THE TRIO TEAM BUG EYE... THE OTHERS ARE VERY OFFENDED

they found an axolotl and Bdubs was TERRIFIED just screaming “WHAT IS THAT YELLOW THING?!”

BDUBS IS ATTACKING IT ???

okay nope Bdubs caught one and Tango lost it

Bdubs is naming his axolotl Idiot

AMAZING HOUSE. WHY IS TANGO SO GOOD AT BUILDING AND REDSTONE??

Impulse POV

MUMBO TRIED TO PLACE DOWN A BERRY BUSH TO HURT IMPULSE . HE FORGOT HOW BUSHES WORK..

I DIDNT EVEN NOTICE THAT IMPULSE WAS IN THE BOATEM POLE

so it looks like those four are hteo nes who grouped up together

PEARL BROKE THE CONSTITUION SHE GOT IN THE WRONG BOAT SMH

THIS IS SEASON EIGHT! FIVE BROS !

So its gonna be about five people in the same area!!

YOO!! Fantasy build for Impulse!!

G gave Impulse a spyglass, they had a fun moment of zooming in on eachothers face and complimenting eachother IHAUDIHAW

Grian and Impulse worked on an xp farm!

ASHDUIWAHISD GRIAN JUST LOGGED ON INFRONT OF HIM

a pillager stole his boat . not just any pillager . the one with a banner. </3

he has to live with Mumbo tuning a song .. </3 haha

Mumbo POV

it took fifteen seconds until Grian ran in during Mumbos intro

CONFIRMED? GRIAN WAS FIRST DEATH?

SECOND PERSON TO THINK MUMBOS PANTS ARE SKIN COLOR. GRIAN..

Grian: “Can you..Briefly explain why you’re just wearing a hawaiian shirt?” Mumbo: “Uh- what do you mean ‘just wearing a hawaiin shirt? I have shorts on as-well, dude”

FOLLOWED BY

Mumbo: “Can you explain why you’re wearing a red jumper?” Grian: “You know- you know i was born with this!”

MUMBO AND GRIAN STOLE THE BOAT LOOT FROM RENDOC

I THINK RENDOC JUST STOLE THE DIAMOND MUMBO THREW??

Grian: “Is that Scar?” Mumbo: “I can’t see past your giant waffle!”

DSFSDFJIOA they did an edit where they placed down a boat, both Mumbo and Grian got in, they made noises and then bopped up on top of the ravine they were in <3

THEY HAVE NO BRAINCELL THEY JUST PLACED DOWN A BENCH AND SAID “THIS IS THE MARK OF OUR VILLAGE!” and then placed a torch and a boat and a bed and aANOTHER BED..

..Mumbo is trying to be a pacifist this season!

Grian’s taunting him with beheaded things

And obviously part of being pacifist means he’s gonna be vegetarian in minecraft!

..he cannot use monster farms because pacifisim..

Mumbo was in the middle of reading the magical Timmy shack that Tango made (did i remember to mention that? who knows) and IN THE MIDDLE OF GETTING TO THE PART ABOUT IF YOU REMOVE STUFF FROM THE CHEST, NOTHING WILL BE ADDED IN IT AGAIN. Grian opened the chest . Mumbo SHOUTED HIAUDHUW Grian jumped man

They renamed it “Cave of Do Not Enter” HIAUEDUH

Mumbo and Scar BOTH did not know- at least Mumbo didn’t, Scar forgot, that podzol spawns from two-by-two spruce..

him and his guitar song to be played underneath his house.. it goes with the aesthetic i suppose

MAN HE NEEDS SO MUCH HAYBALES I FORGOT THATS NEEDED FOR THE TUNE HE WANTS

Mumbo: “What.. On Earth.. Scar, it’s meant to be a starterbase, buddy! What is this? This is many things, many many things, a starterbase is NOT one of them!”

HE LITERALLY DIDNT KNOW THAT THE DRAGON EGG TELEPORTS... WHEN YOU TOUCH IT...

BDUBS

nothing special we havent seen yet!! just him screaming about axolotls.

He was working in the Mesa in his intro, skipping the “speech” from Mumbo

He released Idiot the Axolotl and lost it .

Him SCREAMING “Gemini” is HILARIOUS

While Gemini gave away those three diamonds, Keralis got so excited he won a bet with Tango and Bdubs, that he gave back . two of the diamonds . and none of htem released until well after they left

Bdubs: “That’s why i have my mwoss skin!” PLEASE I LOVE THE WAY HE SAYS IT.. make the moss hood.. REAL..

it took me a while to figure out what his base is but i LOVE IT so so much!!!

Nothing much new to add !!

Stress pov

please i love her . very good !! False seems to have joined her sheerly because Stress sounded like she knew what she was doing. she does not.

False felt peerpressured and asked Stress for permission to fight her because everyone was killing eachother .

It ended up with Stress following False. they found a village!

ISKALL only saw him one other time today!!

JEVIN APPEARS AGAIN !

XISUMA FELL INTO HTE BREEDER AND IT WAS SO FUNN IUAHHYIAUSD

Ren: “Ya look goregous, Stress!” Stress: “Thanks! Don’t murder my dog!”

She’s so proud of herself for caving!! (with False n Gem

Iskall blew up!

..Iskall fell from a high place

Stress has a LOVELY ravine base!!

False

False wants to become pirates with Stress <3

gatekeep gaslight girlboss

BIG OL MUSHROOM HOUSE !!

it looks like a mushroom church and i LOVE IT.

Nothing new we didn’t see from Gem. She does want to come up with a banner design for her base, though!

Grian

..Mumbo just thought Grian had a purpose so decided to follow him <3

ALSO HIS INTRO, AS HE JOKED ABOUT IN THE OTHERS VIDEO, WAS, IN FACT, THE BOATEM POLE

Grian is SO PROUD of the fact taht they got good loot from a treasure map. Ren and Doc are NOT IMPRESSED

Grian: “Lets go, potato boy!”

Mumbo: “I don’t have to replace everything I break! Peace Love and Plants- are these plants..?” He says, mining amethyst

pants

he who controls the egg, controls the server... Grian.. you’re doing great sir

...He decided.. his goal.. is to make his OWN..caves and cliffs update... HELLO..?

Grian was the first one to kill the enderdragon, MAN. Speedrunning career WHEN? /j

Grian: “And now [Mumbo] is flexing on my bed!”

he might not have a base. but he has an egg.

It is now 2am. i cannot do this anymore. This will be continued.. tomorrow!

#long post #SERIOUSLY I CANNOT BELIEVE HOW LONG I WENT #spoilers #hermitcraft 8 #hermitcraft 8 spoilers #hc 8 #hc 8 spoilers #mcyt #mcytblr #hermitblr #hermitcraft #mika-posts

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neocityarchive · 5 years ago

Text

blind love | l.m.k.

— in which mark lee is so much more than just your best friend but you were too blind to realize it.

word count: 7.2k | warnings: light swearing | blind love - lola young |

a/n: i didnt mean for it to be this long but i hope you enjoy!!!

“Just friends,” Mark said, his voice still steady even in the growing tension of the moment. “That’s all you said we are, right?”

Your head dropped down to look at your hands, not knowing what to say. The overbearing guilt of rejecting his sudden confession was crushing your chest that it became painful to breathe.

“I’m sorry, Mark,” was all you could say. You forced yourself to meet his gaze through your already glassy eyes, wanting to let him know the sincerity of your words.

He smiled kindly, shaking his head. There was sadness in his eyes. And in all the years you two have known each other, you could tell how hard he was trying to hide it. “It’s okay. That’s all we’ll be.”

You bumped your head repeatedly against your study table in an attempt to rid yourself of the memory that’s constantly been playing in your head.

It was a Sunday which meant there were no classes, which meant the university was closed, which meant that you couldn’t even make an excuse to see your best friend Mark who somehow, after almost three years of friendship, suddenly decided that it was a good idea to tell you he loves you more than a friend should love a friend.

You couldn’t say it happened out of nowhere. He’s been saying he has something important to tell you for almost two weeks before the incident but every time you confront him about it, he always makes up some lame excuse to dodge. It took a lot of self-hate for yourself and a nice amount of his protective instinct to finally make him spit it out.

He came to your apartment that night, finding you barefaced, wearing a pair of sweats and one of his hoodies that you stole some time ago. From that he already knew you weren’t okay. You like wearing his stuff to seek some sort of comfort. Somehow, the smell of his clothes helps calm you down.

You were supposed to help him finish a report but you couldn’t concentrate after getting a below satisfactory grade on a major exam. College has done nothing but give you a shitload of insecurities lately and this just pushed you off the edge. The only thing that has been keeping you sane was the knowledge that you had someone who you can run to at the end of the day. Someone who is willing to listen to your rants and would do almost anything to cheer you up.

That day, however, none of Mark’s usual encouragement worked on you. He was getting frustrated hearing you downplay yourself because of a single exam. You started going on about how stupid you felt, how staying up all night to study did nothing but make you ugly. Mark countered every insult you threw at yourself, throwing in a few jokes here and there, all of which you ignored. But when you went on about how all of this made you unworthy of anything, how no one could possibly love you in this state, he just couldn’t take it anymore.

“I love you,” he snapped, cutting you off from your long self-deprecating speech.

“You’re my best friend. You’re supposed to say that,” you whined, clearly missing the point.

Mark, on the other hand, was barely holding it all inside. He ran his hands through his hair and sighed. “No, idiot. I love you. Stop saying no one could love you, because I do. And not just because you’re my best friend.”

It wasn’t until you noticed his hands were quivering that you realized what he really meant. Looking back on it, you couldn’t help but hate yourself. You were sure it took a lot of his courage (and frustration) to come clean to you like that, and you couldn’t even take him seriously at first.

“Mark, no,” you remember telling him.

“I do. I hate that I do, but I do.” He looked away. “I love you and I know you’re feeling burdened right now, but you don’t have to say it back.”

A part of you broke that day. You hated rejecting people after having gone through several rejections yourself. It’s the worst feeling. You always wished there was a way you could always return people’s feelings just so no one would get hurt, but the universe just doesn’t work that way.

You muttered about a hundred sorries to which Mark replied a hundred ‘it’s okay’s. Maybe it was meant to make you feel better, but it just felt like your heart was getting ripped off your chest.

Mark didn’t stay long after that. You didn’t even get to help him with his report. He said sorry for suddenly dropping the L-word and you said sorry for not being able to say it back. He smiled sadly and it took your everything not to cry. He asked if he could hug you and you didn’t even answer. You just went straight into his arms, burying your head in his chest like you’ve done so many times before, breathing heavily to keep yourself from breaking down. And when the two of you pulled away, he insisted on being alone for a while. You said okay followed by another sorry.

You didn’t know “being alone for a while” meant ignoring you for god knows how long. You see him at uni but he wouldn’t even meet your eye. Even when you share the same class, he would choose to sit as far from you as possible. Once, he entered a cafe you were in and upon seeing you inside, he immediately turned around and walked away.

He’s ignoring you and he isn’t even being subtle about it. Mark Lee could never be subtle about anything, not even his feelings. You really were just too blind to realize anything.

Even other people saw how he felt. People used to come up to you all the time and ask about your “boyfriend” Mark. Sure, you would blush, shy that people thought you’re in a relationship with your best friend. When you explain that you weren’t actually dating, you would get the same shocked reaction every time. One of your friends even said you acted more like a couple than most people in a relationship do. You always thought it was just because you and Mark were such good friends.

“Friends don’t hold hands in public,” you remember Renjun saying.

“We don’t hold hands. He just grabs me and drags me to places,” you said defensively.

“And they don’t hug each other and stare at each other’s eyes while talking about pizza,” Jaemin scoffed.

You just rolled your eyes at them. It never crossed your mind that maybe they were right. You and Mark have never acted like how friends should. Maybe it’s the reason why you’re in this mess after all.

You sighed to yourself. You miss him. You can’t even pretend that you don’t. He’s become such a huge part of your everyday life that you couldn’t just ignore the sudden empty space he left when he said he wanted to be alone. You know he needed time to be by himself. But a part of you keeps holding on to his promise that even after his confession, you two would still be friends. And friends text each other, right? So all your attempts at communication depended on just that.

Thursday, 5:31 PM

You: wanna go watch a movie? i’ll buy the tickets.

Mark: cant. i have an exam tomorrow. sorry :/ maybe next time?

You: oh. okay. goodluck on your exam :)

Friday, 2:21 AM

You: [photo] this is possibly the cutest cat photo i’ve seen in awhile

Mark: that’s cute but dogs are still cuter

You: … okay?

Mark: go to sleep, y/n

Friday, 12:03 PM

You: i know you dont have class rn. have lunch w me?

Mark: oh i already ate with jaemin. sorry!!

You: it’s okayyyy :>> i’ll see u later? it’s friday night sooo we can hang out.

Mark: idk the boys already asked me to go out tonight

You: oh okay have fun!

Saturday, 6:54 PM

You: maaaark

Mark: y/nnn

You: [types] i miss you kajdhfhdksjdh [deletes]

You: nothing haha wanna grab some coffee?

Saturday, 7:01 PM

You: nvm haha have a nice nighhhttt

Sunday, 10:21 PM

You: hey can we talk

Mark: ???

You: please?

Mark: ye what about?

You: you said we’d still be friends

Mark: lol aren’t we?

You: this isn’t how friends talk to each other. i miss having an actual conversation with you.

You: we dont even see each other anymore.

Mark: i literally reply more to u than i do to jaem wdym haha

You: wow fine okay

Mark: ?????

You: i guess i deserve that haha

Mark: im tired y/n. night.

You: :( nighttt

You checked your messages for the nth time, reading everything as if something was gonna miraculously change with the cold conversation thread. Your fingers have been hovering over the keypad, typing and deleting ‘i miss you’ and ‘talk to me’ for about a hundred times already.

You don’t get why you can’t just say it. What’s so wrong with telling your best friend you miss him? Why is it so hard to press send? Why are you suddenly so afraid of how he would reply or if he would even reply at all?

It was only 10:30 in the evening. You know for sure Mark is only lying about going to sleep. He never sleeps this early unless he really is tired. He does nothing on Sundays so he can’t possibly be tired. Sundays are usually just the two of you hanging out in his apartment or yours, just to watch movies or study together. So what did he do today?

“Stop thinking about him,” you grumbled to yourself. “It’s just Mark. He’s a big boy, he can handle himself.”

But that’s not the point, a voice inside your head said. Just tell him you miss him.

You typed it again, ‘I miss you,’ but deleted it as soon as it was finished. Again.

You’ve spent everyday with Mark that it suddenly hurts to think he’s enjoying the time you usually spend together alone. It’s crazy how you can’t stop thinking about how his day went or if he’s okay or whether he’s eaten or not. You know how stubborn he can be. Sometimes, he’d get so engulfed in whatever he’s doing that he would accidentally skip meals unless you remind him otherwise.

“Fuck this,” you muttered to yourself. You figured you won’t ever be left at peace if you don’t do anything about whatever you’re feeling, so you decided to text Jaemin.

Sunday, 10:52 PM

You: jaeeem hi :)

Jaemin: y/n!!!!! hello :>

You: sorry for bothering you but have you talked to mark lately?

Jaemin: im talking to him rn haha why? you want me to ask him something?

You: not really hahaha how is he?

Jaemin: haha why not ask him yourself

You: he doesnt wanna talk to me lol pls just answer

Jaemin: he’s stubborn as always. he wont listen to me.

You: why, what’s he doing?

Jaemin: idk but it’s definitely not talking to you ksjdjkd

You: … very funny

Jaemin: sorry lmaooo he’s running on an hour or two of sleep everyday

You: jaemin!! why won’t you scold him?

Jaemin: we do! he just doesn’t listen. u know he only listens to you.

Jaemin: idk why you guys still arent together lmao bunch of idiots tbh

You: we’re just friends

Jaemin: rlly? oh btw mark hyung is looking for his save the bees shirt. did u see it anywhere?

You: yeah he left it here like two weeks ago when he slept over

Jaemin: LMAOOO DOESNT SOUND LIKE FRIENDS TO ME CHIEF

You: i fckingskjfhfn hate you

Jaemin: HJSJSHHDJD ok but seriously tho mark hyung is fine. just give him time, he’ll come around.

Jaemin: he misses you but u didnt hear it from me

Jaemin: ok bye he’s getting suspicious now lol

You: idk how you’re both an angel and the devil at the same time

You: anw thanks jaem. dont tell him i asked about him lol byeee

You sighed, putting your phone down in surrender. Your mind was more of a mess now than it was before you talked to Jaemin. You hate that he makes sense especially about the weird, more-than-friendly dynamics of your relationship with Mark. But more importantly, your head was beginning to be overfilled with worry.

Mark runs on barely two hours of sleep everyday. No wonder he always looks so out of it whenever you see him in the hallway. You wanted to call him, to tell him that he should sleep already, to remind him that he shouldn’t overwork himself, that doing just enough is okay. But you know he doesn’t want to talk to you. The cold replies and the ‘????’ were more than enough to tell you that.

Still, you figured it was worth a try sending him a little reminder. So you grabbed your phone once again and typed a message, revealing a little more of your emotions than you intended to. And before you could even think twice about it, you hit send.

Sunday, 11:04 PM

You: hey i know you’re still not asleep. dont worry, you dont have to reply to me. i just wanna tell you that you should take care of yourself. i know you. you’re stubborn and sometimes you won’t sleep or eat unless someone reminds you to so,, this is me reminding you haha. stop overworking yourself mark, please? you cant be sick cause i cant take care of you since you wont talk to me… lol jk. but seriously, get more rest (and talk to me,, hahah jk again unless u wanna ;)) please go to sleep now. goodnight. see you around i guess.

You stopped texting Mark after that. You wondered if he would find the initiative to talk to you first if you didn’t start the conversation. Now, two days have passed and your sleep reminder remains to be the last message on your conversation thread. You couldn’t say it didn’t hurt. You were hoping for at least a small thanks but didn’t get anything at all.

You were starting to get more and more frustrated as the days went by. It’s so unfair that you are slowly losing your best friend because of this. It’s unfair that you can’t even be mad at him because you just broke his heart. You wished there was any way you could have changed what happened, but the past remains to be written.

That afternoon, you passed by one of the cafes you and Mark always go to. You went inside, suddenly craving their special banana muffin which he introduced to you some months ago. The owner recognized you right away as you came up to the cashier.

“You’re not with your boyfriend today?” she asked.

You felt your heart skip a beat and not in a good way. It hurt. You figured there was no use in explaining since she probably won’t believe that Mark is not your boyfriend so you just smiled sadly and answered, “No.”

The lady somehow talked you into buying two muffins so you can bring one to your “boyfriend.” After handing her your payment, you realized maybe that wasn’t such a bad idea. Mark always brings you stuff whenever you’re mad or upset. He knows exactly what you’re craving for even before you knew you were craving for it. Why not try if it works on him?

As soon as you headed out the cafe, you whipped your phone out to text Jaemin, asking if he knew where Mark was. It’s Tuesday, his most free day of the week so he could be anywhere. Jaemin replied not after five minutes.

Jaemin: not sure but he mentioned something about the library??

You: okay thank you!

From that, you knew exactly where Mark is. There was a small patio-like spot beside the library that he likes going to. Not a lot of people utilize the place since the tables and chairs are almost always filled with dried fallen leaves from the surrounding trees but Mark likes the thought of being close to nature.

That day though, there were more people around the area than usual. It was lunchtime so most people were out of the classrooms. Still, it wasn’t hard spotting Mark. It has never been much of a challenge finding him in a crowd of people. You saw him as soon as he came into view, sitting by the table on the corner under one of the ginkgo trees. He had his laptop open and a box of food beside it. His eyebrows furrowed in concentration one moment and then he was laughing the next.

You were about to make your way towards him but immediately stopped in your tracks when you realized he wasn’t alone.

You didn’t know who the girl was. You’ve seen her a lot of times in class and in the hallway. You even have a vague memory of Mark talking to her one time. But you never really bothered to learn her name. She had that soft, innocent look that goes so well with her shy smile. She had her hair tucked in her ears to show just enough of her pretty face. She was beautiful. Unconventionally but undeniably. But none of that mattered.

When she said something with a smirk and Mark let out his trademark laugh, nose scrunching, hand repeatedly hitting the table, shoulders shaking and all, it felt like something punched you in the stomach. He uttered something in reply and now both of them are clutching their sides for laughing too hard.

He looks happy, you thought, I should be, too.

But you aren’t. You continued watching their exchange, him showing her something on his laptop and both of them laughing once again. Your chest felt heavy, like something was sitting on it and now it hurts to breathe. You didn’t realize you’ve been clutching the plastic bag containing the muffin too hard until you felt the sting of nails digging on your palms. You knew you should look away but you couldn’t. You wanted to run towards him. You wanted to tell the girl to scooch over so you can sit beside Mark and give him his muffin.

This is pathetic. I should be happy for him, you said to yourself. But why am I not?

You wanted to be angry, to scream and say that it should be you he’s laughing like that with. To say that it’s you he should be spending his time with. You wanted to ask if he still feels the way he said he does about you. And if he does, then why this? But you remained glued to the ground.

You hated how you were being selfish. You rejected him, remember? So why do you expect him to follow your tails like an intoxicated mad dog? Why can’t you be happy at the possibility that he found someone that feels the same way he does? Why does it… hurt? It’s not supposed to. If you really are friends, then him being happy with someone after your rejection should make you happy as well. If you really are friends, then you shouldn’t be standing here looking stupid, watching them from afar, wishing he’s with you instead.

“What are you looking at?”

You jumped at the sudden disruption, almost dropping your muffins. “What the hell, Jaemin?!” you whined, finally looking away from Mark.

“Mark hyung and Mina?” he snorted.

So that’s her name. “No,” you lied, forcing yourself to take a step away, then another, then another.

“Are you jealous?” Jaemin teased. “Have you finally realized you’re also whipped for our hyung?”

“No,” you grumbled.

“Then why are you almost crying?”

You blinked. You didn’t even realize the tears pooling in your eyes. Why are you being like this? “Shut up. I’m not.”

Jaemin only shrugged. “Fine. Torture yourself, then.” He smirked. “By the way, Jeno and I are inviting people to our place this Friday after exams. Just some drinks and maybe karaoke, I don’t know. We all deserve a break from hell. Wanna come?”

You didn’t reply. Your mind was too preoccupied with other things.

“Mark hyung is coming,” he said. “Maybe Mina too.”

“I don’t wanna go,” you said immediately, suddenly coming up with a decision.

The boy laughed. “You are jealous! God, I love it when you prove yourself wrong. You shouldn’t be though. You already know he likes you.”

“I’m not jealous! Stop it,” you whined, really wanting to cry this time. Everything is so frustrating and Jaemin is not being of any help. You wanted to go home and just wrap yourself in your blanket and maybe one of Mark’s hoodies.

“Then come to our place this Friday. It’s gonna be fun.” He grinned.

“Fine. Whatever. Just get away from me, you little shit,” you said, kicking him lightly in the butt.

You didn’t know if it was a lie or not but if Mark really is seeing someone now, you just didn’t like the idea of seeing them flirt with each other in front of your eyes. Even the thought of it makes you want to pull all your hair out. Is that considered jealousy? If so, why are you feeling it for someone who’s supposed to be just a friend?

Thursday came and you found yourself crying after realizing the shirt you’ve been wearing the whole day was Mark’s. No wonder he looked surprised seeing you in the hallway. He looked away immediately though, acting as if you weren’t there. It didn’t even cross your mind since you use this shirt quite a lot.

After calming yourself down, you put your playlist on shuffle and cried some more after Friends by Ed Sheeran started playing. You didn’t even realize how fitting the song was for your situation until now. Mark probably did.

You remembered him singing that song once. The two of you were just lounging in his apartment. He was playing his guitar while you pretended to study when in reality you were just looking at him. You watched as his fingers plucked and strummed the guitar strings while he softly mumbled lyrics, head bobbing to the tune. He’s good. Unsurprisingly, since he’s good at everything.

When he realized you were staring at him, he turned his head slightly to meet your eyes, one side of his lips curling up into a smirk. “No, my friends won’t love me like you do,” he sang.

You looked away, your cheeks heating up almost immediately. It was hard to focus on your readings when he’s sitting right in front of you looking like that, singing like that. You sighed. He truly was never being subtle about how he felt.

After finishing the song, Mark put his guitar down and laid his head on your lap, not even bothering to ask if it’s okay. That’s how comfortable you were with each other.

“What are you doing?” You remember whining.

“Wake me up after 15 minutes,” he said, already closing his eyes. You took a photo of him that night. He’s cute when he’s asleep. Even cuter when you look at him up close.

Of course, you just had to search your camera roll to find the photo. When you did, it felt as if a storm was raging on your stomach and a gorilla was pounding on your chest. It never dawned to you just how much it hurts that he suddenly left you alone until that moment.

“Goddamn, I miss you so much,” you muttered, looking at his peaceful expression in the photo.

And then you cried some more. You feel lost.

All you wanted to do was curl up in his arms and inhale his scent and listen to how his day went (and maybe accidentally fall asleep together). It sucks because you really had no one else to turn to. The single person who has always been your safe place doesn’t want to talk to you and even if he did, you really wouldn’t know what to say. Perhaps friends really aren’t like that. The thought of everyone being right when they said that maybe you and Mark were never really just friends has never been stronger than it was tonight.

Still, you couldn’t be bothered to sort your feelings out.

He feels like home, you thought. It was the best way to explain the sense of comfort and safety and the feeling of being more than enough that he provides you. It’s the only thing you can think of when your mind drifts to how he is always the constant person that you run to at the end of the day. But friends can feel like home, too, right?

Not to this extent. Not really.

Friday. You found yourself aimlessly roaming around the neighborhood after your classes in the hopes of distracting yourself from your feelings or whatever the hell they’re supposed to be called. You wouldn’t have remembered Jaemin’s party if you didn’t happen to pass by their apartment building.

You stood in front of it for two solid minutes, contemplating whether to go or not.

Mark might be there, you thought. With everything that’s going on in your head and with all the mess happening in your chest, would it really be a good idea to see him? You thought maybe all these things you’re feeling are just a result of missing him. All these sadness and confusion might just be because you miss your best friend.

So you entered the building. You told yourself that you’ll try talking to him again this time, no matter how stubborn he’s going to be. And if it still doesn’t change anything, then you will take it as a sign to let him go. If not forever, then at least for now.

You reached the door to Jaemin and Jeno’s apartment. Even from the outside, the sound of the bass can already be heard. You wondered how long before the neighbors would file a complaint against them, but knowing Jaemin and Jeno, their neighbors are probably inside, partying with them right now.

Before entering, you looked down on your chest just to make sure you were wearing your own shirt and not Mark’s. It didn’t feel right wearing his stuff anymore. God, it really felt like you just broke up. Why is it like this?

You took a deep breath and opened the door. There were already a lot of people inside even if it was just 8 in the evening. Most of them, you know the faces of. You smiled to greet some and muttered a hi to others.

Renjun spotted you as soon as you came into the living room. “Y/N!” He grinned, handing you a cup of god knows what. “Jaemin said he invited you but we were all pretty sure you were gonna ghost us. But you didn’t!”

You laughed hesitantly. “Thanks, I guess?”

“Drink up. It’s a cocktail I made myself,” he said proudly, almost forcing the cup into your mouth.

You took a sip, figuring it won’t do any harm but you spat the liquid back to the cup as soon as it touched your tongue. “What the hell did you put in this?”

He shrugged. “Honestly, I don’t know. I just mixed in everything I could find. Thanks for trying it out though. I’ve been looking for a volunteer for five minutes already.”

You frowned. There were a lot of things you were unsure of at the moment but there is one thing that’s certain: you have weird friends. You were about to complain to Renjun when he plucked the cup from your grip and went on to find another victim, not even bothering to listen when you said you literally spat on the cup.

Mark didn’t seem to be anywhere. The apartment wasn’t that big so if he was here, it would be easy to spot him. Maybe he decided not to show up after knowing you were coming. And honestly, part of you was relieved. As much as you wanted to talk to him, you still didn’t know what to say.

I’m sorry I broke your heart, but I miss you so much and I did a lot of thinking and maybe we really shouldn’t be labeled as just friends but I don’t know if I love you, is that okay? That’s just stupid. This whole thing is stupid.

You wanted to leave. Parties have never really been your thing. You usually just go because Mark asked you to since he loves interacting with people. But you figured you needed some alcohol in your system, mainly as a distraction, but also to give you a boost of courage just in case. So you made your way to the kitchen, avoiding eye contact with anyone as much as possible.

You stopped in your tracks as you came to the kitchen. The sound of that laugh was all too familiar.

Great, you thought. Mark was there. And Mina was too. But so were Jeno and Jaemin who exchanged looks as soon as their eyes landed on you. They were all laughing about something before you came.

“You’re here!” Jaemin said a little too enthusiastically in a poor attempt to address the sudden increase of tension in the room.

“Hi,” you said, smiling sheepishly, purposefully avoiding Mark’s gaze which you could feel boring into you. “Just gonna get a drink.”

“Help yourself,” Jeno said. Jaemin smirked beside him.

The refrigerator was just beside Mark. Just great, you thought again. You walked towards it, desperately trying to ignore the four pairs of eyes following your every move.

“Excuse me,” you muttered, still not looking at your best friend.

Mark took a step sideways before opening the fridge for you. You muttered a quick thanks before grabbing the first bottle your hands landed on, not even bothering to check what it was. You really just wanted to get out of there. Maybe the talking to Mark plan was flawed from the beginning because you clearly can’t find the courage in you to face him now.

Beside you, Mark clicked his tongue. He was so close that you could smell his perfume mixed with a bit of alcohol. It made your knees weak.

He took the bottle from your hand and put it back before grabbing a different one and handing it to you. “The other one had vodka. Vodkas give you a headache, remember?” he said in a slightly annoyed tone.

“Oh.” Your voice sounded small even to your own ears. Not gonna lie, you wanted to cry at that moment. “Thanks.”

You could hear Jaemin snickering behind you but you couldn’t bring it in yourself to care. You turned to everyone and said a quick goodbye before dashing out of the kitchen.

Your heart was beating hard and rapidly and not because you moved too fast. You didn’t know why but it hurt seeing Mark like that, like he was okay, like nothing changed with the two of you. It hurt knowing that even after everything, he still knows you the best.

You wanted to run. You wanted to disappear. But you couldn’t leave without passing by the kitchen. Somehow, you know someone in there would stop you. If not Mark, then definitely Jaemin. But you really wanted to be alone. So you resorted to the next best thing. You whipped your phone out and sent Jaemin a text.

You: thanks for inviting me to this party. now i feel like shit :D

Jaemin: IM SORRY BUT DONT LEAVE YET TF

You: i need to be alone and i cant leave without passing by the kitchen and seeing mark. so pls let me use your room for a while.

You: i wont do anything i promise. i just need to calm down.

Jaemin: fine but dont lock the door

You: okay thanks

The door to Jaemin’s room was at the other end of the apartment. You made your way through the noisy crowd, slipping from Renjun’s weird gimmicks when he tried to make you a victim once again, before finally reaching the quiet confines of Jaemin’s room.

The thin walls barely blocked the noise but at least there was no one else here. You sat at the edge of the bed and placed the beer bottle on the floor. You forgot you didn’t even manage to open it. So you just stared at your feet, trying to catch your breath even if you didn’t do anything. That heavy feeling on your chest was back again. It was now associated with being in Mark’s presence.

You started counting to ten to calm yourself down before burying your face on your palms, breaking down into sobs as soon as your forehead came in contact with your fingers. “God, why can’t I just…” you cried, “... admit it to myself already?”

You wanted to thrash around in the bed in frustration but you thought Jaemin didn’t deserve such a mess so you settled with getting up and lightly banging your head against the door. It’s a bad habit you do when you feel annoyed or frustrated. Mark has always been reminding you to stop before you hurt yourself.

Mark. Again. You groaned, hitting your head a little harder this time.

Someone knocked on the door making you stop. You took a step back, thinking you just imagined it. But there it was again.

“Someone’s here,” you said, trying to hide the sound of your voice breaking.

“I know. Can I come in?” It was Mark. There was no question.

Your heart started pounding on your chest once again. You wanted to tell him to go away but you couldn’t find it in yourself to do so.

He took your silence as a yes. He swung the door slightly and poked his head through the small opening. Your hands immediately flew to your face to hide the fact that you’ve been crying.

“You know, I came in here because I didn’t wanna see you when I pass by the kitchen if I leave then you come here making me look like a clown,” you said, your voice muffled by your hands.

Mark chuckled softly. “Why didn’t you wanna see me?”

You didn’t reply. Your face felt hot, not just because of the tears that just won’t stop falling but also because all the blood has come rushing to your cheeks.

Mark grabbed both your wrists and gently lowered your hands down, trying to see your face, but your head bent down as soon as it wasn’t covered. “Y/N, look at me,” he said, hands still on your wrists.

“No.”

“Are you crying?” The idiot crouched down to have a glimpse of your face making you whine and cover your face again. “Last I checked, I should be the one looking brokenhearted around here.”

“God I hate you,” you mumbled. “You ignored me for nearly four weeks and you come in here just to make fun of me.”

He let out an empty laugh. “Well, you did break my heart so…”

At that, you removed your hands from your face to look at him. You were going to say sorry but Mark had that smug look on his face that made you want to punch him. It was almost convincing if you weren’t so good at reading the real emotions in his eyes. His expression softened upon finally seeing you properly.

He looked away, not being able to hold your gaze either. That just confirmed how hard he was trying to keep up with the exterior he was showing everyone.

“I’m sorry,” you said, voice breaking.

He sighed. “I told you. It’s okay.”

“But it’s not,” you cried. “I’m sorry I hurt you. I didn’t realize how easy it was to misread what we had because let’s face it, we don’t act like ‘just friends.’ I’m sorry because I was too blind to see how you felt even when you weren’t really trying to hide it. I’m sorry because even though I rejected you, I was so selfish that I still wanted to keep you for myself without realizing that you probably needed to be away from me to move on. I’m sorry because…” you swallowed.

Mark was just looking at you, eyebrows slightly raised in anticipation of what you were going to say next. You missed him. You missed that cute face of his. You missed being in his presence. You missed his voice and his laugh and how he loves teasing you even if he probably feels like shit inside. You missed everything. Four weeks have been too long without each other. Four weeks is too long without your best friend. Four weeks is too long without your home. And that’s when you realized…

“... I can’t let you go. And I might be too late, but I’m sorry that I only just realized why.”

“Why?” he asked.

It was a simple question. Why? Yet it managed to carve out every single feeling you’ve ever felt for this boy. Every little moment he made you laugh. Every small heartbreak you get when he fails to keep his tiny promises. Every single night you ‘accidentally’ fell asleep next to each other. Every ounce of fulfillment you get when you finally convince him to sleep after a long day. Every goodnight. Every good morning. Everything.

“I love you,” you said. It sounded almost like an exhale.

For a moment, Mark didn’t reply. Your head immediately started swarming with unwelcomed thoughts. Maybe you were too late. You almost forgot about Mina who he seems to be having an excellent time with. Maybe he managed to move on within those four weeks. It’s possible, right? You had your chance and you missed it.

Finally, Mark let out a laugh, his head falling down to look at the floor. “I told you you didn’t have to say it back,” he said, voice soft.

You shook your head. “I’m not saying it because you said it first,” you said. “I realize this might be the worst timing but I just thought you should know you weren’t the only one being stupid enough to fall for their best friend. I was just too dumb to realize that that’s what it was.”

“Why would it be the worst timing?” He frowned.

You felt like crying again. You really wish you had some alcohol in your system right now. Why is this whole confession thing taking so long? “‘Cause you’re dating Mina? Or trying to. I don’t know. I tried not keeping tabs on you because our friends are assholes who wouldn’t stop teasing me. She’s pretty, by the way. You two look good together.”

Mark laughed again. It was raw and real this time, and god, the way your chest tightened in endearment at the sound was so pure. “You thought me and Mina are dating?”

“Aren’t you? I’ve seen you guys together a lot.” Well, once. But you tend to overestimate things.

“No!” He snorted. “Jaemin and I are trying to get her and Jeno together. If anything, she made me realize that we definitely aren’t just friends.”

“Really?” Now you just feel stupid. But what else is new? It’s all you’ve been feeling lately. Come to think of it, Mark and Mina didn’t even come close to how you two act with each other.

“Really,” he said. “Friends don’t stay at each other’s place and cuddle with each other just to fall asleep, Y/N. Besides, I said I love you, didn’t I? Did you really think that’s just gonna go away that quickly?”

“Mark, I can’t even sort my feelings out. How am I supposed to figure out how yours work?” You sighed.

“Fine. Just to be clear, I still love you. Even if you don’t, I love you,” he said, taking both your hands and placing it on his shoulder before putting his on your waist.

“But I do.”

“Say it then.”

“I love you. Even if you’re the dorkiest person I know, I love you.” Your fingers tangled themselves in his hair. You’ve run your hands through his hair so many times before. You wondered why it never crossed your mind that you liked doing it not because his hair is soft but because you were sucker for the domestic feeling of it.

Mark couldn’t stop himself from smiling that he had to bury his face at the crook of your neck. “I’m not used to this, sorry.”

“Me neither,” you laughed.

When he finally composed himself, he pulled away just enough to look at you. All those times you’ve stood this close before does not even compare to how it’s like right now. This is the perfect mix of feeling new but familiar.

“You have no idea how many mornings I fought the urge to kiss you whenever we wake up next to each other,” he said in a soft voice.

“Well, nothing’s stopping you know, is there?” you muttered, eyes fluttering to his lips.

You pulled Mark down by the neck as he pulled you closer to him, your lips finally connecting. The idea of kissing him isn’t new to you. There were so many times before that you’ve found yourself inches away from his face and slamming your lips together wouldn’t have been such a bad idea. But this is the first you actually kissed him yet he felt so familiar that you were almost sure you’ve done this a million times before. His lips were soft against yours that it made you weak in the knees. If he weren’t holding onto you like he was, you probably would’ve crumpled already.

The two of you pulled away, breathless.

“Wow,” he breathed. “That didn’t even come close to how I imagined it would feel like.”

You laughed. “This whole night didn’t come close to how I imagined it would be like. I thought you were gonna keep on ignoring me. And honestly, I wouldn’t know how to cope anymore because I really, really miss you already. So thanks for saving me.”

“Stop making me blush. I don’t know how I can possibly love you more than this.”

You rolled your eyes but you couldn’t stop yourself from smiling. This was only one of the very few times that the reality went better than your expectations. But then again, maybe you and Mark have always been meant to happen. It was happening even before you realized it was. And now that you finally managed to sort how you both felt, there was no more wasting chances.

“Do I still have to ask you to be my girlfriend?” he asked.

“We’ve literally slept in the same bed so many times. I’d be more surprised if we’re not dating already,” you joked.

Mark grinned. “You’re literally the only one who didn’t realize that until today, but it’s okay, I still love you.”

You laughed. “Wanna go outside and pretend we didn’t make up? I’m 100% sure Jaemin betted on us.”

“I worry how your mind works sometimes, Y/N,” Mark said with a frown before kissing you on the forehead. “But let’s do it.”

You smiled. You’ve said it a lot but you really missed this proximity. You missed being able to hug him whenever you want, and now you can kiss him whenever you want too. You wanted to say you could get used to this, but the thing is… you already are.

#y/n is a clown here read at your own risk #BUT PLS ENJOY CAUSE I DID #dhjdkjfhdfk i should stop writing about mark #nct au #nct imagines #mark lee imagines #mark lee #nct mark au #nct prompts #nct blurbs #soft nct hours #sad nct hours #nct fluff au #nct angst au #nct dream au #nct 127 au

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lavenderlattaes · 5 years ago

Text

i love you. | bts

⇒ summary: you said you love him in the most casual way.

⇒ [ idolverse! au ]

⇒ pairing: bts x reader

⇒ word count: 2.6k words (in total)

⇒ genre: fluff

⇒ warnings: i think a few swear words

⇒ note: this was requested ages ago sksks im sorry anon, i was lost on how i should write this bc I’ve never tried writing reactions before and i think it’s supposed to be in bullet(proof)form but I found myself writing it like this lol. and since we’re celebrating mots:7 and i am absolutely LOVING the new tracks rn, here’s the reaction you request years ago he he. I’ll have to add dividers and other stuff for this later on bc it’s too long but im on mobile rn. ANYWAY ENOUGH TALKING,, ignore mistakes bc im a bit of a blind bat and enjoy!＼ʕ •ᴥ•ʔ／

kim seokjin:

You’ve been dating Seokjin for a few months now and you can’t help but fall for him completely. It was hard not to — he made you laugh, he was so selfless, and he fed you with his amazing cooking skills.

The thing is, you haven’t said the three words yet. The three, special words that could — no matter how sweet it may be — either make or break you both.

The boys had just gotten back from recording and you were at their dorms, Jin coming up to you as soon as they entered to plant a gentle kiss to your cheek.

“Hey, love. Let me go wash up then I’ll help you,” he greets, and you smile at him, going back to cleaning the vegetables for dinner.

“Hey, Y/N,” Hoseok greets chirpily and you greet him, as he jumps onto a chair to watch you work.

“How are things with hyung?” He casually starts, placing his head in the palm of his hands as he grins at you. You’re closest to Hoseok, since you grew up with him and he was the one who introduced you to the boys.

“Oh, we’re doing great, he makes me happy,” you admit genuinely and Hoseok smiles. “He makes great food, doesn’t he?” Hoseok asks you and you giggle, nodding.

“Yeah, I love him, he feeds me well,” you sigh happily and Hoseok laughs.

You turn around to grab a bowl from the upper cupboard but groan when you realize you can’t reach it. You’re about to call Hoseok for help when a familiar arm snakes around your waist. You look up and see Jin, a smile on his face as he reaches up to get the bowl for you.

“I love you too, baby.” He replies to your statement earlier, pressing a soft kiss to your forehead.

min yoongi:

Instead of locking himself up in the studio to work on more songs or in his room to sleep, Yoongi found himself sitting on the couch, tuned in to a show where you were currently guesting on.

You were a famous producer and idol as well, and that’s how the two of you met in the first place. You’ve been dating for quite some time now, and you even went public with your relationship just a month back. The public surprisingly took the news very well, and no wars or issues had happened between your fans.

“So, Y/N, you and Yoongi just went public with your relationship last month, right?” The interviewer begins and you nod, sipping on your water bottle, a soft smile on your face.

Yoongi found himself smiling, turning the volume up just a tad bit. “How are things between you and the fans? Any fan wars going on?” You laugh and shake your head. “There’s definitely none of that,” you begin, “our fans are very nice and have even become friends. Most of my fans started listening to BTS’ music — if they didn’t already —” Yoongi chuckles at the comment, “and Yoongi’s fans have popped up in my feed to comment on how much they love my songs.” You finished.

Yoongi’s smile got wider and he made himself more comfortable as the interview went on. “It’s nice to know that everything’s going well for you both.” The interviewer gushes and you giggle, your laugh, making Yoongi blush from his seat on the couch.

You sure have him wrapped around your finger, huh?

“Yeah, I’m sure my fans love him too,” the words slip out from your lips too soon and Yoongi’s eyes widen. It’s the first time you’ve said you love him, and even if it’s indirect, it still makes his heart race.

“And I love you too, Y/N. So much, baby.” Yoongi whispers, his eyes trained on you until the interview ends, a loving smile on his face.

jung hoseok:

You love dancing, just as much as Hoseok does and that’s how you both met. You’ve been going to the same dance academy since you were a kid, and when you were graduated college, you chose to work at your dance academy.

Hoseok somehow found himself inside your dance academy, where he was supposed to teach a master class for the students there for the next three days. At the time, your artistic director was out of the country to be with some of the ballerinas of your academy who were competing. You were left in charge so you had to attend to Hoseok for the entire time. Somehow, the two of you clicked because of your passion for dance and the rest is history.

“Y/N, where’s Hoseok?” One of the little girls in your class tugged on your sweatpants while you were having a break in the middle of their class. It was no secret to the entire academy that you’re dating the “cool and sunshine teacher” they had a few months back. Everyone absolutely adored him, especially the younger kids who wanted to be like him.

“He has practice too, sweetie. Why do you ask?” You crouch down to her height and she sits down cross legged. At the mention of Hoseok, the other kids join in and form a circle around you.

“Isn’t he coming over?” One kid asks, and they all start nodding and talking over the other. You laugh and get them to settle down. “He’s busy, so I’m not sure,” you tell them and they groan.

“I miss Hoseok hyung. He’s so cool, and I love how he teaches class,” one of the younger boys sigh, hands crossed over his chest. You chuckle at the adorable sight, beckoning him over to give you a hug.

“Yeah, me too, bud.” You reply and the kids gasp. “YOU LOVE HOSEOK?!” They start shouting and running around, repeating the same thing over and over. “Y/N loves Hoseok.”

You shrug and stand up, gathering them back to the center of the studio to continue the class. “Come on, kids. Back to class. If you do well, today, maybe we can have Hoseok teach another class soon,” you say, going over to the speaker to play their song.

“I love you too!” A familiar voice shouts from the back and all of you turn around to see the one and only, Jung Hoseok.

kim namjoon:

You didn’t know how you managed to get yourself strapped to an outdoor rollercoaster, but here you were, with a small camera placed in front of your seat to record the entire ride.

“Why are we doing this again?” You choke out, turning to your band member beside you.

She was calm and collected about the entire thing, and she shrugs her shoulders. “Maybe because the fans wanted us to do this for the live?” You throw your head back, dreading the ride that was going to happen shortly.

“Relax, Y/N. You can do this!” Your maknae tells you from the back and you whine. “I’m the leader, why did I let this happen anyway?”

“Again, because the fans wanted us to do this. They’re watching right now, you know.” The eldest member chirps up and you groan as the rest of your members laugh.

“And you guys just had to put me in the front, huh,” you grumble, just as the ride started to move. You squeal, gripping the onto the handles in front of you. Your members let out whoops of cheers and laughter as the car went up.

You could see the buildings from below and the other rides, especially the rides for the kids. Why didn’t you ride that instead? “Y/N, fighting!” Your members cheer as you scream. The car reaches the top and you gulp, bracing yourself for the drop.

You feel the car tip over dangerously and the moment it drops, you throw your fears away and scream as loud as you can. “Kim Namjoon, if I die, you better know how much I love you!” You scream, completely forgetting you’re being filmed in real time and if he was watching, he just heard you say you love him for the very first time. And even if he didn’t, he’d definitely find out about it soon.

Oh, well. It’s true anyway, and you weren’t concerned about that right now. The ride makes another sudden drop but this time it tilted to your side and you let out another scream. “Mom, mom, mom I wanna go home!” You scream and you’re certain you’ll be met with memes the moment you get off the ride.

If you’re somehow still conscious after the ride.

park jimin:

“Y/N, truth or dare?” Jeongguk plops down beside you on the couch and you tear your eyes away from the show you were watching and raise an eyebrow at him.

“What’s this for?” You ask suspiciously. Jeongguk shakes his head innocently, his eyes glancing at his hyung who was sleeping soundly in your lap.

Your hands subconsciously start playing with Jimin’s hair and he cuddles closer to your stomach.

“Come on, truth or dare!” Jeongguk presses and you sigh. “Truth, because Jimin’s sleeping and I don’t want to disturb him.” You give in and Jeongguk grins.

“Okay, let’s play fast talk,” Jeongguk claps his hands excitedly and you choke on your saliva. “I thought we were playing truth or dare?”

“I change my mind. Answer with yes or no,” Jeongguk adjusts himself on the couch, a mischievous smile on his face.

You sigh. “Fine.”

“Are you tired of hyung?”

You glare at him. “No.”

“Is he clingy?”

“Yes, but I love it.”

“Is he adorable?”

“Yes, what’s with these questions Jeon?”

“Don’t ask. Does he make you happy?”

“Yes.”

“Do you love him?”

“Yes.” You stop running your hands through Jimin’s hair when you realize what you said and whip your head to look at Jeongguk. “Y/N, zero. Jeongguk, one.”

You’re about to retort when you’re interrupted. “I love you too,” Jimin mumbles, taking your hand and placing a kiss on your wrist, your cheeks heating up.

“Thanks, Gguk, even though you had to witness us say we love each other for the first time and completely ruin the moment,” Jimin mutters half-asleep.

kim taehyung:

Your eyes scan the comments coming in, looking for a question to answer.

“Where’s Yeontan?” You read. “He’s out with Taehyung right now,” you answer, and your own dog barks up from beside you, making you giggle. You pat your lap and your dog jumps up, appearing in your Vlive as well.

“When’s the next comeback?” You read and laugh, shaking your head. “Can’t tell you that right now, my loves. But expect new music this year,” you wink and your fans go wild in the comments, begging for you to reveal just a little bit more.

“No can do, guys. It’s either I let my love for you prevail or I lose my job,” you say in your most serious tone and your fans start taking back their pleads. Your eyes widen and you wave your hands frantically, giggling at the camera.

“I’m kidding, guys! I’m kidding!” Your dog barks up and you can only assume he’s trying to help you out too.

“Let’s move onto another topic, shall we?” You clear your throat after your laughter dies down and various other questions start filling in.

“Oooh! Yea, let’s play a game!” Your eyes light up and your fans start sending hearts in. “We’ll ask you to list down a number of things in the just twenty seconds,” you read off and grin, nodding.

“Okay, I’ll answer whichever my eyes read first,” you adjust yourself on your chair, stroking your dog’s furry hair as he waggles his tail in content.

“List of things you love,” you read off. “Oh! My family, my dog, my fans, my music, waking up late on my day off, spring, ice cream in the winter,” you pause slightly, and your fans start counting down, making you panic.

5...4...3...2…

“Uh, uh, TAEHYUNG!” You blurt out, just as the number one spams in the comments. For a moment there the comments stop coming in and you’re unsure if the app crashed or your wifi just started to suck.

“THAT’S THE FIRST TIME SHE SAID SHE LOVES TAEHYUNG!” Your eyes land on the comment and everyone starts agreeing.

“Oh, wow, ha ha, look at the time,” your eyes look down to your wrist and you mentally curse to find no watch resting there.

“Bye, guys!” You squeak out and end the live abruptly.

You let out a scream as your cheeks burn with embarrassment. Your dog pokes your hand with his nose and you can only pout at him.

“I’m an idiot, aren’t I?” Your dog stares at you for a moment, before letting out what you assume is a bark of agreement.

jeon jeongguk:

“I have to go on stage now, baby. I’ll see you after our stage, okay? Meet me back here,” Jeongguk kisses your cheek quickly and your cheeks flush, making him giggle.

“Good luck,” you manage to stutter out and he waves cutely, running up to his hyungs who’ve started to head for the stage. Once he turns around the corner, you fan yourself, still not used to his affectionate actions.

“Y/N!” You hear someone call from behind you, and compose yourself before turning around.

You’re met with a camera and some crew, and you assume they’re doing some backstage interview for tonight’s show.

“Hey!” You wave your hand and send hearts toward the camera, knowing how much your fans loved it when you did that.

“How was your stage, tonight?” One of the crew asks and you look up in thought before flashing a bright smile at the camera.

“I had lots of fun, especially because I saw so many of my fans in the crowd today. You guys were especially loud, I hope you didn’t go deaf or something,” you giggle and the crew laugh along with you.

“It must have been tiring, yeah?” They ask and you shrug. “In a sense, yes. But all of that goes away when I see people, not just my fans, enjoying the music I put out for them. I pour my heart into my music so it’s nice to know people appreciate it.” You smile and they nod.

“You love your fans a lot, don’t you?” You nod at the question and they grin. “Who else do you love?” They ask cheekily.

“Oh, that’s easy,” you begin, a surge of confidence coursing through you. You’re sure this is a good enough payback for leaving you flustered earlier.

“Who is it?” They ask innocently and you grin.

“Jeon Jeongguk,” you casually say and the crew whispers excitedly. “Who else would it be anyway?” You add and the crew laughs, nodding.

They ask you to say a few more words about your upcoming album which you happily answer, and they bow in thanks before heading off.

From behind, you can hear the shouts get louder and people congratulating your boyfriend’s group, with special greetings directed towards him.

You turn around and see his confused expression. He sees you and raises an eyebrow and you can only smile back, shrugging as you make your way over to him.

“What was that all about?” He asks after planting a soft kiss to the tip of your nose. You shake your head and grin at him.

“It’s nothing,” you take his hand in yours and you both start walking in the direction you of their dressing room. “Okay,”

He raises an eyebrow at you unsurely.

Oh, he won’t know what’s coming.

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danielletinybruiser · 4 years ago

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Two Years of Blue

It's been a bit since I updated here, since I suppose I mainly use my instagram account to talk about jiu jitsu. But hey, I have a few things to mull over, which tends to go better in writing, so here we are. Content warning for weight on this one.

I've been a blue belt for two years! And what a wild two years — I did change up my gym, and then, hey, there was this pandemic that ground the world to a halt (and is still doing so). I was very, very lucky, since I was able to train with Viki pretty much the whole time. We had access to mats, and were able to train, and they taught me a great deal: a lot of gi stuff, a ton of leg locks (I never went for them, or defended them well, until I basically just rolled with them for a year), and so much detail in passing and retaining guard.

Viki is a long, lanky blue belt, and I like to think I taught them a bit too. Maybe.

But of course, even with rolling during lockdown and tons of other cross-training, it took me awhile — really, a few months — to feel a bit more in the groove with jiu jitsu again. We started going back to limited, vaxxed sessions starting in March, and slowly started going back to the gym normally as everyone else got vaxxed up. I'm finally going 3-4 days per week, consistently. This past week, I think I trained grappling every day aside from Wednesday. It's mid-July, which means it's taken me that whole time to feel like I'm getting there.

I'm also competing again in just under two weeks, which has (as it typically does) lit a little fire under me to get my shit together. Or attempt to!

One thing that did help, certainly, was doing a lot of cardio the whole time, and focusing on getting that to a good place. All winter I did a lot of running, and yes, here it is... a lot of indoor cycling on a [cough, whisper] peleton. I know this makes me a bougie asshole. I know. But the workouts — on the bike and very much on the treadmill — are actually great. The running workouts with at least two of the coaches are appropriate for actual competitive runners. I've done workouts there that were extremely close to things I did as a competitive XC athlete in college. Back when I was actually fast. Fast-ish. I'm not fast anymore. Not even a tiny bit.

But my running is much improved, and the cycling has been an incredible, incredible base for me. I'm routinely doing longer or more challenging rides on non-BJJ days, and then often a shorter ride (or one of the functional strength routines) on days I roll at the gym. My whole thing with it is doing hard cardio when I'm already tired, so I get very used to pushing through. Endurance has never been my problem, but I know that I get slower physically — and, far worse, *super* discouraged mentally — when I get tired.

Doing this much cycling has had a hilarious and, uh, probably obvious side effect: I actually put on a little bit of muscle. I went into the whole Peleton thing thinking "yeah, I'll do cardio twice a day, and lose that stubborn couple of pounds that make competing at 125 dicey in like a month, easy!" and, HA. No.

What I did get, though, are leg muscles that don't fatigue as fast. I have much more power and energy than I used to, and, hand-to-heart, I don't think I was in bad shape before. It's just... better now.

That took a couple of weeks to accept, I'll be honest. I felt pretty dumb: of fucking course spending... let's say 8 hours a week doing HIIT or climb rides on a bike would build muscle. I’d gain some weight from that, naturally. But now, I'm honestly thrilled to feel comfortable and much stronger at 135 anyway.

That's where I was always going to be for grappling industries (where there's a 120 and a 135, nothing in between), and where there are 125 lb classes... it's honestly ok. I have a healthy diet, I stick to it rigorously (with the occasional cheat day, ofc), I do cardio almost every day, and I feel good. Will I be a little shortie in this weight class? Of course! But at least I feel like a stronger little shortie, and that's what counts.

As with all of this, let me be clear, I have no delusions of grandeur. This is an awesome hobby that I'm obsessed with! But I only want to compete to learn and get better and do it all on a pretty comfortable level. I'm probably never going to fuck with the open IBJJF tournaments, or anything like that. Give me a nice submission-only tournament for scrubs like me. (Honestly, I wish everything was just submission only. Forever.)

There are actual, legit athletes who use the baby tournaments for a tune-up, and young folks who may become legit athletes who are learning to compete and deal with pressure, probably just because this is NYC and there are world-class gyms here and all that. This 37-year-old goofy white bitch just wants to get as good as possible, given the obvious constraints. And enjoy myself.

To this end, my friends, coaches, and training partners deserve medals for dealing with me. Berto and Jaime (my friends and coaches) have been patiently leading me towards things I need to work on. Viki will roll with me and give me things I need to do based on our roll, and we'll drill them right then and there. And Caroline has been instrumental in me getting my head at least part of the way out of my ass, just going for things. For months, I was rolling, but just playing defense. Just talking to her about it helped, and now, every time we roll, I have that voice in my head telling me to go for things. It's helping.

I just hope I can keep that in mind in two weeks. I get nervous. Really, really nervous. I've competed... this might be nine times? This will be my third blue belt tournament, anyway, and it'll be the first since... January 2020. My head is usually so far up my ass — especially at first — that I will probably make some dumbass mistakes. But I'm working on accepting that I'll feel like an idiot and to just have fun with it and use it to LEARN and find some new things to work on. Embrace the doofus and enjoy.

Gym Feelings

I also got very, very excited about my gym yesterday. Right before going to a (fantastic) Women/trans/non-binary folks Judo class taught by a really great woman black belt, I went on about how much I love my gym. How inclusive it is, and how, just *not a toxic MMA culture* place it is. I'm just going to copy a bunch of that thread here, just absolutely gushing about Chop and Chops:

Today, in a couple of hours, I'm going to a women/trans/nonbinary grappling class at my gym, taught by a woman Judo black belt. I'm PUMPED.

It's really important to me that my MMA gym is an inclusive, positive environment for me and for everyone. MMA -- and especially Jiu Jitsu -- does NOT need to be a place dominated by bros with awful politics and horrific tattoos. It can be for anyone to enjoy.

The door to my gym has a trans-inclusive rainbow flag on it. The brothers who run it make sure that all women, trans folks, enbies, and any GNC folks feels especially comfortable and have dependable training partners for each class, especially if they are new.

Here's another thing -- its' an MMA gym, there are plenty of cis dudes! But said dudes are respectful and gracious. I feel safe training with them BECAUSE of the atmosphere and attitude of the place, that's certainly not true everywhere.

One of my favorite training partners rn is a very, very sweet bigger white belt due who wrestled at a high level. If you've done BJJ, "bigger white belt who wrestled" is typically the scariest thing. But he is an absolute gentleman, doesn't just throw his weight around...

he is conscientious and I am learning SO MUCH from rolling with him. Again, in another atmosphere, I might be intimidated. In our gym, people learn to train hard but modulate and always respect their training partners.

I know I'm gushing at this point, lol. But I really can't overstate how much that atmosphere of respect and inclusivity is important and makes a massive difference. I'm a small queer woman, training there simply feels great to me, and that's everything.

That's the thread! I can't say enough good things about this place. It's also honestly a refuge for me, a place where I see my friends (where we all hug very aggressively for a couple hours, then chitchat). I guess it all comes down to this: I'm so, so lucky to be a part of this community. I want everyone in the world to have something they love, and amazing people to support them in it/enjoy it with them.

#bjj #bjjwomen #grappling #mma

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bitchmilsky · 6 years ago

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nice view (ray manchester x reader)

a/n: ITS WHAT YOUVE ALL BEEN WAITING FOR!! (or not) ANYway, here's the ray x reader that i said i would publish tonight and guess what its still tonight. ALSO IMPORTANT NOTE I DIDN'T GIVE THE READER ANY PRONOUNS SO YALL CAN DO YOUR THING AND CRUSH ON RAY

SUMMARY: harmless flirting between friends leads to a whole lot more in this 1141 word mess masterpiece. ray is an ass man. (plus bonus hensper!!) enjoy!

(im on mobile rn, ill add a cut when i get the chance but for now yall have to deal with it)

"Hey Ray, where should I put these books?" I asked my boss, carrying a stack of books higher than my head into Junk 'n Stuff.

"Are you sure that's a safe amount of books to carry at once?" he asked me, (probably) looking up.

"Since when are you the reasonable one?" I shot back.

"... good point. Put 'em in the corner over there," he said, (probably) pointing.

"Over where? I can't see, dude," I told him, starting to lose my balance.

"Uhhh, forward and to the left." I went forward, turned to the left, and- *CRASH* The books fell over, taking me with them.

"OW! What the hell, man?" I yelled.

"Other left," he said, nonchalantly.

"You mean the RIGHT?" I snapped.

"Don't sass me," he replied.

"Whatever. Can you come over here and help me restack these? I can't lift 12 unstacked books," I told him, kneeling to pick up the fallen books.

"I dunno, I kinda like the view I have right here. You should wear those bottoms more, (Y/N)," he said. I stood up and glared at him. "Jeez, if looks could kill."

"Well then, it's a good thing you're indestructible. Can you just help me?" I didn't mind the comment from Ray. We "flirted" back and forth all the time, it was our thing. Besides, I knew that if it truly made me uncomfortable, he would stop as soon as I asked him to. No, what pissed me off was the fact that he wouldn't come and pick up these books. "It'll take like 2 minutes." I crossed my arms and gave him a look that meant business.

"Ughhhhhhhh, fine. You're so BORING," he whined, making his way over to where I was.

"Yeah and you're cute, let's not state the obvious." I pushed a few books into his hands and squatted back down to grab some more.

"Ooooh, the view's even better from here."

"I'm squatting, what about this is better than whatever you had over there?"

"It's closer. Plus, I can do this." Suddenly, I felt strong arms under my own, and I was lifted into the air. "Simba..."

"RAY PUT ME DOWN I SWEAR I'M GONNA-"

"Gonna what? Kick me? You know I'm indestructible," he teased.

"Yeah, but you're still a guy," I said, and kicked him right in the groin. In his pain, he set me down rather quickly before falling over.

"I'm oka- nope gimme a minute," he said, weakly.

"Better luck next time, Sailor." I saluted him and walked back out of the store to bring in some more junk. And stuff.

~~~ 30 minutes later ~~~

"Wait, what did you mean by 'Sailor'?" Ray asked me.

"Well, you're clearly not good enough to be a captain, so you're a sailor. You're Sailor Man," I told him.

"Thanks, I hate it," he retorted. He opened the door for me as I was carrying a big box.

"Thank you, my good sir," I said in a mock accent. I made my way to the back room slowly, trying my best not to trip again."Can you get the elevator for me? Hands are full," I asked Ray.

"I dunno, caaaaaaan I?" he teased.

"I've been out of school for 8 years now and I never want to hear those words again, so shut up," I said.

"Oooh, look at me, I'm (y/n), I'm super pretty and have a great butt and also I went to college," he mocked.

"Yeah okay whatever dude, I'm gonna take this," I said, gesturing with the box, "downstairs." I again started to make my way towards the back while Ray made his way past me and got there before I could. I hoisted the box a little higher so it wouldn't slip, and after traversing the mess that was Junk n' Stuff, reached the back room.

"Hey there. Glad you could make it." I saw Ray leaning on the elevator door, looking at me.

"Hey. Can you hit the button for me?"

"Weeeeell, I suppose I could..." he teased.

"Cool. Do that," I said, almost dropping this box of who knows what.

"I dunno..." he said, his voice a little sultry

"Listen, this box is heavy, and I kinda really need you to just open the elevator. Please?" I beg.

"Oh, you NEED me to, huh?" he asked, his voice getting more seductive.

"Yes, I need you to." Giving up, I set down the box

"Oh yeah? What if I... don't?" he asked. His voice had gone from somewhat flirtatious to straight up sexy, and I wasn't sure if it was him or me.

"Well then... I.. uhhhh..." I didn't have an answer. I just looked at him, and he at me. We stood like that, gazing into each other's eyes for a good minute, slowly inching closer to one another. And as though I'd had the yearning for years, I closed the gap. His lips were soft against mine, and they tasted like strawberries. A tingly feeling washed over me as I deepened the kiss. He wrapped his arms around my waist and pulled away for a second, before crashing his lips back onto mine. We stayed here for what felt like hours, in a timeless trance where the only things that mattered were me and him, but eventually we broke apart.

"That was..."

"Wow," he said.

"Magical..." I was in awe. I never thought I would do that, and I definitely never thought it would be that... wonderful.

"It's a good thing I'm indestructible because I think my heart just stopped."

I stepped forward and pulled him into a hug, putting my chin on his shoulder.

"I guess... I didn't realize how badly I wanted that," I confessed.

"Me neither. Hey, whaddya say we take this downstairs?" he asked.

"W-what?" I broke away from his arms, my face burning bright red.

"T-THE BOX! I MEANT THE BOX!" he yelled, turning pink.

"Oh. Right. Sorry," I said. I leaned up and kissed his cheek. "Let's go." I grabbed the box and he pressed the elevator button. I walked inside.

"Still love that view."

"I know."

Bonus:

"I think that's the last of it," I announced, placing the final box on a table. I walked over to the counter where Ray was.

"Mmm, good job," he said. He leaned over the counter, planting a kiss on my lips. I leaned into it, and then heard the door open.

"Hey, if you two can kiss at work then so can me and Jasper!" Henry yelled. Ray pulled away from me.

"No, that's gross. Kissing's gross," he said, like the child he is. Henry gave him a look. Ray looked from Henry to Jasper to me back to Henry.

"Please?" Henry asked. Ray sighed.

"FINE, fine. You two have your fun." Henry and Jasper headed towards the elevator. "BUT NOT TOO MUCH FUN!"

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hwangskz · 5 years ago

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in another life (pt. 1) | soulmate! minho

part 1 of the uwma! au series !!!! i was so excited to get this up bcs, if u hadn't realised alrdy, i LOVE uwma with my entire heart :( (ps if any of u watch any bls or even just uwma pls hmu thank u) and pls read this post b4 or after ur done reading this fic so u don't get confused in the next part!! +++ tw suicide !

• "y/n….do u like him?"

• ur automatically reminded of the time u first met

• u remember it as clear as day

• u both had taken film as ur major and on the first day, ur college held a lil gathering

• u picked up the nearest headband and read it's label

• 'belle'

• so….were u supposed to find ur beast now???? JSGSSHE THAT'S WHAT THEY SAID

• BUT UR RUNNING OUT OF TIME !!!!!!

• "10 seconds to find ur partner!!!!"

• u looked around bcs u were NOT standing in front of that huge crowd, later trying to find ur partner

• when a boy caught ur eyes

• he stood on the side, his hand limply holding the blue headband as he looked around

• and he looked ?? sad :( ??

• "last 5 seconds!!!"

• u turned around one last time and ?? EVERYONE HAD FOUND THEIR PARTNERS ALREADY??

• so u RAN towards that boy

• and caught him off guard as u pulled him down to sit on the ground as the announcer continued talking and giving out future tasks

• "hey."

• "???"

• wow this boy is worse than YOU at communicating

• "are u sure we're partners??"

• "..."

• "right, yea. i was the one who dragged u..haha..sorry.."

• so u pulled his hand up to view his headband

• 'prince adam'

• u probably looked really confused rn bcs u just made the guy speak up

• "beast."

• u looked up, OBVIOUSLY confused

• this new voice box working??? wonder whose it is

• ":o huh?????"

• he sighed and held it up for u

• thank u nameless boy bcs ur hands kinda WERE getting tired JDKHD

• "prince adam is the real name of the prince in disney's beauty and the beast."

• ":OOO REALLY???? wait but how do u know"

• "..... google?"

• "... RIGHT sorry haha"

• even after the lil gathering ended and u got to go to ur class

• ur mind was still thinking abt the guy

• u probably didn't even notice u had entered the class w that DULL ASS look until

• "ouc- WHO THE F-???????"

• "still in ur dreams?? lmao dumbass"

• ":O SHIN RYUJIN"

• "this group needed the following of a sane person so im here too. hello to u too, y/n"

• "MISS YEJI??? PEOPLE THAT I KNOW AND CHERISH????? ˚‧º·(˚ ˃̣̣̥᷄⌓˂̣̣̥᷅ )‧º·˚ OMG HELLO TO U TOO"

• and there it was, once again, ryujin trying to get ur over affectionate ass off of her as yeji laughs

• well iN UR DEFENSE, U MISSED UR BEST FRIENDS AND MEETING NEW PEOPLE TERRIFIES U

• and when u take a seat

• u can't help but follow the movements of the boy who enters the class

• his moves aren't rushed; they seem calm. too calm.

• and that's when u hear all the whispers around u

• "is that blood on his shirt? is he already following in his dad's footsteps?"

• ‘what footsteps?’

• "i heard he dragged his partner today for the freshman gathering today?"

• ‘but i was the one who dragged him..then how-’

• "y/n?"

• "h-huh?"

• yeji's third call woke u up from ur train of thoughts

• "are u ok?"

• "yea.. i'm fine. dw!!"

• "see i told u they’re thinking abt their fantasy boys and/or girls again it's fine"

• "WH- EXCUSE ME I DON'T FANTASISE!!!!!"

• "yes y/n l/n i totally believe that"

• "SHUT UP RYUJIN"

• ur group's laughters echo in the room, along w the other friend groups'

• except for that boy who now sits in front of u

• u wonder if he's waiting for his friends

• but they never seem to show up

• even though it's alrdy been over 5 months now

• and that pretty boy in front of u is DISTRACTING u from the lesson (๑•ૅㅁ•๑) !!!!!

• and this one particular day..yeji and ryujin were absent..

• so u were kinda lonely anyways

• and hearing ppl continue to whisper abt that guy..it made u wanna talk to him again

• u don't know exactly why ?? but u did

• so u gathered up ur stuff from ur desk

• and sat at the desk next to his

• and immediately u could hear the whispers getting a bit louder

• and he ducked his head and turned towards u

• and u decided to ignore those words, and looked at him, with a bright smile on ur face

• "don't worry about them. i'm here now."

• it was something abt u

• something abt those words that made him feel some type of way

• he took in a deep breath as he looked down and then looked at u again

• "......thank you, i guess"

• u nodded and he turned towards his work

• a small smile on his face

• he had found someone

• "so?"

• ryujin asked u, bringing u back from ur flashback

•"yea..i think so.."

• yeji and ryujin sighed

• ur mind : ALERT

• IS IT BAD??? THAT U LIKE HIM???? (๑´╹‸╹`๑) ??

• "y/n...do u not know abt him..?"

• "(o゜ー゜o)??"

• they share a Look and turn towards u, worried looks on their faces

• OK YEA IT PROBABLY IS,,

• "he's the son of a mafia... that's why ppl talk abt him in such..hushed tones..and basically isolate him"

• "and look y/n..we know that isolating him is truly bad, but maybe get a little away? from him? what if u get involved in smthg bad?"

• u...ur honestly a lil shocked

• not fully by the news that his dad is a mafia

• but by the fact that they think something bad can happen when ur with him

• with HIM

• "but it's his dad who is a mafia. he's not at all like that !! he's a bit shy, and is just scared to express himself. and don't worry, yeji. i am not going to get myself in trouble"

• they muttered an "okay" and leaned back against their chairs again

• "but wait.."

• ryujin spoke up again

• "when did u even hangout w him? enough to, well, get feelings for him?"

• "uh well..that day both of u were absent, i went and sat w him in class..then shared some of my lunch w him when i saw him on the rooftop..and kind of having been bringing him lunch and staying w him..during that time.."

• they laughed, and u could feel the tension easing away

• "never knew y/n's a dom lmao"

• "they seem like a switch tho"

• "SHUT UP"

• and so u did join the guy

• (who's name u had learned to be lee minho)

• whenever u found him to be lonely

• and even tho minho seemed to be against the whole idea of u joining him all the time

• trust me he's a whole softie inside

• he just ;;;; he gets so happy whenever u come by

• and not just bring him lunch

• and not only during lunch breaks

• but all the time

• whenever he passes by u

• u always greet him, and

• wave at him and u just feel like a shield from everyone and all the bad things everyone says and he just

• he can't thank u enough

• but it's not just that

• and he knows that

• even when he sees u coming towards him in the library

• sneaking in some food bcs it IS lunch

• so technically u ARE supposed to bring him food

• "hey !! :D"

• u take the chair in front of him

• and take out the food, both of urs, and shove his one towards him

• "WHY-"

• minho shushes u and u turn around to look if u made anyone else angry

• and perhaps...... u DID.... AJSBBE

• so u just duck ur head as an apology and the furious students go back to studying

• "why are u studying rn???? it's lunch!!!!!"

• "ok and??"

• "rest is important!!"

• "what makes u think i haven't rested enough alrdy?"

• "well i've seen u w the book the ENTIRE DAY ??"

• minho sighs, but then perks his head up

• "u..u watch me..?"

• "!! im not a STALKER-"

• minho shushes u again and ur pretty sure the other students r staring daggers at u rn JDVSJE

• "-im not a stalker,, ur in my class.. right in front of me.."

• minho chuckles silently at ur words

• "sure"

• u were flustered until u realised u just

• u just made the biggest tsundere chuckle

• c h u c k l e

• "did u just …….. chuckle at me…….."

• minho looked down, scared to meet ur eyes bcs shit ur rite

• "no…….what makes u think that………"

• u giggle at his failed attempt to delete that successful moment from ur memory

• minho smiles a little

• he was so happy

• even tho it was abt u

• even tho u had made it CRYSTAL CLEAR that u like him

• like at random times u would be like

• "damn i can't believe i fell for u"

• or

• "oh good lord!! i always try to hangout w the guy i like but he pretends to not like spending time with me!!!!!!! what did i do to deserve this !!!!!!"

• and in these situations what does minho do??

• LAUGH .

• he LAUGHS

• just a bit bcs he's still under that tsundere cover JSGSJSB

• but like !!!!!!! in his defense !!!!!!!

• HE DIDNT KNOW IF U TRULY MEANT IT !!!!!!!

• MAYBE U LIKE HIM JUST AS A FRIEND !!!!!!!!!!!!

• AND HE DIDN'T WANT TO RUIN THIS FRIENDSHIP !!!!!!!!

• that too w his first ever friend..................

• little did he know he was truly so engrossed in his thoughts that he had stopped eating and had been staring at the sky above for like ??? more than 5 mins now ??

• "MINHO ???????"

• he flinched and moved away a bit at the sound of ur voice suddenly piercing his thoughts

• "w-what"

• "bitch i thought u died or smthg...u have been staring above for so long pretty sure some flies even touched ur food and it's now UNHYGIENIC"

• his eyes met urs and, as if he got some idea, he suddenly kept his lunch box away to look at u

• "wait im pretty sure the flies didn't sit on the food!!!! it was a joke-"

• minho exhaled loudly before he spoke

• "y/n?"

• "yes…?"

• "can i ask u smthg…..?"

• "sure!!"

• minho inhaled sharply before continuing

• "do u ever feel uncomfortable? when ur with me?"

• u thought for a while, before giving him a smile and answering him

• "why would i? idk if ur referring to the rumors here...or if they're supposed to be involved here but...they don't affect me. firstly, i don't even know if ur dad truly is a part of the mafia-"

• "he is."

• minho was staring at u intently, wondering how u'll respond to this

• "well, uh, nice for him? i guess? but it's him right? not u? then there's nothing to worry about."

• minho shook his head as he tried to look anywhere but at u

• "but what if u ever get in trouble? bcs of me?"

• "that's on me. not u. and if it's through u, or if u ever get in trouble or smthg-"

• u picked his hand up, holding it tightly, which seemed to catch him off guard

• "-i will protect u."

• he could do nothing but give u a soft smile, before turning his head away

• and so did u bcs damn y/n since when did u become so confident huh JDVSJE

• so u decided to go for it

• "y/n, will u be my partne-"

• u gently pecked his lips before moving away real QUICK JSGEJE

• WAS HE ABT TO CONFESS ???????????

• WHY ARE HIS EYES WIDENED LIKE THAT?????????? DID U

• OH NO U DID SOMETHING WRONG DIDN'T U

• "i-i'm sorry….i didn't mean to-"

• and u looked up in time, only to see minho leaning in, before he connected his lips to urs

• it was a slow kiss

• it took u a while to get the fact into ur head that he's right here

• he is kissing u

• and so u snaked ur arms across his shoulders, as he held u tight, even closer

• and when u both pulled away

• both of u were flushed red

• and it did feel kinda quiet so u just

• "damn im glad we have lunch on the rooftop, huh"

• minho chuckled as he moved away

• "kinda ….. yes"

• and so for the next months u continued to tease him with this JDGSJS

• even tho yall are technically dating now uwu

• but he never tells u he likes u

• which is : frustrating

• bcs u !!!!!! UR THE BIGGEST OVERTHINKER EVER !!!!!!

• ENOUGH TO WIN A CHAMPIONSHIP !!!!!!!!!

• and the fact that EVEN THO he's ur bf and u KNOW it, u continue to be curious if he even likes u :(

• so u just slam ur spoon on the table

• which makes him look up

• "what? is the ramen too spicy?"

• u shoot ur head towards him, a pout on ur face

• "do u like me?"

• ".........what"

• JSHSKWKKW

• Y/N PLS

• "u never….u have never said u like me…...and yea sure im not supposed to question this bcs ur my boyfriend and i know that but im sorry i overthink alot and it's just me saying i like u all the time but not u and i just can't help but-"

• "i …….. i like."

• "huh?"

• u shoot ur head upwards at minho, who now gets up to keep his empty bowl in ur kitchen sink, with a grin along ur face

• "u heard me."

• and u wish u could still be as happy as u were on this day

• when he first confessed

• well, half-confessed

• but u couldn't be

• even as he stood in front of u, saying that he loves u

• and he's grateful for u

• u couldn't stop the tears that continued to stream down ur cheeks

• ur eyes could only focus on the gun that he held right beside his temple

• his dad used to send people behind minho whenever u two went on a date

• "he wants me to go on w his job after he resigns" minho had once told on one of ur dates

• "do u want to?"

• "no, obviously-"

• he held ur hand in his

• "i want to be with u"

• then why

• why was he standing there, with that gun

• that stupid gun aimed at his temple?

• today while u had closed ur eyes, wishing for something, like minho had told u when he brought that birthday cake for u out of nowhere while u and minho were having ur date

• u opened ur eyes when u heard a muffled voice screaming loudly

• only to find it was minho's

• which confused u when u saw the hand covering his mouth

• but surprised u, when u saw his dad standing right behind him

• he kept pulling minho away from u

• minho yelled, tried to free himself away

• but couldn't

• until u yelled at his dad to stop

• and minho dropped on the ground, with his wrists red from being grasped so tightly

• u went on and on abt how he has made minho feel and what minho truly wants

• u had shut ur eyes out of fear

• but u had opened them to see what minho truly wants

• death ;

• an escape

• from all of this

• and so he spoke one more time

• "y/n. remember, i love you, okay? i….i'll always keep my promise."

• and then, a gunshot.

• u weren't sure if time had stopped or if it was just u frozen

• but u could only hear a beep sound going in ur ears as his body dropped on the ground

• limp.

• and at once u leapt towards him, sobbing, u fell to ur knees, ur hands grazing his cheeks and gently hitting his chest

• "y/n…. i don't know how to go on…"

• he had told u this months ago, when u guys had been dating for abt 5 months then

• "minho, we'll always be together, no matter what. i, at least, will be there for u, always."

• minho had looked at u with tears in his eyes

• he rlly was so stupidly in love w u

• "but what if i...die...someday?"

• u sighed and turned to look at the night sky

• at least none of his dad's assistants had found out abt ur place yet

• (thankfully)

• u turned to look at him again

• "then...i'll die too."

• so that's what u were gonna do

• u searched for the pistol, as u blinked several times to focus properly

• when u finally found it, ur hands shakily reached for it

• and then as u aimed it at ur own temple

• the last part of that conversation popped into ur head again

• "then, will we meet each other in next life?"

• minho thought abt it for a few secs

• "probably"

• u nodded

• "i once heard that...when u fall for someone at first sight, it probably just means that we're recognising our partner's soul from our past life….do u think that will happen w us? do u think we'll…. we'll recognise each other?"

• "...i hope so…."

• u both let out a stifled laugh

• and so u stick ur pinky finger out, asking for his

• "minho."

• "yes?"

• "promise me."

• "promise what?"

• "promise that…...that we'll find each other.."

• minho was abt to argue w u but seeing ur lil pout

• he had no choice but to agree

• "promise."

• and so, another gunshot was heard.

48 notes · View notes

witchywrter · 6 years ago

Text

“Home” (Part 4/?)

Paul Lahote X Reader

Part 3

Summary: y/n returns from college in California to her hometown in Forks to find things are not as she left them. She soon discovers that a lot more things have changed then she initially thought.

Warnings: grief, bad parenting, mentions of death, blood? I think that’s it

A/N: so, I know y’all probably hate me rn, but listen. I was really not writing anything and was just never in the mood, but I am now so expect some updates+new stuff

———————————————————————————————————

You originally planned to stay and help Emily with breakfast but found your feet taking you to the door.

“I’m gonna head out, I’ll be back for dinner.”

“Stay safe, remember no woods” Emily called out.

You nodded and walked out the door. There was no way you were gonna listen to that. You were naturally just a curious person. Lucky for Emily though, you were just going to see your Mom.

You headed up the road about a mile and took a left at the main road to Billy’s house.

Billy’s house was always a safe haven for you as a teenager. Whether you were fighting with your mom or just couldn’t deal with your grief, you always felt welcome. Ever since your dad passed away, Billy had stepped up and been the paternal figure in your life. Your mom was never the same. She was as uncaring and numb as a perfect porcelain doll. You didn’t really want to go see her, but you knew she’d throw a fit if you didn’t.

You finally saw the red house off to the right and ran the rest of the short distance. The door was unlocked. You always told Billy and Jake to stop that.

“Y/n?” Billy immediately saw you from the living room.

“Hey Billy” you hugged him.

You loved your dad dearly and would never forget him, but Billy was like another father to you. He’d practically helped raise you with how much time you spent over here.

“Need your wheels back?” he asked.

“You know it. Same place?”

“You know it” he chuckled.

You opened the coffee drawer to find your keys. Jake hated coffee so Billy’s genius idea was to hide them in that drawer to keep Jake from experimenting on the car. Safe to say he found them before you left for college.

“Love you Billy, I’ll be back soon to visit.”

“Off to see mommy dearest?” He asked.

“Could you tell from my excitement?” you asked, voice dripping with sarcasm.

“Tell her I said hello,” Billy said “and stay safe too.”

“Will do.”

You headed out to the makeshift garage that hid your prized possession. Your dad was a bit of a mechanic himself, he got Jacob into it. His life’s work was his red 1967 Shelby Mustang. When he died, he left it to you in his will.

You uncovered the protective sheet which suspiciously lacked any dust. You hopped into the drivers seat and started the engine. The car purred to life. The engine sounded much better than when you last heard it. So Jacob had gotten to it. You drove up the street, passed Emily and Sam’s house.

Your mom moved from the res when she married her second husband. You never liked him. He was narcissistic and arrogant. Now she’s with Connor, the real-estate agent. You only met him at their wedding last year, but you immediately disliked him when he called himself your new dad.

She lived deeper in town, near the high school. Her house was a light blue color with a white picket fence. Her grass and bushes were perfectly trimmed with flowers surrounding them in an organized manner. A bit out of place in Washington in your opinion. Her house elegant and gorgeous in all sense of the word, but lacked life. Much different from Emily’s home which had a natural warmth and beauty without even trying. Your mother home felt cold, unfeeling.

You parked and mentally prepared yourself to deal with your loving mother.

The walk up to the front door was filled with immense dread. You lifted the brass lion and knocked on the door.

A minute went by with no answer. The thought of just turning around and booking it was becoming even more appealing.

The door swung open to reveal your mother with a delicate smile gracing her flawless face. She had her hair done up making her look like a 50’s housewife. Her makeup was applied with care and precision and around her neck she wore an apron.

Once her eyes landed on you, her smile turned much less enthusiastic.

“Dear, you’re home” she said in her sweet, sing song voice.

“Yeah. Just got in yesterday” you said.

She stepped aside and gestured for you to come in. The house smelled strongly of vanilla and honey. Too strong, it was overwhelming your senses. You made a mental note to meet her for lunch next time instead of going to her house. You headed over to the kitchen table and sat down.

“So how’s junior year treating you?” she asked in fake interest.

“I graduated actually. I sent you an invitation.” you said uncomfortably.

“Oh, well Connor gets the mail. He must have not seen it,” she waved it off. “Where are your bags?”

Here it comes. Every time you come home she wants you to stay with her. She doesn’t like the res, she sees it as below her. This was one of the reasons you two fought a lot.

“I’m staying with Emily”

She wrinkled her nose at your answer as if she smelled some foul odor. She took a sip of her coffee that you failed to notice before.

“I’m your mother, you should just stay with Connor and I” she said

“And live like one big happy family.” you murmured.

“Don’t do that. Make remarks about our family, especially when you hang around the reservation.” she said condescendingly.

“And what exactly is that supposed to mean?” I demanded.

“Enough of this y/n”

“You’re right, I’ve had enough of this. Every time I think I should give you a chance and every time you prove me wrong.” you yelled.

You stood up and quickly walked out of the house just as Connor was pulling up next to your car.

“Nice car y/n”

“Thanks, it was my dad’s” you called out maliciously.

You pulled out of the driveway and headed for home. Even though you knew your last comment was mean, you couldn’t help the small smile that found it’s way to your mouth. Connor would tell your mother which would annoy her endlessly and that was honestly all you could hope for.

You hadn’t realized you were driving so fast until you saw red and blue lights in your rear view mirror.

“Fuck”

You pulled off to the side and rolled down your window. Charlie walked up to your door with a raised eye brow.

“Sorry Charlie, I didn’t realize how fast I was going.” you said apologetically.

“I thought Jake finally took your car for a joy ride.” Charlie chuckled, “I’ll just give you a warning kid. How was college?”

“Long, missed home.” you laughed.

“Well you’re pre-med so you have a few more years of school left.” he reminded you.

Charlie was best friends with Billy, Joshua and your dad before everything happened. He was one of the many surrogate uncles you had.

“You know, I have some connections at the hospital. If you’re interested I could see if they need an intern?” Charlie offered.

“Are you serious? Yes!” you answered immediately.

“I’ll call you when I find out, no more speeding kid!” Charlie said as he walked back to his car.

Wow. You got caught speeding and instead of a ticket, you got a way to advance your career. This was definitely the pick-me-up you were in need of. You started driving again and your phone buzzed. You looked down to see a text from Leah asking if you wanted to grab lunch together today.

You looked back up and saw a man. He wore all back with a long dark brown coat. His black hair was tied back into a low pony tail, accentuating his features even more than they already were. His pale face would have been the most startling had his eyes not been a bright red. The most unnerving part of this was that he was standing in the middle of the road staring at you while you were driving 75 mph.

This assessment all took place in a fragment of a second, but it was barely enough to jerk your steering wheel to the right and off the road in time. The car flipped sideways, barrel rolling twice. The world was a mess of colors, moving so fast they appeared grey. You felt a sharp stab in your left leg and stinging in your abdomen. The car finally settled and you thanked God that you had your seatbelt on.

You tried to hold onto consciousness and not close your eyes, but you felt so tired. The thought of sleep too alluring when being awake meant feeling pain. Even through the haze, you could sense you were being watched. Like a wounded animal being stalked by its prey. You hoped the man was alright and had called the police by now. You weakly lifted your hand to feel your stomach. Sticky and wet. Not good.

You heard the sound of an ambulance that seemed like a million miles away. You felt the jammed door being ripped open, someone fiddling with the seatbelt and then everything went black.

———————————————————————

A/N: ok so that was chapter 4, hope you guys liked it. I really enjoyed writing this chapter more than the usual chapters. Sorry if there’s any grammatical errors, hope you guys liked it! If you wanna be tagged, just comment and I’ll do for part 5.

@justdidabadthing @fangirlanotherjust @blonddnamedhandz @sugar-fandom-ass

#witchywrter

134 notes · View notes

cabinofimagines · 6 years ago

Text

This (Infinity) -Connor xReader.

A/N: My best friend loves Connor. That’s it, that’s the post -Danny. P.S. Tumblr won’t let me separate the text like I want so I’m trying something new, hope it works. <3

This is a Song-Fic! which in case you didn’t know, are my favorite thing to do, even if I’ve never actually done it lmaoo but I thought it was good to start with this one. The song is Infinity by AJR and you should check it out cause it’s the cutest.

Request: Yo, guys! I actually don't know how to ask this lmao. First of all, I am a big fan of all of you, and I love your work but I would adore you for forever if you wrote anything about Connor Stoll... A fic, imagine, head canon WHATEVER. This fandom always focuses a lot on the 7, Nico, Reyna and Will but there are sooooo many other characters to explore and this boy (Connor) needs love. It obvsly doesn't have to be rn, but pleaaaaaaase 😭❤️

Words: 1,213

Warnings: Nothing but it might be cheesy, sorry I got carried away blame the song for that. Blame me for the mistakes tho, I did not proofread or will I ever proofread these things, sorry-not-sorry.

Was it all in my head? In an empty bed And I told you that I need you Baby, can't you see I'm alone? Oh, oh

He just... gets you. There’s no way to put it into words, Connor has that and that’s it. If you’re angry he’ll give you space; if you’re upset he’ll give you comfort. Happy? He’ll make sure you stay that way as long as you can. Also, the feeling of trust between you two is the strongest of all. Which is ironic considering how much of a tricky little shit he tends to be. Not with you though. With you is like he’s still that kid you met when you had just arrived at camp.

It was stressing (to say the least) to date someone as problematic as Connor Stoll. Fair enough, you aren’t perfect. But at least you weren’t exploding things at the speed of light just for laughs, or stealing other people’s stuff, or playing pranks on Ares’ children... Why did you like him again?

I was lost in my feet On an empty street So I save your seat, infinity Forever figures 5 and 3 You know, oh oh

“Y/N” Connor hopped right next to you, he wasn’t exactly a touchy person but he was fidgety, so he’d always have a way to feel like he’s in contact with you even if he’s not exactly touching your body. Sometimes he’ll grace his fingertips on yours, or play with the laces on your hoodies, it was sort of endearing.

“Connor” You replied in the same tone, giving him a side-eye look, “What are you up to?”

“So... I’m starting college once this summer ends” He started, but you didn’t want to hear the rest.

You weren’t ready for this. You’ve been together since you were sixteen and now, What? Probably you’ll end up breaking up because having a relationship so far from the other will bring nothing but trouble. He was leaving to New Rome, for once deciding to be in a different school than his brother and thinking it’d had a whole new bunch of fascinating possibilities. It also had plenty of new people as well. And you. Just. Weren’t. Ready.

He had found a way around your heart and became vital to it, you’ve felt so alone before; like you were the third wheel of everything. Connor was the only person that made you feel like maybe, you weren’t meant to live your life like that, that you were worthy of having all the love and more.

So it was supposed to be you and him for a long, long time, not just a few years.

“Oh?” You mumbled, looking down at your feet. If this was it, you just waited for everything to end soon.

“Right. I just need to make sure of this, Y/N/N” Connor shifted in his place so he could face you, “and I know you still have one year left before you have to go too but, uh, Would you rather live close to school or downtown? Cause I could do both but I’d prefer if you tell me know so I can get a place you like and we don’t have to move later next year-”

“What?” You cut him off.

Cross my heart and hope to die Stick a needle in my eye My mama says to pick the best And you are it

“A place? To live together once you go to New Rome?” He insisted, then got strangely pale, hit by a sudden thought, “Oh gods, unless I misunderstood your plans for the future and weren’t trying to go to Camp Jupiter once you get old enough, oh shit. I’m so stupid, ignore that I said all that-”

“No, Connor that’s not what I meant,” You quickly tried to correct him, “I was trying to ask- uh well actually not an ask, well it is but- ugh, this is awkward”

“I’m sorry, I’m so sorry” Connor messed with his hair in concern, “I wasn’t trying to pressure you into choosing today! I thought- It’s just that the other day you mentioned how cool it looked the University and how you were dreaming to study there so I thought you wanted to live with me too? Now that I say it out loud it makes no sense, wow, I’m an idiot...”

You let him ramble not because you thought he was right and needed an explanation but because you felt speechless. He wanted you there. Connor had seen his future and for him, it wasn’t over after all, it was still both of you, growing as tall and strong as before.

Was it hard to believe? Wear your heart on my sleeve And I'll hold you when you're lonely When you're cold cause you're the only girl for me

“So you’re not going to break up with me?”

That question was all it took for Connor to stop his speech and look at you like he couldn’t believe what you were saying.

“Breaking up? Why the Hades would I break up with you?”

“Heard long-distance relationships never last, all this time I took it to enjoy my last few days with you before it was over for us, cause you’re finally moving on...”

“Oh, Y/N” Connor huffed, “you’ve always been so dramatic.”

“What’s that suppose to mean?” You asked in disbelief.

“Why would I break up with you?” He repeated, “no but seriously, why? You’re the coolest demigod on earth. When I was little I was terrified of being separated from my brother y’know? And once we started dating I didn’t have a single nightmare about that anymore. You got my back and I take care of you too”

This. This is exactly why you love him. Blind trust and nothing but honesty on his voice. Sweet, loving words that revolved around you and held you away from the cold it gave you that lonely feeling from years back.

“I like you so much,” You were reaching for his hand, beaming.

“I love you,” His eyes turned gentle and the smirk changed into a soft expression, nothing but the vulnerability that he showed to no one but you, “you’re the only one for me.”

Cross my heart and hope to die Since you came into my life My mama says to pick the best And you are it

“So are you,” You replied, holding his hand firmly, tight against yours, “life is so much easier when you date a Hermes child, they can come in handy much more often than you’d think”

Connor laughed, pushing your shoulder with his teasingly.

“Oh, no, stop it!” He pretended to blush, “or you’ll make me believe you actually like to have me around”

“Gods forbid, no” You frowned, “my mom is very strict about what kind of boys I’m allowed to take home. Only the top of the top, best in their kind” You then leaned as if you were about to tell him a secret, “I think you’re it.”

Oh, Hey All our trouble's gone Like when we were young Take me back to where we all began Here we are again, like we should've been

“And what if Mom doesn’t think that way?” Connor followed the joke, always in for a laugh.

“Well if I can’t take you to her home it won’t make much difference, cause I’ll be living with you by then, close to the school so we can sleep five more minutes every morning before starting the day.”

“I‘d like that,” He closed the distance between you two, brushing your nose with his, “I’m gonna miss you for that whole first year though, gonna have to pay you a visit during the holidays...”

“Let’s make sure you get enough of me to take with you during the semester then...”

Wrapping your arms around his neck you kissed him and it was like going back to the beginning when you were kids falling in love for the first time, this was how it was supposed to be since then, like you should’ve been and were about to, for the rest of infinity.

Cross my heart and hope to die Since you came into my life My mama says to pick the best And you are it

-Danny :)

#Danny's writing #connor stoll xreader #pjo imagine #pjo writing

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markwhyareyousodaddy · 8 years ago

Text

Roommates (Part 1?)

Summary: When you’re forced to rent out your extra room, Im Jaebum was the last person you expected to have to share your living space with… luckily, he keeps things interesting.

Genre: romance, hot roommate (I think i just made up this genre???), prbly smut later tbh (sorry)

Word Count: ~1000

A/N: Hey guys/gals/all!!! Okay so this is my first ever like real original content so it may be a lil rough but let me know what you think and all that fun stuff!!! I’m thinking about continuing it and adding some… ya know… but it will all depend, so for rn it’s all pretty chill. Also special thanks to @jaybleep bc Julia helped motivate me enough to do this and I 10/10 recommend following her if you don’t already!!

UPDATE: Part 2 is now posted!

UPDATE (AGAIN): So is Part 3! (and now Part 4!)

“No, really, it’s fine Jen. I completely understand. I could never ask you to turn down a job offer like this,” y/n said, sighing into the phone.

“I’m so sorry,” Jen began, “I feel awful backing out on you like this, especially knowing how steep the rent is going to be without me”. She allowed her fingers to absentmindedly trace the rim of the coffee mug sitting in front of her while apologies continued flooding through the phone. After being inseparable since 6th grade, the two were both excited to finally share a small house together. It took months of searching, but eventually they stumbled upon the perfect place… well, what was the perfect place.

“It’s only for a little while, I promise. My boss says the move will be a year, max. Then I’ll come back and we can live the way we’ve been planning to!” Jen chirped, her speech optimistic and excessively bright. Y/n knew her friend’s overly happy tone was just a strategy she was implementing as an attempt to cheer both of them up, but it did bring her some comfort regardless.

“You’re right, you’re right. I think I can manage for that long,” she teased, trying to hide the still-lingering disappointment from her voice. Jen had been working in the same accounting firm for a few years now, and had been offered a higher-paying position if she was willing to temporarily relocate to Cincinnati. The idea of being without her for such an extended period of time was difficult to think about, but y/n knew this was an opportunity of a lifetime for her best friend.

“Thank you so much for understanding, y/n. You’re the best. I have to go, but text me if you need anything.” The friends exchanged quick goodbyes before hanging up on one another. She cleared her mug and now-empty plate from the table, dumping the remainder of the lukewarm coffee and rinsing her dishes off before placing them in the sink. Silence filled the air around her, and morning sunlight streamed in through the windows. Although the house was already beginning to feel a little more like home, y/n was quickly beginning to realize it wouldn’t be the same without her best friend there to share it. Deciding not to dwell too long on the phone call, she surveyed the floor littered with boxes before walking over and plopping down in the center of the chaos.

***

Four hours and twenty boxes later, a majority of the unpacking was done. Filled with a sense of accomplishment, y/n stood up and strolled to the freezer for a well-deserved serving of ice cream. As she passed her phone sitting on the kitchen counter, she noticed a series of texts left over two hours ago from Jen.

I don’t know how, but I totally forgot to mention that I found someone to take my room in the house!! I’ve got so many things going on rn, it must have just slipped my mind.

His name is Jaebum. I don’t know him, but he’s my older brother’s friend from college and needs a place to stay for a while I guess.

Apparently he’s pretty cool and won’t cause too much trouble for you. He’s looking to move in tomorrow actually (sorry I literally suck, I have no idea how I forgot about this???), so just lmk if it’s alright with you and I’ll give him the okay

Y/n’s thoughts were soon clouded with worry. Before she’d even been given the chance to fully process the idea that Jen would no longer be her roommate, she was already getting a new one… and one of the opposite sex, for that matter. The idea of a guy living in such close proximity made her uneasy. After all, she had been expecting to lounge around in her extra large pajama shirt all day on Sundays, and be able to walk freely down the hallway without pants on. Surely she couldn’t do those things with a stranger present. Even worse, the possibility of him being a horrible human being loomed in her mind. Granted, Jen’s brother usually had nice enough friends, but there was no saying what this one would be like. Before y/n got too lost in her own thoughts, she punched out a simple “sure” to Jen, deciding it would be best to let him move in tomorrow instead of waiting anxiously for a few more days. Fear overwhelmed her, and she nearly threw her phone across the room after hitting send, not wanting to look at Jen’s response and face the reality of it all.

***

After a long night, y/n was jolted awake at 7:30 by the chiming of the doorbell. Dragging her feet, she shuffled down the hall, wondering who in their right mind would want to move in this early in the day. When her hand finally brushed against the brass knob of the door, she flung it open.

“You know,” she began while yawning and clearing the sleep from her eyes, “you didn’t have to…” her voice caught mid-sentence as she suddenly forgot how to breathe. Standing in front of her was a man slightly taller than average height, combing his dark hair back with his fingers, which were adorned with a few silver rings. Although he was dressed in a simple blue t-shirt and dark jeans with a black backpack casually slung over his shoulder, he still looked like something out of a magazine. He waited to see if she would finish her statement before awkwardly clearing his throat and offering his hand.

“So… I’m Jaebum. You must be…”

He was stunning, almost too much to take in at once. His even skin was a light toffee color with a slight pink tinting the full lips that graced his face. She noticed several hoops peppering his ears while his narrow, deep brown eyes gazed intensely at her, waiting for the response she should have given thirty seconds ago instead of observing him like he was a piece of classical artwork.

“Y/n,” she replied, practically choking on her words.

“Y/n…” he repeated tentatively, lowering his outstretched hand and giving her a concerned look. “Well, uh, nice to meet you I suppose. Is it alright if I start to move my things in, or are we going to stand in the doorway all day?” he chuckled. After a few more silent moments, she wordlessly stepped back and raised her arm, motioning him inside.

#jaebum #im jaebum #got7 #got7 jb #jb #got7 scenarios #got7 reactions #kpop #original #!!!#igot7 #markwhyareyousodaddy #mwaysd

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donnarider · 8 years ago

Text

!!DISCONTINUED!! Klance - soulmate au (part 3)

Author’s notes:

Update 12th July 2019: This story is unfortunately discontinued and “ends” with part 4.

Read part 1

Read part 2

Read part 4

“Bold” texts are from Keith | “italic” texts are from Lance

(8:11pm): hey Lance here ;)

(8:11pm): did ur boss kill you?

(8:16pm): He was worried, first time I was late

(8:17pm): so u didnt get fired or anything?

(8:19pm): Nah, I’m the only one who knows how to reset the router

(8:19pm): I think he’s scared I’d run off again and leave him with double the rent

(8:21pm): ???

(8:23pm): I realize I should probably mention that my boss is also my brother

(8:24pm): that wouldve been nice 2 knoww :3c

(8:25pm): so u live with ur bro / boss together??

(8:28pm): Yes, it’s not that weird

(8:29pm): didnt say that ;)

(8:31pm): whats that like?

(8:36pm): sry I didnt want 2 be noisyy ;((

(8:37pm): It’s fine, he’s pretty chill

(8:37pm): You’re not being noisy

(8:38pm): ^w^

„Pidgeeee, I need a favour!” Lance ran towards his two best friends who just arrived on campus and threw his books on the ground. He rubbed his face against Pidge’s shoulder like a cat and made soft whining noises

“I’m not cutting my favorite lecture for you Lance.”

“But I have two free periods. TWO, Pidge! I’m gonna die of boredom. Do you really want to be responsible for that?” He gave them the best puppy eyes he could manage.

“Not my problem. You could always go back to sleep, it’s like 11:30. Or go read a book or something.” He gasped dramatically at the cold response from his friend and clasped his hand over his heart.

“You wound me!” He slouched his shoulders and let out a deep sigh. “Also I just finished the newest book from my favorite series. The next one doesn’t come out for two months.”

“Go study then.” Pidge’s voice was softer now. They knew that Lance really didn’t cope well with free time because it made his thoughts wander.

“Nah. Hunk is my study-buddy and you are stealing him so how am I supposed-“

“Pidge isn’t stealing me, Lance. We just have the same lecture,” Hunk interrupted him.

“… but Huuuunk-“

“I’m not cutting for you either.”

Lance groaned while Hunk patted his shoulder apologetically.

“Hmpf.”

“Dude, you know that we love you! But finals are just around the corner.” Hunk reminded him with a warm expression on his face.

“Yeah, yeah, I get it.”

They entered the university building and Pidge chugged their still half full coffee cup before tossing it over their shoulder into the nearby bin, without even having to look. They noticed that Lance was still bummed out, so they punched his arm lightly as an encouragement.

“Why don’t you go to Planet Altea? Say hi to Allura and Coran, or something.” Lance thought about it for a second before he scrunched his nose.

“I don’t want to go there alone. They already think I’m an antisocial stress eater with zero cooking skills.”

“You could go with Keith and maybe continue your talk.”

“I don’t know. Do you really think he wants to spend time with me… it’s been only a day.”

“Stop putting yourself down, of course he wants to. We’re talking soulmate here. Just text him, you big baby.” Pidge rolled their eyes and then giggled.

“Call me that again, tiny spawn of Satan.”

“Love you too, Lance,” Pidge said and smiled at him brightly before they turned around and entered the lecture hall.

“They are right, Lance. Ask him if he wants to grab lunch. You can do it.” Hunk squeezed his hand reassuringly before he followed Pidge. Lance stared after them for a while and fumbled with his hands. He finally let out a defeated sigh and took out his phone.

(11:45am): hey keith u free rn?

He stared at his phone screen nervously and chewed his lower lip. He had started walking around campus aimlessly without noticing. Some students were giving him confused glances but he managed to ignore them.

(11:46am): Yeah, what’s up?

(11:47am): got a free period :((

(11:47am): u wanna grab lunch near campus?

(11:48am): Hold on a sec

Lance cursed silently. This was a bad idea. Surely Keith thought that he was annoying now, maybe he should have waited a few more days. Damn. His entire future ruined because he was, as always, too eager. He was about to lie down on the ground in the middle of campus when his phone vibrated in his hand saved him from his self-destructive thoughts.

(11:55am): My bike’s in the shop rn but good news my brother said I could take his

(11:56am): okay cool. Planet Altea then?

(11:56am): wait are we talking motorcycle here??

(11:57am): Okay, I can be there in 15

(11:57am): And yes we are

Lance had to sit down on a bench next to him. So Keith wore leather jackets, had learned Spanish for him AND had a bike. He massaged the bridge of his nose and a soft ‘fuck’ escaped his lips. He was doomed, this boy was pulling him in way too fast.

(12:00pm): damn

(12:00pm): i mean nice

(12:00pm): verry nice

Lance handed Allura the menu back and smiled at her while she took Keith’s as well.

“Ah, wait.” The waitress turned around and came back to their table, raising her eyebrow at Lance.

“Do you take your tea like normal people do today or the way you always drink it?”

“My way, please and thank you.” He winked at her and then turned his attention back to Keith, who looked generally confused. “What exactly is your way?”

“Four and a half teaspoons sugar, one tablespoon honey and just a little bit of almond milk to top it off.”

Keith huffed in disgust and scrunched his nose. “Heathen.” Lance laughed and waved him off.

Planet Altea was like his second home since he spend most of his time there studying and eating, especially during finals. He was on a first name base with Allura and the strange but friendly cook Coran. They never judged him when he dragged his tired body in and ate quietly in his favorite corner, not even saying hello sometimes. They got it. One time he actually fell asleep over his half eaten pizza and when he woke up they had put a blanket on him. He loved the small restaurant and its space design.

The ceiling was painted with galaxies in various different colors and football sized planets were dangling from it. Lance was forever thankful to Coran and Allura that they had made an actual effort and arranged the planets in the correct order. In the corner next to the counter stood a creepy old astronaut statue that Lance had lovingly named Blumfump while pulling an especially bad all-nighter.

“So…” Keith started. “What is your subject at college?” Lance squirmed in his seat.

“At the risk of coming across as a giant nerd…Astronomy.”

“Really?” Keith quirked his eyebrows in surprise. Lance fumbled with the tablecloth.

“Yeah, I know it’s-“

“That’s cool!” Keith interrupted him and gave him a small smile.

“I uhhh… you think so?” Lance stammered, too distracted by how pretty Keith looked when he smiled.

“Yeah, I’ve always loved that kind of stuff. What do you wanna do with it when you’re done?”

“Ummm. It’s a bit of a cliché but I always wanted to work for NASA. I know it’s really hard to get in but I’m still gonna try.”

Keith nodded. “I mean … if you really really want it and you work hard for it, I don’t see why it shouldn’t work out.” He smiled sheepishly at Lance.

“Yeah, I guess…” Lance smiled back. “So, umm. What about you? What exactly is it you do?”

“I work at a workshop and we specialize in bikes. It’s Shiro’s but we basically run the thing together.”

“Shiro’s your brother, right?”

“Yes. Well, it’s sort of a long story I guess.”

Lance tilted his head questioningly. “Huh?”

“Shiro isn’t my biological brother. He kind of … took me in?” Keith tugged at his gloves nervously. “I wasn’t … it was like … things were-“

“You don’t have to finish that story, you can tell me another time.”

Lance smiled at him warmly. He reached out for Keith’s hands over the table and tried to stop him from fidgeting. Keith stared at their joined hands and blushed lightly. In that moment Allura walked over to serve them their drinks. When Lance noticed he quickly moved his hands away but couldn’t keep the blush from creeping onto his cheeks as well.

“Don’t let him trick you into trying this stuff, it’s nasty.” The waitress remarked and put down Lance’s tea in front of him.

“Don’t worry, I won’t.” Keith shook his head in disgust.

“So I don’t want to intrude but umm…back when we were sixteen, that umm…”

Keith nodded. “Yah. My parents. It was a car crash.”

“I’m sorry.”

Keith usually hated when people said that. Not that it would change anything. They just say it because it’s expected of them. They had no idea what it felt like, what they were even pretending to be sorry for. It was different with Lance though. If anyone understood it was him. It was him who had shared Keith’s pain on the day of the funeral and so many days after that. It was him who had comforted him at night.

“It’s okay. I mean…of course it’s not great but I’m doing better.”

Lance smiled at him. “I can tell.”

Keith just smiled back.

“What about you? There were so many birthday and wedding songs, you must have a big family.”

“Oh god, you have no idea. I’ve got a younger sister, two older sisters and an older brother. My brother is married and has three children so I also have two nephews and a niece. And don’t even get me started on the cousins. We would be sitting here for a week.”

“Sounds nice… and stressful?”

Lance smiled excitedly. “It is. I mean the house is always full and it’s always loud. I was so glad when I left for college because I finally had some peace and quiet and didn’t have to watch any of the little ones. But to be honest… I miss it so much.”

“You don’t get to see them often?” Keith tilted his head to the side and watched Lance closely.

“Once or twice a year. But we skype a lot. My youngest nephew is starting to walk and it’s honestly so adorable.” Keith couldn’t help but smile warmly. He could imagine Lance playing with his nephews and nieces perfectly. He was definitely the kind of guy who was good with children and who loved them as much as they loved him.

Allura returned to their table with their food. Lance suspected that she had waited until now because she had noticed that they were deep in conversation. She smiled at Lance and winked before she left the table.

Lance wished she hadn’t because he could feel warmth creep up his cheeks and wondered what shade of red exactly his face had turned. Allura obviously thought they were on a date. Well they sort of were, weren’t they? Lance knit his brow. What exactly was it they were having here? A meetup as friends or an actual date? Did Keith think it was a date? Oh god, what if he didn’t but he thought that Lance did? This wasn’t good. His thoughts were not going in a safe direction.

That’s when Allura turned on the music.

It was some kind of sappy romance song. Keith looked at him for a second before looking over to Allura who was very obviously smiling in his and Lance’s direction. To make things even more awkward she tried to give Lance a subtle thumbs up that Keith obviously saw. Lance wanted to die. His brain was on auto-pilot and when Keith looked at him again he just smiled at him awkwardly out of reflex. Keith returned the smile before looking to the side, obviously being uncomfortable.

That’s when Lance felt it. Fear. Followed by a sort of numbness and then a strong feeling of isolation. He felt like there were too many emotions boiling inside of him at once. Lance knew that none of these were his own emotions but it was confusing him greatly. It all happened in seconds but it was so intense that it gave Lance goosebumps.

He couldn’t understand what just happened. What had scared Keith so much? What had made him feel like running again? Because judging by the way he was eyeing the exit right now, Lance was pretty sure that that was all he was thinking about now.

He gestured for Allura to turn of the music immediately and she did after giving him a surprised look. Lance paused for a second. The song… A damn love song. Maybe this was going too fast for Keith’s liking. Or maybe… he wasn’t even interested in Lance in that way…

Lance swallowed hard. “Umm, listen…”

Keith turned his head and looked at him again. Lance couldn’t read anything on his face, he had closed himself off completely.

“I know there’s a lot of expectations and pressure and stuff with the whole soulmate thing-” It was almost not noticeable but by the way his jaw tensed, Lance was sure that Keith was clenching his teeth, “but that doesn’t have to mean anything, okay?”

This earned him a questioning look. “I mean… take my friend Pidge. They have this soulmate called Rover who’s really cool and all…but they’re both not really interested in dates and stuff… sooo, they’re just friends. I mean sure being soulmates equals having some sort of deep emotional bond but so does friendship, right? So, just… don’t sweat it okay? We… could just be friends too… No pressure.”

Keith searched his face for a moment before his jaw relaxed and he gave a small smile.

“Okay, yeah. Friends sounds good to me.”

Lance sighed relieved and returned the smile. “Okay, great. So friends it is?”

“For now.”

More author’s notes:

This fic on AO3

Please don’t hate me for how this chapter ends, there’s still a long way to go and to anyone freaking out rn... I only ever write sappy, romantic happy ends, so don’t worry!

Again a BIG SHOUT-OUT TO @alteanmoonchild (formerly beekeeper-cas) my awesome beta and friend who helped me SOO MUCH with this chapter and makes writing so much more fun <3 She sat down with me FOR HOURS and the chapter is so much better now ♥♥♥

Thank you all so much for reading, your likes and reblogs and your wonderful comments. Your feedback makes me incredibly happy ^-^

If you have any questions, feedback or just want to say hi send me an ask

If you want to know why I took so long to update or want to read about some fun things that happend while writing this check out this post

If someone drew fanart for this fic I would be the happiest human on earth! Seriously! I don’t care if it’s stick-figures, I will love you! If you do, please tag me and/or send me a link ♥

If you want me to tag you in the next part when I post it, just send me an ask saying so and I’ll add you to the taglist.

taglist: @alyy--caticus @princealektheorange @an-important-nobody @teddyorionpotter @spookyscaryshitstorm @ewenoire

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queercapwriting · 8 years ago

Note

Hey Cap! Idk if you're still writing rn but could you maybe do one where Alex meets Eliza for lunch and forgets to take off her engagement ring and Eliza notices and realizes and stuff and is protective and wary because it's only been a year but then Maggie comes to pick Alex up at the end of lunch (totally unaware of the sitch) and Eliza just looks at how in love they are (esp Maggie with Alex) and she gives her blessing and it's cute

She hasn’t told her mother yet.

It hurts her – to not.

Eliza gets a lot of things wrong, but she also gets a lot of things right: and while Alex is so good at lying that she can fool a polygraph, the whole secrets thing really doesn’t agree with her.

It had, in the beginning; when she first joined the DEO, when she finally had something of her own. Something all hers, something… something that made her special. In her own right.

But it wore on her, grated on her.

Because secrets really don’t agree with her.

But she hasn’t told Eliza yet – about the ring, about the plans – because she knows what her mother will say, and she just wants to enjoy.

Enjoy being engaged to the woman she loves without the stress of Eliza’s judgment of it’s too soon and are you sure, Alexandra? and you’re just coming out, sweetie, don’t you think you need to expand your horizons a little bit before settling down?

But she also knows that Eliza loves Maggie.

And that’s the second problem with telling her.

Because she wants Eliza’s approval and she wants Eliza’s support – it’s all she’s ever wanted – and Maggie? Maggie has it.

Maybe Eliza won’t be too big of a fan of the engagement right away, but she’s quite fond of the woman who fights for both of her daughters, who plays pool with her science nerd son, who fights crime with her almost son-in-law son (and she really needs to speak to Kara about Mr. Olsen, because really, how could Alex let her let him go?).

And that’s also what Alex is afraid of.

Because they won’t be telling Maggie’s family.

Because Maggie’s family won’t be there, won’t support her, won’t love her.

And if Maggie can’t have her family, a part of Alex doesn’t want her to have to see Alex having hers. Doesn’t want her to go through that pain.

So she hasn’t told her.

But she’s running late – working on new tech with Lena and Winn, on the communicator with Cisco Ramon, always makes her lose track of time – so she forgets.

Forgets to take her engagement ring off.

And Eliza might not be a secret agent, but Alex gets it from somewhere.

She notices. Of course she notices.

“It seems like you have something to tell me, sweetie,” she tells her right after she hugs her, right as they’re sitting down, right after she’s taken stock of the way Alex seems friendly with everyone who works at Noonan’s – right after she’s taken stock of the way Alex seems, now, to interact with people outside her work.

She wonders when that happened, and she thinks it probably has something to do with the ring on her left hand.

“Um, yeah, I told you, Mom – didn’t you get my text? – we were working on an atmospheric – “

“No, no, dear, I know you lost track of time in the lab.” She chuckles softly to herself. “Like mother, like daughter, I suppose. No, Alex, I meant… something else.”

She doesn’t glance down at Alex’s ring; she doesn’t move her eyes from her eldest’s face at all.

She doesn’t have to. Because suddenly, Alex reaches for her left hand, for her fourth finger. She reaches, and she groans.

“Mom, I – it just happened, it’s recent, I didn’t want to um… I didn’t want to tell you on the phone – “

“You mean you didn’t want to tell me.”

“Mom – “

“Is it because you know how soon this is, Alexandra? Maggie’s a sweet girl, honey, a really lovely girl, and I’m not saying you should break up – god knows, she seems good for you, Alex – but marriage? Don’t you think – “

“Don’t you think you should congratulate me, Mom?” Alex deadpans, her voice as cold as the gun in her waistband, and Eliza’s stomach sinks, because her daughter has always been… headstrong.

But the edges of her voice have the damage of a soldier, now, the ice of a warrior, and it breaks her heart.

Especially because she knows – she knows – how much Maggie has been thawing that ice for Alex. With Alex.

“I… yes, dear, I… congratulations, Alexan – Alex – I want to hear all about it. I just… it’s my job to worry about you, Alex, surely you can – “

“Yeah. I get it.”

“Alexandra – “

“I know a year is short, Mom. I know. I know everything you’re going to say. But you know what, our lives are short, too. I almost died, Mom, I was…”

Tears swirl in her eyes suddenly, unwelcome, and she has to remind herself that there is no water filling her lungs. “The whole world almost died. And Maggie… Maggie fought her way through the streets, alone, out of ammo for a quarter of her trip, saving school kids on the way to me. To me, Mom. The world was ending and she fought and saved people on her way to me. I held on for her, for Kara, I held on, I…”

Her voice breaks and her jaw sets, and Eliza finds her hand covering her eldest’s; she finds that she can feel the scar tissues in her daughter’s body, that she can hear the scar tissue around her heart.

“You held on for you, sweetie,” Eliza whispers with a soft smile. “It was your love for them that kept you holding you. You. Your love. Your heart. Your mind has always been brilliant, Alex, but your heart has always been your superpower.”

Alex refuses to break – the entire reason she chose Noonan’s was that a public place would be less likely to precipitate an outburst – but she can’t stop the tears cascading down her face.

“All that, but you still think it’s too soon to get married,” she murmurs, and Eliza sighs.

“I just wonder why a woman, kind as she is, who initially rejected you because you were just coming out would be agreeing to marry you less than a year later, sweetie. Everything you’ve been through can also be an argument for not making big life decisions, you know, dear – “

“Mom, I’m marrying her. That’s the end of it. She’s not manipulating me or taking advantage of what I’ve been through or – “

“Why don’t we just enjoy our time together, Alexandra?” she interrupts, and Alex holds her breath, counts like she’s been working on with Sara Lance, sets her jaw, nods, and tries to keep her hands from trembling.

They stick to calmer topics throughout the rest of lunch – the latest research in bioengineering, Winn and Lena’s latest project, how Lucy’s doing – and they almost make it through without Alex’s phone chiming.

“Sorry,” she stammers, “it’s probably work, I have to – oh!” A smile slips over her face – a smile Eliza has rarely seen, one that seems to reverberate through Alex’s entire body – and she blushes. “Um, Mom, uh… Maggie’s heading over here to get coffee for her colleagues, she uh… she wanted to give me a heads up. Because she knows I’m here with you.”

Eliza stiffens slightly. “Of course, dear, it’d be lovely to see your fiancee.”

Alex nearly rises, nearly yells, but she just stiffens her core like she’s bracing for a punch, and she tries to exhale the way Maggie’s been teaching her.

She nods curtly and they sit in painful silence until Eliza clears her throat and asks Alex about how James is feeling with all his new superhero duties.

Alex launches in readily, eager for the distraction. So eager, so relieved, to lose herself in talking about her training sessions with their brother that she doesn’t hear the chime on the door ring, doesn’t turn to see her fiancee slipping up behind her.

Doesn’t know Maggie’s come into Noonan’s, motorcycle helmet in hand, detective shield gleaming, grey henley under perfect leather jacket, until she feels her hand tracing up Alex’s arm, until she feels her soft lips on her temple, until she feels her breath in her ear and hears the words she needs to hear more than anything right now: “I’m so proud of you, Ally. I love you,” Maggie whispers, soft so Eliza can’t hear, quickly so the praise, the love, can seep through Alex’s veins and uncord her tense body.

And it works: Alex melts immediately into Maggie’s touch, into Maggie’s voice, and Eliza has never seen her so relaxed in public. So affectionate with anyone other than Kara.

Because Alex’s hand finds Maggie’s immediately, instinctively; their fingers interlink like they were created to fit each other’s, and when her eldest tilts her fiancee’s chin with a gentle finger so they can exchange a soft kiss on the mouth, Eliza knows.

Knows that Alex has discovered romantic intimacy.

That Alex is guarded. That Alex is prioritized. That she’s cared for and that she’s worshiped and that she’s truly, utterly loved.

Because Alex would never kiss anyone like that, so casual yet so intimate, so natural yet so needed. So perfect.

“Maggie, sweetheart,” Eliza stands, and Maggie gulps and smiles as she straightens up, accepting Eliza’s hug with one arm, fighting not to cry at a mother’s warm touch.

“Lovely to see you, Dr. Danvers,” she tells her, and it doesn’t sound at all like the rehearsed lines Alex’s college boyfriends had given. It sounds confident, if nervous; genuine, if full of underlying turmoil, underlying emotion, underlying scar tissue.

Confident, because this woman loves her daughter. Wholly and completely.

“I see congratulations are in order,” she tells her as she pulls back from the hug, and Maggie nearly drops her helmet. Alex takes her hand and Maggie clings to it.

“Dr. Danvers, I – “

“Kara mentioned earlier that you’re not the closest with your family, Maggie, and forgive me if this is forward, but I would be honored to take you wedding clothes shopping when the time comes. If you’ll have me.”

Maggie’s lip trembles and Alex’s chest wracks with a sob.

And Noonan’s has never seen, before or since, a more emotional, a more relieved, a more cathartic, a more healing, three-person hug.

#sanvers #sanvers minific #sanvers wedding #alex danvers #alex x eliza

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